STI Q&A with Danielle Maltby

appreciate that. Great episode for you guys. Today we have one of my personal favorites. Have you ever met this person? Uh, Danielle Well? I was going to tease it a little bit. Sorry, I just really spoiled out. Sorry, guy, Have you ever met this person that we're gonna have on our podcast? I actually do not think I have, which is quite funny. That's she's been on Bachelor figure She was on on one of our Dear Friends season Yeah. I forgot about that.

So yeah, so we have a guest coming on. She was on my season of Bachelor Paradise season four, as Jared said, our good friend nick by all season. She's a nurse in Nashville, one of my favorite people from this show. As Tanya walks into the studio, Hey, Tanya. UM, one of my favorite people from this show Danielle Maltby,

who she's a nurse practitioner in Nashville. So we're gonna have an STD centric episode today talking about the stigmas attached to them, what you should know if you have one, what you should know if you're dating, what you should know if you're thinking about being sexually active, all of the above. Yeah. I think it's a health and awareness podcast. It's okay, Tanny, do you want to tune in? And yeah, Tany you want to say Hi, Tanya just walked in it.

She's getting her pink thermis her computer backpack. So sorry I needed. I'm so sorry. Do you want to join us for the st T Conversation? Um? I Actually I

used to have HPV. Really, I think you've been pretty open about that because I think it makes people feel like I got it after I had sex with my first partner, right, So it was very traumatic for me and I really had like a hard time dealing with it, And so that's why I'm open about it now because I think it helps a lot of people at the time, Like I didn't know anybody that had it, so I literally thought it was like I'm gonna die. Yeah, I agree.

I think it brings a lot of comfort people to know that somebody in the spotlight also had it so they're not alone. Yeah, it was scary, but like honestly, all I had to do was just like like that's kind of why I live my life the way that I do now, like just very clean. Like I just had to eat really well, exercise like they tell you not to, like smoke. In literally six months, it was gone,

been back. Knock on one, well, knock on wood. Thanks for sharing that with us, Um for the listeners out there that want to get to Tony a little bit better checkouts help scrubbing in with Bell and you rad thank you. I'm so sorry. I did not mean to interrupt. We can tell you in a rush, so thank you for even just jumping anytime. I love you as I'm not in a rush. I just don't want to be in your way. So I'll be right back there listening because I love listening to this pod. Thanks to you.

We love you as always. Let's get to uh to answer in some question Shans Danielle, are you there? Oh my gosh, it is so so great to hear your voice. How are you? I'm good too. It just puts a smile on my face ear to ear right now, Um, thank you so much, thank you so much for calling

in and talking about STDs with us. So I just gave a brief introduction, obviously of your time on The Bachelor Bachelor in Paradise, and you are a working nurse in Nashville, and so who better than to share the wealth of knowledge that you have with our listeners Because as we were talking about, obviously STDs, no one wants them, right, but a lot of people will get them and then they get fearful of the having them and then getting them again. And um, there's a there's a lot of

misinformation out there about them, right. So yeah, but Danielle, before we jump into it, just to go ahead and say hi to everyone, induce yourself all that. Hi, guys, I'm Danielle. That's a great interest. You've got more than that, come on, what qualifies you to help us answer the questions on the podcast? Okay, So I am a nurse. I've been a nurse for about twelve years. I worked primarily in the nick You and I'm also starting my own podcast for women in Medicine, so it's like a

total health related thing. It's gonna be awesome. That very exciting. That is very awesome. Congratulations. I haven't actually congratulated personally about that, but I'm super excited for it. I'm definitely gonna listen. I'm really really excited for it, UM and definitely's let's plug that as many times as we possibly can on this episode. When is that? When is that dropping? When is that going to come out? It's gonna come out?

June three called the wo Women in Medicine Wan and you are co hosting it with a friend of yours, another nurse. Yes, her name's also Dan Yelle, and I met her UM in Peru. We did a medical trip together down there and worked in UM some orphanages and it was a really beautiful experience. And she's an awesome human and I'm just so grateful she's going to do

it with me. That's amazing. This is this is kind of off topic to the podcast episode today, but when I was in Peru, I was told of this bug and you probably heard about it too when you were down there working UM with with the people down there. This this bug that burrows into your skin and you can you can see it burrow and live inside your skin, but you can't excavate it from your body until it feeds off of you enough to be big enough to like squeeze it out. Are you do you know what

I'm talking about? I don't know, maybe, but it's kind of severe. I remember when I was doing the incortrail, I met up with a kid who had two of them burrow into his skin, and he was just telling me, like they would like all gather around and have like the ceremonial thing where they would squeeze it and then the bug would come out and they would catch it in like this, uh this lid and they would like watch it. I don't know. Is this great? But maybe it is that that fly thing. I don't know. Um,

it must be. And I'm just I'm I'm just being maybe over I'm not up on all of my epidemiology for as you should. As you should, I don't think you should be. Um, Okay, so we're gonna we're gonna ask you some STD related questions and you gonna help us answer it. Said, okay, And they're actually they've changed it from STDs to S t I S because um, which is actually transmit infections. Because um, it's a little less scary, I think, and like there are some that

are treatable. Um, so that's like just the common term they're Ye, it's from disease to infection, is what you're saying. And the reason for that was just the classification of the thing. Okay, that's interesting. Yeah, just a classification of it makes it a little less intimidating. I think, like infections can usually be treated, diseases are more of like

a longer disease process. I'm actually really gratefully you clarified that because last week Vanessa used the the acronym S t I and that was my first time really ever hearing it. In response, it starts to one of her not one of hers, but a story that she had heard. It just makes me think of um, um subru w r X S T I. I wonder one of those so bad when I was in high school. Uh, sorry, off topic, Jared, do you want to read? Do you

want to read one of Vanessa's questions? Because soy. Vanessa obviously isn't on the podcast with us today, which is a shame. Because I know you and her are really good friends. But I left her very much. Yes, she's a wonderful, wonderful person. Um. But Jared, so you wrote some questions down, So Jared, you want to read one of them. Yeah, Hi, Danielle, how are you? Hi? I've never even met you with us, I know I've never met you either. How is Nashville? I was just there.

It's a beautiful city. Oh my god, it's so freaking hot right now, but it's gorgeous. I love it down here. The South is great. It's freezing in l A. It's like fifty one degrees, which is freezing, and I'm jealous. Um, Danielle, you're also a neo A neo needle is how you pronounced it, A neo NATO nurse um, and that works with infants, right, Yeah, so I take care of babies that are born prematurely um or that are born term but have any sort of like respiratory cardiac um like

chromosome anomaly. If I take care of them, Well, that's in Doble. Keep doing the incredible work that you're doing. But Vanessa, I did have some questions, as we all do, about s t oyes Um so as a woman, Danielle Vanessa wanted to know when should a woman start seeing a gynecologists and having a PEP test done? Can you also inform all our listeners what a PEP test is? UM, So you should be having UM like you should start

me a gynecologist. The usually say when you become sexually active, UM, but I think, I mean that age is becoming so much younger. I think it would be good at least like by time you hit sixteen to go in and start having these tests. And during a PEP mere they check UM your service for any sort of sins of infection or cancer UM and they do a lot of um STI testing in that process. So it's just kind of looking at UM all the lady anatomy and making

sure it's okay and free of like visas any part tramma. UM. Yeah. So your your advice is as soon as you start to even consider being sexually active. Yeah, okay, that's something to get mine. Is there a male equivalent for a gynecologists? Actually, I'm not sure if there's male equivalent to it, But UM, men should also start I mean as soon as they become sexually active or think about becoming sexually active really need to start educating themselves on not only how to

keep themselves face, but their partners face as well. So I will say that the female reproductive organs seem to be a little bit more complicated than the man's. They are, Yes, but um, I think I think guys you can usually just go into your normal doctor um and like during like you're yearly physical or something like that. UM asked

if they have uh specific testing done. Places like Playing Parenthood are really great, um if you have if you even think you have any symptoms, because a lot of spis don't really present with a lot of symptoms or things that can kind of be overlooked. So um yeah, but like like Playing Parenthood or like your normal clinic and stuff like that offer really affordable testing for all SDI treatment and counseling on them as well well, depending on what state you're in. I guess it's really well.

I think the equivalent for a guy of a kind of colleges is just your typical doctor's appointment. But they do the old cup and cough. You know, they got one of those in a while. They cop and they make a cough and apparently it tells him something um So. Daniel Vanessa also asked a question regarding HPV. She wants to know if you can explain what it is and how we can prevent it. And if someone got their GARDENSIL shot ten years ago, show they got what is this?

You know the guarden the guard is there HPV. That's HPV shot, but it's the garden SOOT has changed in the past ten years, is what she's saying. What Vanessa means by guards as solid, that's like the Canadian version. I'm pretty I looked it up and it's it's the Yeah, so I got the garden still shot UM when I was like twenty or something too. So it's UM garden still is the shot that helped prevent a TV which UM can cause cervical cancer, but it can also it's

not just for women like UM. I believe some testing has changed. I do believe men can now get UM the HPV vaccine as well UM because ah p V is human papuloma virus is what's responsible for general wars and while men can't get cervical cancer, they can also get things like anal cancer and UM SO by men getting the like the gardens still vaccine HPV vaccine. They're also helping to prevent that transfer to their partner, whether it be another man or another woman, so both men

and women can get the vaccine. Yeah. Interesting, I literally had no idea it might be like age the limits on it though, because when I got the garden Still vaccine, it was like only women between sixteen and twenty six that have been tested on How did you learn about this? Because I literally have I've never heard of a man getting a garden sil shot before, right, So why was

I never educated about this? It's a new thing, um, So like the men getting it, I think has only happened within the last maybe like two or three years. Don't quote me on that, but it's it's a newer thing. It was only it was first tested out in women as a way of preventing cervical cancer. So do you think that there's ever a point where it's too late to get that? Like for me being single and potentially sexually active, is it something that I should go out

and ask my physician to do for me? Um? I would definitely ask, because I'm not is up to date on UM what age ranges the vaccine has been tested in and approved and for months. Um So I think that's something that like everyone should just kind of everyone should ask about next time I go in for a physical, I asked my doctor about that. That's I don't never even thought to ask. That's something that's I'm learning at as we come on this podcast. Um okay. Vanessa also

wants to ask about birth control. And I'm familiar with different types of birth control. You can have the I U D, right, and then there's the pill all of that stuff. Vanessa specifically wants to know more about birth control, like season out where you get your period four times a year instead of once a month, and how that might affect your body physically, and if it's a good thing that thing, um, and just kind of what your take is on it. Yeah. So honestly, like first, control

is different for every woman. Um, what one product might work really well for one woman doesn't work that well in another. It's kind of a whole trial and air process. Um. So, there's a birth control pill, there's an I D you can get, um, there's a thing called the depot shot. There's nuva ring, there's um and UH an implant, a

hormonal implant that can go in your arm um. And what Vanette is talking about is essentially just taking um the same dose of estrogen pill for three or four months consecutively and then breaking for a week having a period, and then starting back up on it. Um. There's there's been a lot um that it works for a lot of women. Um and first time it doesn't like me personally,

like my body just rejected. It doesn't it'll it'll fight through it um, but it's it hasn't been so like you don't necessarily have to have your period every month to maintain like a healthy female cycle. So it just depends on if your body is going to accept the hormones or if you're readers is like no, like I'm gonna just kind of keep doing my own thing, but you're still expected from It's how similar we all are.

But at the end of the day, like such such minor differences, especially when it comes to your hormones, can make with you yeah um yeah. And so I guess your advice would then be just to make sure that you're taking the one that's appropriate for you. Yes, So on that note, go ahead, and if you're taking something like the pill in order for it to be like the nine percent effective. It has to be taking consistently at the same time of day. What about like if you miss a day or two, can you double and

triple up on that third or second or fourth day? Oh? I mean like if you miss the day, like you can double up. But like, don't it there and be like, oh, I haven't taken it for three days, I'm gonna like take four of them. Yeah, don't, don't. Don't do that. That could be bad. Well, So on that note, a similar topic in regards to Plan B here like the morning after pill, that that can pretty drastically alter your

hormones in a much short amount of time, right, is there? Yes, And that's kind of like a last ditch resort obviously, that's why they call it Plan B. You don't recommend it, but in a in a pinch it it comes in handy. Is there ever a point where you can, like have taken it too many times? What is it? What's kind

of your expert opinion on the Plan B situation? So Plan BY really is for emergencies only, um as it suggest, there are a lot of women who will just you know, that's their birth control, will just go and they'll take it. Um every time that they have sex, and that's that's not good for your body. Um. I mean like at that point, like just go take care of yourself, invest in a form of birth control that works best for you. I don't, like I wouldn't. I wouldn't try and use

like like every month this year. But I guess the question is, like, let's say you're consistently sexually active, right, so you're on birth control, but I I know that a lot of girls, Like let's say you're you're not consistently having sex with new people or even with a with a significant other, and so you kind of get off the pill and then every once in a while, like you might go out and do something right and then you will have to take it in that instance.

But let's say like that happens, you know, once a year for five years. Is it okay to take the morning after pill those five separate times, and like how does that affect your body body long term? Or is it just like for those if you're saying it once a year every five years, Like, no, that's not going to do anything. Yeah, but just don't use it as like you're common every day. Birth control sounds expensive too,

It's like fifty bucks. Well it is, it's like fifty bucks. Yeah, I mean, I don't know whoever want to do that. But um, okay, we have a couple other questions that are our listeners emailed into us that you can definitely help talk about. But first we're going to take a quick break. So actually, weirdly enough, in our last like two or three episodes, we've had a lot of herpies talk okay, Um, And it's always a touchy subject because herpes is one of those that it's less treatable than

the others. Right, yeah, so once you have herpies, you have it. Um. It is not curable, and it's also something that can be spread from like it can really affect your sexual reproductive How would it affect your reproductive reproduction system? Um? Like, it's just full of things that like moms can transfer to. Well, I know that there's the most common form is oral herpies. Right. It's transferred

through like mothers kissing their children. Um. And then so children contracted at like a young age and then go through their life thinking they've never had it when in reality they do. Is that right? No? Um, Like you

aren't going to get that just from like kissing people. Um, well, I mean take that back at one you can get um that's like for all herpies, like your cold stories and stuff like that, but you can also have the genital version of one from do those very inseverity from one of the next I'm not his up today on that, like you probably have to ask like on that. Well, let's okay. So this is a specific example, then this

person has a question for you. It's less medical. It's medical, but it's also kind of I guess in a way philosophical, where she says about eight years ago, I contracted herpes from my long term boyfriend. He was diagnosed the day before I was. I felt like my whole life was over. At years later, I've only dated one person. I've made

myself except that I'm okay being alone. She wants to know how would you recommend bringing up the topic and how long into dating would you recommend it be brought up, And that's something that we've talked about on the podcast as well, like how many dates do you go on before you bring something like this up? And what words of advice would you have for someone that might be dealing with that. Um, honestly, I mean, like I would want to know right off the bat before anything got

UM sexual. Yeah, but I think, um, I would. I wouldn't want anyone to feel like they're like resigned to being alone because of that. UM. There are a lot of counseling services for UM people that have been diagnosed with herpies and how to like kind of navigate the dating world, how to have those conversations. UM. So my advice would be to try and find like a support group and and try and find some some guidance that way, because I I can't really speak to that, you know,

like I would. I would want to know right off the bat, but that would I mean, I can I can empathize with how isolating that that would feel. Oh yeah, And that's that's kind of the thing too, UM is it's hard to put yourself in those shoes because obviously it's something that that if you haven't had to deal with it, you um yeah, we have. We have another one from anonymous. She says is oral sex sanitary. I

don't like participating unless I'm literally freshly showered. But in talking with others, they don't think it's a big deal for them. So what do the experts say about oral sex. H Yeah, I mean I think you should probably always try and maintain cleanliness in um in your genitals. I mean that, I mean knowing. I mean that's just like a pleasure that no one wants to go down on an if you're like healthy, like peoper self clean um.

But there are things like gentle dams or like even flaster wrap in a pinch, like if you want to engage in in any sort of like oral sex. So do you think oral sex is more intimate than genital sex? RaSE? It depends on the person. I think it is. You think it's more intimate. Anything you put your mouth on is more intimate, because I do know a lot of people that will not go down on someone unless they

know them a lot more. But they'll, you know, they'll obviously like engage in regular sex much more liberally than they would by going down on them, which I always I though kind of interesting and I think I kind of practiced the same thing without really being as conscious to it. Yeah, what do you what do you think, Danielle, I'm curious. I don't know. I love it all. So you don't discriminate, No, I don't discriminate it do it feels good. But I guess that I'm um basis of like,

what's more intimate? I think it's yeah, No, I find both to be very extremely intimate. So I agree, But think about it this way. Let's put let's paint a picture. You go on a date. It's going really well. You've had a couple of drinks. You guys are getting along well, he's making you laugh, you're making him smile. Eventually you get back to one of your apartments and you know, clothes start to come off, and this is again, you

don't know this person very well. In my opinion, I think you're much more quickly to have sex with that person than to go down on them, you know what I mean In my experience as well, I think in practice that's just kind of how I've always seen it. Well, I also think that sex is mutually pleasurable. Oral sex is more pleasurable for one party. Well, it might be a little bit more of a not a chore. I don't want to put chore on there, but obviously it's

an act for one person. And then we're not and we're not in high school anymore, so we're not sixty nine ng, right, whence the last time you're sixty nine with someone, you sixty nine someone in high school I had a girlfriend. Yeah, you had a far different high school experience and school at sixty nine? You what you try to no, Like in high school, No, I was. I was too scared. I was not as like, isn't

that more of an adult? I think that just as a curious seventeen year old, you're like, what can we do now? What's sixty nine? And sex did you have in high school? What what can we do now? Like it's you're already bored of sex right junior year exploring things? You're like curious and you're doing thing. I was just very sexually active seventeen year old with my girlfriend. But we're like, oh, like that was cool. What can we

do that's even cooler? And I will say I will say that since being seventeen years old, I have sixty nine exactly zero times. So I'm just saying you're right Jared's point, it's very Uh it's one sided oral sex, right, Like one person is getting pleasure unless the other person gets pleasure from giving pleasure, which isn't uncommon. No, I think a lot of people do. Um, So Danielle's the

last time you're sixty nine. I mean, I'm by the way, I'm using that for the swipe up this week on the podcast Swipe Up to find out what last time dan yellee um. But also for that particular email or anonymous about oral sex. We you can still contract an STI from oral sex. Correct, Yes, you absolutely again, because I think a lot of people have a misconception about But is it is it less or all you can get any STD from oral or is it just a select few? I mean it's pretty much still um any

sort of sexual contact. You can get UM at anything. Really, Yeah, I guess because it's the mucus membranes, right that. Yeah, that's a that's learned a word I learned in high school. Pretty proud. Yeah, And so okay, let's come paramucus membranes on the inside of your mouth to the inside of your genitals for a woman, right, like are they obviously there's they're they're molecular makeup is different, but the way that they can absorb these types of S t I

S is the same. Well, there's so much um, there's so much blood flow, so that it's so highly vastorized and that's why it's so sensitive, right, Yeah, okay, mhm. And but I don't know, I have I have a lot of questions that I don't really know how to ask because I don't know how to verbalize them, you know what I mean? Yeah, um, okay, So that makes sense. So it's so you can get just about any STD through oral that you can through genital contact as well. Good.

But I don't know that. I honestly have no idea. So I'm I'm I'm wearing a bunch um we have. Also, we have a lot more emails, but this one's from Renee uh and it says, why do some people guys and girls get offended when you ask them to take an STD in this case s t I screening before

becoming intimate? Daniel, what are your thoughts about that? I think everyone's sick and should I like, I feel like so much of the responsibility is put on women to prevent pregnancy, to prevent SPI s, and it's like, you're basically it's your own personal health that's at risk, and if you are not man enough to respect on yourself or the fact that you might get someone else sick, you should not be having sex, like I don't. I mean,

like I wouldn't be offended at that. I would be like, okay, yeah, I like respect my my sexual health. I respect your sexual health, like just it should be part of every time you go to the doctor, be like, yeah, I want to have a screening, like make sure I'm good to go. Yeah. I think Renee probably has encountered people who have big egos and question why anybody would think that they have an s t I, as if it's uh, you know, a negative thing. Uh. And then secondly common

so common. Well that's what I was going to say. And yeah, I'm curious if she's also encountered people who might think they have one and are just in denial, because I feel like a lot of people who might think they have some towards some sort of st I just won't get checked because they're too scared of what your results might show. Yeah, but in that case, it's like your risk of making someone else sick even if you weren't sure if you're sick, Oh totally. Whoever does

that is a horrible person. You know you should find out for the sake of not just yourself, which you should find out for yourself, for your own health purposes, but also for other people that you might become intimate with because there's a possibility of you transferring it. Let's talk Let's talk about U T I s for a second, because you T s are much more common, right, very common. Yeah, So what exactly is a U T I so a U C I s urinary tract infection? So, um, any

sort uh, And they're very common. They're more common for women because our your recal tract is so much smaller. It's shorter than men. So men you have like the entire length of your penis. Women have it's maybe just like may like an don't help me on that, but I feel like it's only about an inch. Okay, sorry, I have five year old. It's so pathetic. No, it's fine. I D two. So it's kind of it's hard to

have like a social conversation right now. Um. But so, UTIs are caused by any sort of bacteria that like your normal skin bacteria. Everyone has bacteria on their skin that just kind of lives there. But when you're having sex, like it's someone else's um natural body bacteria that getting like pushed up and like mud own you know with yours. So for women it's very common. It's it's again it's a shorter pathway into um the bladder, your threat. It's

just a bacterial infection. So like U t I s are treated with antibiotics UM and if you're into like more natural treatments, there's you can do, like a regano instead of Cramba juice is a big one too, right, yeah, yeah, but like straight up CD juice and so obviously, well, I guess it's not obvious, but I've never experienced T I would assume you've never experienced the ut I either, Jared,

I have not. What is the sensation is it just is it like a burning It's like it's burning when you urinate, and you can it can get as bad as like you just almost feel like you have the flu. Sometimes is actually reacting so like you have body aches, you have a fever um and it just it hurts so much. It might feel like you can't like fully empty your bladder, like you go in the bathroom and then you're like, I feel like I still have to pee, but like nothing, like I can't make anything come out.

And it can be very very beautiful. So I would imagine a lot of people missed diagnose themselves for having an STD, but in reality it's like a U T. I yeah, And so what would your advice be for that? I mean obviously it's always the advice could always be to seek out a medical professional and have them diagnose you.

But yeah, it's so it's so easy, and like, honestly, like the safest thing, like if you're not feeling well, if you are having symptoms that you might even have like the tiniest little inclination that it it could be something more serious than a U T. I like, just go to the doctor. There's so many. I mean, you have your walk you have clinics at Walgreens, you have UM, your plant parents, whether you have I mean you have walking clinics everywhere, Like, um, what's what's the lifespan of

e T? I typically? Well, I mean them before where I like it didn't go in. I tried to like just do the whole cranberry juice thing, and I got really sick. Like it was so if left untreated, they can go up into your bladder, and if they are left in your bladder too long, and then they can

even travel up into your kidneys. And cause an infection there because it's a straight lines and your rethreat to bladder to like your your kidney, So it's you're always like in your best interests to go to a doctor. It's super easy in a cup, you being a cup basically for U T I for any spies, um, and they'll they'll run the test and we'll see what's going on and then they can treat you there. I know women that p after having sex to try to prevent a U T I is U T I excuse me?

Is that? Uh? Is that true or is that a myth? No? That's true. Um, it might not like full prevented, but it's a really good practice because um, by urinating after sex, you are flushing your erefra out, so like you're helping to flush any of that bacteria that might have UM come in. You're you're just flushing it out. So would you you would encourage women after sex to Yeah, after intercourse, it's always a good idea to go to the bathroom.

Would you ever recommend would you ever encourage a guy like I say, okay, let's say I had sex, right and obviously who knows, it's probably never gonna happen it, but you never know. Let's say that I have sex with someone, Well, you're very active. At seventy I had a girlfriend. Okay, he was already bored looking for new things. Let's try sixty nine. We were exploring each other's bodies as very healthy as long as you're doing it safely.

We were, we were, but so okay. Let's say let's say I find a new partner and after sex, she doesn't seem to be going to the bathroom. Do you think it would be appropriate for me to encourage her and be like hey, or maybe like a conversate, be like, hey, like, don't you think you should go use the restroom? Or is that like is that overstepping a boundary for me?

Do you think, um, yeah, I don't know. I've never had a guy'd be like, hey, you should probably go be that's kind of weird to say, right, I don't think so. I think I think it. It could be, But it's also I think that's part of conversation that

I feel like it needs to happen. I think I think there needs to be more open, open conversation about you know, sexual health and understanding of you know, I mean, I would actually no, I would be like, no, I appreciate that, Like, yeah, why why would that be overstepping boundaries? Because I guess it would just be me working under the assumption that I know more about their body than they do, which obviously isn't the case. No, but you're just trying to help. I mean, heart's in the right place.

I suppose I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, exactly, totally. Yeah. I guess you're absolutely right, So I guess. On that note, sort of sort of on that note, we have an email from Kylie who says is it valid to break up or stop pursuing someone just because they have STDs? Because she thinks that we have seemed to demonize STDs and sexual talk in our society. So do you think that kind of expert opinion aside just maybe more your

personal opinion? Um, do you think it's valid to break up or stop pursuing someone just because they have STDs? Um Man, that's the super personal thing. Again. That kind of doubles back to, you know, um, the other women who wrote in feeling like very isolated because things like chlamydia and sciphilis, tricklonis gnorrhea, those are like the four main STDs that are spies that are all treatable, like you can go you can take antibiotics for them, um

and you don't have them anymore. But things like HIV, ah UM, happetitis, you know, things like that aren't treatable. But there are things like into rest virals that you can go on that kind of do the virus a little bit um that makes me not as prone to like transfer them. So kind of like that that shot right, Yeah, so it it's well guard stills a vaccine so that just you know, um that was differently been anti like

the retrovivals, dur anti virals and stuff. Um. But it all comes down to what you're comfortable with as far as safe sex process. So yeah, it's a tough one.

I mean, like if if you really care about this person, you see like a future with this person, then like you booked to go to ConFlat figuring figure out like what's the best way, what's like safest healthiest way to um not contract a disease from each other or I mean, if that's not comfortable for you, and then you don't have to be with someone just because you might feel bad about leaving. If you don't want to be with

someone don't it's on an individual basis. I think this is kind of a gray area that's really difficult to answer. And it goes back to our first email by Anonymous, which is when do you bring up the herpies talk. We were talking a little bit about it last week because I think while you want to tell them early on, I'm not sure. I don't know if you mentioned it on the first date. I don't know what the correct answer is. I agree that the most obvious correct answer

is before anything intimate happens, you need to tell that person. Um. We got kind of as many negatives that can come from the Bachelor franchise, there are many positives as well. Dating within the franchise is easier because you're you're everyone's been tested before another show, so it's like, oh, okay, I know, I don't have to worry about this being

an issue. Not that you normally would worry about that in regular dating anyways, but you just can rest much easier knowing that it's essentially an issue because everyone that's on the show at that point has been tested and cleared, and yeah, it's good to go. Um. I wonder if they've been cleared. I guess they've been cleared yet, who's there anybody who's been on the show tested? Well, you have to or could they have to be given medication to to uh suppress it at least? Right? I don't know.

I don't I honestly don't know. Well, you get tested before going on the show, Yes, yes you do. That's what That's what I'm saying. So, I mean, if you're if you continue to have like sexual partners before you go on the show. True, then mother too unless you're using um like condoms and and and like things like pharmacide or something like that to prevent pregnancies and prevent transvest We actually we had an email from Dean Dean. Is this you or is this a listener named Dan?

Oh that's cool. I don't even realize that. Yeah, okay, and then we have a listener named Dean, which is fantastic. What's up my fellow Dean Dean? Thank you for the email. But it asked do condoms stop all forms of herpes? And I would ask as well, do condoms stop all forms of s? T I S? Daniel? Um? Tons aren't condoms? Aren't one effective that they are? The most effective barrier that we have right now to prevent st What about like doubling up on a condom? Yeah, what if I

wear two condoms? No, I mean you're no, I don't think you need to double up on condoms. I mean you would have to unless you're talking about using you know, I don't know if you could use a female condom and the mail. I don't know if that's like what if the female wears two and I wear two as a man, just to be so supremely safe. I've actually is that, like, like I feel like they would get stuck.

Got a lot of wigle room down there, Daniel, you'd be surprised about whatever one regular size and then one magnum put it right over the time. I will say I've never personally done that, but I've heard some horror stories of doubling up can actually add to a lot more friction between the late taxes and it's not good. No, I would imagine that doesn't sound comfortable. But I will say a lot of extra lub helps with condoms to prevent staring. Yeah, that's that's smart. Yeah, get loubing condoms.

Was going to say something for found but excited about UM. Abby has a question how many times? And again? I know that it's kind of weird because we kind of go from like expert medical opinion to like your own personal opinion. But Abby wants to know how many times a month or year should she be getting tested? In your opinion? Allay? In my opinion, I would get tested with UM each new partner. With each new partner, Oh, yes, I think that's very fair. So Dean, how many times

a year would you say he should be getting tested? Wow, that's a very person no question. I will say I get tested on average twice a year. Yeah, I think that's a good number. You said, what every show? Okay, rude? Actually no, I don't think I had to get tested before Paradise last two years ago because I was so fresh on They don't within the same year. No, I got tested twice. Really, I got tested for The Bachelor and then I got tested for Paradise. Maybe they thought

you were being sexually active. I didn't definitely get tested. I don't even think I got tested for Winter Games. No, maybe I did because I got facinations for India as well at the same time. UM. We have another anonymous emailer. She says, Hi, Hello, Hi, I'm yeah, I'm a virgin, but I messed around. Can you get an STD from messing around? And? I think this goes back to what we talked about earlier, is the answer is yes, surely? Yet right? Sorry? I guess I should have read that

one fully before asking it. No, but it makes sense. Is there other like? Well? So? Well? I mean there's kissing obviously, so I guess kind of on that topic as well. April wants to know is the only way you can get an STI from sexual contact or can you get it from other things? She said she's heard a rumor about toilet seats and it wants to know

if that's true. Okay, listen, if you're worried about getting an SCNA toilet seat, like someone would have had to like just have come on that toilet seat, not wiped it up, and you would have to like grind or vagina on a toilet seat to get or any sort of I mean, is anybody else imagining that scenario right

now in their head? I the only one. Isn't it true that uh, that sperm once it's ejaculated from the penis, it basically loses all of its like reproductive value and it's uh, disease carrying ability like almost within like five seconds or am I making that up? I don't think it's five seconds, but it definitely has a short life span outside of the body. Do you know the origins of sexually trans infections and diseases? Like how did this?

How did these become things? Obviously like years and years like millions of years ago, but but how how how does it happen? Was it? I remember hearing something like someone a billion years ago had sex with an animal or something and that's how it started. And that's what I've heard as well. A monkey, a monkey, you know what? I honestly don't know for sure, but like the phlist has been around for ever, the philis as oh it actually that reminds me. I'm sorry, I'm kind of all

over the place at the moment. You said you said earlier that hepatitis is a sexually transmitted disease. That's that's possible or that's possible to transmit sexually. Is that true or did I miss here? Yeah, Peppy is um And that's another reason why they do the vaccines so early, is um kids too, UM, because it's helped prevent like some for for like six million deaths throughout the um throughout the world by vaccining, uh, could be separately against

things happy. So most American children have been vaccinated for hepatitis B, though correct. And once you're vaccinated, are you basically immune to the disease or is it just you're less much less likely to get it? No, you won't. You won't get UM a disease once you've been well. You shouldn't get a disease like you've been vaccinated against it. But I mean they're always are UM some like light irregularities in each vaccine and each body's ability to um

fight it off. I mean, like perfect examples of Pooh vaccine. You know, they try and get as many sort of UM ranges of the virus into each one, but um, they can't account for every single strain of virus. I

don't know what's funny. I don't think my parents were ever anti vaxers, uh, But I do know that when I was when I was trying to enter fifth grade from elementary to middle school, I wasn't allowed to enter into my middle school because I had missed like seve into my vaccinations that I was supposed to get as a toddler, and I think I think in part it was due to our like we lived in in an our view around the country for a long long time, and so maybe we didn't have the means to do it.

But I wasn't allowed to enter fifth grade until I got six vaccinations. UM, so I had to go to this this this like this hospital and had to get six of these vaccinations and they were the biggest freaking needles and they hurt so bad. And I wasn't technically a legal student of the Colorado school system until I

got those vaccinations. I don't know where I'm going with this, but it was just one of those things where I was like, you don't realize how many things, especially um in today's world, like the smallpox vaccinations, all these things that used to be such big epidemics, but now we're like obviously slowly eliminating even though we're creating new diseases and types of cancers and stuff like that, which is and I'm like, yeah, what the heck movement, And I'm sorry,

you guys gonna probably get like some hate on that, and we can keep pro anti vax I'm sorry, we could be pro vaccination pro vax but I'm saying pro anti anti vaxxers, I guess is the point. Oh my god. People sit there and they're just like, well, it's there's somalde hyde in these vaccines and they're putting formalde hyde in. You know, I'm like, your body naturally produces fmalde hyde. Okay, there's a big argument to that vaccinate. The vaccinations lead

to higher rates of autism. Right now, spend bunks dead Land that put out that um uh study um is. He might even be in jail right now. He put it out for a specific purpose like it there's no scientific fact like proving that at all. And I'm sure this it's sorry after this, it's really really close to home for you as well. Being a neon natal nurse,

you see it all the time. Well I'm sure I hopefully don't see that the anti vaccine all the time, but you work very closely with children who are obviously going through a lot of issues and dealing with a lot of this stuff. Yeah, and then there's and I see a lot of babies that can't get certain vaccines yet because of their age, who come in um very sick and have passed away because they've been exposed to someone who divided not to vaccinate their kids, right, Wasn't that?

Why am I blanking? There was news recently over the past few months or so about a particular vaccination that wasn't getting done, and there were a few few fatalities, and there was this whole controversy about people not getting vaccinated. I can't remember exactly what it's from, and obviously nobody else can because nobody's speaking up about it. So forget I said anything. Or are vaccinated children at risk around non vaccinated children? No, non vaccinated children aren't. Um. Wait,

but let's let's say. Okay, so let's say I have some children and I vaccinated all of them and they're hanging around children who have not been vaccinated. Are my children at risk hanging around those non vaccinated children or is it just the ones that dont? It depends on how old they are, because as um, different vaccines are done at different ages. UM. So there's I think it's like different like three six, nine months. There's like a whole different range of vaccines um that you can get

that are okay at that age. So if um, if your child is not old enough to be vaccinated against something yet and they're around someone who hasn't been vaccinated um or has been um or like has been exposed to the disease, like they're at risk of getting that. M gotcha. So word advice for our listeners out there, if you're having children, vaccinate your children. Right this educators felt on them like read everything on them me. Obviously, Yes, I want you to vaccinate your kids. I'd I'd rather.

I mean, like, it's the risk out weighs the benefit out weighs the risk. Well, what's the risk? I there's there's very few cases where like somebodies have rejected UM the vaccine, or they've gotten very UM gone into like an autommune response UM. But and and those those types of things. UM, do you scare a lot of people from vaccine their kids. But it's like a one in a million chance. And don't want me on that statistics either,

but it's very very rare. Well, and the chance of that is much uh smaller than the chance of them getting another disease that they would have been vaccinated from had they gotten vaccinations. Right, That's what you're saying. It's like the risk the benefits outweigh the risk in that sense, because you're protecting them from so many other things, you have a higher risk of contracting UM one of these diseases and been actually like dying or being dying from

getting the vaccine itself. Exactly. Um, how all are you knowledgeable in vaccination vaccinations Danielle, because I want to ask a lot of people get nervous when talking about vaccinating their their kids or even themselves because they're nervous about putting whatever disease that they're supposed to be vaccinated against into their body. Is that true that each vaccination has a small amount, Like if you're getting vaccinated for I don't know, the flu, they actually give a little part

of the flu to you. Yeah, it's like a deactivated virus m or it's like a weekend version of the virus. So your body UM built these like cannon bodies and stuff to it. Um it would help them to like fite it off. Danielle, thank you so much for joining us. It was really nice meeting you over the podcast, and I really hope to meet you in person one day.

We love you, And for our listeners, don't forget to check out Danielle's new podcast called The womad Yeah Girl, premiering June third, Instant Twitter June third, Um, I will, I mean, I can only imagine you want me as a big as a guest on that podcast Jarremy Bowl talk all about your um congratulations again, Yeah, congratulations again. That's awesome and obviously in your your day to day

as a neonatal work nurse over in Nashville. Um, you're killing it and we are better people just being your friends, and we appreciate you taking the time to answer. Love you a big time and I can't wait to see your face and talk to you again soon. Thanks again for taking the time day, no problem, all right, all right, bye, okay bye. Well we are all just a tiny bit smarter after that conversation. That's what That's when you know you're talking to good people when you can leave a

conversation and be a little bit smarter. Um. Okay, Well that'll do it for this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating. Hopefully you guys are a little bit smarter, because Jared and I both are. I think we all are right. That was very informtive from Daniel. The nice thing about relationships, it's just that you don't have to worry about this stuff. Yes, that is nice. It's no longer on the table. Have you ever had like a scare? I've had chlamydia before. I told you that the writing

the best had chlamydia. Don't have it anymore? That's good. Um, but let's go um. But it's granted, it's not something I think people typically lose sleepover, Like, you're not gonna be like shaking in your bed. I wonder if I'm ever going to contract an STD. But it's just the peace of mind of I'm the only single person in this room. I don't know if you guys have had to worry about S T I S in years. Well,

I disagree. I feel like a lot of people who had sex with a new partner immediately afterwards think oh ship did I immediately after the fact, I'm thinking something generally like oh, what if I meet someone in three days and I want to sleep with them and him? And like it's just not something that I know. But um, I'm envious of you guys for not having to worry about that. I've been tested my whole life. I was about to ask you, do you still get tested? No,

you've never been had never even once. I've been tested ever, really get very personal question. Is your wife the only woman that you've slept with? No, that's not you can ask me that and no, that is not the case. Okay, Can I ask another question? Sure? Have you ever had unprotected sex? Was? I don't know. There's a long time ago, so it just it wasn't something that we talked about very much. So it just didn't come up. I mean, truthfully, I probably should have been at some point, but I

never was, and I never read any symptoms anything. And now it's been twenty two years, so I'm pretty much home free. Yeah, STDs can lie dormant for twenty three years. It's it's interesting because the mark we know now would have gotten tested immediately, but that's not the mark responsible thirty years ago or whenever. Yeah, right, not that date you it happening. What could I do you seen as a married man? Have you been tested at all? Yeah?

We did that on our wedding night. We we did get when we when we got engaged, we got we both got tested. Yeah, because it had been a couple of years from me. I've been a man about town, you know, I had sex with one other woman I think at that time when you got engaged, as we're dating before when we were when we got engaged, we were like because we were like, you know, and now we're gonna be married, we should probably we were sexually

active before you Oh yeah, yeah, very fair. Yeah, every night. But I hadn't been tested in a couple of years and she I don't think she had either, So we just wanted to make sure and uh, and it felt great to have that peace of mind. You knew it was wanted, like a medical confirmation. You know. Sometimes you hear the stories of like, oh, yeah I was at a year and all that. Then I and I nicked it and then you know, and I got an STD from talking about the toilets. Yeah maybe I went yeah,

and never Joina on not toilets. I went in a public pool, you know, things like that. So I just wanted to make sure and it was it was fine. I always had protected sex when I was a single man. For you, Wow, very good for you. Yeah, never something up once. Huh. I wouldn't say that, and Jared Uh as an engaged man, I would you have no need to get tested, not anymore. I got tested. Uh, I got tested before actually though, just to like make sure

sure before we started going down that road. Now, what happens if like some if just randomly like add a physical when you guys get tested and you pop for like gunnery or something like what acmes a lot of questions that comes a lot of ques. Well, if you ever watched Seinfeld, you know you can get gnaria from a tractor. That's what I'm saying. You never know, I know it is as you get older, you become more aware of these things like Eastern You even said like

a public pool. It's like, yeah, I guess, I guess that's possible. Remember, and as a paranoid human being, there's always that doubt in my head. Back in like two eight, there's this big epidemic in Aspen because there's a lot of horses out there and there was horse for piece that was being spread. But it wasn't being spread via x. It was an airborne herpes that only horses could contract. Could you imagine if herpes was an airborne disease for

humans that be terrified if it evolves to that one day? Honestly? Yeah, all right, thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Help. I suck at dating. Um, hopefully we can all suck at dating but not suck at getting tested, practicing safe sex, and just being communicative with our sexual partners. Thank you so much for listening. Big thank you to Daniel Maltby for being our expert medical advice giver. Be sure to check out her podcast, The Wolmad,

coming out June three. Be sure to tune into next week's podcast. We're recording from Wango Tango this week. This next week, Wango Tango from st d S to Wango. I think that we're gonna suck a little bit less, so just be sure to tune in. Then follow hell by Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast