Trust Your Gut

little bit later, but let's catch up with Vanessa. Vanessa, how's your life going? Are you dating Peter from The Bachelor? Ha? Ha straight to the point, Um, it's so funny. So I spoke about this with Dean. I think the week that Peter and I met in person, and it was a random encounter. He was in Seattle. I was in Seattle visiting Taylor Um from NIX season, and so we all went out one night to do a paint night.

He came to join us because he had I don't think anyone to like hang out with then because it's flight got canceled or whatever. So we all hung out and obviously as soon as he posted a picture, it went viral, and everyone's like, the minute you post a picture of someone with the opposite gender, everyone starts assuming that you're automatically dating, and it's like, no, there's like zero romantic interest there, at least on I don't think on his end either. But well, I'm seeing Peter House

cross Crouse crowskying cross crossing. I think it's crowds k r a U S. Well, anytime you post a picture, like Vanessa said, with the opposite sex on Instagram, you immediately assume these two people are dating, specifically when you're from the Bachelor franchise. So I remember, I mean whenever I post a picture with Ashley, people would immediately assume that we were dating, or they would comment saying they'd

want us to be together. But I would post pictures with other girls from the franchise too, and then people would say the exact same thing. So I was a little confused on that. Well, I'm glad you cleared that up. That's too bad that you guys aren't dating. That'd be a really great story, especially for this podcast. But that's okay, that's okay. Speaking of Bachelor people, I saw that you were in Vegas with my I Want and Only X from the Bachelor? Are you speaking about a man named Nick?

I am speaking of a man named Nick. Well, obviously Nick and I are good friends. And I was in Vegas this past weekend because randomly enough I was part of the Chippendale show. I saw that. So how did that? How did that work? Did they contact you? So? Long story short. A while ago, I got offered to be

a part of the Chip and Dale show. They reached out to me, and they were interested to have Ashley in the audience and then me a part of the show, kind of have it almost like a gimmicky thing, you know, like host a Bachelor night type thing. And I was very interested in it because I have a hard time saying no to anything because I only live once and I really want to do as much as I can. And now on my desk, you know, right before I die, I can say, hey, you know what, I was a

part of a Chippendale show. Um, but it was cool. So we went there and I wanted Tanner and Jade to come to because I wanted kind of I wanted my friends there. I wanted people for not on moral support, but also so they could just make fun of me and ridicule me throughout the entire experience. Uh, and it was a lot of fun. We went to Vegas and I did a little hurstal beforehand. UH did some dance

choreography very shortly. They didn't let me do as much as I wanted to, um, because they were actually really cool. They didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable in any way. But it was cool to get up on stage. I was wearing the bow tie and the cuffs and I had my shirt off, so before I went up there, I didn't I didn't fast, but I was trying to get my body ready. So about two weeks before we went to Vegas, I was trying to eat as healthy as possible as working out every day. I got my

first ever spray tan, which was quite an experience. I was nervous I was gonna turn orange, but it actually turned out really nicely. And No, I went to a spray tan salon and I think Beverly Hills. You went all the way. You actually got a professionally done Oh hell yeah. But it was weird because I was inspecting in the spray tann salon. I've never gotten one but I was expecting a machine to spray me. But no, no, there was There was a girl that I was just

in boxers and she sprayed my entire body right. There was a very intimate experience. I had a similar experience the first time I did it too. What did you get a spray tan for? I did it when and I went on my hendymo into Hawaii. That's so sweet. And uh, my dad is a bodybuilder and I used to help out with his spray t hands. Uh as I told the girl working there about it, and she was like, oh, what machine did you use? And I was like, I just use a paintbrush and wait, did

you do yourself? I used to help with my dad with the hard reach spots on his back and everything. How old were you? I was like ten eleven. Yeah, I didn't exists back then. Oh it's a time honored tradition. It goes back a long way. I don't mean to hijack, but spray tanning is an intimate thing to do with somebody, very intimate. Was just a room and actually, Vanessa, your

ex Nick was in the room with me. He came because he got spray tan almost every week for dancing that's what he said, because I was asking advice about it, and uh, he was like, well, I got a spray tan pretty much every week when I was on Dancing with the Stars. Um, but it was cool. It was I wanted to be tam because I didn't want to go up on stage and have people be blinded by my paleness, and so it was fun. I love being on stage, so being on stage with the other Chippendale dancers,

they were super cool. I thought these guys were going to be super bros and just like pretty much annexed me out of the group and be like, who's this guy. Who's he think he is? But they were super welcoming, super warm. Yeah, that's why I was. I was expecting it to be like a click. You know, especially these Chippendale dancers. They're jack they're ripped, they have women all over them, so you expect them to have a pretty

big ego. But a lot of them were super down earth, super welcoming, super nice and going on stage, they made me feel very comfortable. At the finale was when I had to go out on stage with my shirt off and just the bowtime cuffs and there was like a little dance number that they do. Do you have underwear? I had pants on? That I had? I had pants on. Yeah, I was just free willing it out there, just the bow tie. Um. But it was it was they have

like a little dance number, and my thing. I was supposed to just go to the front of stage and like lift my fist. But then I looked around me and I noticed that the steps were pretty simple that they were doing. So I was like, I can do that, guys, if you just give me like two or three times of practice, I can do that. So I ended up practicing with him getting getting the dance steps down. And it was cool because one of the guys next to me,

he gave me like a little cue. So when the beat was about to drop, when they started doing their moves, he was he was gonna be like, Okay, I'm gonna yell here we go. So as soon as I heard here we go, that's when I knew, okay, right left out up boom, and so it was fun. I had a I had a blast. Even actually noticed, oh, there it is right there, that's me. I saw. It's it's on It's out on YouTube, and I recommend everybody to google it. I've only seen you with clothes on. I

didn't realize that you're actually in really good shape. I'm really good. Appreciate you blend right in with the guys. I I blended in more than I anticipated. The only thing is they don't have hair on their chests, and obviously I'm a very hairy man. Not very hairy, but on the chest. Okay, but it looks good. Yeah, thanks buddy, I appreciate it. I I didn't fast like I said for two weeks, but I worked out as much as

I possibly could. And the day before I barely ate anything. Uh, and I didn't I tried not to drink a lot of water because I wanted I didn't want to be bloated. And then it was funny because when we first got on stage, I had my clothes on and we did a little bit of a game show where I had to judge lap dances. So we called three women from the audience up on stage, and I was, uh like the director who had to judge each lap dance and hand out a rose to whoever won. I know, of course,

you know, you got to involve roses somehow. And then I went backstage and I wasn't on until the finale, which was like a half hour later, which would be the first time that I didn't have my shirt on. And in my dressing room there were weights. So for the half hour, I am lifting weights in my room by myself, like sweating, and then they had it wasn't baby oil, but it was some sort of tanning oil.

So I lude myself up with that to make myself as shiny as possible because that adds a little definition, whether you believe it or not. And just even tan adds definition. You automatically feel like ten times better when you're a little bit you know, darker. Oh totally. So that's why I made sure I had a tan, I had the oil on. I was getting my last little

pump in. I didn't drink any water, and then I walked downstairs and I was apparently really shiny, and uh, one of the Chip and Dale dancers like, well, I see you got the oil on and Eastern you just sent me a very nice picture of myself, uh, from stage with my fist in the air, very proud. You know what it was. I've always wanted to be in a boy band and felt I felt like I was in the back. Everyone has like a sexual face on Jared was like, I was so proud, like I did it.

I did it? You guys, I mean that white built though. Was that your decision because that's questionable? No, no, no no, no, that's like their uniforms. So at the end they all wear black jeans with that white belt and white shoes. Um. So they gave me the jeans and the belt. Yeah, I don't own that white belt. Pak you Vanessa with the huge silver buckle, Um, it'd be a good look though.

I'd wear it now. Bo is cool. They gave me some silver airs, they gave me the bow tie cuffs to wear, and and then I they gave me like these American flag boxers. It was a great experience. I loved every second of it. I have a question for you, So this could be t M I, but do you like role play in my personal life? Yeah? I'm not a huge role play guy. I after this experience, you

might just show up. I hope you did you want Did you ever watch Sex in the City where some matha lies down naked with sushi rolls all over her body into the house. Maybe you're gonna show up like half naked with those boxers and ash She's gonna walk in one day and there was like stripper music in the background. I mean, you move with that belt. I'm not going to say that. I want to do a little magic mic number for Ashley in the privacy of

our home. I may also have a pair of boxers that are tuxedo so they have like a bow tie on the front of them, which are very classy if I may say so myself. Um, but I'm not huge into role play. I'm more of, uh, how do I put it. I'm more of like a passionate, passionate man. Yeah,

I'm very passionate. But sometimes like my imagination runs like in so many different colors, So sometimes I'm like, I want to pretend to be this person, and I'm like randomly surprised the person I'm dating as like them suits, and I'll be like hello Mr So and so walking through my well. This obviously begs the question, was the craziest thing you've ever dressed up as? Oh? Me? Oh? Who me? Who are you talking to? Think I'm talking to? Yeah, Easton,

what's the craziest thing you've dressed up as? A lot of costumes? The the craziest thing I've ever dressed up as um. I mean a messius is pretty good. Yeah, And I don't think anything crazy. I like the realistic idea of like, oh, I'm a baker, Well can I thank you today? Village people? Have you ever been the dirty little school teacher? No, because I feel like that's way too like, you know, I'm a school teacher. That's way too much. That's fair. Yeah, Nope, nope, not not

not going that. All right, that's what could you do? A teacher and a parent conference? Like could that be a scenario? Mark? Yes, Now we're talking for the next person they date. Hold on, So you tell me that being faking being like a dirty teacher is too much, but a parent teacher conference isn't. I've never role played that, but I think it's I think it's important to be um,

to explore when you're really comfortable with someone. And I mean, the longest relationship I've ever had was two years and a half, and within those two years, we were very comfortable with each other and we I feel like I'm getting into way too much detail right now, but basically, all this to say is I'm not against it if it's done safely and if it's done in a respectful manner. I love every second of it. I'm a big lingerie guy.

I'm not gonna lie that I'm not. I'm like, I'm gonna work cocked in granny panties and what mark you're shaking your head over there? You're not a not a I'm not a lingerie guy. Know? Interesting? No? I I how do I phrase this? Yeah? Um, I think that that's unnecessary. Yeah, I don't think it's necessary. But just like role play isn't necessary, it's a it's it's fun. So I'm um, it's so expensive being a female. Like the other day obviously, it was like I had to

go to pharmacy. It was the day of the month, and I'm like, it's so expensive. I have to buy tampons, and then I have to think of like you know, women who are on birth control. Um, that's expensive every month too, And then I have to buy the lingerie, and then I have to shave my legs and I have you know, there's all these things that women need to do in order for what we think is what

men are looking for. Well, I'm assuming the lingerie would be for a guy you're in a relationship with, so it might be the guy's responsibility to buy the lingerie he wants to see you in. Okay, there we go. Then, yes, I don't. I don't buy myself lingerie. Yeah that's fair. I can understand that I've bought money that's basically not going to stay on for long. Yeah. But that's the best part about it is that it's it's not meant to be on for long. I always had a rule,

So who do you think of this? I always had a rule before I was married that I would never buy a girlfriend lingerie because that would be then worn in the future with a different guy. Oh and that always bothered me. Now that I'm married, it's no problem and whatever. But by the time that was rule. Is that a rule or is that? Am I being facility? I guess I never thought that far ahead. Well, you're engaged now, so you're done. Oh yeah, I would buy Ashley.

I have bought Ashley laundry. I'm not afraid of Have you bought previous girlfriends LAUNDERI okay, but that smiles dared. Uh, let's see, that's a toughie. I gotta go back in the old journal anyway. Moving on, Um and Vanessa, do you have lingerie that previous boyfriends have bought you. I've no no boyfriend has ever bought me launder right, granny panty. I don't believe for one second that you only wear granny panties. No, listen, I'm I literally when I go

to bed, these are my padamas right now. Like it's an army top and that's what I'll show up in and like some old baggy pants that have a holes in it. I'm not sexy when I go to bed, like I'm not, and I don't. I don't feel like you know, obviously every once in a while. That's why I'm like the whole idea of role plays exciting because I get to like be this character and you know, but when it comes to that that part, I don't. I just don't feel like I have to put in

that extra. It's really bad to say. No, I'm not saying every day, this is a very limited like hey, special date night, I'm gonna get dressed up. You should get dressed up to and let's do something you shouldn't wear lingerie every day. I do have a question though, about women's underwear. H Is there like I feel like in every teen movie I've seen. There's like the one pair of underwear that women wear that like it's like black lace that that that's like the one they're gonna

wear on the big night? Is that true on the big night? Like the day? Do you have like a pair like you're like, if I ever want to go out, like if I might be seen in these, I'm wearing these. Um. I think it's like a pair of underwear that every woman feels very sexy in. Um. But that's like a pair of booty shorts or like booty you know, like u is shoes, a little bit of the butt cheek or yeah, something where you feel like you feel good at you know, But it doesn't necessarily mean that it's

going to end up being that kind of night. It can also give you that boost of confidence when you're like, oh, I'm where am I like my nice bro my matching underwear on broad tonight and I'm going to go out and have fun and talk to a guy. No, you never planned for it to happen, but you just prepare for it just in case that's the big Do you do the opposite? Do you wear granny panties to ensure that it won't go any farther than you're planning on going.

I like, won't shave for a month. That's my strategy. Well, you know, Susan's our guest today. She'd be good to wait on some of these topics. Let's get her in here in a minute to weigh in. But before Susan comes in, I do want to talk about something that we've been talking about the podcast for weeks now, and that is the Amazon Fire TV. The Amazon vir TV. You guys have heard about it. Amazon fire TV brings all the live and streaming content you love to the

biggest screen in your house. You can watch everything you love with access to Netflix, Prime Video, Hulu, and so much more. You can even watch YouTube videos and access websites like Reddit and Facebook on the Fire TV. From makeup tutorials to memorizing cake icing videos to the new drama that's all the buzz. Whatever you're into, it's on fire TV. Watching YouTube is all about you, and when it's on the big screen the Fire TV, it's ultimate

mix of entertainment and relaxation. I gotta minute. I watch watch Mojo a lot. Do you guys watch that YouTube channel that it's like a top ten list, But it's it's mainly about film, but also incorporates different aspects of music pop culture. But it's like do I I watch it for hours on end, but I've been you know, I've also been watching The Good Play, so I've talked about that. Actually that's Ashley's choice. My choice is Barry on hbo UM. So you know, as you get engaged,

you compromise. But we're watching that with the and the Amazon Fire TV and if you have Alexa, all you have to do is say Alexa open YouTube and then you can watch your favorite YouTube channel. Like in a nutshell for me, it's watched Mojo. You can watch it right on your TV screen. What's better than that. It's better than watching on your laptop, I can tell you

that much, or squinting into your phone. If you have an iPhone seven like myself, I really need to upgrade because every time I'm watched on the screen, I'm pretty sure I go a little bit more blind. And if that wasn't enough, you can even listen to this podcast right now. You can listen to the music all with the I Heart Radio app on Fire TV. All you have to do is head to Amazon dot com Slash

I Suck podcast again. That's Amazon dot com Slash I Suck podcast to order a fire TV of your very own, and they make great gifts for the friends and family during the holiday season. Guys, once again. To get the fire TV, go to Amazon dot com Slash I Suck Podcast. The other day, I got a talk text from when I best his friend. She lived in Toronto, so she doesn't see me every day, and she was trying to

figure out what to buy me for Christmas. And she's like, you got You travel so much and they keep seeing your Instagram stories and I see you like in this really like comfortable, like cozy leggings and um, it looks like you're working out, but you're traveling with them. And she's like, what are they? And I'm like their outdoor voices. So it's this company that I discovered. They are the most comfortable, affordable, cozy, trendy leggings and tops that I

can possibly like. I love them so much. But it's not only for workout. You can also travel with them or if you're doing your holiday shopping like my friend is in Toronto. Um, shopping right now during the holidays is quite a sport. I don't know about you scared, But do you like to wear cozy things when you shop? Uh? Well,

of course, I mean usually I wear jeans. And actually, Ashley makes fun of me all the time because I'm the type of guy that will wear jeans anytime I go out or if I'm on a plane or traveling anywhere. So I really need to kind of like expand my horizon on sweatpants because Ashley pretty much doesn't leave the house unless she's wearing sweatpants. But yeah, traveling a lot,

I need to get more comfortable. Uh. And also just as a guy's perspective in terms of the outdoor voices leggings that you're talking about, big yes on that one thumbs up. Ashley has a pair and they're very uh form fitting. Let me say they really are. So that's the thing. They have the signature textured compression that hugs and sculps and supports you while you're hiking or dogging or running through the shopping mall. I'm always in them,

I'm always wearing them. They're super comfortable, um, and they're made with really like this amazing fabric um and they just look amazing. Right now, I'm obsessed with these new legings that I just got out. Their two tones, like the two tone three tone leggings really um and I especially love because I feel like I have short legs. If you buy three quarter length, um, they make your

legs if you're longer. So they're the tech sweat three quarter two tone leggings there could they're the Coyote atmosphere color. They're like kind of like white and beige, which I think is like really nice for like this time of the year. Vanessa, you have short legs, I feel like I have. Sure, I'm five with three right, so I feel like if I wear leggings that go all the way down to my ankles and makes my legs look shorter, but if I wear three I'm obsessed with three quarter

length leggings. So these are my new favorite obsession. Um and even have like this other tone where it's like blue and black. UM. So Outdoor Voices, I love them. I live in them, I travel with them, I work out in them. They make high quality active apparel that's perfect for gym life or everyday life. They're they're fashionable UM and they're all about integrating fun into everything that

they do. So the Outdoor Voices clothing line is engineered for performance and designed for having fun, with a fabric offered for every single type of activity that you do. Like I said, they have the signature textured compression that basically makes you look like your toned and it's nice and tight and you're sculpted. So even when you're traveling or if you're shopping around or whatever. I mean, it's a great way to meet people when you're doing your

groceries and sweats, right, it's the best. It's the best way, and it does make a woman. It does make women look very tone. It's very nice for a guy. I've had a lot of compliment on jogger pants as of late, so I've been expanding my horizon on the whole fashion sense, trying to really upgrade my game on that one. So I got a pair of the bone color wreck Trek jogger and Ashleley loves them. Yeah, I'm I'm a big

geographan now geograph pants. They're in there the way to go and the bone color sounds intense, but they're they're pretty awesome. I'm not gonna lie. And they're comfortable now and if you're working out, they have the tech wet t M, which is a cool to touch material that basically like wixed away sweat, and he keeps you dry during high intensity workout. So it's great if you're working out. It's great if you're just doing everyday things like shopping

or going to the grocery store. So you can get off your first order of a hundred dollars or more. All you have to do is visit outdoor Voices dot com, slash help and enter help. That's outdoor Voices dot com slash h E L P. Outdoor Voices believe that harder, faster, stronger is not necessarily always better, so they design gear for doing things like shopping and having fun and right lounging around so you seriously don't want to miss a

special offer. Again, it's off your first order of a hundred dollars or more when you visit Outdoor Voices dot com slash help and enter help H E LP And again, I'm obsessed with these leggings Tech Sweat three quarter lane two tone leggings coyote and atmosphere white and beige. I think they're sexy and I think, um, maybe you should get askally this for Christmas. Oh you think I already haven't come on now, you're such a good boyfriend. Well, I'm technically a fiance, but I got you. Thanks for

reminding me. I'm still single. Joining us in studio is the relationship expert, Susan, trim Betty. Susan, thank you so much for joining us. Oh, thank you for having It's our pleasure. Did I say your last name correctly? Yes, you did, trim Betty. Oh. Perfect. I was studying all night about it, So, Susan, we were actually just having a discussion with S and I about laingerie and role play in the bedroom. I don't know how comfortable you are we're talking about that. I don't know if you

had any for you want to talk about? Perfect? So what is your advice about that? Do you think couples should do that? I think to each his own right, so when I actually do matchmaking as well. So what I say is, you know I can't get into bed with you. So if you have any questions, and I've heard some really wild questions, you know, feel free to ask me. If I don't know, I'll find out. I'll ask around, right, But yeah, I mean, hey, whatever floats your boat if you if you like lingerie for four play.

I mean, yeah, whatever exactly now you said talk about that. How early in the dating process did you start talking about stuff like that? Are we talking about my personal life? No? No, no, no, no no no, just in general. Well, I think, like, you know, I think you have to be exclusive before you go there, right, Otherwise you're never going to get into a relationship because like what guy isn't gonna be like, yeah, please dress out play you know, play like your nurse.

I mean they all love nurses, right because they're so caring. So if you can get like in a little shirt outfit, right. So, but I think you have to be exclusive and then you can talk about it, right, whatever you want to talk about, okay, perfect? Well, which to get your two cents on that? What do you visit? Well? Yeah, I I'm very I believe that we're all wired very differently.

Some people are more into the exclusive type of relationships. Um, when I was living out in l A, open relationships or a thing that I'm not wired that way, So it's very hard for me to date when I was out in California. Um, so open relationships are a thing in l A. Yes, what do you mean people don't believe in being exclusive, Like, yeah, we'll date for five six months and we'll still date other people at the

same time. And I'm like, na, either you're with me and me alone, or I'm not sharing you with anyone else. I don't want to have to just I don't know, especially if you're in that stage in the relationship where you're being intimate with someone. For me, I want to respect my body and I want to be with someone who respects the body as well, So I want to be able to have that conversation of being exclusively exclusive when it comes to intimacy. Let me ask. Believing that

up artists said the same thing this morning. She was like, do you match people for like open relationships or are you imagining them for exclusivity? And you know, I mean it's true. I think they are a little bit more open minded in l A than what they would be saying in the Midwest. But well, of course, l A. There's so many We've said it million times of the podcast, sparkly things like everybody's always looking over your shoulder for the next best thing. That's I mean, that describes l

A perfectly. Um, Yeah, there are a lot of guys out here that are noncommittal. And I say guys because it's more so guys that are unwilling to commit in a relationship than women in my in my opinion at least or my experience. Um so who knows, but Susan you you just also said that you are not only a relationship expert, um, but you're a matchmaker. So tell us a little bit about that. So I'm an upscale matchmaker and um, celebrity matchmaker. What does that mean? Upscale matchmaker?

So I'm not picking um, well, you have to be able to afford me quite frankly, you know time, oh my goodness of fifteen all the way up to a quarter million dollars to a quarter million dollars. Yes, and you too could be one of my matches. Well, so basically what I do is, you know, we recruit for love.

So I have the paying client, all right, and then I get into what it is they're really looking for, and I make sure that they are looking for something serious and that they can commit because some people, what they say and what they do are two different things. And then the match is free. Um. We recruit um in very upscale circles. So if you google me, you'll get a feel for that. UM. So hypothetically, if Vanessa was one of your clients, you would what would be

the first steps? Oh? I think she's doing well. I mean I just googled her and I saw Peter Krauss come up. We already talked about that girl. He's an amazing guy. He's a good looking man. Yeah. Anyone listening to this whatever you see online? Yeah? So no, I I'm I've been on really interesting dates. I'm very optimistic, um, which is different from the last couple episodes ever recorded. I was like, uh, dating people are I had like

the worst type of luck. But I wanted to ask you because I posted this on my account and some um of our followers asked when would it be the right time? Because we're talking about being exclusive, So when would it be the right time to make things official? How early? How is it too early on in a relationship? If it's a month or three months in? Is it six months in? Um? Should the guy still ask the woman do you want to be my girlfriend? Um? So, how do you have that exclusive talk? And when is

it the right time to have it? So? I feel like men are in a position of power with this exclusivity thing right, and the woman a lot of times is asking however, Okay, a lot of times a man, when he has a good thing tries to lock it down and he's not necessarily sincere. So what I say is for it takes ninety days for you to really know the real person. So it's okay to say, Okay, i'm dating you, I'm only dating you, but I want to wait to see how this pans out, because you

don't see the real person for ninety days. Your first fight make it or break it, you know, and that's when the first time you will see the real person. And I've had so many people come to me and I say, um, you know, don't lock it down, don't lock it down, and they lock it down in like thirty days. Oh yeah, we're exclusive. I like them. And guess what I mean. I was just on Dr Oz not too long ago with a lady and he was in an accident, like around day sixty and the nurse

coming and taking care of him. He was in the accident with her the night before, cheating with the lady coming to me and um, yeah, so I mean I see that a lot. I don't know. I guess I'm a little confused though, because you say, if a guy is trying to lock it down to early, he might

be insincere as well. And you don't know anybody until day ninety, you don't really see the red really, So are you saying that people should not the committal like commit to another person until after they know them for three months? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. I'm saying it takes three months make it or break it first fight, right, here's my question, in the first three months, if you are not committed to one person, does that restrict you

from going on dates with other people? Because here's the question. Here's my question for you, is that if you don't know somebody in the first ninety days, so what you're saying is don't commit to them because it's too soon, my question would be, well, does that prevent you from going on dates with other people? Because not at all. So you're giving that relationship in the first ninety days

of fair chance if you're shopping it around. If it's yeah, yeah, I mean I think you are given in a chance. You're making that person prove themselves both ways, and you really don't need to keep going out with other people if you're feeling it, you could tell them, hey, I'm feeling this relationship, I'm liking you. I just want to give it some time to make sure this is what I think it is, because they need to prove it to you, right fair. But I feel like guys used

that as an excuse all the time. Like a lot of guys, I feel like we'll tell women be like, I just want to take it slow. I'm not sure, but I'm into you. And I think we've had a lot of girls reach out to this podcast saying like, what do I do? We've been dating for two months. He says he really likes me, but he refuses to commit in a relationship with me. Is he just stringing

me along? Or is he serious about this? And a lot of times I think both Vanessa and I are in agreements that the guys are probably just stringing them along if they're refusing to commit, specifically after like, you know, knowing these people for more than a month, Vanessa, what are your thoughts about it? I think that um um, every relationship is different, and if you have two people that are open in communicating their thoughts and how they're processing, um,

the relationship. Whatever work for the both of you works for the both of you. I don't think there are any set rules in you know, taking that much time, it takes years to really get to no person. We're changing every day. After you get married, you change like you don't really know the person because the person that

you're your significant other is changing every day. And so I think if you're in a committed relationship where you're honest about where you stand emotionally, then whatever rules you guys apply into your relationship is whatever rules you apply to you guys and might not apply to another relationship.

Like I know someone right now that is openly dating other people, and she and her significant other are honest about when they're going on other dates and they've been together or they've known each other for a couple of months. I can't relate to that. I I am not wired that way, um, but it works for them, And so I think at the end of the day, it just comes down to communicating, communicating whether or not you're ready to seriously commit to someone. And I think it has

a lot to do with age. I'm thirty one right now, and I've had conversations with people that I've gone on dates with where they're not in the right mind state to seriously date someone. And I do appreciate that honesty, and I'm like a ran a grand a thank you next, or they are in a state where they want to

find someone. And you know, I keep hearing that the sentence when when you know, you know, um, and I want to be able to be jared right when you know you know, like you can't really know it expressing why it is that person, you just know it in your gut that that's the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. I have mixed feelings about that statement. And this is coming from someone who's engaged in madly in love. And I will spend the rest of my life with Ashley, but I'm not

sure if you know you know. I think of all the times you thought you knew when you knew and you were wrong. I think that's like a false sense of chemistry, right, And that's what I think, although I know that I'm guilty, Like I tell all my clients to keep an open mind, but you know, I like told ark In a handsome and that's exactly what I fell for. And I'm married, right and still madly in love.

But I think that there is a sense of like you know when you know, but you wait to see if it pans out, which goes back to what I was saying, like these guys don't want to commit. Actions

speak louder than words. You both speak, you both think you're on the same page, right, and but you've gotta wait to see if the actions line up because a player is kind of like a con artist in a way, right, because actions aren't going to line up, and so you're just kind of keeping it real for a while to make sure that they are who they say they are because it's next next on Tinder, right do you think do you think that's asking a lot of people though?

And that's my only question is not when you get broken heart at left and right and you know, like you just keep getting played by the player you know totally of course, right, there's players on both sides, both men and women, um, and it's dating is a very difficult world, uh to navigate through today. I just feel that, for example, Vanessa, let me ask you a hypothetical question.

If a guy came up to you and you guys were went on a few dates and the chemistry was there and it was really good, and you like this guy, and he said, I really like you too. I want to work towards a relationship. Um, I cannot commit to you right now because I want to wait to see how it pans out. Like this guy would want to wait. He would. For example, you guys were only at three or four dates in and he was like, I don't

want to commit to you right now. I want to give it a you know, maybe another month, a couple of months, really get to know each other more and figure out if this is a lifetime. You got to say yes, yes, it's only three or four dates for all, you know. You know, he's like the serial killer. So you I'm just saying you gotta wait to see and that will open up your world. But now, if he's acting like he doesn't want to commit, it's I'm not

saying you really have to date someone else. I'm saying, if you want to go for it, you can say you're the only person I'm seeing right now, but I want to wait before I jump in. You know, That's that's what I think, because three or four days you don't know what you don't know, You probably run off screaming down the alley with most of you've got since you, um,

you're a relationship investigator, and I want to get um. Yeah, I want to talk about that, and you have like line techniques and tracking a cheater and all that I want to know since I think we we all come into new relationships with insecurities because of things that we had to deal with in past relationships. I don't think I've ever been cheated on. I don't. I don't think I've ever been cheated on. So I don't have an insecurity when it comes to finding someone that is loyal

because I haven't been through that. Liars, on the other hand, Yeah, I date liars. So how can we track a liar? How can we detect when that red flag is there? And we should start waving that white one and run? So what are I'm so glad to us Okay, because that's your ninety days you watch you don't necessarily know, right, they're not going to look you straight in the eye, first of all. Uh, and that's like your number one thing. When they're lying, they might you know, there might be

certain things that they do. They cover their mouth, they shake their head no as they're telling you something right because it's not the truth. So there's certain giveaways. I'm not a body language expert, but I mean you could you could read into that. But what I have found is a in your gut? Do you believe it to be true? All right? Trust your gut? So many people

don't trust their gut. And then you just wait and you listen, and you know they're going to tell you whatever it is they told you, okay, one time, two times, three times? Is it consistent? The truth is consistent. A lie is not consistent. It'll be a different story every time. It would be just something very ache where they might get angry. You know, suppose you catch someone in a lie and you confront them and they get very angry and they blame you, like, okay, cheating, I'm not cheating

on you. You must be crazy. You must be cheating on me. So you know, they kind of pass it back on you and project on you. Crazy is a word that men should not use on females because I find that that's just them projecting their like either they're insecurity or projecting like whatever they're going whatever is going on internally with them onto the woman, like you're crazy for thinking this or you're crazy putting these people that are true, And so I really do agree with the

whole intuition thing. Um, I feel like I'm a very intuitive person and it gets me so frustrated because I talk about self sabotaging relationships and have a tendency to do that early on. But I think it's because if I really dissect I self sabotage because I know this person isn't right for me. So I'm stuck between my intuition telling me run and also my hardhead saying talk it out of it a shot and see how far

you can take this. And so I end up going with what my hearthead is telling me to do and to keep trying to make things work in the relationship, and at the end of the day, it doesn't end up working out. In my in my intuition was always right. And so now I'm in a position where I am very self aware of the things that I know. Um, I have a tendency of doing like self sabotaging and

understanding why that why that's there. But because I'm so black and white for me, as soon as there's one thing that's inconsistent in someone, I'm like done I don't want to deal with you like I'm coming with such a clean slate. There's really no skeletons in my closet. Um. My romantic love life is literally up on the internet. You can search whatever you want to search. There's no reason for me to lie about anything. And so in my position, sometimes it's hard to date someone and to

really get to know their authentic self. And I guess that's where the ninety days come in. Um. But because I'm such a hopeless dramatic, I'm like, no, I want to get to all you and like one date, I want to know all about you. And so the being ancient when it comes to relationships is something I know I need to work on, right. And apparently you already know that you're um, you self sabotage, So if you know why you do that, and I mean, I think that's the right approach, just to sit back. And you

said one key thing inconsistent. When they when somebody presents you with something that's inconsistent, they're not going to tell you everything on the first date. And you shouldn't know anything like that on the first date. You should just be flirting and smiling each other and taking it slow. Those are the best relationships that unfold. And I mean you you just know when I met my husband, I knew my husband was sincere and a story, right, And

there is that sense of intuition. And the more you did, I think, the more you get it. I guess my question, I'm confused. So when you said you met your husband you knew he was sincere, did you commit to him quickly? No? So even though you knew here sincere, right, we were like, I'm still going to wait on this. Yeah, well what thing to wait? Were you dating other people or you just weren't giving of yourself just yeah, well I was just waiting to see No, I don't think I was

dating other people. Didn't really have time. Um, but you know, you just wait to see that everything is as say, first of all, you got to know what it is you're looking for. And so if I tell you what I'm you know how many guys you say I want a commitment or you're in this relationship already and you know you're kind of giving them an ultimatum and they say no, okay, and then you walk and they say yes, yes right, and um, I will I will come back, come back and then they don't write. So that's what

you gotta do. You gotta wait. You want this, whatever it is you want, you know, you wait to see are they really going to back it up and give it to me? Because anybody's going to say because they want what they want, right They everybody has needs, right they want to get their needs met, whatever that may be. And as long as their needs are getting met and your needs are getting meant, then I think it's okay

to go forward. But sometimes if you're in the beginning and you realize you're not getting your needs met even though they said that they would or acted like they wanted to, right, then you have to walk. But you have to wait to see. That's not something you're going to really know on the first date. I'm sure they're all going to say, listen, I have clients they slipped in there. You know, they say they want to get married,

and you know they want a professional woman. That's great, but at the end of the day, you know the women that they really are attracted to or something else, And I just have to say, I'm sorry, you know you really aren't after what you say you're after. Until you get that straight, I can't help you right, And there's a lot of people that have that confusion. I think, um, coming off of a show like The Bachelor, where everything

is so fast paid. You get to meet someone, you spend very little time with them, and then all of a sudden you're engaged to them and you're basically starting, you know, from square one all over again, after basically doing the biggest step in getting engaged. And I think for me it worked because I'm someone that is go It goes against everything you're saying to Susan. I am someone that is fast paced when it comes to relationships. I know what I want to know what I'm looking for,

and let's try this out. Let's go all in or let's not. And so I'm either dating someone, seriously dating someone, or I'm really single, like I'm not a nowhere in between. Um, and I've gotten a little bit better. I spoke about this. I was dating someone recently in the summer and he was someone that was not committal, and I went with the flow and I felt really good to step outside

of my comfort zone. And but at the end of the day, I realized, this is not me and this is the last time I give my heart up to someone that isn't deserving of it. But he said so in the beginning, right, Um, Honestly, his actions were very different, And that's where actually flatt of the words. He wanted to have babies, and I'm like, you're talking, you're preaching to the choir, like the only thing I ever wanted,

like his kids. But I knew deep down that he was saying these things too, you know, make me like him more or whatever the cases. So I was aware of that, and I knew deep down he wasn't someone I was gonna seriously date. But it was still like it was a nice chance. It was a nice um change instead of like seriously dating someone and going and really quickly so tracking a cheater. I'm sure everyone that's listening to this like, oh, I want to know how

look and the blackest cheata. Before we get into that, I just want to ask one thing, because we talked so much about dating and relationships and waiting or committing and and the dudes and the don'ts and and trust your instinct, but also, you know, think with your head not your heart. Do you think that sometimes we just psychic ourselves out? No, not at all. I mean I think that's just like when you're leading with your heart and projecting I want this, that's when I think you

like yourself out. I mean, if you take an approach this is this is what I need, this is what I want. Then and you know where you're going. You're gonna get it. It's like any goal, right, you're gonna

it's going to happen. Do you think sometimes we overthink things and maybe are in our own head too much of like okay, well we have to make them wait, or no, we should commit now, or like almost looking for something that's that's not there, um whether that be good or bad, because like you know, sometimes I get concerned, like even like tracking a liar. It's like, well, you know, body language, hand over mouth, Like if I put my hand over my mouth now next time I'm talking to somebody,

are they're gonna be like ah liar? Sometimes I get concerned about that because we do live in such a transparent world, in a modern world where everything is is online and we have instant gratification for for knowledge or likes on Instagram or what have you, And sometimes I think, are we just overthinking things? I don't know? Probably in a lot of ways, like like you self sabotage. You probably overthink your relationships. Um, yeah, I mean in a

lot of ways. I'm sure we do overthink things, but you're not overthinking it to know what it is you want out of a relationship. So as I want to get married, i want to have kids, or I don't want to get married, but I want to have kids, and this is the person I want to be with for the you know, the rest of my life. That's, you know, knowing what you want and overthinking things, I think are two different things. As a matter of fact, I think you do need to put a lot of

thought into that. When I talk to a client, sometimes it takes, like believe it or not, three or four hours to get down to what you really want. And they thought they knew. And a lot of times that's why you're not really finding it. You spend all this time, you're right over analyzing everything with your girlfriends, and you know, guys don't, you know, traditionally talk too much about what they want, right except on you know, these podcasts, But anyway, yeah,

you do. You spend so much time that you lose the real point of what is And I'm looking for what's going to make me happy? What is superficial and what is it I really need to make me happy? Do you believe in finessa? Do you believe in some I believe that there are a number of people that are really great matches for us. I don't believe there's once but secific person that you're meant to be with, because there's a whole a ton of people in this world, and because I live in one part of this one

in a country. Now, does that really mean that the love of my life is in my country? Like No, I think that's kind of crazy to think that. UM. For me, at least, I believe that in every stage in your life there is someone that comes into it and you could either be with them or not. I do think that when I was younger, in my early twenties, I felt really hard and in love with one specific person. However, the timing of things not great. He did not want to have kids. I wanted to have kids. There are

a number of people that were meant to be with. Um, Susan, I agree there's the right person for the right time in your life. It isn't just one person and that's another. I think that's an example of overthinking things. You know, you're looking for your soul made. Oh my god, this one person out of all these billions of people. No, it could be any number, and some are a better

fit than others, I know. And that's where I sometimes I get into the overthinking part because, as I think, some people do look for that one person that they're supposed to spend the rest of their life with, when in actuality it might be multiple people. And for example, if you're in a relation for somebody that you truly love, but something is wrong and there's something that you guys are not on the same page about, where is the line? Like? What line is that? Is it? Is it marriage? Is

it kids? Is it? Is it financial? Is it where you want to live in the world? Is it family? Like? But here's the thing, like, how, for example, Vanessa can speak to this a little bit. You come off the Bachelor, you're engaged, you're madly in love with someone, and then you get back into the real world and you're like, wow, we have a lot of differences though, but we're in love. So how hard should we fight for this relationship? And I wanted to get your thoughts, both your thoughts on that. Well,

can I talk. I'll just give you my faults because I actually gave media comments about your breakup. So anyway, so it kind of ties in with what I'm saying here. So, um, I think it was to Elite Daily and they asked me what I thought about the breakup. And it's kind of interesting because you know, I love The Bachelor and the Bachelorette, and yeah, I really do. Yeah, So I did something like with one of the former Bachelor's in

my dating boot camp, so I watch it. After that, I started watching it all the time, and I really love it because, A you get to see a lot of dating mistakes if you watch it that people make. But back to you, it ties in with what I'm saying. It's a it's a fake world, the same thing as like you have a couple of dates. That's a fake world.

You have these couple of great dates, right And anyway, when you get out in the real world, then that's when you're starting to see the real person and you're kind of like suddenly starting to date really in the real world. And so when it comes down to you know all of this, Um, I just think that you know, dating is tough. It's hard, you know, and you. Everybody. I could call it less authenticity and dating. Everybody's going next, next, next, right,

and it's just a crazy world. Well, I guess, Vanessa. My question to you is, how man, it's gonna sound bad? How important is love? Because I'm sure you you can probably say, I you know, I'm assuming you have the show in love with Nick and it obviously didn't work out. You know, have to speak into details, but it's it's interesting as an overall scope of like, well, what's the most important thing? Is it? Well? Are we on the same page about kids? Are we on the same page

about where we're gonna live? Not just with your relationship with Nick, but just for everybody out there, Like you know, in in the ranking where does love rank? Is it number one? Is it the most important thing over everything? I think compatibility equals strong love, and Nick and I were in love with each other once we got engaged. Um, I think there was a moment of realizing like, oh,

we are so different. We didn't get a chance to realize this while we're filming, because you're living in the moment. It's kind of like long distance relationships where it's always a high because whenever you see each other. It's been so long, and I mean, listen, I love long distance relationships, but of course, like it takes a longer period of time to really get to no person if you're seeing

them once a month or whatever. UM. And for us, like we did love each other, and we realized how different we were, and we took the steps we needed to. We communicated about it, we went to couples therapy, and then we started to realize there's certain things that we're not willing to compromise on, which was which were our core values, which made up who we were, which also spoke volumes on how we weren't going to be able to be as happy and as authentically ourselves and the

relationship in order to move forward. And it wasn't It was so hard making that decision, the number of panic attacks that I had. UM. I remember like once we were lying down in bed and he went to the gym and I woke up and he wasn't in the bed next to me, and I woke up like it's

hysterically crying like what are you? And I couldn't. I knew that it was like the beginning stages of the relationship UM making its way to an end, and so it was a process that we had to take together and realize that it was something that we both wanted. And I think it was so beautiful at the end when we finally like looked at each other and said, like, we love each other, but it's just not it's not

going to work. And so oftentimes when people do break up, it's one person who wants out and the other person is stuck in the bargaining phase of a breakup and wanting to get them back without realizing like, oh wait, we're really if one person wants out, ultimately you're not really meant to be together, right, Yeah, it really doesn't take well, is it? Is it unfair for somebody in a relationship to have second guessing? Everybody has second guessing.

I think that's just a matter of psychology. Well, like say it say you're in a relationship someone and they're like, I'm thinking about breaking up because I don't know if it's working. Is that Does that define somebody as being out of the relationship or is it possibly maybe they're having doubts? Yeah, no, doubting is fine. But I think if someone has made their decision and saying I don't want to be with you anymore. To me, that's the

ultimate insult. And I'm I should be the queen of getting my heartbroken because I literally will cry my eyes out if a guy like and something after a week and I'm like, why, But that's just because my egos bruised. Right, So at the end of the day, I think it's if someone doesn't want to be with you, and that's not someone that's going to stick by you through harder times in life, and that's not someone that you should want to picture a future with, right, And just don't

really take that much work. I mean you hear people go, oh my god, it's work, but we do it every day. No relationships take commitment. When it's that much work, you know it's not gonna work. No, true, And you're right, like there is It is okay for someone to doubt something, but not okay for someone to completely say I'm out of the relationship. But you know one thing, Vanessa and Susan that you don't have to doubt or guess on that's twenty three and me, Oh, I know it's your favorite, Vanessa,

it is your absolute favorite. So we've talked about twenty three and me many times on the podcast, So twenty three and Me helps you understand what your DNA can tell you about you and your family story. It's named for the twenty three pairs of chromosomes that make up our d N. A twenty three and Me Health and Ancestry service includes ninety personalized genetic reports that offers DNA insights on what makes you unique? Vanessa, Have you ever done twenty three and Me? I have? And it's actually

really simple because I spoke about it. We always talked about on the podcast. I spoke about with my friends. This guy that actually recently went on a date with UM. He came by and I know, Susan, you talk about like being safe when it comes to dating and stuff like that, and I was reading some of your notes. I was like, ooop, see he came or he came

to my house way too early. UM. But he's like, oh, I did twenty three and me testing and he saw that he had, like he started questioning his mom about their background and their history and stuff because he's UM, he's Eastern European and they anyways, he found some crazy stuff in there. And it's really simple. All you have to do is spit into a tube. Like literally, that's all you have to do. You spit into a tube

that the twenty three and Me Kit provides. You register your sample to your personal twenty three and Me account, and then in a few weeks you receive a personalized online report and you can get so much information on this. You can learn how basically your genes they role in your well being and your lifestyle choices, like your muscle composition. Um,

and I actually wanted to. I'm waiting for my result tests to come in, but I actually have like really good muscle memory compared to everyone else in my family, and I want to. I want my family members to do this too, so we can compare a result so I know he studies have found that almost all elite power athletes have a specific genetic variant in a gene related to a muscle composition. And I want to know

if I have that gene. And you might find that version of that gene if you end up doing the test, and That's what I'm waiting to see. And the cool thing about twenty three you right now is that through December twenty five, the d n A twenty three and Me Kit is on sale. It makes for a perfect holiday gift all year, especially this time of year obviously. And now, like I said, through December twenty five, you can get thirty off any twenty three and me kit. You can order your d n A kit at twenty

three and me dot com slash Dean. That's d E A N that's the number two three A N d M E dot com slash Dean. Check it out off now through December. You can get it as a family gift. I know a lot of people are looking to find out more about their heritage, more about their background. It's a it's a really cool gift. I'm excited to get my results back. Um, I believe I'm I'm I'm like about ten percent Native American. So I'm curious to see how accurate that is, Like is your life a lie

or are you accurate? I mean, my life has always been a lie, and I'm just figuring out how much of a lie really is Um and Susan, I wanted to get back to a question that Vanessa had for you after I speak upon the legacy box, which is something that we can never forget about this podcast because how many times we mentioned the legacy box. The legacy continues, the legacy will forever continue. Um. So I've always been someone who I might not like going Christmas shopping for

the family and friends, like I like shopping online. Right especially living in l A. I don't know what's Canada like? Oh no, are you kidding me? Girl? Canada? Right now? I'm looking up, but there's a snowstorm, so I don't want to say she's inside, she's inside. How much snow do you have there? Well, it just started snowing today and it's like really thick snow flicks soum and it's been like minus through. Yesterday was like minus twenty degrees. So I've been high aberrating and I've been doing a

lot of online shopping a legacy box. I missed the snow so much. God, I can't wait to go back east. Um, I miss snow, but I certainly don't miss crowds. And anytime I go to a mall back home or even in l A, it's crazy this time of year. But with the Legacy Box, you and skip all of that. All you have to do is send your legacy box filled with all your home videos and pictures and then

they'll do the rest for you. They have they help in professionally digitalizing your moments on a thumb drive, digital download or a DVD. This is actually a great gift for my grandparents because my grandparents they don't have social media and stuff, and like you know, they don't want to start rumbling like going through old boxes and things like that. They always say like, oh, you guys never send me pictures or there's never any videos, and I never really know what's going on in your life. And

I don't have social media to keep myself updated. So I ways, this is actually a great idea. I'm getting a couple of pictures UM printed for them, and I'm getting them um the Legacy Box so they can not make me feel guilty about having a social media account and that they don't have it. So this is actually a great idea for them holidays. It's really easy to follow. The instructions are super simple, and they have safety bar

codes that are included for every item. Legacy Box is the world's largest most trusted digitizer of home movies and photos. And I mean, this is something that I thought about too, and Mica is a lot of personal things that I'd be putting out there. But it's super secure, it's really safe, and it's done by hand right in the USA. Um So, there's never been a better time to do digitally preserve your memories. Visit legacy box dot com today to get started.

Plus for a limited time get this, they're offering our listeners an exclusive discount, and who doesn't love exclusive discounts, especially around this time of the year. Go to legacy box dot com slash Dean. It's always Dean d E A N to get off your first order. So go to legacy box dot com slash Dean to get forty percent off your first order and get started preserving memories from your past. I mean, it's such a great idea,

especially for this for the holidays. Um well, the code is always Dean because it's short, simple, easy to spell. And also they're not gonna have slash Vanessa that's very long, and they won't have slash Jared because I'm five letters. Dean is four letters. It just completely makes sense. And I've talked about on the podcast before about I have a home video at my house that's an hour and a half long from my ages like four to six, my dad with his VHS video camera. It's god. I

miss those days. I wish I grew up in the nineties. I'm a nineties kid. I always have it always will be. But this home video is everything to me, and I'm always nervous that it's going to get destroyed because it's not an old VHS player and every time we put it in too, the old you know VHS DVD thing. I don't even know what the VHS player. I guess

we'd call it a VCR Thank you Holy Molly. It's been a little while since I've used one of those, but I'm always concerned that the tapes are gonna get destroyed in the vs v c R because it hasn't been used in so long and legitimately the only time we use the VSR v c R C. It's been so long since I've used it, I don't even know

how to say the letters properly. Well. Also, can I just say with the rain, there was somebody in I Heart where they shared like her cameras and all her like uh like USB stuff, all saved on in a box in her garage, and then it all got ruined. It was like all these pictures and photo albums. So it's like even in our generation like we keep things like safe and sound, but you just never know what happens. So just getting it all digital, like dig digitized, that

is a tough words different. Um, it's so smart, like it doesn't have to be just VCR like doing it now is so crucial to those things in the USB. Put them in a nice little shelf, nobody sees them, not cluttery. Yeah, they won't get damaged by the rain or the v c R. Susan, I wanted to get back to a question that Vanessa asked you earlier before we started getting into all this, which is how to

track a cheater? Mm hmm Okay, is this somebody that's actually cheating or just somebody that you know as a player. So so here's the thing, Okay, what what the relationship investigator title you're talking about is? So I have a background in liquidating for audent portfolios, so it's really easy, you know, like these are people that steal identities, like to figure out a condom artist, and so for a lot of my celebrity clients, I check out, um these

people that come into their life. And I also use that expertise for all my matches and do my own background text so I can really tell. So when you track somebody that's lying, I mean when you're in a relationship and they're cheating. I mean, first of all, do they take their cell phone to the bathroom with them constantly? Is it like lockdown like Fort Knox, right, going in the shower with them and they're like, you're crazy, You're crazy, I just need my phone with me all the time.

I'm just used to it, right, So that is like a big sign um. You know, they're obviously talking on their phone to someone and you just don't know who it is, and they're not really open. So when you're in a relationship, I mean the person you know, this is like an open book, right, so you know everything, But suddenly you don't feel that you know everything. You

feel crazy. Okay, So you might not be that person that it um checks up on them constantly and looking through their cell phone and looking at text messages or checking their calendar. But suddenly you're snooping, right, because they

are inciting that in you. If you are not a jealous individual and you're feeling that you're picking up, you're going to say something, Yeah, well I wanted to ask me something, so I totally agree, your intuition kicks and you're like, I don't know, I feel like something is up. But sometimes like you might be in that mode where you get super insecure, so you always feel like something is up. So you have to determine whether it's you going like, oh my god, like there's too much on

your head. So if you're dating someone and you're over at their house and they happen to leave the house, do you and I think I may have asked you this last time, should you encourage people to kind of snoop around just to see what the person is up to? Like you're smirking as if you have had personal experience with this. Of course I've done this. I've done this. I haven't like gone like real deep into drawers and stuff, but if there's something I just want to like, oh

what's this? Like? Oh I just want to connect the dots sometimes, you know? Is that? Is that not encouraged? It's not encouraged. She shouldn't do that, right, Um, it's okay. I mean, don't like beat yourself up if you do. I mean a lot of people do this. But what I'm saying is that crazy sense of snooping that usually means something's up. And I'm gonna tell you something. A h of the people that have ever thought something was up,

you know, we're right, absolutely Okay. You know a crazy person when they come to you, you know, they think everybody's scheeting whatever, like a jealous person. You know that, you know, And I'm gonna take that a little step further with my background, like all right, no, no, no, I was gonna say, so somebody like wrong, They're never wrong. Peop a crazy jealous person every days, like they're cheating on me. That's that's different. Like that is like, that's

what I'm saying. That's the exception. And everybody knows somebody like that, right, I mean that's an abusive person really okay, Like if you have that and a guy and he's always like, oh you were five minutes late? Where were you? What? I mean, they're crazy, they're abusive. I've seen women like that with guys whatever. You know, that's on the side, right, that doesn't count. But people that think they're being cheated on. You're dating someone, you're you're married, you're in a long

term relationship, whatever. You suddenly everything has been great and you suddenly think they're cheating on you, And it's not

just like this fleeting thought anyway. The bottom line is you're right, and not only are you right, a lot of times you know the person they're cheating with if you had to search and and I think, like I said, I'm gonna take this back, if you had like a relationship um fraud, like somebody stole from you, like committed identity for all against you in its relationship, not being like just some random fraud rings stealing a bunch of identities, but like if somebody you know that you came into

contact with, and it doesn't mean you know them personally to be somebody you work with, it stole your identity. You know that's been in my background. If it's a relationship fraud, you always know. I shouldn't say a hundred percent at the time, but I've had numerous people who know. But let me tell you about cheating. Like I remember this lady coming to me and she said, can you I think my husband's cheating on me, and I think he's living someplace with this woman he set up another residence.

And I said, well, why do you think that? And she said, I found this toll ticket way back when and so anyway, the bottom line was, I said, well, who do you think he's cheating with? And she knew And a lot of people know that you know in your heart of hearts, and if you've come across that person, met that person, you kind of can connect the dots, which isn't the same as jealousy. You just kind of know because you're connected, right, call it some sort of

cosmic connection. Yeah, but I really don't even know that it's cosmic. You're just so you know, bonded that you know when something's off, and you also know, like I don't know, maybe it was unconscious she picked up on something with the other person that when you met them. Yeah. Um so, Susan, I want you to talk a little bit about your your matchmaking as well. So you offer a service, you say you're a celebrity matchmaker. You can't disclose any celebrity that you've worked with. Let me see.

Um no, but well I guess I can. I have confidentiality agreements, but um so, my contract automatically gives confidentiality. I did fix up Sarah Silverman in September for her show, so I could say that, um so this was aired. Yeah, I love America. But it wasn't exactly you know, it was an authentic match. But you know I heard later she said on Howard Stern, I think that she was

never going to marry him because he wasn't Jewish. But you know, that's not how I delivered what they asked me to deliver, which you know, I'm not a magician, but I got as close as I could. She on her show examines you know, other people's values, so that's what she was doing. And it was a great match. Oh my god, she's lovely. Yeah, she is lovely. I mean she's mark, she's funny. I mean she's a really great package. And she's filthy dirty. Yeah, she's fantastic. You know.

So he's like she said some really crazy things and you know, I just thought it was hilarious. She's really cool. Yeah, he's lovely. Might be wondering this. Can people who come to you and you just for the line detection or the tracking? Yes, so, um, you can go at exclusive matchmaking dot net. I do a service called Investigate your Date. I'll check them out. I'm not a private investigator, you know, so I'm not out there. That's what a private investigator does.

They get footage. But I can tell you a lot more things, like, for example, like listen, you can if you're in a relationship with some money, you're living together, you can get their text messages, right, you can set your phone settings like their face, and you can find out a lot Like there's all sorts of like little tricks. But at the end of the day, I mean, you know what you know. I mean, I go back to that gut instinct. But yeah, if you want to come,

that's all it is. Confirmation you want the photos, all right. But a lot of times dating today, you know, I'll have people to come to me and I'll be like, it's really a scam. I think a financial scams run rampant on online dating. That's like the biggest scam. And like they might come to me, um and say, well, you know, i'm dating this woman. I don't ask me why they keep dating her, you know, but I know she has a different name. I think she's married. But

she's getting money from me. She's I've given her hundreds of thousands of dollars and she's now blocked me on all social media. And these are like really incredible man, right, and she's telling me she's in a village, you know, with her grandmother, you know, in South America. But I think she's right here with her husband. You probably find her in a restaurant. So you know, it's not like I'm out there. I would hire a private investigator to get the photos. Don't ask me why anybody would get

in that deep. But at that point, I think they were like totally tricked and sucked in. And you know, a beautiful woman, uh, you know, a man grasping at her and what he thought she really was, but she's really just a gun or has you got to look out? There's a lot of them, Yeah, but most of it's just like is he married? Is she married? You know, dig up their past. Um, that's the kind of stuff I do. So I like to call myself really like a matchmaker to the rich and famous. Um. But we

are rolling out a new service for you know, young professionals. Um. That's a big demographic. You know, they're really frustrated with these dating apps. I mean, and like I said, it's you know, it's next, next, next. Is there ever really a connection? I mean, I do know people that have met married, but you know, people don't take a good hard look at the person in front of them and the ruling amount for all the wrong reasons. Well, Susan,

where else canna people find you? Um exclusive matchmaking dot net. You can reach out on Twitter at exclusive underscore match. Um. I love to tweet about the Bachelor and the Bachelor. Are you alive tweeter? Do you tweet live during the show? Yes? I do. Well, that's man, that is a true fan right that I started doing that. Um, after I met

one of the Bachelor's they just like really enjoyed Tachelor Nation. Um. Well, I had Chris in christ Souls for my dating camp and you know, he was lovely, wonderful and you know, you know, it was great and I just loved meeting a lot of the folks totally. That's pretty cool. Well, Susan Trombretti, thank you so much for coming in. You are incredible and we'd love to have you back anytime. I'd love to come back perfect. Well, you'll be back,

good luck, all right, thanks Susan. Vanessa. I'm having a mini panic attack because I just realized that two weeks from today is Christmas. But I haven't done any of my shopping, which is a real issue. Um, But what I look forward to at Christmas is obviously the holiday parties where the family gets together. Nobody drives, everybody you know, takes uber as we get a little slashed. It's a good time. Van Alsa. You hosting Christmas party this year?

I am. So I've basically been living in my new place since I I've been back home so like since May, and no one has really been here. Um and my parents are divorce. If just put my time equally during the holidays, and I kind of want to have everyone get together. You do, and so we all have Like Luckily, there's not many people, um, like in l A who are like gluten intolerant or have like all these allergies and stuff. But that's a great thing about Thrive Market.

There's so many great snacks and things that you can get for people who do have those allergies. Like I have a friend who's allergic to peanuts and gluten and eggs and whatever, and so I pulled up the Thrive Market website and we went through like a bunch of items that I know I can get for her that she can specifically buy and and eat and enjoy. Like my sister is obsessed to another level. At one point I accidentally bought the wrong box. But you know, the

Simple Mills Crunchy chocolate chip cookies. They're gluten free and they're like super healthy and yeah, so they're like gluten free and she's obsessed with those. So I got a few boxes for her so when she does come over for the holidays she can feast off of that. I don't know if there's any specific items that you off that you love off of five Market, but there's this honey,

organic honey that I put in my um. I've been sick for like the last two weeks, so this is I forgot what the name is, but it's an organic honey company that I bought off of Thrive Market UM that I put in my in my tea every morning. Am I excited about Thrive Market? Have you met me? I'm currently standing up in studio with a box of Thrive Market right next to me, pulling out items. For example, the almond butter creamy. I love peanut butter, but I

have that. I have that in the morning and I put my honey and I dress a honey over on top of that on my on my tilt every morning. It's my favorite. I love peanut butter, but I love the almond butter better one because it's healthier and too, it tastes exactly the same. I also love the garlic ali mayo because it's made with real avocado oil. I don't know what that means, but it tastes fantastic and it's healthier for me, so I'm all about it. I

also like snacks. We got the cheddar snack mixed right here. Um, we have ranch dressing with avocado oil, so pretty much everything is made with avocado oil to make it healthier, but it tastes exactly the same. And Thrive is so cool. It's so awesome. It's an online marketplace and it makes healthy living easy and affordable, which is perfect because I'm very cheap. It's like hopeful it's but just way better because it gets delivered to your door, which is pretty cool.

You can shop for thousands of the best selling non gmo foods and natural part of products. Like we said, I love the almond butter. That's absolutely my favorite. It's non gmo, it's organic, and it's creamy, which makes it even more fantastic. On top of dry market prices being up to off, they're also giving us our listeners an extra off your first order and a free thirty day trial. So all you have to do is go to thrive Market dot com slash Dean. Everything is Dean, but like

we talked about, it's very simple. That's d E A N. There's no code necessary. Like we said, all you have to do is go to Thrive Market dot com slash Dean and the discount will automatically be applied to the checkout. I love Thrive Market. It's delivered to our door pretty much every two weeks, I'd say I get a new box of Thrive Market. It makes it way easier than going to the grocery store because Whole Foods, I'm there

for like an hour and a half. It's very expensive between parking, driving, they're coming home, unloading the groceries, and then cooking it all myself. It's exhausting. That's why thrives really awesome because it's not just food as well. They have a lot of beauty products on there. They have household cleaners. I'm on their website right now and I'm looking at some of their makeup line. They have, like um,

you know Jessica Album's line, The Honest company. They have like a bunch of products from the Honest Company, which I love. It's really like their their body washes and stuff like that. Their hands so they have fragrant fragrances. They have a section for men's skincare, to nails, lip care. I mean, the list goes on and on. There's even things for babies and kids, which a lot of my friends are popping out babies like a lot nowadays, and I'm like, I have baby fever, but I got myself

a man first. They have stuff for the home, stuff for your pets. They even have a holiday section. This works out perfectly for you because for your holiday party, you can not only shop for the food that you're gonna cook for everybody, but you can also shop for the household products that you're going to clean your house with before everybody comes over. Yes, you know it. Yeah, and they have like organic non GMO products. Um. I'm online now and I'm looking. There's an organic kimono white

robe which looks super cozy and it's off. So I'm just looking on their website. There's so many discounts, um, and there's just so many different products. I mean, you literally can do your groceries. You can buy Christmas gifts on this thing. Um. Drive Market is just like my new obsession. It is truly an online market. It's an online grocery store, which is really cool because everybody needs to go to a grocery store, including myself, and it's annoying and I hate it. But now Thrive makes it

a lot easier, and they're a lot cheaper. Like we said, their prices are already usually about fift off compared to other market prices, and now they're giving you, guys an extra off and for your your first order and a free thirty day trial. Once again, all I have, dudes, go to Thrive market dot com slash dean that's Thrive market dot com slash d e a n. We have an email, don't we Yes, indeed we do. Sky needs your help and she'd like you to weigh out in

her situation. If you don't mind, we don't mind. I went on a first date last week with a guy I met off Hinge. The date went really well. By the time I got home, he texted me about hanging out again the next day. He suggested a movie at his place on Saturday. Well, I wanted to avoid the Netflix and Chill second date, so I said I was busy, and we agreed to a brunch date soon. So on Saturday, I went to show my friends profile and check out this guy went out with and he wasn't in my matches.

He either unmatched me or deleted his account, and I have not heard from him. I should note I did some Facebook creeping and discovered he just got out of a four year relationship about a month ago. Could this ghosting be due to the sudden realization of his that he isn't ready to date or is there potentially something else. I was so excited about a first day that I finally enjoyed, and now I'm left more confused than ever. Do we really need to answer this? I mean, sky,

I do want to answer this? Well, of course I'm gonna answer it. No, Okay. So I have mixed emotions about the whole, like it wanted it too early to start dating someone and he just got he recently got out of a four year relationship a month ago. That is like, okay, is he ready to seriously commit to another relations ship orthy just looking to date around? So I was so excepting my first day that I finally

enjoyed it now and left more confused than ever. Well, you know what if he if he unmatched you, if he doesn't have a profile anymore on where where would you meet him on hand? Then literally just move on to the next guy you're on a dating app. I'm sure there's more fish in the sea. Um. I wouldn't worry too much about him, and I would suggest to not go down a deep dark hole and start to do a bunch of research and try to connect the dots.

It's pretty simple, whatever the case is. If you guys, guys aren't meeting up, and you guys are meeting up on the Saturday, and there's all these like red flags like don't I would be like, run as fast as you can. Yeah. Absolutely, this guy absolutely just wanted to sleep with you. I mean that's what it appears to me. He went on a date, found that you were cute, invited you over to his house the next night. You said no because you didn't want to do the Netflix

and chill, completely understandable. And then the next day he unmatches you and unfriends you. Of course, out women are so sweet and kind, you know that She's like, we only want you know what I looked into it, and he just got off a relationship. He must not be ready to day yet that's not how guys thinks. Not completely different. God, well, hey, I've been out of the game a while, but this guy just got dump He's looking to get back on the horse as quickly as possible.

And that's the difference with men and women. Men like to get out there and get it going again. Women like to kind of be sad for a little bit, and then usually what happens is it reverses. Women after a couple of weeks get over it and want to get out there. Man after a couple of weeks realize what they're missing and they go through a little bit of a sad time too. But the couple of days after he broke up, he's looking to get out there and make something happen. And that's where you came in

this guy. And I'm sorry that he wasn't for you, but it sounds like it wasn't okay, Scott, you were going to be the rebound girl. It worked out well that it's in that you guys didn't end up hanging out. He just got out of a long term relationship. Like Mark said, he's just getting back into the game. He's single now and he's wrankling ready to mingle, and you weren't, which is completely fine. And he was like, okay, well I'm onto the next you know what. Take it as

a compliment. He thought you were really hot. Yeah, yeah, there you go. Yeah, so there you go. That's pretty good. We want to do the Alexis one. Well, that one is kind of Dean centric, but we can run through it. Let's try it. And she just broke up after four years and she wants to travel around alone to a different country or even just a different state. She lives

on Long Island, New York. I'd love to hear any and all recommendations of a place that's solo travel or friendly, especially from Dean, since he travels alone so frequently, and if Dean needs a travel buddy, she's willing to be that person. Thank you in advance. Where have you guys gone that you could recommend to Alexis? The first thing I would recommend to Alexis is there is a difference between a guy traveling alone and a girl traveling alone. So please, wherever you go, do a lot of research.

If you end up going alone, and be safe, you know, just if you go to some sort of resort, don't leave that area, things of that nature. Uh for me, I don't know, go to Hawaii it worked out for

forgetting Sarah Marshall. You know, UM, I don't know as a female, I'm I don't think I feel safe traveling by myself, especially because like nowadays, the way I travel, I just go with the flow and I don't really have I don't know where I'm staying with hotel, staying out, where to go eat and whatever, so I would always

have to connect with strangers. Um. So maybe I would suggest, like find a friend who is supportive of what you're going through, or maybe someone that is in the same position as you, and make it a girl's trip, like you and another girl and just like go hang out. Are you and your sister or um? I don't I don't know. Dean travels quite a bit by himself, so he probably has way more information than like packing South

America right now. Seriously, he's over Instagram. But I don't know that i'd recommend that Alexis go to South America by herself. No, I even would say maybe stay in the country. You know, if you're gonna just do a nice little quick trip. A nice little Canada's always a safe option. Canada anywhere within the Northern America continent. I would suggest exist you should probably go to Well that

does it. For our episode today, I want to do a couple of quick Big thank you to Susan from Betty for coming in and giving us all your knowledge about relationships. Big thank you to Amazon fire Tv again. You can head to Amazon dot com slash I Suck podcast to order a fire TV of your very own. Thank you to Outdoor Voices Vanessa's favorite off your first order of a hundred dollars or more. You can visit Outdoor Voices dot com slash help and enter h E. L P. And I really want you guys to check

out there. My favorite pair of leggings with the two tone leggings of Coyote and Atmosphere Tech Sweat three quarter length. My favorite super cozy, super comfortable. They called your Dairy Air and they're they're just great to travel in in um and to to work out in um. Also for you can get off a twenty three kit at three dot com slash Dean find out about your d NA. Steve if you got that muscle composition DNA that Jared definitely wants. Um Legacy Box. Go to Legacy box dot com,

slash Dean and save today. Also another great holiday gift idea and also a big thank you to Thrive Market. You can get an extra off your first order and a free thirty day trial at thrive market dot com. Slash Dean, d e A, and Vanessa. You are wonderful as always. Thank you so much, Mark East and tor In Studio. You guys are incredible. Thanks for myself, I guess and guys tune in next week. Please check out

the Facebook group. I know I said every week, but it's incredible in there a lot of discussion, a lot of friends being made, a lot of advice being thrown around. So check out the Facebook group help I Second Dating Podcast Facebook group and tune in next week where hopefully we all suck a little less. Follow help by Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast two