Non Negotiables with Reza Farahan

a s MR. Sounds kind of sexy, doesn't sounds likely? Okay, So you may not recognize this voice because it's not Jared, it's not Dean. There. I don't know where they are exactly, but they're not in today. Well, welcome to another episode of Help I Suck a Dating. I'm one of your three co hosts. Vanessa and I got the wonderful, beautiful MICHAELA. Whiteman. Am I saying that right? Whiteman? Whiteman white, white white man, yes,

white man. Hello, Hi, thank you for having me. So, if you're a basslor fan, MICHAELA was on season which season of The Bachelor Canada season three and it stopped after that. There's no more. I wonder what happens. I don't wonder what I've done or what did he do on him. So, MICHAELA was on season three of Bachelor Canada. She didn't get engaged to the Bachelor Chris LaRue, but they did end up together kind of like Colton season.

Kind of like Colton season. Um, Colton, Cassie did not get it, did not end up getting engaged, which I actually think is a smart thing to do. Well with the track record, I would agree with you. Yeah, well offense to us. Well, I mean, listen, there's there's been zero divorce rates in the Bachelor world, zero, but there's been a lot of engagements that have failed and that

does make me sad. Well yes, yeah, yeah, because I don't you know, I remember like getting so many messages from girls like, oh my god, is that what I need to do to go on this on like to get find to find love. I'm like, no, you don't have to go on the Bachelor to find love. Like it does happen. It did happen for the both of us. However, Um, reality hit and when it hit, it hit it hit us hard. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely, So now that you're out

of contract, give us all the GC details. What ended up happening between you guys, because I want to talk about So Michael is no longer with The Bachelor, I'm no longer with Nick, and I think it's been about for you. For me, it's going to be two years in August and Nick and I broke up, and for you it's a little longer, honestly because we broke up

so quickly. It's been probably a year and half, right because you broke up during the show when the show was airing, so by the time before the show even aired. Let me just correct you there, we call it quick. Okay. So we're gonna talk a lot about dating UM in the real world, the dudes and don't of dating UM. I openly talk about having a lot of anxiety, and MICHAELA you openly talk about it on your on your

Instagram as well. So I want to talk about ways that we can help build self confidence UM and cultivate this like idea that we do deserve love and we do deserve all the really great things and just try to empower other people UM to believe that too. So what ended up happening with you guys? Well, So, like I said, we kind of ended things maybe only two months after we finished filming, so at the time the

show it aired, it was like long over. I felt like he made a second attempt to kind of make things better when it was coming up to the after the final roles filming, and in hindsight, I'd now believe that was full blown strategy. I think that he just didn't want me to make him look like a dead on TV, so he tried to make me feel like things were gonna get better. So he manipulated. He thought he was manipulating you. Yescent felt like that after and then so what ended up happening on the show. I

don't really think you always get the whole truth. You know, you have parts of the truth, you know, the edited truth. But Sis and I were kind of decided that it was going to be yes at the end. I think maybe it was similar to your situation, like you knew a little bit more in advance. Not really, Nope, never

like an inkling of anything. I thought going into um the last like the engagement, I'm like, he's not going to pick me because he had tears in his eyes and I was like, like, this is him saying like it's not you. Um, But ye know, I didn't. I didn't. I kind of rode through the whole thing very confident, like I felt like we were on the same page.

I felt like it was going to be me and to the point that for the fantasy street dates, he had told me that he wasn't going to be intimate with the other contestant, and I took that information and I thought it was the truth. And I found out after that that wasn't really how it all shook down, and I confronted him about it, and I felt lied to and I felt deceived. And that's a whole part of the reason why we didn't, you know, want to move forward with the engagement at the end, because we

were kind of starting their relationship on a lack of trust. Yeah. Yeah, So to get engaged right after learned that someone's already deceived you, it's just not really the way I want to live my life, well, not even to just get engaged to start a relationship. So I want to talk about the dues and don'ts of a relationship. And that's like, for me, the biggest no no is lying seriously, I don't, look lawyer, no, I don't. What's the point where I'm

someone who. I guess I'm the total opposite, because I want someone who's not gonna lie about anything. I am so honest. Example, i was in the car with my boyfriend the other day and I was making reservations for breakfast for my family for seven people, big gang of people, and I'm like, hey, I'm just making a reservation for seven, and they're like, okay, perfect, we confirmed you for twelve o'clock.

I'm like, well, it's not a hundred confirm because I'm calling another restaurant to see if I can get into that restaurant. And he's looking at me, He's like, why are you saying this. I'm like, because I'm just so honest. I don't know how to lie. What else do you say? Just the truth? Just the truth. And so what ended up happening is I did get the other restaurant reservation. So I called the other restaurant. I said, hey, just like I you know, I had previously mentioned I have

to cancel. Like, thank you so much for your honesty, and I'm like, see, honesty goes a long way. So that's my biggest thing for um uh relationships like the dues and don't of a relationship because I struggle with chest issues, and I talked about this a lot um. I'm a huge advocate for mental health. I'm in therapy, you know. I think it's important to know what your struggles are prior to entering a relationship. UM and understanding how can I help myself when something is happening that

could really heighten my insecurities. UM and lies for me are the biggest, Like it's a huge just like it's a really big setback. And another big no no is what Chris did to you on the show call you by the wrong day. Oh yeah, you want to make sure that your boyfriend knows your name? That's uh number one? Yeah, get the first name down, pad and then we can move on to the next step. But yeah, no, that was completely embarrassing and uh, it was not done for TV.

That was a legitimate uh and yeah that one burned came to break in here, ladies. But we actually have a we have a caller on the line, Dr Jeannette, who wants to help out Vanessa with your eye problem. Will the internet, So she's on the line right now if you want to say hi, Hi, Dr Jeanette, Thank you so much for calling in. Hey, good morning everyone, my pleasure. Hi. So we got MICHAELA and myself Vanessa Um in studio and I woke up one morning I think it was a couple of days ago. Actually wasn't

one morning. It was right before going in bed. My eye lid was a little bit irritated, and I'm like, oh, maybe it was because I was crying all day. No, I just ended up having this big I don't know what it was. I guess it was a sty. This morning it is a lot a lot better. And then someone's like, what if it's pink I And I'm like, well, isn't What is pinky first of all? And what is a sty? Can you first define those two? Sure? Sure,

First of all, I hope you are feeling better. But pink is just street term for conjunctive vitus um, which is the white part of your I actually turn pink red and that's why it's called pink eye. And it could be pink for many different reasons. It could be a bacterial infection where you need eye drops, or it could be allergies believe it or not, and sometimes it could be a virus. And for some people if they accidentally flash a chemical or bleach or whatever in their eye,

their eye will turn pink or red. So many different causes for it, but it's definitely treatable. But if if you have it for like a long port of time, you shouldn't go see your doctor right away because we don't want any like long term complications. But so that's a pink eye is conjumptivetus and that's really contagious. Yeah, it's like a huge method. If you fart on your pillow and then now, now, if your pillow case is dirty and asn't been washed in a while, can you

pick up infections? That's a possibility, um, because for example, a sky um, which is an infection at the base of your eyelashes, usually caused um by blockages of glands, can be due to bacterial infections like picking up germs or you know, everybody has bacterial his fingertips. They don't wash their fingers and you rubbed your eyes, you can develop a stud because it's usually caused by staff infection, that sort of thing. Um. So you know, that's that's

a big issue hygiene. And if you're not washing your hands properly, if you're rubbing your eyes, if you're like letting people share your mass gara or your eyeliner. I think it might makeup done the week of by a makeup artist. Yeah, and I mean they use the same brushes, I guess, and they using cleaning cleaning tools, like if she's sterilizing, you know what she uses. I think most most makeup artists can do. But we've gotta gotta keep an eye on that. But um for most people with studs,

because they can be painful if you're painful. Mine wasn't. It wasn't painful. I just it felt really heavy my eyelid and I had an event that night I had to cancel, and I guess it just was like a dent on myself esteem because I was like, well, what if I wear an eye patch and I'd be dazzled and I just leave the house and that I'd be super cool, right, But I couldn't find an eye patch and then my yes, I guess it was just like

it started to yet. Last night was when the swelling really started to go down, and that's when it became really itchy. And then I noticed a lot of my eyelashes start to fall off, and I was like, what was happening? Were you rubbing your eye a lot, because sometimes people that you rub your eyes a lot, that can cause the worsening irritation. But the best thing to do if this happens again for Sky is a warm contrast.

Believe it or not, a lot of times they'll they'll go away on their own, but using a warm compress and even sometimes antibiotic appointment might help. But there's not like a lot of clear evidence that it's number one treatment. But using warm compresses give it, giving it time and how much time sometimes antibiotics it um. So it's different. Everyone's different. It can be anywhere from a few days

to a few weeks. Hide hidien is really important. I I al feel like you tell my patients, like when you're in the shower, take a couple of drops of Johnson's. Johnson are types of baby shampoo. Pre on your fingertips and very gently washed the base of your eyelashes very gently. And of course I'll always say throw out your makeup, make sure no one else is using it um because

sometimes it can be contaminated. Well, anything that you would put on your on your eyes, like mascara, eyelashes, eyeliners that the little applicators that you used to buy eyeshadow as well, could be contaminated, and so you can you know, get continue of recurrent infection. UM and makeup brushes as well. It's really important. But anytime you feel one coming, the best thing to do right away is make sure you

put some more compresses. Make sure you're drinking lots of water, believe it or not, because dehydration and getting not getting enough sleep, not getting a good roll Once diet can you know flow down the healing process and make you more prone transfections. That's important as well. Perfect well, Dr Jeannette, thank you so much for calling in. My eye is feeling better, but I definitely don't drink enough water, so I will take your advice on that one. Um. Good,

I'm glad you're feeling better. Yes, thank you so much for calling in. Its much pleasure. You have a wonderful day. Thank you. Likewise, yes, well, speaking of wanting to stay healthy, when was the latic? I want to ask you, when was the last time you went to dermatologist or have you ever been? I don't think I've ever been to dermatology. I have not either. Isn't that crazy? Yes? That is crazy for some people. They may have gone, but it's

probably a while since you've been to dermatologists. So there's high price department store brands. We all know those ones, gimmickey marketing tricks to disappointing products that often don't perform. It's impossible to know where to put your trust in your money. We make money, we want to make sure that we're spending it wisely. The truth is we are trying to look eighteen again, but we but looking like we sleep seven hours and more and drink a glasses

of water every day would be ideal. Yes, I mean, I don't know how many hours to sleep do you get tonight? Not that many? No, No, I'm like a six hour kind of sleeper. Yeah. I feel like if I sleep over eight hours, or even if I hit like eight and up, I'll be drowsy the next day. Yes, oh yeah, yeah, there's like a certain number of hours I want to be sleeping. But I don't drink enough water, that's for sure. Eg glasses what peeing every five seconds?

But I have to start so. Our skin deserves more than just a trend, and there's so many different trends trends happening nowadays. It deserves to get the real freaking Deal for Hers dot Com f O R H E r S dot Com is the new woman's wellness brand, cutting the cost and delivering you one of dermatologists go to solution for aging skin. Michaelis turning twenty nine and next week the last year of the I need some

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website for full details. You'll love it. Um, I've been using it, and I mean you cut. You know, there's no point of especially out here like having to go to see a doctor and the lineups of the pharmacy and the insurance papers and all that. So something to look into. Mick, Yes, need to pump the brakes on that aging. But speaking of dating, since we were just talking about this before, Dr Jeanette called in, Um, we're in an age. I just started reading this book, The

Happiness Equation by Neil pess Reche. I don't know if I'm saying his last name properly. And it's basically if you go to chapters or Indigo. It's this blue book and it talks about it talks about um ways to be happy, and it's like it's it seems like such a simple equation to do, but there's so many things

that are hindering us to get there. And right now, people who are living in this dating culture, we're living in a culture where it's a culture of more versus back in the day when it was a culture of enough. So now we want that, God, we want there's like more dating apps, there's more just more like decision, there's like there's there's so much of everything right um, people

want to date more than one person at once. Our partner needs more money, more education, more muscles, a bigger house, like more and more and more and more versus just when is it enough? And I remember having this conversation with a friend of mine who's a doctor, and he's like, I'm scared I'm gonna get to that point where it'll never be enough. I have like a nice house, but maybe I'm gonna want a nicer car, and then once I get the nicer car, I'm gonna want a prettier woman.

And then once I get the pretty woman, I'm gonna want a private island, and it's like, when is it enough? Well, I mean it's kind of sad because it kind of speaks to the fact that we're not as content in things and we're always searching for something more, something more.

And I think it's also funny because it also relates back to the fact that everybody has the same needs and problems, and no matter whether you have the island or whether you don't, or whether you just have a Honda you have a BMW, everybody still wants more, no matter where they are in that place. So everybody has the same problems. It's just a different level of the problem, right, It's all relative to what you're going through. Absolutely, And I feel like we do have enough, probably a lot,

a lot more than enough. Yes, in some cases, so much more than they need. And I think obviously would be ideal if that was distributed amongst people more evenly, But I don't. I mean, well, when it comes to love, what is enough? What's enough for relationship instead of So I know I'm someone because I do a lot of introspective work and I'm someone that will look Maybe it's because of my chest issues, but I think a lot

of people can relate to this. Men. Women. Um, I look for a problem in a relationship, I find what the problem is, and then I try to improve the problem instead of not trying to find what instead of poking holes in the relationship, like I tend to sometimes like hone in on something that bothers me, and I have to learn how to pick and choose my battles. Yes, because some things you just have to accept, because if you nippick at every single thing, nobody is perfect. Not

any relationship is going to be perfect. So at some point you have to just accept the fact that there are things that aren't going to be perfect. And if you can accept those and internalize them and be happy, then So what's a huge red flight fee? What's something that you're like, I can't look past this. This is like a huge no note for me. Well, you're in a relationship now. So Michael is dating someone so excited. Michael is from Toronto. Well you were born and raised

in Toronto. Winnipeg shows, but in Toronto for ten years. People in the States are like when it was Winnibeg. Um, So she just moved yesterday to Montreal. So we're in a Montreal studio right now recording. She's dating a French Canadian in Montreal, so super excited about that. Um So, MICHAELA was doing long distance for how long? Four or five months? Four or five months? And I always feel like long distance relationships, I get this. I get asked this a lot. If I'm an advocate for it, Yeah,

do it, but you need to know. Set a time limit for me long distance relationships. I've done it a handful of times. Six months was my time limit. After six months, it's like, if we're not moving forward and if we're stagnant, then I something needs to give. And so you're the one, yes, that decided to move to Montreal for the relationship. I did. Yes. I mean what you're saying is so true. There has to be an end game, Like you cannot just be in a long

distance relationship that has no end. You never know if you're gonna be able to live in the same city. But we were very aware of the fact that we could make the move eventually, whether it was him or I, And I mean I love Montreal, so it was me. This year she was montag because she was gone for most of the winter. Yeah. Yeah, she's living on vacation.

I missed the winter. Um, but I mean I do love Montreal and I'm I'm you know, I think if it's the right person, you you know in your heart that you want to make that move and you're not afraid, Like I'm not afraid. It's scary because I mean you have to. I have a friend who might be moving out of the city. And one thing you have to realize is you're going your identity is kind of like

your identity was in Toronto, but it was also in California. Um, and you're you're coming into a new city and everything is new, so it's yeah, that's tough, new friends. Yeah, well new everything and yeah, And I mean I've done this in the past where I moved to Chicago for a man and I wasn't able to cultivate my own life. I didn't make my own friend group. I was kind of just doing his thing and I ended up going crazy and getting fat and ending the relationship and going

back to Canada. So this time, I think something that I've learned from the past is it's so important to keep your sense of self. Do you the things that you love to do, make your own friends, do your own thing and you know it. Be open, Yeah, be open, try new things, go to something by yourself, you know,

walking around the city, talk to people. Hopefully when I learned how to speak French, this easier to but yeah, you kind of come over to my house and I'll give you a free lesson any day, perfect, any day week. So that's the thing. I think, being open um to new experiences and do something that makes you you excited but also afraid, something that makes you kind of like freak out every day. That's pushing yourself to not stay

in your comfort zone. That's when you grow, yeah, exactly, And so growing growth is such a big thing in a relationship as well. I was someone that would if a relationship would end, I'd be like, oh, like that was a waste. I hate using this word now, but back then I would say, oh, that was a waste of two years or why why you know I didn't listen to my intuition or why why? And instead of thinking, Okay, how did I grow from this relationship? Grande, I'm so

thankful for that exactly. Be you like say thank you? But next as to that next opportunity and I before going on the Bachelor, I dated someone for two and a half years and um, no major red flags. And when I say red flags, red flags can be different for every type of relationship and every person. Red flags for me are do you want kids? If the answer is no, I was like, not even thank you. Next, it's like next, running away, running away. So he told me he wanted kids. And then one day he woke

up he sick, I don't think I want kids. I was like, I didn't. I did not see this coming because we're looking for houses and stuff. And at that point I felt so sorry for myself. I felt so badly for myself. And instead of being like, Universe, thank you for this message, thank you for delivering me this now, as opposed to when we're married and you know, or in a in a later, later time in life. Now

I understand that. But when I was in my twenties and I was at that point, I was twenty four, and remember thinking like I'm gonna be all by myself and like I'm celebrating, like what is it a quarter of a century, a corner of a century, all by myself without him, and I felt so bad. I went through a little depression for a couple of months. I

was really I remember I couldn't leave my mom's side. Um, she would go to the bathroom and I'm like, don't close the door, mom coming in the bathroom with you. I had to stay by her side through everything, and UM, it makes me sad to look at myself back then and know how poorly I felt about myself and my self esteem was just I felt like taken away from me,

especially when you're dating someone so young. UM, it's hard to sometimes understand your what your identity is and not lose it, especially well, especially when you're young, Like you're saying, now, it's not the same now that we know we're we're thirty or ish kind of now you're getting there. You just have such a better sense of self and it

it really it really plays into your relationships. I feel like now going through breakup they're always hard, but I'm with you on this universe bandwagon, Like everything that happens to me now, I'm just anything in a relationship. It's coming from the universe. Everything happens for a reason, and going through a hard breakup, either we'll teach you something or you'll learn something that you want more in the

next relationship. So it's always like it could always be worse. Right, maybe it could be better sometimes too, but it always could be worse. Yeah, Well there's seven mornings. There's seven stages in the morning process. And sometimes I get stuck in a stage where I could resent the person, to get really mad at them and think like they did everything wrong in the relationship. But that's not the case. It takes two to tango right, Like I hate that expression,

but it's true. It takes two people. And after that relationship, I'll single for three years. But I three years because I wanted to be single and I wanted to do a lot of work on who is Vanessa? I had lost myself in the relationship. What makes me happy? What are things that I need? What are my values? What

are my non negotiables? As soon as you find where your non negotiables are, those are your red flags, absolutely and you can settle on those or else you'll never all come on the wash and you will not find happiness and you will not be happy. Absolutely, So my non negotiables are. And I remember talking to Nick while I was on the show in Finland in the hot tub about family and um kids, and I want my family.

I want to have my own family. I think when I was in my younger twenties, for anyone who comes from a UM, you know, a culture or religion that it has a lot of UM expectations, Like I come from an Italian background, and there's these expectations of like meeting every Sunday at lunch and not even expectations. It's like that's what just that's what we do. It's in our you know, it's like that's how we were raised

to get together every Sunday. And for other people that I dated, it was like nonsense, Why would you want to go every Sunday to your grandmother's house? And now I'm like, okay, I get it. Maybe every Sunday seems a little bit too much. How can we create our own traditions. How can we create something that makes that pulls in from both of our identities and makes us

both happy. Because as soon as you start um leaning more into what the other person wants to do and trying to fill up their cup, you're going to start feeling drained. Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely, And that's even to be said in the long distance relationships because when you make the move to a city for your significant another, so for me myself moving here from my boyfriend. I don't have any of my family here and it's all his family. So every weekend when we're doing things with his family,

I'm happy to do that whatever, whatever is clever. But then when it's time to fly home to Winnipeg to spend time with my family, he has to, you know, you have to give that back or else you feel like you're losing your own your own family, your own family life, your home, family identity. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And it's I mean, we're not taught any of this in school.

We're taught like school, so weird school. Like I mean, listen, as a school teacher, there's certain things that I would talk about with my students because I'm like, when you get out of this classroom, like this is real life, and learning life skills and how to build interpersonal relationships is something that I think we should be teaching each other. And that's what I hope people listening to our podcasts, you know, like you're learning from our mistakes and our

heartbreaks and like things that we learned along the way. Um, but one thing that I learned along the way is how to gain that self confidence. I keep getting us like, what do you do for self confidence? And I'm like, listen, I have days from like I judge myself and I compare myself and I you know, social media is legit the devil sometimes. I think Lady Gaga said it was it's the garbage of the Internet or like something something

to that sort, and it's so true. You can fall into this chap of like just checking what other people are doing, and guys, we only post the best things that are happening or like our best picture. There's one picture I really wanted to post and I sent it to a friend and she's like, your gut safe you post this. There was a picture of me zero all

makeup on. I woke up in the morning and I was so bloated and had my period and I was on the balcony in Florida in a bikini and I was like sitting with my stomach like with like nine folds on my stomach, and I just like I wanted to post it and be like this is me in the morning and in nine am, when I hate life, and this is what I look like when I'm bloated.

And but I was like, I'm sometimes it's so scary to completely put yourself out there because people are so judge e they are, yes, absolutely judgy, and I mean, like I would have loved for you to put that out there. I mean, I still have it. It's in my safe drafts on Instagram, so I might put it

out there. Okay, put it in the drafts, but I mean I I follow accounts on Instagram like that of of women who really are showing, you know, all of their stretch marks, and I love all the certain things that have happened to their body after birth, and I think it's so beautiful. And I I personally, I don't even think that I'm in a place yet where I would be able to do that, Like I'm still working on myself hard, but I admire it. I think it's amazing, and I think that the more people that are going

to do it, the less going to be judging each other. Yeah, I think, well, as long as social media is around, and as long as we keep posting our best selves and are the best days that we're having, then we're never really going to get there. But if we start opening up about things that we may be struggling with and not judge each other for that a week, we should post our worst selves, try to put that out there. Yeah that's almost every day. But I'm like, okay, a

little bit of a scara. Then now that I have to throw up, throw out thut, throw out, throwing up on it because of my pink eye or sty or whatever I had. Um, but I realized it for self confidence is so I did two things. I spoke about this on the podcast. I like to, um, you know, there's certain parts of my body. I mean, I dated someone who made fun of my boobs being too small and now, yeah, I was like, okay, that was like the first time I started feeling really self conscious about

my body. And I was like, you know, you you want to get intimate with your partner, and um, I was like, just like so self conscious. I didn't feel sexy around him. Yeah, I didn't want to get a naked Yeah exactly, I did not want to um. But then after that relationship ended, I remember just like loving every inch of me. Like I eat a lot of like now I eat healthy, but before before now I would not eat very well. And I have seally light Like if I squeeze my ash cheeks together, it is

legit like every crater. But yeah, dim me dimples all over my butt. But I'm like, this is me. I like having a big butt, So I'm going to take the cellly light with my big butt. Oh yeah, I will trade a big butt. I want a big butt with Sally. But I don't have a big but anymore because I lost weight. And that's another thing too. I think we're in the culture where it's like it's so um people want to tell each other like, oh my god, girl,

you lost weight. I'm like, don't tell me that, because I will legit crawl cry, yeah, find me pasta exactly like I wanna for me In my head. Healthy is a woman who's like has like you know, meat on her, and so those are like like a real woman with curves, and um, you know that's not like the perfect body or what we think is that the the ideal body, like the Kim Kardashians of the world, Like, no, that's

not real, No, absolutely not. So I learned to just get naked in front of a mirror and literally like positive self affirmations like damn, girl, you look good today, like oh look at that, like and I literally tell myself that and I laugh at I laugh with myself in the mirror and I'm home alone at this point with the curtains clothes, but I and then it just feels so good because I was like, yep, I'm I'm

beautiful and the curtains open by accident. Maybe I have on purpose no job, but that's what I do for self confidence. And I think another thing too, is we're so used to self deprecation, like making fun of ourselves, but then that allows the person that you're talking to, like window opportunity to also judge you and make fun of you because you're like, oh, you're doing it to yourself.

So I think if you know there's something that you're really good at, like I don't know, uh, like I'm really good at I'm tangling necklaces, Okay, so be like what are you really good at? Then you own it, yes,

instead of hiding it and making excuses for yourself. Like if you come from um, I don't know if you're really good at sports, but you don't want to let anyone know that you're really good at like a sport or that you like work out all the time because people are going to be like, oh, is that why,

like is that why you're skinny? Or is that why you're like you're so fit, Like, yeah, I work out, and I'm I'm proud of the fact that I work out, you know, instead of being like, yeah, well, making it sound like you don't work out as much as you do and making excuses for yourself, own it. I'm guiltous. Yeah, very absolutely own it. Stop hiding, stop apologizing for yourself,

and just like accept the good and the bad. Because once you start accepting those things, that's when you're just gonna, like the floodgates are going to open, and this love and positivity is just gonna come your Yeah, putting yourself out there and being your true speaking your truth, being your true self open floodgates. So I'm really comfortable, like I said, going in front of a mirror and just like stripping down naked and looking at my cot is cheese,

But but I feel good about it. And you know what else is really comfortable? Rath these run Have you heard about this company making super stylish shoes for women and girls out of get this recycled plastic water bottles? Yep? And let me tell you I have them in my bag whenever I travel or whenever I'm going out at night. And I want to like switch into like something more comfortable and get out of my heels. They're really comfortable, alight, there might go to Rath. These is the everyday flats

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you're doing good for the world. You're basically buying something um that's comfortable, so you're helping yourself, but you're also helping out the environment by buying a pair of rocky shoes. They're ultra comfortable as soon as you slip them on. Like I said, I have them in my bag whenever I go out and I just slipped them on. That's right. There's zero break in period in these shoes. You know when sometimes you buy a pair of shoes, in the back of your heel like it starts bleeding and you

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of flats and free shipping. That's Roth They's dot com and clean this offer with the code Dan, well, I might have to get you a pair, Mick. I think I need to try these absolutely I mean, it's your birthday next weekend, you're gonna be going to Sunshine. Oh, we're gonna match We're gonna be matching. Another thing, we're really matchy matchy on is our level of anxiety. I love so one thing I love about michaela Um, she's

so brutally honest on your That's what I like. I just love the fact that you're just just the stunning woman. I think you're smart. Um, you were on this TV show. Um, you have this fame, but you're also so open about everyday life. Oh yeah, and it's important you. I remember, I think you're in the bath once and you're having like a panic or your had a panic attack somewhere. Um, and you're asking people for their advice on what to do. So do you know where that stems from? Well, I've

I've always had a little bit of anxiety. When I was younger, it was more of a social anxiety. So I couldn't go into a restaurant to me to friend by myself. If I was going to a sports game, I would have to get someone to meet me outside and walk in with me. Like I couldn't do the bigger social situations. Um, and now it sort of turned into more of a general anxiety with panic attacks integrated in there, which is super fun. Um, but it actually got were the worst it's ever been after The Bachelor,

ding ding ding? Can we get can we get a sound of back there? So yeah, um, but yeah no, it's it's really hard after, especially because we had already broken up before the show aired, and I had to not tell anybody that a I was the last one standing, or however you want to say it, be that the the

relationship was already over. So I had to watch every episode of the show knowing that nothing was going to happen at the end, but everyone was rooting for me, and I had insane anxiety almost after every viewing party were going to let people down? Oh yeah, for sure because they're all rooting for me. And then after every viewing party that anyone ever hosted for me, I literally vomited for like six to eight hours. And yeah, I

had such bad panic after the episode was over. I would, you know, be even at a hotel in an event, run into the bathroom with maybe the best friend, locked myself in there, and I'd be in the shower vomiting forever. It's terrible, but I mean, yeah, it's it's a lot, especially going on the show, and if you do have

that anxiety before going on the show. I So my first panic attack was I was in Italy and we were driving up while I wasn't driving, I was in the passenger seat and my boyfriend at the time was driving up this mountain and there was this massive yellow sign that says that said cast, which means massive fall. And I looked down and all I saw was nothing, just complete darkness. So I was like, if he's in Like in Italy, there's no road, so it's like one way,

like it's basically a one way for two cars. And I remember thinking, if a car comes down and it hits us, I'm rolling on the side of this mountain and that's the first thing I see. So I just started I remember feeling not in control of my body and like I couldn't breathe properly, and then I just started shaking and crying and I was like, I need to kid. I remember like I need to get out of the car. I need to get a car and

he was like, calm down, came down. Then he started freaking out, and I was like, if he freaks out and he's driving. And that was my first panic attack. And then and then I was like I had a second panic attack when Nick and I were talking about breaking up, and I remember how devastating it was, um and the conversations of us talking about like moving forward and you know, like how how are we going to do this, and just like having an open conversation, which

I'd rather have an open conversation. If someone is going through a breakup, don't just wake up one day and then be like, oh, we're done. Like no, if you love the person and you respect them, it's so important to go into a relationship hoping that the person that you're with is going to if it's going to end, if they're going to break up with you in a respectful kind of way, in order for you to move on to the next person and not have all these um you know, like extra pain, Yeah, extra pain that

that's going to linger. So I think while you're breaking up, if you're in the on the verge of breaking up with someone, talk about it with your partner. You know, I'm not happy. These are things that I need, like how can we move forward from this? And blah blah blah, blah and then like just talk about it with each other instead of just waking up one day and breaking their hearts like blindsided break up like a rose Aramon. Dude,

that's what happened to me. I was in love with this one guy and I um, he was at my house and the next morning he sends me an email actually a couple of laters. Later, a couple of hours later, he sends me an email, a breakup email, and I remember like being, oh my god, he loves me so much. He just loved my house and he let he wrote me an email and I opened the email and I call my best friend bawling. I'm like, dude, you need to you need to read the email because I couldn't

finish it. And he broke up with me. And that was like it was so hard to get over that relationship because of how the breakup happened. But anyway, so back to anxiety. I think for me, um, I'll wake up like if there's something like super stressful that's happening in my life, even if even if it's not super stressful, but in my head it's it's stressful, I won't be able I'll be able to fall asleep because the entire

day I'm so emotionally drained from thinking so much. The morning the next morning is like when I have my my panic attacks, wake up with cript Oh my god. I remember once, Um, I got into a fight with a boyfriend of mine and I had to do laundry and I brought all my stuff on my bed and I looked at all my laundry on my bed and I was just paralyzed. I was like, I can't move. I can't physically move because everything, like everything is just

so much. I can't fold my laundry right now. And I fell on my knees and I just started bawling my eyes out. And it took for that moment for me to just like cry it out to be like Okay, I could do it. Yeah. And I mean that those little moments I think are really important, you know, to

overcome small things when you're having panic or anxiety. Then the other thing about it is that I feel like it kind of can recreate itself in a new way once you've been like, Okay, this isn't making me anxious, and I'm helping myself in situations that I know that I'm anxious by doing X, MIN and Z. But then you know, you can master that and then I can

creep it in a different way. So I think like the tools that you can establish for yourself to figure out what the is going on when all this is happening, or even just things that you can trick your mind so that you can you know, recover. And I'll be stuck in that place, and I'll be stuck in front of your laundry, you know, not'll be stuck in the floor of the shower, like trying to trying to beat

it right. And I feel like I have I have more of the tools now than I did in my twenties and my early twenties when I you know, I thought in my early twenties, I thought I was invincible. And I also thought the world was filled with butterflies and rainbows and lollipops and cotton candy until I realize it is not. The relationships are hard work. Relationships that

you want to be in are really hard work. Um. And I remember someone saying, like, oh, find a relationship that's easy, Like if you feel like it's an easy Like, yeah, it's easy to be with the boyfriend I am with. Now that you haven't met, but I really like everybody can't wait. But it's also it's hard work because you want to make sure I'm working on myself. He's working on on himself, but we want to make sure that we're bringing in positivity into the relationship. Um. And I

love doing therapy because it helps me established and understand. Okay, where is this anxiety actually coming from and where is it actually linked? And my anxiety comes from trust? Yeah, Um, your parents are divorced. They are, Yes, my parents are divorced as well. What ages your parents get divorced? I was four, I was eighteen. Okay, so that's so that's interesting. I wonder how do you feel like it's affected your view on relationships? I do? And um, I I do.

My my dad has been remarried for a long time, but my mom had been in a couple of different relationships and we were me and my sister were primarily living with her. So I remember when my sister was getting married, she was having that feeling that you're talking about, wondering like, oh my God, like can I do this? Do I know? Can I trust? Is this gonna work out? Is it going to fall apart? Or haven't really seen this yet, So can I actually be this wife? Can

I be this person? And um, I do think that In some moments I look back on that and I'm like, oh, I can't do this, Like I don't know. But I also learned so much from seeing all like all that separation, And I think that if you look at you know, maybe that's not the one relationship that's going to inspire you, but if you look at other relationships that are more successful. I just think that that's what kind of flip my mind.

One eight. I'm not going to not believe that I can be in love and day and have a marriage. I'm going to think that I can because I know that I can do this. Yeah, and you know that you want it and you deserve it. Yeah. Absolutely. So if you don't stay positive, there's no way to to

navigate around. I feel like I needed to stay positive. Well, So this book that I'm reading, the happiness equation, they say of our happiness isn't based on what's happening in the world, It's based on how we see the world. So ten percent of our happiness is based is circumstantial, but of it perspective. So we crazy, it's crazy like, we can't control our emotions, but we cantrol We can control how we see the world, how we see our bodies, how we see ourselves. How like how how can we

envision the life that we want to have? And that's like true to Like what's that book The Secret? I don't know if you've read it? No, I haven't. Yeah, I haven't read it either, but I the author or the person behind the whole concept talks about like envisioning this lifestyle that we want to have, and it's so true of our happiness is perception that's crazy, that's so crazy. Perceptive, perspective, perspective, perspective?

Is that the same word? Perspective? Perceptive? I don't know, perception or perception and perspective, Yeah, I guess no, it's it's very much the same thing. Should we go back to? I think? So? Okay, I'm going to move my mouth very close to my micro Okay, Ma, why don't want you to tell us what else you do for? Oh? Sure, because it's funny that I've actually tried this a SMR for um anxiety related to sleeping problems in the past, So it's so funny. Don't even know why we got

on SMR today, but my boyfriend was working. Um, but my boyfriend sometimes when we're going to bet any notices that I'm restless, He'll suggest putting on these videos on YouTube of these women who do this talking you can really relax. And one night it put me out within two minutes. And the second time I listened to it to try to calm down a little bit and sleep, I was so creeped out, like it was a different version of the video and she was. It was getting weird,

so I requested it to be turned off. But um, that's just one tiny thing that you can do for sleep. If you want to try it out, that's a s m r um. Other than that, for anxiety, I for me, it's all about the stage of the of the anxiety. So if I'm already deep in my anxiety, if someone tells calm down, breathe, I'm like, please off. So beyond me being like catch my breath, well, there's certain things that I mean, but it's true, right, it is about breathing.

And there's certain things like when you're going through a breakup, people are like, you know what, it's all like time heals, all like, that's not what I want to hear, right now, you'll be better next year. I want you to tell me he's gonna come back for you, like it's gonna work out, even if it's not now, it's gonna work Like that's not Obviously, that's not the best advice. The best advice is time, heals all. That's not what you

want to hear when you're going through a break. Oh heck now, So like early stages of anxiety, breathe Okay, deep breathing is so important to cope. I feel like when you start to first start to feel anxious, but if you're already past this and you can't use your breathing to try to cope, I love just to like sit on the floor in the shower and let the hot water run and do the breathing in their hot shower.

So you know what I like to do when I shower. Um, first of all, I should shower more, saying my boyfriend gets mad when I don't shower every day. He really does. He's like, are you gonna shower? I'm like, I literally just don't want to wash my hair. Yeah, it's so long to dry it. So I got this This company sent me this dry shampoo that I was showing you today. I posted on my Instagram last night if you guys want to go check it out. Not an ad, just so obsessed with them. So they send me more and

he starts laughing. He's like, now, this is another incentive for you not to shower, And I'm like me, yeah, love me and my stinkiness. So I like to shower. And when I shower, I envision just like washing away and in like the water that's going onto my body and dripping on my body and falling to the floor

and going into the drain is all that negative energy. Then, like all those negative feelings you have towards yourself, the negative feelings that people are projecting onto you, um, the comparison, comparisons that you've been doing on yourself, and you know, the expectations that you have on yourself. Drain it down,

let it go. And that's when that's what I do when I shower, because I've been trying to meditate, but I'm so I'm so like someone and I feel like you're you're like exactly like me, like that there's a circus going on in your head at you know, at all times. But that's my my version of meditation. It's just like when I shower and I try to like clear my head and envision that water just stripping down and into the into the drain. And also dancing. Dancing

is one of my favorite things to do. I just turn on like happy tunes and I love dancing in front of a mirror. Yes, that's yeah, I mean that's a good one. I just love mirrors. That sounds so vain finds mirror room. It was like, literally there's a mirror in every room. And then so my boyfriend's um sister lives in l A. Her name is jesse May wolf Wolf that I said it. I said that, so

weird wolf wolf, like like a wolf like. So she has this movement called heart Rise movement and it's a four step meditation method and I did a session with her. He did a session with her. So basically, when you're having anxiety, you you're you're supposed to like, let's say you see something that triggers you. I don't know. This water bottle triggers me. So I see this like ice like. Basically the steps are with heart vision. I see this

water bottle with hard focus. I feel anxiety. I feel hatred. I don't know why what it is about the water bottle, but it's making me anxious. With heart knowing, I free, so you free all of those like emotions, like you understand that you're feeling them, then let them go, free them, like release them away from you. And then with heart wisdom I flow. And flow is like open your eyes and come back to the state that you're in now.

I'm in studio now, because what happens when you have anxiety, you're basically you're you're physically here, but your mind's not there. So I've I've tried doing that a few times because it's like a few triggers of like either if you smell something you know because smell is a links so closely to memory, or if you see something or UM. So that's like another method I've been using um And you can check her website out or I'll post something on my Instagram for you guys. But that's basically have

you ever tried the five four, three to one. No, It's like when you start to panic or have anxiety, you say five things out loud that you see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can smell, and one nice thing about yourself health. O. I say all these things out loud, and it just helps ground your brain from the spiral that it's in and it brings you back to like the space in

which you are in. So I've I've done that a few times super successfully, So if anyone wants to try that out. Five four three two one. So five is five things that you can see just okay, you so like a red wall, black chair, um, four things you can hear, three things you can feel, two things you can smell, and then thing about your saying yourself. I love that. Yeah, it's a good one. Um. I was also reading up on ways to feel happy. Like some people are like, well, how do you just be happy?

Like Vanessa always seems like you're in a positive mood. I'm like, oh, I don't those days. I am not little, do you know? Yeah? You know there's other days where I'm like I just want to be in my pj's and not leave my house or for the whole whole week. And but people should know that that's normal. Oh yeah, that is totally normal. Yeah, Like it's okay, it's happy all the time. Yeah. No, And I think like It's totally normal to just have days where you're like, I

want to be lazy the entire day. I want to uber eats everything and yeah, and like not clean my house and not shower for a week. That's me every week. Get this girl shower right exactly. Um, I forgot where I was going with this. I just sounds so dirty. I actually showered last night. We have hygiene. Yeah, shampoo,

a lot of ty shampoo. Um. Okay, Well, what kind of advice would you give someone that is you're in a long so now you're no longer in a long distance relationship, but what are some things that you can give, um advice to people that are in long distance relationships? Because I feel like, especially you know, if you're in your twenties and um, you're going to college and you're dating someone that's living in a different state and you really love this person, but how do you make time

for them? Or how do you trust that they're being faithful? And all of these things I would go through my head. Well, I think for for me personally, and I mean I try to trust people until they give me a reason

not to trust them. It's sometimes harder to discover reasons why you shouldn't trust people when you're doing long distance, but I think it's so key to always for the two of you always have something to look forward to, so I know the next time you're gonna see each other, plans something fun and cute, a trip or a visit.

But if you always have, you know, a countdown in which you are counting down the days until you can see each other and be your cute little selves, I think that's so important, so you're never wondering when the next time. And also just carving out time. If you want to make it work and it's important to you, you can carve out at least five ten minutes every single day to do FaceTime. I think text stuff is great,

but like FaceTime is so so important. I FaceTime with my boyfriend who lives I'm not kidding you four minutes from my house. Yes, I love connect such You're such a too. You only ever talk to me via voice, not like you're not she's not she's supposed to talk. Yeah, I don't want to chat. Yeah, I wanted to connect

more for so yeah exactly, So that's why. Um. A couple of days ago, I posted this picture of Dean and I on my Instagram and I was talking about well, obviously I was like feeding off of our podcast called Help by Second Dating and Red Carpets. So I asked you guys, if you wanted me to give you some of my I was gonna give you my undivided attention until Instagram basically stopped because I was writing back to

too many messages. But basically, I know right, So basically I had a bunch of people not only message me and comment on that picture on dating advice, but send me so many d m s. And I love connecting with you guys. I love when you're just brutally honest about that's happening in your life because I'm like, I could relate to more than half of it. I haven't met all of you on my Instagram, but I feel

like I have. When you guys are just able to be you know, it's so beautiful to just like let it, like, just tell me how it is, like what's going on in your relationship? Um, so let's read some of the comments East and do you have some of them that you could read to us? I do. I do. This is from Lizzie. I tend to get too excited about someone early on and end up scaring them off. Should be better playing the game. Oh, I hate the game.

I know, like there shouldn't be No, I don't think I agree with an S. I don't think that there should be a game. Like, if you are being a authentically yourself and you think this is this isn't working for you, then you're probably just not dating the right person. If you feel like you have to change or do something different that's not you are playing game, you should

probably just move on a little bit. Yeah, well so I've always been that person that goes straight in I. I feel like we're swearing so much Eastern You're gonna have to beat so much of this podcast, but I'm gonna beat. I'm gonna have to let you beep on this one. I hate meeting someone and they're not themselves until six months or a year after. What the hell?

It's like? No, no, No, everything that you know you want to tell me in six months from now, tell me now, And it's not because like I'm yeah, I'm curious, George, and like I think I could be a private investigator in my next life or in this lifetime. I think most women could be UM, but I'd rather you tell me something that's brutally honest and so ugly and scary, because I will take you. I will take you for who you are, because you are showing me yourself instead

of hiding. And that, for me at least, is the biggest kind of way to connect with someone. So, um, Lizzie, if you feel like people are running away from you, they're not your match. No, you want someone who is going to be able to be like, yeah, this is what I want. Uh, these are things that I'm looking for. Um. But you know, I made my mistake of basically saying like I want kids way too early on in a relationship, and that you know, some guys are like WHOA, Well

maybe talk is always a scary talk. So let's not do that and the first date. What other comments do we have? This is from Shania. I hope it's Shania Twain. I just I just got engaged. But I've been getting some really negative comments about it recently. How did you deal with it? How did you stay positive and excited when people were trying to bring down you and Nick? God? Listen,

Shania Twain. People people will be negative when you have something they can't have truth when you are happy, and when when you have your together, people will find a way to project their insecurities onto whatever greatness is happening in your life. If this is a person that you know you want to be with, then who cares whenever

anyone else has to say right? And Ellen de Generous said this in her I went to her concert, her show in Montreal, and she was basically saying when she became famous, there was a lot of people who are

like saying positive stuff and negative stuff. And She's like, well, if I have to believe if I'm going to believe the negative stuff, I'm gonna have to believe the positive comments coming, right, So don't hone And I think we have such a tendency to just like, if there's one negative comment, we just hone in on that one negative comment, and it sounds like it feels like the whole world's

against you when it's just that one bitter person saying something. Um, so yeah, just let people speak, Let people talk, no matter what you do. I said this at a f R. If you choose door A in life, people will still have something to negative to say. You choose DOORB, they will still have something negative to say. So do whatever makes you happy, and you don't have to make other people happy, and don't take it personally because it's always about them, it's never about you. It's a hard thing

to do, but totally true. Here's one from DeMar. Do you think it's okay for people in serious relationships to go to strip clubs? That's my constipated voice. Um, I think I wrote to Tomorrow already. Um, but Mike, what do you think I personally? I think if it's a kind of more circumstantial situation and it's communicated, I don't want my boyfriend going to the strip club on the

weekend for fun. No. But if it's you know, someone's bachelor party and he needs he's going out with the boys for one night and he lets me know when he comes home after great. But I think, like the whole act of going and objectifying women in that way is just not something I would want my significant other doing. Yeah, like, yeah, I guess if it's a um, if it's a bachelor party. But even now, Like, do people still go to strip

clubs from bachelor park? I wish they didn't, but they do. Yeah? Okay, Um, I like doing things together, Like I'm someone who Uh. Sometimes I don't know if I say too much because my mom listens to the podcast. But I'm someone who I've been to ship clubs with previous relationships, in previous relationships with my partner because it's like, oh, well, let's

like enjoy it together. You know, it doesn't have to be a secret because you don't want to shame someone for doing something, because then that's when they start leading a double life. Um. But I think if it's something that you're doing because you have nothing else to do, then yeah, that's a big red flag for me. At least. It depends on what you're what the relationship is like. There was another one who wanted to read from Amanda, Uh,

because I could relate to you. Well, a couple months ago, I could have related to you because I was single and a lot of my friends are single. What do you do when all your friends are married, engaged, or in a relationship and you're literally the last single girl in the group. Help. I think that you can't compare you just you can't. I think if you're, you know, your last single girl in the group, someone someone had to be. But I don't think it's it's it's means

for you to feel bad. I think that you know you're gonna you'll meet your person, your time, your time or your law, your your time will come, and yeah, you just try not to compare to the friend. Be happy for them, they'll be happy for you. Yeah. I always say this, so, Um, when I was single, I remember thinking like, oh my god, that person is engaged and they're happy. Yeah, and that person is married and they're happy. How why does engagement and marriage equal happiness?

It shouldn't write just because you're your friends might look at you and be like, damn, I wish I was single right now. Like damn, I wish I had the freedom, all the freedom in the world. I would say, Amanda, enjoy these moments. Enjoy just like discovering yourself and having fun and you know, like doing things for yourself and along the way that right person will come your way.

I really do believe there's someone for everyone. Um, maybe the men that you've met haven't been for you, or maybe they might reappear in your life because timing wasn't right. But definitely, like Mick said, don't compare yourself, um, and maybe join like a different group of like a an art class or like a pilate studio and like grow your friendship circle and invite new people in. So I'm super excited because Reza Farrehand from Shaws of Sunset, it's

on Bravo TV. Really excited he's gonna be coming in to talk to us, um right after this. Hia, what's up, Vanessa? I wish I can see you in person and give you a huge hug. And I smell really good, So I wish we were we got to talk about why you smell so good? Is it your hair? It's my hair? And I brought you guys like a little sampler plotter of residue obsessed that you guys can share and figure out what works for whom. Okay, So this wonderful voice that you're hearing, and I wish I was sitting next

to him in studio right now, is Resa Farrehand? Am I saying that right? Your last name? Totally? You said it the very Persian way? Actually, So I'm in studio with MICHAELA and I was just like, I have so many Persian friends. She's just like, congratulations, Okay, So maybe that's why I was able to pronounce your names so well. So you are on Shaw's the Sunset on Bravo, and I think this is what season seven. We are actually about to start shooting season eight next month. That's so exciting.

So I watched a few episodes. It's so funny. So I was doing some research and my boyfriend was sitting next to me. He's like, oh my god, Rosa. Yeah. I was like, well, you know, do you know of each other? He's like, he's a huge fan of the show. My boyfriend, who never watched an episode of the Bachelor, has watched Shaws of Sunset, which is basically, um, it's a reality show based off of a group of you.

You're all Persian, right, we are? Yeah? Yeah, so it follows your life and all the drama and all that. But I feel like, you guys are so supportive of each other. We are, you know. It's it's funny because I have people from all over the world, from all different ethnicities, say, like Greek people, well, Latin Americans, South Americans, you name it, Koreans, different amazing Asian countries. They're like,

oh my god, Persians are just like us. So it's funny because if you come from like a different culture immigrant community, there are a lot of similarities were you know, we're flamboyant, we're loud, but ultimately we're super family oriented and really supportive of one another. Yeah. I love that. I love I feel like, um, I mean yeah, italents are like that totally. It's like that tribal mentality, like we're here in a foreign land, let's look out for

one another exactly. So, since this is a dating podcast, what kind of Well, first of all, why what made you want to join the show? Loved? I absolutely loved, loved loved dating. I loved first dates. I was super into like meeting new people and figuring them out and what makes them tick. And I would tell people that within five minutes of being with someone on a date, I could tell whether or not I could put my

tongue in their mouth. No, like not that far, Like if I could, That's what I'm thinking, letting someone put their tongue in my Like kissing is such a big deal, Like I knew within five minutes if I could kiss the person or not. And what was it about them?

Was it how they smelled? No? First, Like the teeth are a big deal, like hands, nails, the way they're like, yeah, if you're groomed and like you're tidy, it's you probably flost but I was just talking about how I don't shower so and the good news is I'm gay, so we would have never had an issue. We would be like picking up guys together. We'd be fighting over them. That's not good. Um So, what is your advice to people who are dating now? Like in you know, people

like Michael and I we were in relationships. We were both on the Bachelor and we both got uh. I got engaged to the Bachelor. Michaela ended up with the Bachelor, but our relationships didn't last. Um and now we're both in I would say, serious, healthy relationships, both in Montreal. Very excited about that. Um So, what kind of advice would you give people who are wanting to date now?

And it's like it is so difficult. Well, my advice is um specific to how you met the person that you're going to be going on this date with, because you know, I have tons of friends, I have lots of relatives, all different ages obviously, and you know predominantly people are meeting you know, via social media, online or something other than like you know, in a bar or at an event where you actually see the person in

real life prior to going on a date. So my advice is make sure you talk to the person because a really, really, really good friend of mine just went on a date with someone who had like the hottest pictures and they communicated no, he was super hot on pictures and they communicated exclusively via text and d M s through you know, the social app And then when they met, my friend was like rez, he first of all showed up wearing like like a a headpiece. It wasn't even a wig. It was like a head piece,

like a Trojan wig headpiece. And when he opened his mouth, I wasn't sure of his gender, and I was like, you know, for me, that's not a big issue. My friend really likes super masculine guys. I'm like, you idiot. If you had talked to him on the phone before you had gone on this date, or maybe trolled his social media a little more, you might have gotten a glinn. It's like, look at this picture where he's wearing a dress.

Why didn't you scroll down further? We were just talking about how I could basically become a personal investigator or sorry, a private investor, a private personal investigator, Like if you want me to find out stuff about the guy in dating. I mean, I'll do it for free. Um. But also like,

I'm so big on FaceTime. Like I's like if I'm going to go on a date with someone prior and I've done like, I've dated, I've gone on I wouldn't say blind dates, but guys I've never met in person, but I'm like, dude, let's FaceTime before so we can see if we have any like chemistry and walk around your house. Let me see if there's like toothpaste marks on your mirror in your bathroom? Yes, Like how many roommates are in that house walking around? Yeah? Also depending

what age they are. But if they're yeah, if they're like in their late thirties and they have roommates, well, I mean it could work, but not not for everyone. Privacy, I'm sorry. Depending on how old you are, roommates cannot work. Like, oh, we can't go to my place because like my roommate might be home. I'm way too old for that. Depending on your age, that's a big, big issue. It's an issue. But I mean, then again, I was living at my

mom's house house twenty nine. I mean I also lived at my my parents home until I was twenty five, but it was because they wouldn't let me go and the crying and the ball and chain and the guilt. Yeah. She My mom was like, well, I might as well move back to Iran. I was like, really rich, Like because of that, you move back to Iran. So you grew up in Beverly Hills. I did. Yeah, I went to Beverly Hills High School with Monica Lewinsky and Eric Menendez one hundred Oh. I just like gave away how

old I am too. By the way, most people are like, who's Monica Lewinsky? No, I think, oh, yeah, I guess openning how yeah. Um, that's so interesting. So do you feel like have you ever dated outside of l A or outside of Beverly Hills or California? Yes, I have, And it's really interesting to date someone outside who thinks they know what's important to me and start rattling off like brand names or things that they own, which is

a huge, huge turn off for me. That usually means they don't have those things, and the fact that they think that those are the only things I care about is even more important to me than the things, because the assumption is that I'm super shallow and only you know, obsessed with material possessions, which can be very fun, but if there's nothing beyond you know, your finances, I'm not

really gonna want to hang out with you. And to top it off, if I was dating someone just like me, one of us would be six ft under and the other one of us would be in jail, you're basically saying opposites to attract. Like my husband says to me, He's like, honey, can I wear your Louis Vatons? I'm like, uh, you mean my lu Baton's? Yeah? Do you want to use my Louis Vuitton carry on bag? Or do you want to wear my lu Baton shoes? He's like, you

know what I'm talking about the shoes? Yeah, I think. Well, my my boyfriend and now I'm someone who's like a huge extrovert and I like kind of I love socializing and he's more he's he's a law calmer than I am. So he allows me to like take it down a notch, you know, totally. How are you and your boyfriend absolutely the same? It's very very even keeled, very lower energy than me, So yeah, he helps. What sign are you guys I'm an I'm a Libra, Aries, what's your man?

But he's his birthday is November nineteen? Can you help me? Is he a Scorpio? Oh my god, your kids are in trouble? Wait? What am I? I'm a Libra and Josh is a Aquarius and the Pisces. Okay, Pisces are the most evolved sign of the zodiac, that's first and foremost. So like they could have a parent die, but they'll still go to dinner that night because they have to eat.

Libras want everyone to like them. So you care way too much about what people think of you, which is really annoying for someone like an Aries or a Leo like me because we have zero fs to give. Like I used to have a crumpled up F in the back of my wallet. I can't even find that F anymore. That is hilarious. So is that? So? Can you give us a little What's going to happen in season eight? Oh my god? So I have a new girlfriend who I'm trying to bring around my friend group, so hopefully

she'll be able to assimilate. M J's about to pop, like she's do any moment. Just got married, right, she just last season, she just got married, she's very very pregnant, she's been on bedrest um. And I'm feverishly working on this hair Caroline, because I spent all that I spent all the money that I had in the world on

Residue Obsessed, which has eight products. By the way, Ship, I think you mentioned in last season you put in how many five hundred thousand dollars you guys, shampoo conditioner, leaving conditioner, hair oil, sea salt spray, wax hair spray, and uh palmaide and gel. We just came out with a gel. So I have five hundred thousand dollars worth of products? Did you go around that I need to sell so I can have a bable start plugging it? And where can we find this product? Well, I'm really excited.

I don't even know if I'm allowed to announce this yet, but let's do it. I think my products are gonna be nationwide at Sally Beauty stores um, which is a huge deal. And I was just on e vine Um last Monday and I sold over fifty five thousand dollars worth of products in two hours of being on TV. So I'm really proud of myself. Can we buy these products online. Can we go on your Instagram page? You

totally can go on my Instagram page. You can go on red b obsessed dot com, or you can go on Vine and get a coupon code to save percent off your first purchase. And you guys the products like a lot of people have products. I didn't want anything unless it was exactly the way I wanted it. And my business partner let me put in We've I've not made a dollar off of this line because it's been a passion project for me. It's got gold in it, it's got champagne for shine, it's got diamonds for strength

and protection. But the thing, the thing that I'm obsessed about is I'm forty five. My hair is jet black and will remain jet black. As they're closing the coffin door, I'll be touching my hair up. Are you dying it or is it just natural? No? Boo boo, it's dyed galore like it is du ied that it is jet black. And I have a product called black Diamond Oil. And if you use if you color your hair, you process your hair, if you use this black Diamond oil, you

will notice how much longer your hair color lasts. Now I'm done with my shameless plug. Let's get back that. I love it. So where can we find you? Where can we find your products? And where can we find Shaws of Sunset? Well, if you are in Las Vegas on May fourth, I will be at the Sally Beauty Supply Store in Las Vegas, Nevada. So come say hi, come give me a hug, come by some of my products. Um,

you can see me on Shaws of Sunset on Bravo. Um. We are going to start shooting the next season next month, so hopefully you know, in six or eight months you'll be sold out of all your products. But you can see me, you know, anytime on social media. I'm I'm resafarihun across all my platforms F A R A H A N. Follow you there and or we can go to resi b obsessed dot com to buy your products

and you know, get some jet black hair. You guys are young, you guys are good, but just remember, once the color starts going in your hair, you want some of that resipe obsessed black diamond oil to preserve the color. I'm gonna have to get it from my man because he's already salt and pepper, so we're gonna have to. I can like it's like such a base color white. I can diett his his hair any color, you know, paint one day in purple another. Yeah, that's awesome. Yes,

it's perfect. Well, RESI thank you so much for coming in. Make sure to watch Shaw has a Sunset on Bravo. Season eight is going to be airing and welsty're going to start shooting um and filming soon and we can find you on Instagram and of course your products online and on Instagram page. Thank you so much for coming in. I wish I could give you a big, big hug right now. I just gave you guys a big kiss. Thank you, Thank you guys. Bye. That was such a

great episode. Mick, thank you so much for coming on and being honest and being your beautiful self. Thank you so much for having me. Was so wonderful. I love that you live in Montreal now. And Resa, thank you. A big thank you to Reza Um. I love him. He's such a great personality. And a very big thank you to Hers. Our listeners get their first month of anti aging formula. That's right, the first month of anti

aging formula from Hers for ten dollars. Just go to four hers dot com slash Dean and a very big thank you to the most comfortable shoes ever, roth The's. Go to roth The's dot com and enter Dean. Of course, the code is always Dean d E A and to get your new favorite flats and free shipping. Guys, thank you so much for listening and tuning into this week,

uh this week's episode of Help I Second Dating. Hopefully next week well we're all gonna stuck a little bit less and hopefully next week d and Jared will we'll show up to the next episode. Thank you guys so much. Make sure to join our Facebook group. If you're not on Facebook, then you can always d M me, Dean or Jared slide into our d M s or go on or Help I Suck At Dating Instagram page and

follow us there. Follow Help by Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast