Hot Date HotLine

right here. Hello, Hello, How are you good? Good? What's going on in Emma's world? Oh? Okay? Um? So I've been seeing a new guy for about two weeks um, and I don't like to text, like just to chat, um, Like I don't care to like just check in and see what the other person is up to during the day or vice versa. Um. And it's not that I don't care about them. I'm like fully present with the other person. I just like prefer to connect like in person basically, Like I hate having like a running text

conversation all day. It's just like not my style. Um. Yeah, so I actually just like despise texting and I only want to do it for logistical reasons like making plans. So, um, I know open communication is like the answer here, but UM, I'm just struggling with how to how to phrase. It's like what exactly do I say, like, Hi, I like you, but I don't want to text you or anyone all day long? You know, I don't know. It just sounds rude, like I don't want to text you, but it's true.

So I don't know. Are there any ideas on like how to tell a new partner how I feel about this. I remember I used to date a girl who is very similar to you never never texted during the day, and as someone who really enjoys texting, like I would rather text and be on the phone, it's stressed me the heck out. And I think up until I had the conversation from a thor about why she never texted during the day, I was just constantly stressed. So yeah,

I mean, you kind of nailed on the head. In my opinion, I think the best thing to do is just be like, listen, I'm not going to text you, and it's kind of like if you don't like it, tough cookies sort of thing. Um, But I think as long as you describe what's going on, that's most That's basically the most important thing in my opinion. Otherwise, like if you just keep being kind of vacant and not there when he's texting, I think it's just gonna lead

to more stress for him. But I hope Jared maybe has a better answer than that, because I know that that's kind of the answer that you already knew was the one that I was going to say, Jared, what do you got? I would just say I'm a detext her and I don't text back and I am terrible at it. And then as long as you're showing him that you like him in real life and you're fine, just say hey you, I mean, there's I don't overthink it. I don't know. I I also don't I'm not a

big texter like people sometimes text me. Remember somebody just texted me from work and I was like, hey, I saw so and so at the airport. I was like, oh, I didn't even respond. It took me hours to respond because I was like, what do I say? I literally responded cool. It's like, I don't understand why people sometimes feel like the need it's I I can't have a

conversation over text. So I agree with you, but I'll tell you what though, I would weigh rather that than someone call me with nothing to say, because that's why I don't talk on the phone anymore, because people just call you and they're like hey, like how are you, and I'm like I'm good, what's up? And they're like, oh, nothing, just want to talk. And that's my biggest fear I think in life. So just text me how are you? Yeah, so I don't pick up the phone anymore. And what

does this help you at all? I'm sorry I have not does Yeah? Actually, I mean yeah, I just I don't like like the sort of slow drip of texting all day. Um, but yeah, I can see how it would be sort of like aggressive to like just call all the time. So yeah, I guess I just have to. Why don't you like texting so much? What's your beef with texting? I think it's just like it's sort of like a one ft in, one ft out kind of communication, and um, I kind of just like wanted to be

like a real communicating, like real communication or nothing. I guess I don't know. I just feel like it's just like a little bit all day long. Just seems like, um, I don't know, not enough, or it's like distracting for no reason, kind of half in, half out, and I want to be like the whole. And that's probably why I like it so much, because I'm so flighty. So it's like noncommittal. I don't have to commit to a conversation, can just kind of like step in what I want

to and step out when I want to. It's kind of you know, now that I'm talking about it sounds pretty nice. Um, but no, I can see why you'd want that. I think. Yeah, best thing you could possibly do is maybe call him and tell him and don't text him and tell him, or just tell or just tell him in person. I guess one of the two.

But at the end of the day, the most important thing, as you've kind of already mentioned, is just making that very clear to him, because otherwise he's just left in the dark wondering why he's not getting a text all day long or anything that makes sense. Yeah, that's all that's all I got. I hope that helps. Um, you can tell him listen to this podcast help a Second Dating, and he'll probably get the hint. Maybe eventually too. So I'll just tell him about this. But am I thank

you for calling. We appreciate it. Best of luck, Thank you, I appreciate it. Hello Tess, welcome to the podcast. Thanks for having me. Oh yeah, what an honor. Thanks for joining us. What's going on? Oh, just trying to get through this monday? You know, yeah, I feel you. What's what's your dating woe for the week? Well, Um, I like this guy and I think he's I mean, he's kind of expressed interest in me. I guess you know, I've been flirting with me and stuff, and he recently

asked me out. But I just noticed that he interacts with like a lot of girls, I guess, a lot of different women. And I went to social media and I see he kind of he follows a out of them. Um, And I mean I heard about his summer. I think he like was with multiple different women this summer. He was like in Europe, and he just likes a lot of bikini models and stuff. So it's not like he hasn't done anything for me to me like where I'm going to judge him about it. I guess he's not

like he's not like gross or sleazy or anything. But um, I mean, I just don't know if these are like red flags or I mean, is he just like lady crazy? Like I don't know if that's something I should be concerned about. You know, I got a question for all these guys out there that like these bikini as models. For lack of a better way of saying it, photos, just lie. Just look at the picture. Why are you

liking it? Why tap? Don't double tap? Are you think that you're gonna get her attention from this, that she's gonna see that Joe Blow liked this photo? I don't. It boggles my mind. I'm like all their profiles Republic if you want to look, just look. I I'll never I don't get it because honestly, what happened. This happened to um a friend of mine years ago, where her boyfriend at the time was liking these photos and it's like, I like, you have to have it be like, bro,

why are you liking these girls photos? Like? What are you doing anyway? Uh So I disagree with you, Tessa. I think he has done something to you because it's always just weird, Like why you know, if you're seeing this guy, things are going well, It's like it's all public knowledge. He must know that people are seeing what he likes or doesn't or what he likes on social media. So uh, and then if he's had a you know, quite a summer that you know of how how do

you know these things? By the way, I mean, he's like he's a friend of a friend, so I've I mean, I've met him several times. We just have never hung out before together. So and I mean, you know, so one or two he did take a make a few posts, like we had been following each other because we had met before. So I saw some girls and you know, Paris or something I don't even remember. But and then another friend I remember saying some stuff about him, just

about some hookups the summer and stuff. So I mean, I mean he's cute. So like I get it, and I take advantage if you can, I guess, But like it doesn't make me feel super confident with him asking me out that he's like not just going to go onto the next you know, Yeah, I personally I think that it's totally okay to do what he's done, And it seems like you're kind of in the same thing

to like, go have fun, go do what you gotta do. Um. I think it's up to you to really decide if it's something you're comfortable with, and if it's not, at the end of the day, then it's just maybe not worth dating someone like that because, uh, you know, maybe the philandering won't stop as much as you might want it to, especially in the early stages of relationship when things are ill defined, it can be a little dicey and tricky. So uh, I think at the end of

the day, it's really just it. It comes down to you and whether or not it's something that you can a look past, because it would suck for you, guys, to get into a relationship and then you still have like any bearing of resentment towards him for you know, his scandalous summer in Europe. I guess which I don't think.

I don't think you would do that, but you know, I know I know of some people that have like maybe held it over a person's head because of their past, and it's always like, come on, you, you guys don't even know each other then, you know, so, um, something to consider. But it sounds like it might be something that bothers you a little bit, And that's totally Okay, like it's not really your responsibility to tell him what

he can and can't do. But if you are bothered by it, like maybe just uh just don't consider the option of dating him at the end of the day. That's that's kind what I think. Um, but if you can look past it and you do think he could change,

then by all means, go for it. I mean I have some friends who kind of do that same thing, like the jets setting European traveling lifestyle, and um, I personally wouldn't want them to date my sister because it does seem like they're they're a little flighty and they you know, they love to do all that kind of stuff and it might not be out of their system yet. So maybe it just as something that uh, you have

to make the decision for yourself there. I think, well, this is like maybe a for fun kind of a situation and not like a long term Yeah, and you know how many times do those fun situations turn on turn into uh, you know, maybe more long term stuff, So so you never know, want to feelings and then it's going to be like, well then you just just keep yourself protected a little bit, you know, don't dive

all the way in. Just ease in, weide in and uh, yeah, I don't know, it's you know, maybe just just play it slow and see what happens. Yeah, that's all I got for you. Or you or you could do the same thing he's doing and give him the option to like see it firsthand and uh, you know, give him a taste of his own medicine sort of thing. I guess. Yeah, start liking some Thunder from down Under photos. You know.

I agree with Jared Man the liking thing. I see some of my friends like some of these pictures, and I'm like, what are you doing, especially like after you go on on the Bachelor at the first time, and people like look at everything under a magnifying glass and I'll see like some of not you specifically, but like other of our friends, and I'm like, what a waste, Like, what a silly thing to be doing. You're really just setting yourself up for some scrutiny here. But um, none

of that pertains to Test, I guess. So I'm sorry about to ramble well side track there, but Test, thanks for calling. I hope that helped. Best of luck with your Thank you, said her boyfriend. Yeah, how are you Terrence, I'm good. How are you guys doing good? We're doing good. Thanks for calling. What's going on? So guys? Um? I um, I've been working on myself a little bit. I have I have a decent amount of like hutzpah and guts to go up to women at bars and talk to them.

And uh, at first, it's GE's good and when I when I go up there smiling and they're pretty forthcoming and welcoming and everything. Um. But then I noticed that I keep on asking really boring questions, like like I keep on asking what do you do for work? And I kind of see their eyes blaze over, and like I see their energy go down. And I cringe at the fact that I say it all the time. It's just I don't know what happens. I just it automatically.

It automatically, it just comes out that way. Um. And I just feel like I'm asking all the wrong questions, you know. I feel like I really can't connect with with with ladies. And I don't know. I mean, I guess my question is what can I ask a girl when I approached for the first time, and how can I kind of get her to be interested? Wait? Sorry, Terrence. I I spaced out a little bit there. You might have to repeat the question. I'm just kidding. Yes, sorry, man,

it's um, I know, I'm just I'm just messing up there. Okay, okay, okay, Oh, Jared, you could answer that pretty well. I feel like you used to be pretty boring and then somehow you were able to land. Actually, so you must have kept her interest just enough, right, h Yeah, it's pretty much just not caring. Uh. Yeah, the less you care, the more they want you. Um. I don't know, man, there's no good questions. I mean, the biggest thing is, don't talk

about the weather. Good God in heaven. I remember one guy in The Bachelor, and I won't say who it is, but I was talking to Kalin and she was like, I can't talk to him anymore. We only talk about the weather. Who is it? I got not saying it. I'll tell you all fair for uh. But it was like when she was admitting it to me, I was like, oh that's not good. Uh good for me honestly, but yeah, I would say, just be interested in what they have to say. I mean, whether it's about work or where

they're about it their friends. Just be interested in what they're saying and bounce off the conversation. I feel like a lot of people they just ask questions, to ask questions to get focus on the conversation, you know. I mean, I've had conversations with girls where you just talk about this stupid ish for hours, you know, because it's like

you talk about one thing. It's kind of like this podcast with Diana and I where we talking about one thing and then this comes up, and then that it looks like, you know, you start playing pinball in your head a little bit and then all of a sudden, three hours goes by. So I wouldn't just don't focus on it too much. Just have a conversation. Relax. You've talked to hundreds thousands of people in your life. You know how to talk to people. I think the more

you think about it, the worst it's going to get. Okay, Yeah, I guess that might be my problem right now. I kind of go in and I'm already just like, all right, let you screwed this up. So yeah, I don't think that's positively. I read this book when I was nineteen years old. It's called The Game by Neil Strauss. Have you heard of this book I haven't. It is unequivocally the worst book ever written, but it was the first book I ever enjoyed reading as as a kid because it,

like it tastes basically talks about like picking up girls. Um, now all of a sudden, Dean's life makes much more sense to me. It's very interesting, especially at that age. Uh, Terence, I'm not saying you could use the help, but it does like help shed a light on certain things. And it's obviously a fiction book and it's all like ridiculously blown out of proportion and all that kind of stuff, so take it with a huge grain of sault, but it does help like like randomness, like Jared is saying,

it's like super helpful. Uh. Spot in eighty I think is really important too. And just like I don't know, like I'm sure we've all had issues going up to a girl and having a conversation. Some girls simply just

like aren't easy to have a conversation with. So maybe like don't get down on yourself about that specifically, Um like maybe if a girl, I can't imagine the number of dates that I've been on where I've been struggling for conversation, uh, which for me to struggle in conversation and is kind of insane to think about because I feel like I could just I could talk to a wall for the most part. Um, So some people just are harder to talk to. And I guess maybe the

dynamic isn't there, so it's not entirely on you at all. Um, But yeah, there's just you know, like Jared said, there's there's many ways around it. I think you just got to find the right one that clicks with you. And it's what's kind of nice about it is once you do find that click, you'll realize how special it is and maybe it'll you know, be the only one that you need it for the rest of life. So cool, alright, cool, Yeah,

that's great. Yeah, Yeah, hopefully that helps. Uh, maybe you just have a couple of extra shots next time too. That always helps loosen everyone up and let's a little better. Yeah, But Terence, thanks for calling and we are all right. That's gonna be it for the callers for this week. Um, Jared, thank you for letting Dawston actually join in as much

as they did. There. He is right there, just in his little harness there he is cuty and the harness um, and again, thanks for filling in for me for all those three weeks. I love you. I appreciate you anytime, but I love you too bad for Uh, well, we're not we're not. We're signing off the podcast. I'll tell you what. Oh I thought she wanted to say something of the podcast. No, it doesn't matter. Tune in next week. Were hopefully we all suck just a little less, including

Ashley just constantly interrupting our podcast. You know, for someone that's co hosted to podcasts for like seven years, she's pretty funny with the interruption. Unbelievable. This is why we need to We need a podcast studio in the house that I can lock the door. Oh that's very nice. Yeah. Like Jared said, thanks for tuning in this week. Be sure to tune in next week. We're maybe we suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast