Leaving a Hoop Behind

As she's ripping shots across amigos over there too. Um So, Alexis just off air explained to us that she was drinking for her in Ravens podcast, which if you haven't listened to that one yet, it's called Girls Night, be sure to check that one out. Yeah, we're gonna plug that probably a few more times throughout the course this podcast obviously. Um So, for the listeners out there, if you hear Alexis getting a little saucy, it's because she's probably already like seven shots in. I really can I'm

going to after this? So are you serious? Yeah? I can do it. All You drink and then work out you were a t I haveed well the gym. I think it's about to close. So I'm gonna I need to get my last one end. Like they're shutting, their shutting, the gym's down again. But you're not like in a rush you get out of here anything, are you? Oh no, you guys have a hundred percent Alexis right now, So come at me like, like I said, just feel pret to take as many shots as you want throughout the

entire episode. But Alexis, we haven't heard from me in a while, you know, like you like we said, you have your own podcast with Raven over there, but billists in on what's going on over in hoop Nation. Okay, so hoop Nation has been still active, but obviously not as crazy right now because of everything that's going on. But I am blessed that I still have my company

and like everything, but it's been slow. So the podcast is actually so helpful because it's getting it's basically me and we're even having a therapy session talking about Adam and Tyler. So it's good to like because when quarantine is really bad, we were able to go to the studio still, so it's like we can go like out of the house like and we were able to go twice a week, so like, thank God for that. But other than that, I've been just drinking tequila and kidding.

Sounds good. When did you start? When did you start dating Tyler? I met him through one of the girls on next season. We actually had a while on our episode today. Shout out to neck favorite anonymous email. Yes, he's a big fan to help us second dating? Are you guys being sarcastic? Hey? Nick? Um? We called him today and we said that he's our favorite ex boyfriend. He really is my favorite ex boy friend now that I think about it. He's a good ex boyfriend to have.

He'll always give you a great advice. Hey, Ashley, Sorry, actually just walking in the background. This is what happens when you record podcasts at home. Your significant others just walk in the background, which is totally fine. Um. Well, the reason I asked so, I want to know how long he guys have been dating because I'm curious did you start dating like right before Quarantine? And I'm just curious about like the effect that Quarantine has had a

new relationship. No, they'd been dating for like never dating for like two and a half years. Oh Jesus, I longer than that, right, Well, we met prior to paradise and then I was going on paradise but like I was banging him, but like, I like, what am I supposed to do? Like not cool? Right, So everybody was like and I was also twenty three. I was like, I don't know if I like like like him, don't even remember like having sex with in the first four times,

So sorry, Tyler, he doesn't. No, I tell him that every like every day, I'm like, I don't remember having sex with like the first four times, so it's just like blackout. But yeah, so then I went on paradise. I realized I like didn't like anybody, sorry Dean and no, but I just and then we just kept booming and then now we're in love. That's awesome. Do you think quarantine has strengthened your relationship, made your relationship a little bit more stressful, or has not affected it at all?

I feel like if he answered this question, it didn't affect us at all because he is never starts fights. I'm a psychopath and very dramatic, so when I'll just be bored and like I'll just like like a fight for no reason. But he was an example. What's last

thing you guys thought about? Oh, we just want today, like literally five minutes because he says that I'm leaving my sneakers by the door and like I should put them away, and I was like, I read an article that like if COVID can transfer from sneakers and then that just stuck in my head or like shoes, So I just leave him by the doors when I want to bring him like to the bedroom, and he's like, can you like put your shoes away? And I was just like I snapped though, like I have a ah.

But he loves it, like if I didn't have if he didn't have me, I'm very entertaining. If if he didn't have me, he would be so bored with his life. Always does play like watch golf and play golf. I mean, I feel like we'd become best friends already just opposite, but it works and I always do uh Dean's videos of Kalen I have single one because Tyler is very he's very business smart, like he's amazing, but common sense. I'm not saying Kilan has no common sense, but Tyler

has no common sense. He's not that smart amazing business like literally is has some money. That's why I'm with him. But um, I'm kidding, O kidding, but I always do the questions that you ask Caitlin, and he falls from every single time. It's amazing. I know I need to we need to like stockpile a bunch of those so we can start knock them all out. I know I need to copy, I need some new ones, so come on, help me out. But I think for Quarantine, I mean, it has its good days and bad days. Some days

I love him, some days I hate him. But I feel like he always loves May, which is all that matters. I've got a question for you about the golf thing. Have you ever wanted to play golf with him? Yeah? We did play golf together and cose Strika and I literally have the worst ad so I can't do the whole eighteen. I can only do nine and went and drink. Yeah, but I'm I'm pretty good. I asked that because I golf a lot as well, and Kitlin's always well, not always,

but uh. There have been talks of getting her on the golf course and like teaching her how to play golf and stuff. But I figured it's just one of those things where if you don't enjoy it by now, you're probably not gonna enjoy it. So I figured if Tyler is always playing golf, like it might encourage you to get out there and like, like you said, drive

the card around, maybe doing the club a couple of times. No, I like when he goes, so then I have the house to myself, you know, like Tomorrow's birthday and I was gonna set up like this whole thing at the house. And he's like, well, I'm gonna go play golf, and I'm like, yes, what are you gonna do for him? I don't know, probably throw out Monterrey and make some mistake. What is it? What do they call him? A strip called?

It's like legs and eggs. That's what I'm doing. I'm gonna make him nice seak because I learned to cook during quarantine and just when he walks in have lingreal. But then he would have to shower after golf. So what am I going to do in the meantime, just just going on the shower with him? It's his birthday, Yeah, but I'll be like old doll d up in my lingerie already true true, true, And you don't want to get your all messed up. I want to look good,

So we'll say. But yeah, I know, he's just a very chill, simple man, like good, good kind man, doesn't talk a lot. So well, let's talk about this. So it's been two and a half years you guys have been dating, right, Where the heck is the engagement ring? All I care about our hoops right now? I can't even think about an engagement ring, sorry, the engagement hoops. Then I guess I should say, yeah, I'll take an

engagement hoop, but not an engagement ring. But I mean, we'll see or even thinks it was going to happen if quarantine didn't happen. But I'm just like, he's also lucky because I'm only twenty six and I still have some time. I feel like, right right, your biological clock has given you a few extra years here, plenty of time. And I'm just like, I just I am so focused on hoot Nation and just like my personal finances, like I want to be so financially stable when I get engaged.

I don't know what how that comes across, but I just want to be secure in myself before I get engaged. So what was I thinking going on, Nick Filesyson? Because I was like literally just got out of college. I mean you were thinking what we were all thinking, take take advantage of the opportunity. So I just was like, okay, I just was going with the wow, like I mean,

if it happens, it happens, it doesn't doesn't. Do you think, like looking back on your season of Nick, do you think that you were like actually developing feelings for him one time? I did my vagina dance once. I actually told him on the podcast my vagina dance one time. But I think it was just because he was the only guy there that I could make out with. And then he made like some jokes. I told you, I think Jared, I told you this. He made some jokes and I was just like, yeah, I don't know. I

don't know about this. I got to hear the jokes. What are these jokes? Do you remember the joke at all? Oh? It literally there was two of them he made, and I was just like, Yeah, this isn't gonna work because humor is a big thing for me. Even humor is a big thing for me, even though Tyler literally is not funny at all. But um see, I feel like you need I feel like Tyler from the way you're describing him, is perfect for you because he seems like quiet and stable and you just like you throw the

kitchen sink at him. But that's what you guys. You bound to each other off so well. Yeah, and he helps me with business very well, Like he helps me with my business. He like puts me in my place. He's a good person for me because you have each other out. Yeah, while you did that for him, you bring like the fun side out of him, which is something that he needs. Yeah. Probably, I don't know when he gets fun because it's very rare when he drinks

the Costa and he goes with you. Yeah, No, he drinks the Costa a zul which is like so expensive. I'm like, he's so bluegie, I can't. I'm like super expensive too. I mean it's not cheap, it's not cheap, but the Costa Zula bottle is like, I think, like fifty dollars. I remember that. The first time I ever got like, um, like a booth at a club, we were in Vegas and it was our first Vegas trip.

So we paid for a booth and we're like, we'll we'll pay a bottle, like we'll buy a bottle, will split it will be fine and then they give you the menu when you're at the club and like the cheapest bottle is like Tita's for seven fifty dollars, and you're like, wow, this was the biggest mistake of my life. Now, like you could have literally brought a bottle Tinos and brought it to the club. No, it's so crazy. Anyway, that's just reminded me of the story. Um, but we

have a great podcast coming up. We obviously have Alexis and Alexis, you're gonna stick around for the entire thing. Thank you for doing that. We appreciate it. We also have Tracy McMillan coming up. She's been on the podcast before and she is on once again. She is the host of Family or Fiance, which airs on the Oprah Winfrey Network every Saturday night. We're gonna also answer some emails later, one of which is from anonymous a k A. Nick by All. Thank you Nick. Uh, So make sure

you stay tuned. But before we get into Tracy, let's take a little break al right, everybody, do you welcome back to help I suck at dating? Uh? We have a very special guest. You guys have heard from her before. Tracy McMillan. Ladies and gentlemen, Tracy, how are you? I am great, How are you guys? We're doing good. Thanks for coming back. Remind us the last time we saw you. I think we saw each other in February, But that was like that other year that It's like in that

movie Being John Malkovich. There was like the seven and a half floor. That's what the first part of this year was. It was like this three month thing that would happened in the middle, you know. And and so since we saw you last and correct me if I'm wrong, But you have this new show Family or Fiance coming out right? Um, but I have the show then too, Oh you did have it then? Okay, I don't remember talking about it then. And now we're back with more

new episodes every Saturday night on the network. And so are these like real episodes? Are these the quarantine version of the episode? Real episodes? But our show is basically

Core Team. We take a couple who wants to get married and their families who are against it, and move them all into a house and keep them there until they work it out or not or or break the engagement, whichever comes first, right right or the entanglement, I guess is that which has the been the buzzword lady, the thing let's I mean, entanglement is the word of the day. You know, Well, let's talk about entanglement a little bit. What do you think it means? Well, I think an

entanglement it's great. I mean in a way, it's like anything that two people can negotiate is fine, and no one can say what two people have been married for twenty years should negotiate. It's like a healthy relationship is all about stating needs and then negotiating how to meet those needs with the two partners. And the more creative you can get and the more the better it is. And when people leave relationships, it's because they have needs

that are not getting met. So I feel like if they came up with a way to make it great. So are we using the word entanglement as a buzzword for an open relationship? Like let's say Caitlin and I start having an open relationship. My other endeavors have become entanglements. Is that what the entanglement? No, because I think the entanglement is more about the relationship with August than it is about the relationship with Will. Do you know what

I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, it's like the third party. It may or may not be open, who knows, but the entanglements definitely happening. I want to hear your thoughts on this. Yeah, I don't think that the entanglement. I don't think they have an well, I don't really know what happened with the whole August thing. I didn't understand the entanglement either, But I like how Bill called her out and was like, what does an entanglement mean? He's like, so, but they

were separated, so it was basically a relationship. They were separated at the time. But I mean, I don't know. I'll let you know when I even get engaged. I'm not even at twenty five years marriage. So I think part of it is that she chose someone who is

not necessarily going to be like a marriage partner. He's twenty years younger than her, And it feels like the part of the reason they call it an entanglement is because it's not really gonna go anywhere in the traditional sense of most relationships, Like it would be unusual for somebody to leave their husband for somebody twenty years younger, so that an affair. I mean it is, except for the fact that the complication, the reason we need a new word is that technically she's married. But I think

what they're saying is everyone's in agreement with it. There's no secret. Well, I mean well and how we're got had well on her had issues, they had separated, and then that's when she went into the entanglement with him, and then he left her. August left her And Okay, so this is my first time doing a little bit of digging on this whole thing, and the very first headline that pops up is August says, he's still absolutely

in love with you. Yeah, but I think August brooke up with with her, Which that makes sense because I see so much of of dating is driven by mating, right, So mating is the purpose of getting together for the purpose of kids or the purpose of building like a family system. Dating is the process that gets you to mating.

So if you're twenty seven, your your objectives and dating, eventually he's going to get to mating in a way that that a forty something your old woman who already has two grown children, doesn't you know that's gonna They're They're not they don't have the same goals. Put it like that, and you saw that with um Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. It was like that was very easy to predict that it was gonna work for him until he wanted to mate, and then he's gonna pick somebody

who is his own age and have children with that person. Yeah, but don't you think that's a completely different situation just because Ashton Kitcher and Demi Moore got married, like their goals were aligned for a while, and if if Ashton wanted to have kids with Demi and Demi didn't want to have kids, that should have been a conversation well

before getting married. I feel like the whole Jada Pickett, their goals were aligned, like we're going to Florida and you're but you're gonna get up in Chicago, do you know what I mean? Like we're heading south, but that doesn't mean that we are. Goals are aligned for a minute, and then they're going to dig rate, which is very predictable. Yeah, but I feel like if your goals aren't in line,

don't get married. Like this Jada Pickett Smith thing, the whole entanglement, I don't know, it just feels like this long, convoluted way of just saying she was separated from Will and slept with a younger guy. Yeah, that's basically what

it is. I don't understand, Like I guess there's because I've heard this like entanglement and all these discussions about what's right, who is on the right, who is wrong, so on and so forth, and it's like, I feel like we're just making a mountain out of a mole hill, where like they were just separated and she felt like she needed to explore something else and she kind of just got maybe caught up in the moment. And then

now it's being called this entanglement. And and my I guess my question for you, Tracy, because you said earlier like we need a new term for this? Why do we Why do you think we need a new term for it? Because I think that there's probably more layers than um. I think there's more layers going on, and so when you are because I feel like my sense is she's not leaving her marriage. No, they're like the

partners exactly. Yeah, but she jeopardized it. That's why I called an entanglement, because she's not I'm not leaving this guy. I never was going to leave this guy. But it's not exactly the sense like an affair in the sense where I fell in love with, you know, someone at work and now we're like trying to figure out how to be together, or I'm just gonna keep her as

a side piece. See, it's not a side piece. I gotta I have to, I I gotta, I gotta fight back against that because like her saying I don't want to leave Will, that's not up to her anymore. Like she's the one who slept with somebody else. Now, I feel like it's up to Will whether he wants to continue being married. You want to make a bad believe her. No, no, no no, I'm not saying he will or won't. That's that's besides my point, whether he does leave her or

doesn't leave her. My point being like there us trying to say that there's a difference between an entanglement and an affair is because Jada had no intention of leaving. Leaving Will is kind of out the window because like just say, like Ashley and I separate, uh, and then I sleep with someone else, and then I come back and I say, actually no, no, no no, no, no, no, no no, This is not in an affair, It's an entanglement. I had no intentions of leaving you. You guys would

say you, Jared, you slept with another girl. That's not up to you anymore. That's up to Ashley, and I feel like in this moment, it's up to Will. I feel like we have missing information here. My sense is that whatever they're calling a separation is I don't. I almost feel like the world put that on there. I feel like they have an agreement. These two people are very conscious about what they do in every way, Like if you watch Red Table Talk, there's nothing messy. She

didn't like slip and fall into something. I think that they make decisions, And of course I don't know, but I'm just gonna say there's a lot of intentionality and the way both of them moved through the world, and so I'm gonna guess that the reason she's calling it an entanglement is because there's an It's okay, there's an intention there, and the whole way we conceive of marriage is not the way they conceive of it. Well, And also, wasn't the show like prerecorded too? So didn't they film it?

And then they Jada was like, yeah, let's here this sure right, Like they've made the conscious decision to let the world know what was going on. Yeah, I feel like there's more to the story. Like sometimes I used to work in TV news for sixteen years and there

are certain stories where like we're missing some backs. But we also said he was done with her asks before her in August had their entanglement, So I mean it's very I feel like it's they just have an open relationship and it wasn't I don't know what to believe with them. Well, and let's be honest with ourselves. We're gonna sit here and say that Will hasn't been entangled with anyone else. That's why she said to him, Like he's like, I'm gonna get you back, and she's like

you already, Like you have already. Yeah, he's definitely done. I mean it's there. It's their relationship is there. It's how it works for them. So I think we're seeing them make choices where I think most people front. Yeah, and like they're so kind of that's kind of not their agreement this to front. They just like we we live out them to Lee and so they're just doing this now and it worked to them and if that's

if that's what makes them happy. But if Tyler ever went and had an entanglement with somebody else, Yeah, but uh no, I agree. See, like with Will and Jada, you know, like you guys said, it's their relationship. They can do whatever they want and they have power to do that. My question is more in terms of like the grand idea of like an entangle ement versus an affair, not specifically with just Will and Jada. It was just their situation brought to light of that, and I want

to talk about this more. But I also want to talk Tracy to you about quarantine right now, because obviously it's just the world we're living in quote unquote the new normal. I'm already tired of that phrase. But what are your thoughts about quarantine dating right now? Do you think people should go out with other people? Yeah, I think it's fine to date in quarantine. I think it

has a different tone to it. I think people are more real in quarantine in this one way, I think people are the stakes are do they meet connection more so, they're doing in some ways, revealing more to get it,

being more vulnerable, being more open with people. But I also think that you can, and it quicker because people are getting more honest, more more quickly, so you know, relationships can start and then they lead to a lot of phone conversations where you can sort of hear whether or not there's something that's gonna work there, and then

if it's not there, then you move on. So I feel like there's almost an efficiency in quarantine dating because you're not meeting face to face and accidentally slipping and falling on someone's dick, you know what I'm saying, and then boom, you're all involved with this person and you wouldn't have even done that if you hadn't ever met them in person. You just would. So it's I think it's a lot harder to get to that place of physical contact, and in the meantime you kind of realize

how many people are actually not right for you. And also you can say, like, if you don't like them, I mean, I'm not about ghosting, but you can just be like I have COVID. I can't see you like I'm making harder choice. You know, It's like I'm more clear about what I want in COVID. Now. What I think is interesting is that it doesn't look like it's

going to be going away anytime too. Like you don't say that right because in the beginning, we're like, we're gonna do this for a little while and then everything's gonna go back to some kind of normal. But now I would not be looking for especially in l A, I would not be looking for any kind of normal until a year from now. But I think that that could work in people's benefit. I think it's going to

change the way people. They're not just gonna be able to um trade in, you know, if it we're fishing, where you're just gonna throw that fish back in and try for another one. I think people are going to have more value on a good, solid connection, Like if you find something that's like good or great, you're gonna

keep it. We have to be like you have to be a little more selective and intentional with it too, which I think is pretty helpful, rather than, like you said, just slipping and falling on someone's uh, you know, it's a it's a little bit more of a conversation that leads to more intentional dating, which I think probably in the long run, is a good thing. I think so too, because I think there's you know, the idea of the paradox of choice, that we have so many choices that

you never choose one. Um, and I feel like now we're gonna have to make some choices, and that ultimately because like ultimately, human beings are primates and and we want secure attachment. We want to attach to people. So that isn't that is a goal of a human being is to find a person in pair bond. And so I think the way that we have the apps and there's just so many choices actually works against what is

it what is good for us? You know. And I'm not saying people get married forever or even be monogamous, but people want a primary attachment that is a feature

of being part of our species. And we're not going to talk anybody out of that because somebody that hinge, you know, right, And I like that you brought it up kind of uh too, because I know that you in the past I mentioned that you have a complex dad situation, and so let's talk about that for a second and how father energy can affect I'm gonna see my dad after this. So because in Metnapolis, my hometown, Um, yeah, So I think what people do is a lot of

times in New York chemistry. What that means is you've encountered in another person who's going to activate sort of land mines of unresolved things from childhood, unresolved things and your mother relationship, unresolved things in your father relationship. And so if you have a lot of unresolved bad things like I do, although I'm getting mine resolved, but it's funny, like it feels like there's always another one. I'm like,

when are we done? You know you can past relationships well where you don't have any big things to work on that are unresolved from the past, like you, It feels like I should have resolved at all by now, But I still I want. I want to go into my own dating life. But I will say I was on a phone call last night and the guy goes, so what, He's so smart, he goes, so what um

childhood wounds do you think I represent for you? Wow? Question, So next time you're on on a date or in one of these conversations, you should ask that to somebody. And of course I had a boom boom boom answer, and he was like, WHOA, I didn't think he have an answer? Is that a question you can only ask someone that you're just recently dating, or is it someone like you can like, can we ask our significant others?

Even though any time you can ask that question because you can also say what are we working on right now? Can you say the question again? Because I want to ask my boyfriend what unresolved childhood things do you think I represent? For you? Okay, what it's gonna be? Like you guys, is it gonna be like a thing that

you know matches your childhood? So in this case, there's a long distance situation, right and my dad was in prison, so I can see how part of the thing that I'm really fonding to is how this line's up with that person who's not quite available to me but is emotionally really available to me. And I'm like, that's like boom boom boom, perfect match ding ding ding with my childhood. So then you go, okay, that makes sense, that's crazy. Yeah, And these if you start to look for these kinds

of patterns, you will see them everywhere. Why is that important?

Because once you realize that you're in a pattern, you don't just start believing everything your mind tells you, because your mind is going to be talking to you from like whatever your mind is telling you what to do, from the child itself is like, hey, alexis do this, and I was born I was born I think a year later, two years later, but great ninety four Salve is going, hey pick this guy or say this thing to him, or you know, it'll think it knows what's

going on, but really it's coming out of the childhood experience. And until you're able to differentiate that, your relationships can get really messy. Yeah. No, my dad is very similar to Tyler, which is my boyfriend, and it's a really good thing. But I'm also like my mom who's a psychopath, and they divorce. So I don't know how far you know, And yeah, I'm not I'm not old my mom. I'm like fifty eighty yeah, eight forty. But you can lower

that percentage, that percentage by resolving that stuff. Yeah. And then also my stepdad arrested my dad. Yeah, so then my mom remarried to the cop that arrested my dad, Like soko, you know, not really happened though, Like my dad got arrested by my stepdad. I mean, everything is good now, this is like twenty years ago, but drama, drama, drama, drama, so you could find yourself being attracted to people who

were representing your mom, representing your dad. Like I've been in hold relationships and I'm like, oh, that was a mom relationship or that was a dad relationship. Yeah, I want to be in a dad relationship. I don't want to be in a mom relationship. Sorry. Yeah, well you don't about chemistry. The chemistry is the signal that there's unconscious stuff going on. Yeah, Tracy, I know you that you have a you have to get going soon. But before you do, I obviously want to talk about your

show Family Fiance Saturday nights, Alexis. It's on Own, which is Oprah Winfrey's network, at nine pm, eight Central. Uh so tell us about it. I think this Saturday is the third episode of season two, if I did my math correctly, yes, y um. It's such a good show because really it's like there's a couple that wants to get married and their families and friends, some combination of family and friends are against it. So everyone moves into a house in Malibu and they work it out and

sometimes they don't. But what does happen is that so basically most people's relationship issues as we were just talking about, come from their families. So when you get the family and the couple in the same house, you basically have the cause and the effect in the same house. And then you know, on day one the couple's always come in and they're like super happy and in love. And on day two they come in and it's like they

are shook. Okay, they are like what has happened? And um, but by day three we really do end up working through a lot of stuff, and all sorts of outcomes happen. We consider a happy outcome anything that's in the highest good. So if that means a couple breaks up but it's right and you know that's the right thing to happen, then yeah, and so and so they spend three days

and at the end they ask for the blessings. It's kind of like the rose ceremony, except where they say, well, you give us your blessing, and you know, there's six blessings to get and sometimes they get zero, and sometimes to get six, and sometimes to get one and all sorts of things in between. But um, it gets very real. There's drama, there's tears, there's you know, humor, but mostly you there's not one couple that you're not going to

identify with something going on in their relationship. Yeah, it's a really relatable concept, the idea. I mean, I've been in a situation whereas with somebody that I knew my parents would would approve of and then vice verse. Or I've been with someone that I knew my family would love and I questioned whether I should be with them because I knew they fitted with the family so well,

or right, that's what Mary and Megan are. That's just a family or fiance situation, and he chose fiance, you know, Yeah, that's kind of I think about My situation is I don't care what my family thinks. I'm just gonna do whatever I want. That's more my thing too, No one, No one cares who I My mom likes Tyler way more than me, So that's what about your dad? Oh, they're like the same person. My dad's like obsessed with the Miami Dolphins and Tyler is a die hard Cowboys fance.

So that's just a tiff they have. But if that's the only tiff, I think it's Yeah, that sounds so bad. It could have been worse. He could have been like a Jets fan or something or pat I mean, if he was a Patriots fan, he had have great taste. Um, Tracy, thank you so much for joining us today. Really appreciated. I like hanging out with you guys. Yeah, this is fun. Yeah, it's good. Chatting next time, hopefully in studio. Yes, the question is, um, what childhood wound do you think that

I represent for you? I gotta be honest, I was thinking about this throughout the podcast after you asked the question what void does actually do for me? Yeah, well, it's gonna be something that gets your heart beat going and you're you know, there will be a physical response when you're in it. So yeah, I think I have an idea. Tracy, once again, thank you so much for telling us. And then everybody, obviously go watch Family or Fiance, which is on Saturday nights on the Own Network, which

is Oprah Winfrey's network, UH nine pm, eight Central. Go check it out. Tracy, thank you so much. Thanks Tray. Right, all right, everyone, welcome back to the email segment of Help I Suck It Dating. Alexis is still here and she is going to help us answer some of these questions that our listeners have emailed. Into us and for the record, if you have a question or you want to share a story, it's I Suck it Dating at I heart media dot com. Uh, Alexis. This one's from Jane.

It's short and it's sweet, and I think you're gonna have some good insight on it. Jane wants to know is it a red flag that I hate all of my boyfriends friends. I've been dating my boyfriend for a couple of months and I only hang out with his friends a handful of times. I really enjoy hanging out with my boyfriend, but every time I hang out with his friends and just really annoy me. I don't know if this helps, but all of a sudden over twenties, is this normal? And what should I do? Any advice

would be really appreciated. So I'm sure Tyler has got friends. He seems like a popular guy. I don't know if you like him or dislike him. But let's say you freaking hated all of them. What would you think that is a red flag right now? Um? I mean, I hate some of his friends, but I mean I love Tyler, so I'm gonna just compromise and stick it out. But

I mean, if you hate all of his friends. That's what, like, I only hate like a select few, and I like tells how our prior to going like don't well like we we go on vacation or anything like, I'm like, don't invite them, and he actually listen to me. So you maybe just like I have to dominate and just be like I'm not hanging out with these people as long as not all of them. Yeah, like yeah, not all of them. But I love most of Tyler's friends,

so I don't have that problem. But if you do have the problem, you have to dominate and say your friends kind of suct like what do they do like for you? My interpretation of it is the people that you're friends with are the people that that's kind of like what it's like a reflection of you. You know, all of his friends. Yeah, I I only hang out with people that are like good people. I mean, you've got to cut the you gotta cut the cord at some point. So if he just has there he said,

they're mid twenties. Yeah, yeah, so guys are my guy friends are like still very immature. I love them, but in five years, half of those friends aren't going to be there. So just maybe waited out just for five years and then be You'll be in the clear. Yeah, but I wouldn't be with a guy who had sucking friends when I think about it, too, and it's like when I think about my friends. I like my friends who I like wouldn't be ashamed of introducing to anyone

in the world. And my other friends who are like still just as good a friends, but they're complete idiots, and like the fact that Klin might dislike them is like I would expect her to dislike them because they stuck, you know. Yeah, I but I have friends from like high school who I love to death a little. My one friend who have been friends with since kindergarten. I hate her so much, but I will never get rid of her. I love her like Tyler knows, like he's

just gonna have to deal with her. If you love me, you're gonna just have to deal with her. I love you, Sam, super but package deal. It's a package some some of them are just a package deal. Yeah, if you want to get with me, you gotta get with my friends. You know has immortalized words by the Wonderful, Wonderful Spice Spice Girls. Uh yeah, I mean Jane do you really

hate all of his friends? All of them? There's not one friend, because like you said, Alexis, there's always like a couple of friends where're like, yeah, I don't mind hanging out with them. Yeah, hang out with so and so I'm gonna be in my room. Yeah, like I'm hiding. Yeah, so you know, select a couple of good friends. Jane would be my advice and be like, hey, you know, like a couple. And then if you really if I mean, he's still in his mid twenties, so he'll probably learn

if his friends to suck. Or maybe Jane sucks. I'm kidding. She doesn't suck because she listens to this podcast. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding, Jane. I love you you. If he wants to get with you, you need to get with his friends. But yeah, no, you mail that. You mail that Jared. You want to read this anonymous emailer? Yes, so we have a Yeah, Hello Nick, thank you for emailing us again. This email is from anonymous. It says I matched the guy on bumble overall we seem to

have a lot in common. For context, I'm twenty six and the guy is thirty one. But the day ended up being horrible. He talked about himself the entire time and didn't try to get to know me at all. I asked if he thought he was ready to day, and he said he wouldn't have asked me out if he wasn't. The day after the day, I received a long text for him saying he didn't feel like himself on the date, that he really doesn't really feel ready

to date. That's weird, he contradicted himself in twenty four hours. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago when I stumbled upon a picture of him and a girl. Naturally, I scrolled through the comments and landed on one of someone asking when did this happen? The girl in the photo responded saying they had been talking since January January, four months before we even matched and went out. So all of this backstory to get to my real question slash topic of discussion. Do you guys really think this

kind of behavior is okay? If the guy wasn't into me, why did he make up excuse? Or if you like this other girl, why was he still playing the field after months of talking to her? Alex, what are your thoughts? He's an asshole? Yeah? He's an ass an asshole, Like,

he's a full blown asshole. Like he was probably that girl that he took a picture with, probably wasn't giving him attention, so she used her the other girl, just for the short time frame that he had to you know, probably get it in or whatever, and just used her to get back at the other girl. So he's just a full blown asshole. I mean I could have said it better myself. Yeah, I think this guy is a full blown asshole playing the field while talking to a

different girl. Do youan what are his thoughts? It sounds like he's an asshole. My question for anonymous is why does she care so much about what this guy thinks? I mean, yeah, maybe she likes him, but it sounds like she didn't even really enjoy herself when she was with him. So it's like, what's it like, Why are you even getting hung up about a guy that sucks anymoy? You know, I'm find my stelf caring about things I

shouldn't care about. I dwell on things. Yeah, but the fact that she had to go to the when you're in a situation and you have to go to a girl's in the guy's instagram find the girl and DM that girl. That's when you know it's already a mess. Like that's when you know when you have to start Instagrams talking, that's when you know it's it's it's never gonna work. But I think it's it's kind of I don't even look at how I's I don't even I don't even look at how his Instagram. I probably gonna

I think. I think. I think the fact that she's doing that, there's probably a problem on both sides. Yeah, the guy sucks, but maybe you're a little not you. Maybe this anonymous email is a little insecure, right, So it's like, why would you even be going and doing it any ways? But in addition to that, it's like, yeah, you, it sucks that you had to find out that way. I don't know, it's kind of a losers. It sounds

like this person maybe needs to do some introspection. And like you said, it's why would you never go through Tyler's Instagram? Yeah, you have to be secure. So but I'm telling you, I've been there, girl, I've done Instagram's talking. I used to d M girls like a psychopath. So I feel you. But there's light of fans of the tunnel. Just keep going, Yeah, I mean, to be fair, Anonymous was asking if if we think that this behavior is okay, and like, I think I think her question was like

why do guys do this? Like why do guys make up excuses? Or why do guys still play the field when they're obviously like maybe not exclusive with someone but been hanging out with him for four months? And I would say, yeah, just guys can be an especially when they're young. No, no, no no, no goal like no, I mean, it's just like, if guy wants to be with you, he's gonna be with you. There's no if, Like, there's no if andbuts like if the guy wants to be

with you, he's gonna be with you. If he doesn't want to be with you, he's gonna be going around and like and other things. So you don't want that type of guy, So Anonymous, just keep it moving. Yeah, I would say, an Anonymous, keep it moving. And then I mean the other girl obviously doesn't know what's going on, the girl in the Instagram photo, but like she should keep it moving to because this guy is playing the field. Yeah, he is a douche lord. And listen, if if a

guy who's interested in playing the field. There's nothing that you can say or do really that's going to change his mind about it. It's kind of got to be something that he makes up hisself. Yeah, you know, like you're like, yeah, of course I have what is a silly question, Alexis. I know, I'm just going with you. Alexis, Have you played the field? Yeah, Alex answer that, yes you have feld. Oh, yes, I played the field. We played the field when you started dating Tyler? Was Tyler?

Was Tyler in the field or was he ready to date someone? No? He told me, well, I told my love him first, but he was telling his friends that he loved me like week two and I don't even remember having sacs with you, So, like we need to slow down. I know, amazing, but like, Blacks, how long did it take you for this to say I love you? Because you said you were the first person to say it to each other. I said I loved you first. But how long how long into the relationship before you

set it? I think six months it's a fair enough time amount of time. Yeah, I mean I also when I'm when I'm paradise in between. Ito a power move though, It's like listen. I know you might like me, but I'm just gonna go ahead and do this TV show. So like then, you know, it wasn't that I mean to him. I think it was more serious than I was taking it. I was also twenty three. I was like, I don't know what I want, Like, I don't even know if I'm that into you. Like when I was

having sex to I really don't remember. So like obviously I was going on paradise to have an open mind. So yeah, I was playing the field that there's an example right there that's amazing. Was like Tyler was my quarterback. He was my Tom Brady. You know, I am disgustingly cute. Ashley's my Tom Brady. Actually literally wants to kill me for how many times I mentioned Tom Brady in a day? Uh do you want to read another email? Yeah, well it's it's kind of appropriate to ask this too. So

since we're all in relationships, Morgan wants to know. I was just cleaning up my closet and had a lot of my ex boyfriend's old sweatshirts and shirts that I took while we were dating. We're not in bad terms, so do I give them back? Do I? Don't eate them or do I just throw them away? Any advice you might have would be appreciated out. Let's say, Alexis, you were moving out or something like that, and you found a bunch of old sweatshirts from another old boyfriend.

What would you do, Like I would find old sweatshirts of I mean I would find like ras and underwear from another girl. No, no, no, no, no no no. Let's say you were moving out and you found a bunch of Nick's old sweatshirts that you stole from him when you guys were dating. Uh, what would you do with them? Would you give them back to Nick? Or would you donate them? Would you throw them away? Would you burn them? Would you give them Tyler? Well, if

there were nice sweatshirts, I would tell them. If not, I would probably give them to goodwill. Don't on posh Mark or what Yeah, I'll throw them on posh Mark or um I love Poshmark, Poshmark queen, but um I would usually I would give them to Goodwill if they were like nothing, or I wouldn't give them to Tyler? No, no, no. Would you give him back to Nick? Would you like reach out and be like, hey, no, they're mine now.

So your advice for Morgan is don't give the sweatshirts back, because that's like opening the doors, like when you like to leave a hoop behind, like your I Sometimes I would like in the old days, I would like leave hoop so I can text him and be like, hey, I left something so I could just talk to him again, you know, Like so that makes sense, and now I have a hoop company, like so crazy, but I would leave a hoop behind and be like, oh my god,

I love my hoop. They're like they're so important to me. But I would just do that just so I could text him and then like I would see him again. You know. Well, it sounds like this girl stole these though from her birth am I. From what I understand, it sounds like this guy probably on his p and L I already chalked all this stuff up up as losses. So it's like he doesn't even remember having these sweatshirts and shirts. They're gone in his eyes. So I don't

need to give him back. Yeah, I want to give him back. But let's say she starts let's say she starts dating someone new, and then she's got these guys, this guy's like shirts around the house. You think it's a good thing or back? Get rid of them? Get rid of the shirts. Yeah, yeah, Goodwill needs them more than you do, especially if you start dating someone. I would never text him and be like, hey, do you want your sweatshirts back? Because that's just opening up like

the past and you don't want to do that. Do you want your gray Gap sweatshirt back? I have six Hollister sweatshirts for you. Hollister. They probably smell great. If that's the case, Alexis, Jared is going to read one more email for us. Is that cool? And then we'll let you go. Yeah, let me do one more shot for being on the podcast. While you're taking that shot, Jared, you want to read it for Yes. This is from Tiffany. It says I'm thirty four and I started dating a

guy who's twenty nine back in May. We had many great conversations and there was a true connection between us with how well things were progressing. I started to have genuine feelings for this man. On our last date, he blurted out that he loved me. I didn't say anything back, and he didn't even take it seriously. As it was only the third day. I did make it clear to him that I do like him and want to see

where things go he told me. He told me we would talk the next day and get together over the weekend. He didn't reach out to me the following day and canceled our plans to get together on Sunday. Over the last month, he has been extremely distant. He said that he was still interested, but he felt overwhelmed and hasn't figured out how to balance the responsibilities in his life, such as being in school and focusing on his alcoholic recovery. He's two years sober. I've backed off and have given

him space to return to me if he wishes. Why would he be so distant after expressing how he felt about me? Did he get scared off by his feelings? Is backing off and giving him space the correct approach to this. I think, hello cuckoo, Yeah, I think this guy needs to figure himself out. He's probably very nice. Yeah, I think he has some issues that he has to deal with himself. But I don't think she should take a personally. I think he needs to figure out his

own personal like I wouldn't. I wouldn't take anything personally. If I were her, he clearly he has some things to figure out. Like he's in he's it's going to be two years sober. That I mean, he just I feel like he has a lot of emotional baggage right now. True, maybe take a shot of his two years sobriety. No, you should do it. I think I think being two years sober is incredible. I think it's a great thing

for this particular person. But I also think that, like Alexis said, he might have some emotional issues right now. Especially if you're telling someone on the third date that you love them and then they don't reciprocate the feelings, and when they don't, you just immediately cut off communication with this person. Maybe that's scared too. I mean you

probably did. But like I mean, if you're telling someone you love them, you're you're obviously not in love with them, if you're giving up on them after they don't tell you that you they love you back after the third day. Like, yeah, it's maybe he didn't say it back. I'm sure he is. But I've told somebody I loved them they didn't say it back. That's it and stop me. Yeah, no, same same with me. I told somebody I loved them, they didn't say it back, and I still tried to communicate.

But I also then like, then once I got him, I didn't like him anymore. Girl. What that's the classic f girl. Yeah, I didn't like him. I thought I did. I think because he didn't want me, And then I was like no, and then I went out on a date with him, and then I was like, oh, I don't I don't think I like you, Like, no, you're gonna want me? And then he wanted you, and you were like, Okay, my job here is done. That wasn't the plan, but like that just so happy. Hey, we've

all been there for Tiffany. I think it's probably best if you guys go your separate ways. He might have gotten a little scared off by you not telling him that you love him back, but like Dean said, I feel like he's probably more embarrassed. He's probably not in love with you. He probably has to do some self reflecting, uh, and so it's probably best if if he works on himself. Personal agree. It seems to be a consensus agreement. Alexis, You are awesome. Thank you for co hosting and helping

all of our emailers find some solace in their dating lives. Uh. We mentioned at the top of the podcast, but plug your podcast with Raven real quick for us. Okay, So Raven and I have a podcast called Girls Night. It is available every Monday. And then I also have a jeweler your line called hoop Nation the Best. I don't know a lot in life, but I do know a good pair of hoops. So hoop Nation by Alexis baby Hoop Nation. She's got a podcast. Who is this businesswoman?

She's all over the place killing it killing And then I'm gonna be on Real Housewives of Dallas. Are you serious? Yeah? When I'm like engaged, you have to be a housewife in order to be on Real Housewives. You can't just be like a girlfriend. Wait, that would be pretty good. You and rayvend Bull should be on it. Oh yeah, it's happening. I mean pointing out in the universe right now. Oh yeah, no, that's what I keep doing. I'm gonna put it on the universe like I'm gonna be on

Real Household Dallas. But I just need to get rich first and maybe get married. So honestly, I don't think you need to be on the show because I'm only I think the ladies are like forty so like I need to like maybe I'm so would be like the nice breath of young fresh air. Oh i'lster the pot. I mean I want I went to the pot. I would just bring the tequila and you can see like

hitting someone in like in like a fun way. Yeah, like a punch on the shoulder, you know, well, I would have to like a knockout punch, No, I would. I'm not really a talker when it comes to fighting. I'm definitely more of just like, oh, hit you, but I don't swing first, ask questions later. I don't advocate fighting, but you know, if it, if it happens. If it happens, it happens, all right. Well, So for the listeners out there, be sure check out Alexis on Girls Night. Be sure

check out who Nation. Be sure to d m Tyler Fernanda's on Instagram telling him to propose to Alexis. Be sure to check out Real aus Wives. She wasn't ready read it. Thanks to everyone who emailed in obviously, thank you to Tracy McMillan as well. Alexis let us know whenever you wanted to come co host one of your podcasts. Yeah,

let's do it. Come on, come on, We'll have a girl's slack guys night, nothing else going on, So it'd be funny because you guys, Alexis you and Raven probably drinking the tequila, and Deana and I would be drinking our Avocasta's christ and Tease. I'm a big twisted tea guy. Oh really yeah, I'm not proud of it, but I do love them. Oh really yeah. I used to drink Christy teas and I was like in eighth grade. And I'm kidding Nerdys so much for having me. I'm having that.

They're my presence. And I'm sorry. Jane, You're not an asshole. I feel bad for calling you that. Maybe you suck, but you don't suck. Jane and his friends do suck exactly. All right. We'll be sure to next week, where maybe we'll all suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast