What's Your "Number"?

We are doing. I would like to make a quick note if case something happens to me, Um, I am in the van again. I don't have very good well the service is fine. What do you mean if something happens to you? Where are you in the world right now? That's on sketchy. Well, it's more so just you know, you're not I'm not calling in from like a reliable WiFi connection, so you never really know what's going to happen.

Are you ever calling in on a reliable WiFi connection? Yeah? Okay, it was last week from the Mexican restaurant in uh San, Raphael or whoever the heck I was. I haven't listened to the episode yet, but yeah, I figured I was probably gonna do one of the best episodes you've ever had. I think about it. I think it's a classic. They're all classics. Dean Hungler, Where in the World In ten years, when we're looking back through the anals of Help I Suck at Dating, We're gonna look at that episode as

one of the highlights. I think, Oh, I completely concur Well, we have a great episode coming up for you, Heather. First of all, how are you? We want to catch up with you? Um? You are you? Do you still live in something California? You still I'm in San Diego. Yep. It's finally starting to get warm here some so it isn't great things are opening. Yeah, it's been really good. So the last time we saw you, obviously you were on Matt James season. You came in in the van

halfway just about halfway through the season. I'm assuming that was not your decision. You didn't want to come halfway through to tell us, well, like what exactly happened. Did you reach out to Doucers halfway through and was like, hey, I'm regretting not coming on, or were you like, hey can I come on night one? And they're like, no, you gotta come on later. Yeah, yeah, no, I definitely didn't.

Definitely was not ideal to come halfway through it. Also, basically what happened to it all started last summer when Hannah came to my house and she came to visit and she was like, oh, Heather, you'd be really good with that, and then just like kind of brought it up casually, but like he was already announced to be the bachelor at that point, so I was like, we both both of us were like, Okay, well that can't happen,

but whatever. But then she keep talking about it and talking about it, and she's like you just you really, like I really think you'd a good match. And I was like, dang, it's like it's like she doesn't like cannons all the type of first and to like really say that often, like she doesn't try to like set me up a bunch of people or like her friends up with a bunch of people. So I was like,

dang it, like that really means something. And so she's kept talking about it, and we're like, okay, let's let's see what she's like. I'll see what I can do. So she talked to some people and then I talked to some people, and that was over the course of like months, you know. Um, and then finally like started to have like some conversations and go through the process a little bit. But it was definitely like a little it was definitely later than like the normal casting process.

And so there's just lots of things that happened and uh, conversations that we had and and by the point that it was just like they're just like okay, like it's kind of too late. And then so took it upon myself and headed out there on my own. What are some of what were some of those conversations like that, they were really like it's too late, and you actually went out there on your own. Uh, it's always real.

I never had like one of my lists out of um you could say just say there's you'll never get in trouble for telling the truth. I mean you went out, you went out on your own. But was there I don't know anybody who is like, hey, you know, maybe you should do it. Like of course you took it on your own to do it it, but was there anybody helping you? I think like it was like no, like I really like truly like me going out there

was not. It was my choice. Like they were like we're just having conversations, and I think they're like the you know, there's a lot more that goes into going on the show besides just like showing up. So I seem like going through the it was like I think I really was like late in the process and getting everything, you know, approved, and you know all that kind of stuff,

especially during COVID times. During COVID times, everything's weird um, And so they're kind of just like how they're like it's like we can't authorize you to come, and then you were like, screw that, I'm coming. I'm not going to regret not meeting Matt in my life. Have you ever met Matt before the show? No? So I've never

met him at all. I had like said high to him on face, like Hannah when she was at my house, but she's at my house for like three and a half weeks, Like she had FaceTime to a couple of times, and I like I said like, oh hey, like on FaceTime, but like wasn't like in a conversation at all, Like so I had it. I had it at him. I really had any interactions. And then how do you feel looking back now, do you regret it at all? No? I don't. I think it's good, nor should you, because

I think you made the right decision. Thank you. I think I would have. I think I always regret that things like I do not rather than the things I do. It was like one of those things I'm like, I could look like an absolute freak. I probably did. I did, And it was like, I look like a weirdo, but like I'm like, who cares? Like people who know me know me. If you think I'm a weirdo, whatever, I'm gonna go for it. And so and also I feel like, to you look, from the first go around, you always

learn how um shortsighted everyone is. Where it's like, okay, maybe you like go in and people like have this opinion of you, but then that just kind of fades away after a short amount of time anyways, you know,

So it's like, forget who cares. At the end of the day, you like you said, your family and friends know you, they love you for who you are, and so it's like who cares if some random person in Arkansas was like, oh, there's weird for showing up in a minivand minivand totally one thousands, and that's why I

was like, I was gonna go for it. I feel like I have like the type person who like I get like weirdly nervous and freaked out about like the stupidest things, like like I'll get nervous like ascal water for something, but like these big, like grand things, I'm just like I don't get it's so weird, like it's probably something wrong with me. But it's like okay, sure, yeah, yeah, So you're afraid to ask the waiter for extra catchup, but going on a reality TV show unprompt, I'm in baby. Yeah,

it's so like it's so weird. Like I was like calling my family like talking about like booking a hotels like okay, like should I asked the lady if I can put my suitcase in there for an hour? And they're like, you're about to go to a TV show like without like by yourself, and you're afraid to ask the lady at the Hampton ind if because she can

store your sea so like, yeah, it's so weird. So I watched I watched some of Matt season, um, not all of it, but I did watch that episode and I remember specifically the girls were so mean to you. Were they that mean in real life or was that just like an editing thing. It was It was not editing at all. Um, they were so mean. It was really really intense. Yeah, Like I I think I should

have been I think it was. That was like the one thing I was naive to, like I was expecting, Like I think I kind of like it was going in well aware of like what could happen, blah blah blah. But I think I was like not expecting them to be so intense and so like, yeah, like just on the attack, Like I was just like what they were extremely rude. I remember watching that episode and the like Dean said, it was ridiculous. There was no reason for them to be that much of a jerk to you.

Did they have every right to be annoyed? Of course, like Heather, if you were on the opposite if somebody came in halfway through Colton season like this sucks, I don't want more people here. I'm annoyed. I don't like this person. But the fact that they were so overly mean to the point that they made you cry, God, that kissed me off. It was Yeah, I know, and I expected them mad, and I was like, are like frustrated, annoyed, mad, whatever?

And I would have been too, like I totually and that's why I was like, I totally understand where you guys are coming from. But yeah, it was just like very like condescending. I just felt like less than a human and it was like, what is happen? It was not necessary? Was there any recourse after the fact, Like obviously you couldn't talk to the girls that night when you left, But have you spoken with any of the

girls from Matt season since I have? I have? I Yeah, I talked to a bunch of them, and it was really like immediately they were all so nice, like apologize and like so like those like at this like no bad blood I don't, like I understood, and I understand like in that world like things are like heightened and

stuff like that. So when I did get stock then, like it made me feel a lot better and like that's awesome here, yeah, because like like you, like you said, and what we all know is that we can you can kind of lose yourself a little bit in those moments because you're so amped up and like everything is so heightened, and you know you're so stressed out, and you're tired, and you're everybody's going after this one person, and so you're already on edge, and so something like

that can set you off. So I'm glad that the girls who were mean to you, we're like, hey, listen, my bad. I kind of lost it a little bit at the rental car company, were there just not very many cars available? Was the van the only thing? You know what. I just walked up to the thing and I was like, hey, I need a car, and they're like, hey, we have we have this minivan. In my mind, did not think one thing of it. I was like, perfect, okay, let's go. Like if not for a second did it

cross my mind that that was weird. I just didn't even think about it at all. Nor did I think like my car was going to be part of it. I guess I okay, but I literally thought nothing of them an Evan had no idea what that was gonna You probably didn't even think that they were going to show the car, right, Like, yeah, I was like I didn't know what was gonna happen, but I definitely didn't

think my car, Yeah, they're going to show my car. Heather, how old are you so you're probably twenty four when this was filming, right, I thought you couldn't rent a car until you were twenty five. I just turned twenty five when when we were felling, oh you were. It was like my first frontal car experience on my own. Okay, nice, I was going to say that was a pretty major plot hole that we looked over if you wasn't old

enough for the rental car. Yeah, it was perfect. It's just like, I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have that. You would have like taken an uber up instead? Yeah? Yeah, it was like it was like a couple. It was probably two hours from the airport, so you could have pulled up like Harry from Dumb and Dumber in the Little mop head. Oh oh my god. Great missed opportunity there, damn it. So my question is you've never been to Paradise. What the

hell is going on? Why are you not in Paradise? You had because your storyline. I remember in Colton season you were never you know, you were never kissed, and then you had your first kiss with Colton and then you remember we had dinner. It was like a bunch of us and it was the first time I ever met you and you were like, oh, yeah, I'm not going to Paradise. I was like, what, how could you? Like?

Your storyline is so like perfect. And then here we are now when we're recording and Paradise is filming, and if you're with us unless like you're not telling us the truth and you're like, you know, obviously in a hotel room waiting to go to Paradise. I'm not a hotel room. You're not going back. Did you talk to producers about Paradise? No, Honestly, have no conversations this time

about Paradise. I think I think they know and like it's just like not Paradise is just like not a fit for me, And like I wasn't even like, yeah, it's just it's not for me. You know, you got something against people that go to Paradise or something, Heather, I just don't feel like I have Like it's so like dating in general is just like I feel like I probably have issues with it, but like I feel like I'm like it would just to be it wouldn't

be a good setting. Like I don't feel like it would be like a genuine setting for me to meet someone like I just wouldn't be myself. I think the consensus is that you're just you're too pure for that setting, right. I don't know that too here, but yeah, like it just isn't it isn't my like VI, it's it's definitely um extremely stressful. I found Paradise far more stressful than I did Bachelorette, and I'm sure Dean did too, because

all the focuses on you. You know, there's no lead, so all the focuses on the contestants, and so you know, as you know, you're on camera so much on Bachelor, but in Paradise, you are cameras. There are cameras in the bedrooms, and so, like they don't turn the lights off until four, you know, whenever they turn it off, like three or four in the morning sometimes especially at the rose ceremonies, and it's just like and then you're

up at eight o'clock in the morning. You're always on cameras, so you never truly know like kinda what's gonna be on camera, what's not gonna be on camera because you're always miked up, So what's gonna make it on TV? Am I gonna be part of the storyline? It's way more stressful, I found Plus that's yeah and high. It does like effect you like when you're like physically not comfortable.

I feel like that has an effect. Do you feel like it could be yourself though, when you felt like the cameras are was that like and she or its like easy because you're just like I have to I found it, Indean, I want to know what you think about this. I found it. I was much more of myself as the camera as I got more used to it, Like definitely in Paradise sent out more myself than I did in Bachelor. I just because I was more used

to the cameras. So even Bachelor I felt very comfortable. Um. I remember one time though, it was my second season in Paradise and I was with Carly, and this was when Carly and I weren't with anybody, and we were like, we were roasting everybody, and we were on the edge of the pool and we were just laughing our asses off, thinking, oh my god, we're totally gonna get villainized from this one conversation because we were just roasting everybody and we

thought it was the funniest thing. But maybe not. It wouldn't have been that funny looking back on it watching it, but it never made air. So who knows. There's so much stuff that they have to pull from that, like anything, well not anything, but you think something's gonna make it and doesn't make it. But you are a lot more accountable for your actions down there, which is a good

thing and a bad thing. I guess in a sense, I would say, uh, yeah, I definitely gotta let my f boy flag fly the first season, But you're just kind of more like relaxed. I don't know. I was more relaxed, I don't know, less focused, more relaxed, way more wey, way more drunk the first time, at least the second time. I didn't drink fortunately at all the second time. No sober guy the second time. A lot of I've noticed within my life a lot of the bad decisions that I make happen when I'm under the

influence of alcohol. So, uh, you know, younger Dean didn't really seem to mind being drunk too much, but older Dean has a much more clear judgment these days. And don't get me wrong, it's still very bad judgment often, But when I'm sober and a lot I'm a lot more reasonable. I think you acknowledge that. Did you have to have any Drea to call me nerves going into math season? No, no drinking at all, Like I wasn't even like I could of like get, like, you know,

a glass of wine. I honestly did not want to drink. I'm not a big drinker in general, but I didn't want to drink like that much at all on my first season. But then I was like, oh, I'd love a glass of wine before you know, I'm just about to do something insane, but I was I was driving before, so they didn't even let me have like, So, no, there was no drinking antle responsible of you. When the ash and I went down to get engaged, ash obviously

wasn't sure we were getting engaged. I was trying to throw her off and so we're all our friends, so she didn't really know. But when we were driving down there, she was She had like three glasses of champagne. And we're not big drinkers either, but she likes having some, you know, champagne to kind of feel a little bit looser. And I'm like, oh my god, Ashley is gonna be wasted during her engagement. And at what point she grabbed the bottle and started drinking from the bottle, and I'm like,

give me this thing. Okay. She was extremely nervous and I get it. I was like, good lord, just it's kind of surprising to you that she was nervous. She was nervous. She didn't know if she was about to be proposed to she was going on camera. It was a very weird moment. Anyway. One of my one of my favorite photos is of you on your knee asking her to marry you, and her like heels are dug into the sand. She see like standing flat footed, but she's wearing like four in chhields or something like that

just looks so funny. Yeah, it's the most Ashley moment of all time. Oh yeah, all right, Well we do have a lot to talk about. Obviously, we're going to address address the Chris Harrison situation that happened this week. But before we get into that, let's take a quick break. All right, welcome back to help I suck at dating myself. Dean heaven Martin is here now listen. June nine was apparently National Sex Day. Uh, so we may have sex

questions uh lined up for you. Heather and Dean all like very pg don't worry about it, all very fun stuff like you know, we're dating podcast. Obviously sex is a part of dating. So these are the things that we got to talk about. But first, on a little bit more of a sour note, I do want to address the Chris Harrison situation. Obviously, uh, you guys have all heard Chris Harrison has permanently exited the Bachelor franchise

after nineteen seasons. UM. Chris gave an interview with Rachel Lindsay a little recap where he was debating defending Rachel Cornell when she went to an antebellum party. He was defending her, but it really looked like he was defending kind of the racism of act. Uh. And then he ended up leaving UM, not hosting after the final Rose on Matt James season, and then did not do Katie's season.

It was announced that he was not coming back for Paradise, and now it was just announced that Chris Harrison will no longer be a part of the Bachelor franchise. And when this news dropped on Tuesday, I'm not I don't think it's hyperbole to say that this might be one of the biggest moments in the franchise's history. I've always, you know, ashe and I have always joked like, oh, I wonder when Chris will retire or when he'll leave, like will the show go on? What will happen afterwards?

And now we're at this moment. Chris is no longer a part of the franchise, and it makes me wonder what where do you know, do they get a new host? What does the franchise look like moving forward? Um? You know, will it be as good without Chris? Um? For me, it makes me really sad that Chris is gone. I said from the beginning, I was always hoping that he'd be back and given an opportunity to get his job back. I think he grossly mishandled the interview. We've talked about

this many times. We don't have to rehash that, but I don't think he should have lost his job. I wish he was given an opportunity to come back. Obviously he wasn't. Um. It seemed like the Bachelor didn't want him to come back for whatever reason. I don't really know why, Um, but they've moved on from him, and I wish nothing but the best for Chris. Um you know he's a good man. Uh, he's a friend. UM. You know we're we're close with Lauren Zima, his girlfriend

as well. You know we love them together. Um. You know he's a dad. It seems like he got a pretty good payout from this um to make sure he didn't write a tell all. I don't really know these are what are um, but uh it sucks. It's just it's a changing of the guard. And uh. I wish that, uh he would stay in the Bachelor franchise, but he's not. And so that doesn't mean I don't want the friend the show to go away. I still support the show where I'm Ashley and I are friends with so many producers.

I don't want anybody losing their job. I want the show to thrive. I think Hayleen and Tatition did an incredible job Night one. UM. I think they bring great energy to the show. I love watching them on my television screen. UM. I'm rooting for Katie. I hope she finds the man she can hopefully ultimately marry. But it makes me sad that Chris Harrison will no longer be a host of the show. And uh it sucks. And

those are my thoughts on it. Great thoughts, Jared, I'm gonna go ahead and take the exact opposite approach on this. I don't agree with this somber attitude of being like, oh, guy lost his job. Bachelor franchise is never going to be the same. I mean, obviously, I don't have a dog in the race. I've never really been a fan of the show, not to say that I don't understand

its presence in modern television whatever. And obviously I've been on the show so many times, Like, obviously, it kind of makes sense for me to have an opinion on it. I just like don't understand why everyone's so sad. It's like, Chris Harrison hosted the show for nineteen years, that a did a good enough job at it. The guy's walking away with fifty million dollars or however, but it's unreported, right, So it's like what I think it was eight figures

is what everyone is saying. So we're assuming twenty five or fifty million dollars. That guy is not bumped, okay, He like, of course, he loved his job. He loved working for The Bachelor. He is laughing his way to the bank. Right now, And I don't think that there's any reason to feel bad for him. You know, you put nineteen hard years in a job. That's a long time, especially in today's job market. Whatever. So like I mean, I'm happy for Chris. I'm happy for the Bachelor franchise.

I think it's a good necessary thing for a shake up to happen, and like you said, it was going to have to happen eventually, so now it's kind of like, in a weird way, like a win win, you know, the Bachelor franchise has kind of like a reason to hand it over to someone else, whoever that might be

and whatever capacity. That looks like. Chris gets to make out like a Bandit gets all this money thrown his way, more time to play golf, spend time with his kids, which we all know he loves his kids, and it's just kind of like everyone kind of gets to move on in a weird way. So I like I personally am happy for everyone. I'm happy for Chris that he gets to take that money do whatever he wants with it.

I'm happy for the show because now they kind of get to like test a couple of things out, see what works, see what doesn't work and eventually hand it over to someone full time. If that's what they plan on doing, happy for everyone else as well. I don't know. I just like I don't I failed to see the negatives in this. I hear, Yeah, I think it was more. I just I knew he wanted to come back. I knew he was putting the work in to come back, and the fact that he didn't get the opportunity to sucks.

But I totally agree with you where he got a big payout for for everything reported. Uh So, I certainly don't feel that bad for him. If someone if someone came to me and they're like, hey, do we want to pay you twenty million dollars to never host another episode of Help, I sucit dating again, I would say thank you very much to be fair, graciously accept your offer. I think I think Chris Parson made a little bit more hosting the show than we do hosting this podcast.

We're only three years into it. We got sixteen more years to go. We got most we had the nineteen year mark. You know, you don't know, you know that's right, We'll start making Chris money. Heather, do you have any thoughts about this? I think. I mean personally, when I heard about that, it's like it was a little sad.

I feel like Chris brings, like I it's change is hard, Like I feel like I love the show, and I'm like Chris brings like a certain level of like I don't know if seriousness is the right word or grounded nous or like it just makes it more I don't know, reel in a way because he's like a dad and he's like I don't know, he like feels like equipped for that role and like he's just like he is the show in my head. Like when you think of

the show, you think of Chris. So I feel like it was sad in a way for in that for like the viewers like, oh, it's gonna be Like I just feel like it's gonna be a different show. But at the same time, I was talking to my sister recently, even before this news conut, was like it's getting a little bit like it's been so long and there's in so many seasons, like there needs to be some sort of like change because it's like been the exact same thing over and over and over again. So maybe it'll

be good. I don't know. It's weird. I mean, Tassia and Caitlin did so great. Uh, but there is just something so special about about Chris. I completely agree with you. There is this certain seriousness that he brings to the show that is needed, because it's a show that, when you look at the face of it, is absolutely ridiculous. It's like, hey, spend time, you know, ten hours with someone over the course of course of a few weeks and then you know, getting gaze at the end or

however many hours to spend together. It's definitely more than ten. I'm dramatizing it, but my point is, you know, get to know someone for a month and a half and then propose on this ridiculous stage and then we're gonna throw you, you know, back into the real world and like good luck. Um, But Chris did such a good job, you know. And then of course in the meantime you have to deal with all this drama and all these

storylines that are ridiculous and over the top. But Chris did bring a certain levity to the show that is much needed, and that makes me you know, I I love David Spade, I love Lance Bass, I love the idea of Little John. I think it's gonna be fun and entertaining, specifically in Paradise, but within Paradise, like there's still has to be that you know, seriousness to it of like, hey, you're about to propose, because that's what we all watched for. We watched for the drama, but

we also watched for the relationships. So you know, as long as they do it well, I think Paradise could be really good, especially with the commentary between Lance Bass and David Spade a little job like it will be wildly entertaining. I just hope they still keep that. You know, hey, we're still trying to build you know, two people falling in love. Here. It feels like just a different show.

There were a few moments where I was like going into it and I was like, whatever, this is all fun and joyous and blah blah blah, like whatever, like my usual idiotic self of like just thinking everything is always good. And then you see Chriss and he's like, Okay, Jean, this is a momentous occasion, very important decision you're about to make. And I'm like, oh, oh, yeah, I guess you're kind of right. This is a pretty important moment. And then he like he does bring it to your

both your credits. He does bring like a very serious like you need to really consider your actions before you move forward here. Um, And I think that Tasha and Caitlin, at least so far as we've seen, they been more playful and kind of like lighthearted. I can imagine they'll probably make the be able to make the transition to be more serious serious, but I don't know. It'll be interesting to see how it all plays out. I agree. Um,

So those are our thoughts about Chris Harrison. Obviously huge news within Bachelor Nation this week, so we're gonna see how it all plays out, and we're wishing, uh for me a personal I'm wishing Chris the best, and I'm also wishing the Bachelor of the best as well. But to segue into a much lighter topic, National Sex Day, Ladies and Gentlemen, June nine. I had no idea this was a thing, but apparently the reason National Sex Day is on June nine is because the date resembles That's right,

you guessed at six nine, the old sixty nine. Good Lord obviously got to honor that holiday with some numbers. Um. Alright, so we figured, you know, let's talk about some sexy stuff on this podcast. Huh So, how the I want to get your thoughts and I'll go first. UM, sexual partners, Like the number of sexual partners that you have? Um? Is that something that you should be up front with somebody about or should you not mention it at all? We've talked about on this podcast before, like, hey, do

you tell someone your number or not? I don't think it matters. What what do you you know Ashley's number, which is pretty convenient for you, Does you know yours? Uh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's got a ball parked it. You know, remember American Pie when they were like always when a girl tells you how many sexual partners they've had, times it by three and that's the actual number. And when a guy tells you how many sexual partners he's had, divided by

three and that's the actual number. Um, that is not the case for me. I you know, we actually and I have talked about that. But I think sex is so overblown, man, I really do. It's important, but it's

really not that important, especially someone who's married now. And you know, one of the best advice I ever got before I got married was listen, you know, intimacy is a part of a relationship, but don't also forget that this is the person you're going to have a conversation with every day for the rest of your And it's like, holy crap. Yeah, that's that's pretty heavy stuff right there. And um so I think whatever's in the past is in the past. That's in my eyes, Heather, what are

your thoughts on it? I think as like a really I mean, I've obviously non extra in this, like this is not my um, you know, typical commort like forte. But I feel like as like the relationship progresses, like that's just like the type of topics that you talk about and like your values and like what's important to you. I don't think you necessarily need I think it's a case by case basis on like what you value and

what you're looking for in a relationship. But like I don't think like specifically like this is a certain time you have to stay your numbers or anything like that. Yeah, I agree. Would you ever ask, like your boyfriend exactly how many sexual partners you had or would you know that number before even being in a relationship with someone,

do you think? I think that's just a conversation that would come up naturally, Like I don't think you'd be like, okay at this time, like now I'm gonna ask you exactly. I just like as you're having conversations and like connecting emotionally, like that's just like a topic that comes up. Well, Heather, for you, because you obviously went on national television, you were very open and honest about the fact that you

had never been kissed. Had has people ever come up to you afterwards or d M do and said, hey, you know, I'm in the same boat. It's really like it was really great to see because Heather, you're a beautiful woman, like you have so much going for your charismatic You're pretty and so like obviously, when you said, hey, I've never been kissed, it's like, what the hell? Like, no guys that were just trying to kiss you, that's insane, um.

And so I would imagine that a lot of people afterwards would reach out to you and say, hey, I'm you know, I've never been kissed either, and it's pretty awesome to know that, you know, I'm not. Well, for the record, I'm sure many guys have tried to kiss her. She's just a fair no, it had It was really cool. I think that was one of the main things that was like really cool. After it was like like a lot of girls, like younger girls like, oh my gosh,

I've and so afraid and I did. I've been lying about it and I didn't want to tell people and thank you for saying now because it makes it me feel like less weird and less like it just makes me feel more normal and like I'm waiting for like the right person whatever. Um. And I was never my intention going and it was just like I can't believe that actually, like that was the thing, and like I

shared that. Um. But yeah, and I think that was like one of the coolest parts coming out of the show was that, like the young girls like telling me like it helped them feel less weird. I guess, yeah, yeah, I think that's a good point. Um, as long as you can touch one person. That's what I always say is if you can share a story and it can resonate with one person and help them out, and that's

always worth sharing that story. Jared, back back to your original point, Uh, the sexual partners, whether it's important discuss it's funny because Kaylin and I have like sort of discussed it similar to you and Ashley. It's like, I know, it's kind of messed up in a weird way, like I know exactly how many sexual partners she's had, and she's got like a ballpark figure of how many I've had.

Is that just like a guy and girl thing? I don't know, I guess, but uh, I kind of like I kind of like to tend to keep the ambiguity going in that sense. I'm not like proud of my number, although it does, you know, help to find me as a as an individual, so I guess I shouldn't be too self conscious about it, but it is what it is. I guess. Well, I mean I have to ask. You said you're not proud of your number? Are you willing to like share it? No? Absolutely not absolutely. You know

if you don't ask, you'll never find out. I mean, there was just you know, my younger days, like I said, uh, when I let alcohol and all of that stuff kind of like take the lead as a little permiscus back then. Obviously tapered back of course ever since date in Kalin, but even before so it was kind of like it's kind of like, Okay, I'm getting too old for this, like I shouldn't be getting wasted and going to clubs all the time. Um that you know, that was kind

of like the turning point, I guess. But but yeah, I know it's I mean, it's not you know, it's nothing crazy. It's not like it's not like in the six figures or anythink that, but it's it's it's you know, it's a number. Yeah. I'm just gonna let you keep talking. Interject to ask you another question about sex day June nine. Tell us more about it. Well, I one of a buddy of mine, uh once told me his number, and

it was the stupidest thing I've ever heard. He said that he had slept with over a hundred people in his life. And I was like, holy crap, that's in that's that's insane. That's how how you know what I mean? I don't know. That was weird to me. Anyway, we don't talk about it. I don't know if Dean wants to divulge into that one, but I just thought it was cool. I thought it was you do you have

an exact number? No? I also think like when you were talking about why do guys have more of a ballpark and it feels like girls know their number more. It's because I think that Unfortunately, if I'm if I'm generalizing, guys, you know, they viewed sex as more of uh uh you know flame that yeah, not a notch on the belt, but like it's not as big of a deal as I feel like girls, you know, feel towards it. You know, I think girls are taking much more seriously and take

their time. Not all, but uh, if I'm generalizing, that's how I feel, And that's why I like, you know, certain girls know their exact number, and guys were like, yeah, I think it's like somewhere around you. I don't really know. You know. Also, guys are super insecure and they just try to deflect and just push everything else off. That's what I've found because I'm a guy and I've been wildly insecure in my life. So it's always like you're trying to build it up and be like, yeah, I

think it's like somewhere around here. I don't really know. It's not a big deal or anything like that. I don't really care. Like, do you want it to be higher? You wanted to be lower? Well, I think my early

years I wanted it to be higher. You know, I lost my virginity at nineteen, and like amongst my friend group, it wasn't like super late, but like I knew some of my friends that were sexually active in high school, and it was like I felt like Steve carl In the four year old virgin, like playing polkor with them, like yeah, boobs and sand bags, they're just like great and you know, like boobs aren't supposed to feel like sandbags. Um,

So that was definitely, uh, yeah, it was. It was nerve ragging back then, being like a late bloomer and just being like, I don't know, guys, I feel like I'm the opposite because I've heard that that's statuo girls divide by three, guys multiplied by three. And I'm always kind of like, well, I whenever I am telling people my number or whatever, whenever I used to do it, I would always like cut in half, you know, like I would always say a lesser number than it was

for whatever reason. I don't know. I guess I was always because you're always been ridiculously good looking and charming and never happen. That's not definitely not true. Like there were times like when I was a freshman in college. I think I was like way less sexually active than a lot of my peers where at the time. You know what I mean. I want to meet these peers

where they just like sex every five minutes. Well, listen, in Colorado, it's handcuffing season six months out of the year, so it's like there's not much else to do other than four nic at college parties. Um, I'm just obviously making that up, but who knows. Yeah, that's kind of like some of the East Coast. It's like, you know, you want to be single for the summer type thing. Whatever, it doesn't matter anyway. I thought that was interesting. Natural

Sex Day June nine? Check it out people. You know, Jared, did you have sex on National Sex Day this year? I did not? June nine. Let me let me double check that. Let me check my sex calendar real Quidnesday. Nope, did not. You're more like a Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday. All right, we gotta schedule everything ahead of time. It's like Friday, I record Saturday. Okay, we have time. We can do this now. Um, moving right along, what about like do you do you guys? Track? And again, too much information

if you don't feel like sharing don't share. Do guys track Ashley like ovulation cycles and then you kind of like try to cram as much in as you can doing this. Yeah. Yeah, So we track her ovulations calendar whatever it is, and uh, you know, we make sure she's like, okay, I'm ovulating on this day. So like we're gonna have not to be t m I but whatever. This is what happens when you're trying to create life.

It's like, okay, you know we're having sex like this day that day, this day, that day, and it's better if we have it in the morning on this day, better if we have it at night on this day. And it's like all right, cool, but I'll tell you. You know, I'm no spring chicken anymore. I'm not twenty one. So like on that fourth or fifth day, and you know, nine o'clock rolls around it, it's like, oh no, no, no no,

we we gotta, we gotta. It's like, oh that's right, all right, let me, let me, let me take a shower, let me wake up. Hold on, She's like, okay, I have a glass of wine. Hey, you know what, it's married. You gotta do what you do. People have, you know, experience all the time, I had a buddy of mine text me and he said that there there during her ovulation, they had sex um five times a day, like in five days in a row. I was like, how how did you stand up? Are you insane? Does that even

like does anything even like work? After two or three times, it's like it's all just like interesting. Yeah, I think Dean just dropped out. By the way, there goes his WiFi. Well, we were going to move along anyway, So this is a nice little segment before we get to emails. Um so, um, Heather, did you watch Tatia season? And did you watch Matt season? I'm assuming you watch a little bit of Matt season because we're yes, yes, I watched both. Okay, so we

have a new Bachelor Nation couple. Apparently this is all in the rumor mill. So apparently, uh, Piper James and Brandon Morass. Uh. I hope that's that you say? His name is Brendon. Excuse me, damn? I think hopefully. I think you're right. Brendan and Piper apparently are dating and quote are super into each other. So, like I said, another love connection made in Bachelor Nation. Piper and Brendon have been dating for a few weeks now, a source told us Weekly. Either he'll fly to New York and

hang out with her, or she'll fly to Boston. Because he's a Boston kid, which is why I like him. She was most recently in Boston over Moral Day weekend, so this was a couple of weeks ago and they were even spotted in public together. Uh. He's thirty one, she's twenty three. How do you feel about this, Heather? How do you feel about Piper Brendan dating each other? I mean, I don't know either of them. Um, I mean I'm that Piper one time or twice actually, But

that's great. Wait are they not and I'm confused? Are they not in Paradise? That's what I was thinking too when this article first came up. I thought, Oh, maybe it's a spoiler for Paradise and they're kind of releasing some of the couples that are already getting together to promote the show. But if they're flying to Austin and he's flying to New York, they're obviously not in Paradise. So what makes me think is that they were dating before. Okay,

I remember Piper, Yeah, Piper is awesome. Yeah, Piper is beautiful, Okay. Uh So my assumption is that they were talking before the show and they're like, no, we are into each other and we want to date, uh you know, non in paradise because we're kind of committed to each other.

Which makes me so freaking happy because how many times have we seen, specifically over the past couple of years, so many Bachelor contestants talking before they go on the show, and they already know each other, so you're not seeing the meat on camera for the first time, and it's just less dramatic because of that, and there's like it's not a natural evolution of love because they've already hung out, and they've hung out with multiple people and there's already drama.

Obviously saw that was Blake a couple of years ago. So I'm super happy that they were like, no, I'm not going we're dating each other. That. I feel like it's a big deal in saying that they because like I feel like, for sure both of them would have been on Paradise, So if they're not there, then that that's really saying that they really like each other, because that's a big I mean, I feel like that's like they're sacrificing something by not going on the show. You know,

I agree, Dean. Do you have any thoughts Piper Brendan dating in real life? I r L. I don't know either of those people are okay. Brendan was the Boston guy from Tastious Season three, three third done. I think, yeah, yeah, he's a Boston guy, so you already know he's awesome. Yeah, I remember him. I remember Taia is like final three guys were super handsome. They were all like male models. I feel like he's actually a commercial roofer, which makes me love him oh so much. God, why what what

about being a roofer? Because no, it's just like rolling up your sleeves and like, he's an East Coast guy. He's thirty one, he's a hard worker. He's blue collar, like I freaking love like. For example, so we Ashley and I got invited to Doug Flutie's charity event called in His foundation is called the Flutie Foundation, and it's an incredible um charity that works with kids with autism.

And uh, Paul Wallburg, so Mark and Donnie Wallburg's brother, who's like the main guy for the wall Burgers, the burger chain. He was catering the event, and this guy is his brother, is Mark and Donnie. This guy is definitely worth. He's a multi millionaire um, and here he is, he's catering the event. And this guy was like, had thirty cheeseburgers on the grill. He's putting cheese on there and he's flipping. He's making burgers and he's just got

his hat on loan. He's grinded away. And I'm like, this guy is a wallburg This guy is Mark and Donnie's brother. He's the CEO of wall Burgers. He's definitely a multi millionaire, and here he is just like grinding away, And I'm like, there is something to be said about that. And not to say that Brendan's on the same level as Paul Wahlberg, but like to be on The Bachelorette and still be a commercial roofer and to say no to Paradise, which we're all assuming he did, I don't know.

I think that says something about his character. And I like it, and Piper too, because Piper definitely was going to be on and she said no, And I love that. I love that they said. I feel like that's super super right. I feel like people meet up all the time, but like they value going on the show more than actually, you know, saying something in real life. So I think that's I'm really assurable for both of them, if that's

actually what's happening. I agree. So I don't know Piper either, so I don't really have much of an opinion on this story, but I'm glad you guys are so passionate about it. It's another Bachelor Nation coupleman. We hope they make it all right. And before we go to break, Heather, did you watch Katie's uh first episode? I did? All right, who are your front runners? Who do you like? I like? Okay, Greg is for sure like the front runner in my head.

The first compression of this guy, Um, she really liked the cat guy, which, okay, did you did you guys do a weird Did you guys both watch it? Yeah? I love when they were kissing now and his paws were on her face. I just felt weird. I was like, it's extremely cringe worthy. That feels wrong. Take the gloves off from But those two I feel like are the um fronts in my head. I agree. Greg was really great.

He obviously got the first impression Rose but I Connor Connor B was his name, the guy who arrived into cac costume. Uh, he's a math teacher as well. I just found this out. That makes me like him a lot. And he was. He was adorable. Yeah. And you know, if you show up in a cacostume, I guess you

could either be adorable or the curupious man alive. So thank you God it worked out for Connor B. We do have an email coming up um from anonymous obviously our famous, famous, and favorite emailer of all times, to make sure you tune in for that. But before we get into an email, we're gonna take a quick break. Welcome back to help I Suck at Dating myself, Dean Heather, we have emails, our favorite part, Dean's favorite part of

the podcast. It is, truthfully the only part. It's the only reason I sign on for this podcast is emails. He stays listening to my bullshit. It's not it's not to see you. It's not to listen to you. Heather, You're great. It's not why I'm here. It's the emailers. For the emailers, keep me interested in this podcast. Please email us at I Suck it Dating at iHeart media

dot com. We love hearing from you and just any time we hear a great juicy story, it is literally it breathes life into my lungs, so keep them coming. I suck at dating at I heeart media dot com. Mark are you there? Do you want to read this email for us? Right here? And it's a complicated one. Just to warn you what it is from anonymous. I have two different scenarios I'd like advice on. So I've been stuck in kind of a Jarrit and Ashley situation for about a year and a bit. We met on Bumble.

We were friends for a while, and then I caught feelings and he was hung up on someone else, and it was kind of weird not dating but also acting like we were dating for a while. A few months ago, I said, I'm done with this confusion. I just want to be your friend. At that point, I was ready to start moving on, but saying this made him realize

he wanted me more. However, at the same time I started to move on, one of my college roommates confessed he had caught feelings for me after living together for a semester. After my roommate confessed his feelings, we started getting much closer and we ended up hooking up. Now I'm in a place where he has really strong feelings for me, but I don't quite feel the same way. My love life has been kind of a hot mess for a while, and I'm gonna take my summer at

home to get my life together. But I have a few questions. One, how do I create enough space romantically with my roommate while also retaining a good friendship this summer. To how do I truly trust the original guy after having him reject me for solo on Well, I guess I'll take that's it. That's Jared. You take a seatback, take a step back. I get a seat and let me answer this one. Okay, So here's what you're gonna have to do. You're just gonna have to lay it

all out for everyone involved. I think we stress it all the time on this podcast. Communication is the most important thing. Communication. Communication, communication. So tell this guy that you're living with the roommate that caught feelings that you hooked up with, exactly where you stand and say, hey, this is fun. I like you, but I don't like you enough to really commit to a relationship at the moment. If that's what you're looking for. I don't know. Blah

blah blah. He might be a little hurt, You might be a little upset, but it's a lot less upset than he would be if you lead him on and break his heart later on. So tell him that. That's my first bit of advice. What do you guys think of that? How do you want to go? I totally agree,

I think you have to. I think if they're feeling like, like unsure and they've already like been with them, know them, I think maybe that's not the first I feel like, at least for me, that's typically like sometimes they like to. I feel like, Jared, you might have a different situation. You've had a different situation with actually them, Like if they've lived together for so long and they she's still like unsure, I'm like, maybe you just don't like them,

and this the honest And I totally agree. I think you should just communicate and just be upfront, totally about how you feel. Totally right. But our opinion Heather doesn't matter quite as much in the scenario because, as this email are mentioned at the top, she's got herself a Jared Nashley situation. Have you not learned from three years of the podcast that I have no idea what the

hell I'm talking about. But anyway, I'm gonna answer this anyway. Anyway, anyway, I don't think i've said it anyway enough, listen, Anonymous. I think with the guy that you like but who has rejected you for so long but now is coming around, you need to give him an ultimatum. We always talk about ultimatums on this podcast. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. I think in this case it's going to be beneficial for everybody. You talk to this guy and you say, hey, listen,

I know you're starting to come around. That's great. I still have feelings for you. If you want to do this, I'm in you want to be boyfriend girlfriend, let's do it. But I need a commitment. If you cannot give me a commitment, then we need to go our separate ways because it's not gonna end well and I'm going to be confused and you're gonna be upset, and it's not gonna be good. So give him an ultimatum and say, hey, listen, this is how I feel for the roommate. I think

you have to be the bigger person. And like Dean and Heather said, communicate with them and let them know exactly where you're at. But that's gonna also entail you telling this roommate, I'm not where you are. I don't have the same feelings for you that you do for me. That doesn't mean I don't think you're an incredible human being.

I would still love to be friends. But if you can't be you know, if you can't get there with me, we're we're just on a friendship level, then maybe it's best that we I don't know, you know, take a little bit of break and you know, I figure out my stuff, you figure out your stuff, and maybe we can be friends in the future. That's what I think you should do. But the biggest thing I think you should do is give this guy, the other guy, the guy that you like who's finally starting to come around,

an ultimatum. Well, let's flip this around real quick and apply a practical scenario to it, because in your situation again, she's calling to Jared Nashley situation. I don't recall Ashley ever giving you an ultimatum. I mean she did when she started dating another guy. You know, she never verbalized it. To me. But I guess I took it upon myself to know that she's dating someone else. So if I'm serious about this, I have to be all in. I can't be wishy washy like I've been for the past

few years. I need to commit. But then here's the thing. If she wants to use your relationship with Ashley as a blueprint for it, then she should date the roommate. Let this other guy that she really likes kind of get the hint that she's not here to mess around. Maybe he'll come around eventually, you know what I mean. Like, she's kind of got to like show this other guy she really likes that she's a hot commodity and she's not going to just wait around for this guy totally.

But yeah, the roommate, she doesn't like it. It really sounds like she doesn't like it. Yeah, the roommate's gonna get thrown under the bus if she does that again again. All I can keep coming back to is the Jared Nati situation, similar to actually actually didn't like the roommate. You know, in this case, Anonymous doesn't like the roommates. Sometimes you gotta kiss a few frogs to find your

Prince Charming. Yeah, I mean listen and honest if you want to listen to Dean and be soulness and really just ruin this person's life by pretending you like them to try to get someone else, I think you should do it. But Jared, would an ultimatum work? Would have? Would that have worked just as well? And I think that the other one worked better. I mean, obviously it worked out really well in my situation because it came very naturally, like she never approached me and said, you know,

either we date or we don't talk. Um. I do think that would have worked, because honestly, there was a time in our friendship about a year and a half in where we she did vocalize that a little bit and it was like, let's go our set, like we just need to go our separate ways for a while, and then we didn't talk for a couple of weeks, and then we started talking and and then like fell into the friendship thing again. So I do think if she gave me an ultimatum, it probably would have worked.

So but unfortunately, Anonymous, if you do the ultimatum, you also have to understand that he could say no and let you know that I don't want to be in a committed relationship with you, But again, isn't that best case scenario? Also, because then you know, then you know, and then you can move on and you can forget about this guy and you can figure out other things.

Because I just feel like there's so many times I hear from my friends and I've done it too, where it's like three, four or five years of this like juggling act where it's like, wow, we're dating, but we're not really dating. And then we were, you know, committed to each other for four months, and then we broke it off and now we're back together, and then I just feel like those situations never end up in a long term, happy relationship. Yeah. I mean, I guess you

heard it straight from the horse. Given the ultimatum, hope for the best, expect the worst. This is all good advice. I'm a little confused about who she wants to be with, Like we're talking about this guy and playing this guy against each other. I think spending the summer away is a great idea and to take a couple of weeks just figure out do I want to be with this guy who I like but doesn't like me. That so much,

or do the other guy who I do like. But I think it's better to just figure out and focus on one of these guys and then, yes, all the communication needs to happen, but I think she needs to spend some time herself first to figure out what her path is. Yeah, well, said Mark, I think that's We can always say whatever we want to say, but at the end of the day, Mark's opinion is really the one that matters. Is there any other emails that we have?

Are is that the only email we have? That's all Dan, I'm very sorry to tell you that might be time for another one of your pet email requests. Well, you guys, please email us. I suck at dating at iHeart media dot com. Give me a reason to show up next week. I just have Jared and Mark and Heather and that's perfectly fine too, but you know, just to email us, email us what's going on. Um, that's gonna probably do it for this week's episode. Then if we don't have

any more emailers, right, Jared, that will do it. Absolutely A big thank you too, of course, Heather Martin Lady, let's give her a little clap ladies and gentlemen for joining us. On this podcast. Unfortunately Dean, his host is holding the mic in one hand, so he gave you like a little thumb and fingure. Uh you know you're in San Diego right now? Where can people find you on Instagram? Yeah? But I had my Instagram at Heather m twenty two and then uh me and my sisters

just started the business too, which has been fun. And that is at Tilted three. So what is it again? It's like tusted customized little Peril and like loungewere okay, very cool such shirts and stuff. So yeah, it's been fun. It's really fun. And where can people find it? Again? So it's Tilted three, Tilted three okay Tilted three dot com and then at tilted on Instagram. So at Tilted my eyes peeled for our goody box that you're going to send all the other I'd love to your personalized

help my second dating sut don't tease us like that. Fantastic, I'm on it. I am on it right now, all right. I love it perfect, Heather, Thank you so much. You have to come back on the podcast more frequently because it's too and frequent right now. Yes, well, thank you much for having me so fun Oh my god. Of course, Dean, thank you for being you. Hopefully you're back next week when more emails come in. People I need Dean. Dean is like the talent on the show. I just I

talked nonsense. So if you want Dean, say email. You know it's true. Email the show. I suck at Dating on our heart radio dot com and that's gonna do it. So make sure Jared, this is why we're not getting emails. It's I Sucking Dating at iHeart media dot com, not I Heart radio dot com radio. Oh my god, no wonder we're not getting a week. I'm ben giving you guys the email for three years now. Email us at I suck at Dating at I heart media dot com.

We love hearing your stories, we love answering your questions. We probably do a horrible job doing it, but please just keep indulging us and make sure you guys tune in next week, where hopefully we all suck just a little less, just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast