Rumor Mill with Bekah Martinez

most importantly crushing life everywhere else? Becca, how's it going? Sing? Pretty good? How are you guys? Last time I saw each of you? Jared, I think I saw you at an in and out with Nick Vilan Ashley like four years ago in after like a boo who party so funny, and then Dean. Last time I saw you, I think I was like literally eight and a half months pregnant

or something. Where was that I We recorded something for Colton season of The Bachelor, for which actually one of the two snarky people to come record something for them, I think is what it was. Yeah, the last time I saw you was we went to a bunch of us went to dinner somewhere like in Beverly Hills or something, and it was right before Paradise or something like that. I don't remember. I was about to push out a baby. Yeah, you were about to push out a baby. How are

the babies doing? They're good, they're crazy. Two year old and a three year old, Jared. How is it being a dad? It's fantastic. Being a business owner is quite different. Um. My question to you is do you think that the first was harder or the second? First, I see the first. I think the first because life before kids, you're just cruising. Man. It's like your time is on your I mean even when you have like a full time job, you like

leave your job. I mean I was in nanny so I was like I would leave my job, I would go home and then you know, after five pm, life was mine until like you know, eight am the next morning for the most part. And then when you add a y to the mix, suddenly it's like all these

are factors. And also you think in your head like oh, I'm going to bring them everywhere with me, like we're we're gonna do our normal life, Like yeah, we're gonna and then suddenly it's like you know you're like, I can't go to that party because it's at six thirty and we have to do the that time routine. And like, I don't know, I felt like that was a big like a big shift. But then with number two, you're like,

I've already been doing this, whatever, what's another one? So mine and Ashley's biggest fear because it's definitely more and Ashley, she's one of us pregnant again, which pregnancy, by far is I mean, it's a beautiful, wonderful thing, but it also is the worst from an outsider's perspective. But uh, it's just the idea of taking care of a baby, but adding in a toddler scares the sh out of me.

Oh yeah, I mean I got pregnant when Frank was I mean I got pregnant when Ruth was seven months old, so that was a wild But also we were like, okay, we just did this, like we just did the crazy newborn phase and we already have all the gear, like let's go, and it was kind of nice. I like doing it. And now they play together, you know, like they're two and three and a half, they're like their buddies. So I don't know, I recommend keeping them close together,

otherwise you have to start all over again. I know that's quite terrifying as well. So do you are you done? Do you think you want another? No? I definitely want. I mean I would have like four more. But I think Gray is like he after after even Ruth, He's like, I'm done, and then after Frank He's like, I'm done. Watch We're going to have like two more, and He'll keep saying that I'm done. But I feel like two more. But like in a few years, we want to live

our lives a little more. By your own logic. You gotta start working on that pretty soon, because you wanted to be close together, right, I know, Well, no, I'll do another set of too, So I'll wait like four years and too close together nice and then they can be like best friends growing up, and then when they get to become adults, they can become best friends later

exactly exactly. So, I don't know. I'm one of five, and I thought it was so much fun having a lot of siblings, and like I always said, I wish I had more brothers and sisters. So I don't know. I think it's fun, yeah, definitely, Um, what else is going on in the life of Becca. We haven't, like you said, we haven't all seen each other in a while, phill Us in. I mean, we all know. You've got your podcast over there. If I remember correctly, Chatty Brods

we do. Yeah three Wait what did you say it was called chats Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought you said Braddy Broad's For a minute. How it's like, that's what my mom calls it. Um, we were doing like three episodes a week. It's crazy. This is gonna be our last Bachelor Bachelor's season that we're going to be covering on the show. We took a break for a couple of seasons and then we had to rev it up again for the Double Bachelorettes, which has actually been

a blast. I've been loving it. Um. And then yeah, so we're doing that and otherwise, you know, we're talking about all kinds of life stuff as one does. How do you do three weeks? Because we struggle with with one a week, one a week. I mean, well, also, we're on a pretty set schedule. So like everyone and stay, I drive up about an hour away from where we record. I drive up to Eagle Rock and we do two episodes and then Actually it's really funny. Um, both of

our partners. So my boyfriend and her husband do a third episode a week together and they call it Chatty Bros. So they do they kind of throw in a little extra segment. But I mean we've been grinding out at least two episodes for about three and a half years, and then about a year ago we threw in the third. But I think we've just been in the routine of it. And I am not the person who stays on top

of the schedule in that relationship for sure. I'm definitely the one who's like, let's just take three weeks off, and she's like, let's know, we need to like banks some episodes and then we can go on vacations. So I feel like Jess, my co host, kind of keeps things in the check. I mean, that's kind of how it is with Jared too. If it wasn't for Jared, this podcast with Much, it basically is Much, but it's

more of like a solid version of them. Yeah, It's like it's like when Dawson takes and like it's kind of mushy but kind of solid. That's our pod us right there. It's somewhat solid somewhat bushy, but then sometimes get crust on the outside and then it's just yeah. So there's some you know, hardness to it. But at the same time, there are times where it's just a complete blowout city where it's just mush. So how do you find that? How do you find the mush of

how do you define the mush of the podcast? What do you mean? Like me doing recording in an empty basement right now, so there's a solid echo. I'm trying to talk as close to the mic as possible, but of course we're moving and uh, we're moving parking lot pretty much. Yeah, in him recording from a home parking lot. This is holed by Second Dating, UM that I got a question for you on the top of your kids.

We have this page six article and I know it's page six and who they really knows what they're talking about, but it says Bachelor alum Becka Martinez reveals she's becoming a foster parent. No, not dude, people right there, Okay,

it's so funny. There was a headline recently too, because I did have TikTok about how when I went on The Bachelor, Um, I had to buy a bunch of clothes at nordstom where and then I kept the tags on and I returned them after I got back in the Bachelor because I didn't I mean, I had to quit my job, you know it is. I had to quit my job to go on the show. I've been traveling this summer leading up to the show, so I'd spent like a lot of my savings. So I was like, well, like,

I gotta do what I gotta do. And then this headline came out Bachelor star backap Martina Is admits to committing fraud. And then it was this whole thing about like how publication fraud. I think it was like page six or something. And then the article was so dramatic. It was like this is technically fraud, and like fraud can be an arrestable offense, and it was just like so dramatic. No, I'm not becoming a foster parent. I

um used journalists need to do their research. I am volunteering for a program called COSA, And what it is is you become a court appointed special Advocate. It's a volunteer position and essentially what you're doing is your an advocate. UM you get paired with the foster youth and you

become an advocate for them. So you know, a case worker will have thirty to forty kids at one time, which is actually crazy if you think about it, Like if you only have twenty work days in a month, Like, how much time can you actually dedicate to try to

like figure out what's going on in each case. So like what a cost of might do is, um, you know, try to figure out and do some sleuthing, try to figure out there's family members that a child can be placed with, like trying to figure out make sure their educational needs are met, trying to make sure that their medical needs are met. Like they're basically the eyes and

ears of the court. And then you have to do court reports and show up in court and give the report based on things that you believe are in the best interests of the child. You meet with a child once or twice a month. Um, so it's a pretty

it's a pretty serious position. But yeah, we're not we're not fostering, although I would like to do that someday, but um, I'm kind of doing this cost of volunteering as to kind of get a better handle on like how the court system works and how the um, yeah, dependency, court works and all of that, and get some insight into that whole process. Why do you want to get

insight into that? I mean I think that I've always had a passion for kids for sure, Like you know, I was a nanny for five years before going on the Bachelor, and it's just something I've always been really passionate about. And in the past year I was just learning a lot more about like foster care. How I mean, there's literally like millions, millions of kids that are in the foster system and it's just a mess up system, and it's messed up for kids, for parents, for resource families.

So I don't know, I just kind of wanted to get involved. And I'm always sitting on the sidelines like kind of complaining about stuff, and I'm like, well, I should probably like actually take some of my time and invest some of my time and energy into doing something instead of complaining about all the stuff I think is up. So yeah, so you obviously have two kids, you with Grayston. So it's gray Ston, right, there's a t in there. I love that name. Good God. So how do you

guys meet? I don't think because you are an anomaly within Bachelor franchise because you're so well known and every you know, Chatty Broads is a huge successful podcast, but people kind of you're like one of those people that like if you're a fan of the show, people are like, oh, yeah, I know Becca, and they're like, yeah, but how do I know Becca? You know, it's you've Like that's what

I meant when you've kind of transcended. You're just someone who's like a part of the franchise, who is so well known within it, but like you don't have like a specific story Like I remember when you were on R season, there was like this whole thing about you you went missing or something like, I know, like craziness that you just like forget about when I was when I found out you're on the podcast, like yeah, that's right, she did, she did go missing or there was a

storm out there, um so missing a wear. So after the show, how did you meet Grayston? Yeah? So, And I take it's money. I take that as a compliment, but then also it makes me kind of sad sometimes, like I sort of wish that I had some more time to be a part of the franchise. I don't know, like like I know but I don't know. I feel like I always do this thing where I like kind of like distanced myself from like people or like groups.

And then I'm like and then I am like sad that I'm not a part of things, you know what I mean. Like I'm like, oh, man, I wish I was like in with more people, but I'm like I isolated myself and like didn't make myself a part of the community. And now I'm sad that I'm like not in on things, Like you know, why do you why do you think that is? Why do you think you isolated yourself? I don't know, And I don't think it's just in Bachelor, Like it's something that I find myself

doing fairly often. Like I think I just get imposter syndrome and I get in my head and like I just went on this influencer retreat with my with my social media management team and they had like all their influences there and I was so like stressed out an anxious going into it. I was like, oh my god, Like, you know, I don't know this narrative that's such bullshit, Like oh, I'm not like these people and it's not

a way of thinking I'm better than anybody. I'm just like I don't know how to relate, like, you know, what, what do we have in common? Like I don't like dress like that, or I don't whatever. And then of course I showed up and a bunch of other people were like, oh, I was anxious for the same reason, and we all got along and hung out and had so much in common, because like humans have a lot more in common than like the way they dress or

like their hobbies, you know what I mean. So I just feel like I get imposter syndrome and I get in my head and I'm like, I won't have anything to relate to with these people for whatever reason that I've created in my mind, whatever narrative, and so I think I just get anxious and then I just kind of like, you know, closed myself off. Oh I feel the exact same way. I mean, I think a lot of that I've started to like go in. A big credit to that is Ashley, because she is the prototypical

person of like just letting her walls down. We have movers here and she's just got out of the shower in a towel and she's walking around be like, oh, you know you don't have to do that, Like you can put that in. And my mother in law's here, her mom, and she's like, actually put clothes on. She's like, I'm just I'm in a towel. I'm covered. But she's that person who doesn't give a I love her so

much for it. And yeah, and she's so welcoming also, Like and whenever I hung out with her, I'm just like, oh, I feel like totally you know, in with you. And that's such a good feeling. She's just the most endearing, wonderful peopan being. She's so welcoming, she's so down to earth. I know a lot of people ask me, you know, if they see me at Audrey's, you know, they asked about Ashley, and I'm like, Ashley is exactly what you think Ashley is. Like whatever you see Ashley on Instagram,

that is who Ashley is. Um. But one of the things, like I remember when I want a bachelor or bachelor excuse me, and I would have the same vibe of like I'm not going to fit in with any of

these guys. These guys are like g Q models, former NFL athletes, Like I'm a kid from a run with patri Facion here, like I'm not fitting, But then you go in and you realize, Like I remember talking to Ben Higgins and he was like so anxious and terrified, and all these other guys were like, I don't know what the hell I'm doing here, and I'm like, Okay, we all don't know what the hell we're doing. That's not so bad. Totally. Yeah, I had the same experience too.

It's like I went in on The Bachelor, and I've made like so many friends. I had so much fun, and you know, it's like, I don't know. Bonding with people goes, like I said, way beyond what you're into or who you are. I mean, obviously I don't know you that well, but from what I know of your what I see from you, I feel like you're also someone who just very much obviously speaks your mind. And so I think with groups that are out, I think

you just call it how it is. And so sometimes I think, specifically, whether it be Bachelor or anything else in life, you probably see both the rights and wrongs of something. So maybe that's why you distance yourself a little bit. We're like, oh, you're so cool, but also like I don't agree with what you do there, so I don't want to be super close to you totally. And I think I actually get in my head about that too. I'm like, oh my gosh, like did they hear what I say said about this? And like are

they not going to like me because of that? And I've grown so much in the last four years, like definitely, especially getting off the shell, and it was like I was just saying whatever the opped into my head. And I look back, especially on those first couple of years now, and I'm like, damn, why was I trying to like fight everybody and like, you know, just say all these things for shock value. And it's like I still like doing that every now and then, but I definitely choose

my battles a lot more. And I don't know, like I've just I guess, realized a lot more how words impact people and like how an offhand comment that I think is like funny or I don't think the other person is going to hear about dude. I did that for so long, Like I would be on a huge podcast and I would say something and be like, oh, they're never gonna hear me say that, and then of course everyone's in their d m sending that person that clip, and then that person's like, why would you say that?

And I'm like, I don't know, Like I don't know why I said that, just like word vomit um, and I don't know. It's something that I've definitely worked on and and I've been on the other end of that too, where someone says something off handedly about me and I'm like, you know, like devastated, I'm like, how could they say that about me? And you know, being on the other end of it, it's like you got I don't know.

I'm definitely a lot, a lot more, a lot more mindful. Yeah, but let's be honest, it is it is a pretty fun thing to say outrageous and ridiculous things just to see what happens. It's so fun. And to troll people, I mean, to troll my audience on Instagram control and it's it's it's it's Alas my therapist I always just to tell me, she said, you're the kind of person that likes to dig themselves into as deep a whole as possible just to see if they can get themselves

out of it. And it's not a good thing. I'm not like patting myself on the back about it. But it's a percent true and it extends like so many facets in my life as well. It's like, well, I don't understand why, but I know I think it's I mean,

there's a part of it. It's positive. Like I love a challenge, so I'm always like, even just like in my personal life, I love doing little challenges, you know, like um, like let's go, let's do a hundred days of like no drinking, you know, or like let's do you a month of like no eating out at all, And like I always like doing those little challenges, and like, honestly I loved giving birth too because I was like, all right, like this is gonna be like the ultimate challenge,

like let's prepare, let's overcome. And I don't know, I just I like, I enjoy that kind of thing, So I guess I can relate to that too, of that feeling of like, yeah, like let's diggle hole and see if I can get out of it. But I mean, also, attention is fun. Attention is fun. I also think we're living in kind of a new territory era where podcasts have just grown exponentially over the past five to ten

years were in. Social media obviously has connected everybody. So you have taken what used to be just living room thoughts where you would just say things towards the TV and no one would ever hear you, and we've transferred that into a platform, whether it be social media or podcasting.

And so I think a lot of times that I find myself doing it too, where you're watching Bachelor or recapping or anything in life, just saying Bachelor because obviously connects all three of us that you're like, oh, this person is so f and stupid, and then you say that out loud with other people hearing you, and then of course they tell them and they're like, why would you say that, And you're like, well, I didn't, I didn't mean it. I just said it. You know, you're

a nice guy, yeah, Like I'm sure you're a great person. Yeah, I'm sure you're wonderful, but in that moment, you were ff and stupid. And I would never tell you that to your face, but I just said it on a podcast, so I guess now I have to say it to your face. So now I'm in this awkward position. So it's just it's, you know, because we say things all the time that we don't mean I know, and I'm not very good at interpersonal confrontation either, which is the

ironic thing. Like and then you know, it's like obviously you can talk magic online, and then when it actually when you actually come face to face with someone, I'm always like, I'm so sorry, like I really like you,

and I also really like most people. Like when I meet most people and like I'm with them, like in person, one on one, I'm usually like, you're really cool, like, you know, know, anytime I have a fan interaction with the show, I always feel like I'm disappointing with my answers because they're like, what's this is like in real life? Like they're nice, Like I don't know what, They're fine.

They're like, oh, they're probably such a big dick, and I'm like, no, they're fine, Like, you know, they did some things on the show, like I don't know, it's TV. What do you want from me? Who are you talking about? Specifically Dared Dean obviously, Well, okay, I guess that's fair. No, I'm kidding. Who would be a good example of that, Well, honestly, a lot of it was actually before we were together. People come up oh my god, just be like, oh my god, she cries all the time, and oh, I

thought you meant you were talking on her. Oh no, before we together, people come up be like she's so crazy, and I'm like, she's not. She's awesome. She just cries as an emotional and they're like, oh, Like, I think that people expect me to be like, oh, she's out of her mind, she's insane. I don't know how long this is going to last. I know, yeah, I've got some questions about you and Grayston. So you guys are engaged, right, Yes, congratulation.

I don't know where my ring is that. Yes, I haven't. You've already lost the ring. That's a good start. Well, so, as Jared was saying earlier, kind of toadded as like the the Bachelor contestant that goes against the grain. Right. So I was personally shocked to hear that you guys got engaged, not for very reason. I knew guys were in love, you have kids together, all that kind of stuff, but um, can you talk us through that whole decision

making process? Like yeah, so um oh, Also I never answered your question, Jared, like we met through we met through mutual friends in the rock climbing community. So actually he updated one of my good friends, um that I knew through climbing and so, and I knew him through like other people, and I just like always thought he was really hot. And then we met at like a friend's party and I was like, he's kind of weird, but you know whatever, and then uh, he just like

I don't know, he just got my number. And then he was like, Hey, do you want to come over for dinner. I'll make you dinner, like on Wednesday night. And I love that directness because it was just something I hadn't experienced a lot, like in l A. And he was just like, you know, Wednesday night, come over, I'll make you dinner. I was like, okay, cool, and you know we did that day. It was great and it was crazy. I actually like wrote in my journal that night, um, really corny. But I was sort of

like I know. I was like I know that I love him and not like I'm in love with him, Like I know that I love the person that he is, Like he's so himself and like it really doesn't care what other people think, Like people say that sometimes about me, but I really I care a lot about what other people think. I think about what other people think about me a lot. But he really was just like so free and being himself and I just loved that about him.

And then yeah, I don't know. He was just like, hey, do you want to hang out next week on Monday and go do this? And I just love that intentionality. And UM loved it so much that three months later I found out I was pregnant. So there, there you have it. Um. But that first year in our relationship was really hard, like it sucks. Neither of us wanted We've talked about this before, like on the podcast and stuff, like neither of us wanted to be with each other.

There was a lot of resentment. He did not want me to have the baby. We were sucking, pissed at each other. I I wanted him. I was like, I'll do this on my own, Like I want you to be out of the picture, like please just let me like a single parent. And he was like no, Like I am, no, I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna be a part of your life and be a part of our child's life. UM. And it was really really hard.

And then when she was born, you know, I feel like a lot of couples when they have a kid sometimes it can really kind of rock their world in their relationship, and for us it did, but in a really positive way because I felt like there was this concept of us having a child and that was really daunting, and then all of a sudden she was there and like she was perfect and we were both in love with her, and then we saw the other person being in love with her and watch and the other person

parent was just like I don't know. It was just like immediately everything shifted in our relationship. Two weeks after that, he literally two weeks after she was born, he proposed to me and I was like what, like and and at first I was kind of like yeah, and then it was like two hours later we were like going to bed and I was like they'be like at not right now, like no, and and he wasn't like butt

heard about it. I was just like, I know, like I want this to be I understand like the sentiment, but I want this decision to be about us, like, not about that we just had a kid together, and like you want to seal the deal and show me you're committed, Like I don't know. I felt so intertwined with like being parents together, and I was just like, I don't I don't want that. Um. So I don't know, like over the years, and I was like, I don't know, why do we even have to get married, you know,

we had two kids, Like what's the point? Um? And honestly, like it came down to both of us really really want to have like a big party, and I guess we don't technically need a letting to do that. But I don't know. We were both like, yeah, I mean, let's get married. Why not, Like we're both committed to be together like for the rest of our lives, and I don't know, like who knows what our relationship might

look like as the years go on. We can both be I mean, I guess I'm a little more unconventional than he is. His friend the other day was like, Becca, you always like say, talk about like having you know, like a non monouguous relationship, and great pretends to go along with it, but he's like the most traditional guy like ever at the heart of him. Um. But so we I don't know, we just had talked about getting married and all that, and and then we're like, you know, well,

let's do it? Why not? And so we had talked about getting engaged, and I was like, I want to pick out the ring, like I want to be a part of it. And so I did, like at a point last year. And then yeah, I didn't know. I knew it was going to happen eventually. So I mean when he proposed it was like not a big surprise thing. And and and so for me, I guess to answer your question, it feels like something that's just for us.

And I think like it's particularly meaningful because we have kids and doing it at this point in our lives, especially now as our kids are getting a little bit older and we can be a little bit more independent. It's like we're just now starting to do like more of the dating stuff, you know. Now we can go on trips together and like travel together, and and honestly,

like it's funny. I was. I was kind of crying a couple of days ago, and I was just kind of mourning that where I was like, I feel really sad sometimes that like we didn't get to do the thing that other people like get to do, like doing what you and Kalin are doing, like traveling around just like living your lives together, Like I mourned that a lot for sure, where I'm like, oh my gosh, like we could have had you know, so much fun and we still can. But it just like looks differently. Um,

and so I'm warned that. But I think that this is just kind of a special symbol of like, no, we're We're not just in this because we have kids together, Like this is a separate commitment that we're making to each other, a romantic commitment to each other, regardless of the kids. Yeah, that's a good way to look at it. I feel like to uh, I don't know if you've seen anything, but like Caylen and I are going through

a similar process right now. It's funny to hear you talk about you and Grayson because it's kind of the same mindset I'm in as well, where it's like, well, I'm already I'm already gonna spend the rest of my life with this person. Anyways. Do I want to get married? Not really, but if the other person wants it, why not, let's just do it? You know? Yeah, what does that

mean to you? I guess, like what is what is like is that just from like trauma, like family trauma, like not wanting to get married or I guess, like, what's the what's the thing there? Yeah, that's a good question. I guess my So, my parents had a really poor marriage, at least like in the latter part of it when I was growing up and old enough to realize kind of what was going on. Um, so I never had like a good example of what a good marriage looks like,

I guess, which is pretty bad. And as much as I hate to say it, like I I just think I'm a contrarian, like to my core, and the fact that everyone expects you to get married, wants you to get married just inherently like makes me so like Auntie that idea. It's it's so annoying. It's like, you don't know what's best for me, and I'm going to prove it to you by showing you the exact opposite and still being happy, you know what I mean. Yeah, people

ask all that time. I get that people ask me that, Alton, what are you guys getting married? Like the minute that you know, when I was since being of a relationship and when I got pregnant, like, what are you guys

getting married? You know, dude, back off? Did you feel a big pressure for like just like socially from that, likease, obviously you know you're having kids and all that kind of stuff, did you see, Like because you know, people comment the most ridiculous things, and it's like people you don't even know that have no input on your life, that have no like insight whatsoever, but they're saying that was outrageous, like a matter of fact, like this has to happen kind of thing. You know. Yeah that do

that stuff doesn't bother me. I mean it also helps that we live in l A or like we're in Yeah, helps that we live in l A. Because that's just no one here. Like I felt when I got pregnant in l A. I felt like I was a teen pregnancy like before we're just like, oh my god, like and it was funny. People's reactions were sort of like, well, why did you keep the baby? Like that's so weird? Like, um,

people were just like really shocked by that. In our community here, I guess like all of our so many of my friends are like in their thirties and don't have kids. Um, so uh no, I don't. I don't feel like I felt like that pressure online of course, like people are just always annoying and always have a

lot to say. The only stuff that bothers me is when people feel like they know our relationship and like it's always the people that are more invested that bothered me, where they're like I've been listening to the podcast and I've just noticed how you always interrupt him and it just really seems like you have a lot of presentment and you haven't worked through you know, like those that kind of thing like it just like, oh, it makes me like so furious or like, oh someone the other

day because I was like I was having like a panic attack, and I called him and he was out getting drinks with friends that he had seen a long time, and I called him. I was like, I'm freaking out right now. I have this paranoia that like I'm going to be dosed with like some sort of psychedelic accidentally. And I was like I was like sitting on the couch like doing one thing, and I started feeling really weird.

And my first thought my friend had made me muffins and I know that she micro doses, and my first thought was like she used the shroom chocolate like in the muffins, and I started like panicking like freaking out. I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna start tripping right now. And I was just like I'm losing my mind. And I called him and He's like, babe, we just got like a roundom beer, like can you wait like

ten minutes? And I got so pissed. But then the funny thing was that me getting pissed at him like brought me down and I was like, wait, I'm not tripping right now, like totally fine. But of course I posted about that on Instagram and then someone DM me. It was like girl, just so you know, like you deserve someone who will actually show up shut that that kind of and I'm just like, shut the up, like

you don't know us, leave me alone. But then I'm putting my life out there, so I'm inviting people to comment. You know, it is what it is. How do you feel about that, Dean? Do you are you always getting people who are commenting on your relationships? On your relationship? Yeah, relationships, well, yeah, my relationship with Alister too. I guess um. I we talked about a lot on this podcast, and I'm sure you deal with quite a bit of it as well.

Where I'll say, like one thing you know, in context, it makes sense with the tone, and then some article or whatever, we'll take it out of context and then put it in print and it has like a completely different meaning. And then people will see that and then like either attack me or Kalin because of some you know, two sentenced thing I said snarkily on a podcast talking to Jared. It's my friend, you know what I mean.

So it's like that really bothers me when they when they don't know anything, uh, and they see like one little headline and they're like, ope, I'm gonna go voice my disagreement with this on his Instagram page, you know. Uh huh I read. And also, things taken out of

context are so frustrating. I've had that happen a lot with the podcast to where people even like you know, on YouTube or whatever, we'll isolate like a thirty second clip and make you sound like a total freak and I'm like, no, dude, like that's not oh my god, like listen to the full conversation here, and that's really frustrating.

But no, I read one of those articles where it's like you said something like you don't like saying the word love or something like that, and it made you sound like really stupid, really look to be honest, I am really stupid, there's no question about that. But they make me sound even stupider, which is the more frustrating part. It's like, let me be as stupid as I am. You don't need like, you don't need Yeah, you don't need to help me make me look more stupid. Okay, exactly, So,

so that's pretty frustrating. I guess there's like even a bigger problem with that too, Like who cares about some stupid reality TV people like that's happening on like a larger scale politically and geo politically and all that kind of stuff, But there's a bigger issue there. It's just it's really frustrating. Um, it doesn't affect me so much, like I could mostly care less. What really bothers me is how Kaylin seems to be bothered by it a little bit more just because she you know, she always

talks about It's It's funny. My relationship with Kayalin is a lot like Jared and Ashley's, like where Ashley will say anything for whatever reason and not care about the consequences and kind of had to get used to that whole lifestyle, and Kalen is scared in this case where I'll go out on a limb or a tangent and say something ridiculous because I don't really care about the three percussions. You know, you can talk about me all

you want. I don't personally mind. But She's like, turn it down a little bit, like I don't want people talking crap about us as a couple, and I gotta I got to. I'm trying to reel it back in and respect that a little bit, but she definitely takes a little bit harder sometimes. Yeah, I mean there's stuff that I've had to be more mindful of just keeping private, just like I don't know, just certain struggles in the

relationship or this or that. Like I've definitely set more boundaries over time where I'm like I don't need to let people in on this, like this is between us, or like this is between me and this person, whoever that is, and like I don't really need to talk about that to the world. It's not really any other business.

But that takes that, I don't know, it takes thinking about it, which you know, there's a lot of things I say that I don't really think about before I do, so I feel like that's I'm important part of it. I'm kind of in the vein where it's like, if it's happening to me, unless there's like other people involved that are like very clearly saying they don't want it

talked about. I'm like, if it's happening to me, I don't care to talk as long as real life, I'll talk about it to like the fullest extent of the truth, you know what I mean, Because a lot of people do like um, like cush like provide like a cushion for a lot of the stuff that they're talking about

because they don't want to be like criticized. And honestly, I think the people that get the most upset about it, I think that they're I think that they feel jealous that they can't express themselves freely about the same thing, you know what I mean. Like people project their issues, Like when you're talking about your relationship and being like, yeah, we're struggling, and people are like, well, you need to dump him. I'm like, I always think, I'm like, what

are you going through in your relationship? Or like, you know, like you're projecting something out of this situation because it's pretty normal to be in conflict, to have struggles to question, like how you want to be tied to someone just I don't know. Wait, so you guys just thinking about getting engaged and married though, Um, yeah, we are. That's that's kind of why I wanted to ask you about it. Well, I mean, we are. We are going to do those things.

It's funny because we've talked about it so much. Um, And I've talked about it on here quite a bit too. I'm always worried I'm like removing a bit of the romance from it to where it's like, you know, it's not much of a surprise anymore. It's like overcommunicated at this point. But we've agreed that we're both going to propose to each other at some point and then get married. Um. And because like you said, like you know, I have every intention to spend the rest of my life with her.

I don't want to get married, but she does, and so it's like, well, we're already spending our lives together, why not just get married first. I don't know. I know what I'm doing it and where I'm doing it, but I have no idea when and where she's doing it. Well, that's fun. That's so much fun. Who's your money on, Dean, My money's on me doing At first, I think she's waiting for me to do it first before she pulls the figure. Think that's fun. I think, like, yeah, it's

it's kind of funny. I I I understand what you're saying about taking the romance out of it too, for sure, because he was like telling me also about the plan that he had, Like at one point he was talking about doing a flash mob job and I was like, no, don't do that, like, please, don't do that. He's right, you're looking at him like Dodger stadium, Like no, absolutely, not propose to me with a flash mob. That sounds funny. Jared says, you could propose to him with a flash

mom and Dodger stadium. He's down for it. Yeah, it's funny. I feel almost like self conscious or embarrassed about like our about like love. Like when someone asked me like, oh,

are you guys in love? It's like such a we It makes me really uncomfortable for some weird reason and I don't really know why, or like when people are like oh my god, like tell me all about your engagement like not in this context, but like even like a close friend, I'm kind of like like there's something about it that just kind of makes me, I don't know, I feel like weirdly private when I'm talking about like

expressing my affection or like our relationship. It just yeah, I don't like, yeah, I don't know, it just makes me feel weird. I don't care what other people do, but I just feel really weird about being like we're in love. I don't know. Do you think you feel weird about telling them because you're afraid that you're not going to live up to like their expectations, Because that's what I get. That's what I think about all the time.

Not like it's there, but it's just like of course they're like, oh, how much are you in love with Ashley? I'm like, I'm in love with her. I love my wife, I love her all the time, but like, you know,

it's a marriage, so I don't I don't know. I think people just have this expectation, especially when you're on a dating show, that you're like constantly in the mindset of like being on top of the mountain with the loved one and like, oh my god, you know, just like every minute of every day being like do you know how much I love you? Do you know how

much I'm in love with you? And it's like, of course I love my wife, but like there, you know, it's like a regular old marriage, guys, I don't know what. It's also like a part of your life, right like, and I think people get uncomfortable with this, but it's also like a part of my life. Like my relationship to him isn't like like I have a lot, I got a lot going on, Like it's a it's a part of my it's a part of my life, a really really important one of the most important parts of

my life for sure. Um, But yeah, like I think especially it's like we're both business owners. Is like we're both like got so much going on, And yeah, I don't know, but I think you're right. I think it's

living up to Peuple's expectations. And I also think i'd compare myself to other people and honestly, like sometimes I'm like, oh my gosh, like I don't think I could you know, ever have a relationship like that or like, you know, I think our relationship has already been through so many ups and downs in a few years that we've been together,

and I feel super secure in it. But sometimes I'm like, like, I don't know, like do we have like a relationship like they do, or like yeah, but you know what, I'm such a true like I think I'm sure all three it was probably in the same mindset. Anytime I see like a lovey dovey post when two people, I'm like, they're breaking up in a monk, like it's going to be over Seriously, I agree. I think it's ridiculous. I do. I mean, I'm coporate number one when it comes to

posting cut on Instagram. Um, But when it comes to the podcast, I'm always willing and happy to like talk about the things we're struggling with because not many people talk about that stuff. And to Jared's point, it's like, not every relationship is lovey dovey standing on the top up of the mountain with your loved one. Like, because I feel the same way Becca, whenever anyone asked me about like how much I love Kalin, which I love her to death, and you know, I'm I'm um, I'm

crebbly lucky to be with her. I like, I like freeze up because I'm like, uh, like I don't know what to say, you know what I mean, I like, I don't. It's just like an awkward thing to talk about for me, so um and that kind of gets me in trouble sometimes. I think, Dean, you you I do this too. I express my love through humor. So like if somebody's like, how much are you in love with Ashley, I'm like, yeah, she's fine. Also, like I

don't know. It's something my therapist has gotten on me about is she's like, you say everything with like a smile and a laugh. Like she she's like, you could be talking about your family member getting murdered and I'll be like, yeah, and that happened, and like yeah, crazy right like that she's and she's just kind of like okay, like you're saying that with a smile on your face, but like that's really serious for you. And I'm like, I like, I'm not, like I'm not holding back tears.

I just don't. And I think that's just a vulnerability thing. And it's like I think there's ways that I'm really good at being vulnerable, like what you're talking about, Dean, Like I can talk openly about the things that I'm going through and I'm not afraid to hide that. I'm not ashamed of like this or that that other people might be really scared to talk about. But um, it's

difficult for me to get vulnerable. I mean, even with Gray sometimes, like it's difficult for me to like really get past the barrier and be like I don't know, to even recognize what I am going through sometimes and then to open up in that way. Like a lot of times my co host will like start talking about something and we'll cry on the podcast, and I'm just sitting there like like, uh, like I I feel it, but like my emotions are not caught up to the to the to the weight of the experience. So that's

definitely something I just struggled with. In general, It's like I feel like you and I might be long lost brother and sister because everything you're describing him like yeah, right here too or here too. I think it's a protective mechanism, you know. It's like I think that, and I think I pride myself so much on being tough, like if that's something I really realized lately, Like you know, like I said, even when it comes to physical stuff like giving birth, I'm like I'm so tough, like I

don't need you know, I don't need this. I don't need that, like I got it, and um, I don't know.

I think it's just like a protective thing in a way of and and and I've realized a lot on social media in the podcast too, I put off this like tough exterior, but I'm very sensitive, you know, like I get definitely get very in my head about what people say and and people It's so funny, like recently, I've had a couple of people comment just like super out of pocket and I and I don't really comment back a lot anymore, but I commented back and be like, yo,

that's mean, Like sometimes I'll just do that now. Like that hurts my feelings and it's very disarming for people, I think. And someone commented commented back like, oh, I thought you like like when people are like kind of sparring with you, And I'm like, no, like that hurts my feelings. Like I'm a normal person, but I think I put up a tough exterior a lot, and people think that, like, you know, I'm just down with fighting with everyone all the time. And I'm like, no, you know,

I'm gonna be loved too. And it's funny commenting back to those people too, because a lot of times I feel like they just threw up a control comment, not expecting to hear anything back, and then they see that the person is actually writing them back and they're like, oh wait, okay, sorry, maybe I should reconsider what I say before. Oh yeah. I've definitely gotten d ms and comments back that are like I'm so sorry, like I did not I did. Yeah, I didn't think you're gonna

see what do you think you're doing? Who do you think you're talking to? Like, I'm a human being on the other side of this, I got one more question for you. So, um, now the guys are engaged. What is the wedding planning situation? Like, can you feel we are? Yeah? He and I are, so. I mean I'm excited because we're so on the same page. We're like we were like talking about it. I'm like, okay, like, what are

the vibes you want for our wedding? He's like, see like great gats Beak, Carnival And I'm like, amazing, I want a Ferris Wheel at our wedding too, And we're like okay, sweet, So we just I don't know, we

just want to. Like we're so into all these goofy ideas where we're like okay, walking into the ceremony like Champagne and caviare and then walking out of the ceremony like Mozza Realistics and corn dogs for everyone like before like we do photos or whatever, and we just like have this like all these fun ideas about like how we want to entertain people and like ultimately we just want like all of our loved ones to have a

great time. And so I think it's really fun getting creative about that of like Okay, we gotta make sure there's food at all times. We're gonna have a taco truck like during the dance floor, Like I don't know, just like all of that stuff. We've just had a blast. We have literally no concrete plans, but we have a lot of concepts going around. So that's been fun. That's going to hear because I feel like every time I hear about people planning their weddings, they always talk about

how stressful it is. So it's good to hear that you guys are having a good time. Plan We haven't done actual any plans people are do you have a day and I'm like, no, we don't know where we're having it or what we're doing, Like, no, absolutely not, So I guess we got to get on that. But that does sound a little bit. It's always it's always so much fun wedding planning and coming up with the concept and the ideas. But then it gets to like the money. Yeah, the money one, but also like, all right,

uh so forks? What kind of forks do you want? You're like, you gotta be kidding me. We're really having a conversation about forks right now. Get the hell out of here. I want to talk about food and Ferris Wheels and the Dragon roller coaster. That's what your wedding

were meant top Not pretty good? Yeah, I mean I think we have all these great ideas too, where we're like five hundred people Ferris Wheel and then we're probably looking at like a one hundred and fifty thou dollar wedding Like that's not going to happen, so we're probably going to have to tame down a lot of our ideas. Dean, do you think you guys will do something private or like something like do you think you have a big bash for the actual wedding we're gonna alope. I hope

that's my dream. I told Calin original plan um actually too. I guess I could share this. I've never actually shared this before. Um. So, my brother just got married in Tahoe. He proposed on a Friday. They got married on a Saturday, and I'm kind of pissed because he's stole my idea. My original plan I told Calin this um was to take her to Patagonia in South America, propose at Torrestel Pining National Park down there, and then fly directly to Italy and get married in Italy and fly directly to

New Zealand and honeymoon in New Zealand. And that was like my original romantic, huge gesture plan. But that's obviously not gonna happen anymore. I think it's why who cares well? No, I just I don't know. I because I was thinking I was. I thought I was being a little too selfish with that, Like I was like, oh, I don't want a big wedding, so let's just alope in Italy right now. Um. That was kind of like it seemed like really great up here, and I'm sure Calin would

would have loved it. But I at least want her to have like a big say and how the rest of it happens. I guess that's true, and like actually wants her fan there and like that kind of thing is probably right, And that's that's the big part about it too. I've I've got like a big fear of um inviting people to stuff and not having them show up. So I don't imagine that's having a very big wedding. I think it'll be like family, only no one's gonna shop up to your wedding. I think everyone will know.

I know they would. And then also like I never had in MySpace in middle school because I'm so scared of like ranking my friends and so to have like a best man and then groomsman is like terrifying to me, where it's like, hey, you're my number one best friend and you're my number three best friends. Okay. You know what someone did at a wedding recently that I really liked.

They had, like, because we both have like a lot of close friends and we've had for a really long time, they had like ten bridesmaids and groomsmen, but they only had like they only chose like one person stand up there and it was like their sibling. So they had all these people that kind of dressed as like their in crowd, and then they just had like they're you know, they're simply like standing up next and at the ceremony. That's a good idea. Listen, It's not the groundsman or

the bridesmaids that's going to give you stress. It's going to be the invitations, because there's gonna be people that you just can't fit into your wedding that wound that are like on the plan BT And that is by far the worst part because you really love them, you do, but it's like, especially like the people get ready for the people that you haven't spoken to in like five years that you used to be close with that you're not close with anymore, and you're like, I haven't talked

to them like four years. Do I invite them or they canna like do what you know? Did you did you personally have any awkward encounters after your wedding where people were like upset that they didn't get invited. No, no, no, no no, nothing like that, But like I had, I've I've been invited to people's weddings who I've been talked to in years that I didn't invite to my own and I was like, oh, no, was I the biggest bill for not inviting you? I didn't even think about you.

We haven't spoken in five years. Why you invited me to your wedding? Yeah, that's just trying to fill chairs, Just trying to fill chairs. I have. I had an experience like that to one of my best friends from high school got married and invited me and a couple of other friends to his wedding, and we both just kind of didn't go. But it's like, come on, we haven't talked in seven years, Like, what's the point. I just didn't go. We just didn't go. We like collectively

decided we weren't going to go. Did you you know we are asp? No? Yeah, alright, that's good. But don't you think weddings are fun like weddings? No? Not really? I mean I guess do you think then we just sit there I mean, okay, dancing, drinking like with a bunch of I mean usually it's people that we know.

I guess, So I guess if you're going, okay, I get that if someone you don't know very well, But I mean I feel like, even if you have friends from high school and you guys are all going, then it can like you can make it into a thing. I think that's fun. And then also the last wedding that Gray and I went to, we just sat there and we just like critiqued everything. We were like during the cere mony, like something went wrong and I was like, do you think they're gonna last? Like was that like

a sign? Like it just started raining, like right after the ceremony ended, Like that seems like an omen you know, like I saw ravens flying up ahead and then like, you know, just I don't know. We're like, okay, I would like they took photos for way too long, Like let's not do that for ours. I mean, maybe it's just because we're talking about our wedding and we're having fun with that too, but don't Yeah, have you been to a wedding for we're great Stince friends like people

that only his friends. He has so many friends, like everybody is his bestie and we've had we have like four weddings this summer. They're all his friends. And he has still has a giant crew of like twenty friends from high school and twenty friends from college that he's still super close with that, and I do. I mean, they're they're they're fun people. They are party people, that's

for sure. Accept this wedding that we went to recently, Okay, wait, I gotta tell you guys this because this just really drove me ut. So the wedding that we went to recently was for his old roommate and she's very beautiful, and because he also has a tendency to overshare, he's like, you know, there was so much sexual attention when we were living together, and then after we and then after we stopped living together, one night we hooked up and it was like, oh my god, it was amazing, Like

why haven't we done this sooner? And then she moved away, and then I went out to visit her. You know, he tells me like everything, and um, sometimes I asked for it, and sometimes I'm like, bro, why did you Why if I went to a wedding like that and I told Ashley that story, she would be we wouldn't

be going to that wedding. So so then and then he flew out to go see her, but then she it was she had actually just started dating a new guy, and then that guy was the guy she was getting married to at this wedding, so I already know all this. By the way, also, this is kind of normal because he is friends with so many people that he's dated or slept with, and so I am around girls all the time who he's had some prior entanglement with. So I've had to just kind of buck up and deal

with it. And it's just, you know, I guess it's a good sign. No. Two, he hasn't burned all these bridges with women that he used to date or thing with, so that's a that's a positive it. Anyway, I'm sitting there and it's like an hour of speeches during the reception, and they're all just talking about how wonderful she is and how amazing she is, and I'm just sitting there like just and then I'm watching him looking at her, and I'm just like, I'll never be her, and I

was just getting like so mad. And then one of his like a couple of his friends were at the table and they like look to each other crying. They're like, we're so lucky to have her in our lives. And I was like, that's it. I'm done. I'm done with this. And I actually kind of like freaked out for a minute, and I went back to the Airbnb and then I like laid down and scrolled on my phone for a little bit, recollected myself and went back out and party. But it was it just was the last straw for me.

I was like, I'm I am over this. So, yeah, the wedding weddings are only fun when that partner hasn't slept with the bright. Yeah, and everyone's talking about how wonderful she is. Yeah, that's not super fun to feel it. But hey, goodos to you for being able to deal with that. I'm in your own way to whatever extent you know, Like that takes a lot of willpower and a lot of I don't know. Look, bitch, at the end of the day, he's with me and the ring is on my fingers, So you know, what, what are

you gonna do? Right? And then at your wedding they're gonna be saying the same about you, and there's gonna be a couple of girls in the audience that storm out, go to the Airbnb and sit on their phones. Um, Becka, we gotta let you well, I guess we gotta wrap up this episode before we do. I've I've wanted to ask this entire time. Um, do we expect the wedding before or after the next group of kids on the way? Oh my god, that's the thing. That's literally the thing.

I want to do this wedding before we have more kids, for sure. But it's just, you know, there's a lot going on. We have to build. I want to Oh my god, I could just talk forever, but I just went to this workshop where I learned how to build houses out of cobbs. Do you know what that is? It's like clay and sand and straw, and you can build like these amazing thing houses out of just like materials that are on your property. And it's like an

ancient building technique anyway. So now my big thing is I want to build a house on a property like in the mountains, out of cobb and I want to do that before we have our next babies, because I want to have one of the babies in the cop house. So we got to build a house. We gotta do the wedding, we gotta do a lot before we have work. I'm not gonna lie. This kind of sounds like the beginning of the Three Little Pigs. So I would just be careful if there's any like big bad wolves around.

But other than that, sounds like a great idea. Thanks. Thanks for that advice. All right, so we'll keep an eye on the cobs, we'll keep an eye on baby number three, we'll keep an eye on the wedding. Lots to look forward to in Becca's life. Becca, thank you so much for joining us. We appreciate it. Um. If you're listening to this right now and you haven't listened to any of Becca's podcast, be sure to check her out and Chatty Brad's YouTube Spotify. I'm sure you're all

over the place. Becca on Instagram. At Becca, you got just the straight up at Becca, I remember I saw you do that. I message you and I was like, how did you get that fifty bucks? Such a good deal for the guy that Dean just at Dean messaged me and try to sell it to me for ten thous dollars And I considered it. I really did, but I'm so glad I didn't. I'm a d right off, um, but thank you so much for joining us. We appreciate it. We had a blast. Bye, guys, Thank you, Thank you.

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