Trading Passcodes

we've got a great episode for you guys today. Be sure to stick around for all of it. We have Jen Kirsh who's gonna be calling in later on. She's got a sweet new podcast. We want you to all hear all about it. Um. We also have Jared fresh off of a steamy workout, sweaty and stinky as can be, just as we like him. Um. And then we can get some listeners listener emails later on, because we have been doing such a good job of putting that off for so long. But first and foremost, Jared, you update

us with your life. We know you're back in l a back in l A. Oh yeah, man, Like I said, I'm stinky. Do you guys ever, like get concerned that if you sit in a chair after working out in your sweaty that the chair is gonna start smelling. I'm concerned that the chair is gonna stink. I've absolutely never thought of that once. Is that a fact? Eastern you're nodding ahead your head. Well, I mean, I worry about it. I don't know if it's a fact. I think you'll be okay as long as you don't sit there for

a long time. But you're gonna be there for an hour and a half, so I will say similar similar wavelength. I'm worried sometimes when I'm sitting in my car and I fart into my seat that the fart you get stuck in the seat for longer than it should and then my car smells like fart for longer than it should. Well, don't you want, like I guess, if you're in the

car by yourself, you want the fart out. But if you're in the car with Kalin, don't you want the far to stay in there just so he doesn't smell it? I mean I would prefer not to, you know, do you guys, pull the move. Like when I'm on a plane and I have to fart, I will you like you push your weight down on the sea as if you're smothering the fart. I have no scientific knowledge if that actually works, but I do it every time. You figured that making it louder. Yeah, that sounds like gonna

get louder. I've never thought of that before. What I do when I need to fart on an airplane is I just uh, well, this is gonna be a little too much information here, guys. But the reason that parts parts make noises is because it's your butt cheeks flapping together. So if you just spread your butt cheeks apart and you little go a little fart, it's not gonna make

any noise. Use that as you will. But if you're in public and you get a fart out, just spread your butt cheeks apart and you're not gonna make a noise. How do you do that discreetly? Well, like if you're sitting on the airplane, just like say, you move your hand down and you grab the outside of your butt cheek and then just kind of like discreetly pull it and then go ahead and push the fart. Out, So it just looks like you gotta like a little itch

down there when you're actually spreading your ass cheeks. Yeah, yeah, I mean, And let's be honest, it's not like anyone's really like Hawkeye watching what I'm doing with my hands. I don't know, you're very You're a public figure. I literally just far didn't nobody even noticed. Well, it's because you're under this blanket. So Dean was I don't know, like twenty minutes late, as per usual, and he had

to set up. And actually, interestingly enough, you couldn't use your phone, Dean, because you came obviously unprepared for the podcast with seven percent on power on your phone, so you had to use Kalen's phone. And you got up and I realized, Tory, and I realized that you and Caitlin know each other's passwords, phone passwords. Yeah, well, not only our phone passwords. We have each other's like Facebook password, Instagram password, every password you can imagine. We have each

other's passwords. I have like my face on her phone. She has her face on my phone little log in is that intend Well, not the face like obviously Ashley's face on my phone, but with the passwords? Is that intentional? Where you got Is this like a trust thing or did that? Is it coincidental? I think it's just a thing that's like hey, over time, it's like, hey, I need to get into your Facebook for something, what's your password? Oh, here's my password? Or I need to get onto your

PayPal account? What's your password? Here's my password? And then you just memorize it over time. You know Eastern do you uh and your wife exchange passwords? Do you know your wife's your I do? I know the code for her phone, I know her her passwords to everything she know. We've started just we just used the same This is probably bad, but we use this a lot of the same passwords for almost everything. Oh yeah, absolutely, you know.

So it makes it easier, but so is your Is your like Instagram loggan password the same as her Instagram loggan password? At this point it is okay, got youa got you? So Caitlin and I are different, but we use the same password that that we use for that for most things, Like I think a lot of people do you know what I mean? Very insecure, but it is what a lot of people do. The hackers Paradise

Tory would you ever go through a guy's phone. I'm trying to think if I ever had in the past, And I don't think I've ever been like hand over your phone. But then again, I mean I dated cheaters, so I must have just been oblivious to it. What stage do you do that? Yeah, I think if you were ever to go through someone's phone, the relationships are

already over. Like if you go through someone's phone with the intent of like finding something bad, not like just to go through the phone because you need to use it to call or text someone, then the relationships basically run its course at that point. Have you two ever gone through your significant other's phone and asked them to delete something like a picture or maybe you mean like, hey, you still follow this person? I don't really like it. Can you one follow? Probably? I do remember for some

reason this thing that sticks out to me. When I was in college, I was dating a girl and she posted an album on Facebook, and I think like in one of the pictures, like her top row down a little too much and so like like part of her nip was sticking out, and as a courtesy, I was like, hey, just so you know, your nipples like kind of sticking out in this picture, and she like immediately deleted it. But that was like the only time I think I've ever just as a heads up, you went full Janet

Jackson super Bowl two thousand five. Yeah, you might want to delete that photo. I never asked Ashley to delete a photo, but she did delete one because she knew that it really pissed me off. So I didn't ask her to do it, but she just knew how I felt about it, so she did it voluntarily, which was very sweet of her. I don't know if I've ever deleted, if she's ever asked me to delete photos on my Instagram.

I don't think there's like anything. I never really dated anybody, so I don't have like any ex girl friend on my Instagram's just Facebook and my facebooks private, and then I never checked Facebook. That's funny. I think I know exactly what picture you're talking about. I think you probably do. Really was that like there was a movie reference towards another man, and uh, you know, a big movie guy, big movie guy. So that was less of her to not require you to ask, and she just did it

on her own free will. Uh, I think once, but because I think we probably were talking about it one time one we were, you know, in our relationship, uncomfortable, you know, talking about like the past, and when certain situations came up that made her upset or situations that made me upset, and I probably brought it up and it was like, you know, one time I was really piste off, and you know it was when this got posted, and I never said anything because it wasn't my place.

And then I think she deleted after that because she it just didn't really you know, I mean it, well, you would actually just celebrated an anniversary, right, well, we had it was one year since our engagement. This was like two or three weeks ago. I think it was more recent one year, two years since your first date or something. Oh, it was no. So when we first started dating in two I was in eighteen we um.

We we went on a date to Griffith Park because I love La La Land and that's where Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone go in the movie Sorry my dog is barking in the background. If you're can hear little Lowest. She gets very excited any time I talked about La La Land. What we they went to Griffith Park and emmistone in the movie Where's the Yellow Dress? And so our first like official date as a couple, we went

there where they went. Ashley wore yellow dress, We listened to music, like, had drinks a out of like a little picnic, and then so we did the same thing because you know, there's nothing else to do right now, so we did the exact same thing. We went to Griffith Park, went to the same place. She wore the exact same dress. It was just a nice moment. It's been like, you know, over two and a half years since our first date as a couple, like in a relationship.

So we just documented it because it's just, you know, it was cute. It was cute. You can do that every year from here on until you die. Every year. But the thing is, I don't want too many anniversaries. You know, there's too many anniversaries. Anniversary of first date, anniversary of engagement, anniversary of marriage, anniversary of like the first time we saw a movie together, the anniversary of

the first time we cooked together. And then you know, it's just like I was telling Ashley because there was some anniversary. She was like, oh my god, this is oh it was the anniversary when we first met in paradise and tell us a fifteen and I was like, all right, there's too many anniversaries. There's too much. It's getting diluted. It doesn't mean as much. I want to

celebrate our wedding anniversary, which is coming up. That's the anniversary moving forward that we should celebrate together once a year, between birthdays, holidays, anniversaries. It's too much. We need one anniversary. And I'm settling right now. And it's almost like streams right now, because the day that we met is a very important anniversary and the only one that I will I will have to stick up for her. That was actually, hih,

ladies and gentlemen, you forget everything I said. I apologize. I didn't mean, oh my god, every anniversary. The whip is so strong. The whip is so strong. I celebrate every anniversary. I see so many people celebrating anniversary of engagement, and I was like, should I have been celebrating that the whole time? I'm like behind like three years, but I think the wedding isn't the wedding celebrating the engagement technically, yeah, well,

I mean they're on two different days. Yes. The only reason I posted about it was because it was it was well, I guess it was. It's a cute moment.

Maybe you're sucking. Have you guys ever seen Parks and Record when Leslie Nope, is like the exact same as Actually it sounds like where she has like all these anniversaries like first time we ate at J J Stein or first time that we said we're best friends, and then yeah, that sounds like it's you just need to have like a couple of anniversaries you got like that, maybe the wedding anniversary, maybe the first kiss anniversary, and then that's it. Well, it depends on on your stage

in relationship. Like Dean, you, you and Calin have to celebrate when you guys like officially became a couple. That's like your anniversary. I feel like, yeah, we have that anniversary of the day that I dumped her as an anniversary. Oh my gosh. No, yeah, we've got all the great anniversaries. So well, I will say, though, I wonder why, like I feel like anniversaries do mean more And maybe you guys can find me on this, but I feel like

the anniversaries do mean more to women than men. Yeah, I think that's probably pretty accurate, but why, Like, why doesn't that excite you as much as us? You know, it's funny we get more excited than you got. You know why that's funny You bring that up because we got a d M on help I such a dating instagram and I won't say who it is, but the title is Universal Truth about Men, and so it kind of segways nicely. Why maybe maybe why men don't love

anniversaries as much? It says Hi Dean, Jared Tory and hopefully Mark and Easton. I am playing catch up on my podcast since Quarantine hit. Unfortunately, I have had plenty of work to keep me busy, so it has been difficult to keep up. I just listened to the episode with the first Universal Truth about men and women, and I thought I would share Universal truth about men that my mom shared with me when I was thirteen or fourteen.

Men never mature past the age of twelve. Now, before you deny it and get offended like so many guys have when I said this, please hear me out. While men never mature past the age of twelve, they do learn and adapt to act age appropriately and make appropriate decisions. However, they can only maintain their cover for so long, and we'll always have a friend, group of friends, video game, movie, band, or something that brings out the twelve year old. They

really are, often with alcohol involved. I have headed this advice and believe it has saved me many nights of confusion and questioning the male gender. It has not, though, saved my fiance from numerous eye rolls when his twelve year old and his friends appear. Thanks for always keeping it interesting and provided professor perspectives from daters and those of his committed relationships to universal truth. Uh. If universal Truce were a one hit wonder, than please disregard love

you all. Uh. So this woman thinks that men don't age, don't mature past the past the age of twelve. I think twelve is a little Uh, she's short changing us a little bit. Maybe they just sixteen. I wish people could see Dean right now and what he looks like, because he looks like you guessed it. I'm trying to provide the best audio for you guys out here. Okay, I'm trying to. I'm working with different things, but I'm not blanket. By the way, it's a frozen blanket, rosen blanket. Yeah. No,

we really mature past the age of twelve. We're listen. I do think though, this is my universal truth. You always subtract four years when dating a man. So I'm twenty five, if I date another twenty five year old, I'm technically dating a twenty one year old. Well wise, not technically, it's definitely it's kind of like the opposite

of whatever technically is what says the men wearing. And you add years to a woman's age for maturity, then like, no, I think we're pretty like when you guys are perfect right, Yes, women don't need any work. I forgot about that that too, But also scientifically, like men's like frontal lobes and like neurons don't fully connect until they're twenty six or twenty eight, and women are as connect at the age of eighteen.

So I feel like after eighteen, we're pretty much like maturity wise there at the same age that we are. For men, You guys, you got to subtract four years, Like I dating is actually really hard because you're technically dating the guy who still would love to be like drunk at a club, maybe taking a line of coke. So when you're like so, when you're sixty five, though you're going to really be dating the sixty one year old and that's when it really that's full stride. Maybe. Um,

that's interesting. Yeah, I think that really only applies to like late twenties and before, because once you get to like forty four or thirty six, really isn't that big of a difference. I guess I do agree that men. I think it's pretty universally understood that men take a little bit longer to mature than women do. Uh. Speaking from my personal experience, I still think that I have got some ways to go here obviously, But it did, it did. It did come in more force in my

late twenties. Uh. And so I do agree with you when I was twenty five, if I was acting like I was twenty one. Still. Um, But I don't know about the twelve year old thing. I don't know if we stayed twelve forever, Jared, what do you think? I don't know. There is a part of me that's twelve years old. Like I always say, I'm a kid at heart. I mean, talk to me when I go to like Disney World, I'm I'm not even twelve. I'm seven when

I go to Disney World. Or how I talk about Tom Brady, I mean that is a twelve year old. When I talk about Tom Brady, I am twelve years old, So I don't know. There's a part of me that agrees with it. Um, But we do have to get to Jen Kirsh. That's what I was gonna segway too. Yeah, Jen Kersh is not twelve years old, and we will not talk to her like twelve year old side there, So quick wrap up with the first one. Uh, you should have passwords to your significant others phones. We're all

in agreeance on that one. Yeah, yes and no. All right, maybe we can pick that up at a later time. If you have to go through your significant other's phone, probably some bigger issues there, so maybe get out of that relationship. Hopefully it doesn't come to that. Yeah, I think that's tattoo and men. Uh don't mature past the age of twelve. Alright, so we're all in agreeance on that one. We have Jen Kirsh coming up. She's calling in right now. But before we talk to her, let's

take a quick break. Welcome back to help I suck at dating. We have very special guests who's on the line right now. She's the host of the podcast lock Down Love and if you're looking for love during Quarantine, this is the podcast to listen to. Also our podcast obviously we have Jen Kersch on the line. Jen thanks for so much for joining us. Yeah, thank you guys

for having me on here. Oh you're welcome. I gotta tell you, guys, I was listening to the to a recent episode of Yours where you had some singles on talking about their quarantine dating experiences. What do you think? I was like, I probably look like a crazy person walking down the street talking to them. Like my I had like my head set in and I'm literally talking

to them. I wanted to give them all advice and tell them what they were doing right and wrong, especially the ones that we're talking about hitting up x is yet not acute. Look, it's so easy. It's so easy. We want to be like validated and loved and cared for and connecting with someone during these times when it's such a challenge to find connection when we're all locked down at our homes. But like the ex is, there's a reason it ended. I like to think, like, let's

not go back and do a way back. Like I agree with what you saying it's almost it's like lazy almost. Yeah, like people do. I think they glorify their relationship and so when they look back on it, they only think of the good times and then they forget about all the bad times. And then when they get back together with their X, they realized, oh, that's right, we have

more differences than we do similarities, right. And then there's a thing that comes with comfort of an X is that there's a comfort of getting back into the bad habits of fighting or arguing. So it's just a dangerous area and territory. It's I feel like we need to like treat ourselves better and you know, reach higher and challenge ourselves to get to know other people during this time because a lot of us, dependent on where we're living, are still stuck indoors. All right, gen, let me ask

you how are we going to do that? Though? That's the question at hand right now, is because even in your podcast you talk about like you want to meet new people, but you want to do it smartly. And so what advice do you have for single people out there who are going through a period of loneliness and don't want to text their X. But also, how can you safely meet someone new. I mean, you've got to

put yourself out there a bit. And I mean I used to always say to people for advice, like prince charming or Princess charming, whatever you want to say is not going to show up in your den or your bedroom while you're sitting at home like eating Derrito's. But now they can visa VR phone, which is really great,

So like shoot your shot. If you're interested in someone of someone's future interest, now it was a great time to see if there's something there because you're not going to mess around with hooking up to student and all these other things that get in the way. So slide into the d m s. Maybe go on dating apps if you haven't tried them and you want to meet someone outside your circle, or maybe there's someone inside your circle or someone that's caught your eye that you could

reach out to. And I think the d m s, I mean, I know you guys have talked about d m s and getting d ms from people and other guests talking about them, but it's such a great way to connect with someone and see if there's an interest there because you're making yourself known right off the bat.

I gotta say just uh kind of on topics. Kaitlin and I went out to dinner last week and we we sat outside as other restaurants in Santa Monica allow, and I feel like we saw a lot of people on first dates, you know, you know when you can just kind of see someone and like the see a cup and see and kind of tell like, oh, they

haven't really interacted a whole lot for sure. Do you encourage people to take it past that step of d M on Instagram or bumble or whatever it is and meeting up in person or what are your thoughts on that? So if you asked me this last week, I would say not yet, because we don't know if there's going to be this other wave with COVID right now. Um. And then I left my house and I'm quarantined, like this is my childhood room. There's like literally a picture

of an elephant behind me for you listeners. And I'm quarantined with my dad and it's been really great for our relationship, but I'm worried about his health and so I've been like literally in lockdown. But then I left the house like old habits die hard, Like I thought I wouldn't go on a date with someone I saw like this young guy across the way, and I sent a shot over like a child that I am. Yeah, and how did it go? Yeah, I can't just end the story there. Yeah, come on. So I don't know

what my thing is. I've been working on my podcast to like come to my senses and find an equal partner. But I just have this thing for younger guys. I don't know what it is. And there was this I don't want to say child because your listeners don't know

my humor yet and that sounds inappropriate. But there was a younger gent, uh maybe early twenties something gent on the patio, and so I sent over a shot a bullet bullets bourbon, and you, I have no expectation a I could afford it, and I have no expectation that he'll give me something back. So you have that moment when you send a shot um, that sort of nod moment. You at least get a nod of acknowledgment, like I'm

happy with a nod. And honestly, at this point, leaving my house, any single person was attractive, Like, if I had the funds, I probably would have sent a shot to everyone on the patio. I don't have the funds. So I sent it to this one guy and yeah, just line them all up, take what I could get. And I sent it over and I think he just thought that was like a really classy and I think that we often wait for opportunities to come away, but

why not create them? And so I got an odd and then he came over, and then friends came over because I was with friends, and I'm like, this is not doing quarantine right, Like I've been safe at my childhood home with my father, who's cool as and then I leave the house once and I'm like, fallen back into my old trap and old ways of being that I've worked like eight weeks not to do anymore. All of this is to say, Dean is like you saw people on first dates. And I would have knocked this

if I spoke to a week ago. And now I'm like this whole other woman, and I'm like, I get it. We want to connect you to our lucky gentlemen, to have the women that you have in your lives and to be quarantined with them, you know, like you guys. Despite I'm sure there are some challenges as well, and getting used to but you're so lucky to have that, and I'm lucky to have my dad here. But for those who are singling alone, it is a really challenging time.

So although they are fun to like people watch and maybe poke fun at being on an awkward first date, there is something sweet happening there too. Oh it's so sweet. I think that's why we we kind of not poke fun at it, but are so fascinated by first dates because it is awkward, but it's also endearing. Um it is. It's sweet and like, you know when you're on the first date that people are watching you, but I think you feel so good being out with someone finally that

you don't give a yeah. And honestly, yeah, I don't don't care if people are looking at you, And honestly, most of the time people aren't looking at you. Let's be honest. There's there's a phrase that I like. It says, when you're twenty, uh, you care about what everybody When you're twenty, you care about how everybody looks at you. When you're thirty, you don't care how anybody looks at you. And when you forty you realize nobody was ever looking And so when you go on the first date, Like, yeah,

don't worry about that, nobody cares. But my question is, why did you pick a bullet? Well? Did he look like a man's man? Because like, if you sent me a shot a bullet, like that'd be nice. But I'm always down for like uh you know, uh, some sort of like fruity shot you know came to head, but I came to my mind. But I don't know if they're like they came to mind too. It's like, well, for me, I just like bullet. That's a shot that I genuinely wanted. I don't I don't even know how

to do a shot. Like when I say I'm doing a shot, I probably take three different steps over like the course of like five minutes. But that's the shot. Sure, that's a nice way of putting it that I can't do a shot, but yes, and I just I that's a shot that I like, so I wanted to enjoy it. But I think that the shots could be changed up

based on someone's personality. I also like to send women shots sometimes, like if I and not in a flirty romantic way, but if I see someone, you know, even though I'm in Toronto and it's a big city, it's quite small. I go out a lot for events during normal time, no pre COVID. So if I see someone um that I admire in the room or someone that I would have seen out and about, I'd like to send a shot. I think it's just a classy move for such a small price, and it really makes people happy.

It's so interesting, something I've never thought of. Well, it's not like, it's not I mean, it has to be genuine, Like you can't just send a drink because you want to get in someone's pants, or like you send a drink because you want something out of someone, You need to do it genuinely because you want to make them happy.

I'm trying to wrack my brain right now and think of if there's ever been a moment where I should have sent a guy a shot from across the bar, and I'm sure there have been plenty, but now it's definitely something I'm going to try and keep my in my arsenal. Let's say I'm out with some friends. Yeah, it's but as a as a person receiving a drink from someone across the bar, that's not trying to get like, you know, any action or anything like that. How do

you respond to that? You just like, I want to do this like a like like a salute kind of like can you just smile? And that's it. And that's when it goes back to the person who sends it in the first place. If they're a mature and secure enough person, they'll salute back, do the shot, and go about their evening with whoever they're with or themselves or

their book or their phone. And if not, it's just like that's a whole other issue of people, because like, if you're doing it for a means to an end and someone gives you the salute, you might go into the shame spiral about how you're not a truck, Like you're going to start to think of all your insecurities and then it's just going to go downhill from there.

Hold on, So you're saying, if somebody sends me a shot and I don't go over and say something that's not rude of me, if I just call if like literally, if you send me a shot and it just turn over and I'm like, give you the head nod, that's it. I feel like for me, I would go over and be like, thank you so much. Say something, right, but you I think that is the nice thing, and that's probably a bit of the hope of what would come

of it. Again, you guys are different because you're on your people know who you guys or so if they see you out and about, it's like they probably want you to come over to talk to them, and then it creates a whole thing. But I don't know. I think you could just if you're not into it, if you're married, if you're with someone that could get offended.

There's so many different factors. Then that's all right too to get really lucky, probably because the other person just came out lockdown as well and they were like, oh my god, someone thinks this is good looking. You know. He had his Raptor's hat on like backwards hot. Alright, So Phillisten keep carrying the story on what happened after he walked over the table, he brought his friends over.

He brought his friends over, and then he ordered me a glass of rose, which was presumptuous, but I thought it was a great order. And then we all just started talking it that that like, you know, when you start meeting people now it's like, what's your Instagram? As

opposed to like with your number. So like, he was with a woman who was with her partner, and so like they got me on Instagram and then we all sort of exchange stuff and then well I was busy chatting with him, my friends met these two guys that, um, well they were twins, so obviously two guys, but they met twins. So they started talking. And then we were in this area in Toronto called Yorkville, which is a little bit of a like kind of a little bit

of a stuck up area. It's not the most friendly place, and yet it was so interesting to go out during lockdown and just connect with everyone. And I think that had a lot to do with this situation. So then we all connected and then um, later on the next day, I got a message from the girl that was with him, and she just wrote me she d she slid into my d M s and she was just like, Hey, you met me in Yorkville. You're the one who tried

to my friends. Um, big fan of your podcast and I've been reading your stuff for years, Like I really can't wait to see your journey. And I was like, that's pretty good. And I just wrote her back and I was like best DM ever and just left it at that. And I think that I got a little wrapped up in that moment, like I am at the point where I feel like I just want a partner to compliment where I'm at in life and not to

like go around hooking up, especially now during COVID. So I just felt like I just had a little relapse moment, and I've learned from it, and I'm going to just move forward with the work that I've taken on and the and the woman that sent you that the end the next day, she didn't mention anything about being a fan of the day before, did she she? I mean, my memory is very foggy. There was the bullet, and then the rose and and and and I don't even

know what else and uh uh that was it. So I don't know if she mentioned it, but I assumed she didn't, which I also find really cool. So you don't seem like the type of person who thinks old fashion and thinks, uh, the guy is supposed to buy the girl the drink or the guy is supposed to pay for the first date. Um. I mean, I I'm all, I'm old fashioned the sense that I would like if a guy is taking me out to sort of treat me to a date because I like that sort of

It's more it's not about the money. It's the idea of that sort of old fashionedness or affection. It's almost like I I see it as affection, not about the money. But um no, I don't think they're all approach you guy. I don't think they're I don't have rules because I just feel like we have one life to live. And if someone catches your eye or you feel an energy and you happen to be at the same place at

the same time, why not go for it? Or if like a babe that is on that you notice on Instagram and something about them attracts you, why not send a message like what's the worst that could happen? They don't right back, so you know what would be the message you send? Like, I think that's a problem for a lot of people out there. They're like, sure, I want to d M them? What the do I say? Right? I am? I don't think that there's like the second you have like this is the one liner I used

for every guy and girl. That's the second that that's a bad one liner, Like you need to curate it for each person based on their profile or what attracted you. So, um, I saw a guy on Ria the other day and I thought he was cute, and I don't want to wait to see if Ria maybe matches us. Maybe I don't come up like lives in a different city, so you know, like on Ria they show their Instagram handle.

So I just messaged him and I just used like it's so lame, but I use like the hard eye emoji, and I'm like, Okay, this is me just saying I'm here, and if he wants to write back, I could go from there. But I don't need someone taking a screenshot of me being super creep. I'd rather than just take a screenshot of me with heart shape eyes. So it's like, could have been in the wrong DM, But you were just saying how important it is to be specialized and

tailored towards the person you're reaching out to. That person I just thought, because of their backstory what I saw on their Raya account, like they are a cute see person. I can't really get into it without disclosing maybe who the person is, but it just seemed the most apropos But I also knew we had a mutual friend, which someone I had history with, and I didn't want that to come up. So that's why I was worried about

the screen grab I have also done. This is me sliding into your DM like I just want to let someone know I exist. I will. I'll admit to you. There is a younger guy from Bachelor Nation whose DM s I've literally been thinking about sliding into for the past ten days. Younger guy, can you give us a hint? Um? Is he local to Toronto and we can help? Is he local to Toronto? Not local Toronto? He has two of my same initials, but I guess you wouldn't know my middle name j P j oh Yeah, okay, gotcha,

got you? So I didn't. What's stopping you? Um, send him one of these emode you send him a hang loosemou oh that see. That would be very on brands from what I gard or his character to be. But what's interesting was you do like the younger man? I do he I was listening to a podcast last week and he was on it and it was his voice. I totally. I mean, of course, I'm part of like I love watching Bachelor and all that. I have a funny Bachelor connection story for you guys, but I've totally

forgot about him. And then I was listening to a podcast last week that he was on, and ever since that moment, I'm like, I just want to slide right in. He's got like this very distinguished, gentleman type of voice of it, but there's something very sexy and commanding about his voice, and I think, again, I up until my little oopsie last week, I've been in lockdown. So I heard the voice and I was like, mm hmm, should I go for it? Shouldn't? Should I nod? And I'm like,

I don't know. I have a podcast all about dating. I don't know if I should be like reaching out to someone on the Bachelors, especially the only day. All you're gonna do for yourself as get yourself more content to share on the podcast. So I absolutely go for it. Well, I was even thinking. I actually I asked my manager and my producer. I was like, guys, should I should I d M him? Like I think we should invite him on the show, Like that's how I wanted to

play it. And I was like, I asked my manager, should you just email his manager? And then both him and my producer were like, just slide into his d M. So I don't know what I'm waiting for, maybe as waiting, maybe as waiting for this moment or some like validation for this moment to gather up some some guts to do it, And now we've provided it for you. JPJ is an avid listener of Help I Secret Dating, so he's probably gonna hear this and be on the lookout for it, and then maybe he'll want to hop on

the podcast too. That's perfect. Oh my god, can we call him up? No, I'm kidding, UM, just putting you guys on the spot. I did want to say my Bachelor connection, Um I was. Producers reached out to me. It was about nine years ago. Um, just over nine

years ago. Was like February or March nine years ago to come on the show because I just had some connect some friends that had or I made friends that had been on it before, whatever the case was, and I had just I was two months into dating someone that I thought would be the one, Like I was totally convinced, and so I passed off the opportunity, if you will, And it turns out that it was Ben's season. Ben Higgins, No the other Ben that had like yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

So you would have been on Courtney Robinson. She was on that season. She's one of my favorite people that have ever been on She's she just played the game and it was so entertaining. Not that I'm a game player. I would have been like, love me. She's just awesome. I've met her a couple of times a person, and she's just a yeah, yeah, she's super cool. But yeah, yeah, well before my time. I don't have much insight to provide on that one. That's like a way back, playback, right,

wats this season? But I obviously from being on the show, and Dean can attest this. You just like hear a lot about previous seasons and people on it, and so I know I know of Ben and Courtney. Yeah, and I know Courtney now right, So cool, very interesting? What do you what have you guys? I don't mean to like now I feel like I'm interviewing you guys, But what are you guys? Is there any challenges you guys are having um during lockdown, like relationship? Why is that

I can help you with? Oh that's a great question, I'd say from being quarantined together with Ashley and I was spending seven together. It's certainly not that we're getting on each other's nerves, but I think it's more uh, you know, just boredom and some slight frustration sets in. And while I don't take it out on her, it definitely um hinders my overall mood. So I find myself more uh slouching around. I don't know how to describe it.

I'm not as fun, yeah, and I don't know how to change that because the way I gather energy, the way I like, like get my most confident is by like doing things, and I'm not doing that many things now, so right an issue that's cool. I feel like it's like just adding some things to a routine because I'm a freelancer, so I work wherever I want to work, like I'm working at home right now, and I found like being here and in my dad's home it's so

challenging because we're around each other all the time. So for me, I started adding like daily hike, so every morning just having some me time going for a hike, or like you know, adding like a zoom workout or something, because I feel good when I submit an article or I record an episode of the podcast, and then it's like, well, what about all the rest of the time that I'm

not creating? Um, what else can I do? So it's just adding to your routine and just having a little bit of time apart, so you really value that time you have together. Yeah, I've been trying to been working out every day. I'll go to a nearby park and I'm there for like an hour, hour and a half a day. So I do that. But then you know, yeah, once, like once eight o'clock hits like, I'm fine, because then I have the mentality of Okay, I can sit now, I can just watch TV usually seven o'clock. I'm a

big Jeopardy and Wheel Fortune guys. I'm good. You're really like you slid right into that married life. Oh, I've been living in married life for a long time, just single throughout it. I'm trying to think of what mine might be, what what Kalin and I might have. Uh, we do obviously spend a lot of time together. We're pretty good at compartmentalizing our time, so like she'll spend time by yourself in the morning, I'll spend time by

myself in the afternoon, and we bicker. I think some of the Jared, we just kind of get like board or like, uh, not frustrated, but just kind of like a little too kempt up in the apartment. But I think we've done a pretty good job of like separating ourselves when we need to be separated. The one thing that she gets angry at me for, it's just when I play too many video games m especially in such

a small apartment. You know, it's it's like a small two bedroom apartment here in Santa Monica, So it's like if I'm in the living room playing video games, then she like it doesn't really feel like sitting on the couch with me while I play video games. That's like the big frustration that she had. Can you get her

into the video games? You know, I've I've like tried a little bit, but it's just not really I don't really think it's her thing, and I you know, I don't want to push too hard for that, So totally, maybe you just need like video game hour or like this time where you have like this is Dean's video

game time. You know, from seven to eight every day he's going to be doing his games and then he's back and you've got his undivided attention, right, You're like, no, I play You're like, I play it for twenty four hours. Like that's not. Well. The hard thing is is like, since all my other friends are quarantined as well, it's like they're all playing the same game. So it's like I'll play with one friend for an hour, and then

a couple other friends will jump on. I'm like, oh crap, okay, I gotta play with them for an hour now, and then I get done with that, and then a couple other friends jump on. You're just too social. Well, it's like a good way to stay connected. Yeah, And that's how that's how I rationalize it with her. I'm like, well, I'm just like basically talking on the phone with my friends,

but we're playing a game in the meantime too. But it's good that you found that too, I mean, it's it's that's such a great and like kind of minor thing to have a problem within relationship. So that's good, Like that's a good thing. But it's also really nice that you found a way to connect with other people while you guys are at home, And it's great that you went out for that date nightlist last week, Like

how did that feel it was interesting. We like called the restaurant and make sure everything was like necessary for us to like come visit, and then obviously we wanted to bring our dogs, so they allowed the dog because it's all outdoor seating. Um, and it's something we're gonna try to do more of. Like she chose this spot and made the reservation without telling me where or when. Uh, and I did the same thing a couple of days later.

So it's it's we like to patronize the restaurants too, because obviously they're being hit pretty hard during the COVID uh pandemic. So um, yeah, it's definitely something that we were trying to keep up in. Uh. We've been getting outside a little bit more. We want to like do more rock climbing and hiking and stuff like that. But it's,

you know, it's sometimes hard to find motivation. I guess, oh for sure, I feel like and until you get into like again, I go back to the routine, Like until you get into the routine of doing it, then you're just like you're hooked. Like I am so excited when I wake up to go on a hike every day because I'm like I get to listen to podcasts in my ear and I get out and then I'm like chasing these endorphins. Yeah, when gott to chase those endorphins,

heared you catch those beautiful butterflies. You know, well, Jent, So tell us a little bit more about your podcast, Lockdown Love. Um okay, So Lockdown Love is a part of the E one podcast network and it came about because, UM, I am a dating columnist here in Toronto, and UM I'm often doing on air segments about dating and giving relationship advice, not just romantic advice, but um advice with friendships or with colleagues or with you know, loss or

grief and all that stuff. And UM, me and you one have wanted to work together and in Lockdown, one of the producers reached out to me and asked, what's happening with dating? Because right before the podcast came out, UM, I started dating again. I got out of a relationship about a year and a half ago. I wanted time to get back to me. So I started dating again at the beginning of the new year, and then Lockdown happened.

So we decided to do a podcast about dating during Lockdown, connecting with people whether it's through sliding into someone d someone's d m s, whether it's the delivery guy, you know, leaving the curb side pickup or no matter what, really taking time to connect with other people and to mostly connect with ourselves and see how we could grow. So that's how Lockdown Love came about. And um, it's been a really interesting journey. Um we I think we've had

eight weeks so far, eight weeks of Lockdown Love. So and Taylor towards people. Is it more singles? Is it more people in relationships? I think that there's uh, it's almost like eat prey love meets like curb your enthusiasm meet sex in this city, there's like a little bit of something for everyone. Because I'm on this journey on my own. I've now you know, moved on from a relationship that I ended. But just because you've fallen out of love with someone doesn't mean you should rush and

date someone else. So it's just been a really interesting journey. And I think that a lot of people could relate for so many ways. I bring on some psychoanalysts and some psychotherapists, So I think that it allows listeners to grow with me. Is I try to figure out my own stuff or whatever is holding me back, like sending shots to younger men the first time of the house. And I'll tell you what we love. We love the authenticity of it all too. Yeah, thank you so much.

I mean it's hard, you guys know this. It's really hard to put yourself out there, especially when it comes to dating, and a lot of people have opinions of what you should do or who you should date. But I mean, like that's the fun part of the journey, and that's what it is to me. It's about the journey. It's not about the end result whether I ultimately meet some or not. I'm content with myself. It's I just

want someone to share some really great things with. Like yesterday I had a little career milestone and I felt really like down and really depressed, and my dad thought he didn't really understand, Like how could you be so sad when you've accomplished what you've wanted to accomplish? And I just felt like I want to share it with someone like That's it's so nice to have special moments. I I know you were talking about Kalin's birthday a

couple of weeks ago. It's nice to like love someone and share that with them, in share what's special to what's special for them with them. And I feel like I just missed that a bit, you know. Um, And I think that I'm a very like affectionate person and affectionate partners, so I really value that connection with someone. So whether I ultimately find it or not, it would be nice too. But I think that that's what's missing

for me right now, and it's a little sad. Well, we gotta fall along with your journey at the end of the way two, which is great. You might not have the one special person, but you have all of us as your fans that are listening to you and being yeah, well, thank you. And I just need to like keep it in my pants next time I leave it and stop, you know, throwing money and shots all over the place. Well, like you said, it's it's part of the journey. So it's all it's all good, it's

all grav What what am I dm ng to? J p J? I would say, just send him the hang loose shaka. Yeah, just that's it. And don't even mention that I've been on this show. We had this conversation. Absolutely told me to send this there you go. I think that's what you should do, and I'll tell you what. We'll check in with you next week too to see if there's any a little update. The thing is he

lives in Los Angeles, so he's a little far proximity wise. Yeah, you're on a whole different times and it's like a whole different life over there. Yeah, that's exactly right. You know, we're basically stuck anyways with it being locked down, so areas and locations do not matter at the moment. I'll tell you what this is. This is. This is a great way to do this. So I say you send the message to JPJ, say Dean told me to send this.

And then for the listeners of this podcast that are interested in following up, be sure to check out your podcast Lockdown Love on One Networks. Yeah, and you can get it on iTunes or wherever you get your podcast, And you could follow me on Instagram at jen j E N Underscore, kirsch k I R S c H. Right, so it's stay tuned for on both of those platforms for part two of the JPJ saga coming up. Say that it has a name already. This is it's already

a saga. It's already saga. It's the Summer of Love. Jen. Thank you so much for joining us. We appreciate you. Thank you so much, guys, I really appreciate it. Best of luck with everything, Okay, take care all right? Bye, hy boy, oh boy? All right, that I'll do it for Jen. Like we said, be sure to check out her podcast, Lockdown Love on E one Networks or wherever you get your podcasts. Stay tuned. After this quick break, we're gonna jump to some emails. Talk to Jared a

little bit, seeing a bit. All right, we're back. We're gonna read some emails, as we usually do during this time of the podcast. Dean, would you like to read our first email? All right, So we have an email from Ariel. She says, do you think it's a good idea to help set up one of my boyfriend's best friends with my best friend. My boyfriend's best friend has been asking me to set him up with my best

friend for a couple of months now. I have some hesitation because it could make things go It could make things very awkward if they don't work out, or if me and my boyfriend break up in the future. Would you set up one of your friends with your girlfriends or wives friends. Uh yeah, absolutely try it out. Try to set them up if they like. I mean, I know it's creates an awkward situation if they break up, but I mean you can't think like that. You've got

to think of glass half full. What if their soulmates and you're you're hindering their opportunity to get married and spend the rest of our lives together because you're concerned about an awkward situation down the road. Don't think about that. Yeah,

I disagree. I disagree. I don't think you should set them up, because well, maybe you should, but I think that there are a lot of I have a lot of friends who are single who often asked me to introduce them to people that I know that they're interested in pursuing or dating. And I have no problem setting people up. But I know my friends well enough to know that I shouldn't set them up with other friends. Yeah. I mean, if your friends are douchebags, then yeah, don't

set out the boyfriend's best friend is a douchebag. Or if your friend is a jerk, then of course, don't don't put that other person through hell by you know, matching the two up together. But if they're a good person and they're you're a good friend and you want them to be happy, and you your your boyfriend's best friend is a good person who is also looking for a relationship, you know, I'm torn. I just think this

bad boy up. My My sister set up her best friend with my brother, and it went great in the beginning because you're like double dates, is it so fun? But then when the breakup happens, somebody has to sacrifice from being a part of the friend group. Can you say that again? Who is who got set up with who? My sister set up her best friend with my brother? Your sister what set up her best friend? And with mine? Her sister and brother? And I was like, wait a minute,

I'm not hearing this correctly. I mean, it's a weird to date your brother. Shoot no um, and and it was like fun for you know, the holidays and whatever. But then as soon as somebody breaks up, you just have to be prepared that, like one person won't be invited for a while until maybe like things heal over. If ever, because it got it was it was still weird even after a long period of time. How long did they date for m I want to say, like

six six or seven months. And the hard part is and they might experience this, like I hate to say, like the talking if things or when things go south, like she'll confide in their friends where it's like, well, my loyalties with him and then like your loyalties with her. And that's what my sister faced, because it's like, well, it's my brother, So if he's like doing that to you,

I'm sorry. But also like my brother's talking to me about you and like I love you, but then like you are being like kind of a little whatever, And so it just got complicated. Everyone has to eventually pick a side. And I think that's why this I'm a

little hesitant to say, go for it. That is a good I I had a friend in a similar situation where I was closer with one person than the other and like you would, you know, as a friend, you just like need someone to vent to, and so this person would vent to me, and it's like, no, I you know, I get it. Sometimes you just need to be like, you know, you need to get it off

your chest. But at the same time, I know the other person and I'm closer with you, but I'm kind of friends with them, so like I'm just not going to respond. I'm just gonna let you just vent. So it is difficult position to be in because you're like, well, I still like them, but if they're doing that, that's stuck. But they also probably think that you're doing some stuff too, so I don't know, still set them. It makes life.

Only person the only person I could think of setting up and be like comfortable with that dynamic would be like my brother, my brother who's single. Whereas like let's say I'm setting him up with a friend and then the friend is like venting to me in this in Jared's case, like about how my brother is in some regard, I could be like, yeah, that's my brother. You should have known that you were getting into that when you started dating him, and like I told you about that

before you started. So like, as long as you like know the person through and through, like you wouldn't know a brother or maybe a best friend, is that what another person vents to you about them or something that they're doing. You could just be like, well, yeah, that's just that's just them, as you know, outside of like if they're not being like abusive or like aggressive or anything. If he's like not being if he's like being messy around the house, you'd be like, well, yeah, Ross is

super messy, so obviously that's what it's gonna be. Like, Yeah, he doesn't do laundry, he doesn't put the clothes in the hamper. You knew this, so I think I agree. I think it's like a yes and no thing where Yah set them up, but be ready to face some awkward conversations later down the line if and when it goes south. And let's be honest, I would say more

relationships don't work out than do work out. But as Jared pointed out earlier, it could be their soul mates and they just need you to spark that connection for them. Tricky situation. The next email comes from Joe. It says I used to date this girl who I've known my whole life. We have always been long distance, and when work and postgraduate school took over, I took the easy way out and ended the relationship. I've always regretted this decision,

thinking she may have been the one. Fast forward a few years. She now has a family. One day, she randomly reached out and told me she was getting a divorce. For eight months now. We've been talking every day and it is obvious the feelings are still there on both sides. We are still states apart, so we have been traveling to see each other at least once a month. However, with the coronavirus stopping us from seeing each other, I don't know how willing I am to pick up my

life right now and move across the country. I really like her and we definitely have a great connection, but right now all we have our video chats, and it has been difficult determining if this is the real deal. Some other worries I have is that she is moving on from one relationship to the next two quickly. I would agree with Joe. Yeah, I think she's I mean, she just got a divorce. I don't know how long she's been married for, but she has a family, so

I'm assuming that she has kids as well. And while they've been talking for eight months now, you guys live what appears to be cross country. I don't advise you moving cross country for this girl, especially if you haven't seen her, and since you know coronavirus started. Oh that's fast. Yeah, I I don't think you should move Joe. I kind of wish we could have Nick on here. I feel like he would have very choice words about this situation. Well,

why don't you channel your inner Nick? What would he say? Wai? Yeah, I feel like I mean, obviously there's the questions with Nick thing. I feel like he's very He's very outspoken and opinionated about stuff like this, and I think he would be good in this circumstance. But I do agree for the most part with what Jared said. It seems like it's happening for rather quickly. Um, I'm trying to put myself in those shoes of Joe and be like, Okay, I used to like this girl. We liked each other,

but then we stopped talking to each other. Then she got married. Sounds like pretty quickly, that's ending now, and now she's jumping into this pretty quickly. It sounds like she's just like one of those people that likes the honeymoon phase of things like that's obviously the easiest part of dating someone as the first you know, six to eighteen months, and she kind of like seems to be jumping from one to the next. Ah that that could stop eventually, but I don't know if the first relationship

after divorce is when that's going to stop. It sounds like after the divorce, maybe she should like date a couple more people and then you can come back around and then give it a shot if you're still interested. Uh, but it does. I'm not gonna say Joe's a rebound, but it sounds like she's looking for some sort of comfort and uh in a significant other because she's not

getting it from her from her now ex husband. Uh. And I don't know if you necessarily want to be the guy that's just there because she's lonely, you know, totally I agree, and especially she's known him for her your life. They used today, he broke up with her years ago after graduate school. Like I could totally see this being a very comfortable rebound for someone who had

just been married. How the family is now getting a divorce, where Joe, you might be looking at it more of fate, like this might be the girl I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with and now she's coming back to me after a divorce, and where I feel like she might be looking at you more as a comfortable rebound. So I don't know if you should

move across country. Also, I don't. I mean, maybe she's on the same wavelength with you where she's looking at this, and that she's thinking that this could be some sort of fate that you guys come back to each other. But I would establish that before any type of move. I don't know if she's asking you to move or not, because he says, I don't know how willing I am to pick up my life right now and move across the country. But if she's if she's asking you to move,

that seems so quick. But here's thing you guys are missing. He's the one that took the easy way out and ended the relationship. Yeah, but so it's not really like a rebound. It's like he is finally saying I've regretted this decision so much that now I'm willing to make that leap and this might just be the perfect time. Like this could actually be fake because he opted out. It wasn't her being like, hey, I like you. Oops, no I don't buy, and then oh, are you back again?

It's like she clearly had feelings for him. He walked away from that relationship. Now this opportunities available again, and he doesn't want to walk away from it, like he did the one. She was also very willing to move on from this relationship with him because she ended up getting married and starting a family with someone else. So yeah, of course she's moving on. If a guy is saying, hey, listen, I'm gonna take the way out, this doesn't working, and

you're like, wow, you were my childhood love. Okay, great, I'm gonna go find somebody else. Totally. But I would also be wary that maybe this is because they've known each other for so long and he ended it and they used to hook up, like especially after getting a divorce, and how impactful that is on your life. I would make sure that Joe, you and this woman are on the exact same page of hey, this is you know,

are you ready for another long term relationship? Because I'm sure Joe is looking at this potentially as a marriage and hopefully she is as well. And I'm just they're meant for each other. I like your way of thinking. I hope so too. But and I think that he should just rent an airbnb right next to her for the next three months. Everyone's working from home. Go rent an airbnb three months. See how you like it, See what it's like being kind of you know that the

stepdad role and go for it. Yeah, as long as I say go for it. They've known each other for too long. It's almost like if you're if you're like this high school sweetheart, where you're like, we never diated in high school. We were good friends, or you know, we did it for you know, a few years when we're in high school, and then we found each other

ten years later. It's like that there's just that personal connection where you don't really need to start over when it's like your childhood love of or your childhood friend or your family friend, like you start on a way different wavelength. So I'm like, yeah, I mean ask her to get therapy so you can make sure she's healing it on the right track and and go for it. Yeah, I generally I agree with you as well. I would

just be caution, I proceed with caution, Joe. That's what I would say, go for it, But you know, I communication is the most important part of a relationship. And and Joe, just make sure you're communicating with her to make sure that you guys are on the same page, because it seems like I said that you are looking at this at a very long and powerful relationship and I just want to make sure that she is as well, especially coming uh shortly after a divorce. Yeah, I agree.

There's also this one quote that made that you guys made me think of by Alan wattson I've I've referenced many times on this podcast before because I love Alan Watts and I'm gonna putcher it. I'm gonna fact check it, and then I'm gonna come back and report confirm it next week's podcast. He said something along the lines of, you can't genuinely fall in love with some one that

you intend to fall in love with. So it's like you can't like you can't intentionally try to fall in love and then actually authentically fall in love with someone. So if Joe is like trying to force it like I'm gonna I'm gonna make this person fall in love with me, or like this is gonna be loved, that's not actually authentic love. It's just him willing it into existence, which isn't genuine. So hopefully, like you guys said, it

could be fate. Uh, we've all just given him like three different perspectives with no leg I enter help I second dating. That is what we have. This time. My advice is to not be over eager. I'm I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum from you guys. I don't think that he should go, uh you know, all

in on it like you're recommending um. But I honestly like that we give different perspective opinions because the one thing that people should remember when they email us or listening to us on the podcast is that we don't have all the answers. All we can do is give our opinions, uh from you know, that's it. Just give our opinions about the situation, and then hopefully it gives you a different perspective so it can make sure that you are are making the best decision for yourself and

the other person involved. I think the hardest thing for Joe in this case is he probably feels this uh like eagerness and wanting and yearning to make it happen, and he feels like he needs to kind of hurry up and expedite things and kind of get streamlined them and make them happen. But in reality, I think the best thing that he could do for himself is like slow down, gain some more perspective, like take a step back, and look at everything as a whole and then maybe

make a decision from there. But it's hard not to let just like follow your heart, because sometimes your heart is like, as cheesy as it sounds, is like, uh, you know, gonna make you do whatever it wants you to do, and it's just sometimes you need to take a step back and have some more perspective on it. I don't know, that's my take. Anyways, he has he has to follow up with us, That's all I know.

Does m U Joe hopefully listen to this? Give us an update, give us a like a weekly update, like tell us how the video calls are go, and tell us if you I see each other during quarantine, because we're curious. We want to know whose whose line of advice you follow the most to. Actually, Um, all right, we're gonna go. We're gonna get one more email before we get out of here today. Uh, we're gonna go to Sarah. There's an anonymous one, but it's too long and I want Mark to read that one, So we're

gonna go over to Sarah. Sarah says, is it normal in a relationship to find other people attractive? I've been seeing my boyfriend for over a year and I love him, but sometimes I find myself attracted to other people. I don't want to do anything with these guys. I just find them cute. Is this normal? And should I tell my boyfriend about this? Such a good question. It is a good question. That's a great question. Um, I'll tackle

it first while you guys think about your answers. So I think it's perfectly normal and very understandable and acceptable to think other people are attractive. Just because you're in a relationship. Doesn't mean everyone else in the world gets uglier and you're no longer attracted to them. That doesn't just happen. Um. We still have like our understanding what we find beautiful, and you're still gonna find that in

other people. It's just don't do anything beyond that. It's like, if you think someone's hot, just be like that person is hot, and then don't like pursue them, don't try to date them, don't do anything like that unless you end your relationship, you know what I mean. So that's my take on it. I don't know if you should necessarily tell your boyfriend that you think all these other guys are hot. That's kind of the tricky part um. What do you guys think? It's perfectly normal. You should

not feel guilty about it. Like Dean said, just because you're in a relationship with someone doesn't make the entire world ugly or somehow. Now Here's the thing. Commitment is a choice, and so like you're always gonna have temptations in life, and so the whole point about committing yourself to one other person in being a relationship is too every day make that choice of hey, I'm putting like for you, Sarah, I'm putting my boyfriend first in my life.

And that's just something you have to continue to do. And of course you're going to find other people attractive, like and I, you know, Ashley and I talked about it, like she'll you know, it's it's more like you know, quote unquote celebrities or movie stars, you know that, Like I can tell that she finds cute or whatever, and it's it's funny or like I remember one time we were at a were Rango Tangle I think it was, and Taylor Swift was playing and she came on stage

and she just she looked incredible. And Ashley looked at me and she's like, you can admit that you are attracted Taylor Swift, It's fine. I was like, no, what are you talking about? I think no, no, no, no, I'm not attracted to her, even though she looks stunning, and so like, that's just the way relationships are you you just have to I wouldn't tell your boyfriend. There's no point in telling your boyfriend like, hey, I think that guy's hot over there, and I think this guy

is really cute over there. But just remember you're putting your boyfriend first every day, and try not to feel guilty over finding other people attractive. Just remember that commitment is a choice and you have to place your boyfriend first in your life, um in order to have a successful relationship. So are you guys saying that because like I have been in a situation or we're like we'll like, oh my gosh, that girls so pretty, don't you think?

Do you guys always lie saying that the other person isn't attractive or do you give the honest answer of saying yeah, I think so too. I would say yeah, I said yeah, she's hot. I definitely don't say yeah, I play it off like Actuley knows like if uh, because she'll actually say it's me like you tor where she's actually be like wow, that that woman is stunning. And then I'll be like, oh, she's she's good looking,

like you know, I do one of those things. But then it's like, if she knows you're lying, shouldn't you just be honest? Then my wife knows me well enough to know when I'm lying and not lying. So even when I lie, like I know that she knows, you know, but I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna, you know, do what Dean said, which is, yeah, yeah, she's hot, but you're just agreeing with what someone already said. So it's like,

how is that? Um, it's not bad, but I always I try to, you know, just reassure Ashley, be like, you know, if I like, if i've yeah, like if I'm dating a guy who maybe has like a dad bought and he'd be like, oh man, look at the guys like rock solid abs. Well, I guess my honest answer would be like, Okay, I mean like that stuff doesn't really impress me. But like I also could see me saying like, dude, that guy's in like tip top shape, holy or something. He'd be like, oh, I wonder if

she wants me to have these abs. You know, I don't know. I always uh to flip the script a little bit whenever, not whenever, But there are times where I'm like, oh, Tyler C is so hot to Klin. I don't know, always like Kylin, don't you think Tyler C is just the hottest man alive? And She's always like you no, like I'm not into him, So she definitely takes the lane, the lane of like she doesn't tell me when other people are attracted. So do you think she actually thinks he's hot? Um? I don't think

she actually. I think that he's just not her type. But I just think that that man is niversally attractive. So it's like I would imagine every person, but I like, I wouldn't say he's my type either, so I wouldn't say, like, oh, he's hot, but I do think he's attracted. Know. It's funny, like I love how we have guy crushes because I do the exact same thing with Ashley. We're like, I know, I mean, of course I can't go freaking podcast without talking about Tom Brady. But Tom Brady was on the

TV and I was like, damn he looks good? Doesn't he look good? Ashley? Yeah, I mean I do the same thing too. I have no problem admitted when I when I see an attractive male, So I'm always like, Oh, that guy is so hot, isn't he? I wanted I want to know you guys as type. So besides Tom Brady, Dean and Jared, what are your guys like? Guy crushed question?

I remember when the Patriots drafted Jimmy Garoppolo. I was like, well, if there's anybody who's going to replace Tom Brady, No, Jimmy is not my type, right hair, So I'm all in, Jimmy is not my type. We don't have the same taste in men. I guess, um, yeah, I mean I think who else is like a really good, good looking guy? Um, you're thinking that you're thinking of athletes right now, aren't you? Yeah? Well, I was thinking a Dean, You're you're a guy that

I think is Yeah. I am very attracted to myself, so I think that I always call myself. I like, walk into a room and I'm like, I'm so hot? Are and Kalin and She's like, yeah, you're so hot baby. I fully believe that I think Dean, I think Dean is the most because I can say this as a heterosexual man, as and as your friend. I think Dean is the best looking guy from the Bachelor franchise. Whoa dude, you just knocked my socks off. Look, I literally was,

I was wearing socks. Now, they're not people ladies and gentlemen. But I will say this in non offensive way, Dean, I think you are attractive, but I think it's your personality that adds value. Yeah, it's like how so it's like like but like I mean, but like I don't. I mean, I could say to a lot of the people in the Bachelor franchise like I'd don't think are totally attractive, but I'm sure if they had like great personalities,

they would be. Like Dylan Barber, I think he's attractive, but I think it's honestly a huge reason is because he's hilarious. Let's look at like a Wells Adams for instance. He's like a good looking guy, but his personality makes him even. It puts him from a nine point five to a ten. Yeah, Jared, you're like ten, and then you open your mouth and you dropped down to a nine point five. I mean at least I'm in ten. Thanks. Yeah, Jared,

don't take it. He's just getting too cocky because we just said to get But Dean, what's your guy crush? Who's your type? I would say, like maybe more like slim, slender but still buff, like zac Efron type, but maybe like a little taller than Zach got Fron good has got from him and neighbors. Yeah, zac Efron without the beard. He's got the beard now, I like like a little baby face. I need like a sexy stubble. Yeah, maybe maybe clean shaven. Um. I think my my bar for

men is is pretty high. Like I only find a few men attractive, zac Efron being one of them. I'm trying to think of who else big Kiano guy, yeah, oh from the Replacements with his long hair. Didn't trying to grow my hair like Shane Falco. You know I could see that? Yeah, I mean I guess I could say, like the very classic Brad Pitt from Fight Club. I mean that's just that's the pinnacle, right, Like you're not gonna get any better than that, the pinnacle of what

a man should look like. I agree, it really is. And that's like the slender physique that I like about a guy, you know, like I don't want to do too muscular, but I don't want him to be too skinny either. That's just like they're good in between right there. You know, he's a guy crushing mine right now. It's random. But Pete Davidson, Yeah, that's weird, big Pete Davidson guy. I watched The King of Staten Island and I love him on SNL and I watched a lot of his

YouTube good stuff. Yeah, I just I don't think he really treats his partners very well, does he. I haven't heard anything that bad. I mean, I don't know. I haven't looked too much. I not only know the Ariana Grande stuff, But like, I guess I'm just team Mariana through that, I'm team Pete. So what should we give advice for? So you guys are saying it's totally fine to think other people are attractive, But my follow up question to that, for you boys, what's the point of

thinking somebody's attractive and then lusting over someone? Because I feel like lusting is kind of a form of like disrespect. Yeah, lusting is a form of respect. There also needs to be a line drawn, like, yeah, you can find other people attractive, obviously we all do. But like if he or your person or your significant others like liking bikini picks on Instagram NonStop, that's like maybe a red flag too. Yeah, that's a big red flag. I agree, because then they're

trying to get noticed and that's bad. Yeah, that's an interesting way to put it. Yeah, they're trying to get noticed by liking those photos, and it's like, what purpose does it served anyways? Um? Yeah, I see different, But that's fine. What do you What do you say? I don't. I really truly don't. Really. I mean, okay, if she's

topless or something like a nude yikes. Um, But I don't have a problem with like bathing suit picks or a workout with tight leggings, Like I don't if you if you know the person and you're liking I don't have an issue if you like Pamela Anderson or something, it's like kind of weird, but liking a photo if you're leaving like fire emojis beneath. Since been on the podcast, when we've talked about this before, you boys weren't there.

It was me and Vanessa and we I was my debate is I really don't mind if you just like a photo shore sliding into d m s or commenting like fire or heart emojis. Yeah, that's weird, But liking a picture literally means nothing to me in my eyes. Yes, liking, like you said, if you know the person, it's totally

fine if it's a bikini pick or whatever. But if it's like some random Instagram model, and it's like, thought after thought of all these Instagram models, of these pictures that this person doesn't know, Like when I think of like some of the accounts my friends follow on Instagram, Uh, you know, it's like these girls that like quickly curate their photos to look like they have huge butts and big boobs and stuff, and that there are people that

they are never gonna meet, never will even cross paths with, and they're like liking their photos. And I don't think that that would have to be appropriate for someone that has a girlfriend, you know what I mean. I also think it might create insecurities in the relationship, because then if you're liking a photo of a guy's liking a photo of a Instagram model who looks like she has the perfect bod, then I'm sure if you're dating someone, she's going to start thinking, well, is that what he wants?

Because I don't have that, so I don't know if you should like it. I could talk about this for days, but I have one last follow up question. Can boys see when we edit a photo? Like, do you guys notice I've never used phase tune, but I can't figure like I don't see the curved in waste, or like the deformed rocks in the background, like I just don't notice that, or like the extra white teeth, But do guys, like,

can you guys pick up on that? I think I pick up on it when I see a video of the person and it doesn't align with the photos that I've seen of the person. And I think that's the common thing that you see is a lot of these girls will like post an edited photo. But then if they're like in a video and they look like a normal person, not like this air brushed whatever, you know what I mean. So that's how that's how I notice it. But yeah, it's kind of hard to pick up on sometimes. Yeah,

I don't. I guess I if I see like a perfect photo of a girl, oh my god, that's fake. So like I don't. I there's no like, for instance, things that I notice. But for instance, my buddy was creeping on Olivia Coppo the other day and he goes, Olivia Coupo was so hot, and like, she is a very attractive person, but she in addition to like air brushing and all those things, like she has to get

cosmetic work done. And so it's like, how are you, like you can't even hold anyone else to the same standard that Olivia Colpo is because a she's like super wealthy and can afford all these luxurious augmenting surgeries, and then on top of that, she's editing your photos to look even more on human. So it's like, yeah, I think that's like that's kind of the thing too, where it's like we are like putting all these people on pedestals.

And like I said, don't get me wrong, Olivia Cope was beautiful, but she would be beautiful without all the stuff that she's done to herself. And then we set the standard for other women to like look like that or as good as that, and it's just like unattainable, and it's always a competition. It's like oh I look like this or like better than that. You know what I mean. I don't know. Olivia is from Roady. I've met her a couple of times. She's she's very very nice,

and she's very beautiful. No, I absolutely agree that she's very beautiful. But I just think that sometimes we said the standard of beauty as an unattainable level. We need you to stop doing that. I agree that I'll do it. For this week's episode of Holp, I stuck at dating. We all agreed on one thing finally finally took years. Yeah. Um. Big thank you to Jen Kersh for jumping on the podcast with us and telling us all about her podcast. If you're interested in hearing more from her, be sure

to check out Lockdown Love. Where have you subscribed to podcasts? Big thank you to our listeners for emailing us Sierra, Ariel and Joe. Joe were expecting to hear some updates from you later on, so please stick with it. Um. And of course, big thank you to all of you guys for being part of this the Best Podcast People's Choice Award. Suck Armies gonna take us there. I also think we have some live thing that we're doing next month, but maybe we should wait to tease that yeah, because

I don't know the information in front of me. So yeah, we're gonna have a live thing coming up. I think it's like August eighteenth, but just stick around for that because a lot of exciting stuff. We also need to give away these beanies. Well they're you know, taking up space in your place, so they're really not a concern of me, but we could think we could still give them away, you know. Yeah, I'm gonna I'll concoct something on Instagram this week and we'll get rid of some

of these beanis concoct Yeah, yeah, nicely done. Yeah. Anyways, that'll do it for this week's episode. Thank you again so much for listening. Be sure to tune in next week, where maybe we'll all suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast m