Sunday Showcase, highlighting some of the best audio storytelling found anywhere. All right here on the Mutual Audio Network. The following audio drama is rated G for general audiences. Timeless audio dramas for modern times created the classic way. There are few special actors who created long-remembered and well-loved characters on television.
but who first became popular by playing those same characters on the radio. Hello, I'm Mel Rose. You've heard me on Project Audience shows and elsewhere. Now, one of these special actors, known first for her voice on the radio before you could watch her on TV, was Eve Arden, who became known to everyone as Aramis Brooks.
While Eve Arden had a career that stretched back to the 1930s, it was her portrayal of Connie Brooks the sharp and resourceful English teacher at Madison High School that provided the iconic role to showcase her exceptional comedic talent. The radio version of Our Miss Brooks began in 1948, a TV version followed in 1952, and a movie adaptation arrived in 1956. Our Miss Brooks captured the hearts of audiences with its witty humor and endearing characters.
It not only entertained but broke new ground by presenting a competent, self-sufficient working woman who navigated the challenges of her profession with grace and humor. Eve Arden's performance was so impactful that she was honored by the National Education Association and received awards for humanizing the American teacher. The funny thing is that Eve Arden wasn't the first choice for the role. That was Shirley Booth, who made an audition recording. But it was Eve Arden who got the part.
Despite a long career in scores of film and TV shows, She was so well remembered as Connie Brooks that in 1978, when they made the movie Grease, she was cast as the principal of Rydell High School. Oh, they gave her character another name, but we know who she was. Project Audience Script is brand new, written for us by Robert L. Mills, and full of the witty quips the original show was famous for.
So step back in time to when school days were simpler as Project Audion presents everyone's favorite English teacher, our Miss Brooks. Now Anacin, the tablet thousands of physicians and dentists recommend for fast relief of headache, neuritis, neuralgia, and bisadol mints, clinically proven to give you fast five-way relief from gastric distress. present Armis Brooks, starring Eve Arden. It's time once again for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks. But first...
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If the first few Anacin tablets don't give you all the relief you want, when you want it, return the unused portion and your money will be refunded. You can get Anacin at any drug counter in handy boxes of 12 or 30 tablets. and economical family-sized bottles of 50 and 100. I'll spell the name for you. A-N-A-C-I-N. Well, it's time for the annual teachers' convention, which, as usual, Ms. Brooks, who strives to be Madison High's leading molder of young minds, is anxiously anticipating.
her ever-elusive husband candidate of six years science teacher mr boynton is also scheduled to attend and therein as so ably expressed by mr shakespeare lies the rub Or, as he also so vividly described, a Midsummer Night's Nightmare? If you don't mind my saying this, Connie, you look a little worse for wear this morning. Worse for wear is a good word for it, Mrs. Davis. If I were a shoe, I'd need to be resold. I assume you didn't sleep too well last night.
To switch metaphors, if the Sandman was a banger, I'd be overdrawn. Oh dear, I hope it wasn't anything you ate. No, your dinner was delicious as usual, Mrs. Davis. I've just been a little preoccupied with the teachers' convention coming up this weekend. Oh, is that all? You usually have a wonderful time at those things. I know, but this year Mr. Boyden is delivering a speech at the Science Symposium, and he's been in a dither about it all week.
Well knowing you, you're always there with a sympathetic ear and a soft shoulder to cry on. Don't tempt me. I'd be willing to provide the whole upper half. But he will have plenty of time to cry on it since I've already agreed to share the two-hour drive to the convention with him. Oh, how romantic. I'm not so sure about that, Mrs. Davis. Mr. Boyden and I have never spent that much time together at one time. Being confined in a small space with a man you love is every girl's dream.
like being stuck in an elevator. Only in our case, moving horizontally instead of vertically. In my day, trapping a man like that was even the subject of a very popular song. it was a big hit come along with me lucille at least i'll have plenty of time to calm him down about his speech Well, since Mr. Boyden teaches biology, they asked for something with a scientific slam. Oh, how exciting. Let me guess, is the speech called Interesting Ways to Dissect a Frog? Close, Mrs. Gates. It's science.
The friend you never knew you had. Comparing science to a friend, that's very deep. i agree i wondered where he dug up that title myself i'll get it that must be walter he's driving me to school today Hello, Miss Brooks. Hello, Mrs. Davis. Well, if it isn't Walter Denton, the answer to the age-old question, did... Mr. Darwin intend to include teenagers in evolution? Yeah, yeah, that's some pumpernickel with marmalade, young man. You look a little undernourished.
Thanks, Mrs. Davis, but I already nourished at home. This mother feeds all her chicks before she leaves for work. But you do look a little peaky, won't you? Oh, it's probably because I've been worrying. What could a strapping young lot of 17 going on 30 possibly have to worry about? Um, I'm afraid it's my love life again, Miss Brooks. Oh, that old bugaboo? Always raising its romantic head this time of year.
And just who, if I may inquire, is the lucky damsel this time? Harriet Conklin, Miss Brooks. She promised she'd go to the homecoming dance with me, and now Stretch Snodgrass is trying to get her to veto her decision. Tell me, have you considered... Staging the filibuster? I've been trying to talk her out of it all Very good, Mrs. Davis. He doesn't pay that much attention in civics class. I heard that you and Mr. Boynton will be attending the teachers' convention.
Not only attending it, Mr. Boynton is giving a speech. Oh, really? That's a big deal, isn't it? Well, according to Mr. Borden, it rakes somewhere between Lincoln delivering the Gettysburg Address and FDR accepting a fourth term. I didn't know he was competing with FDR. He just thinks he is, Mrs. Davis. He missed the presence. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, speech. But he shouldn't have a fear of public speaking. He's speaking to his classes all day long.
One would think so, Mrs. Davis. But there's a fundamental difference between dissected frogs, teenagers, and actual people. Well, I don't blame him for being nervous. What's his speech about, Miss Brooks? It's about your friend Larry the Test Tube. Hmm. I don't have a friend with that name.
Oh, yes you do, Walter. You just don't know about him yet. I may have a solution for him. I may have a solution for him. They say people lose their fear of public speaking if they imagine the audience isn't wearing any clothes. I'm sitting in the front row. Whenever I have to speak to my flower club, I find that a good stiff slug of brandy is very helpful.
Touring. Here's another little trick. Whenever we have butterflies before a big game against a team we know we can't beat, Coach Baxter advises a series of wind sprints followed by sit-ups. I think Mr. Boyden is at that age when one wind sprint makes it impossible to sit up. We'd better be getting along, Walter. And I may be a little late for supper, Mrs. Damien.
After the faculty meeting, Mr. Boyden is taking me to the new exhibit at the Science Center. Oh, I read about that. A new scion, a dinosaur bone, isn't it? Yes, and I'm secretly hoping that the skeleton of the T-Rex will remind him of my high cheekbones. Miss Brooks, do you know why I left that note on your blackboard to come and see me? No, Mr. Conklin, but give me a list of possibilities and I'll check a box.
Well, it seems there have been rumors circulating. Only rumors, mind you, that you and Mr. Boynton will be attending the teachers' convention together. I plead guilty, Your Honor. Mr. Boyden has definitely offered to provide my transportation to Senate Convention. To the same hotel? No. Mine is in a different city, which is hosting the Bar Association Convention. I'm sharing my room with a judge.
as a long-time faculty members of madison high that you and mr boynton represent this fine institution which frowns on room sharing of any sort especially at convention no worries there mr conklin we'll be staying at the hilton Rooms that are so far apart, they each have their different zip codes. Well, I caution you only because every year that convention seems to spawn rumors of... How shall I put it? Hanky Panky? That's the word. I got your drift at the word spawn.
While I appreciate your interest in improving the quality of your students' education that these functions foster, you both must avoid any appearance of impropriety. Do you get my meaning, Miss Brooks? Couldn't be clearer, Mr. Conklin. Just to be on the safe side, maybe I should sit in the back seat. Just remember the old adage, Miss Brooks. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be... A duck.
Exactly. I solemnly swear, Mr. Conklin, that following the meet and greet, Mr. Boyden and I will waddle to separate rooms. I can't emphasize enough that your behavior in such public functions reflects the values and high standards that we espouse. I assure you Mr. Conklin will be spending most of our time espousing better food and shorter speeches. I just know what I read in the paper. To put your mind at ease, I hear they always make sure the hanky and the panky are lodged on different floors.
It was time again for what Madison High colloquially refers to as faculty meeting. But judging from the usual casualty count, should be more accurately called head-bashing 1A. Well, I think that concludes our business for today, and, oh, I almost forgot, I believe Miss Brooks has a motion to place on the table. Yes, Mr. Boyden, I have. Though the table might not be my first choice for it. As you all know, our esteemed principal Osgood Conklin has been nominated for the coveted...
Principal of the Year Award by the National Secondary Education League, which has requested our official approval. I second the motion and make my own motion that we approve Mr. Conklin's nomination by unanimous vote. All in favor, say aye. Aye. Abstain? Why would you want to do that, Miss Brooks? I believe in legal circles. It's called removing incriminating evidence from the scene of the crime. I realize you and Mr. Conklin don't see eye to eye on certain matters, but...
Eye to eye? We don't even see planet to planet. You see, Mr. Boyden, since I made the motion in the first place, I don't think it's fair for me to vote on it as well. I had an ulterior motive for my abstention. I figured if I demonstrated my fairness, Mr. Boyden would realize what an accommodating wife I'd make, always willing to share our life together 50-50.
Hook, line, and metaphor. Why, that's a wonderful selfless attitude, Miss Brooks. I'm very proud of you for not wanting to hurt Mr. Conklin's chances of winning the award. I was beaming proudly until he added... And I can't wait to tell him. I hope I can catch him before I leave for today. Thanks so much, Miss Brooks. Meeting adjourned.
that evening i packed my bags for the weekend adventure during which i had high hopes i could burnish my reputation as a loving generous soulmate thereby stirring mr boyden's biological urges with a little help from my secret weapon. Oh, Miss Brooks, I can't thank you enough for agreeing to share this long drive with me. Think nothing of it, Mr. Borden. Along with my inborn sense of fairness, I've always been a natural...
I'm a naturally sharing person. I have too. As a young boy, I always enjoyed these trips with my parents and my siblings. Dugging along in our Hudson Hornets, taking in the beautiful scenery, we kids mooing at the cows, grazing the past. I know exactly what you mean. My sisters and I took turns asking Dad, are we there yet? Between moves. Those road trips were so educational. Educational?
Of course, I developed a lifelong love of poetry from watching Burma-shaped sonnets. Beautiful iambic pentameter like, if you don't know whose signs these are, you haven't driven very well. With Mr. Boyden cleanly shaven, a romantic, get acquainted tour cruised along like this, passing two Howard Johnsons, an Orange Julius, and... three flattened jackrabbits when suddenly... Oh. Oh. That does not sound encouraging. Well, not to fear, Miss Brooks.
I took auto shop in high school. I know the sound of a broken fan belt when I hear one. That's a relief. At SoCal American, can't even boil an egg. If memory serves, an on-site examination is step one in the repair protocol. I was overcome by the realization I was not traveling with Mr. Goodrich. Miss Brooks, could you hand me that owner's manual in the door there? When I handed it to him, he dove into it like Oliver Wendell Holmes searching for presidents to overturn Marbury v. Madison.
And, after an exhaustive search for the hood release, Mr. Boyden was soon waist deep in the fan belt land. when a battered pickup with handy Andy's auto repair painted on the door. A professional to the rescue. Howdy! Andy Andy's up to repair at your service. I'm Andy, a.k.a. Handy. I gathered that from the fresh grease. Under your fingernails. I'm Philip Poynton, and that's Miss Brooks in the car there.
We're teachers at Madison High on our way to our annual convention, and we're in a bit of a hurry, so I have assessed the situation and concluded that it's a broken fan belt. Well, let's have us a little look-see, shall we? Like physicians performing exploratory surgery, the mechanic joined Mr. Boyden for an in-depth examination of the car's vital organs. Well, pending a full evaluation down at Repair Central, my initial diagnosis would be a blown head...
With all due respect, sir, in my humble opinion, based on prior training and experience, I think a broken fan belt is clearly the culprit here. By golly, that's remarkable. How did you know? I built a new barn with what I've learned just fixing all their handiwork. Tell me, why would a mechanic need a barn? Well, an auto shop grad should know that a garage would be no place to raise cows, pigs, chickens and ducks and sheep. Now, would he?
Any hope of reaching the convention in time for Mr. Boyden to deliver his speech was dashed by the news that our disabled vehicle had stalled between two towns 30 miles distant in each direction. His reaction resembled a politician being told all criminal charges had been dropped. Though being stranded with Mr. Borden was the answer to my prayer. Confucius say, be careful what you ask for. And I was sure about to learn why. Well, it'd take me at least a day to replace that gasket.
And ours no motels around here. But we do have a guest room. Then, straight from the traveling salesman joke book, he added... Oh, wait a minute. Come to think of it, I'm repainting that guest room. But our new barn will do just fine in a pin... Mr. Conklin's voice echoing in my brain, I made sure we'd be assigned separate stalls.
Our Ms. Brooks will be back in a moment. But first, friends, if you suffer from acid and digestion, I hope you didn't miss this headline that says, New mints, clinically proven, quickly rid symptoms of gastric distress. That headline is talking about new Bisadol mints. Doctors recommend Bisadol mints because Bisadol's medication acts at once to make painful acid harmless and give you fast five-way relief. One quick relief from gas.
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After being served a farm-fresh meal prepared by Andy's wife, Esmeralda, who was as handy with vegetables and roast chicken as Andy was with shop tools, we were given towels, a blanket, and a pillow. I requested an alarm clock, but was told that Oscar, their rooster, would be on duty in the morning. Our stalls had been supplied with freshly mown hay. But I spent a restless night dodging lumps caused by a productive Rhode Island red who had lost her track of her coup. Thank you.
Um, good morning, Miss Brooks. I'm sure sorry I got you into this predicament. We should be hotel guests right now, being waited on hand and foot. Think nothing of it, Mr. Borden. I prefer fresh eggs in the morning over room service. We could be taking hot showers instead of having to pump cold water out of the well. Consider the hidden benefits. We'll get in better shape relying on a pump handle rather than Jack LaLanne. I'm judging from those clouds of dust in the driveway.
I guess we're about to get a visit from a Greyhound and not the canine variety. Walter Jensen? Harriet Conklin! Red Snodgrass, what are you doing here? We're all in Mr. Stottlemyre's animal husbandry class. Uh-huh. Today... judging the livestock we've been caring for to determine our final grade. I knew Mr. Saddlemire taught animal husbandry, but I had no idea living livestock was involved. Well, I'll tell you one thing, Miss Brooks. Shearing a sheep is a lot harder than it looks.
Maybe it would be easier if you slept in a stall with him first. I've never seen so many Madison High students taking such an act of interest in the care and feeding of our furry and feathered friends. How did your speech go, Mr. Boynton? Well, thanks for asking, but my car broke down, and this is as close as I got to delivering it. It's hard enough getting cattle to face in the same direction at the same time.
Much less listen to a speech. Actually, in the wild, when afforded the protection provided by the herd, undomesticated animals will, as a group, focus on a threatening object. You mean they actually understand English? Not at your level, Walter. Not at your level. Mr. Stottlemyre began his student grading as Harriet led the stairs she had raised and carefully cared for since it was a heifer.
proudly displaying its newly brushed coat and well-trained willingness to be gently led to the center of the barn as Mr. Stottlemyre broke into a smile that had A written all over it. All eyes turned to the stalls and watched a stretched snodgrass somehow lost control of a sheep. which was next in line for black creating, but nonetheless decided here to have it up to here with Fritch Madison Hyde, the animal husbandry program, and in particular the barn.
starting with the stall and working outward. Harriet had resolved her homecoming dance dilemma and made a beeline quickly. It was the disintegrating stall. Stretch Smodgrass, I wouldn't go to the dance with you if you were the last boy on Earth. You could warm your hands on Walter Dinton's smile as he stood proudly beside his freshly shorn ewe. Hey! Look over there! Is that smoke coming out over there?
All eyes turned to Handy Annie's farmhouse, from which smoke was pouring like a Navajo tribal party line. It is, by golly, I think my house is on fire. We've got to go help him put it out. Wait for me, Harriet. I'll help you. This could be dangerous. Remember what you learned about fire safety in shop class. Save them, Mr. Boyden. Save them! Save them, Mr. Boyden. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, wake up, wake up. Huh? Huh? Oh, it's you, Mrs. Davis. Is it time to get off?
You were having a nightmare. I heard you screaming. Save them, Mr. Boynton, save them. I was going to let you sleep in, but I came in to investigate. Sleep in? Won't I be late for school? Mr. Conklin gave you the day off to pack for the convention that starts tomorrow. Don't you remember? That's what I was dreaming about. Mr. Borden and I were driving to the convention and ended up on Old MacDonald's Farm. Old McDonald's farm? E-I-E-I-O. You're really making no sense.
You should have seen what happened in that nightmare. Mr. Boyden's car broke down and we were rescued by an auto mechanic who raised cows, pigs, chickens, ducks, and sheep. My, my. When did he find time to fix cars? And between the moose oinks, clucks, quacks, and baas. Tell me, did you get any closer to Mr. Boynton like you were hoping to? The closest I got to animal husbandry was Walter and Harriet's class showing up with Mr. Stuttlemeyer. Who's Mr. Stuttlemeyer?
Oh, never mind, Mrs. Davis. He was just another character in my nightmare. That nightmare is turning out to have a bigger cast than... Cecil B. DeMille had in the Ten Commandments. And more animals than Noah's Ark. Mr. Boyd and I had sleep in a stall instead of the hotel we were supposed to stay in. Oh, that explains everything. You were suffering from cognitive lateral transference. Cognitive lateral transference? It's a condition I read about in one of my ladies' magazines. This is David.
You're up to date on more medical breakthroughs than my doctor. Well, a recent study showed that the phenomenon occurs when someone fears a future occurrence so vividly The image of it transfers the danger into an imaginary incident from the frontal lobe to the cortex. Usually it's some sort of catastrophe, just like your nightmare. Oh, it was a catastrophe, all right. I didn't get a wink of sleep.
Those lumpy eggs kept waking me up. You were so apprehensive about being alone with Mr. Boynton for the long drive. You fantasized an even worse situation. That makes no sense, Mrs. Davis. Why would I want to torture myself? Was it any worse than the torture you've endured for the past six years? Waiting for that man to propose. That may be him now. Maybe my long wait is over. Davis residence. Who? Oh, hello, Mr. Boynton. Yes, yes, she's right here. It's for you, Connie.
Why, Mr. Boyden, what a pleasant surprise. Good morning, Miss Brooks. I hope I didn't wake you, but I wanted to tell you my car is in the repair shop and won't be available by tomorrow for our drive to the convention. Handy Andy strikes again. Who's Handy Andy? Nobody you know, Mr. Boyden. He's only handy to me.
Does this mean that we'll have to take the train like we did last year? Yes, it does, Miss Brooks, but on the bright side, I'll be able to spend the two hours reading you my speech to see if you have any suggestions on improving it. I have a suggestion, all right, but it's probably too late to get a marriage license. What's that, Miss Brooks? Oh, I was just saying I'll be happy to critique the speech for you. Thanks, Miss Brooks. I'm really hoping the audience will love you.
Even if they don't, Mr. Boyden, I just happen to know where there's a herd of cattle that just can't wait to hear it. Artist Brooks Transcribed was produced and directed by Larry Burns, written by Robert L. Mills, Al Boastberg, and Al Lewis. Also on tonight's cast were Jane Morkin, Dick Crenna, Bob Rockwell, Gloria McMillan, and Billy Gould. American radio listeners... We hope all the listeners will want to read about Eve and the awards.
Class is dismissed, but before you go, meet the voice actors who starred in this Project Audion episode. Rachel Pulliam in Missouri. Robert L. Mills in California. Pete Lutz in Texas. Bob Beaumont in California, Ken Jeffries, also in California, and Melrose in New Jersey. Robert L. Mills penned the script and Larry Groby produced, directed and played the part of the studio audience. If you enjoyed this, find a thumbs up or a like button and click it.
and then share it with somebody or tell us what you thought. Project Audion has many, many more classic audio dramas and comedies that you can listen to on podcasts or watch the cast on YouTube and we invite you to attend them all in the meantime thanks for listening classic, eclectic, and live radio dramas. You can subscribe
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