Sucky Daters Helpline with Mari Pepin

we do here anyways. This week, instead of having um us read the emails from our incredible listeners who are dealing with things in their dating life, are just looking for some advice or whatever it might be, we are going to be fielding phone calls from listeners to help them navigate this crazy world that we call Earth in terms of dating. So we got one great caller about to call in. His name is Will. He is going to share his story with us, and UM, I don't

know what's gonna happen. I've never done this before, Mari, Just so you're ready for this, We've never done this before. Um, it could backfire horribly in our faces. We have no idea. But the thing is, we're going to figure it out together. So I don't know if Will is is here, I am here? Yeah, Well, hello, how are you thank you in all right? Thanks for having me. Yeah, it's a pleasure. So what's going on? Well, what's going on in your

life right now? So I need some help. Um. A couple of weeks ago, I met this girl through a mutual friend and we began talking. We hit things off instantly, and she asked if I would come out to visit her, and I ended up going and the first night was awesome. The second night, she asked me if I would sleep somewhere else because she had to get up for work in the morning. Um. Like, thank god, my friend lives

in her hometown, so I crashed at his house. But now she's like barely talking to me but acting like nothing is wrong. I don't know. I just don't know how to handle this. Um. Well, first of all, well, I'm sorry it sounds uh well, I'll let Jared and Maari handle it because I've got my thoughts and that things about this, but I'll hold in. Well, something's definitely up. I think it's odd that she had asked you to sleep somewhere else and her excuse was that she had

to get up for work in the morning. Yeah, okay, So this was on a weekday, yeah. Interesting. I mean, what what was the communication that day while she was at work or whatever? I mean, you know, we were just kind of texting back and forth. Uh, you know, it's just like regular, Like it wasn't like anything was wrong, but like, why did she ask me to sleep in a different space? I don't know, I just felt like,

do you? I mean, the only the only thing I can think of, honestly, is that something that she didn't enjoy happened while you guys were sleeping. Maybe she sleeps hot and you made the that hotter. Maybe there was some story, maybe there was some moving around, you know, and she just didn't want to make you feel bad about that. Potentially, Yeah, I can't say that. I don't do any of those things. So well, what is really

what is your hygiene schedule? Like? Because I once dated a girl who would not let me sleep in bed unless I had showered that night, and as we mentioned in last episode, I'm not a night shower, so I was often relegated to the couch. Did you shower the night that you guys spent the night together beforehand? I mean no, I was just like it was my first time at our house and uh, I mean I showered that day, but I didn't like take a shower right

before I went to sleep. Um, so this is the first time you're have you guys slept in the same bed together yet? Sorry I miss that part. No, we had so my I think maybe she's just worried about the sex part of it. Maybe she was maybe she wants to take it slow and didn't know how to approach this, like the conversation with you, and so instead of saying, hey, I want to take it slow, I'm not sure if we should be sleeping in the same bed yet, she was like, I'm just going to tell

him to sleep someplace else and uh. And then that's that, I think, because wait, you said that you had slept at her place the night before, right, Yeah, okay, so they had already. Yeah. I think we're I think we're sugarcoating this a little too much for will Well. I hate to break it to you, man, she's just not that into you. It sounds like she's trying to like get you out of the house. It's like it's the classic like it's not you, it's me, you know, go,

maybe I got I got a busy work tomorrow. Um yeah, I mean I'm sorry. I just I don't think it's I don't think it's she's the one for you. I would agree that it's an excuse. I mean, she definitely there's something up, and she was just trying to word it differently or use something totally unrelated to get you to leave. I think figuring out what that reason is it's gonna stuck because everybody wants to know why I wants the closure. But yeah, I think it's definitely her

way of pushing you to the a little bit. Yeah, it sounds like kind of had a feeling. Did you like this one though? Will? What do you think she could have been the one? I mean, you know, you never know, but like, yeah, we got along, she was cool, she's extremely pretty. Um, you know, it's just ah, yeah, that is what it does. Those pretty ones will break your heart. But hey, well, we appreciate calling in. UM,

we're sorry that you had to deal with this. Um. I listen, and maybe at the end of the day, maybe it is something like maybe she did actually have to work. But I gotta say, it sounds like it's just maybe it's just not in the cards for you too. But maybe before you guys break up, make sure you tell her to check out the podcast because it sounds like she might suck at dating a little bit, so definitely. Well, yeah,

gains some advice from listening to us to dumbasses ullay. Well, thanks for calling and thanks for being our first game thing on this topic. Thank you, Amelia. Welcome to the podcast. How are you? I'm well, how are you? Oh We're doing great. Thank you so much for joining us. You're the second caller ever in the history of Help I second dating. Oh my gosh, how exciting. Congratulations. We'll send you a silver medal here after the phone call. But

tell us what's going on in your life over there? Oh? Thanks, thanks for meeting with me. I yeah, I just um, I listened to your last podcast and I thought you guys might be able to have some advice. I just um, I struggle with anxiety and depression and I just wanted to see like how much I like, I just don't know if I'm putting too much on my boyfriend or not. And um, yeah, it's just like how much is too much?

You know, Like I want him to be there for me, but at the same time, like I don't want to overwhelm him and I've just been needing a lot of support lately, So yeah, I just kind of wanted to like bounce that idea off of you guys. No, that's interesting. Um, I want to hear what Mari has to say. I feel like she's got really get input on this. Yeah, I think it's finding that balance because you never want to, like you said, put too much weight on the other person.

At the end of the day, it's a partnership and you should be able to balance things equally. But you also do want your partner to be someone that can listen to you and help you and help be that person that you went to and take your problems too. So I understand, But is there any indication that he has made that you feel that way that you might

be putting too much on him. I just feel like he gets overwhelmed a lot by my emotions, and like, you know, it's just been such a hard time for everyone, and I feel like everyone else has sort of like gotten out of the pandemic funk and I'm still struggling.

And yeah, I just feel like, you know, it's I want so badly to not overwhelm him, but I just don't know if if I also love him so much that I don't want to keep putting him in a position where it's like I'm the person who needs more support, you know, um, and I don't want him to ultimately resent me for that. So yeah, I think, uh, well, first I'm sorry that you're dealing with that. Secondly, I feel that, I mean, we always put a lot on

our significant others. I think if we're kind of battling with our own anxiety and depression, you know, seeing professional help is it big. It's just a helpful tool that I've gone through, Dean's gone through. Um, it's tough, you know, putting a lot of your It's just relationships are tough. Obviously, you want to be loved and you you want your parter to be there every step of the way, but it's they're dealing with their own things and you try

to come put you into the relationship. But it's hard. Sometimes I think, UM, relying on somebody else besides your boyfriend, especially if you want to go talk to someone, would be beneficial. I Um, I mean I go to the same thing, depression, anxiety. It's kind of like a seasonal

thing for me. There are certain um, there's certain phases of the year that I consistently find myself lulling super harden And I don't necessarily take it out on Klin in terms of like my anxiety or anything like that, but I definitely get more distant and more shut off. And Caln always a really good job of recognizing that and trying to lend um support if and when she can, and their vice versa. Like, sometimes Calin gets super anxious or gets down the dumps about something, and um, it

kind of takes a toll on me too. I wish I was as strong as she is. I'm not quite as capable as she is when it comes to this to kind of stuff. But I think the biggest thing

when it really comes to it is just communication. Like if I'm if I'm feeling super depressed about something like, for instance, end of October is the anniversary of my mom dying, and so I always get super super depressed, and uh, last year, Calin like kind of caught a wind of it, and like all she had to do was like asked me what was wrong, and eventually when I told her it was wrong, and then she like like super present and I was like, well, how can I help? Is there anything you need for me and

stuff that no one's ever really asked me before. And I was like, well, I don't really know what you could do, but I appreciate asking, and like maybe just like giving my space. And so I think like when it comes to it, maybe communicate to your boyfriend like, hey, like I'm dealing with some anxiety, I'm dealing with some depression. Um. And then that way, like he can help how he

thinks his best and how you think is best. And at least that way it provides some context for him to like if you're not acting like yourself, at least now he'll understand why you're being a little unlike yourself. And I think that's really important. Yeah, that's really good advice. I appreciate that, you know what, Amelia. I think we appreciate you calling in. It takes a lot to a lot of vulnerability to call in and tell us what's going on. So we appreciate you. Thanks. Guys, let your show.

How you do? Jared? How do you? How would you? How would you say? This is going on a scale one to ten callers versus emailers. I think it's at ten right now. I like this. I would say it's pretty good too. Um. We got an next another caller. Her name is Emily, joining us. Emily, how are you Hi? I'm pretty good. How are you guys? Good? The first person to have not one but a video here, I am here? You are? Thanks for calling in? Yeah, what's going on in your life? Thanks? Thanks for having me. Okay.

So I'm twenty seven and I've been dating my twenty year old boyfriend for about two years. We're happy. I've never had any reason to doubt his feelings or anything, but a couple of weeks ago, he went out with a group of friends to a bar and I heard afterwards that he was flirting with this other girl at

the bar. And I've never been jealous before, like if you talk to other girls, but it hit me differently, maybe because I wasn't there, and I like, I feel jealous, And it might have been because I like also found out from like a mutual friend, like kind of like you should know this instead of just saying like, oh, I had fun, we met some people or whatever. So I guess I'm wondering you guys have ever experienced this with your significant others? And like how I should confront

him about it? Like, I don't want to get the person who told me in trouble, but I feel really betrayed and I don't know if I'm making too much of it or well, was it, uh did your friends say that it was crossing the line or was it just kind of innocent and it just was like, oh, then my friend it was over. She said it was a nut like she told me, which says something to me, you know, because I feel like if it had just been like a chit chat, she wouldn't have said anything.

And she was kind of like he was flirting with her all night. I meaning happened, but like she wouldn't have told me if it wasn't significant. Yeah, that's stuff. I feel like it kind of brings back to what we're talking about earlier, Mari, with like the whole Tristan and Chloe thing a little little bit at least. Yeah, No, absolutely, you have some strong opinions about that too, which I

think is important. Yeah. I mean I think first and foremost, if you're feeling bothered and betrayed by it, then you you should speak up because otherwise it's just gonna fuester inside and that could grow into resentment and that could grow into a lab of trust down the line, because what if he goes out another night and that's in the back of your mind, you know, and you don't

want to let that affect you that way. So I think you should bring it up and say, hey, um, I know you had a great time the other night. I something was brought to my attention. I just wanted to ask you what's up about it and then let him either reassure you or own up to it, tell you what happened, um, and then have a conversation from there. Well, Mary, I gotta ask you, because when you go to a bar with Kenny, I can imagine a lot of girls try to pull Kenny away and like talk to him, right,

So how do you deal with it? Yeah, So women haven't tried to pull him away necessarily, but there have definitely been like that, oh my gosh, you're Kenny. You're so hot, let's take a picture, not Marie, just Kenny. Like things like that, and that bothers me, as we

should those people know. Well. The other like a week ago, we were at one of the boy Gand shows and we were hanging out by the stage and we were facing different directions like I was kind of talking to some other girl and he was talking to somebody and someone comes up and she's like, oh my god, Kenny, you're so freaking hot. Like me and my friends wanted to come tell you hi and blah blah blah. And he's like, oh, Hi, this is Mari, And I turned around. I was like, Hi, I'm this fiance. Um so, you

know you gotta let them know. But anyway, UM, I don't think trifling ass bitches, So I in this situation, I okay, let me put myself in those shoes. If I had heard Kenny was sporting with someone all night, like, he's not that kind of person. He's never like alerted with anybody like around me or in front of me. Um. So the fact that your partner is doing that when you're not there also adds a certain level to it

and extra added layer of betrayal almost. And I feel like, you know, like I said, you should definitely bring it up. I would. I would, Hey, something's been bothering me, and I just want to talk about it so that we can you know, cover it or you know, go over and then not let it bother me anymore and see

what he has to say. I mean, the only thing I would suggest in that case is you've got to be prepared for what he says, you know, Yeah, I think Emily, it's all about how you approach the situation. Anybody going through this that you want to talk about something with your significant other, especially if you're feeling not portrayed but just a little on edge, just talk to them.

But I feel like a big thing that you need to think about is how you approach the situation, because if you go into it saying, hey, I heard you were flirting with somebody else, then he's going to get defensive and you're going to get accusatory. I think just saying listen, I trust you, I love you, but this has brought to my attention, it's been bothering me. I just want to get it off my chest so we

can move past it. Is there anything I should know or Emily, or what you could do if you want to take if you want to take um not take those advices, go to the bar with him and then just do the opposite and flirt with all the guys there, and then at the end of the night, when he voices his frustration with you, you could be like, yeah, you see, it sucks, doesn't it, And then you can rub it in his face and maybe that would like put his foot in his mouth for him. Yeah, it

totally sounds like a healthy alternative. That's one way to go about it. I don't think I would suggest that way to be, but hey, it could be the right way. Who knows, really it could? You know it could It could really really make him eat his words and make him really think about what he's been doing. Okay, I'll be honest. I wouldn't suggest doing that obviously, but um,

it's gonna be tough. Like if if I went to the bar and I saw Calm flirting with some guys, which she would never in a million years do because she's an incredible woman and faithful and all that kind of stuff. Um, I would definitely like be punching the gut a little bit. I don't know how I would retaliate, so to speak, but I definitely think Mario is right. I think having a conversation about it is the first step, um,

and and hopefully you find a solution later on after that. Right, And I think another important aspect is to him maybe having a conversation with another woman is not a big deal. And that goes back to what we were talking about earlier. Everyone has their boundaries, everyone has what they think is crossing the line versus not. So to him, it might not have even been something in his mind. So if it is something for you, bring it up and let

him know. In that way, if he didn't think it was a big deal, now he knows that it bothers you. Very good point. Thank you. That's really helpful, Emily. Thank you so much for being our first ever video caller on the Help by Secret Dating. What an honor. I We're gonna send you a gold medal. Yeah, all right, thanks guys, thank you so much. Take care. Wow, the

first ever caller segment on help by Second Dating. I gotta say, when when we first launched this podcast, I would I would tweet out and I would have like people calling live and it was a big, big mess. We did it for like two weeks, and it was always like people calling in and being like, oh my gosh, am I really on the air right now, And that's all they would do for the entire like five or ten minute phone call. So it's good to see that we were reviving the live caller segment because that was

probably better than emails. I would say, brings a really cool perspective to have them after here and talking back and forth. Yeah. I think it's also be back and forth, which is nice because when you email in there's only a certain amount of information we're getting, where if the person is here with us, we can get more information out of them, add more context to the story, and

give them the worst possible advice we can give. Yeah, but we do it with dignity, and we do it like we do it on help by secondating, and do it with the best intentions obviously, Come on, um, is that going to do it for this entire little uh pseudo episode of help Us second Dating? That is so thank you so much once again, Mary for joining us. You were the best. Please come back anytime. Tell Kenny we say hello, best of luck with wedding planning. Do you have a date? Thank you? We don't have a

date yet. We're looking at October next year. Oh so October twenty three, so you guys got to have a fall wedding. Beautiful. Yes, as far as um B I p engaged couples go, that's a pretty quick timeline. I respect that. Yeah, I mean I think for us honestly, like I would go to the courthouse tomorrow, like you know, then just have a good party later on. Um. But you know, I think for us there's no reason to wait. Necessarily.

We were waiting to find out what happened with the pageant, and now that that's over, we get get on with it. Very cool. Well, um, maybe we can live stream and help I suck at dating? Not that funny, it's so funny. What is it? I got a question for you before we leave part ways with you? What is it like when someone comes to you and says, hey, would you like to guest co host help I Suck at Dating with Dean and Jared? What is the first thing that

goes through your mind? Because obviously you don't suck at dating? And you're like, why the heck would I be a guest co host on this podcast when I'm getting married to the love of my life next year? Well, you know what that was like the first thing in my mind? I was like, why me? Do I suck? Like? Do they know my history? But I mean we're all we're all happy, we're all in relationships, so it's all good, you know, but we've all been in that dating seen

in the past, so we've all got experience to drop from. Yeah, that's true. My theory is that we all suck at dating, just no matter if you're married, single, in a relationship, out of a relationship, we all suck at dating. There's all things that we can get better at in the dating world, which is why everybody listening now should definitely tune in next week. We're gonna have more callers, more guests. It's gonna be a lot of fun and hopefully we

all just suck a little less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast