I Like You Maximumly with AJ McLean

Cheryl Burke Dancing with the Stars is gonna be joining us today. They have their own podcast, well podcast podcast, it's a podcast, it's podcasts pretty much. And Rene Alizondo Alizondo are gonna be joining us is today as well. They're the host of Pretty Messed Up. We're gonna get to them a little bit later, but before we do that, I just want to talk to Jared because Jared, I feel like we haven't really had a chance to talk lately.

It's always been co host guests, so we've never really had the you know, the one on one interaction that I really strive for a weekend and week out. Where are you in the world right now. I'm in Santa Monica. Okay, so you're back in l A, are you? So? How's the house? Have you seen it? Have you been to the land? Are you guys building? Well? I know you guys just bought a brand new house, right it is a brand new it's currently being built. The house. Kaylin's

grandparents lived close by. They walked over and took a picture of it. It's you know, it's framed out. That's about as far as they've gotten. Still about four or five months away from being finished. But have you guys seen it in person? We have seen it in person. Yeah.

It's funny actually because I just started talking about this and Caitlin looks over at me and she's she like grimaces, and she says, you told them that we're buying a house because I guess, like, like I said, we're still early stages and so you know, we haven't obviously officially gotten the keys yet, so we don't want to jakes anything. But um, you're just putting it out into the universe,

that's all. Yeah, Well, it's gonna be embarrassing, like for some reason, we don't get qualified for our mortgage alone. But will make great content. So either way, we're good on this podcast. Yeah, we're turning out content. I guess that's the most important thing. If we turned out enough content on this podcast, maybe we'll be able to afford a house eventually, you know. Yeah in l A. That is right right, right right, which would be great. So

so that's where we're at. Uh, we're hopefully I don't know if I like did a good job of explaining this last time, but so we're buying a house in Las Vegas, near Caitlin's grandparents center and uncle, um, and it's in a little suburb we both really like and it's close to her family. But then we're also going to be signing a lease here in Los Angeles to rent a house because we want to be in Los Angeles, but we also want to have the option to be in Las Vegas close to her family. So we're kind

of gonna be back and forth. Um, But obviously l A is just too expensive, so we're not going to buy in l A. So that's kind of where we're at. Uh, you're telling us, you're telling me last week that you guys are buying a house and leasing a place in l A. Makes me so much more comfortable with the idea of purchasing a home in Rhode Island and still renting a place in l A. Yeah, that was kind of our dream scenario for the next couple of years, where we could be bi coastal. I mean, we'll see

if we can actually do it or not. And for the longest time, I was like, there's no way we're not doing that. We're not spending the money, We're not gonna do it. Well, I don't know much about the Rhode Island real estate market, but I eventually it's probably smilar to the Vegas real estate market, where a lot goes a long way. Uh, it does, and it doesn't. Rhode Island surprisingly is it's certainly not like expensively expensive, like if you're going to Boston or Los Angeles, New York.

But it's it's it flies off like the housing market. And I'm sure this is countrywide is crazy right now, like nothing is on Zillo for more than twenty four hours. It's insane. But but you, like you said, like I said, like you guys, buying a house and renting for some reason, maybe it's just because we're not alone makes me feel super more comfortable being like, Okay, maybe we can purchase a home within the next year, so and still rent

our place in l A for the next two years. Right, well, he doesn't Actually sisters still live with you guys in l A. Or no, is that over? No? No, no, no no. She's been down here for odd nine ten months now. She lives with her boyfriend down here in Rhode Island in Virginia, Virginia, right right, right, I guess I was gonna say it's it's it would have been kind of nice to have her paying helping pay rent because then that kind of obviously a le based a bit of

the cost. Yeah. Now she lived with us for free for a long time, right family, you know, freeloaders. Man, it's crazy. So so in l A. Um, that's kind of one thing that we're doing is one of my really good friends who Kylin is fond of, is going to be signing a lease with us in Los Angeles. So it'll be nice to like we don't have to shoulder the whole burden of an entire rental agreement. Uh. And then obviously we can help start paying our more because there and the house that we're hoping to get

here in l A. Is pretty big. It's like a big four bedroom in Venice. So it's like enough space for us all to kind of, you know, not being each other's faces all day long, but still affordable enough for it to make sense for us. Yeah, you need your own room. That's what I've discovered. I remember a buddy of mine who has been married for quit some time, when Ashley and I first got together and engaged, He's like, I'm telling you, just at one point, wherever you guys go,

just make sure you have your own room. What does that mean? Like, what do you put an office that's just to yourself? Like whatever? It is just a room that you're able to go in and just be surrounded by whatever you like. For me, that's Tom Brady posters, uh, Superman posters, anything Boston sports related. And it really has made all the difference because Lauren lived with us in our apartment for a couple of years in l A. And when she moved out, her room became like an

office slash man cave, and it's freaking awesome. Man. It makes like it's a It makes for a healthier relationship between Ashley and I because like when she's watching whatever, she wants to watch in the living room, Like I can go to my room and just like play a video game and and do whatever the hell I want to do. Telling you, man, that's the key to make sure. Yeah, wherever you guys go, you just are able to have

your own room. Well, so the house that we have perspectively bought is a three bed, two bath, and so we have the master bedroom, and and we assumed one bedroom would be hers and the other bedroom would be mine. So TBD. But I agree with that. And it's funny because I remember going to your apartment for the first time. I saw, like obviously everything is like is decorated seemingly by Ashley, and then you go into the man cave

room and it still is very well decorated. I want to point out, Uh, it's not like because like when I think man cave or like when I think about when I was decorating my rooms, it was like a college dorm room, you know, like you have like just posters on the wall that aren't framed or anything. But your man cave actually is like it's like an upgraded version of all of the things that we did when we're in college. You know what I mean, well, I'm not going to say that Ashley didn't have a hand

in that, right. Well, I wanted to decorate it exactly how I wanted it to be. She you know, x that out and that was impossible. So it was like a compromise. I'd say seventy was was first. She just wanted it to be you know, pristine. Um, but we'll see, we shall see. I remember when you came over. That was the time I kicked dressing Madden. That was a good night I was. I was so confident to I was like, I've never lost a game of Madden into my life. And then I get roasted about like thirty

five against you. I played well that day of my friend. Um. So I did want to talk about Christmas gifts because it's the holiday season. Obviously, I'm assuming you're gonna get something for Kaylin for Christmas, and I was thinking about what I'm gonna get for ash and I was looking it up online and I came across this article. It's on a website called Money, Money under thirty. I don't know what that is, but the point is it's pretty

good article and it's called Love and Money Get gift giving. Right, this Christmas. Uh, and pretty much it's the idea of like changing your whole uh, changing like the perspective of Christmas gift giving. Like she she makes the argument that, like, don't just get something for the fact of getting something, you know, Like my parents did that all the time, and I love my parents and I would never change that.

But like the amount of times they've gotten me button down shirts or jackets that I legitimately have never worn in my life. Like there is this green and black plaid shirt that I always have in my closet and my parents got it for me like seven years ago for Christmas from Express that I've never worn, and I tell myself every year I'm going to wear it. But then I look at it and I'm like, I just don't want to do it. I don't want to do it.

And so this article says, you know, everybody has different love languages, and so I'm trying to change the way I give gifts. So instead of you know, being like, well what should I get Ashley, you know, something practical, I'm trying to think of gifts in a way of giving them an experience. So, for example, for our anniversary this year, instead of getting ash you know a gift that, you know, like a toaster, that would be a horrible gift. But you know what I'm going at with this one.

I got her a weekend getaway at Monarch, which is a resort in southern California, and I figured I put my money to good use there to create an experience, like a romantic getaway. So my what I'm saying is, Dean, have you thought about what you're gonna get for Kalin and are you thinking you might get her more of an experience. Are you that type of gift giver or you more of like a practical gift giver. I have a question. Was that it was that a sponsored plug

for Monarch Resorts in southern California. It was not. No, I I got I got it as an actual gift. I mean they were very you know, I'm not gonna say I didn't reach out to them, and they were very kind in certain aspects. But no, that was not a plug. Look, I respect the hustle on or the other. Uh No, I agree with that because I'm the same

way too. It's and I always kind of tell her when she's always like, what do you want me to get you for Christmas, I'm like, listen, if I want to if I want something, I'm gonna go out and get it myself. Like there's nothing that you can get me that I don't already have, you know what I mean, Because if I want it bad enough, I'm gonna go get it essentially, uh, And so I fully agree with that.

It's like, you know, I don't necessarily need something that's gonna uh sit around and collect dust for the next seven years. All the brown and green button up that your parents got all those years ago. I really hope my parents told listen to this podcast, really, son of a bitch, even more than one, he never wore that shirt. You should walk like next once once you can like go to an event again, you should like walk a red carpet in the event and like send it to them.

It'd be funny anyways. Um, I definitely think that the experience is a better gift than like a product in a sense. It's like, I don't know, it's I think

it also shows more thought. Yeah. And the nice thing about that too is like I remember when I was a kid, uh, Like my mom would always get presents for like the kids, or for my dad or something but she would, like she would always get them a movie, Like, like she would get my brother a movie, right, my brother loves getting movies and watching movies, but she would always get him a movie that she wanted to watch.

So then like they would all want like he gets the satisfaction of getting a gift, but then she gets to watch the movie that she wants to watch, you know what I mean. The nice thing about a situation like this is if you know, you get Ashley a vacation to monarch, you get to go on that vacation to monarch with her, so like you kind of got to reap the benefits of the gift as well. You know, it wasn't the worst gift for me either, Right, It's kind of like a win win in a sense, So

I definitely agree with that. Like for our anniversary, I got Kalen a trip to Japan, which hopefully is going to happen in our lifetime at this rate. Who the hell knows. Um Oh, I'm sorry it was for her birthday, she corrected me. I sell you, I'm waited for that because I saw you look it off to the side. I was like, I'm pretty sure she's correcting him. Right now. She literally just poked in for for one second and said, it was my birthday. Uh, and I can fully agree

with that. Like I, you know, I want to go back to Japan. She wants to go to Japan, and we want to go together, and said the perfect way to get a gift for that would be just to get a gift for her to go with us. I don't know. That was the worst day of saying that, but you know what I mean, I agree with what you're saying. Long story short, so I know, last last Christmas actually got me a gift to Disney World because

I really wanted. They were opening up a new Star Wars land with a great ride called the Rise of Rise of the Resistance, and I could not wait to go on this thing, and it was opening up in February. So she planned a trip like at the end of February, but we ended up canceling the trip because that's when COVID started rising. We thought, well, welldre's wait and see how this plays out. And then of course, obviously in the beginning of March everything should have gone. I know, right, Um,

I've got a question regarding the gift. The experiential gift giving that you were talking about, do you think I mean, obviously it's changed a little bit during COVID, but what are some other COVID friendly gifts, maybe like more experiential gifts that you would recommend for people that are um listening. Well, um, you know, it's tough right now because nobody knows what the future holds. I mean, the vaccine is might be getting approved as we speak. Uh, so we're all assuming

that normalcy will be returned, probably in the summer. So maybe, um, you know kind of like, uh, this is gonna sound stupid, but like a gift card to kayak or maybe like I don't know, plan the trip for September October. Uh, you know, by plane tickets, so on and so forth. If you want to do an experience, I'm just all four experiences. Unfortunately, you can't buy concert tickets right now. I used to be a big concert ticket giver because I thought that was a great experience. You know, you

you get to enjoy something music together. It's an experience that you get to bond over, whether it be your friends or significant other. It doesn't doesn't have to be somebody that you're in a relationship with. Can be you know, other family members, friends, co workers whoever. Maybe don't get concert taking of coworkers because that's a little bit expensive.

But I think you just I think it's so much more fun trying to think of what a fun gift could be instead of going through Amazon and being like, well, what I gotta get them something, so let me just scroll through here. So instead of taking ten minutes scrolling through Amazon trying to find a random product to buy someone, take that ten minutes and think about, well, what is this person, Like, what could I get for them? What's what's creative? You know what? What would they have fun with?

That would be my advice. I have a question for you. So Kalin has been talking a lot about getting this new blender that she just she like just raves about it all the time. Every time she uses our blender, she's like, oh, this blender sucks. I want a new one. And she always like shows me this very specif pick one, and I feel like she's like throwing subtle hints at me, like, hey, like this is a blender I want it's five just so you know, and she like hasn't purchased it for

some reason. And I think that The reason she keeps telling me about the blenders because she wants me to get it for her for Christmas. But I don't get it. I don't know a blender for Christmas? Like how it just seems so impersonal, you know. I would say, don't just get the blender. Get the blender because it's a thoughtful gift. Because what else do I have to get?

I don't know. Maybe oh you know what, if you're spending money on a blender, then instead of spending money on another gift, why don't you get, like her, a gift of like writer or a note. Sometimes I write Ashley poems all the time. I write her rhyming poems, childish. Will you give us an example? Um? Yeah, I guess. Um, well, I don't have any in front of me. But like I remember one line was like, um, like my heart

is a lock and you have the key. Uh like something like uh forever in the future, it's just you and me, something like that. I know, very cute, right, I'm quite endearing. Um, So do that, like, spend two dollars on a card, get some crayons or markers, whatever you like, maybe some paint. She really want to go over board and like get her like a really cute see card along with the blenders. So the blender is a practical gift that you're spending money on that she wants.

So it's also thoughtful because you remember that she wants it, even though she probably reminds you daily. And then you get like something very personal that's very cheap. But fuflet okay, let me let me just continue to pilot the questions here. Let's say I get her five blender and she only comes back with like a fifty dollar you know, pair of shorts that I say I wanted. Do you think

that there should be an imbalance on Christmas gifts? Or do you think you should set a limit on spending before you go into the holidays, Like, hey, no more than hundred dollars per person? Uh, what do you and Ashley do? And what do you recommend we don't do a cap I feel like it's just kind of known that, like, hey, listen,

don't spend more than like two on me. Um. But I don't think there's anything wrong with talking to your significant other and saying, listen, I want to get you something, hopefully you want to get me something to Let's just you know, let's not be stupid here, like, don't spend more than like a hundred fifty bucks. Like I'll spend a hundred fifty, you spend a hundred fifty, we'll call it a day. I don't think that's really outrageous to ask. What about? Do you think that's weird? Mark's coming on?

Here we go the husband's well, look, I've got some experience in this area, Dean. That is best case scenario. What you're describing is if you completely overwhelm her with an amazing gift and she gets you something that's fine shorts you asked for. That is a way tell me what I can ride that for as long as you want to. He has the upper hand, So coming come April, I can say, hey, remember that Christmas President I got you. Is that we're talking too saying lourda over her. I'm

not saying through it in her face. I'm just saying you can rest easy, you can sit back in the easy chair and knowing that you did goodness, and she can brag to her friends like it's all upside. That's that's a fair point. I will say. The nice thing about my situation is, let's say she underperforms on Christmas

and I just blow it out of the water. She's got four months to plan for my birthday, which is in April, and then I would you know, if if she feels like she underperformed her mark situation here, then she's gonna go all out for the birthday. So it's kind of like investing. I guess four months on the line, I get I respected, I respected. That makes a lot of sense. And plus you get to like use it

when you're in a fight. I was gonna say, like, don't throw it in her face, but like, next time you guys fight, you can be like, oh, yeah, I remember those shorts you got me for Christmas and this five dollar piece jewelry I got you blend shorts and the blender. Yeah listen, the blender is a good gift. I'm a big smoothie guy, so I would love a blender. Why not? Um? All right, Well that's enough for Christmas gifts, So hope, I would love to know what you guys

out there Suck Army is gonna get. Uh. I would love some ideas for Christmas. So if you guys want to d M S email us comment under one of our pictures let us know where you're getting your significant other for Christmas, because I'm always open to the idea of uh, I just like to know. I want to know what people are getting because it gives me ideas, you know, So this is really just for me selfishly,

let me know what I should get Ashley. But coming up, we have the host of the podcast I Heart Radio podcast Pretty Messed Up, A J. Cheryl and Renee coming up next. Before we talk to them, let's take a quick break. Hey, welcome back to help I suck at dating. We have some very special guest on the podcast right now. You know them. They are the host of the I Heart Radio podcast Pretty Messed Up. It is A J. McClean, Cheryl Burke in Renee Elizondo. How are you I Love

your guys title of your podcast? Yes, true? Do you guys? Really? You guys suck at dating? Oh my gosh, are you kidding? Of course, we made a whole career out of it. But ask my wife. My wife will definitely say I suck at dating. But whoever says that they're good at it,

it's kind of like, oh, yeah, there's no such thing. Well, our podcast has something in common with your podcast kind of like the self deprecation because you guys just called pretty messed up, right, Yes, absolutely so, it's kind of the same, you know, within the same realm at least isn't really self deprecating. It's actually just facts. Yeah, totally. Yeah, there's that side too. Well, I want to know what you eyes think it means to be pretty messed up.

But first, seeing Cheryl how you brought it up, I have to ask each one of you, do you guys suck at dating? Well? Yeah, fair question, a j what do you think you think? Uh? Yeah, well because I you know, I really picked some winners back in the day. And I'm being very sarcastic when I say that, Um, you know, because you because you always kind of get get what you put out. And you know, I back when I was in my party days, I was definitely wrangling some real, real winners. And it was not pretty.

It always ended poorly and quickly. It it was pretty messed up. Until I met my wife in two thousand nine, and like that literally was like, oh wow, holy crap, Like this is different, Like she's not like any of these other wackos that I dated before. She's actually grounded and she's so sincere and she's sweet, and I ended up marrying her. So there you go. You know you're a lucky man. And Renee, what about you? You think you sucked at dating? Suck at dating? I did. I'm married,

I'm married now, but I I sucked so badly. I never I've never asked someone out on a date. And and here's the weird part. I've been married twice and I've never proposed what how did you get married? Some information here? How do how do we not talk about this on our podcast? I know it's kind of nuts and and Britt, my wife, would probably hate that I said this. Uh my first marriage, you guys know, was with Janet. She said to me we should get married and I said okay. And then with Britt it was

kind of the same thing. She's like, hey, don't you think we should get married? O? Super sucky. So so they've been totally you you. I mean you had a cop out, you copped out a little like you. Definitely they made they made easy for you. I was so insecure, I was so afraid of rejection that literally waited till someone hit me over the head with a two by four. Even the drugs and alcohol didn't help you. Oh no, I kind of like to be off on my own

when I was drinking and drugging. Yeah. I have a question. So, if you never asked other than to marry you, how did the first dates then come about? If you didn't ask them on the first dates either? Okay, so do you want to go on a date the first the first wife I we were talking on the phone constantly, and then my friends were all saying, hey, she uh, I think she likes you, And I'm like, no, wait, what would she want to do with a dancer? That was my whole thing. But I was like, but I'm

happy to talk to her. I felt she was just lonely on the road, blah blah blah. And then one one night she called. It was like she was in Europe and it was like four in the morning, and and um, she she said, I think I'm falling in love with you. And then there was a lot of silence, and then and then I said I think I am too, And then there was longer silence, and I panicked. I swear to God, true story. I panicked, and I said, I mean I used to, but I don't anymore. Wait,

and what did you get married? Like what did she saying? She started laughing right and she was what what is it? Are you or are you not? And I was like are you and She's like yeah, she said, I already told you. And I said it was like okay, me too, and then we So there wasn't a dating I guess there was a dating process. She came back from Europe and we just started like hanging out every day and

then we moved in together. Then she said we should get married, and I was like, right on, it was really it was really hard for her though, too, you know that. Yeah, that's when I said to my wife too, I said, I was the first one that said I love you. But I said, I think I'm falling in love with you, even though I was in love with her. And now listen, I'm an idiot. What can I say? It was just more of like a security blanket in case she said, oh, I'm kind of feeling the same way.

I could be like, well, I didn't say I was in love with you. I said over with you. That makes sexier than a man, just like owning up to it, and just oh I was I was the shame when because my my wife. I definitely a J. You were definitely My wife does like special fakes makeup and beauty, makeup and hair, and she was working on one of our video shoots and she knew the guy that ran the catering company and she goes, yeah, so you know, I'm I'm actually dating one of the guys in the group.

And when I heard that, I freaked out. I'm like, yeah, well when you know, we're not really but we're not really, you know, like I didn't I didn't like the sound of like boyfriend girlfriend, Like I didn't want that committed like you. And then well because I was a freaking insecure hot mess. So I think that's men in general. They don't like to tends like it's just like, Okay, there's a reason there's two guys hosting a podcast called Help Not to Mind You. I can talk about this

all day. This is great. I'll be honest. I don't think i've ever I've never felt more seen on this podcast than just hearing both A J and Renee stories right there. I feel like I feel like we've got, you know, a big family going now. It's great. Yeah, yeah, what you said about the sort of leaving yourself and now right. It comes from insecurity, where it's like I think, I'm find that way if it falls flat, you're you're out right, You're like you girls do the same thing.

It's just different. You have to have a safety net. You just you just have to just for your own you know, insecurity, life is life is too short. My wife, Britt, who I've been married to, happily married. I'm so in love with her. I was on the slow boat. I was because I had been married befo on the slow boat I've been married before, and I was gun shy, and we were on a trip one day. We never said I love you right, and then she and then she says on the plane, she goes, I just need

to tell you something. I said, what time? She said, I like you maximumly? And then and then I go, I never heard of that. That was That was her giving herself a now right. She said I like you maximumly. And I said that sounds like love, right, and heard that yeah, And I said that sounds like love and she goes, yeah, it is. And I said, and I said, I love you too. I think we got home. We got home and I kept I thought, okay, this is

the way we talked now. So I would say I love you, she wouldn't say it back, and then I'd say I love you, and then she wouldn't say it back. And then I was like, wait, you're the one that started this whole thing exactly. No, I wanted to hear it once. You don't need to say it all the time. I'm like, what, that's amazing. So a j I had.

I had a question for you because you were just recently obviously you danced with Cheryl and Dancing with the Stars, which Nive Schulman was on, and I heard that you have a crazy catfish story. Can you tell it? Tell us about it? Uh? Yeah. So the Loman short of it is, so back when my Space was a thing um which you know, for anyone out there that doesn't know what my Space was supposed to be for, it was a platform for new music and new artists to be heard. That's what it started as, and then it

became basically her um. So uh yeah, for me, So I was I was single and I met this girl on my Space who actually the way we started talking, she was talking magic about what I do for a living, and I was kind of offended and then she was joking, and so cut to we were talking every day and then we exchanged. We're talking on the phone, and I keep trying to finally meet this person, and every single

time it came to us meeting, something came up. Every time to the point where she had to have emergency surgery, so she had to fly to another state to have surgery or this, that and the other. I drove one night, left my dogs with just one bowl of food, grove to Palm Springs because she was gonna be there at some type of hospital for something. I show up, she got transferred. Um, and all the while Renee is like him and I are already friends, and he's watching this

downward spiral that's happening with me. Then I asked her to send me a video so I could see what she looks like. She sends me a video of another girl who's paid she stole from. Then when I actually see what the girls supposed, he looks like she looks like she's like twelve or thirteen, which freaked me that f out. So this dude, this went on for almost two years. There was never a point in your head where you were like, I'm a backstreet boy. Okay, what am I doing? So and then so so finally at

the precipice, I finally gave up. I started dating somebody else, and I get a phone call from her brother saying that she had passed away, and I was like devastating because I'm like, I never met this person. Whatever. Whatever. Then she calls me a month later saying she was she was. She was trying to hide from her ex boyfriend, who was like partics, so she had to fake her own depth. And I was like, yes, you can't blame anybody by yourself now. To give it a little contact.

A j was living with me at the time, temporarily. He said he if he could kick He said if he could kick it with me for two weeks and like a year later, I'm like, hey, dude, are you gonna find the house? But he was. He had stopped drinking and using drugs. We were we were just golfing every day and everything, and what happens people in early sobriety, it's what we call trading drugs. So he started getting

his fix from this girl, this this intrigue. So he went as hard into that mystery as he did when he was you know, drinking and drugging. So that's a little context. That's that gives you an out a day the stars. Back then you could have been so so you never had the chance to actually meet her in person. Then if she even was a real person that, I have no idea she really is. She sent the picture she was like and I said, dude, year old, god, it sounds like a horror movie. So it was the

hat bigger than her. No, it was I just I just have to know what was it that had you so enamored, like out of the gates, like, why were you so invested in this person? Okay, well, ticket, I had just gone through a really bad breakup and I was like just not even thinking about dating. And the girl who I thought I was talking to was absolutely beautiful. She had a lot of similarities with me. She was a musician, and I was just like really enamored with her.

So when I was in Nashville with the boys recording, I was telling all the all the you know boys about this and they're like, dude, something seems off man, And so I that was my first time when I said, okay, send me a video and she wouldn't do it. And then all of a sudden, I get a message from the real girl whose picture she stole, and she goes, I'm sorry, but you're talking to someone that's not me,

and I said, okay, prove it. So she made me a freaking video and sent it to me the person I thought I was talking to, and her voice was different and all this stuff, and she's like bad. She goes, somebody stole my identity and I feel bad for you. She goes, I'm actually engaged. I'm really happy, but I'm sorry, and I do hope that you get this whole thing sorted out. And I was just crushed. And then then it became like a Michigan to find out who the

hell this person is? Uhh yeah, such an addict? Oh yeah, who doing this to me? This person is go for it, Jared. I was gonna say, Cheryl, I wanted to ask you, obviously about the podcast Pretty Messed Up. Um, So I want to know how you Renee and a J came together and decided, hey, we want to do this podcast. We want to call it Pretty Messed Up. We are just vulnerable and open up about everything in our lives.

And Cheryl, you're married. You're married to Matthew Lawrence and as a huge Boy Meets World fan Ashley get out of here? Are you kidding me? I was at Uh, I'm dropping d Dan, I'm dropping Monarch again. I was at Monarch a few weeks ago. It was my wife and I as anniversary and I saw Ben Savage there and very much that's awesome. So I saw Ben Savage and I was like internally freaking out, and I called and I was like, listen, Ben Savage down here. I have to go say hi. So he was so nice

when we said high. But anyway, long story short, she always says, uh, if anybody on the show, I'm most like Jack Hunter. So uh, that's totally it makes me. I see it. Well, I'm not looks not he's much better looking than me. But hair losing this time to gush as for himself. You know, obviously I needed to take a moment for myself. But but Cheryl wanted to, like I said, wanted to talk about why you guys

came together because all three of you were married. So what made you say, hey, let's do this podcast called pretty messed Up and be super vulnerable and just open up. Well, I think that's just my personality in general. Right. Um, I don't really sugarcoat much. Um. What you see is what you get to a fault, and also you know, in a good way, I guess, um. But you know, originally before I even met A. J. And Renee, we

were all going to do our own podcast. I was going to do mine, and I believe A J and Renee they were going to do there. And Amy Sugarman, you know, the producer from my Heart. She's a great castide director, and she got us three together and we basically met via zoom in March back when the pandemic just hit, and we basically I think it was like a little bit of a chemistry test now that I

think about that, and we passed the test. And then he told me he was doing Dancing with the Stars, So we would have basically have done this podcast with or without Dancing with the Stars. Um. He told me he was doing it, and I was like, well, yeah, no, you can request your pro dancer if you'd like. I've been on the show for twenty three seasons, um, and I kind of think I know how it works, right and twice right, yeah, back in nineteen sixty five. Has

been a while, but yeah, yeah, totally. I'm not seventy, I'm sixty two. Um, you look great for your age. It's the Asian and me thank you. But yeah, so it just worked out where a j I basically low down low threatened him to call Dina Kats and was like, you know what, I want dance to Cheryl and then cut two. We're still here to this day. Yeah, it

was a match made in heaven. To be honest, I mean, you know, yeah, I mean I've I've been friends with Renee for the better part of twenty years, and you know, I I had I had known who Cheryl is. Obviously everyone you know, well, yeah, but hey, I've got I've got my TMC stories. But um, you know I I was really just kind of taken back by her story as well. And then since we started doing Dads with

the Stars, we've learned so much. And then on top of that, doing the podcast, it's like we we've all three learned so much about each other and been able to be so exposed and so vulnerable and share our experience, strength and hope, whether it's talking about mental health, recovery or just life on life's terms. You know, take your celebrity hat off for five seconds and just be people like we're all people, were all equal, We're all we just have different you know, jobs, but we're all the

same people. So it's a it's a great show, and we trust me. We have a blast in the show. Yeah, I mean we we've had some moments. I mean definitely, I just I just I don't know what happened to me a couple of days ago, but Renee still teaches me about it. We were cutting to a break and it's like my my brain wanted to say something, but my mouth didn't keep going. So I basically said, Okay, we're gonna cut to a commercial and we'll see you guys in a minute. I'm like, what's like, what happen?

I feel that that that part of the chemistry. First of all, backing up was that, uh yes, Amy, when she when we talked a J and I talked with Amy, she just said, Man, I have someone that would fit right in with you guys. You guys rib each other all the time. She can give it out, she can take it. We should meet and like you said, we had we had several calls zoom calls to and and

everybody felt awesome. We got off the phone after meeting Cheryl, We're like, oh, she's amazing, She's perfect, right, And I think that on our end, on a J s in mind, some of the chemistry kind of like you guys, is that I can rib him because I've known him for so long and and but it's always kind hearted. Like the other day, a J when we had a zoom

call with a company. It was a business call and I knew some people and they so we all met and they pair up celebrities with brands, right, And then after the whole thing, Uh, I said, would you guys say that you're like pairing cool celebrities with brands? What what do you want with a J? And then they all started laughing, you know, because I was ribbing him, you know what I mean. And Agent said, he's the

only one they could do that. But now I think it's Cheryl too, because Cheryl, like God, no filter at all, man, which is great because I I have diarrhea of the mouth constantly, and thank god you can take it because I can't say. I can't say that about all twenty three my partners that I've had, right, I'm sure that's and that's when I stopped talking. Now, Well, I think all of us were waiting with bated breath, is like,

is she gonna drop a name. I've gotten myself into so much trouble before on my podcast that I won't mention. I've been listening to your podcast. I gotta agree with you guys. You guys have great chemistry. It's a it's a lot of fun to listen to. I really suggest everybody listening to the podcast right now go check out Pretty Messed Up. It's super fun and a j You actually said something in the podcast that I had a bone to pick, because you said your favorite Christmas movie

is Nightmare Before Christmas, And I'd argue, that's a Halloween movie. Yeah, everybody says that, Well that's like, look, you know how many people how many people say die Hard is not a Christmas movie? Well, movie, you don't listen to this movie? Why completely? Why the whole thing happens on Christmas? It's a Christmas movie like this though, I mean, y okay, well not like that exactly, but see, I would agree

hearts Christmas movie. H I say, Batman returns to a Christmas movie that's a radio but obviously really passionate about it, but it's in the title Nightmare before Christmas, I know, following half Christmas. All right, we'll go fifty fifty. We'll agree to disagree on that one. Holly, it's Holly miss There you go, it's Holly Cheryl A j Rene. I can't thank you guys enough for joining us and help us second dating again. Everybody out there, go listen to

Pretty Missed Up. It's an iHeart Radio podcast just like we are. But you can get it on the iHeart Radio app. You can get it on Apple Podcast wherever you listen to your podcast. Make sure you go check it out right now. Everyone, thanks again. You're like flowing I how to do that. Dean taught me everything he knows. Okay, we're just like you were, wrapping it like that. You gotta we gotta work on our out. Chris Harrison taught me a thing or two while we were filming. I

don't know I appreciated Chris. Chris is one of my best budds. I still keep trying to get him on the golf course and we've yet to make it happen. I mean, we keep trying to get him on Dancing with the Stars and we have yet to happen. You think it's the same family, right, you know it's funny. Before we go, you guys were talking again on the podcast about the power of Bachelor Nation with but not bachelors. Why did the bachelors can't Why can't you guys dance? Well,

you guys had Nick on he can't dance? Hey, we Hey, Nick was able to keep up with kidding, Nick can dance. Listen, you need a bachelor to win, like, but the bastelt Mad's already come in with dance experience coming. You have no idea how jealous I was when I was watching next season you guys showed up. I was like, that

son of them is getting the back. That's awesome. But hey, dude, you tell your wife that I said hi, by the way, and because I know she's a big fan and she's the sweetest, And I'm also going to be sending her some of our polish, my nail polish. I haven't even gotten it. I haven't got you. Tell her I'm sending some of her way, I will. She would love that,

and she's a huge fan. We're both big fans, like you bringing us up on stage that one time in Vegas, honestly one of the best moments of both our lives. And I can't tell you how much we appreciate that because it was of course, man anytime, any alright, cool? Well, next time you guys are torn, just bring all right cool guys. Well, thank you so much, Cheryl h you guys are the best. Thank you guys. All right, welcome back to help I chuck at dating. What a great

episode today has been. I mean, to have a Backstreet Boy on is like the coolest thing ever. Well, and to have Cheryl and Rene onto, they were both fantastic. They're the best. Cheryl super Yeah, I've been watching. I watched Answer the Stars quite a bit, and so having Cheryl is really cool and Renee seem super super nice. So everybody, once again, make sure you guys check out their podcast Pretty Messed Up, which is the most relatable title other than help us like a dating obvious Jared,

what do you prefer? And sink Backstreet Boys? Backstreet Boys and I love instincts, but I'm a Backstreet boy all the way. Dancing with the Stars or American Idol, uh, Dancing with the Stars. I never really got into American Idol, even though we had David Cook sing at the wedding other than David Cook, and I never really got into American Idol, so he's David cooking Stars. David Cook's the guy. He sings, um like you gotta people a lot on da no, no, no no, that would be light on.

And then he sings the time of my life or uh, the time of my lad and yo, when all do you last? That time of my life? This I don't know if copyright will let me play it, but yeah, I just don't play it. It's okay, we get it, we got it. But yeah, anyway, he won American Idol. That's how Ashley became such a big fan of them. I have not known that. I'll be honest, I've never really watched American Idol. I've never really watched Dancing with

the Stars. I've never really listened to the Backstreet Boys. Although I will never listen to the Backstreet Boys. I recognized their greatness as creators, as musicians, as artists. I recognize A. J's greatness, Cheryl's and Renet's um and you could just tell. I don't know. I feel like they

probably have a bunch of really interesting stories. It's funny it's funny because we're like zooming with them, so we can kind of like see the video, and every time someone starts sharing a story, you could tell like someone's like chumping at the bit to like chime in, because not that they're like intentionally one upping each other, but you just know that they have got like a like a vault of stories that are all just super interesting that need to be shared at all times. Of course,

it's that's why we listen to podcasts, right. I mean, whenever I listened to a podcast and somebody's telling a story that I can relate to, I find myself talking to myself in the car and be like, oh my god, that's so funny. That reminds me of like this time, and then like my thoughts just get the best of me. So that's exactly what's happening with them, except except there they've been celebrities for the past, you know, two decades, and I'm sure that they've got a way more interesting

stories in lives than we've ever had. But hey, you know, we're not here to compare apples oranges. Would you call you would you call yourself a celebrity? Absolutely not? Would you No? But when you think about it, we have we have had a certain sliver of celebrity nous. I mean, I mean looks weird to think about. If you asked any of my friends from high school that I'm sure

that they would say yes. I I think just because you come from a small town Colorado or Rhode Island and then one of your friends, even if like you're just like a contestant on the prices, right, you know, I still think that some people would consider that. But I do think that there are like glimpses into it at certain points where you're like, oh, this is really nice,

but it's not. It's not like no, of course I would never but sometimes I don't know if I would say I take it for granted because I never take it for granted. But I think I just forget like even bro, I mean like I'm on your Instagram right now, when you put something out there, one point three million people are going to see that. Isn't that? Like? Do

you ever forget that? Sometimes? Are you ever? It's I don't know, it's kind of jarring sometimes when I like step back, feet up and really think about like, holy, there's a like I even think about my Instagram story. You know, if I get a certain amount of views and I'm like, oh, that that story didn't do well even though it got like thousands of views. You know, it's just many story of your stories get listen. I don't want to get too personal on this podcast. You know,

I'm going to talk about my relationship. Come on, just tellton family, childhood. But you're talking about Instagram stories. It's a little it's crossing the line. Let me take let me take a stab at it. I'm going to guess you get between a hundred thousand and a hundred and forty thousand views per story, no more, no less. I'm not I try. I try to post as much engaging and interesting stuff as possible, but sometimes it just doesn't stick.

You know. Mostly when I talks about Ashley wearing some sort of obscure mask or doing some sort of weird beauty regiment, those do really well. Yeah, it's it's funny. It's funny because I hate that we it's I hate that it's such a big part of our lives. But obviously we're Indib'm incredibly gree Florida. I know you are as well. Um, but it's just like in a weird way, like it's it's a big part of our lives because that's how we make money, that's how we connect with people.

So I guess like we kind of have no choice but for it to be a big part of our lives, you know. But I agree, like, I'll be very excited for the day where I don't have to rely on it, even though I'm like with you, I will never take for granted what it has done. I mean, because of Instagram, because of the following that we've been able to gather, Like I've been I went to this a freaking Star Wars Rise of Skywalker premiere, you know, like I went

to the Batman Superman movie premiere. I remember in my house in two thousand six watching a live stream of the Superman Returns premiere, uh, which was in l A at the time. And the idea that like one day I would be going to a Superman and Batman premiere is just freaking insane. And it's all because of social media, you know, and what uh And and Ashley says, and my wife, yeah, I know, you're the she takes credit

for everything. You see. What I can deal with on a daily basis over here, I'm sorry, man, I can never be an individual. She's always just looming. I mean, look, I'm so grateful for the freaking platform. I got a tattoo of it forever inked onto my leg. So with the blue check mark, let's not forget that. Well, the checkmark is black on the leg, but there is a check mark. Yep, yep, yep. But like you said, I mean because of because of Instagram, I can buy a house.

You know, because of Instagram, I'm able to travel around the world and live in a van, and because of Instagram able to like. Yeah, it's just crazy how social media has change everything, even for people with you know who have you know who don't have a huge following. Like, social media is just such a massive part of our lives. I mean, think of how many people just post on TikTok trying to get a video to go viral. Yeah, you know, I don't know if the good outweighs the

bad with social media and dating. I think it's you know, with page the other day, I think, you know, dudes in the d M, like you can kind of catch people who cheat a lot easier now because instead of cheating in person, hiding it they're like exposed their d m s because they just text girls. But I don't know, there's so much pressure with it as well. It's funny like it kind of like it kind of like carries

a status symbol with it too. I remember, uh, like when I first moved to l A, I was dating this girl who had like twenty four thousand followers on Instagram and I had like, you know, seven or eight hundred followers, And for some reason, I was like, I was I thought that because she had so many followers, she was like way more alluring than she was, you know, just because of a little can number on a stupid, meaningless app like it just like she became more enticing

in a sense because of it, you know. And it's just so silly and so stupid, but it is what it is. I don't know, yeah, it is what it is, my friend. Very interesting. Well, everybody out there, thank you again for listening to a brand new episode of help by Second Dating. Obviously a very very special thank you to the three host of the wonderful I Heart Radio podcast Pretty Messed Up a J, Cheryl and Rene. Again. Make sure you go check out their podcast. I've listened

to it. For the past couple of weeks. It's super fun. They got great chemistry. I can't recommend it enough. Thank you Dean for just being for being you man than you tell Calin. Thank you for correcting you when you were messing up things earlier. Uh again, let us know email us. Uh. Not only with your dating stories, but what are you getting your significant other for Christmas? Are you getting them nothing for Christmas? Are you going to get them a more adventurous gift? Are you're gonna get

them something practical that they need? Uh? Like I said, I'm looking for ideas of what to get Ashley. So give me your ideas so I can steal them. Uh. And make sure you tune in next week where hopefully we all suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast