Sharing Dating Wisdom with Kiarra Norman

have three separate callers a couple of minutes each. They're gonna ask us a dating question or they're faced with some dilemma in their life and they require our stage wisdom to help them through it. So our first caller is Jack. Let's see if we can get him in here. Hey Jack, how are you? I'm doing? Good man? Thank you joing us. What's going on today? Um? So, I've been dating a girl, um for about three months. Uh and a New Year's I asked you to be my

girlfriends she said. Yet, Oh, I'm thinking things are going well. But the other day I said, I'm going to lead all my dating apps, because that's kind of what you're supposed to do right. You know, we're we're exclusive, and she said she wasn't going to let him. Uh, she wants to keep the chats, to have a log, a log of like all the conversations and pick up lind Oh. Well, she's like a writer. I should have said that, um, And she wants to like write about them and use

them the examples. That's what she said. But it just kind of still rubs me the wrong way because it's like you can either just take those and remove them from the app or something. And I'm not like the type of dude who's trying to control or anything like that. But it's just like she's keeping her dating gap and stuff, and I don't know, it's just it's it's like a red flag to me. I don't know how to get

around it. Yeah, that's tricky. I Um, I've been in the flip flop of this scenario before where I have dated girls in the past, and I I don't know if it was subconscious where I didn't delete the app or I definitely was never asked to de leat it and didn't delete it. I just kind of had kept them like installed on my phone. And I do agree, like you would be sketched out about it there. It seems like why would you still have the app if

you're dating me? Um, I don't know necessarily how to navigate the conversation as to what to do next though here do you have any advice for that? I just would be upfront about it how you feel. You feel like it's a red flag, and like you said, I feel like she could easily take those messages and just screenshot them or take them wherever she needs and delete

the app. So I do kind of see it as maybe a runaround, maybe because it has been you said three months, correct, Yeah, so maybe since it has been three months, maybe she's internally without realizing it, maybe not sure yet, which is why she's so against deleting the app. That realistically would be the only thinking that makes sense on my end personally. UM, So I would just be up front with her and say, could you at least just take those messages or whatever you need and delete

the app? That way, if you are serious about moving forward with me? Yeah, it it something too. I feel like since it is such a new relationship, you could maybe wait a few more months and if it's still bothering you or like let's say you see her on the app randomly when you guys are hanging out. That's

obviously a red flag. But like, like here was saying, it's so new that I think that you could give it a little bit more time before taking drastic measures where you know, you either break up with her if you need to do that, or um, I kind of put your foot down and kind of communicate very clearly to her that you don't want her to have the app anymore. But I agree with you, Jack, like you don't want to be controlling, you don't want to tell her what to do, and I don't think that's necessarily

the best move. I just think maybe like taking a little bit more time with it, you know, Um, Okay, no, that's what I'll do. I'll give it another couple of months, and you know, kind of just be like, hey, I gave it out, it gave you time. Yeah. Yeah, Well, best of luck. We hope, I hope it all works out for you. Okay, great, thank you guys. Thanks Jack. What would you do if you found Cody on a dating app right now? Oh? We're done though, there's no

reason on a dating apple we're over. Were talking about engagement yeah, Caitly, and I would be done too. That would be that would be very weird. That'd be very very weird. All right, Next up we have Ian joining us. You are you there? Hey, hey, welcome to the podcast. I can help you today. Well, I'm having a bit of a problem here. I was hoping to talk see like, so I've been seeing this this girl on and off

for about a year. First date, we went mini golf and then we went to a bar to graph drinks and and there I paid for the mini golf in advance, and then she bought the drinks. There was no questions asked. Made perfect sense. Now, I've been in two relationships in the past, and that's just how it's always been. Like I'd pay for one thing and they'd pay for the other, and I'd always be hanging slightly more to treat And you know, when it was official, I just pay you know,

his money was never an issue. M Well, anyway, I come back from living in Dubai for four months and I went to watch a movie with her. Uh, I was paying for the tickets and the food at the movie, and then then she wants to go grab food afterwards.

So we go out to dinner, and during the meal, she asked me, you know what are we We had to have that conversation, and I tell her I see her as more than a friend, but I'm not looking to rush into anything, like I haven't past relationships that I've had, And you know, I am happy where we're at. And the bill comes, the bill comes, and she says,

so we're splitting right, I just made me. That made me so uncomfortable, you know, considering I've paid for everything already, and I already paid quite a large amount at the movies compared to what the bill at the restaurant was. So I I tell her, no, you know, the way we've always done it is I pay for one thing, you pay for the other. And anyway we leave a restaurant, you know, she just goes on a full on rant, saying I never pay for her and I never make

her feel special, which again makes no sense. I have morals and I stick to them, like I don't care if if I was a billionaire, I would just never Yeah, I would never always pay, which she's making it out like I should just because I'm the guy at all. And I've told her like I'm I'm not I've done that, like I'm not. I've only done that while I was in relationships and not with like not girls that I'm

dating anyway. She makes out to be this this strong independent woman but still expects the man to pay for everything, you know from what she's saying. So, where do you guys stand now? I'm I still I get the sense that she's that I don't know, like she's taking it. She's taking it like as offense. I don't know, But personally,

I see this as a massive red flag. Like on the first date, I'd always offered to pay, but I do it to see her reaction and if she doesn't feel bad or like she offers to split, and I won't see her again because the way that I see it, a girl I want to I want a girl or I can grow a business with. I can I can build an empire with, and not a woman that will sit at home all the time expecting me to do all the work. Like, I don't know, I just want to know what everybody feels about this. Yeah, here do

you want to go first? Personally, I feel like you said, you guys are not in a relationship, but you're more than friends. Yeah, So with that situation. Personally, for me, I would feel like, if we're more than friends and you want to go out and you want to do things with me, then I want you to be able to essentially pay for those things. And that's just for

personal preference. I think every girl is different, but I feel like if you're wanting to be more than friends with her, then you should be willing to innocence take care of her. If you're just going on a date. It doesn't have to mean like you're taking care of her bills or anything like that. But if you do want to go out with her, I do think that's the gentleman thing to do. It doesn't have to be like you're taking care of for the rest of your life.

But I just think if she's giving you her time, then there shouldn't be necessarily an issue with paying for dinner or the movies. I think so I agree with you. I think that when it comes to like who should pay for what, I've always kind of stood firmly in the camp of if it's your idea to go on a date, like let's let's say you call her and you say I want to go mini golfing, then you

take care of that date. What whether whether it entails the mini golf, the drinks, the dinner afterwards, whatever it is. You're the one that asks to go on that date, so you should pay for it. If she calls you and she's like, hey, I want to go see a movie, then I think it kind of excuse me. It opens the door for her then too. You know, if it's her idea, her her planning, all that kind of stuff, then that that whoever plans a date should pay for it.

I think, especially in the early stages. Later on that might change. But it is funny how like finances and all that kind of stuff coming to play. I gotta give her credit that go they ask him to split the bill at dinner after you said that you don't

want to move too fast? Is it is a pretty boss move on her part, because I mean, and I hate to say, if you've been dating her for a year and you still want to like play this game of kind of cat and mouse type of thing, she you know, she's maybe just kind of fed up with the timeline and she wants things to either stop or progress to a point where you got you can comfortably say that this is your girlfriend, So maybe it's kind of like her way of of putting the ball back

in your court and putting the pressure on a little bit too be make your mind up in that sense, instead of getting having your cake and eating it too. For lack of a better reference, Um, so, I mean I kind of agree with with Kira. I kind of agree with her, but I do kind of agree with you too, like you, you know, you you do want like a quid pro quo kind of thing where you feel like you're getting as much out of it as

she is. And that's kind of where I come back to, like, whoever instigated the date should essentially be paying for the majority of it, you know. I like that. I like that there's still kind of a split going on. It's not just one of us taking care of the other

all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's yeah. This is a it's a funny topic of conversation because Kaylin and I we've never had like any money issues, but she makes a considerable more amount of money than I do, and so I'm always like, well, you know, if we're splitting this evenly, that it's a percentage of our income, and that means, you know, but we have like a mortgage and cell phone bills and all that kind of stuff. So that's a little bit different than just going to

dinner and stuff. But I do agree that, you know, if you're the one taking her out on dates, it should be you paying. Um if if she's taking you on dates, and maybe maybe she pays, or maybe you split it or whatever it is. But um, yeah, it's a true it's a touchy subject and I don't really think there is a right or wrong answer. I feel

like everyone is different too. And if you guys have this conversation and you decide you want to keep moving forward and she's okay with splitting things, then that's how you do it. And if not, then you guys break it off and maybe you'll find someone else who is okay with that. Yeah, definitely, Yeah, you were right. I think we need to talk about this. Thank you time for some reflection and you got this. Thanks for calling and we appreciate it. Thank you all Right, Last, but

certainly not least, we have Austin joining us. Austin are you there? Hey, guys, alright, thanks for having me. Oh, Jared's gone, but we got Kira. She's even better than he is. I promise you what do you got? Hey, guys, good morning. So I just have to admit, um, you know, I haven't I haven't had much dating experience, and um, I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate dating.

And so I was recently dating this girl for like two months and it was all going so perfectly well, I thought, until she decided to just kind of end it out of the blue, like right before Christmas. And um, you know, honestly, I was pretty heartbroken about it, but I was perspectful to her and to her wishes, and I made really no attempt to kind of like change her mind. Um, just kind of out of retaining my

dignity and pride and everything. But the weird thing, guys is that since then, uh, we haven't spoken, but she keeps liking everything I post. And I noticed she's been posting like subtle, you know, relatable quotes. She even screenshot at a random story that I put you on that I put on, which I guessed was just a ploy

for attention. Maybe, Like I'm so confused. I mean, it's possible she gave me the whole you know, I need some space to figure things out speech, you know, as a test to see if I would fight for her. I mean, I'm I'm just lost. I mean, I don't know. There there are many possibilities as to why she might have ended ended it with me, but I just I

don't know. In her behavior since then has been subtle, and you know, there's been all kinds of hints, and you know, I just feel like there's a possibility of interest still. I mean, so my question is can a woman cut you off? But can she do it as a test? I'm just so confused. Yeah, that, um, that's tricky.

I personally, if someone were to do that to me as a quote unquote test, I would take that as kind of a way to not be interested in that person, because I don't really want to date someone that's gonna be testing me in that way. Like it's it's like a mind game, you know, and it's not fun for anyone.

It's just it's And the thing too, is like if she's liking these things intentionally or if you're just noticing the likes because you want that to to fit into your narrative of like maybe she likes me, and like so you're hyper aware of everything that she's doing on your social media to fit the narrative, you know. That's

that's the tricky thing I I personally think. I mean, with with the limited information that we have, I I don't think it's a test, and I do think that she is not trying to test you to see if you'll make a move for her. But I could be wrong. That's just kind of how I how I see it. But Kierra, what do you think? I agree, I don't think it's a test, But at the same time, I could see how it could be a test. She could have been in that space of like, you know, new Year,

knew me and I serious about this relationship. Do I want to be in a relationship and she could have just broken it off to kind of figure that out, and now she could be regretting it, Like Okay, I do like him, but now my pride in the way. So I'm just gonna post these relatable things or like screenshot his stuff so that he knows I'm still thinking about him. But maybe she isn't ready to necessarily be

in a relationship. I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with having another conversation with her just to see, like if there is anything left at all, especially now that you are in the new year, and she said yes, and you guys can try it again. Great. If not, then you both know and there you go. You don't have to beat her on the bush or be constantly

thinking about it. Yeah, I agree. I think harmless conversation would be great because, like I said, if you if you keep seeing her like your stuff, it could be that she's like throwing these subtle hints, but more likely it's just your brain telling you that she might still be interested in you, which could definitely be the case. But um, I agree with Kiara. Definitely just like ask

for a conversation. Maybe she does, you know, have a better perspective now that she's taken some time apart, and you know, maybe she hasn't stopped thinking about you and is liking all those things intentionally and she's just waiting for you to give your call. It definitely is like a touchy thing and something that you could handle. Um, you know, subtly, I guess maybe the best way to put it. But it's definitely worth a conversation. Absolutely. Thank yeah,

thank you guys so much. Yeah, best of luck, Austin. All right, that's gonna do it for Thursday's calor edition of Help I Suck at Dating Kara, thank you once again for joining us. Um do you have any parting wisdom for us or anything that you're looking forward to in Since it's just a new year, do you have any year's resolutions? This is hard. I feel like I always have a New Year's resolution, but who knows because it always changes. But this year is all about I

feel like growth for me and wisdom. I feel like we all think we know it all, but there's so many different things and so many different people that can teach us. And I feel like working from home or like being on social media, sometimes we're closed off to a lot of things. So this year, like I want to be more intentional with like listening to people and just growing knowledge in my wisdom. Also travel. I'm still

going to do a lot of traveling. I think I'm going to New York on Monday, UM, so I gotta figure that out as soon as I get off this call, and then Nashville at the end of this month with Cody. So more travel. What is that Nationals? Nashville? Oh, Nashville. I was like, Nationals, what could that possibly be? Here? For me? Saying you really are traveling? All over the place, New York, Nashville, and that's just this month alone. Dang, keep it up all right. Well, thank you so much

for joining us. We look forward to seeing more from you in the future, and thanks for carrying the load on this episode. We couldn't have done it without you. Of course, thank you for having me, and good luck with all of the wedding planning. I cannot wait to see everything. Thank you, see you later. Oh next week, where maybe we suck just a little bit less. I forgot to say that last week. To follow help buy Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast