Touchdown Pass

Nick Viole season of The Bachelor. It is Elizabeth Sandoz. Uh, Liz, how are you doing? Long time, no see and O I'm good. I feel like so much has happened in everybody's lives over the last few years. Yeah, no kidding, Well, congratulations, thank you very much. As you can see, my wife just decides to come in and out of the room while recording, so rude. But Liz, how are you doing? I mean, you know, obviously a lot of people who listening to this podcast know you from the Bachelor franchise.

You were on Nick season. Uh, you had the storyline that you and Nick had met beforehand at Jane Tanner's wedding. But how are you doing? Since hand. Great. I mean, I it was really weird because like right when that started airing is when I met, like, well, not when I met when I started dating my now husband, so that like season started coming out when we started dating, and then his whole family just got to see the bachelor version of me. And I'm, like I said, I'm

not crazy, like get to know the real me. But um, and I mean it obviously end up working out. I got married and I had my first kid, uh six months ago, and um, you know, gratulations, thank you, and now I'm just doing a lot of the duelas stuff. I found an awesome job here at a hospital in Chicago where I get to work as a duela with an awesome midwife group and along other nurses and doulas. So just I feel like I'm following my passion, which is awesome. So what is six months ago? Yeah? Six

months ago? Gotcha? Well? Hey, as it, as it turns out, Jared and actually are actually working on having a kid for themselves. Yes we are. So, Liz as a now expert, because you know you've done it before, what kind of advice would you have for Jared and Ashley? Oh my gosh, I mean so much. It depends on what they're looking for. Um, but I mean, you know a human would be first and foremost. Just yeah there, I mean, it changes your life.

It's so crazy. I was like, literally today was the first time that I got to experience my daughter throwing up in my mouth, and then good god, right, I know, and then my dog eating her poopy diaper. So I'm like, oh my gosh, this is motherhood. Like there's just things that you'll never be prepared for, but there's also things you can do to help prepare you to make that transition a little bit smoother for sure. How grossed out do you get? Do you get grossed out of your

kids own poop and vomit? Yeah? I Um, I have these really loud, obnoxious gag attacks, which my husband finds hilarious. Um, Like, they're obnoxious and I can't control them. So I'm just really nervous because she's starting to eat solid foods, which means her poops are going to be really disgusting. Um. So that's I don't know how I'm going to do it. How do you say, does it? I thought baby poop smells worse than regular poop. No, that's a myth that

I believed in all this time in my on this world. Yeah, the first poop that, Um, I love how we're starting the conversation with poop. Hey, that's an important question, you know, Like honestly, whenever I talk about having kids, like one of the first things people talk about, or like changing diapers and just how yeah, oh you're gonna be You're just gonna be surrounded by vomit and poop and dirt all the time. It's like, okay, cool, looking forward to that.

The breastfeeding formula poops aren't that bad. It's when they start eating solids. It's like it'd be it's like a real human, grown up poop just in a diaper, and it's disgusting it. What about Liz, So Jared obviously has to have the baby for any of the stuff could happen. What kind of advice would you have for him to help conceive the child? Yes, Um, so you're in the fun part now, right, trying to have a baby For the most part. Sometimes it's not that fun. Sometimes it

is work. You're like, okay, we have to do it right now. Yeah, that is really hard. Um, But I mean the advice would be to try to have fun with it, because these are the last moments that you guys are going to get with just you two, and that is going to change once you have a kid. You know, even if you get a night out away with Ashley, you know, you get a week in a way, you're still gonna be thinking and worrying about your kids. So these are going to be the last moments of

you enjoying just each other. So try to like really enjoy as much as it gets stressful and you're trying to be like, Okay, we need to do it right now because I'm ovulating and we need to make a baby, and this is our window of opportunity, you know, so who cares. Let's you know, we don't need to kiss,

let's just get it done with. We still kiss, but you know, it's definitely like I feel it's it's so weird to even talk about like sex while trying to conceive, because it's like, you know, you're like, okay, let's let's do it. We gotta do it right now, and let's just get it done and and then that's in my head. So it makes it increasingly worse. As Dean can attest to when you have all this pressure on you to be like Okay, you gotta like let's go, let's go,

let's go. It's like, wait a second, how can I attest to that, because well, as a guy sometimes when you I'm sure it's very similar to being a female, But I can only talk about my own experience as being a guy. When you think about something like that too much, like oh no, like I'm either lasting too long or it's not lasting long enough. Like you, you overthink things and then you immediately lose it. I don't know that's what happens with me. I just need to

make a baby. Yeah, how did that? How did that work for you and your husband? And obviously if you don't feel like talking about it, but you have no

obligation to whatsoever. But was it like was it a similar situation in Jared and actually where they're planning and trying and all that stuff, or was it just like we'll just keep doing it or doing and if it happens, great, If not, we try to keep that mentality of like if it happens, just because I think working as a duela, I see the stress that it can create, and so

we're like, all right, let's it. Actually, we weren't even planning on trying yet, but then my husband's grandma passed away and we were at the funeral and all the family was together, and we're like, man, this is what we want, like we want to be surrounded by family, Like, let's just stop preventing and start trying and we'll see what happens. And um, you know it was we tried

to just let it happened. Although I could just save, like from the female side, it's hard, like even though he I wasn't telling him like, hey, I'm ovulating right now, whatever I was tracking. So then I'm like, hey, like, let's you know, you wanna you know, trying to like plan my obulation. I'm going to slip into something more comfortable, right, Although, like he you know, we were trying not to get too stressed, but I know that as it goes on, it does get stressful. Um. So I think that that

advice is really hard to give. The people are like, hey, don't worry about it. It's like okay, you know, but a lot easier said than done, just like a lot of things in life her, right, So I would just say, like, just make sure that you guys, are really enjoying yourself together, because once she does get pregnant, um, you never know how that pregnancy could affect her. Like everybody is so different.

You could be the healthiest person in the world and do everything right and feel so shitty during pregnancy to be throwing up all the time and be horrible, or you could be like a junk food freak and feel great throughout your pregnancies. So once she gets pregnant, like everything already kind of starts to change a little bit. So I would just try to like really enjoy what you have now. Well, Liz, I feel like we could talk to you all day. Unfortunately, our time is up.

Everybody listening right now. Make sure you go check out Liz's podcast. You've had this podcast for many years. Miraculous mamas. Um, everybody go check that out. You can go get that wherever you get your podcast, Apple Podcasts, all that good stuff. Um, Liz, you have to come back because this was not enough time with you. Yeah, I'd love to talk more about doula stuff with you, if you guys ever want to

hear that and more. What is a doula? Actually, just very quickly because I have no idea the part of your brain that controls anger. Not anger, but no doula. Basically, we partner alongside you to help you throughout your birthday experience. So before, during, and after we provide emotional comfort, physical support throughout labor and delivery, and informational support. So we're the only constant that's with you from beginning to end. Your doctor, midwife's nurses have to kind of come and go,

but we're with with you the entire time. And there's awesome research and statistics that show why doulas are freaking amazing, so everyone should get one. Well, yeah, let's have you back and talk about it more. I'm not for that. It sounds good to me, all right, absolutely, thanks for joining us. It sounds like you've got some work to do too, though, so yeah, thanks so much for having me on. See you list by list. All right, welcome back to our Heart Radios podcast, Help I Suck at

Dating Dean myself still here. We have very such special guests who zooming in right now. He is a linebacker from the NFL for the Baltimore Ravens who actually, if I'm pretty sure, is a free agent right now, so we'll see where he ends up. It is Matthew Judan. Matthew said, thank you so much for joining us on the podcast today. Thank you all for having me. Man. I'm glad y'all think I'm good enough at dating to come and land some advice and all that good stuff.

Well you're you're a new parent, congratulations. No no, no, no, no, you just had you just had a baby. Yeah, yeah, he's one and then, uh I was not five years ago, but now I'm true that is yeah. So how are you doing? How's parent life? How are you? How's everything going? Parent life is kind of? Parent life is good. It's it's funny. Uh uh. So I was a single dad? Is we this whole week? Because my wife took Leo, which is my youngest, when she went to Miami with

her sisters and some friends. You know, they had a little girl trip and it was good for me to

just be alone by myself. So I was along with the Naya and she was telling me like the funniest craziest stuff and I'm like, dang, like you're kind of really smart, like you're getting older and it's just crazy to watch her from you know, like videos pop up on your phone of of her like barely walking, barely talking, you still got pictures and stuff, and you're like, man, I still remember you as this little kid, and now

I kind of feel like how my parents feel. And now I want to go back and see my mom and my parents. And you know, I haven't seen them since the COVID and stuff because they lived in Michigan. I was in Maryland. So being a parent just makes you understand and your parents a little bit more and it makes you appreciate, you know, your kids a little bit more, even though you know you love and adored them and give them the world. But you're just like, dang, this is what my mom sees out of me or

my dad's seeing out of me. So, uh, parent life is it's good, man. It puts a lot of stuff in perspective for you. Man, I'm I'm hoping you can help us out. So before we had John here, we were just talking to Jared about how he and his wife are working on on having their first child. Sounds like you've done it a couple of times already, So what kind of advice would you have for for Jared or just for anyone really that's trying to have a

kid that you know. Uh, not that they've been unsuccessful so far, but just like, is there any type of tips that you have kind of going into it for him? All right, well, first, first of all, jokingly, you gotta you gotta practice by yourself and swing it around in the mirror. That's how you get the good ones. But but honestly, don't make it a job. I think everybody'd be like, are well, we want to have a baby. We got to do it on these days and these days,

and this is how we got to do it. And I'm ovulating right here, you know, still be in that relationship and still have those moments of vulnerability and and have fun, you know, because that's what y'all was doing. I don't know when you met your wife, but maybe from college on and and now instead of it being an intimate time, it turned into like we gotta do it now at six thirty, uh, in this position, uh with with with no light like you know, you know,

just just don't turn it. Don't turn it into that. Just be like, all right, well now we're ready to have a child in our world. And if that happens, okay, we're ready for it. But don't make the act of having a child a job. Uh, to take the fun out of it, you man, you gotta keep it fun, lighthearted and you know, always always like spruce us up, do something. You know, you never do that from from

the man himself. That's what we're trying to do. Sometimes, like because we're about four or five months into actively trying, so sometimes you know, it feels a little bit more like a job than it should. So I totally agree. We we do things to have fun. Of course. Look look, I mean, look after this podcast and you're done, go to you know, go to a local beauty supply, get

you like a wig. Go then go get you like some short shorts and you know, surpriser, you know, at four o'clock in the afternoon tomorrow with the wig and some short shorts and see see if that times are wrong? All right? I mean, hey, why not try something different? Yeah, didn't get to it, man, then, and then you know that that might be a story you tell y'all, A little man a little woman when she comes a babe like, man, I gotta ask, are you speaking of experience with that

method or man? You you know my girl, my girl likes some stuff. Man, I can't be telling ya all the you know what, I'm talking some gyms. I think I think a lot of people are listening right now, you know, trying to maybe understand good ways to spruce it up. I'm not saying, you know, uh that you need to kind of wrap your wife out or anything like that, but it's a it's a good advice at the end of the day. Yeah. Yeah, it's all advice.

And we all do stuff differently, and maybe you just haven't tried that, you know, or or maybe you A lot of people like don't talk about sets and they just they kind of have it and they have those intimate moments, but they like, outside of those moments, it's kind of taboo, and you know, they don't they don't talk about it if the lights are on, Like, okay,

let's talk about this thing. Like, let's let's really find out what's your interests a are, you know, if we if we're married and were partners, Let let me find out what your real interests are and what you actually like to do. Because maybe I'm not, you know, because I know what I like and I'm gonna get what I like off, but maybe I'm not you know, fully get into what you like to do and so so

and d and vice versa. Maybe it's something you might want your girl to do that she not might not, might not know that you like, and she might be willing to try, but you just never talked to her about. Yeah, that's a that's a big thing. We talked about a lot on this podcast to his communication. Because you're right, I feel like, especially right like, when you're younger, you're always just kind of focused on yourself doing what you like, and then you get older and you're like, wait a second,

there's someone else here with me. Maybe I should ask them what they like and what they want me to do for them exactly. Yeah, yeah, I agree. You gotta have that conversation. Man. It's just especially as Matt Matt and and you know Dean you can attest to you've been in a long term relationship. It's just, you know, you gotta spice things up every once in a while, you gotta change things up, and if you don't talk about it, it's never gonna change. Exactly. But Matthew, how long?

So how long have you been married? We're going on three years? Congratulations. How did you How did you guys meet? We we met on tender, very nice and how long it was. It was young tender though. It was like when it first came out, and uh, and I was, I was in college, I just had got out of out of relationship and uh, you know, I was just swiping right if you mean she swiped right? And then uh we met. We met like she she she if

she telling your story. She was like, I didn't want to meet you at first, and I was like, I was like, man, damn, well, why why didn't you want to meet you? Like I was, you know, I was an athlete and she didn't want to be like you me. We get we get bad reps because we're athletes, and not too many good athletes stories get told. Is only the bad ones about all the bad you know, stuff that athletes might do. And then she was like, I

don't know if I wanted to go down that road. Uh, you know, Luckily for her she did and we went through it. But so our first our first, our first time meeting, we were supposed like the start the story off, I got nine brothers and sisters and I was I was in college two and a half hours away from it, and sometimes they just pop up on my doorsteps, like not telling me. So the first time we go out, you know, we've been kind of texting back and forth, and she's like, no, I don't know. And I was like,

all right, it's cool. It's like kindn't heard no before. It's all right. And then she was like, well, maybe I'm neat you out. And then so she I didn't have a car and callage my first car I got when I got to the NFL. Uh, so I have a car. So she was supposed to come pick me up and we was gonna go to the movies because Uber wasn't like a big thing yet. So well, so she was coming to pick me up. Like twenty minutes before she came pick me up, my two older brothers

walked in the crew. They walked in the crib. I'm like, what are y'all doing here? Was like, man, we just came down here for the weekend. You're not You're not gonna call me or nothing. Man, you'ren'ta be You're gonna be doing nothing. So like the first time she came, I had to cancel. Like that day, I was like, I'm not about to leave my brothers at my house by myself, so you can come and like hang out with us and stuff, and so she just she she was real chill about it. Man. She came over, she

hung out with us. Uh, she was real cool. We had a good time, and then you know, the rest is history. And so you know now she's uh, she's uh, she got my last name. So when did you know she was the one? A lot of people who you know, email us or ask us, how do you guys know when that person is the one? Uh? Just just do hanging out and uh and and just dang, that's a hard question. It really is, like I don't think. I don't think. Uh, I don't think you really know when

the one is. But you're like, you're like, I can see myself during the rest of my life with this person, and people put too much in it is just the one? Or is it another one out there for me? Like you can you can find anybody and make them the one and try to like put them in a certain parameter, asked the one or she has it all or he

has at all. But I found myself through her characteristics, through the things that we went through in life, knowing that I could spend the rest of my life with this woman and be a okay with that, and so that's that's when I knew. And it was you know when when I met her. When I met her, it wasn't like I was gonna be uh all star athlete.

I went to a Division two school in Western Michigan and uh, and the first year we actually started talking, I told my a c L. So it wasn't like Judai was on the road road to greatness then like athletics. But she she stuck by me. She was there even though even though, like even when after I got our serge, I was like, I don't even want you close to me. I don't want to be like next to my mom. Like I was hurt, you know, because I had I had this laying in my head, like how how my

career was gonna go. And so she was like, Okay, I understand. If you ever need me, just let me know. And she was she was cool about everything. And how you know, my my first year in the league, I was like like this when she she knew she wanted to marry me, but but like I wasn't like going home for marriage yet. And my first year in the NFL, I was like I didn't know how it was gonna go because I told you, you know, I'm a Division two athletes. People get cut in the NFL every day.

And I was like, I don't know if I want you because we had a daughter at that time. I had a daughter my senior year in college. Uh, And I was like, I don't know if if I want you and Anya is her name, to come out here to Baltimore where we have no family, we have, we have no back d You don't know nobody. I really don't know no nobody. And I was like, I don't want you all to come out for until I get established in it in the league, because I can get cut,

I can get traded. We don't know what's gonna happen. And she was hot about that. She did not like that. She was like, I don't care what you say. I'm coming. I don't want to be away from you. This is my family. And she did not like that. And I was like all right, yeah, like like I really like that she was fighting for us to be a family. That she's the one, right and she was like trying

to stay together. But like I got my way because I was like, if I get cut, and then I signed the leaves and then I gotta go sign a lead somewhere else, Like I don't want you to. But when I knew I was gonna like be on the Ravens and be a good player, I was like, all y'all come out here. Yeah, that makes sense, that makes sense. Um, Matt, we're gonna take a quick break. But we had a lot of our listeners email us questions that they want your help answering, kind of like a like ask a

guy anything sort of thing. Is that cool with you? Yeah, yeah, let's let's get into that. All right. Cool, We're gonna take one quick break to to talk to our sponsores real quick, but we're gonna be right back and we'll jump right into that. All right, welcome back to help. By second dating, we're of course gonna answer your emails. We're gonna answer some guy questions that were sent into us by of course, the best audience in the world to suck army. Uh So, Matt, let's start with the

first one. How do you balance football family and friends? Because, as you said, yeah, the NFL, I mean, that's like it's one of the most demanding jobs anybody could have. So the idea of balancing that family and then you're also do you know your own personal health and how do you balance that? Well? First, first, family's two different dynamics.

When you get married, you have your family. Then you have you know, immediate family, meaning like mom, brother and sisters, and also her family, my brother and sisters, because you know, you become one. I think I think those always come first. You know, first it's your family who's in your household, who you have to protect and care for. Uh. Then secondly it becomes immediate family. Uh. And that's that's also mixed in with friends, you know, if they need something.

Because right now I'm in Arizona for a friend's birthday. But I made sure last night, I made sure I went and picked up you know, I came a day late, so I made sure I went and picked up my wife from the airport seeing Leo and uh, you know, had had a couple of hours with them before I

flew out. Uh. And then it was fans family and what football football is it is when you're in football, like the season and stuff that that kind of trumps everything besides besides like birthdays and and stuff like that. But uh, you know, during football, I did miss some of my friends weddings. I'd missed some some stuff that I would like to be at, but I can't. You know, like Christmas is Thanksgiving, we are uh you know, you you kind of miss some of that stuff. But you

make you make time. You make time for your family. So if my daughter gota recital, or if she needs me like to go to a daddy daughter dance, or if Leo has an appointment that I need to go to or preencing and need I make time for that stuff. But football is a priority during the season. Out of season. Out of season, I'm not really I'm not really thinking too much about football all. It's all it's all a friends stuff because I don't I only have so much

time in this league. And you know, say if I have a long career, which most people careers, you know, it could be thirty years. You could be doing something for thirty years. But my my max career is probably fifteen years, you know, so I got half that time. So I make that time. I try to like maximize that time and be the best at that time. But uh, during the off season, you know, I make family with

my career. So when I work out, briand works out and then we take we take a leo and when a no it's not at school, we take her and they see, you know, the fruits of our labors. It's like, okay, we get to we get to live in this house, but this house is paid for with all this sweat and all this hard work. Or we get we get

to go on this trip. But you know, before before I got on a flight out here, I was lifting this morning because you know, that's that's how that's how I pay for everything, you know, so so with my body and all that stuff. So you know, you you make time for the friends and family, but when it's football's football number one. Yeah, I mean and you guys, uh,

you guys are dedicated to your profession to say the least. Um. So, another another member of the audience as we'll call them, wants to know, now, before you met your beautiful wife brand, did you have a pickup line that you used to try to use on girls? And then if you did, what was your go to pick up line? Oh? Not, see, I didn't have a pickup line, I you know, but I'm like silly, so I always interacted with girl through jokes or try to make them laugh and stuff like that.

Because I feel like once like that was the icebreaker to make them laugh or tell jokes and to get and to get them in an easier mindset or more comfortable mindset instead of like so they can put their guard down, like you know, maybe I could have a conversation with this person, but it was it wasn't. I did never have a pickup line. I wish I did. I wish I had like a cool pickup line that worked, you know, eighty percent of the time, but I didn't.

No same here, I had no pickup lines. I'm sure if you had to pick up line, it would have worked for you pretty well. Or a Grand Valley Yeah, no kidding, I don't know about that. And I don't see y'all seeing me now, you know, y'all gotta y'all gotta go to the before pictures as my Grand Valley pictures. Man, I had. I got braces my rookie year in the league. Like my teeth was like not, you know, and now I smile all the time, but my teeth wasn't straight when uh, when I was at Grand Valley, man, I

was still handsome and that helped. But you know, now that I looked back, I was like, she's hey, so so when you're out of season, we also have this question here. When you're out of season, right and it's just you, the wife, the kids, how do you prioritize alone time with just you and the wife? Like how do you how do you like segment your time to get away from the kids. Well, so I take bath one like once a week, and Brianne will come in there and we have like flip cars. We got a

whole bunch of like cars. And they just asked us questions, like very in depth questions about ourselves and about how we see, how we see our partner, and we answered, oh, we try to answer those questions very honestly. And then uh at night, uh, you know, after we put Leo to sleep and uh Nya goes to sleep, that's our that's our time, that's our time. You know, sometimes we she's flipping through zero and I'm on a video game.

But if she ever wants to talk, she knows, like if she if she just says like all right, we need to talk, like right now, that's she got my undivided attention. Because we don't we don't have to worry about no kids or anything like that. And then, uh, you gotta try to have one day out of the week, you know, one night out a week that y'all get away from the kids and stuff like that, get a

get a babysitter. Y'all can go out. It's hard during COVID, but y'all can go out and find a new restaurant, try something new, or you know, just go to the go to the old classics. If you and your girl like to drink, you know, go to you like, one of your favorite bars, or if y'all like to eat, go to one of your favorite restaurants, or try something new. You know, you can go to I Fly with your

girl or something, or I don't. I don't recommend I don't really recommend man movies that much because you don't really get to talk like that. You know, it's you know, it's time spent. But you know, she might really have she might have had a hard week. And if y'all go to the movies, you know she she can't really talk to you like that, or you can't really talk to her like that. It's if it's something in your chest. So,

but sometimes movies is good. Uh. We went and seeing Me and Brian and saw a Stars Born with Lady Gaga and and like it was just it was we didn't even know what the movie was. We just we just knew we didn't want to go see the other movies. So he was like, all right, man, we'll go see Bradley Cooper in it. We'll go see it. I like, Bradley Cooper. Do you remember what the other movie it was that you didn't want to say? Now I'm curious it was. It was. It was kind of late. We

just had gotten into back to Michigan from Maryland. We dropped the kids off, we dropped the night off at her grandma house, and uh, it was it was the movie about Queen. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't want to say that either. I'll forget the name, but it was the movie about Queen. And we was like it it is between that and Bradley Cooper. So we went and saw. We went and saw. It was a real good movie. Man. That was one of my favorite movies. Now, no,

but I agree with you. I think govern to the movies. We've always said this is a bad first dake because, like you said, it's time spent, but it's not quality time spen. So if you're not comfortable if you don't know the other person, why would you go to a dark theater where you can't talk to one another? Just doesn't make sense in my mind. Yeah, well, Matthews and thanks man for joining us. We really appreciate it. I do.

I'm sorry. I gotta ask this one question as a as a diehard Boston sports fan like Dante high Tower is coming back. I think you'd look good in the Patriots uniform. You and high Tower linebackers in New England. You know, I'm just I'm just I'm saying. I mean, man, you what's crazy is the friend I'm out here in Arizona with, you know, not to name prop, but Carl Davis. So he uh, he wanted to know those tackles. And he's been recruiting pretty heavy too. So I mean longest

longest I can wear ninety nine. Man, we're good, We're good. So tail so tail Bible to hit me up right now? I got Yeah, I gotta say you would look good in blue, but a different shade of blue. Maybe pay with a little bit of orange too. I don't know. I can just see you playing in Denver just Dean's of Broncos fan. Oh, yeah, I hear that. Man. Uh, but I don't know about the altitude. Yeah, you don't want Who wants to play up in like a thousand

feet in the air. Nobody wants that. Here's the thing that Broncos are built to win, you know, the next you know, matt you got, like you said, you got ten, eleven, twelve more years in your career. Broncos are going to be winning a pretty pretty good amount those ten years. So oh yeah, yeah, I will. Well, I heard the Orange Crush love you when you out there, So I might had to. I might had to. God, I'm keeping

my options open. Man. I'm I'm single right now to the NFL, I'm tell again, and my relationships to the NFL. You know, I'm single and ready to mingle. So you need like a tinder for finding the right NFL team or something, right, Hey, you know what, I might I might have to swipe right on. I might swipe left on some teams, but that swipe right almost I think you'll find the right team. You're you'll be an asset to wherever you go. So, Matthew, thank you so much

for joining us. We really appreciate it. We're sending our love to you and your family. Thank you as well, and I hope the uh baby making business as well for you. And I'm gonna go get that wig. All right. I'm telling get you some wigs and get you some you know, low cut shorts. I'm telling you you should. Hey, you know, I'm not gonna knock it till you try until I try it. You got you got nice squads.

They're a little hairy, you know that's all right? Man, get you I don't want to like plug on youall show, but get you the little Manscape. It changed your life. Man, good stuff, man, Man, escape them thighs, get you one of them little short shorts and then go head wig and short shorts, bing bot a bone. My wife is gonna be so turned on. They've never seen you as

a blonde before. She's about to all right, Matthew, thank you so much, man, Thank you all for having Thanks matt all right, everybody, welcome back, and it is time for our favorite segment, or at least my favorite segment. Not to take anything away from our fantastic guest that we always have, but it's always so great to hear from you guys, are emailers, our listeners. Before we get

to our emailers. Though. There's one thing I want to talk about, because we're gonna be wearing masks for a while, it's important to have the right mask to protect yourself and those around you. Absolutely, and and respirators can provide a big upgrade to your current mass. There are fake and counterfeit versions, so you want to be sure that you have the approved version. That's very important. Secure components

those guarantee a hundred authenticity. I was thinking about how spring break is coming up and people might be traveling on an airplane, or they might be going into close quarters into a supermarket where they just can't be six ft of separation. This is one situation where the nine would be really, really handy. Yeah. Absolutely, you know it's funny. I've d and I've flown just like you've flown. And obviously I've been in grocery stores many times. I feel way more I feel so much more safe on a

plane than I do in a grocery store. Um, I don't know if you feel the same way, but that's I don't know. Every time I go to the the grocery store, I always getting nervous. But anyway, secure components is a trusted source and they provide support ppe needed for frontline workers and they are now available to the public. When you go to grocery stores, all you have to do is go to secure components dot com to order masks for you, your friends, and your family or your business.

Go to secure components dot com to get yours. Anyways, back to the emails. Here we go east and we love when you read emails. You and Mark have the voice of angels. I'll tell you you, guys, I don't want you guyssan. I want you to make an audio tape of like you, you know, whispering sweet nothing so I can fall asleep to it. That I can do.

That I can do um you know. Uh. Sometimes my wife when she has trouble sleeping, she she likes that a S M R stuff and she has me like rub her scalp and just say it doesn't matter what I'm saying. She's like, just say something, just whisper something to me. But are you being serious? I'm being dead serious. And so it kind of rules because I get to talk about all the stuff that I want to talk about that she does not care. So I'll be like Disneyland is implementing a new annual past system like and

it works. It works for her, it works. She loves it. Yeah, and I feel like if Ashley was just whispering about the Kardashians into my ears as I was falling asleep, I would have a nervous breakdown. I would I think something like that would put me to sleep, because it's like, oh, something I don't care about, making you go to bed, not that, not that the Disney passes isn't something that I don't care about. You know, it's very important. I still have not been on rise of resistance. I cannot

believe this. Granted, you know, parks are closed or at least Disneyland is Disney World's open. I'm like, I'm just piste off anyway, moving on anyway. It's a it's a it's a crime. But let's get to our first email. This is from Kristen. She says, I have never felt comfortable with p d A. When a partner even tries to hold my hand or put an arm around my shoulder in public, my body automatically tenses up and I flinch as a reflex. This has been the foundation of

arguments between myself and my past partners. I've been told that my lack of open physical affection makes it difficult for love interests to read whether I'm actually interested them. How do I navigate the beginning stages of dating where people value social cues such as a light touch on the arm or a hand on the need to indicate interest. Do I need to force myself through the discomfort and give my partner that physical affection? That's it. That's an

interesting one. So she she tenses up when the date she's on tries to put their arm around her. I think that maybe just means you don't like the person that much. Right, that could be a factor totally and just for everybody, so we're all on the same page here. P DA, of course means public display of affection. I don't know, if you flinched, that's not a good time. But also Christen could just be really nervous and she could be shy. But I would say that if that's

the case, you should probably practice. You should probably be open to the idea of someone kissing you in public, holding your hand in public, because, like I can only speak from my own experience, but if I was trying to show affection to someone that I care about in public and they were not having it. It would make me wildly insecure in our relationship. Why are you making her change who she is? I'm not. I'm saying that maybe, just maybe she should be open to the idea of

it and try to practice getting comfortable with it. Because all right, Mark, let me ask you. You're with your wife, you're in the early stages of your dating, you know, uh experienced journey, and then you go in for a kiss in public and she turns away, and then you try to hold her hand and she kind of like slaps it away. You're telling me that you'd be like, oh, no, it's fine. I this doesn't cause me any type of

insecurity at all. I think it'd be a conversation. But also, my wife is not as physically affectionate as I am. She's not. You know, some people have that physical touch right at the top of their love languages. Some people have it way down at the bottom, And it sounds like she does. So I don't think I think she's gonna find somebody that she sinks up with, and maybe even a guy, because there's plenty of guys out there who aren't interested in that either. And I think it's

gonna be just fine. I don't think she should change who she is. I think that you can meet in the middle if a guy's really lovely duffy, but I'm not sure that one's going to work in the long term. But isn't meeting in the middle changing who she is? I mean, I guess there's compromised in every relationship. I'm I'm just arguing for the compromise. That's where I'm Here's here's my take on it. So I I'm kind I'm

not maybe as uh to to this extremist. Kristen is not calling an extreme, I guess, But I also I'm not the biggest fan of pd A, you know, like all hold hands. Sure, I guess, so maybe you know I'm not quite as severe as this, but uh, Calin kind of understands that. And I know Kalin's one of Calin's biggest love languages is physical touch, and so our compromises. And this is different because obviously we've been dating for

a while. But when we're like behind closed doors, then I'll give her the physical touch that she, you know, prefers, But like I don't know, I don't know what it is in public. I just kind of like, you know, do my own thing, wandering around doing whatever. Um, So there are ways to compromise without necessarily like giving up that part of you. And I agree, like maybe you should just find a guy that's like okay with not

giving you the PDA that you don't want. You know, I think I'm just reading this differently than you guys, because I'm reading this as the words she's telling us, which is that she feels nervous about holding having someone hold her hand or putting their arm around her shoulder, or as she says, a light touch on the arm or a hand on the knee. Like that's the type

of compromising on talk talking about. Listen, I'm not saying that you should just totally go full out makeout mode in the middle of Corrabas restaurant on a Saturday night. But the idea that you know, someone that she likes, that likes her, you know, touches her on the arm and she kind of shakes them away, I think might be something you should try working on. Don't change yourself, you know, I get it. I I We're all shy,

we all have our our little quirks. But you know, if it's causing arguments with someone that you really care about. I would definitely try to work on it. I think it comes out of communication, right, just so your partner knows that there's a reason you're not gonna want to do that in front of other people. Yeah. Yeah, communication, Uh,

acceptance I think is really important. Look like if you're not if you're gonna go on a first date with a guy and you tell him this that you're not the biggest fan of like holding hands or being touched and he like takes that as like being getting upset, freaks out, whatever, then obviously that's just not your guy. And then eventually, one of these days you're gonna do it. You're gonna go on a date, You're gonna go out

with a guy. He's gonna you're gonna tell him that you don't like the hand holding all that kind of stuff, and he's gonna be like, whoa, no way, I don't like that stuff either, and then bought a being bought a boom. You might just found your soul mate. I think by like, if by just talking about it, yeah, communication communicated out, you'll be fine. This is from anonymous. I consider myself bisexual, but have only been in serious

relationships with men. That doesn't mean I'm not open to dating women in the future, but I truly see myself with a man long term. I'm interested in getting married and having kids. Currently, I'm on a dating app to meet men only, and I'm wondering if my sexuality is something I should put in my bio or tell someone. After a few dates in the past, telling guys that

I'm dating that I'm bisexual has complicated things. Yeah, I do think the complication could arise from guys getting like secretly turned on, like, oh, this girl is gonna like

probably want to be in threesomes and stuff all the time. Right, Yeah, Um, you know something really quick I want to say, I think I think my wife said this on this podcast, But my my wife is bisexual and I've known this for a very long time, and I'm not gonna lie those thoughts of definitely as they well should you know, Um, but then I remember that I'm I'm me, and that's never gonna go well right, but um, it's it's something

that I like, I think that you should like. I think if you tell someone that on a first date, that definitely like, I don't think that's necessary, But like, I think that should be a conversation like fairly early on, because uh, you know, I think that I don't know, and it's a it's an important part of someone's identity, that's an important part of you, and I think that someone to let me ask you this, if you don't mind sharing, when did you know? When'd you find out? Uh?

I mean our situation is weird because we were friends for such a long time and I knew before we dated officially, so um, you know, it's it's something that in my in my situation, just made things easier because I could be like, Scarlett Johanson is really hot. I know I'll get an honest reaction. Um, But but yeah, I think it's something that should be discussed early on.

That's that's my take, right, But like you said, not too early on, because I think if you talk about it like the first date or whatever, you kind of said like the wrong precedent, Like if I bringing it up so earlier, you're kind of like nodding towards being like, hey, like just so you know, like this is all possible. Like I don't know, I just feel like it's kind of it's the wrong tone if you, and you could

scare people away too. You might be there might There are plenty of people that think that bisexuality is kind of code word for gay, I just don't want to say it yet, And so they're going to be hesitant in that sense. And there's some people who would if they're insecure and they're kind of a jealous type. I mean, it's one thing to be jealous of other guys, and you're gonna be jealous of everybody in the world. Like, I think that there's other reasons that it could be

um not attractive to certain people. But I so I agree early on, maybe not in the bio sure, but I also think that if you're going to scare someone away for being bisexual, then it might be better to scare them away early on rather than like that's a good point. Yeah, And there's a big difference between bisexuality and like polyamory, you know, like like yeah, because you can be attracted to men and women, but also like

you want to be in a committed relationship totally. It's just like being attracted to either a man or a woman and still wanting to be in a committed relationship, you know, just because you're sexually attracted to both genders doesn't mean that you want to be in a relationship with everybody. I agree with you, Easton, Um, it's that's a good point. We're all attracted to women, but that doesn't mean that we're gonna hope to hook up with other women while we're in our exactly. Yeah, that's a

really good point. Yeah, unless our wife is bisexual. And then for Easton, you know that could be that could work. Hey man, the possibilities there maybe. Uh, yeah, it's a tough one. I I guess for me, i'd say early on, I'm not sure if it has to be in your bio. But um, you know, I don't think is there anything wrong with talking about it even on the first or

second date. Um, I don't know. That's just me though, But it's certainly not an easy question to answer because everybody is different and some people might have different reactions to it. Um, but the best to you, anonymous, which we knew who you were, but I mean I understand, Yeah, I guess we like so, I have like dated girls that are openly bisexual before. Um, only speaking from my experience, of course, whenever they said that like, it never really

phased me. And I think that at the end of the day, you should, like, like everyone's basically been saying here, just to kind of like give a clear cut answer to anonymous right, like share what you're comfortable sharing. The right person is not going to judge you one way or the other. Um And I think at the end of the day, as long as you realize those things, like, everything is going to be perfectly fine. I great, well said Dean, Well said, thanks, thank you, thank you, You're

very welcome. Well, I think that's gonna do it for this week's episode of Help by Second Dating. Did you have a final thought, teen, I was gonna say, Is that gonna do it for this week's episode of Help by Second Dating? You know, grape minds think alike. We've been doing this podcast too long together. Just one big thank you to the Adventure Challenge. Thank you for letting us be a part of the Adventure Challenge holiday campaign. We certainly love you, We love the book. We love

to scratch off new adventure every week. It really spices things in my relationship, at least as we talked about earlier with Ash and I. So I we always like the surprise of what the new challenge could be UM and a big thank you to Matthew Judean. Hopefully he's a New England Patriot this fall. That would be really nice. Or Denver Bronco. I'll give it to you a Dean or a buccaneer or a buccaneer if he wants to win the Super Bowl. Uh uh for I'm sorry Marca anyway,

big thank you to Elizabeth Sandos. You can of course listen to her podcast Miracle Mama's Um. You can get that wherever podcasts are available, and I think that will do it. Dean, thank you for just being you the wonderful man you are. You're welcome. It's currently ten degrees outside. I am recording from a van that has turned off. The heater is off, so there's no audio disturbances. That's for Market Easton and of course for the listeners out there. You know, I want you two guys to get the

best experience you can out of this. I'm simply just looking for a little bit of maybe like a quiet applause, because I'm freezing my butt off in an unheated van and tend degree weather in the middle of a snowstorm in Idaho. But you didn't need to know that. I just felt like sharing it so that I'll do it for this week's episode of Help I Suck At Dating. I'm looking forward to next week next week's episode, because hey,

maybe we'll suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast