Love Across the Pond

We have a great guest coming up. Maya as Ratti is coming up and we're gonna talk about dating heading into one which will hopefully be a little bit easier on all of us. Dean, First of all, how the hell are you? Hey, Jared, I'm very uh displeased with you that you forgot the name of our podcast. Of course I didn't forget. I was just trying to do something different. You know, there's only so many ways we can intro a podcast. I was like, let's just do let me pretend that I forgot the name of it

for a second, and it really just didn't land. All right, I'm like a stand up comedian right now, it's fine, it's fine. That's a nutshell, So at the very least, it's exemplary area of what we've all been through. But I'm good. I think you uh kind of alluded to it a little bit. But why don't we just jump into Katie and see how she's doing? Because who that cares about us? He cares about For your response to you, guys, k Katie Morton, Ladies and gentlemen, what do you mean

our response? I was waiting to see how y'all were. Oh, we're fine, but we don't care about us. We care about you. We want to hear more about Katie Moe. We've had you on the podcast a million times. You're essentially the third most consistent thing on this podcast, the first being shared, the second being all of our producers being great, the third being you, and then the fourth me showing up on time. So congratulations on cracking the

top three. But fellow's name Katie. Obviously it's been while since we checked in with you. Um, we talked a little bit before we started recording this cast. But you're what and you're in Orlando now with your family? Is that right? Yeah? I'm in Orlando at my parents house. I haven't really been getting too close to my family because I have traveled, so I'm on a little bit of a different floor. But we passed each other like

ships passing in the night and here. Yeah, but I will get to the after some time has gone by. We'll get to spend it with them before I go off on my way. Yeah. Well, you're speaking there with a little bit of English accent, which if you haven't, if you don't follow Katie, which I'm sure everybody already does, Katie, you are dating a British man. That was a terrible English accent. That was Scottish. It was something alright. Anyway,

back to you tell us about your boyfriend. Oh well, um, I'm dating an english Man man now I'm english Man. He's so great. Um, what do you want to know? How did you guys meet Sells everything? Oh? God, you guys, because did he slide in the old d M S? Yeah? What's this whole security number? Bank information? Things of this nature? Okay, we met two weeks before Paradise. The day after I filed my Paradise intro. We met. Um, I'm gonna do like a Q and I probably with him at some point,

So I'm going to keep some things. But wait a minute. Holy you met two weeks before you left for Paradise, and were you like, Okay, I'm going to go to Paradise and see how it works out. And then a month later you got back, You're like, okay, I'm engaged. Oh no, no, no. I met him on the street. He pulled me aside on Sunset Boulevard like he was skateboarding and saw me, and I was like, I think we were I was going to dinner, but I think it was either that night or the night after. It

was Hannahby's we're watching Hannaby season. Anyway, he pulled me aside. It was like, maybe have a chat, and you were like, yeah, if you speak in that accident all night, we can have a chat. Chats all night, buddy. Um. But then he all we did was given Instagram of information. That's what we exchanged. And later that night he said like, how was your day? And I'm guessing that's how we said it because that's what it looks like. And I was like, oh, yeah, it was great, and then we

didn't talk. Like he didn't respond back, but I also wasn't concerned about him responding back either because I was like headspace and paradise and was super busy, just like getting ready for it, So he never got my message and I never cared to see if he got my message. So then it was almost like we just lived separate lives. And then later obviously everything has happened. And then a couple of months ago he saw me on a dating app and I had showed up on Rya in London

and like, Hey, are you in London? Like, I'd love to take you to dinner before you leave, because like I don't know if we're going to have an opportunity to match on the app, and I was like, I'm actually not. But it's really interesting that the dating app thought I exhausted all options in the US. That is

pretty funny. I was like, Wow, that's that's interesting. Why is it sending me global for the For the record, just to be clear for the listeners out there that might not be familiar with Riya, it is a dating app for famous people. That's why Katie is on it, So I'm assuming this guy has to be some sort of famous person as well. Is that right? Is not

all famous people? I think there's like tears of riot to be honest, I think that there's like Channing Tatum, but then there's like a and there's like I was gonna say, Jared similar. Yeah, I was on Riya there for a little while, Dean. Have you ever been on Riya? I have been on Riya and I'm at for some pretty interesting people, but nothing obviously ever came from it. But you know what I'm saying, it's not like famous people. It's just like there's some people and well, listen, I

agree with you that it's not just famous people. Uh So for instance, like I I referred to a a friend who uh you know, works a very normal job and he got accepted somehow, so so they have this weird criteria for what is what isn't what isn't allowed? Um. And then I remember reading some story like Amanda Stanton couldn't get on Riot even though she was trying for a long time or something. It's like, well, if Amanda can't get on, but my friends Sam can get on.

And some of the people, some of the people I match with were like world famous gymnasts that would have won like multiple gold medals and like crazy stuff like that, And I'm like, whoa, this is super cool. But for me personally, it was just like an app to be like, WHOA, that's cool to see that person on the stating app, you know what I mean. That's how kind of how it was for me to like, it wasn't I didn't see that many people in there or anything. Didn't go

on too many Riot dates. But anyway, he's on the app and he didn't want to wait to match me or whatever because he didn't know if I was going to be hanging out on the app all in London even though it wasn't there, so uh, he decided to reach out on Instagram. Was like, asked me to dinner and I was like, can't come, not in London. And then I was like, oh, but how do I know you? Because I saw from before Paradise the messages and I

was like, remind me how I know you? And he was like, oh, I actually met you on the streets of l A and you were with your friend Hannah. I was with Hannah. Gee said you were with your friend Hannah, and I was like, oh my gosh. And then I remembered it clicked and I was like, oh, I know who this is. And then we just had some chats and then he scheduled a FaceTime date for the next day, and then we just kept going from there.

What made you want to go to England? Like when we were like, Okay, I'm gonna travel across an ocean for this dude, not only across an ocean but across the cotton as well. Because you're going from l A all the way to the East Coast and then to England. That's a that's a commitment right there. It's a jump. So and like, I really it was interesting. So we're facetiming.

We faced him for a really long time, but I really eyes there was something in my gut that was like this guy is great for me, and I'm gonna listen to my gut this time, because when I don't listen to my gut, things go awry. So I'm like, I'm gonna listening to my gut, like this guy is great. Like obviously it wasn't rushing anything. We talked for a couple of weeks, but I was like, this is gonna die a slow death on face time or someone's gonna

have to make a move and he can't. He plays um soccer or football, but soccer over there is you a professional player. Yeah, but he yeah, it's like it's a very complicated system. He's uh, but yeah, so he plays professionally, but he so he doesn't get any days off pretty much. And so I was like, oh, he can't come here. Um, but I was like, this is gonna die a very slow death, or someone's gonna have to make a move, and it looks like that someone's

going to have to be me. So then we're talking and he's like, gosh, I wish he could come to London. I'm like, what if I did? And he's like that would be sick, and I'm like, let's do it. And then I was just like, I mean, being on a plane is Honestly, being on that plane was safer than being in l a because there was probably max. Twenty people on the plane, on that huge plane, and they were like it was sad because they said, this is the last time this plane is flying because there's not

enough people to fly. It was sad. They blasted Adele for the last thirty minutes of the fly and but attendants were crying and hugging each other, and then I started, this is a moment for me, this is a moment for them, it was Virgin Airlines. I got it out there.

Oh well, that's so sad. God, it's so sad. Like even we ordered take out from a local business right down the street, and like every time we go in there, there's just nobody in there and the poor manager just standing there with you know, twiddling their thumbs and it's like this is this is depressing. So I'm sorry. Continue. Yeah. So I had the like aisles in front of me and behind me just completely empty. I was laying I laid down a slept for for eight of the nine hours,

so um yeah. And then I got there and I had to quarantine and then we met Oh yeah, because he's a professional soccer place, so they probably have pretty stingent rules about when you can see someone from the outside. Yeah. And also I had to quarantine because, um just because it was the rules. Yeah. And so also I was like, Okay, how can I make this to where I can go

and it doesn't have to just be for leisure. So my friend's family owns a business there, so like, um that, and she's from my hometown, so I offered to like do help them with work. I went over there so then I could go for like business. So it was it was like a good It all worked out perfectly and then we got to me and it was like

I had known him for a really long time. And so so the plan, I know, you said you're gonna answer this Q and a later on on your so we don't want to spoil to many things, but you said you're you're going back out to London. Yes, So that is a good sign obviously because it went well enough the first time. It went so great the first time.

And it was interesting because I had a quarantine so I didn't really get to see him, and then when I got to see him, England went into lockdown, so I had about I had a couple of days in London where I got to spend time in London before the lockdown but after my quarantine, and I was super lucky because for else I would have never seen actual London. So I actually did get to see the city a little bit, but very like, very quickly. So let me ask you this, are you gonna move to freaking England?

What's going on with your kid? And now I'm not going to move to England right now, It's not any time soon. Um, We're just it's a time where I don't have to technically both places are on lockdown l A. And the one thing is I do miss my freaking talk. I love bears, Bear the Bears with you right now. He's with me right now, which is amazing. But he can't come to England or else. He will have to get taken from me. What and who probably does he

have to be in the cargo? Can he be in the plane with you because he's an emotional animal, but he has to have a pet passport which can take up to three months to process or something like this for you. So it's a little complicated. But I'm going back, and I know it's fairly soon to go back, but it's like a newer relationship and we figured and we might as well go go for long periods closer together to establish that solid foundation and then we can space

it out. And yeah, are we calling him your boyfriend? Um? I call him. I don't really call him my boyfriend. I just call him. I just call him James. Well, that's an interesting conversation because when as an adult like are you like, hey, a, are are we boyfriend girlfriend? It feels like such a high school conversation. But you kind of have to establish it, like I we're definitely exclusive.

We definitely established that. Like I was like, listen, I'm not going to be coming to England if we're not exclusive. That's got to be just right out there, and he was like, of course not. I'm like, yes, of course not. So you guys are exclusive. I think that. I mean, I think in today's day and age, that conversation means you guys are boyfriend and girlfriends. Yeah. I think, well,

there's so many lights here. I think that exclusive is good enough for me because yeah, the boyfriend and girlfriend chap, I don't know. Well, that's what That's what the boyfriend girlfriend chat has evolved into, is asking whether you're exclusive or not. I think I think it's a matter of getting older a and times just changing B. But because like, yeah, we're not in high school anymore, you're not gonna say exactly. Okay, let me ask you this, what the hell is the

difference between being exclusive and being boyfriend girlfriend? That's what I'm saying. Is there the same thing that's today's day and age of asking someone to be your boyfriend is the tough exclusivity? Wait though, Dean in England when I was there people were going from exclusivity to boyfriend and girlfriend and they were asking in a very promposal way. Like it was an example like they they are definitely

where people with stages. Like an example, one of his friends was dating someone exclusively and then he goes, all right, I think I'm ready to ask her to be my girlfriend. And I'm like, wait, you guys are exclusive, and he's like, I know, is there like a timetable over there? Like Okay, we're gonna go on a few dates and then we're gonna become exclusive for like a month or two and see how it goes, and then if it goes well

after two months, then we'll become boyfriend girlfriend. See I don't really know what the timetable is, but I was getting the gist that there is definitely a longer period of time to where people decide boyfriend and girlfriend. Because when I feel like what I was getting the gist of, at least within that group, was that once your boyfriend and girlfriend, you're like, I'm basic like this person, I

definitely see myself marrying. I've got a question for you, Katie. So, UH might get a little too personally here, but when you start dating someone Uh, there's always that that moment where things get intimate, right, But if you if you're traveling literally six thousand miles to see someone, what is

kind of like that? What is the expectation like? Because from what I've happies together, it sounds like you guys, haven't you been romantic or anything like that, But now all of a sudden, you're flying twelve hours to go see this guy, So like, what is the expectation? Is there an expectation? How did you guys handle that whole situation? Like did you look after you got to quarantine, once you got to London, did you then stay with him the rest of the time at his apartment or flat

or whatever it's called. Uh, what was kind of the whole process there? Um? Yeah, that's actually a really good question. I I that question popped into my head right before I left. So then I gave him a call because I was like, listen, I'm not coming over here just to sleep with you. And then I'm not I'm not just going to be your American piece of ass. And then it's addition to that, right, well, I'm just saying like come on. So I was just like okay, and he was like, of course not. And I was like,

here's the boundaries. So I sat clear boundaries when when I was there and then or before I got there, and I mean like we were sleeping in the same bed when we hadn't even kissed yet at point. So I definitely was like taking it pretty slow. But at the same time, slow is relative to every different person um.

But yeah, there was no expectation on his end. He was literally just like getting to know me, and we went on a couple of dates and then when it was locked down though, it was like, oh, England walked down and we had to move in and I was like, well, this is escalating quickly. This is escalated quickly. At least you're gonna know if it's going to work out. And it's like a bachelor, you know, where everything is just

on a short time table. Yeah, it honestly didn't feel too It fell way more comfortable than Paradise, and it was kind of a similar situation like timeline. Well, let me ask about that. So this is your first relationship since being engaged. What has that been like for you? Mhm, way better? All right, let's just leave it at that. No, No, no, let's let's expound upon that a little bit, way way better. Why that's funny, Um, I've established like my own personal boundaries.

I'm listening to my gut a lot more. I think I like lost that maybe ability in Paradise. I was so I felt like at one point I just didn't

even do it myself. So I'm just enjoying I'm just not and not putting pressure on it, but also getting all of the reassurance I could have never even asked for because I'm just like, you know what, after my experience, I'm literally never going to settle for anything less than something that makes me feel an incredible and I'm keep living my life and if it fits with my life and fits with like I'm such like a lovely person that if this person isn't for me, I will know.

And so far, so good. I'm going to google all English soccer players named James and figure out exactly who he is. But that's going to take a little bit of time, and in the meantime, we're gonna take one quick break Before we get to the break, though, Katie, just one final question for you, and I think it's the most important question that we've asked on this podcast. So far is are you happy? Yes? And yes I am, And I wanted just say like I'm happy, I was happy,

were gaining happiness before James. I just like to put that out there because I think that that's important that you don't need a guy to be happy and so, um, but yeah, I'm happy and then plus I get a little additional bonus happy. I think that's awesomely a great message and I think that's very important to point out too, is you're not finding happiness in the in this guy, but you have found it in yourself and then you found Sir James Madison UH of Coventry, England. Perhaps that's

his name. I don't know, Maybe it is, maybe it's not. We're gonna take a quick break. Jared and I had a great interview last a couple of days ago. We're gonna get to that, and then we're gonna jump into some final questions here with Katie as well. Um, so stay tuned for all that. Hey, welcome back to help I suck at dating. We have a very special guest who is joining us via zoom because you know, uh, she is the c d O of Rewarding Relationships, which

is also known as the Chief Dating Officer. It is Maya is rot y Maya? How are you? I'm awesome, guys. I'm so excited to meet you. You're my favorite podcast. I'll get out of here. You're just you're just being polite. You are being polite. There's no way you're where your favorite podcast. Guys. This is what I do. So I'd love to help people who stuck up dating. Sweet Well, let's help. Let's help all ten of our listeners as much as we possibly can this episode. Um, thanks for

joining us. We obviously appreciate having an expert's opinion because all we ever really do is just me and Jared. Just you are our nonsensical nonsense to the listeners out they're giving our you know, unsolicited advice. But it's nice to have someone that actually kind of knows what they're talking about. Jared has prepared a couple of questions. I guess we both kind of have, right, Jared, you want to start off and well, of course, well, my like

tell us a little bit about rewarding relationships. UM, and you, being the chief Dating Officer, I think a lot of people are wondering, what does that exactly mean? Great question? I help people remove the desperation and frustration from dating, love and relationship. Does he like me? Does he not like me? Is she into me? What do I text? What do I wear? How do I put my online profile up? Do I expect the phone call? All? Do

I let him me up on the first date? All the different types of questions that people really don't have anybody to hold her hand through. So I provide all the different services for that. You can text me while you're on a date. There's a fee for that because people in the beginning, we're texting me seven and I was so I couldn't sleep, So I added a fee protecting. And it's been amazing because you go on a date and I'm like the hitch but you know, I don't

know if you ever saw that movie with of course? Yeah. So I provide the same service, and I tell you what to say, definitely what not to say, because people just show up on dates completely clueless, and I helped them flue in and I've helped so many people get married and it's really wonderful. I love what I do. That's amazing. So would you see it? So your website is rewarding relationships dot com. So we you suggest people go and join. Is it okay if I call it

a program? Was that how you sure? Um? So, would you suggest people joining the program before or after uh, they start going into the dating world? What do you think he's better for them? Right away? You should join because A you need to make sure that you're confident, feeling good, and that you're going on the right websites or apps. People just abuse the apps. Everyone's just in the swipe happy culture and they don't know how to

pick a suitable mate. Whereas with both of you, what I love about both of you guys, is that you're very mature and you just listening to you. You know, you are in your relationships, you protect your women, which I love. Maybe in your personalize you're not mature, but I don't know. I think you're adorable. I mean, I still think farts and pooping are very funny. So I don't know how mature. Yeah, that's never going to change.

I have a question for you. So you said you said that you help people clue in on dates and and help them not show up clueless. What in your experience would you say is showing up clueless? Because I'm just trying to think um, you know, I I fully agree that it's it's good to you know, instill some confidence in people in the whole dating world. There's a lot of different things that they learn how to navigate.

But I just kind of want to like like zone in on cluelessness and dating and just kind of uncover

what that might be. Sure, so people forget that you're dating and it's romantic and you're supposed to show up as your best self, and people show up thinking datings like therapy and um, you know, you can go out with somebody that is divorced for an older category and they might cry on a date, they might talk about their ex wife, they might talk about their pre nups all but in the first five minutes, it's like, what just happened. I don't know if I like your voice yet.

I don't even know if I like what you're wearing, or if I want to spend another fifteen minutes here with you and you're already on prenups like no, no, no, no, you know, just running out the door, or for girls that show up and they're like steps. My therapy said that I really need to work on being more outgoing, and like I got a flat tire, and then my sister said blah blah blah, and then they just keep talking about them, like my last heartbreak was so devastating.

I really hope you're not going to be a die like that and that's not your best self and that's definitely not how you want to present on a date or any type of relationship. Yeah. I I it's funny because we talked about dating pet peeves a lot on this podcast, and one of them that I've mentioned multiple times is when you know, back when Jared and I were going on first dates all those years ago, it was always one of my biggest pet peeves was hearing someone I'm on a date with talk about other guys

that they've dated or not. Maybe it's not like a pet peeve, but it's just like it's a bit of a turn off, I would say. Um, And so I definitely think there's like a coaching aspect that could come in where like just don't talk about your ex boyfriends, at least not right out of the gate, you know, like not on the first date. Um. It's it's funny also kind of tangential here. But I had this weird like thought yesterday. I was like taking Papi out to go for a walk, so you could go to the bathroom,

and like you said, um, sorry, excuse me. Um, going on first dates with people is like kind of you know, putting on your best face and putting your best foot forward. And I was like, well, I kind of took the

opposite approach. And when I first David kayl and I like put my worst foot forward, and I was like, this is the worst of what you're gonna get from me, because I kind of dealt with some insecurities too back when I used to go on dates, and so I was like, I'm just gonna show my not like the worst side of myself, but like a you know, a very watered down, like lesser version of myself. And then

that was accepted wholeheartedly. And then so I was like, Okay, cool, now I can kind of like continue to move on with that. Um. So it's funny to hear you say that when you know everyone's different. Obviously different things work for different people, but um, like kind of almost like the inverse of that worked worked better for me in a weird, in a weird sort of opposite Wednesday kind

of a way, you know. But that's because you have a girl that loves you, and you're both of you are young, and you have a girl that truly fell in love with you and was willing to be with you in any parameter or any dynamic, and she has a lot of confidence to do that. She knew that her love for you was greater, um than anything else, and she was willing to wait around for you to see if you had the same feelings for her. And

this is a girl you should marry. I'm just saying after having seen it play it out and everything like that, and given your age and now that's already and congratulations on your new home. Thank you an awesome girl. Well, I'm going to have amazing girls. I I definitely agree with that last statement, especially, and you're right, I I do agree that it was kind of one of those things where I was thinking about how that then snowballed

into like me just being a more confident person too. Uh, and how I think up until this relationship, I've always kind of missed out on, like receiving love from other people. Uh. It's still something I work on, but it definitely, like you said, it's definitely because of that that kind of has made it work, uh fortunately for me. Otherwise you

know who knows where it would be. But but yeah, no, I agree, Like like I said, it was just it's just interesting to hear uh here kind of the ideal way of going about it and then um the weird way that obviously Jared and I both kind of fumbled into our relationships. But um I I do, I do agree with what you're saying. There is like definitely like

a best practice for going on these days. So so like what else could we expect, you know, like what other kind of maybe like tips or tricks would you have, especially for like today's dating, because it's changing with COVID and you know, dating apps have always been a thing, but now like dates can't really happen quite as frequently.

So what kind of advice would you have for like the or if you're in a state that is open, you know, anything outside of l A County right now that you can go to a restaurant and stay outside and there aren't any issues, wear your mask and try and get an in person date. I don't know if that's controversial or not, but you still want to meet face to face. It's always better to beat by r L than like on the phone or on FaceTime. If

you're uncomfortable, it's no problem. Say hey, let's just talk on the phone and then maybe we can do a virtual date. But don't stay on the phone for ten hours. Don't be in lingerie, you know, don't be like laying on the bed high How are you so? Tell me everything about you. The guy might be fascinated with you and into you for those like ten minute windows, but after that the guy is gonna be like bored. That was easy, she was easy. Next, who's the next girl

I can get? If I can get that one? You know, like, girls don't seem to understand how the guy's brain works, and um, same with guys. They don't always understand how the women's brain works. But girls really really need on education. Sorry girls, That's why I exist on how to talk to a guy and um, how not to be always so available. So those are things that I would say, don't be don't let it linger on for hours and hours and it first have some confidence, you know, put

your clothes on. You're not going to go to Starbucks naked. You're not going to go on a zoom date naked. And don't do it in your bedroom. If you're doing a virtual date, it's not a great idea. I work for you. I'm confused. You're not talking about like first date naked zoom calls R. Yes, I am. So you're are you saying there's people out there that are are getting naked on zoom calls, like on first dates? So like this is like having sex on the first day.

Is this what we're relating it to? Oh that's enough, that's another day. Virtual sex is another day. But yes, that's what you're equating it to. Girls or people that are desperate and they haven't seen anybody in months, especially during the you know, the bulk of the quarantine, and they were you know, guy's horney, girls horney, and people started taking off their clothes and I would be yelling at my clients when what did wrong with you? Put

your clothes back on? What do you mean? We're wearing this strap was top and you were talking about like what kind of lace path and you're wearing under them like you don't know this guy? Zip it back up. They just there're people are so starved for attention and so desperate and they want a guy or girls so badly that they get into bad habits and you cannot have bad habits. So while we're on the topic of it, then let's say once COVID starts to like fizzle out,

COVID aside. You know, like, how is an appropriate amount of time to like move to a physical stage with a perspective partner? You think, and just like a general thumb, I wouldn't go home hooking up with someone on the first date truthfully, you know, you want to be a respectable guy and you want the girl to have some boundaries and self respect. You want to have something to work for, So maybe a kiss on the first date, um would be good. And then if you also think,

I think anticipation is highly underrated. There's something about the anticipation of not knowing and then having it built up. It's it's exciting, the most exciting. It's like bungee jumping. You don't know what's going to happen, and the same thing can happen with your heart, um in a good way.

You want that mystery and that excitement, and people just think that they have to come bearing all like um sensitive, I'm emotional, annoying, like wearing every sign I'm desperate, and they don't realize that they're showing up with those signs. So I think the mystery and the anticipation is of a sexy things. Yeah, I guess like Jared's it's well, like I said, but it is tantalizing, you know, the anticipation it builds you start to wonder what's going on,

and then it starts happening and your heart starts to flutter. Well, So on the flip side of it, then I would say this year, more than any year, a lot of people are going into the New Year's single and discouraged and unhappy with their relationships. So what kind of advice would you have for for those people? You know, maybe the ones that UH want to be in a relationship but necessarily don't have the opportunities you right now? What

kind of advice would you have for the singles? For the single people, there is a lid for every cover, there's a lid for every pot. There's someone for everyone that matches that person's style. You just got to do the work you want to lose weight. It's not gonna happen when you wake up in the morning. You have to work out, eat well, go to the gym, et cetera. Um,

minimize whatever you know, change your eating habits. You want to get a boyfriend or a girlfriend, or have a long term relationship, you have to put in the effort as well. You have to believe it, want it. Get on the apps. Don't just do apps where it's just type culture. Go on on the actual website that you like. Get on three of them. Put up a great profile, three different photos. Do not put the longest paragraphs. Ever, no one really reads them. No one really cares about

the detail. They either like your photo or they don't. They either want to ask you or not. Like you don't want to put what happens to in third grade? It's just no one cares, honestly. It's what are you doing right now? Where do you into these days? Three sentences? Be done and be more open minded. That's my best advice because, um, if you're if you're home right now and you're not going out and meeting people, get on singles, zoom dates or digital dates and go out walking. Get

a pet. If you don't have a pet, just go to a dog park. Go where people are, a coffee shop, UM, a campus and walk around. The more ambular you are, the more people you're gonna meet and say that you want to meet people. If you have a mindset I'm never going to meet anyone. I'm never going to meet anyone. You're never gonna meet anyone. But if you're like I hope to meet someone, it's gonna happen one day. Do you have a like, a favorite or like a preferred

app that you recommend to people? Um, they're so personal. There's so many. By the way, there's I'm sure you guys know about them too, but there's Match and Hinge and Christian Mingles, j Jade, Jewish, plenty of Fish exactly, Farmers only. There's a bazillion apps out there, So pick the one that you like. Um, and I would try three different ones and see what's out there. There's bumble bumble. The woman has to pursue the man. I really think that the man has to pursue the woman. In general,

I think a guy should be the pursuer. It's that's like the guy's job is to pick you. The guy picks you, and the girl picks from the guys that are from the pool of pickers. So like, girls come to me and they're like, why does any like me? And I'm like you're not as type, and they hate when I say it. I'm like, you're just not as type. It's not your voice, or your look, or your hair or your size, whatever it is, You're just men have

a type. And you know, women fall in love behind the ears, and men fall in love visually right off the bath, like the first five seconds, and then after that the relationship grows and you get to know the person. But right off the bat, a guy can tell if it's their look, if you want to pursue the person or not. You guys, men are faster than us, and girls are a little bit more open minded, like maybe I'll give the guy a chance, maybe not, and especially

if you say the right thing. So for girls, I would say, work on your confidence and get on some apps and be open minded. Just don't tell your whole life story. Like you want to put your money in a bad day, you know, you want to invest in a bank that's going down, Same with your love life. Don't invest in bad people. That's my best advice that I could say to people. Invest in yourself first. Well, I think that's great advice. I think everybody should be

taking that to heart, especially sock Army Um. Well, Maya, thank you so much for joining us. We really appreciate it. Everybody listening out there, please go to Rewarding Relationships dot com to get more information about how you can join the program and help yourself in the dating world, which is something that we all need, especially if you're listening

to a podcast called help My Second Dating. Uh, Maya, Where else can people find you Instagram, at rewarding Relationships or at Maya as RODDI fame with Facebook and my website. Rewarding Relationships dot Com has all the links of where to find me. And I'm so excited, so happy to be here. Guys, you're amazing. Oh my, you're the best. Thank you so much for joining us. We'll be sure to check you out and you have to come back on I would love to thank you. Hey, welcome back

to help I suck a dating. We are fast forwarding in time right now, myself, Dean, and Katie all here. We have a dating horror story to get into. We also have an email, a dating term, and I wrote a little jingle bells song just for Dean himself. But first I want to talk about a quick story that was just announced this week. Halle Berry obviously the famous actress.

She's fifty four, she's single, and apparently she is not ready to ming with any of her friends X. The headline is halle Berry reveals why she would never date a friend's ex quote it's a cardinal sin. So apparently, she says that she would never ever enter a relationship or even go on a date with her friends with her friends past significant other, going so far to say that even if her friend went on like two dates with this person, halle Berry did not change her opinion.

She said, if my friends only been out with him like twice, he's still not on my list. That's how I feel. I'm that kind of girl. So my question to you, Dean and Katie, would you ever date a friend's X? No? Uh, well, let's ask ourselves this question. Jared, are you friends with Chris Souls? You know what, I almost, dude, I almost said that. You took the words right out of my mouth I was gonna say in the Bachelor world, it's kind of hard to ignore because I'm friends with

Chris Souls and we're friends with Caitlin. I understand that, but oh, because Ashley's friends with Caitlin, and then you're dating. Actually, that makes sense. That makes sense. I mean, listen, I think I talked about this on the podcast before. I don't personally feel the same way halle Berry does, which I don't think I would ever have thought I would ever say that sentence my entire life. But I guess I guess Hallie and I disagree on this topic because, Uh,

I personally dated friends X in the past. Obviously not not the case anymore. But I don't think it's like a bit. I don't think it should just be a complete barrier of entry for someone to date someone just because their friend dated. Then what are you talking about a bachelor like in your own previous experience? Was it bachelor related or no? Not bachelorrated related? Absolutely not. That's what I mean. That's why I kind of want to hear Dean's experience. Be like, so, Dean, what happened? What

what do you mean? Tell me what you said that you had an experience of dating of friends X. How close was this friend? Yeah? This is I did I know when he was my best friend? He was my best friends? Uh? And I guess when I say it was his ex it wasn't. They weren't ex as they had just um they had they had hooked up before, right, so it wasn't like a full blown X of his. But by halle Berry standards, it sounds like she absolutely wash. And I think I've talked about on the podcast before.

It did become a bit of a thorn in the side of our friendship for a little bit until we discussed it. But as best friends do, they get over things and they settle their differences. I just took a little bit of time to figure that out, and and if I could go back in time, I think the biggest mistake that I made was I just wasn't honest

about it with him from the get go. But I personally, I personally didn't think that it was it even warranted having a conversation because they were never, you know, seriously in a relationship or anything like that. But um, well, low and behold, I was wrong on that front, and I should have had the conversation. So that's my That's my one bit of advice. If you do want to go date is one of your friends ex is, make sure to confront the friend about it first. Uh, maybe

not even get their blessing. That would be great if you could get their blessing, but just make sure that there in the know of what's going on. What happens if you don't get their blessing. Uh, if you don't get their blessing. It just really depends what you value more than friendship or this potential relationship. I personally think if they were true friends, they would say, do whatever you want to do to make you happy. But you know, I'm sure that's not the case every single time. So

what do you think, Katie. I think it's difficult to really answer that because every situation is totally different, like X, as in I've dated that person for a year and we loved each other or you know what I'm saying, okay, and all weren't different conversations. I guess my initially answer

was no, absolutely not. But I think I was thinking X is in serious X And even then speaking of love actually, Jared, because speaking of love actually the guy was like his best friend was in love with his wife, and so you can't really write it off completely. The conversation has to be had. Well. In that movie, that's the that's the famous scene with the cards where he's he's standing in at our front door. SNL just did

a parody of it great scene. I do agree that there isn't just one blanket situation that you can just address it all with one thing. Uh. And I also agree like the severity of the relationship. For instance, my situation was different just because they weren't you know, married obviously, so that definitely helps. Uh. If I think about if I think back to my previous serious relationships and then like if one of my friends came to me and

they were like, hey, I'm thinking about dating this person. Uh, I guess you're right. It depends on a lot of different factors. Well, Dean, here's a question for you, because you talked about your own experience with this and then you said it caused a thorn in your friendship, and then you keep saying you were best friends. So my question is do you think that you dating his ex like had anything to do with you guys maybe not being as close today as you once were. I absolutely not. No,

he just moved. He just moved to Colorado and we're still best friends. Don't get me wrong. It's just you know, we can't. We lived together for a long time too, so that wasn't the reason. Uh. And we, like I said, we're still best friends, Mike, if you're listening to this, we're still absolutely with friends. I love you to death. I would have a kill for you. I love Yeah, I love you, Mike, but yeah I agree if I don't know. And then I was trying to think back

to like bachelor specifics. Uh So, like let's say, for instance, you know, Christine and I dated for a little bit too. Nick and I are friends. Christina dated Nick on the show. Uh, And I would never say that caused any type of rifts between any of us, but it was just it was weird. It was weird to hear like Nick talk about Christina and vice versa. Um, whether they were saying good or bad things, they're relevant. Just the fact that they were, you know, kind of having those conversations was

still just weird, I suppose. So it definitely makes things more complicated than they need to be. So maybe for your un stick of sanity, just stay away from your friends. Exis. Yeah, there's a ton of people out here, So that's what so many people, Yeah, they say, there's too many freaking Okay, kay, let's ask you this. Let's say turns out Hannah Gee had a relationship with this James guy a long time ago. Would that influence your your decision any sort of way

one way or the other. Um, I would be like it would influence me in the sense that I would be asking her questions like what's wrong with them or what happened? But I think if they weren't together when I met or when I met him, then no. Again, Like you said, Katie, it's so hard because each situation is different, like the intensive the relationship. If somebody I dated for me personally, somebody that I went on a date with a couple of times, if one of my

friends wanted to date them, I'm all for it. Now if it was like my ex girlfriend of two years, we're gonna have a different conversation. It all depends on the the intensity of the relationship. I totally agree with you, guys. So let's move on. Let's get to our dating horror story, which is something that we started last week and it's become a weekly segment. And you know, Eastern, I gotta

say Eastern. Between the dating horror stories and the dating terms, we gotta come up with like a song, a jingle, some sort of sound effect where we can introduce these things. Just putting it out there. You know. Uh, Mark, if you're listening, because you have the greatest voice of us all, would you mind reading the sucky dating story that one of our wonderful stuck army listeners sent into us. Yes,

indeed it's from anonymous, which makes it even juicier. I was listening to your latest podcast episode that mentioned the dating story of the guy swing the girl's hair and telling her that her scent was still in his nostrils. Well, I will said, A guy asked me what my blood type was. What I said, I didn't know, and we changed the subject. He brought it up again, said I don't know. He said, do you think your parents would know?

Need Less to say, I'm lucky to still be alive and singing after that weird ash to date the end, that is very very strange, not only that he brought up the first time, but the fact that he asked if her parents would he really Maybe you want to make wonder maybe you went on a date with a vampire. Maybe he wanted to suck your blood and he likes a certain type of blood. You know, like, what is it like? Oh negative? I don't even know blood types?

What if she was like, I have a stomach ache and he needs, like, well, certain types or certain diets, because that was the whole thing. I'd like to think that she went on a date with a vampire. I think it's probably a better story. Jared. I always it too realistic. This guy is looking out for her well being. No, maybe it's like, maybe it's her breeding purposes. Like maybe this guy was I just googled it. A BE negative is the most rare type of blood at point six

percent of people that have it. Maybe he's a BE negative. He wants to breed with another a BE negative person, and he's trying to nip it in the bud and figure out exactly whether or not this person is, you know, breeding material in his eyes. Nonetheless, he should say, by the way, you give the reason because of this, Yeah, or maybe he was wanting her to say her so he could flex with his Oh yeah, nothing like flexing your blood type on a day to really just establish

your dominance. Yeah maybe negative baby, Yeah, oh you're be positive? Yeah, and a half percent people are be positive. I'm may be negative. So whatever. This guy should go on one of those speed dating things and then every person that comes up he just asked their blood type. And then once he gets to the most rare, the A B what was it? What was it? A B? What may be negative? A be negative? That's the winner right there.

Maybe that's what he's just looking for. So what he needs to do is go on the speed dating and as soon as he finds is A be negative, just proposed right then and there, and then he'll obviously probably just you know, a locker in the basement, because that's what it sounds. Beautiful. Genius, Jared, what type of dating term do you have for us this week? Oh? Well, you know it's it's the holidays, everybody, and uh, you know, it can be a stressful time. It could be an

exciting time. This year is obviously a little bit different. Who knows, but I figured I'd go with a festive dating term. So, Katie, I don't know if you remember or not. Each week I present a new dating term to the podcast, to which Dean Mark Easton all give their guesses as to what the hell could possibly mean. So today I'm gonna ask what you think the dating term scrooging is. Now, you guys all know the the

Disney tail. I guess it's not a Disney tail, but just the story of Eberneezer Scrooge and how he hated Christmas and all the holiday season. So today our dating term is, of course scrooging. What do you think scrooging could mean in the dating world? Incredible, Just an incredible term. But I can't wait to pick out what it really means. Ah, yes, Ebnez are a scrooge ba humbug. Yes, I'm gonna say. Scrooging is when, man, this is this is a tough one.

Scrooging has to be something along the lines of, well, I don't know, actually, because it can't just be they just get you know, cranky around Christmas time, because that's not really dating centric. It's got to be something along the lines of maybe, oh, oh, I'm sorry, I have

I think I noted. Is Scrooging someone is when you are too scared to break up with them, and so you start acting like a like a piece of crap, like a jerk and sad and depressed and and all the time, so that way they break up with you. So you're scrooging them by giving them a reason to break up with the essentially, so you start channeling your Ebenezer Scrooge to get out of the relationship. Okay, I

like that a lot. Yeah, yeah. I think someone who scrooges is someone who around Halloween cool things off dramatically, even maybe breaking it up because they want to avoid family time at Christmas, getting you a present, all that crap. But in January they were like, hey, what's up, and all of a sudden things are good again. I think a scrooge avoids the holiday completely, that that is such a scrooge thing to do the opposite season. Um, I was thinking scrooging just my ghosting, but um, I think

that I'm wrong. There are three ghosts in the story, so maybe yeah, Jared Jared Layd, honest man, what what what is it? All right? Well we want to know, all right, well scrooging, I mean Mark, you were pretty on fire here. Well. Scrooging, of course, is when you decide to stop talking to someone right before the festivities and the holiday season begins because you want to avoid buying them a gift. There is scourging. Ladies and gentlemen, don't be a scrooge, Okay, don't end a relationship just

because you don't want to buy them a gift. Can I can I contribute a dating one? Of course? You please? Well, I'm going to contribute in English dating phrase. Or can you guys tell me what is um? Oh, there's a couple. What would you call a rocket? Rocket? A redheaded last that's just just ten out of ten? Oh, that's a rocket, I'm gonna say, because when I think of a rocket, I obviously think of the male reproductive area, a dog's

penis uret obviously. Uh, And so I'm gonna say a rocket is when uh, you, as a male, unexpectedly that part of your body awakens and you're like, what is going Nothing is happening. It's just it's just there. It's like a rocket and it's it's taken off and I have no control over it. I think that's an amazing guess. But a rocket is a hot Chickah, it's just any hot chick, not just a redhead. Yeah, it's not just a red head a rocket, or or you can say, my bird, maybe a red rocket could be like a

really hot redheaded English girl. Yeah, sure that makes sense. What else you got for us? Well here's the thing, so Dean, before we go, First of all, this is Christmas Week. This is coming out the Monday before Christmas. So to everybody listening out there to suck army, Uh, Merry Christmas, Happy holidays. Uh, you know, we just hope

that you have a great, great holiday season. And Dean, we posted that compilation video of of us singing jingle bells, to which I made a small caption which I don't think you were a big fan of because you said it didn't rhyme. But if you say it properly, it rhymes a little bit. So well, here's the thing. So I wrote that as an Instagram caption, and then I was inspired to write a little help I suck at dating jingle bells, little jingle Uh. I don't know how

to phrase that, so here we go. So, because this is what my life has come down to, here we go. It's help by suck at dating. Jingle bells. Jingle Uh. I wish I had music, but you know what copyright, So here we go. It starts off jingle bells. Jared smells. Dean is always late. Oh what fun it is to host the podcast on dating. Hey, We're help by suck get dating on I Heart Radio. We're there for you

when your ex boyfriends starts dating o ho. We tell our dating horror stories, we call out people's bull will laugh in cry together because it's the holidays. In your single, Hey, jingle bells, jarred smells. Dean is always late? Oh what fun it is to host a podcast on dateing. Yeah, thanks, guys, I'm actually sweating. You know. That was good. That was good. My only bit of feedback is, I don't understand why everyone is always has to point out the fact that

I'm sometimes late. I was late today. It's it's the low hanging fruit, I said. I spell yeah, but we all know you don't smell. I was late one time, and now all of a sudden, no one is dropping one time. I've made like, I've made a song about it. I've made uh like four Instagram videos about you being late. I've really capitalized off that one time that you were

like a half hour late. Yeah, I'm sure it's I'm sure if we brought any one of my friends or even Kayla on the podcast, they probably said the same thing. But that doesn't matter because one is right around the corner. Jared before we go and Katie. Actually, I've got questions for both of you, guys. Since Christmas is this week, what do you guys have planned for your partners? What

ladies first? What kind of gifts do you have? Well, he's not gonna listen to this podcast, sou I. He actually carries around a backpack that he's had since two thousand twelve that he brings to football every day. So, um, I just I was like, Oh, I like your backpack, he said, I don't. I hate it. It's not even me. It has studs on it and it's weird. And I was like, wow, he literally wears it every day. I was like, how long have you had it? He said since two thousand twelve. And so I got him a

really nice new backpack. Oh that's awesome. It's very thoughtful that I know he likes. So that's that's gonna That's a great kid. I won't say when I'm getting ash because I'm sure somebody could easily just message her and tell her I got her mostly like funny gifts because she's very hard to shop four where I'm very easy. Mark and I talked about this, like, get me at

the new Patriots sweatshirt. I know I have seven of them, but I will wear like I will wear any Boston sports clothing you will give me with her, It's very different because I'm not gonna buy her beauty stuff. I don't know what the hell to get her. I'm not gonna get her like clothing because I don't know what the hell to get her. Uh and uh, so I'm getting her like an assortment of different things, uh, thoughtful

and nature, funny and others, and then hopefully she'll enjoy them. Yeah. Well, great for the very specific description of what you're getting, You don't You don't want to spoil the surprise. I get that. Maybe next week we'll be able to check back in and see how they all went over and maybe get up. Can you give us a more thorough explanation? Can you give us a glimpse of what you might be getting, Caitlin, I'm sure she's sitting next to you,

so you can't say any details. That's very true. I can't and I won't, and a big part of that is just because I still have to figure out exactly what that's all gonna be. So, uh, next week we'll see exactly kind of how that all went down as well, But we're gonna have to wait till then, Katie. Thank you so much. Thank you for joining us, thank you for killing us. We're already partying ways. Will I ever see you guys again on the poject? Probably you can

come back every week if you want. The door is always open, The virtual door is always open for Katie. And how excited, How excited are we us to put in the rearview mirror. Um. But yeah, Katie, thank you for filling us in on your your, your life, your your relationship with James. He sounds lovely. We can't get to We can't wait to get to know him a little bit better once you guys progress. It's it's a tricky thing when your boyfriend lives across the pond. Um,

but we'll be looking forward to that. Jared, thank you for scrooging us, and thank you too, are a great guest. Maya be sure to check her out at Rewarding Relationships dot com and also, don't forget it, tune in next week where maybe we will suck just a little bit less hopefully probably follow help by suck at dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast