My Heart Will Go On

the conversation that we were just having. Our Our wonderful producer Easton is on the line right now. You guys know Easton, and he just saw a movie for the first time. No No, I'll tell the story that the first no No he saw for the first time since he was twelve. So last night he texted me he said, I'm watching Titanic for the first time since I was twelve. And I just asked him how he how it was, and he said, that movie is an absolute masterpiece. It's perfect.

Five stars. Oh, it's so so good. You said that, you cried? I did. I did you know what that that first? So I was thinking about it. The Titanic video was two tapes. Everybody knows that the two of HS tapes, and I was reading that you can figure out what kind of a person it is if they're a tape one or a tape to persons. Well, the question is when does Tape one end and where does Tape to begin. I think Tape two begins like just

after they hit the iceberg. Yeah, exactly, Yes, the tape one ends right when the boat architect is like looking at the blueprints and saying, we have an hour until the ship sings. That's where Tape one ends. But that Mr Andrews that first half of the movie, when they're like courting, that gave me the same emotions from like when you first start dating somebody and you're just like so excited to be in love, and like I felt like I was falling in love like with Jack at

the same time. That's amazing. There is this chemistry between Kaywin's and Leonardo DiCaprio that is hard to replicate. Those two. You know, everybody wants them to be together. They're best friends in real life, and obviously they're not gonna be together because Leo is dating year old now. But the chemistry on screen between those two top notch. Do you think that movie is a chick flick Eastern No, I

do not. I do not, because there's so much even if you're not interested in the romance aspect, which how could you not be? But if you're not, there's so much cool, Like I mean, James Cameron like filmed the real Titanic for that movie, Like it's like insane, how much uh like movie making feats he he achieved. There's enough like ship sinking, special effects like that second part of the movie where the ship's just cracking in half, like that just kicks ass. And it's still still looks

so realistic. Today it's really unreal. It's insane. I cannot belieme like this was. I can't believe it looks like a real ship is sinking. It's crazy. I mean, the biggest question I have for you Easton is was there enough room on that door? Don't be a cliche to stay aflow and not have to die? And James Cameron has addressed this. He said that if the two of them were on that door together, the water level would be too high and they would have both died. Okay,

I've seen that. There's an article that came out with what ten years ago, where it showed all the different configurations where it could have worked. All I needed to see was he tries to climb on and it starts to sink. That's all I need to see that It's not about space, it's about weight. Yeah. I couldn't handle it. Thank you Easton and Gabe. I'm disappointed in your cliche there. Well, I I really did it for the audience. I think

his conversation is more for us than it is them. Okay, so let me just say a couple of quick things. My sister and I literally, like as a twelve year old, we would watch it and then we'd look at each other and we were like still embarrassed to say that we had a crush, but we would be like, so we're gonna rewind it, and why watch it again? Like we would sometimes watch it twice in one day. But then oddly when it came out into theaters. Yeah, yes, when it came back to theaters, I blead it was

because it was the anniversary of the sinking. We went to go see it, of course in theaters, and we cried for the first time ever, the first time ever, were crying the first time I ever cried while watching Titanic was in the theater because Lorne and I had never seen it in the theater because we were too young. My parents wanted to, you know, skip over the booby scene and skip over the car scene. You didn't see Titanic in the theater when I was twelve, when I

was eleven or twelve. Well, I wasn't even eleven or twelve when it came out, because it came out December, so I wasn't even ten yet. Were nine? Okay, I do not mean to be boring, but it was just so crazy the effect that it has when you're just sitting in a theater for three hours straight and you're only focused on the movie, And how much more of

a powerful experience that is. Well, I like. I like when you can watch a movie as a kid and have an appreciation for it and have a love for it, and then you watch it as an adult and you still love it as much, you just have a different appreciation for it. I had this feeling this is going to tell a lot about my character about the original teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which I loved and obsessed with

over as a child. As a child and then I grew up and watched it as an adult, and there's so many adult themes and emotion and character developments in that movie that took me literally, Like watching the movie, I felt like I was stepping back because it really took me back, the fact that there was so much good in this movie that I could appreciate as an adult and not have to watch it back and be like, oh wow, I can't believe, like I was so obsessed

with this as a kid. Yeah, but you saying that story makes it sound as if I haven't watched Titanic Titanic at least yearly since I was at age, because I do watch it at least once a year. You said that the first time you cried, no, Jerry, The first time I cried during it was when I saw in theater an adult, and I was an adult in two thousand and ten and two thousand eleven and two thousand nine and all theater. That was my point. That

was the point of the story. It was not saying as an adult, I still watch it at least every year. I try not to burn it out because every time I watch it, I want to feel all the nostalgia I want in my body to feel all those little senses that I did when I first saw it. All Right, I have a question for both of you, what is the movie that you cried most while watching? However, ever, the movie that you just Niagara Falls? For me, it was a Start War was Born. My Sister's Keeper. Becky says,

oh my god, my sister's keeper. I also couldn't breathe in the theater for that one too. With Cameron Diaz. Yeah, okay, I never saw it. You got one, I think, I Riley saying the Notebook. I mean, I definitely couldn't breathe in the theater there too, But like I think my most, like, holy crap, I think I might have to leave the movie theater was probably a Star Wars Born. I mean Jared saw it. Oh my god. It's a spoiler alert.

But obviously Bradley Cooper dies in the movie. And at the end when Lady Ga got singing the song and it transitions to Bradley Cooper at at the piano finishing the song after his death. Oh and then it just goes to black and it's dead silent in the theater, and I just heard next to me. It wasn't like that like, and then she just like I was like, good, God, is she choking? Eastan? What about you? Do you remember a movie that you just like? Not Avengers End Game

can't count that. I sincerely think the movie in my life I've cried the most was Captain America, the first Avenger one to show why did you cry? Because so I cry? I watched this movie often and I cry every time. But I cry when Steve Rogers says I don't like bullies. I don't care where they're from, and like seeing how good of a man he is. But

then I also cry. There's a bunch different parts on the movie that I cry, but then out of sadness when spoiler alert at the end he has to crash the ship because it's gonna blow up New York whatever. He's telling Peggy Carter that how much he loves her and everything, and like knowing that they're not going to be together, Mark, do you have a movie that you

just on a bashly cry during? And at the Eastern's point, I feel like guys crying different kinds of movies than women cry for different reasons anyway, like when I go and see you know the Notebook or beaches or one of these that make and did not do it for me. I see how they're trying to manipulate me into crying, and I'm just I'm cynical. Field of dreams. Every time I watch when he's like, Dad, you want to have a catch? Oh my god, just stabbed. That's the one.

And I also know what's coming, so like an hour before it happens, I'm already cried because I already know that's where we're going, that one. And it's a wonderful life. Always maybe cry It's a wonderful life. Babe. When was the last time you cried during that? I was trying to think of the movie that I cried most, because I agree with Mark. I think girls cried during romantic comedies, like Riley said the Notebook, Becky said, my Sister's Keepers. Whatever, anyway,

I digress, But guys, they cry for different reasons. What I cry about, I mean animals, anytime there's an animal that dies in the movie. I've done dogs, promise or dog and like just I mean, I didn't. I didn't want to do anything for two weeks afterwards. And then secondly, homeward Bound when chance know when chance is like down and caught. I don't know if you guys remember his leg is calling or something and he's like telling them to leave him behind. I'm like, oh my god, I can't.

I can't take it anymore. My sister and we wanted to watch her around a couple of years ago, and we put it on. The first five minutes, she's like, you have to turn to us. I mean this, you have to turn it off. I cannot handle it. Um, but wait, can we backtrack for a second to I know, I know, I know, but you were just wait, you were just saying, um, oh, Marley and Me when my sister and I watched Marley and Me when like years after it came out, and I guess it ended at

like one am. We're just as we started it late. We were young inns and we had to call my dad. We had to FaceTime my dad and have him FaceTime our dog. At the time, We're like, no, we have to see Lucy now. God. Just heart wrenching. I love how Ashley, how much of Ashley I is in this show. Because we talked about Titanic and crying for the first ten minutes, I was fantastic. This is what the people want to hear you know. Um, all right, well, we do have to get to some headlines. We do have

a great guest. We have Joe Piazza who's coming on. She is the host of two podcasts. She's a very busy woman. Uh, one called Committed, another one called Under the Influence, and she writes tons of books. She wrote a book called How to Be Married, which is now available on Amazon. I guess you and I should read that. Huh, how to be Married? I don't know, we do a pretty good job of it. Knock on wood. Yeah, maybe our question should be like, hey, everything's been like super easy.

Is that a red flag? Is that going to be really hard? When something is not easy? Does that mean that we should be really scared for the Well, that's something we should obviously obviously ask her, and she's coming up in just a few minutes now. We did have some news within Bachelor Nation. Uh. Matt James, the former Bachelor uh, says he's pursuing a relationship with his ex Rachel kirk Connell. Quote. I'm focusing on it. So People

magazine caught up with Matt. Uh. He was doing something, I don't know, some promotion and he said, I've seen Rachel a handful of times. I'm not pursuing any relationships right now. Outside of that, I said, I was going to focus on a relationship with her, and that means focusing on it. And then obviously he was asked about Rachel doing the work educating herself on racism, and he said, quote,

that's something you could talk to her about. The former Bachelor said, a lot of what I'm focused on right now is the work that I'm doing in the community and with the training for marathon. He's also obviously running a marathon soon. That's pretty awesome. He said. There's no chance he'll be in Paradise and no chance Tyler Cameron will be in Paradise as well. Uh my initial thoughts on this, I want preface this with saying, I think Matt's a really good guy. I like Matt a lot.

Why are you smiling? You know I had a man of crush on Matt. I know, I know. My husband is so sweet. Every time he's about to say something like critical, he has to start by saying, like, I love this person. This person is so great. It's like, you know, well, Matt said after the final rose that he couldn't be with Rachel because she needed to educate herself on uh, you know what she did wrong, specifically with the Antebellum Party back in two thousand eighteen. Uh,

And that it was a journey ahead of her. He couldn't be a part of um, that she needed to do this by herself, and um, that was the reason why they broke up and why they couldn't pursue a relationship anymore. And he said, he you know that she didn't understand you know what it's like to be sorry. I'm just like, obviously we know, we know this story. I know. I'm glad you cut me off because sometimes I speak too much. Uh. My question is what's changed?

You know? Because he was asking this and he completely just avoided the question, saying, that's something you have to ask her. Well, honestly, Matt, no, this is a question we have to ask you because you're the one who said you couldn't pursue a relationship with her because she had to go on this journey on her own. And he said that he didn't want to be emotionally responsible for her tears. It was something I'm paraphrasing, but it's

something like that. And you know, I'm not criticizing that, but my I guess I'm criticizing his response to People Magazine when saying, well, that's something you'll have to ask about her, her her journey. It's like, well, Matt, you need you know if you're hanging out with her, she's obviously clearly still in love with you. I would hope that he's not pursuing any relationship with somebody else. Um.

But he also didn't say that they were committed. Um. It's a little confusing because there's such a you know, there's there's so much background between the two of them. They were obviously in love, they left together, then there was all these things that came out about Rachel after the show. Um, so I would like to know what has changed in you know, in the two to three

weeks after after the after the Final Rose. So to me, let me preface this again, master at it with from all the times that I've met Matt, really enjoy him, right, I feel like him and dating Rachel now so soon after he he seemed very definitive on after the Final Rose. Kind of makes it seem like his behavior and after the Final Rose was phony or for for looks because

he obviously wasn't. He didn't not want to be with her, and he certainly seemed on after the final rows like he did not want to be with her, and every he was saying, remember after the after that episode, people like there's no chance, zero chance they're ever going to be together. But but like there obviously wasn't. I feel like there was something very much still in his heart and something in that moment in his mind that thought like, oh maybe I do want to be with her soon

rather than later. Yeah, And this is something that I can certainly not relate to. But you know, there was a time where I was very confused about my feelings towards Ashley, and I was vocalizing that I was definitive and that it was it wasn't gonna happen, and you were you and I were just going to be friends. And I was truly lying to myself, and I was lying to you and everybody else because I knew that I was more confused than what I was leading on.

Very similar and I'm curious, well so sorry, not similar at all. It's not so much their situation is a lot different. But I'm saying this is the closest thing that I can really make an analogy to, UM is that I'm curious if Matt was more confused and he was leading on and uh and maybe he you know, now he's trying to figure out maybe I do want to be with Rachel. So that's all my thoughts about it right now. UM. I just hope they're happy. I

hope they're doing well. Uh. Moving on. There's also an article written on US Weekly from a neuroscientist, Dr Kristen Willemer Ways a Ways in Chris Kristen Willemier weighs in on why bachelorettes are more successful than bachelor's which we have talked about. Uh. She said that women are primed when we're young. We believe in fairy tales, we watch the Hallmark Channel, the romantic movies, ak Titanic. You know, we're already thinking about our wedding at a young age.

She said. Uh. So, I think the bachelorettes come on with a very clear purpose and intent. And because there's an extensive screening process that goes on to even being selected for the show, the men that they're going to select for the women should be a really good match and should be to, you know, make that commitment, and of course we know not everybody can do that, but at least we're seeing that commitment happened more on The Bachelorrette. Um, yeah,

I guess I tend to agree. You're a female. Can you wait on this. I just feel like the girls are definitely more ready for marriage. They they're going to be less distracted by the men that come after them after the show than the men. Maybe I think the men are going to really like love the fame and the girls that come with it. You know, they get their little taste of like Beatlemania, right, They're like a little pop star for a second and Beatlemania. Yeah, so

why who's Paul? Who's John? I don't know? Okay, unpopular opinion. I'm I'm not the biggest Beatles fan. You're not the biggest Beatles fan. Now, I was thinking about that this weekend. I just you know, it's not that it's a I don't get it, but it's it's it's um every time they came up in the nineties sixties when rock and roll was just like they invent it. But no, that's right, that's why I appreciate them. But like I don't really enjoy listening to them. What about Across the Universe. You

ever see that movie? I like the remix of their music more great. Yeah, it's easier to my ears. Anytime Jim Sturgis sings, It's easy on the ears. You know. Bird loves men, big Jim Sturgist, guy, I just have I I have man crushes. You know what. There's guys on this podcast right now, Eastan and Mark. I think can understand where I'm coming from. There's nothing wrong. I'm a very secure in who I am. I just haven't

gotten crushes. I want to be like these guys. Look, I understand Jared because I definitely spend more time on Instagram owing over girls than I would a guy. I'm not gonna lie. A lot of my search feed is filled with Henry Cavill. Oh my god, you guys do I need don't worry. No, It's just like on second of my life where I was a little worried, and I understand. I get it. Yeah, you get why I was worried, just because I'm very secure in myself. So I joke around a lot as well. Um, Like, I

have a buddy of mine. His name is Chad and should be really talking about this. Yeah, I quick talking story before before Joe comes on. We're like completely going in different direction. But one of my good friends, Chad, Uh, we joke all the time, like anytime I see him, like, dude, you look great, you look real weird, Like they flirt with each other on the phone, but now I flirt

with him like intentionally in front of ash break me out. Well, okay, so before Jared and I were together, we were driving around Rhode Island because I would come and hang out sometimes, which is like obviously wow, mixed signals, um. But he was one time talking about Chad and he was like, he's good looking, he's smart, he has a great job, he's great in bed. And I was like, what in the actual hell did you just say? And I swear

to you, I don't even think he was kidding. I think he really said that, just assuming that somebody had that much of a man crush on was good in bed. No, it was definitely intentional, but maybe it was a for what is it slip? Should I be worried again? I don't think so. Maybe I'm gonna bring this up to our yes, like do you I need to worry? About

too many man crushes, not at all, I think. Anyway, moving on, like we said, we have Joe Piazza, who is coming on the podcast very shortly, host of the podcast Committed, host of Under the Influence, and author of the book How to Be Married. But before we talk to Joe, we're gonna take a quick break. Welcome back to help I suck at dating. Jared here, Ashley here. Hello, we have a great guest. She is currently on the

line right now. Hosts of the podcast of Committed and Under the Influence, also the author of How to Be Married, which she is available on Amazon. It is Joe Piazza. Joe, thank you so much for coming on. Hey, guys, thanks for having me. Of course Joe how to be Married. Yeah, so we're married. We have sometimes we ask our marriage. I don't want to say it's too easy, because that's not the right phrase, but but maybe, but it's kind of easy. And is that a bread flag? Is that

a good or bad thing? No? I think that's a good thing. Look, like all there's all of these myths out there that like, marriage is supposed to be terrible, and marriage is supposed to be hard work, and essentially after the wedding. We never hear about an actual marriage until someone gets divorced. So I think the fact that your marriage is good means you guys are probably great friends and you have your own separate lives and that's kinda wonderful jip kids, Yet, yeah, is that going to

be the moment? Oh yeah, that's going to ruin everything? Okay, and so we thought so then I look forward to So I wrote How to Be Married in our first year of marriage. I was a travel editor at Yahoo. We traveled around the world interviewing couples about how to make a marriage work right. We didn't have kids yet. I went back and read that book recently, and we now have a four year old at a two year old, and I'm like, who were those happy people who like

that couple? Seems amazing to me. Having having kids makes it like so much better, and also just you're just tired and just tired, which is why like it makes it harder. We've been We've been saying like, oh, we'll be able to do the first kid, like, no problem. I don't think our relationship is going to change a lot, because looking at friends, it seems like it's the second kid that really changes things. True or false? False. I think that the first kid, you're just you're freaked out.

And for women, it's a complete identity change, right, Like I think there should be another word for it, almost like puberty. Like in no other time in your life do you become a completely different person than puberty and when you become a mom, So it's tough. I think the second one was hard, but white easier because I've already gone through that. So like I'm like, oh, I know how to have a kid. This is just another kid. See, like we feel like we could like tote the one

baby around. We can still get to dinner a kid around left right with us. But then like the second one, it's like a whole or deal when you travel or like honestly go to the grocery store with them. Yeah, they've just got they've got so much stuff. One kid is like a dozen kids. I think they just just come with come with a lot of crap, guys, a lot of baggage. What change what changed in you the most?

What do you think changes the most as a woman when you know, becoming a mom, Well, people to start paying attention to the kid instead of you, Right, it's like super annoying, right, like your identity. My identity used to be like author Joe Piazza, podcaster Joe Piazza, that

bitchy girl down the street, Joe Piazza. And then it was like mom, mom, mom, um, just like that loss of your identity, the loss of the loss of your personal time, the fact that someone something is where, someone is touching you all of the time, like constantly attached to your body. Your body is no longer your own. Um. And I said, oh, this is with great love. I

really love my kids. They're delightful, but I think the early days, and especially because you're not sleep thing as a husband to a woman who will carry a child at some point, I just have to say, I want to write a whole book for like what dad should do, like proactively be as helpful as you can, take the baby away without being asked. Don't you should never have to be asked to do anything, clean up without having

to be asked. Like the less that a new mother can do, the better it is going to be for her. I feel so bad for other like for my friends whose husbands aren't as helpful in general, because Jared is always taking care of the dog. He's obsessed with taking care of the dog in the in the way that like, he doesn't like you when my mom feeds and takes the dog out for a walk, because he says that that is he wants to take care of her. That's just baby he wants to do. He wants to do

that nurturing. He cleans up after dinner, he straightens everything. He's like so helpful. Whenever we're at my parents, You're you're extremely helpful as well. I don't know about that, but but my mom is always like Jared's so helpful, and I'm I'm always telling my friends, I'm like, you know what, I think I'm going to be really lucky when this baby comes because I think he might do

half the workouts. I'm also not the one who's being pregnant for nine months, so there's like some pros and cons, you know, yeh, but but I'm not worried about that with you. It's really nice. Well, I very much appreciate that. So Joe, like we said, you host a podcast called Committed, which you dive into a lot of inspiring stories. Some are funny, some are heartbreaking, but it's all about relationships

in marriage. And what are some of the stories that you have heard that have made the most impact on you? So many of them. So we started doing committed. After I wrote How to Be Married, I started talking to the podcast company and like the best part of writing that book were other people's stories, like just listening to how other people are married and how they do this. And the first couple that we interviewed, they had been

blown up together in the Boston Marathon bombing. Literally they were running the marathon and they were both blown up. They both lost the use of their legs and they had to heal and figure out how and they hadn't been married that long either. They were young, a little bit younger than me. So tragic, but they were also they were just so inspiring because kind of like having a baby, like you just your life completely changes, You become a different person. You're dependent on the other person.

And just how they got each other through that tragedy was with compassion but also with humor. That episode is funny. You laugh out loud at that episode because like they keep each other alive essentially by making jokes and by making each other laugh, and it just reminds you of the importance that like life is very short and anything can happen at any moment. These two kids did not think they were going to go run a marathon and

then lose their legs. But they were just so kind and compassionate and funny and sweet that it was my first episodes. It always sticks with me, right, um, but

it was so good. And then also that first season we've done six seasons now, which is crazy, we interviewed the astronaut Chris Hadfield um and his wife and about how his wife got him to outer space, like he never would have been able to go to outer space had his wife not supported him and like done all of the essentially all of the legwork, like everything else in life, except for like he just got to go

to outer space because everything was taken care of. And then when he got to go to outer space, she's like, okay, my turn, my turn to do, like you will support me to do whatever I want to do. And she then became a chef and a caterer and started her own business in her own life. But it was just it was so interesting to think about taking turns in a marriage, who supports who and who does what? And um letting everyone pursue their passions, but maybe at different times.

I feel like Ashley got me into outer space. You helped me to get into outer space, but but my outer because like I am a huge movie buff. So the idea because of our are like the notoriety that we gain from the show, we'd be we'd have been able to go to movie premieres. So like I've been to Batman v. Superman and Star Wars and Bad Boys for Life and all these incredible movie premieres, and we've

gotten to meet some of our favorite celebrities. Um from these experiences, experiences I never thought I would ever have. The only reason I have had them is because of Astley, So you've gotten me. He's always like, that's crazy, that's the week that can't happen. And how many times have like as he said that, and then it actually happens, Like Jared, come on, you just have to believe. I'm

definitely a power of positive thinking person. What I wanted to talk to you about is something that I've been I've been asking some of our couple's friends lately. I feel like our generation, and I say ours, I mean the millennial generation is going to have a more successful marriage rate than the previous ones because we're getting married later and um, we're having kids later, and more of

us are probably college educated. I know they say it's twenty five plus in college educated usually jumps up the statistics of a healthy marriage. And I feel like now that I don't know what the average ages, but I'm saying it's definitely closer to thirty than it is probably. What do you what do you think about us having healthier,

longer marriages. Like what I discovered from couples all over the world, but particularly actually in France and in Northern Europe, was that the later you get married, the more successful to marriage. And it's because you're a fully freaking formed human being already, right, Like you've done all of the stuff. He's like, you're not only so dr wild, Oh it's but you've just like figured out all of your baggage and your crap, and so you come to the marriage

knowing exactly what you want. I'm at my husband when I was thirty five. Um, we met on a boat in the Galapagos. It sounds fake, it's totally real. I read a little bit of the notes on that that's insane. I love it. Um, and he was up were old. I mean he was forty one or forty two when we met, and super super Well, it's like, I just I take every chance I can to call him super old, so much older than me. He just turned forty seven this week, and I was like, oh my gosh, like

I'm gonna get your peak hard. But he and dated everybody in San Francisco, I didn't everybody in New York. Like, we knew exactly what we wanted and then got engaged in three months and married nine months later, and we're super happy. He's my best friend, despite the fact you know that we our kids make us miserable. We we got engaged three months after getting together too, but we also knew each other for three years before we started hitting.

So I think one of the I would imagine one of the reasons or one of the things that leads to a successful marriage is making sure that you married the right person. Because obviously, once you're married, and it's about communication and supporting one another and love and prioritizing and and all of these things that we could talk about.

But I feel like one of the things that everybody overlooks is you have to make sure that you're marrying the right person and that will lead to a successful marriage. So how do you know that you're marrying the right person? When do you know? It's like the only thing that I'm hippie dippy about. I think what you like know when you know, Like I think there's like a smell. I think like we have this animal kind of thing that tells us when this is the person that we

like should be with for a long time. But I also think like Nick and I asked each other. We asked each other I think maybe a dozen questions every night, for like every single night, like after we decided that we wanted to like get married, before we got engaged, we figured out everything before we got married, Like I knew how he felt about debt, I knew how he felt about kids, I knew how he felt about like sex.

Like we asked each other all of the hard questions like mine and all of this stuff, and we were really honest about whether or not the answers were good for us. I have friends who asked their boyfriends are like do you want kids? And the guy's like no,

and she's like it's okay, I'll change his mind. No one ever changes their mind, like if about people telling you the truth and then they get married and then she's like, I'm so disappointed he hasn't want kids, and like he told you we didn't want kids, you just wanted the wedding. Well, and so I think you have to prioritize like what you want in life over just

having that wedding and that party. Yeah. I always think about Genie May from the Real when when that topic comes up, because she told her husband she's like, there's no way I'm having kids, No way, no way, and then they ended up ending their marriage. That was perfect otherwise, that you know, wonderful relationship, but she just would not and he was so definitively wanting kids that they got divorced,

and um she remarried. Yeah, yeah, exactly exactly. Like listen, Like you have to listen when people talk, they're telling you who they are. It's interesting too, because everybody says

you should marry your best friend. But one of the things, one of the ways that you become best friends with someone is that you literally talk about everything and you find out what your likes are and your dislikes, and then you have like this you know, attraction to someone and I'm not saying physical or sexual, but like this attraction to someone that like, you're always hanging out because you guys like have good chemistry, and I I feel like a lot of people don't translate that logic into

a partner, you know, which is weird because I feel like some of my friends they talk like we'll talk about anything and everything, but they're nervous to talk to their significant other about in certain things. Maybe it's just because like insecurities. I'm not gonna say who are on the point. What I'm saying is like, you know, like a best friend will talk to me about their insecurities or or something that they feel insecure. Making this up for the sake of the podcast, I don't even know

who you could be referring to. My point being is I feel like sometimes in a relationship, uh like, when somebody's dating someone, they won't like be fully transparent about certain things because whether they are just doing it out of comfort or they are insecure about something. But with their best friend, they feel so much more at ease because there's less judgment or less expectations. And so I wonder if people kind of change that mindset. I'm you know, little.

I'm trying to just articulate my thoughts right now, so I don't know if it's coming out super clear, but I feel like people should try to look for a partner like they look for a best friend. Yeah, totally, and the best friend that you just want to sleep with. Well, Jared, your best friend that you want to have sex west, that's the ideal goal right there. Like let's just say, like, who should you marry your best friend you want to

have sex? Totally on a person. I have a billy go right next to me right now, Oh my god, I don't. I left him for five days, guys, and I came back and his hair his beard hair is like a quarter of an inch long, and then like his hair is greasy. But I love him anyway, and he's still my best friend who I want to have sex with. That's great, good news, Okay, but listen, um

there was Oh yeah. This is my greatest advice. Basically for people who are thinking like is this the right person or not, it should be somebody who you never get tired of, Like Jared and I are fascinated by the fact that we could hang out all day long and we are never tired. Of each other. That's never happened with any other person besides my mom, dad, and my sister. Yeah. I think to the most successful couples that I've talked to, they're just comfortable going back to

the best friend and they're comfortable with each other. Whereas like in a lot of previous relationships, it's like constant highs and lows, right, like ups and downs and roller coasters and like expecting almost expecting there to be constant drama. And I think what you guys said earlier, like is it bad that it's easy? Like, no, it should like in the beginning, it should be easy because life does

get hard. Like maybe it won't get hard between you guys, but like life throws stuff on, like you know, we lose parents, there's like financial problems. It's like it should be really easy in the beginning, and if it's not, you need to look at this and be like, then how am I going to get through the hardship with

this person? Right? I think also just we have certain expectations for marriage and love that are kind of unattainable, not really, I just well, I disagree, what do you mean how could we because we could you imagine like sure like our happy ending ended up being a happy ending, thank god. But we were up and down and I was telling you we were going to date, and we were fighting, and then we would date other people and we get jealous of each other, and it was like

not a lot of good things at times. But I think a lot of people would view that and say, well, obviously this isn't the person for me, because if it was the person for me, then it would just be easier. And I don't necessarily agree with that logic. I think some people they make excuses as to why they shouldn't be with someone and forgetting that commitment is a choice and sometimes can be really difficult. Okay, that's true. Sorry, it's been so long, I forget about that chapter of

our lives. It was hard at times, it was really hard at times. Since we've been together, it's been super easy. But I love but I love what. I love what you just said about commitment as a choice, because so the very fancy French women that I interviewed in Paris about love and relationships, that's what they said to me, Like, you have to make the choice every day. You can't just say that I chose this person on my wedding day or you know, the day we got engaged, and

that's it. Like every day you should wake up and be like, choose you again, and like I have a reason for choosing you again. And also on the flip side of that, I think that you want to be chosen again, So still act like you're courting that person that you're still dating Everson. It's hard every day. I mean, like we're not going to do it every day. Life is life is life, especially in COVID. But like to have that mindset of like I choose you, I want

you to choose me. I think it just makes you put in a little bit more effort um and that's important. I agree. So last question, Joe before you go. We're trying to have kids right now, what's your best advice for us? Oh my gosh, all right, So I do I need you to listen to my other podcast, under the Influence before you have the babies, because what it's alluding to. No, it's under the influence of mom influencers. So it's all about mom influencers. On to gra out.

Do you follow our friend Jade? No? Should I call you? We have a season two? Should I call Jade. Yes, she's so Jade Roper or Je Tolbert. Oh yeah, so she's from Bachelor. She's a huge like she's the ultimate mom. She has three kids now, she's just like mother nature in human form. You should totally not perfect. Let's let's because we're also working on a documentary, So let's have Jade on season two of Under the Influence. Can happen to be great. But so my baby did not sleep.

So all I did with scroll Instagram because you only have a thumb, because you've just got a baby here and you just have a thumb. And what else can you do with the film? Um? But what we can we talk a lot about what it means to be a first time mother and how it changes your life and how it changes your identity, and so I think that would be really helpful. My other advice is to everyone thinks about like planning all of the baby's space and stuff like that, Like I say, work on your relationship,

like more the baby. A baby can sleep anyway, Like a baby doesn't need a compainted room, and like all of like stuff. Work on you guys. Take nine baby moves, Nick and I took We just want on vacation once a month until month nine. Once a month nine, baby, take a bunch of classes together, go to the movies because you never go to the movies right after you

have a baby. Make sure your relationship is so fun and wonderful before that baby comes out, because you are you're gonna have to do a lot of work for that baby. But don't worry about like setting up all the baby stuff. The baby doesn't care. Yeah, I agree, depending on where we're living with that baby is born, like it's either going to get it's either going to be living in our bedroom or to have its own room. But I'm not going to stress about it either way,

not until they know. And then I know that This is funny with Jared he um he so he just moved to our island his home state, and like his Mecca, Like he really feels like this is like the greatest place on earth, which is very sweet. But I'm like, Jared, I want to go in to vacation the I want to go here, like I have like the travel itch right now because obviously we haven't gone anywhere, um, you know, for for fun in a year. And he literally thinks that like we can just go to the restaurant on

the ocean, and now that's a vacation. We leave. Everything we need is right here. We we just moved back to Philadelphia, which I think is the greatest city of all time. And I'm just like like, perfect, no, take take all of the trips. Go somewhere beachy. We went to Mexico City when I was pregnant with my second one and ate all of the food and it was incredible. You're okay going there with the Zeka. Mexican City was fine. They're at they're at a high elevation. There's not there's

not mosquitoes in Mexico. Said, interesting, yeah, totally safe. Also Bermuda was Zeka free. We did that one, and then with the first one, we did Hawaii because that was going to go to Hawaii soon. Definitely definitely did Hawaii. We did. We went to Kauai and did the Nepali Hike. Um pregnant and it was just the best. We went there on our relationship moon. It was like the week that we came out as a couple. We went to Hawaii and it was magical. It was it was a

great weekend. So that's where that's my best. We can enjoy yourselves. Enjoy yourselves, and the happier you are, the happier your baby's gonna be. Well, you enjoy yourself, Joe, now that you're back in Philadelphia, home of the Eagles. Um so, Joe Piazza, thank you so much for joining us again. Everybody listening, go check out her two podcasts, one Committed, which is about relationships, and the other one Under the Influence, which is all about mommy bloggers. And

of course order her book. It's on Amazon, How to Be Married. Joe, Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you guys, this is great, welcome back to help I suck at dating. That was a great interview with Joe. She's so sweet. We do have an email. Anything else to add before the email? M I don't think so. I could just talk about movies all day, but you can. I know he wants to talk about them. Who's your

favorite leading man of all time? So you're obviously is Leo from Titanic, specifically from Titanic, not from Departed or maybe from a titan from Titanic from Cashing If you can, no, no no, no, no no, you have to choose one Leo. You have to choose one Leo from a movie? Then, yes, Leo and Titanic really can't be beat. Now what about the party? He's so rough? No one needs to be a romantic character for me. All right, who's your number two?

Because Leo is an obvious one. Probably Shane Weston remember not McConaughey and Wedding Planner No I'm from is pretty good, but no, no, it's got to be it's gonna be landing hard. What about Tom and Jerry McGuire. Oh, oh see, I got you all right? Maybe Tom and Jerry McGuire. He's right up there, Tom and jer I would say he's right. I think my top three Shane west from A Walk to Remember, Tom Cruise from Jeremy McGuire, and Leo from Titanic. Yeah, but also Patrick swayzey and Ghost

and Dirty Dancing? Damn well, which one ghost our Dirty Dancing? If I had to pick an overall movie, I would pick The Ghost as an overall movie. No, no, no, no, I want no okay, who's all over? No? No no no, Patrick Swayze and Ghost he Wins and Ghosts? Yeah, alright?

What about Gosling from Notebook? Yeah? Yeah, good, but like it's so rated, you know what I mean, Like it's not overrated, but it's rated, and it's like it's like duh, Well, all right, do you like Gosling from the beginning of notebook where he's clean shaved, short hair, or do you like him better in the lighter half he's got the beard.

I like him in the beginning because it's not I love like a personality that is like fun and now going and sociable and like everybody loves to be around him, and he's glowing, Like I love that kind of person that attractive, like that Tom Cruise type of personality, Like I want my man to be wanted to be around. But I get that. But I like dark and Damage. Yeah, I know, but you are in dark. You're not dark and damage. You're the other guy you want to be. Well,

I definitely am. I try to emulate my personality like Tom Cruis and Jerey McGuire to sid no doubt about that one. All right. Mark is waiting patiently by as we're just like giggling to ourselves to read this enjoining it. I'm definitely enjoying it, all right. This is from anonymous. She says, I've been married about two years now without going into details, we're both very content in our relationship

and have a healthy and open, communicative marriage. I have a job that requires me to travel, sometimes from months at a time. Most recently I was going for almost four months. While my spouse and I do well at a distance, something happened this last trip that has never happened before. Someone I was working with on the trip I found very attractive and there was noticeable chemistry between us,

and even some co workers pointed out. Since returning from the trip, I haven't tried to keep in contact with the attractive friend because I noticed I've developed a slight crush on them. At what point should I tell my spouse about the crush part? If at all? What would you do? What would you do in a committed relationship when inevitably you meet other people that you're attracted to? Okay, I think this kind of goes back to what Joe

is saying that you choose your husband every day. Um, I don't think that you're like, you're being wrong, or what you're doing is rare, naughty, or anything like that. By having a crush on somebody, I think you're being kind of honest with yourself. I just think you can't act on it, and I do think that it will slowly fade as you are not around this person. Listen, there's how many people on this earth? Oh? I think

it's like seven billion? Is it really how? I'm gonna google this, but anyway, there's billions of people on this earth right now, and the odds that you're attracted to one other person than your husband is not that crazy, and there's nothing wrong with that. Obviously, you're doing the right thing by not keeping in contact with this friend. You're always going to have like a slight crush or be like wow, that person is attractive, and then, like Ashley says, you don't act on it. You move on

be as you love your significant other. You're happy. There's no point in your pursuing anything else. You would regret it if you did. You're in a committed relationship and you're fine. Forgive yourself. Don't feel guilty about it. Just move on and let it go. I agree, Mark, What do you think about that you've been married the longest eighteen years? Thank you very much? Actually coming up on nine team anyway, Yeah, I agree with you. I think this is these feelings happen and they go away, so

don't make too big a deal out of them. And if you talk about it, which I mean some couples with truth to talk about it, that's fine too. You got to know your husband and how this is gonna land. But if you talk about it becomes a bigger deal than it actually is. It's just a fleeting thing. It will fade as as quickly as it came on. And that will be that. Yeah, and you are going to freak him out if you say something. And yes, in the majority of the time, this is not going to

become anything. We're all animals, you know, alright. Population of the Earth, Yeah, you're pretty much spot on. Seven billion, eight hundred and forty six million. Wow, there are eight billion people on this earth. Holy crap. That's a lot of people, all right. So we just had the one email this week. We are going to um get your listener feedback. I posted on Instagram yesterday about any advice or tips you had for getting over a breakup. When Dean is back next week, we're gonna go over that.

But before we go, I do have a dating term that I want to ask you about. So we were doing this every week. I've we've been kind of slacking. But we do this thing where I asked a data term. I think you've participated in this before. I ask you what you think it is, and then I tell you what it actually is. Ready, all right, seeing how you're we've I feel like Friends has been sorry, she's always telling me what to do. So why has Friends been

a topic of conversation? Because they're doing the reunion? It is finished filming the reunion, got it? Okay? So Friends has been in the news recently. So I have a dating term and it is called rossing, named after the character Ross on Friends. So what do you think the dating term rossing could mean. It means that one person the relationship thinks they're on a break and the other

person does not. Gotta be uh, I think that's gotta be. Yeah, But I'll come up with something different, just to be uh, just to make it interesting. I'll say it's um uh, having a child with someone else doesn't work, owning a monkey, your your ex, you know, ending up being attracted to the opposite sex. Yeah, loving dinosaurs, I don't know. It's got to be on a break thing. I mean, hey,

well how about this. He's he's like a paleontologist or something. Right, it's when you're dating someone, they're always digging up old stuff from the past. That was very good. Rossing, of course, is inspired by the the constant utter of we were on a break. Legends have it that the only person Ross took a break from was himself. So like him, if you continue swiping right and meeting potential partners, but your heart only aches for certain unavailable Rachel, then you

are rossing these dates stop wasting their time. Oh so that's a little different. Yeah, it's a little different. Different. So apparently they think that Ross took a break himself because even though he was dating other people, he really was just pinding over Rachel, which was obviously the core storyline of the show. So this is saying that people do the same thing. I will say this, I think

I was rossing people before. I think we've all rost before. Yeah, looking at the other people while we're still hung up on somebody's specific rosters. In this podcast tries to do that. So, you know, they think they can move on or make the other person jealous, and then well one or the other usually happens. Have you rossed, Yes, I guess so, Yeah, I think you have to yea, yeah, I think you rossed a little roster you anyway, that's gonna do it.

For this week's episode of help by Suck At Dating, a big thank you to Joe Piazza for joining us. She was fantastic. Thank you too, Anonymous for emailing us all the time. I'm curious if it's the same anonymous or if it's a different anonymous emailer every time. I'd like to think it's different, but sometimes, you know, we have those loyal fan bases. It's Nick. I think it's Nick every time. It is really is Nick. Nick. Just yeah, he gets his content from this podcast for his own podcast.

I'm convinced of it. He's been emailing anonymous for two years. I tell you, uh, thank you, Mark, thank you Easton, thank you, Becky, thank you Riley, thank you everybody who is listening. Please keep emailing us. We love your emails. Follow us on Instagram and make sure you tune in. Next week, Dean will be here and hopefully we all suck a little less. Follow Help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast