We Were on a Break!

We're happy to have you back in a safe space where you're not going to be distracted with things like work or coffee or pastries. Now, speaking of coffee, actually, actually I just brewed a cup? Can you make me? Yeah? I just brewed You want to make me a cup? Oh? You're so lovely. Sorry, I actually just came from the coffee shop. I'm running around, dude. I feel like I've been drowning the past two weeks and just trying to keep my head above water. It's I mean, I've never

held more alive if that matters. Thank you, love you? Um? Well that's good. Um. How has the first two weeks been busy? So busy? It's been great though, Like I feel so lucky that we've been so busy. But bro, it's been busy, yeah, all day. I think it's it's like you said, it's better to be busy than not to be busy enough, right, so it has it? Has it met expectations? Has it exceeded expectations? Where are we at on the expectation scale? I think for business purposes

in terms of uh volume, it's exceeded my expectations. I thought we were going to be busy, but I didn't think we're gonna be this busy consistently. Like I thought, you know, oh yeah, Saturday busy, Sunday will be all right, Monday, Tuesday probably dead, and we'll start getting into a rhythm of things. People will know we're open every day, every day, every day. But that's great. I can't complain about it.

What I can complain about, though, is like I'm there sixteen hours a day at least all day every day. I'm tired, I'm exhausted. What is it is the UM? Is it like Bachelor fans come ming? Or is it coffee snobs? Or is it um? There's no snobs? Okay, those are my customers. They're not snobs. They're wonderful human beings who attend great coffee shops. That's what they do. Uh. But yeah, so the coffee snobs, Yeah they suck. But I I'm losing my mind. A lot of bachelor fans

come in take pictures. They're so sweet. They give us gifts, They've given us baby gifts. Um I'm I'm I feel bad for them because I could tell that they're excited to meet me, but they really want to meet Ashley. So it's like always like, oh, that's cool, Jared's here, but where's Ashley. I'm like, oh, well, she's home. And they're like, oh, well, I guess we'll take a picture with you. And I'm like, yeah, I mean, I guess that's cool. And then we take a picture and then

I go back to sweeping the floor. But it's fun, it's good. I love the hospitality industry. I just wish it's just hard, right because we are a brand new business. So like the first couple of weeks, first, like a couple of months, really we're just getting into the rim of the things with ordering and staffing and and you know, consistency and menu options and things of that nature. But because of how many people are there constantly. It's like we all we just have to hit the ground running

and that's difficult, that's hard, but we're doing it. We're grinding. I feel like that's the day in the life of every bachelor couple is you'll get approached and they'll they'll I guess they'll talk to the guy first because maybe for whatever reason, they feel more comfortable talking to them. And then when it really gets down to the nitty gritty, all they ever say is, um, can I get a picture with your girlfriend or your wife? Every single time? Oh? Yeah.

It's funny too, because once you learn to uh, to expect that, you know, they like they'll like create a little chit chat small talk, and then eventually I'm just like, you want a picture with Klin, don't you, And they're like, yeah, thank you so much. It's funny. It's um, it's you know, it's not a bad way to live. I suppose it's always nice to see the smile that it puts on

both Klin's face and I'm sure Ashley's face. When Ashley and I first got together, because we got engage down in obviously Paradise and we were with Tanner J and I remember Tanner was like, get used to be second fiddle, buddy, Like, get get used to just everyone liking her more. I was like, yeah, all right, that's fine. But like I said, it's okay, I'm always happy to take a back seat. Um, there was something I wanted to say or ask, I guess, but I didn't get the chance to. Um, why are

you thinking about it? I have something I have a bone to pick with. So not with you with another gentleman on this podcast who asked me not to call him out on air. But you know what, well, let me just popped up on my screen. I'm gonna call him ou on air. Let me let me paint the picture because I was paint away Picasso. So last week, while Jared was so tentatively tending to his garden all the coffee shop, uh, there was a lot of discussion both about him, um around him. Yeah, but bts. You know,

it's a very very interesting podcast. So if you haven't listened to it yet, go back and listen to that podcast. But there was a pretty substant dull section of that podcast that's been omitted by our incredible producers. Slash sound engineer Easton Allen Um and the reason it was omitted, which is it just became news to me as well at the top of this episode, is because he was talking a lot of crap about Jared and he felt a little too guilty about talking crap behind his back.

But in reality, it wasn't really crap that he was talking. He was simply saying he was rewatching Caitlin Bristow season of The Bachelor at and it was his first time seeing Jared in that light of you know, going on a date, walking across the bridge looking out and talking about how great their lives could be together. Um so, Easton or Jared, I guess if you guys want to chime in and squash this beef, because it has been there has been a lot of tension between the two

of you since we got on this podcast. My beef is with the fact that Easton don't have bro. You can make fun of me anytime. It makes better content, Okay, I'm all for creating better content for our listeners, So you roast away. I was going to bring it up to you when we did the show last week and then he disappeared, but I still wanted to talk about it. And then I went through this roller coaster of emotions. After the show wrapped, I was like, oh man, I know it was just good fun, but like I felt

bad because Jared wasn't there. Uh. And then I'm like, I'll just take it out. No one will ever know Dan and Jared. I'm gonna listen to this where I'll be. It'll be the perfect crime. And then I said I felt guilty about that, so I'm like, i gotta tell him that I took it out, but I'll say it again. I'll just say it here. Uh. Ashley was giving a tour of Audrey's on Instagram and I saw the really cool wall with like the newspapers from like Superman and

Titanic and stuff. I was getting really bumped on that. And then I, uh, I googled you or something just because I was I was just laying in bed thinking about you, and uh, I realized I had never seen your season of The Bachelorette, like when you were first on.

So I started just watching this YouTube clip and it was this one where you're in Ireland and Caitlin picked Caitlin Bristow picked you to ride in a car with her and the other guys had a right the other guys had to ride in a bus and it was just I'm just so used to seeing you and Ashley, Like that's the version of you that I know. Like when I first met you, you you were single and then you've been with Ashley the whole time, so it's so weird to see you. The father that really got me

is you're driving with Caitlin's driving. You're in the car and uh, you say something like, um, wow, this is such a beautiful place, but it's so much better being here with you or something like that. That's that's just natural suave right there. That is natural charisma, charm. That's what they call it. My friend, it's just a trip to see you. Like, I don't know, it's it's it's funny because to me, you exist, both of you guys exist outside of the world with a bachelor like for real,

you're just your dudes to me. Uh. And it's such a weird thing to go back and watch that and be like, oh, this is how like the rest of the world got to know you doing this kind of stuff. I know, that is weird, dude. I if I went back and watch right now, I must like I would love to see myself trying to be flirty with people, you know, like, oh my god, I wonder ash was I cringe e when trying to flirt with people? Dude, now would be so cringe E. I'll answer that for her. Yeah,

I'm waiting for Dina. Yeah, there's so bad. There's no question you're cringe e. Um. I think that's half my charm though, you know, like Dean is just naturally good looking and charming like you already, like Dean has an error about me Like me, I'm like, I'm like tickle me elmo, you know where It's like I'm gonna bring the smile and I'm gonna make you feel warm and comfortable. I'm the warm blanket Eastern. What childhood game or toy

would you consider yourself as when it comes to flirting? Uh? Yeah, I'd say um ferby, you know, because I talk it in opportune times and I'm weird and yeah yeah, and you just stare. You need to blink. I just stare and you know I'll be gone but not really out of your thoughts. That kind of you linger. Yeah, that's interesting. Caitlin and I were talking about it the other day to randomly. We were like, God, it would really suck

to have to go back and like Dane again. Like, imagine just going back and being in the dating pool again. It would be one of the most miserable experiences of all time. And I'm saying that I'm the least I've had the least flitting here between the three of us. Jared is obviously married, been with Ashley for like four years now, Eastern You've been with Alison for what twenty five years? So, uh, my two and a half year relationship doesn't really seem to even stack up to those ones.

But even that were, like, dude, being back in the dating pool would be it would just be like having to flirt again and having to like, you know, on again. And I guess it just sounds so miserable and and challenging. I feel bad anybody who's listening who's been through a divorce and has to go back into the dating pool. Oh God, indeed, those poor poor souls. My heart goes out to every single one of you. Right not to say there's no hope, it just it seems like a

large mountain decline. Not that it's not uh not unclimbable, but just to seem a little challenging. What toy would Dean be? What childhood toy would Dean be? I think, Dean, for some reason, you remind me of a care bear, like the blue one right on. What teddy bears would you write on? Anybody remember marker teddy Bears? Kind of and you'd wash them and the market would come out. I don't know. The blue is the most boyous, That's why I said blue. But for some reason, Dean, you

remind me of a care bear. Blue care bear is the one at the moon and the star on his chest. I think, um, thanks man, I appreciate that. I think that should be your next tattoo. That's just me. He'd be like a brown care bear with hot cheetos on his stomach. That's what he'd be. He'd be a new care bear. Why brown, I don't know. You just give me brown energy. I guess we're actually are you going to get tattoos somewhrew you guys want to see what

they look like? Shuts? Yeah, matching tattoos boyfriend girlfriend tat twos, which I'm sure if you guys remember the story, but we were supposed to get matching tattoos when we first started dating. And she bailed out the last second. But this is what we're gonna get tomorrow. Oh my god, isn't that cute. It's a little out for the listeners that can't see, it's an outline of Pappy's face, and it's a little tongue stick. That was Oh my god.

I always I was just about to say, I feel like matching tattoos is the kiss of death for a relationship, but getting an outline of Pappy, that's that's acceptable. And and too, for the record, she's just gonna get the ears and I'm going to get the bottom half of his face. So while it is it is matching to a large degree, it's not entirely the same where you guys getting him. Oh, I'm gonna get mine on my

leg and she's gonna get hers on her arm. And it's funny too, because we're like looking into fostering another senior dog again. And and you know, the more senior dogs you foster, the more um dog deaths. I guess

you're gonna have to deal with. And so I made a joke the other day that was like, in twenty years, you're gonna have a full sleeve of just like dead dogs on your arm, um, And we we made a promise to each other that this is the one and only dog tattoo, dog related tattoo that we're gonna get for ourselves, because we don't want to have to have, you know, twenty tattoos of uh dog head outlines all over our bodies, as cool as that would be, but um, he just knows what you know, how to say the

right thing huh and make people feel better. Hey, Caitlin, just think in twenty years you're gonna have a whole arm of the dogs up there. That should make you feel better. You Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays. I guess when you put it into that perspective, it doesn't sound very good. But we have been looking pretty extensively at like new dogs that we want to foster, and they're all older. And we found this incredible dog who like just got hit by a car and she's like in recovery and

you want her so bad, but she's like eight years old. Um. And then there's other like every dog that we're interested in. We've we've made a point of this. We want to find like a like a for lack of a better word, like a broken dog. So we've got one with like a hard issue that we really want. We've got one with a broken leg that we really want. We've got one that's like blind that we really want. Um. And so you know, with those things comes a lot of

possibility for for death. So UM, I guess, mark my words, we're not gonna have any more. Pappy is like the one true love of our lives. He's like the first and then everything else. Everyone else is going to be great, but you always love your first and most. So that's why we're getting a Pappy tattoo. And I think we justified it that way too. I think the Pappy tattoo, it would be cool if she's getting the ears and

you're getting the bottom half. If it was like you guys could like put them together and it forms Pappy's face. That's why I was asking where you were getting him, right, Like Captain Planet, with our powers combined, we create the loving memory of Peppy. I'm I'm doing the ears as well, just with in addition to the bottom. It's gonna be right at my sock line. And so when I'm wearing socks, his little ears are gonna be poking up above the socks and then you pull the socks down. Boom. Cute

little dog right there, the little pappy. But I don't enough about me, enough about my my, uh my, sob story of tattoos. Um. We don't have any guests this week for you guys, which is unfortunate. I guess Jared I kind of counts as a guest. We will consider Jared a guest. So wee no coffee shop, proud owner of new coffee shop Audrey's in uh Providence, Rhode Island, but South Kingston, Rhode Island. South Kingston, Rhode Island. Is that where the where was that beach that you took

us to where a cupcake got a concussion? Uh? That was second beach that's in Newport. So that's like fifteen minutes away. How hard is Audrey's from your house, the one that we're currently in about twenty five minutes? And what about the didn't just buy a house? We did do? Be closed today? We go sign in like two hours? What wait? That was? That's funny? Okay, So I remember you talking about looking at a house, but you're actually

closing on it. Finally, No, we're closing, we're signing. Everything's coming together. We started a business, bought a house, my wife's pregnant. I'm doing a podcasts about it. You know. It's it's very similar to my brother's story. He got married in July. Uh, they conceived their child on the wedding night, and then they bought a house at the end of the month. So they got married, conceived the baby, and bought a house. So it's that's what is all about.

I guess. I know. I was talking to a customer earlier today and he's like, what you okay, Ashley said, We're not going to make it through this. That's how my day is going. My wife telling me, we're not going to make it through it. Survival for everything we have going on right now, do you want to talk about it for a second. Come here, come here, Come on, come here, a little one. Hello, pregnant. I love how we can hear actually, but I'm always curious that the

listeners can hear Ashley through the microphone. Come on, pop in, say hello to the people. Yeah, yeah, Easton knows what he's doing. He's been here before. Hello, say hello to the people. Suck Army. We haven't called him and suck Army in so long. Suck Suck suck, suck, suck everybody. I'm really comforable of these guys. As I'm wearing my bra Hey, welcome to the podcast. Jared doesn't care either. We're sorry to hear about um Um I Don't Get

It podcast. For the listeners out there, go listen I Don't Get It and um Almost Famous podcast two of the to the top three podcasts out there in the podcast little background on that a while. While trying to fix the SD card for this podcast, Ashley accidentally deleted her other one. Yeah we have zoom. Hey, as, congratulations on the house. Are you excited? I am excited, but you know, I can't be too excited because I don't know how Jared's gonna help me move, because it doesn't

it doesn't that make me sound like the biggest asshole. No, it's not. It's just like everybody's like, are you excited for the house? I'm like, well, I don't know how I'm going to get everything over there, because then my eight months pregnant self is gonna have to pack this place up, and then I'm putting bacon on the table. Okay, I still put bacon on the table simultaneously. I know

I'm tired. I know you're tired. We're both tired. Well, you obviously gonna hire movers, there's no question about that. But you're talking about you're going to hire movers. But it's you know, it's the packing that's the worst part. Is the packing the place up and then unpacking the other place up. I just feel like we're going to be living in an actual trash bent until April. I think this is a good time to ask if there's anybody listening to this podcast who's ever bought a house,

started business, and had a baby at the same time. Well, I was going to say, or just wanted to come pack for us? Email me DM me. I'm sure you get a nice laundry list of people doing that, you can describe the house to us, Like what is the house like you describe I described you know, it's got

windows and doors, and wanted to describe it. Okay, So everybody like, it's interesting how people are so invested in real estate because on Instagram, like besides baby stuff, like people want to know, like what we decided on for a house, and I haven't even said anything yet because like I didn't want to say anything until it was like actually purchased. Um, so it's not like our forever house,

or at least we don't imagine it to be. We're in a really weird, sticky situation where we found a lot in the ideal spot that we wanted, but like it's too early to buy it, which is so weird. And we also knew that, like we're not in the right place of life to like design a house and build our own. And we also shouldn't be spending money on rent anymore. And we needed a little more space in the apartment gives us when the baby comes. So we found this. This place is a three bedroom house.

It's a new construction, so it's just completed. We were we went and design it, but we were able to put our own finishing touches, Like we were able to pick courts, we were able to pick the floor color, we were able to pick out some light fixtures and stuff like that. We're just kind of like the perfect compromise right now. And yeah, the the only downside is this we live in We're going to be living in an area that doesn't have food delivery. Apparently there's not

even a pizza place that will deliver. Yeah, my facialist lives there, and she said, you don't even get pizza delivery. That's ridiculous. What is this? Of course, no, no postmaids are uber anything like that. You're telling me if we call a local pizza parlor apparently and where five minutes away, they're not gonna be dared. I don't know. She says that there isn't any what you're scared of? This is embarrassing to okay, but you're assumed to be a little

scared of that too. Well. I think it's ridiculous to think that there's a pizza won't deliver to us. I don't know. She she lives like ten minutes beyond in the boonies beyond, just like bedbath and way beyond. That's where she lives in the way beyond. No pizza delivery there. But we really like the house. I'm excited for it to be done. We have to still finish the basement.

We don't finish the basement that Jared doesn't have an area for an office or a man cave, and that is a critical component to the places that we have lived in since we've been It's a critical component to my happiness. But that all sounds nice. And lovely. It's just a bummer that no one's ever going to be able to come visit, you guys, because if food delivery is not going to make it out there, I don't know how the heck we're even going to find the place on a map. It's legit seven minutes off. So

it's really not that booney. It's just it happens to be far from any restaurants. I'll keep you up to date on this whole food delivery thing. There is no way that there's nobody that delivers. It is such a new construction home. Is it a model home? Or is like did someone design I don't like, how did How's it construction? But you guys didn't design it? How does that? Well? You know they were building it and they were going

to just sell it. Were but then when we when we saw it, they still had a couple of months left of construction to do. So they were like, at this time, you can choose what you are. Yeah, we can do little little things situation, And I think I think so, except for we made a crucial error with shutters. If you guys really want to get in detailed, we don't want to get into shutters no, I don't want to hear about shutters. Shutters, the very East Coast thing.

We don't have shutters in our house, but tell me about it. She wanted them powder blue. We were convinced it look good. The builder was like, I don't think this color is gonna look good. And we're like, listen, broke, we put up the blue shutters, and we're like, you're right, We're dumb. Take the shutters down, please, for the love of God. She didn't even Jared didn't even see them in real life. They looked like porta potties on the sides of the bad Okay, just great curb appeal. Right,

there are the shutters still blue? Or are they? We're going to paint them black, but we don't. They're not an emergency situation. Then go up whenever. Now, wow, Well, I'm sorry to hear about the shutters, but congratulations on the house ash, Thanks guys. Man. I feel like I don't have a husband anymore though. This him, him, right here in this room is the first time he's been in this house during daylight in after all we got here. Can I ask you a question, Yeah, isn't isn't Jared's

um work to the bone, like his work ethic. Do you find that like really attractive. Yeah, it's definitely attractive. But I definitely miss him, except like, listen, I don't get very much quality time. I can make fun of him now, I no, no, I miss him. I said that I know I missed. Oh you're very very missed, but I have to tell you guys. So he comes home and he's so tired that he can't talk, like

he just does not respond to me. So I'll be talking and I'll be like, I need to say Jared, and he needs to say yes in order for me to start talking, because like I need to know what I have his attention. And the other day I was like, I knew he just wasn't listening too much. I was saying, and I go, I think I just kind of missed it when you listen to me, and then there's a twenty second pause, dead serious, he goes, huh it was. She started hysterically laughing, and I was like, what the

did I miss? And then she was told me the story, and I'm like, yeah, that's pretty accurate because when I get home, I mean after like I wake up at like six or six thirty and then I don't get home. I mean some nights I don't get home until like ten or eleven. There was nights last week you didn't get back to one. Yeah, well that was Friday, Saturday. That was I hope that never happens again. Well, not that that. I hope I don't have to get home at one and then be up by like five thirty again,

because that was a that was a rough one. Um. Any who, what were talking about? Okay? Um, well, actually thanks for putting up with Jared. We appreciate it. Jared, thanks for working the bone. You know, it's good. It's a good quality of a leader that you're willing to put that much time into your own business, because if you're not want to do it, why would you expect anyone else wanting to do it? Oh dude? Like even

like I'm away from it. I left there an hour and a half ago, and I'm just constantly texting my managers there and be because everything okay, is things going wow? Because it's just tough, you know, for opening a brand new business, Like you know, I know everything, I know how I wanted to operate. I like anything, I have all the answers, and it's just like so it's like I need to be there. Plus we're just so busy that like we need all hands on deck. Anyway, we

don't talk about this anymore. It's funny to think, to think that your life has basically transformed into one big meet and greet. Yeah, I didn't think about that before starting this. Like, how many pictures do you think you've taken since Audrey's has opened? I mean a lot, Yeah, I mean a lot of guess. Yeah, you're right, it did. Actually,

I was thinking about that the other day. It did feel like a meet and greet, and I was like, wow, I we used to do this for like two hours and be exhausted afterwards, and now I'm doing it for twelvery hours every day for the rest of my life, while also sweeping the floors, yeah, and scrubbing the toilets.

I will say, I've seen online a bunch of fans posting pictures that have visited Audreyes and I got a picture with you, and you've always got the biggest smile on your face, looks so excited, like I'm waiting for one where you're just like like so, but no, do you give everyone Jerry? And that's something we love about you. Well, thanks, guys, I appreciate it. Honestly, I'm very happy to take pictures with anybody because if they come to Audrey's and spending

money like there, they're helping my business. You know, I'll be so happy to take a picture of someone. But yeah, it's good, it's good. Anyway, we should we take a break. What are we doing, Dean, You're my brain is scrambled. Take control here. I know. I keep trying to get us to go to break and then I like think of something to ask or then we get on like a cool little tangent. I'm like, we gotta stick with us for a little bit longer. But we have gone

way past our typical segment time. So we're gonna take one quick break and we're gonna jump back into it with some hot topics. So stay tuned, all right, welcome back. We got Jared's favorite segment coming up here. I don't know why it's Jared's favorite segment, but he just his mouth just salivates at the thought of hot topics topics because it reminds me of hot pockets. Oh that's why

this It's like, uh, what's that you guys? Ever know that. Um, there was that like lab test where every time you ring a bell, you feed a mouse like a little cookie or something like that. And then and then eventually you ring the bell and you don't feed the mouse to cookie, but then he starts like salivating for the cooks. Dog. It was a dog, That's what it is. That's what it's pep talk. So that's exactly what hot pockets have

done to Jared Pavlov's dog. Every time you hear hot topics, you think you're gonna get a delicious uh meat pocket with cheese and sauce. But in reality, no, we're just gonna be talking about Kim Kardashian and machine gun Kelly or something like that. What are we What are we talking about today? Jared? Well, I wanted so we have a couple of hot topics. The first one I wanted to talk about, which is the online dating beauty filter trap.

This is an article for NBC News. Dating coach Eric Resnick recently had a client sent him photos she wanted to use for her dating app profile. The pictures were labeled face app one, face app two, and face app three, revealing the client treated them with a photo editing app that lets you smooth out your wrinkles, fill in your hand on hairline, or chisel your cheekbones. Full disclosure, I have done this. That is not a part of the article.

I have literally done this. When I save photos and it says face app or face tune, I obviously changed to like a photo one, normal photo one. What does it change, dude? You never use like face tune? No, I've never used it, and i've he just has the perfect face face tune. I can't. I can't use it because of how critical I am of other people using it, and I don't want to be a hypocrite. I've maybe smoothed out some wrinkles once or twice in my life,

you know what I mean. Whiten the old teeth? Sure, anyway. Beauty filters are a scourge of online dating, Resini said they are also very popular. Everyone uses them, women, men, twenty somethings who don't remember a world without Instagram, and fifty year olds who prefer to hide signs of aging. On a practical level, that reads the name makes sense. A visible filtered face or retouched body can turn potential matches off. Looking different than your photo is not the

best way to start an in person date. But it's also hard to fall people for trying to conform to today's pervasive social media driven beauty standards, especially on apps that treat us like merchandise in an online catalog and are increasingly visual culture. There are powerful impulses, both societal and technology technological, but that push so these impulses push

people into digital self enhancement. Research is still unclear on the impact of beauty filters on our mental health, but it's undeniable that in a world where we are constantly staring at ourselves, whether via selfies, FaceTime, or zoom, it's easy to feel inadequate. When you turn off a filter and look at yourself in the mirror and appear and appear nothing like that enhanced image. There is a huge dislocation between the real self and the imagined self. This

is like the matrix. As the gap between them widens, the potential for anxiety and dissatisfaction and on happiness grows. It's why people keep asking plastic surgeons to sculpt their faces to resemble filtered versions of themselves. Filters of the power to influence how you think, how you think of and present yourself, on their own, but the design of many dating apps encourages us to make those idolized versions of ourselves public. So Dean as a guy, as a dude,

as a male. Is it obvious when someone edits a picture that is posted on social media? Can you tell first and foremost? Yet I just want to I want to take a second and congratulate you on reading that that long paragraph because I was, as, you did a great job, only a couple of stutters. Um, well, as I kind of mentioned before you got into it. I hate those apps. I hate I hate that that's like a thing that people do. Um. I like, I see the appeal of it, but I think it's pretty obvious

when you see someone like editing their photos. And I remember even back, like when I was single, and you would like creep on someone's Instagram and he'd be like, Wow, this girl is really pretty. And then maybe you see like a video that they posted and you're like, wait, well, the video doesn't really line up with the photos that I saw, because obviously videos are harder to edit. So I just I hate the whole I hate the whole

idea of it. I hate the prospect of it. Kaalen Um doesn't do it anymore, but I think she would like edit it her photos a little bit at the beginning of our relationship, like why are you doing that? Like you're so beautiful as it is, you don't need

to do that. And then she would go as far as like showing me other girls photos of like the edits that they've made where they like stretched the legs and make the legs look longer, and like how obvious it looks like once you really start paying attention to it, I just think it's um. I think it's really bad. Make your legs look longer. Dude, girls go to some crazy extreme lengths to like make themselves feel more like the like they should. I don't know, Like it's so weird,

Like you are who you are. Why would you want your legs to be stretched out a little bit longer? Or why would you want to add a different Like I guess like adding different hairstyle is fine, because like that's just fun, you're just messing around, But like you're making your legs longer, you're giving yourself abs. I will say I took a shirtless photo once and I thought about trying to figure out how to add aps to it. I couldn't figure it out, so I just give up

on it. But um, the teeth whitening thing, I guess I kind of get as well. It just it just creates an unrealistic Yeah, not for like a teeth whitening ad, but just like in general pictures, like when I'm standing to Ashley and her teeth are like, my teeth are fine, but like her teeth are much whider, so it makes my teeth look more yellow when I'm standing next to her, and I'm like, oh god, I gotta fix this up a little bit because I looked disgusting. Um, yeah, it's weird, man.

I mean it's not a good thing. I don't think. I think it's headed in the wrong direction, Like it can't be good on our mental health. Uh you, I don't know. I don't know where it goes, because if I was the good thing about us is that I think we started really getting introduced to this later in life. Not later in life, but if we were, dude, if we were like twelve or thirteen, when we first started getting introduced to filters and apps and being able to

change the way our face looks. And you know, you go to school and you get made fun of because kids are mean and they make fun of like something that you're insecure about, and so you want to change yourself and you can't change it in person because that's just who you are, so you just change it on social media. It's crazy. You You you nailed on the

head too. I think what you were trying to say is like we had the luxury of having our frontal lobes be fully developed when all this stuff came out, so we like understand it might take a toll on our psyche, but it's not going to really transform who we are as people versus like a young teen is going to yeah, let it. I don't know, like they're gonna be affected by it a lot more heavily than

we were. Um, it's kind of funny when I think about it, It's like it reminds me of before these apps and all those things, you would see a lot of people that were like they would post photos of themselves online for like a dating app or something from like ten years ago, or you know, like they just post photo younger photos of themselves. It's like a It's like a form of cat fishing, but not entirely because

you're not stating to be someone else facade. I don't even know if that's the proper way to say it, but um, it just it just in a way. It's like lying, I guess, which is a bad thing. I don't know, Like I don't want to be too critical of it because I know a lot of people do it and I don't. I don't want to like say, don't do it. It's really horrible and if you do it, you're a really bad person. I just I don't know.

I just I'm not a fan of it. I think you just when you see pictures on on social media, you just have to take it with a little bit of a grain of salt, like our sunset even like not even a person's picture, but sunset pictures or like, dude, all right, I'm not gonna put this person on blast, but Ashley is going to know exactly what I'm talking about. There is a social media presence person, not bachelor or anything like that. And they're not like a model or

I guess they're an influence er. I don't know, but like a lot of their pictures are scenic or um like you know, staged, but dude, they're all there's no way actually, and I talked about all the time, this one particular person. There's no way these photos are real. There is no way these photos are real. Ashley's laughing

because she knows exactly what I'm talking about. So it's not even with your face or your body, but just like even when you see a picture of what looks like a mystical land and they're like, oh, where we're going this weekend and it's like, no, you're not. That's not real. You're going to a much greyer version of that. Um, yeah, they like bump the satuation so much on it or

something like that. Well, it's funny because Kaylin and I talked about that a lot too, because obviously we're you know, we enjoy photography, and so I follow a lot of photography accounts and she'll like see me scrolling on Instagram every once in a while and she'd be like, oh my gosh, where is that place? And being friend Like, I'm pretty close friends with a lot of like big photography influencers, right, And a lot of them are great,

And let me take that back. They're all great, but a lot of them, like you said, they try to posture and pretend that this like this photo that they took is real life. In reality, it's like a compositive image of like eight different things, and there's like a bunch of stuff edited out over here, and a bunch of like stuff happening over here that isn't real, like

birds added in the sky has been changing photoshop. It's it's insane, Like I would say, like eight out of ten photos you see on Instagram taken by like a photographer of a landscape is going to be doctored pretty heavily, and it just it. It's it's like an unrealistic expectation for visiting those places or like what you're supposed to be seeing when you walk out your front door. Like you're right, I agree. It applies to more than just like selfies and photos of yourself. It applies to all

of those photos. And I think that that's just like the digital ags that we're living in, and I don't really see it changing. I think it's gonna just kind of continue to snowball down that path even further. Dude, it's gonna get worse. We're gonna we're gonna be living in VR and no time, it's gonna be Ready Player one, it's your favorite book. How do you know that? Because you told me that and you gave it to me to read one time, and I think I still haven't.

I didn't finish it because it's a fake ass book. Have you started it? I started it, but I'll tell you what you're lying to me right now, because if you started it, Jared, you would never put it down until it was finished. I already saw the movie. Yeah, but the movie does not do it justice. I had the the unfortunate luxury of reading the book and then immediately seeing the movie right afterwards, Like I didn't have

any time between the two. And it's funny because Well has read the book and really enjoyed it like years ago, and then saw the movie and he's like, yeah, the movie is really good. But the movie and the book were so uh different that I hated the movie because it didn't do the book any justice. So read the book. You're gonna love it. I promise you. All Right, that's our minute on Ready Player one. Uh, let's do the next hot topic before we get into emails. Should we do?

Do you want to do relationship goals? Or do you want to talk the uh? Do the article about the boyfriend and this person taking a break every two months. Let's do that one. That's pretty interesting. My boyfriend and I have been together for over three years. Every two months two months, that's a not a long time. We take a break where we each focus on our individual interests and needs. It took us a year to realize that what we needed to make our relationship work was

a break. Did the two of you break up? My friend Emily asked, We're at a barbecue event and Sam, the life of the party, and my boyfriend of three years is evidently missing. It's just a one week relationship break, I responded, while sipping my mimosa, very detailed story. We're still together, She said, Well, a lot of people don't understand our relationship breaks from my boyfriend and I. They are the only way we can fulfill our desires as

individuals with clashing personalities. Sam uses the brakes to catch up with his friends and family, while I use them for me time. Even though some people have frowned upon this arrangement, seeing it as cumbersome makeup and break up routine, we couldn't be happier because we come back to the relationship with our needs fulfilled now Whenever either of us notices the other needs some time off from the relationship,

we simply ask how long that's intense. So my question is they definitely don't like see other people, right, It's just like they just do, like they go to the movies by themselves. I don't know. I don't think that's definite at all. I think, uh, I think it's almost implied that they do see other people, because like I'll go on a trip for a week every couple of months by myself. I don't consider that us taking a break,

you know. Maybe the maybe the break applies to like, oh, we're gonna like cease all contact with each other, like don't talk to me for a week or something like that. I I take it as they're like hooking up, or maybe not hooking up, but like going to bars and like flirting with other people as you shouldn't do as a take in person. So I don't know. I don't love it, but I'm not here to knock it because I've never tried it, and whatever works for them seems

to be working for them. So I will say distance does make the heart grow fonder whenever I don't see Ashley quite a little while it is really nice kind of reinvigorates the relationship a little bit, where if we don't see each other for a few days or a week, seeing them gives, you know, some sort of dopamine that I don't get when you know she's farting next to me on the couch. But I don't know. That's tough, because when you commit to someone, it's it's it's it's

exactly that it's a commitment. I think it would be difficult for me, especially every two months. Holy crap. So my question is how long are these breaks? Are they a week? Are they a month? Are they just days? And I know that one she said, it's just a one week relationship break. But then she said at the end, whenever they notice one of them needs time off, they go, how long? One of the dude's like, aus, six months? Catch me in ten years? Have you and Ashley were

taking a break? No, No, we haven't taken a break. As you want to take a break, she said, no, she turned it down. Oh man, at least you shot your shot. I'm like, what's his face of hall pass? Uh? Now? The other guy and he like wants a hall pass

so badly and he's just trying to get one. Ye. Have you ever been in a relationship where you guys have taken breaks, whether it's been like you guys deciding together or like something happened you're like, Okay, we're gonna take a break, and then you end up linking up again at some point. Yeah, I've been in a relationship where we've taken a break and it never ends. Well. I feel like any of my friends who have been in relationships that take breaks, they end up breaking up. Yeah, yeah,

I agree. I've been in relationships or I've been in a relationship where, well, actually probably quite a few relationships where if you break up and then uh, you know, you spent some time apart, and then you kind of start to miss the other person. So you text him, you call him, you hang out, you go to a bar, blah blah blah blah blah, YadA YadA YadA, um, YadA

YadA YadA. Did you just YadA YadA sex? Yeah? I just did YadA YadA sex by the way, um, and you get back together and then you're together for a little bit and you're like why, you're why do we do this? This doesn't really make any sense. So I think if you have to take a break. And this is just my personal experience. If you have to take could break from your partner, it probably means that's not the person you're supposed to be with for the rest

of your life. Because like, there are times where I get like, uh, like worn down, I guess for lack of a better word, where I just want to be alone for a little bit. But I would never I've never got to calin and be like, hey, Caitlin, let's take like a break for a couple of weeks, Like you're fine with that, right, I would never do that because it break her heart and be I would um start to question the relationship all together as well. But like I said, it's not my place to say anything

on anyone else's relationships. So I hear you when it's time, Like like Ashley and I were talking about it earlier in the podcast, when I come home after a long day and I just want to vege in, zone out and just like be on my phone and not think of anything for an hour, And she's like that, that's what And I'm like, oh my god, I love you so much, but please and then you know, so it's like I don't need a break, but maybe in that moment,

I could, you know, use a bathroom break. I mean the bathroom for like three hours, just sitting on the top left by myself. It's my only a long time. That's She's like, you do do that. I'm like, yeah, no, tell me about it. I just it's my It's I'm I'm so al Bundy now. Oh god, I've become a dad. I'm a dad. Now I go to the bathroom for two hours just to get some alone time. You say you're so el Bundy. Yeah, married with children. Never seen that show, never seen it, never seen it. It's okay.

It is funny that so many men are like that. Um. I always thought it was just me, But then I watch like some TikTok videos and they're like always talking about how guys go to the bathroom for like thirty minutes every single time. Yeah, it's just it's just you just sitting there by yourself. It's quite disgusting when you think about a scrolling down your phone, hanging out, not having to talk to anyone. Yeah. Now I'm a big TikTok guy on the toilet TikTok and toilet, the three

t s TikTok toilet um. That's one of the reasons I think Caylin and my relationship works out so well, as because she's pretty good at reading when I like need some quiet time or something like that, and so she always, uh, she doesn't like give me the space, but she will just like sit there in silence with me or whateveryone's like watch the TV show and it works out pretty well. But I, like I said, if

it works for you, it works for you. Don't listen to anything we have to say about anyone else's relationship because we're idiots and we don't know anything about anyone else's relationship. That's the smartest thing you've said all day. Thank you. Yes, I'll carry that energy with me into our next email segment. But we are gonna take one quick break, so stick around through that and we'll get

to the emails real quick. Hey, welcome back to help by Sucka Dating Emails Dean's favorite part of the podcast. I'll do the first one, the first ones from Arden wh whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa wha wha, wha wha Come the Braggs kid out. Why would you do the first one when We've got the illustrious Eastern Allen in studio with us today. His camera's off there, he is there, he is I don't know. Sometimes Easton just walks out on us. He doesn't even say bye. He does the

Irish goodbye. Jared, you've been even working a lot, You've been reading a lot. I just want to make sure that you're getting uh as easy as you can. Here, Jared, I'm I'm a trained broadcaster, so let me just do my job here. Here we go. This first one is from Arden. Jared spoiled it. But anyway, I've been dating this guy for a few months and things were going really well until the topic of past sexual partners came up. We're both in our early twenties and I dated around

before I met him. When I told him my body number, he seemed disappointed. He said that it changes things and he needs time to process everything. Since this conversation, he's taken a step back and he refuses to talk about it, even though it's clearly bothering him. What should I do? I genuinely like this guy, but his reaction seems unfair. I don't think my number is something I should be ashamed of. Do mose guys care this much about their

partner's number. He's also slept with more people than me, So why is the double standard? What stude sucks? I'm sorry, Yeah, this guy blows um, he does low. But I will say when I was younger, I used to have a similar ideology to him. Uh it just I don't know, maybe stings the ego a little bit, but his numbers higher than hers. Yes, yes, you're absolutely right. Um, that's why I like Listen now I feel differently. I agree with both of you guys. This guy sounds like a loser.

Anyone that gets upset about that kind of stuff is out of their minds. But I will say when I was younger, like in my early twenties and late teens, I would say I was probably in the same vein of thinking those same things, much to my own Chagrin'm like, I don't like that I thought those things, but I'm just saying I felt those things at one point as well.

I can understand if this guy was a virgin and it was very important to him, or maybe he only slept one person and sex was extremely you know, uh, you know, he really really chose very carefully who he had sex with but if his number is higher than hers, what is this? This is a double standard? Bro chill out, Like she had a life before you, you had a life for her. Let's move on. Yeah, I don't know

what it is about guys. Um, well what is There's like a lot of of those, like not puns, but like idioms about men and women when it comes to sex. Like whenever a guy tells you his number, you always have to divide it by two. Whenever a girl tells you a number, you always have to multiplied by two or something like that. I don't remember what it is. There's always a stigma by mind by five, you know, sometimes always that guys should be having more sex than girls.

And if a girl has more sex than a guy, then she's a slut. But if a guy has a lot of sex, then he's not, like he's just living his life as a guy. I like I said, it's all ridiculous, um, And I think that a lot of like younger people carry those idioms with them on a regular basis. But like, yeah, as you get older, you start to realize that that's definitely not um how it's

supposed to be. Like, I don't know when I was a young man, I was dating this girl and I found out not from her but from someone else that she had had a threesome with two guys before him. And that didn't it didn't like gross me out or anything. If anything, I just felt I felt intimidated because I was like, she's so much more sexually advanced than me, Like I can get I barely got one person to agree to have sex with me, So I was intimidated by that. Um, and I felt really weird about it.

But then I watched this movie called Chasing Amy, where like Van Afflett goes through the same thing, and uh, I may have made me realize, like I like this person for who they are right now, and like whatever happened before just made them the person they are that I like. And if anything, it just tells me that this person likes sex and that's exciting to me. Uh. And I got over it and it didn't bother me after I like, after I watched that movie and have

that realization. Uh. And then she cheated on me. So you know, things, you know, things go the way they go. But yeah, right with four guys this time? Uh No, but um, I don't know, it just it. I always think that was like so nuts, and like there's some guys who are like they'll get all bent out of shape if like, oh, she's been with more than one person, but for it's like, dude, who do you think you are? You know, I don't know. I just I hate when guys get like hung up on that kind of thing.

It's so stupid. I agree, especially when, uh, when all that happened before you had even met each other or like started dating each other. Like that even compounds how ridiculous it is too, because it's like the numbers should never matter before the number like like I don't care how many people Kalin slept with before we got together. I only care how many people she slept with after we've gotten together, you know what I mean, Like that's the only number that really matters to me. That's right.

As long as that number stays one, that's all I really care about. And I think that's like the That's what I learned later in life too, is that's just kind of something that you need to be comfortable with regardless. And I can guarantee you my number is more than Kalen's. Um, I can guarantee you that maybe it doesn't. It's not the best thing in the world. But she's not going to be like totally piste off about it. That's great.

Um yeah, no judgment zone here. But I will say if arden's number when talking to her boyfriend she's like, oh yeah, I've slept with about seven, then you're like, okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, let's pump the brakes. Let's figure this out a little bit. If you're doing numbers, you know, numbers, but if your numbers higher than hers. I remember so when I before, I you know, uh did the deed, you know, my first girlfriend, the first

time anything for me. I remember, I was extremely jealous because she had slept with one other person and I was so jealous of that guy because it was different though, because like now she's my girlfriend and like I hadn't, you know what I mean. There's like I get that. Maybe I get it because I'm I was a victim of it, not e victim, but you know what I mean. Any who, but this is ridiculous. I'm calling it out right now, ridiculous. That's it. That's my final thought. Okay,

let's get into the next email here. This is from anonymous. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost two years, and for contexts, he's ten years older than me and has a lot more experience with dating and intimacy. It's never it never really used to bother me because it never really came up until recently when he mentioned he would like it when we were apart, when I would send him pictures, or it was just more sexual

and conversations. I don't know why, but I always felt feel like I look so awkward when I try to take pictures and when I try to talk in any sort of way, I literally cannot finish the sentence of laughing at how ridiculous it all sounds. I assume she means sexually talking. Uh. Then fast forward to this week. He's telling me about all these things his friend receives from other girls and how wild it all is. I don't think he's mean to pressure me about it, but

now I just feel really insecure. Am I the only one not doing these things? Is he going to end up finding someone else who will? How do you guys feel about it? Would you be fine if your partner was uncomfortable with it and didn't do this, or do you feel like they should work on it because it would make you happier. So, just to be clear, we're talking about like sexting, right I think so okay, that's kind of what I gathered. Yeah, Um, what do you well? I'll start. I I personally am a tie sext I'm

not about it. I don't like it. I've never done it in my life. I've never sent picks, I've never asked for picks. I've never asked for anyone to talk dirty to me. It just doesn't suit my fancy. Um. Fortunately for for me, Calm is in the same boat, so there's never any weird disconnect between us when we're, you know, spending a lot of time away, and no one's ever going to ask the other person to talk dirty to them, which is a very nice thing for

our relationship. Um, do you guys have any experience with talking dirty to your significant others? I think that it's gonna sound weird. It's kind of cute that he's acting he's asking for these pictures. I mean, they've been in a relationship for almost two years now, and I feel

like intimacy. See my wife wants me to ask for pictures. Uh, But I think it's kind of cute that he's asking for all these sexting pictures and more flirting, because usually you know that the intimacy dies down as the relationship goes on. It's not like I'm speaking from personal experience or anything. But I digress. Um, I'm just kidding. Uh, I'm kidding. I love my wife. She's sexy, she's beautiful.

Speaking from personal experience, that's not true. My love my wife. No, no, no, no, no, no, no no no. I think it's kind of cute that actually he wants to do this. It means he thinks I'll keep that in mind in June. Um. But uh I, I don't know. I kind of I would like if Anonymous tried to work on it a little bit, um, because you know, intimacy is a part of a relationship,

and I don't see anything wrong with sexting. Like a buddy of mine, actually he was talking about it, this is like last year, about how him and his fiance now keep like the spice alive because they'll send, you know, kind of raunchy pictures every once in a while to each other and they've been dating for like four of years. I'll tell you who it is afterwards. Um. But I don't know. I kind of find that cute. Uh yeah, um, I don't want anonymous to feel pressure to do something

she doesn't want to do. Again, I'm assuming it's a woman here. But the other thing is that I think that he's being open about what he wants, um so in intimacy and and sexually, and uh, I think that's cool. And I think that like, if you're not into that kind of thing, it does feel very awkward and it feels uncomfortable. But I think that with some more communication

they can find like a middle ground. Like if he says like, oh, I really like it when you when you send me pictures like this, I really like it because you look so hot about you know, something to give you a complimentary build up her confidence. And then it's like, you know, you don't need to be writing like full on erotica and to send back, but like, find some kind of at all ground for you guys, because I really think it could strengthen your your intimacy.

Um and uh, I don't know. Normally I wouldn't when I hear like, oh, the guys are asking for pictures, I'm like, oh, man, what has come back? But like I I agree with Jared here, I think this guy's just, um, he's just really into his partner and uh, and this is what he's into and I appreciate that, honestly, and so I think an honest just try to work on

that and just talk to him about it more. But here's the thing with this relationship now, is because if he's asking for pictures, let's say, and she feels uncomfortable sending the pictures, then she's gonna be uncomfortable. If he asks for pictures and she says, no, I'm not gonna send you pictures, then he's going to be disappointed in her not sending in pictures. So well, I do think

there might be a middle ground. I am I'm um tempted to say that this is a deal breaker because one person is gonna always be let down because one person that is either doing something they don't want to do or the other person is not receiving something that they want to receive. And I could see that being a deal breaker. I just think it's it's a big component to a relationship, like when you're not around each other, can you still make it feel like you're around each other?

And if one person is requiring some uh, you know, some naughty stuff and the other person doesn't want to give it. Then I don't know. I just uh, it doesn't sound like it's gonna end up super well for me. But that's just my opinion. I think, um, some people can make it work, but it sounds like one person will always be doing something or receiving something that they

don't necessarily want to be doing and receiving. Yeah, I wonder if, um, this one's tough, because again I agree with both of you, don't be pressured into something you don't want to do or don't feel comfortable doing. I wonder, anonymous, if you know what the good thing about pictures are, well,

not the good thing. I shouldn't say this, but you know you don't have to send them, so I wonder if maybe it's gonna sound ridiculous, but like you could practice by yourself see if there's like anything you like about it. I know that sounds ridiculous, but if if you're in a relationship with a boyfriend who likes to send flirty text and you guys maybe aren't around each other all the time, so it's like you gotta keep

the interpec up in different ways. I don't know, you know, like, for example, when Ashley is taking pictures, I have to take a picture of Ashley. I have like forty seven thousand in my camera because she wants me to take so many of different angles, and oh, try this and do that. So maybe just once you know, by yourself, I don't know, see what happens. Is that bad advice? Mm hmmm not the silent speaks. Don't do that, Anonymous. I'm an idiot. No, no, I I like that idea.

That the thing now that I'm thinking about, And if Anonymous hadn't considered this, I feel bad for implanting this seed. But a lot of people are uncomfortable sending pictures because like you know that now they're out in the ether, they're on a server somewhere like maybe Anonymous works for the CIA or something. They don't want this picture is getting out. I understand that. Um. I think she mostly said like, oh I I don't like the pictures I

take or I feel weird doing it. But like there's also a component of like you know, what if he's like in line at the bank and then he opens up his phone and there's just like you know, Anonymous just spread eagle on his on his desktop there, so you know, I get it. Uh, I don't know, it's it's it's it's tough. But but to address her other fear, I don't think he's I don't think he's gonna go like start texting someone else. I don't think that's gonna happen.

You know, I wouldn't worry about that. All I know is if Kaylin ever asked me to send naughty pictures or talk dirty two or over text while I was away, um, the relationship probably would have hit a snag really early on because I would have put my foot I would have put my foot down. I always said, I'm not doing this. I don't feel comfortable doing it. I'm not going to do something that I don't want to do. And don't get me wrong, it's cool and fun to

venture outside of your comfort zone. Um, but there it's a hundred percent of deal breaker for me. So maybe that's why I feel so strongly about it, because I personally would not put up with it, um, and I wouldn't expect anyone else to want to put up with it too. I don't know, I don't know. That's just that's my take. Maybe it's a little extreme. That's just how I feel. I don't like it, and I never will like it as far as I'm concerned, And I hope I never like it because it's just not something

that has any appeal to me. But I want you guys to let us know what you think about this stuff. Maybe, so go ahead and email us at I suck at Dating at iHeart media dot com. Do not, I repeat, do not send us any naughty pictures. Do not send us any naughty messages. Just send us what you think about this, Send us any dating uh, trials or tribulations are going through I suck a dating at iHeart media dot com. So anything else we want to talk about before we say goodbye? Oh I'm I'm I'm good. Are

you gonna go take a nap after this? Jared? No, I gotta go back to work, I know, So I gotta go. I gotta drive back down. But that's okay, that's okay. I love being there, I really do. So, I'm just tired. But do you drink coffee all day when you're working? No? I usually have just two cups to day. I don't want to. Maybe I'll have a third today, you know, they spice things up a little bit.

I get I bet you by like six months and you're gonna be drinking like nine cups today, dude, I'm would be my my hand shaking like, oh god, I'm already hitting the mic, coffee just spilling down my shirt. I'm okay, guys, this way, I'm okay. This is my decision, this is my choice. You're gonna pick up smoking and just be smoking like three passage smoking. Oh, totally being a distant father, distant husband. Yeah. Well, let's hope that

doesn't happen. If you ever need anyone to step in and take over the reins of the shop, UM, I can be there in six hours. Perfect, that's not so bad. All right, everyone, Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to this week's episode of Help I Suck At Dating. Um, we hope you guys had a great weekend. We hope the Broncos win today on on Sunday. We're excited to talk to you next week because maybe

we're gonna suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast