What the Heck? Is Midlife Crisis Really a Thing?

00;00;00;05 - 00;00;24;16
Dave Quak 
Welcome to Sunburnt Souls. On this show, we talk about life and faith and our mental well-being, having real and raw discussions about what it means to love Jesus fully and also be struggling in our minds. I'm your host, Dave Kwak, and today we get to talk to Doctor Stephen Beaumont. Stephen Beaumont is qualified in everything from counseling to theology and has multiple degrees and a couple of doctorates.

00;00;24;19 - 00;00;47;11
Dave Quak 
But more importantly, he understands or at least tries to understand what is going on in the mind of a man in their 40s. Today we are going to talk about what the heck happens to guys when they approach 40 years old. What the heck's a midlife crisis? Is that still a thing? What the heck goes on in the mind of a man during that time?

00;00;47;11 - 00;01;06;09
Dave Quak 
And what the heck can we do to help people in this? I wonder, apologize for the wind noise in the back. We had to record outside, but other than that, this is an epic discussion and we're thankful that you tuned in to sunburnt souls today. Well, somebody tells you you guys are super blessed because I have my friend Stephen Beaumont here today.

00;01;06;10 - 00;01;08;07
Dave Quak 
Stephen, how are you, brother?

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Stephen Beaumont
Dave, I'm doing well, thanks. Yeah, you.

00;01;11;01 - 00;01;33;06
Dave Quak 
Are doing well. Mike, you're an enigma to me because you're double doctor. Stephen. You've got two doctorates, but you don't walk around as a guy saying, excuse me, call me Doctor Beaumont. You know, you're you're an Aussie guy who also is a doctor, but is also a car head. Why don't you just ballpark me? How many cars have you had in your life, Stephen?

00;01;33;09 - 00;01;42;04
Stephen Beaumont
If I can average ten a year, I'm doing okay. But I've moved on. I've decided to actually stop doing such things.

00;01;42;07 - 00;01;43;04
Dave Quak 
Really?

00;01;43;06 - 00;01;51;18
Stephen Beaumont
So I shrunk the fleet, cleaned up the yard and the shed. And looking forward to a less, vehicle cluttered life.

00;01;51;21 - 00;02;02;15
Dave Quak 
I'm sure your wife will be happy about that, though. You do have acreage, so there's plenty of room for the vehicles. Okay, so of all these many cars, I know this is a hard question. What's your favorite?

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Stephen Beaumont
What has been my favorite?

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Dave Quak 
Yeah.

00;02;05;07 - 00;02;11;22
Stephen Beaumont
That's probably if I think of my favorite car, it would be a car that I regret that I've sold.

00;02;11;24 - 00;02;12;21
Dave Quak 
Okay.

00;02;12;23 - 00;02;39;17
Stephen Beaumont
But, and it would probably go way back to my Bible college days, so I. I bought a, What was it called? It was an ex, a, GSL Fairmont with the three, five one and all the gear. And it basically was a mock GT. Okay. And I drove that from Brisbane to South Australia to go to Table Bible College at the time in the 1980s.

00;02;39;19 - 00;03;06;09
Stephen Beaumont
And I thought I was super cool, which I was like I was, but I was super broke as a college student, you know, pray for help. I'll study you name it, live on, you know, live on prayer and handouts. So six months into the first year of Bible college, I had to sell this, you know, gas guzzling, you know, GTI, you know, fake GTI.

00;03;06;12 - 00;03;25;27
Stephen Beaumont
Yeah. Yeah, I still got a lot of good photos of that car, and I wished I still had it. That probably because of that connection between leaving home for the first time. Yeah, yeah, I know college the step of faith. And when you think about it backwards and it kind of even feeds into a topic, the sense of I wanted the car to express a little bit of who I was.

00;03;25;27 - 00;03;29;18
Stephen Beaumont
I wanted to turn up to Bible college, like, yeah.

00;03;29;20 - 00;03;40;28
Dave Quak 
Yeah, yeah. So yeah, yeah, it was making a statement. Now, I know it's not fair to play hindsight with vehicles, property or anything like that, but if you still had that car today and sold it, what would that be worth?

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Stephen Beaumont
Actually, it wouldn't be worth all that much.

00;03;42;23 - 00;03;45;05
Dave Quak 
Okay, so it didn't go up like the ex-wife.

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Stephen Beaumont
No, no, no, no, none of that. I mean, yeah, okay. There you go. Cars.

00;03;51;26 - 00;04;16;27
Dave Quak 
I love it, Steven. I wanted to tell or call today's podcast. What the heck? Okay. Because I want to try to figure out what the heck is happening of the mind in the minds of men my age leading up to my age. Okay, so I just got a little bit of a list of all the things I could think of, of guys around 40 and some of the decisions they've make, they made.

00;04;16;29 - 00;04;41;07
Dave Quak 
Okay. So yeah, I got I just got like seven. So okay, number one had an affair and bought a sports car. Number two borrowed against the house and lost everything. Number three borrowed against the house and made millions. Number four started playing football. Number five fell into depression. Number six got really fit and became a great dad. Number seven got really fit and.

00;04;41;13 - 00;04;58;13
Dave Quak 
And left the family. And then, number eight took off overseas and never came back. And then the weirdest one finally got his mental health check properly, got diagnosed with bipolar, and started a podcast about faith and mental health. That's the.

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Stephen Beaumont
Weirdest thing. Yeah, yeah.

00;05;00;03 - 00;05;07;08
Dave Quak 
So other than the last one, what the heck is going on in men's minds?

00;05;07;11 - 00;05;31;25
Stephen Beaumont
Yeah. Look, the whole in a mid-life crisis debate or discussion or phenomena is, you know, it's been popular for for a few decades now in the 80s and 90s. It started as, you know, a lot of self-help books and popular psychology kind of really grew. There was, you know, an emerging interest in this. What happens to the midlife at all?

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Stephen Beaumont
And it kind of sits within, you know, the the developmental theory that's out there, developmental psychology, all that life stage theory. And so people started to trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. So why is it that generally, you know, normally, you know, socially responsible, you know, good blokes hit that that golden age, whether it be late 30s, early 40s, some a little bit later and make really dumb decisions, like you say, one pick up in the 80s and 90s, you know, some of the, the popular literature that was out wasn't.

00;06;08;15 - 00;06;40;23
Stephen Beaumont
So, it wasn't so convincing because the jury for some was still out. There was a sense of, well, this is really just a Western male phenomena. And hey, why don't I just call it irresponsibility? Why not just call it rebellion within? You know, Christian circles? Why don't you just call it sin? Why don't you just name it, label it something really simple rather than to try and explain it to some complex psychological problem.

00;06;40;25 - 00;07;02;07
Stephen Beaumont
You know, that is, you know, the crisis that the live stage theorists talk about. But now, you know, 20, 30 years later, it's so mainstream. And thinking that we're not surprised when a guy in his 40s does something really stupid. Yes, he used to be the sports car or the trophy wife. You know, that was kind of more common.

00;07;02;07 - 00;07;26;17
Stephen Beaumont
Now. There's a lot more choices so we can make, you know, a range of dumb decisions as men. And maybe that's a little bit hard, but look, it's probably now a fairly well established phenomena, that men and, you know, there's an equal discussion around women and what midlife crisis is for them. And it's talked about in different ways.

00;07;26;19 - 00;07;50;23
Stephen Beaumont
But, you know, like, like me, we do meet a lot of guys who just seem, you know, the wheels just off seem to have fallen off the bus. Yeah. And decisions that are made don't seem rational, that I don't seem responsible. They seem out of character. And so commonly caught up with or expressed with depression and anxiety.

00;07;50;23 - 00;08;16;28
Stephen Beaumont
So I say the sort of common attributes and that we see the what the heck? I think, you know, we can say that it is a thing that men in our culture, you know, within this time of history, have both, like, you know, that they have the means to make dumb decisions. Yeah. They often have the, you know, in their minds the rationale and, you know, the, United States.

00;08;16;28 - 00;08;38;19
Stephen Beaumont
So if I want to go out and buy a sports car, my 40 year old men have been working for 20 years. Probably can. Yeah, they're probably still young enough and attractive enough or, you know, whatever enough to go out and find another partner, start another family, change jobs, as you say, go overseas. So there's a lot of, agency.

00;08;38;19 - 00;09;06;25
Stephen Beaumont
There is capacity to do those things. And more and more it's become a little bit acceptable. And so they do it. Of course, psychologically, it's really comes down to what are we as men? What are we thinking about ourselves and our family? Where are our priorities? Where is our self-care? Where is our understanding? You know, where is our sense of identity and purpose?

00;09;06;27 - 00;09;35;10
Stephen Beaumont
And if all of that isn't, you know, solid, then it's very easy to allow, you know, bad behavior, I suppose, to express itself because, yeah, mid-life crisis decisions. What the heck? As you say, dumb decisions and often regret it later on in life, but men still make them. It's not all. There's some great, great guys, great dads, great males that don't do it.

00;09;35;12 - 00;09;52;23
Dave Quak 
There are. Yeah there are. And there. Yeah. And there are plenty of examples or so like you said in the female community. But with us guys okay. So you mentioned means and motive. You know there's, you know they got more didn't I never thought about about that. You know, in your 40s maybe you're starting to build a bit of wealth.

00;09;52;26 - 00;10;06;20
Dave Quak 
Maybe you still do have opportunity. You know, like you said, your looks are still hanging around. That seems to be there. Do you reckon there's anything as well about, like, social pressure in the workplace? Like a lot of guys in that.

00;10;06;23 - 00;10;07;03
Stephen Beaumont
Yeah.

00;10;07;03 - 00;10;19;05
Dave Quak 
Sphere. Yeah. They're not the boss and they're not the pleb. They're kind of like the middle guy. They're not the richest or the poorest, you know? Is there any frustration there or any correlation there?

00;10;19;08 - 00;10;46;18
Stephen Beaumont
One of the things that live stage theory talks about is in that, you know, the, the middle two stages of life and you move into all the adulthood, you have to sort of make a decision about, you know, what are you leaving behind because you're heading towards the peak of your career. And this is this generalization, of course, but, you know, working for 20 plus years, probably by then, if not close to the 30, you had some achievements.

00;10;46;18 - 00;11;17;12
Stephen Beaumont
You, you know, there's some runs on the board. You've you've made your way wherever you are career wise or professionally, that there are diminishing opportunities at the top. And yet there's also a on the flip side of that, you make the most money in the latter years of your life. So it's kind of this reverse thing that goes on that the walls seem to come in for some guys, and yet for others the walls open right up and they are, you know, the boss of the company.

00;11;17;12 - 00;11;39;08
Stephen Beaumont
They are the CEO. And for some of them, they can still have a midlife crisis too, because that success is not enough. But yeah. Okay. Stage theory talks about what are you going to do as you get into that. You know, the all the years of your life, are you going to be generous? Are you going to, you know, raise up a generation?

00;11;39;08 - 00;12;01;03
Stephen Beaumont
Are you going to train people on the are you going to give them opportunities, or are you going to become a grouchy old guy in the office who wants to hold what he has, wants to hold on to his position, his income, his identity? And and, you know, we all see examples of that. I had an uncle who died the week that he retired at 65.

00;12;01;06 - 00;12;24;20
Stephen Beaumont
And he was the most irritable, angry, you know, guy that I, that I knew in my childhood life. And so he worked so hard to preserve, to preserve his sense of success. I never got to enjoy it. And that's a kind of an extreme examples. But isn't this a lot of social pressures? Yeah. About it. You're in your late 40s.

00;12;24;20 - 00;12;52;08
Stephen Beaumont
You're in your 50s. You may have 1 or 2 career moves left in you. You're getting to the top of your game. Is it enough for you? Are you going to celebrate the success of that? You know, you use your experience to imagine even greater opportunity, and I need to be generous with others in the workplace, in your family, with that, are you going to share that experience?

00;12;52;15 - 00;13;17;17
Stephen Beaumont
Are you going to share that wealth, or are you going to cling on to it? And guys who cling on to that identity and aren't generous don't transition well. And so that's when they, you know, stagnate and, and emotionally or psychologically die. So when you get depressed, you get angry, you get frustrated, you take it out on people in the office, or you go and do dumb things.

00;13;17;20 - 00;13;20;00
Stephen Beaumont
Yeah. Nothing makes you happy anymore.

00;13;20;03 - 00;13;40;09
Dave Quak 
Yeah. And what's it like for the fallout of, you know, your loved ones and your workmates and stuff? Because I think when you're in. Well, this is what I seem to perceive is that people in that place can justify everything. And it's almost like none of the external consequences hold any weight. I mean, what's it really like, you coach a lot of families.

00;13;40;09 - 00;13;43;22
Dave Quak 
Like what's it really like for the families left behind when that happens?

00;13;43;25 - 00;14;11;14
Stephen Beaumont
Well, there's a lot of collateral damage. Huge amount of platter damage. You know, you know, wives having to explain to then to to their then teenager, you know, young adult children that, you know, after 30 years, dad's decided to go and get a trophy, go if that's what happens. And that's an extreme example. But as you mentioned before, there's a lot of workplace career moves that some older guys can make that just don't seem to make sense.

00;14;11;16 - 00;14;38;13
Stephen Beaumont
I was talking to, a lady yesterday who, is married to a workaholic, so. Been married now for 20 years. So he's very much into this midlife stage. And basically just doesn't want to be home. Yeah. Work has become so much his thing, even though I can't think of a single reason why he wouldn't want to be home.

00;14;38;16 - 00;15;06;22
Stephen Beaumont
Yeah, yeah, but he's not he's not managed that transition into his 40s. Well, so he's been so focused on the career. The family has become, you know, subordinate to all of that. Yeah. And he's had to not in the home. So yeah, the collateral damage is huge. You know, the. Yeah. The loneliness that's there and the disappointment, for those that have to, you know, watch dad do dumb things.

00;15;06;25 - 00;15;27;00
Stephen Beaumont
So. Yeah. And when it is often community, we feel that pain because we have those families with, with, you know, among us. Yeah. We often have to delicately, you know, dance around where where is your father? Where is your husband? Oh, I heard this, I heard that, yeah, it it's a sad part of church life, too.

00;15;27;03 - 00;15;41;06
Dave Quak 
It is a sad part, man, for anyone leading into that phase. Okay, so they're 30 and at the moment they're probably like, oh, way, man, there's no way I'll do that. You know what? What can I anticipate and how can they do it? Well.

00;15;41;09 - 00;16;11;26
Stephen Beaumont
Okay. Well I think they have to, acknowledge the fact that life may be good for them in their 30s, but things can shift almost. You know, we think about the, you know, the ruption, in, in personality and, and biological changes in adolescence. I mean, that's all pretty significant. And then we think everything times down after that, you know, once our brains form and we're all tentative, these, you know, mature young adults that we're going to be steady as she goes.

00;16;11;29 - 00;16;36;28
Stephen Beaumont
I think we just that we need to at least have within, you know, a Christian communities and open conversation that yeah, each phases of life there are different challenges. And you know, we we need to transition well from our 30s into our 40s or in our, you know, 50s into our 60s. And obviously, you know, these are not rigid numbers.

00;16;36;28 - 00;16;50;00
Stephen Beaumont
We all mature differently, but at least to have a conversation with our young adults to say, hey, you may not always think, you know, that life's going to be sweet. You can wake up one day and hate yourself.

00;16;50;02 - 00;16;50;22
Dave Quak 
Yeah.

00;16;50;25 - 00;17;09;19
Stephen Beaumont
You can wake up one day and feel so sad. You want to dig a hole and jump in it, and you go, where did that come from? Yeah. And that's the sort of thing we're talking about here. Davis. Adult males who aren't willing to acknowledge. I'm feeling depressed. I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling angry. I'm feeling sad. You know?

00;17;09;20 - 00;17;32;00
Stephen Beaumont
Is this actually about where my life is headed? And I'm not well prepared for it, and I don't know what's ahead of me, and I don't know how I'm going to manage this. I yeah, I think we just need to educate. And older men and young men need to hang out a lot more. Yeah. To share those stories and to share those experiences and insights.

00;17;32;02 - 00;17;52;15
Stephen Beaumont
Otherwise, we're quite allies, like the teenage boys. Think about it. When you're 14 and something happens to you biologically or emotionally, you know your heart gets broken or something happens and it's not. You can't go to mom and dad. Yeah, you got nobody to talk to. And yet they are the very people who can guide you through this.

00;17;52;17 - 00;18;02;17
Stephen Beaumont
Yeah, but we don't. We go and talk to our mate Jack. Yes. Six months older. Because that's right. And he's got a mustache and he's really mature and he knows.

00;18;02;19 - 00;18;06;20
Dave Quak 
Yeah, well, we jump online and see what TikTok has to say. You know.

00;18;06;23 - 00;18;18;08
Stephen Beaumont
All that. Yeah. We did the community, the church community. Yeah. I think it's it's a lot of it. We need to share each other's lives and to share these experiences.

00;18;18;10 - 00;18;34;23
Dave Quak 
Yeah. And and look, man, that's why I wanted to ask you to speak into this. To give some context to the listeners, when I was really doc. I mean, we've been in each other's lives probably ten years now, Stephen. But when I was doc, you know, 3 or 4 years ago, you kept catching up with me. You kept pushing me.

00;18;34;23 - 00;18;53;15
Dave Quak 
And the biggest thing you said to me was that, okay, right now, everything feels insane. There will be a day where it lifts. And in the moment I was like, oh man, I find that so hard to believe. Yeah, but I respect this guy and I know he's on to something. So man, hopefully that's true. And then it did happen.

00;18;53;17 - 00;19;06;21
Dave Quak 
Yeah. And then he like oh man. You know those chats are so vital. You know to be able to get in each other's corner because as soon I read a report this week, Steven that said 25% of Australian men have zero friends, zero no one to talk to.

00;19;06;27 - 00;19;07;28
Stephen Beaumont
Yep.

00;19;08;00 - 00;19;17;13
Dave Quak 
You know, yeah, it increases the likelihood of, early death by like 26%. You know, just lonely, not no camaraderie, man. It's a it's a it's a mistake.

00;19;17;16 - 00;19;24;10
Stephen Beaumont
You know, the health statistics are frightening. Yeah. Loneliness and isolation.

00;19;24;12 - 00;19;32;14
Dave Quak 
So, Stephen, for guys that are in the hole and want to move forward, what what's it like for them and what can they do?

00;19;32;16 - 00;20;04;16
Stephen Beaumont
Okay, I think firstly they need to be brave enough and courageous enough to actually act in ways that a bit like you, they've coming in. You done? You didn't believe what I said, but almost robotically. Just follow the advice of others who have been there. You know, the blind leading the blind, you know, take some steps of faith and really hold on to the fact that, you know, this will not last like you're saying it will not last.

00;20;04;19 - 00;20;18;05
Stephen Beaumont
And how you you manage that is going to be different, different personalities. Yeah. It almost becomes a stage of life where discipline needs to kick in.

00;20;18;07 - 00;20;18;24
Dave Quak 
Okay.

00;20;18;27 - 00;20;47;28
Stephen Beaumont
And to, to develop really good self-talk around today. You know I'm a two out of ten. I feel like crap. I'll probably feel like crap for the rest of the day. Tomorrow is a new day. So you know holding on to any glimmer of hope and then also to make sure that the, the, you know, the ruminations and the, you know, the self-talk doesn't add and spiral and keep you stuck in the hole.

00;20;48;01 - 00;21;23;21
Stephen Beaumont
You know, I often say to guys that, you know, try and externalize and, you know, when we talk about depression, you know, we love that metaphor. The image of the black dog. Yeah. You know, let's talk let's call depression a name. Well, a midlife crisis. You know, when you're going through a, a season or a period in your life that, you know, could be this and it's going on for an awful long time, then find a way of externalizing or, or or be attracted to a fine people who, you know, have probably been through this, you know, get some kind of buddy system.

00;21;23;25 - 00;21;28;11
Stephen Beaumont
And you know what it's like, Dave, when we got together, I didn't try and fix, you.

00;21;28;14 - 00;21;29;20
Dave Quak 
Know.

00;21;29;23 - 00;21;32;29
Stephen Beaumont
I just was just willing to sit with you and get.

00;21;33;01 - 00;21;54;27
Dave Quak 
This is awful. Yeah. I remember one of our lunches, one of our lunches. We literally just talked about whatever. And there was maybe 1 or 2 lines of depth and it was the same thing. This sucks, but you'll get through it. And then, you know, you didn't sit there for an hour counseling me. A lot of it was also the camaraderie and pitching up, you know?

00;21;55;00 - 00;22;23;10
Stephen Beaumont
And I guess we find that, you know, people working through this midlife crisis, it takes time, you know, six counseling sessions of probably not going to shift. Yeah, a lot. And there's a lot of contextual stuff going on. The guys have to sort through, you know, they're probably are making major career decisions, big financial decisions, parenting responsibilities if they have kids are really high relational stuff.

00;22;23;12 - 00;22;25;26
Stephen Beaumont
And none of that stuff is a quick fix.

00;22;25;29 - 00;22;28;05
Dave Quak 
Yeah.

00;22;28;08 - 00;22;52;24
Stephen Beaumont
Helping guys be patient through that, supporting them through that. If you're in it yourself, you know, and it might seem like it's impossible. But a bit of self-compassion and yeah, and even a way of actually just holding on to a humorous element of this. Yeah. Just to own it. Yeah. Not not like not feed it and buy into it.

00;22;52;27 - 00;23;12;23
Stephen Beaumont
But if you try and make it go away, this is exactly what happens. I'm going to get rid of all these horrible feelings by hooking up with a girl in my office. Yeah. You know, I'm a bit over a bit over her at home. I need a new car. I need this a that's the worst thing you can do.

00;23;12;25 - 00;23;33;26
Dave Quak 
Yeah, yeah. And I really hope people are hearing that. I had a mate who had an affair, and he said the second he was finished having sex, the weight of the world crushed in on him. He was like all that he'd been dreaming about and everything that he'd fit. It was over. And then it was just hard.

00;23;33;29 - 00;23;37;14
Dave Quak 
It didn't even. It wasn't even five minutes of bliss. It was horrid.

00;23;37;14 - 00;23;41;02
Stephen Beaumont
Instantly, like I said, no cigaret at the end.

00;23;41;09 - 00;23;59;10
Dave Quak 
No cigaret at the end. Just complete despair. Got out of there and just hated himself. Yeah, you know, so it's not worth it. Like even if you think it is. And talk to another guy who did that, moved in with the family ten years later, was in exactly the same headspace where it's like it was it wasn't a midlife crisis.

00;23;59;10 - 00;24;04;05
Dave Quak 
He was older, but the same. The same feelings, the same patterns. Everything just came back.

00;24;04;12 - 00;24;32;26
Stephen Beaumont
Yep. Yeah. Wow. So we we need to be able to transition through this period as best as we can. Yeah. So muscles up to transition in the next life. Challenges which will be different. Yeah. And if we've developed resiliency and you know from the Christian perspective, if we've continued to mature in our faith. Yeah, responsibly and ethically, as hard as it is the chances are that we will do it again.

00;24;32;28 - 00;24;43;24
Stephen Beaumont
Yeah. Different stages that, you know, you've got the midlife stage and then you got, yeah. You know, your older age stage which is different. You know again. Yeah. You still the same person.

00;24;43;27 - 00;24;44;25
Dave Quak 
Yeah.

00;24;44;27 - 00;24;48;07
Stephen Beaumont
So how did you get to the 20s. How did you get through your 30s?

00;24;48;10 - 00;24;55;08
Dave Quak 
Yeah. Different challenges. Hey. So Stephen, you're like in your 50s now. Differences season. You're playing with the grandkids and.

00;24;55;09 - 00;24;56;27
Stephen Beaumont
Hey. Yeah. Late 50s.

00;24;57;02 - 00;24;58;26
Dave Quak 
Late 50s, what? 5758.

00;24;59;01 - 00;25;00;22
Stephen Beaumont
59 Dave.

00;25;00;24 - 00;25;02;15
Dave Quak 
59 well, you look great.

00;25;02;17 - 00;25;03;20
Stephen Beaumont
A sprightly young man.

00;25;03;20 - 00;25;17;15
Dave Quak 
Yeah, you are, but you're seasoned at the moment. You're doing a lot of playing in the pool with the grandkids, but you're also professionally doing really well. Great marriage, bit of travel, all of that sort of thing. Okay. So looking back on your 40s.

00;25;17;20 - 00;25;18;07
Stephen Beaumont
Yeah.

00;25;18;10 - 00;25;26;27
Dave Quak 
What do you like? Could you believe 40 year old Stephen? We like Steve. And what were you thinking? Or do you look back? What's it like to look back on this face?

00;25;27;00 - 00;25;51;23
Stephen Beaumont
You know, if I think about my early 40s, they. I did have some what felt at the time, some, strong personal opposition within the context that I was working. So there was a period where things weren't great for me. Yeah, in my early 40s. And it was back then is when I started thinking about this. Am I just going through a crisis?

00;25;51;25 - 00;26;20;10
Stephen Beaumont
You know, is this real, or is there actually something wrong with me biologically? Do I have cancer, you know, and depressed? Do I have, you know, is my stomach telling me, you know, I've got something wrong? So the stress was enormous for a couple of years. But I was able to I probably because I was well connected within community, strong life group, good friendships, and avoided making dumb decisions.

00;26;20;12 - 00;26;34;25
Stephen Beaumont
Yeah. At the time, that's probably why I can so freely look back on it, because I could have easily been a statistic like anybody else. And, you know. But for the grace of God. Yes. Yeah. But actually, to the credit of community.

00;26;34;27 - 00;26;35;28
Dave Quak 
Yeah.

00;26;36;01 - 00;26;56;08
Stephen Beaumont
Of not wanting to isolate, of doing the things that I'll tell anybody else to do, keep doing the things that you used to enjoy, even if you don't enjoy them. Yeah. That's good going fishing. Keep playing golf. Keep going out with your friends because a lot of guys start dropping that stuff. And what it does is it further isolates them.

00;26;56;15 - 00;27;14;21
Stephen Beaumont
I used to love golf. I don't do it anymore, so I don't go. But golf was really about catching up with, you know, two mates and really not worrying about, you know, hitting that ball around the field. So in mid-life crisis, we tend to just stop doing the things that used to give us enjoyment. Yeah. Hold on to that stuff.

00;27;14;23 - 00;27;15;21
Dave Quak 
Okay. That's a good point.

00;27;15;21 - 00;27;40;29
Stephen Beaumont
Hobbies going. Keep the connections going even if they're not giving you satisfaction. It's good. When I look back in my 40s, I think, okay, I'm glad I didn't drop the friendships. I'm glad I didn't, you know, leave church, stop doing the things that. And even though I didn't enjoy some things for some time, hung in there, kept going, and I kind of just one day you get up and you go, I'm really pumped about this.

00;27;41;01 - 00;27;44;03
Stephen Beaumont
Yeah. And the joy comes back. Yes.

00;27;44;05 - 00;27;46;21
Dave Quak 
That's what I found. It is that when it lifted.

00;27;46;24 - 00;27;48;15
Stephen Beaumont
It lifted it does.

00;27;48;17 - 00;28;10;25
Dave Quak 
It was like day and night for anyone out there who's in it. You got this Stevens testimony that you can get through it. I am too, and we all know people. Even though I started with a bit of a sorry list, we we all know people who have also succeeded and still have good marriages and are still enjoying, you know, great times with their wife and family.

00;28;10;25 - 00;28;12;04
Dave Quak 
And things are good too.

00;28;12;06 - 00;28;13;29
Stephen Beaumont
Yeah, absolutely.

00;28;14;01 - 00;28;18;05
Dave Quak 
Any other thoughts? Doctor, doctor Bowman.

00;28;18;08 - 00;28;46;20
Stephen Beaumont
Oh, gee, I'm not sure. Dave. Any other final thoughts for the day? Yeah. The if you're going through it, just flip and be kind to yourself. Yeah. They be willing enough to tell somebody else how you feel. Like you probably don't need professional help or you don't need, you know, deliverance sessions from the past. But you probably do need lots of coffees.

00;28;46;22 - 00;28;48;00
Dave Quak 
Yeah. With your mates.

00;28;48;02 - 00;29;09;24
Stephen Beaumont
With. Yeah. And with people that, you know, you don't have to prove anything to, that you can just be there. Yeah. And and get supported that way, and just hope for better days because sure as heck they will come. So don't sell those golf clubs. Don't sell. You know, your classic cars. Yeah. Or whatever that is.

00;29;09;24 - 00;29;11;27
Stephen Beaumont
This told them that stuff is you kind.

00;29;11;27 - 00;29;31;23
Dave Quak 
Of love them in. Steven. It's been a pleasure chatting to you. It would have been really hard to, for your wife to pick if you had a midlife crisis, considering you've had about 2000 cars, many sports cars in the process. I usually end our chats by asking our guests to pray for the listeners. Could you do that for us today, bro?

00;29;31;24 - 00;30;03;05
Stephen Beaumont
Absolutely. Thanks, mate. Sure. Father. God, I do pray for any listener, Lord God, who for whatever reason is just feeling that this message is for them. This chat really describes the way that they feel and what they are experiencing at this time in their life, although I don't know them, who they are. You do. And so, Lord, I just pray that they will find an opportunity to get support, get help, and stay faithful and continue to walk with you.

00;30;03;08 - 00;30;06;10
Stephen Beaumont
I ask in Jesus name.

00;30;06;12 - 00;30;26;20
Dave Quak 
Once again, thank you for tuning in to Sunburnt Souls. If you want to subscribe to our podcast, that would be awesome. You can do so on Spotify or any of the major podcasts providers. Additionally, we're starting to release some episodes on YouTube too, and you can check out some Burnt Souls on our Facebook page. Thanks so much for your support and may God bless you this week.