Wild Animals

We got a great episode for you guys today. Uh. Not only will we answer some emails and dive into some articles that Jared has dug up about dating amidst uh the quarantine, we also have Sukanya Krishnan, who is the host of Find Love Live on TLC, which is a new show that's coming out. Sounds pretty interesting. UM, so stick around for that. But Jared, I know that you have some articles you want to share. I was thinking about starting this episode off with some emails, just

to spice things up a little bit. But I think that, you know, we can stick with the tried and true method that we have as it is. I mean, we could do whatever we want. Dean. You know what. The great thing about having your own podcast is we can do whatever we want. That's the important thing. So what do you want to do? I don't know what do you want to do? Uh? Let's uh, let's do you know what, Seeing how everything right now in the world is just flipped upside down, let's do an email to

start off the podcast. Let's switch things up a little bit, you know, keep it fresh. It's great, that's great. I got an email right here from anonymous. They say I met this guy a month before quarantine and we were able to go out on a couple of days before. Oh. Actually, you know what, let me back it up a little bit. I was curious if you're going to let this man read an email because we do have Mark here. I'm sorry, I'm not used to having them on the actual podcast.

This is my first half, I second dating in many months. It's been too long, far too long. We need you to read this email for us. If you don't mind, it would be my pleasure. Thank you very much. My god m h see we're bringing up or the anonymous one. Okay, I see anonymous, not nick L. I met this guy a month before quarantine, and we were able to go out in a couple of days before the stay at homeboard it was put in place. Since then, we've only seen each other maybe once a week. We still talk

every day, we've face time often. I'm at a point where I'm ready for a relationship, but he is expressed to me before that it doesn't know when he'll be ready for a relationship. I often see him interacting with other girls on social media, but don't say anything about it because he's not my boyfriend. Should I wait until after quarantine to see where this goes and continue to talk to him now, or save myself from the heartache and let him know that we should not continue heard?

What do you think? Um, So, she met this guy a month before everything got shut down, they still talk. That's a good thing for anybody doing going through a long distance relationship right now. As we've said time and time again, FaceTime talk. Make sure you're consistently talking to each other, because once you start losing contact, that's when like things just fade away. But she's ready for a relationship, and apparently this guy expressed before that he's not ready

for one. Seems like a little bit of a cop out. I feel like any guy who says he's not ready for a relationship, even if it's slightly true, it also might just mean he doesn't like you add that much. Maybe he just wants to stick around for a little bit, That's what I mean. If he's not committing at being in like the loneliest stage of the world right now, he's not going to commit later, Well, I guess I'm just saying that he's not. There's nothing against anonymous in

this case. It's just the guy that she's interested in is at a stage in his life where he just wants to talk to other people what it sounds like. But I also don't think, on that same note that it's not a It's never a bad idea to tell someone how you feel. So in her case right now, I don't think that there's anything wrong with it being like, hey, I want this to go somewhere. Do you think it's coming off to too strong too fast? I don't think there really is so much of a thing is too

strong too fast. You know, if you got a feeling, if you have, if you feel some way about something, just tell a person and maybe they don't feel the same way, and then, like she said, she can save herself some heartach later on because you might not get there. Sorry to interrupt, but girls are literally called crazy pretty much nine nine point nine percent of their lifetime. Yeah, so coming on strong and fast does hurt us as a woman crazy, I will mute you. That's fair. You

do have the power to do that. I just I guess My point is it's never a bad idea to tell someone how you feel. I think that's sweet in theory, and I often give the advice to go ahead and shoot your shot. But in this scenario, I got a couple. I got a bad feeling about it. First of all, what do you have to gain if you can't see each other because you're in quarantine for months and months?

What next level are you hoping to achieve? And secondly, I do believe that I'm not ready for relationship right now. He would be if his dream woman walked into his life, and you're clearly not that right. I don't know, I just I just disagree respectfully. Of course, what do you

disagree on. You're a guy who's avoided relationships before. Yeah, because I was at that stage of my life where I was avoiding relationships like, if Kalin walked into my life when I was twenty four, I probably would have found a way to mess it up, I guess at my point. And he's just in this phase right now in his life where in my opinion, judging by what we know, that he just wants to kind of play the field, not commit to anyone, and do his own

thanks sort of thing. Yeah, that's that Hypothetically, if Klin walked into your life at twenty four and you messed it up, that's not Klin's problem. So like, if this guy messes it up, that's not anonymous problem. She can only control what she can control, That's what I'm saying.

But she can to control what she can control. But I think that she doesn't want to have any regrets and be remorseful about not sharing her the way she feels about somewhere rather than playing it COI playing it cool and acting like the cool girl when in reality,

because she's like so chill about everything. He's got her at like number three on a roster, on his roster, and then once the quarantine's over, he's sitting up girl number one, girl number two, and then he hits up girl number three and at that point, it's like who wants to be number three? Anyways? You know what I mean? He's benching her. He's absolutely benching. Yeah, he's keeping his eyes open, he's looking around, he's got her. I don't

know what they've done physically. It doesn't stay in this email, But if there's been anything that's been done physically, I think he's mentioning her. Yes, And even if there wasn't anything done physically, I think he's still benching. So I kind of what do you call this is? Would this be if she ends this? Is this technically a breakup or not? Because if you yourn't boyfriend and girlfriend? Is it just do you call it a discussion? Do you

call it a I don't know. It was like everything that turned into nothing, That's what I would call I don't think that they're they're definitely not breaking up because they're not together. But also, let's not get ahead of ours is maybe she's gonna share how she feels and then this guy's gonna come back and be like, oh, you know what, I actually feel the same way. Let's be boyfriend girlfriends. Officially that's from this email at all. That's im I obviously, you know you never know it's

gonna happen. That's what I think what an ideal situation would be. But also, would you rather, would you rather express the way that you feel to someone get turned down or just be have this crappy relationship strung out, being uncertain about whether he's talking to other girls and looking up with other girls whatever, you know what I mean. I think of the three scenarios, you tell him he likes you, you you tell him he doesn't like you, You You don't tell him, and you just carry on doing what

you're doing. The worst scenario is telling him or not telling him and just carrying on and being unfulfilled and unsatisfied. And by that logic of deduction, my point is proven because I think that the two best options come from telling him how you feel, and the third option, in my opinion, stucks, and that's the one that doesn't involve something him how you feel. I think that I agree with that. Yeah, I could, I talked, I turned Mark around.

I can't believe you're gonna You don't want to wonder the forever? You can't just sit in limbo and wonder forever. Okay, best, Wow, what a great way to start this podcast. No, I totally agree with Dean. I think, listen, what's the worst that gonna happen? Like you said, it's really not a relationship right now anyway, So worst case scenario you guys don't work out. Yeah, exactly the next one. Tori has a point. Tori has a point. I have to just ask for the ladies, is it technically a red flag?

If you were to see a guy often interacting with other girls on social media, should that be something we read into or not? Um if it's your boyfriend, absolutely read into. It depends on the interaction is going. Yeah, I wonder what she means by interaction like d m

S comments. Probably comments. I bet you there's like pretty there are slimy guys out there that comment like inappropriate things on girls photos on Instagram, and those are the guys who want to stay away from, hopefully something in appropriate. If he's commenting on like Instagram butt models, then yeah, red flag. But if it's like his cousin, you just got to know who the girls are. He could be like interacting with his sister, right and we all know

how that could work for you. Jared, when you brought the five girls to the same restaurant over the course of the week. That's what I mean. I brought my best friend who's a girl, the one that sign me up for the show, my sister, my cousin, and then a producer from the show, and you're dating the whole town. Oh I think I think he said Claire, and I was like, Claire Clair got to Mark find out about Claire. The player of rude is, so what are we saying that?

I mean, we're staying tell him how you feel, but um, I don't have expectations. Yeah, with with no expectations, don't be attached to the outcome in your head because that may not happen. My thing is she already knows and she should just walk away. That you're going to walk away that saying anything at all, that's the he has said everything by not doing anything and saying that he wasn't he didn't want to be in a relationship. I mean, if you cut off communication, you'll find out if he's

interested because she'll come looking for you exactly. Yeah, that's that's true, But it sounds like he won't, which I guess. The Tories point is kind of telling you exactly what you need to know. Welcome to my I would take dark side, but I kind of feel like it's a light inside. Welcome. Well, I think you've got three great guys here telling you that you should tell the person how you feel. And that goes for all the listeners

out there. If you have a guy or a girl or whoever it might be uh that you're interested in and you feel a certain way and you haven't maybe expressed fully how you feel to that person, just do it. What do you have to lose? Sometimes Tori's point, it can kind of come off for a little crazy, little too early, but it sounds like they have like established a pretty good war with each other. You know, they're talking often, they had hung out already. It only comes

off crazy. It only comes off crazy if their tone is crazy. Like if you address someone like an adult and tell them what you're looking for and this is what you want, and if they can't meet that, then maybe you should go your separate ways, and that's not crazy. But if a girl or a guy goes from zero to a hundred and two seconds and rushes them and calls the other person crazy and they're a player and they're a douchebag, then yeah, that could come off a little mod oh I hear is that the root of

all craziness is men. Thank you. Next email, I don't know how you got that well. This one's pretty heavy, but I think Dean, you might be able to help Amanda. She said. My boyfriend James found out his dad at stage three esophageal cancer. He was expected to live fewer than nine months. Fortunately, if dad was able to get through multiple surgeries and countless rounds of chemo to live a full and active life for three years. But this January,

his cancer returned him and death desized quickly. He was put in hospice care. He died this past week. I don't know how to help James get through this. He cried only once with me and only talked about his dad's death once. He hasn't taken anytime off from work. He's been joking around excessively. But the hardest part is he's going on bike rides until four in the morning, losing things, misplacing them, sleeping through than six hours a night,

and making major mistakes at work. I understand this maybe part of the grieving process, but I wish you would open up to me or anyone any ideas. Now, Dean, you obviously have lost people close to you in your life, and I remember you talking about a girl who really helped you when your mom passed. So I think the question is what does he need and what can she

do for him? Well, when I say that the girl helped me after my mom had passed, I think what she helped me was distracting me and kind of like making me forget about everything that's going on, which is maybe that's maybe that's a tip right there. Well, it sounds like this is what's what this guy's already doing, and yeah, I agree that. Uh this, so she like wants him to talk and like open up and like, uh dissect his feelings and like go through that with her.

But I think in this situation, it's like you just have to be respectful of their healing process and like, you know, if they want to joke around about it, because that's what they need to do to make them feel better about it, that's what they're gonna have to do. And I don't think that, Like I think back to past relationships where you know, I'm like I'm like open about having lost my mom and all that stuff, but

I don't really get emotional about it anymore. And I remember dating someone and she was like Jeff kept like pushing me and like urging me to get emotional about it, uh, and like wanted to be the person there that was like helping me overcome this emotional you know, uh, whatever for for having that happen. And I was just like it kind of like just pushed me away. If anything.

It's like when the person wants to open up, they'll open up, and the best thing that you can do for them is be there for them when they're ready to open up. But you're not going to help them get to that point by just like prodding and like continuously asking questions about it. I mean ask questions, sure, but not like you know, not like forcing that person

to open up with you. Um. But in regards to things like you know, misplacing things, sleeping fewer than six hours, and I making major mistakes at work, I think that's just maybe like he's just a little sad and needs time to process it. I guess since I was so young when that happened, I didn't like have work. I guess I was missing school and all that kind of stuff. But I was kind of just repelling. Uh, So that's

my advice. It's just kind of give him his time, give him, not give him a space, but make sure you're there for him when he needs you, because at some point he's going to you know, he should talk to somebody. It may not be her, Unfortunately, she should like to teach that person. Well, yeah, he should talk to somebody, but he should be the one that makes that decision of who he talks to and when he

talks to them. Like when I was, I was put into therapy after the hunter died and after my mom died, and it didn't do anything for me because I don't want to be there. Like, if this guy doesn't want to be in therapy, he's not going to get anything out of it. So just like, you know, be there for him when he needs you. I guess that's my only real advice. What do you guys think? How's my advice? I mean, you can give a far better answer than than I ken Man, but I agree with everything he said. Yeah,

just be there, Just be there. Yeah, jos, I'm concerned about the four um bike rides, but yeah, she may not be able to be everything she wants to be in this situation. But just being there might be enough. I mean, like, look, a bike ride until four am is better than like binge drinking every night until well nobody knows what he's doing on these bike rides. I think that would be the nerve racking park. I suppose. I don't know. It's just a tricky thing obviously, because

you don't want to go overstep. You don't want them to get uncomfortable. Um. But yeah, I think like the one thing that maybe I wish I had more of was people that were willing to sit down and talk with me about it, because since I didn't really have anyone like that, it kind of just continuously made me put up walls and then never really want to talk about it ever, even to this day. Like you know, I talked about it, but I don't talk about it

as much as I maybe could. Uh. And so for this email or, I think that's the best thing she can do is, like I said, just continuously remind him that it's like a safe place for to open up if he wants to. Yeah. Good, And this is an interesting question for you too, that that Torrion I would have no experience with. How do you guys deal with

so much public opinion on your relationships. I would think it'd be hard reading people's opinions and comments all the time, but you must have all figured a way to move past that. Is it ever gets you down? That's Christine Jared. I mean sometimes it gets you down. You just can't

really have it affect you greatly. I think it's not. Uh, it's when there's a cluster of comments, right, because that's when you start believing people, when not just one person saying something, but you know five or six or seven, which is still a small minority, but in your head

is the worst thing ever. Um. But I would say the public persona like the scrutiny that comes from the public can be hard, but I will say that it's it is greatly outweighed by the support that Ashley and I get from a lot of the people that have seen us on television. So, just like anything in life, you gotta take the good with the bad. That's kind of my mindset towards it, and try not to listen to it, even though sometimes we do, which is not healthy.

But I guess we're human. Yeah, I guess. The thing that I always tell myself whenever read anything negative is it's the people that know the least and uh have like the least information about the situation that are saying the most and making the most bizarre comments and being the most judgmental or critical. And it's just like, I always just tell myself, these people are idiots. I'm an idiot. Obviously,

every we're all idiots. But when people are like negatively bashing either you or your relationship, they're doing it with like limited information and they're doing it probably specifically to get our eyes out of you. So the best thing you can do is just kind of ignore them, because by retaliating or engaging with them and you're giving them

exactly what they want. But it is weird. It's weird going from like, you know, all of your relationships being just your relationships now like your relationship with actually is like shared with the world old and mine was with Kaylin is shared with the world in ways that, uh, I guess not many people get to or have to experience. So it's just like, yeah, now it's not so bad.

I would say the worst part of it was when um uh it's probably I guess, I guess like the best and the worst part of it was when we first came out as a couple because just so many people had questions and then people had doubts. I think a lot of people had doubts. I guess that's the hardest one is when people say dumb stuff like they know for a fact that we're fake and the wedding

was a ruse and it's all publicity stunt. And I guess that gets me mad just because of the the false nature of it, Like how and how wrong they are, you know, that's what makes me. It's like, why would you if if somebody was like, I don't I don't buy it, It's like, okay, whatever, you can have your opinion. But I've seen people will be like, no, I know it's fake, and it's like, okay, yeah, no, you know you know better than me. B Well, what's the theory there.

The theory is that you talked to your friend Ashley and said, look, there's obviously no romantic stuff between us, but I really think we could get a lot of publicity if we pretended to get married. Yeah, I mean, the marriage thing is ridiculous. Not that many people say that anymore, or like that was very few and far between, but like when we first dated, oh yeah, people thought it was a publicity's done and then we went on Paradise to get engaged and then uh uh yeah, but

it doesn't really bother us. The funny thing, uh, the interesting perspective that I have with my relationship is since I've been you know, I was on the show the first time like three or four years ago, and Calen just you know two years after me, so one or two years ago, whatever however long it was. So I have like this bigger perspective on relationships, having gone through breakups, been in public relationships, and she's like a little bit more uh you know, dil ide and like more just

fresher on the on the whole situation. And so she's still like let's let's things get to her some time. And I always like had to con and reminder like, hey, like, as long as you're happy in this relationship, it shouldn't matter what anyone else is saying. Like if people are saying that there are relationship is ridiculous, or you know, whatever it is, it's like, don't let that affect your well being or like your state of mind, because who

are that They don't know who you are. They just are making assumptions, and they're making you feel bad because they want to make you feel bad, which is just a bad situation. And so as long as you can continue to think that, uh, and you don't let them drag you down, I think that's the biggest, most important thing. So yeah, but for Christians, say hopefully, she I don't know. I guess you're right, Jared. It's kind of like a blessing and a curse in a sense. Um, But I

think the good does strongly that way. The bad, Yeah, It's just the bad is louder. That's the only thing. That people who say the things are just louder than the people that say positive things, which is unfortunate. But the yeah supports way better. It just greatly outways any negativity that comes from it. But we do have a guest who's waiting on the line right now. She is from the all new series Find Love Live, which is

on t l C at eleven pm. It is Sukanya Krishnan uh and we will talk to her right after this break. Hey, welcome back to help I suck it dating. We have a great guest who is currently on zoom with us right now. She is from the all new series Find Love Live, which is on TLC at eleven pm Eastern Standard Time. It is Sukanya Krishnan, also known as Super. You're so great you pronounce my name. Thank you so much. Of course, thank you for having YouTube clips where I was able to look up your name. Yeah,

that's always a good thing. And you you you called yourself Suki, So I don't want people think I was giving you like some sort of nickname out of left field. That's okay. You know, I've had that nickname since I was like ten years old because I think one of my teachers basically was like, what is your name Sam? And you know, and and she was like, I can't say this, so let me just call you Sukie. So it just has kind of stuck and has stayed with me.

So it's just it's easier when we really are you know, when you're mad at me, you can call me Sukanya. Well we're keeping a chill with my mom's day, she calls me my first and middle name. That's how I know. So when things are going well, it's just Jared Hey, Jared house things, and then when she's piste off of me,

it's Jared Matthew. So I'm like, gosh, I didn't do something. Uh. So Skania, like we said, you are on the new TLC show Find Love Live, which helps find singles their future partners from their couch, which sounds like the perfect date to me. So tell me about the show. Listen.

We're all living life because we're socially distant right now and we're all isolating right so we're finding ourselves in this new uh, in this new social experiment should we call it that, because that's exactly what it is in terms of how do we create relationships uh and not feel like we're not connecting? And so TLC came up with this like really brilliant idea of using what we're doing right now, how people are dating right now, and

turning it into a live show. Um. And so basically it's kind of like, uh, you know, people are in these little virtual boxes, and you know you have potential daters. You actually could date those potential daters if you go to find love live dot com and you like their profile, so you could kind of get in on the action from your couch. And even when the show is live, we could kind of switch out the boxes if the data isn't actually feeling you. So there's there's a lot

of variables in there. And let's say you don't even want to get in on the whole dating situation of the person that's out there on TV putting it all out there. You could just kind of get into your Twitter sphere and like ask questions or figure out who you would like person X with person why. I mean, if we're just talking about Jane and John, you want to hook them up together. You thought they have the right vibe that you can go in that direction too.

So there's a lot of that. So how does this expa? How does it? So? How does it work? So you obviously like pre vet these people that are coming on the show, right, Yeah, like okay, you're you're single, you're interesting, you like these things we have. You know, is it always three suitors or three guys? I mean right now it's three, but it could always be. It could be two,

or it could be like somebody. Let's say that the three potential uh people that we thought was cool to put out there, this person isn't vibing on well, they can bring to other new people uh from the waiting room, and maybe they might bring them not based on their profile picture or something like that, maybe just by their voice or hearing them, and so we're trying to bring that real connectivity, which is not a physical connection maybe but maybe just more of Hey, I like that person's voice.

I like what they're saying. I kind of dig uh their vibe right now, and so like, let me this person out the type that I usually go for and maybe get out of my box a little bit literally figuratively getting out of your little box and stop checking it, if you know what I mean. Yeah, I think check off boxes. I get it. Yeah, yeah, well literally, like how we're talking right now, we're all in our boxes. And people have types, right, And I hate what people

say they don't have types, because that's real BS. I think that people are innately attracted to some aspect and every person has a little bit of that thing that they like. So if you really want to get introspective with that, it could it could actually show that. So, so, Kenya, do you play like the role of Chris Harrison on this? Do you give advice? Do you like I'm kind of like, yeah,

I guess, I guess. I call you out on your b s if you're like being really disrespectful or I could be a therapist, or I could be your best friend, or I can would be your wingman. I mean, whatever role you want me to play, And I think I have to be a little bit of that for everybody

that's in in this sort of virtual space with us. So, um, I have to wear different hats for different people, Like I need to be more supportive with one person, maybe I need to be a cheerleader for another person, and another person I might need to bring down a couple of notches. It's kind of difficult, but you know, I guess how many of these shows or episodes have we seen, Like how many couples have just one? Just one? In

premiere on Sunday? Uh? And so I think, like everything that's live on TV and that's organic, uh, and that's not scripted. Um, there are things that are betweaked for next time and the following Sunday and the following Sunday after that. I think it really depends on who the people are when they show up on TV and what they're giving to their potential people that are going to date. You know. I mean that's how I mean. Don't you

find it really hard? Like you really have to emote you really have to kind of sell yourself, and if you're sort of a laid back, maybe sarcastic person, it might not translate right away. So you know, you kind of have to feel through all of those things as well. I feel like dating over the computer is so much harder because, like you said, you can't get a vibe and you can't get a vibe in person. Yeah, but how is that any different than how you kind of

vet through people on a dating app. No, that's what I mean exactly. But the whole point of like this is not a criticism of the show. I'm just talking about like just in general in general exactly, because like dating apps, the whole point is at one point the goal is to meet in person, and now we can't do that. But I like what your show is doing because the winner of like the you guys, So the winner, whoever the suitor picks you guys, go on a virtual date the next week, so they look like, I mean,

whatever the person wants to do. I mean, there's lots of ideas out there, right, I'm sure you guys have discussed what virtual dates look like in the time of self isolation. I mean, is it like you get uber eats to bring over drinks for a happy hour maybe uh, and then you guys both sit and have like a make a drink together and have a cocktail and just kind of get to know each other or you know,

do you do you? I don't know if somebody's like really into like zoom classes and wants to like do something physically fit, yeah, I think every anything is out there. But I think ultimately at the first date, whether you're in front of each other physically in front of each other or looking at each other like we are, I think you can kind of get that energy through, believe it or not. What the way somebody looks somebody, um, the kind of sarcastic little comments that go back and forth.

Maybe the sexual innuendo might be flying. I think you can you can see if this has a potential to being something even after isolation is lifted. Are we gonna get to see the first dates? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's gonna be. It's gonna be part of the component that's gonna be on the digital side, or if it's the date is like really kind of crazy and over the top and really interesting and fun and something that we haven't experienced before. We'll probably put it into the live

show too. I mean that is all TV day, you know, to be determined. So for the contestants that are perspectively going to come on the show, the more outragand outrageous you make your first date, the more likelihood it's gonna get picked up. I don't know about outrages or authentic. I guess outrage is authentic. I mean it could be as cool as you having like a real deep conversation

with somebody, and you're getting to know somebody. Maybe they were one person on the television screen and maybe they translate into that date into something a lot a lot more chill, a lot more sexier, uh, and the conversation delves into who you are, what you want? Um, how do you feel about this currency situation? Why are you still single? I mean, there's a lot of things. I think people are being more introspective these days as to what they really want. I mean, the world kind of

has changed, right. Twenty nineteen seems like something in the past and is sort of rewriting a new sort of chapter for so many people, whether it comes to us in our dating life, when it comes to our our our own family, dynamics that we have going on, people reaching out to friends, connecting. I think people are having an introspective look. And I think because there's been a lack of emotional intimacy, sometimes people have failed at relationships

because you really have to put yourself out there. I mean, it is really a ride, and there are lots of there's lots of ups and downs, and it's not a perfect fit right away. You gotta work at it, right. I mean, that's what your parents say all the time, right, I gotta work at it every day. Yeah. Do you think that introspective level everybody's reaching right now is gonna last? Or do you think people are just gonna go back

to the way things were before? Now we're gonna go back to being selfish and egotistical in man and ego and I I mean, I mean we are the me generation, so it's gonna yeah. But I do think there might be one percent of the population or maybe even I'm gonna go for teen percent of the population that will have a change that will be made and hopefully they'll be able to flip a switch. It depends on what age you are. Listen, If you're twenty one and twenty four.

Maybe you're not changing your game right now, but if you're thirty four and forty, you might be changing your game. Or if you're thirty and thirty four, you might want to change your game a little bit and tweak things that aren't haven't been working for you in the past, that could be working for you in the future. Do you find it intimidating all to be the host of the show, because obviously you've been. I mean, this is

like completely out of my box. I mean I talk a lot about relationships personally in my mind, Like I've counseled many of people, um in the makeup chair, um. But to kind of put myself out there on a totally different level, Yeah, yeah, But I think I think relationships are about common sense and respect, and I think sometimes we overthink things too much, and sometimes it's the simple things that really connect us that are the things

that make a long lasting relationship. And I always talk about, you know, you've got to find out your fundamental value systems. What what what are the things that really make you tick? And we might not go that deep on fine love life, but the reality is, if you can come in with intentions of really wanting something to be better than what you've had before. I think you can kind of manifest

that and make it happen for yourself. I mean, it's it's it's really about putting yourself out there and and the guy and the girl have to be at the same place at the same time, which I'm sure you guys have discussed why things don't work right. When you're casting contestants on the show. Do you factor in um geography like where they live, seeing how now everything is digital, Yeah, I mean I don't think we do factor in it

at all, because everything is digital. I mean, on the first show, we had somebody from Billings, Montana meet up with somebody in New Jersey. I think it's up for them to figure out whether it's going to be geographically desirable or not. You know, right now, right now, we're just connecting this way. So if they're wanting to take it to the next level, and let's say they really do contect connect, maybe she's gonna go do the little

fly fishing. Maybe she's gonna roam around the plains, maybe she's gonna go check out what the Rocky Mountains were all about. I don't know, honestly. Fly fishing right now. Sounds amazing because in laws a little over two months. So I'll go fly fishing. Let's do it. Baby that didn't get the chance to see the first episode. Is there a way that we can go back and watch it? I think it is online. I think it's part of a part of a component that will be there, I believe.

Don't hold me to that, but I think it is. I think it will be there. Have these show has been prerecorded? No? They go right live, like the whole thing is live. Yeah. Yeah, tend Fixing nine thirty and five four three to one, Hello America, how are you dating right now? It is? Yeah, it's gonna be Imagine imagine like Bachelor a lot like where you're being televised

for however many people to see. You're supposed to be like, you know, you're not even very good at this whole like video dating thing because most of us wouldn't be um and then all of a sudden just being broadcast out to two millions of people and completely and you have to like sell yourself in thirty seconds. You have to like kind of have it. You know, you gotta like literally jump out of the screen, you know, you gotta and you've got to capture America's attention. I mean,

there there. But this is why I feel like my role is kind of interesting because I'm able to see the dark horse in the race and maybe put attention and say, hey, have you looked at the have you looked at this person? You need to make mee have a second look. Maybe this might not be your type, but it could be somebody. That's interesting, especially because since we're connecting this way. I mean, I mean, what's the lost here of having a zoom dates forty five minutes

of your life? What are you doing from you can hang out well forty five minutes of your life and and risking public embarrassment. I guess there's a difference between a zoom day and a zoom date Live on Tell. But like like all reality sort of dating shows, you're already putting yourself out there. So I mean, you already you know what you signed up for, So I I don't really feel that there's too much to lose. What was the craziest thing somebody did night one or night

one good god, I'm talking bachelor's slang. Uh to make a first impression? Well you know somebody, Well, I had asked question, just kind of breaking it out of box. This guy is. It was Luke what he would um what animal he would describe himself in bed? Ass? You know what I mean, It's pretty easy. It's a pretty softball question. I thought, uh, And he said a frog And I was just very essentially active and I'm just

not aware of this. I haven't like google that. I gotta be like, Siri, can you answer to that question please? For me. I gotta be honest. If I googled what type of sex are frogs having? My wife would have a lot of questions. I think Dean is googling right now. I was like, I was trying to figure out what kind of animal would you describe yourself as in bed?

Oh my gosh, Like maybe like a jack rabbit that's pretty good in and out you jumpine, Maybe like a starfish just like you just hold back for dear life. You can imagine for you, it's gotta be challenging that, like you said earlier, just because it's not your wheelhouse. So you have to come up with this stuff like on the fly, like one have you ever had to ask someone before what kind of animal are they? Like? Yeah,

a couple of yeks later. I usually do a strange questions like that, Um, listen, I mean, yeah, it might not be in my wheelhouse, but I think you have to be like a person. That's part of this. I don't think everybody has to have being I guess, um, what do I want to say? I guess people don't have to be in their little little corners, right. I think we're all human and we're interested in love and we're interested in connection, and that's something that I've always

been um about. Um and also helping people. And I feel like because I'm married, I do have some say in this. I can tell you a little bit more about if you do get to this side, how good it can be. And it could suck. It's from time to time, but overall it's it's you want to grow old with somebody. You do you do unless you're like a total part of the pun. But unless you're a total lone wolf, you know, like you Jared twelve years Well, now now I'm a two person wolf pack my wife

wild pack doubled in size. Okay, yeah, so I'm sorry. How long you've been married? Twelve? Twelve years? I listen, and I waited longer I waited later in life to get married too, So this wasn't like, oh yeah, I jumped in like in my twenties or my late twenties or even my early thirties. I wait until much later to actually connect with somebody. So I kind of get I kind of get it, uh, in terms of trying to balance your own professional life, your expectations, your personal life,

and and how difficult it really can be. I mean, dating in New York City is not an easy thing and he stretch of the imagination at all. So for those of us that want to watch episode two of Fine Love Live, it's on, Yeah, it's on TLC this Sunday. You gotta check your listings depending on where you are. But it's an Eastern Standard time at eleven pm live, so on the West Coast it would be eight pm live, and really check it out, be open minded about it.

I mean, this is kind of like an organic social experiment that's happening, So I mean it's hard to just jump right at it right away. Uh, in terms of like how people have become accustomed to, um, maybe other dating shows. So, uh, there is no script to this, there is no retake, there is no let's go back and take this again, and let's edit this element. This is not happening here, this is this is all one

fluid hour. It's kind of like Truman esque to me, you know, like The Truman Show, but on virtual dating essentially pretty much. Yeah, I looked up. You can watch the first episode on t LC dot com as long as you have a cable subscription. All right, thanks Park, Okay, perfect expecting this first season. We're gonna go all the way to the end of ay and hopefully I'll get picked up. So, I mean it really is it a response of how people are feeling about it. Um, I'm

hoping that it goes all the way. I think there's a lot of potential here to uh kind of explore relationships in America, especially uncharted territory that we're in right now. So I'm hoping it goes all the way. I think it's a great concept. And also people are just craving something new, So yeah, yeah, coupling, you know, isolation. You know, I'm your quarantine cuban. You know, I might I might

shoot an arrow sometimes it might be blanks. But I think I'm going to nail a couple of people, probably want to shoot some arrows. It makes it more entertaining. Thank you so much for joining us. Nice meeting. It's so nice meeting both of you. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Of course you stay safe and uh, stay healthy. Alright, have a great night. By bye, Thank you, bye, guys, and once again stuck army. Just to make sure you guys know this, Find Love Live on TLC at eleven

pm Eastern Standard time. Watch the old new series hosted by the very own Sukanya Krishnan. And we're gonna answer some more emails right after this, and we're back with more help I Suck at Dating with Dean Lerd and Jared Haven and my Heart Radio podcast Help I Suck It? Oh my god, I haven't done so long. I almost forgot to help I suck it. We really need to give about these beatings. So do you still have those beaties? Yeah, of course. Well we gotta give him out at some point.

I'm waiting for the right time, the right place, the right people, the right we have the right people. Who ever listened to this podcast, those are the right people. Those are the same people in this world. I'll tell you that much. I'm waiting for the stars to line. I did get a comment the other day that someone said they thought that the hat meant that I thought that the army sucked, and I was like, oh crap,

that's not what I want people to think at all. No. Yeah, my father in laws that when I first walked into the house. I was like, No, that's not that's not's not. That's where you got from this hot It's like some people might interpret it that way. And I was like, well, if there goes the had idea yea, And now I kind of feel bad. But for those listeners out there, we're still going to give out the hats yet. There's just gonna be a little lasticks and we strongly support

the United States military. Yes, thank you for your serious thank you for everything that you do for us. All Right, we're gonna we're gonna answer one more, one or two more emails left. Let's run him. Let's do it. This one. This one that the the overarching topic on this one is when a guy has a female best friend. Yeah, trouble. Here's what you have to say. This is from another anonymous I have been with my fiance seven and a half the years, and I really don't like his girl

best friend. They've been friends for ten years, and I don't trust her. At a party, my fiance got really drunk in his arm around her the entire night and barely acknowledged me. I told him I don't like her, and I never will. I will be cordial to her for your sake. Fast forward to last year, he got an invitation to her wedding and no plus one since then they have ever really talked. Fast forward to this February. We're talking and he mentioned he'd like to reach out

to her to men things. We've had multiple arguments about this and I'm so tired of talking about it. We're getting married in four months. Help. What the hell? That's a pretty a lot of a lot of movement parts in this one. Hold on, Jared, I'm interested in your take because you have a female best friend. Let's see here, seven and a half years, you guys have been together, you're engaged. He's been friends with this girl for ten years,

so she's known her longer, she's married. Everything like it seemed okay to me up until the wedding invitation where she didn't invite his girlfriend of seven plus years. What the hell, How did she think that was not gonna be a huge red flag. So Anonymous doesn't like her. Clearly she doesn't like Anonymous either, Yes, so that's not healthy for relationship, especially if this is his best friend

as as she as she's saying. And then apparently the relationship the friendship ended probably after that, because he says, she says, fast forward to this February. We were casually talking. He mentioned he wanted to reach out to her to mend things, which makes me think that the friendship was lost, probably after this lack of a plus one, which I can't blame her because that's bolt. Um. Yeah, I think the dude should just give up the friendship. It's over.

But why isn't why? What's why is he wanting to mend things? This thing ended, that's fine. What is it that he needs to Why is it so important him to get this back? I think that this girl, Anonymous, the emailer, had a little bit of jealous tendencies, and when she saw her boyfriend with his arm around his

best friend, she got jealous. And even though it wasn't necessarily the girl's fault for having for the guys aren't being around her, she projected and blamed the girl, when in reality, she should have been blaming her boyfriend at the time. That's true. As far as we know, the other woman has not given any reason for her to not be trustworthy. It's it's the fiancee that you probably aren't trusting a hundred percent. I mean, the dude just gotta give it up. He's got to give up the friendship.

It's over. Well, I think that you should never ask someone, especially significantly, to give up a friendship because by doing that, that's all that's gonna do is start festering resentment towards the other person, Like, how are you going to tell me who I can and can't be friends with? You know what I mean? Like, I'm saying the controlling thing.

I agree, But I'm saying this on the fact that she said he wanted to reach out and somehow men this friendship, which makes me think that the friendship is over and maybe the friend definitely over. That's what I mean. Maybe it's time to just leave the friend she's not saying, and this friendship she's saying, let it stay dead. Yeah, you're saying, since it's already over, she should just let

he should just let it stay dead. Yes, which I think maybe, But also at the same time, it's like if they used to be your best friends, why like they should have the ability to reconnect to Merican friendship. I can't get past the plus one. I can't do it. I can't get past the plus one. I cannot bother Is your fiance that much it's not worth going back to. If it bothers your fiance that much, maybe they shouldn't be your fiance. Maybe you gotta choose. He's gonna put

this dead friendship over his current engagement. It's not just a dead friendship market. This is just that this is one thing. What's gonna happen in five years, in ten years, this one thing is going to turn into a million little things that she uh isn't getting her way with or he's not, you know, willing to bend on. I'm just saying it's it's a slippery slope. If he gets to pass on this, what else is he gonna have

to pass on? I am around like a really small town, So I relate to the like the ten years of friendship thing where you have those newcomers into the group and it's hard for you to accept. So I'm not saying, so I kind of feel like it's not valid what she did to not invite her to the wedding, because

it's like to be the bigger person. But I do think that there's like a sisterhood brotherhood bond there that like she's probably just feeling really hurt that this other girl's coming in like exing that out when you're like we've been friends for our ten younger years, which is basically having a brother or sister. So it's like she probably feels like, screw you for getting rid of my brother, that she should have invited her to her I was

just gonna say the exact same thing. If my sibling didn't invite Ashley to her wedding, it would be like, what the hell is wrong with you? You know, like that's not what brothers and sisters do. So that makes me think that they don't have a brother and sister type of relationship. And I'd also be curious if these two have ever hooked up. Yeah, that's a that's a

big factor, and maybe they haven't. My thing is if it's if something like this makes your fiance, your wife, your girlfriend that uncomfortable, I think you need to respect that. I agree with respecting it, but also, like I said, that just means there is a bigger problem of foot something stewing and I just don't like it. I you know, Dean could be right. Maybe this isn't just a one issue type problem. Maybe there's multiple issues and anonymous is

just emailing us with one. Jared, let's ask you this because, like you said, you have a best friend who is a woman, at least you used to at one point still okay, And how does it actually feel about her? She loves her, they're like sisters. And what if what if actually one day was like, Hey, I don't want you to be friends with that that person anymore? Well, I mean if I was giving reason as to why if somehow I was I had my arm around her

name is Crystal. I had my arm around Crystal's shoulders at a party one time and was awkwardly flirting and ignoring Ashley. Uh, and if Crystal didn't invite Ashley to her wedding as my plus one, I would say that those are red flags enough for Ashley to approach me and say I'm feeling uncomfortable. Um, yeah, I mean that's that's that's that's fair. So I mean I got lucky because yeah, I remember, I'll never forget when this is

before Ashley and I started dating. She was so confused by it because I was like, oh, my best friend's Crystal. And she's like, I don't get how your best friend is a girl and you guys just have never hooked up dated or anything like that. Like, no, it's just she was really close with my sister, and then we became like almost like three siblings. And then Ashley met Crystal and hung out with her and then sorry, I our dynamic and she's like, yeah, it's a totalal brother

or sister type thing. And now Crystal and like during the time when Ashley was still dating the other guy and I was in I wasn't in the know of which way Ashley was feeling. Uh. They would talk and Crystal would be like, my little messager, you know it worked out really well. Uh yeah, so you know, well, I will say, I will say, when you put it into perspective like that, I understand where this emailer is

coming from. And I might have been a little hasty in the words and the things that I said, but I still think that there might be some truth there. But I'm not as solidified in that stance as I was at. I don't think you're wrong. I don't think you're you're crazy. I think this is something that she

just really needs to talk to her fiance about. And it is a little I understand you don't want to give up a friend, but the most important thing is is making sure that their relationship is strong and there's no problems coming from exterior people. Right. I think the consensus among us is at this point, especially they're the

most the priority should be their relationship with her fiance. Yes, with her fiance, and I'm sure her fiance feels the same wa about her, and it kind of doesn't necessarily make sense to reach out and have their relationship mended. But honestly, like maybe a positive for reaching out would be like, Okay, cool water to the bridge. We're like

acquaintances now, but we won't like regain our best friend status. Yeah, but like we understand that happened, like we had a falling out and that we're back to you likes being good, but we're not best friends. And to defend the fiance a little bit, he was honest and saying I want to reach out. He didn't just reach out behind her back. That's pretty good, you know. That's that's good coming to her and saying this is how I feel and this is what I want. So he's being upfront, honest. That's

pretty good. Okay, that's good. Uh. We'll wrap today with Jamie, who has the best truth about men and women that I'm gonna assume she has ever heard. She says, you were given a girl advice who wanted to ask her boy friend to get healthy and lose weight. Okay, after nearly twenty years of marriage, here's what I can say. Men don't change. Look at his family, look at their lifestyle, look at what shape they're in. If it's really important to you, don't expect change. Move on. Here's the difference

between man and women, according to Jamie. Men fall in love with a woman exactly as she is in that moment and spend the rest of their relationship hoping she never changes. Women fall in love with a man's potential and spend the rest of the relationship trying to get him to reach that potential and change him into a better person. What are your thoughts on that? It sounds like when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. What's

gonna happen. It's pretty good. Though I don't think she's wrong. I don't think she's that wrong either. I mean, men change. I mean I think men do change. But I do believe that more often than not, women are the ones who fall in love with the potential of somebody, where men fall in love with the actual person. They put up a lot of nonsense because but but that's I guess. I guess. I guess it is contradictory, isn't it, because we do change, because women do change us. Yeah, but

I speak from like personal opinion. My wife like like she sees the potential in me, you know, like she sees the guy that I can be, not the guy that I am, if that makes sense, And it's that, I guess women like the prospect of being able to change a guy. I mean I've heard that plenty of times.

Even I've had I would say, over the past few years, I've had like x is from you know, like not like official boyfriend girlfriend, but good girls that I dated in college or at whatever walk of life reach out to me on multiple occasions and they said, I always thought that I was going to be the one to like change you or something like that. They see it

as a challenge or tame you, tame me? Sure, yeah, exactly, h they do you see it as a challenge, And I think that they just want, uh, the gratification of being the one that does ultimately change that person for the better seeming likely. Well, we may not change, but I have a much better person. My wife's made me into a much better person after twenty two years. But you started out as a pretty good person, and so I said it, as a decent person, But I was

an idiot. Guys in their twenties are idiots, no offense, But I do believe that guys in their thirties are idiots. I'm thirty one. I can tell you from personal experience, I'm an idiot. If girls like to change or like save the man, what do men like to do for women? It's what she said, We want you exactly as you were the day we met you. Really, the male brain is very simple. We we don't need much. We literally sit down on Sundays and watch like thirteen hours straight

of guys just bashing into each other. We don't need much. We don't think that far ahead. There there is some truth to that. What a guy, like the guy wants the woman to stay the same. It's funny. It's having this conversation my buddy the other day about when when I first got an Xbox after breaking my leg. Dane. I was like, oh, yeah, like I'm so happy for you to play video games with your friends, and then like a week ago, she was like, dude, you are

always playing that thing with your friends. Get off of it. I'm like, well, why did you change? Why can't you just go back to being supportive of me playing my Xbox with my friends? You know what I mean, Dean. Didn't you see something last week when men are just happy, full bellies and empty I did not say that. Okay, I can't possibly. I don't remember how it ends. Something. It's like like there's content like full bellies and full bellies empty head. I don't know that too. It must

have been on a like scrubbing in or something. Because we're a little more derated over here marketing. What do you what are you teasing for next episode? For it? Well, we were thinking that we love that evenil from Jamie so much, the universal truths of men and women. To get us more of those, what have you found to be the absolute truth about men or the absolute truth about women, or the absolute truth about men and women together. You can email us that and here's Tori with the address.

It's I Suck at Dating at i heeart media dot com. Or you can d m us on our podcast page. Yeah, you can d m s that help I Second Dating on Instagram. You can totally follow us as well, because we're we're getting close to twenty and I really for my own really from my own ego, I really just want us to get to twenty followers. So if you guys, you know, suck Army just really wants to, you know,

get behind the podcast. Follow us on Instagram. If you don't have an Instagram, create an Instagram, you can follow us. You can follows Dean, you can follow Mark, Tori, me, whoever the hell you want really sounds good to me. I'm I'm all for it. But yeah, you can also darts Mark if you want to finish that statement from earlier. I'll give you the floor now before we all sign up and say goodbye. I think I want to do but thank you for showing bellies. Baby cold belly is

an empty something. Little belly, open heart can't lose Uh, gonna do it for this week's episode of Help I Suck It Dating. Big thank you to uh you guys, obviously, big thank you to su Kanye Krishnan. We sure to check out Find Love Live on TLC Sunday nights at eleven pm Eastern. By the way, just so everyone knows, Dean is in bed, he's got his laptop next to him in bed. But is that a frozen blanket? Well? Yeah, and uh and yeah, it's a frozen blanket, but I

recognize its Queen Els. It's a fantastic movie. It's actually one of my favorites. Is that Yours are Kalin's blanket? Well, this thing was purchased in after I broke my leg. I needed a blanket to keep my leg warm because it was cold in London, and so we bought this. So we're gonna throw it away when we came back. Yeah, and I said, absolutely, don't throw it away. With's taking home with us and now it's one of our favorite

We take it everywhere. Who everywhere? Right? That's beautiful? Anyways, that I'll do it for this week's episode of Help I Suck At Dating? Be sure to tune in next week where maybe we'll suck just a little bit less. Follow help by suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast m HM