Exploring OCD, Anxiety, and Creative Brilliance with Taneesha Luv!

00;00;01;03 - 00;00;22;25
Dave Quak
Welcome to Sunburnt Souls. This is a bit of a special week for us because we've also launched our YouTube channel, which will have most of the videos in video and audio form. But if you're an audio listener like you probably are. Now, since you're listening, it'll still be uploaded every Monday morning on Spotify and Apple and all of the other major podcast providers.

00;00;22;27 - 00;00;35;24
Dave Quak
So thanks for your support so far and enjoy the episode. All right. Well, all silliness is about to prevail because I am here with one of my favorite humans on the entire planet. Taneesha, how are you?

00;00;35;28 - 00;00;36;24
Taneesha Luv
I'm good. Thank you.

00;00;36;25 - 00;00;54;13
Dave Quak
Good, good. Good to make sure you used to be Taneesha. Great. But now she's Taneesha love, which is such a, like, like, amazing name. But it's not love like L-o-v-e. It's like love. But with all these little, like flies flying around the letters, what are those things called and why is it called?

00;00;54;13 - 00;00;59;05
Taneesha Luv
I have no idea what they're called. And they're not technically part of my name.

00;00;59;07 - 00;00;59;28
Dave Quak
Why are they there?

00;01;00;14 - 00;01;04;18
Taneesha Luv
Because Facebook doesn't recognize love as a normal last name.

00;01;04;21 - 00;01;09;10
Dave Quak
And so it just adds the I think they're called circumflex. I know, that's weird.

00;01;09;10 - 00;01;17;00
Taneesha Luv
I don't really know. But to change my name, I have to use those. Otherwise I was like a fraud or something, right? Yeah, I'm really weird.

00;01;17;02 - 00;01;19;05
Dave Quak
That is weird. Facebook does a lot of weird things.

00;01;19;08 - 00;01;19;29
Taneesha Luv
Yes.

00;01;20;20 - 00;01;30;14
Dave Quak
What's been going on? What do you do? You used to be a chippy for our international friends who don't know what a chip is. That is a carbon. Hey, so straight out of the school, was that when you started your apprenticeship?

00;01;31;01 - 00;01;57;02
Taneesha Luv
No, I firstly, out of school, I went and studied criminology for a semester. Yeah. And then stopped that pretty quickly. Realized I wanted to do something more hands on. Yeah. So I left that and then just worked for a bit, saved up, and then did, certificate in construction. Yeah. So I could test the waters, see what I liked, what I didn't like, found out I really loved carpentry.

00;01;57;08 - 00;01;59;24
Taneesha Luv
And then I started my apprenticeship.

00;01;59;26 - 00;02;06;25
Dave Quak
Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Did you apprenticeship? That was during the years we met you. And then you finished your apprenticeship. And now.

00;02;07;07 - 00;02;12;09
Taneesha Luv
Now I'm studying a bachelor of occupational therapy. Yeah. No. So I'm in my third year. Got one more year left.

00;02;12;10 - 00;02;15;15
Dave Quak
That's a hard degree. Yeah. Are you getting good marks?

00;02;15;18 - 00;02;15;29
Taneesha Luv
Yes.

00;02;15;29 - 00;02;21;00
Dave Quak
So you're one of those surprise packages who can build a house and also do exams about the body?

00;02;21;06 - 00;02;22;00
Taneesha Luv
Yeah, somehow.

00;02;22;03 - 00;02;28;29
Dave Quak
Not everyone can do that. Taneesha. Circle your name? Taneesha. It's not your usual. What girl? Beenleigh.

00;02;28;29 - 00;02;32;20
Taneesha Luv
Name is it? Oh, no.

00;02;32;23 - 00;02;34;10
Dave Quak
Okay, so where does she come from?

00;02;34;15 - 00;02;36;28
Taneesha Luv
Oh, my mum thought she made it up, right?

00;02;36;28 - 00;02;38;20
Dave Quak
She did. She actually thought she made it up.

00;02;38;21 - 00;02;39;10
Taneesha Luv
She did?

00;02;39;10 - 00;02;40;05
Dave Quak
Yeah. She's so cute.

00;02;40;06 - 00;02;42;03
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. I mean the spelling.

00;02;42;09 - 00;02;44;02
Dave Quak
That it wasn't made up.

00;02;44;09 - 00;02;56;08
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. Well I guess like, eventually I met a few two nations, but they're all spelt differently. Okay. So man's unique in that way, I guess. Yeah, but it means born on a Monday and I was born on a Monday.

00;02;56;12 - 00;02;57;06
Dave Quak
Okay.

00;02;57;08 - 00;02;59;09
Taneesha Luv
See, she didn't know that beforehand, so. Oh.

00;02;59;09 - 00;02;59;23
Dave Quak
That's cool.

00;02;59;23 - 00;03;00;25
Taneesha Luv
Yeah.

00;03;00;27 - 00;03;02;12
Dave Quak
I guess it's got significance.

00;03;02;13 - 00;03;03;15
Taneesha Luv
Kind of.

00;03;03;17 - 00;03;11;27
Dave Quak
In Asia. Tunisia. Now you're a Christian. Is that true? How did you meet Jesus? Oh I know related.

00;03;11;28 - 00;03;12;13
Taneesha Luv
Question.

00;03;12;15 - 00;03;22;18
Dave Quak
I know right. There's a lot in there. Oh well okay. But just for a bit of context. Yeah. What was it like the first time we met you? When it came to church? What, what what was that like for you?

00;03;24;04 - 00;03;43;02
Taneesha Luv
I had just moved to Tucson, from Beenleigh, and I knew no one except for my boss, who I was living with at the time, and his girlfriend, and I figured the people at church are friendly, mostly.

00;03;43;02 - 00;03;43;29
Dave Quak
What's that, a good recording?

00;03;44;02 - 00;04;11;06
Taneesha Luv
Yeah, true. It did. So I thought that was kind of my best bet. Making friends and having a bit of community. So I just searched churches in church again and rocked up, drunk. Yeah. Because I was at a point where, that was just kind of my daily, and yeah, I met you guys and.

00;04;11;08 - 00;04;14;20
Taneesha Luv
Yeah, I hope they happen, but, Yeah, let's do it.

00;04;14;20 - 00;04;22;03
Dave Quak
Remember that time you were drunk? I'm happy for that. Because if that's what it takes for people to step into the doors of a church. Do you know what I mean? Like you were in a place where you needed that.

00;04;22;07 - 00;04;22;26
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. What was.

00;04;22;26 - 00;04;25;11
Dave Quak
That place like for you to.

00;04;26;24 - 00;04;56;19
Taneesha Luv
I guess, I was carrying a lot of shame, and I just didn't really know my identity. And I was just sat, like, just down, sad, anxious. Just really struggling and kind of, like, drinking was my way of two things. It somehow made me feel, but then also numb to parts that I needed to be not.

00;04;56;22 - 00;05;35;21
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. So yeah, I was just doing that to kind of get by, get through, the weekends. And I guess, yeah, when I rocked up to church, intoxicated on numerous counts. That was because I felt like I, I couldn't enter the way that I was, like, I was wrong or dirty or, like, I don't know, it just bad.

00;05;35;23 - 00;05;42;25
Taneesha Luv
So that was kind of my way of, well, I don't feel like I can enter as myself. Yeah. So I'll enter as an altered self.

00;05;42;28 - 00;05;46;02
Dave Quak
Okay. Yeah. What was wrong with your self self?

00;05;48;04 - 00;06;12;02
Taneesha Luv
I think just like the way that I was living, I knew wasn't a great way of living. But then I was also just questioning a lot of stuff about myself. And so I wasn't standing in any place of knowing who I was. But I think the doubt about who I was was creating a bit of fear inside of me.

00;06;13;26 - 00;06;19;03
Taneesha Luv
And I wasn't yet ready to kind of reveal that to myself or others. Okay. Yeah.

00;06;19;10 - 00;06;24;14
Dave Quak
What were you scared of? Like what? What? Yeah. What was your hesitation?

00;06;25;07 - 00;07;02;06
Taneesha Luv
I think, at the, at that point of time, I had already experienced, like, a bit of, like, sexual trauma. So I think that kind of made me question a bit about my sexuality. Yeah. And then just. I didn't really want to live, so it's kind of like, I just wasn't sure about my place in the world as well, where I was like, well, I don't really want to be here.

00;07;02;06 - 00;07;25;15
Taneesha Luv
I don't feel like I have a purpose. Every day was a struggle, and I felt like every day was kind of getting worse. So yeah, I guess that was drinking was my escape from the reality inside of my head. But I soon realized that it doesn't actually escape. That kind of makes it worse. Yeah.

00;07;25;17 - 00;07;28;02
Dave Quak
Like a band aid or a mask or.

00;07;28;04 - 00;07;51;21
Taneesha Luv
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess I felt like I held up a mask for a really long time. Yeah. But then I guess in hindsight, it in doing that, it actually made life of it more difficult. And now I've got more three more things to work through than I did before. Yeah.

00;07;51;24 - 00;08;04;14
Dave Quak
I mean then sexual trauma is such a heavy topic. People don't speak about it that much. In the church as well. When that happened to you, what does that do to a young woman in their mind? Or like what happens?

00;08;05;04 - 00;08;35;02
Taneesha Luv
I think I because, like, stuff happened a few times. I started to question if I was the problem. Whereas at the beginning I was like, oh, well, it's, it's men. Like, that's they're the evil one. But then, I guess the more it happened, the more I questioned, well, what am I doing? Am I the reason this is happening?

00;08;35;04 - 00;09;00;09
Taneesha Luv
So I kind of question myself in that regard. And, yeah, I guess I just felt like it lowered my sense of worth and, like, Threshold of Love. Yeah, I guess, like, it just skewed my version of what, what love I could deserve.

00;09;00;11 - 00;09;12;12
Dave Quak
Okay. Which is really heavy because, I mean, you've come a long way, and we've seen breakthrough and everything in your life, and we'll talk about that. But when you're in the midst of it, will you like questioning God as well and all that?

00;09;14;16 - 00;09;44;11
Taneesha Luv
I think yes. Yeah. It's, it's kind of a bit like messy because I grew up in a Christian home. And like I went to church every Sunday. Did that whole Shazam! And I got baptized when I was about 14 or 15. Yeah. But. I did that out of not the right place.

00;09;44;16 - 00;09;53;17
Taneesha Luv
Okay. I was and still quite the people pleaser. And I just thought that was what the church wanted.

00;09;53;20 - 00;09;58;00
Dave Quak
So you got baptized to please by the pastors or something? Or your parents?

00;09;58;00 - 00;10;20;19
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. Like not. I don't think, like, consciously. That's what I was doing, but, I guess I, I thought that what the church wants is growth, and they want to see the young people coming up and like, sharing their testimony and bringing their friends into the church and everything. So I kind of, like, followed that routine. Yeah.

00;10;22;08 - 00;10;48;05
Taneesha Luv
Without really actually having a relationship with God, like, I don't think I was actually praying to God, you know? Like, it it was skewed. It wasn't quite right. And then even in the way that I like, shared my testimony on the day I, I remember writing it in a way to evoke tears. Okay. Like, it was, it was manipulative.

00;10;48;09 - 00;11;26;21
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. So it wasn't from a place of authenticity. I don't think, so that kind of happened. And then I, not too long after that, really fell into a pit of deep depression. Okay. And I, I felt like God had betrayed me, and, so because of that, I jumped to the extreme and thought maybe the devil could be my friend.

00;11;26;24 - 00;11;58;02
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. So I, I, I prayed that the devil would, if he would be my friend, then I would be his. Yeah. And then after that, I kind of really struggled to step foot in. Judge. Yeah. And that's, that's kind of when things went haywire. But I guess the reason I'm bringing that up is because like sexual trauma and stuff happened like back then, but then also after I refound God and.

00;11;58;05 - 00;11;59;07
Dave Quak
It still kept happening.

00;11;59;07 - 00;12;08;01
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. So yeah, like, I guess I was angry at God then. But it was a different kind of anger.

00;12;08;23 - 00;12;16;17
Dave Quak
We was it because you were expecting, like, okay, I'm a Christian now. I'll be protected or this stuff doesn't happen to me anymore or something else.

00;12;17;09 - 00;12;32;18
Taneesha Luv
I think, I was angry in the way that, I guess I felt more.

00;12;32;21 - 00;12;50;01
Taneesha Luv
I was angry at God for letting men do that. And, Christian men. Yeah. So I think that really hurt me. And I was angry at God about that. Yeah. Yeah.

00;12;50;03 - 00;13;00;18
Dave Quak
Understandably. And especially because God reveals himself as father Heaps in the Bible. Did that skewed as well? Like that's associating God with masculinity?

00;13;00;21 - 00;13;15;20
Taneesha Luv
Yeah, I think it it just skewed my whole vision of, like what a, what love is. Yeah. Really thought that was the biggest thing. Was it skewed my version of love. Yeah.

00;13;15;22 - 00;13;19;21
Dave Quak
And you said you fell into depression. So what did that kind of look like for you?

00;13;20;08 - 00;13;45;14
Taneesha Luv
That looked like self-harm. Yeah, a lot of it. And, like suicidal ideation. Yeah. Just isolating myself. I was, in a, elite training team for karate, and I like, just started sort of dwindling away from that. Just the typical symptoms of depression. Really? Yeah.

00;13;45;17 - 00;13;49;13
Dave Quak
Oh, it's heavy and especially self-harm. So you actually did take a knife to yourself or something or.

00;13;49;15 - 00;13;51;14
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

00;13;51;16 - 00;14;00;02
Dave Quak
What was the desire or I guess what. Why self-harm for people who've never understood it. Like why do it.

00;14;00;18 - 00;14;27;22
Taneesha Luv
That's a hard question to answer. I guess for, for myself it was to check that I can still feel stuff. Yeah. I felt so numb and like I'd put up so many walls that I just didn't even think I was like, capable of human emotions anymore. So that was kind of my way of testing, like, hey, can you still feel.

00;14;27;25 - 00;14;38;26
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. And then it was just, it's a it was a strange sense of euphoria afterwards, but then followed straightaway by regret.

00;14;38;28 - 00;14;47;02
Dave Quak
Yeah. Someone else I spoke to about it said the second thing as well, that there was some sort of, like, release in the pain. That felt good. Temporarily.

00;14;47;02 - 00;14;47;15
Taneesha Luv
Yeah.

00;14;47;15 - 00;14;51;20
Dave Quak
And then it was just back. Back to the. Yeah. The regret and the brokenness.

00;14;51;20 - 00;14;52;13
Taneesha Luv
Yeah.

00;14;52;16 - 00;14;55;14
Dave Quak
Will you like medicated or anything during that time?

00;14;55;16 - 00;15;05;12
Taneesha Luv
I don't not when it first began. Yeah. But I think I was at some point. Yeah.

00;15;05;14 - 00;15;14;06
Dave Quak
So you're quite young then. And so, you know, you've had quite the journey with some mental ill health. What's it been like since then?

00;15;15;16 - 00;15;21;11
Taneesha Luv
I've. Hundred percent got anxiety. Okay. I think.

00;15;21;11 - 00;15;22;08
Dave Quak
Really. Anxiety.

00;15;22;08 - 00;15;22;15
Taneesha Luv
Yeah.

00;15;22;15 - 00;15;23;11
Dave Quak
Social anxiety.

00;15;23;12 - 00;15;44;08
Taneesha Luv
Like mum said. Basically I came out of the womb anxious. Yeah. And that's never really changed. That's always been something that I've experienced. And but when I was younger, like as a kid, we didn't really have language to put to it. Yeah. So I just thought I was nervous and shy. Yeah. But yeah, I've got, anxiety.

00;15;44;10 - 00;16;04;08
Taneesha Luv
I have, OCD, so obsessive obsessive compulsive disorder, and I experienced bouts of depression. I don't want to say that I have depressive disorder. I'm kind of at a point where I don't think that's actually the case. I just think I experienced depression. Yeah. Okay. Sometimes.

00;16;04;10 - 00;16;11;04
Dave Quak
Yep. So for you, it's more the anxiety and the OCD. Yeah. Are you on any, kind of SSRI for the anxiety?

00;16;11;09 - 00;16;24;10
Taneesha Luv
No, not at the moment. So I was on fluoxetine, okay. For about four years. And I is on my way off it. And I came off the beginning of this year.

00;16;24;13 - 00;16;24;25
Dave Quak
Oh, well, to.

00;16;24;25 - 00;16;26;20
Taneesha Luv
Say I'm not currently on.

00;16;26;20 - 00;16;33;16
Dave Quak
Anything. Oh. How's it going? What about OCD? What does that look like for you?

00;16;35;15 - 00;16;51;02
Taneesha Luv
It looks like many things. It's. It kind of changes over time. One of the tell titles for myself is like PowerPoints, which is people make jokes about that. You've actually got one of them over there fing buying it off. Yeah, it's underneath the table.

00;16;51;07 - 00;16;52;28
Dave Quak
It's on, but it's got nothing plugged in.

00;16;52;28 - 00;16;54;11
Taneesha Luv
No, nothing plugged into it. That's been a.

00;16;54;11 - 00;16;55;11
Dave Quak
Thing for a while for you.

00;16;55;13 - 00;16;56;01
Taneesha Luv
Yeah.

00;16;56;03 - 00;17;01;15
Dave Quak
See, I can remember years ago making a joke about it with you, but it's actually now that I know it's a CD thing, it's not funny.

00;17;01;18 - 00;17;22;07
Taneesha Luv
No it's not. And like, that's the thing is, a lot of people, there's a misconception about OCD. Yeah. And people view it as like, cleanliness or just like a preference for order. But it's so much deeper than that, and it's really debilitating. So I get kind of frustrated when people are like, oh, I'm so OCD.

00;17;22;10 - 00;17;26;21
Dave Quak
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. When it's like the catch phrase or I wish my wife was OCD about cleaning.

00;17;26;21 - 00;17;31;27
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. Bro, you don't wish that. No. Like it's it.

00;17;31;29 - 00;17;33;21
Dave Quak
It's horrible. So it does consume you.

00;17;33;21 - 00;17;34;18
Taneesha Luv
Like it consumes.

00;17;34;18 - 00;17;36;05
Dave Quak
Me. In what sort of form?

00;17;37;04 - 00;17;59;17
Taneesha Luv
Like ritualistic things that I have to do or I feel like my whole day or week could be absolutely wrecked. Yeah. I do have, like, the clean cleanliness side of things as well, where, like, certain textures on my hands, can, like, freak me out, and I need to wash a certain amount of times or.

00;17;59;17 - 00;18;10;05
Taneesha Luv
Yeah, stuff like that. But then also just like a need for order and structure and any deviation from that just wrecks me.

00;18;10;08 - 00;18;10;29
Dave Quak
Okay.

00;18;11;01 - 00;18;12;16
Taneesha Luv
Yeah.

00;18;12;19 - 00;18;20;19
Dave Quak
It is debilitating because okay, so a texture thing with your hands, is that something that most people would come into contact with most days.

00;18;20;22 - 00;18;22;21
Taneesha Luv
Yeah, yeah.

00;18;22;23 - 00;18;42;28
Dave Quak
So imagine most days something is on you that irritates you. Like I think sometimes with mental ill health, we don't people who don't experience it, God bless them. And I thank God for them because I don't want to wish my things upon anyone else. Yeah, but the idea of having something every single day that you have to, of ritualistic do is terrible.

00;18;43;00 - 00;18;52;18
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. And, it's really isolating as well. So like, I was dealing with it. Okay. Before I came off my medication.

00;18;52;21 - 00;18;53;26
Dave Quak
Okay.

00;18;55;08 - 00;19;18;04
Taneesha Luv
But the reason I came off was, I've got other health things going on, and I just wanted to have a clean slate, have a clean body without chemicals going into it. And then to figure out from there what I actually need, what my actual diagnoses are. Yeah. Which I'm still, like a bit up in the air about, there's a lot of crossover with things.

00;19;19;18 - 00;19;46;16
Taneesha Luv
So. Yeah, that's why I came off. But then I was fine for the first two weeks of coming off and I thought, whew, I'm doing great. And then everything came crashing down and the OCD just exacerbated, really. It was really bad. To the point where I was having to miss days of work. And I was really struggling to go to uni at the time as well.

00;19;46;19 - 00;20;17;02
Taneesha Luv
Well, and in my job, I'm just working in a warehouse with, like, motorbike parts. So it's quite dirty. Yeah. And I used to be able to handle it really fine. And then I rocked up one day, and I couldn't, I the first thing I touched a little bit, got on my hands, and I was frozen, and basically had to, like, get picked up and plonked in front of my manager, and, like, explained what was going on.

00;20;17;05 - 00;20;45;09
Taneesha Luv
And then from then I just had to wear gloves all the time. Yeah. So, like, I make do and I get through life and I alter things and I guess, like, that's part of the art brain that comes into it as well. Like, I come up with ways that I can navigate life with these mental illnesses, but it is still isolating and it is still like you feel segregated from the rest of the world.

00;20;45;09 - 00;21;03;20
Taneesha Luv
Like I was the only one wearing gloves at work, and every second person would come up and they're like, what's with the gloves? Yeah, like, why are you wearing gloves? And they came from a good place. Yeah. But, every time I had to choose, I'm like, I'm not going to lie to this person because I can't be bothered, like explaining my situation.

00;21;03;20 - 00;21;28;21
Taneesha Luv
And also it's really vulnerable. Or do I just straight up say like, I've got OCD and I'm really struggling with it. And I think I yeah, struggle with balancing that line, of oversharing, being vulnerable because in the past that hurt me as well. Okay. So I'm kind of yeah, being vulnerable and like sharing. So I guess like.

00;21;28;21 - 00;21;30;18
Dave Quak
Yeah. Has it hurt you?

00;21;32;04 - 00;21;41;09
Taneesha Luv
Just in like, people knowing my business and using that against me in a way.

00;21;41;11 - 00;21;48;01
Dave Quak
Well, so like knowing that the mental illnesses are there and, like what, like gaslighting you with triggers or what sort of thing.

00;21;48;04 - 00;21;56;22
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. And just like, exposing my stuff to others. Yeah. Without like when they have no place to do that. Yeah.

00;21;56;29 - 00;22;08;26
Dave Quak
It is strange I've found in the, in the world where someone finds out someone's got something going on and can't wait to tell somebody else like, oh did you know that they're anxious. So you know, look at it.

00;22;08;28 - 00;22;09;26
Taneesha Luv
Oh man. Yeah.

00;22;10;02 - 00;22;24;16
Dave Quak
You know the weirdest one is when Christians and I'm a Christian, so I can become Christians have like a prayer chain or a prayer kind of board, but it's more of a gossip board, do you know? You know what I mean? Like that idea that, you know, well, let's pray for them.

00;22;24;16 - 00;22;25;00
Taneesha Luv
They trying to.

00;22;25;01 - 00;22;29;20
Dave Quak
Get pregnant or something and yeah, I don't know. I don't want to be too hard on people, but.

00;22;29;23 - 00;22;30;10
Taneesha Luv


00;22;30;13 - 00;22;50;22
Dave Quak
I think there's a lot of like bad practices when it comes to understanding mental illness. Like the like. Okay. So imagine, okay, in your situation at work, if somebody rolled up in a wheelchair and then everyone continually came up to them, oh what's with the wheelchair. You'd be like that's just not appropriate. Like stop asking me about the wheelchair.

00;22;50;27 - 00;22;57;14
Dave Quak
Yeah. But because it's a mental thing and it's you know people just seem to have more liberty to come and ask and stuff.

00;22;58;13 - 00;23;00;03
Taneesha Luv
Weird right. Yeah.

00;23;00;06 - 00;23;00;18
Dave Quak
I find it.

00;23;00;18 - 00;23;01;28
Taneesha Luv
Weird. Yeah. I found that.

00;23;01;29 - 00;23;15;21
Dave Quak
So okay. So when you mentioned before that when you went back to work, the OCD was exacerbated. When OCD is exacerbated, does it mean the same things get more intense or more things get added?

00;23;16;11 - 00;23;21;23
Taneesha Luv
It's different from person to person. Okay. For myself, it was both.

00;23;21;26 - 00;23;25;03
Dave Quak
All right, so more things and worse things. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

00;23;25;05 - 00;23;54;27
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. So it got to a point, where, like, the slightest touch of my skin actually felt painful. Wow. So I don't I don't actually know if that second OCD thing or if that's a sensory something else. But yeah, it got to that point where, like, just the slightest touch, my skin felt painful. And yeah, I was just, like, so stuck in, I need to do my day like this.

00;23;54;27 - 00;24;00;07
Taneesha Luv
And if anyone comes in my way, they're wrecking it. Yeah. Yeah.

00;24;00;14 - 00;24;04;15
Dave Quak
Which then I imagine some of your loved ones have copped an unfair lashing.

00;24;04;17 - 00;24;07;19
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. It happens. Yeah.

00;24;07;21 - 00;24;13;15
Dave Quak
Because they will say things that we don't want to hear or whatever. And you just got your guard down when you're with loved ones a bit more.

00;24;13;16 - 00;24;49;16
Taneesha Luv
Yeah, yeah, yeah I really, I feel for my husband. Because they really do get the worst of us. Yeah. And I think like that's one of my most hated things about mental ill health is how it impacts relationships. And how you love all this. Yeah. And it's just like so many of the traits that I have because of my mental illnesses are just horrible traits.

00;24;49;20 - 00;25;05;07
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. And to to act on those traits and to like I just it's just not good. It's not a loving way of like being in relationship with people, you know.

00;25;05;10 - 00;25;27;25
Dave Quak
And the whole thing is when it's an illness and you literally can't help it, it feels like such a stuck place to be. You know, like, I get that there's people who maybe take advantage of mental illness as a license to act like jerks. But most of us, I would say, don't and would flick a switch to turn it off if possible and aren't taking liberties with it.

00;25;27;29 - 00;25;35;29
Dave Quak
Yeah, it's actually just a long term struggle. Yeah. And you feel yourself doing stuff to the ones you love that you know you shouldn't do, and you still do it anyway. It sucks.

00;25;36;04 - 00;25;59;07
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. I think that's kind of what I'm struggling with at the moment is trying to decipher like how much of it is out of my control and how much of it is in my control. Yeah. Because I do think there are things that I could be doing to be better. Yeah. But then there is this side of things that feel very out of my control.

00;25;59;13 - 00;26;21;29
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. And just happens, and I just act that way, and I, and I spiral even more because I have the insight into it. Yeah, I'm aware that it's wrong and I'm aware that I love this person. Yeah, more. And I want to love them better, but it's still happening anyway. Yeah. And then that's a whole different spiral.

00;26;21;29 - 00;26;29;02
Dave Quak
Oh. Do you get any peace with that. Like how do you sort of work with that, dichotomy? That's frustrating. It's hard.

00;26;29;23 - 00;26;37;00
Taneesha Luv
I haven't figured that one out yet. Yeah, I just kind of spiral and then talk down on myself about it. Yeah, yeah.

00;26;37;02 - 00;26;45;09
Dave Quak
And it's perpetual because then you'll say something else out of a place of mental health, and then it angrier at yourself, which makes you do it again.

00;26;45;09 - 00;26;48;27
Taneesha Luv
And yeah, it's tough. No, it's not easy.

00;26;48;29 - 00;26;58;26
Dave Quak
Have you got to like working theology of this stuff? Like how does this all work in the spiritual realm to in your life? Do you think?

00;26;58;28 - 00;27;11;09
Taneesha Luv
Oh, I don't have any answers. Hey, I have more questions than answers. But here's where I'm at is I'd.

00;27;11;09 - 00;27;11;22
Dave Quak
Love to hear.

00;27;11;24 - 00;27;42;10
Taneesha Luv
Okay, I one thing I struggle with is that people. And this is true. Like what? You have the Holy Spirit, you should be, emulating the fruit of the spirit. And you should be joyous. You should like you should be patient. You should be kind. All these things, but often I'm not. And I really struggle with joy.

00;27;42;22 - 00;28;10;09
Taneesha Luv
Like, I, I don't feel like I get to experience it like the people around me. And that, in turn, makes me envious. Okay, so it's kind of a it's kind sick cycle. Yeah. Where, not experiencing these things and, and therefore not really having these fruits of the spirit, which I believe I should be if I've got the Holy Spirit.

00;28;10;11 - 00;28;42;15
Taneesha Luv
But then there's the other side of me where I'm like, well, I know I've got the Holy Spirit because I've asked God into my life and I have a relationship with him, and I hear from God and he, like I understand his love and I know his peace, and I know, like, I've got heart, you know, like things are different from when I before I asked God into my life and after it, it was day and night, and anyone who knew me around that time knew something switched in my eyes.

00;28;42;18 - 00;29;30;14
Taneesha Luv
People would say that you just had this like darkness to. And now you don't. And like, I'm getting shivers now because I'm, like, thinking about. And I'm like, nah, I know that is true. Yeah. And what God has done in my life, I can't, I can't say that's not true. So I'm like I know that. But then like this mental health is like a barrier for me to actually like live out his truth and like bring people to his joy and I guess, yeah, like one thing that's been really getting me is the joy thing because we were at church, not that long ago, and we were like having a worship session, and

00;29;30;14 - 00;29;53;19
Taneesha Luv
all the kids were like, running amok, but they were just happy. Yeah, they were just like, true, pure joy. And a friend of mine looked at me and she's like, isn't that like what we should have, like, child like faith, like just joy? And I just, like, burst into tears because I was like, yeah, why don't I, like, what's going wrong there and why, why don't I have that.

00;29;53;25 - 00;30;23;13
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. Is that, like, is that something that, I've done? Am I being punished or is it literally just like my biology? And that's just it's just like how I am? Or do I have a calling for this life of just suffering? Because I don't think my promised, like a life of just like, no suffering. Like we actually are going to suffer in this life.

00;30;23;18 - 00;30;44;09
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. And some more than others. So I'm like, stuck in this, like, oh, yeah, space of, like, there's this, but then there's that, but then there's that. And I'm like, I know, I know, I've got the Holy Spirit though. So like, why? Yeah. And then that makes me question myself. I'm like, okay, well what am I doing?

00;30;44;09 - 00;30;55;23
Taneesha Luv
That's not letting me have joy or letting me be patient and kind and yeah, those sorts of things. Do you have any thoughts on that? Well.

00;30;55;25 - 00;31;10;27
Dave Quak
To your credit, I feel if I know anyone who's hedge their bets to try every bloody thing, it's you. Look, I remember in the early days because like you mentioned, you had that prayer to Satan. You know, you got deliverance prayer and you got deep spiritual prayer.

00;31;10;29 - 00;31;11;10
Taneesha Luv
Yeah.

00;31;11;15 - 00;31;25;18
Dave Quak
And then you take care of your physical body and, you know, you're doing the work when it comes to self awareness and growing in that you know, you're looking at your parents and seeing what's genetic. You're literally hedging every bit.

00;31;25;26 - 00;31;26;10
Taneesha Luv


00;31;26;13 - 00;31;28;16
Dave Quak
And I think that's the most frustrating place to be.

00;31;28;23 - 00;31;51;26
Taneesha Luv
Yeah, I think yeah, I think so because I feel like and also I just am exhausted. Yeah. I'm exhausted from like trying to figure it all out. Yeah. But yeah, I guess like it it is frustrating to be in that place where you're kind of aware of like all that, like it's multifaceted, like it's so complex mental health.

00;31;53;22 - 00;32;15;10
Taneesha Luv
So much aware of the biological and the environmental and the spiritual and all that. And I'm like, well, what, how much of each is like impacting this to create me. And then it makes it hard to figure out what tools do I get out of my toolbelt right now. Yeah. So I've kind of just been approaching it, like.

00;32;15;12 - 00;32;29;15
Taneesha Luv
Yeah, in, in just grabbing all the tools really like. Well, I'm going to, like, pray for this, but I'm also gonna try like, eat healthy and I'm also going to try. Yeah. Like do all the normal steps to health.

00;32;29;18 - 00;32;37;05
Dave Quak
But yeah. So what happens if you exhaust all that and do it all diligently and nothing changes.

00;32;37;08 - 00;32;39;27
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. So frustration. It's quite disheartening.

00;32;39;28 - 00;32;41;03
Dave Quak
It is.

00;32;43;03 - 00;33;07;13
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. I think I've been really struggling with that with. Like I'm constantly like, God, can you please heal me? Yeah. Can you please just take this away from me? Because it's not just hurting me. It's hurting the people around me. Yeah, and I feel like it's stopping me from reaching out and. And furthering the kingdom.

00;33;07;16 - 00;33;40;15
Taneesha Luv
So I'm like, why? Like, why would I have these things in place. Yeah. But then also like I do see the, not the benefit I guess I'm trying to make it a positive. I can see benefits to it, I can see the purpose through it and I can see God moving through it. So I remember like when I was really struggling and I, like, went to you, and you were saying you're like, I think this was like, before I'd even experienced all the things that I've experienced.

00;33;40;21 - 00;34;03;16
Taneesha Luv
You're like, I think you're going to experience a lot of crappy stuff. And you're like, I'm sorry, but I think you are, and I think God is going to use that to mesh into some sort of niche area. And that's how you're going to help people. Yeah. And I remember hearing that and I was like a bit disheartened.

00;34;03;16 - 00;34;26;20
Taneesha Luv
I'm like, but I want to like, I've already got enough. Why would I want to go through more? But I am seeing that, like, come to light slowly but surely. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I feel like I can empathize with a lot of people from different walks of life and different struggles, more so than I used to be able to.

00;34;28;19 - 00;34;41;07
Taneesha Luv
And yeah, I feel like when I walk into my profession, when I graduate, I'll be able to do that as an art as well. Yeah. Meeting people in different walks of life and different struggles.

00;34;41;07 - 00;35;04;00
Dave Quak
Yeah, I agree, you asked before if I have any insight and I really don't because it's so complicated. And, you know, even now I'm on this podcast, we've had people who have been set free in all different ways, and there seems to be no exact pattern. My take on it, and I'd love to hear what your thoughts are on this, is that crap just happens.

00;35;04;05 - 00;35;29;09
Dave Quak
Like the world's broken people are cruel. DNA is breaking down. Like just everything's going to chaos and it's all just reckon hard things are coming. And it is up to our choices how we, molded or shaped or whatever by them. You know, some people don't like that because they're like, is that a bit defeatist? I don't know if it's defeatist.

00;35;29;09 - 00;35;41;19
Dave Quak
I just think my experiences in every person's life that I've ever met, no one's had a beautiful, lovely run. And even if we think they have, they're just hiding something. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

00;35;41;19 - 00;35;42;20
Taneesha Luv
Yeah.

00;35;42;23 - 00;35;54;15
Dave Quak
Like. And it doesn't make it easier. And it makes the gospel hard that it makes it attractive. At least Jesus is the kind of like, antidote to our brokenness. Yeah, it's confusing and it's hard.

00;35;54;17 - 00;36;24;26
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. I think yeah, it is. Binary. Like one thing that has changed since I left, I asked Jesus into my life was that I do have that hope. Like in the darkest times compared to then, compared to now. Like I still have that glimmer of hope. Yeah. And it's like, you can't be stuck in the dark if there's light.

00;36;24;29 - 00;36;35;13
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. Like, even if it's the darkest, darkest place, if there's a little bit of light you're going to see. Yeah. And I think that's like the difference.

00;36;36;17 - 00;36;42;21
Dave Quak
Did you have to train yourself in that. Or is that just by getting over one struggle then the next or.

00;36;43;16 - 00;37;08;27
Taneesha Luv
No I don't, I don't think I needed to do anything that really, I think that was purely me recognizing Jesus love and getting the Holy Spirit and and being in a relationship with God. Yeah. I think that was enough to give me a lot. But the other stuff I think is up to me a lot of the times.

00;37;08;29 - 00;37;09;20
Taneesha Luv
Yeah.

00;37;09;22 - 00;37;28;26
Dave Quak
I mean we have responsibilities and we have to submit to whatever Jesus can do and you know and believe for healing and stuff. You said before you use all the tools in the toolbox, I like that because I'm praying. I mean, I probably do them all well, except for exercise. Like, I hate exercise, man. And I know it's probably really good for me.

00;37;28;26 - 00;37;30;07
Taneesha Luv
Yeah, she don't like sweating.

00;37;30;08 - 00;37;44;28
Dave Quak
I don't like sweating, I don't like, oh, how did you done like, the whole thing I feel goofy, I know I look ridiculous, I don't like sweating. I don't like, I don't know, I'm happy to have, like, mental struggles. Oh, that's sounds so bad.

00;37;44;29 - 00;37;46;15
Taneesha Luv
You mentally exercise. Yeah.

00;37;46;16 - 00;37;49;15
Dave Quak
That's just a. Yeah. I'll just think of myself into, fitness.

00;37;49;15 - 00;37;50;20
Taneesha Luv
Oh gosh.

00;37;50;22 - 00;38;08;08
Dave Quak
Now I'll be like, yeah, it is. It's about all the tools we have to keep going. But jeez, it's confusing. It's tough. Yeah it is really tough. And you know just because you're a follower of Jesus, you mentioned there's light in the darkness but there's still darkness.

00;38;08;10 - 00;38;08;29
Taneesha Luv


00;38;09;01 - 00;38;11;07
Dave Quak
You know. But I'm glad you got light in the darkness.

00;38;11;10 - 00;38;14;28
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. Me too. I don't think I'd be here if it wasn't for that.

00;38;15;01 - 00;38;26;02
Dave Quak
Well I mean that's such a heavy statement but it's probably true since you had the suicidal tendencies and the self-harm and stuff like, like maybe not. And so thank God that he rescued you.

00;38;26;04 - 00;38;51;22
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. Like even I guess, like, God's just met me where I've been at. And like, I remember when I first, walked into to in with you, and we'd catch up for coffee and I just explained, like, random things that were going on in the week, and you're like, Holy moly, God is pursuing you. Yeah. And I was like, I don't want him to because I was like, so angry.

00;38;51;22 - 00;39;02;22
Taneesha Luv
And I was like, so against. And I'm like, don't pray for me. Like, get away from me. And you're like, no, he's pursuing you. Like you'll thank him one day for that. And like, I, I'm so thankful for that. Yeah.

00;39;02;24 - 00;39;07;01
Dave Quak
Look, there's a few people I've seen get chased more vigorously.

00;39;07;01 - 00;39;08;07
Taneesha Luv
Hopefully chased down here.

00;39;08;08 - 00;39;15;05
Dave Quak
Well, he chased you. You know how people are. Toll free will. Maybe not. In your case, it was like every way you turn it.

00;39;15;05 - 00;39;16;05
Taneesha Luv
Was like.

00;39;16;08 - 00;39;19;09
Dave Quak
Something just pinning you to the, you know? You know.

00;39;19;09 - 00;39;20;27
Taneesha Luv
It's actually insane.

00;39;20;28 - 00;39;22;00
Dave Quak
Relentless grace.

00;39;22;00 - 00;39;30;09
Taneesha Luv
Hey, I've been trying to, like, recall everything, and it's just too much. Yeah, there's too much. But thank goodness he did.

00;39;30;11 - 00;39;49;29
Dave Quak
Oh, man. Just the amount of stuff you've overcome and the way you've been set free. T this is the cool thing I love about you, mate, is that you'll real about your darkness and honest about the things that have gone through your life, but you're also, a lovely, just delightful person to be around. You know, a lot of people say you're moreish.

00;39;50;01 - 00;39;53;14
Dave Quak
You know, like that. You to hang out with someone, you want to hang out with a more.

00;39;53;14 - 00;39;54;01
Taneesha Luv
Okay.

00;39;54;02 - 00;39;56;04
Dave Quak
Yeah. You like chocolate, you're moreish.

00;39;56;08 - 00;39;56;27
Taneesha Luv
Okay.

00;39;57;00 - 00;40;16;05
Dave Quak
But you know, and even as you like, you're a really fantastic worship leader. So even in your darkness, you still bring people into the light. I said, I know you said earlier that you find it hard. And it makes it hard. Yeah, but you still are living by faith and you're still taking one foot, one step in front of the other.

00;40;16;10 - 00;40;16;28
Taneesha Luv
Yeah.

00;40;17;00 - 00;40;17;21
Dave Quak
You know.

00;40;18;02 - 00;40;38;18
Taneesha Luv
I feel like our faith maturing in that as well. Whereas, like, when I first started worship leading, I don't think I was actually in a place to do it. Yeah. But, yeah, now I feel like I'm maturing a little bit more, which is good. Yeah, I think that's definitely if you're a worship leader, you should be maturing in your faith.

00;40;38;18 - 00;41;05;13
Taneesha Luv
And yeah, like, know God deeply. It shouldn't just be about talent. But yeah, like, a lot of the times, what will happen is actually I'll get I'll get, like, amped up for it in the week leading, and then I'll worship lead and it'll normally be like, great. Yeah. And then probably for like two weeks off of that, I will get smashed.

00;41;05;14 - 00;41;22;26
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. With, like, spiritual warfare, like a smashed, so that's not fun, you know? Mix, like, with the whole mental health thing. But, like, yeah. God, God works through it. Which is really cool.

00;41;22;28 - 00;41;36;27
Dave Quak
And is really cool, but it's also really quite hard to know how much to put yourself on the frontline. I used to always feel like, dilemma where I'm like, I want to lead worship because not only is it good for her, it's good for us, but I know it's not going to be good for her for the next two weeks.

00;41;37;00 - 00;41;37;23
Taneesha Luv
Yeah.

00;41;37;25 - 00;41;39;13
Dave Quak
And people need to think about that stuff.

00;41;39;15 - 00;41;40;05
Taneesha Luv
Yeah.

00;41;40;07 - 00;41;53;07
Dave Quak
Because often too, in church, well, the pastor gets a lot of prayer because they're the main person that people think about. And I feel like our worship leaders need so much more prayer covering because of the way they sort of like shake down the spiritual realm.

00;41;53;13 - 00;41;53;29
Taneesha Luv
Yeah.

00;41;54;02 - 00;41;57;29
Dave Quak
You know, it's it's a it's a weapon, you know, worships a weapon.

00;41;58;01 - 00;42;32;29
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. I feel like worship often like worship leading often gets overlooked. And yeah, it's kind of scary to say, like some churches just put, like, use up and. I don't know, like there's, there's a place for it. But it's, it's, I think it's a little bit scary when they get pushed above this spiritual maturity. Yes. Which I think, kind of did, to some extent, obviously God worked through it.

00;42;33;19 - 00;42;39;22
Taneesha Luv
But yeah, I think that is a dilemma. Yeah.

00;42;39;25 - 00;42;50;15
Dave Quak
It is a dilemma. So now as someone who leads worship, why do you like it? What do you like leading worship. Oh no no no. Maybe like is not the word. Why do you obediently lead worship?

00;42;50;20 - 00;43;17;29
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. I think for starters, that I feel close to God when I am worshiping him because I feel like that's my way of speaking. Like going through all the tough times that I went through. The way that I would communicate was through song. I would write lyrics and write songs, and that was how I dealt with things.

00;43;18;11 - 00;43;52;05
Taneesha Luv
So like on a personal level, I think that's how I best communicate. But then also like, he's, he's good and like, and he is awesome and he's a king and deserves it. Yeah. And I think, more and more learning that and like kind of stepping away from the, I think I got stuck in like a, like a repentance kind of worship style, which also had its like time and place.

00;43;52;05 - 00;44;23;04
Taneesha Luv
But I think, corporately at the moment, I think churches, moving towards viewing God in his sovereignty and looking at him in awe and wonder and like, as God. Yeah, not just as love, not just as like a friend, but as our Lord. Yes. So I'm enjoying worship in it's revealing things to me. I love it like that.

00;44;23;04 - 00;44;26;19
Taneesha Luv
And. Yeah, yeah. And I think it's a it's what the church needs as well.

00;44;26;23 - 00;44;39;20
Dave Quak
I think so, yeah, I think so. In this tumultuous world, we need to remember that God is so big. You know, and mighty and in control that he's going to take care of us no matter how many times we wash our hands and get, we get.

00;44;39;23 - 00;45;04;27
Taneesha Luv
Yeah, but I think, like, also to be able to step into obedience, you have to respect someone. Yeah. Like you're not going to. Yeah. You just kind of going to go willy nilly if you don't actually respect someone and view them for their role. Yeah. So I think in viewing God for his, for all he is, will naturally get us stepping in obedience.

00;45;04;27 - 00;45;10;11
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. And doing what we're supposed to be doing. So I'm excited about that.

00;45;10;13 - 00;45;19;04
Dave Quak
That is exciting. A lot of the times to you at the end of the podcast, we ask people to pray, but you're going to sing a song. Yeah. What are you going to sing?

00;45;19;18 - 00;45;35;26
Taneesha Luv
It's actually it's a song that I wrote, a few years ago. And it's kind of it was my way of communicating, the feelings that I was feeling inside. But then I've added a little bit to it at the end where I'm refocusing on. God.

00;45;36;03 - 00;45;36;22
Dave Quak
Yeah. Nice.

00;45;37;04 - 00;46;00;09
Taneesha Luv
But yeah, it's kind of talking about the feelings that I experience and the mental health that I go through, but also recognizing that once I knew God and once I, stepped foot into opening my arms to his relationship, things changed in a different. But I still struggle. Yeah. So it's kind of just communicating.

00;46;00;09 - 00;46;06;27
Dave Quak
That my favorite kind of, Yeah, I love that this is like a song also meant like, yeah.

00;46;06;29 - 00;46;08;04
Taneesha Luv
I'm good at love and taking.

00;46;08;11 - 00;46;17;21
Dave Quak
Yeah, I'll. But, is there anything you would like to share with everyone before we start getting you set up to sing us out of here?

00;46;20;09 - 00;47;00;13
Taneesha Luv
I guess I just want to encourage people that. I want to encourage the people that are struggling, that there is hope. And like, I know, I know, I know, yeah, the depths of despair that the human can experience. Yeah. And I know that feeling of absolute worthlessness and feeling like you, you don't deserve love and like you are your trauma or you are like your your past or your, like, generational past.

00;47;00;13 - 00;47;32;02
Taneesha Luv
You know, I know that feeling and feeling like there's just no hope. And it's it's never ending and it's never, ever going to get better. But there is hope. Yeah. And that's Jesus. Yeah. And I think the, the thing that changed me was learning about his unconditional love before that love was conditional. Or it was a punishment.

00;47;32;04 - 00;48;00;07
Taneesha Luv
Yeah. And then when I learned about his relentless unconditional love. It's not anything about me. It's not anything about you. It's just him. He is love. That just changed me. And like, thinking about it now, that's what gets me in a place of, like, I want to worship him. Yeah.

00;48;00;11 - 00;48;05;21
Dave Quak
To me, so, so powerful. So thankful to have you on for the chat.

00;48;05;23 - 00;48;06;14
Taneesha Luv
Thanks for having. So.

00;48;06;22 - 00;48;18;02
Dave Quak
Yeah. No. So we're. Oh, you know, Oh, we'll get set up to sing that song. And that'll be the end of our podcast today. So, Taneesha, love, we love you. And, looking forward to this song right now.

00;48;18;04 - 00;48;23;01
Taneesha Luv
Oh, thanks. Quick.

00;48;23;03 - 00;48;32;03
Taneesha Luv
Okay.

00;48;32;05 - 00;49;07;23
Speaker 3
I just feel weird. I've got tingles in my toes. Try to take a deep breath, but it gets caught in my throat. My belly is twirling and I want to run away. I just don't know no more. Should I go or should I stay? Hey. Should I stay?

00;49;07;25 - 00;49;35;29
Speaker 3
My head feels funny. It feels blurry. It feels hot. I feel like I'm falling. When I lay down I get stuck I'm missing something. But I'm wrestling with shame I just don't know. No. How should I go, should I stay I just don't know. No. Should I go or should I stay?

00;49;35;29 - 00;49;41;02
Unknown
Hey.

00;49;41;04 - 00;49;47;07
Unknown
Should I stay?

00;49;47;09 - 00;49;48;22
Taneesha Luv
Have this.

00;49;48;22 - 00;49;57;21
Speaker 3
Different. Since this real love came.

00;49;57;23 - 00;50;08;12
Speaker 3
And I can't deny. Cause I know that I have changed.

00;50;08;14 - 00;50;18;07
Speaker 3
But can someone please just take my thoughts away? Hey.

00;50;18;10 - 00;50;28;27
Speaker 3
Cause when my lights get switched off. The monsters come up and play.

00;50;28;29 - 00;50;34;06
Speaker 3
Please go away.

00;50;34;08 - 00;50;39;05
Speaker 3
I'm not the same.

00;50;39;07 - 00;50;45;00
Speaker 3
Please go away.

00;50;45;03 - 00;50;54;17
Speaker 3
Holy spirit, come.

00;50;54;20 - 00;51;04;19
Unknown
Remind me of your love.

00;51;04;21 - 00;51;13;29
Speaker 3
Might if I first make.

00;51;14;01 - 00;51;15;00
Speaker 3
Please heal.

00;51;15;00 - 00;51;18;27
Unknown
Me.

00;51;18;29 - 00;51;24;11
Unknown
Please heal me.

00;51;24;13 - 00;51;34;09
Speaker 3
Holy spirit, come.

00;51;34;11 - 00;51;44;15
Speaker 3
Remind me up your love.

00;51;44;18 - 00;51;53;21
Speaker 3
My dear father. Speak.

00;51;53;24 - 00;51;58;20
Speaker 3
Please heal me.

00;51;58;22 - 00;52;04;24
Speaker 3
Please heal me.

00;52;04;27 - 00;52;23;17
Dave Quak
Thanks for tuning in to Sunburned Souls. We pray that you have the most incredible week. As I said at the start, if you want to tune in to our YouTube channel, it's at Sunburned Souls on YouTube. If you could subscribe, that'd be fantastic. Otherwise, keep listening on audio and we really appreciate all your support and love. God bless.

00;52;23;18 - 00;52;24;13
Dave Quak
Have a great week!