What Turns You On?

She also is a Bachelor super fan host the podcast Will You Accept This Rose, which might be the greatest Bachelor podcast title of all time because it's so on brand. It is Arden Marine Art. And thank you so much for joining us. Jared, what a joy. I am so happy to be here with you guys. I'm such a fan and I'm a fellow Rhode Islander. So this is this is Little Roady where the two that got out and the proud right now, the last thing we need right now is be out number two to one Rhode

Islanders versus the world. Dean knows how much pride enjoy I take in my in my home state. So I am so glad that you were on this podcast. Thank you, okay, Dean, I went to Colorado College If that helps, Does that help at all? I spent some time. I've smoked out of a twelve foot ball like super barb at the top of a loft. Things have gone arrived for me. So I've also done that too. Hey, that was just down the street from where I was in school too, at u CCS, So I spent I had a couple

you know, drunken weekends at the c C campus. I can't say it wasn't the worst time in the world. Is that like a Colorado thing you have to do. You have to smoke out of a twelve foot bong on top of a loft something that. Yeah, if you're born in Colorado, you do it the day you're born. And if you go to college there, you just do it your first day of college. So it really just depends on when you get into the state. So like every eighteen years, you have to do this type of

thing every once every eighteen years. I'll tell you I'm not even good at pot like and it was a terrible calm, but like I was already drunk usually and then somebody's like just have a hit and it's it wasn't a good idea in general, and then you have me climbing like as a light lightweight on top of a homemade laft. It wasn't good. It didn't end well, Jared. I don't think I've ever heard somebody describe themselves as I'm not good at pot, but I'm bad I'm bad

about I go right to Middle Earth. I go right to like the Demogorgan's coming to take me like. It's not I'm the I am the buzz kill. I am the chick that's like, if you don't hold my hand, I'm gonna fall into your couch. You know, it's all. It's all Middle Earth. It's not hear. I don't know what's funny on the on the topic of weed, uh, since we're already talking about it, why not is people always assume, because of my life style that I smoke a lot of weed too, But alright, I'm the exact

same as you. I am not good at pot. Whenever I get high, I like become the person that no one wants to be around, and so I just avoided it all costs. At this point in my life. I'm gonna guess you have a similar thing where people say to me, and I'm certain they say to you where people are like, oh, I want to I want to see you high. You're like really think that until I'm high next to you and you have to deal with me absolutely high for I stay high for days. It's

like it's like here we go again. Why did I think this time was going to be different. I'll be high until next Tuesday and you have to deal with me. The most recent memory of me smoking weed was actually not too long ago. A couple of months ago. I

smoked out of my friends bong. It wasn't twelve feet long, but I got too high and I was at this my friend's house like kind of like a party or whatever, and all of a sudden, it like hit me all at once, and I like just lay down on the couch for an hour, and I made Kylin come in and abduct me and take me back to the apartment because I literally I was so unable to function I had to get the hell out of there. I don't know, I don't know what it is. I don't know how

people can even function on it. I'm personally I'm not one of those people. I'm glad that I'm in a familiar company here. You know a little known fact about me. I've never smoked pot, never once in my life. It's not actually something I'm proud of. No, I mean I only did it honestly because I was in Colorado and at a certain but you sort of have too. And I never I passed Giggs. I never had the googles. I like went straight past giggles and right to total paranoia.

I'm sure it's fun for a lot of people. I it was not fun for no way. I'm such a paranoid person in general. I already think people are like watching me and I'm gonna attack me. I would kill myself if I was on pot. I would be convinced that the world is trying to get me, and I need to just lock myself in a closet for at least the next three years. Well, can I tell you?

I could promise you that is what would happen, because I'm wired very similarly, and then I would in college when I would do this, I one time locked myself in my dorm room and under I hid under the rug. Okay, I was like hiding. Ladies sized love like this girl under like you're not going to notice this lump under the rug. No one would find me, So I can promise you don't need to dabble. I did the dabbling Forest, Jared.

You would end up locked in a closet. I mean, it would make such a good story if Ashley found me trying to hide under a rug. Though it almost makes me want to try to talk. You know, what, are you in Rhode Island right now? I know you guys were there this summer. Were but I'm in l A now. Unfortunately, you could hide it under a Rhode Island rug. I feel like in l A it would be it would be a little more alarm Yeah, round, definitely more acceptible to hide under a rug. My cousin

hides under a rug every Tuesday. It's like the thing that he does. Oh you think your cousin thinks he's better than me. Your cousin who's the party boat d jail does he thinks he's better than everybody. He drinks his dunk and my sister, Your cousin. You tell your cousin. I've been waiting for him behind the dunk and doughnuts on one and I got some words for you, cousin. How annoying are we Yeah, I'm just gonna sit back and let you guys get this out of your sister.

Can I just say where I met a little baby boy, Dean. I met Dean when Dean was about to become a bachelor man. I met Dean at a very specific window

in time. Okay, I met Dean three years ago. My podcast did a live show at the Outside Lands Festival, which was a joy in San Francisco, and it was super fun and it was right after Rachel's season had finished airing, and America everybody, I mean people, everybody loved Dean and we were the slotted the earliest show of the entire festival, you know, so like you have giant musical acts going like they're like, why would you go see comedy in a tent? Okay? And we were the

only noon slot the entire weekend. We were convinced no one was going to come, and we had Dean, we had Wells. Kenny was there, Alex and Benzi all came and it was packed. It was packed, and my friend Anna, it was Dean. She literally had to go like fight

young ladies. It was like as it was like Robert Pattinson at the height of Twilight and they she had to like fight to get Dean through the crowd to come see like they were going back, and Dean he kept was right before his first I stared and kepting like, oh no, they're all gonna be mad at me. They're all gonna be so mad at me. They don't know because you've already filmed it, but like it had an aired and you were about to do your first sponsored content.

It was like a watch and you kept apologizing from the stage. You were like, I don't think I've sold out. I'm going to sponsor a watch tomorrow and now. And Dean was a joy. He was a delight. And now here we are, You're on our podcast, which is not why I'm unfortunately, but maybe one day. But you know how when you when you know how you when you ride a roller coaster and it's always like that initial climb and you get to the top and that first climb in the first big drop, like that's as high

as you get on the roller coaster. Is at first that that was me getting to the top of the roller coaster and it's all been downhill from there. Ever since a couple of loops thrown in, you're a couple of like twists and whatever, and a couple of big you know, a couple of little rises. But that was definitely the That was the pinnacle that I could never plan to reach again. I couldn't. I couldn't imagine what

you were talking about. You you kept going like they don't know, they don't know what's coming, they don't know. I'm like, what did you do in Mexico? Like what's happening? But it was such a joy and I will always feel like I've always been rooting for you, and uh, you were so fun and sweet and that's yeah. It was a very specific window and there there is. I mean,

I still remember it to this day too. We became best friends that weekend, and I actually am jealous because Alex and I are really good friends and you and Alex really became best friends that weekend. Alex, Alex I. I texted him yesterday. He said to say hi to you. And also, Dean, I have a book that is coming. I don't know when this air is, but it's out. It's called Little Miss Little Compton. You're in it. I

talked about there's a photo of you. I need to send you a copy whenever you get to a place that actually accepts the mail. I was, I'll just throw it at a van. Which which photo of me did you choose and show you? They called you a TV grief angel. Grief angel. My dad had just died. Your dadda just my dada just died, and you guys, And I felt like the Bachelor put me back together. And it was like talking about walking around the festival with

five of the hottest guys I'd ever seen. And then I and like, you know, I let myself cancel anything I didn't want to do in my life, but I wanted to do that. It was like he died, like, you know, ten days before the festival, and I remember bonding on stage with you about how dads are tricky, and um, I don't know, it was really you guys. It was. It was a particular moment in time and I will always be rooting for you. I want to hear more about this book. Is it like an autobiography?

It is. It's a funny book of essays, um, but it's it's sort of I would say, it's really fun and funny. It's heartfelt, you know. Um, there's a lot of sort of my worst stuff there's a lot of bad dating things in here. I mean, I could tell you I definitely had a broken picker, like you put me back in the day in a room, I will pick the worst dude, like the guy that I will be paying his rent, he will be stealing stuff from my medicine cabinet, like all of it. So I gotta

stop you right there, because this is dating podcast. We got to hear one of the stories before we carry on. Oh my god, I mean, okay, I dated this guy. I dated this guy. Here's okay, here's a dating thing for guy ladies, anybody out there. I dated this guy.

He was like there was something I think alluring because he kind of sucked to everybody else, but he was like nice to me in the beginning, right, So there was something about being chosen by like kind of a douche but they're like nice to you, and You're like, I'm the chosen Yeah, You're like the special person that can turn the bad boy around. That's exactly it. So like, and I hadn't had that before, Like I used to

be sort of the cheerleader for people. And I also believe I write about there are no fixer uppers like I used to think like my only worth was like being like no, no, Brian, like you will be that great stand up comic or like whatever like that. If I could cheer like people are as is like that. I do think there are no fixed ruppers. So I dated this guy. He was like a fashion designer, and he was such a dick, and I remember um, but

in the beginning it was nice to me. And I remember member he the first time I met his mom, he was like screaming at her in the next room, like and she was a nice lady. And I heard him be like Dann and Channon, you know, like I told you not to bleach my congenes, you know, like whenever.

And then and then I had to go and be like, oh, hi, nice to meet you, Mrs Sotes, like I'm arden like and I if somebody yells at their mom, they will eventually if they hate their mom, eventually, they will hate you. They will eventually, like if they're not respectful to their mom,

like to me, that is a red flag. That is a big red flag, particularly if their mom is a nice lady, particularly if you're an adult, like I feel like I appreciate my mom so much more as I get older because I'm like, wow, I've seen other women be pregnant and it's um, it's a tough one, like thank you, thank you for putting up with me for ten months inside your body, kicking your ribs and then birthing Yes, dude, I mean I talked about that. I

talked about I talked about like unsuccess. I talked about like like aggressively trying to lose my virginity in high school, like I wanted to do it before I graduated, and I did. I got in under like the sixth day mark,

but I like there was there. I remember going on like a double date in high school and we were did you guys have this in your school where there was like the couple that wasn't the obvious horn dogs, but they were off just getting at it like rabbits everywhere, like the secret ones that looked just like good students, but they were just like totally banging everywhere all day every day. I don't know if it was like a couple, but like I knew, you know, guys and girls that

were definitely like quote unquote the quiet ones. You know that you're like you would never suspect and then like every weekend there, you know. That's so I went on a double date with like that couple that was not the obvious couple, and I was like, the guy was really cute. It was like a cool, like cool guy. We'd be sort of dating for a couple of weeks, and I, like an idiot. I wore this like almost

it looked like a door or the Explorer outfit. I mean it was truly like a full like like a sister wife full length circle skirt, and like like that clearly sex was in the air in my outfit. And

I didn't know. We were going like to break into a public pool to go skinny dipping, and we had to climb a fence to get up and over, so like it was like a really tall fence and I climbed to the top and like the other couple was already off and just like going at it in the water, like in the opening sequence of what was that when Elizabeth Berkeley was show Girls, they're getting at it in

the pool. Yeah, so they're like show girls in the pool and I'm at the top of the fence like like I've got like two weeks left to lose my virginity and I. I was nervous about like breaking my leg or whatever, but I was like, hey, yarden, like I was stalling, and then finally I was like, Okay, I'm just gonna jump. And then I jumped. Guys, the ground didn't come. My giant skirt hooked on like the topic. It was like hanging like a huge circles skirt like

hanging by my waistband up in the air. And then he had to like I couldn't even get I couldn't touch the ground, so I couldn't like get myself up and off, and that he had to like lift me up, get me off of the fence. He did eventually remove my virginity. It didn't happen that night, But I just want anybody out there to know you can recover. You can glow up in adulthood. You can pick people that are not um, that are not mom yellers, you can

pick people that are not like fix or uppers. There's hope for you if you have a broken picker, because I certainly did. I gotta say it to uh as far as like the disrespecting their mother or parents. I've even gone as far as excommunicating my friends that are clearly and blatantly disrespectful to their parents. Like back from when I was younger, I always saw, well not always, but I had a couple of friends who are like, really mean to their moms all the time, and I'm like, dude,

you should probably be nice to her. And ever since then, I've kind of x communicated them from being friends with them because it is it's like a it's a telltale sign that maybe they're just not the best people at the end of the day. Um, but Arden, we are gonna move on. We have some fetishes that we want to talk with you about, and they're gonna be weird, but we want to get your take on it because you always got the hot takes that we love to

see so much. But we're gonna take one quick break and then we're gonna jump right back into the fetishes with Arden. Welcome back to help I suck at dating. We got Arden, we got Dean, we got me, we got fetishes. So we're gonna talk about some strange fetishes and get everybody's perspective on it. Well, first of all, let's let's talk about does anybody have a strange fetish? Here? Arden? There's no way you don't have one. I mean still,

let me ask you this as a Rhode Islander. Because you grew up in the same school system that I grew up in. Do you feel would you feel free enough to even admit it if you did? Now? Yes? Five years ago? No way? Okay, what is it? Just did Ashley? Was that a game changer? Um? No? I think honestly just being on the show and being more vulnerable and opening up and realizing like it's not weird

to talk about fetishes. I mean certain fetishes, sure, but like I mean, I'm always down for like, uh, you know, some handcuffs, you know, graints, you know you can't go wrong there. I would agree with that. I think I feel like every game. I mean, I'll speak for myself. I you know, if it's a person that you're excited about, I'm not mad about like some fun throwing around the bedroom, I'm not. I'm not mad at a little like a little tie me up, a little spank, andy spank. I'm

not angry at that. I don't mind. I don't mind. I'm not mad at a cute little outfit, you know, like it should be fun. My first my first chapter is talk about how was a child, my dream was to be a stripper, so I'm like, like, nobody could stop me from stripping. I was like, you know, it

wasn't dark. It was more like a burlesque girl. But yeah, I think there's something fun about like having a cute little outfit and whatnot, like rouge absolutely rouge La la movie in my youth, Dean any like fetishes, I was trying to think, I don't really think I have any. The only thing that I could really think of that even is on the spectrum of a fetish I would say is fish nets, And it's not even a fetish. I just think I just think fish nets are really I think those are a little bit of I don't

like fetishize them. I just think that they're sexy, you know what I mean? Probably do you guys are you lingerie guys? Like, do you have a certain kind of lingerie that you like? Like do you like are you like I like only black lingerie or you're like, I'm game for any of it, I mean black laundree. I just something about maybe this is where the fish net

quote unquote fetish comes from. Something about a thing that starts on the feet and goes above the knee, Like if a girl wears boots that go all the way up above the knee, like halfway up to the quad or something. I think it's like the one of the thigh high I think it's one of the sexiest things that girl can do. So anything, you know, like sometimes there's those lauingderie that like buckles to the garner the gar Yeah, that stuff, that's stuff. I'm getting a little

hot and bothered. I can see that that van is all steaming up out there somewhere. I couldn't I couldn't agree more with the thigh highs are so sexy. I think that's why I like burlesque Mulan Rouge, because they all wear thigh highs, and that is a big turn on, I think for a lot of guys. I mean to me as like, so, you know, little Compton, which is the town that I'm from, we didn't we didn't get cable, like literally, there was just it was three stations until

like two thousand five or something. So I would just they would play these old movies and I would see. My dream was to be like a cigarette girl at the Rainbow Room, like a nineties I wanted to like a little hot pants and like a little like like sequin and like a little feather thing. I was like what, because in Rhode Island everybody just wears like turtleneck and wool. I was like, why would you wear that when you can wear nothing and glitter like that? Just something like

what ladies, ladies, there's glitter out there. Why are you covering yourself and jeans and and Patriots hoodies? That's what it is right there. That is the Rhode Island outfit. See oggs used to be because when when I was in college, the biggest thing was north Face. It was like north face leggings and ugs. That was that was a good look to That's cute, big fan. So so we have some strange fetishes here. And first of all, I don't even know if I want to call these strange. Uh,

they're just fetishes. You know. People have their own preferences. So one of them, apparently is women prefer spending time with smartphones more than their partner. I don't know if this is a fetish or not, but researchers found if people are unable to be on their phones, it leads to stress and anger and panic. A fifth of those surveys said it would be harder to be without a phone for a week than their significant other, and one in six said they were entirely dependent on their mobile phones.

Is study conducted by researchers, but they also found that more than a quarter of adults check personal email on their phones, one intent will check work e email, and half will keep tabs on social media during their honeymoon. So what do you think about that people are too dependent on their phones? That's pretty much more of the story there. I mean, I do think we're all addicted to it. I don't know if that's like a fun, horny fetish like, you know, it's like I think, yeah,

we're we all are. I can definitely feel like the dopamine, Like it's like, oh I'm gonna oh look there's a notific case. It's I'm not proud of it. I think. I think I wasn't on Twitter for two years and I just went back on. UM. I do think it doesn't necessarily do great things for us. But I don't think it's personal that you don't like your partner. I think it's more like we're all just kind of addicted

to technology. I also don't think it's every time we pick up our phone, we're getting like a rouse, you know what I mean. I don't like, I don't feel like a little tingle down there whenever I pick up

my phone. I mean sometimes I do, sure, but not all the time, which I don't I don't know necessarily constitutes a fetish, I would say, but I kind of see what you're saying where it's like, why would you be more interested in being on your phone, especially on like a honeymoon for instance, more on your I mean, Jared, you've been on a honeymoon, So what was it like for you? Were you on your phone ever? Because you guys were, yeah, well, I mean we were after the

first couple of days. Yeah, we were not on our phones constantly, but I was, you know, checking posting on Instagram, Twitter, things like that, because just like anything, you know, you're taking your surroundings. But then you kind of like, okay, you get normalized to to your environment. I will say the last two days when we were in Greece, it was like, Okay, phones away, we need to really appreciate this.

We're never going to see the sun. Well, hopefully we'll see the sun set, you know, on the Mediterranean again, but who the hell knows if we will, so, like, let's take advantage of this. But I agree, I mean we actually actuley and I just watched the Social Gelmma Netflix. I'm sure you guys have heard about this, if not seen it, And like, it's just everything you already know about phones or in technology. You know, I already knew. It's just it's a concert reminder that we are quite

addicted to our phones. Um, but I also want that kind of leads me to the next uh fetish uh It's it's called techno sexuals, and apparently there's a rise in techno sexuals. Four percent of men are aroused by Amazon Alexa. So. A new study commissioned by we Vibe, which is a sex toy company, found loneliness and anxiety during the virus induced lockdowns are likely resulted in the

emergence of quote techno sexuals. We Vibe surveyed a thousand men and discovered in those within those thousand people, fourteen percent of those guys confessed that there Amazon smart speaker sexually arouses them obviously, also known as Alexa. Uh so, apparently alexis kind of fulfilling some sexual fantasies. What are our thoughts about that? I have a hard time believing that a hundred and forty a hundred forty of those thousands of people of guys said that Alexis sexually arouses

that can Alexis say like sexual things? Can she likes

dirty talk? I've never even thought about this. Is this like is this like a result of the pandemic quarantine and people are just feeling more lonely than normal, or is it actually like in the study had said that there was a rise in what they're calling techno sexuals because everybody's locked down and not really, I mean, I think I think people are I feel like this pandemic has definitely been a journey and brought outsides of all of us that were like, hi, I didn't know that

that's how my brain operates, or like everyone's reacting differently, and I think it's harder. It's it's just hard, And so part of me is like, good for those guys, like if that like you know, like hopefully they have a little fun, feels fairly harmless, you know, if they're popping a bone or if it's like, you know, good good morning, the weather. I mean like um, I heard a story about somebody I knew that, like they were

somebody somebody. Okay, this is this is potentially well, but I'm just saying somebody knew someone that had an affair and there was like text messages going through and like the Alexa was hooked up to their cell phone and would like read texts, and he was with his family and it started like reading incoming texts from like his his mistress when they were all at like a Thanksgiving Christmas together, and I don't it's like that'll yeah, isn't that?

Isn't that? Like that feels like that would be a good plot point in in a movie, Like in a movie that starts with a girl trying to lose her virginity two weeks before she graduates in high school, Skinny dips with the boy, uh you know, falls over the fence, her dresses up in the air, and then it ends with the guy's phone being hooked up to Alexa, the guy that she thought she would end up with. We

gotta write this, We gotta write this Netflix. You and I would be the two watching, you know, we would watch this and that would be like the climax scene. She thinks it's going to be like this one guy. And then she finds out like he's like the bad guy and her friend that's been there the whole time for her Like and we get Toeford Grace to play the friend that's been there the entire time there and like Jonah Hill, Jonah Hill comes in to deliver the news,

Dean or you did we lose you? Dean? Dean did you black out? I see your eyes rolling back in your head in a van somewhere you think about Alexa an Thai high. Yeah, I'm a little blazed over every I love that you guys are able to to bond on the knowledge of movies and the I don't know, the appreciation for it all, because that's something I can never do with Jared. So and I think we need to have you on the podcast because I can see the excitement in his eyes you talking about it, big

movie buff guy. So this next fetish is, uh, it's fall related. Uh. So the timing is good, it says for men, pumpkin has a real turn on. So Chicago's Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation found that the smell of pumpkin can increase blood flow to the male genitalia. It was noted in one study by neurological neurologist Alan Hirsch and other researchers at the Smell and Taste treatment that pumpkin pies aroma was found to produce a fort

increase of sexual arousal and men. It also scored in a high percentage with women. So Dean R. Didn't I ask you you guys get turned on by pumpkin? Is crazy? That's like a that's a pretty high number. That is a lot. I also want to know who's conducting the study, like who's paying for this? Like they're like, I know what's going to give everybody, lady bonus, a man bonus.

You know what it was? It was probably somebody walking into a Starbucks ordered a pumpkin spice latte and they were like, why do I get sexually aroused every time I smell my pumpkin spice latte? There's something to this. I wonder if it's because it feels kind of like the hunkering down, like it's a real like that's a time of year in a perfect fantasy world, you're about to put on some like maybe you're gonna have some

snow flurries. You're about to like hunker down. There's something sort of the fun of like we're gonna go into our little fun cave and get at it, you know, Like there's something nostalgic about like it's it's there's all the potential in the world. We've got Halloween, we've got Thanksgiving, all the holidays and New Year's Like this is a fun, festive time of year. I'm ready to bang. I don't know.

I'll tell you. I'll tell you who culture these studies to be taken is Pumpkin Farmers of America were like, we need to come out, we need to start selling more pumpkins somehow. This is how we're gonna do it. I guarantee pumpkin sales are increasing. I will say I have only really experienced pumpkin pie aromas when I was a young teenager in my house, when my mom used to bake pumpkin pies, and I will say I was horny all the time back then. So speaking from experience,

it's positively affected my uh my sex drive. But it granted it's a small sample size, and it's from a long time ago. I did not know I had an older brother and I'm so glad I didn't know. He told me later. I didn't know just how horny teenagers male teenagers were in high school. Oh my god, No, I didn't know. He told me later. He was like, Oh, you literally have like it is all day every day, and you were fighting it and it's distracting and you

hope nobody notices. And I'm so thankful, Like I literally did not know. Yeah, you know how like in airplanes and busses, there's always like exit strategies or something like in case of in case of an emergency, like these are the precautions to take. I can only speak for myself, but I would imagine most most young boys hope this way too. There was always an exit strategy for like, let's say there was something going on downstairs when it shouldn't have been going on, and you needed to get

up and make a presentation announcement to the class. When you get called on by the teacher or something, there's always in the back of your head you're kind of plotting on how you're going to be able to maneuver the situation, to make it just to save yourself the embarrassment, Like what like what was an exit strategy. Uh the well, again, I can only speak for myself, and we're getting this is kind of weird here. Uh. I got pretty good at the like the talk, the tuck, the flip I

called I was called the flip. Flip it up another way. It's being a real quick like as you're standing up to make it look like one fluid motion bought a being bought a boom. No one's the wiser. I love that, Jared, was this this thing that you were I mean, like this is true for all guys, right, Yeah, But the problem was I used to wear a belt all the time.

I was a big belt guy, so that would cause some serious issues because then it's just you know, janes on that area of the body, like friction, especially with the tight belt around not good. I would always like if I ever encountered a situation where you know, I the bell rang, I don't know what the hell is going on down there, it's just happening, I would I would always make sure I had a book out and it's just walk with like the book in front of so all my books in fact, except for one, and

I would just hide that area. I gives it much compassion for all my guy friends, because like women didn't have to fit. You don't have the physical telltale signs. You can anything could be hiding what you're thinking about, and I never noticed. I had no I really didn't know. I'm glad I didn't know. But it does give me

compassion for my guy friends. I appreciate the compassion, but at the same time, I am very glad that that is the only thing we had to deal with, you know, like if I had to deal with only that, I think guys are hey compared to what women have to deal with. Oh yeah, And also like the weirdness of like when you are sort of blooming and going through puberty, like the weirdness of all the adults around. I mean, there's so much. It's like it is a strange journey

being a young lady. Strange journey. I give you guys all the credit in the world. So there's like a couple other ones. I don't know if you'd call these fetishes or not, but like, uh, this is actually kind of a fun fact. So the history of doctors diagnosing women with hysteria. I don't know if you guys knew this, but apparently the vibrator was originally created in the late

nineteenth century to treat women diagnosed with hysteria. An article and Glamour magazine said yes, the vibrator was originally conceived as a medical prescription used for treating hysteria. In the eighties, doctor J. Mortimer Grandville officially invented the vibrator, and it's the electro mechanical invention was patented. I can see that it's it's certainly a stress reliever. I would imagine, sure, absolutely. I mean, yeah, I think it would. I think that

is that's a good idea. I think that's a great I remember when I got my first vibrator, Jared. I remember was in therapy. I think I was like twenty two and I'd never had one, and my therapist was like, you need to. It was like no, you know the Rhode Islander and me, the side of me that grew up with women in turtlenecks, was like, I'm not doing that. And then she was like, you have to go do it. So I went to the pleasure Chest on Santa Monica Boulevard and guys, it was the first time I ever

got recognized. I walked in and they were like yeah, they were like, hey, aren't you that girl from that sitcom? And I like, h like, it was like, on the one hand, like so exciting that I was I've never been recognized before, but it was also like maybe I don't know am I like? So? Yeah? That was that. There you go, that's my story. Does anyone doesn't want to see the irony and in this story about how the vibrator was invented by a man? Yeah, that's that's just kind of silly to me. I feel like I

don't know why He's like, ladies, ladies, you're hysterical. Calm yourself. Play women, you need to smile more. You're hysterical. It's so true. That's pretty Yeah, it's like the ultimate man's plaining. It's the ultimate man's plaining. Like, clearly, you guys have some tension to get rid of. Let me take care of that for you and art and got hers from the pleasure Chest. I think that's just that's that's fantastic. Have you ever been in uh, like a what would

be called like a sex tours toy store? What am I thinking of? Like in r is called Amazon uh and the Amazon Amazon Jesus amazing, that's what they're called Okay. I mean that's what the pleasure chest is. That's what it is. I got sent there by this doctor was like, I was so Rhode Island. I was so New England walking on like I don't have you ever been in wait at and I'm sorry, backtrack for a second. You got sent into a pleasure chess store by a doctor.

It was my therapist was like, you need to like just go get a vibrator and I was like no, and uh, you know, and then she was like, yeah, you need to get over there, like it's not a big deal, Like it's literally not a thing, like nobody cares, like, just go get one. I was like all right, and then and then I got and then I got recognized for the first time ever the best in the best setting positively and like surrounded by like you know whatever, like butt plugged him like you know, like hey, hi,

Yeah it was not. It was like kind of my biggest nightmare and also in your biggest It was like I made it. My God, I gotta call my mom um, Jared to answer your question, Yes, I have been in like a sex store. I think maybe like twice in

my life. I don't think I ever I've ever purchased anything though, although remember when we were kids, uh didn't stores like hot topic always care you like funny gifts like the pens or like the boob pens, And yeah, I would always I would always sarcastically go into Spencer's Gifts as like a teenager with my friends and just like laugh at that, like you know, just because we were young and childish, stupid, and we would just you know, laugh at all the stuff that they had in there.

But that's basically the extent of my sex store shopping. I went into a sex store for the first time, probably like my early to mid twenties, and it was of course in Rhode Island, so it was like two

o'clock in the afternoon on a Tuesday. So I go in there and it's just me and this one other poor guy he was like he must have been in his seventies or eighties, all by himself in like the DVD porn section, and I wanted to be like just just just google it, man, like I probably like, you don't need to pay for these DVDs, like like you know how you're just like, oh, that's it was like us endearing because you're like, oh, yes, he's getting hen DVD.

And it was it was just like it was certainly an overwhelming experience because I had never this is gonna be weird, but I've never seen a dildo in person before and that was the first time. And it's like I had I had not either. That is that that thing is big? I had never. I was like, I didn't even know. This was not my idea and I did not even I was so embarrassed and so overwhelmed, like looking yeah, I mean, and of course the people worked there, they're so numb to it they could care less,

you know. In my sex, said teacher, I had a woman with a thick Massachusetts sack said, who wore like maroon leather blazers and smelled like coffee and like cigarettes and tuna fish. When she taught, and she maybe was your on. We had to like she taught us sort of the basics. And actually, when I was writing my book, I had to call my friend who I was in class, would be like did I make this? Like did this happen?

And she's like confirmed that it happened. So she taught us everything and then she went off roading and she taught us about golden showers and Cleveland Steamers like and yeah, she was like, and she was sort of eleven, so I never held hands with anybody. Yeah, and she was like, she was like, she was a little homophobic Rhode Island about it. She was like, some homosexuals are aroused by your nating on one another. And it's like, first of all,

why are you teaching us that. Second of all, I'm sure it's probably if that's your thing, I think it's anybody like all of it. Looking back, I'm like, that's so inappropriate. I've never held hands with a boy that we were taught that that was our sex, said teacher. That's not a good representation of a sexual education, Rhode Island. I promise everybody. I was not taught about golden showers. Sure you were, sure you are? Jared? Okay, Jared, at

least not in the class in the classroom sex. So we do have some emails coming up, and I do have some dating terms I want to get to before we say goodbye to art and in the podcast, of course, But before we do that, let's take a quick break. What is up? Everyone? Welcome back to help I suck at dating and as always, or at least what we've been doing recently that I have enjoyed thoroughly. At the end of every episode, we will have Jared pitch us some dating terms and we'll do our best to figure

out what they mean before he gives us the definition. Uh. And of course we'll answer your emails before we do this, though, do be sure to email us your questions, your experiences. I suck at dating at i heeart media dot com. Um, but Jared, what are some terms that you have for us today? So I'm glad that Arden's here too, because I feel like she's got this, uh, this great imagination that's going to be perfect for this exactly. So Arden, of the past couple of weeks we've been doing uh,

like you know, dating terms. We gotta get used to it, you know, cat fishing and bread crumbing and all these things. So I've been looking up a few more, trying to gather as much information as we can. So the first one, I think we may have talked about this on the podcast a while ago, but I want to bring it back up and Arden, I want to get what you think this is. And of course, Dean Haunting, what do

you think haunting could be in the dating world. Okay, well, I know what ghosting is, So I feel like haunting is, say you've ghosted someone and maybe you're like lurking around looking at like their profile pictures maybe, or like messing with them by like commenting on their friends posts or their posts, so like, even though you're not replying to them, you're still kind of giving them enough little breadcrumbs to keep them interested, but you're never fully going to like

show up and like date this. That's what I think haunting might sounds like. I think I think Arden hit it right on the head, but I'm going to come up with something else, because just for the sake of this whole segment, I'm going to say that haunting is um agreed along in terms of ghosting, but rather than disappearing, um just physically like you wouldn't a ghost, you still are like pinning them with messages and phone calls and all these things, but you are never meeting up with

them in person. So you're like you're haunting them because you're never actually going to progress the relationship and take it to that next level. That is a great guest, and you guys are both pretty much correct on this one. Haunting is when a ghoster starts liking your post or even resumes following you on social media from beyond the grave, pretty messed. And you want to know what? I bet you know? This is what happens with haunters. Is the

ghost someone because they find someone else more interesting. They see that relationship to its end, and then they start to like kind of reinsert themselves back into the picture by liking or watching stories, responding to stories, all that kind of stuff. So that's kind of how I think that the haunter is born. I like that. That's a good guess. That's a good gas the haunter is born. I probably haunted in the past too, so maybe it takes one to know one. I guess, yeah, I've probably haunted.

We're there with you, we all miss. I feel like everybody's probably haunted somebody. So the next one is e fit E the letter E fit. What do you guys think that could mean? E fit? And that's a dating term that's not like a fit bit kind of a thing, not a fit bit, just a dating term fit All right, do you do you want to go first? Yeah? Is this some weird, like really organic segue into some ad that we have to put into the podcast. We're presented

by fit during a pandemic. I bet you it's when someone I so, I personally don't have a fit bit, but I know that you can invite people and like challenge them on like those fitness apps, And I bet you this is a way of engaging with someone via that. So like challenging them to walk more miles than you in a day, even though you guys might not like talk all that frequently like that kind of thing. That's a really very solid guest. I think that I'm gonna

I think that deemed is probably correct. I just for the sake of making it interesting, I'm going to guess that e fit is um is somebody that is sort of posting a lot all They're like, oh, I'm going to go on a fitness journey, so I'm gonna be I'm gonna be posting a lot of like my progression. Here's me like in a bikini on my post and I'm like trying to learn in like you know what I decided this is this is gonna be my time

during the pandemic. And it's like luring people in with kind of like but you're doing it at a thirst bait for a specific person you're doing. You guys are both really good guess ors. E FIT is when your social media post and pictures are careful curated so they serve as an online dating profile. I'm assuming that E must stand. I've been trying to look it up. It's got to stand for editing, I think, or electronic electronic.

Maybe I'm just thinking editing because you edit your photos to curate it so it looks like a dating profile. But that's what I FIT is when you carefully curate all your pictures on social media so it serves as a dating profile, which Dean and I have talked about many times. Instagram pretty much as a dating profile. Now, I heard you guys talking about that recently and that if you want to slide into the d m s,

don't go introduce yourself. Do a funny reaction to a story, right, or take the Nick Bile tried and true method and go back two years on their Instagram post and send it to them and say, hey, like cute dog or

something like that. That's that's what Nick does, and I'm sure it works, but I always I was thinking about this today because I respond to random dm s every once in a while, but the only ones I ever respond to are like, uh, ones of like talking about like either like photography or rock climbing or like things that I mentioned it in. So you definitely have to like tailor your message to them in regards to like the things that they're interested in. If it's just some

generic message, it's not gonna work. And and I fit Jared on that point too. I think I don't think it's editing fit. I think it's just people like putting their swollen bodies on Instagram to impress other people, even though in reality that might not be what they look like. So it's like they're fit. They're fit on the Graham, and I'm sure that they're fit in real life too, But they like embellish a little bit on the Graham, as we all do. I mean, nobody wants to see

the real deal. Tuesday at noon, let's be real, I'm gonna start posting my big old belly rolls on my Graham to see if that how that goes? Um So anything else, Jared? No, Well, I have one other, but this one is kinda it's not the best, but let's let's try it. So I yeah, all right. This one's called lay by by late lay l a y by b y one word lay by. You're never gonna get this one, even this definition one is like seems like a stretch because I don't get it. Okay lay by,

Oh I got it? Okay, Oh you go first? Sorry? No, please you you you are inspired, go for it. I gotta I gotta say it before I lose it. I think a la By is someone that is all talk and no walk. They're gonna they're gonna go to the point of just laying by you rather than making the move and actually like stealing the deal. So it's it's just you know, it's a figure of speech. So someone that's a layby is going to hype themselves up, but then when it really comes to acting on that talk,

they're never going to do it. And that's what a laby is. I think that's a great guess. I think I think a la By is somebody similar to a haunter, but maybe they haven't ghosted you yet, so like they're they're aggressively sort of like flirting, their posting, their commenting, and they're they're not going to leave, but they're never going to actually make the move of like making like

seeing somebody in person. So it's like they're they're never going to slow down, they're not going to disappear, but it's never getting to the next level. All right, you guys are you guys are pretty close? So layby is when you date somebody who is just about okay while flirting with better options in the fast lane. Right, Okay, so you're kind of the you're the jerk in this. Yeah, I think you don't want no, You're like, Okay, this person is good enough. Like I like Kyle, Okay, but

have you seen Jason. Okay, I'll take Kyle to my family Thanksgiving. He's fine, he's got a job, whatever, But like, is he that exciting? He's got a furrow in cave, but like he's not sexy. You know. That's a lay by, and I'm a person for doing that. So there must be a lot of laybys on dating apps. I feel like this happens constantly, where you're talking to a lot of people that you feel okay about while still searching for something better. It's a miracle anyone ends up together.

And it's a miracle in this world with apps and Instagram, when there's such a buffet of foxy humans that anybody is like, Okay, I will get off this merry you go around. I'm satisfied enough. This is it Like, it's incredible, It's it's amazing. It is a miracle. You're absolutely right, But it happens. Yeah, because love prevails. Mark, would you be so kind to read us some emails? It would

be my pleasure. This is from Vianna. In a recent podcast, Jared asked about people who do not kiss during sex. My best friend has not had his first kiss yet, but he lost his virginity before having his first kiss. During his first time with this girl, she leaned in for a kiss, and he instinctively covered her mouth. I couldn't imagine having sex with someone having to cover their mouth and they wanted to leading for a kiss. What do you guys think about that? How would you react

with this happened to you? I asked him why he refused to kiss her. He said, kissing is way more intimate than sex, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on that statement. Uh, I would, I'm not sure if I were more intimate than sex, I would. In fact, second, I would proceed very carefully with this guy and your friendship moving forward, because there's a good chance he's a

serial killer. Yeah, the only person I've ever heard with that was the Julia Roberts character and pretty woman like aside from that where you know she wouldn't kiss, she wouldn't kiss. But that's the only time I've ever to me that I agree with Dean, I would proceed carefully. It makes me concerned for your friend, like that there's a disconnect there that that feels less intimate is alarming

a little bit. And if it was, if it was if I was the person who was happening to, that would be a very large red flag and probably like, oh, maybe I've misjudged. I think this may not be some amity pursue further, I will, I will say in defense

of this person. Uh So, I have a friend who is telling me the story not too long ago about how he was hooking up with this girl and while they were having sex, she wouldn't kiss him, and he suspected that it's because she has a guy that she's really serious about and she thought that kissing would be considered more intimate than having sex, which I disagree with. I think it's weird regardless. But I don't I don't think that this person is alone in that thought. You know,

but he's never kissed anyone. He's never had a kiss. Yeah, but but now he's had sex. It makes me, It makes me think maybe he needs to go talk to somebody, know what I mean? Like, I don't know, Like I I'm rooting for him. I wish I'm happy this enjoy and that sounds lonely. Yeah, I mean, hopefully he figures it out. I don't know. I don't know what kind of advice could we give him, though. Do you think that we should tell him to go seek out advice

from someone or some help. I maybe just trying to even trying to have a friend, you know, even like a buddy, A safe buddy doesn't have to be It sounds like he is talking to this guy that emailed us, though. But I want, I want Mark, I want your opinion on this, because you're always the stage wise was you know, a gatekeeper here? I guess I don't think they're actually looking for advice. I think he's perfectly happy with his situation and she just thought it was odd and thought

you'd share it with us. Sounds good, that's maybe just don't date him, you know what I mean, if they're just friends and it's not with her, you know, yeah, I think the person who we emailed us, it's maybe none of their concern. They were just sharing it and speaking of none of their concern. This is Maddie. My best friend is in the semi new relationship and she really likes the guy. But she's also really getting close to one of his best friends. My friend and her

boyfriend's friend hang out all the time. I even saw a picture of her in one of his hoodies one time. I'm pretty sure there's nothing going on between them. I don't really know how her boyfriend feels about this friendship, but it makes me feel a little uncomfortable for her boyfriend. Do I question her about this new friendship? Do I bring it up to her boyfriend? Or do I leave it alone. I am always an advocate for normalizing opposite

sex friendships. I think that there obviously are some underlying like possibilities of like maybe they're hooking up. But I think that your branch and never just immediately go there, like you should definitely be allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. Uh, And that's kind of the camp that I'm sticking in. I would have to agree with Dean. I have a lot of my closest friends. I have a lot of guy friends and um, and you know, like like I would do a little live and let live.

There are there are there's you know, there's a lot of men and women that are friends and there's no reason to go poking in if nothing's going on, right, especially if you don't have a reason to be suspicious, right, I mean, like if the only thing is the only thing is it's like she was wearing the guy's hoodie, which is like okay, yeah, I mean I could go either way. It's like, okay, maybe she was just colder.

Maybe it was like she slept over at his house and then took his hoodie out the next morning, like that kind of thing. I certainly would not go to the boyfriend. If I went to anybody, I would just go to your your friend. I would not go talking to her boyfriend about it. Like, so if you did feel like you have that many questions, I would go directly to her rather than just assuming things quiet over there. Sorry. Uh, yeah, this is a tough one. It all depends if if

everybody can be friends. I think it can work out, but I always get weirded out when you're in a relationship hypothetically, like say Dean, you and Caitlin are in a committed relationship and Caitlin is really close with with some guy that you're you don't know, and she gets weird about you two being friends. That would be a red flag to me. As long as you are like friends with all of her friends of the opposite sex, I see no issues with it. But it always, it

always just tricky. You make a good point too. If the person is like skeptical about the two guys being friends, then it's because it's like, well, why are you like that? It's probably because there's a potential for something to be shared that you don't want to get shared, and that's when you start to think there's something to foot. But yes, I agree, Like, let's say, uh, she is totally encouraging of like them hanging out together, whether she's there or not.

Then that's a good sign because it's like, well, if you've got nothing to hide, then who the hell who that cares? You know, dating is so vulnerable, I mean just for everybody, it's it's vulnerable, Like you know, like there's so much It is definitely like it's such a delicate dance and each situation is different. And I love that you guys have this podcast so nice that people can email in. Well, we're very lucky to be able to host this podcast and we have a great audience

that listens that we love and we appreciate. We call him suck Army because you know, help by second seating is hard. Yeah, suck Army. Oh my gosh, I was a suck Army for sure. It's hard. It is hard, but that's why we're here. Do we have any more emails? Or is that that's all of it? Huh? I think that is it, my friend, that's it. I have one quick question about wearing the hoodie. Ye okay. I feel like when you wear a guy's hoodie, isn't she trying to get a reaction from somebody? I think that's not

so innocent as oh it was chilly. Aren't you trying to show that off to somebody and get a reaction? Maybe? Yeah, I could definitely see it going that way. I think that if you were to put it on like a spectrum, it would probably lean closer to that end of it. But I do think that there could still be like an innocent reason as to why less likely. Mind you, I agree with you, Mark, but I don't think that we can just like I don't think our brand should

just instinctively go to, you know, guilty. I think that we should, Ah, I don't know, consider the other and it's until proven guilty. Sure, this is America, after all, that's true art. And if you were in a guy sweatshirt, you're trying to get a reaction as someone. I mean, if I'm being really honest with myself, if I'm posting a photo of it, I can wear that sweatshirt. I don't need to have a picture taken and I don't need to post it so like if I'm doing it. Look,

I dated a guy when I worked at camp. Once I worked at a camp and I had a question the guy's friend. I'll be real with you. I liked the guy's friend more than I liked the guy. And sometimes that happens, and it wasn't my best work. And I can see a little eighteen year old art and putting on his friend's sweatshirt, like you know, and it's it's not something that I'm proud to say and I

certainly don't do that in adulthood. But um, I think if I was putting on my boyfriend's friends sweatshirt and posting it, yeah, that's when you're like, why are you posting it? There's no need to post it. That seems like showing off. Yeah, I agree, that's a good point. I guess I missed the part where they said that she was posting it. That's yeah, that's a little scared little sins. I guess we could say I think the friend is looking for drama, but I think Maddie still

needs to stay out of it. I think maybe Maddie has some feelings for the boyfriend is kind of helping to break things up. And that's a really good point. That is a good point. I gotta say. It's hard to have a strong opinion on these emails without looking like I don't have my computer in front of me to like really read multiple times, and I have the worst short term memory laws, so I basically forget everything as soon as it said to me. But hopefully that helps.

Hopefully that helps Maddie's a relationship or situation to figure it out. But for the listeners out there, please please email us more and next time, I promise, I'll have it up in front of me. It's I suck at dating at I heeart media dot com or follow us on Instagram. Help. I suck at dating and art. And you just came out with your book. I know you talked about it a little bit at the top of the podcast, but tell us more about this book, guys,

the Bachelor. If you I talk about the healing powers of the Bachelor in it is called little Miss Little Compton. They can get it anywhere books are sold. It's really fun. Debbie Ryan from Instaable wrote the foreword. I've got quotes from Amy Schumer and Chelsea Handler. It's really If you love their books, you'll love this book. There's a lot of heart. I talked about Sweet Dean and Wells in it. Um and uh yeah, my last name is spelled m y are I in it looks like Meyer and it

doesn't look like Marine. But um, I would love it if you got it and check out my podcast. Will you accept this Rose? I would love for you guys to come break down an episode sometime. It's really fun. You just tell us, Okay, great, it's also on I heart So when when the Bachelorrette starts up again. We will reach out. We would love to have you on. Ashley has done it a couple of times. Wells has done at a bunch. It's really fun. It's little Miss

Little Compton, a play on little Miss Sunshine. Yeah, that's awesome. It is, Yeah, because because I was like, you know, you know how tiny Rhode Island is, and you know how tiny little Compton is. Little Compton's like especially Rhode Island. You guys think about how small Rhode Island is. So dean I got married in Newport, like it's further away from the mainland than Newport. It's a way. It feels like it's a ways. And then it's also if you

guys care about dating, like my parents. The book starts out my parents met in New York. They were co workers. They never went on one date with one another. They got married on a dare to get vacation time because everybody got two extra weeks if they went on a honeymoon. To my mom, my dad dared my mom. He was like, Janet, I'll take us to South America for a month, we'll come back. We'll get it annulled. And she was like, okay, I'll do it, but I don't want to get it annulled.

And then they stayed married for fifty years, and then they moved from Manhattan to this tiny town in Rhode Island. So it is also about growing up with a crazy road map in this tiny town. And then the little Miss Sunshine thing was I just had stars in my eyes and all I saw was cows and women in plaid. And I was able to make it onto a sitcom by twenty two and I felt like little Miss Sunshine. When I got the call that I booked it, I was like, you know, it's living in zak Alapanac's closet.

And I got the call that I booked it, and I was just screaming and he was like, you're so loud. And that's when my life changed. And that's the book. Yeah, it's really fun. We're going to check it out. Hopefully, hopefully whichever van you throw it out will be the right van, because I want to read it. I mean I will. I'm gonna throw it at every van I see until it's your fan. I can't see how that would go a right Dean, I don't know how that mad a problem. It's a full proof plan. Absolutely. Do

you have a mailbox somewhere. If there's some physical address for you somewhere, I'll have a crow mail it over. Yeah, I'll send you an address on Instagram or something. But for the listeners out there to be sure to check out her book, little Miss Little Compton, and the podcast is will you accept this Rose? It's a radio podcast, so obviously you have love for for our our our

sisters and brothers out there. Um, thank you for the listeners for listening, Thank you to the emailers for emailing and art, and of course thank you for joining us this week. Maybe next time you join us, will suck just a little bit less. Oh my god, I would love that you guys are joying. Thank you for having me follow help by suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast