Office Gossip

You're just talking to yourself over the over and over and over again. Yeah, that's pretty taxing. Well, well, we had some guests last week, some great guests. But it's just like you know, when it went to me and you were talking to guess it's just a little bit more. The flow is a lot better. So it's good to have you back. I missed you, buddy. What have you been doing and where the hell were you last week? I was on the East Coast. I'm still on the East Coast right now. So I was in Rhode Island

and now I'm actually in Jersey visiting Ashley's family. But we've been on the East Coast for about a month now because there's not much else to do. Everything we're doing is virtual, so it's been nice to have family. We've been traveling, you know, not traveling because of COVID, but it's it's been nice being back home on the East Coast for quite some time, which has been nice.

And and we've been very safe about everything, wearing our masks everywhere we're going, washing our hands, and I've been tested actually two times already since being on the East Coast because they offer asymptomatic testing, which is very nice. And it's just great to be a family. So that's what I've been up to. And h Ashley and I celebrated our one year anniversary, which we already talked about when we were down in Newport, Rhode Island, and that

was gorge That was gorgeous. But it's good to be back. I missed last week two and we have some topics. We have some things to talk about, specifically about a bachelor couple that we both know, uh that recently called it quits, which is very sad. Becca and Garrett officially called it quits today. Yeah, I saw the Instagram post from Becca about the split. You never want to see

a split. It doesn't matter who it is, it doesn't I mean, I guess there are certain exceptions when it's like nice to see people breaking up, but especially when it's like Becca was the lead of a show and she picked her Garrett. They loved each other and for whatever reason they had to split. It's never never really an easy thing. But I don't really know either them super well. Obviously I've met Becca a few times and

Garrett a few times. What's your what's your take on this hole on this whole breakup here, Jared, Yeah, I don't know. It seemed to have started when the Black Lives Matter movement started and Garrett came out in support of the Blue Lives Matter. I mean that's from you know, thirty thousand feet away. Um, but I just you know, I mean, I wish them both the best. I I really hope, Um yeah, I just hope. I hope the

best for them. I met them both multiple times, and Garrett and Becca have been nothing but nice to me and Ashley and very pleasant. Uh. And it's just especially being the public eye, you know, anytime you go through a breakup, it's just you get a million questions of what exactly happened, why it happened. Um, So just thoughts are with them, hope they're doing well. Uh. And that's all I have to really say about back and back Garret, because like you said, I mean I'm not super close

to them either. So why do you let's speculate why do you think they broke up? We all, like you said thirty ft overview, we think it's stemmed from the Black Lives Matter movement, And Garrett, I don't think it's because of that. I really don't. I mean, I would imagine that they would. I would hope that they, you know, would be able to uh talk through things if that

was the case. So I'm sure that there was other factors at at play, not just something like that would be like yes, yeah, well, I mean let's let's talk

about it. What do you think it would be? And and obviously just speak generally, but like and on top of that, to like kind of tie it back into what we do now, how do you think that or at least what we're able to give advice on, how do you think the issues that they might have faced as a couple could be addressed to kind of salvage the relationship if it even is worth salvaging, you know, because there are things like like like Caylin and I

are very different, like religiously, you know, Kaylin is Christian, I am agnostic. We have conversations about it. We don't look down on one for thinking the thing that we think and not the other those types of things. But what's your advice on people on partners disagreeing on things that kind of are pretty big deals? Yeah, of course, I mean I I h there are things that actually and I disagree about in a lot of different factors of life, and and we certainly have conversations about it.

And I think that goes with every every couple, like you just said, whether it's religion, uh, politically driven, you have to be willing to sit down and have conversations with your significant other because you're entering not only are you marrying the you know, like for example, I married Ashley, but I also married into her family, just like she

married me and married into my family. And there are values there and in certain beliefs, in different backgrounds and different perspectives and opinions, and so I think you have to be willing to have a conversation with people, especially if you're entering a relationship. Um, And that's always been my mindset about it. Now I'm not sure if that's what happened with Becky and Garrett, but obviously we're just speculating and talking about what we've seen from a very

you know, from what everybody else is seen as well. Um, And so I go with a good relationship. My question for you is, at what point do those conversations break down to the point because conversation is one thing, but to have those conversations eventually end up in a place where you're breaking up, Like what, how do how do those conversations break down? In your mind? Because again I think all we're all you and I are capable of doing is imagining a scenario where we disagree with our

partners on something something of substance. But I don't think that I would really or see you and actually disagreeing upon something so harshly that it would drive a wedge large enough between the two of you to separate you. You know, So, like, at what point does everything kind of come to ahead where they're just like, you know what,

we're just gonna break up? Because like a political political thing like you could be you could be right leaning or left leaning and still be in a successful functioning relationship. But there has to be like some breakdown at some point where it's like this is just no longer a suitable option for us, you know, Yeah, I mean I I agree, And I guess it depends on you know, individuals. You know, how how uh how attached are you to

your your your way of thinking. You know, are you willing to open up and and be open minded and and and listen to people and possibly change your perspective? Is the other person willing to do the same thing? I mean, it's it's there's no right or wrong answer. It just depends on what you're willing to fight for and what you're not willing to fight for. And I think that goes with anything in a relationship and not

saying that's what happened with Becky and Garrett. Um, I'm kind of speaking in general terms now with it within the realm of all relationships, Like you have to just pick your battles and and uh figure out, like I said, what you're willing to fight for and what you're not willing to fight for, and are you willing to be open minded? Are you willing to learn, like you said, not just about politics, but religion as well. I mean,

Ashley and I have talks about religion views all the time. Um, especially as we get older, you know, our our families getting older. It's a it's a heavy topic so well, especially for you guys, because you're you're eventually going to bring kids in the world. It's like, what are you gonna do for raising them if you do realize them religiously? What denomination, etcetera. Oh of course and we and we've

talked about that a lot. And you you have to have those discussions before you have kids, you know, because you want to you know, you don't want to bring kids in this world and be like, Okay, now that they're here, let's figure this out, you know, before you know,

we actually start family planning. Before we even got married, we talked about how we're how we would want to raise a family, um, you know, the things that we would want to talk to them about, how we would teach them, you know, not just about religion or politics, but you know, um, you know, individuality, uh, sex, um, you know, uh, you know, acceptance, a lot of different things that we've talked about throughout our relationship, about what we would want to do when we ultimately have kids

one day. So but there, I think everyone's going to kind of have their deal breakers. Like I I look back to kind of like the beginning stages of mine and Kalin's relationship, and everyone always has these conversations to get kind of a general idea of where their potential you know, wife or husband is going to be at five years down the line, Like what religion are you? Who did you vote for? You know, how are you raised? All these types of things, And I think everyone's gonna

have their deal breakers. Like, for instance, when Calen and I first started dating, I would ask her, I'm not a political person, but I am involving myself more in politics as I get older, just because it seems obviously more necessary. Um, And so I was asking her very pointed questions, and I was like kind of like harping on her a little bit to see how she would react of like who did you vote for? Who would

you be voting for in this next election? And I I was um happy to see that our beliefs and are opinions aligned in a lot more ways than I had expected it too, because you know this me, this freaking liberal guy living out of his van starts dating this girl from North Carolina and Virginia, where people are

typically more conservative. I was like, okay, well I kind of have an idea of who this person might be, so I'm gonna like kind of test the waters before we get too deep sort of thing, and that worked out. Let me ask you this, if she was more conservative, would that have caused issues? I guess my question is do you think relationships should break up based on political associations.

I think that there's a difference between political associations, which I don't think is an issue, But then there's also like human rights, uh and just general ethics. I think that a lot of people, especially in seem to overlook, especially as it pertains to politics. Now, like politics aren't really politics anymore more of just like human rights, seemingly

as as time moves on. Like I remember, back in like two thousand A, I was super Republican because that's how I was brought up, and republican was Republican still isn't a bad thing. Democrats not a bad thing. Neither are bad, neither are good. Really, it's just as like difference of opinion, but things are kind of, in my opinion, my very unprofessional opinion, obviously, things are skewing away from politics and more towards human rights. And that's a big deal.

That's a big thing. It's like, of course, if you disagree on you know, like the ethical treatment of humans and everybody around you, then that's like a deal breaker. But I think a lot of people kind of have this like shining light in them and they're always like, oh, well, later down the line, this person is going to change and they're gonna become more how I want them to be.

And if that doesn't happen, then that's kind of that's kind of how I at least perceived the whole beca Garrett situation is, um, you know, Becca is a little bit more liberal, Garrett is more conservative. Becca had always in the back of her head that Garrett would come around and kind of lean more towards her side of thinking,

and that just never happened. And it all kind of came to a head, especially with the Black Lives movement matter and everything that that that that all of the Unit States of America has kind of been going through

since February and honestly since freaking seventeen seventy six. But um, that's that's my perception of it is there had there was hope to change from either side or both sides, and that never came, and then eventually they reached their breaking point, and they definitely loved each other, they definitely

wanted the relationship to work. But once they either of them or both of them realized that it wasn't going to happen how they had originally foresaw it, then that's when they decided to make a statement and the relationship again. The entire speculation on my part, it seems like the mature thing for both of them to do. But that's just how I kind of look at it. No, I agree, man, I think that was very well said. And um, so we do have to move on because we have some

really great guests on the podcast this week. We're going around the office, that's right, virtually that is, of course, because nobody's in the office because of COVID, but we have some coworkers who are gonna come on talk about their relationships, what dating has been like for them during these crazy times. But before we do that, and before we take a small break, Dean, what we always like to talk about on this podcast, and I feel like

we haven't talked about in quite some time. Are dating terms, and I discovered a new one and I want to let you know what it is. Have you heard the newest dating trend called woke fishing? I never heard of it, so apparently I was. I was googling dating kind of, you know, looking up some things discuss what we should discuss on the podcast, and then I saw this, And you know that I love a new a good new

dating trend, at least a trending word that is. So apparently woke fishing is the new thing, and it's alarming people on social media. Now what is woke fishing? I know you're dying to know. So apparently someone pretends to be progressively political so they can score the big date with someone who normally would turn them down. So apparently people masquerade as holding progressive political views to ensnare potential partners. So this is like the tip of this is the

the definition. Woke fish can pretend to be protest attending or anti racist. According to Vice, they may appear to be a person who drinks ethically sourced oat milk and has read the back catalog of an Audrey Lord twice. Who's Audrey Lord? Do you know who that is? I guess I'm not woken up to know who that is, apparently not. But what are your thoughts on woke fishing? Okay, so what we're saying is there are people impostering as hashtag woke people to ensnare a date with the the feminist.

That's how I kind of see it, that they think is attractive and then this person entraps them and they and then the woman realizes they're not woke at all. Yeah. I bet you this has been going on for a long time and they've just finally maybe coined a phrase for it. I think maybe now the feminists are becoming

woke to the woke fishing. Yeah. I honestly think that this is because you see it a lot where people kind of like, like we even just talked about you kind of like pretend, not pretend, but maybe like hope to be more open minded, and like you pretend to a lot of people. I would say, go to these protests even just to be seen at protests that other people think that they're you know, quote unquote woke. So yeah, I mean I definitely agree with that. I think that's

been happening for a long time. Woke fishing the new dating trend. Get on it, ladies and gentlemen. Well, I wonder there's another dating trend of the week. I bet you it goes both ways. But I guess you know we can talk about that at the time. I'm excited. Can you bring can you do us a favorite? Jared? Can you bring a new dating term to the table every single episode from for the rest of I'm gonna try, because what am I gonna I'm not trying. I'm gonna do it. We did it for a while. We're bringing

new trends. We were letting you guy guys, you know, updating you on the new dating lingo. And I've been letting you down. I've been letting you down, stuck army, And I'm here to tell you that I no longer do that. And every week I'm going to bring a new dating term to the table to talk about. So today woke fishing. So make sure you're not getting screwed over by a woke fish. Well, let's hope this happens. If you do get woke fished, woke fished instead of catfish.

That's kind of funny. If you do get woke fished, maybe maybe we can start turning these people into woke people, you know what I mean like that, that's always an you know, it's what we're trying to do here and Hope I second dating just you know, people help with people. We're trying to wake people up. Anyways, like Darret said earlier, we got a big episode for you guys. We are going to get to know some of the I Heart staff and dig into their personal dating lives because we

can only talk about our dating lives so much. So we're excited to hear from some people that are close to us about kind of what's going on with them, and they'll give you, guys, the listeners kind of more of a backstory and a foundation to the podcast beyond just the very handsome hosts that host the podcast. So we're gonna take a quick break, but stay tuned and we will be right back. Welcome back to help by Suck at Dating. I'm just really trying to do my

best Mark impersonation. Whenever I have a life conunder them, I think what would Mark do? Anyway, Becky, Becky, we have you on the podcast. Now. Becky is an I Heart staff member who is fantastic. Becky just started working on the podcast, at least this particular podcast, the best podcast there is at I Heeart only about what a month ago maybe, um, and we are very lucky to have her on the staff because Becky is awesome, hard working, uh and quite lovely. So Becky, thank you so much

for joining us on the podcast today. Becky, We're stiking to have you, And for the listeners out there, I want to I just wanna go ahead and preface this whole segment with I'm just as as excited as the listeners are because Becky and I and Jared have only As Jared said, I've been working together for about a month, so this is just as much of a learning experience for me as it is for everyone else out there. So I'm excited. I'm excited too. You guys get to

know a little bit more about me, all right. So Becky, this is like the dating game, you know, It's like Becky's twenty three years old. She's taking a hiatus from dating. Beginning of Quarantine, she tried virtual dating and met really interesting people on dating apps. One guy would put me on a quote time out. If I had an quote attitude, please tell us more about that person. Yes, Um, he was very interesting. Um, I am Latina, so I have

an attitude. It just comes naturally, that's you know, where I came from. And that he didn't like it. And I asked him, I said, have you ever been with the Latina? And he was like no, but all women are the same. And I was like, oh, you're in fir tree. That was really ignorant of the same. Any guys listening to podcast right now probably don't say that.

I don't say that. Yeah, definitely. Um. And I remember if like we would face time, he would um get upset if like I just like became sassy or something, and um, he'd be like, I'm penning you on time out and then actually would not talk to me for five minutes. And I would I would just be so confused. And he also would like tickle me a lot. It was just a really weird scenario. And I was like, yeah, I don't know about this. I really don't know about virtual dating or the dating apps. So what do you

mean tickle you? Ye? Would you virtually if we met up in person? Sorry, you should have prefaced that we met him a couple of times, and yeah, after like the third time, I was just like, oh, this is just weird. I thought maybe it would turn qute and it would become cute, and it just wasn't. It wasn't at all. Never enjoyed it. So would he just break out into random fits of tickling or was there like a method to the madness? And just I just I'm

curious to them more about this whole tickling. Yeah, I know, it was really random, um, really random, and I would actually get like pretty upset and then and then he would put me on time out. M hm. He sounds like a douche bag. Yep, he was. So what was it initially that attracted you to this guy? Because I

need to know more about this backstory. Um. So actually I saw on his dating profile, um a familiar face like in one of his pictures, and I found out that he his brother I went to college with over in New York. So I was just like, oh, I feel like I kind of know him a little bit, so like that's more comfortable for me than like someone completely random. And so that was what, like, you know, helped, But it wasn't. It wasn't the one, and now you

are consciously taking a break from dating. As you put it, Yes, it's just um hasn't been working out. Um. I did can like try a couple of times after that, and uh, that was not great experience either. So at this point, I'm just like, we're going to take a break. It's there's no way for me to, um really like meet someone with it seems like good intentions right now, everyone's just bored. So well, the problem is to your twenty three,

so you're so young. So if you're dating guys in the early twenties, so because guys are stupid as a guy, I'm allowed to say that. Let's talk about intentions too, because I think you're about to get to it, right, Becky. No, I was just gonna say, I've actually been trying to day older, but that's not working here. Oh it takes

us a little longer, you know. Yeah. Yeah, Well I was gonna say, because you you gave yourself the award for most ghosted, you said, and there's a reason for that, you said as well, right, yes, um, do you want to share that? Yeah? Definitely. Um, I am celibate. Um, And it has been kind of interesting because I've been ghosted for you know, being celibate. But then some guys also find that as a challenge, um, and you know

they try to break that. Um. And then also I've had the opposite where one time I tried to date a virgin and um, I will propose that I am not a virgin, I am born again virgin, and um it he I think also didn't like that either. So it was just kind of it's kind of difficult to navigate right now, and so I'm just kind of taking a break and um, yeah everyone's I think I'm learning

a lot that, Like, guys just suck at communicating. Um. But I try to preface in the very beginning like I'm celibate, so um, you know, if you whatever, I don't know what your intentions are, but we should put that out there. And you know, some guys are like, oh no, no, it's cool, it's fine, and then it's clearly not fine, and then yeah, it's just it's really

difficult to navigate. So I'm just like praying that I meet someone that is just you know, all around cool with I passed in my present and if you don't feel comfortable talking about this, please let me know. But because I've heard of obviously born again virgins before. Shawn Lowe was one who was famously uh you know, born and a virgin on his season of the Bachelor's. So what made you decide to become, um, a born again

virgin to be celibant. Yeah. So I found myself um, and a lot of less full relationships, UM, and I constantly interpreted that as love. UM. And I also saw that it was filling just filling a void as well, like, UM, you know, I know you lost your mom. I lost my mom two years ago. Um. And so that's like these past two years have just been like really not

meaningful relationships. And UM, I am Christian, and UM, I just like I think through my relationship with God and just like um and like his love has made me realize that like, um, I don't need to give that part to myself or I shouldn't give that part to myself to just anyone. UM. And so I'm really um just that that's really what it all comes down to, is like that's like, you know, where I found myself like going wrong in all my relationships because they were

so less ful. So um, that's that's my journey so far. Yeah, I'm sorry, sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. That's never easy, but it sounds like I'm sorry to hear that too. Despite the dating woes. It sounds like you got your head screwed on very tight and very good. So I'm sure it's gonna work out for you for the best in no time as well. And I mean, it's just very it's hard to date right now, especially too,

because it's obviously COVID. This is why we have a podcast, especially during these times, because it's like you're definitely not alone and knowing that dating is not going well for a lot of people out there, Totally. I have faith though maybe one day again I'm young, so and you guys will be here to help me, and you just

gotta keep you gotta work on the help. I suck a dating podcast forever and ever, and eventually it worked for Jared, it worked for me, and I'm guarantee it'll work for you to Absolutely, you're only a month in. You're gonna be fine, and you're the real m VP of this because you work harder, way harder than deed myself. Let's be um. Well, Becky, thank you so much for coming on the the podcast, and thank you for sharing your story.

You're the best and we are very lucky to have you. So, uh, we have our next guest, who I believe is ready to go. Hey, Oscar, how you doing buddy? I'm doing good. Thank you. Thanks for joining us. Man appreciate it worse, Oscar, So you know what we're doing here. We are getting to know the I Heart Media team a little bit more in depth on the podcast, But Oscar, Jared and I don't know you that well. So give both of us and perhaps the listeners a quick rundown of what

you do with I heeart and and all that. Yeah, for sure. Um so wait, what do I even do? I feel like I do all kinds of stuff Like today I'm working, um, the iHeart Festival shoe, but normally my day to day stuff, it's um all kiss up. So it's managing all the promotions now, the price fulfillment and radio winners and pretty much marketing and promotions. Uh, Oscar, thank you so much for joining us. So you do

great work. Uh. Can I do like the dating game like intro to That's what I do with Becky and I just really enjoyed it and wanted to do it again because we have some bullet points here. So we have Oscar ladies, gentlemen on help by suck at dating. Oscar is in his early thirties. He's been single for seven years. Dated a few times, but nothing serious. No. Oscar is gay with lots of traditional values he's got. He says that online dating and apps, dating apps that is,

give him anxiety. Now he feels like he's a more old school but he needs He also recognizes that he needs to be more open. Uh so, Oscar, after that horrible, horrible intro, Sorry about that? So perfect? Oh thanks, I appreciate it. So what is it about online dating apps that gives you anxiety? I just feel like they're a little invasive. Um, And I feel like, I mean, they've I've heard so many success stories, but I've also heard

so many horror stories. And there's been a lot of times like let's say we're just drinking, right, We're in the living room, we're having drinks and we're just having fun talking and my friends will be like, hey, you

should start a dating app. And I feel like it's just very invasive to put like all those details out there, Like it's already a lot to think about too, like open up to someone and get to know someone, and then when you're you're just like putting your height and your ethnicity and what you like, and when you don't like, it's just I don't know, Like for me, it's just a lot to think about for someone that's already like already has a lot of stuff in my mind, you know.

M hm. Well, the good thing about dating apps is in profiles, is you can control how much information you put out there. Um, so that's one thing that hopefully gives you a little bit of ease, Like if there's certain things you don't want out in the public eye, you don't have to put them out there. Yeah, but even like putting the photo up, it's like whatt Like, do you have social media? I do? I have Instagram and Twitter, But your Instagram profile picture, the picture could

be your dating profile. Now I'm just like, all right, what are people going to see when they open up whatever Tinder? Like laugh, it's just let me let me ask you this, what's your preferred way of meeting meeting someone?

My preferred way of meeting someone is not knowing that I'm going to meet someone, Like just everything organically right, Like say, I mean, in my ideal situation, like I would meet someone that I met through my friends and say we go to like a house party, and we're just at the house party, and maybe there's someone there that my friends think would be great for me, but I wouldn't want them to tell me because then I would get all up in my head and then I

would like overthink it, and I would think it on all levels, like what if I don't like this person? What if they don't like me, like I'm still a friendly guy. Like if I don't like them, I don't want them to think I'm a jerk. It's just I don't know. I think I just overthink it. So you like to start out as kind of as friends first and see if there's like a good natural chemistry that there's no pressure to and then it kind of snowballs down from there. Totally totally Like me, I feel like

it's all about the vibe, the chemistry. Can we have a conversation, like a real conversation where you're not even like trying to keep up the conversation, like you know, like there's no agenda. It's just like all of a sudden, we're talking about our favorite color. And I don't have to ask you that questions, it just comes out naturally. What is your favorite color? Uh, well, it depends. My favorite color is red um, but I love all shades of grain. But I feel like I wear a lot

of blue a great well. So I guess my point that I was going to try and make was there's really no difference between putting together dating profile and giving that information like your height, ethnicity, interests, disinterest, because it's like when you meet someone in person, they see how tall you are, they see your face, like that's your profile picture for you. They get to kind of understand

your interest through conversation. So it's it's it's definitely maybe like a little bit more pressure because like you're there, you're on a dating app to date people, and you don't go to a party to date people. You go to a party to have fun with your friends, and if that turns into a relationship, that's great. So I can see like maybe the reason for being is a little bit more like direct, But I think you should still give dating app to try. I mean, we've we've

heard from so many people that they've been successful. Yeah, totally, And I feel like you I mean, you kind of nailed it when I whenever I do go out, my my main focus is I just want to hang with my friends and I miss my friends or I miss my family and I'm just there to hang out with them. So I'm not really looking either. Like this kind of happens,

and that's better too. I think in the way that if you're just like beating yourself and hanging with your friends and someone finds that version of you attractive, that's perfect because that's just who you are, rather than on a dating app. I could see, like everyone puts their best foot forward, so it's like you might not be learning the true, like fact about this person. You're learning about who they want you to think that you are, rather than like you like hanging around your friends. So

I see where you're coming from. Um, I just wanted to at least lobby for dating apps because we have seen them be successful for some other friends in the past. But oh for sure, Yeah, I mean, Oscar, do you do you hate for the first dates? No? I actually I don't hate first dates because I feel like it's a it's a good opportunity to meet someone and I feel like you can learn a lot from a first date because I am like a byby type person, so I can kind of knock out a lot of checkpoints.

I could just cross off a lot of things like on the list through the first date. Um. And I feel like that benefits me because a lot of times it's like when I know it's a no, like I'm not afraid to just be like, hey, I think you're a great person, but I think that's it, Like maybe we could be friends. Like I don't have a problem saying that either. So I'm okay with first dates. It's just a matter of getting a date. I'm sure you're

don't find that the partment with my friend. Well, because the reason I asked that, as you sound like one of my friends from back home who anxiety, Like she gets super anxious on dating appser she did before she started dating her boyfriend. And uh, she said the same thing. She'd rather just hang out with her family and friends and not go on dates and she hated first dates. Uh, And I could I never had any advice for her because I was like, well, I mean, she just hates

first dates. And I'd always be like, we gotta put yourself out there. You gotta like figure out a way to make things, you know, break the ice and make things comfortable. So I guess my question for you is, like, do you have any ways that you break the ice,

you make first date a little bit more comfortable? And do you have any advice for people who might feel very similar to you where they get very anxious thinking about going uh, you know, on a dating app or you know, if they choose between going on a first date with someone or hanging out with friends, are like, well, I just would rather hang out my friends than go

on a date with someone, totally. I mean, I think my advice to that is to just do something you would normally do on a Thursday or Friday or whatever day of the week it is. I think, um, you just set an expectation that is like actually who you

are as a person. So if like on a normal Thursday, right, Like on a normal Thursday, I would probably just maybe be going a happy hour my favorite spot or maybe I mean not right now because of COVID, but maybe it's like my favorite lounge with the jukebox and I have controlled the playlist. Like if that's something I would normally be doing on a Thursday, I would just see it. I was like, hey, tag along or come along with me or you're invited, Like, this is normally what I

would do. I wouldn't set the expectation too to be something that is not me or that I normally wouldn't do, Like if I'm normally not going to this restaurant, like I'm not gonna probably proposed that I would stick with something that maybe I like, and then maybe next time we'll do something that they like and just go from there. Totally next perfect sense. Yeah, absolutely, well, Awscar, thanks for jo much for joining us. Man, we appreciate it. Yeah. Well,

hopefully we see you in the office sometime soon. Maybe next time I'll have a date or something. Well, now that you're on this podcast, like Dean was saying, everybody who comes on this podcast, man, we're like, good luck, Chuck, you find your soul mate the day afterwards. So all right, I have good vibes, so we'll keep your eyes over. Thank you, Hi, I Lean, How are we good? How are you guys? Oh we're doing well. Welcome to help. I suck at dating. Thank you very much. Happy to

be here. Yeah, well true, honored to have you on. Um, Jared, do you want to do you want to handle this because you are honestly knocking these out and I am very impressed. Well, Eileen, we're kind of doing the dating game around the office, and so I'm I'm introducing everybody as if I'm the the narrator of the dating game, and we have some bullet points here. So is it okay if I do that? Okay? Well, ladies and gentlemen, suck army. We have another great guest who's on the

line with us right now. She is in her fifties, recently got married two years ago to her longtime partner. Now she lives in West Hollywood with her husband. It is Eileen. I don't know your last name, but I lean ladies and gentlemen too. Well, Eileen, you obviously don't suck at dating if you just got married, congratulations. But I haven't dated in a while. So there we go. There we go. And plus, like our our whole gimmick here is that like even if you're in a relationship,

you can still suck a day. Like just ask my wife. There's plenty of things I suck at. And so so you recently just got married two years ago to your long time partners, So how long were you dating before you guys get married, Um, twenty two years and yeah I met him when I was thirty and he was twenty five, So there you go. Okay, so what this is? This is very unique? Yeah, exactly why did you wait twenty years? Why after twenty years or eighteen years, I guess,

and you decided to get married. We need all of the juicy hot goss for this, okay. And you know what, like, I can't tell you the amount of times we've been asked this question. It's just not even, it's not even. There is no reason. I don't know. Everything was just always fine. I would say to you that I was a very young thirty year old and he was a little bit more of him, a church twenty five year old. But we were just not we're into pendant into our careers.

We just like really weren't in a hurry. So everything just kind of kind of meshed and we tooled along and did fun stuff and you know, just it became a twenty two year old relationship. You know, we didn't even move in together anything like that until it was

probably like eight years. Is this like, is this one of those on again, off again relationships or were you guys on for a Yeah, we broke up one time like two years into it, um, and that was for like six months, and then got back together and we're together ever since. So we're just like homies, you know

what I mean. And it win it. It's such a committed relationship when you really think about it, because I feel like so many people, including myself, you know, you date someone and there's certain steps in the relationship that that progress it, you know. And that's not saying like I'm not with my wife because I just married her, but like you know, it's it's kind of like the progression, like we got together and then we get married and we want to have kids day and then so on

and so forth. And like with you guys, you're just like, no, we're we're in love and we want to we just want to be with one another. We don't have plans to really do anything else. That's so that's a that's a committed relationship right there. I feel the same way, like you know what I mean, because there was no paper ever like binding us to anything. And um, it's just like I said it now, we did at one point. You know, you wake up and ten years have flown

by and you know, I'm a girl. So going into my forties, we had to have the what do you think about kids? Thing? Is there any rush here? And we were just kind of like I can't explain it, always happy and always content and it's like, no, I'm cool, are you cool? Yeah, I'm cool, let's do this. We have great families, we have great friends, we have an amazing life, and we just never felt the rush. And we never anywhere along the line really had that a

conversation like so what is this my your girlfriend? My your boy, Like, we never had those kinds of conversations to just one day he moved in. It was great and everything went great, we bought a house together. You know, it just I don't know, I just feel like there's there was never any kind of expectation or pressure. And um, I would never say that's normal or that's the way to do it. It just worked for us. I think we're kind of um unique in that. Yeah, so you

you are very very unique, that's without question. I want to know more about how the relationship evolved from boyfriend girlfriend to fiances and I know you kind of just touched on a little bit, but maybe like more of a of a grannual or focus on it, because after eighteen years, you do you just wake up one day and you're like, let's be husband and wife. Or was it a conversation where you're like, you know what, we know we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together.

Why don't we just freaking do the paperwork thing like we haven't done yet and just get it over with kind of thing. Well, UM, I think that you'd probably have to ask him why and what the timing meant to him. But you know, we had always talked about at some point we'll get married. You know, we had always talked about that, UM, and our families. It was very important to our families. UM, even twenty five years in or twenty years in our parents, it was very

important to them. And you know, I am a spiritual person and I believe in God's timing, and I just think that was God's timing because not to get sad or anything, but you know, he asked me on my fiftieth birthday, which which was very special, and we got married the following year and a half, like nine months or yeah, year and a half later, and you know, we've I lost my dad soon after, and his dad is now six. So it's kind of like it was just meant to be. It was meant to be a

big family celebration. Yeah, of course. And it sounds like so your your parents wanted you and him to get married and your father was able to see that happen. It sounds exactly exactly right. That's that's beautiful. That's all right. So here's another question for you then, and obviously just answer up to your discretion whatever you want. How about children then, like that, was there ever a conversation about

having kids? Is there still a potential to have children? Like, what's kind of the situation with all that we did talk about it, and I think we would both be amazing parents, and we love kids. But we seem to be happy with um our nieces and nephews. We have many from the ages. I mean, my oldest nephew was thirty, and I think our youngest is probably I don't know,

like uh seven maybe now. Um, and then we have god children and like we have plenty of children in our life and um, we just have we don't feel like we've missed anything. I might feel differently, you know, we might feel when we're older, you know, especially because our parents are older now and they're really leaning on us for certain things. So we may feel a little lonely or kind of out there on our own as we get older. But we have no regrets, reserve or

a disagreement about that. Because I have friends that are together, are very much in love, but one wants kids and the other one doesn't, and that's making them second guests. The entire relationship altogether, never a disagreement. We were always just, hey, I'm cool, I'm happy if it if it happened, great, if it doesn't great. It's really hard to you know, I know most people don't understand it. But we've just

been content and happy. That's it. Look So, now that you guys were together for twenty plus years and now you've been married for two, do you find that there's any difference between being boyfriend girlfriend and being married? I do, and I didn't think I would it. There's something different about it. There is something different about the uh, you know,

having a husband. And I went ahead and I hyphenated my last name, you know, spending spending fifty two years as one person, it was kind of hard to change it all together. And and you know, I was doing it out of respect for my dad. Poor guy had three daughters, so I just wanted to kind of keep his name in the or somewhere. My father in law is kind of going through the same thing. He has two daughters. And Ashley, my wife, is going to hyphenate her name because you know, you gotta have the name

live on in somewhat. It's kind of important and uh, you know, and especially like I said, for myself to go through my entire life and career with one name. And it's it's not that I wouldn't want to take his name, and I felt, out of respect for his family and for him, uh, that I needed to have it as part of my name. I just couldn't get rid of my my dad's name. So, UM, yeah, no, it's um. But it is a different level of commitment, you know, um the paper, the I don't know, it's

hard to explain. It's different. It's more boded. I totally understand where you're coming from, even I have only been married for a little over a year now, but um, you know, having my wife yea, you know, there is a certain gravity to saying that sentence. You know, my this is my wife. It's it's it's just a little bit more impactful than this is my girlfriend, you know when I see you know, even now I'm with her

family and they are my family now as well. And that's something, um that I'm getting more accustomed to and uh, something that I I feel very lucky. Yeah, And you know what, that's a really great point because over our years, I used to feel stupid, uh you know, ten years in saying this is my boyfriend, you know, I felt like that was silly. So we never really used that language. It was always like, hey, this is Chad. He's like, this is either. We never really did the label thing.

But now it is this is my husband. It is different, and it's like understand, I mean, it's more impactful. The bond is there. People understand it too, you know what I mean. People didn't understand what we were before and now they understand. Not that I care about that, but well, well, Eileen, as someone that's on the same trajectory as you and your husband, it's very refreshing to hear how happy and how wonderful of a life it seems like had with

with each other. So thank you for joining us. Thank you for sharing all that with us. We really appreciate it, and best of luck. We'll talk to you soon and um if there's any updates, keep us updated. All right, thank you, thank you, guys, talks in. Thanks Alien. Al Right, we are gonna move on over to Imani. I. I don't want to mispronounce that, so we'll wait until she

hops on and get her whole backstory. I'm excited. So you think you and Calin are on the same trajectory high You think you guys are gonna be together for twenty five years before you get married. I think that. I don't know. I don't know what I think. Who knows. I'm probably gonna be dead and sorry language three years anyway, So it's like, no, you're not stop that. Don't even a joke like that. I mean, who knows? Who knows? Well? Have you have you talked about that with Calin? Because

I feel like Calin wants do you want? Do you want kids? I go back and forth. I do, but I don't. I don't, but I do. It would be cool to like have like a little mini me running around. But also, like I said, I am like as optimistic

as I am as a person. I'm pretty cynical when it comes to like world affairs, And I don't know if it's necessarily the best thing to be bringing someone into this world where it's like, I feel like, when we die, let's say we live full, healthy lives, we die at nine years old, you know, me and you. I think, I think when we die, the earth is going to be in pretty set, in a pretty sad state. So it's like, do I want to have a kid

that's gonna basically experience how bad that is? But on the other hand, it's like, well, maybe my kid is going to be the one that ends up saving the earth or he's gonna help benefit it in some way, And maybe it's my ethical responsibility to have a child and and and have him bear his you know, his knowledge upon everyone or hers or her knowledge. Sorry, so you think your offspring is going to save the world. Huh. I'm not saying I think that. I'm saying it's always

a certain possibility. I think, honestly, if there's ever a person that's going to save this world that is the offspring of Caitlyn Dane, let's stop. Let's not talking about my offspring. We got our next guest on the phone and on the line. Here, how's it going over there? Hi? Hi? MONI correct, Hi, I'm Jared. Nice to meet you. Hi, Nice to meet you, guys. Thank you so much for

coming on the podcast. We really appreciate it. So Mony, we've been doing this dating game thing where because we have you know, little Bolton points points about everybody, and so we've been kind of like playing the dating game. So I've been introducing everybody as if I'm like the voice of the dating game. Would you mind if I do that right now? Of course? All right, here we go, welcome back to help I suck at dating. We have

a mony now. Amani has been in a relationship for eight years and she is ready for that ring now. Enjoying w f H from work from I'm an idiot, so enjoying work from home because they can spend more time together, and Amani says she can bother him throughout the day. She's still doing there. They are still doing their best to go on dates, picnic outings and walks or just running errands together as quality time. Mamani, thank you so much for joining us. Uh so eight years together?

How old are you? If you don't mind me asking? So you guys have been together since twenties, so you guys got together pretty young. We're talking Are we talking college sweethearts over here? Or we're something like that, like a college party, met him and then it was meant to be from there. Nice party. That sounds like a good story that you don't want to tell us on air. Yeah, we're talking like college drunken hook up that turned into like a thing that escalated and now here we are

eight years later. There you go, something like that. It just stuck. Sweet, Well, Monty, tell us a little bit just before we jump into all of that, because, as Jared and I pointed out obviously, especially in the height of COVID, we don't have the ability to be in the office. What do you what's your role with my heart? Just real quick, I am the brand manager for Real ninety two three, So anything promotions with the station. I'm your girl, sweet, you are our girl. So tell us

more about this. You've been in a relationship for eight years and you're ready for that ring? As you get right, yes, why what makes you? What makes you ready for it? You just feel like eight years. I mean eight years is a long time, Don't get me wrong, but is there a specific milestone that you guys got to where you're like, all right, bro, come on, it's time, like ask me to marry you. Literally there, we do everything together. I have the banking account info, I have credit card access.

We lived together, parents know each other, we know the parents. It's like we're married without the ring and I need my ring. So does he know this? We've thoroughly talked about it. I think we're finally at the phase where you know, I've caught up an age. I'm twenty eight now he's thirty five. So it's not you know, that big of an age gap where it sounds kind of like weird. So it works now. Yeah, my parents are seven seven years of are. They've been married for thirty

five years, so yeah, it's very normal. I always thought, like, I always thought I was going to marry someone six or seven years younger than me, just because it's what my parents did. And then here I am married to someone who's nine months older than me. So you want

you want to It's funny has changed. My mom was older than my dad, and I always thought I was gonna marry if I got married an older woman, it's so weird howd to here you are it's someone younger than four years younger than I. I I just I was gonna say, it's just so funny how we we look at our parents relationships and we like kind of plan on echoing that and then it just obviously works out differently.

But yeah, we just assumed that that's like the way it happens, like, oh yeah, this is this is what parents do, So everybody does it this way, imani, So tell us more about this. So working from home is that kind of what escalated the relationship even more or what you guys kind of already in this state of like we're ready or you're ready. At least we were are. No, he's ready to we were already there. I working from

home is like the real tests for relationships. I feel like a lot of relationships right now they're hitting there like either this is gonna work or that's not. With working from home, just because spending that much time together is a real test, and I think we're acing the test right now. We're not getting too annoyed with each other, you know, we're still separating and getting our alone time. And I think this is like the key to say, hey,

if this can work for the future. Yeah, what are some things that you guys are doing to kind of keep it fresh and not like your guys are at

each other's throats the whole time. Well, I try, like I thrive on alone time, So like Friday nights, he knows, like, if I'm in the living room watching my show or playing my music, leave me alone, go to the room, get your own time together, you know, let's separate so that on Saturday, you know, if I see you, it's like fresh, I didn't spend all Friday night with you, and I'm like, oh your face again. Yeah, that's smart.

That's a good way of looking at it too. I've actually never been able to verbalize that to my girlfriend quite quite as well, but it makes sense. It's like, if you want to have a Friday night out with your friends, you wake up Saturday morning with your partner next to you and you're like, oh, it's so good to see you. But if you guys spend every waking moment together, you don't really have that excite. Well, you still have the excitement, don't get me wrong, to see

them in the morning, but it's less lesser version of that, right. Yeah, distance makes the heart grow fonder, even if it's just twelve ft apart in separate rooms. Literally, it's the best you need that, you know. My father in law told me that if we can make it through through this

quarantine together, you can make it through anything. So do you guys think the same thing that if you guys are becoming a stronger relationship throughout this quarantine, that you like you were ready for the ring before, but now like the ring needs to be today. Yes, Like quarantine is the real test. I feel like I have a couple of friends who have already like broken up with their boyfriends and already moved out, and it's like, no,

we're still hanging in there strong. We haven't had like anything like unusual rather than like the regular TIFFs that you know everyday partners go through. It's nothing crazy. So I'm like, oh, we're in this, We're married. Basically, I

just need the official stamp. Yeah. I kind of feel bad for your significant other totally, because like I feel a little bad just because now anything he plans, like he everybody's going to be anticipating a proposal, you know what I mean, Like you're all like even if he's like, hey, babe, you want to grab dinner, like next Friday. You're gonna be like, oh my god, I think he's gonna propose, and he's like, oh god, damn it. I'm just I'm

just getting dinner, like I'm trying to plan this. So hopefully the point is hopefully uh he uh, you know, does the right thing and puts a ring on it quickly fingers crossed. Yeah, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you, No, we really appreciate it. The best of luck. Hopefully he proposes very soon. Uh and hopefully we see you around the office sometime soon as well. All right, by guys, Thanks money, by ladies and gentlemen. Up next, we have Riley coming in at US at a young

twenty seven years old. She's currently single and virtually dating. She's on dating apps, Ladies and Gentlemen. She's using Hinge and Instagram dm s to meet people, but so far, Ladies and Gentlemen, they've proven to be a bit unreliable. Only seventy five cent will cancel the day of or ghosts. She says. She seems to attract the same type of men a k a. Losers. Her long reationship was for six years, so ladies and gentlemen, we know Riley is committed. We know she can be in it for the long haul.

Why are all these guys ghosting you? Riley? That is my question. I have no idea. I mean, I mean, I know we're close to October, but October has been this whole year apparently. Um yeah, I don't know. They seem to come on super strong and then disappeared. So, Riley, when you say these guys are ghosting you, like, what type of guys? Is it just a lot of guys sliding into your dams and then you talked for a

little while and then they just ghost too. Or is this like you went on a date with someone, it went well, and then you never heard from him again. It's kind of both. So it is like dam's unhinge. But it's also like, I don't know if a pattern. They seem to be like a few months even or a couple of months, and then they'll just kind of either not so much ghost but kind of like fade off, like what slowed the conversations down, not respond quite as frequently,

stop asking questions in their texts. No, it's let's get to the bottom of this, because we've we've heard it before. I'll be honest, We're probably going to hear it from other people again, and it just sucks. One of the worst ways to end a relationship is the ghosting method. With Jared and I we've talked to not to the point of nagum about this. Um, Why do you think those guys are doing it? Because it's like obviously you're you're beautiful, you're interesting you Is it because you want

a relationship? Maybe that you think that it's like scaring these guys away? Do you want a relationship? I guess I should ask you that. What I mean, I mean, I'm definitely open to relationship, and I mean I have a theory that these guys come on strong thinking they want all of it, and then they get scared that they're just not ready and you think that they find that out later on after a couple of days or so, Yes,

let's talk about let me talk. Let's talk about your method. So, like, when you meet a guy, let's say, on Hinge or through the Instagram tm s, do you like stay on that app for a while, chat with them, and then meet up with them in person. Do you kind of like reluctantly meet up with them in person or because lot of people will like dive right in right, Yeah, what's like, what's kind of your what's your seduction method?

If you will? Um. I like usually it's like you know, like the talking phase where you talk on the apps through through text um. And then I feel like with quarantine going on, especially so I have a rule that I don't go to somebody's house or they come to my house before I actually like meet them or get to know them better so that I can feel it kind of leeds out the guys that are kind of just looking to hang out. Uh, and it also makes them kind of plan something. But yeah, I don't know.

After that, then it seems to go well, and then it doesn't. Do you think do you think quarantine has helped or hurt hook up culture? I think it has progressed hook up culture for sure. So it progressed it in the way where it's like like it's learning or and changing, or progressed it where it's more abundant, like

what you tells more. I think it's definitely involved, um, and I think it's more abundant, like I said, like these there, I feel like guys are using quarantine as a excuse to not plan a date or just come over and hang out, like to hook up instead of like putting an effort to plan something or like, especially right now, you have to be creative. But there's like you can go on highs, you do other things. Um, so I feel like it's kind of become an excuse

to hook up. Yeah, I will say I have some friends or I guess, let's calling acquaintances that are single in the midst of quarantine, and they're doing just that. They are poorly representing the male gender and are using this quarantine to hook up with girls way more frequently than I have ever even heard of anyone doing in the past. And I don't like it one bit. I don't know, maybe it's just the state of affairs that were in currently and it's just kind of like a

storm that we have to weather. But it sounds like you kind of have a understanding of those guys and you've got a good method for weeding them out. So that's a good place to start at the very least, Thank you. Yeah. I mean I'm trying to be as patient and you know, like taking all the shots that I can or you know, like putting feelers out there and keep trying and keep getting back up, but you know, be patient. So you said you seem to attract the

same type of guys. What type of guys are those? Well, I'm I'm pretty tall. I'm five eleven six ft if I stand up straight. Um, So, I mean I like that aplates, and that comes with a territory I feel like. But also that is somebody taller than you important, Like do you want to date someone that is taller than you? Honestly, yes, yeah, I wouldn't. I would prefer that. Um I have dated my same height and it was fine, but wearing heels and being taller just you know, I know, I totally

get that. I always envisioned myself dating someone shorter than me, like I'm six ft. So luckily, I you know, I'm not gonna want I'm not that short. But I totally get where you're coming from. And that must be tough on a girl who's someone like yourself is five eleven six ft. You're tall, you're beautiful, but as a guy like I get insecure. I did get insecure about dating someone who is taller than me. So that do you find that a factor within dating guys? Being intimidated by you. Yeah,

I definitely do. Um, I feel like, I mean, I do get guys very much shorter. I feel like more coming up to me than taller guys. UM. Interesting, Yeah, I don't. I don't know why either, but UM, you feel like that's a factor, especially being out about UM that it's they're a little hesitant to approach me. I don't know what's funny is. I don't know if you ever met Tori, but she was a producer on this podcast in the past, and she's taller as well, I want to say, around five eleven as well, and she

very much preferred dating athletes. And so it's funny to hear your story because it's so reminiscent of tories experiences as well. So I want to hear more about this. The six year relationship of yours? How long ago did that end? And was he an athlete? So that was my one non athlete and um it ended we were just really young. I started dating him when I was sixteen, and um it ran its course a little longer than

probably it should have. But you know, I learned a lot through that, and yeah, it was probably I probably learned the most from that. I would say, well, you guys made it through pretty much all of college together, which usually like you'd start dating in high school and then you go to college and people start breaking up. But you guys seem to like had a high school relationship and then make it all the way through college together, which is uh, pretty significant. Yeah. I was especially um

you know he was he was a couple of years older. Um, so he at one point had been out of school, and you know, I was in it. We were shifting round. Um, but we always just seem to kind of like stay connected, and so it works that way. You want to know, what's what's funny and potentially ironic is you're the only relationship that we have of note. And what I would assume is your longest relationship is the not the antithesis

of the guy that you typically go for. But he's not an athlete, you know, so why do we keep going for athletes? Riley? I know, look, I don't need that's true. I agree, Um, I don't need spiel here yea necessarily an athlete, but yeah, I agree. Yeah, I don't know, I don't know. I think, you know, if it looks like a duck and it sounds like a duck. It's probably not a duck, it's an athlete's exactly. Well, Riley,

we hope the best for you. It sounds like, like I said earlier, you got you got a good method here and you're not just in it for the hookups, and we appreciate that. So we hope to honestly check in with you again later on at some point because it sounds like you might have an interesting future ahead of you because you're singing we're not, and so we definitely want to check in with you later on. But thank you so much for joining us. Best of luck.

Hopefully you kind of avoid the f boys and you find yourself a nice tall athlete here in the near future that you guys can have a nice, happy relationship with for the rest of your life. Thank you. I appreciate you, guys. Yeah, thanks Riley. We'll talk to you later. Okay, all right, that'll do it for the round Robin I Heart Radio team. We checked in with Becky Oscar, Eileen Imani, and Riley, and that was a very diverse group we

had there. There were single, there were taken. There was Becky who is having yourself for marriage, Eileen who got married later and like Emani is waiting for the ring Oscar single and Riley's single, So we really kind of covered the whole gambit there, which was pretty fun. Um, we hope you guys enjoyed that. I definitely enjoy getting in No R. I heart team members a little bit more too. But yeah, it's a nice came to know the people you work with. But yes, Jared, you you

down the run in the head. We are going to jump to some emails. Um, I can't wait to get to some emails. We're gonna answer a couple of them. But before we do that, let's take one quick break and we'll jump right into it. Welcome back to help I Suck at Dating. We have some of course, our favorite segment of the podcast, the emails, because without you guys, there would be no podcast. And I'm just so grateful that somebody wants to listen to us talk on a

weekly basis. Why I don't know, but we love you anyway for it. And this is our favorite segment because we love talking to you guys. Suck our me the real heart and soul of this podcast. So Dean, what's the first email? Oh, you're giving me the honors of the first email. Okay, how kind of you like, Yeah, let's jump into this first email. Before we do, though, let's go ahead and encourage the listeners out there that might have a question. Email us at I Second Dating

at iHeart media dot com. That's I Second Dating at iHeart media dot com. We love the emails, we want more of them. Send us as many as you possibly can and or want to, so, Annaka says, I was wondering what your thoughts are around wanting more independence in your relationship without hurting or offending your significant other. I'm kind of like Dean in the sense that I want to do what I want to do, and I want

to do it when I want to do it. At the beginning of my relationship, my boyfriend and I hung out all the time. I started using Bumble for friends, and now I want to start hang out with my girlfriends more as well. Every time I want to, I feel like I'm offending it, but I'm not trying to. All of his friends are in relationships or of wives, so anytime we hang out with them, it's all of us together, and he doesn't get together with them as

much without me. I was wondering if you have any advice on this and how I can start to be more independent again without him getting hurt, or how to explain to him nicely that I need more alone time by myself and with friends. Per context, I'm twenty six and he is thirty. It's funny because this is very and went to mine. Yeah, I'm not very similar, but you're right, Anna cut because I very much enjoy my

alone time. We're in a little bit of a different boat because I kind of set that precedent early on in the relationship with Kalin, was like, listen, I want to spend as much time with you as I possibly can, but I also have to spend time with my friends, not have to. I get to spend time with my friends, but I also, on top of both of those things, need to spend time alone. And we're kind of in

a weird situation right now where I'm living. I'm obviously living in my van traveling around Colorado, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, and Caylin is like, well, I want to come up with you, and I'm like, well, dude, I just need like a week by myself because I'm keeping I keep going from city to city, um, and like I'll see a couple of friends here and there, and I like still haven't really had a chance to decompress by myself yet, you know, like I'm just seeing friends and she's sacked

because she wants to hang out. She wants to like do all the things together, and I appreciate it, and I definitely want to see her and do all the things together too, But I have made it very clear to her that I just need time alone. And I think it's good for us to be, you know, apart for a little bit, because, as Jared always puts it,

heart absence does make the heart grow fonder. I think you should be honest with the guy, like just be like, listen, um, I have these friends that I want to hang out with. I have myself that I want to hang out with just by myself, and I don't I mean not to be harsh, but like, I don't care what you do while I'm doing these things, but just understand that these are things that I need to do for myself. And if he tries to stop you from doing those things,

bad sign, that's a no. No. I don't think he will. I mean, obviously I don't know the guy, but I don't think that anyone would stop you from a hang out with your friends or be just spending time alone. And if they do, then it's you know, it's like I said earlier, it's not a good sign. But Jared, what, what what's your take on this? Because uh, you and Ashley obviously are uh quite fond of spending time together

as well. So like, let's say you need some alone time, how would you handle it telling Ashley, Yeah, I do need to lowe of time. And I talked to Ashley about that because Ashley is definitely more dependent on us being together than I am, not in a relationship, but just in general terms of spending time together, where she's probably very similar Caalin. She wants to do everything together, where I'm a little bit more similar to you or I just need alone time. I need guy time. I

need to go golfing, I need to play sports. I just need to kind of like just talk sports and not have to put in context for Ashley. You know, I just need to just get that out of my system.

And an I totally understand where you're coming from, and all what I would do is I would just talk to your your significant other and let them know exactly how you feel, but you can kind of do the Sandwich effect, which is like you start off with something really positive and sweet, something like I love you more

than anything. You're the only person I want to be with, and then you kind of get the filler, which is, but I do need some alone time, um for myself and to be able to spend time with my friends. And it's not that I don't want to be with you, but I just need this time for myself and for my own sanity. And then you end it with something nice again by saying, I think this would be good for our relationship to spend a little bit of a time apart, so when we see each other, it keeps

everything fresh. And like Dean said and we said before, absence makes the heart grow fonders. So like um A Mony said earlier in the podcast, like don't spend Friday night together, and then all of a sudden, Saturday becomes so much more fresh and fun. So that would be my advice. Just approach it delicately, try to get the sandwich effect. Say something very positive. You love them, you only want to be with them, but you need some alone time. And I think it's gonna be really good

for our relationship. I'm like, especially when I spend time alone, I'm like so much more interesting to myself when I'm alone, Like when I hang out with my friends or with Kalin, I kind of tend to fall into like these groups of like thought, where like we all kind of tend

to have like this group thought together. And you know, you're you're the similar You're similar to the people that you are with at times, and when you're by yourself, you don't have the luxury of trying not trying to, but like acting similarly to the people around you, So you act exactly as who you are, and you kind

of learn a lot more about yourself. And that's what I always try to tell Kalin, is like the first when I love myself the most is when I'm by myself, because it really allows me to like better understand how weird I am. And I am super super weird, but when I'm like around people, I become less weird. You know that that kind of sounds strange to say, but

um no, you're right. I like to kind of explore like those weird sides, and so I think if Anna, if you're able to express that to your partner as well, I think he'll be able to understand it. Um, I yeah,

I don't know. And if he does make you feel bad about it, like for instance, you know not to like overshare about my relationship with when when I was telling Kalin this, I was like, calin, like, I just want to spend a week in Montana by myself, like taking pictures of animals, And she's like, oh, like that that makes me sad, Like I want to see you and I want to be hanging out with you. I

was like, well, uh, you know, like I don't. I don't want you to feel bad, but I don't want you to make me feel bad for wanting to spend time alone. Like it's kind of a double edged sword where yes, you might feel bad for not getting to hang out, but you're also kind of guilty your your part nor into feeling bad for not essentially wanting to spend time with you. So be careful when you express this to your partner, because you obviously don't want him to come back and tell him that he feels bad

because you're not hanging out with him. I don't know. There's like there's so many things that play right, Like you definitely don't want to hurt his feelings, but he could very easily turn it around and hurt your feelings because you want to spend a long time. So I guess my advice is don't let that happen, and it be very clear and concise with the things that you have to tell him. Yeah. Absolutely, Anyways, that's gonna do it.

For this week's podcast, we had a couple more emails to get to, but we really just know how to blab on and on and on. And I take a lot of responsibility for that because I feel like I was talking Jared. I don't know what it is about you when I when you're not here and it's just me hosting, like I can't I can't find a single sentence to say. But when you're here, I'm just I'm comfortable, I'm at ease, and I could honestly talk and talk and talk and talk. So it's just because I'm an

attentive listener. I had a listeners face. You're a great listener, You're a great convers or, you're skilled communicator, and we are just better people to have you as a as a great co host at this POM. Please keep it coming. So anyways, for the listeners out there. Keep the emails coming. That's what we want to have kept coming. Email us

I suck a Dating at iHeart media dot com. Uh, tell us you know what's going on in your dating life and what what advice you might be seeking, what we could help you with, or to share a funny story. We want to hear I Suck at Dating at iHeart media dot com. Um shared anything else before we before we say thanks to everyone and everything and sit and get out of here. That is it. Just love you all for listening. Thank you to Becky Oscar, Eileen Amani

and Riley for all sharing your dating stories. You guys are awesome. UM. Thank you to Annaka for emailing us. Thank you for all the listeners. Thank you for the people that follow us on social media. We are of course at help I Suck at Dating um and you can follow us on Instagram. And that is it. Dean sweet, thank you guys for listening. Be sure to sooner next week where maybe we will suck just a tiny little

bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast h