Help We Suck At Being Newlywed?
With Dean Ungler, Kylen Miller Keys and Jared Haven, an iHeartRadio podcast.
What is going on? Everybody?
Welcome to an all new episode of Help We Suck At Being Newlyweds. We are all in different locations today. I am joined by the beautiful, angelic, perfect, intelligent, kind sweet Jared Haven.
I'm just kidding to.
Say, what did he do? Why is he sucking up so badly?
I was gonna say. Kaylin Miller Keys is joining us from somewhere in the middle of Ohio. Right, is that where you are?
Yes? Yes, that's where I am.
And Jared's joining us leeveless from his home in Rhoe Island.
I would think right home in.
Rhode Island, do I mean? I've been up since like seven thirty. But you know what it was. I find that I look best with bedheads, so I didn't do I didn't put a hat on, I didn't put a product in my hair. I went to run errands, and uh, here I am. I've been working. So I got a new car, I got a truck. I've been working on this truck.
Yeah.
I feel like there's times though, when I drive the truck where I'm like, should I be blasting kid rock and have two American flags on this thing?
Like that?
Is this a prerequisite? I don't know.
Let me guess what.
Let me guess what kind of truck you got? You got a two thousand and twenty two Ford f one fifty.
Ooh so close. It is a twenty twenty two. It's a year old, but it would be a gmc denali.
Ah, dude, congratulations. Welcome to the Nanikes Club.
Welcome. Do you have a truck?
Yeah, I got Toyota to columb on twenty twenty two. It's my pride and joy, my sweet baby, that my that gets me in all these mountains that I'm trying to climb out here.
So it's you know, truck life is good.
Do you have a car in Colorado?
Dean has like ten vehicles.
Excuse me, I drove it from Nevada. I'm like, I'm sleeping. I'm like living in the truck when I'm in Colorado, not now, not when.
We record, because you know, it's nice to have a hotel room and Wi Fi and stuff. But I drive it to the trailhead, which requires four wheel drive, so I couldn't bring the van, and then I sleep in the truck bed and then I go and hike.
Sleep in the truck bed. Is it exposed tonight?
No.
I got like a cap over the top of it, and I put like a bed frame in it.
It's it's nice.
It's really nice. It's like a five star hotel on wheels. Maybe like a four star hotel. All right, maybe it's like a three star hotel.
Yeah, let's just keep going down and be more risk and realistic. So you have the truck, you're the van. You have a motorcizer cycle and a Superman, and.
Then I have a super U And I'll tell you what. Every car has its purpose. The van obviously gets used for van things. The truck gets used for the truck things, and for this mission that I'm on right now. The Subaru is used when I'm in Las Vegas and the truck is in Colorado, and like if I fly back or something, then the motorcycle, as we've talked about on this podcast, is in Los Angeles permanently, so I can drive that whenever I visit Los Angeles.
For that having to get nubers, so it all works out. It all works out. But let's talk about cars.
I want to hear from Kaylen if that's okay with you, guys, Kylen, tell us about what you're doing right now. Can you share anything or do you want to kind of keep it close to the chest.
I can share.
I'll be gone by the time this airs. But I'm just in a cabin in the woods and Hawking Hills, which is like an hour outside of Columbus, just a little, quick, little girls trip. I've only been to Ohio a couple times, and Hawking Hills keeps popping up on my Instagram. One of my friends lives out here, so came out and it is so beautiful. So there's three cabins and like these massive windows everywhere so I can see this beautiful pond. There's like a family of four right by us, and
then this little couple. So it's like our own little sanctuary out here.
That's nice. What have you guys been doing?
Well?
Got in last night, got in the hot tub, made dinner.
That's it.
We made a nice girl dinner. I don't know if you've seen that on TikTok, but we made mac and cheese.
Oh on TikTok. Now, I haven't really been on TikTok much.
But it does look beautiful out there, and I guess you just got there yesterday, So maybe if we had this podcast today from now we get more experiences. But what do you guys plan on doing? Are you going to go on some hikes? Are you going to go kayaking? Are you going to swim in the lake?
What are you going to do?
Yeah, we're planning on going on some hikes, but apparently this past winter didn't get super cold, so the ticks that we're supposed to die didn't die, and ticks season is really really bad, so I'm a little nervous to go on a hike.
We need to find like some tick repellent before we do that.
Well, that sounds lovely, Caitlin.
It looks like you're having sounds like you're having fun, and I'm excited to hear all about it when we get home next week, and I want to see some pictures. Yeah, it sounds like you're having fun. That's great.
Do any of your friends, like, so, how many girlfriends do you go with?
This time? It's just me and another friend?
Okay, so it's just two of you. Does she have kids?
No?
All right, damn it because I'm really trying to figure out how like logistically we can do this because I think Ashley really needs a girl's trip, and so you know, I'm trying to figure out exactly, all right, how do I send them away? Where can I send them to? And then I just got to make sure I take care of Dawson. But I kind of wanted to be a surprise. I guess I'm spoiling it from the podcast. But I don't know, do you get You gave me an idea when you said girl's trip?
Why can't she just like organize a girl's trip by yourself. Why do you have to send her away?
I don't have to, but I think it would be a nice gesture, uh, because the problem is, like we've talked about in Rhode Island. I'll tell you a quick story. Yesterday I got out of work and my buddy texted me. He was like, hey, do you want to golf? I got out of work around like three and this he was like, do you want to golf?
At four thirty?
And the country club you belonged to is it takes freaking forever because it's the millin nor So it takes It took us like a little over an hour to get there, but then Ashley. So I asked Ashley and she's was very hesitant. She's like, yeah, you know, because she was home with Dawson and then she wants to do something with me because she doesn't have any other friends of Rhode Island, and so she's like, can I can Dawson and I come? I said, yeah, of course.
So she was texting with Kenny, my buddy because we had you know, we're all friends. And they were driving there and I was like, all right, what are you gonna do? Well, yeah, I golf. I'll only you know, golf for like an hour and forty five minutes in the nine host and she's like, no, We're gonna come on the cart with you. And it was Dawson an Ashley, and I was like, oh okay. And then we were running late were I was already stressed because I just
worked at three. I was running literally. I was texting my buddy being like, I'm just gonna jump on the tea with you because there's no tea times afterwards. And I was getting there directly the minute the tea off time. But then of course she was like, oh no, Dawson
and are coming with us. I'm like, actually, it's gonna take it forever to get him out of the car and in the car and like get this going, and then he's gonna be crying on the freaking golf course and we're gonna get kicked out of this country club because we'd have a crying baby on the course. I didn't say that because I was like, it's okay. So of course we get on the course. He starts. He
wasn't too fussy, but he was like fussy enough. We're driving past into the hole and they're like looking at us because we have a baby on this golf court. Who was like wow. I'm like, oh Jesus Christ. So they ended up leaving after the second hole. Long story short, I felt terrible because then I was like, all right, never run. I don't want golf anymore because it's too stressful. I can't even hit the ball off the tee because like I'm just Dawson's making too much noise in the background.
I'm too focused on that. And then of course I'm having this realization in my head that the only way Ashley has fun in Rhde Island is when she just does things with me because we don't have that friend group. So this was all happening in my head. So she left after the second hole, and then I was like, I'm walking off the course. I'm not going to let you guys just go and do your own thing if you weren't planning on it. She's like, no, we'll be fine.
Just finish the nine holes. So then like she was walking away with Dawson, but she didn't pick him up and walked away. She like was letting him walk. So of course he was just like staring at me, and I'm like, I'm the worst father of all time. This is horrible. I'm choosing golf over my son. So I'm like, nope, I'm leaving. She's like no, no, no, you're staying. You're golfing. I'm going over here. We're fine. And so we were arguing about that and I'm like, this is so fucking stupid.
And then a long story short, I ended up finishing that holes. I played terrible because I couldn't get out of my own head. And then we just had a long conversation so about like I feel terrible because it feels like, you know, we don't have that dynamic right now where you can do your own thing and I can do my own thing and we could be happy
doing it because we're just not in that mode. So when Caylen you mentioned the girls trip, I'll was like, oh, okay, if I can, you know, I want her to do her own thing and be happy, you know what I mean. I want her to be happy with her friends. Yeah, It's like maybe if I send her on a girl strip with Lauren or something like just to get away for a couple of nights without Dawson. I know she missed Dawson, but she'll be so all have like adult time. So that's my thought process.
That that's that's something I think that'll get better in a couple in a couple of years. Right Like if Dawston could if Dawston's like four and he's like more aware of what's going on, you could just bring him just Dawson and then as she could go off and do whatever she wanted to do. Because I feel like once you get past the hump of like fully having the babysit, not babysit, but like you know, give a hundred percent of your attention to the kid while it's
still so young. But when it gets a little older at least you'll have some more leeway with that. But I will say I've gone I've gone golfing it with Kayln a couple of times in the cart and she doesn't play, but she'll like sit with me, Kaylen, and
you can attest to this. And every time we've done it, maybe like three times total, twice in the past like six months, and both of those times in the past six months, I've every time I would hit the ball, I'd be like, Kaylen, this is the most fun I've ever had playing golf.
It's great.
You gotta play golf, you'd one of your favorite hobbies. And then you get to go back into the cart and sit next to the love of your life.
Well, who could ever possibly complain about that?
You know, it's different when you have a crying baby, obviously, but like you know, mine is the baby.
It's pretty nice.
Yeah, And I feel bad because Dawson is like peque Dawson. I love being around in so much right now. He is just the best. He is happy, he's uh just so energetic and he you know, like like we talked about, like he's just that that that that that and it's like, dude, that is just the best feeling in the world. So that was the other problem was that, like he was walking away and I'm like, no, I don't want you, like I would rather go with you than golf right now.
But then of course Ashley was like, no, I feel bad. You work all the time. You should golf, and I'm like, no, like I feel bad. You don't want to be in RhE Island and you live here. So it's just like a tale, you know, that old that old song and dance.
Caitlyn.
Can you weigh in on from a woman's perspective on this situation.
Well, being childless? I don't. I don't think so, but yeah, yeah I don't. I don't know.
It would be nice when we eventually have kids to you know, partake in your hobbies with you, but it just sounds like it's a bit stressful, like my hobbies.
No, Like, you know, Dean loves to golf.
So when we have kids, you know, do what you guys try to do, bring the kid on the golf course. But it just sounds it sounds a little challenging.
Oh yeah, I mean we do. Ashley always does this and I love her so much for wanting to do it, because she's always so optimistic about the thought of doing something rather than the practicality of doing it. For example, anytime we go out, it's like, oh, we should go out to dinner. I'm like, yeah, we need a babysitter. She's like, no, we'll bring Dawson. Like, Ashley, why do we continue going down this this cycle of misery where
we go to dinner, we bring Dawson. He's fun, but it's just like it's not relaxing because our entire attention pit span is on him, like don't do that, don't pick that, No, you can't have that. Nope, We'll just get his food as quick as possible. Yes, please, just bring his food as fast as humanly possible. And then he gets his food, and then we get our food and he's like trying to reach for Oz and he's crying because he sees us eating different food than him
and he wants whatever food we're eating. So then we put on miss Rachel just to enjoy a dinner, and then we're like, Okay, we'll take the check and get out of here. And we're like, oh, that was nice, yeah, very nice. But it's like it's just a constant feeling of guilt, where like all we're doing is focusing on Dawson, so we never sit down and have a conversation. And then by the time our food comes, I feel terrible because it's like, all right, we're gonna put Miss Rachel
on so we can eat. And then I'm like, well, now we're just putting a phone in front of him, so why are we even going out to eat? At least if we were home, we'd be able to like interact with him or put something on the background on the TV and then like eat while we're like playing music or whatever. But anyway, this is the joy of having children, ladies and gentlemen, and the problem Dawson. Jesus, you know I was just called you Dawson.
I'm flattered.
You should be. He's a very good looking kid. But what I was going to say, time is ticking. You know, we gotta start in number two if we want siblings soon. So you know, it's just like we're going to do it all over again, so here we go.
Buckle up.
Yeah, but it'll be it'll be better the second time, because then you'll have a two year old. Dedicated babies two year older dedicated babysitter for when that kid is too you'll have a four year old that can watch the two year old.
Yeah, that's what people are telling us that, Like Dawson's actually gonna be.
A help right, right, right right at least, maybe not like super helpful at first, but he'll like work his way into it. It's so interesting to hear you talk about it because my oldest brother has a baby who's the exact same age as Dawson, and he his his not gripes, but like his comments about being a dad are so similar to yours.
They're a little different.
Like they just took their baby camping for the very first time this past weekend, and he said it was like one of the hardest things he's ever done. But like similar to like you, like, you know, you go out to dinner and it's like challenge, why are we even doing this? But in the broad scheme of things, it's like probably a good thing rather than just like staying home with the baby until the baby's old enough to talk or whatever, you know. But yeah, it's just interesting.
And then he's talking about a lot of that too. He's like once the baby or once my baby child is old enough because he like used to be a really big rock climber and now he has to not has to, but I guess gets to be on dad duty a lot more often. He's like not able to climb as much. So he's like when I'm fifty years
old and he's like forty. Now, It's like, when I'm fifty, I'm going to be the strongest fifty year old rock climber in the world because I'll be able to either take the kids to the climbing gym or they'll be able to stay home while I go out and do the things that I'm interested in. So I think it's just like a matter of delaying the things that you want to do for like five or ten years and then be getting really.
Good at it later on. Yeah.
Yeah, I've accepted that. I don't think Ashley has because she's like, I want to do it now, and I'm like, totally I understand because she's like, why can't we just go out to dinner, Like why can't we do this? I'm like Ashley, every parent in the world has informed us, like get traveling and all the things you want to do out of your system, because when you have kids, You're gonna have to just not do a lot of the things that you want to do for a few years.
So I was like, we've gotta gotta gotta get through it. Gotta get through it. And he's so much fun at home.
Caitlyn, how would you do with that? Do you think?
I was just thinking how how the both of us would deal with that. I feel like we both have very independent lives that I feel like, you know, who knows, you know, we don't have kids, and we don't know how hard it would be.
But I feel like you'd still be able to.
I'd watch baby Debbie or baby Hunter, and you'd go off and do your thing for a few days, and then you know, you'd watch the babies and I'd go do my things. But yeah, it'll be challenging because right now we can just pick up and go and travel and do whatever we want.
So I'm taking the baby with me wherever I go.
I know you say that, But the reason that I'm so hesitant in having kids right now is because I just love our freedom so much.
M It is nice. It is nice to have the freedom.
Yeah, freedom is so great, right, Jared, I mean right, Klein isn't freedom just so great? The fact that we can just pick up and go to Ohio or Colorado for as long as we want. But at the same time too, Jared always talks about how much he loves baby Dawson and how he's the most important thing in his life and ever will be.
Oh yeah, so it's like, you know, there.
Is would I would happily, like as much as it sucks to sacrifice freedom, I would happily sacrifice my freedom for Dawson, you know, like I would ever change.
I would gladly be like a homebody for four years. I think.
I think if we had a baby, I would just be a homebody for four years.
That's crazy coming from you.
I swear I would do it.
I could find new hot I'm pretty good at finding new hobbies where I could do them from home that I would like find fulfilling. I think, like whether it's you know, building stuff around the house. Maybe I'll pick up the sacks again. Maybe that kid is going to grow up to be a jazz musician because I'm playing the sacks for four years and then he picks it up and starts playing better than me all of a sudden, because I'm pretty bad at it as it is.
But yeah, I don't know.
You could hike with the baby too, hike close by the house.
Mm.
Yeah, that's not like super fulfilling to me. But I'm just saying I feel like I can find something. It's different for us in our current situation, obviously because Jared has the ten hour a day twelve our day job that he does with Audrey's and we don't.
So I think we're kind of.
For We would force ourselves to find something to stay busy, which is a.
Good That was the giant mistake Dawson was not Have you guys talked about going on your honeymoon? Like I feel like you mentioned South Africa at some point. Is that still go?
Yeah, I'm working on the hotels right now. We would start in Cape Town and spend like three or four nights in Cape Town and then go over and do like a safari for a week, just trying to figure out like where to go.
So I'm not too knowledgeable about South Africa except from what I've seen in Blood Diamond. But Cape Town, there's Johannesburg in Capetown. Correct, Yes, one is more dangerous than the other.
Correct, Dean's nodding, So I guess, so.
Yeah, Johannesburg is more dangerous, joe Berg is more dangerous.
Yeah, got it.
So you're going to Cape Town. Very nice.
I've heard we'm going to joe Burg. We might get a little danger in our lives.
Why not. I don't welcome the danger.
You're not planning this trip. You don't get to say, yeah.
Oh, but I'm going on it, so I don't.
It's my honeymoon, and I don't get to say if we get our experience a little bit of danger, come on.
Not if you don't help plan it, you gotta put the legwork in bro.
Mm hm, Well, I haven't been asked to help plan anything. And I feel like we're still in the preliminary phases. We don't even know when we're going. We don't even know if we're going. I thought we're going to the Maldives.
Oh we do.
We have the Belmont booked for four nights in Cape Town. So now we just have to figure out the safari part, which is being worked on.
So you're going, yeah, we're going. And Dean, the idea of Kaylin planning the trip, not asking for your opinion and letting you know that because you didn't plan it, you don't have a say in what the itinerary is. That's just called marriage, bro, So.
Just get yours up.
Yeah, and it's gonna be the most perfect honeymoon. We'll have the spa, we'll have tennis, we'll have great meals. There's like this beautiful farm to table picnic with a swing and yeah, it's gonna be great. He's gonna have a great time. Lots of you know, murderous animals.
It sounds like exactly like your kind of trip spas, tennis, farm to table picnic. That's exactly like something you're gonna absolutely love. And that's that's all I care about.
That's Cape Town.
And then the Safari is like, you know, more for you waking up at five am, waking up for sunrise taking photos.
Yeah, it's a good mix of both of us.
Like Jared said, if you're planning it, you might as well plan for your own interests.
I am no, I agree. I think that's how you should.
If I was more worried about it and I started getting concerned about not having fun for myself, which I will obviously, I would jump in and say no, no, no, no, no, we're not doing this. We would do this instead. But you know, I want you to go and have fun and do the things that you want to do, and then maybe I can work in some of my interests while we're there too.
Well, yeah, I figured you wouldn't play tennis, so you could go do your own thing while I'm playing tennis.
Well, who are going to play tennis against?
The Belmont has a tennis coach, so I'm going to play as a coach.
Hopefully he's not too good looking.
No, I hope he is. I hope he is good looking. I want Kaylen to it's.
Going to be like a long Tam Polly with the scuba instructor for Scoopa.
Are you for tennis, Kalen? Yeah, that would stink. I'd feel really bad about that. But well, Dean, if.
You were to plan a honeymoon, where would you go?
Hmm? Oh?
Man, if I were to plan, well, I mean we kind of agree. South Africa would the move for us. I just would do it a little differently, not better by any stretch of the imagination.
I'm curious because you told me Cape Town. I was like, how long do you want to spend in Capetown and you're like Cape Town for three to four days and then we'll do the safari the rest of the time.
I'm following your instructions.
Oh, I'm not.
I'm not being critical of your planning at all. I'm saying I would I would just focus more on the stuff that you could only do in South Africa, like the so far, like you don't go to South Africa to play tennis, not that you shouldn't play tennis when you're in South Africa, but like you go to South Africa for the animals, for the for the outdoors, whatever
it is. But I agree with your approach. Like half and half is kind of what we would want to do is like five days at a nice place where we can relax and just kind of like lays around and do whatever we wanted, whether you play tennis or play golf, and then like seven days doing a safari where we're going to get a bunch of cool pictures and see a lot of cool animals and that kind of stuff that's got that. I mean, if I were to plan it would be very similar to how you're doing it.
You're just better planning what I am.
Wait, So, so you would be planning the same trip essentially, just a little different.
Yeah, I just like, you know, I just like being critical of everything and everyone all, oh my gosh, No, but you're doing great, and I think we're gonna have an awesome time.
I hope it ends up happening.
I know you said you already got the hotels kind of figured out, or at least starting to figure it out.
We're still like, what five months away. I've been going on this thing.
So we're going to South Africa for our honeymoon. We just I just need a book flights, and then the flights kind of sucks. So we would fly to Europe and then Europe to South Africa. So I think we should spend a couple of days in Europe and then go to South Africa.
Right, well, United is a direct flight from from Newark to South Africa. So maybe hey, United Airlines, if you're listening to this, we're going on our honeymoon. We would love a direct flight from Newark to South Africa. Please help us out because we really need it. Thank you very much. That's right, United, That's how we're looking, Jared. How are you guys looking on booking your accommodations for our wedding. I guess getting any closer to that because time is a ticking.
Dude, Ashley does all that? Are you kidding me?
At this point, I'm worried you guys aren't gonna come.
Of course we're coming. When is it just kidding?
Dude? All right? I hope.
So we've had some wedding controversy on this podcast in the past, and so.
I don't know. Come for the guy I don't.
Booked his flight, which was so sweet, Like eight months before the wedding, he was like, Oh, my flight's booked, I'm ready to go, and I'm like, this guy unbelievable, so awesome. And then the day of the rehearsal dinner, Oh, I by my flight got canceled. I'm re routed to Boston and I got to drive down. I'm like, oh, dude, that sucks, Like I can't believe your flight got canceled, blah blah blah blah blah. And then I just found out that he missed his flight, but I still.
Made it for the rehearsal dinner.
I still still made it for then, that's right. I gave him great speech, great speech.
I totally forgot about that and then I was super hung over the next day.
Your wedding was a lot of fun. I did have a lot of fun.
Well, you guys will have a lot of fun at your wedding too. Just make sure you soak it all in, don't stress, learn any planning.
I learned a few things from that, though. I don't think I'm gonna drink it all at our wedding, at least. I don't want to be bloated. I don't want to be hungover, so I'm probably just gonna stay sober. And Mike Jared said, soak it all in.
The problem with you, Dean is it feels like you can't have one drink. It feels like you're the type of person not to like put tags on you, but it feels like you are unable. If you crack one open, game is over.
Oh yeah, well, alcoholism runs in my family and that's definitely part of it.
And once I have one sip.
It's it's game on, and no one knows what's gonna happen next. So that's why I think i'd just be best to avoid it altogether. And I haven't really been drinking very much lately at all, and I'm starting to finally get in good shape. So yeah, if if I stay sober, I'll stay slim and I'll stay sexy, and my bride will think I'm handsome and cute, and so that's enough of a and for me to stay sober.
You know, have you guys been actively thinking about that because you're both in have always been in great shape. Have you been trying to even get in better shape for the wedding or is it just whatever Dean has.
Been Dean, that's his main goal for doing the fourteen ers right to be.
Hot and sexy for you. Yeah, that's that's a big one for sure.
Yeah, you've lost a lot of weight. It's very impressive. You didn't need to lose weight. I know you're just very critical of your body, but you've done a great job.
I need you start doing like crunches or push ups or something, because while I'm getting slimmer, I need to still maintain some muscle mass. So I need to get into the gym, maybe like a month before the actual ceremony. But you've been killing it. You're doing pull ups, you're doing squat lunge extension things. Every time I look at your Instagram, stories. You're doing some new workout I've never heard of.
Yeah, my pull ups are pull up, they're assisted pull ups. They're not real pull ups, but they are fun and the gym's been fun.
I started working.
Out like more consistently and harder, I feel like around the time of got engaged, and solely for the wedding. But now I just like really enjoy the way I feel so and I've heard from so many people they like, work out so hard for the wedding and then they just stop. And I'm really hoping I can like incorporate this long term and make it a part of my routine. And I'm not just gonna stop after the wedding.
But we'll see.
You will if you feel great and you keep working out, you will.
Are you satisfied with the results so far? You got some crazy abs lately?
I I, you know, I am happy with it. It's just, you know, being a woman, my body ebbs and flows, and depending on what time of the month it is, that's pretty frustrating.
It's like, I work out so hard.
And then you know, my period comes and I'm bloated and feel like crap. So I'm just I'm just adjusting to that, and I'm cycle sinking, which I've heard a lot of people talk about on TikTok, and I think it's really helped me, like not only with emotions, but also with my body as well, and like being more you know, positive in terms of my body.
That makes sense, that's great.
Cycles sinking, cycle sinking. Yeah, So within your cycle, you have four phases. There's the liteal phase and I forget the rest. There's one that's ovulating, there's one that's your spirit, and then there's one more. And so with every phase there's like certain things you should be eating. There are follicular phase, thank you Easton, So there are certain things you should be eating, certain ways you should be working out,
or like you know, being easy on your body. And it's good to understand because sometimes I'm like I'm angry right now or why am I feeling sad? And so cycle sinking just really helps you understand your body a lot better. And there's you know, people who talk about this and do a much better job of it. But it has been interesting and really helpful so far.
Nice. That's cool.
How did you know that?
It's a very quick response. There's a podcast I work on called scrubbing in with Cotillon tin you're at and tiny's very into cycle sinking. I know a lot about cycle sinking.
Got it, That's what I telling more than me nice because I felt like it really has been there for a second.
Yeah, well, I.
Also feel for not knowing about the sinking side I've got. I've got a potentially TMI question, Caitlyn. I feel free to just brush this off. Do you know, because you can kind of plan when your cycle is going to be every month, do you know where in the cycle you'll be for our wedding weekend?
Yes, it keeps changing and it's pretty upsetting. So I was supposed to be ovulating on the day.
Of our wedding. Let's see around now now I think.
I think now I'm supposed to be pmssing on the day of our wedding. Wait, let's see. Oh my god, yeap pmssing.
No, just gonna say no, bro.
But uh, yeah, it keeps changing. So we'll see.
My brother and his wife conceived on the day of their wedding, so you know, we might. I guess we can't fall on those footsteps, which is unfortunate, but it.
Is what it is.
Yeah, it's probably for the best.
Maybe we'll have a wedding day miracle.
Who knows.
I bet a lot of married couples I would say more than fifty percent more often than not do not have sex on their wedding night because.
It's just so like tiring and stuff.
Yeah. I was just talking to my friend about this. She said they got married and then took photos and then in between I guess the reception while people were at cocktail hour right after, She's like, let's just have sex because I know we're not going to have it after the wedding. So they just went in the room, had sex, and then came out and started partying.
Nice, let's do that.
That's crazy, man. Yeah, I don't know if I would feel I guess I would be fine. Right, you just go you have sex, but then you're like, Grandma, thank you so much for coming. You know, it's yeah, it's oh man, this is tm I. But you guys ever get like like post guilt, you know what I mean. You're like, I can't let anybody see it, like, you know, like see us right afterwards. I need like a minute to just be like, oh, okay, no, we're fine, No.
No way.
When I walk out with my shoulders held high, walking out like a freaking like a batle evil, and no one knows why either, you know, And that's how I like it too.
I don't want anyone to know what's going on.
I just want them to see my confidence stretch that I'm that I'm having so.
But you know, and that's all that matters.
Yeah, I know, that's all that matters.
I can say, maybe we should do it before the ceremony, but that would be that'd be bad because we have.
To wait the first look it's for sex.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yea, yeah exactly, but that'd be bad because we have to wait until we're married to even engage in that type of action.
Obviously, yah, of course.
But you know what's hard is We've been to weddings where you know, either the groom and the bride or one or the other is saving themselves for marriage. And I've talked to people afterwards, like the bride afterwards, and she's like, it's so awkward because so many people are talking about it at the wedding and like then everyone knows like that night you're gonna have sex for the first time, and it's just like it feels so invasive, you know.
M Yeah, I think before our wedding, Calen, we should go through a process to be born again virgins.
I wonder what that would look.
Like, like, what does our virginity mm hmm, what kind of hoops we'd have to jump through in order to like get that confirmed, you know, with the church or whoever it might be. But like that'd be nice to go into our wedding both pure.
Both pure.
Well, I don't like it because you hate church, so that would never happen.
Yeah, but I'll still do it, you know. I think it'd be fun fun to say we both lost our virginity.
On our wedding night.
Yeah, he'll do it for the podcast.
You don't really cont that, yeah, exactly.
I wonder how long you have to not have sex for in order to be considered a born again virgin?
You know, I think it's I think.
It's just like faith wise, you just like maybe go, you know, I'm probably making this up. Go to your pastor and you do a lot of work in like months of like prayer and stuff, and then I don't know, but that sounds like it's right.
Can it be like done overnight? You know what I mean? You guys should the day before, you know, just be like, all right, let's go get this over with, so tomorrow we can be born.
Again, like an online certificate or something, just like a quick expedited.
Version where I just thought a form. Yeah, I mean there's everything for that these days.
If I want to be ordained, all I have to do is jump online real quick and fill out a survey or whatever.
There's got to be a way to do it for born again virgin too.
Oh yeah, it's probably all on the same website. You can get ordained, you can get groupons for skiing, and you can get a certificate to be a born again virgin.
Nice. Yeah, I think we should explore it. We need to explore it. But I think we've offended enough people as it is. Maybe we should move onto something else.
Nah.
Never, Oh I.
Almost died the other day. I can talk about that real quick.
How'd you almost die?
Oh?
Yeah, I almost fell off a mountain. I sent Kaylen a video of it.
It was pretty, Uh, it's pretty It's kind of hard to see in the video of exactly what happens, but I was walking down like this super narrow ridge really high up off the It was like a two thousand foot ridge that's like maybe two feet wide, and I like stepped down and I slipped, And if I slipped and fell, I would have fallen two thousand feet and died. But I caught myself really quick and I got it
all on video, which might have helped. It might have been the reason why I slipped, but I don't think so, because it was in my hands and it was my feet obviously that slipped. But you can like see my foot like sputter out and then I like catched myself on the rock at the last second, and it.
Was pretty terrifying. And then I had the video.
So I was like, I probably shouldn't send this to Kaylin, But in hindsight, since I survived, like it's pretty funny. So I did, And yeah, that was my experience almost dying.
Yeah, it would have been funny if Kaylen witnessed your death on video and she got it sent to you, you know, sent to her.
I gotta say, though, like, you know, if you are going to almost die, it's pretty cool to have it on camera. Like it's of all the things to have on camera, that's a cool thing they have on camera. So when it happened.
I like, I wasn't scared, and I wasn't like, oh that was a close one. I was in my head. I was like, thank god, I was recording.
How many close calls have you had.
Hiking wa is not.
Really any Like that was probably the biggest one, the one like that was the biggest one, where like it was pretty obvious I was like a couple of inches away from death, whereas maybe before there have been close calls, but it hasn't been so obvious, you know, like I don't I don't know specific examples, but like that one was like if I if I continued to fall just a little bit more, I would have been done.
So so that was that was quite an experience.
Is there ever a point where he would I have such a close call where you would say, listen, you need to stop, you can't do this anymore.
Well, yeah, we talked about this, like his fourteen ers specifically, and it has been causing me a lot of anxiety, just this one in particular, these three, because his friend, who was fearless, said it was the scariest one, like the most dangerous one. He wasn't scared the whole time on this fourteen or expedition until this one, So I wasn't sleeping for like three days leading up to it,
and while you were climbing. I didn't tell you this because I don't like to tell him when I'm anxious, to like put that anxiety on him when he's already doing like really scary stuff. But like it's like one hundred and ten degrees in Vegas, and I was like shaking, like shivering like it had such bad anxiety, and.
I was like, is he alive?
Is he alive?
I'm like checking stories of the friends that he's with. He's not texting me back, his satellite phone's not texting me back like nothing, and I'm like the last time his friend posted was two hours ago and then he texted me like twenty minutes later. But it causes me so much anxiety. And that one was definitely the worst one. But I wouldn't tell him to stop. You know, like, when we have kids, I think it's it's important to
like be a lot safer. You know, I want you to live for me, But when we have kids, it's like, you know, I want our kids to have a father. So I wouldn't really say like stop, this is too scary, but when we have kids, maybe just like be a little safer. But the thing, don't do the scary roots because Dean was doing the scary roots he had the option to do when that's easier, and he's going out of his way to do something that's harder.
Yeah, why do the scary roots, bro, Because it's way more, it's way more, it feels more accomplishing, I guess, and it's more fun.
But the thing is like, I don't want to die. I'm not ready to die.
So I'm like, yeah, I don't want you to be a widow either, But the thing like, I want to be alive more than I don't want you to be a widow. So I'm still fighting for my own self preservation. I'm not going to personfully go kill myself, you know what I mean.
Well, no, I'm saying that.
Yeah, I thought you meant you wanted like the feeling of being alive was more than Calvin being a widow. I'm like, damn, bro, no, no, no.
No, el, I really feel like I'm not I'm not trying to die.
I have no interest in dying, So like that supersedes any situation where like I'm not going to put myself in a situation where I'm like, oh, I could probably die here. It's all calculated in my head for better for worse. I guess where I'm like, oh, I can definitely do this, but like you know, accidents do happen, of course, but same as accidents happen on the road where people get into the car crashes and die and
it's very sad, it's no different than this. It's all you know, probability and all that kind of stuff where it's like you could probably, I could probably do this and be fine, and I'm going to go and do it and prove it to myself that I can.
That's basically what it is.
But that was the moment that where where I almost tripped, Yeah, where I was scared and Klen's kind of right. I was taking like more challenging roots up. I didn't wear a helmet on this route the other day, and there's like this big, long steep gully with a bunch of loose rock in it, and I was with a group of three other people and I was like, well, I don't want to be in the gully with three other people because they could kick rocks.
And hit me on the head, so I took I just kind of like winged it.
I was like, this looks like a good route, and I followed this ridge line all like two mile, well like a mile and a half up to the summit, and it was We started at like four am, so it was super dark, and I got to this like crazy like rock spire on the ridge and I was like tried to climb up. It got really freaking scared, climbed down, and then I was like yelling to my friends who were half a mile away.
I was like, I think I have to turn around.
I don't know what to do, Like I'm pretty freaked out right now. And then I like started looking at it again and I was like I can do it. I just have to freaking commit and get over it. And then once I'm there and then I can figure out what to do next. And it was like, like I said, it was full dark out and so I was like shriving my head lamp on it trying to find a solution.
The rock is like super loose, so I get to the.
Top of it and then I get to the ridge and everything went well. But then afterwards I was like looking online to see if anyone else had done this, you know, makeshift route that I had done, and it turns out like ten people have done it, and it's.
Like fifth class.
Yes, like five six climbing, which I can climb five six super easily. But normally you're like on a rope and you're protected and stuff, and it's daytime and you know, there's a lot of other things kind of working in your favor.
But this time I was like, I'm just gonna wing it. So Kalin's right, I do die.
I do kind of make things a little more difficult for myself, sometimes intentionally because it's more fun and I don't think I'm going to die and it's more of an accomplishment at the end of the day.
M interesting.
Is there a difference between route and root? Yeah?
Yeah, I don't know what it is though. I just say I say which every one I'm feeling in the moment, Yeah, I.
Agree, agreee. What do I say?
I think?
I say root? What do you say round?
You say root?
I say yeah, I say route.
It depends.
Yeah, but I say I I don't like that's I think I say both.
I definitely say both. It's like, oh, that's the route that's the route over there.
I bet I was like, oh this, I bet you, Oh yeah, right, route one forty six sounds I bet you. Route is more or proper like root could sound like the root of like a plant, but route it's pretty obviously like they're they're out, you know.
So Easton says, I think root can be a verb and route is always a noun.
Neither.
Wait, that's how you spelled right.
Anyway?
Yeah, definitely that ro O U t e is how you spelled both. But the way to pronounce it, you got to read it and pronounce it the right way.
He's spelling it phonetically for us, it's a phonetic explanation, yeah, because if he spelt it both the same way, then we would have no idea which way he was he was going.
That makes sense. Uh well, thank you so much for everybody tuning into this week's episode of Help We Suck at being newlyweds that will do it? Route or root? Please follow us on Instagram. Uh same old Instagram. Were promoting the podcast on there with all our new stuff, And thank you for listening. Dean Caitlin have fantastic times in both of your location and I'm gonna go to Audrey's Make sure you guys tune in next week. We're hopefully we talk just a little bit less.
Thanks for listening.
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