Intimacy Appointments with Jade Roper Tolbert

and I'm happy to have you on here. You've been married for seven years, so us crazy feel it feels like forever, like we've been married, like I can't even remember life before marriage now, but it also goes by so quickly. Is it weirder to think of life before marriage or life before kids? Definitely life before kids, because that changes everything, right, So getting married, especially three, will do it to you. There is a whole different ballgame.

But I mean getting married, if you've known each other for a while or you've lived at each other for a while, it really doesn't change that much, right. So it's more the kids. I think that's the big game changer because then your life revolves more around raising children. So wait, did you just have Wait? When was your seven year anniversary? Was it January January twenty fourth? Wow, I know rap, that was seven years ago, that wedding. Yeah, and I saw yesterday for I guess for Valentine's Day.

That's seven years ago is when the episode aired. Yeah, and I got I got like a little timeline reminder. I was like, oh my gosh, I cannot believe I forgot that it aired on Valentine's Day. That's right. I forgot about two That was during Ben's That was like the twentieth anniversary special. Yeah. Yeah, and you and Ashley had a nice little cameo. Jesus Christ, it's all a lawns fall. It's always all lawns fall. That's yes, seven

years ago. I'll never forget the moment where JJ came to sit at the table and because they were teasing us about your first song featuring a celebrity musician, and j J was like, dude, Seal is singing their first song, Seal is here. That is awesome. And then of course he came out singing Kissed by a Rose. I was like, Wow, this is the coolest thing ever. Oh God, what a day. Yeah, it was pretty epic. Did you know it was going to be seal or was that a surprise to you guys?

Do I can't remember, no, so Matt Nathanson saying, when I walked down the aisle and we knew that one, but Alan was like, I want to keep it as surprised for you. Who's going to be like your first song as husband and wife. And but I don't know if you remember, but our wedding was stalled by two hours and that's why everybody was so dry by the time I walked down the aisle because they were just feeding everybody liquor. And I heard it was because Steel

was like giving them drama. He was like in the bathroom and refusing to come out and didn't want to play for oh my god, yeah something. There was some kind of drama. So but then obviously it worked out and it wouldn't be a Bachelor Special episode if there wasn't drama. You know, really, do do you ever regret having it on television? Are you happy you did it? Um like little pieces that I regret. So obviously it

was amazing. It was a beautiful wedding. I don't think I could have asked for anything more that way, But having it be a production even though they made it feel more like a wedding than a TV set. There's just things that I wish I would have gotten more of, like we didn't. I thought we would have had a videographer, which I should have asked for, but I thought we were going to have more wedding footage, so I was like,

they'll take care of that for me. But I literally don't have any wedding footage of our wedding besides what aired on television, and some of our vows are cut out. Like there's just things that I wish that we would have had that you get in a normal wedding. Like the photographer was rushed because they were running behind on production, so I don't have as many like wedding photos as

I wanted and things like things like that. But I mean, they paid for all of our family, all of our friends to come out to California and so like yeah, so I mean I can't complain because they footed the whole thing. But it's just like now I'm seven years married and on our anniversary, we don't even have like anything true that we can watch back besides what was produced as a show, which is which is like chunks of our wedding throughout you know, it's like little scenes

so with like drama sprinkled into it. Yeah yeah, and like people asking like like people like I remember Chris Harrison was asking people to do the mesnics, so like people were like doing like a fake cry, and there was like the top Villains and like all these things that were kind of sprinkled into that episode and so it wasn't like just about our wedding. So yeah, yeah, do you think for your tenure you would have like a vow renewal slash redo not a redo wedding, but

like a sort of ceremony. I always like the idea, but people always say that's like the killer of marriages and to never do a vow renewal. Why though, I don't get it because Ashley says that too. She says she never wants to renew her vows. But I don't get why. I don't know. I think they they say like if you're needing to renew your vows, like if it's more about the vows, then maybe your marriage is

already going a bad direction. So I'm like, maybe we'll have more of just like a party, you know, like another just like aware a wedding dress. We'll have a party, like my kids will get to be there, which I think would be really special. So maybe something more like that. That's fun. We just had Trista on and she had a valornewel for her tenth and she wants to have another one for her twentieth. So yeah, maybe I should talk. Yeah, I should talk to her then, because they're like like

top notch relationship goals. Yeah serious. I mean, like you know, a vow of course is like the biggest promise you can give, but like you know, I I need to make promises all the time, So like, I don't think there's an issue if I'm like, oh okay, yeah, let's read. I don't know. I understand why you want to, like the idea of not renewing it you don't have to.

But at the same time, like I think it's also different for you and Tanner because like you guys said, you didn't have you have this beautiful, incredible wedding, but it was it was also I'm sure if you have an idea Jade in your head of like, okay, well what I would do is this, You can do that now, right? Yeah? I mean they did give me everything I asked for. So I wanted to be married under a weeping willow, and so they didn't, like they married me under that

like pergola or whatever that thing was. But they brought in weeping willows with cranes and put them all around like the wedding venue. So it was like they went above and beyond a certain things. So that is so cool. Yeah. I remember Matt Nathanson plane, he played Bill Murray, which that song. It was the first I've ever heard that song, and I'm like, oh my god, this song is awesome. And now I listened to it all the time. It's so good. We play it all the time. Yeah. Yeah,

is that Would you consider that your wedding song? Or would you consider Kissed by a Rose your wedding song? Um, I feel like I have a more emotional attachment to Bill Murray, But I mean there's it's it's just epic to blast kiss by a Rose, you know, and just it's I don't know, it is such a good one. Damn, it's such a great song, just the beginning, like everybody

knows that song. Yeah, so good. Yeah, your wedding felt like a wedding that was That was cool because like we've been lucky enough to go to I think three filmed weddings yours, Carly and Evans and um Kristen Crystals, and I yeah, like, by far, your guys felt like the most wedding of the wedding. Yeah. I feel bad because Christen Crystals, you know, unfortunately didn't work out. But their wedding it felt like a TV show. I remember

that drama. Yeah, I felt bad. It felt like they set up the scene just for the drama and like the wedding was the background. Yeah. Yeah, it didn't feel like it just felt Yeah, it felt like TV show. Yeah, but what are you gonna do? I mean, it was a TV show, so you know if the shoe fits. Um. So, you have obviously been married for seven years, you have three kids, potentially wanting a fourth. So what is Listen, we're gonna we're talking about dating, We're talking about everything.

So you can answer any question with as much discretion as you'd like. How do you guys get alone intimate time with three kids running around the house Because it's difficult enough with one child, I can't imagine adding two

more to the mix. Yeah, for one, I do want to normalize I saw this statistic the other day about like how much sex couples are having after they have a baby, and it varies a lot, but there's I don't think people are having as much sex as society likes to, like create because there is this whole new transition of a baby in your life, and it does change everything and it does change a little bit of

the dynamics of your relationship. But for us, what really works because it's definitely like important to us to keep that physical intimacy, and I think there are other ways that you could be intimate with your partner two that don't have to be sex, that can keep you close after a baby. But we schedule sex. And I've talked about it before and people some people think it's crazy,

but it's really what works for us. So um, we tried to come up with a number that works for us and what makes more my husband feel at least somewhat satisfied. I mean, I know, if like I was like, hey, let's have more sex, he would be like, yeah, yeah, baby, let's go, you know. But we schedule it, and so we have a night and sometimes it's loose. Sometimes the

night doesn't work and we're fine with it. We don't try to put pressure on it, but we put the kids to bed and um sometimes Emmy has a hard time going to bed um earlier, so we just have to make it work. There's been times where she's almost locked in the door at intimate times, but there's definitely definitely been those moments where we were like holy crap, like,

well there's the comforter over. But it's it's something that we're trying to prioritize in our relationship because we want to have a healthy marriage and we want our kids to like see a healthy marriage. So it's for us and it's also oddly for them, No, that makes sense. It's the same thing with Ashley and I where we

have to schedule. It's like all right, Tuesday, like yeah, you know, you're not like you're not going to be at Audreies all that much, and so because it's it's and so like you put the kid to bed and then you're like all right, like uh, let's you know, she like goes to do her thing for a minute and then I'll like freshen up and then here we go. But you're right, you have to schedule it. There's no

like impromptu anymore. And it's tough too, because, like you said, when you have kids, things change intimacy whiles, but also like I don't feel as good as I once did, Like I don't work out as much, I don't eat

as healthy as I once did. Ashley's body changed for a while, and then she still like doesn't work out as much, and it's just like we're always covered in drool and you know, baby food and just changing diapers like yesterday, like I picked uson up and it had like a will poop on the outside of his diaper and it got on my arm. And it's like you just don't feel sexy anymore. So it's hard. It's not easy, I agree, And and it's it's kind of one of

those things where it's like it's not spontaneous anymore. And maybe that's not like sexy, but it's still something I feel like if you're not, I don't know, it just

needs to be a priority in some ways. But I also do think that it's so natural for a woman, especially hormonally, to go through those shifts, and so it's it's hard, Like I don't want people to feel like, oh, I'm not having sex right now after having kids or having a baby, Like I want that to be normalized too, like as long as you and your partner are communicating and that, like I said, there's other ways to be

like intimate with your partner. Like for me, I like, I really need conversation with Tanner, Like I need to talk about things that aren't children, that aren't like you know, like things that I'm already like mentally overloaded with that makes me feel close to him so well to hear, yeah, it's you need that adult time. Even last night we went out to dinner, so we made them so well.

So on Valentine's Day we went out to dinner, and we went out to dinner as a family, so my parents made reservations, so as my parents, my brother in law, my sister, their daughter, and then me and Ashley with Dawson. And first of all, I'm the definition of the person who hates going on on Valentine's Day because it's such amateur hour. Because everybody who never goes out goes out

of Valentine's Day. So it's packed, it's crowded. People that never leave the house are leaving the house and they're just the worst. And so I'm like, we let's celebrate a different time. But anyway, we went out to dinner. It was nice, but like you said, it's impossible to have adult conversations when they're children are at the table because you're always just focusing, Like even when I try to listen, my other eye and so is Ashley's. Were

always like watching Dawson because he's like grabbing things. He broke a pepper shaker yesterday because it was just like out of it was barely in his reach and he just like grabbed it for a second. It just and we're like oh, and then he's like grabbing plates. So

it's like impossible to have adult time. And I was thinking about that last night, exactly what you talked about, where it's like, man, I wish as much as I love having the kids here, I wish we got a babysitter for the kids so we could actually sit down and just like talk because you need that adult conversation. Yeah.

I think that's something Tanner and I've kind of realized is we need to hire a babysitter more for date nights because we rely a lot on his mom and she's only she has a very limited availability and He's like, well, we should be doing this more, and we should be doing this more, but it's too hard with kids. I was like, it is not. We just don't prioritize going on dates by just hiring somebody else. You know, Yeah, I'm getting out there and having those adult conversations and

getting to just be a couple. How much would you have to vet the person in order for them to become a babysitter of your kids? That's the problem, right, because I think about you, because you just said, like Tanner, it's not that hard. We just need to hire a babysitter. And I'm like, someone tells me that Jade would be much more nervous about the babysitter than Tanner. It is hard. It is hard to trust somebody to take care of your child who you love in a door and want

to be taken care of a certain way. It's there's some surrender in it, you know. But it's also like I'm going to turn on the furbow and make sure oh yeah, oh watching the living room or you know, like the dog camera's coming, handy for watching the babysitter and the kid interact, Like making sure that everything's going smoothly. Yeah. I always tell them, I'm like, there's a nanny camera right here, but oh yeah, there's a dog. The dog cameras on, like there's it's very visible. They know that

we're watching. Yeah, Jade, if you could describe your relationship in one word with Tanner when you first were newlyweds, I know I'm putting you on the spot right now, but I want you to describe your relationship in one word with you and Tanner when you guys were first newlyweds. And I want you to describe your relationship in one word right now. And I'm curious what word you would use if you would use the same word. If you'd use it, I would imagine it'd probably be different words.

But what word comes to mind? I want to say, just like more spontaneous. We were just having fun like we were. We got married early. We only knew each other for seven months, so we were still in that like really, I mean, we knew each other and we knew we wanted to get married and everything, but we were still really getting to know each other. So I still think it was more exciting. But also he went back to work and after we got married or after

the Bachelor. I guess that chlarette for him, and so he was working like sixty hours a week, so he was busy too. But it just felt like we always were just having We were just always spontaneous, like on the days he had off, we were just doing fun stuff together. Yeah, what about now, So spontaneous, will say, is the word you're going to use for nuliods, which I like, And if you had to use one word

right now, chaos, that is pretty accurate surviving. I know, you guys just I mean when we were there, I remember talking to Ashley. She was so when we went to your house, because you know, with three kids and then you add Dawson in that mix, it's just like constantly all over the time. And she was like, I want to be able to like talk to Tanner and Jade,

you know, and hang out them. But it's like, well, of course we can, and we want to, but it's tough because it's like we got kids running around everywhere, and so, yeah, you guys are in constant chaos. Yeah, I know. I think it's kind of funny. When you guys were here, we were all just sitting on the floor in the room and just letting like literal little toys being chucked around our heads just so we could

sit and chat. Yeah, seriously, but it works. Yeah, gotta do what you gotta do, Like you said, survival mode. But then so you're talking about survival mode. But when we were there, you were very open about I want a fourth kid. Oh yeah, I'm crazy. I don't know. There's just something in like my heart of hearts that feels like there's just one more kid out there that will complete our family, and it just feels that waits me.

But also at the same time, Tanner and I talk because Reed is too and he's really getting to the point where he's he's not a baby. He's a little more independent, he's starting to like become his own more of his own person, and so it's like we're almost getting to the point where we're almost out of the diapers, We're almost out of like the sleep the sleep issues and everything. And they'll all be in school, which is crazy. Yeah, he can go to school next year, so for preschool

and part time. So I think tannersy is the light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah, yeah, but I told them, I was like I kind of see it the opposite way, because we're almost the era of like twenty four to seven parental chauffeur, because they'll be kid events, there's kid games, there's like friends friend like social circle things going on. Like we'll just be constantly driving our kids to their little lives. I don't feel like there's much of a light at the end of the tunnel.

I was like, I don't know, I feel like we're entering just as busy of an era. So why not just have a little nugget that I just like pack in the baby carrier and carry it around everywhere. You're really selling this, You're you're making it sound logistically like, yeah,

that could work. Think about it, because like you're making it sound like Tanner, when they're at we're gonna have no it's gonna feel like we have no kids, So might as well just add one more to the pile, because then we'll just have one well kind of yeah, when they're in school at least, but then also like we'll just be going to baseball games and basketball games and dance recitals, like we'll just be busy parents anyway, that's not like we're just gonna I think he thinks

once the kids are in school, We'll just have so much more time together. I'm like, I feel like it's gonna be just as busy. So throw another one in there. Did you always know, Jade, that you were going to be this motherly? Like? Did you feel before you had because you are the most like loving and endearing and just hard working but like there's a word that I can't think of, but like you are just like you're just an an incredible mom. And so did you always know?

Did you always feel like you were going to be this person? Or were you nervous before you had kids? Like, am am I gonna be this? Am I gonna be a good mom? Yeah? I don't. I think maybe when I was younger, I always wanted to be a mom, But before I met Tanner, I really didn't know if I wanted kids. I really didn't know if I wanted to get married. And I think it was just because my parents were divorced. They got divorced when I was twenty three, and so I was like an adult child

of divorce and it really like rocked my whole. Like I guess idea of marriage and I was like, oh, I certainly don't want that. And I don't want my kids to ever have to feel this, and so I think I was like, I don't know if I even want to go through that. And that was more of me just healing, I think, and growing as a person, because once I met Tanner, I was like I could see myself having a family with this man. And then when we got pregnant, I was instantly I was like

that woman that was like instantly connected with Emerson. Like it was so I told I'm gonna get you guys. I get emotional talk about this stuff. I want to cry. I swear to God on every podcast. Um. But I've told Ashley before, like it was such a spiritual experience for me with Emmy UM, which I didn't really have

but my other two pregnancies. For some reason, it was just maybe that's what yeah, maybe or maybe it was just like it was just meant to be that moment for me just to heal, for healing, I don't know, but from then it was just like, I don't know, it takes over and I love, I love I love being a mom. I it would be weird to think about myself not being a mom now. Oh yeah, no, I feel like these days you see people like you just don't see a bunch of siblings running around anymore.

So you'll see like a parent half one or two and they're like, I'm done. I'm done. So to see you see, to hear you say I want to have more is really sweet. Oh thank you. Yeah. I mean I think statistically people are having less children. It's just kind of society. But I don't know, I can tell you. I'm just like, maybe I'm just like the weird one that's like, I'll take another baby. So I love it. Yeah, you're not the weird one. I told you Jared too

when you guys were here. It's just I think about the future and I think about as older and my children as adults, and like wanting to have like a tight knit big family so like Christmases and Thanksgivings and everything. It's just like I just see like lots of kids and lots of I don't know, that's it's something that I like. Obviously I can't predict what my children do, but it's something I see in my head. Yeah, oh,

trust me. You know when I think about my childhood and being so I have one sibling, but you know, we had three cousins. That we were super close with, and so it would be kind of like almost like five of us at Christmas and Thanksgiving, which created such more of like a family dynamic because then you have my parents and my own uncle and like you know, there like their cousins come over that we saw, so there was always a houseful and so that is very enticing.

Like I love that, and I understand when you were talking about it. I totally understand where you're coming from, which is why I wouldn't want an only child. But man, it's so tough to separate, you know, the struggle you have with a newborn versus the payoff that happens later on.

And we're really getting into the payoff stage with Dawson because you know, I've talked about this in the podcast before, where like a lot of my buddies were like, when you first meet your kid, there's gonna be this overwhelming feeling of love that you've never felt in your entire life.

And to be honest, when I was in the delivery room and I saw Dawson for the first time, like as incredible of a moment as that was, I'd be lying if I said I was smacked in the face with this love and this feeling and this spiritual moment that you know, I've never felt before. I didn't get that, and I remember thinking like I'm a psycho. It's confirmed I'm psychotic because I don't feel like I love him.

But now I have a love for Dawson that is just you know, I think about It's I'm the I think about every time I walk down the stairs, like if I slip, like I would like I would, I would just die for him, you know what I mean, Like I would do whatever I need to do to make sure that Dawson is safe and protective. And like the love that I have for that kid is so greater now than I've ever felt in my entire life towards anybody. And I love Ashley more than so much,

but like the love I have for Dawson's different. My point being is like it's getting to that stage now where I'm like, yeah, like I would love to have another one of these, you know, yeah, but man, going through the nine months of pregnancy, poor Ashley, like I can't believe she wants to do it with how rough her pregnancy was, and it's like all right, Ashley, Like that's nine another nine months plus a kid, and then another year of just like life being chaos. But you're right,

there is a payoff to it. So it's like, son of a bitch, what do you do? What do you do? Um? You know it's it's it's just all worth it is you make it sounds so easy, but it's not wrong. I mean my house is a mess. Um, I never really have time for my song. Like, it's not definitely, it's definitely not easy. The patients you have to have with children is next level. But it's just like you said, it's just the most beautiful, deep, unreal love that you

get for your kids. It's like you said, I love Tanner, but my children are like my soul. I don't know. So it's like, yeah, there are a piece of you that's out into the world. Yeah, And it's like you have it. There's such a deep response ability to to protect them and make sure they're safe and secure and happy and loved, and so it's it's this interesting how I don't know, it's just such more of a deeper love. Yeah,

And I think it's deeper. For if I'm being honest, my opinion is I just think it's deeper for moms than it is for dad's. Like I love Dawson so much, but the idea of you know, and I'm so connected to them, but I can see how connected Dawson and Ashley are. Yeah, maybe it's a mother something because people told me that that, like, boy, you know, there's gonna

be MoMA's boys and daddy's girls. But I don't know, Like I see you with your kids and Ashley with Dawson, and my friends with their kids, and like there's just something about a mom and probably because they literally life grew inside of you. Yeah, it's just different. Do you feel like some of your kids are closer to you and some are closer to Tanner? This is some different ways. They're all closer to Ja, let's be I mean, I'm

definitely more of their safe place. I think, you know, if they get hurt, it's obviously I'm the default parents, so they come to me. But they have such a they have more of a playful even though I think I'm a fun mom, they have a playful relationship more with Tanner, and so it's just a different relationship. He's a little bit more of the law layer though too, Like he's a little bit more stern than I am, where I'm like more of like I try to do

really gentle parenting. But it's good. It's a good balance because they need that those boundaries too, and those like firm I don't want to say like laws, but like things that they need to follow. Um. But I think we're I don't know. I would say they're probably closer to me. But I think as they grow up more and Tanner's I think he is going to excel more at being like the dad of kids than the dad

of babies. I think they'll have like really special bonds with him that I won't be able to really provide. So yeah, I could see Tanner definitely being the dad who's going to all the events and whether it be sporting events or dance recitals or things like that. I can see Tanner being Yeah, like you said, more of a kid dad than a baby dad. And I because I think I have some of that as well. Like I love Dawson as a baby and I'm I love

being with him. But like I went to the gym the other day and there was a dad and his son, and his son was probably ten years old and his dad he was working out with his dad, and that gets me like really excited, like the fact like a wild like Dawson and I like I and like the kid. Also,

I think I related the kid. He was a little overweight, and I remember like me being a kid and being overweight and then looking at my dad and like my dad trying to show me how to like work out or like get exercise or like play catch or you know. I think I'm very excited for those moments where like I get to be like, you know, I'm going to be his dad and like he's going to be hanging

out with his dad. That's what I'm excited about. Yeah. Yeah, the last like three or four minutes of the Super Bowl game, when it was like down to the wire, Emmy was having so much fun with Tanner watching and she was cheering and she was screaming, and she was like chatting about every single play, like asking what was happening. And I could tell Tanner's faces just like lit up, not only because the game was like what was going to happen in the game, but also because I think

it was this moment of connection for them. Yeah, And so I think that's really like like when I think of you two I think that's more like when dads excel, you know, like where I'm more like, actually, I will go answer my child in the middle of the night every time they cry, like it's just in me, and it's definitely not in Tanner, you know, like we're just kind of we're just wire different. I think, yeah, I agree. In sports were always you know, it's so generic to say,

but it's true. They were such a big part of my bond with my dad growing up. It was a way for him to teach me about life with out directly saying it to me. You know, about hard work and dedication and finishing what you start and trying your best and you know, even if you lose, it's okay if you just did all you could do. And I mean, I hope I get to experience that with Dawson, but obvious it's whatever Dawson wants to do. Klin. I wanted to ask you. You know, Jan and I have been

talking about kids and starting a family. How do you I've asked Dean about this. We talked about a Dean all the time. With Dean settling down and having kids, how do you feel about your future with Dan? Do you see yourself having kids, a big family. I know Dean, because Dean is such a wild card. Who the hell I've noticed, Like I feel like he changes his mind everything exactly. So like, where do you see yourself heading

with Dean? Well, I love to use said Jade because I and Dean brings this up to me all the time, Like, I don't know if I want to have kids. I always saw myself being a mom growing up, and then the older I got, I was like, oh, this is like a lot of work and a lot of pressure. But also I just like I can't see us not having kids. But Dean, he's always like, if you are so hot and cold about kids, doesn't that worry you?

But I also know, like I'm twenty seven, I'm not quite ready to get pregnant, but I think we would have two kids two to three. I'm also terrified of pregnancy. There's like a lot that I'm nervous about. But it's exciting as well. Yeah, I mean it's so hard because it's something you've never done before, right, It's this whole new experience, and I feel like that's kind of scary in itself, Like, and I don't know, but I think I think it's it's sort of like whatever is meant

to be will be for you. And I think there's beauty and couples who don't have kids. I think it was beauty and couples who do have kids. So I don't know. I think I'm just I'm excited for you either way, and I think you would be an amazing mother. So thank you. Yeah, I have. I can just you have like I don't know, I haven't met you, but I just feel like everything I've like heard about you and seen about you, you just have a very gentle presence. So thank you. I appreciate that. How long did you

guys wait to have kids? How long were you married? So we were married a year and decided to start trying, and we got pregnant on I think like the second month we started trying, so it was actually really fast. I don't think we expected to get pregnant so quickly, so we were so by the time Emmy was born, we were married a little bit over a year and a half. Oh wow. Not to get too into details, but I just got off of birth control not to try to have kids, just for like my hormones were crazy.

But was that a factor too, I'm not with our first pregnancy, so because I've never really done birth control, um, so I think my body was like kind of balanced in that way. But I experienced what's called like secondary infertility a little bit um where I think my hormones after having Emmy we're all over the place, and it became actually like more difficult for us to get pregnant with Brooks than we initially thought. So that was definitely

like hormones do play a factor for sure. Yeah. Wow, dude, you guys just the women are just powerhouses. The things that you guys have to think about and talk about and worry about. I mean, just like even something as simplistic as and it's not simplistic, but like birth control. You know, that's something I've never had. I mean unless obviously you know, like you have those moments in your early day, you know your twenties, are you on birth control? Okay?

So am I gonna ask the question? Are you gonna bring it up? Uh? But like even like because birth control really at Klein, you'd even just said it not messes with your body. That's a bad way of describing it, because that's a way a man would describe it. But like it just affects you, like it affects Ashley in different ways. I remember she was very nervous get off birth control too, because apparently it helped her with her acne. Maybe or no, maybe she hadn't get I don't know.

There's so much that Ashley takes it, but it's just it's a lot. But I don't know if Dean's talked about this on the podcast, but he really wants to get a vasectomy and before we have kids, because he hasn't talked about this. Okay, so he wants to get a vasectomy because he doesn't think it's fair that a woman has to take birth control. So then when we're ready to have kids, he would unsniff himself and we would have children. Well that's very nice of them, But

at the same time, like, is there any downside? Does it hurt the potential of having kids if you reverse it? That's what I was like, you, we both need to research this more. But also I heard there's like there could be pain that's involved if you get a vasectomy, and so I was like, I don't want you to be in pain just because I I don't know. So we're talking about it you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, but like even after you heal, there could potentially be

just everyday pain. Oh god, that sounds terrible. Yeah, he should really rethink that that area of the body is just it's so weird, how like I'll never forget the first time. I mean, just let's be I'll never forget the first time I got kicked in the balls. And for a guy, it's crazy because you get kicked there and immediately my entire body started like I got such a stomach ache and then my whole body was hurting. It's just crazy how the body's connected and that particular

area of the body is just like really sensitive. Obviously. Oh it's a very awakening moment for a man when the first time you get like really injured in that area, you're like, oh my god, would you ever get a sectomy or no, here's down the road. Uh yeah, I mean i'd get it. Actually, this is funny enough. When we were at Jane Tanders, I was talking to Tanner about that, and um, yeah, I mean sure, yeah, I guess i'd get a sectomy. I mean again, I don't

know too much about it. Besides, you know, it's a little snip snip. I was under the impression that they either like they have to numb it obviously, right, I don't know, or like put you under. I thought you were under, But I don't know. I don't know, I have no idea, So I'd have to research the procedure exactly to know. Okay, like, Doc, what what did I'm already getting nervous. I'm hitting the mic, like what goes

on here? What goes on this procedure? But the problem is it is such a double standard because we're talking about us getting like the sect of me want like you know, which is I'm sure traumatizing. But at the same time, you guys, you guys have to go through us to have one kid, what you guys have to go through? Not only because like with Ashley, like she

was tracking her cycle. She knew what days were the best or like what she needed to do, how long it needed to take for her to get off birth control or this medication or that medication, so like and these these are things that like she like spirolacatone, I remember I heard a lot about which was like for her acting and she couldn't take and like but like but that was just one thing that she couldn't take while trying to get pregnant, and then she couldn't take

it during her entire pregnancy, and then while she was pregnant, like not only dealing with this life growing inside of you, guys kicking literally kicking you from the inside, which is insane to think about. But it's just like you're throwing up, you're sick, you're gaining weight, you're moody, rightfully so, and it's like, damn you got and like I'm talking about like this one time, I might have to get like a little procedure done just to you know, and I'm

going to complain about that. Such a man thing anyway, But it's like it's like the most like, you know, men are. I feel like you're obsessed with their man parts though, So it's like your most like prized part of your body, I feel like for a man. So it's like nerve wracking, right, Oh, well, of course, I mean, well, I guess do you think? Yeah, I guess women just aren't. I'm sure you're I don't feel that you guys are attached to your boobs as much. I feel like those are.

I don't know, do you think you're more attached because yeah, that guy, that part of a body for a guy is very like, you know, you're you're very protective over because all your life, it's like so much there's so much discussion around it, especially when it pertains to sex or anything like oh is it big enough or and it's just like oh Jesus Christ, like listen, my guy's good.

I like my guy. He's my number one player. He's the first guy off the bench, you know, he's I like him all right, And so, uh yeah, I guess it's different because girls, don't you guys are that protective. I mean, I I think it's just because like for women, it's just like again, it's it's worth it to you in a way when you have a baby, because then it's like my body went through all this for you, and so you kind of like attached it to that.

But it's still like yeah, I mean it changes are our whole bodies, so our body never truly goes back to being the same. Um. So I think there's some hard parts of coping with that, you know, um oh I believe it. Yeah yeah, yeah, I mean your vagina is torn up to bits or or your cut open so it's like there's a lot that goes on with our bodies too. But I don't know if I'm like, I don't think I like emotionally like mourned my vagina. Yeah, I mean I would emotionally mourn my penis if something.

It's just your little it's just your little guys though your balls, like when you when you get a commutelyst that's the only they don't touch her. Yeah, I mean, I hope you know called Tanner's little guys, because I'm sure he's not gonna like that too much. But yeah, I think our time is running out. We should really just leave off on that. I guess on that Jade uh So, actually I wanted to because I was gonna say, Jade Roper Tilber, is that do you go by Roper Tilbert? Yeah?

I go by I go by Jade Roper, I go by Jade Roper Tilber, I go by Jade Tilbert. I don't know, they all just flow together whatever to me, Like legally I'm still Jade Roper, but it all is the same. Because we were talking about Trista. When we had Tristan on the podcast, it was like, oh, Trista Sutter and then I was like, Trista, what is your maiden name? She and she it was weird to think about for her because she's like, yeah, for it was

Trister Ryan, I think it is. But she was saying how like, yeah, she was that person for thirty years. In the past twenty years she's been Trista Sutter. And it's like, yeah, that is weird, But I guess it's because Ashley hyphenates. It's like she'll always kind of have like the iken Eddy name in there, and if you do the same, then you always have Roper in there. Yeah.

I don't know, it doesn't matter to me. Some people are like, does it does it bother you that your kids have Tolbert and your last name is legally still Roper, Like it's not the same on like medical papers or you know, passports and stuff. And I was like, I don't know, does that supposed is supposed to bother me? Like? My kids are my kids the name? To me? I like, I like, I am a Roper so and I and I know, like I'm married and we have a union and my children have my husband's last name. But to me,

it doesn't really bother me. Yeah, do you well? The reason I got brought up is because I was talking a quick story because I told them the last podcast. But I went to dinner with my brother in law and my sister and their niece was there, and I was like, oh, she's such a Haven ha ha ha ha. And my brother was like, bro, she's a Leary. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's right. Oh my god, that's right. She's not a Haven. That's the weirdest ever.

So that was like when I was like, oh, wow, I wonder if it's weird for you know, Ashley to be like Ashley, are you I guess you're still a Nike and Eddie, but like you're actually a Haven. Mm. Yeah, it's it's just I don't know. It's all the same to me. Are you taking Dean's Oh no, you're You guys are doing a different name together, right, Kaylin, Yeah, yeah, we m his mom's made a name is Belle, So we're going to take that love and change your last names. Yeah. Yeah,

that's cool. I'm excited. And our friends actually they just got married and my friend did not want to change her last name, and they're gonna she wants to have like five kids, she wants to alternate who takes each last name, so like start with the husband and then the next one would take her last name and just keep alternating. Really cool. Yeah, yeah, that's interfferent. Yeah, it

is different. I don't know how it to work, but I think it's like, I mean, I do think it's still traditional that people to take the husband's last name more commonly with um, Like, I don't know, I think it is more traditional, but I feel like more people just aren't carrying it as I don't know, maybe that's just me. Maybe I just like, no, you're right, I

think it's not as much of a discussion anymore. Yeah, I don't know why, Kaylin you when you brought that up, it reminded me of like the difference between like a Kardashian and Jenner, even though that's two different guys. That's like the same but not. Yeah, Jade, you're fantastic. Thank you so much for joining us on the podcast today. Help we suck at being newlyweds. So crazy to know

that's the title. Now. You're awesome, So Jade, obviously everybody should be following you on Instagram because you're wonderful where you give a lot of mom advice. But I know you used to have a podcast, and I didn't know if that was on hiatus and if that's coming back with Carly, what is the status on that we are not doing the podcast as of right now. I don't know. It was we were going to take a summer off and then it kind of just turned into a longer

extended break, So I don't know. We're kind of I think, like I feel like Carly's kind of in a different place in her life, Like our podcast was such a podcast about babies and newborns and being like a mom of young kids, and so I think it's kind of like how you guys you rebranded your podcast because you're in a different stage of life now, and so I don't know. I enjoy podcasting and talking and to others and connecting with others, but I don't know what's happening

with it. So well, I hope you guys do it because I think um or that you do something, because I think, Jade, you are someone in the like mommy world, so we're I don't mean it like that, but you're just someone who I think a lot of people look up to and inspired to be a mom like you so I think that you would. You would, it would. A lot of people would love to hear your opinion on things, that's all. Yeah, a lot of great advice.

Thank you. I think it's it's definitely my passion. I like talking about being a mom, and and you know, everyone has a different life and a different perspective and different you know, backgrounds of where they came from and how they raised their children. But I just love connecting and peeling back some of those layers and just showing like the realness and the rawness of what it is to be a mom in society nowadays. So well, Jade, thank you so much. You're amazing. Once again, Please come

back on soon. Yeah, thank you guys for having me. And I'd love to come back and chat about anything. So I'm always here. Thanks Jane, thank thank you, Bye, thank you. Jade is the best. She's like one of the best humans ever, not gonna lie. She's wonderful. That's my first time ever talking to her. She's she's just like a breath of fresh air, so kind, so knowledgeable

about mom life. Yeah, and she's great. It is weird to think about Ashley and I have been very lucky to be a part of the Bachelor franchise for quite some time, and it you know, I remember at our wedding and almost felt like sometimes we live two lives where we have like this Bachelor World extravaganza and then we have our life in Rhode Island. And I'm sure Klin you can attest to that as well, where like you go to this, like you have your life with Dean in Vegas and it's very like, you know, you

go to your grandparents and it's just life. And then you get to go on these incredible Super Bowl trips and like have these awesome opportunities where you get to meet people and like go to these VIP things and

you're like, this is wacky. And I remember at our wedding like for the first time it really felt like where we had so many of our friends from Bachelor, both in front of the camera and behind the camera, and then with my like my family and Rhode Island and like those two worlds colliding under one roof was really cool and so like it's interesting to me because I obviously have known you and Dean for so long, and I'm like I've known Jade and Tanna for so long.

You guys are both in the Bachelor world and it's just like, oh, yeah, you guys have never met. That's insane. It's weird. It is weird, But I feel like I know her, Like I watched her season, I watched her on Paradise, and yeah, I bet she feels like she knows you. Yeah. I love the little community. It's sweet. It is sweet. I know it's a weird people. I'm sure ask you all the time too about like is it weird, you know, being a part of like such an incestuous little group. But I never find it weird.

I like, I just I love it so much. It really is kind of like a family. Yeah, and you just kind of forget about, like honestly, where you came from and the show you came from, and and the past, and then it's like you're the person you're with now. Yeah, amongst friends, would you ever think of Dean and Rachel lindsay weirdly, Oh that's so crazy, that's the craziest ever. Yeah no, and then he had many other girlfriends, but nope, just think about him and me exactly. Well, that's trust me.

It's the same thing with ash. Ash dated people on TV and so did I so, yeah, like you just get over it all right? Well, I think that's going to do it for this episode's of help I almost said help we suck at being Newlyweds. Yeah, still, it's going to take some time. Yeah, we'll get it and once whenever Dean comes back. So Dean's still in an We haven't talked about Dean's location at all. Dean is still in Antarctica. Correct, Yes, he can only text me once a day, so I don't really know what he's

up to her, what he's doing. Hopefully he's safe, hopefully. But yeah, but you want to take us out, Yeah, make sure you tune in next week, where maybe we suck just a little bit less. Yeah, amazing, great job. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at help We Suck at Being Newlyweds and email us at Newlyweds at iHeartRadio dot com. Make sure to write us a review and leave us five stars. We'll see you next time.