The Man Whisperer

out pretty well. I thought I gave both of them some pretty softball questions. But I have a very special guest who's currently sitting next to me in her glam room. I guess it's our glam room because it's our apartment. My beautiful, wonderful, emotionally driven, amazing wife Ashley, I Ken Eddie, have ben, Ladies and gentlemen. Hi a last minute fill in. You're never a last minute filling You're always number one on my list, always number one. Uh So, welcome to

help us suck a dating. This is not your first time in the podcast, though, so it's really not that interesting. I mean, you guys know that I love to interject whenever I'm walking in now the room and I hear Jared say something stupid, which is pretty consistent, I feel, yeah, but you know, stupid is what stupid does. We have a wonderful podcast coming up, though, like I said, Ashley

would be here the entire time. We're gonna be answering your questions that I posed, uh from last night on Instagram. You guys have amazing questions like you always do, suck Army. Thank you so much for submitting those. We'll be answering them on the podcast. We also have a fantastic guest, Lauren Francis, will be joining us later. She's of course a relationship expert, and we'll school Ashley and I on

our relationship. Probably. We of course have some emails that we're going to answer our favorite part of the podcast. But first and foremost, Ashley, how the hell are you? Jared? That's too weird to answer, but but I think we should like talk about some funny things that have been going on in our relationship. What do you think it is so funny that's going on in our relationship? The fact that you eat apple so loud? Nobody wants to hear.

I really think that most people will understand just how annoying it is when you're significant other eat something so so loud and obnoxiously. Well, let me ask you this. In our first few months of dating me eating an apple? Was that annoying to you? Um, I'm sure it would have been less annoying, but it probably still would have been annoying. What's the most annoying thing I do? I really think that eating apples is the most annoying thing you do right now? That's definitely not I'm not joking

you my overall pessimism on life itself. You've gotten a little better at that. I've got a little better. You used to think that you could. I used to not think that anything was possible. You'd be like, oh, that's a pipe dream. I think like you believe things now I don't think you think. I mean, I'm friends with Rob Thomas. Like, now I've realized anything is possible. So yeah, no, no no, no, Like, you're definitely not as pessimistic as

when we first got together. I think that you're also you don't get down on yourself as much as you used to. Um, you feel I feel like you feel more capable which you know, coincides with what we were just saying. Yeah, I guess that's a good thing. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, you're not that moody dark that's nice. What's the most annoying thing you do? I know? Yeah, we always focus on the annoying things that you do because there's so many to choose from. Um that you

admit to it too. You admit to your faults as I feel like I do as well. Yeah you do. You're a little bit more I apologize from all the time whenever is happening. It's much more difficult for you, I feel like to admit your faults than it is mine because I just probably, But it's because you're in a good way. I think you're more confident in yourself, where you're more sure about certain things you're doing, where like I feel like I just navigate through life unsure

of every decision I've ever made. It's a weird way of living, but it's gotten me here, so really, knock on what I've been pretty lucky. The most annoying thing you do, but you're right, Like I am slower to admit when I'm wrong, but you can admit when you're wrong, which is a big feat for a lot of people,

because a lot of people cannot do that. Um. Probably the most annoying thing that you do is You'll get mad at me for doing certain things, and then you'll do the exact same thing, and I'll point out the hypocrisy, and then you immediately get defensive and then start getting emotional over it. I'm trying to think of a specific example. I can't think of anything right now, but like I'll do something or like I remember one time held at

this I complained it was I was complaining about. I forget exactly what it was, but it was very first world problems. It was nothing, but it was just something that I just needed to get off my chest. I knew in in the bigger scheme of life, it was not a big deal, but in the moment I was just perturbed by it, and I wanted to vent to Ashley because she's my wife and a word, I had a vocabulary. Your vocabulary is uh much more vast than I completely I make words up. You say words incorrectly.

I say words incorrectly, and I'm pretty sure I make words up. You do not I think I do. There's a lot of times in conversations. I'll say something, but I say it convincingly, and I don't think I think people just don't second guess me because I sound confident when I say it. Even on in my head, I'm like, I'm pretty sure that's not a word. Um, but like, okay, So anyway, so I was perturbed by this thing, so I just wanted to invent to you because you're my

wife and that's what we do. You know, I would never say this to anybody else because I know how many school it is, but it just bothered me, so I just wanted to get off my chest. So I

just vent it to you for a second. And then you immediately said, like, okay, Jared, that's you said it as if like I was annoying you, even though I'm pretty sure I introduced the entire topic by saying, Ashley, I know this isn't a big deal, but I just got annoyed by it, so I want to vent about it, and so I vented about it, and you're like, Jared, that's that'siculous. Don't be mad about that. You introde it by saying it's not a big deal. You walked in

and you were like ead, like a Tyrannosaurus rex. No, I'm pretty sure you'd made it seem like it was an end of the world thing. And then when you're like, this is an end of the world thing, lah blah blah blah, and I was like, Jared, that's ridiculous. So anyway, so I got mad at that because I I told that I just needed to get that off my chest, and she was just not that was not the reaction I needed. So anyway, fast forward a couple of weeks. I'm sorry I did not. I was not there for

you as a listening here. You did not have to apologize for it. But fast forward, you did the exact same thing to me, were you. I forget what you vented about, but you it was the most miniscule, small problem, but it just like piste you off in the moment. So you just needed to get it off your chest, and you did. And I remembered when I did the

exact same thing to you. I remember what your reaction was, So in my awful brain, I was like, well, I'm going to get heard the exact same reaction that she gave me a couple of weeks ago, and I know it's going to piss her off, So of course I did, and I said, Ashley, why are you so mad at that? And you were like, because I'm just I'm so mad. And then after and then I explained myself. I said, listen, I only said that because this is what you did

to me a couple of weeks ago. And then you got defensive and you started crying, and then it was fine after that. But yeah, that was the most annoying because I was like, I I feel guilty right now because I made you sad, But I didn't. I was just pointing out your hypocrisy. Okay, I know, I get it. Well, you don't have to Okay, No, I know. I don't feel like I'm sorry. I doub no, no, no, no, you didn't have up. Yeah a little bit. No, I see, I fed up because I should live in a more

understanding in the moment. It's not really it was av I was just trying to It was a very small thing. You had every right to be like, Jared, get over it quickly anyway, that's our little uh. But seriously, you guys, like, I know it sounds annoying, but Jared and I get along so well. Knock on, sure, we like we haven't

even bickered a lot lately. That's why I advocate everybody being friends with someone before they get into a committed relationship, because I firmly believe the reason that we're so happy and we're in a very loving relationship is because we have that foundation of friendship beforehand, so like we'd never get in big arguments because you know how to handle me, I know how to handle you. We we developed this rapport um that has created such a strong foundation that

we built a relationship off that. I I that's that's the strength of it right there. We didn't build a relationship and then try to build a report and a friendship afterwards. We built the friendship and the report and then built a relationship on top of that. And I know that we're very unique in that, and we got very lucky. I got lucky because you, throughout the three years of our friendship, could have easily have been like, piss off, Jared, I don't want to talk to you anymore.

Uh Luckily you didn't do that. Thank you. Maybe uh so, I don't know. There's just like an extension of myself. I feel like there's nobody else in the house that's great yeah, all right, okay, Well do you have any stupid things to complain about though, like like about the apples? And Jared's been falling asleep on the couch at like eight thirty every night, Like granted there was a time change, and then there was another time change for us because

we went from East Coast to Pacific Coast. So like she's like four hours off. So I get him falling asleep, but like, also I like to hang out with him. I mean, falling asleep at eight thirty on the couch is like, well, I do love falling asleep on the couch. There's something so relaxing about it. But only when I'm totally ready for bed. Teeth brush, face washed. If you're

not ready for bed, then it sucks. Yeah, but you you fall asleep without getting ready for bed, I know it sucks because then I get up And he used to be moody. I used to be moodier because I used to You've been very good about taking Lois out, Like around ten if I fall asleep before I'd fall asleep by the couch, I'd wake up. It's like eleven thirty midnight, and I'm like, I gotta take loas out. I gotta rush my teeth, have to wash my face, and then I have to get in bad. Occasionally I do.

I didn't want to admit fully that, like seven days of the week, I don't watch my face at night. I wash it. I take showers every day, all right, So I think that if I take a shower every day, I don't need to wash my face at night. I don't watch it. I don't think we were made Yeah, and it's makeup. That's a big difference right there. But you know your nose pores would say otherwise anyway. All right, So, like we said, we have many questions from you guys

that were gonna answer later on in the podcast. We also have an email that we're going to talk about. But first we have a very special guest that is coming on the podcast with us. It is a relationship expert, Lauren Francis. But before we talk to her, we're going to take a very short break Welcome back to help I suck at dating. Of course, Ashley is by my side, as she will be in life. But we have a very special guest on the podcast right now. She is,

of course a love and relationship expert. She is the author of the best selling book Dating, Mating, and Man Handling. Something you could probably relate to it is Lauren Francis. Ladies and Gentlemen. Yeah, hey, I'm so happy to be here. So extra calls you the man whisper. Tell me why and can you help my single friends who just seemed to go on day after day and have failure after failure. Yes, that is my specialty. So yeah, so I wrote this book.

This book was just like completely organic. It was a bunch of field notes that I wrote down for my girlfriends who kept calling me in the middle of the night and annoying me, and my boyfriend not calling me. Just here you go. And then I wrote this book. I wrote it all down and then it got published

and now people can read it. But yeah, I taught I teach women how to be what I call proactive in their love life, creates self esteeming relationships, and then also help men, you know, be more happy inside of their relationships. Well, how what do you think the number one blunder is for people going on you know, those first couple of days. I'd say like one dates one through three when you're just kind of feeling out whether you wanted to lead to a relationship. Okay, So well,

a lot of people right now are dating online. So it became like an expert in dating and cyberspace. So I have a lot of tips about that if you want to talk about dating apps and all of that. But you know, the big the big mistake that most there, Well, there's a mistake that men make, but there's also mistakes that women make, and so I think the mistakes for women. Right, for your girlfriends, so you can give them a homae hook up? Is uh that you know, first of all,

they're going on unqualified dates. So I feel like what does that mean I'm qualified? Like the men unqualified? Or yeah? Is it because like they're going on like kind of blind dates. Yeah, they're getting you know, chronic dating fatigue, right, they're getting you know, it's like romantic a d D. So if you the first thing, like if you're dating online right or dating on dating apps, I always tell people to put what they want in their app in their dating app. So if you want to get married,

put it in there. If you a great family, put it in there. If you're just going for a hook up, put it in there, and then people will swipe right. It's like shopping on Amazon or you know the giant catalog in the sky, right, So you want to just be clear about what you are, what your romantic intentions are. And then I always suggest talking to men or having men talked to women on the phone first, because it

gets it just cuts to the crap. Well, it's just like the amount of times you hear on these dating apps, like guys and girls just talking back and forth, like if I had a nickel for every time. One of Ashley's friends is like this guy, he d ms me all the time on the dating app, but he never wants to talk to me on the phone call. He never planned dates. It's always just like going back and

forth dates. Yeah, no, you just like cut that. You just like literally, uh you know, you just say no. Do you think that Do you think technology has helped or hurt dating? Oh? I think it's like the wild West. I think it's millions of people at your fingertips, but then there's also millions of people and you at your fingertips. So learning how to sort and sipped through. It's like when you're shopping on Amazon, like, right, what's the best deal?

Like what we wish we had Google reviews like, you know, what are Amazon reviews for? You know, love? But that being said, the biggest mistake women make is that there women hate to hear this. The first date really is for men to kind of show off. So I get a lot of complaints that women are saying, oh, all he did was talking about himself. He was so conceited. Has that happened to you. I'm just glad that you're

saying that. I know people can be like interpreting this as sexist, but I do think that the guy should probably like lead the first date and ask the girl more questions about her self. Did I lead the first date? Jared? Our first date was not at all, like I know, like, what was our first date? What are you talking about? The doom Boggie doom boggy? Yeah, I feel like I

love that. I feel like you probably did. Yeah, he was driving exactly, he was driving and metaphor, no, I feel like metaphorically you're I was trying to be as as possible. No, I know I was driving to doo Boggie anyway. Sure, so basics, but on a lot of first dates, a lot of guys will like, you know, kind of show off. The peacock They want to kind of just know that you like them, so they'll tell you all the things about themselves that are awesome. Plus

they're nervous. They're nervous, but they're also like used car salesmen, right, so they know how many recks they've been at, many miles they've had to turn off, you know, roll off the odometer, right in terms of their age. So I think the thing that most women don't do well is they don't know how to see men and understand that you know their peacocking and that they just need to be complimented. You don't have to date them again. You just need to kind of stroke their feathers and go,

oh my god, that's awesome. Tell me more, right, and then it'll turn around. The focus will turn around on you the next time. But usually have the most for the most part, on first dates, men are super nervous, and I feel like women are nervous too. I think the thing is men are just far more unwilling to

admit they're nervous. Does that make sense? Like I feel like, you know, for example, me and Ashley, Ashley is way more uh willing to be transparent apparent about her nerves were like, as a guy, I want to make it seem that I'm not scared or nervous, even though inside my heart is beating a million miles per hour. You're like just a little a little jello, like a duck on the mine. Do you ever heard that reference? What

a duck on the pond? You know, how duck on the surface of the water is very looks still, but underneath the feet are going a mile a minute. I don't, it's exactly. Yeah. So I feel like women misinterpret, you know, when men are kind of showing off, you know, we're talking a lot about themselves, and I think they often think that men don't like them or they're really conceited.

But I just think that's how men deal with first aid jitters, and I think women often didn't get really silent and get really annoyed that men aren't asking about them. Did you find that with true? So? I? Yeah, um, I don't honestly have any personal details. Yeah, I don't remember. But my I'd say that people enjoy it when the men ask lots of questions. My question, Lauren, is, so, say, like a girl goes on a date with a guy and the guy's only talking about himself. He's doing exactly

what you're describing. He's peacocking. He's not asking questions about her. Do you write them off or not? Do you write them off after the first date? Or do you give him another shot? No, I would actually ask some proactive questions. I would just say, oh my god, you're that's fascinating, I would, and I would say I I often I haven't feel like the most important thing in relationships or do people want the same things at the same time? Do you have the same relationship goals? But even deeper

than that. I really feel like it's important to understand what you already know all about you as a woman. So women often will share a lot about their problems right or their negative dating experience. I think that's true about men and women. They don't get you know, if you're not happy, it's very hard for people to want to connect. People want to be with people that are happy, right, and especially during the pandemic, there's like a lot of

complaining that's happening on first dates. Um, I can only imagine about what there's so much shock about. And the political the political thing right now is so intense, So I feel like I feel like it's important to just know what it is that you want to create and then see if the person that you're sitting next to somebody you can see that potential with. So, I think a good first date question, you know, to ask a dude is to say, you, so, what is it that

you're the most passionate about creating? That's a very deep question, most about Yeah, and then that just drops you in and you're having like a more heartfelt conversation instead of just all like the chatter that normally happens. And the reason why that's super important is because as a woman, you can't change the thing that a man is the most passionate about. Yeah, that's a good first question or not first first aid question? Wait, what do you mean as as a woman, you can't change what a man

is passionate about? Like, what would you say? The most important thing to you is what the thing that you want to create? What I want to create? Yeah? For yourself, what are you the most passionate about? Oh Jesus, Uh, that's a great question. I am very passionate about the pace it's specifically Tom Brady, Uh, Like, what do you feel like yours is? Oh? God, that's what you're still trying to figure out you know, are we all just trying to find that out? Uh? My purpose, I guess

my purpose. Um, this is gonna sound really stupid, but but I feel like my purpose in life is to uh uh, this gonna sounds so stupid, getting a body boner. I'm getting excited about to say something so meaningful. Well, I was gonna say, like, uh, be like the glue to my family. I that's one of the things that I'm first of all, I don't even know if that's true.

I doubt it is. Well, not that I'm like the glue of the family, but like one thing that I love more than anything and find that I'm very, very good at is dealing with people, specifically dealing with my family.

And it feels like a lot of times when I go home, I bring the family together because I don't live at home, and so whenever I'm home and I see family, they're like my cousin would be like, oh god, I haven't seen your sister, and like also the last time you're at home, And I love that and it gives me like joy, Yeah that's the case. So so now we're having a really meaningful conversation. Yeah, that's true, just opened up his heart and that's like the most so.

So what I would say about that, it's like, that's an amazing that's an amazing thing about you, and that's an easy thing for her to support. Well, what do you think your purpose is that? Oh, god, babe, I don't know. Um. I feel like my purpose, like past, especially in the past couple of years, has been um, making people feel like they're not alone or like just somebody who's relatable, who's gone through a lot of the things that they're like currently experiencing or felt weird about

in the past. Yeah, Lauren, if you don't know. So, we were on Bachelor in Paradise and then Ashley ashually got this reputation of being well she was very open about her virginity being in her late twenties, and then she was also very emotional, cried all the time, loved

boy bands, I like unabashedly, which is that a word? Yes? Yes? Okay, like embrace all the things that are me and well some of you know, the virginity thing was weird for me to talk about, especially at first, but like whether it's as trivial as boy bands or waiting for the rights, you know situation. Um, girls would be like, wow, like that's so cool to see somebody who is embracing that versus like feeling like awkward or like that they have to keep that in the closet. Were shame you were

like you were really up friend. So so your mission of you know, being the glue and holding people together, right, that's easy for her to support because and you actually that's like a that's like a good devetailing fit in terms of relationship. And I would say, Ashley, you and she's I'm assuming she's super supportive of your family. She doesn't give you a hard time if you're on the phone or if you care about them. No, no, no, not at all, like some women that are like that.

I like to listen to the conversations like the eaves drop away. Yeah. Well I was gonna say family conversations. But you're a part of the family. Yeah I know. Well we usually are on speaker phone with his parents and my parents and the and the parents always know that the other is listening in the background. Um, all right to checks just for a second, Lauren, give us the landscape of virtual dating right now, because everybody's experiencing it with the pandemic. So what is what is it

to like? What is it like dating in the world today? Okay, I am calling this the Golden Age of romance. You're not. You're not the first person to say that either, Well then I'm just like seconding it or third in it. No, what I meant is I think you're right. I think people do you see what happened on The Bachelor, like with you know, the last bachelorette, Claire and Dale. They

fell in love very quickly. I mean, so it's like if you've been like sheltering in place and you've been alone, like in your single and your single you know, there was a lot of cushion around being single, where single people didn't really feel single because they had, you know,

their girlfriends that they went out with. You had your crew, you went to the bar, you hung out, you were around family and friends, and all of a sudden, you've been at home alone, quarantining, and people are like not seeing their their families for the first time for the holidays. It's like really hard. But my dad got sick. I was like, oh my god, I don't know if I'm going to see my dad ever. Again he's had and

he's fine now. But but so just so. But for people that are single, I feel like navigating the pandemic, navigating the crazy political stuff, you know, all of it has really made people under And I live in California, so we had like these amazing like fires and you know,

really like apocalyptic events. It's really made you go if you're a single person single and I am alone in the house and I ran out of toilet paper and I am a terrible cook, and what the So I think that it's made people really drop into their hearts and go, wow, I actually need a partner, and you know where if dating was like a box of chocolate's like, oh,

I'll have a bite out of you know. I think that the you know, as a dating expert, especially for you know, single women, like the dating culture got really it was like a bummer. You know, women were just so disposable. We we wound up being in a really super disposable culture. And nobody's disposable really anyway. So that makes sense because like this pandemic must be easing the hook up culture. Mm hmm, Well, there is a hook up culture, a big hook up culture for kids in

their twenties, you're just like, let's go. They're just so bored. There. I mean, there is that, that's definitely there. But I think that you know, people in their late twenties, thirties and above, people are really like falling madly in love. And I have clients. I have clients that you know, just start dating and then all of a sudden they're living together. Like literally, it's so and like what happened with Claire and Dale and The Bachelor, they were like

they were quarantining and she saw it. They were like, let's go. And that's actually what's happening right now. It's really And then also people are breaking up. Yeah that's what I heard. I heard a lot of people are breaking I mean, honestly, it's not you know, this pandemic, as horrible as it is, has you know, shined a light on a lot of different people and relationships for

better and for war. It's probably all for better. Just like you said, like if if you broke up during the pandemic because you spend so much time together you realized you weren't the right fit, it kind of worked out because at least you found out in a short amount of time rather than three years from now and possibly you know, having it worse off, whether you know you had to get a divorce or you know there's children involved. Um, I don't know. It's a crazy world

we're living in right now. It's a crazy and the thing that changed, you know, The thing that I'm suggesting to my clients is to really kind of update your profile. So if you just used to say I love zip lining and you know, going to the Eiffel Tower, you know you're you're really not doing that right now. You're sitting on the couch. Everybody knows it, and you're lonely. So uh, you know, talk about the things that you

have mastered during the pandemic. And I feel like really having um suggest everybody gets on the phone for first date and then does a FaceTime date afterwards, because you literally are taking your life if you believe in COVID? Uh whould I do? You know? You're taking your life in your hands just making out or just taking your mask off and having caught Like the stakes have never

been so high. So I feel like it's a really good idea to treat first dates as phone dates and then do a FaceTime date and see if they look cute, like if they look like they look in their picture, if you two look like you look like this is the cutest you too, are delicious, Lauren, Well, thank you so much. That's so nice of you to say you're You're welcome to come back on the podcast anytime. I will. And I'm not just flattering you. It's just like super cute.

You're just like very cute anyway. So so I would use the zoom like that FaceTime date and get a ring light so you look cute, you know, doing interviews, just like get a ring light and you know, set up a time for It's just you can just say, hey, you know, having so much fun talking to you, I think, well let's set up a FaceTime date. I completely agree. I think FaceTime dates are great. We should have really invested in ring lights before all this happened. You really

don't need one yet I did. Um. But then you know, you do the FaceTime date and then you treat it like a first date, so you just get dressed. Yeah, well you know that's kind of well, usually have a drink too, Like do you want to meet for drinks via zoom? Yes, you could have like a zoom date.

We talked about on the podcast before where you can get like listen, you don't have to go over the top, but like you know, it's the one time where you get to like kind of dress up and even if you can't leave your house, you have a nice little zoom day and you make like a martini or you know, whatever you want to do, have fun with it. Virtual cocktails, yeah,

virtual cocktails. I mean you're not driving home, You're fine. Um. And also I agree update your your profile so if it says I like going to the Eiffel Tower, just change that to um, I love going to the refrigerator. Yeah, I love binge watching Ozark. I actually this was the funniest thing I started. So when COVID happened, I was like, I gotta help my ladies because I do tell a class. You know, I do a lot of you know, tele

classes and got a podcast. Um uh dose avitam l. But I have a lot of free stuff on my side, people to go to and get go my book. It's my plug. But I started to be called the Ring and it was like just all my ladies who were single during COVID, and I started coaching them and a lot of them wound up in relationships. But one of the first adapters after the lockdown, I think it was great was meeting She had her first date in a

parking lot in front of Costco. They literally met her, and then they did some light shopping together, and then they met at another like shop. And then I said, Okay, if when you meet in front of a pharmacy, I'm going to know it's seriously Yeah, that sounds like a great day to me. I'm not a little shopping at Costco. I'll do that fine. He had a Costco, she had a Costco card, and he didn't. They met a Costcoit's

day with they went somewhere to Costco. Lauren, I just want to thank you so much for coming on the podcast. You were awesome. We really appreciate it. Everybody listening. You can go to Lauren Francis dot com for everything she's doing right now. You can check her out on Instagram. Followers you are Lauren Francis Love on Instagram, and of pick up a copy of her best selling book Dating, Mating and Man Handling Laurens or anything else you want

to plug before you go. No, You're just awesome and I really I love I actually I do a lot of interviews, and I loved listening to your podcast. You've had a lot of my friends on it too, So I'd love to come back any time, and I wish you all the love that you deserve. Thank you, Lauren. The door is always open. We'll talk to you soon. Welcome back to help I suck at dating. Of course, I'm joined by a beautiful wife, Ashley. Lauren was so sweet.

She was the best. Make sure you go to Lauren Francis dot com check out everything she's doing right now. Like we said, we're gonna answer some of your questions suck am me because you guys are the best. We have Eastern and Becky on the line as well, because you know what, We're gonna have a little question panel. Why not when Dean's not here? What is it when the cat's away? The mice will That's what we're doing today. Uh So some of your questions are really good. I

like this one. What are your thoughts on the right person at the wrong time? So I used to think that was a total excuse. I was like, the right person will want to be with you whenever is now? Um, But then obviously Jared is case in point an example that that does not stick. Um, you can know the right person and it'd be the wrong time for them, for sure, But I don't think that that is a common thing. What are you looking at me like that for?

I don't know where you're going with this. I don't know where I'm going with us either, But do you know what I'm talking about? Because like I'll have friends and I'll be like, I think it was just the wrong time for him, and I'll be like, no, that's b s. But with us it was true. So maybe I don't know anything. Well, Becky, what do you think Do you think that there's a such thing as the right person, wrong time or if it's the wrong time,

it's just the wrong person. Um. I wouldn't say like it's just the wrong time and it's the wrong person. I think that there's certain people in your life that are in for certain seasons, um. And maybe it's just not supposed to happen in the future. But um, I I don't have a personal experience or know any friends that have like eventually gotten back with their person and it worked out. It never really worked out in the end, and it was really the wrong person times that than

the opposite on this one, maybe Easterns. I mean this, this kind of thing happened to me too, Like I wast friends with my wife for like almost a decade before we started dating, such a long bedding process. I mean, I know, you guys can relate. We were one third year. You know, you've got to be really sure, that's what

they always say. But I don't remember having a crush on Allison, like when we just worked together, and she she says she felt the same way, and we were both in other relationships, And I like to think that it was the right person, just at the wrong time, and at least on my part, I definitely had a lot of growing up to do before I was able to be the partner that she deserved. And she's been fine the whole time, So it's always the right time you needed to clean your act up. But I think

that can happen. I definitely think so well. Jared and I. You especially say that if we got together during Bachelor in Paradise too, and we were like an official boyfriend girlfriend, you don't think that we would have survived the entire way through. You think that we eventually would have gotten back together but he thinks that we would have had like some sort of we would have we would have

had way more rough patches. I agree with that. I think both you and I had a lot of growing up to do in these few years that we became friends. So it worked out really well. But we just got super lucky, because it doesn't work out for a lot of people, because people move on and life goes on. You hear so many here's some stories about people who were like, oh, I rekindled things with like my high school boyfriend decades after. You know. Yeah, all right, next

question comes from our very own tory. I'm gonna call out on this one, good old tour. We miss you. She goes, I'm not joking about this. How much is too much porn? A guy told me he watches almost every night? I think every night. If you're watching porn every night, I think I think that might be a little bit too much, especially like, well, here's the thing, is the dude single. Is he in a relationship that's you know, that's a big difference. Obviously, answer this question.

You don't want to answer this one, you know, So why don't you take this one first? Hey? You know, I mean it's all up to Sometimes any porn is too much pored. And sometimes I think when it like affects your work and your daily routine, I think that's when it becomes a problem. Like like I mean, I'm trying to watch them right now, this damn podcast is in the way, but yeah, really affects the Wi Fi quality. Yeah,

you know, I gotta watch it. That's horrible, But you know, I mean, I don't know I personally every night is I mean, it seems excessive to me, but it seems a little excessive. Not gonna lie, Becky, I'll I'll get you off the hook on this one. You don't have to answer that one. Uh. This comes from Julie. It says a guy and I are six months in exclusive but no titles. Should I be worried? Six months exclusivity? But you guys are a boyfriend girlfriend Okay, so being

exclusive means your boyfriend and girlfriend. This guy obviously just isn't like labels. Yeah, but I don't like that. But maybe he's maybe he's lying. Maybe he's saying that he doesn't want the label because he's actually dating someone else and he's just saying that he's exclusive to her. Even though he wants to, you know, mingle around. I don't

know that it doesn't make any sense. It goes hand in hand if you are exclusive your boyfriend and girlfriend, and if you are not exclusive, but it leaves that little loophole, that tiny little loophole for him. See, I was I was in an exclusive relationship for six months, and but he like would never call me. I would never call him my boyfriend, and he would never call me a girlfriend, but he would say, like you're my

girl or whatever. But it was like that like level of commitment, Like there was just like that one little extra step to have that label on it, and like he just didn't want that. So even though we were still only people seeing each other, I think that was like again his loophole. One of my best friends had this experience, and I'm telling you, he would say the exact same thing, like you're the only girl I care about, You're the only girl i'm seeing low so adamant about that,

and and yet would not call her girlfriend. I'm telling you, like at least a year. It was so bad to the point where like they were almost living with each other and he wasn't calling her girlfriend. But finally he got over it, but I don't remember that there was like a hurdle. But he was so uncomfortable just with the title. I don't know. That's bizarre to me. Yeah, so I have a follow question. Why would that title be uncomfortable men? Yeah? No, I agree, it shouldn't be.

If you're exclusive, then just be boyfriend girlfriend. There's legitimate, there's no difference. Yeah, I agree. I love that title. I wanted like when I was a dating man. We'd go on one day and I'm like starting my girlfriend. Oh my gosh. I know. It's so exciting when you're able to use that word. Yeah, boyfriend girlfriend. No, I agree, especially in the early stages when you start going out and like you hang out with your friends and you're like, oh,

this is my girlfriend. Are you Like you're like family get togethers and you're like, oh, my boyfriend does that or my boyfriend's coming. Yeah. I mean, it gets old, but it's very nice at the beginning stage. Uh. What was your biggest dream when you guys were kids. That's a question. I like this one. It's not dating, but you know, it's very cute. Oh man, I mean besides being superman. I'm not sure I mean you guys. I used to watch I loved Backdraft the movie, and I

used to watch Rescue nine one one. So I wanted to be a firefighter until I was like six firefighter Ashley. It's very cute. You'd be a terrible firefighter. Becky, what about you? What was you childhood dream? Um? My childhood dream was I sing, and I'm saying my whole life like my parents always just I could sing before I could talk. So my dream was to be like a superstar, like being the singer. Well, Becky, you have a beautiful voice. I heard you singing on Instagram the other day. You

did well you reposted it on your story. Oh you guys. Of course I saw that. I follow you. Oh it was I was. I was taken back. I didn't know you had a voice like that. Did you make it for close friends? And apparently Jarny's are now close? You know what? Jared? You follow me on help I second dating. I didn't realize connect with that. That's how I saw that. Yeah, um, yeah, thank you so much. I appreciate it. Of course, I don't think that's a childhood dream. I think that's a

that's a something you can very much obtain Eastern. I want to know what your dream was besides just being awesome and growing must I wanted to be on the radio. I love the radio. Since I was a very little kid, I wanted to be on the radio, and I'm I work in the radio now and it's the dream come true. Of course, you have the most adorable answer to this question. Um, well, let's see what's your best first date? Wait? Because Jared, what did you want to be? I told you Superman?

I wanted to be honestly, as a kid, I wanted to be a cop because I grew up watching cop movies. Like some of my favorite movies that I watched all the time, well two of them Kiana Reeves movies Point Break and Speed Got. I watched those probably like a hundred times as kid. I watched like I loved Swat when that first came out with Colin farl and Samuel Jackson. I just loved cop movie and so I wanted to be a cop growing up. Um, and then I became a reality TV starts. Uh, so, Ash, what's your best

first day? And you obviously should it not be ours? Like, because that's obvious? I guess yeah, Oh no, you don't want it, You don't want to hear about it. Probably don't want to hear about it. It was something I don't want to know. Well, like, is it somebody that I like I know of? Um, when I think about that, I guess that was like two that were really really nice, but like they obviously nothing really evercame of them. They're very nothing. Well, what was it? Very weird? Did you

have a boat? One boat? Didn't you go to boat or something? I want a boat with Jonas brothers? Well, that's stupid, you know mine? Okay, one was with like a friend who like we kissed a few times before, and we went to an Orioles game and then to a bar afterward, and it was just fun. And then that was like a that was like a date date, but it was like the only date we ever went on. And then the other one was just like somebody this

is that I got along with? Well, and we went to a really nice restaurant and like you could tell that like he like hand picked it and like the people knew him there and it was just a very easy conversation. That's it. That's very weird. What about you, Thanky, what's your best first date. I don't know if I have one. Um, I mean tomorrow is probably listening, so poor guy. Um. Yeah, I don't really think like I have.

I mean I just had like good conversations and good dates, but I don't think there's anything like an activity that was like, wow, this guy really put a lot of thought in there, and this was fun and cool. But yeah, I mean the whole weekeme was tomorrow was great. Tomorrow. If you're listening, you're also but you can't see your wife either. My my wife and I never had like

a first date. That's something that we talked about. But but something else we were talking about the other day is like having an incredible first date with someone and then it like doesn't go anywhere or like or you know what I mean, Like that can happen. And yeah, I mean it wasn't anything crazy, but I do remember there was this young lady named Bronica that I did it for like a year, and our first date was just one of those nights that you just like never

want to end. Like, you know, you got to dinner and if everything's going great, and then you go get coffee and then in our case, who went down to the seaside of musement park that I used to and wrote some rides. It was just it was just a great time and you know, it was very nice, very nice night. Um. And then the relationship ended quite poorly,

but that's okay. Um. Yeah, I'm my one of my favorite first dates besides ours, of course, because I went bowling one time, um with a girl and that was a lot of fun because I never really went on any sports activity with a girl on a date before on a first day, and so that was super fun because she was competitive and good at bowling so and

I'm very competitive and decent that bowling. So that was fun. Uh. And went to like, you know, some cool bowling place that's like you know, has like club at not club outnesshere, but it's musing playing and dim lighting and there's like the neon lights everywhere. So that was fun. And then the other one I went, I went on a date at first date at one time with a girl that it went really well and we it was like similar to you East and actually you saying it reminded me

of it. Where we stayed up to like four or five in the morning, just like talking and then you're like, holy it's five in the morning, the sun's coming up. So that was a great first day as well, but nothing ever compared to But I do agree with like it being like kind of something that you wouldn't normally do. Like when we did go to the Orioles game, it

was like Camden Yards a summer night. It's like a cool feel and it's like he had friends that like always gathered around this one bar before like in the stadium before or the game started, and you could just tell he was like proud to show to them, which is nice. It was cool, And that's the end of this weird conversation. Yeah, so there's this question I want to ask that one, um, should you know I don't

know that I don't know. I like maybe a ballpark maybe supposed to know, like a ball The question is, should you know the number of sexual partners your partner has had? And I i'd say a ballpark figure, Yeah, yeah, I don't know, Like yeah, I think it might be worse if you know the exact number and you're like, oh, yeah, thirty seven or whatever it is, then you're like, oh what, yeah, you're keeping count. I have learned not to share my number. But then also not to ask me number because this

one guy scared me with how big his number was. Um, and I just want, I just want um. It was it was like it was a couple of years ago, so I'm sure it's grace now, but it was a hundred. Yes he can. I thought. I laughed because I was like, you're joking, and he's like so specific, it's so precise. Yeah, And I was like, you really keep trying. Do you

have the written down? Yeah, you have like a white board in his bedroom, Like I had a kiss the dust, but like my kiss less was only twenty two, I think, so like that wasn't like it was like kissless that was twenty two. That's pretty cute and innocent. Yeah, I

mean that's very adorable. I agree with the kind of like you guys ever see I forget which American pie it is, but they're like any guy that tells you his number divided by three, and that's the actual number of people he slept with and with girls, whatever number they tell you, multiply it by three and that's the actual number of people. That's what interesting Because your best girlfriend told me a number for Jared that was far different, like one third the amount than the one that he

told me on our honeymoon. How the hell would she know? I don't know. She she literally thought, I mean, should I put out numbers here? No numbers, no numbers, numbers, no, no numbers, just getting That's it this week, ladies and Jonathier for help. I suck at dating. No specific that's so weird. She told you a number she has no idea. Well, she made it seem like she had a very good idea and that it was like, well it was star different than the number that you speculated with me. Well,

I know more than she Know's okay about my sex life? Anyway? What were we saying? I think that's it, right, I think that's it. That was good. We'll answer more of your questions next week. We have tons of questions on here. We're when Dean is back. Maybe we'll see if he's back. We'll find out next next week. I'll take his check. No, no, no, no, he's still you know, he's got to pay for the van. Uh. Thank you so much to Lauren Francis for joining us on the podcast again. Make sure you go to Lauren

Francis dot com check out more from her. Becky Easton. Thank you so much for helping me and Ashley answer some of these questions. It was very entertaining, very funny. You guys are the best. Uh and UH that will do it, of course. Thank you all of you suck army for for asking us questions, for emailing us in your questions, and you guys are the best. We love

you so much. Please keep emailing us. Follow us on help by Second Dating Instagram, and then make sure you tune in next week where hopefully we all suck just a little less. Follow Help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast