Hot, Not, or Botox

Help We Suck At Being Newlywed? With Dean Aungler, Helen key Man, Jared haven An.

iHeartRadio podcast.

Hey everybody, welcome to an old new episode of Help We Suck At Being Newlyweds. I'm Jared Han. I might sound a little different. I'm a little under the weather, but I feel like I sound manly er. I don't mind having a sore throat. I mean, I do mind.

I hate it. I hate it so much.

But at the same time, I feel like I sound a little bit more like Batman.

So that makes me excited.

That's great. That's what today's topic is, folks. We're going to talk about Jared and his happiness with having a sore throat.

Yeah, we're just gonna talk about Batman the entire time. I would love that.

I need to start a podcast about something like that. Batman, like just movies in general. Are glad to talk about it?

What's up?

Man?

How are you so? Thanks for introducing us? This is Dean and Kaylin. You did it? You just you know, you get like you get a hYP hyperfixiatetion it on yourself. That's okay, it happens to us all the time too.

If you're listening to this podcasts you don't know who Dean and Kaylin are or that they're the hosts of this podcast. I mean, well, thank you for listening to your first ever episode of help we stuck at being newly weds.

But also like we all know, we all know?

Do you listen to any other podcasts? Jared?

I listened to No. I listened to a lot of local sports talk radio. That's my jam.

So there's a radio soas called ninety eight point five and I listened to a lot of that.

Dan, that's a great question. Do I listen to podcasts?

I sometimes listen to Bill Burr's podcast The Monday morning Thursday afternoon, just before Friday podcasts.

It's a good one. I've never heard of that podcast. But so Kayln listens to her podcast. I listen to my podcast.

What do you guys listen to?

I've been getting really into Armchair Expert with Bex Shepherd. Kaylen can't really.

No, No, I like it, No, suddenly I.

Like it, Suddenly I like it?

What happened prior? Why didn't you like it?

She's got her qualms with it, But one of the co hosts annoyed me yeah.

I'm speaking to Caitlin.

Yeah, quick, what she doesn't.

Like about it?

One of the co hosts just annoyed me a bit, and then I grew to like her. And it's not I don't know, it was just like, and I probably do this in our podcast. It was like constant just laughter in the background, but loud laughter. I don't know, it's stupid. It's stupid.

Kaylen has the thing where I we drive a lot, obviously, and if I turn on a podcast, I like, she'll find something. It doesn't matter what it is, she'll find something that she absolutely hates about it, and then I'm forced to turn it off. Like, for instance, this is the most common one she brings up. It doesn't matter who's hosting or what they're talking about or anything. She hates the way people say their s is and so she'll be like, every time they say an S word, there's.

This it's so sharp because in Dean's I don't know, in Dean's van it's very loud, so we have to have it super loud, and then their says are so sharp it just like hurts my brain.

Yeah. So, anyways, all this was going to be to say that there are certain things from certain podcasts that I love, Like I hear Dax, which it took me a while to get to. For Dax to grow on me, I like him a lot now, but he does a lot of like little bits and it's actually funny because Dax reminds me a lot of Wells in a lot of the ways that you can see that like they're

Other people, Well, the podcast I listen to, they just talk about their lives and what's going on in the world. And those are the ones podcast that I like. The Toast and I like the World's first podcast.

What the hell is that world's first podcast?

Yeah it wasn't, but yeah, Sarah Foster and Aaron Foster and they just talk about the sisterly dynamic and they fight a lot. It's it's interesting you just started listening to that listening for like sixteen.

Mo Lea said, Sarah Foster was a guest on The Toast and that's when you saw or heard her talk about on thrope.

No, I actually started listening to this podcast because I was in Pacific Palisates walked by this store and my friend Allie's like, you know, the Fosters own this brand. You should listen to their podcast.

Yeah. Well, anyways, like I was saying, there is so what Dax does every time they introduced their or start their podcast is Dax will make up a name for himself and then make up a name for his co host. And it's very cute. And I tried to do it a couple of weeks ago, and I said, Tom Cruise's body double. And I'm just trying to think of certain things and I was going to say this time, but I couldn't think of anything fast enough.

So but we can't take Dax's things.

It's just funny and cute and I wanted to know I like it.

Yeah, anyways, No, I think about a lot of sound effects. That's what I wish we had. I know Easton and we've you know, all talked about it before. We wish we just had like that sound effect that every time we say something, it just gets played every single time a horn or a fart.

It's funny, I agree, I but it's funny because I bet you if we just did a little bit of research and put a little bit of the leg work in, we could find ways to add the sound effects ourselves. But we're just lazy and.

We don't think you would. Well, that's thirty second Google search.

Thirty second Google search. That's what I'm saying, And it would be so easy. But we talk about wanting of these things because I do the same thing. I think sound effects. If we could just put our own sound effects in like as they're happening, hilarious, But we're just so averse to work. Well, we're more so overseed r you are.

I will google it, and.

I'm more so averse to work than you two are.

I also feel that we'd probably get overridden.

A producer would step in and be like, that's great, guys, don't ever do it again.

Well, we can't abuse the sound effects button. It has to be like, we have to keep it like five and fewer every episode.

That might work. That's not a bad idea. Five times we do it more than five times. Then we create another sound effect that we have to play to be played when we played the sound effect five times or more.

The overused sound effect sound effect. Right, Okay, so that's our homework for next week. We'll all do some research get some sound effects. Will have three sound effects each and you can we can only use them three each, So that's nine. I know it's a little higher, but three each seems like an appropriate amount, you know. What's sad.

Caitlin and I will actually do this, and then Dean will be the one who comes in and be like, all right, guys, I don't have my three sound effects to I'm take.

My own sound effects want. Wah, We've got a great episode today, don't we.

We sure do.

We got sexy you guys are in Hawaii right now.

Yeah, we're coming to you from Hawaii.

We got Jared's sexy Batman voice, which is great anytime.

I'm sick, Dean, he says, I sound like Tara. What's Tara Reid?

Yeah, when you get sick?

Yeah, He's like, oh, he's sound so sexy. Sound like Tara Reid?

Can you nineties throwback?

Can you corroborate this? I think when a girl like specifically a girl at I guess I don't know how to describe this, like Kaylen for instance, you know, classically beautiful, proper, well spoken, and then she gets sick and she gets this rasp in her voice, and something about a girl with a raspy voice is so hot. I don't know why.

Yeah, no, I I think this is something that we can't talk about on air.

Because we will be judged Mercisley and.

Talk about it, talk about it.

Well, because it's just like there's I I one agree with you. I think it just adds like a element of.

Like an edginess.

Yeah, edginess would be a proper word that I'll use. Edginus, Yeah, edginus.

I want to know. I want to know what you really think.

Yeah, I'm not going to say what I really think.

I'm so curious, Okay, yeah, I'll type it in the trash, Oh trash, I will type it in the chat, all right, and I'll say that loud.

He said that.

I think, guys just there's like this on attraction to not all not like Caitlin, not all the time, but there are times where it's they there's moments and maybe Dean, I'm way off on this, but for you personally, I would include a raspy voice in this and like there's like I would also say like tattoos again, like like a like a like an arm sleeve, you know what I mean. There's just like this element of like edge and uh trashessousness.

Yeah, something like that. I didn't say something like that.

I said, I'll take the blame on that one. Yeah, I wonder what it is. I think like the rebellion factor, Like they sound like they've chained smoke to pack a cigarette every day since they were six years old.

I don't know. I think it's like sexy for women to have a raspy voice as well. I think I don't know what it is, but it's like because it's same. I wish my voice sounded like.

That, because like you don't see it very often. And that's why I like the fact that the unique appeal of it.

It's just like, I don't know, it's just like weirdly sexy and I don't think you can put your finger on it.

Yeah.

I got a question for Kaylen.

What do you I'm I'm pretty sure we've talked about on this podcast before, but it still just baffles my mind.

What is it about men that you find sexy?

Oh, especially out of shape and overweight men like me.

Yeah, Like I look at myself and I try to keep myself in good shape, and I feel like I am somewhat handsome. But it's like I was looking at my hands and I'm like, there's hair all over my hands.

Do you have hair free hands? Actually? What you have hair free hands?

Hair free? I said, hair fore hands?

Well, I have hair on my hands, and like I just am like, you know, it's just like knuckles and muscles everywhere. And I'm like, I like, I don't why does Ashley find me attractive? Like I have chicken legs and just like I have hair on my butt, and it's just like, yeah, most of the time we smell in our feet are just like big and weird looking.

And I'm like, I don't understand. I don't get it.

I went to wipe my butt the other day.

Like it was like, oh gosh, what are you talking about.

I went to wipe my butt the other day. And this is the first time this conversation, this is the first time this has happened to me in thirty two years of life. And there was like, uh, there was like wads of toilet paper in my butt crack, like stuck in my butt, in my butt hair. And it was one of the most unappealing moments I've ever had in my life.

I was about to say what I find attracted about men, and now I.

Just it's just I came out of the bathroom. I was like, Kayla, there was a lot of toilet paper in my buttthole from the last time I wifed.

You never said that.

You don't remember that?

Maybe I had.

I think it was a part, and it was one of the It was one of the most humbling experiences because I also feel very unattractible all the time, and then on top of that, I'm pulling wads of toilet paper out of my butt crack.

But that is not something you should share with your Beyonce.

Why what? Yeah, but answered your question because I'm curious as well.

Well.

Before Jean said that, I was gonna say, I'm very attracted to arms, like not like super like overly buff arms, but like perfectly little, not little, but perfectly cut deans.

Deans like the word she said, the L word.

I say little to everything. Everything's little, you know, and arms, not little Deans has huge arms.

For all the people out there, and never describe the man you love with the word.

Okay, Gina has massive arms.

He's got thet genus.

Okay arms. I like arms that have muscle and definition, and I like eyes.

Well, I haven't had definition my arms.

Your arms, show them? Can nake it on the podcast again?

Yeah you're big.

No, they saw it, Tots. It's the worst it's ever been. I agree, And I have never felt ug clear And I will say this, Caitlin's gonna get mad at me. But when we first started dating, she would compliment how cute I was or how handsome I was basically every day for the first year and a half. And I don't think i've heard it since.

No, he doesn't hear it anymore. His ears turn off. When I say you're so handsome, you're so cute, he just goes ough and scoffs, and he's like, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm this, I'm that, And I'm like, I'm complimenting you. But it's hard to compliment you and you've just dismissed me.

Klen had on our flight the other day, she've had a memory in her phone from like three and a half years ago. When we first started dating. We were in Mexico on a separate trip after Paradise, and I was tan and I was skinny, and I was like, damn, I could see how you can fall in love with that guy, But you can't fall in love with this guy because I'm overweight and.

You are not very pale. You just have a complex and you need to get over it.

Even when I was in my best shape of my life, I was still I remember I was on the Bachelorette and I was sitting there and I was like, oh, I'm so fat and gross and ugly, and I was I was like one hundred eighty pounds, twenty pounds less than I am now. And one of the producers was interviewing me and he's like, I think your body is morphia, Like you're buff and you look really good. And I was like, yeah, my body dysmorphia.

I think you too.

And now couple that with the fact that I am gaining weight and getting out of shape, it's just compounded to be this big, bad thing.

But I don't think you are overweight or out of shape, and I love you so much, so it doesn't that mean anything.

It means something. I guess. I think it's Hollywood. You know, if you don't have the washboard six pack Jerrard Butler abs, Gerard Gerard Butler, if you don't have those abs from three hundred, you're out of shape. And Hollywood has scorned us.

And I will say moving to La definitely changed how I view my body too, in probably a toxic way.

Yeah, one hundred percent.

Why do you guys think I love Rhode Island so much? Ashley talks about that all the time. I went to the walking yesterday just to get tested because I'm feeling a little sick, but I don't have strap. But the doctor was like, oh, do you go to URI, which is the university down the road, And I go no, And then she looks at my chart and she goes, you're thirty four. She's like, I thought you were twenty two. And then Ashley has a theory that the Rhode Island

Good for you. I'm surprised living with Nick for two years and you're coming out of it botox free. That's impressive.

It was impressive. It was hard to say.

No, I'm not adverse to getting botox, but I'd be way too scared because I've seen, like when you first get botox, I've seen what people look like. Their eyebrows are raised, like it's so transparent, and I don't like the way like I've I've had buddies who've.

Gotten botox, and I'm just like, I don't like the way it looks.

And then afterwards it settles down and then you don't have that many wrinkles. But I'm like, I don't know unless it gets really wrinkly. Also, like I like, Wells has them really good. We're talking about Wells. God, we should just talk about help. We talk about Wells too much. He's got the what's this called.

Christ smile lines?

Cross Crosby, I think so, but crossfeed are normally negative.

I thought it was crows something, But those are great. Don't get rid of those.

Yeah, there there is definitely something positive to be said about aging gracefully, and I think the LA culture has delayed the aging process as best they can. Yeah, and I'm not aging gracefully.

Yes you are, come on confident.

And uh yeah, but there's but like you said, there's nothing wrong with getting a little work done every now and then.

Have you guys ever gotten botox?

Do you think this guy's ever gotten boats all the time? No, but I have.

Yeah, yeah, I could say Dean getting botox. I could never back in his paradise for season days.

Yeah.

I think when with Kill and I first started dating, I was like, hey, I don't well agree in it whatever, like who cares what I have to say? But I was like, have you ever thought about not getting both? Because you hosted pod well, I was trying to convince Eric like urge Kayla that she doesn't need botox or all this stuff. And I was like, if you ever decide to get it or do it, just like, don't tell me about it.

And there was something and then one time, uh, we were at an appointment that was running late, so Deane had to drive me to my botox appointment.

Well, no, I was going to say, there was one time where you came back and I was like, what were you doing all day? And You're like, oh, nothing, just hanging out with someone. And I was like, looking at it you or something and I was like, if you could both talk today, right, yeah? And it was.

But I also got my lip fillers dissolved, which if anyone's thinking about doing it, it is the most painful thing ever. But it's also really good because lip fillers migrate, and they migrated to like up above my lip.

I think lip filler is the worst trend in Hollywood in the history of Hollywood.

What is what do you mean?

It goes up to the upper lip, so your upper lip becomes inflated.

Yeah, so when I smiled, you could see the filler like up in my upper lip. And I saw a photo of me and I was like, oh my god, that is hideous. So I booked an appointment got it dissolved. But it's like eating a way at all of the fillers. So it's just incredibly painful, but it's it's good. And I think most people get filler thinking like it lasts for years, but there is upkeep that you have to do and it will migrate if you don't.

I've learned so much about beauty since being with Ashley.

So she also got filler, but she gets she sometimes gets slip filler, but she got like something in her cheeks and jaw.

I don't know. I think it's filling too. Yeah, I guess.

But so because my biggest fear, I'm like Ashley, just like it can't you know, you can't get surgery done. I never want you to do that because we've just seen how it turns out and it feels like it when you age, it never turns out well. And then one day she got filler and I came in because I picked up from the doctor's office, and she looked, she's.

Walking in HEREK come here for a second.

So she looked she looked fake, and I was like, oh my god, oh no, it happened. And then I didn't know at the time. So it was filler, which apparently does and she got too much village. So the doctor did too much filler. I won't say who it is, but I was like, I had a heart attack there in the moment, because like, oh my god, she looks like she had plastic surgery. Holy shit, what the hell is going on? Because honestly, it was just like it is scary you change your face, and I'm like, this

It's not the person I'm married now for.

So let me explain a little bit further. I had been getting chin filler for like I have been getting chine filler for like five years now, and I love it and it's well done, and nobody would know, and Jared has usually no idea that anything was done that day. I usually always tell him I'm gonna go get botox because he knows that botox just freezes my forehead and that it doesn't have any other like visuals.

Are you telling me? Even lying to me? How many years?

Sometimes I do that as well, because.

Sometimes it's easierly if I go, I'm just gonna go get botox, then like I'm gonna go get my chin filler today, like come on, you don't know the difference. So Jared usually doesn't know the difference. And I had gone to this one doctor it was not my normal and it was just it was kind of like expaka, so go there and I'm like, usually a chin filler, I'm I'm due for a little chin filler. And then I was like, and like, what else do you want to do? Like, is there anything else we should do?

Do, like we should do a little cheek filler blah blah blah blah.

And I walked out looking like jay Leno and my cheeks were so big, and I was like, I've never had swelling like this before with filler, Like never, Like I mean, yes, I do get pretty puffy, but like it's usually it's you know, it's gone in a couple of days.

This was so crazy noticeable.

Yeah, from the doctor's office, and I was ready to drive. He was for divorce.

Yeah, he was so so mad. So I was like, Okay, we're gonna give it a couple of days to see if it goes down. If it doesn't go down, then like I made sure that he put a dissolvable filler because because then we'll just go back home to LA.

And and it did.

It went down significantly, and even after a week or so, I still thought it was a bit too much, so I went to I did get it dissolved in my my chin ended up fine, but my cheeks I got that out.

Was that painful because that's.

That's really the issue here. It's not the filler, it was the performance of the person putting in the filler.

What were you saying, Kaylen, was dissolving her cheek filler painful? Because dissolving my lips was like the most painful thing ever.

Oh, I'm like, I haven't like the highest pain tolerance ever when it comes to like aesthetic needles. I when I get my lips injected, I don't even I tell them, don't put numbing on me, because numbing. I know, I'm insane.

It's so ridiculous because this woman cries on an instant.

Literally yesterday we were having that physical pain, I know.

But it's so funny that we can yesterday, literally yesterday, having a conversation which we'll talk about on this podcast about Rhode Island and moving and where we're gonna live, and she just starts crying because she gets so emotional so fast, literally like within five seconds of talking, because she just gets so worked up so fast that she starts crying. But then she goes to these beauty things where I go because I've gotten a facial with Ashley,

On my nose almost cries every time I get.

His digging into my nose with this metal needle, and I'm like this facial Oh, it's the horrible and it's so painful because.

He doesn't take care of his skin, so of course he gets in there and they have to like it. They have to bulldoze it out.

Oh, it's terrible. And then there was something with my forehead. I don't remember what you did. It was a while ago. It's like zaps.

Oh that's good too, No.

It's good for the skin. I get it. I understand.

I don't know, but I just remember it was like zaps on my forehead and it's like, oh, he's talking about high frequency and it's like a little needle just like that that that that like bouncing up and down in her skin, and I'm like, this is hard.

It's like a Jackham on my face.

If that was Vivaci and you're fine.

No, it was great. It was wonderful. Obviously this skin feels good. My point is I'm not someone who can handle beauty pain.

And it's so funny that you were just you cry all the time, and yet with beauty pain, which is painful.

You're like, I'm fine, I have I will never cry during this.

Let me just explain to people why the fillers. I won't put it in my lips with numbing on it, so the numbing I get really puppy from numbing. So it's really hard to tell how much to put in there when I'm already super puffy from the numbing. And that's the end of the story. And I'm just like, Okay, we got it. But filler is not bad. It's about the person putting the filler in there.

We go, good to know, Pacord.

Yeah, well, thankfully we don't really have to worry too much about that. I will say I have a very high pain tolerance. I would say higher than normal. Like when I broke my leg in Switzerland, I was just kind of like, oh, this isn't I sprained my hip, I'm going to ski down now, And then I realized I dislocated my leg and fresh my femur. But if someone tries to like braid my hair, I'm like, oh my god, this is the most painful thing I've ever felt in my life. It's weird how it's kind of

Does that hurt micro needling? Yeah, well they numb you for most things.

Oh I see, I see. Yeah, so I don't know. And the tattoos, they get a lot of tattoos. Those are always feel really good.

It's like, I'm getting a tattoo, are you I'm doing it. I just got to figure out the day we're gonna do it, and uh yeah, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna get a tattoo.

This is big news. What's the tattoo gonna be?

It is big news.

So it's gonna be because I love Superman and I love Tom Brady. So what I'm thinking about doing is the Superman's symbol, which I don't know the shape of it, but the outside of it, you guys, imagine the Superman symbol.

It's like the diamond shape.

Yeah it's a.

Diamond shape, thank you. So it's a diamond shape, but instead of aness in there, it's gonna be TV twelve. It's gonna be the TV twelve insignia below.

Go and this is your first tattoo ever, It's gonna be my first tattoo. Wow, that's big.

I can't say I'm surprised, but obviously you should never be surprised. I'll probably get more.

Where's the location?

I don't know. I don't know. I was thinking, do I get it on my arm? Somewhere? Do I get on my back? Actually wants it on my arm.

But then I guess it would be hidden because it would be all I'll always wear, like short Steve shirts.

Yeah, either the arm or the back.

Listen. As someone that's got a lot of tattoos, I have nothing but support for you to get this shitty tattoo.

Much appreciated.

I mean, it was either gonna be this or an Instagram verified check mark.

You would ever do that?

That's funny, bro, Shut up man.

Yeah no, that's a great I like that. I'm excited to see you get it. It's a slippery slope, though, I'm telling you're gonna get one. You're how old? Thirty four, thirty five? Yeah, gonna get one, and then all of a sudden you're gonna wake up at forty years old. With a full sleeve.

And dude, look at Nick Nick.

I mean, I remember when he was talking about he would never get a tattoo.

Now he's covered in him.

Yeah he is. I've only seen pictures of him. I haven't really seen Nick in person in a long time. But yeah, he got covered quick. He got him all in like six months. It seems like, I know it was fast.

So we'll see.

I mean, that's probably gonna be my first one, and then I'll probably get another one too.

I would.

I'd like to get a few tattoos.

I like that you are a new father and you're gonna get your first tattoo.

And going through the midlfe crisis.

Guys, I'm gonna buy a Lamborghini next.

Dude, you can afford a Lambo that's pretty sweet.

No, I can't afford one, but I said I'd still purchase one. I was just it's a midlife crisis that like requires going two hundred fifty thousand dollars in debt.

You're still far far away from your midlife, dude, don't worry, but you're like at a quarter life right now.

Oh well thanks.

Also, yeah, speaking of life, rip, Jerry Springer Haunts seventy nine.

Yeah, I had of cancer. Did you see that?

Was it? Cancer?

Yeah? He had cancer?

Oh dude.

Also, did you know that he was the mayor of Cincinnati or something like that. I had no idea.

I remember him getting into politics, Yeah, I remember him running for politics. I never remember if he won or not. It was like right around the same time that like Jesse Ventura was running for mayor from Minnesota I think it was, and then Schwarzenegger was the governor of California. So yeah, it was like all that that time when celebrities first started really getting into politics.

But yeah, Jerry Springer, damn crazy man.

Ashley and I talk about that all the time, like when's gonna when is it gonna start being Well, we'll know when, but it's gonna be weird when people we started growing up with start dying of old age. So like think about when like Tom Cruise passes away, hopefully when he's like one hundred and forty, but like people like that generation, when they start dying from old age, like Keanu Reeves, you know, yeah, it's like, oh Jesus, we're old.

This is kind of like a This is a much smaller version of that but like in the NFL, all of the quarterbacks we grew up watching are now retiring. Like Aaron Rodgers has two years left. He's probably like the last one that we really can say is like our childhood.

Quarterback, you know, one hundred percent. It's so depressing, like the idea. It's when I think about it, that's why I think I saw the sadness of Tom Brady retiring really hit home because it was like a piece of the childhood still clinging on, Like, no, Brady's still quarterback. It's like, nope, not anymore. Manning's gone. Brady's gone. You know, Farv is gone, he's gone gone for a while. Who else was like that, we don't have to talk about sports, but yeah, man crazze.

I played golf here in Hawaii yesterday with so we were getting our rental car and there was this other young couple in the rental car place and this guy had a travel golf bag with him and I was like, oh, and he looks like a cool guy. And I was like, Oh, what's up, man, you're playing golf?

Are He's got a golf bag?

He's actually I.

Was like, I was like, hey, you playing golf? Are you here, like, yeah, you know, we're here for like a week. I might play some golf. I was like, can I please give you my phone number and you can text me you can play golf together.

And I was like, did you get his number? He's like, I'm trying to be cool. He didn't ask for it yet, did you like.

Paul, I love you? Man? Oh.

I literally felt so like desperate for a friendship when I was talking to him. So I gave him my number and he finally texted me and we played golf yesterday.

Great guy, he finally texted me.

I was waiting, okay, We're in the retro car and Jean's like, he hasn't texted yet. He hasn't texted yet, Dane.

It spent ten minutes, like thirty minutes text me, and I was sweating every single minute. And so he played golf yesterday and he's like, yeah, I'm celebrating my birthday next week. And I was like, how old are you turning? He's like, I'm turning twenty six.

Well, I said, twenty five five is hurting.

Twenty six And I was like, fuck, I'm getting so old.

I know it's the worst, man.

Oh, but Anyways, I beat him my golf. That's all that really matters. Anyways, let's talk about you, Jared. So you are having more of a midlife crisis, you're also having a locational crisis or house you want to coin it. What do you think?

Oh, it's definitely a locational crisis. So obviously everybody knows that we moved to Rhode Island, my home state. I love Rhode Island so much. I love being here. I've always wanted to live here.

Ashley. We've always talked about the podcast. Ashley's you know, she struggles here in Rhode Island.

We're trying to make it better for there's not as much of a family dynamic as I was hoping for. Like my family's close, but she's much like in terms of the core, you know, if we live down in Virginia or anytime we go down to Virginia, it's like always spending time with her family and her sister, and there's definitely a different dynamic. And so I think it's really hitting Ashley now because we were looking at this beach.

Don't know, like you're gonna be able to go there.

You work all the time, like I feel like home alone constantly, blah blah blah blah blah. And I can tell her just bothering her. And then she finally was just like, I just don't like living.

In Rhode Island. And I was like, oh no, Like.

It was the first time that she really just like adamantly, point blank said I don't like living in Rhode Island.

Yeah, like, oh no, so.

You know I'm not.

It just like begged a lot of questions in my mind because everybody always talks would you move for you know, how important is location? Would you move for the person that you love so much? And of course I would like if Ashley was like, Hey, we either get divorced or you moved to Virginia. Of course I moved to Virginia, but it makes me sad to know that she doesn't love it here and really doesn't even like it that much.

Like I totally get it.

And then she was also saying how there's no time to just be spontaneous and like, hey, let's go to Boston today. And I said, yeah, but that kind of comes with the territory of just adding more responsibility to our lives. You know, I e a kid and a business. You know, you can't be as spontaneous as we once before. We can go to Boston, but like, we really have to plan it, and it's tough, especially if we bring Dawson, like it's nap time. We have to bring whole food,

She really wants to move home. She misses her family.

It would probably be either Virginia or La she actually she much prefers living in LA to Rhode Island, and she prefers living in Virginia to Rhode Island. So it's like, out of the three places, three locations, Virginia, Rhode Island, or La. Rhode Island's definitely the last on the list for her. And before we had a kid, it was different. I think she always thought like, oh, I could live anywhere, you know, because she has moved around. She lives in

Lives in Rhode Island.

And I think that's really really starting to weigh on her more and more and more as time goes on, especially having a son who's just you know, not being able to fit into that family dynamic unless we traveled there, which is like probably once every five six weeks or so,

And of course that was the sweetest thing.

And and Ashley recognized that too, But yeah, it's tough, man. I don't know what exactly we're gonna do because Rhode Island. It's it's weird when I don't know if you guys can relate, But there's that I always think about movies and times like this because I always just think about movies.

But there's this.

There's a line in Rocky Balboa where Paulie, who's Rocky, his brother in law, is talking about this meat shop that he works in. Everybody knows the scene where Rocky goes in in the first movie and he used the uses the cows like ribs as a punching bag. But anyway, so Paulie still works at that same place, and you talking about like when you're in a place for so long, you become a part of that place, Like you just

I don't know, man, I don't know what we're going to do. I don't think we can move back to LA.

I don't think I could move back to la and I could live in Virginia, I think, but I'd be kind of sad about it. And then we think about, you know, should we compromise and move somewhere in the middle, And I feel like that defeats the purpose.

As well, because let's both be miserable.

Exactly, so instead of one of us getting where we want to live, like, we just move in the middle, somewhere in you know, New York or Pennsylvania or something. And I'm like, I that doesn't make sense to me either. You know, it's all just the beginning stages. But yesterday was the first time where I think it really clicked in my head though, Like I don't know if we'll live in Rhode Island for the rest of our lives, and I guess I've always envisioned that, especially when we

Yeah, I don't know, man, I don't know.

If you guys were to move, what would happened to Audrey's? Would you keep it open and just like hire another you.

I that's a great question. I don't think.

I mean, it really depends if Audrey's was profitable enough to keep open, which it's not right now. But you know, restaurants in the first couple of years don't really make that much money, and we're still working towards that.

But that's tough.

I don't know, because I also love what I love the sense of community of owning a restaurant or established like that, so but it does take up so much my time and effort and we don't make money from it, so it is you know, Ashley gets very frustrated at that, which I totally understand because it just sucks money, time, effort, and uh happiness.

So I don't know.

But I I haven't thought about whether I keep Ogeries open or not. I think the more like the biggest thing I've been thinking about a lot is just like, yeah, I think even though she doesn't have a like my family, it's just like our my family dynamic is so much different than her family dynamic. So it's it's hard to relate, but it is tough because every time we go back home, like her parents are just her mom is so involved

No? No, no, I don't think Yeah, I could.

Live there for this. No, I'm just kidding. No, it's it's kind of the It's funny too, because you mentioned a lot of these things, and I was thinking to myself the whole time, like it's got to be tough for I guess it's more so Ashley than it is you. But like you know, you come on this podcast once a wee can talk to us, and here we are both unemployed without a child and we can just travel to Japan and Hawaii for two weeks and not have to really worry about anything.

Oh honestly, that thought never even crossed my mind. Like you guys, Oh my god, yeah, you guys, travel, be happy.

Do we want to do?

Like Audrew's was my decision, Ashley and I having a kid was our decision, you know, like everything that we've done is our decision, and it's not a bad thing.

It's wonderful.

Like I do love owning a business, and obviously Dawson has brought us so much happiness to enjoy. But with anything in life, and any parent can tell you, or any business or owner can tell you, is that there's just a lot of negatives to it as well. But you just have to you know, it depends on your personality, if you have the work ethic, if you have you know, the passion to do what you're doing, both with parenting and being a business owner. You know, there's a lot

No, I'm not saying you give a about it, but I'm just saying, you know, like it's it's just interesting dynamic. We're not going to stay in Vegas forever. We're not going to stay in Vegas forever.

We want to buy a house in Denver. Like I think we both want to be in Colorado.

Well, yeah, I mean I love Colorado, Kaitlin, What did you say the other like you said like last month, You're like, well, it's always been your dream to live in Colorado, hasn't it. And I was like, yeah, like I would love to live in Colorado similarly like my Colorado's my Rhode Island, you know. Yeah, granted where I would want to live. The houses are all two million dollars and there's no way we could afford one of those, which is something.

No, they're like twenty million dollars.

They're very expensive, and so we would have to compromise, I guess, and live outside of that area. But Calin was like, well, it's your dream to live in Colorado, and I was like, well, I don't want us to

Exactly.

But two things. It's like, one, if we're not happy, we can always move. And when we moved to Vegas, yeah, maybe maybe, but my grandparents. We moved to Vegas because my grandparents are there.

Oh, your grandparents are in Colorinda. I think your grandparents are in Vegas.

No, so they're in Vegas. The reason we moved to Vegas was because they're not because they're there, but it helped. And I didn't realize, like moving to La how nice it is to have family close. And now they're moving to Denver, so it would be nice to have them still there. And we're closer to Dean's brothers. So I just I think it's like family makes a huge difference in where you live.

Yeah, I mean I would live. I would love to live closer to my brothers. You know, we moved to Las Vegas to be closer to someone, Kaylen's family, but even then we only saw them once every like two weeks.

That's because we're never home.

That's because we're never at home, and if we move close to my brothers, we would see them once every two weeks maybe too. Like we're just not very We're not as close to our families as like an Ashley or something, you know what I mean.

So, Kaylen, if Dean was not involved, if you weren't with Dean, wit, where do you think you'd want to end up?

I have no idea. I hate Virginia. I'm also not like Ashley. I will never move back to Virginia. Okay, it is like not a place for me. I was so unhappy when I lived there. And my family's been talking about moving to Denver. So it's like my mom wants to move there, my grandparents moving there. So it just like I don't know, it just like kind of weirdly fits. Like he wants to be in Colorado. I've

Well, Kaitlin fails to realize I know gets cold in Virginia, but it gets far colder in Colorado.

Well, I've been talking to Jess about this a lot, Ben's wife, and because she moved from Tennessee to Denver, and I'm like, if Jess can do it, I can do it. And she's been giving me a lot of tips.

So I mean, I just got to say, every time we visit a cold state, whether it be Colorado or Montana.

You're not You're always so negative.

I don't want to say you're miserable, but you definitely thrive in warmer weather, for sure.

But I'll be fine in a winter. I lived in Virginia. We have winters. I know you don't think we do, but we do.

It gets cold in Colorado.

I know, why are you so negative?

I'm not. I just want to make sure. I just don't think you fully understand how cold it can get in Colorado.

I have tiught.

And it's one thing to visit a place for like a weekend and be like, oh it's cold. It's another thing to live through a winter in Colorado when the sun is only for six hours and it's minus ten degrees all they want, and that's a thing. You're going to be miserable. I'm just saying it's a big.

I keep going back to, like, if we're unhappy, we can move, But Jeredy said, it's not that easy.

Well, it's not that easy because what if Dean doesn't want to move out of Colorado once he's there.

Yeah.

No, I'm pretty I'm pretty easy. I'll live anywhere. If Kaylyn's like, I want to live in rural Iowa, I'd be like, all right, let's go for it. Let's see what happens.

That's true, you're pretty easy Alaska.

I don't really have many restrictions to my lifestyle. You know, as long as there's like a good international airport somewhere close by, I'll be happy.

Yeah, you're fine. Well, obviously it depends because right now I think we're going through the point of it because moving location is a big part of it. But Dawson is also a huge part of it, because you know, Kaylen, you guys were talking about winters and like, I'll be fine in cold weather. If you guys do have kids, one day, it will be different because it's like you're gonna be you know, you're not gonna be able to just like, oh it's cold.

We'll go skiing or snowboarding.

Or well, we'll have fun, We'll have fun little ventures because it's you know, you have responsibilities and you have a kid, and there's just a lot more difficulty of like do I even want to drag our son up to this thing because he's gonna hate it and cry

Enjoyable for me.

So it's like those that's It definitely changes when you have kids and not for the better, for not for worse, because there's so many great things that have happened in our lives because of the and that little things that add up every day, you know, throughout just even seeing him, like like, there's nothing that brings me more joy than when he's crying for no reason, because he's just crying.

But it's interesting. I'm very interested to see what happens with you guys. Because you're one.

You'll be fine, obviously, but it will be interesting to see where you guys end up. If you guys do have kids, how that evolves your relationship, especially after you get married this year, and are you going to establish more roots or because you're such travelers, or if you guys are gonna still be able to just like travel with your child and see how that goes.

Yeah, child's gonna live in the van. The baby's gonna live in the van. He's gonna be happy, I say he. I don't know if it's gonna be a year. I hope she. She's gonna be really happy.

I feel like both of you are just boy like. I just get boy vibes.

I'm girl.

I want a boy so bad.

I want a girl, boy girl dad all the way. I do want to live in a place like Colorado with a baby. If we do have a baby, obviously big if probably not gonna.

Happen, but oh, just keep going. You always do this. It's ridiculous.

I want to be able to get that baby on some skis one they're one year old and like, you know, go up into the mountains and do a bunch of stuff. Because I feel like growing up in Colorado has opened up so many doors to be outside and appreciate the ad doors. And if you get them started at a young age, you just like build up that foundation for that enjoying that lifestyle. And like they're too young to realize how much they hate it, shure they'll cry and

But no, I do agree. One of Dean's best friends I was talking to his girlfriend and he also grew up in or Colorado, and we're like, Colorado people are just like raised so different, Like they just have this freedom because it's safe and they're able to like explore and do all these things, and they're just like, I don't know, kind of cooler people. So I want my kid to be.

Oh my gosh. One of the biggest hurdles for me to overcome going on The Bachelor and still overcoming now is growing up in a mountaintown in Colorado makes you a certain way, and a lot of people perceive it as like a weird way. I'm I'm like normal when it.

Comes to growing up in a college and they confuse, what this weird Colorado raising of childrens is all about?

How are you guys different?

I'm I'm I'm like maybe even watered down as far as like growing up where I grew up, Like, I'm not just normal, I'm like aggressively normal to the point where I wish I was as weird as a lot of the friends that I grew up with.

But is that because you had all this freedom at a young age or what.

I'm just saying that people that grow up in small mountain towns in Colorado are a certain way and like they have certain mindsets. Like all of my best friends from home share my views on like kids and being weird and like saying weird things and doing weird stuff, like to the point where it's just it's second nature to me. But then I say it to our audience, which you know, a lot of people don't get the chance to grow up in a mountaintown and it sounds weird.

You're because it's this mountain you're making. You're making mountain people.

These these mountain people from Colorado sound like the people from the hills have eyes and there's been like five generations of inbreeding.

They're the it's the They're the best people in the world. I love them so much. But it's just a completely different lifestyle that unless you grow up in it, or you have been lucky enough to live in it, you will never fully understand because it does just breed a different type of person, for better or for worse. I'm not saying it's necessarily better, but like.

All of my frisk giving specifics, all of my.

Friends from home that you've met, They're like, they're just different versions of me, but maybe like more amplified in certain ways.

Well, Caylin, what do you think, because you also that you find Colorado people a little different, which is why you want to have your child grow up in Colorado.

So they're cool. What do you think they're so cool?

Yeah?

Well I just think like so Dean was taking Dean Love's public transportation. We were talking about this in Japan. He was taking the bus by himself at like two, three years old, four four three. I was like four, You said four.

I was taking Well we moved to Colorado when I was like four. I was taking public transit when I was like maybe nine or ten.

Okay, then you exaggerated. You told me you came back from ski and you pooped your pants.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I would put my pants lot. That was like when I was six.

I'm confused, So hold on, what is this story?

So when you were six you pooped your pants and then what you took a train back by yourself.

Well, we were talking about pooping pants and I was like, I used to poop my pants once a week, and it was always I would go ski for the day. But this wasn't public transit. This was like there was like a ski bus that they would like a school bus for the skiing instructors and stuff. And I would get home from the day around like two or three pm, and I have such vivid memories of this, and the bus woud drop me off like two hundre yards from my house and every time I get off the bus

Dude, I was so dramatic when I had to poop a kid on the school I was so dramatic every I feel so bad. I feel so stupid now thinking about those times when I was like ten years old and my mom would pick me up from the car and I'm like, I have to poop right now, and she'd be driving as fast as she could through the backstreets trying to.

Get me home.

Oh, and I'm like, I'm like, I'm not gonna make it, like I need to go right now.

I need to go right now.

I'm like, I got If Dawson does that, I'm like, listen, bro, just fucking poop your pants if you have pants, just relax.

My really so over dramatic about it.

I mean I still do the same thing. We're driving home from dinner or something. I'm like, Kaylen, I got a poop right now?

No really, And he makes me pull over?

Oh pull over? You just poop on the side of the road.

Oh.

I just ordered Can I talk about what I just bought?

So so you're so all over the place.

I'm excited about this. It was one of my favors. I haven't used it yet. I just ordered it. I haven't gotten or received it yet, but so I'm I'm hiking all of the fourteen ers in Colorado before a wedding fifty four to go, and I'm driving the truck, and I'm building out the truck so I could like access these like hard mountain passes on the truck versus the van. And there's this thing, this toilet seat that you plug into the trailer's hitch receiver on the on

There's no privacy.

No, there's no privacy at all. We just have to go. So you dig a hole, you could dig a hole, preferably you would like do it in like a plastic bag or something.

Hold on, why does it need to be plugged in.

It's not plugged It's like it's just like that creates the base for it to sit on. So instead of like setting it up on the ground, it's like a floating toilet seat that you plug into your hitch receiver.

Because previously he would go up against a tree and then squat.

It was that one time we talked about on the podcast. I was driving through Utah with you, and I was like, I got a poop bad. So I turned off the side of the road and.

I just leaned against the van right before the podcast.

That was right before the podcast. So I turned leaning against the van and pooped.

How does it make any difference. You're still pooping in a hole in the ground. It's not like it's a toilet.

Well, you're sitting comfortably like you went on a toilet. That's the big difference.

Yeah.

But then there's like a gap between the toilet seat and the ground, so your poop is literally just like plopping into your poop.

Does that into it?

I think that's enough poop it is.

I'm excited about it. I'll send you guys pictures once I get it.

I really want to see this thing because I don't understand how this is a good purchase.

Oh my, and it was eighty dollars and eighty dollars that's a little expensive. But I want to treat myself out there. But yeah, so that's anyways, maybe we can focus on that for a second. So I'm going to climb all the fourteen ers in Colorado. Have we talked about this.

On the podcast probably like twenty times.

Oh my gosh, I'm just excited. I'm excited to do this. It's gonna be really fun. I start on May twenty third. It's gonna be my first summit.

Tean keeps asking me if I want to join, and no part of me wants to, And I'm going.

To stop asking because the last thing I want is for you to come and join me for one of them and be absolutely miserably.

The entire time I think I would be.

Yeah, So anyways, that's that's my That's my toilet seat story, and I'm excited for it, and I hope you guys can share it with me and my excitement for just a little bit.

I'm excited for you.

I would be excited if I thought it was a better product I got.

Since you see it, you'll understand.

Maybe I just don't if i'm if i'm if I have to dig my own hole with or without a toilet seat.

The toilet seat is not making a difference for me.

You know, if I got to go outside and dig a hole, I almost don't want to toilet seed at that point because I want to get it done as fast as humanly possible.

I'll tell you what. This just ties back into growing up in a mountain town and how normal it.

Is exactly us Rhode Islanders have water.

You guys are missing out. Oh okay. Another thing that goes back to the mountaintown thing. Views on marriage and relationships. You know a lot of people want to just be in lifelong relationships and don't really see the need to get married growing up in mountain towns.

But some of your friends have gotten married and have kids, so they've changed their perspective.

The friends that have gotten married, there's the few of them that have. They have been dating their girlfriend for twelve years and they got married on year eleven. Your brother Brad was one of them, dated Ashley for nine years before they got married. Ross is a little different, obviously.

But are you trying to say that Caitlin is not is making you less and less of a mountain man every.

Year thousand percent? But also, I lived in Los Angeles for I like did the absolute taboo thing to do is moving to Los Angeles like the Iron Junk.

And maybe going on the TV show where you could potentially get engaged after you know, six weeks.

Yeah, that was definitely. That was more of like my friends were just ragging me for that, which I'm sure a lot of us did. But yeah, Oh, by the way, can we just give a quick congratulations to Becca and Thomas they just see so that quick congradulat the guy that I played golf with the other day works at the fire department in Reno with Becca's ex fiance Garrett. Oh, small world, the odds.

Yeah, I'm excited for them to have their baby.

Yeah, oh yeah, I'm so excited for them.

I've only met Thomas once, and I've met Becca a few times and she's so sweet.

But I met Thomas at Ben's wedding.

Oh Sam, Yeah, the one I saw Udina for five seconds and then you ditch Kaylen because you were like sick.

I'll never forget that. You're just wearing a mask and I'm like, why is he?

I'll see him in a few And then I saw Calen and I talked to him for like an hour and a half, maybe not for like forty minutes about Spider Man and how No Way Home was coming out, and the rumor that Toby McGuire Andrew Garfield was back at Spider Man. I'm like, this guy is a six foot eight, beautiful giant nerd.

That's awesome.

So it's so funny and I feel like we've talked about this before. But like the way that the Bachelor can edit people, and like your perception of them. I thought Thomas was going to be such a jerk, and then I met him. He's so kind, he's so sweet, like just a great guy, and it seems like he treats Becca super well.

Yeah, he seems he seems like a gentle giant.

Yeah warm, So yeah, super excited for them.

Congratulations both Becca and Thomas.

I was trying to remember are they Are they married or just engaged?

Engaged?

Engaged? That's why I wonder if it was.

A surprise, yeah, oh yeah, Are you going to their wedding? I would imagine you guys probably are you No?

I don't think so.

No.

I mean we have we have been invited, so that would be.

No neither if we I don't expect us to get invited, obviously, but I thought you guys might.

No we're not.

I mean, I think I don't think actually really, I mean, we obviously follow each other on Instagram, and anytime we see them, you know, we're always chumping.

They're very sweet people, but no, we're not like that close. We'll end on that awkward note.

We'll end on that awkward note. I'm going to send you, guys a link to this toilet seat because it is primo.

Thank you to the group chat.

We really didn't get to cover everything that we wanted to cover today, which is unfortunate. But when you're stuck with only an hour a week, you kind of just go off on tangents. So that's that's what we're known for here. I hope we suck at being newlyweds. But thank you guys for listening. Were we had some emails we wanted to get too, we didn't get the chance to do that.

We didn't even talk about Japan, we didn't talk about Hawaii.

We didn't got to talk about Japan or Hawaii.

Maybe we've got a great episode coming up next week.

Baby, Maybe we'll do a separate segment of just us too, because that way we can get us Oh I gave Caitlin her new engagement ring. If you want to show the crowd, yeah, because by the time this airs, I'll let to posted the video, so we'll put it close.

To Oh yeah, I want to see it. Oh my god, it's gorgeous. It's so pretty, it's so pretty. Hold on, so you bought a brand new ring.

Well, I got a sponsored ad from a brilliant Earth. Thank you very much for supplying the ring.

It is my fourth ring, her.

Fourth ring, and definitely her last fourth ring.

So I've got the one I'm wearing. This is number four. Number three was the replica. Number two is my middle finger, that's post he proposed with, and then number one is the one that's still lost.

Yes, so I gave her her fourth ring in Japan. Fourth and final What where did the the third one come from? Lost?

The first one replica you engaged or you you engage with the middle ring proposed with?

Yeah, and then I got just like a replica ring.

She was embarrassed by how small no ring.

Wasn't Dean wouldn't let me show anyone. Who's like, don't show anyone, You're not allowed to show anyone.

But I wanted you to secretly be like, I don't care. I love it.

So I said I don't care, and you're like, no.

I wanted to be like, put me in my place and say, I don't care if it's small. I don't care if you if it's small or what did you say little?

The cutest little ring, the cutest little ring, the guy with the cutest little arms.

Yeah, so we didn't get to talk about your pan or anything, but I did. It wasn't a reproposal or anything, but I did give her her new ring, and I thought.

He was going to do it in Hawaii, so it really caught me off guard.

Whatever, Oh my god, you saw it coming a mile away?

No, I really didn't. That very really surprised me.

We can talk about that next week because I also want to hear it from Jared how him and Ashley traveled together. Because Cale and I love each other very much. Sometimes we don't travel the best together.

We traveled great together. We can talk about it next week. But I have talked about getting off birth control in my hormones and my body have been out of whack. My periods have been so painful, my cramps, my pmssing. So yeah, I was.

Pretty are you guys, pmss, are you guys not not scared? Scared would be the wrong term, but like now that you're off birth control, Kayla, is you know, like, are you.

I'm using my app to track and I'm hoping that it's very accurate.

Yeah. Well, and also I'm shooting blanks. That's not like it really matters anyway.

Yeah, you're fine obviously.

Yeah, but no, we're not worried about it. I guess I don't know. If it happens, it happens, we'll see. But yeah, that's that's. That's it for this week's episode, right, is there anything else you want to say? No, you don't want to tell that. Remind the audience about how handsome I am.

You're so you have the strongest art.

That's gonna do it for this week's episode of Help We Suck at Being Newlyweds, make sure you guys tune in next week.

We're hopefully we suck just a little less.

Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at help We Suck at Being Newlyweds and email.

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