Quarantine Slump

to be here every week. I don't know why you asked me to keep coming back as a guest, but you know I'll keep coming as long as you keep asking. You're the true talent of this podcast. So we have a great podcast coming up for you from the guests of the brand new show, UH let me get the title right. It is UH You, Me and My Ex, which starts airing on t l C Sundays at ten pm. It's John April, John's ex wife Lauren and Roy April's ex husband. It's very confusing. I'll watch the first episode.

If you like these types of shows, you're gonna like this show. It's just a bunch of x is P who've been divorced living under one household and then then put cameras in there. And drama ensues. It's actually quite entertaining. Um. I'm excited to have them later on in the podcast and talk about the first episode. But first I wanted to get to something that we didn't finish last week, Dean, which was a New York Times article. UM, let me just bring it up here. Sorry. UM, It's it's Monday, people,

so usually we record on Fridays. It's Monday. I'm all over the place. Dean looks like he just woke up. Easton looks like a disheveled version of himself. We're all over the place today. It's a Monday. But here it is for the record. Let's let the record. Let's let the record stay for a second. That it's nine thirty in the morning where most of us are, but it's twelve thirty in the afternoon where you are, So you should you have less of an excuse to be a

little scatter brained at the moment. Oh, I have no excuse. But I'm still going to just make excuses because that's what I do. So it's hard to point out. I

appreciate it. The New York Times article that we talked about last week, seven ways to reset your relationship we only got through the first two, and just to reiterate what we were talking about, experts were saying, couples can emerge from the pandemic because hopefully we're getting past this thing stronger than ever by learning from the past and

looking forward towards the future. Quote. During this time, couples may have been spending about as much time with each other as they would normally be stretched out across a two or three year period, says Bryce dejone A, a clinical psychologist in Portland. Uh Quote. She goes on to say, and they've had to occupy multiple roles that have been previously filled by others, like friends, which is nearly impossible.

So as many couples pledged back into reality, it's a good opportunity to reset the relationship we talked about the first two. Number one is doing a relationship review, which is having to sit down with your partner, assess what has worked over the past year and a half throughout the pandemic, what hasn't worked, and try to work on your work on your weaknesses while reving your strengths. Just

like the New Engla Patriots. Dude Number two, voice your appreciation perhaps over the past year you haven't felt like giving compliments to your partner, but positive feedback is important. We talked about Dean, how you are a great, great person when it comes to compliments because you just compliment everybody so well. And number three build in time apart. This is interesting. Make sure that each partner builds some alone time into their day, even if it's a short walk.

What are your thoughts about that having some personal time to yourself. I've I've advocated for a time apart, specifically in relationships, for as long as I can freaking remember, and I still to this day. Kalen and I've been together for you know, over two years now, and there are still times where it's like, Okay, you know, we just spent two weeks literally by each other's side every waking moment. Now let's you know, I'm going to go off in the van for five days. I'll see when

I get back. And it's psych a good way to like reset. It's not because like I'm sick of her or she's sick of me, or we're sick of each other. It's just it's just a good thing to get out and you know, kind of like be on your own for a little bit. I think it's an important thing that people don't really tend to do it as much anymore. What do you think about it? No, I completely agree. I think you just become accustomed to way things are

and you don't prioritize yourself. And when we talked about numerous times on this podcast, but there has to be moments, even in your relationship where you just kind of have to be alone. You know, I'm never tired of Ashley. It's probably one of our best attributes in our relationship where there honestly hasn't been a time where I thought to myself, I need to be away from Ashley right now.

But being away from her actually right now she's down in Virginia visiting her parents, and I'm in the Rhode Island right now. It's been actually quite um nice to just have some alone time. And you know, I miss I miss my wife, you know, so it's a really nice, like you said, reset to have that I think is very important and there's nothing wrong with saying to your partner, Hey, I'm just gonna you know, I'm gonna go along for a little while, take a walk. I'm gonna go, you know,

to a store, do whatever. You need to do to just kind of get out reset your mind. I think it's really healthy. Number four in this seven ways to reset your relationship take time to connect. Having less sex these days, it's not just you. A recent online survey of one thousand and fifty nine adults about their intimate lives by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University revealed that over of participants reported a decline in the quality of

their sex lives since the pandemic began. Um, this might be a little t M I D. But I don't know. If you'd like to, I'll you. I want you to feel at first declined sex life. Um, I guess we'll definitely during the pandemic it was, you know, a lot of just lounging sweatpants. We didn't really try to dress up for each other. You know, there'd be may be days in there where I wouldn't bathe. So it was

just not a sexy time in our lives. So I guess, yeah, if I was answering this survey, I would say we were one of the participants with report, you know, who had a decline in our sex lives. Um, but as we've been very open and honest about we've been trying to conceive, so that has ramped things back up again.

But definitely during the pandemic it was not a priority, which actually caused I'm not going to say issues, but you know, we had conversations about it because Ashley was very honest and saying like, hey, I need you to make me feel more sexy, and I'm like, no, I'm very attracted to you. It's just you know, there's it's just as you know, Dean, like when you don't work out, when you're not feeling good about yourself, it makes you

it makes your sex drive go down. And so I think that happened to a lot of people in the pandemic, where they didn't feel good about themselves and sex went down, and then it just snowballed into like, oh my god, it's been three weeks since we've had sex, and and so I don't know any thoughts about it. Yeah, I mean, I mean, it's funny to hear you talk about it

so candidly. I appreciate it. I think that we've talked about it on the podcast a little bit in the past, but I'm I'm very much in the same boat as you, and uh, it's it's a weird thing to talk about. I talked about with my friends like privately all the time, but now I discuss it publicly on this it's always just funny to say, and it's very funny too. It's

basically exactly what you said to Caitlin. Caitlin voiced her concerns just like Ashley did to you, And my response is like, I's like, do you see, like how out of shape I am. I look in the mirror and I see myself and I'm like completely repulsed by the person looking back at me. Like it's just like, you know, pandemic. Let you go, let your body go. You've been eating worse, You've been working out less, You've been you know, like

you said, bathing less. I mean, I you know, that's always just kind of I don't I don't really bathe as it is anyways. Um, but yeah, it's bad. It's just all kind of compiles and and has become this perfect storm. And it's nothing to do with anyone else. It's really it's actually gotten so bad, not so bad, but like it made me so curious, I guess to the point where I'm like I just I actually just or a testosterone testing kit. I'm like, do I have

low testosterone? Um? But I do think once I get back in the gym and start working out again and like start being more confident in my appearance as I used to be, things will kind of return back to normal. But but yeah, it's it's it's definitely like a funny situation to be in. I'm very curious about this testosterone kit. You have to let us know if your testosterone levels are normal, low or high. Well, yeah, I definitely will.

And the funny thing is, right after I ordered it, it kind of made me recall this experience I had in college where I was driving around with my best friend and we came across the testoster and testing center and I was just distinctly remember the conversation. He was like, Dean, you should go get tested for a low teed. We are you just talking about how you thought you had low testosterone? So this might be a thing that I've just had since college or my entire life, or it

just isn't completely like in my head thing. Um, I feel like I don't know, I feel like we're kind of groomed culturally through social media and movies and television to like as guys be like, if you're not craving sex at all times of the day, then there's something wrong with you. And I feel like like I've absorbed that in a in a negative way, and I'm like, well,

I like, I don't really ever crave sex. There's never a moment where I'm like, my instincts are taking over and i have to like swipe everything off this counter and like, you know, take calein and do that. It's just I've never been that person. Um, and I enjoy that. I'm not that person. I've never really been motivated by this kind of stuff. So, uh, you know, I think society has kind of tricked me into thinking that I

should be, you know, a little bit more sexually motivated. Um. So I don't know, Yeah, I'll just know what the

results say. Though, No, I agree with you. When Ashley and I first got together because again being very candid, Ashley obviously was a virgin for a very long time, and so it was definitely, you know, a learning curve for for her and for both of us kind of getting to know each other, and so, uh, it was it was weird because she would sometimes get a little annoyed at me because she would have a difficult time,

uh during some moments. And then she's like, but you're like, you're supposed to want to have sex like every five minutes you're a guy, and it's like, I don't think that's I think that's a little bit of a myth ash because I feel like a lot of my guy friends like they might put this appearance on like they want to have sex all the time, but I really

don't think they do. And like, for someone like me, I'm I'm similar to you, Deane, where it's like I need you know, it's not like hey, I'm just ready to go like I need some you know, warming up to some four play in there. It's a it's a nice little added touch. Uh. So anyway we're being really Candidate number five, going to a party is some way

a way to reset your relationship. Seeing your significant other at an event dressed up, being witty perhaps can renew your own attraction, which is something, of course I agree with. Anytime we go to events and Ashley dresses up and she's wearing a dress and heels and like, oh yeah, yeah, you're looking good, especially when she's at an event or wearing some sort of get together and she's on her own and she's socializing with other people and making people

will feel good about themselves. Like, that's a very attractive trait for you know, something I find extremely attractive. You think that's reciprocated. Do you think she finds you more attractive to see you in your element? Because I think I'm more attractive in my element. You know, when I'm more in a when I'm in a scenario that I feel very comfortable, and I feel like I give off this this confidence, in this sex appeal that isn't there

when I'm in other scenarios that I am very uncomfortable with. Yeah, we kind of have that dynamic. I think Caylin is a little more introverted than Ashley as though, So there's

a lot of social settings we get into as a couple. Uh. And I don't want to say like I'm tasked with carrying the two of us through the conversations, but sometimes she'll like pull me aside afterwards and say like, thank you so much for not giving me like like essentially for being like thank you for handling that conversation because I wasn't in the mood to to talk with anyone, and she's like that was very nice to be like that, Like that was kind of like her her version of

being attracted to that. I guess. Uh, And that's the only find too, because time I get into a conversation, especially when it's her and I together, it's like, I don't want there to be any fluffing. Let's just get get the conversation over with, move on with their lives and and go to the next place. So, uh, it's kind of nice that, you know, we're both on the same page of just like, let's get sober with you. You guys balance each other off pretty well. Yeah. Number six,

rediscover your playful side. If there was ever a time to surprise ourselves and our partner with the new and unexpected, it is right now. Uh. Yeah, you have to be playful sometimes, like we're talking about, relationships can get stagnant and get stale. You need to kind of, you know,

spice it up. I think a lot of people forget that they have to put effort into a relationship and that when you're with someone you get complacent and you forget oh well, I need to put some sort of effort into you know, for lack of a better way of saying it, rediscovering our playful side because the relationship is supposed to be fun. Well, let's ask you this, what was the last playful thing you did for Ashley? Well, damn it, Dean, I didn't expect to answer that. Uh,

what is the last playful thing? I don't know. I also think what what's playful in my mind is not playful in ashes Um, damn what is the last? Oh man, I'm a terrible husband. Um, I don't know. Like I always, like, you know, when she wakes up. I always wake her up in bed and like cuddle with her for a minute and like tickle her arm. Um, it's never long enough because she always complains when I walk away because I only do it for like maybe two or three minutes.

But then like we'll always like play with Lois in the bed and have like a little family moment um, usually in the morning, sometimes before we go to bed. So that's probably like the most playful thing I've done. Probably not good enough, but little Hey, as long as she's happy, that's what that's all that matters. It's doesn't matter whether we think it's enough or not. It's others. She thinks it's good enough. I guess she's happy, and yeah, I would imagine she's Oh she's happy. Damn. She tells

me she's happy. I'm happy too, So hopefully we're both. Yeah, that's all that matters. One of the things that my father, for all of his shortcomings as a as a husband and the father, one thing he did a lot when I was a kid, I noticed was he would bring my mom flowers basically, like at least once a week. He would always like come home with a bouquet of flowers for her. And so that's kind of something that

I think I've taken. I don't buy them once a week for Caitlin, but I do try to at least, like, you know, once every couple of months or however many times show up with like a just like just a random bouquet flowers, just be like, you know what, you're great, You're special to me, and here are some flowers for you.

That's very nice. That's like my one thing. But I guess I could get better at it to you, right, maybe we should take this as a wake up call for us to just improve at our our playfulness and our surprisings. I know, as I'm talking about it. I'm realizing all of my shortcomings. And last, but not least, number seven is to make plans. Making plans together, such as a vacation, a home renovation project, or even just swinging by a new restaurant, activates our brains craving for

novel experiences. I don't think this is probably an issue with you. I feel like you and Camlon probably do a bunch of different stuff together, new new things together. Yeah. Actually, even just tonight we're in l A, but we're going to get a hotel room up in a Westlake village for the night. For some reason. That's just weird and that doesn't make sense that there's no reason to do it. It's just we're just gonna go do it, you know,

just experience, you know, making plains plans together. It's it's great. Activates the brains craving for novel experiences. Dean. That's what you guys are doing. You guys are doing the good, the good things in relationships. Well, there's I mean, there's something to be said about novel experiences too, because the reason, you know, how like you get older and older and you feel like time goes faster and faster. It's because

you are. You get so used to doing things that you're brain just kind of like goes into autopilot mode and it's like, oh, I've done this so many times. I don't have to really focus on anything right now, and so your life just gotta starts slipping on by. And there's a way to combat that, and it's by consistently doing new things and like making your brain kind of like unconsciously have to be like, oh, this is not uh, something I've experienced before. So it's life down

a little bit. And it's true because when I think about, you know, timing things, I'm like, oh, when did this happen? When did that happened? I usually timeframe things by either vacations I've taken or new experiences I've done. It's like, oh, yeah, well we went to you know, Florida in two thousand and eleven, and then we went to you know, Italy and two thousand eighteen nineteen. So that is interesting because I never I'm never like, oh, yeah, we uh we

got coffee uh in two thousand and twelve. So it's always new experiences that I look back upon and really like kind of make the markings in my life, you know. Okay, speaking speaking speaking of there's probably a place to have this conversation. But your honeymoon, you and actually went to Italy, right, yeah, Italy Increase. It was amazing. Wait, that's actually hilarious. So Caitlin and I are planning a trip, well that plan she's planning a trip for the end of summer early

autumn to Italy in Greece. So we need to pick your brain at some point. And u is the most beautiful place on earth. So yeah, I've been to Santorini. It's just it's just so crowded. Yes, but I mean depending on we also went in when was our wedding August, so we went well, I guess we went late August, so that is probably high vacation time, and it was crowded, but it wasn't crazy. And the hotel that we stayed at, I think it was called East West or West East,

one of those two, and it was beauty full. Uh. And it was probably like a ten minute drive to you know, the main area where you see all the pictures from Santorini. Uh, dude, pick our brain, man, There's so many places we can get I'm not even joking, Ashley and I will give you all of our recommendations. The place that was that we absolutely loved. So my big question marks we have are around Italy. Will ask you about Italy more so Thanase. But yeah, we stayed across.

We stayed in Positano, but like across from Positano, because Positano is beautiful. But you like you talk about crowds, that place is packed. But we stayed like across from Positano. So we had to take a boat there which was cool, and our our hotel resort was like much more quiet. It was great. Anyhow, we don't have to talk about this all the time to make people jealous. I am

excited to travel once again. But we do have some very special guests that are coming up right now from the brand new t l c SU series You Me and My Ex Sundays at ten pm. It is John, April, John's ex wife Lauren, and Roy, who is April's ex husband, and they all live on the same street together and they all hang out together, and they're all divorced but now dating each other and there's kids involved. It's pretty crazy.

But before we go to break, Jared, I want to talk to you about this story that's been making headlines and started interrupt you there, but we have to talk about it. It's Nick Cannon and he is going crazy. He you know, I'm gonna have a testofsterone, but Nick Cannon absolutely not. So he just had a seventh child. Tell me the story, Jared, because I I am so flabbergast about what's going on. I might not even be

put at my head around it. Tell me what's going on. Well, listen, it was just Father's Day, so let's do a Father's Day tribute to Nick Cannon who just had who was having his seventh baby. So he posted about it. Uh, you know, he's obviously the host of the mess singer um so his his girlfriend is named Alyssa and they said that they're pregnant with Nick's seventh child. He had three babies in less than a year. That's crazy. He has three babies with Brittany Bell. They have Powerful Queen Cannon,

who's six months old. They have son Golden Cannon, who's four, as well as ten year old twins Moroccan Scott Cannon and Monroe Cannon. And that is with his ex wife Mariah Carey, who I completely forgot that Nick Cannon and Marian Carry are married. Holy crap, that's insane, that's crazy. So he's welcoming his seventh with I don't know how many different women, but Nick, I think we're up to four. Hey, as long as he's a good dad, all the power

to him, that's all I care about. I remember, I remember the story came out and he had some ridiculous quote, and the quote was something along I'm paraphrasing, I'm gonna maybe probably get it wrong, but he said something along the lines of that's the reason we're here. We're here

to create, to procreate, and spread our seed. And I was already kind of face palming, and then I saw Nick's cannon common Nick Canon's comment about like spreading his seed, and that's our purpose for this lifetime is to create as much offspring as I can, and I face palmed even harder because it's just this, it's so bad. I mean, I don't get me wrong, I agree with you. If he's a great father, then by all means, keep doing

what you're doing. He clear, he's like obviously wealthy enough to like, you know, give these guys a good life, these kids a good life, as long as all the baby mamas are are are happy with the situation that they have. It seems like from what I've understood, there's

not much animosity between any of them. But it's just like, if if that's his mindset, if his mindset is I need to spread my seat as much as I possibly can in this lifetime, he's gonna go like the Gengish gone route and have at least fifty kids by the time he's done with it. I feel like because it's just I don't know, I don't know, it's it's it's crazy to me. I don't like it, but it is what it is. I guess what are you What are your thoughts on it? Do you approve? Do you disapprove?

I mean, it's just tough because he's having a lot of kids with different women. I don't know how many. I'm trying to full. Oh, here we go. So he has Wow, So he has having kids with four different women. Mariah Brittany bell Abby de la Rosa, who they're together right now and that's the mother of the twins that were born just last week. And then Alyssa Scott who's pregnant. Okay, so he just had a kid with Abby de la Rosa. He had twins that were born last week June, one

who he's with right now. But apparently he's also the father of the baby that Alyssa Scott is pregnant with currently and that's gonna be his fourth kid in the last year. And apparently A Lissa is a Motto who appeared on the game show Wild and Out, which is obviously canon Nick Nick Cannon host. Hell, so is he did he cheat on Abby deal Rosa? Do we know that? Doesn't think? I don't think he's steating because he's probably not in a monogamous relationship with these people. I mean,

I imagine this is just me and projecting. I just imagine that he's probably saying to these people that they're not like in a monogamus. I don't like so much stress on the women, like if you're gonna I guess, I don't know. I mean, I guess it's third choice as well. So it's you know, they're knowing exactly what what's happening, and I'm sure they're all like financially supported and stuff. It's not so much even the fact that it's with multiple women for me, like obviously that part

is it is what it is. It's just it's unfamiliar, and so that's kind of why we don't love it so much. But just like the concept of having as many kids as you possibly can is so it's just like so barbaric, Like that's what we would do, you know, years ago, and I guess more than like five or six thousand years ago, when you'd have eight kids, because you know, five of them are going to die by the time they turned three, and so the only three kids that you had would go up. Like it's just

like such a ridiculous statement. Like there's a there. I don't want to say like the world's overpopulated or anything like that, but like there definitely needs to be a cap on how many kids you're allowed to have as an individual. I feel like, I don't know, that's just my take on it. That's my take on it. Yeah, that's a lot, that's a lot. Well, I don't know. Hey, as long as the kids doing all right, that's all

I care about. Well, let's go from that crazy story to the next crazy story with you, me and my ex. But before we do that, we're gonna take one quick break. Hey, welcome back to help I suck at dating Dean myself, and we have some very special guests from the brand new t LCS series You, Me and My Ex, which is on Sunday nights at ten pm. Of course on TLC. It is John, April, Lauren and Roy. Hello everyone, how you doing well? Thank you so much for coming on.

We appreciate it. So as the show is titled It's You, Me and My Ex, so I'm gonna give like a little bit of a breakdown for people who haven't seen the show yet. So I feel like April, you're kind of in the middle of it. So April, April's ex husband is Roy, and you guys obviously got divorced, and then you have two kids together. But then April you started dating the next door neighbor, John, who quote mode

your law. I don't mean it's not euphanism, people, he just moded and mode their law and he became friends and then started dating. And now you are married. April and John are married, and John your ex wife is Lauren, and you guys all live on the same street together in Jacksonville. Did I did I nail that? You nailed it? Except Roy not have three children, but two of them are from my first marriage. Got it okay? Yes, and

I got out of there. I live in Cali now and now yes, now you're in Cali, So I gotta ask, holy crap. Roy, I'll start with you, how did this all? First of all, I want to know why did you in April break up? Because I gotta admit, with all due respect, John, I'm very happy for you in April. Roy, you and April still like you guys, go get matching tattoos, your best friends, you hang out all the time. There's still seems to be like some sort of connection there.

So why did you guys exactly break up? Uh? I'd say a lot of how to do was? I was done a lot with work and uh, you know I didn't always do all the things she needed me to do, you know, emotionally and stuff like that for her. So I think that's why she uh traded me and traded here. And that's one way phrasing. Well, John, I wanted to ask you because we talk a lot upon this podcast about is it possible to be friends with an X?

And we always say, hey, it has to be up to your new partner, like if your new significant other, it's friends with your ex, then it's possible, But Dean and I always say, like, probably best if you're not friends with an X, because it usually just leads to a messy, messy situation or you start in a reality television show either one. Uh. So, John, I wanted to ask you, how do you feel about April and Roy's relationship? Um?

Uh sometimes it's it's I would say, sometimes they're they're Roy Naples relationship is uh, it bothers me sometimes, But I also trust Apple and I trust Roy both the same, Like if they still wanted each other, they still be married. Um. And I think I think immaturity and maturity plays a huge factor and being able to have a friendly relationship with your ex. Um. You know, we're all a little bit older when we're not nineteen, so it's um, yeah,

I think maturity different has a huge factor in that. Yeah. Agree, And especially when you have kids, it throws like a whole different rench in there, you know. Yeah. Then, and they're they're the number one important thing for all of us, And all of us agree, all all four of us. If you asked us all separately, we would all say to go uprom the children and the number one most

important people out here. How is it? How is it for you and Lauren at the moment, because watching the show, it seemed like you guys still had a little like angered or animosity towards each other. But that doesn't obviously like you guys are able to look past that as well and be friends. Next question, That's what I'm talking about, Yeah, Lauren, because it makes sense that like April and Roy or x is and John is now dating April. But Lauren, you're John's x Are you and John just really good

friends and you wanted to stay friends? No, I wouldn't say John and are really good friends, but we have a very long history. You know, this is a person that I shared a life with once upon a time, and we do have children together. We had a very different marriage than April and Roy's. Um. There's was based on friendship versus John and I came about a little bit different um and in our divorce was very high conflict.

So we've been divorced and separated for five years and just kind of at this place where we can be civil and have a respect for one another. Um. But at the end of the day, he will always be a person in my life. We may not share bank accounts or still have a house, but imagining Touch was still someone that's super important to me. That's that and like we said earlier to that kind of plays into the maturity. It's great that you guys are still able

to uh coexist if you will. Uh, it says a lot more than a lot of other exs I feel like in the world nowadays. Um, all right, well, so right back to you then, just to kind of bring it back to the top. When when Jared was having you fill us in on everything, do you ever get maybe like a little jealous about, you know, the relationship that they have over there. No, not at all. Okay,

I'm happy for him. Um. You know, like like John said, the kids are the most important thing, and so all of us being able to get together I means that we all get to experience things for our our kids lives that if we weren't mature enough to get past our own insecurity, we would probably miss out on some things.

So I'm pretty happy to have the relationship that we do. April, how did this all come about when you guys were like, Okay, we're going to uh, you know, show the world what our situation is because I would imagine it's quite nerve wracking to be like, Okay, we're gonna tell people on national TV that, like, we're all really good friends and my current husband is jealous of my ex husband, but and then my current husband is still friends with his ex wife and we all live on the same block.

It's it's pretty nerve wracking to be like, Okay, here we go. This is like gonna be very public information. It is definitely much different than I thought it was gonna be. Lorna and I when we all went through our very high conflict custody battle and John and Lauren's divorce,

we decided to start a blog on podcast. So it was just supposed to be enlightening other families and hoping that they would take on the same concept that we did, which is co parenting past chaos and putting the kids first. When we decided to do the reality TV show, I'm we'll say that I don't think we were prepared for exactly what was gonna come of it. I'm gonna go on the record and tell you all. Remember my comment I said I didn't think it was a good idea.

I'm gonna stand byline that it is a good idea, but it's just very different put in your lives out there for people that don't quite understand it. It's really difficult. But we know while we're doing it, we're doing it because we want to spread positivity. We want to spread this message of you can be friends with your ex even though you're divorced, and you can come together for your children and create a very good luck for them no matter what. How do the how do the kids

handle the whole situation from top to bottom? It's you know, it's it's just got to be curious for them. As you know, young adults, the older ones, um are older children are a little bit um obviously they understand it more in depth. The our youngest Jet and he thinks both of these ladies gave birth home. Yes, he thinks he has two moms like he does. The kids, to them is normal. Our children, you know, only have to walk down the street to see one of their parents.

It's very normal to all of our kids. And we've watched our children, um really thrive having more people love them and the parents put aside all of their differences. Um, it's seen in our children. They're happy. And I think sometimes our children are happier than children in nuclear family homes because we don't have any more chaos, and then when we when we do, it's the good kind. Our children are loved and they're happy as they could be.

So it seems like you guys are all friends, which is interesting, you guys, like even throughout the zoom and watching on TV there does seem to be like a group friendship. Would that be accurate to say, yeah, you're always together? I mean, I know Roy with his career right now, he has to be apart from us, but we're always together. We celebrate holidays and especially Asians and life. We just do life together. So we celebrated m We went to Roy April and I and Tanner, our oldest.

He had a soccer tournament in Orlando, Florida, which happened to be the same day of my four yeth birthday. And I spent my four yeth birthday with Roy at the bar getting hammered. Well. Mom and Tanner were upstairs in the room sleeping, getting ready for the soccer game. So it's and what nothing was weird? No, there's no just that swinging. There's no swinging going on when nobody's sword of fighting. It's just we're just hanging out having a good time. Roy, Do you have anything to say

about that swinging comment? Yeah, you were trying to try and chime in. I was like, I think he wants to say something about sword fighting. No, hell no, um um uh no. I think some asshole at the bar that I picked up our dab for sure, right John? Oh that's correct, Johnny, you're the asshole in that scenario, probably being fair point, fair point. I can't give away about secrets, man. So do you guys think that you

would be all friends without kids? My point being because a lot of people you know that I talked to who have kids and are divorced. You know, of course, like you got, like you have all talked about, you put the kids ahead, and you know, you put your differences aside because they're the most important. So my question is with your dynamic, because you guys do really have this friendship dynamic that shows through the TV show and

throughout the Zoom. I mean, like you talked about John, your youngest Jet thinks that he has two moms, which is incredible. So my question is do you think had it been not for kids and you guys all got divorced before every having kids. Do you think that you'd still have this friendship or do you think it would have just been easier if everybody kind of went their separate ways. I am a firm believer that you can be friends with an x um, your loved a person

once upon a time. I don't think that there's anything wrong with owning the fact that that relationship may have ended, but you can still have a friendship with them, um, if that's the found out foundation that it began on. I have a first husband, UM, and we have no children together, but I did remain friends with him even ten years after my divorce. So I do think that if you love someone, and I for us, we've all been in love with one another at one point or another.

I do think that if there wasn't children, we could have still been friends. Would say that, Uh, they probably not. Why why, I'm just gonna mean, I'm just gonna say it. I mean like, if we didn't have kids and those those those humans didn't tie us together, I think that I don't think we would have a you know, like you know, a bad relationship. But I don't think we would have a relationship at this point like this. You know, we may communicate here and there, but I don't think

it would be as tight as you see. I think we would probably all move on venture off than do our things. We'll speak for yourself, yeah, or you would be my friends, So I think we would be friend is maybe not as close, and I wouldn't be traveling with you, but I'd still be your friend. Oh, Lauren, I would always be your friends. Yeah, all right, all right. Roy had to drop out, so we just wanted to thank Roy. But we are still on the line with John,

April and Lauren. Uh And so with you three, it seems that you guys are a little bit closer of the four. Is that also correct? It feels like Roy is a little bit of uh. I know, he just doesn't feel as close as you three are. I would actually disagree. I would say Roy is probably closer to her and I than sometimes John is to me. I think that's just the dynamic that April and Roy have.

But to be completely honest, April and I are the closest out of all of this, and Roy likes to do anything he can to get my go uh huh. So if he thinks that it's gonna perturb me, he's gonna say it or do it, So his little friend comment is just to get under my skin. So I'll take care of that later. And and does it work? Does it get under your skin? Yeah? Yeah? But like like like a best friend would drive you this kind of thing, right, like a best friend slash brother slash

crazy uncle. Right. Um. So, I feel like the overall theme of not only the show but your dynamic is you being able to handle jealousy, because that's the whole point of being friends with your ex is. And I'm someone who I don't describe myself as a jealous person, but there are times where I get very jealous. And when I think about if Ashley was friends my wife is named Ashley, if she was friends with an X as close as you guys are, I can't imagine I'd

be okay with it, But that's just me. Then maybe I'd be able to get over it. So my question for you, all three of you, and you can take it one at a time, is that how do you handle that jealousy? How do you compartmentalize it, and how do you create a better relationship with your current significant other? Right now, with handling all that you want to start,

I will start, all right. So I just read a couple of comments about the about the show since it aired yesterday, and there are a couple of comments about us supporting adultery. Um. So I do have an answer to the question, and it's I'm gonna respond in it this way. My jealousy. Um. Like there. I tried multiple times to cross that boundary when I was dating April. She refused. She wouldn't do it, um because she was

loyal and she wasn't the divorce wasn't finalized yet. So I think that that helps me with not being so jealous because I know that if she wouldn't even cheat with me when Roy was gone, I know she's not gonna cheat with me while we're all here, So that jealousy is not a It doesn't play affective for me at all. It doesn't. I trust her. That's a good answer. I think jealousy is human nature. It's natural every but

he has it. Lauren. Of course I was jealous of her in the beginning because she dropped it gorgeous, But as I got to know her as a person, as human being, another woman. When you start to build a trust with somebody, there's just no need for jealousy. However, I do put myself sometimes in John's shoes, and seeing the close relationship that Roy and I have and the way that we traveled together, and we have a very long past, a very large history of our past is together.

I can imagine it being very difficult for John to watch that, because if he and Lauren were as close as Roy and I were, I would probably, you know, deep down, have some jealousy about it. I I never, really, Um, I'm not a jealous human being by nature necessarily, and I don't think I never felt jealousy towards April specifically, but I did feel an end be for this fact that my ex husband, who I felt like I didn't get closure with certain things, was now living the life

that I should have been living. And I had to really look deep down to myself and realize why it was I was feeling that way. He didn't owe me any special type of life, and these two, like they do deserve each other. And people are allowed to be happy. Your ex is allowed to be happy and it may not be with you, and that's just okay. Um, it didn't mean I wasn't enough, and it doesn't doesn't mean she's better than me. It just means that our chapter

was over. And um, when I came to that realization, it was very easy for me to just be happy for the two of them and not have any en venus behind it. No, I mean that's very mature of all of you, April. Is it ever awkward to, like, let's say, let's say, John is you know, getting under your skin or something like that, just like a typical

fight like a couple would have. And with Lauren being your best friend obviously use her as like a venting resources, it ever awkward to go invent to her about something that you know, maybe John is going is doing or

something like that. It's extremely awkward sometimes, but we've perfected the art and I will call her and say, Okay, come over and I need you today to where your best friend hat and sometimes you get to wear your X life hats so that we have boundaries in that aspect and it's not where you know, I don't go around just bashing my husband. I have more complained to her about Roy than I do John. So yeah, it's normal. Best run things. I mean, you you want to still

be able to be honest with each other. I want to tell her about my life and I can't sit there and always stop myself. Just because she's married to my ex husband. Things are a little bit differently here. There was one time I thought I was wrong, but I was just mistaken. I can imagine. It's a it's a pretty heavy learning curve for a lot of you guys. Yeah, yeah, it always is when you're you know, with x IS.

It's always a learning curve. That's all it is. Um. But John, April and Lauren and of course Roy who had to drop off earlier, thank you so much for joining us on the podcast today. We really appreciate it, everybody. The first episode aired last night and you can catch up with it on TLC and it's gonna air every Sunday ten pm. You me and my ex check it out. Do you love witty sarcasm and talking fast? And are you longing to return to stars Hollow for one more

trip to Kim's Antiques? So just to pick up a few things at Dosie's Market. It's an overnight stay. It's a dragon flame. On your list of plans for a getaway is a burger from Luke's Diner on the menu for tonight. This is Scott Patterson. I was Luke Danes for one fifty three episodes and in four Netflix movies I Am all In and I Heart Radio Podcast. Come hang with us. We're read watching together. We're visiting with all our favorite cast and crew members. We talked fast.

We've got a lot to say. Listen to I Am all In wherever you listen to podcasts. All right, welcome back to help I suck at dating and I'm leading this one because it's my favorite segment. It is time for emails. We still don't have our Blues Clues jingle, partially responsible because when Easton so lovingly went to work on it, none of us got back to him. But you know that's okay. We got emails. We got emails,

We got emails. Email. We just got the email. I wonder who it's from, Nick um Mark, do you want to jumping in and giving us some some some emails for us. You'll continue to wonder who it's from because anonymous. It is a three pronged question about each of your relationships. Pronged number one, what is something about Caitlin and Nashley that would surprise people who only know them from what they've seen on The Bachelor or Bachelor in Paradise. You go first. I like that we're just going to do

this one at a time. Honestly, not much. Ashley, as you guys know, is the most transparent person on this in this earth. Like what you see is what you get. Uh. It's one of her best qualities. Also maybe a bad quality sometimes, but I digress. Um. I would say probably just the surprising Ashley is this is gonna sound horrible, and I don't mean it sounded. She is a very smart human being, and I feel like because she was so overly emotional and Paradise, people don't think that she's

that intelligent, but she is. She graduated from uh she got her masters at Syracuse and journalism. She's very, very hard working, extremely intelligent human being. Yeah, I think that

the one, but we're not the one. But one of the many bummers for Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise is, especially for Bachelor in Paradise, is once they kind of fits you into the dimension that they want to fit you in for this season, like you're going to serve that per piss for them the entire season, and that's only you're really gonna be what is showing a view on the television, So actually was the emotional one. But and she is emotional, but you know, obviously they kind

of compounded and amplified even more with Klin. You know, she they really only showed one side of her, and she was emotional the whole time. And not to say that she wasn't emotional when she's in bashelor in Paradise, but uh, and and not to say she hasn't changed a lot since then as well, but she you know, she's incredibly nurturing. She never they never showed that. Of course, she's incredibly smart, just like Ashley is. Uh, it's kind of hard to convey that on the TV show like

that as well. Um, So that's kind of the bummer about the show is, you know, it's two hours a week, or in Paradise this case, two hours twice a week. But you're one of twenty characters and they're gonna basically pigeonhole year character into exactly what they need to get from you. So there's a like a crazy amount of differences to both Ashley and Kaylin and myself and Jared for uh, you know, because we are obviously way more dimensional than that, fortunately, which is good. I don't know,

good answer, Jean. Prog Number two. Do you ever feel pressured to post about your relationship or defend your relationship on social media constantly? All the time? I feel like when we don't post, people are always questioning why are they not posting? What's going on? So I always feel this pressure and sometimes actually even I'm not gonna say she pressures me, but sometimes so I'm not. I'm not overly mushy. So I'll post, you know, mushy pictures for

birthdays or maybe holidays or something. But that's once or twice a year, and uh, Ashley, I think with she likes my mushy side, and I don't think I do that enough. So sometimes she'd be like, why don't you just post about us and just write something something sweet, And I'm like, no, I will, I will. It's just weird. It feels like an added thing that shouldn't be added to her relationship. But it is a factor, not only because of the world we live in but our status

as reality TV couple. So definitely there is like that thought process that goes in my head. But for the record, I think that that applies to every couple most obviously not every couple, but majority of couples, whether they have been on reality TV or not. Uh, you know, I think I have friends that deal with this situation where they're like, they haven't posted a picture of them with their girlfriend in a long long time, and the girlfriends like getting upset about it for or vice versa, their

boyfriend gets upset about it too. Um I personally, I don't know. I've never really felt the pressure. Klint has never put the pressure on me to do it. We I would like way rather post a photo that I took of Kalin and then post a photo of like the two of us. So uh, we're never really running on a shortage of photos to post where we're kind

of like celebrating the other person. So there are definitely times where people like d m U s and be like, hey, like, why haven't you posted a story of Kalin in uh in three days? Are you guys on the rocks? And it's like, well, no, we're not. We're fine. Just don't worry about it and everything's gonna be fine. Is it also humbling though, that that people care and are that invested in your relationship? I know, it's weird sometimes because

it's like, why would you care? But it's also for me when people message us, it's like, Wow, there's a humbling aspect to the fact that people are care if we're doing all right. Yeah, Sometimes I feel like it's people caring. Other times I feel like it's people just like prying and uh just kind of like it's just like like you guys are broken up, right, like you know, like excitedly, excitedly like trying to get some scoop and it's just like breaking. It's just just leave us alone.

We're fine, And if we weren't fine, we wouldn't tell you, So there's no point in asking. And prow number three, what is the biggest misconception about your respective relationships? Oh, I guess I can go first on that one. My biggest misconception or the biggest misconception. I feel like a lot of people tend to say that Calin has changed a lot for me, and I think that's misconceived. I think we're both equally changing the same amount for each other.

I freaking bought a house with the woman freakingness sake. Um, So I don't think she's changing. I think she's just trying new things and seeing what she likes and what she doesn't like. Uh and and I am doing the same thing. That's my biggest misconception, I think, definitely easily in our relationship. The biggest misconception is that Ashley is quote the crazy one, and I'm quote like the steady one. No way, I mean Ashley. I'm not going to say she's steady, but I am equally as crazy to Ashley.

Ashley and I craziness is on the same level. Hers is just more outward and my mine is more inwards, so it's more difficult to tell. That's definitely the biggest misconception, right, I know, I agree with that. Actually, that's it's it's only misconception of the people that don't know you as well as your friends and family do, because if they know you at all, they'll know that you're insane person. Yeah, easily, fair point. By the way, I wonder why that was

on anonymous, that last thing. Usually it's anonymous because it's personal, but this is just asking you guys questions. Anyway. That's because I wrote it and I just want to make sure we have and I didn't think of a name. Jac says I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years now, and we lived together. When we started dating, he was very fit and we had amazing sexual chemistry. However, over the past year, he's gained a lot of weight, all of which seems to go to

his stomach and love handles. I find it very unattractive, but our sexual life has basically become non existent. I know he's self conscious about his weight. He's mentioned that he thinks I'm not attracted to him anymore, although I haven't come out and said that because I don't want to hurt his feelings. He keeps saying he's going to lose weight and get fit again, but I'm not seeing much change. The thing is, I really do love him and see a real future with him, but I can't

seem to get past the weight game. Help. What should I do? I miss my hot boyfriend and all the great sex we used to have. Damn. I feel like this is Klin masquerading as someone named j C. Right now, Just Allen. Yeah, And it's just so funny too. It's so appropriate to the conversation we're having at the top of this podcast. Oh man, I think the biggest thing is he's aware he's gaining weight, which is the most important thing. Just like I'm just gonna speak fully from

my experience, I know that I'm gaining weight. I know I'm getting doughey and softer and more and more out of shape. I think that's the first step is to be able to recognize that. But I'm kind of in the same boat as your boyfriend here because well I

am your boyfriend here, because this is Kaylyn emailing. Uh. I've recognized the problem, and I have like told myself repetitively and over and over again that I'm gonna form a solution and start working out more and get back into a shape and become the person that I was proud of before in terms of my body appearance. But I just can't seem to freaking do it. And I honestly have no idea what it is. Like, I just have no motivation to get into the gym um and

like get back in shape. So if you guys have some advice on how j C's boyfriend can do that and how I can do that, I will definitely be all theres for it. Uh. Two things, One I'd say, maybe anonymous, you should or excuse me j C j C. I maybe suggests going to the gym together. Make it a partnership type thing, some sort of relationship bonding experience.

Be like, hey, let's go work out together, because it is hard to get back into the gym and it's difficult to work out and when you're feeling insecure and bad about yourself, so maybe say, hey, let's go for a walk together, let's let's join a gym together. That was one piece of advice that I have for you. In the second is sometimes it helps me Dean, if you're looking for a piece of advice on how to work out. I'm not a workout fiend by any stretch, but I go to the gym pretty consistently. Is uh.

And I just posted this actually to my Instagram story. Ironically enough is that there are a lot of people that quote influence me in my life, obviously Tom Brady being probably the most notable that one, but also like Dwayne Johnson The Rock. I watch his instant stories and

he motivates me. He wants like, he makes me want to get in the gym, so I'll he like, I'll buy the Rock shirt and his sneakers, And honestly, I have like I have his Project Rock sweatshirts and I feel really good in them, and it makes me want to go to the gym to work out in him. Uh, and then like I'll buy his energy drink. Uh. It's I know it sounds stupid, but really it's hard to get back into the gym and it's hard to work

out because, like you said, I have zero motivation. But that motivates me because it like makes me want to be more like him because I see him post like working out and being the hardest working person in the gym, and like, hey, like make your life better, Like these are the things that you can do to make your life better. And you know, being you know, more confident in your mind means being more confident in your body.

So like, I know that's stupid, but maybe like if there's a rock climber out there, dean or somebody that you really aspire and look up to, what was the solo dude? I forget. I don't know if he has social media and he's always like doing something, But like I find that the people that I look up to, following them on social media and seeing like the things that they post about motivates me to want to be more active. Yeah, no, I mean that's that's great advice.

I don't think that would work for me personally, but hopefully it could work for jay C's boyfriends. I agree with what you said the first time. The most is go together or like do classes together, or like go on a jog or walk together. And the biggest thing, uh, even bigger than that, in my opinion, would be too shift your diets. Because diet is like sevent of weight

gain and all that kind of stuff too. So you know, when I find myself getting like my worst in my worst possible shape, it's like, oh, yeah, it's because I ate McDonald's four times last week and so no wonder I look so horrible. Or I had like three cups of soda last week. So um. I think if you guys were to go on like a diet together, that

would definitely definitely help. Like Kylin went on a on a vegan while pescuterian diet and she's dropped like fifteen pounds and she's like five ft four, so fifteen pounds to five pounds, it looked like she lost she pounds. She was a small girl, but she she's like she would definitely tell you she's in the best shape of her life and it's all be like she doesn't work out all that much, it's just because her diet is so much better now. So I think that's definitely a

good place to start. But Mark, I got the question can be put back on you. You're a you're an athletic guy, very much not. But I do think we need to get across to this guy that it is the case I'm not interested in sleeping with you because you're out of shape. Because that I'm not so mean, But we got to get that message across because that is major motivation. If this beautiful woman that you're with is not interested, remember all the fun times you used

to have because you've let yourself go. That would motivate me to put down the video game controller and get out of the house and go do something. And there's got to be something that he enjoys doing that is active, and that's the key for me. I'm not a gym guy, I'm not a runner. Is about finding something that you liked that's also active. Like I've really gotten into hiking over the past couple of years. I love it and it's great and it's done wonders for me. So there's

gotta be something you enjoyed doing this active. But you gotta sit down and say, look, so here are some facts. You've gained forty pounds in the past a few months. I we no longer sleep together. These two things are related, and let's work together to figure that out. So you think she should literally just say I'll sleep with you more if you start working out. Uh, that's not quite what I was saying. But I don't mind that. I think we set milestones here at ten points, at ten pounds.

This happens at twenty pounds. I think it's more. I think it's just more slaying up the facts. She needs to dangle the carrot a little bit. Yeah, I think she does. Okay, that's I mean, I wouldn't have gotten to that, but I agree to motivate me. It wouldn't motivate me because my test ofcern is already loved because

I'm not working out. So it's you know, it's I'll be like, all right, that's fine, but but yeah, I mean, whatever works, whatever is gonna do it, whatever is going to do what you need to do to get him back in the shape. There's a lot of ways to do it. I think at the end of the day, that's kind of what we established. There's a lot of ways to do it. I'm concerned because when once a person gets married, a lot of people let themselves go. At that point, he's already doing it and you're not

married yet. I'm concerned for the future if we don't read this in now right. But again, let's give him the benefit of the doubt, because you know, COVID and everything everything shut down. I think a lot of people can say they got a little out of shape over the past year and a half. Now it's time. Yes, yes, exactly.

I don't know. Hopefully it works out. I kind of want you to keep us posted on this, j C. Because if you find something that works for your boyfriend to start getting back in shape, let me know what it is so I can start getting back in shape too. Hopefully that works. Anyways, that's gonna do it. For this week's episode, I did want to do one thing with you before. I'm so sorry before we leave, Thank you

so much for joining us. Everyone. Oh sorry, Jared, Yeah, just one quick thing because there was we were talking about it before the podcast started today, So I start my final of course today before I graduate, and it is a summer course Italian too, so I'm taking Italian one more. It's just an elective, so I'm just hoping to pass and get it over with. But I figured i'd play this fun little thing with you because i'm learning Italian a little bit. Where Dean, I'm going to

tell you two phrases in Italian. One is a beautiful statement that's very romantic that you can say to Klin and the other one is completely random and has no meaning to it, And I want you to tell me which one you think is which. Okay, sounds like a great game, Chared. Okay, ready, the first one se la persona peubla del mando. Do you get that? Very nice? You said it better than me, jerk. The second one ilmia pierre de data the ranch. Did you get that

ilia ilma de da the ranche? Okay, interesting? Yeah, I think I think the first Give me the first one again, sella persona pupella delmando. So that's probably saying something along the lines if you have a great personality. The other one is saying you probably adore and it's gonna be something random like I adore that peanut or something like that. So which one do you think the romantic line is and which one do you think the random one is? Well,

I think the first one is the nice one. So you think the first one is the romantic one, Cela personalla demando sela persona pupella demando, and the second one is elmio bida the ranche. I mean, I don't know, I don't know what pubella means, but I'm guessing mando means best. So you have like you have the best something. So I'm gonna go with the first one. First one is the good one. Yes, La persona del mando, you are the most beautiful person in the world. Yeah. The

second one elmio p o daughter. Did cha my foot smells like oranges? Yeah? Oh that's that's still pretty romantic, though, I'd say so if you said it to Klin, she might you know, it could be good good things. Hey, baby, your foot smells like oranges and I'm in the mood for some orange. That's a fun game. And once you pass this Italian class, I want I want credit where credit is due, because me and the suck Army are all going to be right there by your side. Baby. Um,

now can I say goodbye to of course? Okay, great? Thanks well, thank you so much for joining us on this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating. We should learn how to say that in Italian and then I'll be very very happy. Big thank you, of course to Jared for having me on his podcast this week. Big thank you to John, April, Lauren and Roy. Be sure to check them out on me. What is the name in the show again? It's me, myself and my ex, Me, myself and Irene. You me and by X which is

on TLC. It's Sunday's ten o'clock. Sunday's at ten o'clock. You mean me and my ex And you're right, that wasn't me myself and Irene reference. Big thank you to j c an Anonymous. Be sure to keep emailing us I Suck at Dating at iHeart Media dot com. Mark, thank you for sharing us. What keeps you motivated to stay fit? And uh that's all we got for you this week, So be sure to tune next week where

maybe we suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast