Quarantine-age Dream

how you doing, Buddy good Man? Just seeing some pop tarts in Kalin's bed? What flavor pop talts? Cinnamon brown sugar obviously the best? So you're more of a cinnamon brown sugar guy than a strawberry guy. Yeah, I think cinnamon brown sugar is buying far the best pop tart flavor. Strawberry is good, but nothing can come, nothing can compare, you know, Oh God, I don't know. It's those Those two are the top two from me, and then there's a distant, distant third, which is probably like blueberry or

something very bland like that. But the strawberry man have you here? So do you toast your pop tart? Or do you just eat it straight out of the bag. I prefer them toasted, but these ones are non toasted, They're just raw. Um. Depending on how much time I'm willing to commit to putting together their meal, I'll toast it. But you know, I wanted to rush just to get to you guys for the podcast. So you're am eating a raw pop tart? So how many pop tarts? I'm

I'm very interested in this conversation. How many pop tarts do you eat in one sitting? For example, when you open the bag, as we all know, there's two pop tarts in the bag, So do you eat both or do you eat one? I just say both. I grabbed a bag before I came in, and Caleen wanted to split it with me, and I said, absolutely not. You can go get your own bag. You know I respond to popcarts. Yeah, I hear you there. Yeah she should get her own damn pop tart. So, as you guys know,

we are currently self isolated to our respective homes. I'm calling in, Dean is calling in Easton is making this all work right now? Um, And we also have a guest that's gonna be calling in in just a few minutes. It is Emily Morse. Now Emily Morse. I guess the

proper way to put this is she's a sex expert. Um. She has a radio show called Sex with Emily, So I'm very interested to talk about her, uh and her point of view on sex and most of more specifically what she has to say about all the sex that's probably gonna be happening while everybody's quarantined. M Yeah, and there we have it. That's our show. We also have

some emails coming in later in the show. And then I posted on the Instagram earlier today to see if anybody had questions for myself Dean about our relationships dating. So I have tons of those ready to go as well. But Dean, update us. How is your quarantine going right now? How? How are you doing? How are you doing? Mentally? Uh? Man, where do I even begin? No, I'm just Kidding'm probably

the same place as everyone else. Uh. The only thing I've been dealing with like this poison IVY And I was working on my motorcycle a couple of days ago and I spilled gasoline all over my body. So now I'm like covered in irritated like contact dermatitis or something like that. So it's something the couch last night self quarantine from Caitlin's bedroom. It's been a it's been a

struggle hold on. So you have the poison ivy and you spilled oil on it because you're working on your motorcycle and then that caused what So okay, so this is what I think happened. I've got poison ivy on my legs. I took the carburetor off my motorcycle. And if you know, if for the people that don't know, carburetor is like essentially where the gas flows through the carburetor and then into the motor So there's always gonna

be gas in the carburetor. So when I took it off, I was like emptying of the gas that was in it, and it got all over my hands, and then I itched my poison ivy with my gasoline covered hands, and then the gasoline irritated my skin, and so now I'm covered in little bumps and not just my legs are itchy, but like my arms, my hands, my wrists, I'm just itchy all over now. So I called my doctor. He prescribed it's a nice appointment to go pick up today hopefully cover up and fix all of the itching and

the scratching and the discomfort that it's caused. But I mean that's like the worst of my my my quarantine. At this point, it's like, you know, I mean, my leg is still recovering, so at least it's like I'm not really missing out on anything by being itchy and broken. No, you're not missing on anything. You just be doing exactly what you're doing right now, sitting on the couch for

the most part. Yeah, you know, I can't complain. I know that obviously a lot of us are either spending a lot of time alone or with a significant other, so you know, it's not so bad having Kaylin here with me. I feel bad for I think we talked about it last week, you know, like Nick and uh, Mike and all of them that don't have a significantly like you and me do. So I think that we're

fortunate in that sense. But you're pretty close quarters, I guess after enough time and that what's nice for you, I feel like is you have uh some third party presidents to kind of diffus use the time between you and Ashley, right, so you can like talk to her parents and hang out and it's not just you guys want him one the whole time. Now. So, like you said, yeah, we're at Ashley's parents house, so it's the four of us, um and Ashley's dad is a doctor at the hospital.

He's an aneste geologist. So he's actually quarantined himself to the basement. They have a finished basement because for precautionary reasons, he just wants to make sure I think I talked

about the podcast last week. Then if he catches something at the hospital, he didn't want to bring it back here so he can infect Audrey myself or Ashley or conversely somehow, even though we're quarantined, we get it whatever it is, or however we'd get it, and then we give it to him and then he goes to the hospital. So it's just better as sad as it is that he has to go through like the back door every time and he just stays downstairs. Uh, it's just you know what we kind of have to do right now.

But it's been nice, you know being at the house. Um, you know, there's more room, you know, obviously there's more room in the house and there's a backyard and a neighborhood to walk around and and so we have our Lois and then Ashley's parents have their dog Ethel, so they've been playing. So it's been really good, especially the key. The key is and anybody who owns a dog knows this.

They have a fenced in backyard, so all we have to do is let them into the backyard and they can just run around and we don't have to walk Lois five times a day like we are used to doing. So that's been a very added bonus. Other than that, man, we're doing well. I mean, as everybody's feeling out there, probably a little uh you know, they're getting a little wound up mentally right now, but it's all for the best.

They just extended this this quarantine till ap um, so everybody's gonna be doing this for at least another month, most likely more another month. I just because I saw that same thing this morning on CNN, and I was like, holy because everyone kind of expected it to be through April, through the end of April anyways, but then you see it and then I started, like, I started thinking about we've only really been doing this for like a week or two weeks, week and a half whatever, there's a

whole four plus weeks doing what we've been doing. Like we're not even a third of the way through this yet. No, I know that's the crazy party. Like you said, once you put a number on it, it's like, yeah, it's gonna last a couple more months and then we'll get through it. But then when you see like no, this at least we'll go to April thirty or three, Like wow, yeah, that's another like thirty two days away and we've been quarantined for about fourteen. This might be a long time.

But honestly, the way I'm like this was like a grieving process for me. Like at first, I wouldn't say I was in denial. I took it seriously, but I never thought in my wildest dreams that the country would be shut down, And so I think at first it was like fear set in, and then I was sad, and now I've just accepted it and doing everything I possibly can to avoid getting the coronavirus and then secondly

keeping my uh mental health as positive as possible. So like, hey, you know what, in a couple of months, when we all have to kind of go back to whatever we were doing, our nine to five or working constantly or always is having no time to just sit down and watch movies and just enjoy the time you have now, Like I feel like there's projects we all want to do at home. I'm sure we can figure out things to do. We get to just be, you know, couch potatoes for the next month and not feel bad about it.

There could be worse things. There could be worse things than just staying at home, right, Yeah, I don't know. I mean, that's the year that can be opposite because you're someone who needs to go out and I'm someone who you know, does need to go out, and and I like going to the gym, and I like kind

of having my routine. But I think now in my head, I'm just putting everything a perspective, and I think I've been doing it for quite a while now where I'm thinking things could be so much worse than being quarantined to a place that has electricity, TV, internet, Um, you know, a roof over my head. Uh so that's kind of where my head is now. The biggest break with the quarantine for me specifically is it just breeds bad of its for me, It's like I'm sleeping in later. Obviously

I'm playing more video games. I you know, I had like five glasses of whiskey either night when I normally don't drink. So it's just like it's it's not it's like bringing out the worst parts of me. Oh dude, you know what I mean? Oh? Absolutely, it's bringing out the worst of me too. I don't get out of bed before ten just because in my head, I'm like, what am I gonna do? Walk down and sit on the couch. And especially working out, I've been trying. I've

been doing pretty well. I work out like every other day, but it's not an intense workout. You know, I'm doing push ups or burpies or squats, and you know, I don't have weights, so I don't feel like I'm really gaining any strength. So I think that's going to be a testament to try not to just feel like a complete slouch when this thing is over with. But but anyway, we do have our guest, Emily Morris, who is on the phone right now waiting for us, um so we

would love to talk to her. But before we do, let's take a quick break. Welcome back to help I suck at dating, and our guest Emily Morris is on the phone with us right now. You can listen to her daily radio show Sex with Emily, which airs every evening on Sirius XM Stars Channel one O nine. Emily Morrise, Emily, thank you so much for joining us. How are you hi? Hello? Good to be here. I also have the podcast Text with Emily. That's that's pre dated, serious extent. Hi, guys,

are you doing so good? I'm actually really good. I got stuck in Maui, so it's so bad here? Yeah? You what? That's awesome? Okay. So, Emily, so I have a question for you because I'm looking at your background here. Um,

can you tell me what a doctor of sexuality it means? Yes, I'm a doctor of human sexuality on the sex therapist and so essentially what I do is I've been doing this for fifteen years and I helped people feel more common I have people understand their desire sexually, what they want sexually, what they want in relationships, and then also how to communicate and how to ask what they want. So I help, I mean literally I could any sex

dating relationship tips. Um. That's what I do, basically help people feel better and safer talking about sex, so I study human sexuality. They're like, how can more sexual beings? How do we feel the most sexual? What do we you know, what do we desire? I think we don't often really explore it. We just think sex is something that you're supposed to feel good. Magically we have chemistry at someone, but you know that changes over time, the honeymoon phase end for everybody. Have you ever heard of

the five love languages? I'm sure you have, yes, absolutely, So you know how like everybody has a certain need. Yes, everybody has a certain way they express or need to have love reciprocated to them. Is that similar to sex? Yes? Well, I wish there was a actually been thinking about like having like a sex love language, because like, if we could figure out what we need sexually and you can just divide it into like a love language, that would

be awesome. But what I think the love languages, though, are great for, is that I think I think if you could figure out because a lot of times, if we're not getting our love needs met, like our partners not speaking our love language, we're definitely not gonna want to have sex with them, Like if you haven't been getting me gifts. If that was my love language, or you haven't been telling me that I'm hot, I'm not gonna want to have sex with you because I don't

feel loved and I don't feel safe. So I think understanding love languages first really helps. But sex is like

a whole different language. I think that the problem with sex, the reason why we have problems I think sexually is because, especially for women like and have our sexual relationships, the way we've learned about sex is that it's all about penetration and that men okay, like you walk in let's say, and you see your girlfriend and your partner just beyonce it, and you're like, I'm so turned on right now, I can't wait to like you've seeing them turn you on.

But for women, we might need to had a conversation. I might have wanted you to ask about my day. I might have needed in thirty minutes to warm up. And so what happens with a rousal and desires that just gets messed up because women don't. But what we see in like movies and porn is that like women should be ready to go when men are, and typically

we're not. And I try to help people understand how they get attracted to each other and how to keep the spark going, and how people dating figure out what they wanted a partner and all the things. I mean, I'll be honest, as a kid growing up in the years that I did, porn was a very it was you know, very easily accessible, and so honestly, that's kind of how I first started learning about sex. And um, I wanted to get your take on porn in general

being a sex um experts such a good question. I mean, yeah, I am a tech expert, say yeah, I know. Listen, porn is not how you should legitimately at porn. It's like it's like learning how to drive by watching Fast and the Furious, Like, like, porn is not actually how sex happens. But the problem is people that you grew up with support that we think that it's it's actually real life, but it's sort of it's created from And I'm not anti porn, don't get me wrong, Like I

love watching porn myself with a partner. However, to say that this is technically how sex is going to go down is not accurate. Like it's a fictional account of sex from a male day what they think would be hot, right, But for women. It just doesn't work that way. So it's very confusing, and it's made sex really confusing I think for many people. Yeah, I mean especially porn is teaching.

You know, the demographic that was watching most porn is younger men, probably boys, you know, and they're antienage years and so, um, you know, not to get t m I here, but like I can speak from personal opinion, Uh yeah, that like, yeah, it's just it teaches you.

It's like it's weird, right because we're all human and I think at our core we kind of have these animal instincts, and it's just like I feel like porn has escalated sex to the point of no return, you know, like it just it's like you watch certain videos and I think, guy, I think both guys and girls have been kind of thrown into this culture of where, you know, we watched certain porn and we grow up with it and we think that that's like the sexiest thing that

someone can possibly do, and if we don't meet those standards, then um, we're we're not as good as the other person in bed. Sex is a weird thing to talk about because it's everybody is so insecure about it and right,

like I get insecure about it all the time. I remember as like I remember as a kid, you know, not like in my early twenties, I I didn't have that many partners at this point in my life, you know, less than a handful and um, and it was always just I I never knew if if I was doing things right, and I never knew if, um, what was expected of me. And then especially you know, it was sex. It's just like each partner wants so many it's you know,

different things. Like it's just there's there's I don't know. So I wanted to I wanted you it to address, like how how early do you bring up these conversations because like I've had, I have friends that are girls that you know, a guy when they first you know, have to go on a couple of days, will first start getting intimate with each other, and then like the guy is not aggressive enough and the girl finds that

to be a turn off. But I feel like in in this age that we're living in, that's probably better than you know, what the alternative is, which is being too aggressive. I don't know, So, like, can you describe the balance of like, you know, sex in today's society and how we should be able to talk about it. Yeah, that's so great and so exciteful. You're absolutely right. So first let's oh my god, there's a lot there and impact, and I think it could be so great for your listeners. No,

it's amazing because here's the thing. And I love that you're asking this because it's like, okay, so to talk about porn for a minute. So generations before that, right, like we had like our parents, Erica had a Playboy, right, you taught us with it, like there was like a Playboy and then there was like some weird VHS tape is porn, But otherwise you would just have sex and you have to kind of have to figure it out.

We still had a lot of we still didn't have the savements, we didn't have information, we didn't teach in schools. We still had to figure stuff about like orgasm and pleasure and desire. But now with porn, which is literally not an active But since you won't get any other information, let's just say that all you get is porn. Of course, men and women, boys and girls are going to decide

if that's how sex should happen. I should like women are thinking, well, when I'm on top, I'm gonna go up and down and I'm not going to move side

to because that's what I'm seeing im porn. When the truth is there's certain positions that are picked it imporn that actually don't feel good to women, Like as a sex educator and a sex factor, I'm looking at porn going, there's no way she's having an orgasts and like that doesn't even feel good to her, right because I know I'm like watching it's like you guys, know, like you cheat towards camera when you're shooting something for television, try the same thing in porn, like there's no ways that

is after it. And then so women are they're coming into it going, well, I never saw anything else before, so this is what I'm gonna do. And then the guys are also expecting like, well, I got to excalate it because porn doesn't still show really important things like for play and arousal and like kissing and missing out and all those things that goes right into penetration, and so that for the majority of women isn't what feels good. So the problem with porn is that the majority of

it isn't what feels good to women. So so that is why it's still misleading. And I and I and and that we also the problem is if I took away all porn right now, which I wish in some ways, I wish we could start over. I would teach men and women first off, how to understand their own bodies and what feels it, like what actually does turn you on? Because what you to go back to what you said initially was about like it keeps escalating. I think that

was the word you use, like porn escalates it. And so what we're seeing now is it's funny because right now everyone's locked in their bedrooms right like, I'm getting so many, so many d m s and so many emails. And if people have questions and listening to this, you can I'm sex and Emily, I knew everywhere feedback at Texas Emily dot com. We answer all the questions. But it's like so many guys are locked in their room and they're like, I'm just watching porn right now? Is

there a problem? And not? I've escalated to watching it like eight hours a day or masturbating five times a day.

And we escalated because let's say we watch a scene that's particularly graphics well, once we get through that our threshold, we're like, well that was pretty crazy, but now I'm going to watch a gang bang and something out whatever however you define escalation, And then it gets more and more extreme, right, And then eventually for guys, is what I'm hearing, Well, then you can no longer get turned

on unless it's really extreme. Right, So then what happened Now we're out locked at bedrooms though, right, some people without partners. And then so that's the problem that's always been a problem before quarantine, but now I just see it escalating with people watching more and more parts. But even before then we get to be with our actual partner, right, and then we're like, oh, I'm not getting turned on anymore because it's not as extreme as what I'm seeing

in porn. Because the synapses in our brain, because that the neural pathways become used to a certain kind of escalation, whether it's like a threesome or a gang bang or whatever it is that you beds them. And then when you're with an actual partner, that connection doesn't seem as intimate or as hot, right, And so that's the problem. And so so I think and then for women, since

they're only learning to through porns. They're not understanding that for women, the majority of women, So let me tell you a big stat here to get into what we need to learn is that only twenty of women are going to have an orgasm through penetration, meaning the old in and out, which is what we're seeing everywhere and even before porn, like you see the movies like couple makes out and they fall into bag and there's like this super hot scene you know they have they have

in a course, and then there's orgasm cabining. But most women require external stimulation like c literal stimulation externally. She needs like four pray is not just like hey, I a suggestion like oh I wish we could make out more. It's actually requirement because women get turned on very differently than men. So women are faking orgasms and trying to do what they see in porn, and that's not actually

feels good. So what's the great thing to do is if you're in a relationship is to slow everything down and to actually have conversations outside the bedroom about what is hot, what does turn you on, what kind of touch feels good? And all of that starts with masterization for men and for women, And I would say especially for women without porn, like just and for men I

would say that too. But then you guys just like hang up on me and be like what the porn I did for But for women, like what does feels like you like pay attention to, like your body, like using your finger is using lube? Like what turns you on? Because we just don't know, and we feel inadequate and broken because we don't it doesn't happen like it isn't porn. So I could keep going, But does that make sense? There's a lot there. I think you kind of touched

on a little bit too. A lot of people are in this quarantine part of the year and they're gonna be alone. So what is your advice for those people that are alone? Uh, throughout all of this this process that we're going through now with COVID Nighteteam. I mean, I think that if we're alone right now, and I think that it's really important to dectually and masturbate, just figure out your bodies and what feels good if you're alone without a partner. But it's also a good time

to like explore and figure out what feels good. Besides porn. So if you feel like you've been getting going down the rabbit hole of porn, maybe just like scale it back, use your memory, like think about fantasize on your own, think about what you know, what feels good to you, what turns you on. UM. And then for women to like take the time to like take a bath, figure out what what's hot for you and just like because because then we can come back with our powner and say, like,

this is what we like and this is what feels good. Um, if you're in a long term, if you're in a like so you mean, if you're like in a relationship though under quarantine, what you do or yeah, just like you for the people that are um, you know that obviously have these desires and urges while they're alone. I liked your advice, Emily, about as awkward as oh no, it's gonna have I really liked your advice. This is gonna sound really awkward, but whatever, we you know, sex

is a part of life, and so is masturbation. I think if you are alone, I think especially guys out there and women to masturbate without porn, like you said, because there's such an escalation with porn that like you said, like you can see like literally you can google anything

anything and you will be able to find it. And we live in a world where, for some reason, there's so much stigma around talking about sex and it's and I get it, it's awkward, but I I think, especially in today's world, with the access that we have with the Internet, we have to make sex more of a priority to talk about at a younger age because kids are finding out about it at a younger age, um with no context and no understanding of what it actually is.

And I think it's it's it's not good, you know, it's really not good, and um so anyway, but I want to exactly know You're absolutely right, there's no context and kids are learning in school, so they just have shame and they blame maybe religion told him that text was wrong or it was really bad to talk to touch themselves. And so you know, that's what I've been

trying to do for fifteen years. And my podcast is like educate people the guys can downloade so many episodes of just like how like it's basically people are understanding like, well, how do I masturbate without porn? How do I touch myself? How do I get rid of shame? How do I figure out what the hell I even like? So it's you're right, it's a it's gotten very messy, especially with porn. So yeah, I mean that's what we've got to do right now with times it's interesting putting it not be shameful.

It's gonna get messy. Um. But I wanted to talk to you about couples to sex with couples because I feel like a lot of people are ashamed to buy toys or lube or things of that nature. What would you say to help people get over the um that that that challenge of I guess second hand embarrassment of bio. Yeah,

that's a great question. And I think that first off, like here's the thing about toys, Like you've always think like many people get threatened by toys and they think, oh, well, if you use a toy, that means that I eil men think like I was satisfying you or somehow you're going to replace me if you use a toy. But like,

literally that never happens. In fact, what it does is it just means that, like since I was telling you that for the majority of the women, we need external stimulation anyway, and in the vibrations, like your penis doesn't vibrate right, So I just want to start there to day like toys, and actually toys feel great for men and for women as well. So just knowing that that like toy is are really hard. It a looks like

having a threesome. It's like something new and exciting, because the reason how we crave something like a threesome is novelty. It's new, it's exciting, it's different. Same goes for toys.

It can provide endless orgasms, so much pleasure, and so yeah, I think that the first rather than just bringing one on your partner being like, look what I bought you, I think all this stuff stuff comes down to communication and talking to your partner about it and and saying you know what I think, and especially now, like Jesus thing right now, order a toy, get some loo, but find

something that's like a great there's some great couple of toys. Um. I love the brand we Vibe because they make they actually invented the first couple of toy that you could actually wear during intercourse. So she's getting internal stimulation and external and it feels great on him as well, but they also have an app and it's called we Connect.

So if you're in the long distance relationship or quarantined right now, you could actually launch the app and you can control your partner's toys from anywhere in the world. Plus it has like a FaceTime component to it, so you could watch each other like you could watch each other. It's pretty cool. So and I have a bunch of stuff on my site, such a nay dot com when your view toys all the time. But I would say anything by we Vibe getting a poplish toy and this experimenting.

So yes, I'm all for toys. And let me tell you about lube. I think that lube is so underrated. It has a huge stigma because what happen with lube is I think a lot of guys felt like if I use lube, it means that I didn't turn her on, I didn't get her wet enough. And what I'm going to tell you is that women's wetness level, I want you, guys to be like sitting down, which you probably are, A woman's wetness level is not an indicator of her

being turned on. So she could be wet and turned on or or turned on and not wet because it changes the different parts of the month. And I'm not saying she's never not wet and turned on, but when you add so, it's not a clear indicator because our bodies change certain times a month all that stuff. So if you just add a few drops the lube, my dream is like a lueb every night. Then before you have any kind of sex like oral sex penetration, it

will change the game. Women are more likely to orgasm, there's less tear, there's less chances for like um tearing or for injection. Just add a few drops on your penis robin inter clitter. It's before you have sex every time. It is a game changer, more orgasms, more pleasure. How about that? Yeah, I love I love where this podcast is getting really created too. I appreciate that was like a mic drop moment right there. Deana and I were stunned. No,

I I agree, I uh, I got. I'm a big proponent for LOUP because there's also like there's also like I have no shame talking about it. There's like there's medications too that certain people will take that inhibit their sex drive. Oh yeah, and so exactly, and a depressant blood pressure. Yeah, everything true. A great way to inhibit your sex drive is to break your femur and then get covered in poison ivy. It really does great things for your sex drive. Ah wait, what happened? Did that

happen to you? Yeah, I'm recovering from a broken leg and I poison eye all over my body. Both happened to him. Oh no, I was gonna be missing because of those things, you know. Yeah? Absolutely, Oh my god, I'm sorry. Well that's there, you go. There's just spark. But she could give you a hand job with lube and you could use you could wash your hands and touch her with them. I'm telling you guys. Mutual masturbation

is also really hot. And I think that the way we think about sex and it's all about penetration and it's literally you could both get off, you could do oral, you could like get creative. Right now. I think this is a time where we want variety anyway, And I think if I could change people's perspective about how we think about sex, it's like, well, if I can't put my penis inside of you, then it's over. It's like so not true. There's so many other ways to get off.

You guys could watch porn together, like that's where I think porn is actually helpful. Or get its toy that she could use on you or you use it on her. So you guys can still touch with touch me. You

can't move, you know. So I did ask these questions all the time, like it doesn't have to be just about that, like get creative in your mind about and I think also though the problem with that if you might be thinking or your listeners are thinking, yeah, that sounds great, but my girlfriend won't talk about masturbation, or my boyfriend thinks it's shameful, and that's what happens a lot, and the only thing keeping us from having better sex and from connecting it is that is it is talking

about it and learning how to get past the shame and the weirdness of it and saying like, okay, babe, I know we've never talked about sex. I get that. I know it's weird, but it's so important that we have great sex and we prioritize our pleasure and it's important to me and I've never talked on either. This is awkward, let's admit it, awkward, weird moment, but I

think it's worth it. So about like, you know, can you give a piece of advice of how somebody might be able to broach that conversation, Like any listener out there who's thinking they want to talk about it, you know, to anybody there, partner or a friendly do you have a piece of ice for them to be like, this is how you can be able to broach the conversation. Okay, so here's what you do. So my number one tip

is to do it outside the bedroom. Okay, So what happens is we often think, oh, I think weird happening in the moment, I you you're hurting my penis? Or we should you know, and we talk about in the bedroom we get it? How can we never have sex anymore? How can we did an initiate or I just tried to initiate. That's the wrong way to do it. Actually, do you never want to talk about your sex in a constructive way in the bedroom. The bedroom is for

sleeping and for sex. Okay, let's just say that. So how you do want to approach it is when you guys are like hanging out, you're and right now we're all hanging out. So maybe if you are a long distance with your partner quarantined. It's not a it's not a FaceTime call. You're having a date night on FaceTime, or you're just hanging out on the couch. You guys are in a good place, the chilling, your relaxed, and

then you say, hey, you know what I realized. I realized that we haven't much talked about our sex life really like about like, I want to be your greatest lover, like I think we both you know, you guys make this your own, but I want to be great lovers to each other. I want to figure out what's really hot to you. And because I think one of you said this earlier that every partner is different, Like we also think that our last partner, watch what this current

partner was. But I'm telling you, if I put a hundred women in a room and they were all touching themselves, they would all be doing something different. And that's really hard for men because the vagina is like the rubist scud of life. Like you're like, what do I do here? I'm sorry, I'm just imagining in a room. It's kind of hot right that your next I don't like, I mean good for them, but I just don't know if I'd be able to not last. Just like if there's

a hundred dudes in the room just touching themselves. You know, I'm I'm not looking, but I'm probably laughing, right, I hear you. I mean women, but we're all this is what I'm thinking that you can't possibly because they just said I want to talk about it. Now we're going to happen in this moment, She or he could say, or if you're with the same sex, whatever, whatever, whoever didul you're part of it. Be like, O, what do

you mean? Do you think what they might think is I'm gonna walk this through all this scenarios, she might say. She might think to herself, Oh, I'm really bad in bed. He thinks I'm a terrible lover. He's talking about sex because I gave him a bad blow job last night. Or I don't know what I'm doing because we're also God, Dave meant to cure about it, because no one's ever talked to us about it, right. He used to reassure and say no. And this is what I tell my

listeners all the time. They're like, lame it on me. So you were listening to this podcasts and you were driving along listening to Dr Emily, and she said you should talk about sex, and you haven't yet like realized, no, I've never done this either. Let's get on the same page and figure out how we can be great lovers to each other. Like, it's not sex, it's not something that like, well, because sex is always great at the beginning of a relationship because and the only reason that

is it's because it's biological. It's something that's new and exciting, and like all of our brain waves are like it's like literally, if you look at the brain wave patterns of someone falling in love, it's the same as someone on cocaine because it's exciting, the dopamine, the serotonin, and so we don't really need to talk. We think we don't need to talk about sex in the first three

months in the honeymoon faith. But what happens is we equalized after that point and everything becomes sort of boring or groat, and then we'll no longer turned on in the same way and we don't how to talk about it. That's why we end relationships typically. But this is the point where you talk about it and you don't. You don't have to say it's gotten boring or weird. You just say, you know what, I realized that to be great lovers the number one thing. And every sex therapist

spect educator will tell you this. It's about healthy communication. It's not about fancy moves, it's not about looking at a lot of porn and like having all these tricks. It's literally about communication, saying like, what is hot to you? Can you like like starting with like, And a lot of times your partner won't know because literally no one has talked about this. And my mission on the planet is to make sex not taboos, to make it not shameful, and to have it taught everywhere so we all feel

comfortable because we have a lot better relationships. So then you need to say, well, what's the hottest moment you can remember from our sex life, Like, what are the three top times we've had sex? And she might so that would be really interesting. She might say, well, it was that time that you made me that really sexy dinner and my roommates were gone, or you surprised me and where we were on vacation, and then you find out, oh, she liked element of surprise, she liked that I went

out in her for a half hours. She liked that we made out first, you know, and then you just kind of find out what was hot, you know. And I have a lot of great tools on my site too. I have something called a yes no maybe list, and that's something that asks a bunch of sex acts, right like kissing, saking, dirty talks, and then you each fill it out separately and you write like yes no maybe on certain sex acts and then you can compare like, Oh, I didn't know you wanted to talk dirty, said I,

or you know, like you did sort of. There's a lot of different tools to help you guys along this conversation. I could go on and on, but that's really what it is like getting curious, not shaming, not blaming, and being open discovery. Now it's also not a one time conversation. It's ongoing and the more you talk about it's like everything else. That's that's my advice. No, you've you've been very insightful and we really appreciate you joining us. Emily.

So you have your your podcast, your daily radio show Sex with Emily, UM and what else? What else you have going on right now? I have? Um, I that's really what I do. I do a daily show on Serious. I've got my podcasting right now. During the quarantine, I'm doing a ton of like Instagram live, Facebook Live. I'm doing a lot more content, just answering people's questions. Like almost every night I'm doing something. It's Sex with Emily Everywhere because we're all in like home, freaking out trying

to figure out what to do. So that's what I'm doing. And where can they find you on social Sex with Emily Everywhere? My My podcast Instagram is Affect of Emily. Pretty simple. Well, Emily, thank you so much for joining us. Everybody go follow Emily right now. Sex with Emily, listen to our podcast following on social media. Uh, Emily, stay safe out there, wash your hands you too, you too? Thanks for having me guys, of course you all right.

Welcome back to help I suck a dating. We just had a very insightful conversation with Emily Morris, the sex expert. De in any comments. Uh no, she loved me speechless. Yeah, I found it very insightful. I like talking about sex. I think more people should be open about talking about that topic. It's just like it's just sex, But I get, I get it's awkward and sometimes it can get too far. But the older I get, the more comfortable I get talking about it, not only with my partner, but with

just who I like, my friends and whoever else. I just think it takes a little bit time to get comfortable more and more comfortable with it, you know. Yeah, No, I agree, It's just like it's just like anything in life. Like you said, the more the older you get, the more comfortable you get talking about it, the less you feel shameful about it. And so I think for me, the more we have that conversation, the more a younger

generation will feel the same way. Uh, Because again I think it's just like this, this this activity that especially you know, people in their twenties or just so oblivious to I don't know. Uh. We do have some emails from our wonderful listeners and we have some questions to um that Dean and I are going to get into right now. So we have an email from j uh not me, even though I'm very curious about this topic as well. The subject is Dean's ring and the email says, so, Dean,

whether or not you're engaged. I was just wondering, is that? Uh? On yex silver on the ring and who made it? Congrats? I think you wear it well. So one he wants to know about the ring and uh, are you engaged? Bro? It's it's X on X. Excuse me, I'm an idiot. I actually don't know what it is. I think it's on X and silver. Maybe got it for me, So I can't speak exactly to what it is. Uh, but I always knew that I wanted to have a black band on and so that's what I got. I do.

I do have to say I was trying rings on after I got missed one and there was this comfort fit style one that I have made a big difference compared to the one that I have on. Now, what's the kind it's like? It's like because my ring now it's like kind of big and blocky looking, but the comfort ones like has these rounded edges on it. That's pretty cool. That sounds like your smile. I might trade it in a little bit, in a little bit, I don't know, TB D. But um, I can't to get

the question. I can't answer it directly because I don't know exactly because Kalin got it for me. But yeah, it is like an ONYX silver black ring. Do you think Kalin got you a big ring so everybody can see it, even all the women who look at your left hand. It's possible. So I know that you're taken man everything. It's just a concert reminder to me too, you know, I looked down and if it's if it wasn't as big as it is, I probably would miss it every once in a while. So does Klin wear

a ring too? She wears a ring? Correct? She Yeah, she wears a lot of rings. Yeah. But does she wear a ring on her ring finger on her left hand, the one right next to the pinky, Yeah, she does. That's very nice. Is it symbolize anything? Is there like a meaning behind it or anything like that. I don't know what you're gonna get her. I can I can go ask her. I mean, if you guys are in the same household and she ain't doing nothing, I mean, I can't believe I just said eight, but I I

think it looks think he's working out. I don't want to disrupt your Okay, that's that's that's fair enough. But my question to you is, so, why do you guys, why are you guys playing it so koy so? Because you know everybody in the world, Like, I get more questions about your marriage than I do about mine, and nobody even knows if you're married. Yeah, that's weird. I wish I could answer that, but it's it's not my place. It's kind of Kalin's thing. So so we gotta get

Kalin on the podcast. But you said that if Kalin comes on the podcast, you don't want to be on the podcast because you don't want to do joint interviews right now because you just feel like it adds pressure. Yeah. I understand. At some point there's gonna be a time where maybe we could have, like Klin and Ashley host an episode of help by Secred Dating and then you guys they can talk about that. That's actually good idea what they think about it. Yeah, I actually really like

that idea. Let me ask you something about the quarantine in your relationship. Do you think as of right now, we've been quarantined for two weeks, you guys have been in one household. Do you think it's helped your relationship, hasn't changed anything in your relationship or worse than your relationship. Um, that's a really good question. I think it hasn't changed anything. I mean basically whenever, whenever we're around, we spend all together anyways, and so this is no different. It's just

now it's like a lot of time. Six weeks in a caramps department is like a long time to spend something one But I mean, it's not like we weren't we basically we're already doing this before the quarantine anyways, you know what I mean. Same with you. And actually I feel like you guys were you guys are constantly together, and so like this doesn't really feel like that much of a shift for you. I bet no, it doesn't

feel like a shift at all. Ashley and I, because you know, we lived together, we're married, we kind of work together as well, a lot of the things we do are together, and so we spend so much time together before the quarantine that this doesn't feel any different either.

And I think her and I just got lucky that, you know, we were friends for so long beforehand, that we really were able to figure each other out before we even started dating, which created this comfort level that I, you know, I've talked about in the podcast before, I never really experienced before. And it's it's been great, especially in this quarantine because it's just, you know, I truly don't get tired of her. Uh, and that's a really

great quality to have. Last week, we were wrapping up recording episode, she popped on and was a little distraught. What ended up happening after we we signed off off air, Oh, it was fine. She just so her mom just had the you know, grandkid conversation and wants us to have kids a sap, which is very sweet. And I don't

think anybody should knock that. It's just, you know, it would be a lot worse if it was the opposite, where she said she never wants us to have kids, and if we do, she's never going to speak to the grandkids. She just she wants grandkids. That's a wonderful thing. But I think it was just, uh, you know, it was Ashley and her mom, and I think it just got to a point where, you know, her mom started bringing up age and then it got Ashley upset and felt like she was being pressured, and it just kind

of like snowballed. And then Ashley came up here and spoke about it on the podcast. It all worked out. They talked about it later, and of course her mom was like, I don't want to pressure you whenever you guys want to have kids, but of course you know, um, she just wants kids down then that's really the crux of the conversation. And actually have often about that kind of stuff. No, I mean we talked about it. We're very but we're kind of on the same page where

we want to wait too. You know, you know, the tentative plan quote unquote plan because everybody has plans to have kids when they want it never works out. Um, you know, we'd like to start trying later this year and kind of see what happens. But you know, I mean age plays a factor. I you know, actually will be thirty three next March, so say we don't get you know, say we're lucky and we you know, we

get pregnant early next year. You know, she'll be thirty three through her pregnancy and then we'll have a kid. And if we want a second kid, you know, she'll be pregnant probably like thirty five. And so you know, when we start talking, we have conversations about you know, if we're lucky enough to have multiple kids that are healthy and you know thirty five. From my understanding, I needed to do more research about it, but it seems to be not a tipping point by any stretch. But

you know you're at a higher risk. Uh for uh, I don't want to stay an unhealthy baby. But you know they always say that, right, like women at thirty five or more at high risk. But doesn't mean you can't have a kid. So I don't know. We talk We talked a lot about it, and we're pretty much on the same page about it, which is really nice. Um. And it's also really nice to know, you know, when we have kids parents from that, to tell your child

that they were conceived during the Great Shutdown. I know, right, there's gonna be a lot of babies being born about nine ten months from now, just because what the hell else are you gonna do? There's only so much Netflix you can do without doing a little chilling, you know what I mean? What what Netflix shows are you been watching lately? We do. Obviously we're watching entire King because we feel like we're the only people on this planet

who haven't seen it. So I'm three episodes in. It's good. It's not great, but I enjoy it. Yeah, we're two episodes in the Tigre King. It hasn't really hit us like it seems to have hit the other everyone else. I think the hype just got built up before we saw it. I think that's what really happened. I think people saw it realized how bad crazy these people are, and we're fascinated by it. And now everybody's catching up being like, oh wow, I heard this is the greatest

thing ever. And you watch it and you're like, yeah, it's good, but I heard also gets better, So stay tuned. Yeah, okay, we'll give it a fair chance. Maybe three, episode five. But other than that, we watched, like I watched Don't f with Cats for the first time, which was really good. Um. And then we've been watching, like rewatching movies, um, like I showed Actually in Her Family Zodiac, which is a great film about the Zodiac Killer in San Francisco back

in the nineteen sixties and seventies. Um. So we've just been like doing that and surprisingly, I want to ask you what you guys have been watching. But also I just want to say, surprisingly, I don't know if you agree with this. Do you feel like it's I haven't been that bored? How about you? Actually, I meant to ask you this at the top of the podcast, because

I personally have been that bored either. I mean, there are days where I'm like, Okay, I'm doing the same thing I did yesterday and the day before, but like, I don't know, I can find ways to entertain myself pretty easily. But part of that is because I like to play video games and you're not much of a gamer. You are, but maybe uh not with actually his parents, So like, what do you do the past the time? If you're not watching Netflix or you know, just sitting

on the question TV. I play a little video games, but like the TV and Ashley's room is very very small and old and so it's it's kind of hard to see. Um, but I like I'll play Madden every once in a while, or NBA two K, or like I play Fortnite. But usually if I play a video game, it's like for an hour and then I get bored

and need to do something else. But uh yeah, l A, oh yeah, because I knew once we left l A, I knew there was we're probably gonna be on the East Coast for at least a month, and so oh yeah, I was bringing my Xbox. I wasn't gonna come here without it. Um, I thought that you went, what that is? That's smart. That's smart. Now I planned, you know, we planned for like potentially being over here for a month,

which is why we came over here at first. Um, and then obviously that's going to be extended, uh to who knows really because you know, the entire country is large parts of it, uh you know are on mandatory stay at home orders and you know, we'll see where this goes. Right now, looks like April could be longer, probably will be longer. But um, but yeah, man, so have you shown, like, have you shown Kalin any movies that you love? Like, do you have a movie that

you need your significant other to see? Like? For me, I needed Ashley to see The Matrix, even if she didn't like it. I just needed her to watch it because of my love for that movie. Do you have any movies like that that you have to show Calin Um. That's funny because I make Calan watched The Matrix trilogy like a couple of months ago, and she actually liked it. She watched all three. I'm so jealous. Yeah, it was a good couple of days. Um. I made her watch

a little bit of Fight Club the other day. But we didn't really finish it. We kind of got distracted. Uh. Interstellar is my favorite movie of all time. I think we'll probably watch that in the next week or so. But I haven't really made her. I'm I'm not making her. But I've been watching like Entourage casually, casually a little bit, and uh, it's funny to see her reaction because Entourage is just such a show that's Taylor specifically for like

an eighteen year old guy. Uh, and then so to like see her reacted like some of the things that they say and do, and it's kind of funny to see. But other than that, she's like been watching a lot of Gossip Girls. So I'll like watch a couple of episodes of Gossip Girl with her, and uh, that's about it. Really, I haven't I haven't like sat her down and forced her to watch the movie. There's like an anime movie that I really like that was pretty influential in my childhood.

Maybe I'll make her watch that at some point. It's called Acura. Yeah, it's it's a weird movie. It's like super weird, but it's one of the greatest animal movies of all time. I think, so maybe maybe I'll make her suffer through that this sometime this week. I mean, that's what they do at the quarantine. We just make the other persons suffer through movies we love, and then we have to suffer through movies they love. You know,

that's a relationship right there. I got her, uh. She I asked her like a month ago, what her favorite picture is that she ever took, uh, And she showed me a couple of them, and I got her favorite picture turned into a puzzle, a big three ft by two ft puzzle of two pieces. And so we spent like the whole night putting that together a couple of nights ago. It's pretty fun. Well, Dean, that's the sweetest damn thing I've ever heard of my entire life. That

that's awesome. Good for you. We need we need more puzzles. Honestly, that was like it took us a good four hours to finish two two piecessn't sound like a lot, and I was kind of disappointed. It was like the only option that they gave us for the amount of pieces. But then like actually putting it together, I was like, holy sh it, this is way harder than I thought it was gonna be. Was that the one you put on your Instagram? Yeah? Okay, yeah, that was a good time,

lots good job. I was very invested to see you guys finish that puzzle. Oh my gosh. I wanted to give up so many times. But what we did was I got that a bit. It's a big four by thirty six inch puzzle, and then I ordered like a big frame for it, and then we're gonna hang it in her apartment too, so that way we'll always have like a momentum to remember from the quarantine times. Oh that's actually really cute and I like that. I gotta think we gotta do something like that. Hopefully we all

make it out of here. Um, all right, let's do another email really quickly. This one's from Anonymous, because our anonymous is our favorite and as we determined last week, Anonymous, as we know, is our friend Nick Vile. So Nick Vile writes him, Uh, I'm kidding Anonymous as my ex cousin. Uh. So, basically, I'm twenty years old and dated a girl for almost two years. She broke my heart, but through time I healed.

It's been over a year now and I can't help myself when I see pictures of her cousin on Instagram. She is also single, completely my type, and goes to a college in the same state as me. My ex is now with someone else, and me and her are both single. Her as in the cousin of the X, would it be bad to shoot my shot? I'm sure chances are slim as we meet once while as we met once while I was dating my now X, But I thought I would get your guys input on it, So my thoughts, Uh, Yeah, I mean, I guess it

really depends on how long you dated. You did dated the X for two years. That's kind of a long relationship. How close is she with the cousin? Yeah, he has to address it immediately for it to at least not be as awkward as potentially it could be. Right, Like, if you're gonna read reach out via Instagram, game or whatever, we're like, Hey, is this super weird? I used to get your cousin obviously, what would you be interested in hanging out? Sometimes I don't think it's that weird. Yeah,

I don't think it's that weird either. Well, because I'm also kind of close with my cousins. Like there's a few cousins that are more like brother and sister to me. So I guess it depends on the relationship between the cousin and the ex, because if it would if like they reached out to a particular cousin and it was like, you know, my sister or like my brother, I don't know, then I'd have to see my ex all the time because then they'd be a part of the family, say

they got married. I guess it's okay, Like, at the end of the day, just be adults about it. Personally, I don't think it's a bit of an issue to reach out to your ex's cousin at this point, it seems like your ex has moved on, You've given yourself time to heal. Uh, it might be a little awkward at first, just to address the elephant in the room. And uh, I think you'd be okay, But that's gonna

do it. For this week's episode of Help I Suck At Dating Quarantine, episode number two in the books, hopefully we can continue to refine and perfect our sound situation here. Um, but thank us for listening. Hopefully this helps you not be so bored while you're stuck in isolation as well, and uh, big thank you to our guests this week,

who was the great sex expert Emily Morse. Be sure to check her out Sex with Emily, which airs every evening on Serious XM Stars Channel one, O nine and uh, next week, we were gonna this week we're gonna answer some Instagram questions, but we didn't have much time, So next week we're gonna go ahead and do that, So be sure to tune in next week on Help I Suck a Dating, where maybe we will suck just a

little bit less. Follow Help I Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcast