New Year’s Resolutions with Kelley Flanagan

It's great. I love it. You know, it's funny. I've had two people coming too the coffee shop within the past few days who have both said that they are part of Suck Army, not even like they listen to the podcast or oh yeah, I know, you know you do the podcast with Dan. They were like, no, we are Suck Army. I gotta start selling like Suck Army merch or something in the coffee shop. Oh yeah, I mean, as long as you don't mind if I make money

off your likeness, I'm I'm doing it. Also, I gotta I gotta point it out every time there's a new year and we're still doing this podcast. This is the fifth calendar year that we've been doing Help I Suck at Dating. We haven't been doing it for five years technically, but it started in we're still going strong in where the Bothered Day Howard starts. That's you know, there have been a lot of podcasts that have started and did

just in our life span alone. So um, I just I'm always proud to to to say that, but I'm even more proud to announce No, we're changing it up this year in two. Each week will be joined by a female guest co host to help us navigate some interesting dating topics and provide more insight and give us a female's perspective. To kick it off, We've got the best of the best. You know or you love her. She's from Peter Weber season of The Bachelor. It's Kelly

Flann again. Hi Dot, how are you guys. I'm excited to be here. We're excited to have you, Kelly, and Kelly, you are the first guest on Help I Such a Dating and we're kind of like revamping the whole format. We're bringing in more personalities, more dynamics, more entertainment because we all know that Dean and I we get a little boring, actually get a lot boring a lot of times, so we need people to like really carry our ass throughout this entire podcast. So that's what we're hoping. We're

bringing in fresh blood to carry us through. So help I suck at dating is still around, Hopefully I can help out a little bit. Still single over here, guys, which is mind boggling. So Kelly, obviously everybody knows you from the Bachelor franchise. You're very known for dating Peter Weber. After his season ended, you guys broke up, and now you say you're still single. So how is the dating world going right now? Um? I mean I've been going. I've definitely been going on dates. I'm gonna keep it

private in terms of who we want names, numbers, security members. Okay, I'll give you guys a funny story though. So, um, you know, I moved down to Miami and every time I come up to Chicago, like I have to stay with my family, and my family is very protective, the very nosy. They're very much so in my business. So Kelsey, we're and I we come up here and um, you know, we're seeing these guys or whatever from Chicago and we're like going on a double date. So my brother is

like kind of over here. They're like seeing us get ready and they're like, who are you going with and I was like, I'm not telling you, like mind your own business, stay out of it. And so they're very, very nosy. So we're walking out of the apartment or the condo and I see like the door guy following us out, and I'm like, why is this door guy like following us out? Like what's going on? Like this is just a creepy start, Like my brothers aren't here. They had to go to dinner, so I was like,

I don't think it has to do with them. So we go to dinner. It's great, it's amazing. Um at the end, you know, I have lime disease, so I like can't eat sugar candy carps. So it's so embarrassing to try to go on these dates. And I'm like eating a freaking cucumber and they're like you still hungry. I'm like, no, don't worry about it, like just can't eat anything in this restaurant. But whatever. Um, So it

gets a little embarrassing there. And then at the end, the waitress comes and she's like puts like this cake in front of me, and I'm like, we didn't order dessert, what's going on? And she was like happy birthday, like you know, your brother Tom couldn't make it, and he's really sorry, and I was like, are you kidding me? So now these guys are like, who's Tom, Like, so, did he like pay off the doorman to follow you or something? He paid off the doorman to follow Okay,

So then it gets worse. So then these guys are like who's Tom? And it's like creepy, and I'm like, I don't want to be Like my brothers are really weird and intrusive, and they're sending us desserts and I have no idea how they found out what restaurant we're at. So I find out that they called my sister to see where my location was and then they sent a dessert to that dinner place. And then I have to

explain to these guys. And then I get a text from my brother being like knowing what kind of car he drives, and he'll be like, hey, I'll tell the valet to pull up the car, and I'm sitting there being like I am never going to be able to date, Like I'm never going to be able to date normally. Like, so, do you have one brother or two brothers? Oh? My gosh, four brothers Okay, So have they always been like super overprotective of you? Yeah, and they just like don't approve

of anyone. So I just like don't like them getting too much involved because I just know their disapproval it's gonna be there, So I just don't like to tell him much unless it's something serious. Have you ever had a guy come up to you and say, hey, listen, you're brothers, like just really uh uh like scared ba or like you know, they sat him down, have a conversation. What am I thinking of? What's the word I'm thinking of?

Where like a brother would sit down, Yeah, like I'm gonna have a talk with you, you know, kind of like you know Michelle had. Michelle's parents had with the two guys yesterday. They sit down, they have to talk and they're like, hey, what's your intentions? Do you love my sister? Have your brothers ever done that? I think in a different way, I don't think they would like

sit down like do you love my sister? They expect every guy to be like yeah, like what guy is going to be dumb enough to be like no. I think they hit them on a more like manipulative route. It makes sense, do you mean, they they'll like test them. Like for example, I remember, Man, I won't say names,

but maybe people could assume. I remember my brothers were just like one of my exes was so excited to like continue to go to Vegas and like continue to go to like nightclubs, and my brothers were like, red flag, Yeah I heard big nightclub guy. Hey, we weren't naming names, no names here, but you know the excitement for that.

My brothers used to do that when they're younger, but now they're at an age where they're like, all right, you know, like Vegas, Vegas, whatever, have fun, but at the same time, like they're not as amped up for that lifestyle anymore. So, UM, I guess when they see that stuff. I was sitting there, I was like, oh man, this failed, Like this test just failed. Uh. I mean

I'm the same way too. I've said on this podcast many times one of my favorite things about dating Kalin is that we share the same sentiment of like never wanting to go out and club or go to bars. Well, we go like bars every once in a while, I guess, but like the nightclub scene is just not part of

our relationship, and I agree. It's a red flag if someone you're dating is like very set in their ways on that type of stuff, because it's like mostly mostly that stuff just leads to bad decisions in a lot of ways, and it's an unhealthy lifestyle too, for sure. Exactly exactly, Um, so you know they do it more of the minibut way. And then like I was going on a date here and Kelsey was staying back on this one. But like the way how smart my brothers are,

it's bad. Like they were just interrogating Kelsey to like try to get information out, like being like but in a way that's not just like straight up like in a way that she would almost have to like mess up. So, um, yeah, it's hard. Is that one of the reasons you moved to Miami because you wanted to have a little bit more freedom dating? Yeah. The only problem is they know a lot of people down there in Miami to do so I just never catch a break. Well, your brothers

are everywhere, They're everywhere. Yeah, they're like the CIA. Uh, they have infour minutes all around the country. You just moved to Miami. How long you've been in Miami for? So I've been there, um for the past like a year, but I just got my place. My parents were up in Chicago there snowboard, so I was staying at their place until they came down and then I got my own place, um in downtown Miami. So have you said, have you noticed a difference in the dating pool between

Chicago and Miami yet? Um? Yeah, I feel like in Chicago, I've been here for so many years, you kind of know all the people that like like to do the same stuff as you. That sounds weird, but it's like it's actually a small city. Um. And in Miami, I feel like there's so many people coming from all over, whether it's like Seattle, California, and New York Chicago, Like it's just it's more of a melting pot now from people all over. It's not just like Miami Miami. So,

um yeah, I met some good guys down there. But we gotta we gotta because there are a lot of men that listen to this podcast, a lot of a single, very very you know, successful men listen to this podcast. What is your type then? Because you know, let's say there's a handsome single man listening to this podcast and

he's like, how do I get Kelly's attention. Um one, I need someone who's like very just like intelligent, you know what I mean, Like I I am a nerd at heart, and I love someone to just kind of teach me new things, you know. I I would say, I'm very open minded in a lot of senses, and just for someone to come in and be able to teach me new things and like kind of trust their judgment is something that I really value. Um also just

like being you know, being kind. But I also like witty people because I could be very sassy and I need people to like keep up with my wit and not necessarily take it so personal when I'm like throwing little flirty jabs. Yeah, little jabs. You said something that always piques my interest, which is you said you're a

nerd at heart. And I feel like in my experience before Ashley and I got married, when I was doing when you know, in the single world, a lot of women would be like, oh, I'm a nerd at heart, and then I, thinking like, oh she's a nerd she can relate, would go on and talk about you know, Batman begins for like a good hour and a half, and she was like oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and it's like, oh, I misinterpreted. I think a lot of guys go through this because guys are real nerds

at heart. Like I know, I'm an extreme Like you know, I can talk about Spider Man No Way Home for about seven weeks. But when you say you're a nerd at heart, what does that mean? Because I think a lot of guys want to know. Okay, when a girl says, oh, I'm a nerd, what are you a nerd of? I think just like, for example, you know right now, with like I've always been really into um, just health in general, like just knowing how our body works. So I can go on for hours about that and just just like

staying healthy. Like me and my my best friend his name is Chase, Like we go at it because he's just like the McDonald's kind of guy. And I'm like, you're not helping yourself, and like I can go on for you know, I could research that kind of stuff and just how our body works a lot. That's like one thing. Another thing is like travel, Um, I love to see how other cultures live. And I learned so

much about myself by doing that. Um, you know, I've been like all over the world and some of the coolest places I've been where more of the Third world countries and just being able to see like a Ghana and how they live and how happy they are and how they have like nothing in their life. Um, it just makes me really grateful to step back and being like, holy crap, like my life. You know, I need to be great for everything I have in my life. But um,

what else? I think? Like health is one traveling. I'd like to point out that this is a distinct difference between the male brain and the female brain, because when you say nerd, you're talking about philanthropy, travel, health, and wellness. When a guy thinks of a NERD, I immediately go to comic books, superheroes and different you know, yeah, because you're a big anime guy. Right, I'm not. I'm not a big anime fan, but when I think of nerd, I just think of anime for some reason. I don't

know why. Yeah, I think it's just I think when I say nerd, like I understand your perspective, and it's

definitely different subjects. I think I like to just learn, like whether you have a different profession than me, Like Jared, I can get very nosy, like I'll sit you down and I'll be like, tell me about your life, and like I didn't keep asking questions like people are like you know, I've kind of been known in the friend group that sometimes I can get in trusive because I just want to know, Like I don't like the cerface level conversations like tell me about your life and tell

me about your upbringing or whatever, like your cool stories, like everyone's got a cool story, why not learn from it? Or I don't know. I think I think next time you get asked that question, I'm not saying the answer was wrong. I think maybe you should replace the word nerdy with passionate because that seems like it's more like a passionate thing, but that can also be misinterpreted for

like something sexual, like I'm a passionate girl, Deine. Yeah, I guess it really depends on how much you like the guy, whether you want to say passionate or not, because then, like you said, it could be misinterpreted. So it's whether you want it to be misinterpreted it or not. I have something, So we're gonna take a quick break. But before we take a quick break, I'm sure this has already been out there and floated out there and

written about, but it just popped in my head. So we have Michelle's season of the Bachelor, it just ended, Clayton's season of The Bachelor is about to air in January, and then of course we'll have a new season of The Bachelor coming when film March ap or whenever it starts filming. Kelly Flanagan, you are an attorney. You're very intelligent, very conversationalist. You have incredible hair. Incredible hair. I mean, this is this feels like a no brainer, and I

don't know why hasn't popped in my head. Kelly Flanagan, you need as long as you're still single to be the next Bachelor. It's like it's almost too obvious. Oh my god. Well, Jared, that is like the you know, biggest compliment I've received a while. I think you may if that's the biggest compliment you've received, you maybe need to reconsider who you're going on dates with. Yeah, alright, I take that back. He's right. Contextually speaking, I guess it's a it's a good one. Yeah, I'm not wrong.

I feel very passionate about this. I think on help I suck it dating first episode, we need to start this campaign, which I'm sure has already been started, but I'm just oblivious to it. Kelly Flann again, how old you? Kelly? Oh my, you're this is perfect. This is as long as this is something you'd be interested in doing. Holy shit,

it's all the stars are aligning. I feel like this needs to happen right Maybe we can go online like petition dot org and start a petition to get Kelly as the next Bachelor at I've Suck Army this podcast. I would say all twelve of our listeners would go and sign it right away. We probably get thirteen people who listen to this podcast just because we play on the twelve listeners plus me and you, so there's fourteen. Maybe convince some producers to go sign it. We might

get up. Um I would you, Well, let's ask you, would you be down for that? Let's say, you know, fast forward six months, you're still single, but you're still dating, and they come and approach you with the idea, would you be interested in it? Um? I think anyone always would consider it right now, Like Dean, I'm not gonna lie. I just I'm trying to take care of my health. I think that like um, I think the stress from

it all and again it was new. I think the stress from it all really took a toll on me and like put me in like a deep spot where I was like, oh, like, my health isn't good because you know the majority of illnesses are like from stress. And I never really looked at it. But now looking back, I'm like, man, like, just going on the show with the breakup, how messy things got. Um it was. It definitely took a toll on me. So you know, the next like six months, I'm doing this protocol and focusing

on health, but you never know. I gotta say, though, I do think as stressful as that scenarios for anyone that goes through it, it's I would say, uh, a lot of this stress was placed on everyone that was on that season because uh, not that Peter is like a bad guy in any sense of the word, but I just think that he created a lot of undue stress on people. So I do think if you were to go on your own season, it would be stressful. And it's one right, but I think it would be

unfair to compare the two. That's just that's just my hunch on it. Um. I want to I want to ask you, so, what what is lime disease? What is that? What is that? I never knew you had that too. I didn't know that. It was actually funny like being on when I was on the show, there was like weird things always happening to me, Like my throat was closing.

When I was in Costa Rica. I remember getting up in the middle of the night and like running to the doctor being like, hey, something's not good, like my mute, like something in my autoimmune systems like messed up. But essentially, what lime is, it's just a virus um and it has a shield on it, so it's hard to kill because like think about it's called biofilm is the shield, so you could kill it off, but you need to

kill off that biofilm. Now that biofilm is created by sugar, so I can't have any sugar carbs to essentially get rid of it. But it just kind of messes with like my autoimmune system. So like days I'm like exhausted, or other days I just have like my throat closing up, or it's just like triggering a bunch of different things in me um. And so it all depends on what you eat. You're saying no cards, no sugar. That's basically

like everything I feel like, yeah, it's not healthy. I'm doing that for three months, um, and then I could start incorporating it. But I need to get rid of that like shield. So this is like a new thing. This isn't like something you were born with. Um. I don't know how long I've had it. I think that a lot of people have in their system and then it get triggered. It gets triggered. I like stressed, So

that's why I was kind of insinuating. Maybe it was from the show where I was like super stressed and it just like can't make me hard, right, And so hopefully you're living more of a stress free life nowadays. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm not I'm trying to take a seat on the back burner. Actually, it's funny, Dean. A lot of people who have fine, um, you're you get really sensitive to mold too, and their number one

recommendation is to live the van life. Why I just like go to an air climate and drive around or what just so you're away from like mold. Because like when your immune systems down, you're super sensitive and mold and I'll trigger you. So the best way is to go live out of a van and nature and you're good to go. And you decided to move to a city where it's eighty degrees and a humidity twelve months out of the year, I know I did move into

a new building, though I made sure of that. Nice nice, Well, um, well, okay, Well, hopefully you figure out lime disease. That sounds pretty brutal. I like, you can't imagine being restricted dietarily, like just having to go to a restaurant, like picking and choosing things on the menu. So I feel for you. I

hope everything gets better. We are gonna take one quick break and we're gonna jump into some headlines real quick, because obviously it's nice to get Kelly's perspective on a lot of these things instead of just minding Jared's them opinion. So stick through the break, we'll be right back. We have a couple of headlines that I do want to

talk about in depth with Kelly and yourself. The first one I'm going to talk about because it's about Spider Man, and seeing how I talked about it in the first segment, why not go right into it. So Syndia and Tom Holland were told that they shouldn't date, and they were told this by a Spiderman producer. So Spiderman No Way Home producer Amy Pascual Pascal p A. S C A. L.

Pascal Pascal admitted I think. Pascal admitted that she once told Tom Holland and Zendia that dating one another would be a bad idea, and of course In Day and Tom Holland are now dating. Quote. I took Tom and Zendia side separately when we first cast them and gave them a lecture, don't go there, just don't try not to. She said. This might seem extreme, but there's a track record for the Spiderman films where the stars end up

romantically involved. Toby McGuire and Kristen Dunn stated after playing Spiderman and Mary j respectively. Pascual says she gave the same speech to Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone when they played Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy in The Amazing Spider Man back in two thousand and twelve. Quote. I gave the same advice to Andrew and Emma. It can just complicate things, you know, And they all ignored me now.

Tom Holland and Zenda were photographed by pap Barazzi kissing at us stop light in l A back in July, after years of rumors that there were much more than just friends. They have since been slightly more open about their relationship, but still keep things between them very private. In an interview with g Q in November, Tom Holland talked about the importance of keeping some things for themselves. He said, quote, one of the downsides of our fame

is that privacy isn't really in our control anymore. And a moment that you think is between two people that love each other very very much, is now a moment that is shared with the entire world. Zendia went on to agree with this, saying the equal sediment we both share is just that when you really love and care about somebody, some moments or things you wish were your own.

I think loving someone is a sacred thing and a special thing, and something that you want to deal with and go through and experience and enjoy amongst the two people that love each other. So my question to you, ladies and gentlemen, should you date someone you work with? Um? Well, I just want to take a step back and appreciate that you said sediment instead of sentiments. But it's okay,

It's okay, dude, Rhode Island Public School System. Do you know, first of all, you're gonna you're gonna pick out the one thing I messed up on. I just read that entire thing very well, if I may myself. Once you said sediment, all I could think about was rocks and sediments. So anyways, Kelly, what do you think you're It's a good question. You did a great job, Jared, what do you think Kelly? There goes that van life for Dean. All you can think about is rocks. You know, rocks,

big rocks, small rocks, pink rocks, whatever. Um. I personally, well, i'll start us off here. I personally, I don't think you should date someone that you work with. But what do you guys think? I don't think you can control it? Like you like who you like? You know what I mean? Like if you show up to work every single day and you have a crush in that person, like, are you really going to be Like No, I can't just because you work with them, Like, I don't know, I

think that's limiting yourself a little bit. But I don't think you can, and I don't think you could really like force yourself not to just because you're in the same work environment. I. Um So, after graduated college, I worked at this job in Denver, like a suit and tie office job kind of thing, and they had a very strict no dating co workers policy. And I remember I got fired one well like the one day that I got fired whatever, and the very next day I

started dating one of my coworkers. So, um I will say, I think it's like, yeah, right, and it got exciting, and then a week later we were like, why are we dating? We don't even like each other, we have nothing in common. Um So, I I don't know. I think it would be awkward to like show up to work and have to like deal with someone that you like. I mean, imagine Jared, who's like, who's one of your ex is? Like, imagine you show up to Audrey's and Kayla is they're working as a barista. Just be a

little uncomfortable. You know, it would be extremely uncomfortable, But it's so you fun in the moment. It could be fun in the moment. Well, it's definitely fun in the moment. You can be super passionate. Yes, because it's the aboo. It's something that you're not supposed to do, which makes you want to do it even more. But just like anything, it's a great word, but it's one of those things that I think, again, great in the moment, but then as time goes on, it only gets worse. Like, listen,

we're very open on this podcast. I'm sure we've all had those nights where it's very fun and it's a great night, and then the next day you're like, that might have been a big mistake. Ye, And so I think dating someone you work with is fun in the moment and listen, if it's like a long lasting relationship,

then sure. But then, like I've had friends who have had to quit their jobs because their coworkers and they're not supposed to date, but they just want to be together, so they ended up like moving departments and doing whatever they had to do to start dating. The irony of this entire conversation, too, is going on the Bachelor Bachelorette. That's literally exactly what you're doing is dating your coworkers. It's a show about dating your cower. True, Yes, I

like it. Yeah, other than Bachelor, have you guys, ever dated a co worker? Dina, know you said you dated after, but have you ever dated someone while you work together? Um, Like I was gonna say, yeah, in high school, I did. I was a lifeguard. I dated a lifeguard that worked with me. I never have to be honest, I've done long distance with all my all my boyfriends length. You could have like a zoom call meeting with a co worker from many distance. You know, it's like a work

from home thing. I guess I don't know you Yeah, I mean, I don't know if I like officially dated them, but definitely when I was like bartending in my early twenties, I would have, you know, I would. I was like hanging out with someone and we would see each other at work, and we weren't like officially dating, but we'd always hang out after work and should stay over. I'd

stay over her place. So it's like that awkwardness that you would just always constantly see the person and and it would have you would always have to you know. But it's actually it's actually funny that you guys say that, because now when I think back on it, like I remember when I was going through law school, I told myself like I will not date anyone in this law school. There was one really cute guy, and I still I still wouldn't crack just because of that. I didn't want to. Yeah,

what's this guy's name? What's he doing now? He's a lawyer? Like, I don't know, he's out of the picture. He was cute at the time, he might do you do you still know what he looks like? Yeah, and he's really cute. He actually texted me the other day. I forgot to respond, forgot to respond. This is this. You might not need the Bachelor at this could be it. We'll see, we'll see. I don't know what a story, Jared. I gotta I gotta ask. I gotta ask, Jared, you, as a bartender,

what was it like? Were you like winking at girls, like sliding your number over to them on napkins? Or were you starting numbers from girls? You gotta remember too, I was bartending a corrob Is Italian grill and war Rhode Island. I was like a big fish in a small pond, you know. So it was no, it was. I don't think I ever gave my number out, but I would. I would get the numbers occasionally, as everybody like,

I mean, who hasn't left their number for the bartender? Um, it's just like almost a rite of passage through with it. Like did you ever like text or call a girl that hit on your the bar? Of course? You ever see your exes and Rhode Island now, um no, I mean luckily, like I don't have too many exes like xes X is. Like I've seen people that like we went on dates and it's super relaxed, and you know they're you know they're married. I'm married. It's just kind

of like the way it is. But I never really see any There's only like one big X in my life, and and she doesn't live Rhode Island anymore. Um. But but yeah, of course I would follow it off with it.

Damn I had something to saying now I can't remember it, but I remember one time when I was bartending, I went on a date with a girl who left their number at the bar, and it was the worst date of my life probably, Like, so I don't want to like get into too much detail in case she listens to the podcast, and like, she definitely listens to the podcast,

but it's obviously she's one of our thirteen listeners. But It was just pretty much a day where I hung out with her friends because they were having a get together and so I went with them. But they got wasted, and it was the first time I was ever hanging out with her friends and her they were all wasted, all five of them throwing up like so, all right, I'll tell you. So we had to go on a ferry.

So we went to Block Island. We went on a ferry, and on the way back from the ferry, they were all throwing up on there, like literally, I had to take care of her and her friends as they were like throwing up, passing out. After I knew them for like seven hours, I was like, this is horrible. This is a bad idea. What was I thinking? And then they were like we're gonna go have a fire back at my place, like do you want to come? And I'm like almost set. I'm just gonna head home, like

you guys, who's I'll call you? You know? So was there a second day or was that the end of it? That was the end of it? Um? All right, I gotta ask too. So last week, Kelly, we talked about cuffing season. So there's this thing called dating Sunday Dating Sunday is trending on your social media feeds. Uh. It's one of the busiest days of the year for online dating apps. So it's like, basically, this dating Sunday is like the dating Sunday is like two black Friday. Whatever.

What are your thoughts on cuffing season, because we were talking about like the weather gets a little colder, all you want to do is like snuggle up with the partner whatever it is. What are your thoughts. I mean, I think cuffing scenes is great, sign me up, but it's gotta, like again, it's got to be the right person. Very like Picky and I would say I'm pretty traditional when it comes to like dating. I'm not all liver bit bored. I'm not. I usually don't really do many dates.

If you want me to being honest and less, I'm

like pretty into the guy. Um okay, So you're not like all over the dating apps like looking for someone to like snuggle up next to the fire with no And you know what, when I was recently with a bunch of e vachelination people, they like asked me, um before recently, like I haven't gone in a date in a long time, and they were like completely judging me, like completely judging me that I just didn't want to go and wake up with random people all the time. And I was like, all right, you of course it

was one of the guys. But he was like, I don't get it. You just want to be single. I was like, no, but I don't want to wake up to like a random person in my bed that I don't even like. Yeah, that sounds like it might be something a guy would say, is like, oh, you just don't want to have a bunch of one night stands. That's weird. Like I think he thought that he kind of had a chance to. So you go to be like, bro, I want nothing to do with you. Nice, we'll wait

to put your foot down. I agree that cuffing season, it's it's a good time of year to find someone to like be cuffed up with, but not at the you know, I don't like lower your standards because of it, right, It's kind of what you're saying, Yep, not at that expense. Yeah. I also just want to say that the girl that I went on a date with, even though I did not say her name, was very sweet and she was very kind and it was not like it was just a one off thing, you know what I mean. I

don't want to like throw her. You know, she was very sweet, very nice person, just like you know, we all had those days right alright. Anyway, Hannah Brown's brother Patrick, Hannah Brown, of course we know, was the former Bachelorrette. But Hannah Brown's brother, whose name is Patrick, is engaged to Jed Wyatt's ex, Haley Stevens. So Jed Wyatt is obviously the guy that Hannah picked on her season and then it ended up breaking it off because Jed still

had a girlfriend back home who was Haley. And now Hannah Brown's brother is engaged to Jed's ex Haley, who was dating Jed while he was on the show with Hannah. That's how this is all playing out. I'm shocked. I'm shocked. And then I saw Jed respond and say something like does he know he's engaged? What does that even mean? Did you see that? I did not. Jed responded on what on his Instagram and was like, I just have one question, does he even know he's engaged? And I

was like, what does that mean? What does that mean? I don't know what that means. That's some sort of dig brought this up the other day. Kaitlin was like like knocked on her butt, blown away, like I can't believe this is actually happening. And I guess the more I think about it, right, like, it is pretty like it's a big world. How many people are there? Like seven billion? So yeah, one million people at least. The one person that you decided to choose is like so

closely tied to an ex of yours. It's pretty crazy to think about. I wonder what those conversations are like around that household. Yes, I feel like there's like a lot of things that you can bond over in the beginning stages of the relationships. So maybe they were like like just found common ground because they had a lot of like you know, they knew a lot of the same people. Um, so let me get this straight. So it's Jed's ex is marrying Hannah's Hannah's brother. That's like,

how do they crazy? How? I don't know, how did they mean? It's definitely crazy. I mean, I'm sure they're like talking about the situation sliding each other's d m s and yeah, but it's how like why would Hannah's brother slide into Jed's sisters d M or Jed's ex girlfriend excuse me, way worse because she's probably hot. I

don't know. You know, sometimes life is that simple. It's actually funny because there's a lot of the times when the show's airing now and say, like there's someone that's like a quote unquote villain or like a bad person or manipulative or gaslighting or something, they'll slide into our d ms. And I don't know why they'll slide into mind, but they slide into mind a lot, and they'll just like tell me the deep gossip on this person and

how they're actually a horrible person. You know. I wasn't really like asking for it in any sense, but I think like if people just feel comfortable, so you're saying, wait, so you're saying people slide into your d ms that are like perceived as villains to know, to like talk crap about like some of the contestants. Um, there was a guy on Katie season that was pretty like controversial or whatever, and um, I think one of his ex is like slid in to be like he's really not

a good person. And I was like, oh damn, because I think I may I may have made a comment on like Instagram like oh my, and then uh yeah, and then it just starts like that, Hey, I know we talked about you being in the Bachelorette, which I'm all on board for. What about paradise though, it is paradise the thing that's possible for you? No, I don't. I don't think so this is Bachelortte or nothing. No, not even that. I just don't know if I want

to put myself in like that stress. You guys get it, you guys beyond stressful, you know, And and like, I don't know, do I really think that my guy is going to be in Bachelor Nation? Like I don't know. I could be, I could be totally off, but I just this is my perceptional the guys that go on the show, and this is like maybe PTSD for me or something. But when they go on, I feel like a hot girl is a hot girl. You know, she's gotten attention her whole life. But a lot of these

guys I feel like they haven't. And then they come off the show they get this like fame where like every girl wants them, and you guys know how that fan, you know, bachel Nation fandom works. So all of these girls are all over them. They're not used to it, you know, they want to test the waters. So, um, I feel like the majority of these guys that come off the show, their their ego is just like driven so high that it's almost hard to be in a

relationship with them because their quote unquote at their peak. Right, I think I think I couldn't agree more with You nailed that right on the head. M hold on, it did one. And obviously we're being facetious when we say like bachelor or nothing. Obviously, you know, Kelly, do what's best for you. You have no problem finding guys I have. I have confidence in that. I've been struggling guys. I

thought it'd be easier. Something something tells me that you're struggling because as of your own choices, which is good, you have high standards. Yeah. Um, so what Jed did say though, so he says, I guess the only thing I have to stay is more of a question? Does he know he's engaged? Question mark? I'm assuming that's that's some sort of dig my copy emergency coffee emergency should I pick up on on the on the podcast? Yeah, on just coffee house and lounge. They need extra melt.

We're at Almond milk. We need work for that. We're open till ten o'clock. Thank you boy. All right, back to the podcast here. They just need to know what time we're closing, guys, that's all It's called Google. Excuse me, I know, right? Oh god? Uh yeah, So I guess maybe he said does he know he's engaged, because that's some sort of dig at he was engaged to Anna, and that was like the whole what started the whole thing. I don't think it was a very thought out dig

Let me let me just say that. I don't think it really works if that's pertaining to him, Like how did he not know he was engaged? Like he got down on one knee, Like what do you mean? You know? That's the only thing I could think of. But it doesn't make sense to my head. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense I think in anyone's heads, maybe even not in his. I don't know. I've never got dad. He seems, you know, for all of his work, comes like an okay guy. So he is. He's very nice.

He was very nice when I met him in person, And uh, I just I don't know that It's not a very good comeback, but maybe I'll have a better one in the future. Uh. So we are going to take another break before we get into emails. But one more question, because we were talking about dating Sunday cuffing season and how people are on more dating apps. So, Kelly, have you tried? Are you on dating apps right now? You know what I've I've been on one dating app.

It's called I've been on Riya And I don't know if you guys know, but I've never actually been on a date on ran And I'll tell you why. I had it before I went on the show. Um, and I'm not good on one on one dates guys, Like I'm being dead serious, Like I just think it's like too much pressure. I don't want to do it. I would rather get to know you, like your friend groups, see how you interact with your friends before, Like there's

so much pressure for that one on one. So, um, I've always had it, and I thought like the best way to use it would be, like, you know, if there was a really cool guy and said he was in town, to like message him or he would message me whatever, and being like hey, like are you in town? Like I have a bunch of my girlfriends in town, Like, let's get a bunch of your guy friends in town, will all go out and kind of make make it more of like a group setting. But I've never even

gotten there yet. And so just like in your in your fantasies, Yeah, so I don't use it. Um, I have it, but I don't use it. And I don't know.

That's kind of contradicted what you're saying. Earlier, you said you like to get like deep down on personal level, but I guess maybe that comes later on, like after the after the introduction introductions are made, right, Yeah, yeah, I just think, like again, I know that I'm very like closed off when I say this, but I just think, like my person is going to be like a friend of a friend that could vouch for them, because like sometimes you hear about these dates where this person is

like a serial weirdo or like I just don't I just don't want to deal with that. So I will say I went on one riot date once back when I had the app. Right, is intimidating because you meet some people on there that are like, you know, Olympic gold medalists or like just like really successful people. I went on one day with this girl who was like super badass, like a professional skateboarder, skydiver, did all these

things that like I enjoyed doing as well. And we went on one day and it was just like us too, and we had zero chemistry. And then ever since then, I was like, I'm just gonna stay off for Rya for the one it is in midating. Were you like intimidated by her? Dean, Oh my god, so intimidated? We like people like why, I feel like so many guys get like that, Like I don't know, Okay, I'll tell you why. It's because she was like I'm not feeling well, Like let's just like just come over to my place

and we'll like watch a movie or something. So I like I was like, okay, cool, I'll pick you up some to go order some Chinese food or something. I'll bring it over. Brought it over, pulled up to her house and it was like an amazing There's like a mansion with like three cars in the driveway, like a decked out Hummer, a Lamborghini, and like a Maseratia. I'm like, okay, this is insane. Go into the house and I'm like

she's like giving me a tour. She's got like a skate ramp in her backyard, like a pool over there, like all these things, and I'm like, wow, this girl is so freaking crazy, like she's a badass. And then I'm like, I don't think I like can live up to the expectation of someone that's like way cooler than me, you know, like, oh my god, I don't understand why guys think that way. Like, if anything, you should praise that and be like, hey, this girl's got her ship together,

she's done great for herself. I applaud you, like I feel so many guys that get intimidated by that, and Kelly, it's because as a guy, we know, like a perfect example is what happened earlier today where it was like, oh, I'm a nerd, I'm into philanthropy and travel, and you're like, wow, when I think of a nerd, I'm like Spider Man, I am not worthy. She's going to find out that I actually am a loser. And that's what you guys think that like every love a loser, like I love

a loser, Kleen loves a loser. I mean I actually super exactly. I do think Caln is is very cool in her own right, but this girl just like, like, I think part of what makes me so edgy is the fact that I, like, I'm not scared of anything. And I was like, wow, this girl is even more of yourless than I consider myself to be. So it's like very intimidating. Feel like, I feel like that's an insecurity of yours that you should like overcome instead of

like looking at as a downfall. It's kind of like cool, I'm littered with insecurity is it's something that you'll learn. You'll learn that over time. Um. Also to your point that you made earlier, like you like to be like lyddy and sarcast dick and like facetious all the time, I'm very much the same way, and I've noticed it's harder to have that, like, um, it's not like taking digs, but it's like being sarcastic and like, you know, like

being like flirty, funny whatever. Uh. And she English was like her second language and she spoke it very well. But I think a lot of that sarcasm is lost on people that haven't been speaking English as long as someone that has their whole life, you know. So I don't know that was That was my one experience with Ryan. All that to say, so, I'm sure if you find your person, it will be however it happens, you know, they won't let anyone from like vatchination on it anymore,

no way. Yeah? Why? Um, Probably because they would be flooded with all of us too. Probably, that's a fair point. Every Yeah, And I feel like it would be guys from the show that would try to get in Ryan, but they would be like successful actors and actresses. And then Reality TV contested that the Reality of You contest that it's like there's a little bit of a disparity between the two. Let's uh, let's let's take a quick break and jump into emails. Kelly, are you gonna you're

gonna answer these emails with us? And hell yes, yes, yeah, alright, so stay tuned, we'll be back. And Ashley from the Almost Famous podcast, it's that time of year where drama fills the air. The Bachelor was back with an all new season premiering January three. There's a new host, Jesse Palmer, and a brand new Bachelor, Clayton. Clayton is a Midwest boy that has that great smile, nice teeth, and he's really tall. Ash Let's call it what it is. He's

a beefcake. Okay. Well, Clayton seems to be a good guy though, and he can't wait to find love, get married, and have kids. And he believes more than anything that his future wife is on this show. It sounds like a fairy tale but also a bit of an emotional world coaster because Clayton tells three different women he's falling in love with him. Technically, he told one, I couldn't be more sure that I'm falling in love with you, and another one, I'm falling in love with you, and

the third one, I am in love with you. You don't miss a thing. It's your years of over analyzing everything that guys say. But his heart is in the right place, But other parts of him as we find out what he admits to two different women that he was intimate with both of them. Yeah, I don't think it's gonna go over well, we'll be breaking down at all. On the Almost Famous podcast, Ben is Married Now Well Ashley is a mom will change our opinions of what

we think is acceptable single behavior. Good question. Listen to Almost Famous on the I Heart Radio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back to help by Suck at Dating. Of course, we have your listener emails listener questions. The first one comes from Matt. I don't know how to move past my partner's past.

I was helping my girlfriend set up her new phone and was really not intending on snooping, but I came across old conversations with ex lovers that were never deleted. I found out she used to live with her ex boyfriend for a few months, and she told me I was the only guy she had ever lived with, and to top it off, she still had saved nudes and a sex tape video with her ex boyfriend. Oh wow. I get that everyone has a past, but now I can't stop overthinking everything and feeling like I got cheated

on even though I didn't. I just can't look at her the same sounds so messed up. But I don't know if I can let go of everything I saw and red am I exaggerating? Would you guys be able to move past it? What are your thoughts? Right? I don't necessar sarily think like you know your past your past, That's one thing I think. What's probably eating him alive.

Is the lying, Like I couldn't imagine if you're like, you're the first guy I ever lived with, and then you find out actually lived with a couple of other dudes, I would be like, why would you even lie about that? Yeah, what's the point of lying? Yeah? Hart agree, I think your past is your past, right, Like I would never hold anyone accountable for something that they did before they met me, aside from murdering someone or you know, like some same crime like that. But yeah, the lying about

it really is is the frustrating part. And it's like, you like you don't stand to lose anything by telling them the truth. Like if they accept you for whatever happened, like that's great, and if they don't, then you know they're not your person. So my advice to Matt here

is go ahead. You know what, I think I struggle with a little bit, Dean, And maybe this is like some PTSD, but like experiences that I've had is like I understand that people say like your past is your past and all that stuff, but I've also like just you know, dating around. It's also like it's really really hard to change someone and usually their past actions will

most likely explain who they're going to be in the future. Um, and I know that I need to like kind of erase that mentality, but it's like almost too prevalent in my dating thing to be like, hey, this is who I was, but I'm not that person anymore. And then when you see them be exactly that person, it's like, why didn't I listen to my intuition a little bit more? Like you're not changing? Yeah, I agree, but I don't think, like these traits that Matt's girlfriend are projecting aren't necessarily

bad things. Like it's not a bad thing to live with an X, it's not a bad thing to take nudes and send them or whatever. Um, the bad thing is lying, right, So it's like I I agree, Like there are negative characteristics of people that you don't want to see moving forward with them, especially if you're in a romantic relationship, But like simple things like that I think are definitely worth just like being open and honest

about you know. But I agree with you, like, yeah, if you're going around and like you know, if you're if you're cheating on every single girlfriend you date, you're probably gonna end up cheating again at some point in your life. Like, I kind of agree with that, but I've cheated before, so I like to think it that's not necessarily the truest thing in the world. Yeah, I see your point. I I see that, like people can change, but I would just say the percentage that it actually

does is it's hard. It's very hard to change as an individual, Like you have to literally want to enforce yourself to make those changes, and you know a lot of people aren't. Um that willing, right, I agree, you gotta put the work in. So what's our advice for Matt? Then? Given all that we know about his situation, UM, I would confront her. I would definitely be like, hey, listen, I get your past. Is your past. I understand that. Um,

I'm not judging you on that. The issue that I have here is you're lying, Like, I don't understand why you had to sit here and tell me that you never lived with a guy before. I understand if you like try to like make it special and all that stuff, but you have to understand that's hurting me even more by you just not telling me the truth. And it's

like a white lie. It's not even anything that I'm sure he would get really upset about but again, you just got your communication skills and truly tell them that you're hurt. Don't get angry with them, um and tell wire hurt and tell the exactly that what if someone snooped through your phone and found out something they didn't like? Would you be angry they snooped or would you be okay?

And just have to like defend yourself. I guess you know what, I'm like fine with that, Like, if you want my location, go ahead, if you want to go through my phone, I'm not hiding, Like like, I'm pretty open. You'll you'll know where I stand on the majority of stuff. So if I'm talking ship, it's like, well, you pissed

me off, you know what. I also feel like the person that's going to snoop through yourself to like try to dig up dirt on you is not the person that you want to be in a relationship with anyways, Like where is the trust? No, I hear you. There's definitely got to be trust there, But I don't know. I just try to give, like the person I'm with the most security that I possibly can so they don't feel that insecurity and have to like do that. And

again like I don't know, go through my phone. I don't care, right, I'm I mean, I'm in the same boat as you. So I agree advice to Matt is approacher about the topic and just see if you can't iron it out, like especially early on relationships. I think like little little white lies are okay if you're like for whatever reason. But like, wait, why, I don't know, Like I think that people are just like like you said, you're trying to like romanticize things or like you're trying

to like not necessarily put your best foot forward. But like it's just a weird time when you're transitioning from like dating casually to dating like seriously in a relationship, you know, So it's like you don't want to like, I don't know. Maybe you're right, maybe it's not the best thing. Well what what what type of what lie are you talking about? Well, like, for instance, like I don't know, I don't know. I'm just I'm talking to myself in circles here, and you're right, I'm back into

a corner. I think that was wrong. No, that's not true. I don't think white lies are the worst thing either. We both of y'all. Well, let's Okay, so um, this is really stupid. But like even complimenting someone right or like, um, when we talked about this a lot, somebody like if I went over a date's house and they cooked for me, you know, it was the first time they made dinner and it tasted like ass would I actually say it tasted awful? World, I say, no, it's really good, Thank

you so much. Would that talk to it as a white lie? That's good? I like that. That's a good example, and I'm taking it as my own. That's a great example. That's a that's a good white lie. I think. I think that's like the the appropriate and then white lies. But also like but also usually I hear both of you guys, and that's totally fine on my end, I

could agree with that. But at the same time, like Sam wearing an outfit, you don't like the outfit, like, I hope that you can tell me being like switch it up, you know what I mean? I would rather have someone be so blunt and honest with me than tell those white lies. Even on the first like, say it was the second date and the guy was like, I don't like that shirt, would you be like, okay, I'll change it for you or would you be like, shut the funk up. I'm wearing the shirt, I think.

I think like again, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say like. If you don't like their outfit, just don't freaking comment on it. What if they what if you asked me, Yeah, that's hard like it? I like it? Back or into a corner, Jared, you're doing the Lord's work right now. All right, Well, let's get to the next email before we run out of time. From Nate. I feel like such a jerk even typing this out, but I need some advice from, of course,

stuck Army. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost three years. Just recently, she has changed to a different birth control. I'm not sure if it's her body getting used to it, but she's constantly having mood swings. She's been bleeding for three months straight. She gets in these depressive moods, She's been gaining weight, etcetera. Her moods have begun affecting me, and I don't know what to do or how to help her. Moods are really starting

to drag me down. It's impacting our relationship a lot, and we are hardly intimate anymore since she has no sexual desire. I wanted to tell her that maybe she should get off of this birth control or we could try a different form of contraceptives. But I'm also not a woman. It's her body and her choice. How can I be supportive without ignoring my needs of expressing my

feelings without hurting hers? Kelly, I'll go with this one. Um, it's actually funny because I've been there, and again I will Jared, you don't want me to go on rants about health and stuff like that, but I just think oral contraceptive of like things that are like throwing off your hormones, like feeding your body that kind of stuff. To me, it's things that like I've tried, I've been there,

I've done that. I've gone absolutely psychotic on it. Like I remember I was dating a guy and like if he huggs me, I'd be like, I don't know if you can hear something stupid like that. But um, I think that he should try to convince her to get off of it. It doesn't sound healthy. She's not reacting to it. Well, Um, you know some people have bad reactions. It doesn't work for everyone. And if that's the case,

then you need to look for alternative choices. I won't be on birth control because I've tried so many different ones and that exact same thing happened to me where I was like, I can't be feeding my body these like fake hormones, Like I just don't react well to it. I can't do it. Yeah, I think female female birth control is so flawed in so many ways. Um, I will say that and it correct me if you guys

think this is wrong. I gotta give props to Nate because it sounds like he's being respectful of the entire situation. Like even to ask these questions, I think is a pretty respectful thing to do, Like he wants to figure out what's best to do about the situational that kind of stuff, and a lot of guys I think would get angry or you know, just break up or do whatever it is. So I think he's handling it to the best of his ability, which is I think commendable. Dina.

I couldn't agree more with you because I've been there, and I remember just like how psychotic I was going with this, like extra pump of hormones in me, Like I did not feel like myself at all, and it was just like it made me like go crazy. Um so I feel his pain. I feel her pain because I don't think she's doing it on purpose either, you know. Yeah,

it's just like so stupid. Why can't like you know they're saying where it's like why would you like why would why would you shoot out a bullet proof vest instead of just taking the bullets out of the gun, Like there should be like a male birth control oral contraceptive or contraceptive is that what it's called. What is it called? Where you take it killed by mouth? Yeah, I mean I don't know. It's crazy to me. I think that there needs to be some some pictures with it.

I think maybe, Um well, I've thought about the idea of getting a vasectomy. What do you guys think about that? Really? Do you want kids? Ever? Well, I could like freeze my sperm or something, but like, would you ever do that, Jared? After you have like one or two or three or however many kids you want? Sure, But you can also reverse the vasectomy, can't you. My dad has that reverse reverse one. I can't remember. No, I can't remember if you got one, I mean after six kids? Like or no,

you know what my mom got her tubes tied. That's what it was, I think, because I'm pretty sure a friend of mine got a vasectomy and then they changed their mind and wanted kids again, and then did the reversal and they ended up getting pregnant. Yeah, so I've done some research on it. It It seems like a pretty painful process, and like pain that can linger for a

long time. And why explain, explain to me, Well, I would do for Kalin's sake, Like I don't want her to always have to take um birth control, Like why wouldn't I just take care of it in that way she can be free of all that stuff, you know, And like she she's getting her hormones tested, uh, to see if she even is able to bear children. So I guess we'll know one way or the other. But like, also we you know, we've talked about kids. We like maybe we'll have one, We maybe we'll have to whatever um.

But it's like, but we could just adopt. I don't know, we need to figure that out. But I just think it should be more standard for men to take care of it on their own right instead of leaving it up to the women to like do all that stuff. You know, if you if Dean, if you have a kid, you have to change your Instagram handle. You can no longer be Deanie Babies with a child. What would I be? Danie Deanie daddies daddies, it's not it's not that I'm a baby. It's a playoff of beanie babies. No one

ever understands that. Come on, it is very adorable, Dean. You really are a beanie baby. Just all You're so sweet. You're so sweet. All right, that's gonna do it for this week's episode the Helm I suck at data. Um two, Let's have a hell of a year. Huh. What's do you guys? Have any resolutions for yourself leading into this new year? Having a successful business? I think mine just taking care of my health, slow things down and focus on me. You know. Yeah. I think you're in a

good place. And you're turning thirty and what two months, So don't remind me thirties are great. Join the club, it's fine. Come over to the dark side. I'm nervous. I'm nervous, guys. It only gets better, I promise you that much. There has been the best year in my life. Um. My resolution is very much the same. Take care of my mental health specific well and physical because I've kind of put on a little bit of weight, but that's

neither here nor there. Um. All right, well, I wish us all the best of luck, and all of you listeners as well. Keep emailing us I suckon Dating at iHeart media dot com. Thanks to Matt and Nate for sending in the emails. Kelly, thank you for joining us. We hope to we hope to have its like a constant staple in this podcast. Fun. I had a lot of fun. Well perfect, We're gonna keep doing it then. Um, alright, guys,

thank you so much for joining us. Be sure to tune in next week, where maybe we suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast