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Sunday Showcase, highlighting some of the best audio storytelling found anywhere. All right here on the Mutual Audio Network. The following audio drama is rated PG for parental guidance. The next nighter brought to us by Monday Matinee. Our double feature this week is an order by the lieutenant and there's something in the air. So let's be sure to wind back those clocks and get there while the doors are still open. The first nighter program. From the little theater of Times Square.
The several loved Yanolen Sulei with an all star cast presented by Cam Panna, the quality name in Cosmetics. Thea her time on Broadway. And tonight is a special occasion in theater land. For a brand-new play makes it opening night bow to the public and drama critics. Yes, an opening night on the great white players, the kind of exciting experience that you'll never forget. So let me promptly introduce our host for the evening, the genial first night.
But evening ladies and gentlemen, it's very pleasant to have you with us this evening. I know that traffic will be heavy, so I suggest we start right off for the theater. My cab is waiting or just head in. All right, driver, the little theater. I've brought way across 42nd Street, and there I head to the bright lights across the facade of the lift. The little theater off times where I can see the news, real cameras on trucks recording the event. You'll be there in a minute. Well, here we are.
A little love is not too young. You're not famous banker, what's your name? Are you know, curious, my author? Have your tickets ready, please. Have your tickets ready, please. Good evening, Mr. First Knighter. The Usual Show you dear seats. Thank you, we'll go right in. Here we are, ladies and gentlemen, all comfortably seated in the 7th row, 7th. And a huge will on an opening night, the house is a sellout. Also, there's Frank Worth conducting the famous First Knighter Orchestra.
The night's new play is entitled, An Order by the Lieutenant, written by Bernancy Hoyt and co-starring Barbara Lutty and Olens Suley. The story takes us back to the fall of 1866, and the setting is for Riley Kansas. Miss Lutty is cast as Nancy Colfax, a determined courage is an beautiful young lady. Mr. Suley is an eager young lieutenant, Gordon Singleton. And I see that we have a stellar supporting cast tonight.
Holly Bear is Sergeant Freely, used to the baker's Colonel Willingham, Arthur Cughrion as private dab and other famous names. And now it's just about time for the house lights to dim. First, first, first, first. There's the signal for First Curtain, the house lights are out. And here's the play. Come in. Well, Sergeant Freely, you're around early for a frosty morning. What's been chasing you? Indians, no, sir, it's the Colonel.
He said if you'd come to his headquarters at one, be with you as soon as I slide into my boots. You better hustle, sir. The Colonel seemed excited. He's the most excitable Colonel in Fort Riley. What is it this time, more Indian trouble? Well, there is some of that, but we're coming like cold-srily. Yeah, sure. Thank you. Now let's go. Oh, I hear the Captain Brown's company is leaving for the Solomon River Country in the morning.
He's got a lot on his mind to be prowling around after Indians right now. What's up with the Captain? His wife had her baby last night. So she's doing right poorly, sir. Her and the little one. Oh, too bad. Yes, sir. Might be too bad. You know, I think the Captain ought to stay home this time. Oh, he can't from a woman to keep him from his duty. Even if she is his wife. But maybe she and my men should think of those things, really, before they get married. Well, how do you know that he...
No, the men should allow a woman to lead the sort of life we do on a frontier post. There's no place for women here. Garsh, Lieutenant, I didn't know you were so sad again, women. Hey, sir. As a soldier? I am. No, that's queer. I thought you went back to Memphis on leave last month, especially as your back. I changed my mind about that. Why, didn't she fancy living here? That's the trouble. Miss Coltax did fancy living here. Oh, what? That's all over now.
She understands now that she isn't cut out to be an army officer's wife. Some women just aren't. Good morning, Colonel Willingham. Morning, Singleton. Morning, Billy. Yeah, morning, sir. Better see you came so quickly. Gradly to my office, Singleton. I'll join you. I'll see you start in a moment. Certainly, sir. I didn't know much to go to my court. Tell me, Mr. Willingham. Oh, I beg your pardon, I did. Nancy Coltax. Couldn't want to lie to him. I don't know what you're doing here.
You can't stay. I told you in Memphis it was impossible. Most I leave so soon. I'd rather expect to do warm a greeting. After all, I've only been here now. And it was a rather difficult journey. The River Steamer from Memphis to Kansas City. And that bouncing stage coach to Riley Kansas and you. I don't understand. You thought that the Coltax had ceased to go after what they want? Yes. I mean, no. Your indecision is most confusing, Gordon. Well, does the Colonel know?
Did you tell him that we were... Oh, he still thinks we are. You see, I've been here an hour. I thought it more proper to meet you here at your headquarters. Now, look, Nancy. Oh, Mr. Coltax. This isn't any kind of life. We've been all over that and I've simply decided that it is my kind of life. With you. I don't have any trouble with my decisions, Gordon. Miss Coltax, ladies, don't... They don't... Well, they just don't talk that way. It's not Ladylike. It's not... It's not a... Not a call.
Not already. Not a dog, Colonel. Lieutenant Singleton, Gordon. Yes. We're just saying that it's not like an officer to keep a lady waiting. My apologies, Miss Coltax. My most humble apologies. But I thought you two liked the first few moments long. Yes. We're thoughtful of you, Colonel. Yes. Yes, very kind of you, sir. Well, quite a surprise in your Singleton. Quite a surprise. Well, the military said you'd stock by the caliber of surprise. Hm? Singleton? Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
We do. Miss Coltax, I've sent Sergeant Freely to my quarters to inform Mrs. Willingham that we'll have a guest. A few days until the arrangements have been completed. Arrangements? Yes. What... What arrangements? What? Well, for the marriage, of course. Can I just get married like that? I put on a real military wedding. So all the treblings are very good for the morale of the Poles. Well, Singleton, Miss Coltax, my quarters. Mrs. Willingham is expecting her. Singleton? Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
The arrangements. Yes. And the talent, of course, Mrs. Willingham and myself and Miss Coltax. Will be expecting you for dinner tonight at my quarters. It was not for the colonel and his wife to suggest this after dinner walk. I need to walk after that meal. Oh, it isn't the night just perfect. It's all right. It's such a beautiful post in the moonlight. I suppose so. You're not very talkative, Gordon. Look, Nancy, it's just no good. Now you must go back to Memphis. Open, I'm not going.
Except perhaps on our next leave. We can go together. Nancy, for the last time, this is no life for a woman. I couldn't ask you. Are those the stables? Yes. Army life is hard, Nancy. An officer is... Well, he's on duty 24 hours a day. He just can't have any home. What are those little wagons that look like miniature prairie scoone? Mess wagons, the troops take them along on marches. Nancy, it's an uncertain life. You may be all right today and then...
There seem to be a lot of soldiers around the stables. They're getting ready to leave on a mission tomorrow morning. Indian trouble. That's what I mean, Nancy. No security for a wife. An army officer has to give all these time his life to the army. The colon and Mrs. Willingham seem quite happy. Their quarters are so nice and home-like with all our lace curtains and etched glassways. Well, he's a colonel. Lieutenant's are different. A lot of men seem to be going on that Indian mission.
It's all of Company K for Brownie. Who? Captain Brown, Company K's commanding officer. His wife had her baby this morning. She's not doing it all well. Now the captain has to go away. Of course, thank you. Perhaps Mrs. Willingham will take me to call on her. Nancy, a woman doesn't have a chance in this country. We're sitting on the edge of nothing. You count dust storms, the heat and cold in the Indians nothing. I just couldn't ask you to share this kind of life. I'm not at all worried about me.
It'd be like a sentence. A life sentence at hard labor with bad food. Bad living quarters. Always moving around a new post. Oh, me darling. Golden the cool facts, women have never been afraid of anything so long as they could be with the men they love. Oh, I'm afraid you'd hate me within a year. Do you suppose that Mrs. Brown hates the captain? Certainly not, but she may not live long enough to hate anyone. Nancy, we're going back to the Colonel's quarters. Why, what's wrong? Nothing's wrong.
I've just... I've got to see the Colonel. Not an important matter. About... about getting brown? Yes. Want to ask the Colonel to let me go on his place? Yes, I think I understand. Nancy, it'll give you a chance to... ...to go home without an unpleasantness. Can tell the Colonel that you just don't think you're cut out to be an army officer's wife. Golden, are you trying to run away from me? No, not at all. It's just a military duty. I've got to do it. You see what I mean, Nancy?
Anxiety for you, long-lonesome days? Or you might be a widow tomorrow night? That is... if we were married. And we're going to come start on the first act of the night's play. And we're living for you to have time to swear. Looking beyond a lot of me, or downstairs only, please. Looking beyond the other one. And now, during the intermission, let me introduce you to a timely message. Not a way for me. Come along, dear, out of the cloud. Well, we made it. What a jam.
Darling, you look very lovely tonight. Well, thanks. But speaking of pretty people, mum, do you look good or your a flora? That's a stunning dress. I've never seen you look so young. Your skin is like... what, like you were 21? Creamy, smooth. Say, have you been doing something to your makeup? I wonder if you'd notice. I rather like it, do you? Like it, right? It's magic. Yes, it is magic. I borrowed some of your magic touch. Why, you brazen person.
And recently, when I offered you magic touch, you said... I know. I was 48, and I just have to look my age. But didn't I tell you, mother, what a divine complexion you can have with magic touch? You did, darling. You said, I'd never know how pretty I could be until I tried it. And that's the truth, ladies. Magic touch is an entirely different creation from any makeup you've ever used. Magic touch is Campana's new cream makeup in a wafer-thin compact.
You will see it advertised in Life Magazine March 8 issue. It's so easy to use, so quick. You don't need sponge, powder-puff or water. You just smooth your fingers lightly over the surface of magic touch, tie it to your face and blend. And magic touch is all you need to be beautiful for hours and hours. It gives your complexion a flawless, fragile look. The new, unmade up look that's so popular today. Magic touch is a sheer makeup. Nothing heavy or mask-like above it.
Yet, it cleverly conceals little skin faults. Helps give your skin a poreless appearance. Six complexion flattering shades, too, ranging from fragile pink to the deeper golden colors. And what a welcome bargain magic touch is price-wise. You get a large, lovely white and gold compact for only $1. The special introductory size sells for only $0.39. And there's no finer quality at any price. So tomorrow promise yourself a thrilling new experience. Try magic touch.
You'll never know how pretty you can be until you do. Perch, second perch. The first night of the hurrying down the aisle from the seats and here's the second night of an order by the lieutenant. If come this farm, we'll tenon share. You checked all equipment, Sergeant? Yes, sir. Personal equipment, ammunition, and mesh supplies all in order. I put private dabs and charges and mesh wagon. You can depend on dabs where food is concerned. That's right, be careful with the mesh.
And army travels on its stomach, you know. Yes, sir. When you're stalking the Indian, you get powerful hunger. That's why I put dabs in your morning colonel. Morning, flink of them. Everything in readiness? That's what ready, sir. Our scouts left two hours ago. Good, good. Tell you how you ordered. Reports I have, you'll probably meet up with those red skins on your second day's march. That close, Blastum. Things be getting more brazen every day. I know, sir.
I have the recently reported positions marked on my map. I needn't remind you to be alert, sir. No, sir. Yes, sir. That's wrong. You're waiting here for you? Singles, and I still can't understand why you requested this duty. But I guess that you're busy, isn't it? You'll fit for the job. Fit for the job. So, good luck. Thank you, sir. Your blood? Well, she might have come down to see me off. But maybe it's better she didn't. Didn't hear you, Lieutenant. I didn't say anything.
How to swore you, did she? That's the third time this afternoon I thought I did. You all right, Lieutenant? Yes, I'm fine. We'll camp here tonight, thrilling. Yes, sir. What did that scout report to you? He said he left his party a couple hours ago. Up to then he said the prairie was as empty as a soldier's promised to a girl. Well, in that case, post your picket sergeants. Causing them to keep a sharp lookout. Although I don't think we'll meet up with any trouble in our first night out.
First, second, they all look the same in this prairie country. Nothing but buffalo grass and sunflowers. Yes, it doesn't look like much now, really. But they may even try to grow things here someday. Cattle, maybe. Or grain. Wouldn't surprise me, Nan, if they'd tried to give it back to the Indians once we'd get them run off. I'll see about the pickets, really. And see that they're alert. There's nothing surprises us. The element of surprise is the tactic the Indians have mastered, too.
Yes. As speaking of surprises, sir. Private dab swears as one in the mess wagon. It's been making his life miserable all day. Claims ever, piece of meat he's tried to eat today gets swiped off the seat when he's driving. Hmm. Serves him right for eating between meals. Silly stops it. Yes, sir, lieutenant. Yes, sir. Nice fella. Too bad his uniform's to know. Have a good night, Sergeant. Middling, sir. Just middling. So, yes, you're just middling. Didn't dream about women last night.
And that worries me. Still having trouble with him spooks grabbing your child, dab. So they know joking matters, Sergeant. Perne if it didn't happen to get enough ten minutes ago. I ain't surprised. You're hitting him buffalo wallers. Too hard and you can't help it. You ain't even got the reins in your hands. Of course not. I got them reins wound around the whip sockets. Keep in my hands free to grab whoever's a vaguen me. Well, lieutenant said to lay off eating so much. See you later.
There you go, unblabbed to the Louis. Sergeant's is all alike. I... What the... Hey! There you dirty red skin, I got ya. I skin his not red. Oh. Anyway, not you started parmalin' me. Gee, hoppin' jahas of that. It's a woman. It's the lieutenant's miss. Right, Miss Nancy Colpax, if you prefer, in deductions. I shouldn't have hit you, ma'am. Oh, that's all right, dabs. Oh, my goodness. Although, I'm bruised enough already, just riding in this horrible car.
And I practically subjugated under that canvas. Well, here, ma'am. Allow me to present you with this piece of meat you almost swiped. I had to talk a minute ago. Thank you, dabs. Thank you. I am tired. Does the lieutenant know? He most certainly does not know. But I'm sure we're far enough waiting for it, Raleigh, so he might be informed. By... By me? Certainly. Well, now, ma'am, I like the ladies, as well as anybody. I don't mind doing them a favor.
But I ain't gonna risk me in skinned alive with the lieutenant telling them you're here. Will he be very angry? Angry. He'll be plum... Plabber dude, route. My goodness. That, that. Nevertheless, Column here, it's timing you. If you don't want, I'll call him. Oh, no, don't do that. He'll have every blamed man-jack in the company here. I'll get him. Don't blame me for what happens. Lieutenant... Lieutenant Singleton! Yes, sir. What is it? Great heavens, Nancy. Good afternoon, Lieutenant.
Dabbs, pull your wagon out of the column. Yes, sir. Here! Whoa! Whoa, Dernier! Stop! Oh, then. What's the meaning of this outrage? Have you lost your mind? Don't you know we're in dangerous territory? But you might get hurt. If you ask your questions, one of the things you need to do is to get out of the column. If you ask your questions, one of the times, Lieutenant, I might answer them. No, this is against all regulations. Don't you realize, Nancy, what the men will think? Why did you do it?
All right, I'll answer that one. I did it to show you that I can take army life just as well as you can. The very worst part of it, the campaign. But, Nancy, women don't campaign. No. What do you think I'm doing? Element is surprising, though. Well, I've got to send you back. Perhaps I did it because I love you. Well, I... Lieutenant, the scotch... Miss Coolfax. Well, I'll be... That's enough of that, Sergeant. Yes. What about the scouts?
Well, they've reported seeing a fair-sized patrol of them, Red Critters. And our scouts think the Indians knows our location. Also found a wagon train remains a one. Well, then we must intercept that patrol. They get back to the main tribe and report our position. Sergeant, get me a dozen men at once. Yes, you. You'll take over the company while I'm gone. But I thought you'd want me to take out the patrol. You heard my order. Yes, sir.
And while I'm gone, have the company prepare a defense position. Well, how about the grove, but the band in the river, about a mile ahead? We know their south of the river. Yes. It does look like a place they might likely cross the river, but... I believe our position will be stronger and this cottonwood grove here at our right. It can be defended from all sides. Yes, sir. If they cross at the grove by the river band, they'll be in the open all the way to this grove. Right. All right.
Organize the patrol. Take me, Lieutenant. Very well, Dabs, if you wish to go. On Sergeant, place Miss Cole-Fax under arrest. Yes. What does that mean, Gordon? Lieutenant. It means a lot of things. First, you can't leave camp. But I don't want to leave camp. Did we take a lot of chances, Lieutenant, right now, here in the open? We have to take chances, Dabs, to put a locate those rascals. This country don't look good to me. Yes, it's Indian country, all right. That's what you mean.
And you would tell me, look, Lieutenant, coming over the hill, a dozen of them. Then they didn't get back to the main body. Watch it, Dabs. Into the draw, Dabs. Into the draw, man. Right. Oh! In the hits, sir. I think so, but I could hang on until we get to the draw. And that's all. After we beat them off, the lieutenant was plumbout. We tied him on his horse and brought him back here. It was getting dark fast, so we was able to ride right along. He's got a bad hit, all right.
Here's another wet cloth, man. Thank you. He seems awfully feverish. Now, don't you worry, none of Miss Colpax. He's a good soldier. He will make it. I know it will. I'll make it. Oh. There they're down. Just like quietly. Sergeant. Yes, ma'am. The Indian patrol got away, you know. Yes, ma'am, no. And that means that they got back to report our position. Yes, Miss Colpax. Then I expect that the lieutenant would want you to inspect the emplacements that the men have built. Yes, sir. Eh, amine.
Yes, ma'am. The good news is out of the second act of tonight's play. And the little P.H.R.O.F. time's there. Come to the down play. The out of the army. All right, ladies. Here is something worth hearing. Ladies, you'll ever know how soft, how smooth, how pretty your hands can be until you use Italian bomb. Yes, good, dependable rich Italian bomb. The lotion that so many of you praise so much in the pre-war years is back again in the stores.
Made exactly as it used to be, including all the original ingredients. That's awfully good news to lots of women besides being Mr. Keating. Somehow, I've never found anything to equal Italian bomb when it comes to keeping busy hands free of dryness and chapping. And if I may say so, mother, I've never had so many compliments on my hands as I've had since I've been using Italian bomb. And after all, a girl can always use a compliment. Thank you, ladies.
And remember, Italian bomb can't be beat for economy. It's still only 25, 50 cents and a dollar a bottle. Same pre-war price, same pre-war quality, same pre-war quantity. Get your bottle of Italian bomb tomorrow. The first nighters are all in their seats ready for the last night and there goes the curtain. Is that you, Sergeant? Yes. It's me. Everything's all right. Seems to be. I had a bad time finding all the tickets in the dark. I've never seen it so black. Men's uneasy too.
How's Lutin? Still the same. He does seem to be resting better. We just had a fire so I could see. Can't risk no light, man. Poor Darlin is burning up with fever. He stopped a bad one. Can't we start taking him back to Fort Riley tonight? No, a chance, man. You wouldn't get five miles. Sergeant, maybe this is... No, don't you worry. None about Lutin, man. We'll get through this thing. But I am worried about all of us.
While you were looking after the men, I was thinking that if the Indians really know where we are, we won't have much of a chance if they attack. Unless we do something like... Black, the element of surprise isn't that way the guy on the courtship. You can't go out after him. Our chances is better to stay here where we're holed up. Sergeant, you know that grove down by the bend in the river? Yes, and about a mile from here. We could go out after him if you said.
If the company was moved to that grove, and I stayed here with the lieutenant, and perhaps build a little fire for a decoy. Well, ask me, man, how we could pounce on him while he was across in the river. Coming up the bank. That's it. They'd think that we were still in this position. But what if they don't come that way? In that case, they still would see our fire. Oh, now. How about you and the lieutenant here all along? The company would still have the same odds, wouldn't they?
In their new position and the other grove. Sure, but I... I'm not afraid. I can't give you an order, Sergeant. I know. But I could tell you that... that lieutenant sink and woke up long enough while you were gone to suggest... to order this plan. Yes, man. You could tell me that, all right? If I should tell you. Well, I'd think that you... that lieutenant know what he was doing. Do you think the lieutenant really ordered this? No, we're doing it, dams.
And the remit of the whole company to this grove. That fire she's got back there looks mighty tempting. What it's aiming to do, tempt the Indians. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. Hey, don't look like that, profit is worth about $60,000. Don't look like an idiot. Damn, I was all right with that. I'm going to buy in all your fashion that one remembers. No, just a couple things for you.
This Italian adds to my difficulties and пит epidemic sound. You could only push visuals here for some excuse. No, but... It's pretty cheap. But looks marvelous. Five cent reasons don't follow counts. Thought those are the documents, I hear. ให a critics say. Go read it for out other likes, go read them all down. That's Sergeant. Sound like someone's in the river. Yeah. Oh, down. It worked. It worked. What? Gordon. Gordon, can you see him? What? What is it, Max?
Don't try to move. Let me hold you up. I see you down by the river. The company has driven the Indians off. How did they get down there? I thought I told freely to camp here. I was getting dark again, Max. I want... I want... That's it, darling. Sleep. Sleep. So help me, sir. Ever word is gospel. Sure as you're laying in that bunk. But, freely, did I actually give the order to move up to the other grove? I can't remember doing it.
Of course, I didn't exactly hear them orders from your own lips, man. It... sir. I think I'm beginning to understand. A lot of things. Come in. Hello there. And how's the patient? Come right on in, Miss Colfax. He's doing right smart well. Another week he'll be brand new. Yeah, well... I think maybe I've wore out my welcome. So long, Lieutenant. Miss Colfax. Goodbye, sir. Bye, pretty. Nancy, he's sweet, crazy, lovely. Now, now, Lieutenant, is that any way to talk to a person who's under arrest?
Arrest. Of course, don't you remember? Back at the grove, you ordered the sergeant to place me under arrest. Oh, and that's one order I do remember. And one I'll never change. You're under arrest for life. I hope. I love it every minute of it, darling. Now, wait a minute. There's a catch. No more Indian fighting. I promise. No more stirring away, and mess-wise, I guess. I promise. And no more of this foolishness until after I've had a kiss. I promise.
The element of surprise is a fine tactic, Lieutenant. There it is. The final curtain comes down to the street here. The audience is on its feet, a blotting. This lot of your mistress will lay out, borrowing in front of the footlights. The play is ahead. And the first night is like it. Listen to that applause. Next week, there's a special treating store for you with the little theater off-time square if you like to land. Yes, it's a farce, a hilarious play that will amuse you no-end.
It's called, there's something in the air. Be sure to join us next week, same time, same station. And ladies, remember, you'll never know how pretty you can be until you try magic touch. And now we move out of the theater and into the streets. It's free yet we get to make place now. Is your cabinet the first night of? Thank you, good night. Campanus first night of programs, starring Olensule and Barbara Lutty is a copyrighted radio feature.
Tonight's play was pure fiction and did not refer to real people or actual events. Play safe, never scratch an irritated skin. It can cause serious infection. Use DDD prescription, a cooling soothing liquid that brings almost instant relief from the irritating discomfort caused by eczema rash hives. DDD prescription is a doctor's formula proved in use for over 50 years. Trial bottle 35 cents. The first night of program came to you over CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.
Campanus first night of program. From the little theater of Times Square, starring Olensule and Barbara Lutty with an all-star cast sent to you by Campanus, the quality name in cosmetics. Broadway, theater time. And this evening there's a special day from a theater calendar because a new play is scheduled for its opening night performance at the little theater of Times Square. What's more, you have front row seats with a genial first night of them self at your homes. And here he is.
Good evening everybody. I say it's going to be a prompt curtain tonight, so let's be off shall we? Here's my cab, won't you step in? All right driver, let's go. A Broadway across 42nd Street and into the famous Times Square District. Theater and supper clubs cluster in this area like pins and a fincoach. Well here we are. You know my dear, you simply never see a shot skirt. Is the goal we're going to do the big union of the show? John, that's just all to the El Morocco after the show.
Have your tickets ready, please. Have your tickets ready, please. Good evening Mr. Firstnatter, the ush will show you dear seats. Thank you, we'll go right in. Here we are inside the theater ladies and gentlemen. And I wish I had time to name all the notables in the audience tonight. But about the play, it's a farce call there's something in the air written by Anthony Wayne. And according to reports and those in the know, it promises a half hour of hilarious entertainment.
Olen Suré and Pabra Loney had lively all star cast. Mr. Suré will play Ted Brice Dale, a lad who's sure of his girl, but not sure of his mother's blessing. Miss Loddy takes the part of Anne Brown, Ted's fiance, the girl in question. And look at this line of uptallant, there's Paulie Bear as Homer, Eleanor Oddley as Mrs. Brown, Louis Van Routen as Mr. Brown, Verna Felten as Mrs. Brice Dale, and other equally famous names.
I see Frank Worthen his first night at Orcas for in the fifth and it's just about time for First Curtain. Hey, hey, hey. There's a single ball first curtain, the house lights are out and here's the play. How greetings, Theodore. Come on, come on, Homer. Now, why did you insist that I stop at your house? You know I'm in a hurry. Patience, my good friend, patience. Come into my laboratory with me.
Patience? My mother's arriving tomorrow to meet a net's family and they don't know anything about it. How can I be patient? Write in here, Theodore. Now, listen here, you test tube Darwin. I've got important business. Hey, let me shut the door. Oh, Homer, for Pete's sake, what do you want with me? Theodore, I've discovered it. The secret is mine. It is? Discovered what? What are you talking about? Even the walls have ears. Yeah? Where? Now listen carefully.
I've discovered how to make human beings fly. How old? Homer, is that what you wanted to tell me? Think of it. Men and women floating about in the atmosphere like birds, even little children. Yeah, little children like little mats. You've been working in this lab for years. You're a brain spouts fire like a Bunsen burner. I tell you, I have it. Look, one of these pills and in two minutes you'll be whetting about like a balloon. Crosies are bed bugs. Take one and see.
Oh, you get away from me with that. Why? Why should I want a whiff like a balloon? No, you'll have occasions. What do these pills do to you? They induce what I call helium morphicics. They've combined the active ingredient of helium with a new element which I call the Tosso. Helium? You mean you fill up like a balloon when you take that pill? No, no, no. The pill produces a chemical change inside the body which makes it slightly lighter than air.
Oh, what's theodore? I declare it is revolutionary. Well, it should be. When you get stored some other gas bag, you just stick them with a pin. Oh, it's true that a gaseous formation does take place, but the body is not discented. Listen, Homer, you misdirected microbe. Do you think anyone in his right mind would actually swallow one of those pills? Assuredly. Now, I want you to take something to a net and her father. Not on your life, pal.
But net is an enthusiastic amateur pilot and her father is an inventor of ability. Yeah, a net's flying as my biggest headache and don't mention the old man. I wish he didn't vent a mouth trap and get himself caught in it. But, theodore, my greatest discovery, you must show it to him. I want to know what she thinks. Homer, haven't I enough trouble? What do you think mother's going to say when she arrives here in Denver and meets that screwy family of an ed? Please show an ed the pills.
She flies an airplane, she'll appreciate it. Okay, okay, anything to please you. And it's been, didn't I? Let's see. What can I put them in? Oh, here we have it. This old aspirin tin, they're poor pills. They look just like aspirin, don't they? Yeah. It's so alive I don't get going. Don't forget to tell her about them. No, I won't. I won't. So long, Homer. Good night, Theo. Oh, Tad you'd have loved it.
I was at 5,000 feet, the clouds were like billowy fluffs of whipped cream and I just drove through them like that. Yeah, yeah, I know, Ann, but look, let's forget airplanes for just a minute because I have some important news for you. Important news, really? Yeah, mothers arriving from New York tomorrow. Ted, how grand. She wants to meet my fiance and her family. Oh. Oh, I know she's going to be just as crazy about you as I am, darling. Well, I hope so. Sure, no one could help with love you.
Yeah, there's just one thing. Yeah, that's my flying. Yes, you see, mothers older and more conservative. She did test airplanes, escalators, dial phones. Well, this is the first time in her life. She's been west of the Adirondacks. Well, what do I do, Ted? Well, just don't mention airplanes while she's here, will you? Well, there's the way you wanted, yeah. I said. I didn't know you were here. Good evening, Mrs. Brown. How are you? Well, I haven't been feeling so well.
Something that matter with my joints. Oh. But I found some new medicine, perfectly marvelous stuff. Six bottles and you don't know you have any joints. You ought to try it, Ted. Well, but I don't have any trouble with my joints. Oh, you ought to take it anyway. It's wonderful. What do you have trouble with? Well, nothing really, except maybe a cold in the winter once in a while. Oh, I've got the best medicine for colds. It's wonderful. I just tried everything until I found this.
Why do you know I only had four colds last winter taking this medicine? Ted's mother is arriving in Denver from the east tomorrow. No, come here. She's awfully anxious to meet you. Well, now why don't you come and bring her for dinner here at Maronite? Well, I... Yes, why don't you, Ted? Well, that's nice, Evie, Mrs. Brown, but I don't know where their mother is. Oh, now no excuses. Maronite for dinner. I'll get Lizzy in to help prepare the meal.
What's your mother like? Does she like stewed chicken? Oh, anything will be all right. Oh, that's pretty rich. Might give her a heartburn. Is she bothered with heartburn? Well, I don't think so. Oh, I have the most marvelous remedy for heartburn. Yes, an old chukobla down in Leadville mixes it up. I'll tell your mother about it. Hey, Matt, where's the screwdriver? Come on in here, Paw. Ted's here. Hello, there, Mr. Brown. Well, how are you, Ted? Glad to see you, sir.
Ted's mother's arriving tomorrow, and she and Ted are coming for dinner tomorrow night. Well, maybe we'll get something decent to eat for a change, hey, Annie. What do you mean? You know with your gout there's only a few things you can eat. Now, if you don't, they take that medicine, I told you about it. Oh, you and your medicines. You figured out any new inventions lately, Mr. Brown? Oh, and I tell you I'm inventing a tailor-made razor. No, what's that? Well, it's like a mask.
Make the fit on your face. Just clamp it on, press button, take it off, there you are, all shaved. Say, that sounds like a damn thing, Mr. Brown. Yeah, it's a hum thing here. Can't figure out what won't work. That's always the trouble. Nothing you invent ever works. So you're Ted, no one ever appreciates a genius. Say, I wonder if you'd help me move a box into my workshop. Well, is it heavy? That's full of iron and steel. Well, I better get my coat off then. Here you are, Ann, catch.
Oh, I'm sorry, it fell on the floor, I'll get it. Come on, Mr. Brown. I helped you, thank you, thank you. Oh, mother. I was just wondering, Ann, we'll have dumplings. What do we have for a vegetable? Mother, I'm scared to death at meetings this dry's day. Oh, nonsense, Annette. Why? Well, she's such high society and from New York. What if she doesn't like me? Well, I guess we're just as good as she is. I'll tell her a little bit about my family tree.
Well, I'm so anxious to make a good impression. Please don't tell her about all your medicines. Well, maybe she'll need some. Oh, don't please. Well, if you say so. And can't we keep father quiet about his inventions? Just leave your father to me. Oh, here they come now. Well, we got rid of that with neatness and dispat. You know, I really think I should be going. Well, now we'll see if a dinner tomorrow night is. Yes, indeed. Here you go. Thanks, dear. Here's a kiss. Good night. Good night.
Good night. Good night, for. Hey, I'll say, what's this on the floor? Oh, it's a little tin of aspirin. Well, I'll just put that here on the table. I may need some of that. And the curtain comes down to the first action tonight's play. And validity of all times, rare. Hoping in the out of Lomba, you're downstairs. And now I see Larry Keating and a friend of his are scheduled for a little guessing game. Mr. Keating, can you guess how many marriages there were from 1940 to 1946?
Oh, I guess, 19,587,000. Haha, not bad. You miss by only 938. Well, let's try another. Can you guess what the latest sensation is in the world of beauty? Ah, that I know. It's magic touch. Magic touch. Magic touch. Yes, magic touch is the latest sensation in the world of beauty because it's so new, so utterly different. Tell me more. Magic touch is Campana's amazing cream makeup. And you'll never know how pretty you can be until you try it.
Magic touch comes in a lovely white and gold wafer-thin compact. It puts magic complexion beauty at your fingertips. You simply stroke your fingertips over the creamy surface of magic touch, smooth it on, and blend. No powder puff, no water. You can use it anytime, anywhere, and it literally performs miracles on your skin. It gives you that new complexion loveliness that women are demanding today. The unmade outlook.
Yes, magic touch is the new kind of sheer makeup for achieving today's flattering fashion of complexion beauty. A fragile delicate, dresden doll like loveliness. Does magic touch conceal little blemishes? You'll have a porous, flawless looking complexion for hours and hours. Do I use powder, too? No, if you want that attractive luminous look, and I don't mean shiny. Yes, if you prefer the soft matte finish. Is magic touch expensive?
You get a large plastic golden white compact of magic touch for only $1. The special introductory size sells for only $0.39, and there's no finer quality at any price. And remember, ladies, the demand for magic touch is growing by leaps and bounds. If the store where you trade does not have magic touch, ask them to order it from their wholesaler. They can get it for you quickly. I'm going to try magic touch tomorrow. You'll never know how pretty you can be until you do. I love you, man.
I love you, man. I love you, man. Hey, take it or hurt. First night is a hurrying down the aisle to the seats. The lights are dimmed, and here's the second act of their something in the air. Mother. Yes, I'm down here in the dining room, man. Oh. How do I look? Oh, lovely, dear. Perfectly lovely. Oh, mother, I'm absolutely petrified. Oh, nonsense. Now we'll show his mother some real Western hospitality. How's the dinner coming? Well, it better be good.
I read Emily Post all morning and drilled it into Lizzie all afternoon. Mother, couldn't we take those antimacasters off the chairs for tonight? Why, Annette, they're very handsome. Well, I know, mother, but I don't think people in Eastern society use them. Just for tonight, please. All right. Who do you have in store? I'll say I did. And if that Lizzie has broken any of my best try now. Hey, man! Man! What is it, father? Mother's in the kitchen.
My mother made me get to this gosh-dernstiff collar tonight. I just hope Ted's old lady's worth all this suffering. Oh, you look sweet, father. Well, I don't feel sweet. I feel rotten. Got a split in the headache. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought maybe your mother might have something out of all her medicines for a headache. Oh, wait, here's some aspirin. I'm living room table. I put it here last night. There, take that towel, that'll fit you, headache. Well, thank you, Eddie.
My head feels as big as a balloon. Oh, no, no, no. All the buttered finger and lumbixes. Would she break the gravy boat and my cut glass, pickledish? Oh, I'm a nervous wreck. What are you doing down here, father? You're in the headache. Any objections? No, but you go and put your coat on. They'll be here in a minute. You mean I've got to wear a coat? Of course you do. Oh, sure. Oh, and that's a hope for your sake, things go right. Oh, my head is simply bursting.
Well, father just took an aspirin. Why don't you, it'll help you headache. Yes, give me one. Of course, then, not as good as my headache, milk. But they'll do. Oh, thank you, dear. I talked to Ted on the phone this afternoon. He said his mother was having trouble getting used to the altitude out here. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He said his mother was having trouble getting used to the altitude out here.
Well, maybe it'll make her a little dizzy and she won't be able to stay so long. Ha! Here he comes. Where? Mother, look! Ha! Ha! What's the name of goodness do you think you're doing? He's floating right up, he's on the ceiling. Well, what do you think of this, my? Imagine me up here on the ceiling. Oh, listen, you old coyote. You'll come down from there this minute. I wouldn't forget, but I don't seem to be able to know anything about it. Oh, mother, he's playing a jewel. Well, it ain't funny.
You know, I never realized till now how things looked to a fly. Horace your brown. What's holding you up there on that ceiling? It's me, I just suddenly found myself up here. Say, my, your ceiling's dirty. Oh, oh, fuck it. Mother, they're liable to ring the bell any minute. Don't worry, dear. I'll get a broom and sweep that old buzzer down from there. Mother! Oh, and, and, I'm going up in the air too. I know, I see you. I didn't think it'd mod, come on up. Mother, what's making you do this?
Oh, I wish I knew I'd never done it before. It's because it's something we ate, mod. I hope that this is another of your wild-eyed inventions, Horace your brown. No, wait, I'm innocent. I just floated up here like you did. But can't you get down? Well, I don't know how. Do you feel all right? Fine. A little gas on the stomach, maybe. You've always been full of hot air. Waiter like ravenous chandelier. No, I don't mind this up here at all. It takes load off my feet. I think I'll stretch out.
You'll do nothing of the kind. You invent a way to get us down on that floor. But it just isn't possible for people to float in the air like this. I ain't possible, Annette. But your mother and I are doing it. Oh, but what in heaven's name will miss his drizz-dale thing? It'll be mild to what I'm already thinking. I'll walk you like a fairy dancing around here on the ceiling. A little heavy for fairy, mod. More like a going bomber.
If you can just get down around the chandelier mother, I'll stand on a chair and pull you down. Be like London, Zeppelin. I'm trying to work down to the chandelier, Ann. Well, you do if you get it down, she'll need an anchor to hold her in a chair. You're a big help. Why don't you do something? I should, I like it here. Just wondering if my clothes will float when I take them off to go to bed. Oh, it's the front door there here. Oh, Ann, I'm so sorry. Oh, this is dreadful. What do I do?
Bring them in. Oh, I can't. You'll think we're all crazy. Well, Ann, wait. Ann? Nobody answered the front door, so we just walked right... Great. Balls of fire. What's happened to your mother and father? In the name of Meshitid, what kind of people are these hanging on chandeliers? Well, Mrs. Dreidel, I'm so sorry we're so up in the air. Up in the air? I heard the altitude in Denver was high, but I didn't know it was a high. People walked on their ceiling.
Oh, Mrs. Dreidel, I hope you'll excuse me. For not coming down. Indeed. But Ann, what started this? I have the slightest idea. All of a sudden, father just floated up like a feather and a few minutes' mother followed it. I tell you, Ted, we had roast duck last night. I suppose that might have come. You mean to tell me, Ted, that this is the family proposed marrying into? Oh, Mrs. Dreidel, this is most unusual. We don't do this all the time. Oh, well, that's a comforting thought.
Oh, I forgot, mother, this is Annette. Annette, her, seems to me it would be Annette. Oh, Ted, this place is a madhouse. Oh, mother, I don't know what's happened, but if you were just waiting, maybe we'd straighten this out. Oh, do you think my son marrying into a band of trapeze artists? Listen, Mrs. Brown, I'm taking my coat off. And now I'm going to hang on to one sleeve and toss the coat up to you. You grab it and then I can pull you down. Oh, Ted, you're a genius. You ready?
Yes. You're a coms. I got it. Oh, grand, Ted. All right, now we pull you down. One, two, three. And you're down. Oh, you don't know what this means to me. I feel like I've been in another world. Just sit down here, mother. Yes. Oh, hey. Oh, thank you, Lord. Oh, I'm looking at you. She's probably dang on the table. I'm not yet. You can't keep a good woman down. Oh, mother. Oh, it's no use. I don't know what I've done to deserve this. Marty, you're an angel.
If you ever venture outdoors, you'll go to Heaven's show show. Oh, this is more than I can stand. Say, I just thought of something. Has Homer been over here today? Oh, no, why? I'll bet my right leg he knows something about this. Well, let's call him up. No, I'm going over and get him. I'll bring him back in 10 minutes. Ted, now, Ted, you can't leave me here with these people. Please don't worry, Mrs. Driesdale. We're really all right. Oh, this excitement. It's given me a murderous headache.
Oh. Why don't you take one of these aspirins, Mrs. Driesdale? I'll get you some water. Oh, yes. Yes, I need one, dear. Give it to me. Here, this will quiet your nerves. Oh, dear, I hope so. No. The first comes down on his second back. He's a nice player. Let me see who I'll find his place. I'm hoping downstairs for the automobile. Now I see Larry Keening wearing a smile from here to here. Yes, I'm smiling. I'm really rejoicing because so many women across America are rejoicing, too.
They're genuinely happy because once again, their favorite hand lotion, good, dependable Italian balm, is back again. It was really a hardship during the war not to have Italian balm. But now, it's dependable, quick soothing, softening protection is mine again. And my hands are so completely free of dryness and roughness. And remember, ladies, please, this is the month of March, the windy blustery month.
When your skin needs sturdy protection against dryness, use Italian balm regularly every day. Let the fine quality of its good ingredients help your hands look more youthful, prettier. Italian balm is so thrifty, too. One drop takes care of both hands. Shirt and last skirt. The first lighters are all in their seats ready for the last night. And there goes the skirt. Mrs. Dreisdale, I hope you're not going to judge us completely by this dreadful first impression. Oh, really, Mrs. Dreisdale?
I can trace my ancestry back to the robins of Boston. Robins, eh? I think it ought to be the bullfinches of Brooklyn. Not bad, Mrs. Dreis, not bad. I'm really a very home-loving person, and I do love Ted. Young lady, if Ted and I ever get out of here alive, I'll take him so far away from here. He'll never see you again. Oh, Mrs. Dreisdale. Oh, wait a minute. What's the matter with me? Oh, I feel so strange. Mrs. Dreisdale, you're taking off. Oh, let's see.
Messy, the goodness that's gotten me now. Help me! Help me! I can't turn off too high. Ow! Ow! No, no, no, she'll come through that on the same thing. Oh, yeah! I'm sure we're a pretty sight-taking off, Mrs. Dreisdale. No, I didn't do it if I stayed in this house, it was happened to me too. Yep, or I'll float in in the same air now. It must be some kind of a disease, and I'd caught it. Well, then why doesn't the ant lie around? Yes. What makes you immune in it?
I don't know, and I'm beginning to think there must be something to do with me, because I don't. No, sir, you're all wrong. What do you mean? Do you know the cause of this? Well, floating around up here up into a little noodling on the subject. Have you noticed that it's only us old folks that's affected? Why, yes, you're right. Well, what's that got to do with that part? Well, that's what I'm coming to. Now, don't the Bible say, ashes to ashes, dust to dust? Yes, those are the very words.
Well, don't dust flow around and float in the air? Of course. Well, we'll just get not an age. Here we are. All right. Soon we'll just return to dust. Mr. Brown, I think you're right. Who mean we're going to dry up and blow away? Yep, Ma'at, won't be long, for we'll just be something that gets into people's eyes. You know realising that it's given me a different outlook on life already. Oh, it scares me. Oh, shucks, you've got to go some time. This sure is another way.
Mr. Brown, you know your husband is a very unusual man. Well, I guess I never appreciated her ratio. He is as an amazing philosophy, a rich, deep understanding of life in the world. That's right, Mrs. Dry. I'm a philosopher. Oh, I feel happier up here by the chandelier. No, no, no. Now that I have your outlook of life, Mr. Brown. Well, the bonds will stuck up here, Ma'as. We'll have some fun. Have you ever been up in an airplane, Mrs. Dry? No, I never have.
But this experience makes me think I might enjoy it. Well, in that down there is a wonderful pilot she flies around play. Oh, really? And if I ever get down, would you take me for a ride in your airplane? Well, yes, I'd love to, Mrs. Dry's Dale. Oh, wait a second, Mr. Dry. I'll give you a push over to the other side of the room. That'll sort of give you an idea of how it feels. Oh, ratio? Don't start getting funny with Mrs. Dry's day.
Oh, no, no, no, no. Really, I want him to go ahead and push Mr. Brown. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right. There you go. Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. Oh, it's a dick-s-s-really. Ah, that looks like it's fun. Push me the other way. Well, wet my face for self-gives the chandelier. All right, yeah, there you go. Woo-hoo-hoo! Oh, gee, I feel so longed some down here on the floor and there anyway I can get up there too. Okay, don't laugh a mess.
Oh, listen, if there comes Chad that. Well, maybe you surprised to see me up here. Homers with him. Chad, Chad, look what's happened since you left. What do you mean, Ed? Jumping Jupiter, mother! Yes, Ed! I'm up here too, but don't worry, I'm enjoying it. Hooray, hooray, it works, it works, it works. Look at them up there. Even your mother. I never dared hope that anyone that size would have said. What do you mean, that size? Homers, what do you know about this? No, about it.
I know everything about it. My good friend, my pills, induced the ascension, didn't they? What pills? The pills I gave you last night. Holy smoke, I put them in this pocket. They're not there. Wait a minute, Chad, were they in an aspirin tin? Precisely in it. A little aspirin box. Oh, for goodness sake, then I'm to blame. They fell out of your pocket last night, Ted. Here they are. I've been giving them a aspirin. Oh, thank you, Annette.
Thank you profusely, you proved that my discovery really works. You mean you're responsible for this homework, please? Yes, ma'am, isn't it wonderful? You know, son, I think you've got something there. Then we're not blowing away dust to dust. No, I guess not, ma'am. Oh, but it was such a lovely thought. I'll listen here. Your pills got them up there. Now, how do you get them down? Why all they have to do? Oh, I never thought of that. I never thought of it.
No, I devoted all my time to getting them up by... I forgot about the rest. Oh, good grief. I'll never mind, Ted. Now, we're perfectly happy. Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Good god! Here comes father! What about? Well, what brought you down, father? No, don't ask me. I just came down like I went up, for no good reason. Oh, oh, my ankle. Homer, do you know what happened? Sorry, I see a door, but I'd have to examine Mr. Brown with my instrument. No, you don't.
to the pill may have worn off. Oh, hell! Look out there dropping like flies for! It's your mother, Ann. Oh, poor mother. It's all right, I fell on the sofa. Get ready for Mrs. Dry's day. She'll be falling next. Yeah, come here, Homer. Get ready to catch mother. Here, I'll help you. Yeah, we're ready. Catch your catcher. There she comes. Come on, mother. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What a brilliant experience! Are you all right, Mrs. Dry's day? I'm quite all right, just fine.
Well, mother, I hope you're not going to let this end one to you against a net in her family. Influence me, but I should say not, and that's a dear. She's going to kick me for a ride in her airplane. What? And her mother's as sweet as can be. But her father. Oh, there's a man. Then you mean I can marry him? Well, of course, it's sooner than better. Well, I'll be. Hey, Homer. Yes, Theo. Do you have any more of those pills at home? Oh, yes. A whole crock full of them.
Oh, boy, come on, Ann. Let's us swallow our couple and take off together. The great falls of a final act of another original plan, a little theater off time square. So I am this body, I am one of the footies of the audience. The innovation of praise by hip. Next week, ladies and gentlemen, we want to issue a special invitation to you and your family to join us again when another brand new play entitled The Green Lepricon will be presented in the little theater off time square.
It's a love story, the kind that tugs at your heartstrings as it puts a smile on your lips. Your whole family will enjoy it. Be sure to join us next week, same time, same stations. And ladies, you'll never know how pretty you can be until you try magic touch. Now we move our theater and into the swing. Is your cabinet the first ladder? By you, do you? Yes. Campanus' First Nighter program starring Barbara Loddy and Olen Sulei is a copyrighted radio feature.
Tonight's play was pure fiction and did not refer to real people or actual events. Scratching an irritated skin can cause serious infection. If you're troubled with skin irritation caused by eczema, hives, winter ash, use DDD prescription. The cooling antiseptic liquid that brings relief from irritating skin discomfort almost instantly. Ask for DDD prescription. Trial bottled 35 cents at any drugstore. The first tighter program came to you over CBS. The Columbia Broadcasting System.
And that's this week's Mutual Presents feature. The Mutual Audio Network brings the best of old-time radio and modern audio theater to the world. Be sure to subscribe through the Mutual Audio Network Podcast feed, any of our podcast days, or the Mutual YouTube channel, which includes Madcon and many other extra features and shows. See you all next time at Mutual Presents. Good night. The Mutual Audio Network. Listening and imagining together.