Paper Anniversary

gonna be August August eighteen. Uh tickets are still on sale for that ten dollars gets you onto the live show. It's a virtual show, of course, and then thirty dollars gets you that special live show plus Beanie package, which, let's be real, who the heck doesn't want to suck Army Beanie. I wear mind night every night when I go to sleep. I wear it most days when I shower, we most showers that I take. Um Caitln looks at me very strangely whenever I do that, but that's just

how much I love it. Uh, So get your stuck Army Beanie. Be sure to get your ticket for the live show. We will share that on our Instagram as well, Jared, where can they get tickets for the last show? So they can go to help us Second Dating Instagram and the link to get tickets is in the bio, so you just go there clicking the bio and you'll be automatically sent to the website where you can purchase tickets

for the live event August eighteenth. Like Dean said, um are also August eighteenth is Couple's Day, So obviously if you suck at dating, you'll be available. So why don't you come on down? It's like the price is right, You're next. Help I suck at dating, so Jared. For the people that don't have Instagram, where can they go to get tickets for the live show? They can go to h I s A d slash ticks dot com. Is that correct, Danielle tick Sarah t i x r dot com. Almost there, h I s A d dot

t i x r dot com. So help us Second Dating dot tistar dot com. Perfect. Thank you, Danielle. We need in Yale because you speak a lot better than I do. Anyways, for those that are listening and want to be part of the live show, be sure to tune in next week and get your tickets between now and then. But don't wait because tickets are going fast, uh and there might be a limited quality quantity. I don't know, but get your tickets high said dot tixer

dot com. Ten dollars, I'll get your ticket. Three dollars gets your ticket into Beanie. Anyways, beyond that, beyond our love show next week, which we are more than excited for we want you to be part of, there is some big news, uh among our former co hosts, and even some big news with our current co host Um. So if you're falling along to this podcast, you'll have known that Vanessa was a big part of the podcast for a long time, and she still is very near

and dear to our hearts. And she just recently got engaged a couple of days ago, so maybe we can give a round of applause for um. She got engaged to her boyfriend Josh, and well now fiance. Yep, now fiance. Josh. I met Josh before. He's an incredible guy, Josh Wolfe. They're up in Canada right now. I can't I haven't talked to Vanessa in a while, but I sent her a congratulatory text and I think she kind of knew

from the earl. I don't want to speak for her, obviously, it would be great to be able to get Vanessa on the podcast and have her kind of relive the moment and the relationship up to that point. But I do know that when they started dating, she was very enamored by him, and she from a very early stage kind of thought that he was going to be the one. So it's really good to see that, you know, her dreams of being a wife and hopefully becoming a mother are are coming are coming true, and it's to the

person that she loves, which is Josh. And he's a great guy. Um so yeah, yeah, I mean I would. I'm just Ashley and I are super happy for Vanessa. We sent her congratulated texts obviously as well. We talked to Vanessa like probably ever like foo months, I guess, but super happy for her Josh, Like you said, I'm just repeating the sediments. Super awesome guy, badass, last name Josh Josh. Plus he's got gray hair and like gray beard, so he just like looks like a wolf, which makes

it even more badass. Curious if Vanessa is going to change her name because Grimaldi is such they both have badass last names, Grimaldi, Vanessa Grimaldi, and so I'm curious if she's gonna go by Vanessa wolf now. Um, but super happy for her that she's engaged. Uh and um, I think, like you said, she's just an awesome person who I'm very excited too for her to have a family one day, because I think Vanessa is going to

be the greatest mom. Uh. If anybody is out there has ever had the privilege of meeting Vanessa, she gives off very warm vibes, very friendly vibes, nurturing vibes, and um, you know when she was on the podcast, she really you know, she certainly put us in line and took care of us. And so I know that she's gonna be a great, great mom one day, a wonderful, wonderful wife. And Josh is a very lucky guy and he seems super nice as well. Uh, they're just a great couple

and it couldn't be more excited for them. Does this mean that she doesn't suck at dating anymore? Uh? Well, like we've established, you never stopped sucking at dating, right, It's kind of Uh, it's kind of something. It's it's it's something that you incorporate into your lifestyle. I think even when you're married, engaged, or dating someone, so I think for all intents and purposes, will say that she

still sucks at dating. Oh totally. I think we can assume that Josh probably doesn't suck at dating and that's yeah, that's that's what it seems like he has together. I post I just posted on the help my secondary instagram picture of you and I from our my wedding last year, and it tell us dancing, and the caption is, uh, we might be in relationships, but we're always gonna suck at dating. Yeah that's good, that's and that's true. That's that's you know, that's what we embody, we embody suck nous.

We understand that it's part of our relationships, part of our life. But you gotta learned to live with the suckiness. And that's really what we're all about here on help by Sucky Dating. It's it's a way of life, really, just always sucking at dating. Just ask my wife. I like that everything. I like that. On a Vanessa's engagement day, we posted a photo of us too. I posted on

the story to say congratulations to Vanessa. You did, okay, Okay. Well, the reason I posted it was because today is my one year anniversary and I was going through wedding photos and I saw a great photo of us too, and I was like, oh, I want to post this so today. Yeah, that's the other big news that we were talking about the top of the episode. Obviously, Vanessa's engagement huge, huge deal. But Vanessa is not here, so we care more about

the people that are here. I wouldn't say we care more, we're just, you know, maybe it's a more of a I don't know, a topic of conversation because Vanessa can't speak on hopefully van podcast you're here. That's that's just how it is, you know. So it's one year you've been You've been married for a whole sixty five days, Crazy Earth has revolved around the sun one full rotation, and you are still married to Ashley. It was almost

a full year since you missed your flight. Uh, well I did miss my flight, but I was able to book another one. No, it was awesome because you called me. I think you were you were supposed to. You flew on Friday and then you called me Friday morning and you were like, listen, man, my flight I canceled and I forget. You said you got rerouted to Boston and like all this crazy, and I was like, oh that sucks, man. And you said that you couldn't make because so our

wedding was on a Sunday and Friday. We had a boat for like the wedding party, and obviously Dean was a grunsman and then you were, and so you couldn't make it, but you ended up like making it, I think that night and like met up with us. I think, yeah, I had to rebook a one way flight from l A to Boston, which ended up classing me like five bucks.

But I was like, I can't believe I missed this flight. Uh. And then I got in, like I got into Boston at like ten pm, and then I had to take the train down to Providence, which was like an hour and a half or however long it is. Yeah, but so I got in pretty late, and when I got in pretty late, everyone's like already kind of party in and we went to the bar. It was still it worked out, don't get me wrong, but yeah, it was. It's not my finest moment. It was so funny because

I felt so bad. You know, you told me this story about how the flight got rerouted and all this stuff, and then the day of the wedding, I was like, man, that's crazy that they canceled your flight and then rerouted you and you had to like do all this stuff, and You're like, I just lied. I I felt bad. I just missed it. I was like, Okay, yeah, that makes sense. I didn't want to be honest in that situation, like, oh, should I miss my flight to my buddy's wedding? Like

I was fine, dude, it was great. It made it made a great story. But yeah, man, it was one year ago. So Ashley and I are in Newport right now, Newport, Rhode Island, UM, to celebrate the anniversary because obviously this is where we got married, and it's really nice being back. It's nice being um, it's nice being home. But it's just really nice being back in Newport and reminiscing about all the memories that we had from last year. And it really was the best weekend of my life and

specifically the best day of my life. Uh, it was just having it's so surreal, um, having everybody that you love, you know, everybody that you care about, and you know,

or mostly everybody you know. Obviously some people you know, I can't make it, but UM like having those people in your room, you know, under one roof, and especially like our lives actually and and mine, you know, we have like you know, you and and Tanner and Nick and all these producers that were super close with I mean obviously one of the producers along form producer was

the officient at the wedding. And so I feel like we have this one side of friends and family, people that we love, um that just doesn't know another aspect of our life. And it's the same vice versa. We're like, you know, our our our parents and sisters and family and cousins and everybody that we're so close with back home, just they don't know you guys, and you guys don't know them. And it's so weird because we're so close

with both you, you know, both sides. And so that was so nice, you know, to have like you there and Ben and Nick and and have you guys in to interact with like my dad and my cousin and my childhood friends, you know, and I have those worlds. Merge was was you know, one of the coolest feelings ever. And uh yeah, man, one year, So I got the

one year anniversary is the paper gift? Like, you know how like each anniversary has a different gift apparently, so I looked it up in the one year is the paper one, which is apparently meant to represent the fragility of your relationship because it's your only one year in so it still could be torn pretty easily, which sounds pretty depressing when you really think about it. But whatever.

Uh so, I I got actually a couple of things, like we're gonna I got her like a getaway weekend, and I got her necklace that was engraved and and then but also I wanted to give her something made out of paper because it's the paper anniversary. So I got her like this construction paper, and I bought these markers and wrote her a little poem on there and drew you know, like pink and red hearts. It looked like,

you know, my four year old niece drew it. But you know, it's the thought that counts at the end of the day. Um so, so yeah, So we're in Newport right now. We're gonna go to dinner later and celebrate. And a year later, man still still married. Did she get you anything paper related? No, not paper related. She did get me something also, though. She got me a Red Sox golf bag, which is pretty badass because so I have a yeah, I've been New England Patriots golf bag. Dude.

It's like my pride and joy in Rhode Island, and I have Red Sox balls. I have Red Sox club covers, a Newham Patriots bag with like a Bruins towel, and then back west, I just have like a traditional golf bag. Because I was like, well, I'll just buy clubs over here. I'm not gonna ship them back and forth from, you know, across the country. So she bought me a Red Sox badass golf bag that I can use in California, which is two clubs. Yeah, I do have two sets of clubs, dude.

I was shipping them back and forth and it was like a hunter and twenty bucks each time. I was like, this is stupid. I'm just gonna buy a two pair of clubs. So married for a year, as the first year marriage been what you've expected it to be, hasn't been different in any sort of way. What's going on with the whole year and actually, as I see her trying to steal the mic from you, unbelievable. She always comes in on my podcast. I'm working, You're letting come

on my podcast all the time. I find it entertaining. I was just listening upstairs and you go, so yeah, a year later, we're still married. As if totally non sarkastically. I don't know. I just say things. Actually I I say nonsense. But you usually do fantastic jobs. I don't know. I do a fantastic job. That's funny. Yeah, Dean goes one year down, one year ago? Has anything changed? As do you think anything's changed in our marriage? She said, no, Has it been what you expected it to be though

the first year? Yeah, I don't. I think it's what we expected, Like, not much has changed. Are two of our friends got married and they're late twenties, and they said that the first year was harder than they initially thought it was going to be. But they all didn't live together before they got married, So I'm curious if that had anything to do with it. Because Ashley and I lived together while we were engaged for a full

year before we got married. I feel like if you lived together before you're married, not much changes, you know, you just put a ring on it. I feel like I guess there is more of like um um gravity to our relationship, if that makes sense, because now you know, I talk about my wife instead of my fiance or girlfriend, which feels more impactful. But you know that scientifically, like their stats that show that couples that lived together before

they're engaged have a highed divorce rate. Think that it's because it puts like it's almost like the guy feels the pressure to like, Okay, well, this is the next step, Like this is just a formula, and it makes it feel like the girl feels as if, like he was, it was forced upon him, and like that's why I always said that I wasn't gonna love with you until we were engaged. I also feel like it's a little

bit of buying the milk for free. If you're living, if you're if you're living a life that is um very it feels like a marriage, then what's the real need to like make it an official? I mean when when you think of the concept of marriage is an element of stupidity doing Yeah, but you know what I like, I like a lovely contract between us. Oh, we're signed. She makes a good point, and I say the same thing to Caylin all the time too. It's like, you know,

we lived together. It's basically like we're married. Yeah, I mean, there's really not much difference except when you guys get married, you just bring the government in on it, which, you know, like I said, on the surface, sounds pretty stupid. You're like, hey, the way I'm going to express my love to you more than anything is to bring the government in. Also, let me just clarify the whole milk for free thing. I am a traditionalist, like the ultimate traditionalist. I have

like those old school morals and values. I just like it that way, okay. I Also, I'm not judging, and I don't find there any issue if somebody doesn't want to get married in paperwork either. There we go. So it sounds like Ashley hates my my mindset and hates everything that I represent. But that's okay. You know, I don't need Ashley's approval to be happy in my relationship. Dean said that he said that you pretty much just

hate everything about his relationship. Then, basically to the listeners out there that you don't like my way of going about relationships. That's okay. You know, like you said you're a traditionalist, I'm not. I'm not. You're the antithesis of a traditionalist. Yes, So like I'm totally that's like the Dean way, and I'm totally fine with it because that's you and then I and me, And I also even think that you probably would consider marry and Kayla one day.

But like it's also it's not the whole government paperwork. You are very very committed. Yeah, I just like to go against the grain. You know, just because it's a tradition doesn't make it just makes me not want to do it, you know. And that's totally fun. And I like the way that you have your own set of ways. And is Klin traditional? Like does she? She? She is very traditional, Yes, And it's it's not a point of contention in our relationship whatsoever, but it's definitely a constant

conversation now we're having not yet. Well, Jared, how would you explain yourself? I mean, I'm I'm I'm somewhere in between you two. I think, yeah, I'm a traditionalist, but I also can go against the grain. Yeah, but with relationships, you would always be like he told me very early on in our relationship romantic the relationship that he always felt like what he was born to be as a husband. Yeah, I agree with Yeah, I felt like I but that's

just my personality exactly. And actually, how has he done as a husband in the first year. He's been the best husband ever. I made her breakfast in bed this morning. I made her French toast. That is a door And how is the French toast that it tastes good? It was very good. Well, it was kind of weird. It's like a health food French toast because, like I am trying to cut down dairy, and the local market only had all organic stuff, so I couldn't really up and

make it taste good. And then she has this coconut milk, So I don't think it really was the best, but it was fine. It was definitely a healthy French Organic certainly doesn't mean health food it all. It doesn't mean non fatty. Yeah, I agree. I think you can, like without pesticides and without chemicals. Okay, so before before actually before you take off, and before we jump to a

break to it to get our guests in here. As on a scale of one to ten, I want you both to rate each other as a partner over the past year of married life. Be honest. Well, I mean, I can't think of anything that you've done wrong. Damn. I mean, I'm sure I've done plenty of things wrong. Does that mean Jared's a ten out of ten? I can't even think of one massive fight we had. No we bicker, but we never we never had a blow out of fight. We also haven't bickered in a while. Yeah,

it's been a long time. We bickered the most. I think the hardest month it was probably March in April, but it wasn't even that hard. It was just that he was quarantine and my parents, and he was really bored, and I was really content, and I was like trying to make him happy. And I don't know if there was anything I had in my control to make him happy. I think also, I remember we had a moment in October. We're uh. It was bad, not bad, but it was.

We were in Rhode Island. It was right around Halloween, and I remember we were going back to l A. I don't know. I just remember thinking like I couldn't, like I did not want to go back. It was like but I remember I got, I got, I was a pain in the ass you were. I don't even remember this, and I remember everything. I mean, he's always pissy when we leave Rhode Island. I know the days leading up to the flight back will it won't be in the best food. And then, like the first couple

of days in l A is an adjustment period. But for some reason, October doesn't strike me as one of those times. Specifically, I remember how I gave you an extra I gave you an extra week here. I mean we got married here. For Christ's sakes anymore, that is not a gift that I gave you. I this is just exactly what I imagine. All Right, you guys, You guys love the conversation about what's going on at It

sounds like you're both tend out of ten. Jared, you have nothing to improve on, actually nothing to do provalent either. Here's one year down, a million more to go stoked for you guys. We do have to get to our guests. We have to take just an idea for Amy and and the producers like, maybe it's a good idea to do. I help, I suck a dating one year Marriage podcast. I agree with that perhaps we can do that after the What women want or what a girl wants always

has an opinion, doesn't she? All right, well, he used at the top of the podcast, We've got some great guests coming up. You are not gonna want to miss. It's Darcy and Stacy from ninety Day Fiance Before the ninety Days. We're gonna take one quick break. We're gonna chalk to them, and you're not gonna want to miss that conversation because I promise it's gonna be juicy, very interesting.

So stay tuned. Welcome back to help I suck at dating. Um, thank you for listening to My wife and I bicker usually happens every day, but we have a very loving relationship and she's the best wife. She really is. I'm a very lucky human being. She's way out of my leg anyway, we have two guests on the line right now. You know them from d Fiance Before the ninety Days. They have a brand new spinoff show which is airing August sixteen at ten pm nine Central on t l

C called Darcy and Stacy. It is Darcy and Stacy Silva. How are you guys? Thanks for coming onto the podcast. Thank you. Thank you for having us. Yes, oh, of course. So you guys are in Connecticut right now? Is that where you're from? Yeah, we're currently Connecticut. Um, we're originally from here, but we've moved around a lot as we grew up and stuff all over the world. Connecticut will always, you know, be our where our roots aren't. Oh yeah, New England. Are you closer to the New York side

or the Rhode Island side? Rhode Island and you're on the right side, I'll tell you that much. The lower half of Connecticut. That's pretty much New York at that point. You know, they root for Yankees and Mets and Giants and all that crap. Um. But Darcy and Stacy, thank you so much. Of course we're coming on. Help I suck a dating now. Fans know you from before in the ninety days. But like I just said, you have your brand new series, Darcy and Stacy, So tell us

a little bit about it and what fans can expect. Yeah, we're really excited for the news series. It's kind of dives deep into our twin relationship, our bond. Um, it's more about our life, our relationships in of family life, family life, her kids, good, bad, and ugly. Yeah, get ready, a lot of drama. It tends to follows a little bit but where we are, but you know, we want love in the ends and that you guys get to

go through school along with us. So we're excited for that journey and a lot different than B ninety because that was more focused on, you know, my personal relationships. But now it's kind of nice to have Stacy, you

know with me. You're you know, twinning it up. Yeah. Well, so in Darcy, you've so you've been on B ninety a couple of times, right, yeah, four seasons, right, and then so Stacy has also been on the show, but she's been more of kind of like a shoulder for you to lean on if you needed it years away. But Albania season three and when she was with Tom and yeah, yeah, well, and so what's great about this is we've seen you on the show a few times.

We've seen you, you know, obviously, uh, go through that whole process and not see the results that you've wanted. But Stacy has been there, and so finally we get to see the whole sister dynamic kind of play out a little bit more, which is gonna be great. Um, let's see are twined dynaemic and why we are the way we are? Well and so Stacy, but you're so you're dating someone too from out of the country now right, Um, um Florian we've been together five years. Um, she got

engaged after the first trip I took to Albania. Um, we'm online and Instagram and he had proposed again. So you know, luckily because it has approved and now you guys get to see his journey. His arrival to America was his first international flight, him riding in the US, and um, we get to see that journey. I've got a question for you guys, what the heck is up with the Silva sisters and loving international men so much? All right, we'd like to say it's in her blood.

We've always traveled as kids. I didn't we traveled a lot growing up in London, Singapore, Xes, whereas your mind was Gary and our children's fathers are East European. And I don't know, it's just I've seen the American guy. I loved it, and UM, I don't know, it's just reconnect with honestly, Yeah, you know, so Darcy, are we gonna are we gonna get to see a love interest on the show with your sister now or how's that

gonna work? You guys get to meet Georgie. Um, you know he's Bulgarian, he's been in the US, so I kind of a little bit of both worlds, you know, I met him here and um, America's so guys look at to see a little bit more into that relationship. And I was over Tom and Jessee over the past. I was singing ready to mingle and I, oh yeah, not a hot Bullgaran guy. So was Darcy. What was it like dating after going on the show ninety Day Fiance?

Because obviously we only get to see on what we see on the show, but we don't get to see much of the aftermath. So let's say, after your first day on Batch Night Day Fiance, what had kind of happened with like your just everyday dating life. I was excited to date again. I was single, ready to mingle. I mean, Connecticut don't really you know, date around so much. But you know, I'm not sco to do the dating

apps or even through Instagram. That's kind of Georgie slid in to my d M s and we met up in February around the super Bowl time, So that's kind of how we met. I can you know, quite a few guys are good looking guys, you know, pursue her, but at the end of it's what she wants and who she feels a connection. Yeah for me. For me, I've did a lot of healing and um in her work for myself, and I know what I want and deserve and now I get to choose. I feel when I lean back and let them come to me. I'm

not thirsty darsty like everybody thinks dangle, darty. You know, have you guys ever have you guys ever liked the same guy? No? Never. I think we appreciate, you know, the guys that we did, you know separately. They're a good looking guys like never know since it's the same one, so be younger guys, you know, but but never the same guy. There's um there's twins that are part of the Batchel franchise, Emily and Haley, who were actually on the podcast last week and one time Bachelor in Paradise.

They want on a date with guy. Emily went on a date with a guy and then halfway through the day Emily switched with Haley and they wanted to know if the guy could tell the difference, and if he could, that was big bonus points. And if you couldn't when it was over, Have you guys done anything like that? Actually know what we did? Actually do you do that? Well, I'm sorry, I'll have to refresh your memory. But we

like when we said pillow talk. We had Florien on the phone and he's, yeah, well I'm when you finished, and that was Stacy, So I was like, hi, my love, Hey sexy. But he kind of right, He's like, oh, hey, Dorothy, I wasn't a good that's bonus points right there. If he's able to tell by the voice, that's incredible. Yeah, that did happen. I forget about that. Yeah. What is it like for you guys now that you're dating Albanian and Bulgarian man's men, respectively. Are they in their countries

during this thing that's going on? Or are they in America with you? Georgie has been based here for a while, and you know, drying to visit Bulgaria one day when you know, when I hopefully get a chip. I love traveling anyway, and my daughters are half Hungarian, so it'd be nice to go to Europe and do a little toy. I love that world. My sons are Serbian and been Albania numerous times, Greece, Turkey. I love that yeah vibe and um yeah, I mean I think you know they're

the Eastern European men. Something about them, yeah, something about them. But it's nice tell us, tell us about them? What is it about them? You think that you like someone very family oriented and I don't know, you know, they don't. They don't your beautiful baby and you know, just really sweet and endearing and the time you can't, you know, you can't deny a good looking man. So right, they

are very family oriented. I've I've only been to a few Eastern European countries, but I do remember hearing that like family is basically at the center of everything that they do. They you know, they stay home and they take of their family for as long as they can, on all those types of things. And you're saying that's what's important to is is obviously gotta have a family. Man.

It's an amazing bond. And I've been there many times and the first and foremost it's nice to have a relationship with the guy that has, you know, roots of family values and stuff to you. So it's Darcy, I got a question for you. So we've seen you love and lose a few times, and our podcast obviously has helped I suck at dating. So a lot of the people that listen to this podcast have struggled through their

journey for love as well. What advice would you have for a listener that's kind of been, you know, heartbroken or has gone through maybe a rough break up. What kind of advice would you have for them? Oh, I don't want to say, suck your seating, but you know I've had my fair fair tries at it. But you know, just stay stay strong within yourself, love yourself first and foremost, you know, hold yourself, hold yourself up higher, just know

your worth. You know, That's what I had to do after Tom and Jesse, I walked away with my head held hid because I just felt like I deserved more, but I was letting that happen. So I had to become stronger with the knee and just you know, just let the past go, anything that was deep rooted. Just change some patterns in my life too. You know, Hey, it very very big heart and I'm very much of a yes person. So it's kind of good to kind of just start saying no sometimes and not give your

power away. So it's just you know, learning how to um, you know who wants your power. I know you're still worth it and for yourself absolutely, and also you're forgetting a very very important piece of information. Be sure to check those Instagram d m s every once in a while because you never know what diamond might be waiting the yeah, yeah, I love it, I love it. And so okay, so we talked about your guys show that's

coming out Sunday, August six on TLC. Right, tell us a little bit more about what we may be able to expect with with what we see on that season. Well, you guys are gonna see obviously a lot of trauma, some funny, the funny side of me. We're very comedic. Actually, you'll see that. You'll get to see our boss bitch side because you know we're bosses when we run house with eleven together, and our family dynamic she her two

daughters are a part of it. Will be able to see Anko and Aspen growing up and getting to know them a little bit more and um seeing their dynamic as well. Our our dad who's from just came from China. Actually he's been here for you know, five months now. But um, you know, good to see kind of like why we are the way we are? Where are um kind of the patriarch her family and our mom we call her Nana. She's just kind of like she's a little funny and billy and stuff. So are we gonna

get to see the love life unfold at all? Yeah? Oh yeah, definitely the love life you see's journey with Floren and whatever kind of speculation with thanks and scandal and helpful, daring spiciness, you know, is it Isn't it kind of crappy to know exactly what happens and have these feelings towards certain things but not be able to share them with the world because the show hasn't aired yet. Yeah,

it's hard enough to give me the spoiler. And but you know, you guys will watch it along with us, and you'll feel part of it that's worth waiting for. I feel so yeah, you definitely won't be disappointed. We're looking forward to it very much. So well, thank you so much for Darcy and Stacy for joining us today. I really appreciate it. Once again, everybody check out their brand new show, appropriately titled Darcy and Stacy, which airs August six on TLC at ten pm, nine Central. Darcy Stacy,

thank you so much. You guys are awesome. Thank guys, guys look forward to it. Thank you. We are going to answer a couple of emails, but before that, we are going to take one quick little break. Welcome back to help I suck at dating Darcy and Stacy. They were very sweet, energetic. I like their vibes a lot, so everbody make sure you guys tune into their show August sixteenth, once again on TLC ten pm, nine Central, and of course it's called Darcy and Stacy. We also

have another What a Girl Wants, What a Girl Needs? Whatever? He all right, I'll stop doing that. We have a new No Problem Anytime What a Girl Wants podcast coming up on Thursday. Last week, it was hosted by Emily and Haley Ferguson. This week, we have two great hosts. We have the original Bachelorette, the o g Trista Sutter, who's hosting alongside Molly Mesnick now Jason Mesnick. Season of The Bachelorette just reaired. When they did, they're doing the

Bachelor greatest of all time his season just theired. Of course, Molly is married to Jason. They have a couple of kids, they have a family together. And the interesting thing about Jason Mesnick and Molly Mesnick is that originally you guys

probably know this, but Jason picked someone else, Melissa. I think, yeah, he picked Melissa, and then after they got engaged in the show stopped filming, he had second thoughts and then ended up dumping Melissa, got back together with his number two, which was Molly, and then now they're married and and happily and love. So it all worked out. So it's gonna be a great podcast again. Drops this Thursday. What

a Girl Wants. It's on the Help I Suck a dating feed, So it will be this podcast right now that you're listening to. Plus a new episode of What a Girl Wants. We're just giving you all the great content in the world once again, hosted by Trista Sutter and Molly Mesic. It's gonna be a great episode. We have great hosts, Trista and Molly. It's gonna be a good one. I'm loving this What a Girl Wants segment. Thing First, the Twins now we've got these two wonderful

co hosts to jump in and share their story. It's great, uh for me specifically because I got to hear from people that I maybe I wouldn't normally get to hear from. So it's like nice to be able to check in. And it's funny but Jason thing where he as you mentioned, he chose someone and then decided to dump them and then choose the runner up because we saw that obviously just recently with Ari and his now life Lauren, who

have a kid together. So it's almost like that's got more success than regular Bachelor's you know what I mean. I think sometimes uh, distance makes the heart grow fonder, and when you lose something, I forget, Like you know, there's that saying like the only way you truly know is to let it go, and I think there's something to be said about that. Like for me personally, I saw a glimpse of my life without Ashley, which made me,

you know, really kick it. Gave me a kick in the ass and was like wake the hell up and and go after this person. I think even you, to a certain extent, yours a little bit more minuscule, but you obviously broke up with Kalin left Paradise and then in the days following were like, what the hell am I doing? I missed this girl? Went back and now you've been in a relationship for quite some time, a happy one. So I think there's you know, not every

relationship is going to be perfect. I think the whole fairytale aspect of of of love is is a little overblown, which I think we we all think so and so I think sometimes it's a little messy, and it's not the worst thing to get a glimpse of your life without someone and that will really tell if you want

to be with them or if you want to move on. Yeah, So this is the advice for anyone that might become the bachelor or bachelor at any point, you know, just try out your try at your your first place finisher for a while, and then if you don't like him, try out the second place finisher, uh, and see if that works out better for you. I mean, let's let's say this, or in Peter's case, just try out the fifth place finisher and then that might work out for you. You You got to test drive a car before you

want to buy it. Wow, that is that's Yeah, that's got some misogynistic undertones to it. But I guess I didn't mean this for men. I'm talking about bachelorettes. I'm talking about bachelors. This is not a man or a woman. I know, I know, I'm just giving your hearts there. I agree with you, though there is there is definitely some truth to the heart responder with distance sort of thing. But is there a badge? I mean, I guess it will.

It wouldn't work for Hannah and Tyler because they're not together, even though it would be a good story if they were, but because they you know, she obviously went with Jed that didn't work out, and then her and Tyler were like hanging out. I think the reason that we see it work, the reason that we've seen it happened with

bachelor's and not bachelorettes. And this is just my stupid, dumb opinion, is because men choose women based on different things than women choose their men based off of right Like men, you know, maybe a little bit more fueled by like desire and passion, and women are more more driven by like sense and fitting and and and connection and those types of things, And so men might go for the person that they find attractive for a short amount of time, but then realized later on that they

actually wanted to be with the person that they had deeper connection with. Yeah. Women, women use the head with their brain in it, while guys sometimes use a different head. And it's not the smartest way to approach situations. No, well, yeah, clearly clear. But maybe eventually we'll go out of that, you know. And I also think just women are smarter, let's be honest. Like, Ashley is so much smarter than I am. She knows what she's doing, she knows what

she wants to go after. You know what's interesting about bachelor and bachelorette too, Most bachelorettes have picked the person they've given their final roast their first impression rose to write like Rachel gave her first impression rose to Brian, right, and then they're happily married. Uh. You know, Caitlin gave hers to Sean. Obviously that didn't work out, but she ended up picking him Joe. Joe gave her first impression

rose to Jordan's. So I think maybe at the end of the day, women just know what they want more than men. I think that's very accurate too, especially uh, well, especially let's let's say you become the bachelorette, right and you have the pick of the litter. Essentially, you have thirty men who are all super interested in dating you, uh, and women just have I think, maybe a better picker in them where they can narrow it down and pick

the person's right for them. Let's let's recount pass bachelorettes. We had Hannah Brown, who obviously very famously foibled with with her final pick for reasons that were unknown to her. So I guess she kind of gets a pass on that one. You know, it's not really before that was Becca who chose her fiancee. I guess yep, which you know, I mean, who knows what's going on right now, but at the time, like you know, they've been together ever since.

I don't know if they're still together. I don't know what the story is anyways, point is bachelorettes seem to have a better winning percentage than bachelor. Oh totally, Rachel still with Brian, Jojo still with Jordan's Uh, Trista still with Ryan um and so it's gonna be great to be able to hear Trista because she's the o g bachelorte. She was bachelor at number one, wasn't she? She is

Bachelorette Numero uno my friend. Without Without her, we wouldn't be here if you think about it, She's like our great great great great great great great great great great great great grandmother. I mean, I wouldn't tell her that because she's probably gonna feel really old. But yeah, I get where you're I get what you're selling. But it's like, it's like if it's every generation is only a year old, so it's like in that sense, she's obviously still very young.

But but no, you're right. She without Without Trista, you know, there is no Bachelorette's Season eleven for me, season for you. Um, yeah, who knows what would happen. So anyway, listen to what a girl wants. That's what we're getting too. Yes, with Trista and Molly, it's coming out. I think on Thursday of this week. It's gonna be a staple that we have for uh, maybe like a month, maybe two months. The point is, we don't know how long it's gonna be around. But the more you guys listened to it,

the longer toll be around. I think it's great. I want to keep doing it. I would. I think it's a fantastic perspective to achieve from the Help by Secondating podcast. So yeah, Thursday, Yeah, it's just good to get a female perspective, you know. Um, should we get to some emails? Absolutely? Mark, you want to read some. I mean, he's on the line just listening to us. Oh, thank you. That's so nice, and I was enjoying your nonsense. But here are your emails.

This one's for Dean. My question is directed towards you. I know that you recently talked about your experiences within busil line. I'm wondering if or how that affected your self confidence in the dating world. I'm considering getting in Busilan, and I'm nervous about what it will do to my perceived self image. I'm typically very confident in social and meeting new people, but I'm not sure if I will maintain that while I have what I would perceive as

this very pronounced physical flaw. How do you handle insecurities about your image when dating and meeting new people? Oh, Benjamin, great question because it's it's very personal, But then he broadens it at the end to apply to basically every single one, so I appreciate the inclusiveness of that. I will say, before I got my invisil line, I got in busilon in college. Uh, and I was always like a confident guy, similar to what it sounds like Benjamin is.

But when I had mine visil line in, I almost became more confident because it kind of like blurred my teeth together. You know how sometimes you use like the blurred to it like blurs everything together. So the invisil line actually, even when I wore it, it it made my teeth look straight because it just looked like it was one solid strip of teeth. Kind of silly and stupid thing. I had rubber bands with mine visil line too, so

it was kind of even more pronounced. And I would like wear them out to the bars with the rubber bands onto like, and they were like stupid, like fluorescently colored rubber bands. And I was like flirting with girls with invisil line rubber bands in my mouth while I was like drinking beer, which is just disgusting in hindsight. Um, but it was kind of just one of those things

where it's like it is what it is. I got them, I'm gonna wear them and then after I finished my treatment the first time, the the the improvement that I saw like basically opened me up to a whole new level of confidence where I could like I would always like smile with my hand in front of my mouth and do you like subtle things to basically hide my crooked tooth. And after my first treatment of invisi line, it was like I was like insane. It was like

I was like smiling. I was like I didn't care if anyone saw my teeth from any angle because I was like so proud of how they look. So even if it's like a year or two years of viziline treatment, just to get you to a point where you're like super happy with the way that your teeth are or at least more confident. Um, I think that it's definitely it's definitely worth doing. How long does the infose the line take. I think anywhere between the usually a year.

I think mine took like eighteen months. A year and a half is also between a year and a year and a half. Ah, But yeah, it's crazy. So to Benjamin and to anyone that's thinking about doing something like that, I think it's definitely worth it. Uh. Two, I don't know. It's kind of hard to say because it's like, while I'm I'm very pro like braces and and it's actually good for you to like, it's good for your bite, it's it's healthier, I guess if you think about it. Um,

but yeah, I should go for it. I'm just trying to think of, like on the flip side of it too. There's like there's like people out there that want to, you know, augment their bodies and all those types of things, and in those cases, I would says, I guess go for it as well. If it makes you feel more confident, if it makes you feel like you're happier in your skin, surely go for it. But but yeah, that's my that's

my advice. So what would you think? What would your answer be to the last question, which is a little bit more broad, how do you handle insecurities about your image when dating and meeting new people just in general? Yeah, that's a good question. I think we both can answer this one. Um, I'm gonna say it's hard not to like have your insecurities in the back of your head,

especially when you're meeting new people. Uh, and it's if they're ever changing you know, like my insecurities about my image now are different than they were three years ago, five years ago, eight years ago. Um So, now that my teeth are straighter, I think I as I lived to last week on the podcast, they're not perfectly straight as I would have had wish that they could possibly be. Um So, now that that's kind of like an insecurity

that I'm over. My insecurities rest in the fact that, like, I'm less in shape now than I've ever been, so I like, you know, I see photos of myself and I see like I've got like a fatter neck than I usually have, and I'm insecure about that. Or you know, my arms aren't as defined as they usually are, so I'm insecure about that. It's funny actually, cause I played awful lot with my buddies and I always wear long sleeve shirts and they're always like, why are you wearing

a long sleeve shirt? It's a hundred five degrees today in the valley. I'm like, dude, I'm just like, you know, my arms they're just I'm just a little insecure about them right now. So everyone's got insecurities about these types of things. It's just a matter of like bypassing them and not like that stand in the way of meeting and introducing yourself to new people. Yeah, the way I try to overcome my insecurities is recognizing and realizing that

everybody has insecurities. And so even with people that I'm meeting. You know, for example, Benjamin, if you're meeting a beautiful woman who you're just in awe of and you don't know how to approach them because you're nervous with either invisiligne or you're nervous about a different flaw that you feel like you might have, just always remember that that person has insecurities as well, and and and so try

to remember that that nobody's perfect. And then also I always, um, I don't know if this is going to really help any buddy, but this helps me is I always think I've said this on the podcast before, but I think back on high school presentations or college presentations where the person that went up there that was so nervous and projecting their insecurities because they were scared to speak in public and we're sweating and always um, always referencing how

nervous they were. It always made their presentation way worse because they were like every five minutes they be like, sorry, guys, I'm just so nervous, and it's like, okay, I get it, but like, come on, you can do this. You can do it right, compared to the other person who might not have as good of a presentation but just went up there and was like, screw it, I'm just gonna you know, try to be as confident as possible, even if I'm faking it till I make it. Those I

just remember those coming off so much better. So when a long story short is I try not to project my insecurities when meeting two people. I try to just like put it to the side for a little while, try to forget it's there, and just try to present the best version of myself in that moment. And then once that moments over, then I can go back to

having my insecurities. But like in my head for some reason, I try to compartmentalize, and that has always helped me in the past, especially like being on TV on Bachelor Rette. I'll never forget the first night night one I was I was super nervous, I was fumbling over my words, and I could feel myself feeling so insecure because I was shorter than everybody, and I just felt like everybody was better looking to me and had better jobs and was more successful, and I was like, what the am

I doing here? And then after night one, I remember having this moment with myself, thinking, if I let my insecurities get the best of me, I'm going home because I will be too nervous to talk to Caitlin. I'm going to be too nervous to uh present the best

version of myself that I can UM. And so I like kind of consciously made a decision at that moment to be like, just put your insecurities to the side right now and just try to be as confident as possible quote unquote like fake it, you know, not not faking like feelings or anything like that, but just like try to like, you know, stand up a little bit straighter and really go after what I want and and forget about like how I'm insecure about my teeth or

the fact that, like I have a patchy beard, or or the fact that like I'm I'm two inches shorter than everybody here. Um. And it really helped me. So take that with a grain of salt to build off that analogy to you said about a presentation in class. The one thing that I always told myself before giving a presentation in class was and this applies to the insecurity thing as well, is when other people are giving presentations,

no one pays attention to what they're saying. So it's like, if you go up there and give a presentation, you just got to realize that no one really cares what you're saying, especially the students. Uh. And so that applies to insecurities and sense where it's like you might be insecure, like for you, like like last week, for instance, when I said my tooth is crooked, You're like, that's crazy. No one would ever notice that. It's like people don't

notice your insecurities as much as you do. Um. And then on top of that too, Sorry this is we both have had long winded answers to this email. But one thing that I would recommend as well is like just be willing to confront the insecurities. So, like one of the biggest things is when I had the crooked tooth, I would always like try to hide it. I don't want anyone to see it. But if I could go back in time, I would be like, yeah, I've got a crooked too if it sucks and I want to

fix it. But like, by by admitting to it and like and and talking about it, you kind of like take ownership of it. And and I think psychologically speaking, it kind of makes you less and secure about it because like you're so open about it, you know what I mean. Right now, like I'm out of shape, I don't feel comfortable with my arms being shown, and I play golf, but like I tell my friends about it and we like laugh about it all together, and I think that helps me be like more comfortable with it,

you know what I mean. Yeah, I think the moral of that story is you should start wearing short sleeves to golf. Embrace these Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying. But it's like I do. I do sometimes like twenty percent of the time. Older short sleep. Anyways, I think I think those are both good answers. Hopefully the ups Benjaman out a little bit. Let's move on to the next one and final one. If Mark is willing to read this one from anonymous, always willing and

delighted to do so. I have someone recently gotten myself into a bit of a situation and says anonymous. Over the past year, I've ended up sleeping with two of the guys in my friends group no strings attached, giving myself this reputation that any new guys that under the friend group could easily sleep with me, and in the end, I've ended up just really screwing myself unintended. There's this new guy that's recently started hanging out with us, and

I'm super interested. He seemed to be interested too, were always super flirty. My issue is, I'm not sure if he just wants to sleep with me or actually wants to get to know me outside of the friend group. I guess I'm just wondering if there's any hope that this guy would ever date me, or have I destroyed

my chances. I don't think you've destroyed your chances. I mean, listen, everybody has a past, everybody you know everybody, but you know majority of people that you meet have had sex before you've met them, So you just kind of have to accept it as it is. And within this friend group, like just I don't know, put yourself out there. There's nothing wrong with you asking this guy out or letting him know that you like him more than a friend and and kind of letting him, letting him know your

goals and expectations, and then see what happens. Yeah, I guess my advice for anonymous, which I wish this was a little bit more personally because it's not even that bad of an email. Um. But so, I've got a lot of friends. A lot of them are single, a lot of them are in relationships. A lot of them have slept with a lot of people. A lot of them have slept with not very many people at all.

And I think that the ones that are in relationships, it's funny because quite a few of them are actually in relationships with other friends from the friend group as well. And like I said, a lot of them have slept with a lot of people, a lot of them haven't slept with a lot of people. And the ones that has left with a lot of people even in the friend group, have just been open and honest about that.

And I think in this case an anonymous anonymous is case. Um, just because you've hooked up with a couple of the people in the friend group, doesn't mean that you have blown your chance with this guy that you might have a crush on. If anything sounds like it's actually got a pretty good prospect because you guys are flirty with each other. You guys, it seems like you have a good connection and and he's interested, and you haven't slept

together yet. So it's like, if he's willing to put in all this legwork and you know, flirt with you and is willing to connect with you on a deeper level without just immediately trying to like sleep with you, it sounds like to me that's a good sign. Because while you might think you have a reputation for being easy to get with, which you know is debatable, I

don't know if that's necessarily true or not. This might be dating back to Benjamin's you know insecurity that you might have Just because you might think you have that reputation in the friend group doesn't necessarily mean um, that you do or that you will leap with anyone that enters the friend group. So it sounds like he's willing to take the time to connect with you and understand you a little bit more rather than just going straight

forward the goal that you perceive, which is sex. So um, keep building the connection, maybe take some time to sleep with him, because it could be one of those things where as it happens to all of us, where you think it's something more than it is and you're super passionate and you dive right into the sheets too quickly, and then you realize after the fact that maybe it

wasn't as much as it was. And then at that point, you've slept with three people in the friend group, and then later on you might meet someone else that I'm just a friend group, and this number goes from two to three, and you might be even more insecure and uncomfortable about the situation. So just be sure about this one before you dive in. Uh, that's my that's my advice at least. Yeah, I totally agree. I wouldn't slap

with this guy. I would let this guy know that you have feelings from me, you want to get to know him on a more emotional level. And then what I would suggest is not only letting this guy know you have feelings and letting this guy know that you want to pursue a relationship hip with him, not just physical, but emotional. I would also let this guy know that

you've here's the question. I think that it's not the worst idea for her to tell him if things progress that she has been intimate with the other two guys in the friend group, because I feel like it would be worse if he hears it from the friends. Yeah, what are your thoughts, because if they're all friends, words probably gonna get around. I agree, I wouldn't be surprised that this guy already knew, depending on how close he is with the other friends though, because guys obviously like

to talk. They like to kind of like brag, you know, as as dumb as it might be, and so I wouldn't be surprised if he already knows, uh and so, but you're right, I do think that he should know from her, So hopefully she can say something and be like, hey, look, I'm interested, But I think that you should just know this.

And it's it's also variable to like, it really depends on, you know, how close to friends he is with those guys, how close it friends she is, how uh frequent they're going to be involved in the friend group with each other there, Because it's not like before you express interest in someone, you should be like, oh, by the way, I slept with this person, this person, and this person, especially if they're not like super super close, you know

what I mean. So I do think it's important to tell him, But it really depends on how good of friends everyone really is, I think. And there are times too where it's like all of friends who like, let's say, have a girlfriend who has slept with a couple of friends in the friend group, Um, and where was I going with this who slept with a couple of friends in the friend group, and like she becomes insecure about that,

but then she likes someone else. There's never like this weird friction where it's like, oh I slept, like you know, I'm speaking for a friend here, like, oh I slept with her, so now I'm gonna like act all holyy toity around some other guy that she might be interested in. It's always usually pretty pretty amicable and pretty friendly, so hopefully that's the case for Anonymous. Hopefully it works out in her favor. But good luck, Anonymous, good luck, We're

here for you. Let us know how it goes. I'm curious. I feel good about that one, all right, that I'll do it this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating. But that's just episode one, because, like we said, Molly and Tristo will be hosting What a Girl Wants which is dropping on Thursday under the help I Suck at Dating umbrella. So log in to your Spotify account, to the iHeart Radio app, the Apple podcast app, wherever you

get your podcast. Log in on Thursday, maybe Friday, uh before the end of the week to listen to that episode with Molly in triest that you're not gonna want to miss it. It's got to be before the end of the week. Jared don't want for Friday at midnight. I swear to god, it suck Army if you don't listen to that podcast Friday at twelve pm Dean and I or twelve am Dean and I are going to do nothing and listen. You think I'm joking. I think I'm joking. I'm gonna be checking the numbers, and Jared

is absolutely right. If the numbers aren't where I want them to be, I'm going to do absolutely nothing about it. But you should still tune in because it's gonna be great. It's gonna be great to hear from some of the O G s, so be sure to check that out. And of course, of course, as we teased at the top of this episode, do not forget to get your tickets to our live show next week on August eighteen, which is a Tuesday, Singles Awareness Day. Uh, so come

spend I'm sorry, Couples Awareness Day. So come spend Couples Awareness Day alone with us. Help I Second Dating tickets or ten dollars, or you can spend thirty dollars to get the ticket plus a beanie. Um and honestly like a twenty dollar beanie. That that's a pretty gosh darn good deal. It's a great deal. It's a great deal.

You can't and even if you're in a relationship, you tag along, come on bye, ask us questions about uh, you know, dating questions you have about a relationship that you're in, or like Dean said, if you're single and you have questions about how to be in a relationship. Do I want to be in a relationship? Does he like me? Does she like me? So on and so forth, This would be a good This would be a good

subtle flex. Let's let's say you're dating someone and they're like, you know, they've been annoying you a little bit lately. Be like, hey, I got us tickets for this live show. Help I second dating, And they're gonna be like, whoa why would I need to listen to an episode of Help I Second Dating? And that's like they're like low key way of being, like you need to get better at dating, you know what I mean. There's no low

key or or subtleness. A lot of that is like a full on flex of like you need to get your ass and gear and get better at dating and listen to these two schmucks talk about relationships. So be sure to go to high said dot tixer dot com. That's h I s A D dot t i x R dot com. Once again, a huge congratulations to Vanessa grin laal d on getting engaged. Super excited for her. H She's just amazing and beautiful and incredible human being and we're so so happy for her. Uh and I

think that is it. So make sure you guys tune into What a Girl Wants later this week, and then of course we'll talk to you next week where hopefully we all suck just a little less. Follow Help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast