Your RV or Mine? with Tracy Shapoff

Like I said, Dean will be here shortly, and we also have a very special guest in studio sitting right next to me. You know her from season twenty three of The Bachelor with Colton Underwood. It is Tracy sheep Off. Yeah, right of applause, everybody, I said to your last name, correct right chop off? Okay, great, how you doing, Tracy? Welcome to Help I Suck At Dating? Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm excited. I can't wait to talk about some dating. I know we're Do you know a thing

or two about dating? Well, you did on reality TV, so you definitely are. I don't know if you want to call that dating. But sure, well I guess right if Dean and I did it and I'm married and he's in a relationship and we both still suck at dating, so maybe something's wrong with that. Um So how are you? What's what's new house things with you since being off the Bachelor? Um, it's good. You know, just kind of went back to my my life doing styling. And you're

out here in l A right now. Right, I've been out here for a little over four years, so just celebrity styling, working in the industry, and this is your busy time of year, right is the busiest time of year. It's awards season. So I kind of been working every single day since what feels like the beginning of time? Yeah, since at least the beginning, But you've been working seven days a week, so that does feel like the beginning

of time. Um. So what got you into fashion? Um? Honestly, as far back as I can remember, my grandmother on my mom's side, she was this amazing designer and seamstress, and I just kind of had a knock for it that I loved. I went to college for design and got into corporate fashion right afterwards in New York, city for close to a decade and then decided I wanted to get into styling and moved out here for a chain. So now that you're a stylist, do you judge everybody

on their wardrobe? Like? Are you judging me from what I'm wearing right now? I think I actually just brought brand new Nike sneakers that I actually meant to compliment you on it. Was it a compliment? Or do I look like really white right now from wearing these things? Yeah? Great? It was honestly just searching for a bunch of Nikes for a client yesterday. So I was looking at so many sneakers yesterday. Do you think they go well with the jeans I'm wearing. I'm wearing blue jeans. I do. Actually,

I think I think you look real put together. I'm stepping up my game. Speaking of put together, we have another beautiful guest that just joined us in studio on two crutches. It is Dean, Uncle, Ladies and John. I've interjected real quick, Tacy, I know and value your opinion on all things fashion, but something about air Force ones and a pair of jeans, I just don't really approve of it. What would I wear them with them with I think that they're just too big and bulky. In

my personal they're strapped up though. This one is I'm I'm like a lowkey, I'm like a minimalist guy, so I think like bands, that's why you only wear sandals and sandals And obviously don't take my fashion advance because look what I wear on I mean, he's wearing sandals right now, Purple shorts, a black teeth. Look how many pockets I have in these shorts. That's a lot of popular place on these things. I don't know. I've never been a fan of the air Force one, so that's

just my personal taste. How do we feel about pockets on the side of shorts like Dean's wearing right now, Let's just be clear, They're not on the side of shot. They're kind of like they're on the front. It's like a like the front side their cargo shorts. Yeah, cargoes are having a moment, right, Yeah they are. They're coming back. They are. Neither of you are wrong. See, I feel like I'm always five years behind the new fashion trends because in my head, I'm like, oh, cargo shorts, that's

what I wore on seventeen. I don't wear those anymore, but now they're making a comeback. You say are making a comeback. They're making a comeback. And just to be clearly, there are no normal cargo shorts. These are some nice pastel purplet your egg color with velcrow pockets. I got a zipper pocket on my right quad over here, things, so many different things for someone that needs help carrying things because I'm unable to. These cargo shorts are lifesavers.

Fashion well, Tracy, tell me, seeing how you are a stylist and this is a dating podcast, what do you think is a good outfit for first date? Okay, so this is tricky. I think let's do women first and then Okay, so there's no right answer to this because my personal opinion, you should always wear exactly what feels like you do, not dress for what you think that

the person is going to want to see. My personal go to is a pair of leather pants and usually like a white tea like what I'm wearing, or white tank to it. And honestly, usually guys always make a comment about the leather pants, but not a comment Jared, what would the comment be? They would look very nice? They usually touched them and they're like, are these I'm sorry they touched them the first date? Is it real or foe? Oh good, that's good. I have a fail

other pants, I'll say it. Yeah. How do you feel about a guy touching your pants on the first date? It depends on it. If I like that. How far into the date they do they usually touch them? Mm hmm, first like quarter of the date, first quarters going well, if you got a leather pant touch in the first quarter of the date, that's going that's a good that's the second date of material, right. See what I did on first dates. I would never s first. I would

wait until they touched me. They liked me, how I knew that if like they were if like the day was going well and they were talking to me and there was a moment of laughter and they reached out their hand and like tap my arm or something, I was like yeah, And then it's kind of cowardly though, you know, like what out like in middle school when when the guys are standing on one side and the girls are stand on the other side, and everyone's waiting

for the other person to make the first move. Granted, I had to say I was on what I didn't know it was a date, but it was like a work dinner and the guy came over in sort of massaging my neck on the way to the bathroom, and that was unwarranted. So you should maybe sometimes wait until someone touches exactly, because the line between uh being having swag and being creepy is pretty gray for a guy, I think, did you really just say swag? Is that again?

My five years behind that term? You are so lucky you're married because you don't have to date anyone any What would you say not swag? What would you say? Enlighten me? What do you guys say? Tracy? Are you you could be honest? You have to take a side right now. Yeah, I'm not going to say, haven't just remember who was on time? I haven't. I've definitely thrown out the word swag before, but it's not like a word I normally go okay, okay, it's like a special

special time. So when you see a guy, for example, Dean, right, Dean walks around with a presence, he's good looking, he's charming. What would you describe Dean as not he has swag? Well, first and foremost, there are no words that can describe what I have here indescribable. No word reaches the level of what can be possibly describe. Just I just think has a thirty year old man. We should maybe drop the words swag thread one by the way, thank you

very much. Wait, I'm confused right now, so you wouldn't. I'm truly confused. We don't describe, we don't use swag anymore. That's the thing of a relic of the past. I think it's been out for a while. Man, it's a very small window where it was like acceptable to say, and you were probably twenty two and drinking four local in college. Can I say one thing that makes me this conversation makes me so happy about and you're gonna

laugh so hard. But in the original Superman, Clark Kent says swell and Lois Lane makes fun of him for it because she's like swell. A lot of people don't use that word anymore. So I feel like Clark Kent, thank you, guys. I appreciate it, even though I still don't understand swag is I feel like a very common term anyway? Moving on, what about a good first day outfit for a man? Tracy Ones flip flops obviously purple

cargo shots and a black tea leather pants. Again little this on the first day, there's no question, and the girl would love it. Like a good black jean, like a nice bitted black jean, and maybe like a black shirt, white shirt, something that's kind of simple in a cool pair of cool pair of shoes. Yeah, there's no reason to like bust out of blazer, I throw out St. Laurent shoes. But that seems rude and unnecessary to tell everyone that they need to do that. It seems expensive.

So have you Have you ever been on a date with someone that wasn't up to code in terms of style and then you're kind of like turned, like put off by it a little bit? Yeah? Yeah, are you like, are you like hyper aware of it because of your career? I am, and more so I was saying this shared earlier, like, you know, I have this idea in my head that the person that I want to be with has a slight interest in fashion, because that's a huge part of my life and it's something that I found over dating

over the years. I can connect with guys on if they like fashion and I like how they dress, and that's an easier that's one more like thing I don't have to overcome with them. But at the same time, I mean, it's not that big of a deal, but I'm definitely not going to date someone who looks like they rolled out of like a dumpster. Can you give us your worst experience with like a first date or something?

Was a guy that just wore something atrocious And granted, I'm sure regardless of who it is that he goes on a date with, like, if you're wearing something atrocious, whether you're a stylist or whatever else you could be, it's like, what are you doing? Aunt? I actually can't recall anyone I've got on a dately that was dressed atrociously, at least not that I can remember, right right, right, Well, that's probably a good thing, I think for guys. Uh

and Dean is an example of this. Oh here we go. Nope, I thought of it. I thought of it. Sorry, I would have lost it if I had no, no, no no, no thought. Um okay, I was living back in New York City. I met this guy. He's also very tall, mind you, like probably close to seven ft tall and seven he was really probably like six seven, like a Knicks player, probably said no. He had just graduated from

Harvard Business School. He started a men's fashion business randomly, and I showed up on the first date we had met watching one of the playoffs. It was a basketball game, I can't remember. And um, show up to the first day at his apartment and he is wearing American flag printed shorts that looked like a bathing suit. And I didn't know what to do, and I didn't know how to get out of there as fast as humanly possible, and where were you New York City? And like what

was the like the situation. I went to his apartment to meet him, which also seemed kind of rude to me because I think that the guy should come to you on the first date, meet somewhere in the middle of me. Yes, of course in New York, like you should meet, especially on the first date. Never go to the guy's apartment. Yeah, that's probably. I mean, I've definitely made a few bad judgment calls in my time. That was definitely, well, we're glad you're here. Everybody listening, don't

go to the guy's apartment first, dake. Um. Yeah, he like opened the door and he was literally wearing a man American flag shorts, and I was like, was he wearing a shirt? You think so you don't remember them? It was the honest, It sounds like he's straight off of like like vin your Vines commercial, Like, yeah, you know that Northeastern? Um? Yes, was he rang with cause shoes? And he tried to make me help him move his rug in his apartment because he had just my god,

sounds like a kid. Did you get a second date the end of the day? Deserve one? Definitely didn't deserve one. This sounds like something Dean would do. Like I can imagine Klein coming over for the first day and be like, Hey, what's going on? Do you mind just helping me move my couch really quickly? I'll be honest, it doesn't sound like something that's beneath me. I probably have done something like that in the past, but again, women would love it to be like I would love nothing more than

to help Dean move his couch right now. No. Um so, Tracy, obviously you were on season twenty three of The Bachelor. What made you want to go on The Bachelor in the first place? Um, I had never watched the show before. To be perfectly honest, did a friends on you up. No, I signed myself up. I was sitting at home one day. I think it was just like doing answering emails and

started getting into a rabbit hole of reality television. UM castingans on websites randomly and saw The Bachelor and I at that point, I guess i'd been single for like, I how oldly when you went on thirty one? Yeah, I think that's right. Thirty three now, um three? Yeah, you don't look at day over twenty six. I appreciate that,

thank you. Um yeah, So I don't know. I saw The Bachelor pop up and one of my best friends always watched and I would have refused to watch with her, and I think a text him was like should I sign up for this? And she was like, go for it. I was like, alright, why not? Couldn't hurt. Honestly, every other day that was going on was failing. Yeah, what's the worse thing that could happen? You get on the show, and literally and you got on the show, So like

the whole press of it went really fast. I forgot that I had even sent anything in and then I was on like a photo shoot. One day I got a phone call from casting and I honestly, like I had no idea what they were even talking about. Completely forgot. How long in between was it from you signing up to you getting the phone call? I think I signed up in January, maybe like late January. I got a call in more Okay, so not too long a couple of months. Are you watching this current season in The Bachelor?

I am do you have any like weird PTSD watching? Because this is your first season watching after you were on it, right, um, I would say there's a bunch of different things in general to give me PTSD from just like working in this also anytime my mom is set that also does watching it. I'm like, god, like, how did I not see through that? I could have

done that totally different? I noticed myself because I've been watching this season as well, and I'm like super critical of the women's fashion choices sometimes, and I can only imagine what someone like you must be going through too, because I'm like, why are you wearing that? Like that looks awful and it doesn't make any sense to me, and it's just like I don't I don't understand. It was like a big thing going on the show. I packed a lot of stuff like way too much stuff.

How many bags did you bring? Um? I think I had like three, but one suitcase was totally shoes. I brought forty pairs of shoes and that was like a tiny amount prepared collection, prepared for what like three dates group dates. It's more than a lot of people. Uh yeah, I mean yes. I look at the clothes and I'm like, but it's more expected. That's true. I guess. I guess I just have a thing when people overdo it, and I think this season they're overdoing it a lot with

their fashion choices. Yeah, Telestine, who is this person and what are they wearing? No, I'll say there was one specific dress at the group date last night that I was like, why is she wearing? Which you're talking? Please? Get no, I can't please, you have to please? Was it very sequence or at the group date Hannah Anne was wearing a very interesting time? You remember seeing Hannah and at the group date last night it was a top. Tory just informed us it was a top. Apparently I

didn't see the bottom half. I just saw the top and she looked great. She always looks good. But she was wearing this dress, this top. I apologize, and I was like, what are you wearing? What are you talking about? What's this? What's the sequence that you're talking about? Because maybe I saw that really yette sequence. Do you know what a patte is? It's like a large sement. It was like I wish there was a camera on Dean in Mine's face when she said, pyette, are you gonna

like on the floor? Very confused. My experience was funny because I packed a little and I was wearing the same thing over and over again, so it was like every time some I was like, wasn't Dean wearing that shirt last week? I was like, yeah, I didn't Dean wear that suit the last dresser. Yeah, I mean, isn't that like the last season of the Bachelorette where all the guys were like sharing, I wish you guys think I have bad fashion? Now? You should have seen me

on the show and prior to the show. On the show, I wore a bright orange T shirt from express Men with I'm pretty sure like gray shorts. It was just not a good combo and the record, I don't think you have bad style now, thank you? Just making fun of my air forces the first time I'm trying something new, they look you can't even support me there. Clear, this is the first time you're wearing it. I'm keeping very clear, very very expensive. I just personally don't like air Force ones.

They're big and bulky, and I'm a guy that likes short shorts and flip flop. Yeah, you show off the thighs. So it's not that I think you have bad style, it's just not something that I personally would wear. Yes, that's fair. I don't know. My heart's broken a little bit right now. Um. I love a Vans and I love an air Force. Thank you, Tracy. I appreciate it. So Tracy, you left the show single. Unfortunately, so begs the question, because we are on a dating podcast, do

you still suck at dating? Or are you potentially talking to someone right now? I am potentially potentially talking to someone right Okay, that's very exciting news. Is it a potential boyfriend? Is it a boyfriend? Are The ironic part is he already was a boyfriend? My first boyfriend ever, first boyfriend ever? How old are seventeen? How long did you AZ date? A little under a year? It was year older and I went to college. Is that why

it ended? Essentially? I mean the issues of like you're a freshman in college doing stuff, and he was a senior in high school like party and also and it just wasn't ye guys were young. How does this rekindling happen? So we've always been friends, and he lives in Boston, great city, where my sister also lives, and I was there in October visiting her, and the three of us went out to dinner one night and drinks and I

don't know something. And him and I see each other anytime we're in the same city, but it's never like anything friends and I don't know something, just like sparked differently, I guess was the best way it was. The tequila must have been tequila. Definitely could have been tequila. And the fact that we were playing. We're at an arcade bar doing that basketball game and I was definitely winning. So he saw that and he was like, still got it.

She still got that jump shot. Well, if there's one thing about reigniting a high school romance, it always helps when they live in a different city across the country. Yeah, so what's up with that? Are you going to do anything about have this terrible knack for getting into long distance relationship? You know, it's funny that we've had people on before where they're like every relationship it seems like it's always long distance. I just feel like sometimes people

just I don't know, like you have the bug. I guess, I don't know. I say every time, I'm not going to do it again, and it just keeps happening. I don't know, but of course it happen again, and um, how long is this long distance relationship? Kind of talking October?

Since October? Okay? Funny? Sorry, though, November rolls around. And was going to a Leonard Skinner concert in Florida with my sister and one of my college friends, and it was over Thanksgiving and this guy is a big fan, and I was like jokingly texting and was like, are you sure you don't want to come down to Florida and go to this concert? Within an hour, he walked a flight and came for all the things, and so

all right, like this is like happening. So then went and saw him over Christmas as well at his parents house. And then he's coming out here for like a week in February. That's very exciting. I'm going there in March. And then he's coming to a wedding with me in April. That you guys have plans to like continue to see each other. I think that's kind of the only way that you can do it. You're gonna attempt a long distance like you have to try to like plan things

out if you actually see it going everywhere. Yeah, I agree, you can't just yeah, I'll see you when I see you, I guess, and like nothing to look forward to otherwise. Are you pretty firmly rooted in Los Angeles so you would be willing to consider going to Boston? I mean, Boston is not my ideal city. It's to live in pretty bad city too. But I'm from New York and I love New York and I'd be happy to move back to New York. Right. Well, you got to keep

us posted on what's going on with that. We're invested in this relationship now too, So you're gonna have to come back in April when he gets here. Maybe he could come in studio that'd be great, But that would be great. We're a little bit of an introvert. I don't know if you would like we love introverts, Tracy.

Do you want to help us answer some listener emails for the listeners out there who all emailed us at I suck a dating at I heeart media dot com and d M does and asked the questions, asked us questions on Instagram, Lots of questions to get through, lots of anonymous emails, which we always love because those are the juiciest. Those are all coming up after this break. They are incredibly juicy and you're not gonna want to

miss it. All right, and we are back, and as promised, we have the juiciest emails and questions sent in from you guys, our listeners. Uh, we either got emails that I suk at dating at iHeart media dot com or Jared's so lovingly asked the question on the Instagram page. I gotta be honest, I feel like I'm killing that Instagram page right now. Do you like the post I had yesterday? We ride together? We dad, it was a

good every time. I I meant to say, I wanted to say yeah, sorry, I was trying to get your attention, but we just fist pumped. Two is really awkward, guys. I wish you were here to see that. Um. I was gonna write, we ride together, we crunched together. That's pretty good, and I wrote it and I forgot until like an hour later. I was like, I love how every time the podcast or the instagram gets brought up you always take it just a couple of minutes, just the two your own horn and be like it's going

really well. Well, you know, it's funny. Last week we asked more people to follow us. We gained like three hundred followers, nice, just from last week. If you want to follow us, follow us, maybe that's another three right there. Again, it's at help I suck at dating. You can find us on Instagram again. Once again, I'm posting many pictures of Dean's face, so you're not gonna want to miss

any one of them. Jared, since you asked the question on Instagram, let's uh, let's ask Tracy some questions from that instagram. Uh, some of the good ones that you got there, and then we can all kind of gang bang it and get these. That's an interesting way to describe it. Yeah, let's ask let's answer some questions from Okay. Yeah, so the first question it says, can you do a dating challenge and set someone up and make them go on a date. I'd like to see that and analyze

what you think they did right and wrong. Do you think on the podcast that's a smart idea of Tracy to have a public day and then we publicly criticize it afterwards. We kinda does that on her podcast. Yeah, that's true down to day. If you haven't listen to I know, well, I guess, I guess it's kind of like Bachelor. It's like the podcast version of The Bachelors. It was a great question for Tracy, given the fact

that she is a sort of doing this currently. This uh follow over Instagram page says should you reach out to an X and have a conversation to get closure or just move on? It sounds like maybe this is an X that there's still a little hung up on and obviously been Dayton High School and there now were you kindling with? But what do you think about that? I feel like I've been in this situation with a

couple of different xes. I think you kind of unless you're freaking out, I think you just let it lie for a while and then maybe down the road some closure will come from it. I definitely had some closure with some x is years years later. But well, let me ask you, did the closure come from actually interacting with the X years later or was the closure a product of the time that went by. Oh you did okay, fair enough? I like it. And then I was like, I never need to see this person again. All right,

that's fair. I mean that's great closure. Was it great closure? I guess that's the question. I couldn't have cared last and he literally told me he was in love with me, and I was like, by see you letter and he got what needed. I will say closure is a very very real thing, and I think sometimes it's hard to move on to the next relationship without receiving closure from

your previously sationship. It's definitely afflicted me before where I thought that I was ready to move on, I moved on to another relationship and I hadn't fully closed door on the last one, and it would just like mess with my head for the entire duration of that relationship. Well, how can you without giving two specifics away, like how did that happen? How did you not get closure from

the last relationship. I thought that by entering into a new relationship it would, uh, I guess, protect me and help me move forward, But in reality what it did was just kind of like lead to more anxiety when I was uh, you know, I was still thinking about the last relationship, and so once that relationship was over, I was able to get the closure um with with the other relationship, and it was a very real thing. Once the closure was there, I was like fully put

in the past to be able to move on from there. Well, how did you get closure just through like talking and figuring that stuff out? I guess with the person. Yeah, with the person. Just as as this person was saying, she said she should she get a closure from an X, And in my personal opinion, absolutely closure if you can get it, and if it's like if it's a healthy closure, not like where you're going and like clinging on and seeing if something's going to happen and like maybe sleeping

with them. A lot of times I feel like when you meet up with an X and you try to get closure, it leads to that situation because you're so comfortable with that person. There's obviously still feelings there because you spent so much intimate moments with this person. Uh So it is a fine line that you have to be careful with. I think closure is a good thing. I'm an advocate for it. Sometimes I truly believe the only closure you can get is by time passing by

or by banging it out. Sometimes you will not gain closure that way. Sometimes you just gotta bang it out of your system. Door closed onto the next boom, see you later. Yeah, I'm sure that means the door is closed for her too. Anyways. Uh, yeah, that's a tough one. Here's another question for both of you, guys. What is your most embarrassing dating story, past or present? Embarrassing dating story.

I don't know if this is embarrassing or not, but when I first turned twenty one, I got really drunk, and uh, we were having a house party at the place I was living, and I was upstairs and I was flirting with this girl all the entire night, but I had to go throw up. So I went into the bathroom to throw up. And it was one of my first times really being drunk. So I was just not in a place where I wanted anybody to see me.

And she was knocking on the door, which was very sweet to make sure I'm okay, but it was one of those things where you just don't want to see the other person. Please go away, And so then I cleaned myself up I immediately go into my room to go to bed while they're all downstairs still hanging out, because I wanted to go to bed. And then she came into my room and came into my bed and just cuddled with me, which was very sweet, but also like, even though I brushed my teeth, you still have that

taste in your mouth and you just feel gross. And I could tell that she did not care, but it was like that awkwardness where it was just like, I I'm I'm I'm so gross right now. Please just never touched me and so it was like never spoken upon it again, and I never like went on date with this girl. It's pretty embarrassing. It's not the WORSTND like you need some closure, Yeah, twelve years later, I need closure on that one. Tracy, Do you have any embarrassing stories.

I'm trying to think of what one of the worst ones are. There's got to be some bad ones worse than American flag shorts. Um, why are you thinking I have one more? Yeah? Well, okay, yeah, you don't want to monopolize the conversation, dude, Yeah I do. Anyway, mine's very similar to years Actually, it was a second date with this girl that I was really, really this is years ago, really really in this girl. She was like beautiful, super into sports, and we went on our first date.

It went really well, and funny enough, this is like this is years this is like four years ago. And she on our first day, she was like, yeah, I was actually cast for the Bachelor, but I decided not to do it for whatever reason. And I was like, wow, that's so cool. That's like a TV show I've seen

on the TV before. And then on our second day, we went to her apartment and just like we chilled out and watched movies and stuff, and you ordered Chinese food and I love Chinese food, and I was like just shoveling this Chinese food into my mouth, like little pounds and pounds of orange chicken and fried rice and all that kind of stuff. And same thing that happened in Jared is. I think something had gotten me sick somehow, like maybe it's undercooked chicken. But the whole night I

was puking in her in her bathroom. And it was a second day, and I don't think I was expected to stay over at her apartment, but physically was unable to leave because I was puking so much, and she was like in and out of the bathroom, like rubbing my back, puking, and I was like, this is the worst second day in my entire life. That's pretty bad. What did you think I did? And you might actually even appreciate this one kind of involves an RV my family.

I was at Bungalow one day. This is a couple of years ago, so don't tell me he brought he brought you back to his r V. This is like to a day and a half type of thing. Okay, Yeah, hit it off with this guy, totally normal, really really nice, and I wasn't intending on drinking because I had driven over there. Ended up drinking and I was like, shoot, I can't drive back now and I needed my car the next day. So he's like, well, my r V that I just bought and he also owned a house

in the hill is okay, I bought this for fun whatever. Um, it's parked across the street from Bungalow. Why don't you just come hang out, sober up a little bit, and then you drive home. We both ended up falling asleep. Nothing happened happened in the rye fall asleep and he had asked me on a date that week go on the state and he picks me up in a normal car. We have in a normal car. I was curious. We went to like one of the well like old fashioned

Mexican restaurants in less Hollywood. But immediately on the date he starts basically like insulting my job, asking if I make any money, talking about from it's this. It was like one after the other, but again my really good judgment. I still proceeded to agree to go watch a movie with him, like this is going really bad, but let's continue on. It was absolutely terrible. I was so uncomfortable the entire day. At least in the movie it's two

hours of silence. So I was back at his apartment house four things, but it was torrential down poor outside on the way back, and we get back to his house and he had locked himself out. So this guy sounds like a cat between this guy and the American short guy back balcony and like a torrential downpour to get himself to break into his own house. Are sure this is his house? That's the question, rud No, nobody he was there. He bought the RV for fun. He owns a house in the hill. I parked my van

outside of my friend's house. Sometimes I'll have to sneak in every once in a while. He was totally nuts. Basically told me how a couple of his friends live in the basement and he gives them a curfew mm hmm, and I ended up passing out there, did not sleep for them, like into the bed. But then the next morning and I woke up and he went to go shower and came back in naked, and I was like, this isn't happening. Tried to actually force the Are you

kidding me? Yeah? Yeah. I was like, because now you're wouldn't even force it. Yeah. Well, first wouldn't stop talking about like the size of him, Oh my gosh. And then was like, just like here it is. I don't think you guys realize how much just like literally happens to girls. They're like, hold on, let's just do it. And I'm like, no, you're discussing. Get off. What's good for you to put your foot down? Yeah? Grow me home in the RV because he gets service. Yeah yeah,

this guy definitely owned a house in the hills. He's got no service. He owns r V and he to break into his own house, to which he has a curfew. I'm gonna go ahead and say Tracy wins this competition of worst day stories. Yeah. Also, the biggest thing I took away from that, if you are at bungalow and drinking and a guy asked you to go back to his RV, you say no. Let's stop being discriminatory against

people that have recreational vehicles, not discriminator towards that. But just if you if he asked you to go over his apartment for a first day or the RV, don't do it. Yeah, you just say no and you meet up at a public location at a later time and date. Here's another question from the Instagram pages. How do all of you handle compromise in your relationship? I think that this is good for long distance and obviously Ashley and Jared because you guys have been married are married, yes,

So how do you handle compromise? Um? I think it all comes down to, once again, uh, sacrifice, realizing that some of the things that you want to do in the moment you just can't do because you're not It's no longer just about you, It's about you and your partner. So I think that's the biggest thing, is just remembering that, uh, to try not to be selfish and try to have that balance of doing things that you want to do

with also doing things that she wants to do. And I think, actually and I do a pretty good job about that. What about you and Kalen, because it's different because you guys are still, you know, seven months in but still relatively fresh into the relationship. How do you guys handle compromise? Just to be clear, we've been dating longer than you been married, but you've been dating obviously, Yeah, but we didn't longer. Yeah. I just wanted to put that statistic out there. There was a good way of

phrasing it that I would really fit your narrative. Um, how do we handle compromise in our relationship? I don't really think that we have to compromise on much, to be honest, It's uh, it sounds like Klin gives in a lot. No, it's not like we have to compromise. Actually, it's not even hurt giving in a lot. It's like if I'm like, hey, I want to do this, She's like, all right, cool, go do that, or I'll come with you. Or if she wants to do something, I'd be like,

all right, tight, go do that. So next question, how do you know when a guy likes you? And what is the best way to flirt? Tracy is really don't like to answer this. I know. I guess we could say how do you know when a girl likes you? Too? But Tracy go first, how do you know when a guy likes you? And how do you flirt? What's your move? You gotta move or like opening line like this is weirdcuse I'm looking at you right now. But I make

really strong eye contact with people. And I actually just had this issue the other day when I was like unsuck because I could tell a guy was trying to flirt with me, and I was trying so hard not to make eye contact because I didn't want to give them the wrong impression. Um yeah, I don't know. I kind of touchy. And see the first day, you wait until the girl touches you, and you do like the leg thing where you kind of intertwine the legs if

you're like sitting out a bond. Intertwined legs are just like they touch get back your back at his Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got that that's a good move. I'm just saying if everyone had that mentality of I'm gonna wait for them to make the first move, no thing would ever happen. No one would ever make the first Well two things. I think it is different for guys and girls in terms of like first touch because very much like the bumble app uh, you know, the girl is supposed to

be the one that reaches out. I do feel like on the first day a girl should be the one who shows physical attraction first, because guys, I feel like, are just really bad at reading situations. Um. And again, for me, I think it was more of okay, now now now I know she's interested. Weird, but anyway, so tracy flirting, eye contact contact and so how do you know what a guy likes you? If he's staring at you, I feel like you just like, no, I don't have

in that. It's a hard thing to conceptualize because it's like it's just a feeling. Sometimes we're talking like how do we know that they like you, like right there on the spot, or just like like you're a bar you're talking to a guy and you're like, I think

he likes me, but I'm not sure. In my opinion, what this person is talking about is like, let's say she's in college or something like that, and there's a guy in class that she has like a friendship with, but she's not sure if he likes her likes her, you know what I mean. And so it's like, how do you bridge the gap between liking someone and then seeing if they actually have a crush on you, Like, what are the signs to indicate that he actually likes

you more than just like a classmate or something. I personally, I think that a guy reaches out to you when I want to talk to you. And I've had this conversation my sister and my friends a million times to always come to the same conclusion. If someone wants to see you and wants to talk to you, they will. If they don't want to, then you're not a priority and you kind of just have to you know, when

someone's flirt with you. I will say, sometimes it's hard to make someone a priority when you're unsure of how they feel about you. You're like, I'm going to carve away all this time for this person, but in reality, like they might not even like me like that, So it's kind of awkward and uncomfortable because of it. I always just my method of flirting is I always just sit them down and I tell them my story about me backpacking through Europe. That's your that's your opening lots

every time you, guys, ever seen that Friends episode? Okay, never mind, We're gonna answer one more question here and then move on. Uh the final one we have for you, guys, and thank you for submitting these, by the way, these are great questions. We have a whole list of them, and we can't get through all of them, but hopefully we can continue to kind of ship away at them over time. Uh. Is it okay to have doubts in a relationship or does that mean it's just not meant

to be? And I think that we all kind of suffer from this where especially like in Los Angeles, when you can date a lot of different people, um, you kind of have like the doubts creep in and you're like, Okay, well, if I'm doubting this or if this is going poorly, then maybe this is my person. And I know how Jared feels about this, because you do have pretty strong feelings about this. But Tracy, what do you think about if doubts creep in early on in a relationship. I

don't necessarily think that that's an issue. And I also feel like the older you get, you start having certain doubts about things because you've experienced so much with other people that you start wondering, oh, is this going to be the same issue that I had with someone else? But I don't know. I feel like you just kind of have to work past it, and I'll let your doubts mess up what you actually feel for someone, right, Yeah.

I feel like if somebody says I've never had a doubt in my relationship with this person, I don't believe you, right, I don't. You're always going to have doubts. That's just the human condition to always second guess things and wonder what if. And that's why for me, relationships are a choice. You choose to put that person first every day, And for me, I find that far more romantic than any type of predestined soulmate conversation because I like the idea

that in a relationship, you're choosing one another. It's not out of your control. I want you because I'm choosing to be with you. I do find that more powerful. I do think there's an issue, And I've been inflicted by this in the past two where we're kind of conditioned as kids to understand like that true love happens and once once it happens, there's never a care in the world after that, and just like smooth sailing with you and your partner for the rest of life and

never questioning anything. But that's just not really how things work out. And uh, I think that we when we at least I was brought up to believe that, and through what like television and Disney movies and all that kind of stuff, and then and then sure, well and then so you you get out in the real world and you start dating someone, you start having these doubts and you're like, well, maybe this isn't the person that's supposed to be with me for the rest of the life.

And that goes against what you're learned or what you're taught when you're being you know, bred and brought up and all that kind of stuff. And so I think that's kind of where that issue stems from. And I agree with Jared. I think that, uh, everyone's gonna have

doubt in any type of relationship. And I think the point is just to kind of make the choice for that to be with that other person every day, of course, and it gets you know, there's a point in every relationship, right where are you, uh think about does the good outweigh the bad? And that's when you did herman, whether you need to move on from you know, the relationship

or continue dating this person. But the idea that if there are doubts that creep in and that should be the reason the relationship ends is something that I just firmly don't believe in. And I think I've learned from my experiences because I think all of us can probably say we've we've loved someone that we're not with right now, and that's okay to say I did love someone before and we're not together because it wasn't you know, we're

just not meant to be in a relationship. That doesn't mean just because I doubts about them, that it was a bad relationship. Yeah, that's very fair. Anyways, Um, thank you guys for some many questions. If you want to follow us on Instagram, Jared would be very very happy about it. Help underscore I underscore suck Underscore at Underscore Dating. To be fair, Dean is the one that created the Instagram, So the genesis of all of it. I'm just carrying

the torch. Follow us help I sucre dating on Instagram. We will ask these questions more often, and again, we weren't able to get through all the questions today, but we will continue to chip away at them. Coming up next, we have some emails. Yeah, we have a couple of emails. I'm coming up, Max. We've got some listener emails from you guys that you sent to I Sucker Dating at iHeart media dot com. We're gonna answer one or two of those, and those are the juicy ones that I

was referring to earlier. So stick around, you're not gonna want to miss it, and we'll dive right into them. Hey, welcome back to help I Suck a Dating. Dean myself Tracy, and we're about to answer our favorite part of the podcast. We're answering, Yeah, that didn't make any sense. You want to start that sentence over. Let's try that again. We are upon our favorite part of the podcast, which is suck Army emails. Sucks sucks. I'm really glad that's taken

on a life. I can't tell you how proud I am of that the first one that we're going to read is of course from our favorite email or they email in every single time. Email A lot, they're great, uh from anonymous. Also a lot of help they needed for dating. Yeah, I don't blame them, which is why they're anonymous. Also says next to anonymous in parentheses, thirty four years old. Just for context. So I met this guy to friends gathering. We hit it off and talked

throughout the night. There were moments where he wanted to kiss me, but I said no so that he wouldn't think I was easy. I now regret not kissing him, But anyway, at the end of the night, he didn't ask for my number, and then that was that. A few days later I looked for him on Facebook and sent him a message. I said I had a great time that night and thought we should hang out again. He replied with the same. Since then, we have been talking through messenger, but I have yet to hang out

with him. I recently asked him to hang out, but he said he had to go to work early in the next day. We talked on the phone a few days ago and stayed up till five in the morning, and after we hung up, he texted me and said that was an f and great talk. Interesting way to put that. I know if a guy is truly interested, he will make it happen. He make it happened to go out. But what I don't get is why he continues to reach out if he seems we are never

going to hang out. Help. I've actually wanted to hear you guys say this first, because honestly, I think myself and a lot of other girls have been in this situation and I would love to know a guy's perspective on this. I think that it's funny because I'm gonna answer this question. When I answered, I think of Nick more than anything, because he always answers the question too.

I just think that the guy is bored and he likes having something to talk to, and then when it really comes down to it, he's like, well, I guess we really don't have to hang out because he's getting what he needs from me, which is just like a conversation, which is a time filler. That's my take on it. Yes, I agree, the guys are weird. Guys are all talking and then when it comes up to meeting up, we just never do. I don't know why why do we

do that? And I'm not trying to generalize guys is this because I'm sure females do it as well, But in my experience and people that I've talked to, I feel like it's a vast majority of men who are the ones who continued talk through tech message the messenger and then just refused to hang out in person, especially after this for the talking of five in the morning, and then he after he hangs up, texts her and says that was a great talk. Why would he not want to do that in person? I think you just

not want to pay for a date. No, I think it's inscured. Now. I think guys are wildly insecure. I think, uh, maybe this is the case. Is for me personally, I'm like twenty times funnier over text because I can kind of like sit back and reflect on it and come back with something witty or sarcastic or something like that. In person, I'm still obviously really wouldy and sarcastic, but just to a lesser degree. And so this guy might

be the same way. I guess he had a conversation with her up until five am, but maybe he's like I don't think I'm going to be able to live up to my texting personality on like a face to face date or even the phone called date. And he's, like you said, kind of insecure and uncertain about that. Maybe if I were anonymous in this situation, UM, I would just take the initiative and kind of continue to chip away. And obviously the more you talk to him,

the more comfortable he'll get with you. And I don't know, just but also make sure that he's putting a priority on seeing you as well. Well, let's be real, though, time are you going to give this guy for a second. If she likes the guy, there's nothing wrong with her, like like continuing to try to hang out with him. Sure, But if she asked two or three more times and he continues to say no, I don't think it's the biggest issue in the world. If she really maybe, well,

we don't know how much he values your time. I'm assuming a lot. I'm assuming a lot as well. I just personally think that I've been in the situation before. I have been dating Cayle obviously for a long time, but before before that, I would like, you know, be interested in someone right said and talk to them for however long and try to hang out with them. A couple of times. It didn't work out for whatever reason. I'm not gonna just like eventually you'll stop trying, obviously,

but like one try it really isn't cutting it. Oh, I agree, you should try again, and then maybe again, and then maybe again. I would say, at most once you hit your sixth try many kind of be like, okay, even let re stretching and I fe let's be in the middle at four and a half. At four and a half tries, that's not the middle. I'm no mathematician, Yes, and that's half of six is four and a half. The middle of three and six is four and a half. Now, well,

we're at one right now. No, no no, no, three. I said six, and you said whatever you said no, no, no, we're between one and six right now. Half of that would be seven. Okay, fine, I agree six is a little much, But that's my opinion on it is. It's not there's no shame in continuing to ask this guy to hang out. Maybe like in an unfortunate scenario, he's talking to someone else that's going a little bit faster, and by interjecting herself she can kind of like put

herself back in the race a little bit. I don't know how much she likes this guy. Maybe she's in love with him, maybe she just is like concerned about, uh, you know, seeing if she can get him to like her. I don't know exactly, but I just don't think that there's any shame and continue to try. That's my take. You made a really good point. Actually, I think everyone always forgets when you're just dating in general, like dating

a bunch of people or a couple of people. You forget that someone might be dating someone else at the same time as you be going way better and and they kind of just like either fall off the face of the earth or give you a little brush off that it's not working. You don't know why, and it's literally because they're seeing someone. Yeah, that's a great question.

It sounds like this guy might be dating someone else because even when they first met, they said that there was a great talk and they had great moments and they wanted to kiss, but they didn't and he didn't ask for her numbers. So that sounds like someone who's dating someone and then just met someone he had a connection with but realized I can't I can't act on this.

I need to just go in my separate way. And then she's the one who reached out to him and they had a great talk, but he still hasn't wanted to hang out. That does sound like he could be dating someone fishy, And that's kind of the weird limbo face two where he probably doesn't feel like he's ghosting because he's not really like I don't know he technically he's not ghosting you, but technically he is, and technically he's not cheating, so he feels fine with it. A

technicalities usually never a good dating sucks anyways. On the next email from Steph, she says, I have a friend. He's my oldest and best friend of twenty two years. We have spent a lot of time together over the past six months. Now I'm beginning to see him as more than a friend. He hugs me and holds me, probably a little bit longer than he should. He even hugged me and kissed me on the neck. I'm sorry on the cheek difference, but do I do? How do

you cross the friendship line? Also, if he actually liked me, would he have wouldn't he have said something already? Probably guys don't. Guys don't vocalize their feelings. We're not vulnerable enough, especially if you're friends friends with someone. It's just good the way it is, and then he'll show signs that he likes you. Until you're the one who actually says something. It's not saying it's right, I'm saying it's the way

life goes. This is what Stephan needs to do. She needs to take him to an arcade, play the basketball game, kick his ass, and it's going to all work out in the end. I agree. Yeah, I mean, you don't want to mess up a friendship, of course, but to me, that personally sounds like he wants it to be a little bit more or he's starting to grow different feelings than maybe they used to have, which that changes over time, and obviously if you really liked someone at one point

and it wasn't the right timing, things change. Ye. Let me just say he's not just like, he's just not gonna excessively hug and kiss on the cheek his his friend. Do you feel like if they're that good of friends, she should be able to talk to him about it. Also, I think what they need to do is go to dinner, get a little liquored up, because when you get a little drunk, you get a little bit more confident in the things you're saying. And honestly, just let it all

pour out. If you like him, say something. And if he's you know, a couple of drinks deep, I don't think he will have any issue reciprocating. So and if he owns an RV, that's a bonus. Is it a bonus now or because I thought before it was a detriment Now I was just trying to help you out. I was just trying to be nice to you, Dean, Okay, So there it is. That's what that's our advice is go to dinner, get drunk, and just community over communicate.

Communication is key, Jared, there's one question here for you from Anne. She says even married couples needs to date. You can be married and suck at dating. I've been married for twelve years, and the key to a successful marriage is a date night once a week. Jar, have you started to feel a difference at all being married? What do you and actually do to keep the romances and sexy time alive? Um? I think it's it's funny because you forget that you have to put effort in.

Especially with Ashley and myself, we spend literally almost every minute of every day together because we live together, we kind of work together in a lot of different areas, we travel together, we're best friends and also married, so we just we spend a lot of time together. And so I think you start to subconsciously lose that, uh, that that lust and that that I want to actually go on dates and and put effort into the relationship,

because it's just you kind of get lazy. So I agree, I think, uh, you know, one thing to remember is to always put effort in and to always remind yourself that things will not happen unless you make them happen. And that includes alone time. That includes keeping the relationship young and fresh by going on dates, going out, going to arcades, going to dinner, going to see movies, things of that nature. And so I think Ashley and I tried to do that. I think we fail on a

lot of different areas. I don't think we um put as much effort into keeping the relationship um fresh fresh. I don't want to make it sound bad, but we just stay at home a lot and cook and hang out and that's great, but we don't. We don't really do a lot of different activities unless it's work. So I think it's something that we could both work on.

Specifically me, I think I think I could do a lot better job, even stupid like bring flowers home, bringing her chocolates, or uh, cooking her dinner instead of us, you know, being like, well what are we gonna have tonight? Like her coming home and having me prepared dinner, things like that. So that's things that I could seriously work on. And I'm sure a lot of people can look at themselves and realize they need to work on it too.

There you go, that's a good answer, I think. Uh, that's kind of one of my fereers with uh relationships as well as because I'm a sucker for novelty. I kind of need like my serotone and fire and at all times. And so obviously the longer in a relationship, like the more dull it becomes, with the more I

would say, like the are predictable becomes of course. Uh. And so that's kind of like one of my doubts to tie back into that question that we had from earlier ish, not with my current relationship specifically, but just with relationships in general is eventually like that novelty even outside of the relationship could wear off on certain things. That's a fear, But I agree with what you're saying, like keep doing things that are like kind of throwing

curveballs to your partner. Well, one of my buddies has been married for quite some time. He once said, I've said this on the podcast before, but he was talking about how in the first year of the relationship, of course, it's that lustful, fresh phase where you guys could be doing laundry together and it's so much fun because you're

just together. And then usually a year a little bit over in the relationship, things start happening, kind of bad things that you have to overcome together as a couple. And if you're able to overcome those obstacles and get past the other side of that, UM, that's when the real relationship begins. And so I try to always remind myself of that. UM not to say Ashley and I have that we I it's the best relationship I've ever

been in. UM. But I think too. Dean's point for you, if you do get that point with Kalin where it does feel stagnant, just remind yourself that one you have to put It's gonna happen with everybody, Like, no matter what relationship you're in, it's gonna get stagnant at some point. It's just the way it happens. And so to constantly remind yourself throughout that time that you have to keep working and keep putting effort into the relationship in order

to keep it fresh, um, is very important. And then hopefully you know because relationship and love changes. And I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing because while the relationship might get more stagnant, if you stay with one person for an extended period of time, ah, the love will change and you'll also become more dependent on the person, which I kind of like. There you go. Well, great answer, Jared, You're so insightful. You were not paying attention at all.

You were not paying attention at all. That will do it for this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating, Chasey. Before we sign off, any parting words, no beautiful time. Um, we loved having you on. This is the first time you were on the podcast. Yes, it's my first time, and honestly, I love talking about dating. I've been doing it a long time, and it's really interesting to hear emails perspective on it. Yeah, yeah, especially Yeah, it's more

like two idiots perspective on it. Anyways, thank you for listening to this week's episode of Help I Suck At Dating. Big thank you to Tracy shop Off and you could follow her on Instagram. Tracy shop Off, I just followed you. She's a great follow She's an incredible stylist to a style talent like Elizabeth Banks, Constance woo in Octavia Spencer for various red carpet events. Anyways, big thank you to our listeners of course for emailing us at I suckon

Dating at iHeartMedia dot com. Big thank you to all of our Instagram followers as well for submitting those questions. We will continue. Like I said to chip Away, feel free to continue to email us I Suck a Dating at iHeart media dot com. Big thank you again. Be sure to tune in next week, where maybe we will suck just a little bit less. Follow Help I Suck At Dating with Dean ang Alert on I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcast as who you