Zombie-ing with Amanda Stanton & Patti Stanger

I love how you ruled your RS so that means you can I can probably teach you French and Italian really well. And you blend in really amazingly. That's like my overall theme in life is just to blend in easily. UM. We have a great show for you coming up. We have Amanda stan who's going to be in studio. You all know her from her time on the Bachelor. We're

very good friends with her. She's talking about her brand new book that just hit bookshelves called Now Accepting Roses, Finding Myself while searching for the One and other lessons I learned from The Bachelor. I read it over the weekend. I'm very excited to talk to her about that. I have many questions. We also have Patty Stanger from Millionaire Matchmaker, who will be on the line in a little while talking about a new show that she was involved in. Excuse me, not a new show, a new movie, uh,

starring one of my favorite actresses of all time. I'll talk about that later, uh in the show. But first, we have a very special announcement here on Help I Suck at Dating. By the way, Dean is not here today. He's still in Egypt, I think, looking at pyramids. And no, he did not drive the van there. But we have a very important message announcement, uh, something that we are very excited to talk about on the podcast today. It only comes once a year and it's the best time

of the year. It is Vanessa Grimaldi's birthday. Birthday. I thought you were going to talk about the other important thing that we're mentioning today too, because there's another thing we're celebrating as well. We are, but this takes your birthday, takes precedent. The other thing that Vanessa was talking about is today marks the one hundredth episode of Help I Suck At Dating? And I Heart Radio podcast. Is that

the only sounder you have? Pretty much? I got that or this one that's not as fun, but Dean's not here, and Dean Dean hosted the first one. I know he's solo, so we're gonna celebrate when he gets back, because it really would be ridiculous just for Vanessa to celebrate the one episode of a podcast that we didn't start. But Vanessa, it's your birthday. I know that I'm not really supposed to talk about women's age, but we're all friends here,

So how old are you turning? Two? So young you don't look at them over twenty and I'm not joking about four. I don't look older than twenty four. I think you look like a woman in her mid to late I'm not going any higher than that. Okay, I'll take twenty six. I mean, listen, I definitely when my birthday hit this year, I totally forgot was my birthday. Today was So it's also the Jewish New Year for anyone that's celebrating Rasha Shanna, Happy New Year, Happy New Year.

My boyfriend is Jewish, so we went to the synagogue today and it was my first time at the synagogue, and what the rabbi was saying was resonated so much with me and I guess a message that I needed to hear on my birthday, and he basically was staying for the new year to focus on three things. One of the three things is forgiveness, learning how to forgive, forgive yourself, and learning how to not hold grudges because

life is too short. And it was so funny because I just posted a picture on Instagram, UM yesterday saying all the things that I do that I've done that I was ashamed of and then I have forgiven myself for in the last year and things that you know, like, I know I'm not perfect, and I don't want to be perfect, but it's things that I've learned and I've grown from and um, so that resonated with me. And

number two was too. And this goes out to Mark and Easton and Tori and Amy, the people that to show humanity, so to ask questions that people who you work with, who are not directly related to your job, who might be working and cleaning in the studio, who might be doing the things on the back end that aren't getting the recognition that they deserve, show humanity towards those people. So huge thank you to the producers, Mark Easton,

Amy the backer of this podcast really backbone. UM, I love you guys, and number three was, Um, I don't remember number three? Well, why are you thinking to number three? Let's get a round of applause everybody who's in there. You guys really are the hard working crew of this and Vanessa myself indeed, just we we ramble, we talked about nonsense, and you guys just make us look better.

So we really appreciate what we are richer for knowing you guys, because it's really been wonderful getting to know all of the people on these podcasts. Really a fair point, Vanessa, why did you think of number three yet? Oh? Yes, number three? And I think this we can all resonate with. This is UM to not get distracted by the noise, not to get to make sure that you stay on your path and not get distracted by the fancier the shinier things in life. UM, and to stay loyal to

the people that UM have stayed by your side. So that was a big one. So what did you mean by don't let the noise distract you? So, especially in the industry that we are in, it's very easy to get distracted or not even just the industry. We're in Instagram nowadays is a huge distraction, right. UM. I find myself sometimes being really low on comparing myself with other people are doing, where they're traveling to, um, assuming how much money they're making, um, and all that stuff, and

that's just noise. That's such a distraction, And we shouldn't get redirected, um, towards those things. We should stay focus on the path and the goals that fuel us. And what are you know? I was having this conversation with someone in high school. When you're in high school, you have to decide what's your job going to be for the rest of your life? Right? How do you how do you know what you want to be for the

rest of your life when you're high school. You know, I'm thirty, I still don't know what I want to do that we're still figuring it out. And so I think it's so important to you at the end of the day, find what you're what fuels you and what drives you and what makes you so hungry in the morning to wake up and like do the things that you love, and what your definition of successes. And for me, my definition of success is having my friends and family around me that loved me and that that support me

and doing things to help people. That's my level of that's what my level of successes, and that's what I want to focus on this year. Yeah, totally. I wish I was trying to find the article right now, but I was reading something last year about how you shouldn't

look at Instagram before you go to bed. You actually look at something it's not It doesn't say that you shouldn't look at your phone, but you shouldn't look at social media because apparently it gives you so much anxiety because you are always comparing yourself to other people that you see, whether it be friends or influencers or bloggers

that you follow. Uh, And that you should really watch something far more lighthearted that makes you feel ease and comfortable before you go to bed, and it will make you sleep better at night. I wish I found the article, but I didn't. But like so many people watch Friends if all sleeped, Like my wife Antonia, both falselep to friends every night. It's yeah, it's it's just something about turning off your brain and just enjoying it and just happiness. Yeah,

I get it. Yeah, Uh, I agree, Mark, what's your show. Do you have a show that you false like darkness and silence? I don't. I don't subscribe to this theory. So you're not in your own head. I'm not in my own head. I I'm pretty good at getting out of my own head. I can tell when I'm laying there in my own head, and I have techniques just to get out of it. And then i'm what's your technique for the listeners? It's not really I don't know

that it's shareable necessarily. It's certain like I don't turn. I don't know how to put it into words. Actually, I mean it's it's breathing and it's um. It's a certain amount of just kind of visualization of of anything. You know what I will do sometimes I can share this, So I will do sometimes if I hear something awful in the news, some horrible story in the news, I will imagine myself as a superhero stopping that from happening.

I know that's weird and childlike, but I will imagine that I have the ability to stop that person from getting killed or attacked or robbed or whatever it is. Anything that really affects me, I will imagine myself stopping it. From happening and that helps me drift off to sleep. Oh huh, I don't know how to react to it. I think it's great because I'm trying to put myself in that where I'm watching the news because I I

have a hard time watching the local news everything. And I understand that we live in a very difficult world today, but everything is car crash, uh, you know, entencing, um murder, h a van or kidnapped or whatever it is. Yeah, And I'm like, I get it. We live in a dark world, and I'm I want to be aware of what's happening in my surroundings, but at the same time,

it just weighs on you. So that's an interesting technique that I'm actually going to try to watch the news and then I'm gonna imagine myself as a superhero, which I do all the time anyway, and I'm gonna imagine myself stopping that crime and see if it helps, because I'm always looking for techniques to get out of my own head regrets. Um, So, Vanessa, you actually said something that I was perked my ears. You said that you did a list of the things that you were ashamed

of over the past year. I was just reading it here. It is very interesting. Did you write this? Where did you get the list? It's on her Instagram. Oh, it's not that you know, this looks like it looks to me like if I had to guess, would like, oh, she took this from Motivational Speaker's website or something like that. This is very well written, right, so, so obviously you're you wanted to share it, so I don't have to ask that question. What are some of the things, Vanessa,

What are some of the things that you put on there? Um? So, which is so interesting. So I came up with this concept yesterday. I wanted to start my new year, the year thirty thirty two, on a clean slate, and I wanted to not go into year thirty two with having anxiety over certain things that have happened in the last year or throughout the years, um that could creep up and make me kind of feel derailed in my thoughts and in my purpose. And so, I mean, there's nothing

really specific. I think it's just you know, at times I could feel down, um, and sometimes I feel like maybe I can't share that I'm gonna start crying. No, Well, take a breath, if you want you don't. We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. No, No,

it's fine. Um, and it's all good. I think sometimes, UM, there's this level of pressure that we put on ourselves where if we don't achieve certain things, or if we put a timeline on certain things and we don't get there, how about I read some of this because she wrote last day as a thirty one year old and reflecting on life this past year and years leading up to this, I've realized a lot. I know I'm not perfect, and I don't strive to be, but I want to keep

being a better person. I forgive myself for allowing my insecurities to get the best of me, and for comparing myself to others. Boy, we've all done that. I forgive myself for allowing my jealousy to cloud my judgment at times. I forgive myself for doubting who I am, my purpose, and my worth. I forgive myself for not being compassionate with myself when I was feeling down. I forgive myself for being selfish at times and not prioritizing friends and family.

I forgive myself. I'm not perfect. I don't strive to be. But I want to keep growing to becoming a better person with age, a person with more compassion, more love, more forgiveness, more empathy, more understanding. Thank you your thirty one, thirty two. I'm ready for you. That's so sweet, really well written, very well written, very well spoken, Videssa. I

also want to defend myself. I saw that when you said a list, I thought it was going to be a specific list of like I'm ashamed of this that that that's I was like, oh okay, and the best general. I gave a general and then the best part is at the end, top and Scarfe Hudson Bay. So there you go. That's all in there. I thought it was gonna be a list, like on June, I didn't help an old lady across the street on the shamed of myself. Ah,

that's hilarious, that's so funny. So um, I keep talking about the Jewish faith just because I learned so much about it yesterday and because I put this post up yesterday. Um. We also had Rossia shown at dinner at my boyfriend's house, and his mother was explained to me what the new year symbolizes and for them they have like an apple and a piece of bread with honey on it to have a sweet new year and to start off the

new year's sweet um. And they also have between between Russiatown and Young Kidpor they have a week where people that they have to make or they want to make amends to. That's their time to make amends to those people, apologize for certain things you may have done or said if you I think you may have hurt them, that's your week to make her amends and to start your your year on a fresh start, on a fresh note. And I'm like, wow, that's kind of like what I

did with myself yesterday. I made amends with myself yesterday, so I can feel like it can start fresh. And you know, I just had this feeling when I was thinking of what do I want in my my year thirty two? What do I want? And for me, I don't want the money, I don't want the fame. I you know, there's a lot of darkness that can come with all that stuff. I just want to have purpose again and feel refueled in my being and why I'm why I'm on earth. So that's what I want to

focus on for your thirty two. I'm sorry, no, please, I would have got I got a little emotional reading it too. It's not even my post or my birthday, UM, But I think Vanessa, you're an incredible person who I understand why you feel like you would want a fresh start, but you really don't, because even in your year thirty one on this earth, you've done so many incredible things, and you're always sweet and kind and generous, and you always bring a positive attitude to this podcast that you

you you don't need a fresh start. I I totally understand where you're coming from, and I love your attitude towards it, but as a friend, I just want you to know that it's it's there's nothing that you ever need to be quote ashamed of. We're all vain and selfish at times, and I I can count numerous times throughout the past hour how many times I've been selfish, um, and you are one of the most kind people I've ever met, Vanessa. So happy birthday to you, and I

hope it's a great one. So you have dinner? Do you have you have any more plans? You have dinner at your boyfriend's um parents house last night and then and tonight I will be spending time with my family. Um, yeah, what are you guys going out to? You eating in your feel like you guys are cooking. Well, so my mom was like, well, I want to get you a cake. And I'm so simple and like, I don't know if

you guys have this brand in the States McCain. It's basically frozen cake that you can buy at the grocery store. It's my favorite. It's like five dollars. And she's like, oh, I'm not gonna get you McCaine cake. I'm like, yeah, that's literally all I want. It's like it tastes like a McDonald's cake. When you were a kid and you had birthday parties at McDonald's. Ronald McDonald's thing. I never remember. I remember what is this McDonald's cake you speak of.

You've never had a McDonald's cake. No, I've had a mcflorian my time. Okay, Jared, w's your birthday November McDonald's cake for your birthday? No? Actually yes, please? What are you going to send it from Canada? I'm confused. I I can. I can go to the local McDonald's and get it. I will, because how about this on my birthday? The week of the podcast. I'll bring in a McDonald's cake if this thing does exist. I've never heard of a McDonald's cake. Maybe that's a Canadian thing too. Oh wow,

we have something in Canada. The States doesn't happ we don't. I look them up here. They look great, deep and delicious. But I've never seen these before. So cakes in universal healthcare the two things that can have. I do have a question. Hello Tory ladies in jail. I enjoy the podcast over here. Hi, happy birthdayby well, I want to know. I feel like the Grimaldi's have a good birthday tradition, like what do you what do you guys do? So my sister is born on my brother's born September seven,

My sister is born September eight. I'm born September. So we usually celebrate all of our birthdays. Like I kind of sell lebrated with them for their birthday and they're going to be celebrating with me. But we always get together with my grandparents on Sunday, and for me, that's the most sacred time of the week. Um, so we're we just all all fourteen of us are going to get together on Sunday. This Sunday, coming up and we're gonna have my grandmother's famous homemade cake. What flavor cake

is this? It's like six layers of chocolate cake, and in between she puts this like cream. It's a moose, but it has it has chocolate and coffee flavor in it. That sounds delicious, my two favorite flavors. It is so good. And that's the only thing I asked Bright and like, don't buy me presents, just get me that cake. It's fantastic. We also learned that your parents really like to get frisky. You're on the holidays, I know, all right, Mark doing

some quick there. I think there's a high number of people who are born in September because it is the most populous month for birthdays. Yeah, you know, it's the holidays. If Ellen and love you staying inside, you're cozy by the fire. September nine, there's the most common birthday in America, and September is the busiest month for births overall. I'm

telling you it's Christmas and New Years. Jared's is going to be January because that's Super Bowl February and half super Bowl baby to February, and that's when my kid will be born. And that's it's so crazy because I messed with Jared and Ashley. I had a dream that you guys had a baby and named her Marie, but it was you had three I remember, it was like three names. The first name was Marie, and then you gave two other two other middle names, and then was

your last name. Yeah, Marie Tom Brady Hayden was the proper name right there. Um, that will definitely be the name of my kid as long as Ashley approves. But we have a very special guest coming up next. But before we get there, we're gonna take a little break.

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for businesses of all sizes. Try zip recruiter for free at zip recruiter dot com, slash date that's zip recruiter dot com, slash d A t E that's zip recruiter dot com, slash date, zip recruiter the Smartest way to hire. Welcome back to help I suck at dating on the line. Right now, we have the executive producer of the brand new Hallmark movie Matchmaker Mysteries A Killer Engagement, which is premiering this Sunday, October six on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries.

Patty Stanger, thank you so much, Patty. How are you good? How are you? I'm doing well. You're in the line with myself and Vanessa and we are very excited about your brand new movie that you have a character based about you. Yeah, I do well. Kind of like me. I'd say it's a little more Hallmark Matchmaker Matchmaker. Okay, that's fair enough. I saw the trailer for it. And so Danika McKellar plays a character Annie Dove, who is pretty much Angie Angie Dove. Um, I can't read. It's

right in front of me. I'm I'm a terrible reader. And um. And so she plays a character that's a matchmaker but also pretty much solving a murder mystery. It appears right, and that character is based on you. So did you sit down to Anika and be like, hey, listen to Anka. This is what you should be doing, This is how you should act, this is what matchmaking is all about. Well, I mean, I don't think you

tell Dannica what to do in the acting department. I think she pretty much got that wrapped up, but she we did spend a lot of time together and I was helping the writer rights to script and it was

my idea with my executive producer, Lance Robbins. And when we pitched it to Hallmark Um Michelle who's voice Risdon the Hallmark she based a We said, Dannica wants to do a mystery Wheel and it was like it was like a no brainer at that point because it was like, oh my god, I could totally see her doing this. And she's really scientific in a lot of ways. If you know that she wrote Math book, she's kind of a nerdy, sexy scientist, and that's kind of what the

mathmakers are. We noticed things that nobody notices, the subtle nuances, the body language, the things that the cops wouldn't generally pick up on. We kind of know. And that's why when she teams up with Victor Webster and he's the cop on the beach trying to figure out the murderer, and she's like, yeah, I don't see it that way, they become the perfect team. And then again Bruce box Sitner as the father is like the perfect you know, like he's like the wisdom you know of all this

that's going on totally. And we know Danica from her time on the Wonder Years, but I also know her very well from her time on A Practical Jokers if you've ever seen that show. Yes, big fan over here, um, And she's great. So I'm very excited to see her in this role as Angie Dove. And so Patty, what what inspired this idea, you know, kind of combining matchmaking

with solving mysteries. Well, it started out first where I had a flue but two years ago and I was stuck in bed and I fell on the Hallmark Channel. And I've always been a fan of like, you know, the commercials, you know, with the cards and all that stuff, But I didn't realize there was this whole NonStop movie, you know, Cattle that like kind of stuck you into Christmas Crack. So I basically went into Christmas Crack and then I was like Christmas is over, and I kept going,

and then there's New Years and there's and saying. I was like, oh my god, this is like a house of love. And then I switched over to the Mysteries channel and I got really hooked on that, and then I came up with, like, what if there was a matchmaker that evolved a crime. That's basically what happened. Channels. Yeah, I mean even the drama channel. Now I'm falling in

love with. So it's kind of like, you know, I saw other icons from other various famous television shows becoming these amazing you know people on Hallmark, and I was like, oh my god, this is a perfect Gantica fit. You know, her viewers are there and everything, and she's she's done a lot of movies in Christmas time, and she's going about to do the Dolly movie and did a lot of good stuff with her, so and we get along really well. That's really nice to hear. Okay, friends through

the process. Yeah, yeah, she looks like a fantastic fit. I'm very excited about it. Now, Patty, my question is have you ever solved the crime? I have, but it's home, okay, a little bit more of a Bravo crime. It's a Bravo crime. It wasn't necessarily a murderer. But I did stoll who did what to whom? Yeah, I mean I did stop like somebody somebody had stolen something, and I figured it out. Did your matchmaking feels like? Did that come in handy? Well, I mean, this person has too

many people in their house all the time. And then I figured out the person was that stole and sure enough they found the good Will say the jewelry in this person's car. So I did kind of spit out. Good for you, Damn, that's awesome. You're a badass, Patty. I'll give you that. Yeah. Um, But we do have some reader emails that I would love to read to you on air, because you are a professional matchmaker and you know a lot more about dating than myself. I

can tell you that. Would you mind answering some of these perfect So this one is from Diana and the subject line is I don't know what we are. She says, I've been talking dating this guy for almost five months now, and I'm not entirely sure as to what it is that we are. We don't live in the same state, so this is like a long distance sort of thing, but we talk almost every day and even FaceTime once

or twice a day as well. We're about a seven hour drive away from each other, and recently he actually drove out to see me, even though we could only spend one day together, so he drove seven hours just to spend one day with her. There are a couple of things that he does throw me off, though. There are a couple of things that he does it throw me off, like liking other girls pictures on Instagram, and he'll sometimes take forever to reply, even though I know

he's not busy. But then I'll start to feel guilty about getting mad since we haven't had that discussion just yet. I've brought up the whole are what are we? Are? We are? What are we not? Talk? Um? But my question is are are? Should I bring it up? Should I bring it up more? Do I need to talk to him? I don't really know what to do? How can I get some clarity on this situation? Al First of all, we need to know what on that. Okay, that's an important pre ingredient if you're in your forties

and you're doing this your children. But if you're in your twenties and doing this, of course he's gonna like kids women on Instagram. Um. Second thing is if it's all about the accident stuff for you showing accents, so don't think about all the other stuff, think about the positive stuff. That he drove semin hours for one day

that you're talking and again the phone. It's at that point it's five months, especially if you're sleeping together, that you need to declare what you are and say, look, I would assume you'd be exclusive, because you know me, I don't believe in having such that monogamy. So I do believe you have to have the exclusivity conversation and then talk about where this is going to go because you're gonna get tired of that long distance shuffle. It's gonna get old really fast if you don't have a

direction of where that train is headed to. Our next email is from an overwhelmed newbie data, she says, or he you know she. I'm a twenty four year old female who's never really dated. I actually only just had my first kiss a couple of weeks ago, and it completely freaked me out. The lack of dating hasn't really bothered me because I've been super busy with school to master degrees down congratulations girl, and I haven't lived in the same place for more than ten months in the

last three years. However, and now that I'm thinking about diving in, I'm finding the whole idea incredibly overwhelming. I'm particular terrified of online dating, but that seems to be how everything's done these days. I'm the kind of person who needs a foundation of friendship before I catch feelings for a guy, and I have a hard time getting past a first date with a guy I've just met because it just feels too intense. How do I stop over thinking this dating thing? Am I just putting way

too much pressure on a first date? Or maybe should I just give up on online dating? Help? Okay, so I'm an online dating two so I know how overwhelming it can be. Second of all, you can't put so much attachment to a first date, let alone an online first date. That's throw that away. The second thing is why is everything in online dating? You have a hundred

percent of a search and should only be online. You should be going to meet up, should be going to friends events, charity events like moving, moving around your neighborhood or getting out of your own neighborhoods, going from the next town over. Like this whole business that is that is at your computers. That's so lazy and you're getting disappointed in it. It may not be for you. I wouldn't give off on it, but I wouldn't put my

whole first in that. And this final email is from anonymous, which our favorite emails come from because they're usually the juiciest, and it says subject line two and a half years of friends with benefits. A while back, I had just moved to a new place, and soon thereafter I met someone on tender. We hit it off, but I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and told him anything more than hanging out and hooking up wasn't going

to happen. Over the past two and a half years, we've maintained a close friendship, and although both of us have dated other people on and off, we've always ended up getting together once we were single again. This past summer, I moved back home. I decided to take the plunge and had him come over for a full day night. While I was house sitting, I showed him around my hometown. We went to the beach and out to dinner. It

was also natural and fun. I realized how well we know each other and that I could see myself having a future with him. The problem is that I don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship. I just finished school, and essentially still trying to figure out who I am and what I want in my life. Do I pursue the relationship so that I don't lose him or stick to my gut and put my feelings away so that I can focus on myself. Okay, I don't understand why it can have volt Why can't you declare

are we an exclusive relationship? And if we're not next? Why does it have to be all? You know, end all be all like? First of all, if you want a relationship, you have to speak up and say, I'm not going past this point. Let's for an exclusive, anagamous, committed relationship, and I'm not going to twist your arm. Either you feel the same way or we're done. Okay, but you don't have to go off and lick your rooms and try to find yourself like you pray love.

You can have another guy. He just might not be the guy. He might be the transition guy to the next guy. So stupid we all make these decisions so rashly. There's no rash decisions. It's just a learning curve, that's all it is. And you have the rights to state what you want based on how much you like that person. If you don't like the person and you're just using them for sex, that's time to move on. I agree with you. I think that two are not mutually exclusive. Patty,

you are truly the best. Thank you so much for calling in today. No, thank you. We really need you back in studio because you are a personality that I just love being around. So will you come back in studio sometime? Absolutely love to let's left. No, Patty, thank you for joining us. And once again, everybody check out the new Hallmark movie UH, premiering this Sunday, October six. It is called Matchmaker Mysteries A Killer Engagement, and Patty

is the executive producer on it. Very excited, Patty, you have a wonderful day. Thank you too, good bye, welcome back to help I suck at dating. Uh. We have a very special guest on the line. Yet again, all our guests are very special, but this one is extremely special because she's a dear friend of the podcast. She has a new book out called Now Accepting Roses, Finding Myself while searching for the One, and other lessons I learned from the Bachelor. Amanda Stand Ladies and gentlemen, Amanda,

how are you? I'm good? How are you guys. We are doing pretty well. You're on the line with Vanessa and myself right now is driving the van some okay perfect Um. First, well, we really wanted to talk about your book, Now Accepting Roses Can Gratulations. First of all, is in order. Thank you, You're very welcome. I read it over the weekend. It's a great read. You have so much stuff and now you have your clothing line

Lonnie the label you have this book coming out. I just look at you and I'm like, how does she do it with two kids and then all these amazing career path that you're on. It's truly incredible. Thank you. Yeah, it's been a really busy year for me, but it's been fun. Um. So, as I was reading the book yesterday, first open it and it says praise for now Accepting Roses, and I see some familiar names. One who's a co host of this podcast, who is not here, Mr Dean Anglert.

So I'd like to say I'd like to read what Dean had to say about Amanda and this book. Quote. A lot of people have seen me and many of us in Bachelor Nation make mistakes when it comes to dating and finding love. So reading Amanda's book and knowing that she braved through certain storms and takes accountability for mistakes is definitely inspiring. I can see why Amanda and I became and stayed good friends. She's honest, for giving, funny and genuine, and I'm proud to support her through

and through end quote. It's really nice. I know he was he was really sweet, but I was not gonna lie. I really wish that it was a collaborative quote from help I Suck at Dating? But yeah, I just wanted to talk about the book a little bit. I really

enjoyed reading it. For me. I don't want to describe it, Um, obviously because you are the author of it, But when I was reading it, it felt like a combination of your dating life experiences, both on and off show and with a mommy blogger, uh stamp on it is that inaccurate? Would you kind of say that's along the lines? Yeah, I would say something like that. So when I first decided to write it, Um, I obviously just wanted to write a book kind of about my experiences and dating

as a single mom. But then obviously The Bachelor has been a huge part of my life the past two years. So, um, it kind of ended up turning into a little bit of a bachelor book and then also kind of a

self help book. Yeah. I think a lot of people who you know, follow all of our lives don't realize how big of an impact Bachelor really has on our lives, because a lot of people will criticize us saying, we only talk our post about Bachelor of things, and I think they failed to realize that it was really a very uh huge, huge part of everybody's lives that were

involved in it. Um. Yeah. And that's not just the book though, because your your entire you know, you don't you start talking about Bachelor really until like the third or fourth chapter. Um, because you start off talking about your your marriage with your ex husband Nick. And I like how you have like a little bad boy red flags. Um. I thoroughly enjoyed that. Like you have like a list of of red flags that say this guy is a bad boy. And Eastern just walked in and he he's

got a few of these boys going on over here. Um. First one we've talked about in the podcast before it says he's secretive? Does he cover his phone from when he's texting? Keep his inbox out of sight. If he's hiding, chances are he has something to hide. And we talked about that too, about possibly bringing your phone into the bathroom, UM to try to hide that. Yeah, I mean there's lots of ways you can hide things, but I feel

like that I just think it's the red flag. I think if you're going to have a good relationship with someone, you should be pretty open and not who we hide think totally, Amanda, you get into UM your relationship talks with people for on that we're on the Bachelor, your ex husband. At any point did you feel because I'm like, oh my god, I've dated people, and did you ever feel like should I not show this information? Should I

show this information? Or if I show this information, I know it can help out other women that are be going through the same thing. Like what what was your thought process us with that part of the book? Yeah, I mean there was obviously a lot of things that I didn't share just because I felt like I didn't need to UM. So it was kind of I just wanted to be intentional with it. I mean, I didn't want to write a book just bashing all of my exes.

But just like you said, it was kind of like if I felt like something would help someone, UM, that's kind of the stuff that I included. So I had to be picky with what I chose to include and what I chose not to UM. But I would say there's a lot of things that I didn't include just because it wasn't needed. Well, one thing, I don't know if we spoke about it. I think I had messaged to you when you and Bobby had broken up. Um,

there's one. So first of all, thank you for going on the show and being a single mother, because I think I gave a lot of mothers out there who are experiencing the same thing and being in the dating world kind of that hope that they can find love. UM. And then you had a public breakup. All of your breakups for public, but the one with Bobby, I think none of us saw that coming. I was in shock. I was like, well, what they just worked in together. We're all invested in that story. Is that a new

relationship that you explore in the book as well. So when I wrote the book was actually I started writing it before I was even dating him, so he wasn't included. And then once we started dating, I included, you know, at the end, there's parts of our relationship in there, but it was before we broke up, so there's nothing about our breakup in the book. Um. But yeah, I mean it's so funny because everybody's like, we're so surprised by that breakup, and I was actually super surprised by

it too. Um. So yeah, I didn't really have time to edit or include any of that in there. I mean, do you say in the book that there's a big difference between being a single woman and a single parent. What do you mean by that? A single woman in a single parent? Yeah, you said that in the dating world, that there's a difference with you personally being a single

woman and a single parent. Uh, and then that you've realized that there's differences in dating between the two, and it kind of it was just a line that really struck me, and I was curious, Uh, if you want to expand on it more. Yeah, I mean what I mean by that, I mean, being a single parent is just kind of how you're you know, raising your kids

on your own. And I think being a single woman is something that I've recently, you know, over the past few years, tried to be better about because you're still you know, your own person. You're still just another single woman out there, whether you have kids or not. But there's definitely things that you have to look out for one year dating when you do have kids. So I wouldn't necessarily say it complicates things, but you have to pay attention to certain things more than you would if

you didn't have kids. But I just think that there's so many people that you know, whether you're single or not. Once you have kids, you just kind of identify yourself as like a mom and that's all you are. And I think that it's good to still be your own person and you know, do things for yourself still. Um. And in the book, you have a lot dedicated to your time on The Bachelor and both seasons a Bachelor in Paradise. A lot of it is about your relationship

with Josh and you're engagement to him. Did you talk to Josh at all or reach out to him before the book? Know? Yeah, I mean we had talked to you knew I was writing a book because I was writing the book over two years, so we've definitely talked in between that time. Um, so he was aware and yeah, I mean he had he had a warn he was warned. Well, that's good. It's not the first time he's had a book written about him either, so it is not And you address that as well. Uh, when you met him

on Paradise. Uh, the book had just come out from Andy describing her relationship with Josh and some of the red flags that she had seen from him. Yeah. So the crazy thing is when that book came out, I was getting ready to go on the show, and nobody had really read it that was on the season. Actually, nobody read it that was in Paradise with me. So I feel like that's why it was hard for me to really listen to what people were saying, because it was kind of just hearsay. No one had actually read

the book. And even if people had read it, and we're warning me, I'm just one of those people. I kind of have to figure things out for myself. M Yeah, I agree. I was. I remember being on that season with you and and it was it was weird. It was a weird feeling because it was, you know, I'm good friends with Nick, and Nick was there first, and then you guys went on date and that you talked

about on the book. Um, and then Josh came in and I while reading, I kind of asked myself the same question that you did, apparently, which was, would Josh have been as interested in me if I had not gone on the date with Nick? Um. Yeah, and that's just you know, I mean, I don't know, but it's an interesting question. Um. But it's like a competitive thing, you know, totally. Um. But I remember that season and just everybody kind of uh telling you one thing. But

at the same time, you're absolutely right. The only way you figure out things in this world is you have to figure out them on your own. Um. And I always say to him, like, I'm sure it was super frustrating to watch because people were like, this girl is such an idiot. She's ignoring what everyone's telling her. But I wasn't really ignoring everything, you know. It was like I kept it in the back of my mind, like I saw things, but I also really like him, so

I just had to kind of figure things out from myself. Yeah. And that's like any relationship, you only really start seeing the person's true colors once you're outside of it looking in. So I'm the same way. I'll date someone and I want to make sure that if it ends. It ends because it was on my terms, not what other people were saying or trying to convince me. Um. Then another

thing that I love. I love following you because you have such great style, and then your kids are still adorable, and I'm sure a lot of our listeners are just as obsessed with your kids as they are with you. What kind of advice would you give to parents listening? Um? Well, especially now with like social media and like putting pictures up of your kids, and you know, there's always going to be people who are whether it's about you or

your kids or whatever. You can post a picture about a glass with water in it and people are going to say something negative about it. What advice would you give to parents on I guess not being so affected or not even just parents, even someone like me, like

not being so affected by people's comments on Instagram. I feel like, I mean, I go through phases where it's like I don't really care what people are saying, and then you have your moments or people will say something that you're sensitive about and it kind of gets to you.

And I still feel that way sometimes. But yeah, like I recently posted a picture of Charlie and I got a ton of hate for it, but I think it's just kind of preference, and um, like, I obviously know that I protect my kids the best they can, and everyone just used things differently. So I know that all my friends that have kids post a million photos of their kids all day long, um, and no one ever

really says anything. But I think it's just because you know, I have a following that people think that I shouldn't do that. So I guess it's this preference, like I'm going to continue to post what I want to post and people can either like it or they cannot like it, and I just try not three the comments and be to just not let it affects me and just keep doing me. So I think, like you said, you can post a photo of a glass of water and I

feel like people would hate on it. So I think if you know that, it's easier to just kind of continue to do what you are too. I agree. I think that's a good mindset to have. And something that you actually talk about in the book is social media and the following that you gain from the show. And

it's a really great read. I can't recommend it enough because I think it's it's about your time on the Bachelor, which is really fascinating, but it's also about you dating as as a single parent in your time through your first marriage and having kids and then thereafter. Um, it's it's it's it's a really good read and you guys

can pick it up at anywhere books are sold. It's called Now Accepting Roses, Finding Myself while searching for the One, and other lessons that I learned from The Bachelor by Amanda stand Amanda, we'd really love to have you in studio once again, so if you're ever in the l A area, please hit up any three of us and we would love to have you here to talk more about this book. Yes, I would love to let you guys know next time I'm around. All right, thank you

so much for calling a man. Thanks Ada, guys, jaredd Are you have flint Stones family well looking with they sent over milk. They're on Me TV every night starting today, the flint Stones. Now, are you more of a chocolate flint Stone cereal? Guy? I go Coco Pebbles on that one. Personally, Oh, I'm all for the Coco pebbles. If I can have chocolate around the morning and have an excuse to do it. I'm in baby, Sign me up six and six thirty pm Eastern end Pacific on Me TV. The flint Stone

starts tonight. Well, welcome back. But before we end the podcast this week, Mark had a Cosmopolitan article that you wanted to read to us about what again? I love my Cosmo. First of all, you know Ashley writes for Cosmo for Bachelor recap. Oh nice, look at that shameless plug r the Cosmo family. We love Cosmo over here. I mean, what's not to allow? Cosmo Cramer is my favorite, but Cosmo Magazine is a close second. But also as a guy, there's a lot to be glean from Cosmopolitan magazine.

You look at that cover, there's at least four articles. Do you like I would like to read that article? Oh, I've bought Cosmo bovar because I forget what the headline was, but it was like eleven ways to make her go crazy, and I was like, I'll take this, thank you very much. Okay, Well, what they're talking about is the dating term zombing. Are we familiar with zombiing? Yes? And no? What do you think it is? Just based on the name, what do you think it is? Um? I guess someone lobuler, I

have no idea. Well, also, I'd like to say it's very timely. This this word, this word us doing zombieing October Halloween. Tell us Mark, tell the people what zombieing is. Cosmo says, be aware of the zombie who goes to you and then after some time has passed, rises from the dead and hits you up again. And it's can come in the form of a text, a d M, a phone call, or simply matching on another dating app. Can I read it from the Urban Dictionary. I'm a

big fan of dictionary dot com. So zombieing related to dating a person who cuts off all contact but then repeatedly comes back after long absences, different from someone who ghosts and never returns. A zombie pops up and says high every few months. To use it in a sentence. We went out for three months and then I never heard for her again. Two months later, she texts me as if nothing happened. I think she's zombie and me, why are they insinuating it's a girl that would do

that to a guy? My head and mediately went to a guy to which maybe which is why Urban Dictionary said it was a girl throw you off? So wait, is it's someone that shows you attention then go sue and then comes back like with you? It's a ghost rising from the dead. First of all, why is this not called peek a boo? That's fantastic, Vanessa, I got peeka boon. I think he's peekaboo with me? He has anyone experienced this yet? Oh? Yes, are you kidding me? Before? Yeah,

before the Bachelor, I definitely think. I definitely think this is more guys than girls. Vanessa, What was your story? There's no specific stories exactly that where shows you and even actually that's not true. Even after the show. I was talking to someone and then all of a sudden, they ghosted me out of nowhere, and I was like, what the did I do? And then obviously becomes a did I do something? Did I did I insult them? That? Was I too need you? Was I to this or whatever?

And then you know, I guess uh, the next best thing was boring to them? And then they come back and they reappear in your life again so many times, not so many times, but enough times to be like, yeah, I've been zombie more than one, so it could be years between the ghost and the zombie Oh totally wow.

But can it only be called zombie if you take that person back, because then they're like back to life a little bit or zombie just if they come back in I think if they come back because they're showing life, they're back from the dead, because once they ghost you, they're dead. They're a ghost bye bye there in the afterlife. But if they start showing you attention, if they start showing you attention again, then they're brought back to life, which makes them a zombie. That's what I think of it,

even if it's a little attention. I'm trying to think of personal examples. There is one that comes to mind, but it's like very very ingrained in my heart, So I don't know if I really want to share it because it's somebody that I mean, has meant a lot to me in my past, uh that this kind of falls in line with and it has to do a little bit with the show. Um. But then I'm trying to think of my own experience because I'm a guy.

Maybe I'll share it at one point, maybe as being a guy, you know, sometimes you show somebody attention who's attractive, and you're thinking, is this going to go anywhere? Probably not, but let's have some fun now. I've never ghosted anybody. I don't think. I don't think I've ghosted, but you know, I have my ended thing and then maybe, you know, like a month or two down the line, not a U up text, but like, hey, what's going on? How's things?

Where are you up to? It's a loneliness thing, right, It's like, I know, maybe it was an okay situation that I'm not in anymore. I know, so I can't say that never goes to anybody and then zombie them. But I have ended things and then been that guy who's like, hey, what's going on? Because it is a loneliness and borderment. It's so bad. It's so bad. That's one of the things on my birthday I'm gonna say, I'm ashamed of that. I have done that. Anybody want

to chime in. It's got to be a name for that. In dating terms, they got the ex boyfriend who shows up out of the blue a boyfriend, But like, I've gone on dates with people that that's whiplash. Whiplash when the X shows back up, it's like whoa, you know what I mean? Vanessa that's whip lash. Yeah, it and now you're back, and it's because it's a gear change. It's like if you're dropping your transmission now because you're cruising along, you're finally getting over that person and then wham,

there they are again. I'm trying to like, I'm dating someone and then there X shows up? Or is it when you want your ex right? If there's definitely another term of one of your friends X comes after you, that's just what If I'm dating so I'm dating Josh and his X shows up, what's that? I think that would be whip a whiplash towards Josh because he's like, whoa, my ex is back. Not that Josh talks like that, but you know what I mean. I'm doing it for

dramatic effects, but I think zombiing, Yeah, zombing. I don't know. I'm sure somebody would accuse me of zombie. I wish Dean was here. He's definitely zombie. He is a living zombie. I have zero doubts about that. No, I know, but I love it. Um yeah, what do we think about zombie? Um? Don't do it. Don't do it. You shouldn't have in the first place. Yeah. If for for the definition of this, if you've ghosted, let it die, just let it die.

Don't be that guy to come back. Yes, I think so, Okay, so I've never so then technically I've never zombied anyone. Have you ghosted anybody? Vanessa? I haven't ghosted anyone, but I guess I've done like the Peeka boom peekabood. Can we just grab I've left? You know, I kind of didn't show interest, but then I was like, ah, I need some attention. Let me go back to this person and get them attention. I never ghosted them, so I never zombie. All right, So, yeah, you and I are

Peka boots were not zombies. We got to find out if Dean is a zombie or if he's a pekater all of the above. We just coined that term. I really enjoy it. We should takes off. Yeah, this is like the next catfish. We should really take ownership of this promoted post it. I enjoy it. Geredd Are you have flintsed? Yeah? Looking what they sent over wrap milk there on me TV every night starting today? The flint Stones. Now, are you more of a chocolate flint stone? Cereal? Guy?

I go Coco Pebbles on that one. Personally. Oh, I'm all for the Coco Pebbles. If I can have chocolate or in the morning and have an excuse to do it, I'm in baby. Sign me up six and six thirty pm Eastern end Pacific on Me TV. The flint Stone starts tonight. All right, well, that'll do it with our episode this week of help I Suck at Dating. Tory Mark, thank you very much for joining us. As always, it's your job, you get paid to do it, so I guess I really should thank you all that much. Vanessa,

thank you so much. As always, again, your job, but I just wanted to say thank you. It's my job to be here, so nobody thank me. Uh, Dean, We'll be back next week. Uh. We have some very awesome guests coming up, including Rosalind Sanchez and her husband uh, and they talk about their new podcast coming up. They have a lot in the in the works and they're very fascinating people, so make sure you tune in next week. Uh. Other than that, thank you so much to Patti Stanger

for joining us today. We really appreciate it. Thank you for all of our sponsors. Thank you so much for Amanda stand stopping by talking about her new book Now Accepting Roses, finding myself while searching for the One, and other lessons I learned from The Bachelor, which you can buy anywhere you buy books. You guys are the best. Thank you so much for listening because without you guys, we wouldn't have a podcast, So you really really are

the backbone of this podcast. Um and definitely follow us on Instagram. I'm running that account and I put a lot of work into it. I find it's doing pretty well. We're gaining followers, people were engagements growing. Things are looking up, so definitely follow us. We are obviously at help by Second Dating and you can also join the Facebook group again Help by Second Dating podcast Facebook group, and make sure you join us next week where hopefully we all

suck a little less. Follow Help By Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast fun