Pull the Parachute with Magi Tareke

almost famous live podcast with Ashley and Ben. Cassie is going to be on that, and so is Jill and that's tonight, and Easton's at the hotel literally two minutes up the road preparing for that, and he said, the WiFi sucks at this hotel. How's the WiFi at Audrey's, I said, fantastic. He drove there and now here. Easton is recording live from the actual coffee shop, not from the office though, so he does have the first aid kit.

You know, it's much more beautiful in the office than it is in the coffee shop, so really the background is not as nice. But I thought that was a little funny. Anyway, Moving on to our wonderful guest this week on Help I Suck at Dating. You know her from season twenty five Matt James, this season of the Bachelor. It is Maggie Tarka. Maggie, how are you welcome to the podcast? Thank you for having me. I am great.

You know, it's a beautiful day. I live in New York, so the way there it's not that but today, so I'm enjoying it very nice. So you live in New York. You were obviously on Matt James season of The Bachelor. That's where everybody knows you. So tell us how did you end up on the show. The casting director contacted me out of nowhere, so first I thought, it's like, what do I look single? So I had to put

my Instagram in check because I was confused. I am I am an immigrant, so I didn't know anything about these I told you know and you when they contacted me. I took time to respond, but when they announced it was my chains, I emailed them back saying, hey, I changed my mind. I can't do it. I'm ready. So it was because of my gams. I said, yes, A

nice um, mag I've got a question for you. So your storyline, well, I guess your life storyline and what we got to see highlighted on the show obviously was that you moved to the US from Ethiopia, right, yes, can we talk about that a little bit? So you were born right in Ethiopia? What was that like? And then what how old were you when you moved to the US. So I was Sonny one, and you know, I got hit by V I don't know if you

gets no DV is diversity. Dis's a lottery and lotterally just go to the internet app life for it and you wait for you luck. So thankfully I got here. That life in Ethiopia is it? It's completely different. When I came here eleven it was I was like shocking everything the food, the culture, like the country. I felt like I am in a place that I don't belong.

So yeah, almost it's been eleven years now, what made you want to move to the US with life, I always want to go to a foreigner country to get my mastress, my master degree because I had a bachelor inform of Marcy back home and I just and watching the movie. You know, it's very exciting like America. That life, it's everything is beautiful, it's a can't get rich very easily, all that kind of idea that I had. But I want to learn. I want to learn, I want to

improve myself, and I wouldn't I want a better life. Yeah, that's that's all the reason you need. Do you ever go back to visit Ethiopia? I went back once to only seventeen, and I would love to go. There is a seed war going on now. If it stopped, hopefully, well I'll go back. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of um the area of Eastern Africa, northeastern Africa, there's like a little bit of like civil unrest for the most part. Yeah. Yeah, it used to be a very full place, but now

it's completely changed. Yeah. Well hopefully in our lifetimes will be able to see it changed back to being peaceful again, I guess, but yeah, definitely. Um, well, I wanted to know what the how you said it was, I mean, completely different than your lifestyle back home in ethiopen when you moved to New York City, which I can only imagine you're such a fish out of sea. You're in a new area surrounded by millions of people, especially in New York City. I go and I'm from the State's

and it's overwhelming to me. I'm not a big city. Again. I didn't like l A, I don't like New York. So I feel very much like a fish out of water when I'm in that city. So what was it like for you to adjust in this new Did you ever have doubts? Did you ever possibly regret coming here and saying maybe I'm I made the wrong decision before you ultimately decided, oh no, this is what's right for me.

Um to start with, no regret, because America is a countrol of opportunity, and I'm very grateful to this country. But when I came first, the family who sponsored me, they asked me to come to New York JFK Airport so they can show me how America is. Then when I came here, like, I saw this big building and beautiful people, and I said to myself, I am this poor immigrant little girl. There is no way I can't feel in here. I am very poor. So what I'm

gonna do? Then? You know, we went to Baltimore because the family went from Baltimore. Actually, they just wanted me to see New York that's why I came to New York. So funny story, The main reason I moved to New York is to define that because I say, I can't do it, this is not for me. I can't fit in. And and I moved back after I graduate school, I came to New York. So I have no regrets. I'm very,

very grateful. Yea, I've got a question for you. What is because you moved from Ethiopa when you're twenty one? You said, what is it like dating in Ethiopia compared to dating in the US that you've experienced so far? And the follow up question, do you stuck at dating in both countries? Done? Um? In EUROPEA, I was this very grounded school nerd girl who goes to church kind of girl. I My family were, you know, some my farmers. So I got school, I come back home. I helped

them with the cuss with the housework. Then in college I kind of started dating. And you Ethyopia is like the guy up pushed you. It's not like you don't choose on my time. Like the guy pushed you. You said yes or no, and I wasn't. I was a very you know, I don't talk too much I was very shy, and it was hard for me to get out of that show. That's why, like everybody, my friends, they freaked out when they heard like I was on the Butler Rick Maggie. How what change when I came

to America. I think that the show I grew up like. The show made me realize First, you know, if I like a guy, I can approach myself, I can't fight for him as and another, like the other thing I learned from the show is that I I am confident on approaching guys. I don't have to explain the guy to approach me or that. But you know, I'm still shy. So I think I sat on dating in both of them because I'm still single. Well maybe you're taking your time. Yeah,

that's all you're just waiting for the right person. That Plus, you know, with the you know, with the back home situation and doing activism, my mind is completely like just can't focus to entertain someone when I'm freaking out. Am I gonna ask you? My family again? That has a lot of pressure, especially this past two years because after I got my pharmacy and know I got my dad Tray twenty nineteen, I was like, yes, done. I'm gonna have a boyfriend. I'm gonna really I'm gonna be dating

all that. But like the COVID happened, then the world happened. I was like, Okay, I'm just you know, taking my time, I guess, but you know, after all, happiness is the key. I am. I am happy. I don't know, you know, and I would like to show my happiness with someone, but I'm happy. Yeah. Well, I've got a question for you. You say you're shy, but would you do you think you're shy or do you think you're just an introvert? Oh, I am actually more off extrovert, but I am. Can

you not hill? I mean I can. I'm kind of getting the sense. But it's just crazy to me that someone like you'd be shy because you're so accomplished with your education, and you've done so many things with your life, and of course you're very beautiful. It's like, well, I don't understand, but I guess at the end of the day, like everyone has the reasons to be shy. But it's just started for me to grasp why someone like you would be shy, because it seems like you have everything

going for you, not that kind of ship. Thank you first, I appreciate that, but not that kind of shot. It's, um, you know, growing up, I didn't get used to it, and this is not something that as like growing up the girl will upproach you and what on the only age if I was back home, the family will agree

for you to get married with someone. Mostly so I just didn't know how to so like, I don't know, it's just the way I go up is like you don't just go to that guy and talk to him, you know, stuff like that, right, and then here you are, you going on a TV show where you have to put it all out there on the table. Did you notice after did you notice the difference between your like maybe like flirting style or anything like that before and after the show? Because for me specifically, it did make

me a little more confident to talk to girls. I would say, um, didn't have that effect on you at all? Yeah, and added a confidence I am like I'm outgoing now Before I was, I know, we have to meet at church or we have to meet at the pharmacy. If not, I'm not going to talk to you, not on the bar or the restaurant. I was that, you know, I don't talk. But after the show, I learned how to make a good conversation with a man, no matter who

that is. You know, a good date, bad date, I will see if it's a bad date, I will still be a lady and finish the talk and leave. That's funny because at the show, you know, like you're talking, you don't know how the date is going, and there's another commistake your guy. In the real world I would have I would be like, what, no, this is my guy. But at the show you have to let that good talk to him. So like but see, I still learn just be a lady, talk to the guy and move on.

That's what I think that I brought back with me. If the date is but I'll be a lady out here. Maybe all a nice meeting you, I'm gone. Do you find yourself having a lot of those bad types of dates in New York? Not really? Well I'm not doing that much, but not really, I think, God, um no, I never had but one like in I used to live in Virginia. I just moved here in October. So it's been a year from Virginia's Virginia all nice one part of Virginia Fairfax Fairfax. Oh my god, that's where

my wife is from. Yes, yes, she grew up in Great Falls. Nice. I finished high school in Shando University in Virginia. It's inside the Innoval Hospital. It's a big hospital in Fairfax. Then you know I moved here last year. Were you you worked at Fairfax Hospital? Now that school is inside the Fairfax Hospital in Nova, inside the Novas, inside the fair in the Fairfax has got her dad works the Fairfox Hospital. Yeah. So it's so funny. Small world.

I know, I didn't anybody was from Fairfax area. You know, Virginian um. So what do you What do you do for work right now? I do farm as super time, Uh you know the story cool stuff in shop and I also demling and the influencer world. I know it's not that easy though. It's very hard. No, I mean, I I agree with you, it's definitely not. You know, you guys look very easy and very like elegant. It's a lot of hard work. Dean and I are not if we are even categorized as influencers, were not very

good influencers. Jared, I speak for yourself, man, I loose elegance. Okay, I will say your sub I'll never forget your subway ud. That was one of the great post add brand details whatever of all time. He told my favorite one magie, I ate a Subway sandwich while skydiving. Yeah, he jumped out of a plane with the subway. That was an ad. Yeah, they subway somehow that said it was okay for me to do. It was Actually it was a hot air balloon jar, not an airplane. But anyway, Um, my dream

is to have Subway. I really want to climb out Everest and I want Subway to sponsor me, and I want to tell them that I will exclusively eat Subway sandwiches the entire time I climb out Everest, and that would be like the ad for them. But I don't know if they'd go for that. Why No, it would be funny. I think it would be good for them, It would be good for me, it'd be good for everyone. One was the last time you skydive? Now I'm looking at your Instagram. It's been a long time. It's probably

been about a year now. Yeah, it's been about a year now there last year, Yeah, I do. It's My best skydiving friend moved to Florida and he was always the one that would like rally the troops together and hoisauga s guy diving And now that he's gone, I don't have that that pull towards the sky diving. Uh, I guess arena that I have in the subway. Want it's so good? But you want to know who? Um who I've been talking to a little bit. Is you

know John Hershey? He used to date Katie Thurston. I think, yeah. I mean, I'm sure if I saw his picture I'd recognize him. He was from Katie season got dumped early, but then she ended up dating him afterwards. Anyway, he's a skuy diver and we've never met in person, but we talked every once in a while. And maybe him and I with you guys should meet ten thousand feet

in the air. You guys should have two planes that cross paths and then yeah, and then as you cross pass, you just jumped towards each other and then grab hands in the middle of the middle of the air. Sarcastically, but that is a really good idea, and you're like, Hi, I'm John, Hi I'm Dean, and then you pull each other shoots that like a sexual innuendow. Maybe I don't know. I kind of like it though. It could be the beginning of a romantic movie. Yeah, it could be, or

the best friends flying through the end. It's like you guys never meet in person, you know, in the whole movie is just you guys writing letters towards each other, and then you finally meet ten feet in the air as you're jumping sky diving into the air, and then we both die because our para. Yeah, and then both of the shoots don't work and then you just splat. It's like the song Candles in the Wind, instead of that it's ten feet in the air. Yeah, tragic ending,

but it makes you really gives you all the fields. Anyways, I feel bad. I feel like I've taken their attention to right for Maggie, where that's what we want the atte I'm enjoying it. Nobody's enjoying this, Maggie. I tell you, I under staid that I always think it's something magical. I don't know if I would do it, though, Oh you've never done it. No, should do it? What's stopping you? Fear? I love both and I don't want to die. Yeah, right, I am. I'm with Maggie on this one. That's all

I can think about. I'm like, yeah, I'd love No. I have debated it. There there's a big part of me that wants to go, but I'm with Maggie. There's also a big part of me that doesn't want to splat on the surface of the earth. So that's that you want a dead No, it's so much to take and I want to be A month's much risk to take. Sorry done, but yeah, wait, do you know what the statistical likelihood of surviving are pretty much dying while parachuting

it has to be so low, it's astronomically small. Yeah, it's like less than a thousandth of a percent. What the what are the what are the odds that your shoot doesn't open? Pretty much zero? I would say, what would cause a shoot not to open? I'm trying to I'm trying to think there's really no situation where the parachute wouldn't open. It could open up and like be twisted up, and that would be really bad. It could open up and you have like rips in it. Well,

how would it How would it get twists? So I feel like it could get twisted up pretty easily. It I mean, how do you well that's that's my that's my point exactly. You just said, yeah, it could get twisted up easily, So how can that's the most common That's the most common occurrence when you skydive, is your lines getting twisted. But then what you do is you just pull the parachute like the lines above you apart

from each other, and eventually it should fix itself. If it doesn't and you get into like a free spin and you start to panic, then you could cut cut your parachute away and then pull your reserve parachute and if that one's twisted, then you're just gonna have to figure it out. But I will say the safest, Uh, it's not the safest, But when you skydive tandem, you're jumping on these parachutes that are so so so big.

It's like driving as suv down the highway, versus when you're jumping so low you want to jump small parachutes, which is like driving a little Porsche boxter down the highway. So like, the big, big parachutes have like even a way smaller chance of failing because there's so much wind for them to catch, and so like, if they just correct themselves so easily, so if you guys do ever go skydiving, you can think about how safe it is

because you're jumping like the biggest parachute imaginable. Yeah, and so you're totally fine. I get that. It's like the difference between taking a small little puddle jumper versus taking a seven four seven, Give me that seven every single time. I want a bus in the air. But why don't

you just use a big parachute every time? I'm sorry? Now, I'm so interested because as you get better at the sport, like, as you improve, you become more dangerous and you want more maneuvers, and I'm sure that you have more flexibility with a smaller parachute and dumb like that. It's more more agile, way more fast as well. So like, yeah, that's what I want. I want to go faster towards the ground as it's definitely something that having conflicts with,

Like I'm conflicted. So what you typically want when you're starting out is like a one to one wing loading, So I wait, two hundred pounds and you want a parachute that's like two square feet. Um, My parachutes a hundred seventy square feet, which means it's a little faster than my one to one wig loading, but eventually you get people that are jumping like these eighties square foot parachutes,

which is just like crazy small. It's like a one point two to one wing loading, which is like so like you come into the ground and you're swooping in and you're going like legitimately like thirty and one tiny mistake is a broken leg, concussion, whatever it might be. Like, I have a lot of friends that I follow on on Instagram that are skydivers, and I feel like every other week someone's like, oh, crash my parachute again today, I'll be in the hospital for the next three months.

And I'm like, I'll just stick with my big parachute and not really worry about going very fast. Yeah, it feels like the thrill from skydiving is the free fall, not after your parachute releases. You know, you'd think that, because I agree with you. I think I thought that for a while too, But it's not true because when you're free falling, as fun as that part is, you have like less I don't know, I don't know how

to describe. You have less control. You have less of of of like of of falling, and then once you're under your parachute, then you can like start to do like maneuvers and tricks, more skill involved, more skill, and then you're like, obviously you're gonna land with your parachute. So there's like a lot more set up. Um. But everyone's different. Some people like the free fall a lot more.

Some people like the the parachuting a lot more. I've done I've all sometimes because I think I eventually liked being under the canopy a lot more. So you would jump out of the airplane and I would just pull my parachute right away instead of having any free fall, and then you could just like float around for a couple of minutes or twenty minutes. It's pretty nice. Um. But I feel like we've been talking about this so much.

I feel guilty. I feel like we've got our listeners that are like, it's either Tom Brady or skydiving with these two guys, let's freaking do The skydiving is fascinating to me. I think it's fascinating to a lot of people because it's one of those things that I would bet a majority out there would want to do it, but are just too scared to do it. Well, let's I'm gonna look it up real quick. Skydiving deaths per year. Let's see what it says. Well, we have to figure

out how many people go skydiving per year? Would you say, Megan, if it's not zero, I'll ask you I'll tell you what. There's a lot more car crashes per year than there are skydiving actual how many more cars are there in the world than people who jump out of airplanes? Okay, I'll ask you guys this in two thousand nineteen, it's the last year that they have the number one record. I want you guys to guess how many fatalities there

were in the entire sport of skydiving recorded. I'm sure it's probably a little higher than what they have recorded. But what do you think in the world or in the States, in the world. I bet it's low. I bet it's like two. You said death or incidents fatalities? Maybe, Yeah, let's have fifty. Those are pretty good guesses. It's fifteen one five, it says, it says you have a one in one hundred and fifty thousand chants. That's actually not that great of odds. Well, think about it. Think about it.

Where you have to jump a hundred and fifty thousand times to die once. That's not how odds work, but that's how they work in my head. Can you figure out what? Okay, let's compare it to a plane crash, Like, what are the odds of you being in a plane crash? Odds of dying plane crash is going down? Very morbid. Odds of dying in the plane crash, It's got much worse. One Are you serious? No way? And I'm going to

continue on some of these crazy stats. The odds of dying in a car crash as a driver are one in one and fourteen. No way, one one for what are you looking up? According to Executive Flyers dot com, that's what it says. Wow, I would wait a minute, hold on, I'm googling this. I'm gonna oh wait, But now that I'm I'm looking up Cleveland nineteen dot com says a study found the odds of dying in a commercial flight due to an accident or crash is one

and twe million. Yeah, that sounds more accurate. Look at the end of the day, we just don't really know what the odds are. But the odds of dying in a car crash are pretty high higher than dying in a in a skydiving accident. And I will say, as everyone says to that is like, yeah, well there's a lot more people driving cars and there are skydiving people in the skies, which makes sense. I get that from

PBS dot org. The annual risk of being killed in a plane crash for the average American is about one in eleven million. We're considered the risk of being killed in a motor vehicle crash for the average American is about one in five thousand. Wow. Okay, so executive flies is just way off then, I believe PBS dot org I would agree with that more. Okay, so you're a hundred times more likely to die skydiving than flying on an airplane, but you're twenty times less likely to die

skydiving than getting in a car crash. But you're also gonna have a hundred times more fun if you skydive than just sitting in the middle row in I mean that. Yeah. I think the thing is when you're when you're driving in a car, the odds of you getting in like a solo car crashed by yourself under your own like

power is pretty low. But when you're driving a car, it's like the other drivers are the ones you have to worry about, right, And when you're skydiving, your parachute isn't like some random person who's texting on their phone and then's going to rain into you with their car. Your parachute wants to open, and it's like an inanimate

object that it's like supposed to open. So like that's kind of where the thought comes from, where it's like probably more to interest to drive a car because there's other variables that are so far out of your control. Now I'm looking I'm trying to bring this back to dating. So I'm looking up the odds of um divorce rates. What are the odds that you get divorced? Like, do you have a better chance of getting killed in a car accident or getting a divorce? I would imagine, right,

I mean it's got to be so high. I mean, this is just from Google. It says almost fifty of all marriages in the United States will end in a divorce or separation. Researchers estimate that of all first marriages ended a divorce. What So you're saying, there's a shot, here's another one too, to bring it back to the whole death thing. Uh. Data from US crime reports suggests that about one in five homicide victims are killed by an intimate partner. I gotta sleep with my eye openers.

So if you're gonna get you're gonna get murdered. Chances Ashley Jared. I believe that. I mean, if I was gonna yeah, I mean I could say it. Just I just unload the dishwasher the wrong way one more time, and she's like, you know, there's like a good of her brain saying, do I do it this time? Do do I do it this time? The moment? Is this the moment? Yes? As The current divorce rate in the United States is two point three persons per one thousand

as crazy divorces. Wow wait wait wait, say that's that again. The current divorce rate in the United States is two point three persons per one thousand, So it's really one in five. Yeah, that's point two percent. That's like huge, Wait, that's so small. Point two percent? Don't know, Yeah, I guess does that. That's got to be of all people,

not just married people. It says most Americans who file for divorce do so between January and March it's gotta be the holidays, gotta be the holiday, and you're getting ready. So it's after the holidays where you spend so much family time and you're like, I can't do this no more. And then it's getting ready for summer. You're like, I want to get this divorce separation ready to go before Hot Girl Summer begins, because you know, you gotta get

out there. According to this line graph, though, it looks like the divorce rate per thousand people is dropping on average. Interesting, I mean that's a good sign. Recent divorce reachs to just a decrease the number of people disolving the marriage. That's nice. Arranged marriage marriage, Yeah, arranged marriage like in like you know, in developing countries and if you okay is a comment it's like fromily for you, aren't they way more successful traditionally like arrange marriage. It is, it

is one. There is fumily involvement to they. You know, they just it's I don't know. Um I grew up. I'm old school kind. If I get married, I get married that person forever. I know everybody do that. But like in my country, like if you argue, you know, if you argue, you don't ask for separation. It just has to work with it to the stuff to ask, to involve people to help you. They don't give up, so the giving up chance is very little in those

developing countries with arranged marriage than America. That's what I think. Was there ever any pressure from your family to have an arranged relationship? From Ethiopia when I was like when I was eight years old, they was there. You it's common, you know, like they make you so guys keep asking you when I when I was eight years old, then when I start when I started high school, was a lot, especially like from eight years old. In the up, you know,

family starts sending hey, she's growing up. So for our sons, like the family of the guy. So when I came to America, like, yeah, a couple of people will what they do. Tradition is if a guy likes a girl, he sent family to the woman's house. So my friends here that I know, they actually went back home and send people to my family house. But since I'm already here, my family have to ask me, hey, do you know him? Can we say yes or no? So it's fun, but that you know, traditional way is it's for me. I

like it. I would love to do that, like I would know the guy he has sent the family back home to ask for my family then you know we do it that way. So you do still want quite a bit of tradition involved in the whole, not not quite like almost everything per se, I will I would be Americanized a little bit, you know, a little bit civilized a little bit. But still I want the chruche. I want to keep the tradition, the family thing, the

celebration thing, the religious valid thing, all that. So I've got a question for you, then what is what do you who? Do you like? What kind of person do you see yourself ending up with? Um? A successful person? Yeah? What do you look for? Honestee? That like? What what

what is your type? I guess? Um, Well, my number one is religious, like not just only Christians, but someone who who praise you know, and ambitious work, you know, work a lot um help, other kindness and you know, respectful but more mostly like you know, the religious value and the motivation, the respect all that thing is as one for me, I see myself living with that like very exciting person to live with. Yeah, do you see this person being um from America from Ethiopia? Does that

does that make any difference to you? It doesn't. Only the religion matters for me. So if that line up the plus you know the ambition. I like kindness, like I think someone helped me I get here. You know they sponsored me when I was asked who people helped me I got here. So I always I want my life to be helping serve others. If he has that worker hard ambission, serve others, be kind, were good to go? Gotcha? Nice? Well with a communication, I need to be a good communicator.

A lot of yes. Well, like you're saying too, if you get an argument, you talk it through instead of just getting divorced um exactly growing up in Ethiopia that you grew up Christian, then it sounds like you're saying, yeah, yeah, my my family. You know that my family didn't send me to keep kid's garden kindergarten. Instead of kindergarten, they send me to church. So learned my ABCD numbers at church. Then I went to First Green gotcha? And then so now that you live in the US, you still practice

you go to church on Sundays? Is it the same same experience? Different? Funny story. I don't love I am a singer at church. Okay, so people they didn't think, like they laugh about it that I actually sing at church. I got. I try to go every Sunday. I served by the church. We have a new church opened in New York and it's been very amazing. We're not gonna that's incredible. Yeah, my friends like you, Maggie is singing at church, like literally like in front of people. Yes,

I do that. I wish I got to sing it in front of people at church. I'm self when I sing in the shower and I'm like, I'm pretty sure. Actually can hear me? You're saying, You're like you're like on the choir at church. Yeah, yeah that's yeah, that's so cool. But people love about it. It's just but when he's saying so if he's thing like, I'm just singing for God, I don't care who's watching. I used to be, but now it's like I get excited to sing. Nice.

One of the best thing too about singing and a choir is you have twenty people around you singing, so even if you are really bad, yeah, they're gonna may can keep the average a little bit, yes, yes, but I think many so don't ask me to sing for you in English. I thought about asking you this thing for us, and I was like, there's no way I can put it on the spot. Oh yeah, that's come

on now. Um, well, Maggie, I we talked about your you know you with um dating and how much is going on in your life and how you've really had to put it aside. You are not the only person that is dealing with a situation not similar, but in terms of working on the relationship, one of our hot topics today is Venus Williams. Venus Women Williams is obviously the very famous tennis player, one of the best tenni tennis players in the world. Her sisters Serena arguably the

best tennis player that's ever seen the court. So Venus Williams earlier this week, UH was talking to People magazine and she admitted that she's working on her dating life. You've got to know when to change, and so Venus goes on to say that she thinks it's been really easy for her to slip into a routine that keeps her single and is looking towards the making a change.

She goes, quote, I've had a single life for a long time and I really think it's easy to get stuck in a single life and sometimes, at least for me, harder to get out. That's probably something I'm working on now. And it makes you think about yourself and what you want and how to behave. It's definitely a lot of self thought that goes into it. When life changes, you gotta know when to change. You can't hold on to

either a relationship or the singleness. Now she is forty two, My question for you guys is Maggie specifically, do you think with dating, because you have so much going on, do you find that you really kind of have to make a change in order to not be single anymore? Because a lot of people I think they're like, oh, you know what, somebody will come and I don't have to think about it and it will just happen naturally.

But I do think, especially in my own experience, when dating, it's you have to put effort into you have to put yourself out there, and there is this um mindset that you can be in that you focus so much away from being in a relationship because you're so focused on work, that it really does put you in this mindset of being single. And that's what Venus Williams is saying that she's kind of like, I need to make a change because I'm so focused on other things besides

being in a relationship. I need to start focused about being in a relationship. If I'm going to end up with someone, I thought Venus was dating the founder of Reddit or something. Did they break up? Maybe it's her sister, but yeah, it's sister. Gotcha? Gotcha? Anyway? Sorry, what was your question, Jared? Oh my yeah, my question was for Maggie. Do you feel like you're in a similar thought process? Yeah, so that's actually true. Um. I listened to this procast

one day. He was saying, a woman, ladies this at this age, they spent you know, day after work, or they spent on the weekend at home, watch a movie with a piece of or with a wine, and they still say they are single. So where are you meeting? Do you expect the guy to come to your door? Enough? You do? You have to show up? You have to go out, you know, you have to meet people hating me somehow? Like what am if I am ready? Like first,

like knowing when I'm ready to date. I start thinking, okay, I'm not going to expect a guy to come to church say hi, my name is bla blah blah. I want to be your husband. No, I actually have to go events. I start going events. I started when I started sponding people on agen like being nice to guys when they ask, you know, quietly, hey, I just want to take you a day respectfully? Oh sure? Before like no way. And I also like, you know, attending weddings

and get together with friends. I just learned that my singleness was you know, taking all my time after work. I am happy going home, watch movie and sleep. That is my perfect night. But that is as a single that know you would get I feel like I was getting tired of it, and it's I'm always I like changing. I like doing things so that you know, as she said, um my singleness, Um, it was like it was good when it lasts, but it's not something I want to

take with me. So yeah, I had to make change, you know, my even when I got to dates, I used to think, like, you know, a guy, if my water bottle is empathy, he has a cool water for me. I actually got mad one day from the day my water bottle was empathy. That guy didn't pull my water. That first was the guy didn't pull for me. I was like, okay, okay, don't lack this, don't please, don't laugh. I was I didn't know. I had this imagination. You know,

you're in America. You know the guidance man should do that. So we you know, we learned that thing. I heard that thing, not learn but my water glass was empetty and he didn't prove work for me. Who wasn't this in this beautiful restaurant? So I got mad at him then, like that that shouldn't happen. I should put my own water.

I should actually pull a water for him. That's the change that I made as right now, Like even the one wine glass I take to take my time, you know, like, hey, do you want me when I let him pull the wine? But if it's water, I promane, I will prohise. I am okay doing it. So yes, a change is needed

if you don't want to be single anymore. So let me ask you this question because Caylen and I sometimes go back and forth on this subject where she is like, well, okay, so like say she does something that irritates me or I do something that irritates her, and then she's like okay, well then I'll just I just won't do that thing that irritates you. But then in my head, I'm like, well, no, I'll just stop being irritated by the thing that you're doing.

You know, Like it's kind of like just a way to flip it around and be like, well, no, I don't want you to change anything. I'm going to change the thing that I'm bothered by. You know. It's it's kind of the same thing. It's like, instead of getting upset at him for not pouring you water, you're just gonna decide that you don't want to get upset about not having a water port for you. And I go back and forth that too, because it's like, it's so

it's so easy. Well, it's easier for you to change your perspective or your opinion on something than to make someone else change theirs. And so that's kind of why I'm almost like, well, no, instead of changing what you're doing, I'm just gonna change the way that I react to it, or at least try to. And I'll tell you, I'm honestly, like really really bad at it. I like to think that I'm better at it, but it's hard. It really is a hard thing to do. Um, yeah, I don't know.

The water thing is interesting because I feel like, don't you kind of think that that's happening less and less? Do you think sheivalry is like dying out a little bit? Yeah, it is, it is. I think overlooking things like as like overlooking things also like as a woman. One thing I learned was like, if you think you're a strong woman, you want to show a guy your strong woman independent. Prowing water is not you know, it's one of the things you should do. Just put your own It's okay.

So those are things like if I have to present myself I'm a strong woman independent, like in my own way. Those are you know, simple thing women does for serving back home. We serve our husband, so they serve us. So it's just that's how I see it that. Yeah, it's getting less and less now, I think, Yeah, I don't know, and there might need to be a shift here pretty soon. But I do agree with you and and Jared and I are big advocates and we always have it in the past for this that Instagram might

potentially be the best dating app out there. It's a good one. Yeah, no twoys about it, Like, I mean, how many stories. Have you heard about people meeting on Instagram? Are you on any more of the other traditional dating apps like Bumble or anything like that? I am well though, So there was this thing called Raya my friend sign me up, but I use that for business. I came. I want to came to New York. I need to meet photographers, stuff like that. Even though you say business

people actually ask you on a date. So, but I am not in any dating app. I don't want to be in data. I don't know how to keep in touch like texting I do. I'm not that. I am the old school kind place meet up, please talk, so if you say hi, hey when we meet, just like that. So whining app won't work for me. Yeah, that's fair. There's a lot of fluff on those dating apps. It's a lot of texting, not a lot of asking out.

That's what I found. Yeah. Um, well, Maggie, thank you so much for joining us on this week's episode of Help I Second Dating. You've been such a pleasure and we wish you nothing but the best of luck, and we hope to hear from you soon again because we need an update on the dating life in New York City. Yeah, thank you. So much for having me. Maggie, You're amazing. Make sure everybody follows you on Instagram. Maggie, what is

your handle on Instagram? H G I C A R E K. Well, everybody who's listening to this podcast, go follow Maggie. She's beautiful, she's amazing doing some incredible things on there. Once again, thank you for listening to this episode of Help I Such a Dating. Tune in Thursday and then next week hopefully we'll just all, you know, suck a little less. Follow Help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast