Going, Going Gonorrhea

the zoom. I like, you gotta be freaking joking that dogs are gonna lose their minds. So perfect timing. Welcome to Help I Suck at Dating with Lois and Ethel losing their minds in the background. You know, you know, I I can see how a lot of us would think it's a bad thing, but in my eyes, it's a good thing. Just like how sometimes there's like ambient restaurant noises going on and we record it keeps this

podcast the grassroots authentic self that we needed to always be. Yeah, it really humbles us, well, it humbles us, and you know, let's every all of our you know, fellow sucky daters, the suck army know that. You know, that's just life. Sometimes it gets in the way the things you need to be doing. Yeah, we're just pissing in the wind on this podcast. You never know what's gonna happen. Deans in a restaurant. My dogs are losing in the mind. That's why people listen. They just want to know what's

happening in our lives. Jared, what are we talking about today? We're talking about a lot of things. We have a great guest that's coming up. We have a doctor, Jessica Shepherd, who's an O, B G Y N say that five times fast, and she's a woman's health expert and she's also the founder of her Viewpoint, which is an online women's health form that focuses on addressing taboo topics in a comfortable setting, which is fantastic. She's gonna be coming

up on the podcast a little bit later. We also have this article about can anonymous internet critics actually fix your online dating profile? I think this is actually something you and I can speak pretty well on because we've had a lot of anonymous critics critique our dating life, our Instagram profiles, uh maybe not our dating profiles. So to speak, but like our overall relationship lives, so I feel like we can really speak well upon this, And of course we have emails coming up um later on

in the podcast. This is something I wanted to talk about first though, which is a brand new Netflix show. I don't know if you saw this dem but it's called Sexy Beasts. Uh. It's coming out later this summer, I believe. But Sexy Beasts is a show that contestants.

It's kind of like Love is Blind with a mix of the Mass singer if you've ever seen that show, where these contestants will show up an elaborate makeup and prosthetics in an attempt to answer an aid old question about love, which is how much de looks actually matter. So these people get all dressed up and I'm looking

at a picture right now. It's like this super intricate, uh, prosthetic design on these people's faces, and it looks like their bodies too, So I'm not sure if you can really tell how you know much in shape they are, for lack of a better way of phrasing it, but like this, one woman has this mouse and it looks like I'm not even joking, it looks like it was something in how the grin still Christmas or the cat in the hat, like high end universal studios types of prosthetics,

and these people are going on dates. And I'm not exactly sure how the whole show works, but I'm assuming at some point, after you get to know your furry friends that they'll reveal themselves like Love is Blind and you'll figure out if you're actually attracted to this person or not. So what do you think about this show concept? Sexy Beasts? Caitlin showed me the trailer for a couple of weeks ago, and it's she was like, this is the weird thing I've ever seen. I honestly thought it

was pretty awesome. I don't know if it's uh, you know, I'm not on my ear on the ground as far as the furry community goes. I don't know if the furry community is like, you know, disgraced and kind of a little upset by this, but yeah, offended offended? Yeah, I mean I can kind of see like why maybe they would be. I don't know, I think it's hilarious. It's just like you remember the show Love is Blind.

It's basically like Love is Blind, except you know, you're you're hanging out with this person, but then all of a sudden they take off their rap costume and then you have no idea what they're gonna look like underneath.

I mean, I don't know. I think it's it's like one of those shows that you're definitely gonna watch at least the first episode to like see if it's something that you're going to be interested in just because of how weird it is, and then if it's good enough, you're definitely gonna watch the est. I find myself, I'm gonna probably end up watching the whole thing. I think

it feels a little weird to me. I like the idea of it, but like, how far are we gonna go in today's society now to like have dating shows where you can't see the other person's face because you want to get to know their personality first and then they'll reveal themselves. So I feel like all these TV producers now are like, Okay, you know Love is Blind is out there. Uh, we we need to figure out some way to do that show. But not do that show,

you know what I mean, have our own thing. Let's put mass, but like not just regular mask on people. When they go on dates. But like, let's dress some like animals. Let's have a squirrel, a panda, an alien, a devil perhaps, and then we're gonna put them on dates and it's gonna be like a fetish type thing. But then they're gonna take their mass off and really find out if they truly love each other with how they if they're attracted to each other. I don't know.

It's like how far are we gonna go? Like what's the next thing? I don't know, Like, I don't know if I could take this show seriously. We got a mouse, we got an alien, like whatever, it's gonna be funny. I guess it will be entertaining. To be fair, I didn't think the mass singer was gonna work, and I love that show. So I've been wrong before. I'll be wrong again. I'll probably be wrong about the show, but I don't know if I'm gonna watch it. You make

a good point about the mask thing. It's like, yeah, they definitely just sent these people out with like regular masks on like a you know, like a mask arade ball type mask. But they're like remember that goose bumps ask like the Jason No, you remember you never watched goose Bumps or Red goose Bumps as a kid, I read the books. I don't think I ever remember bro that it got stuck to her face and she couldn't take it off because it was, you know, obviously a

possessed mask. Uh no, I'm trying to blank, but yeah, no, I see your point. I see your point. I don't know did you watch because Demi, who were friends with, was just on celebrity dating game that should has been that should has been. Uh, it's been on TV. It's been on for a while. I think it went away for a while, right, But it's just it was just I don't know. Have you been watching it at all? No,

I haven't watched it. Like I saw clips because Handa was on it too, Hannah Brown, I don't think that's where she met her boyfriend though, so obviously it didn't work out with ever contestant she picked. But yeah, they had hand on it and then they had Demi on it, and I saw a clip to both. I didn't watch it, but I don't know did Demi find someone? Do we know these things? I texted her when it was airing, and I was like, tell me you went on a

date with this girl. Uh, and she just gave him one of you know, like a demi response, just like joking around, but it was I mean, you're not missing anything. It's just another one of those shows. I feel like that. You're right. I feel like, just right now, there's so many shows that are just so ridiculous obnoxious. Uh, they're just you know, throwing as much crap with law and hoping some of it sticks. What it really what it seems like? Hey, whatever entertains people, I guess. Uh. So

our next topic is what we talked about before. Can anonymous internet critics actually fix your online dating profile? So this is an article from inside hook or no, excuse me, it's just called hook. I don't know what hook is. I gotta be honest, but hey, we like talking about it. When you're single and wildly unsexful, unsuccessful at online dating, you might attempt the same dicey maneuver that Peter and many others have, which is post your profile on Reddit

so that hundreds of strangers can critique it. Peter says, I really wanted to know how am I perceived. He's a scientist in his late forties. He lives in the Southeast, and like the other Reddit users quoted in this article, he spoke to uh them under a pseudonym, and he said to me that seemed to be important to do online dating. I needed to figure out how I perceived and hired project what I want to sell. For lack of a better term, he likens the act of deparation

he took to Reddit to a market research. He says part of what prompted the decision was that after putting a good deal of effort into something he's not used to, such poor results. That's interesting. When Peter first offered up his profile to the sub riddit for review, it was skewed, and rightfully so, he says, I did one thing wrong. Peter admits, I just had some pictures, uh and I just had some pictures and my height. The Reddit chorus as they're called, chimed in to remind Peter that nobody

can just have a blank profile. So, with what he believed to be surgical precision, Peter reconstructed his entire dating profile, adding detail about some daredevil hobbies that he likes to take part in, some stuff about his job and his taste in movies, as well as upgrading his photos. So, Dean, do you think this is something that more people should do, anonymously post their dating profile on Reddit and see what

people have to say about it. I think it takes a special person to be able to open themselves up

to that kind of criticism, because it really is. I mean, sometimes I'll see on Reddit it's like, uh, you know, do your best roast me right now, Reddit, and you'll like click on the comments and it's just like so bad, and like even if you're like this, even if you're like you know, even if you have like this thick skin and you're used to like everything, some of that stuff, man, it's like it's and there, you know, obviously, like they're asking for it. And so people on the internet, the

Internet is always undefeated. These people are freaking ruthless and like hilariously just mean sometimes you know what I mean. So I think as long as you go into it knowing that you're gonna come out of it maybe like a little sadder, that's not the worst thing in the world to do. What do you think the problem with Reddit is that there is some really horrible people on

Reddit who will just say the meanest things. And it's not always truthful, Like there's always that ed, like that old saying where like the truth hurts, and so people feel like, you know, oh, I'm just being truthful, when in actuality, you're just being an asshole. So the problem is I feel like Reddit people because you're hiding behind a screen. We've talked about numerous times, whether it be Twitter, Reddit, Instagram.

I feel like Redd it's the worse than this, But they just say the meanest things and it's not because they're being honest. It's because they just want to tear all the people down. So like posting on Reddit, I don't know, that's nerve racking. So like you said, if you're going to do that, you better have some thick skin. I remember when I was on the show, not a

dating profile, but even Instagram. It's like, you know, I I used to post and I wouldn't care about the photos that I posted, But I remember, you know, one photo would get such good engagement, and then the next one wouldn't be like, oh that's interesting, I wonder why that is. And then like people would be like, oh, the lighting sucks on this photo, or like oh it's so blurry, I can't even see anything. I'm like, oh wow, my my pictures suck, Like I really need to step

up my game. So as you and I were kind of thrown into the fire, I guess people can do it if they want post their stuff to Reddit figure out what people are thinking about them, or at least they're dating profile. But again, I better have some thick skin. Well, there's a guys to like the anonymity of it all where it's like, you know, on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, your name or your handles attached to it. But Reddit it's like,

you know, it's you are who you are. You're no one on Reddit essentially, right, like you have no attachment between your Reddit personality and your real life personality, or like there's no consequences you could face by being this person on Reddit because you're never gonna get it traced back to you, uh, in real life, Like you know, it's it's so funny. It's it's kind of funny that you mentioned this too, Like on Instagram, let's say, post

to put on Instagram. You know it gets you know, however, many like thousands of like a couple hund comments whatever it is, and now I just like I feel like I'm used to that and so when I'm like on Reddit and I'm like commenting on things, uh, you know, like I'm like not active, but like I'm semi active.

Like I'll comment a little bit on like certain forums, whether it's like van life forums or like, I don't know, it's like some video game ones that I like pay attention to or like Wall Street bets type crap, and it'll get like no engagement, like no one will interact with it. And I'm like, wow, I forgot what this was like to be like a person, because like I've got no like wittiness about me or you like, you

know to a degree shirt. But like it compared to the people on Reddit, I am at the very bottom of the of the pecking order, and so like post something and get zer engagement out of it. Not that that's what I'm posting it for anyways, but it's just like it's just the very humbling experience. And I think that's what Reddit is there for, is to kind of be that humbling, uh resource for a lot of people. And yeah, I mean the roast me things man, And

it's like it's it's interesting too. And maybe it's just the ones that I see, like the ones that kind of get uh up voted to the top of the lesson. That's like why they're on the popular page. But it's like, you know, like a slightly overweight person with like a big piercing in their nose and like a big tattoo on their neck, and it's like, of course you're gonna be roasted for the things that make you look different. It's just but it's just merciless, is really what it is.

But the dating the dating profile thing, uh could be beneficial because it's like, Okay, yeah, you're not gonna obviously take every bit of advice word for word, but it is a nice way to get like anonymous feedback on the things that you think are either clever or like your photos that you look cute in. So, I mean, I could see that being a little bit more beneficial than the simple like holding a piece of paper saying

roast me kind of thing. You know. So you could also ask you friends too, Like I feel like a lot of people are nervous about asking their friends for criticism about their dating profile to make it better, But like that's what I would do first. I would ask my close personal friends saying, hey, what do you think about this, what do you think about that? See how you handle that criticism, and if you handle it fine and you want more critiques, go to then go to

Reddit and try it out. I think you should just post your dating profile however you want to post it, because that's who you are, and that's a reflection of you as a person, and so like by doing that, people are gonna match it to you based off of the things that you've done, which just kind of makes me maybe for more of a sincere connection at the end of the day. But I think that, well, I I agree with you somewhat, but I also think you

have to put some effort into it. In order to put effort into it, I I've always found that, you know, it's always beneficial for me to like balance ideas off my friends because that will, you know, have some creativity into it compared to me where I don't feel like I'm not creative on my own and I'm like, oh, I guess I feel like when I just do things on my own, I don't do them as well as I possibly could, because I find I'm more creative when I'm in a circle or with my friends And be like,

what about that? And then they something and say something and I'm like, oh, that's a good idea, but that actually gave me another idea. So I don't know. It It all depends on how much effort you really want to put into it. I guess that's the point of the story. I have a question for you, though, because you said that you're active on Reddit. Have you ever responded to Reddit people talking about you from the show. Uh No, I'm familiar with the sub breddit for the show, but

I've never commented in it. I used to check it sometimes, like every once in a while, like a long time ago, but you know, I think it's just kind of like an ignorance bless thing. At this point, Ashley used to

check it. She doesn't check it anymore, but she used to read a lot of the comments on Reddit and it would bug her because, you know, they were just a ruthless or Like I remember when we first got together, she was telling me that there were so many people on there um saying that we were just doing it for fame and we weren't really in love and it was all fake and that like I was. I I lost my fifteen minutes of fame, so I was just wanted to cling on to Ashley to try to proll

along this. And I remember one time, this is before Ashley and I came out as a couple. We were we were dating, but we weren't public yet. And I might have told this story on the podcast before. But my friend who's very much active on the subcreddit, uh, she's she's a big reality TV buff, and she sent me a screenshot of somebody who commented on the reddit saying, um, she said, uh, something along the lines about how one

of her close friends was my best friend. And she told her that I that Ashley and I were only dating for the fame, and that we weren't actually in love and we're going to break up in two months. And she said this all the red. She's like, I know Jared's best friend and this is what the best

friend told me because I'm friends with her. And uh, anyway, long story short, my sister h saw this and then found out who the reddit person was, like, found out who they are and and messaged them on social media and was like what, like why are you saying this about my brother? And she blocked My sister deleted her comment. It was crazy. It was like I can't believe that people just like say things and then get confronted about them and then are like, never mind, I was lying. Wait,

that's actually insane. And you know the reason they do that is because they get the attention for it, right, Like if you have like this juicy bit of gossip or whatever it's I mean, And that that expands way outside of the Internet too, just in general, like in person, if you like a little bit of hot gas and you you know, you kind of like have people waiting on you every word. Uh So, I mean that's kind

of where that comes from. But at the end of the day too, it's like it is it is human nature to like kind of be at least a little curious to see and hear what people are saying about you, like kind of without your participation in there. Like you know, if you have the chance like eavesdrop on a conversation or your friends were talking about you without them knowing that you were listening to them, like of course everyone

at least it's gonna be a little bit curious. Um. But like we said earlier, dude, the internet can be a very very mean and ugly place. And I'm not saying that's how it is over there. But I think you just kind of get to a point where, like, you know what, I'm just gonna go ahead and forego that for my own mental health, and I think it should be that way. But we don't read them anymore. But it also sorry, now, of course they're coming. They're mowing the lawn over here. They're doing a great job,

they're working hard. I don't mean to criticize them there, but it's very loud, and I apologize, Andy, but I listen to this podcast where the audio might sound that sound the best in the background, but I digress. Um. What I was gonna say is, oh, to bounce off the hot goss idea. You're totally right, but like that's just human nature. It's not just like a Reddit thing or an Internet thing, Like that's just what human beings do.

Remember remember playing Telephone as a kid, that game where like you'd have a line of like fifteen people and somebody would say, you know, something into somebody's ear, and then it would get past along all the way down until it gets to the last person and then they're like, Okay, what did you actually say? And then what did the

last person here? Does that make sense? And like it's always wildly different because everybody, like you know, speaks in hyperbole or dramatizes the situation or kind of changes a

little bit. It's like, oh, I think it could be like, oh, you know, Ashley and Jared broke up, or I think Ashley and Jared broke up, and then the next person will say Ashley and Jared broke up, and then the next person will say, I think Ashley broke up with Jared, and then like you know what I mean, it always just goes down until like, oh I heard that you know, Ashley had a second family on on the Island of wah Yeah, well, I mean it definitely, it definitely can

stumble out of control. And I think one of the biggest things that made me, uh completely unsubscribed but like completely be uninterested in ever checking it again. Years ago, I was like there was something set a similar situation someone said about me back when like Christine and I were still talking. That was like so like, in my eyes, unbelievably false, and there's nothing you can do to like insert yourself and be like, no, this is a horribly

wrong rumor. And so I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna since I can't do that, since there's like no way for me to participate in this conversation and inform people what's going on, I'm just gonna go ahead and and and exit this out forever. Yeah, it's you know, like you said, ignorance is blessed in certain situations, and that definitely is true with Reddit in a lot of terms. So pretty much the moral of the story is like, posted on Reddit you're dating profile if you're

willing to get roasted. Um, oh my god, Lois is listening. Mind low it. We have a very special guest coming up on the podcast you Can't Speak like This. It is Dr Jessica Shepherd, once again the O B g y N and women's health experts. She's joining us on the podcast coming up now, all right, welcome back to help I suck at Dating. We have a very special guest who is on the line joining us a v assume.

She is an O B g y N and woman's health expert and also the founder of her Viewpoint, which is online women's health form that focuses on addressing taboo topics in a comfortable setting. It is Dr Jessica Shepherd. Doctor. Thank you so much for joining us today. How are you good? How are you? It's great to be here. Oh, we're doing well. So the first thing that I talked about I mentioned is about these taboo topics that you'd like to discuss in more of a comfortable setting. What

taboo topics are you talking about? Oh? Man? Those taboo topics rain from anywhere. From a lot has to do with sexuality or sexual relationships. Um, but also when we think about a kynecologist, we also discuss s T I, s UM and things that can happen to someone in

some of these interactions. But again I always try to bring it from the approach of it doesn't have to be shameful, because I think that's a taboo topic in general, is sexuality and sexual relationships, and we have to do a better job at, you know, taking out the stigma from that. How do you think all of these became taboo? Tabooed? Taboo? Wis? Oh? I love this discussion that I could talk hours on this, But I think it has to do a lot with

society and where we place the blame of this something happened. Um. A lot of that actually has been shifted to women. So if you even think about unintended pregnancy. Right. A lot of times it's the woman who's like, oh, it was your fault, and you're like, I think there were

two people involved in this. I'm not sure, but that usually it has upends um and then even going down to if you were to bring up the topic of herpes hspeed and actually, you know, it has been something that's been around for a very long time, but it actually was in the seventies and eighties they did a piece in Time magazine and put it to the forefront because there was, I guess, for lack of a bit of term, a lot of cases going up UM and

people were unfamiliar with it. And so with that unfamiliarity, that uncomfortable nous with the topic, it was brought to the forefront in a matter of a shameful way. And so since then it really hasn't become something that, uh, you know, has not come with stigma attached. And I can tell you definitely in the medical space, you know, we don't think of it stigmatized. We're just like, we

know this is a virus, we know what occurs. We really are looking at how to treat you if you have an outbreak because we don't want you to be in pain, simple as that. And is that the big thing with her Sorry, just a quick question, is that the big thing with herpes is that an outbreak is painful? So obviously you don't want it if you can avoid it. But is that the that's like the the thing with

herpies is the outbreak is painful? Yeah, I would say, And usually with the initial outbreaks, so let me be no break, bring it back a few steps. With the initial outbreak is usually very painful. UM and viruses are very smart in the sense that because we typically don't have cures for viruses. So if you think of viruses like chicken pox is actually in the same family as the herpes virus, UM HIV, HPV, coronavirus. So if you look at all the viruses, they we typically don't have

a cure for it. But what we do have our treatments or medications that can suppress the virus in a way that it doesn't reveal what it's symptom is. And so when someone has an initial herpies outbreaks, it is very painful because it usually comes with blisters and nerve endings are involved in that why it's so painful, but typically after that there are people who do have recurrent

outbreaks and those can be somewhat discomforting or painful. But there are a lot of people who have outbreaks and don't even know they're having an outbreak, so therefore no pain, which is usually why we see numbers of herpes very increased. I think it's very under diagnosed because a lot of people have it and don't know it. So I always like to say, you know, people who like to make the joke about herpes or whatever, they actually can have

it themselves and not known. I'm like, well, who's the joke on that, right, So it's one of the topics where you're like, probably, I usually tell my patients I think probably everyone has probably been exposed to HSC at some point in their life, but a lot of people don't know that, and so we're really taking care of the population that know that they have it, that have symptoms, and we're really trying to decrease the amount of outbreaks

that they have. So you can add herpes without symptoms, yes, uh. And then there's different types of herpes, right, because I've always learned as growing up, like you know, a cold slaw could store right, that's like a form of herpes, isn't it or can it aim herpies? And we're like, it's just in a different part of your body. But all of a sudden, when it's below the belt, we're like, oh, but we don't like around, you know, when someone has a cold. So and we're like, oh my gosh, go

back inside and don't come out until that's gone. In question. Yeah, So it's funny too because it's I feel like we're at a doctor's appointment, so appointment right here. Okay, So I've been in a monogamous relationship for a little over two years. Now. Would you ever recommend for people that are in monogamous relationships to still get STD checks? Absolutely.

I tell my patients when they come in, whether they're single, married, would have divorced, that they shouldn't have an annual check UM because again the whole stigmatization that if someone had something UM and it was unnoticed. Again, we're more on the side of keeping you healthy and safe, so we would want to treat you UM. And I think what comes from most people who are getting the testing is that there is going to be some shame or like some blaming going on, and we're really looking at how

can we optimize your health? Which is information, which is knowing, and so the best way to know is to test. So it's not to say that you have to have one every week. Definitely don't do that. But I think having a baseline and then maybe annual checks together, make it a date go get tested together. Wouldn't be a good day, it's interesting date. Well, is it possible to get an STD from not having sex? I don't know these things. What do you mean, like, can you get

an STD? I know it's a sexually transmitted disease, but like Dean you just said, if you're in a monouguaous relationship, what's the point of getting tested? And doctor you just said, well you should still get tested. So my question is how can you catch an s t D as long as you're only having sex with someone who doesn't have one.

That's a great question because a lot of people who have HSP most times when you go I will preface it with this that when you go to get your annual visit with the doctor and you you ask for STD testing, many will test for the most comments such as like gonorea, clamydia, and they don't test for HSP because again, we usually only test for HSP if someone comes in with symptoms, so we're trying to rule it out.

But because herpes um again comes with such an emotional baggage with it as far as when someone finds out their diagnosed, they go down the rabbit hole, we typically reserve testing for unless they ask for it specifically, or if they have an outbreak that tells us, hey, this

might be HSV. Let's test you for it. And it's a blood test um And a lot of women will say, oh, I was had my STD tests and we're like, but did you get a blood draw And I'll say no, I just thought a swab and I'm like, well, that probably would only include trick amnis um gonore in clamydia. Let's add this on if you want, because it can be Pandora's box in the sense that if you've never had an outbreak and you have it, I wouldn't treat

you anyway. So if I test you and you've never had a symptom and then it comes up Paul sitive, a lot of people go down the rabbit hole. So I really have a very thoughtful, intentional discussion before someone wants to be tested but not having a symptom, if that makes any sense. No, that doesn't when you say, what do you mean by swab when you said SB, like when you swab the vaginal, cervical canal or the

penile head. Oh god, okay, because I'm just thinking back to the last time I got a test, which it was, you know, two and a half years ago, so not very long ago. But I remember blood being drawn and I don't remember being swabbed, So I'm wondering if I was checked for everything. But so typically again with a swab, did you do urine? I did urine and I did blood draws, so they don't from a swamp what you can catch in urine. So that was what they were able to test with that. A lot of I will say,

do not like swap tests. That's not horrible. I didn't do a swab test. I did what Dean did. I got my blood drawn and then I got you're in taken. You guys, we do it all the time. Yeah, that sounds like an easier way to get things done. Um dr. Also is it true, because now I'm just like talking about like things that I have always assumed to be true about the d d S. Is it possible to not? Is it true that you can't spread herpes unless you

have an outbreak? That is a great question. So again going back to what really constitutes an outbreak, A lot of people again can having a break not know it,

and so what we call that is asymptomatic shedding. So asymptomatic shedding is when you are having a subclinical, not very um obvious outbreak with blisters and sores and some tenderness, and you're having an outbreak and you have intercourse with someone not knowing, and then you can spread it, which again is why I think the numbers are so high and that it's under diagnosed, is because you can't have that skin to skin content which you can transfer the

virus and then transfer it to someone else. Interesting. Okay, well, okay, dr is a question for you. So Jared and I, of course, in being relationships, were less of a risk for sexually transmitted disease, of course, and I wouldn't say the deer like you said earlier, but significantly less than a lot of our listeners out there, Uh that I would imagine are going to be you know, hot girls summarying. Uh, you know, coming out of the pandemic more or less

full full steam ahead. So what kind of advice would you have for the single people that are, you know, going out of course like practice safe sex and all that kind of stuff, But what like, what is your expectation for kind of what's to happen moving forward for everyone just kind of going buck wild? Yeah, I think that um for hot girl and hot boys summer y'all are in there too, UM that they should they should

get a baseline. I think, you know, it's really important to get a baseline of testing for STD testing so that you really can have, um, a fundamental knowledge of where you begin, right, so if there is a symptom or you're suspecting that maybe had exposure to someone that if you were to retest, you can comparatively look at what your baseline was. Always the best thing to do

always again again practicing safe sex. But I think that one of the things that we should not be afraid of is having the discussion if there is an instance where you have, you know, exposure to someone one night stands whatever, what is it, hot girls, summerstand maybe we should call with that yeahs over here and help us that you know if if there is an instance where you're feeling exposed, that is the most important time when you need to get to a healthcare provider in order

to get you the care that you need, the testing that you need, and not feeling ashamed and then not wanting to go in. I think that happens a lot, is that people feel so embarrassed that if there was a moment a lab some that they don't want to go to talk to someone. And that's kind of the worst thing to do because we can help. Um, we really don't judge. I really could care less what you were doing with your time. I'm more interested in that you got to the office to discuss possible options on

how to help you. That's what we're here for us to help. So while we're on the topic, it's always, of course difficult to talk those things to your doctor about. But would you be willing to lend some advice for a partner to share with maybe a previous partner there is that also might be uh, you know, susceptible to to getting the disease as well. Yeah, so I love the station specifically for herpies because again, no one wants

to talk about it. There may be people who enter new relationships UM and they don't know how to express to the person that they have a diagnosis of that. So I typically like to take out words that are triggering, such as herpes. I prefer hsv UM. I don't like

the word uh, I have herpes. I like in the past, I have been exposed to herpes, and therefore what I have learned is I'm very aware of my you know the condition, and if I do have an outbreak, I will always keep you and myself very safe and I'll be very transparent as far as knowing that, so that

again you can stay safe. UM. I also think that there are other things that couples can do you together as far as their conversation, in order to make sure that they're transferring information properly and that everyone is aware. Is sometimes when you get STD results, like I said earlierly like maybe go on a date. Is I think paper results like hard copy to show the other person. It's important because a lot of I mean I hear

this all the time. A lot of people be like, oh I got a CD TECH it was all negative. They didn't never go. So I think it would be it would behoove both parties to say, hey, here are my results. Have a look, you know, have at it

um and that way you have more thoughtful conversations. And then also looking for people who do have a diagnosis of herpes is to make sure that if they're not on medication every day to suppress that there are other things that they can do when they do have outbreaks or they're they're feeling that they're going to have an outbreak that they can use that are over the counter,

such as Femi Clear. I'm a big fan of Femi Clear, which is kind of like a salve which allows people to decrease the amount of pain and discomfort that they have during an outbreak that is not medication, so it's over the owner. And so I think that you know, being cognizant of where you are in your sexual journey and being empowered by who you are, but also the relationships that you have, that people can understand these types of conversations because the more that we you know, have

these uncomfortable conversations, the more comfortable they'll become. Yeah, and I wanted you to give you a minute talk about Femi clear, which are products that we could be found in CVS right, Aid, Walmart, Walmart dot Com, Target dot Com, Amazon, pretty much everywhere. So I know you're a breat proponent of FEMI clear. Um, so I wanted to give you a minute talk about it. Yeah, I think you know, we because of the stigmatization with HSV, a lot has not been developed in the area of how to treat

patients with it. And so yeah, you know, science and technology has allowed us in the medical space to really have types of interventions or medications that we know work on the virus and kind of suppressing the viral load. But there are things that you know, through FEMI clear that we've been that help patients really decrease their um

discomfort when it comes to the disease process. When it comes to things like HSV and other STDs, is there a difference between how men experienced them and women experience them? I mean, I'm sure there are there are big ones, like I know, HPV can be a lot more severe in women and men can just kind of carry it dormantly. But for the for the more common ones like HSV and and others, is there any like differences that maybe would be good for everyone to know. Yeah, So if

you look at the reproductive tract. In general, um men have a longer reproductive tract and women have a shorter reproductive tract. In the sense that if if you have a disease such as chlamydia um a lot of times that you can have what we call asymptomatic symptoms. So someone might not necessarily have a discharge that's associated with

chlamydia gonorrhea and go unnoticed. And the reason why that's important is chlamydia is notorious for if it goes on diagnosed and treated for some time, that it really can creep up the reproductive tract and kind of scar what we say the fallopian two and not your eggs passed through in order to be fertilized, so it can really

cause some fertility issues in the future. And this is why it's so important for people to get STD checks and testing also to not be embarrassed if they feel that they've had exposure and um getting the treatment that

they need for it. Yeah. Well, I think the biggest thing too is uh, because I've I've been tested and I had gnaria once in my early twenties, and it's it's always it's difficult thing to hear, but then it would have been you know, infinitely worse had I not gotten tested and then never been able to treat it.

So I think that's what a lot of people need to understand, is getting tested leads you to being treated and then obviously, you know, either coming out of it without it or or finding a way to take care of it, both the pain and everything else too. So

I think that's the biggest takeaway from everything too. Absolutely, and even that transparency and you sharing that is so helpful because a lot of people carry that shame and they feel that they can't tell anybody that they've had that in the past, when it really is so common. If you look at the person statistics, it really is a significant portion of the population that have had at some point in their life in STD. Yeah, we're open books here and help my second day now we are.

We're not lying about that one doctor. Thank you so much for joining us today. We really appreciate it for everybody listening and wants to know more about Dr Jessica Shephard. You can see her. You've been an expert on the Today's Show Dr Oz Steve Harvey. But of course you can go visit Dr Jessica Shephard dot com to learn everything you need to know. Uh, doctor, thank you so much for joining us once again, Thank you for having me enjoyed. Welcome back, guys. We are about to get

into my favorite segment. Unfortunately Mark is not here to read our emails. But I'll tell you what. And I don't want anyone to share list with Mark. I think we have someone even better than him. Mark. WHOA, Oh my gosh, Easton, if you're there, do you want to jump in? I'm here. Thank you, Dean. What an introduction, My goodness. Uh. And I know Mark will be listening to this because he's paid to. UM. I think he's the greatest in the world. I can't hold a candle

to how he reads emails, but I'm gonna try. UM. This first one is from anonymous. So hi Nick, thanks for listening. Uh. My boyfriend and I are in our mid thirties, so the topic of marriage comes up, and with that an engagement, and with that or ring. I've always wanted a big diamond for context, I'm looking at three plus carrots. He doesn't hell wow, Uh, he doesn't know anything about diamonds. So when I broke the news about my expectation for the ring, I want. I let

him know I'm down to split the cost. He thinks that spending this much on a ring is absolutely laughable, but he's like, hey, you know you want what you want and the fact you're willing to pitch in that much as great, So he's down for it. We're gonna split the costs of the ring. Do you see this as emasculating? What are your thoughts? I would love to hear my favorite person on the podcast, Easton and Marx takes as well. Wow, what a compliment, Anonymous. Thank you?

Oh wait, I thought you just had that little part, but they actually wrote that. I will say, you guys do always have incredible advice. So I I see exactly what she's coming from. And for reference, I googled how much a three carrot diamond ring roughly costs, And you guys can correct me if you think this is wrong, but it looks like twenty to thirty thousand is three carrot diamond ring costs at the minimum. Okay, so that's that's what I thought it was going to be. I

thought it was going to be like eighty thousand dollars. Yeah, the most expensive. When I see on Google at the moment is thirty just north of thirty thousand, so I think that's probably a good one. That's a three and a half carrot. So full disclosure, I don't know how much Ashley's engagement ring was. Tell us to tell us

about that. Actually for a second, if you don't mind sharing. So, obviously you picked up the ring through the show, right, Well, yeah, so because we went down and got engaged in Paradise, Obviously you weren't there because you left the day before and then just scided to come back. It was like you knew we were coming, so you're like, Okay, I'm gonna dip out, and then once I know Ashley and Jared or out of Mexico, I'm gonna head back down,

get Kalin and go back to the States. Anyway, so when you were picking up the rings with Neil, and I apologize for that, I wish I could have been there for that moment. That aside, so you weren't informed on the carrot of the ring. Now I knew how

much the carrot was gonna be. I got lucky because I was communicating with one of the producers who's communicating with Neil, and they made the ring for me, which was great, and we went with design and what you know, obviously you have to work within the construct, but they were really they gave me a lot of wiggle room when it came to the ring, which was fantastic. But even I think Ashley is just like a little over carrot. I don't think it's that three carrots. Who the hell?

That's ginormous. I mean, hey, good for you, Anonymous, like do you girl, but wow, you're gonna be blinging that thing around, shining everywhere. So to put yourself in that situation, then do you ever feel emasculated because you didn't pay for the ring? For actually not emasculated? But sometimes, especially when I see I guess I feel bad even though

I shouldn't. I see a lot of my friends when they get engaged and they go to you know, they're shopping for the ring, and there's like there is this certain you know, I don't know how to say, I don't want to say respect, but there's like this certain feeling that comes with somebody going to get the ring and carrying the ring and hiding the ring and like

saving up for the ring. It really says something. So I sometimes I feel bad because it's like, oh, mine is free, Like I never went through that, especially when I see my friends spend, you know, thousands upon thousands of dollars and save up. So I guess not emasculine, but sometimes I feel bad. Well, I know someone, so one of the three of us has had that experience,

and I hope that he shares it with us. So okay, when I saw the Three Carrots, my I too was shocked because the engaged ring I gave my wife was she she's here to confirm some of these details. Was it just it was about it's about a carrot? Right, Um? Yeah, And here, I'll be completely honest here, this is all the second day we're bearing all When I wanted to propose Allison, I went to her parents and I said,

I love your daughter more than anything. I would like her to be my wife, like asking permission, and uh, they said that's fine. And they asked what I was going to do for a ring, and I was like, well, you know, I'm I'm saying I'm socking my pennies away and I'm gonna get a great ring. And Allison's mother said, oh, there's a ring I have that. Allison is always really liked and it's a The diamond is beautiful. The setting

is completely utter trash. So if you get a new setting, you can have the diamond that that that diamond was just over a carrot. I bought the setting and uh, I got I kind of got off scott free because the setting was not nearly as much as that diamond would have been. Um And Okay, Allison, did you feel like that was an emasculating thing? Because I did not, She says, no. Do you want to come over and talking on the microphone? Okay, yeah, come on, Alice, come

on here, put these headphones on. Talk to talk to Dean and Jared. Hello, Hello, hell Alison. No, I did not feel well. I don't know if you felt emasculated, but I liked it because when we get to go on like another week of vacation at the Four Seasons in Hawaii, which I felt it was a better trade, right right, It's hard to feel emasculated on the beach in Hawaii for for a extra week. Tell what we did with the ring after we got married? What did we do? We got more diamonds put in it? Oh?

I got come on, speak a little bit closer to the mic I'm actually not even wearing it right now, but we got to upgrade my setting because east about the cheapest setting possible at the time, it was actually worse than the setting, the bad setting that it came in. And then like a year later, I got to pick out my own and it's lovely. It's great. I mean, I know I'm not wearing it at the moment, but I do enjoy wearing it. Yeah, I love it. I never wear it, Alison so much. Was the ring important

to you at all? Not really? I mean, I like jewelry a lot, um, and I think it's really cool that I have that connection to my mom that it was hers. But that wasn't like a make or break thing for me. Um. I think if I hadn't been given anything, I would have been a little bummed, But I didn't really care if it was like a giant ring. All right, that's good to know. Well, the anonymous email or who just sent us an email said she wanted a three carrot ring. That's crazy carrot, the whole three carrots.

She's going to sing to the bottom of the ocean, gonna break good finger, oh at least two of them. But so her and her boyfriend are splitting the cost. So what are your thoughts about that? Do you think it's okay? If if the girlfriends like, hey, this is the ring I want, I'll split the cost with you, and the boyfriend's like, okay, that's fine by me. Do you think that's okay? Or should like she just be okay with a smaller ring or should he save up more?

What do you think should happen? I mean that's unconventional, but it sounds like she cares more about the piece of jewelry, which I respect, Like she you know, why wear something every day that you don't want to wear? So I think if that works them, I feel like I would feel personally weird about it, but I don't see a problem with it. I don't see your problem

with it either. I think, like you said, she's gonna be wearing around every single day for the rest of her life, she should get the ring that she wants to wear every day for the rest of her life. And if it's the three Care ring, it's the three Care ring. I like this too because it shows they're already compromising. They're not even engaged yet, and they're already like, hey, this is a compromise. This is good. This is what we're gonna need to do in our marriage. They're they're

they're already in a healthy relationship. I like it. I think it's great. If if I was the guy in that relationship. Uh, and let's say she didn't even offer to pay for half of it, and she was just like, I want this three caret ring. Then then as the guy would be like, well what if I don't get you three K three caret ring? It sounds like she's like willing to work with him. It's a it's a very selfless thing. She's like, this is what I want, and I'm willing to help you get it for me.

Like that's a pretty selfless thing in my opinion. That's anonymous. Sounds like a real Winnow what happens, Like she's inevitably going to lose that because she's gonna have to take it off to do any chores, go to the beach, Like when they have to replace it, what are they gonna do? Then? Does he stuff to pay for the other half again? Right, then that's on her. Maybe when you're wearing right, then the next the replacements on her maybe with a three care ring that that is more

expensive than any car ever owned. That's more than that payment I just put down in my house. Maybe she'll be more careful with it. Well, we can't help. Good luck Anonymous. Thank you for your health as Yeah, thanks Allison. All right, let's get to Mia. All right, this one's from Mia. Just like Jean said, actually we we got Allison's input on that, but we never really got yours. We know your story, but what's your opinion of it?

I think it rules. I think that if that's what like what else and said, like, if that's what she wants and it doesn't seem like it bothers her, Like yeah, I know that there's a there's a certain like it feels good to be like, oh I bought this ring for you, uh, you know that kind of thing. But here's something else. If you have all the money in

the world. I've seen this happen, They'll get a giant ring and just looks dumb, like it's like in the shape of the green lantern lantern or something like that. It's like just a stupid looking ring that they're not gonna want to wear. So I don't think there's a problem with like, you know, if she wants a ring that's crazy expensive, and she's willing to pitch on it. I think that's fine if they want a certain type of design and they want to be involved with the

like shopping of it and design of it. I know that takes away a lot of the like surprise element, but I don't see a problem with that either, because this is a very important part of of you know, your data. You're gonna look at that thing every single day. Um.

So that's what That's what I had to say. Uh. The reason I told the story is that, like, my wife was very involved with the aspect of procuring the ring, and you know, and even after we got married, we changed it up and uh, and she liked I mean, she's not wearing it right now, but she she likes lurring, you know, by all accounts. So we're very happy about that. And that's what matters, as they exactly exactly. So that is my take. Mark cannot give his because he does

not care about us. He's not here today. Uh. Moving on to me. Uh, my question is simple, can a bad kisser be taught how to kiss? Well? A few weeks back, I shared a kiss with a young man and the kiss was so bad, I just shut it down. Also, am I wrong for assuming a bad kisser is also bad in bed? Mm hmm. Interesting. I will say I'll answer the last question first. I will say, yes, you are wrong to assume a bad kisser is bad in bed. Uh. I want to say, speaking from experience, not that I

was a bad kisser, but I just don't know. Sometimes I never know how far to go with what I can share on this podcast. Now. It's always It's always because I always wonder like, is this going to get back to Ashley? This is like I'm just talking to a couple of my guy friends, you know, like I can really look like that. I forget. Oh wait a minute, it's not just us three. My biggest thing is like

is it disrespectful for me to share these stories? Like is it am I disrespecting Caitlin by sharing these stories? My gut says no, But sometimes I feel like maybe it is a little bit. Anyways, I'll tell a story anyway. So, I mean, I remember going on a day in a while ago, like like obviously pre Kalin and I as this girl and it was the worst kiss I've ever had in my entire life. And then we went on

a couple more dates and ended up sleeping together. She didn't improve kissing that much of her time, but I mean she was perfectly good in bed, and uh, now, even saying it out loud, I feel the kind of ikey saying that. But that's my from personal experience. You can be a bad kisser and still be good in bed. Yeah, I mean, I can't remember an instant instance in the top of my head where I kiss someone and it wasn't good and then we ended up sleeping together and

it was really good. Like I uh, I can't remember. Really, maybe I'm a bad kisser. Maybe that's the issue because I don't remember that many times where I thought, oh wow, that was terrible. Or maybe I'm just that good of a kisser that I raised everybody else's level up. You know, I'm like the Tom Brady of kissing. If you if you kiss me, I'm gonna make you a better kisser. Okay, silence on that one. I appreciate it. I'll digress. I

love that your your whole explanation. You are all over the chart on every single thing You're saying that maybe I'm really bad at kissing, or maybe I'm the best kisser ever, Dean, have you met me? It's a constant monkey, just like clapping the whatever those are called, the drum things. I think you can teach someone to be a better kisser, but also I advise against that because it's probably going to bring out some serious insecurities of that human being.

And sometimes maybe if you're just not compatible physically, you're not compatable emotionally. I don't know what's your take on it. I think because I have to also kiss uh young ladies that have been bad at kissing but also good in bed. But I think with men, before you go any further, this this young boy and this young lady thing, we gotta you kiss a woman woman all relative they were younger at that the time of kissing exactly. Okay, So I've kissed many mature women that were bad at

kissing but good in bed. But I think with men, I think if a man is a bad kisser, there's no way he's good in the sack. I really believe that. Uh, don't ask me how, I just I just believe that. Um. And as far as teaching someone how to be a good kisser, you can. But here's the thing, the bigger question, do you want to. That's a lot of work, that's a lot of commitment, and it's a lot of time you're you know, I don't know if you really want to do that. I'll tell you. I'll tell you what.

And I why I think both of you guys are wrong is I have also dated bad kissers, like I said earlier, And you don't even really have to like there's no conversations that need to be had. You just need to do it enough that eventually, like they start to get more comfortable with kissing, be start to pick up new techniques like see like kind of like maybe like understand you're your perspective of the kiss, like your style of kissing, and then they start doing themselves. It's

like a learning thing. You're not going to be a great kisser the first time you do it, just like you're not gonna be a great basketball player the first time you go play basketball, but you play enough basketball

and eventually get good. So I think as long as you guys, if you really like the guy, kiss him enough until he gets get at kssing and you don't even have to like be like, hey you suck at kissing, get better, just like do it enough to the point where he gets more comfortable with it and then things can prove Yeah. I mean, hey, if you're willing, willing to put in the time of the work, I'm all for it. I think that's gonna do it. For this week's episode of Help I Suck At Dating, Thank you

so much to Anonymous. Thank you so much to Mia for emailing us in again. It's the only reason Dean shows up to this podcast, so please keep the emails coming. You can email us at I Suck at Dating at I heart media dot com. That's I Suck at Dating at I heart media dot com. You can also follow us on Instagram at help Underscore I Underscore suck Underscore at Underscore Dating. That's right, big thank you too, of course. Dr Jessica Shepherd, Uh, you can go visit Dr Doctor

Jessica Shephard dot com. That's d r Jessica Shephard dot com for more information. She was extremely extremely intelligent, Dean, when I we're talking about that off the podcast. Wow, she was good. We really want her to be back on the podcast soon. Dean, am I missing anything? I think you nailed everything right on the head, Jared. Thanks, Hey, Eastern, we do us a favorite. Will you tell the Stuck Army next time we're gonna see him next week, We'll suck,

it'll suck a little bit less. Oh my god, hopefully, hopefully I've never gotten to say that. That's so fun. Yeah, we wanted to really include you all the way through here, all right, Wilson Eason kind of butchered. Be sure to tune in next week, where maybe we suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast