Lending a Hand

not new to that part of that, this mess. But Jared seems a little cramped in his location right now. And Jared, do you want to share with the listeners where exactly you are right now recording this episode. I'm in my wife's glam room closet. That's where I'm at, trying to figure out how to take my mask off. Here's the thing. We have movers here today, very sweet Mayflower Company. If you guys are looking to move at all, you should use this company a nice little shout out there.

We're moving across country l A to Rhode Island. Very excited. And then we have the movers coming today. So I needed to find a space that's quiet, that sounds good for audio, and the first thing I thought of closet. Well, the first thing you thought of was a closet, right, So we get on the zoom video, Jared's in the closet. We're all like, what are you doing in the closet? All of a sudden, Jared's disappears. He reappears three minutes

later in another smaller closet. And if you can imagine a closet, obviously it's not very large, but now imagine a closet maybe like a tenth of that size, And that's exactly what Jared is right now. So you see the sixth sense, you know how the kid gets trapped in the closet and the ghost at Taxon, That's pretty much the closet I'm in right now. I'm fully prepared to have some sort of paranormal activity occur while this podcast is recording. Um. Anyway, it's great episode besides the

weird podcasting geography of where we are right now. So where exactly you're in Rhode Island now? Is that your? No? No No? Still in l A. So today the movers are coming. We're moving out of our apartment in Los Angeles and then our stuff will be making the travel across country. To the destination of around So it's probably gonna get there in ten days. But we fly out tomorrow, which is insane. Man, it's crazy moving And it hasn't really hit us just because we've been packing and been

distracted and busy with other things. And so I think tonight, when we're here for the last time in our apartment that we've lived here for you know, three years, it's going to kind of hit us. It's weird because this is the place, like even though we weren't living, you know, in the actual apartment while these events were occurring, but you know, we got engaged while living here, we got

married while living here, we got lowest while living here. Um, so there's certainly a lot of memories that we're gonna leave behind but hopefully knock on wood for for better things to come. And I know we kind of talked about this last week a little bit, but the decision to move to an island kind of happened pretty quickly. I feel like, well, it's like we've always wanted to move back east. I told her when we got together, it's like a five year plan. You know, we're gonna

spend five years in Los Angeles. But Ultimately, we want to move back east. That's the goal. So we just kind of exp that the process, mostly because of COVID man everything. Look at this, I'm recording our podcast from from a closet. Okay, if I could record from a closet, I can record from a nice little office in Rhode Island. So it's just, you know, everything is remote. I guess I should rephrase that. The decision to move through island

was not a surprise. You're right, because you hadn't planning that for a while. But it just happened much quicker than I expected it too. I thought, like you said, the three five year playing totally. We decided pretty much over the winter that you know, when we were back east for Thanksgiving and Christmas, it just felt good, I mean, like it always does. And and we kept saying to ourselves, why are we going back to l A? Why are we going back to l A? Just because our stuff

is there? That's the only reason to go there. Right now, there's no work for here is here. All of our family is back east. We have some friends here. You oh, dude, I haven't seen you in over a freaking year, probably over a year, and now, uh no, last time we saw each other, it was Valentine's Day last Yeah, it was at Amy's house when we recorded live we had like the live recording with Love Is Blind. Yeah, dude, that was like, yeah, thirteen months ago. You're right, that

is pretty crazy to think about. Um, who are you gonna miss more? Tanner or Jade or Nick Mark? Mind, you can't put me on the spot like this. Actually, so I'm gonna miss them all mutually. But we've already talked about Nick and Natalie wanna like go east this summer and like do a trip over on the East Coast. So they're gonna come, and then Tanner and Jade are definitely gonna come as well. Uh, you know, like I'll miss I'll miss getting together with Nick and have him

just rant the entire time. But he's been greatly obviously he's been dating Natalie. That's been out there so we can talk about it. We got dinner with him on Sunday night, and uh, he's doing really well. They're super happy. I'm super happy for them that Nick is in love. Man, he really is, I think. So. I know that we haven't seen each other a long time, but I haven't seen Nick in an even longer time, if my memory serves correctly. So I don't know this Natalie girl at all.

So can you tell us and maybe, like the listeners a little bit about her. I mean, obviously listen, you know, you're just your Knick's friend. It's kind of weird to talk about his girlfriend, but just like, what's your impression of her? I guess, well, she's great. I don't mind talk about Natalie because I only have good things to

say about her. I think she's perfect for Nick. Um she because, as you probably know, Nick needs someone who allows him to be himself, meaning like allows him to talk while also standing her ground, you know, being able to challenge him. Nick has said this numerous times that he wants someone who can challenge him, and Natalie is the perfect balance between someone who can challenge Nick but also let him just talk invent uh and so I

and they're they're super happy together, and he is. It's great to see because as Nick's friend, and as you know this, we've only really ever seen Nick single. You know, he's he's tried to date Andy on television and Caitlin and and but like you know, in our personal lives, the last time I remember him being in a relationship was Vanessa, and you know, I only saw them a couple of times together and obviously didn't end well. One

of those thing it didn't end well, but they broke up. Um. So seeing Nick just happy in a relationship and head over heels with someone, uh, it's cool, man, It's it's it's really great to see because you just you just he's smitten and it's it's it's weird seeing him smitten, but it's so awesome and she's great. Yeah, I don't think ever since Nick and I became friends. Nick and I became friends after him and Vanessa broke up, So I've never really known Nick in a relationship. So I mean,

like I said, I haven't seen Nick. No. While I would still consider us very close, it just as you know obviously with code and everything. Um, I'm expecting a more melloed out version of Nick whenever I get whenever I get to hang out with him in Natalie. I mean, I wouldn't guarantee that well, you know, but yeah, I don't want to see Um well, okay, I mean that settles that, I guess. Thanks for the Thanks for the update.

I'm moving to the Rhode Island, like it would have been nice to get dinner before you left where you're not even in the laws that were You know, it's totally okay. I am basically just deflecting because I don't really know exactly where to go next with the podcast here. Um. I do know that we have some listener answers to have you ever been called crazy before? Right us that on the Instagram page, um and I know we want

to get to that a little bit. But before we get to that, there is actually something interesting that happened

in Bachelination recently. I mean, obviously there's a lot of stuff happening in Bachlination that's always super interesting, but um, our producers want to talk about this, and I think it's actually interesting topic for us to discuss because it sounds like from what I've read that Amanda Stanton is now dating Karin Olympios is ex boyfriend, and you know that violates girl code, boy code, whatever you want to

call it. So I guess my question for you is what's your stance on dating a friend's X or anything of the sort. I guess the first question is is Karine really good friends with Amanda? I think they are Lara always hanging out? I felt like, really, I don't think I've ever seen them together. I can't think of one instance. I remember on their Instagram pages that they

were like inseparable for a long time. I don't know if that's still the case, but I do remember, because I remember, I had this kind of the same reaction as you. I was like, wait, these guys are friends. I had no idea, And then they were like all over each other's Instagram, so I figured that they were actually legitimate friends. All right, Well that's fair. So yeah, so broken girl code. So apparently Amanda's dating this new guy, Michael Fogel and it's Karne's X. That is weird. So

this is what Karine told us Weekly. She said she Karren says she knows in terms of Amanda, Amanda knows I will always be there for her if she needs me. At the end of the day, I'll be there for her. She's been there for me. She just chose to do something that I don't really think is right in a friendship. It has nothing to do with the guy. I mean goodbye to the guy that such a current line. It was more that it really hurt my feelings that someone

I considered one of my best friends and family. So you're writ team would even just be okay with doing that when I wouldn't look at them at any of my friends boyfriends twice. I don't know, it just feels a little uncomfortable. Apparently Amanda did text Karin. Karin said she texted me to quote, give me the courtesy, which I also really think, I really don't think was the right wording for that. But yeah, she did give me

the courts courtesy in quotes and let me know. Yeah, I mean if she gave if Amanda texted to Karin after the fact, I was like, by the way, I'm dating your ex instead of addressing it beforehand, to be like, hey, I'm going to go on a date and it's with your ax, how do you feel about this? That's kind of messed up. Uh, yeah, I agree. I guess what beckins in my brain is was Karin and this guy super serious? Because if it's like a guy that you

went on a date with one time, who cares. But if it was like a serious boyfriend or something, that's obviously a bigger deal. Well, Kurin saying it's her ex boyfriend so it must be somewhat of a serious relationship. I don't know. Man, girl code, guy code. It is Uh, it's touchy subject talking about dating like one of your friends X. I think I rule it out. I don't think you can do it. I think it's just always going to cause friction in the friendship. It might even

cause friction in the relationship. It's just not worth it. I mean, there's so many people in the world. They I don't know if I don't know if that one person that used to date your friend is your soul mate. Yeah, I agree. I think we've talked about this on the podcast before. I think that, yeah, exactly what you said.

There's so many people out in the world. Don't pick the guy or the girl that's already been dated by one of your friends, because all it's gonna do is cost tension and it's probably not like, well, on the chance you guys end up getting married and spent the rest of your lives together, sure that's great, but many people do you have to date in order to find the person that you're gonna be with for the rest of your life, and then what are the odds that

this is that person? It just like it doesn't really make sense to ruin a friendship over There's only one exception to the rule, and the reason I have to make this exception is because if I don't, then I'm a hypocrite. If you're in the Bachelor franchise, this rule does not apply because technically speaking, Ashley is good friends with Caitlin, and technically speaking, I am Caitlin's ex, so that would be pretty messed up. And then I invited

my ex to the wedding because Caitlin was there. That's really weird. I wonder it was Ashley is not. Yeah, I guess nobody there went on dates with Ashley perfect that worked out well for me? Huh Um, has Kaitlin did it? Anybody that like you're friends with and in Bachelor franchise because like she was on Colton season and you're not friends with him? She did Blake, you're not friends with him? Went on. There's there's no there's no

boundary overstepping for me and Kaylin. I wonder if it's any any over the opposite way, like Kaylin and isn't really friends with Christina or di Low or Rachel or Leslie. So gosh, that list is so long. Um, but in your situation, it's a little bit better because like Caitlin's obviously moved on now that she was upset about dumping you or anything like that, but like, you know, like she's happily with Jason. Yeah, she got engaged two weeks after she told me she was fine. Then she's fine now,

right right, right? So yeah, I don't know. I think we both kind of have the similar similar take on this one, and that is, there's plenty of fish in the sea. Don't date a fish that's already been fished by one of your fish friends. Um, just go find a different fish, right, yeah, find a different fish. Bro code, guy code, girl code. You know, your friends come first. Don't throw your friend under the bus just like go

after someone else. That's it. Um, all right, Well, Jared, why don't you go ahead and read some of the am I crazy? Uh? Questions that we had brought in. What do you say? Yeah, Well, we asked our listeners if they have ever been called crazy in a relationship, and we want to know why you think you've been called called crazy. So here are some of the responses of people being called crazy and how they responded to it.

So one person said, posting a picture on social media so they can see how great I look and asking if I looked good? Consider them crazy? Do you think they're crazy because of that? Posting a picture on social media so they can see how great they look and asking if I loved good? Isn't that the whole point of social media? Not crazy? To me? It seems pretty normal. Yeah, it seems pretty pretty standard for me. It's a thirst trap.

I mean, Dean, be honest. Have you ever posted a photo on social media with the intent of it being a thirst trap? Well? One pent? There were even times someone not petting your closet door. No, that's like a chair dropping. I'm sure probably one of the movers just died. There were times this might be a little borderline crazy. There were times where I would ask my friends to post things because I knew that the girl that I

liked follow them and not me. That might be a little crazy, but I did it and I felt fully normal doing it. So did it work? Uh? Yeah? Every time they would post, like a story or something, it would always be viewed by the person that I wanted to be viewed by pretty quickly, might I add, so crazy? Yes? But effective also yes, what about you. Oh yeah, I've

posted a thirst trap or two in my day. I mean, how do you not isn't especially when social media is first coming around, you know, you posted certain pictures of you looking good to maybe like, hey, this is meant for you really, Like, hey, look I can I can dress up with the best of them. Yeah, I agree. I think that's just kind of that's kind of that's almost like why social media was invented was that you could make your ex as jealous and or you know,

make the guy that you're crushing on. I think you're even hotter than you are a thousand That's why the Instagram filter was credit. I'll tell you that much. Um. All right, So the next crazy one is apparently somebody was crazy for wanting their significant other to plan each date. I don't know if that's that crazy. Um, I think that's a little crazy. It's I think that each date is a lot like, yeah, you should want to plan

some dates, but not every day. Like if you want to go on a date, take him on a date. I do a lot to quit them all the time because she's always like, let's go on a date, and I was like, yeah, sure, date sounds great. Go ahead and plan it for us, and I'll be there, you know, like all planned dates, and I feel like planning dates. And then I think that if they want to go on a date, they should plan the date. You know,

this is an interesting one. Uh. Somebody who's called crazy for wanting to the guy wanting the guy to open all doors for them, that one's pretty crazy. So like if Caitlin was like, I expect you to open every door I walk into with you, do you think that would be crazy? Yeah? I would say you're crazy. Yeah, I say, I'll try my hardest, but I'm not gonna open every like I'm not gonna have the ability to. I'm not superman. Yeah. And you know what quality, Why

doesn't she open up a door or two for you? Huh? Sure? Yeah, I mean I don't. I would necessarily be like open every door for me. But I think that it's kind of still like to have that expectation for your partner to have you open the doors for them, just you know, could be wrong WITHLD be right, Yeah, let's see what else have we got here? Not wanting to share how many people have slept with I don't think that's crazy

at all. I also don't think that's crazy. I don't think Caitlin and I've ever shared that number with each other. Um yeah, I don't think it's a number that you really need to know. I mean certain instances, like you need to know. Hey, if we know someone mutually and we hooked up one night, sure you want to tell them that, be honest, But like to be like, hey, this is how many people have slept with without them asking. That's crazy. Don't like you don't need to know that stuff.

Why would you? Why would you just want to bring up the past and just have people's feelings hurt? Like there's no point, right, I think the most important thing is how many people have you slept with since you and I slept with each other the first time? Like that's kind of like the only really real number that matters in terms of a relationship in my opinion. Oh, a thousand percern? I mean, or you could just you know,

data virgin like I did. Um uh, needing a title after a month of the talking stage, huh depends on how intense to talking stages. If you guys are just texting and you haven't met in person, that's a little crazy. But if you guys been going on dates and hanging out with each other multiple times a week for a month. Yeah, put the title on and slap it on their boyfriend girlfriend. Let's do it. Um, I think that is a little crazy. Explain I think that. Well, I don't know, Maybe you're right,

Maybe it's not that crazy. It's always okay in my opinion, to like desire more or like have us like a need that you want build, right, Like, if one of your needs is having label on the relationship, then yeah, it's it's in your right to go and get that, uh that that label put on the relationship. But like I think, if you have to ask, it's probably not what you wanted to be. And so why don't you

just like sit back, relax, let everything unfold. And I don't know, I guess I'm just a little more laid back than that. But I can see why people would say that. Like I think of a girl who likes a guy and she's worth like the guys like looking at with a girl or something like that, she would be like, tell me what we are otherwise I'm gonna walk sort of thing. So I can see both sides of the argument on that one. Oh, I think it never ends well when you don't put a label on it.

Maybe not after a month, but after like two months. I think guys and girls are just different about this, And I'm right with you, man, I am in the same mindset. I remember in my twenties, like I was this girl and I were hanging out and we were very upfront about, hey, we don't want to be in a relationship, we just want to have fun. And I was very front about it, so she she was like, this is exactly what I want. And then, of course

what happens. I'm gonna sound like a dick saying this, but a few weeks in, like she just wants to be in a relationship and starts developing feelings and we have this awkward conversation where I was like, well, not much has changed for me, and I felt like such a jerk. But I was up front and honest in the beginning, and then things changed over time. I just think as a guy, it's so much easier to be like, oh, yeah, let's just take our time and not think too much

about it and just have some fun. And it never ends up working out in the end. It's like always gonna end messy if you have that mindset. That's why I say just go for it, jump in commit, see what happens, and then you know, let the chips follow where they may. Yeah, no, I agree. I think that's that's that's not a bad way to look at it. All right, Well, we do have a great guest coming up. Well, but we have we do have to get our to

our guest, Jocelyn, because she is waiting for us. Johncelyn Johnson. Joscelyn Johnson say that five times fast from Happeny Happy Partner's Project dot com is joining us on the podcast next we'll still talk about some of these crazy or not scenarios. We also have your wonderful emails, so we're gonna get to all of that in just a second. But of course we've gotta take a quick break. All right,

welcome back to help I suck at dating. Like we said before the break, we have a great guest who's joining us via zoom right now from the Happy Partners Project dot com. It is Joscelyn Johnson. Jocelyn, thank you so much for joining us today. I'm stoked to be here. Good to see you. Good to see you as well. So Joscelyn. Like I said, you are from Happy Partners Projects,

So tell everybody listening right now a little bit about that. Yeah, Happy Partners Project is a relationship check in process for couples. So that really takes shape as questions on cards. It's a physical card deck. There are over eighty prompts and questions for couples that just are proactive. It avoids the we need to talk moment in relationship, right. It more

takes a proactive stance to that. There are five categories sex and intimacy, which we call connection, future gazing, conflict, refriending, and of course I'm like drawing a blank on my last one. Gratitude very nice. You know it always conversations always immediately or awkward if you're to start it off, Hey we need to talk, like you know, it's just going downhill from there. Yeah, that's like, hey, bad news,

Like you might as well just say I have bad news. Um, can you give us some examples of like, for example, like, I know you have the five categories, so let's go sex and intimacy. What would be some of the prompts under that category? Yeah, so this I have one ready for you. So this one is with eyes closed, by show of fingers, from one to ten, what number would you give our relationship right now? And then what would happen? So from one to ten? So um, I might give

what what what number would you give your relationship right now? Jared? From a scale of one to ten? Honestly, a nine. I'm extremely lucky. And if you had to guess, um, what Ashley would give, what do you think she would give nine or ten? She she better, she'd better give you a nine. Yeah, So what's cool about this is that what is a nine? Like, what does the nine mean? You know? It's good and so both parts, Yeah, but both partners get to decide, like what is a nine

to you? Like a nine might mean that we've been hanging out, We've been going on crazy adventures. I've been like traveling with Dean and his van and we've been having a great time. And for someone else it might mean like, oh, we've been holed up in the house and we've watched a movie once together this week, you know. So it just gives the couples a chance to start having more broad discussion around what is a good relationship? What does the nine even mean? What does the three

even mean. And then the follow up to that is like, what actions would we could we take that would bring that closer to a ten, because ten obviously is what we wanted to be at. Yeah, can you even be out of ten? I mean, it is the dream. I think it's not possible, probably, but I do think it is the aspiration. It's the aspiration. But there's no such thing as a perfect relationship, and I think striving towards a perfect relationship is striving towards something that doesn't exist.

I would, I actually would agree with you on that that you know, perfection is not the goal, but the ten and the and the needle may move right, So what is a nine for me today may not be a nine for me in sixty days or even next year or five years down the line. But what it does get us to is like recalibrating, like, Okay, how do we continue to work together to get to the best possible dynamic we want to be creating in our

relationship right now at any given time. By having them closed their eyes and hold up their fingers to answer the question what you're really hoping for is just like spark a conversation to figure out, well, what exactly. It is both partners kind of perceive as their ideal And when you say you have those five categories, you ask that same question for each five categories. No, so, like, let's pull another one here. We've got refriending. What are

the main stressors in your life currently? And what can I do to alleviate that stress for you? If only a small amount? Mm hmm, that means great question. There is a good question. What are my main stresses in like time? Do you have my check engine light has been on for the past like four thousand miles. That's not good. His band's gonna break down at any point before he gets to Colorado. That's pretty stressful. That's very stressful.

You gotta see if Kaylin can like jump online and find you a like repair shop on the way, that's she can be like doing the googling while you're on the road, you know. Warrior over here. I think my big thing when it comes to like stresses like that is it's like I feel like it's my responsibility to fix it myself. So I would never like ask Klin, for instance, to fix the stress for me. You know. Yeah, so it's said that she would be looking to fix

the stress for you. What's the opportunity there is, Like what support could she provide to you as you look to manage your own stress. So the example that I gave there where she's just like jumping online and maybe like you're on the road and you're like, hey, this is becoming imminent and I'm going to be in snow soon. I'm going to call Loorado, So I like, don't want to break down on the side of the road with

my engine. And if I'm like right in that pass on, you know, that section of ice seventy where you're in no man's land, you know, so she may be able to just while she's on her computer find someplace for you that looks reliable. That would be her supporting and alleviating that stress, just even a little bit for you. She's taking care of it for you. You You know, you're a big man, You're a grown man. You could do it. Yeah.

I wish you would just come here, take the van and put the new or two censer and the van's asking for But unfortunately neither of us can do that. And I think it's important though, to also have that conversation about the stress that your significant other puts on you, even on intentionally, because I find it impossible that like the person in your relationship, there's not anything that like annoys you, you know. I find myself sometimes when Ashley

says something that like rubs me the wrong way. I don't know an example, but she's like, oh, why didn't you do that? And then it's just it's like the wrong time, and I'm like, you know what, you know what, really you will you do this that bugs me? And so it just like comes off in anger when it shouldn't be. So I wonder if having this conversation and just be like, you know, listen, something that kind of you know, bugs me a little bit. Don't get bad.

I don't want you to change yourself, but you know, maybe it's just something to be aware of. I think those are important conversations to have and probably improve their relationship. Absolutely. Yeah, So, Jared, what's the last thing that actually did that annoyed you or stressed you out? Do you remember? That's a good question? Actually,

what the hell? So she uh, this is so stupid, But I feel like Dean can relate and hopefully everybody just laughs at me for the fact that I'm even saying this, but we're on Cameo, and Cameo is an app where you get to record, like Ashley and I have the opportunity to record word messages, birthday messages people and it's really cool and it's it's amazing and I would never claim about it, but sometimes when I want to get that, you know, Cameo is done and like, oh, no,

these are expiring soon, let's do them now. And she's like, no, I can't do him now, and she's like, I I need I need to just I need to do I'm going to do them later. Or like we're standing up and I'm like, oh, let's just do this one right now. She's like, no, I need to I can't do it standing up. I need to like sit down and do it. And I'm like why, just get it done. And so that's like I just remember last night because I was

super tired. It was going to bed and we got a notification that I was Cameo is expiring, and I was like, oh crap, we gotta do this and she's like, okay, let me do this for us and I'm like no,

I'm exhausted, I'm going to bed. And anyway, that's that's the last thing that I remember, so very very first world of me to even say that, Hey, but these are the things that like, over time, you know, they can add up and they can build up, and if you don't have an ongoing dialogue about them, then it's when you're in that really flared up place that all of a sudden the brain goes back to that and then you're like, yeah, and remember, like you never want

to do the cameos when I'm ready, It's like, wait a minute, like how is this even really? Like, so giving a proactive space to just air those kinds of grievances and then go back into you know, gratitude and like connection and talking about the things that are fascinating you in your life right then sort of like diffuses the charge out of those moments if you're in an

ongoing conversation. That's why I gave our relationship at nine because if the biggest complaint I have right now I thought my head as cameos, then it's really not not nothing to complained about. Yeah, So Johnson, I was thinking, can you run through some of the cards with Dan and I because I would love to kind of play the game, uh and find out a little bit more about Dean's relationship as well. Yeah, okay, so, um let's

pull up another one. Okay, this one's for Dean. What is so we're going to be answering on the you know, Dean's going to be answering on his side his responses. Ideally, I would be Calin, and i'd be able to, you know, be in collaboration with him around this. But um, let's go to solving conflict. Okay, have I said or done anything consciously or unconsciously? I'm Calin. So has Klin said or done anything consciously or unconsciously that negatively affected you?

Be specific but not accusational in your explanation. Negatively affected me? I don't think so, I mean, anything that Calin says or does, or anyone says or does is really kind of my decision on how I react to it, right, So that's gonna how I always view that. So I would never say that she was responsible for any type of my actions, which I know is that kind of a cop out answer, and like it's obviously not really helpful towards this exercise, but that's kind of how I

always see it. Where it's like, if I even get upset with her for anything. I'm like, I'm not an episode with you. I like just need to figure out how I'm going to handle this situation, Like, you know,

I that kind of thing. Like the last thing that Caitlin and I even had like a fuss about was I hate being like on a schedule, and I hate like being like, Okay, we're gonna be here on this day, like especially when I'm driving the van, you know, because everything kind of is like always moving around, things are changing all the time. Um, And she's going to meet me in Aspen at in my hometown for a couple of days, and she's like, Okay, like what day should

I meet you? I don't know. I don't know what days you should meet me, Like I have no idea what's gonna happen tomorrow. How am I supposed to know what's gonna be happening next week? And then I could like feel myself like getting frustrated, and I was like, why am I responding this way? I don't know, I'm sorry, this is like misdirected anger. So um, that's kind of like what I always think to myself. It's like it's nothing she's doing wrong. It's always like the way that

I'm just like reacting to it, you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, I mean in that situation too, it's great that you're able to even go to the you know, misdirected anger because you've clearly got other things that are going on, and being um directed towards the commitment of a timeline is a lot, right then, you know, commitments hard enough,

especially timeline commitments. Man, totally, when you're a road warrior and you're out there and you're just kind of going, you don't know what's going to come up that could impact your journey. I'm like, listen, my check engine light still on. I don't even know if I'm gonna make it a hundred miles from this point. But but yeah, I like we'll have a full conversation and then like

she's like, I know you hate. She'll like even say that, She's like, I know you hate like scheduling things like expecting when you're supposed to be places, but like I kind of need to know, like I need to book a airplane ticket and I'm a guy, I don't know, I don't know figure it out. Think you figure out on your own, you book it and I'll be there

and I'm you know, like that kind of thing. But yeah, it's definitely like it's definitely not like an issue, but it's like one thing that we like pick her about sometimes for your leadership in that moment, you know she's looking to you for leadership and you're kind of like, I'm not ready to be a leader right this minute. Well it's not even Yeah, I guess it's I guess you're absolutely right. It's kind of like a leadership thing. But it's like I'm like, well, if you want to come,

you come. You like book your flight for when you want to be there, and I'll like figure out on my end how to get there when you want to be there. I don't want to be like, come on this day, because what if she really wanted to come on another day. It's like I want her to make the decision and once she wants to come, and then I'll figure out the rest from there. Jocelyn, I would just like to point out that you're getting an inside

look of how we schedule the podcast. He's like, why we why we're going to do it every week at twelve o'clock on Friday, Like, sure, I'm free this Friday, but next Friday, who knows what the hell I'm gonna be doing to be in the life in the head of the last like three weeks, especially to or No. I think there was like three weeks in a row where I was like, hey, can we push the podcast back like two hours day? And every time they're like, no,

all right, I'll figure it out. In the last three weeks alone, I was like I wanted to take so bad and like, hey can push it. But I've been pretty good lately. I gotta say you've been great. I can't complain you've been great lately. And I've actually appreciated the listening and hearing that you're at the top of a mountain this day and like, you know, figuring out

the WiFi connection that day. It's kind of I'm living vicariously through you in the moments as well, Like I like keeping people on their toes, so in those moments though, when Kaylin is wanting that leadership from you, it may even just be used to being able to say it. Let me take a break, come back and think about it and get clear on like what a time like I could look like, and then actually go back to

her and give her some give her what she's looking for. Yeah, no, I know I can handle that all lot stuff better. I'm working on it. I um I uh yeah. I like shut down and I like get a like annoyed, and I don't like being annoyed. But I don't know how to describe it. It's like my thing is. It's like it's like if it's your thing, you figure it out and then we'll like find a way to come together,

you know what I mean. But I understand your point of like just like making a decision and then sticking to that decision, like it definitely helps, especially with timelines and all that kind of stuff. Definitely something I'm working on. I want to I would like to say that Johnce and I did want to get to one of the categories future gazing. Um so, but do you know I want you to play along in Johnston, I want you to play along as as well. And it says to

list three power words or phrases that some up. How do you want your relationship to be so Jocelyn, why don't you start because you've created the game, so you know how to play better than us. What are three words or three phrases that some up the relationship that you want to be in. Oh, so in our relationship, we're committed to radical transparency. So that's one of the words that that guides how we communicate. What's difference between

transparency and radical transparency. So radical transparency means I'm willing to be honest with you about really anything that comes up, and some of that may not always be prettier what you want to hear, but I'm committed to telling you what my truth is in that moment, which is different than brutal honesty to be honest, because brutal is like

not being willing to soften maybe what you're experiencing. But um, for instance, for me, if there's a moment where you know, my partner is perusing social media or he like checks out some woman and I'm like, oh, did you think she was hot? I would rather him say like, yeah,

I think she's hot. I was like looking at her, not from a place of like him wanting to be with her, but just acknowledging like, yeah, I was like checking her out because of whatever, whatever whatever, Right then being like oh no, of course I wasn't, and actually going into a lie because if he's willing to default to a lie on that, then what other things is

he willing to default to a lie on? Right, So I'm I'm more accepting of of his truth or his honesty in that moment then of allowing like there to be all these little gateways to lies and not non truths. Yeah, I think it's great career. In the podcast last on the podcast last week, I said it and I'll say it again, there's that Henry Throughout quote that says, more than love, more than fame, more than money, give me truth. And I think that really kind of really nails it.

Like just be radically transparent about everything that's going on, because, yeah, you're gonna find other people attractive. I say, that's scaling all the time. I like it's funny. We've even gone to the point where it's like I see like a hot guy walking down the street, I'm like, Wow, that guy is really hot. Yeah, And it comes from a

very secure places. It's just like fun to talk about because like I feel like a lot of couples you're looking grain to like only talk about how attractive you find each other, which is obviously obviously absolutely true, but like there are still it's a world full of attractive people out there, you know, Yeah, and the hard conversations ultimately, like what bring you back together and allow you to continue to evolve over time, Like we're not going to

be the same people today that we are in you know, even a month, Like I said that earlier in in this conversation, I am going to be fundamentally a different person in five years. And Jared, I think you've mentioned that you guys are contemplate eating family in those types of moves as well, So what you want today is going to be different than what you want once you have a family and once you guys have kids that have left the house. So being able to be committed

to like a full discussion is important totally. And I think uncomfortable conversations are extremely important. We're kind of seeing that with Race right now, specifically in the Bachelor franchise. And you know Emmanuel Acho who's hosting the afterfinal rows. He does the uncomfortable conversations with the black Man, which

are extremely uh engaging and great. So I advise everybody to go watch them, especially if you're a Bachelor fan, so you can familiar eyes with Emmanuel, but not just with Race, but just relationships and your partner and having uncomfortable conversations because life can be quite uncomfortable at times, and it's important to express yourself in radical transparency, as you said. So, Dean, what is one word or phrase that describes the relationship you want to be in? Bro?

Maybe like adventurous? Okay? Is that fair? Yeah, that's very fair, adventurous relationship. Do you think Caitlin Callen seems that she's very willing to be adventurous for you? Uh? Well, I would like her to be adventurous for herself rather than adventurous for me, because that would just like me and she's doing what I want rather than doing what she wants. But yeah, I don't know. I think I think she's very courageous espencially when it comes to like traveling and

all that kind of stuff. She's like just broadening her horizons and still working on it. But um, I think the more exposure she has to like taking risks and you like, getting outside of her comfort zone, the more keen she becomes to them do it later on. And I think that kind of comes like like I didn't start doing all that stuff until I was the age that she's at now. So I've kind of fully understood

that I've got a four year head start on her. UM. But yeah, that's kind of what That's what I would say. What about you, what's yours? Dean? I'm also curious. I'm also curious from from Dean if that adventurous translates into other areas of the relationship, not just like outdoor adventures or being willing to try new things, if that actually means just adventurous as like a personality type sort of adventurous and all kinds of categories of your Oh, I mean,

I think that's absolutely true. I think my biggest fear is like monotony or like normalcy. And I think by being adventurous, even just outside of like exploration and extreme activities and all that kind of stuff, like you don't have to be super into that stuff, as long as you can be like a like a crazy interesting person to hang out with. And I think being crazy interesting

kind of falls in hand and hand with being adventurous. UM. And that's what that's what I appreciate so much about Kalin is even when we're not doing something that like is is like physically stimulating UM, like sky diving or skiing, or whatever. We can still like just hang out and like be like just throw complete curveballs at each other in terms of like being goofballs. And so that's what kind of what I appreciate, Like it maintains the excitement

even when we're not doing anything exciting. You knowable our time is running out but quickly, Johncelyn, I wanted to ask you, what are your two other uh phrases or words that you use to describe the relationship you want to be in. Mine would also be fun and curious. Curious is good. Yeah, curiosity is really great. I'm just a voracious learner and curious and so in our relationship and outside is great. Yeah, curious about life, curious about

each other, like all kinds of topics. If there's a question, I am curious to find out the answer. And I think that brings a lot of juju and juice into our relationship. Yeah, that's for sure. I remember, well, I was gonna say, I remember my my cover letter out of college was whenever I was applying for jobs, I had a quote from Einstein that said, I have no special talents. I'm only passionately curious. And I think that

still holds some truth today. I think curiosity is very often overlooked and it's like pretty important, I think in terms of personality. But Jared, we haven't heard a single one from you. Let's hear one from you. What's your word that describes your relationship with Ashley? I would say supportive. Um, yeah, Uh, what's a good one? Um, I'd say supportive. I mean curiosity is a great one as well being curious about

different aspects of life. Just being curious about everything I think is extremely important and being open minded um, because I have certain things that I really care about. And one of my favorite parts of my relationship with ash is that she's so willing to uh invest in the things that I'm passionate about and that means so much to me. Like it sounds so stupid, but the fact that she goes to Patriot Gains with me and where's Tom Brady Jerseys and like it's just all about it.

It just brings me so much joy that I got to share the experience of the things that I love with the person I want to um or even going to you know, see superhero movies, which is something that I really enjoy, you know, being able to just share those experiences with Ashley, and her being so open to wanting to experience those things with me because she knows how important they are to me is something that gives me so much gratitude towards her. Uh and thanks me

so happy that you know, she's my wife. So I'd say, um, you know, support would be a good one, caring, and then uh, you know, obviously loving Tom Brady. Those are my three phrases right there. Yeah, the last one carrying the most day, I agree, open mindedness, I think is a good one. I'm gonna steal that one, open mindedness for minding Calin as well. And the third and final one for me is consistent. And I think one thing that I haven't had in a lot of relationships, both

romantic and platonic through friends is consistency. And so I appreciate how Kalen and my relationship isn't like voll at all, Like we don't like yell at each other, we don't like get super upset with each other. It's very consistent, very like comfortable. And I think that like all of my anxiety melts away because I know that we're not going to be like you know, pins and needles, hot and cold kind of thing. So I think those are those were some good. Those are good nine adjectives to

describe relationships. Guys. I'm really proud of us. Question. It's all because of the game. So everybody needs to go check out Happy Partners Project dot com. Check out the Happy Partners Project, check in deck nailed it. Nailed it. That's so cool. This game is amazing. If you guys are in relationships, or even if you're just starting off with someoney, you want to get to know them more and really build upon your relationship, you should definitely get

this card game once again. Go to Happy Partners Project dot com. Jocelyn Johnson, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. You were great. Yeah, thanks guys. Thanks welcome back, suck Army. Thank you so much for sticking through the commercials and getting back with us here. So we're gonna go ahead and um kind of keep on going with the crazy or not crazy bit, and then we're gonna jump into one quick email before getting out

of here. Jared, it sounds like you have the crazy Am I Crazy list in front of you right that I do, my friend, So one person was called crazy because they said I was overthinking everything when I would only ask questions. I'm not gonna that sounds a little crazy. I can totally see how someone could be perceived as a little nutty by overthinking every aspect. And the only reason I say that is because I over analyze everything in my life and I self described myself as a

little cuckoo. Yeah. I I would never call Klin crazy for asking questions, but sometimes she asks a lot of questions and I'm like, why do any of these questions matter? Like just none of these matters to anything, Like they're just pointless questions. But then she's like, I just want to know, and I'm like that makes so much sense. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything like obviously you have every right to know. So I'm the crazy one and ask the situation. I think it's fine to ask questions,

it's what's wrong with being curious? Yes, fine ask questions. But sometimes when I ask questions, like you said, it's it I I get so worried about certain things, which is why I'm asking questions. And then I I have like a moment where I have to center myself and realize none of this matters, like it just go outside, enjoy the fresh ear. You know you're fine, You're fine.

What what are you stressing about? So that's how I perceived this crazy or not with asking questions, because sometimes I asked too many questions and it's like, why are you worried about these things? And you're like, I don't know, I'm just crazy. There aren't crazy questions. Like let's say someone's unsure about like the sanctitude of the relationship, and they're asking, like, where are you going? Who are you going there with? Is there gonna be any girls? There?

Are you guys gonna drink? Like? There's definitely a line that gets crossed that goes from being in quizzed like curious to being crazy. And I think that line is, you know, it can be cost pretty easily. But yeah, I I don't know, crazy, but only kind of crazy. Somebody said that they're significant others called them crazy because she said that she thought it was weird that he put his quote boys nights in his calendar. Listen, boys nights are very important. We need that, Like sometimes I

just need like guy talk. I don't think that's crazy. Yeah, I agree, It's like I think it would be nice to be like if let's say the girlfriend was like trying to play at dinner or something and he's like, let me check my calendar quick. Oh wait, I have boys knight schedule that night. I can't do it. Like it kind of makes sense, like why wouldn't you put it in your calendar if it's something that you're looking forward to totally like your entire schedule, Like my entire

schedule revolves around Ashley. So if I want to have a cool boys night and like play poker or something, I have to write then my calendar and schedule it out because I know that she's gonna like Ashley makes my schedule pretty much. She's the one who's like we're doing this that day, this that day, this that day.

So the only way I'm gonna be able to make any plans with my friends is by scheduling ahead of time and putting in the calendar like two months ahut of time, right, And it kind of like lets you off the hook. Like let's say you're like, oh, sorry, I can't do that. I was gonna go hang out with my friends, and then you could like she could be like or he could be like whoever is like, you know, trying to make the plans that the other person could be like, I'm gonna get to the point.

Uh Like, oh, you're just saying that because you want to get out of the plans and I'm trying to make right now. And you could be like, no, look, this has been in my calendar for a long time. I'm going to boys name. Oh totally all right, We'll have one more crazy, uh and listen, but we're not calling these people crazy. Uh, Soccer Army. Just want to make sure that you don't think we're like shaming these people.

It's it's it's all for a parody. Come on now, but one more crazy or not question, answer whatever you want to call it. Asking my person to always back me up and be on my side. I mean, I don't think that's crazy at all. Like I'm pretty sure I'm told actually like, oh yeah, if you killed someone, I'd still be I'd still have your back. Yeah that's crazy. I mean that's a little crazy, I guess. I mean,

obviously it would depend on what the scenario was. She just like, straight up, I don't think I can I can't let you have the hook on that one. There's definitely things that Caitlin could do that, I'd be like, what the hell did you do that for? Like, I's kind of messed up. In fact, I think I've done that before where I'm like, that's kind of silly of you to do, and I don't support that. But that's

also because I'm crazy. But I think it's kind of crazy to like blindly support someone or something that's like out of your control entirely. Yeah. It's a tough one though, because like love makes you do crazy things. So like sometimes you back up people when you know they're in the wrong because you love them and you care about them and you want to support them. I don't know. That's like saying I love America regardless of what happens. No,

that's not true at all. America could bad. I don't love America like that, but I love like I love Ashley like that. I'd say love I love my parents like that. Like God forbid, something that wasn't doing went out and murdered someone, I would be like, WHOA, I'm sorry, I'm getting the heck out of here. I don't I don't need an explanation, like unless it was an accident, Yeah, fine, I guess I could like see past that but if she like, uh, straight up turned into sichel Myers, Yeah,

I'd be like, nope, sorry, I'm out. Um Yeah, that's crazy. That's crazy, I'm saying. I'm I'll shame people too, including any that's crazy and I think that you should be shamed. Well, let's get to an email before we Before we, Uh, you have too much flak to any of our suck army. So Mark, you want to read an email for us? Well, Mark actually dipped out, but we have the wonderful, amazing voice of an angel Easton here to read our wonderful emails.

You know, I agree to do this stuff just because you guys seem to levy huge compliments on me every time, so I appreciate that. Hey, anytime, that's what we're here for. Eastern. Before you read this email, I have a feeling that you and I are about to say the same thing. I would just like to paint a picture for our listening audience. Easton is looking very dashing and a nice green crew neck sweatshirt. Green. I don't think I've ever seen you wear that color before, Eastern, but boy, oh boy,

it looks very good on you. Thank you very much, Tana. I don't own a lot of green. This is a this is a California Adventure sweatshirt from two thous one that I bought on eBay and east And I was just gonna say, I watched the finale of One Division and I need to talk to you about it off air, obviously no spoilers. Is that you good? Because I asked the first episode and I was like, this show sucks. It's good, It's a great show. It's so good. It's good.

It is good. But I think Easton and I are going to be I have some disagreements about how good it is for a non like for a non comic book fan. Is it a good show you think? Or is it kind of like you have to like kind of be interrenched in the universe a little bit. I think it's great if you're an oncommon. My wife does not give a rat's ass about these things, and she loved it. It was her favorite thing. Marvel's done nice. I agree. I think there's there's a lot of good

in it. And I don't think you need to be a super fans to know what's happening. I think you need to be a superman to like, really really appreciate everything that's happening in the show. But no, you could totally casually watch so and be like, oh, that was really good. Anyway, enough about one of it. All right, let's do an email here. This is from anonymous. Those are our favorite, so Nick Vile, imagine your emailsking this question. I have always been told that men have a higher

sex dribe than women, especially my age. I'm a female at twenty one years of age. My boyfriend's twenty two. We've been dating for four years, and our sex life has always been on his timeline. When we started dating, we're really young and we were on the same page. But recently it's been short and infrequent. There are other red flags in the relationship, but they're all related to drinking. We hang out one on one mostly and he is always drinking. Is this normal in your opinion? Is this

normal for young people? Is this a reasonable Is this a reasonable grounds to end a relationship. It's starting to feel like we don't line up, but I'm not sure how much of a red flag that is for our future. Um, that's tough. And the O reason I said when she said twenty one female because I was going to try to make a joke about Nick being twenty one year old female, but really just fell flat. Um. Yeah, this one's tough because I don't know enough about the situation.

Like normally, of course you're like, oh, twenty two year old guy, like he wants to have sex every five minutes, But it obviously depends on the individual, depends on the scenario. Like I'll be very transparent when I first started, you know, getting into that aspect of life in my late teens early twenties, Like, I had struggles sometimes because it's just it's a learning curve, and sometimes I didn't know why I was having difficulties that it just sometimes would happen

that way. The human body is a curious thing. Curious seems to be the word of the podcast. So, um, it could be his own insecurities coming out because he feels like maybe, um, he's underwhelming in that department. I don't really know, um, or he it could be a major red flag and he's not sexually attracted to you. The only thing I didn't like was when she said, um,

our sex life has always been on his timeline. I don't really know what that means, Like, you guys only have sex when he wants to that's not that's not fair. Sounds like that, and it's probably whenever he finishes, it's over kind of thing, you know what I mean. I got that vibe too. Let's know what I interpreted as. I think it's I think what's important to do with this one is uh is start from the back and

work our way forward. So she at the very end, she says, is this grounds this is another reason to end the relationship. And I just want to go ahead and say absolutely, yes, it totally is. And I don't think you should even feel bad for ending a relationship because your partner is drinking so much. Like, have the conversation with him, see if he wants to change, If he doesn't a thousand percent, that's your that's your decision to make, and I would support it if you decided

to leave the relationship. Um, four years also is a long time. I don't know you. I mean, you guys have obviously been a long term relationships. I'm not gonna go ahead and speak on behalf of your sex lives. I'm just gonna go ahead and say on average, I would suspect it's like a normal downward trending line in terms of frequency, at least in my own experience, I

can speak in terms of that. That's definitely how it's gone. Um. And I would like to point out to Jared kind of said it, like, you know, you're twenty two years old. You what like you? I mean, I drank a lot when I was twenty two years old. I'm twenty nine. Now I drink a little bit, but not nearly as much as I did back then. I think that's like a perfectly normal thing to do. Um. But I do want to point out an emphasize you shouldn't feel guilty

for leaving a relationship because of alcohol. Like if you think he's drinking too much, get other relationship. Yeah, I mean I keep thinking about like they've been a relationship for four years, he's they're like what in their early twenties, Like, yeah, he's gonna drink a lot. And also when you've been when you've been dating someone for that's a long time, Like you know, that's longer than I have been married. That's that's a long time. If you've beending someone for

that long, it's gonna go down. But I think what you need to do is just talk to him about like, hey, these are things that are troubling me. And I'm sure he's very supportive and engaging partner, and he's willing to hear if you have a problem. I know I would want to know. My biggest fear is that I'm doing something that's making my partner unhappy and I have no idea because men are clueless and they think everything we

do is perfect. Uh so it's not, yeah, exactly, So she you know, she just needs to talk to him about it. But also, like Dean said, you know, these are things that are important to you in a relationship, and you shouldn't feel guilty if you want to end it for those reasons. Four years is a long time, But Anonymous, this is what I think you should do. I think you should go to Happy partners Project dot com.

Picked yourself up a Happy Partner's project check in deck okay, because I think you need to check into your relationship. You said you want to play this game with him, and then you make sure that the card on top is about set and be like, oh, look at this. You know, like how many times a week to you want to have sex? And then it can just get the conversation the ball rolling, so you can be like, hey, listen, these are some of my insecurities. It feels like we're

not as intimate anymore. You've been drinking a lot. I would definitely not come about it in an accusatory way. I would try to come about it from an understanding, in a place of care and say I love you, I want to be with you, but these are things that are concerned me because it's tough. It's tough having serious conversations when you're earning your early twenties, because like, you know, you're just having fun. You're twenty one and twenty two, and you have your whole life ahead of you.

And so I would try to have a serious conversation, but I'm not going to say it's gonna be easy, But that would be my advice. It's funny how quick we are to talk about sex with our friends, but then when it comes to the actual people that we're having it with, we're like kinda, you know, tiptoe around the subject a lot. Like I think I've talked about

this on the podcast before. I didn't really start asking girls what they preferred romantically until I was like twenty six seven years old, and I'm like, why did I wait so long to start asking these questions that seemed like I should have been asking them since the very beginning. It's hard, though, because I think it's hard because I was just gonna say, like, as a guy, you're like

expected to know. I'd say that's the one thing that sucks about being a dude, even though I'm very grateful to be a guy, especially while seeing actually trying to get pregnant, Like there's a lot that goes into the human body. Um, but uh, it's just like, as a guy, at least in my twenties, I like I was always operating under the fear that like it would be unsexy if I asked them what they liked, you know, because it's just as a guy, you're like, oh, I'm supposed

to know these things. I'm supposed to take control and and you know, be the one who who pleasures here, you know. Yeah. I remember building up the courage to ask that the girl was having sex with, like in high school, like what what am I doing wrong? What do you like? And she's like, I don't know, I don't know what I like, you know, and she's like, just do whatever you want. And I remember feeling like

let's let's let's mess up. It's not it's not about Yeah, I feel grateful just to be having sex with you, exactly. I agree, though it's silly. It's like, yeah, we're expected to know, but then do we also think that they're expected to know what we like because not to get to like graphic or anything. But like, I feel like women are conditioned to think that guys don't like hand jobs. I fully enjoy that. I think that's probably one of

my top two favorite things. But like girls, I think just you know, they assume because the guys always talk so nigly about them. I don't know, but you're right. I think radical transparency, as Jocelyn put it, is the most important thing. Uh. And and to our anonymous emailer, try yeah, like Jared said, go on that website and shy and see if you can spark some conversations because it does sound like that could be pretty beneficial. And try and practice some radical transparency. But uh, that that

was good. That's that seems helpful in my opinion. Um, that's gonna do it. For this week's episode of Help I suck a dating Jared from his closet in California and me from my van in Rollins, Wyoming. We would like to thank you guys for listening to this week's episode of Help I Suck At Dating. Thank you to Easton for for reading the email for us and for sharing his story about him being able to do whatever he wanted with his high school sexual partner. UM that's always.

Thank you to Jocelyn as well, Jared. Where could our listeners find Jocelyn's resources? You got a Happy Partners Project dot com dot com. That's where you can learn more about Jocelyn. Learn more about the Happy Partner's Project check in deck, which is just a fantastic name. Yeah there you go check it out, uh, and be sure to tune in next week because it's gonna be a great episode and you know what, maybe we'll suck just a

little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast