Ghosts of Bachelor Couples Past

for Thanksgiving? So I flew down to Virginia to see my in laws, including one that I named a coffee shop afterwards, so they were very happy with that. Uh, and it was it was, it was, It was nice. Listen. We went out to eat for Thanksgiving, which is something that like my traditional traditional list that's a word traditionalist

heart did not enjoy. Not gonna lie. Um, But her parents have been wanting to go out to eat for Thanksgaping for years and since we've been together Ash and I we've eaten at their their house, have had people over. So this year they won went out to a restaurant and at least the restaurant had a Thanksgiving meal, you know, so that was really nice. What was the cuisine, Well,

it's turkey stuffing, mashed potatoes. It was traditional, which was very nice because originally the idea was to go to a steakhouse, which, of course I wouldn't have said anything because it's my in laws and I have to keep my mouth shut. But little Jared would have been very sad if he went to a steakhouse on Thanksgiving. Um. Yeah, that's that's interesting. I don't think I've ever gone out

to dinner on Thanksgiving. I'm surprised that they're Well, I'm not surprised, I guess, but you know, I feel like Thanksgiving is one of those holidays where most things shut down. So I'm sure you're probably hard pressed to find an open restaurant on Thanksgiving night, right. Oh yeah, Well the problem is as well, someone like myself, who has worked in the restaurant industry for the majority of his life.

Anytime we were open for a holiday, anybody who came in, I was like, screw these people, go home, go eat at home. This is where that's where you should be. So now I am one of those people coming in on a holiday and being like, hello, reservation seven people, I'm here as long as you tip a little extra and you're extra grateful and all that kind of stuff.

I think it's totally okay as a you know, I used to work in the hotel industry, um back when I was in college and stuff, and I actually preferred working holidays because people were more generous. You know, if you work in a tipping business, people are bound to tip more, a little more on the holidays. You get paid time and a half, you make money. It was it was nice. It was nice to make a little bit of money and all that kind of stuff. Um, I've always done, and I think this is a bit

of a tradition throughout America. Um More on Christmas time though, Like Christmas dinner, you get Chinese food. Have you ever done that before? Yes? Why is that? What a random thing? It's super random. It's Christmas Eve, right, Christmas Eve. I'm supposed to get uh, you know, Chinese food. It's it's like Christmas even New Year's Eve. I don't know why

or how that became a tradition. The only thing I can think of is if you've ever seen the movie A Christmas Story, which is a Christmas classic, it plays literally twenty four hours, twenty four hours straight from Christmas Eve into Christmas Day, that's how popular it is. In that movie, the Christmas dinner gets ruined because the next door neighbors dogs break into the house and destroy all the food on the table. So then they go out to a Chinese restaurant because it's the only place open

on Christmas. I have no idea if the two are correlated, but that's all I know from it. Um So, everyone always talks about favorite Christmas movies, and since you're such a movie guy, do you have a favorite Thanksgiving movie. I don't know if it's a Thanksgiving movie, but the movie that I like to watch on Thanksgiving to kick off the holiday season is Home Alone. I for some reason, I think of Home Alone more as a Thanksgiving Day movie rather than a Christmas movie. I think it's just

my childhood. I think it's when we started watching it. But there's nothing that gives my little Christmas heart more joy than watching Home Alone on Thanksgiving night, And it really just like kicks off the Christmas season in the greatest way possible. I would agree. I would say Christmas doesn't really start. Christmas season doesn't start until the day after Thanksgiving. Maybe even someone argued December one, give yourself

some some time to adjust. But Kaylin actually just put up our Christmas tree yesterday and I kind of had a fighter on a little bit. I was like, do you think it's a little too soon? Do you're putting up this Christmas tree? And she was like, I don't care what you think. I'm putting it up. I can't wait till it's up. She's already decorated it and everything. So I guess, um, you know people who love celebrating Christmas a little But I'm with Kylin on this one.

Come on, it's only it's literally a month and a half's first of all, If you don't start celebrating until after the first, it's twenty five days and then it's over. So why not just put it up? What I think should happen is I think that Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas should all be one holiday and it's just the whole holiday season rate From Halloween, you go rain to Christmas and it's two months worth of holidays. Could you imagine if there weren't these holidays during this time of year?

The sun is just up for like six hours a day. There's nothing to look forward to other than the day is getting longer again. So like thank Goodness, there's Thanksgiving and Christmas and Hanukkah, Kwanza, Halloween, all these holidays that are to be celebrated this time of year because otherwise December, November, January, it's pretty like I think about it. When January one comes, the next holiday you can celebrate is like Thanksgiving, I guess, and then after that you've got um MLK Day and

then Easter. I don't know, like like, yeah, you have Easter. I mean, then they have like listen, I'm not going to call them dumb holidays because they're not dumb holidays. But I don't know. Actually I live Valentine's Day. I think it's a dumb, hot, stupid. I don't get it.

I don't care if I get heat for it. Actually hates the fact that I don't like Valentine's Day just not a big because first of all, it comes right after Christmas, and then Ashley's birthday's March six, So it's like, how many gifts do I have to buy this human being? I love her to death, she's my wife, but I gotta get her gifts for Christmas. Then I gotta get her gifts for Valentine's Day. Then I gotta get her gifts for her birthday. And we're barely into March at

this point. I mean spread it out a little bit. So Valentine's Day not a big not a big fan. Yeah, well, at least you can just kind of like bang them all out and you don't have to worry about getting gifts about the entire year, you know, just three months. Like you said, we're in, we're out about a bing bada boom YadA, YadA YadA. With my dumb guy brain

just forgets about things. So like I'm so I put so much effort into Christmas that by the time valent Valentine's Day rolls around, I'm like just coming out of the Christmas coma and it's like I just got you a gift, Now I gotta get you something else. So I always get flowers, and then her birthday comes up, and I'm like, I'll that's try. I gotta get you something else because it's your birthday. I've kind of adopted

the idea of not giving uh material gifts anymore. Like maybe if you like make something, I guess that's fine. But like I'm I I and This is like a new concept that I'm just like starting to try out this year, specifically for Christmas with my family. Um where

I'm just gonna be giving like experiential gifts. Hugs. Hugs, They're fine, Uh, more like experiential things like you know, my family is coming out to us in Vegas this year, so I'm gonna like get us all tickets to a Broncos game or go and see a Cirt Day Slay show because or the Matrix comes out, We're gonna go see the Matrix definitely. Are you a big Matrix fan? Uh? Yeah. My brothers are huge, huge Matrix fans, and I like, I like the movie series quite a bit, so I

have your brother Matrix Resurrections. I'm counting down the days we don't have to talk about the Matrix because we're a dating podcast and no one gives about it. Well, you know, Trinity and Neo and we can talk about that a little bit. It's a love story right there. Yeah. Um, so that's that's you know, if you're looking for some gift giving advice, maybe take that into consideration too. Instead of getting like a material thing, get more of like a you know, I don't know, some sort of nice

little romantic experiencial gesture. Um, by the way, you didn't ask, but my Thanksgiving was really good. First of all, I was waiting till you're done, and then I was about to ask, saying, hey, how was your Thanksgiving? What did you do? No, let's talk about yours a little bit more hired, what did you do? No? Ours was fine. We just we went to Kaylin's grandparents house. Um, we were a little worried because, you know, as we talked about last week a little bit, I wasn't feeling super

super good at Ben's wedding. I had the flu, and Caitlin started getting a little sick too, and uh, we like didn't want to go to Caylin's grandparents house if either of us are feeling ill at all. But I'm fully recovered and Caylin woke up the day before Thanksgiving.

Fee But yeah, so we went to Caylin's grandparents house and her uncle came over with his new wife, and uh, just played some board games, you know, just kind of like the more traditional Thanksgiving experience rather than going out to dinner, which I don't I don't hate the going out to dinner thing. I gotta say, like, you know, you don't have to clean up after yourself. No one has to worry about bringing dishes and like cooking ing

and all that kind of stuff. So I see the appeal, but it sounds like you're never gonna want to do it again, is that right? Yeah? No, I like it. I like being at home. That's where I want to be. Uh. And that's the bottom line. As they say, we do have some hot topics. I guess we should start talking about dating at some point besides our own lives before we get to the hot topics though, because I'm looking at the same run down as you. Yeah, and the

hot topics are great. I feel like a lot has happened within the Bachelor world this past week that we like, we can't not talk about those things. You know, Despite the fact that we try not to be a bachelor podcast, the fact remains that we, um, there were two guys from the Bachelor franchise, both of which you're dating someone who you met on Bachelor Paradise. I'm married and expecting a kid who someone I met in Bachelor Paradise. Like, let's be honest, we're a little bit of a Bachelor podcast.

So we've got to talk about it a little bit, and um, yeah, I think there's a lot of bad news that came out recently within the Bachelor franchise dating all the way back. Let's start like Dale and Claire broke up, bad news. But and we see that Katie and Blake broke up, and then not long after, we see that Tasha and Zach broke up. So that's that's the last three bachelorettes in a row that had just broken up with their um final selection. Who's the bachelorette

before the Tassia and Claire season? Who the hell was that? That wasn't Hannah, was it? I think it was John. Now I'm losing my mind. Now I have to figure that out because now I'm curious who's the last person to be Who's the last bachelorette to be the person they picked? Because remember, for a while there, Bachelorette was kicking Bachelor's ass in terms of couples that have lasted, right,

But I think the last one was Rachel. Was my bachelorette was Rachel and Brian who's now obviously married to Brian. I think she's the last successful bachelorette because it went Rachel. Oh, and I gotta look this up. Becca Rachel, Becca, Hannah, Claire, Tasha, Katie. Yeah, that's right. It's the last four in row. Now we have got Michelle season airing, and obviously we don't know who she chooses yet, but she's got a lot of pressure on her shoulders. I feel like to make it work.

I don't know. Did you have you followed the breakup saga with any of these couples in the past couple of like weeks or days. Yeah, I mean I've caught up a little bit. The Tasia and Zach Juan is obviously the saddest in my opinion, because one, I really like Tassia. She is a sweetheart, and Zach seemed like he probably is still obviously I'm super down to earth, easygoing guy. I just didn't work out between the two

of them, which really sucks because I liked them together. Like, for example, Tasia FaceTime to Ashley and was crying when we announced we were having a kid and it was the sweetest moment ever. So I was like, oh, I really wish that Tassia and Zach were gonna work out. Now, all right, Well, so who did you say? So? Who is the bachelorette before Um, Katie, Tassia, Claire, cla It wasn't gonna Holy crap, Why does that feel like seven years ago? And Becca, which I guess I didn't even

account in to that too. That's five in ourrow. Becca, Hannah, Tasha, Claire, Katie. All five of those bachelorettes broke up with their final selection. Wow. Yeah, you're right, the last one with Rachel because there was a hot streak going Caitlin with Sean and then Jojo with Jordan's Rachel with Brian. I know, but then obviously Sean and Caitlin broke up, so that doesn't count with the hot streak. No, it doesn't. It was a hot streak, no more hot streak. It ended, and then who desire

still with her guy man? So it was Andy before Andy Dorfman picked Josh Murray. That's crazy to me. It's so weird thinking about that. Now, Desiree picked Chris. I remember that because I've become friends with Brooks. Brooks was on that season and he left, long story. And then the season before that, Emily Maynard picked Jeff Home that's in sanity. And then now we're going way back. Wow, dude, Yeah, bachelorette, what's going on? Why are these couples breaking up? Are we? Are?

We just not we? We don't believe in love anymore. I think it's just a whole show thing because even the bachelors haven't really been Matt and Rachel I think, are still together, but like not engaged. Besides them who are yeah, not not engaged. Um, there's also been a pretty soury streak for the bachelors too, So I just I feel like something's going on, something's in the in

the water. Maybe um, that they're feeding their contestants. Matt and Rachel together all right, so hopefully they work out. We'll see they're just dating boyfriend girlfriend, so I don't know how serious it is. Peter obviously did not work out Colton. We all know what happened with there Ari Pitt to Becca, but obviously made the switch and went with Lauren. Are we counting that that counts? I count that too? Uh? Nick? Obviously we all know half of that.

Ben we all know just coming from his wedding. Chris obviously did not work with Whitney. Wow, so Sean and Catherine so the last guy because listen, if if we're not if we're saying like Ari didn't pick, like he he switched then the last guy to be still with the woman he picked with Sean and Catherine from two thousand and thirteen. Holy craps, I was I think I was still in middle school in two thousand and thirteen. Got shot. I know you're worried. You're almost as old

as me. They're on. So I want to go through Bachelor in Paradise couples now because I really think b I P. That's where it's at. That's like the saving grace for the couples of the franchise. I think let's uh, let's let's exclude this most recent season. It's too recent to include them in the list. Yeah, should we take a quick break and then come back with the Bachelor

Paradise couples because we're already pretty good. Let's take a quick break and then we're gonna come back and remind everybody of who's still together from Bachelor in Paradise because Bachelorette and Bachelor kind of sucking right now and they need to step up the game. But rather than just reminding everyone of the couples, I want to I want to see if you've got any like juicy inside scoop. So stick around through the break and we'll see what Jared and uh his wife have been talking about over

there in Rhode Island. So you're back, all right, Jared, we're back. So tell us. So you're you're about to get into the Bachelor in Paradise couples from let's go like six and and earlier, because like I said, seven is just a little too recent too, I think group them into the conversation. All right, So we're not counting this season, So Kenny, Maury, Kenny, Murray, Riley and Marissa and Joe and Serena don't count. Okay, I'm good with that. So we have Dylan and Hannah who are still engaged.

Do you know if they're planning? Are you friends with Dylan? Are they like planning a wedding? I think so. Dylan, Um, he's he's a bit of an uh an anomaly. Is that the word I'm looking for? Yeah, he's he's a weird guy. I like him a lot though. Oh he's yeah, he's a nice guy. Um, but yeah, I'm sure they're planning something. Astrid and Kevin, who are in gauge but are I just had a kid, so I'm assuming they're

planning to still get married. Oh um, congratulations to Kevin and Astrid by the way, sure, Uh yeah, anyway, I digress Number six on this list Dean anglerd and Kaylin Miller Keys. Look at that. Look at that young Dylan Dylan. Look at that young Dean face right there. Oh yeah, that's why did you go Hannah Dylan as Kevin and then me and Kaylin? You went season six to season five. I know, I'm sorry, I'm literally I'm just on what

article in my on Pure Wow the fifteen. Uh so they're just going through bachelor and paradise couples who are still together. I don't think there's really any rhyme or reason as to why you guys are before or after them. Cool. I thought you were the one using the order, so that makes sense, thinks you know what's cool? It says, you know, it gives like the next couple is you and Kalin obviously, and it gives a status on everybody. For example, it says engaged for Dylan and Hannah, gauge

for Kevin and Astrid, status married question mark. So even this uh pure Wow doesn't know if you guys are actually married or not. We love to keep it a mystery, baby, it says. Dean low Key confirmed that he's a married man during a promo for the Lovebirds movie. That was Oh yeah, you were there with me. They told me to say something about my wife or that I was married, and I was like, yeah, sure, I'll say it. Why not, Yeah, that'll be fun. Cool, let's do it. Um. Adam and

Raven obviously just married Adam. Raven is pregnant, so they're doing very well, it seems, which is exciting to hear. The next couple on this list, Jared and Ashley. Oh you guys, that's you. That's look at me. That's how are they doing? They're doing all right. That was a picture of me with my shirt off in Bachelor Paradise season two when I had abs. Those were good days.

Oh my gosh, it's funny. Jason Tardik posted a throwback photo of like him and me and a couple other guys in Vegas, like a couple of years ago, and just saying like how he wished he could be at Ben's wedding, but he in it and we were all shirtless, and I was like, I literally had a six pack, and that concept just seems so foreign to me right now. Mhmm, yeah, man, it sucks like just four one out for the homies, all six of them. Umm, Jaden Tanner married. No inside scoop.

They're they're doing very well, very happy, three kids, beautiful kids. Emmy is just I love Emmy so much. I love Brooks and Read too, obviously, but we have a very close connection with that mean, she's the best. Uh. Evan and Carly, that's an interesting one because I think that they're not together still. Like I knew that they were trying to work things out, and I I don't know where the relationship stands now. I gotta be honest. I think that they're not together still, And because then didn't

they announced they were finally. Yeah, in December two, the couple announced that they're calling it quits. So I don't think there's I think they're still not together. I mean, listen, if I was car really, I wouldn't want to be with Evan either, So I totally get where she's coming from. That's right, I forgot about you guys. Had that feud well very imaginary. I'm just kidding. Evan seems like a nice guy. I just gotta keep the feud alive. So, Evan,

you're definitely not listening to this. If you are listening to this, d m Evan and tell him I always talking a lot of crap about him on the Help

I Suck a Dating podcast? Is that it for the couples that are together, because now all the rest of the couples are ones that got together but are no longer together, like, for example, in the next couple is Chris and Crystal, which is really sad because I think that's the only divorce in Bachelor Nation as of right now, because I don't think Evan and Carley are officially divorced yet.

I don't know yet. Um well, yeah, I mean it sounds like they're well I guess maybe just Bachelor Paradise is more recent than Oh, I guess that's not because like Tasia, Katie Claire, who else? Like I'm just naming Peter, I'm just naming leads that have been on the show since both of us have been in relationship. I miss book. I didn't mean. I didn't mean what I said. I think you just have more time to spend with another

person on Bachelor in Paradise. See you kind of know what you're getting yourself into a little bit better than you do on the Bachelor and Bachelorette. But I guess I got some questions for you about the breakups specifically, so as we talked about a little bit, Tatian and Zach broke up, Katie and Blake broke up. What do you think lays ahead for all four of those individuals?

Like I could see Tasha dating um, like I don't know Chris Pratt or something like that, like Chris is Chris Pratt married to Arnold Scharstenegger's daughter Chris Pratt type, you know what I mean, Like I got it about Chris Evans. I think Chris Evans is single America. Yeah, like like an a list like a B list, bordering a list celebrity. I could see Tasha dating Zach. I don't know anything about Zach, so I'm going to leave

that out. He seems like a nice guy. I could see him, I guess dating like some sort of like an inspirational speaker. Maybe just because Yeah, that seems nice. I like that he's that seems like a good life. I know it's it's always like sad to like, it's always sad to talk about future relationships after if someone just gets out of a relationship. But you know, we host a podcast and we're trying to create content, so we're gonna do it anyway. I think true. Here's I'm

putting out in the universe right now. I love Chris Evans because he's a Boston guy, He's Captain America. He seems super he loves Tom Brady. He was doing an interview about how nervous he was to meet Tom Brady, and I was like, dude, I relate to this guy so hard. I need to meet him and hang out. I feel like him and I would be best friends. So for selfish purposes, what I need to happen now is I need Taisha to start dating Chris Evans so we can go on a double day and make all

of my dreams come true. Like, Tasha, I love you and and I hope the best for you, but you need to do this for me. Okay, well yeah, let's willet into existence. Uh, Chris Evans, if you're listening to this podcast, and sure you know there's a chance um call just DM or slide and she'll answer, don't Yeah, But You're right, it is weird to talk about new relationshiphip new relationships for people that have just left relationships,

but I think it's natural. Yeah. I mean, we're especially our lives, Like dude, our entire lives, our entire public lives is centered around our dating because that's what we're known for. We went on a dating show, so and I hope that they're doing all right, you know. And by the way, I hated that for so long, especially

when I was single. Um being known for like to only be known because I went on a dating show, so that everyone only focuses on your dating life is like one of the most stressful things because like let's say you're like an athlete or something, when like all people care about is you playing the sport that you're an athlete in, and no one cares about like your personal life more or less. And dating is a very

personal thing. So it's like the fact that people are so invested in both good and bad ways in that part of your life, Like when you're single, it just as an incredibly stressful experience. At least in my experience, it was incredibly stressful. So I I don't envy any of these people that just went through Rake ups. But did you see so Katie did this weird like twelve days of Messy thing um, which I think was a

tribute to Taylor Swift. And on the last day she announced that she is dating another guy from her season that she sent home like week two. Have you seen that? Yeah, it's this guy John, because wasn't there, Like yeah, I don't know. I mean, I got nothing for you. It's like the twelve Days of x IS or whatever. I mean, didn't she just break she just broke up with Blake, Like I don't know. I'm also like not the guy

that it gets into, like the whole shade thing. Legitimately, I had like a hour and a half conversation with my other managers here Audrey's about the whole Jake, Jillen Hall and Taylor Swift thing, and like I was like, why is she throwing shade towards Jyllan Horror? Like apparently it was not a new song. It was a song that she wrote. But I saw something on line about how she was staring shade towards Jillen Hall and they did ten years ago. I don't know what the hell

is going on. So anyway, the same thing, like I got no time for that, Like especially like guys that she dated on her season, like come on, they're just like, let's all, let's all move on here. She like added new lyrics or something that specifically referred to Jake Jillen Hall. I think is maybe what it was. Um, I think I don't know Katie, I don't know Blake, I don't know John. From what I've seen of all three of them, I like Blake. He seems like a nice guy. Not

a big fan of Katie. Um, she just seems uh, for lack of a better word, and sufferable. And um, John seems really cool. I was creeping on John's instagram, I think earlier this morning, and he's like a skydiver. He flies planes. He you know, he does he We have a lot of shared interests. So John seems like a good guy. I just hope that Katie's got it figured out because I'm sure Blake was hurt from the breakup. I mean, how could you not be you were engaged

to this person. I reached out to Blake and I was like, hey, man, like, I'm sorry you're going through this. I can't offer anything, but but if there's anthing I can do, let me know, and he always really nice. He's like, oh, yeah, you know, it's uh, it's a time of grieving. I don't know exactly what he said. He was like, yeah, I'm sad, but thanks for reaching out. It. So I like, Blake, Blake seems like a really nice guy. Who do you think broke up with? Who? I think?

And do you have any inside knowledge on this, seeing how you're talking directly to the source. No, I've I've literally exchanged two messages with Blake I cot and it's actually pretty funny. I congratulated him for getting engaged. I said, hey, May, congratulations. You seem like a really cool guy. And then the next message, I'm sorry that you guys broke up. Yeah, and he was like, oh, thanks so much. Like I've you know, people have compared us because you know, we're

like being outside. And that was the end of the conversation. And then like three months later I's text right message of again. I was like, hey man, sorry about your breakup. So those are two messages in a row, one congratulating again, one grieving with it. So I don't know anything about it anything. I have got no inside Scoop. I would say though, that Katie is probably the one that broke

up with Blake. Blake seems like the kind of guy, like, yeah, he like you know, they live in very far off lands from each other, once in California, ones in Canada. I love that. I use to stay in the country to compare places. That's not really how it should work. But I don't know what province Blake lives in, so um so that's that's obviously not a good thing. But

Blake was like going to Africa that all this time. Um, I don't know, man, It's just it's just I feel like Blake would have like tried to make it work. And it seems like Katie was the one that instigated the breakup and now she's like posting about her new boyfriend like a couple of weeks after the breakup. So yeah, you know, for for not having any information about anything when it comes to this kind of stuff, it seems

like Katie's being, um a little tacky with everything. I think a lot of times when people leave Bachelor So maybe paradise this helps because you have more time to talk about it. But it just seems like long distance becomes such a great issue in a relationship, specifically when people leave Bachelor, which makes sense, of course, because the

location of where you live is extremely important. And I'm not even talking just about Katie and Blake because I have no idea if if the distance was really the

grease of the issue. But it's crazy to me because I remember being on the show thinking, you know, once we started getting into like the final six with Caitlin, like it was gonna be like we had conversations about like would you live in Rhode Island if she wanted to live in Nashville, and it was like, oh, you know, I could see myself being Nashville for a while, but I've always wanted to go back, and like it never got serious obviously, but like those conversations were actively happening,

and I don't know, it's just like I feel like it happens multiple times when two people, like they get engaged on the show and then they leave and they're like, Okay, well I don't want to move, and the other person's like, well I don't want to move, and you're like, you guys didn't think about that, Like you didn't. I know, it's so heavy, and you know, everything is so heightened and you're in the same location, so I guess you're not really thinking too far ahead. But damn, that's crazy.

Like I remember, I had to I had to move to I had to stay in l a f ash which sense, it's like, I gotta make a decision. I'm gonna stay in Los Angeles for a little while. And then she was like, great, and then I'll move to a Rhode Island for you years down the down the line, and now here we are now in Rhode Island. I think a big um, I agree with everything you just said.

I think another benefiting factor for something like Bachelor in Paradise is if you go on the Bachelor Bachelorette, you and you come off the show in a relationship, and then the show starts airing and you start getting all this attention and whatever. It's like kind of a lot to take on all the same time while also fostering

a new relationship. And so the the perk of Bachelor in Paradise, which I think is seldom spoken about, is you've already kind of had that experience of like going on TV and like dealing with the aftermath of being on TV, and like people you know, talking about you on social media and like all that kind of stuff. So it kind of gives you like an added perspective

going into it. So there's no you know, like like when I came off the show the first time, I was like going to bars and girls were like, oh my gosh, that's the guy from TV. And I'm like walking around, you know, strutting around, thinking I'm like the coolest guy in the world. Like people are talking about me, girls are like buying me drinks, um, and eventually, like that gets old. So like I was, I had a good experience of like going on the show, having my fun for a year or two and now I'm very

happily in a relationship with Kalen. But if you were to leave the show in a relationship, you can't really like get to take in all of the weird fun that you can experience from going on TV for the first time, you know what I mean. It's a fair point, you know, getting attention from the opposite sex, or as great as it was to get attention from girls, whenever a guy came up to me, it made me so

much happier. Yeah, what I meant was in terms of like the temptation of crossing that line into cheating, you know what I mean, not to you know, make the accusations that anybody who's breaking up breaking over that reason. But I can totally see as that would be. You know, you're out with like other guys that were on your season, and like women are just flocking towards them, and you're like, oh,

and the same thing with women. I'm sure there are guys like I'm sure there are a lot of girls that leave the show once they get engaged and they're like, oh, you know, I could have had that guy, I could

have had that football player or something like that. No, I agree, and I guess I just to be clear, I wasn't specifically talking about hooking up, but that obviously is a side effect of it, even just like the attention you get from every anyone, it's just like, you know, it's fun, and it's just it would be it would be challenging to do that while also fostering a new relationship for the first time. It's a lot of first

to be dealing with. So it's like such uncharted territory, uncharted waters, like you don't know what to expect, and yet here you are expected to navigate a relationship successfully, like in a in a way, it's like kind of bad, like not bad, but like being the last person to you, like be standing on the show is like it's a it's a lot of work. So I don't know, I feel bad for everyone that breaks up. I guess yeah.

I mean it's not especially being in the spotlight. But moral of the story is Batchel in Paradise seems to be the healthiest way to uh blossom a relationship coming from the Bachelor franchise, that's it seems to be the good one. Let's segue into a hot topic. Let's do one of these before we take a break and get

into emails. There's something I wanted to talk about from a Daily Mail article that talks about a relationship Coats that says that there are five mistakes that apparently can lower your sex appeal and the five things men and women can do that make them appear unsexy. I feel like I do this constantly. I feel my least sexiest I think right now that I've felt in a very

long time. I'm not working out as much, I'm pale, I'm not eating as well as I should be because I'm working so much, and then when I'm not working on with my pregnant wife who only wants to e McDonald's. It's not a good time to be the the nutritionist in Jared Haven's life. But that's okay. Hey, it's gonna almost a new year, my friend. So he talks about first the first thing that he goes into this relationship coach that says one of the five mistakes that can

lower your sex appeal is sleep deprivation. A lack of sleep was listed as the number one reason why your sex appeal might dip. Quote. Not only does it dull our skin and decrease our energy, but it also has been proven to decrease the appearance of our general attractiveness, health, and emotion. Generally speaking, fatigue and sleep deprivation can make you appear less attractive totally. Like when I wake up after like a horrible night's rest, I look at myself

in the mirror, and I'm disgusting. I look like I look like what do I look like? I look like Frankenstein. I look like a troll. I look like a gremlin. That's what I look like. Yeah, Yeah, I'm right there with you. Every morning I wake up, and I walked into the bathroom and I look in the mirror and I think today is the day I'm gonna be really proud of the man that I'm looking at in the mirror. And it just hasn't happened in a long time. Kayln uh.

I was running around the bedroom naked the other day and Caylyn got my phone and was taking pictures of me like running away, and um, I just felt really bad for her. Honestly, I felt bad that she has to look at that whenever I am unclothed. Yeah, I wouldn't want to look at it. I wouldn't want to look at myself. I'm Harry. I'm like, especially like the

male body compared to a woman's body. Now, obviously I'm a straight man, so I'm attracted to women, so I'm biased, But like, I don't know, like I just feel like, God, we we smell, We're disgusting, We're Harry, We're like Gangaly. Do you ever see that Seinfeld episode? Yeah, I know men are not supposed to walk around naked, h and especially like well I mean not t m I, but like, you know, the penis itself, It's just like when it's just there, like, I don't know why as a woman,

why would you want to be I don't know. I don't know how you can like it. Hey, as a married man with a child on the way, how often do you how often do you man escape? Oh a long time, my friend. I feel like posting that meme of Titanic on Twitter where it's like it's been eighty four years. I mean, actually I I did it last week for the first time in a long time, because

it was like getting out of control. It was like forest, you know, like you guys like getting to the was it getting to the point where like your pubic hair is longer than your dangle or yeah. I was like, I gotta I gotta control. I gotta like man up and like really take care of myself because I'm I'm letting myself go. So I did. I had a nice day to my myself and you know, showered and took care of everything and felt really good afterwards. So I feel like I need to start doing that more often.

It is it is, um just what We're just gonna keep going with the tm my conversation here after doing the manscaping down there, it just is nice to look down because it just looks, um, it just looks a little bigger. You know, there's less clutter, there's less less things to compare it in length to, and it just looks bigger as just as simple as that. So I should probably go upstairs afterwards into some escaping after this, just to get the confidence boost. But every guy can

relate to what team just said. Number two, having a negative attitude can apparently lower your sex appeal. So this this uh missward is her name. The relationship coach said that being kind and approachable to others will boost your sex appeal, while negative attitude will lowern With this in mind, it is important to be positive and open minded when dating to make a great first impression. Mean girls and

mean guys of course they finished last. Okay, Well, they often are portrayed as the intimidating, lee attractive one in Hollywood or other big budget movies. A perspective, partner with a nasty disposition is likely to have lower sex appeal. She said, Yeah, that's an interesting one to me. I'm not gonna lie. I find guys with the negative attitude, they I feel like women are more attracted to them in the beginning. I'm not going to let go of that trope. I think it's true. I think girls like

a bad boy. Um. I think I'm gonna respectfully disagree. I think that if if I were to think back to my single days, one of the traits that, in my opinion, made me more attractive to other people was my sunny disposition, if you will, um, and I made note of that too. I always say, I think like an altruistic mentality is one of the most attractive things anyone could always have, any one could ever have. So I disagree. I think the nice guys should and will

continue to finish first. I mean, I like that, you know. Well, here is the reason I was basing that off of was because whenever I'd go out with Nick when I was single, women would flock to Nick because you know Nick, he likes dans. First of all, the way he stands. This guy he stands with like his pelvic out, you know what I mean. It's just like he's just like this aura, this energy he's putting out this vibe. But he's like very quiet, standoffish, and I think women find

him mysteriously attractive. Now he's like a big teddy bear because he's with Natalie, and he's just like the you know, he's just an emotional man. He's a big teddy bear. But um, But then when you were saying, how oh, I disagree, and then I thought about it, I was like, you know what, you know, why when Nick and I would go out, women would be more attracted to him

because he's more attractive. And that's okay. You know, I was gonna I was gonna say that, um, and I was confident in myself, but you know Nick's stud I was, I was not going to spare your feelings and say exactly what you said. Nick. I mean, let's be real. Nick is more more attractive than both of us. He's probably one of the more attractive people I know physically speaking.

But you're right. He's got a little like somber attitude, kind of like uh yeah, like a little shy guy, stand off fish mentality when he's like out at the bars and stuff. See, I I disagree, I think, not with me, but Dean. When when I think of peaked Dean and like I said, I'm a heater, like I'm a straight man, but like I I appreciate the beautifulness of a man who has clothes on because like we talked about, like without clothes. I don't get it, but

I say, peaked Dean is better than peaked Nick. Sorry Nick, Nick like your stud but peeked Dean. And you want to know why? You think that is? Because I've got the sunny disposition and he's got the mean stand off his attitude. Yep, So it all goes back to number two. You're absolutely right, having a negative attitude with lower your sex appeal. All right, let's let's get through these last three pretty quickly before we take a break. Number three,

Playing mind games. Playing the game is often a strategy both men and women take when dating, but it's likely to backfire and it's not gonna benefit for your sex appeal. Quote treating the mean, treating them mean, and keeping them keen doesn't do anything to raise your appeal, just as playing games going hot and cold, manipulating tact ext and sending mixed signals will also erode your appeal. I agree.

Once you like start getting older and you're playing this game, it's so unattractive Reading these, um, this list makes me just so happy I'm in a relationship. Like being single, it just sounds exhausting. You have to like think about all this all this stuff all the time. Hey, by the way, where are you Are you in like a like a hospital closet or something, I'm kind of looks like one. Actually, I'm actually in the office of our coffee shopping launch, working all day and night, and I

got the lowest here. I don't know if I can lift up my computer. Are you oh, hey, Lois? Are you? Um? Yeah, I see like a big white blur. I figure that's here. Are you drinking a cup of coffee right now? I was not anymore? I had I had an ice caramel de lishum. All right, Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna get to the fourth one. Four. So fourth is slouching, if you may realize, your posture and how you hold yourself also impacts your sex appeal and can make you appear

less attractive. Miss Wart says, body languages, everything, and something as small as slouched shoulders can lower your sex appeal. Instead, stand up straight and sure your chin is up, and do not sit with your arms folded. So that's a big one too. I just feel like, especially in today's day and age with technology, everyone just like huddled in and on their phone constantly and like sitting on their desk on their computer. They just like slouch all the time.

I need to constantly remind myself to fix my posture so all the time anytime I see like guys who are like very you know, like military guys who have jacked and like shoulders up and like, damn, I really like I need to fix myself up. I need to put my posture up. I need to stick my chest out like I need to stand. I need to like have a you know, have an aura about me, be like I'm I'm I'm I'm Jared. But instead I just

slouched and I'm like, oh hi. That's like the interview tip to you know, like people always be like before you go an interview, go into the bathroom and like stand with your hands over your head and scream as loud as you can, and you're gonna get like the serotonin boost you need to go when and crush you interview. I feel like that kind of is in the same vein as the non slouching UH. Number five of the

fifth and final is stress and complaining. Miss Ward said that complaining or feeling stress can give off negative energy and repel others around you, regardless of you're a man or a woman, it's important to boost your sex appeal by having a positive attitude, controlling your stress levels, and keeping complaints to a minimum. I think the kind of goes hand in hand with the second one, which is just having a negative attitude. But yeah, I mean, no one wants you to like put your stress onto them,

like that's the worst. Yeah, nobody likes a complainer, well except for unless you have a pregnant life. Then she has the hall pass to complain as much as she wants. Yeah, I mean she definitely has all fast. I watched her go to bed and try to fall asleep with that belly, and I'm like, oh, this poor thing and her hips are stunning to bother or now, just like pregnancy is crazy, man, you should see like not t m I, but we talked about it, like it's just it's there. Her body

is changing in ways I never thought possible. What is the most um, and you can feel free to just plead the fifth on this one. What is the most disgusting thing you've see in her do so far? Ah? Well, I've so uh. I have seen her throw up in p at the same time. Um, that was at least she's sitting on a toilet. She was throwing up and like on her knees in the bathroom and then like you know, she let me know. She was like, I just pete and then I saw and I was like, yep, yeah, no,

that happened. That is happening, because it's crazy, man, Your body like and there's all these stories about pregnancy that nobody ever tells you, Like, that's just what happens. Your body kind of loses control a little bit. Like she can't she literally can't control it. She'll sneeze, She'll be like, I just pete, and I'm like what She's like, yeah, I can't control it. Like anytime I have like a like you know, a violent you know, a sudden uh

like burst in my body. Just pe allright, cool whatever, Yeah, kudos to every woman because that sounds insane, not fun, not fun at all. But we're gonna take a quick break so we can stop talking about Ashley peeing, and we're gonna come back and answer your emails, which of course is Dean's favorite part. All right, welcome back to help I suck at dating. We have two emails coming right at you. I don't think Mark is here Eastern Are you here? Do you want to read some emails? Buddy?

You out in the universe? Hey, buddy, would you like to treat some emails for us? Yeah? I love this. I love affirmed that way. Come on, let's I'm a good boy. Um, all right, here's here's an email from I hope this is Rica, Right, Rica, let's go. Let's go that Riki ch I choose you. Long story short, I dated my ex for three years. We broke up because he had to move to a different country. Two years later, I'm dating someone new. I love this guy

and he makes me very happy. But a week ago, I received a text from my ex telling me he just recently moved back and would love to catch up next Sunday. At first, I was like, this is absolutely not happening. If the roles were reversed, there's no way I would be comfortable with my boyfriend meeting up with an X. Then there's this other side where I think about myself and what I want, and I do want

to meet up. I talked to my boyfriend about it, and he was so understanding and told me maybe I need some kind of closure and that he's secure in our relationship and that I can go. But now I've been texting my ex ever since. I'm starting to catch myself counting down the days, obsessing over what I'm going to wear. I'm nervous about what he'll say when he sees me. It's starting to feel wrong. Am I already emotionally cheating? Oh? Well, it's not a good It's not

a good sign. Rica. I don't know if I like where this is going. Um. I would say, if you have these feelings of excitement and anticipation for meeting up with your ex, maybe you should. And you like your current boyfriend enough um to want to stay with him. I would almost say cancel on the X because it sounds like this is starting down a very slippery slope, and that slippery slope is gonna lead you into something bad.

That's my take. Yeah. I mean it's nicely you talked to your boyfriend about it and he was really understanding. Good for him, because I don't know how understanding I would have been about it, and that maybe you needed some type of closure. Uh yeah, I don't know. You're way too excited, Rica. I'm so sorry to tell you this, but it's you're not emotionally cheating. But it's getting to

that line. And if you guys meet up, I think it's only going to make the situation worse because then your emotions are gonna run high, something could happen that you might regret, or you just suddenly want to get back together with your ex. Um. I think, unfortunately, you're probably gonna have to try to make a decision before meeting up with your ex whether you're willing to risk the relationship you're currently in or not. Also, Um, before

I want, I want to get easton steak. I just want to highlight one quick part of the email where she says, at first, I was like, this is absolutely not happening. If the roles are reversed, there's no way I would be comfortable with my boyfriend meeting up with an X. And I want to say, uh, you know, psychologist one on one Dean Unglert over here is the reason you feel that way is because you don't trust

yourself to meet up with your ex. And so that's why you don't trust your boyfriend to meet up with one of his exes. So I think that you kind of already know how you feel, and it's just I mean, hey, maybe the X is the person that you're supposed to be with, But if you're getting this excited, it sounds like you're on the way out of the creent relationship that you're in. But Eastern, what's your take on it? Yeah,

I mean I'm with you, guys. I I think that if you, um, if you are not into your current boyfriend but you see yourself wanting to get back with this X, then you should end that relationship and then explore that. But if you if you're very happy in your current relationship, I would not meet up with this X. I have a hot take, UM, and I know the boyfriend is the one who propose this, But I I think I don't think anyone ever needs closure. Whenever I hear someone say I need a closure, I I get

so annoyed. I hate that idea. I don't think it's necessary. I think anytime someone says that, like, oh, we broke up and then you know he's been texting me, I think we should meet up just for closure. No, that just means you want to spend time with this person again. Like like, I don't know that. It's not like it's a it's you know, you're closing escrow in a house you need to find allay some papers like, that's not I don't think that's a real thing. Like the relationships

over maybe you don't know why it ended. But if that's the case, then just move on. I'm sorry. I hate whatever anyone says they need closure. I love that you just said that, because I couldn't agree more. I think if you guys are chasing, if you're chasing closure, you're chasing something that doesn't exist. You're never gonna get closure. Yes, yes, exactly. I'm gonna sit firmly in the other camp. I think closure is a very real thing, and I have experienced

closure in the past, so I think closure is real. Well, explain to us then, so you had I'm assuming you met up with the next like, still undecided whether you wanted to be together, and then you left meeting up with that X realizing I don't want to be with this person. Precisely that yeah, exactly right. Um I It's happened to me a couple of times. Actually, you know, dated someone broke up, time war on as it as it usually does, and then um it brought us back

together eventually. And it's one of those things where you know we've talked about in the past where on the podcast in the past, where you break up with someone and you can't help but romanticizing your relationship with them, so you only think about the good times you've had with them, you forget about all the bad times. Then you start to think to yourself, well, why do we break up in the first place if all I remember things to be so positive? And then you text them

or call them or meet up or do whatever. Uh, you hang out and you're like, wait, no, this this is exactly why we broke up because we're awful together. And so that's kind of like the closure that you need to get you like remind yourself that the relationship was doomed from the start. So it's happened to me multiple times. Um, I'm you know, I'm sure girls that I've dated have gotten closure from hanging out with me again at some point too, So I'm pro closure. I

think closure is a very real thing. I feel like that's got to be so rare though, the idea of two people hanging out and then being like, oh, never mind, this didn't work out, because like, like what about the other person that you hung out with? Did they want to get back together with you. I feel like anytime you need closure, one person wants to be in the

relationship and the other person doesn't. If that is the case, yeah, if I if I'm gonna recall it a hundred percent, honestly, I would say, at the times I've gotten closure, it's been me saying I don't want to be in a relationship and then being upset by it. But again, it's it's a revisionist history. It's me bringing my my form

of it. Um, so I agree with you. I think, you know, one person might want to be in the relationship and then the other person isn't, and it's more of them just getting you know, reminding themselves that they don't want to be in the relationship. In my case, that's how it seemed. Hm, Okay, I get I get that. I get that, But um that doesn't mean I have to abide by you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna by the end of I'm gonna get you guys to buy

into the idea of closure. That's my goal. I'm it's been old two just contacting every girl of every day and be like, I think I need some closure here that's all I can think about. When when Dean said I'm gonna get you to believe inclosure, I was like, Oh, I actually is not gonna like this. Well, you guys don't need closure. You you've already closed everything some people, especially me, since I suck at dating as much as I do, or at least as much as I did,

because I don't think I do as much anymore. At least I was constantly needing closure because I was never doing a good enough job of getting closure the first time around. You know what they mean, Like, you guys are a lot more mature, a lot more intelligent. Um, it's a lot more direct than I'm capable of being. So you've never had the requirement to get closure from anyone. I don't want to believe of this anymore. But I would like someone to contact me asking for closure. I

think that'd be nice. Like, you know, I would like to be headhunted in a in a job at some point, and then i'd also like a girl to ask for closure. I would like that. Well, it's it's a little challenging for you at this point in your life because you've been married for so long. It's been like a decade since I've dated somebody else, so you know they'd come out of the world work they still exist. We're surprised.

I'm surprised no one has. I'm sorry to interrupt your your final email reading as no one has considering your um you know you're your rise to success and fan you're you know you're working so closely to Ryan Seacrest, I could see like a scorn deck reaching out and being like, that's supposed to be my guy. I need to get some closure from him. I think everyone that I dated in the relationship ended, they were more than happy to get out of that deal and they wish

me well. All right, let to move on to Ellie. I have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for just over a year. I'm twenty six, he's thirty two. A few months ago, I opened up to my boyfriend about my dad leaving when I was a kid and how I'm still processing a lot of resentment even though I haven't been in contact with my father since he left. This is a big deal for me because I never

talked about my dad to anyone. A few days ago, my boyfriend told me that our conversation that after our conversation, he researched my dad and ended up finding him. Long story short, my boyfriend ended up contacting my dad. I never asked for this, and to say I was upset with my boyfriend would be an understatement. I feel like he crossed so many lines and inserted himself in new

situation he knows almost nothing about. My boyfriend keeps telling me he was just trying to help me reconnect with my dad, But I genuinely don't know how to move forward with my boyfriend. Am I overreacting? Should I give my boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and try to work through this help? UM, I'll tackle this one first again. I feel like I've been monopolizing UM these responses so far,

so I'm just gonna keep going with it anyways. UM. And the reason I want to respond to at first is because I've actually experienced exactly what Elliot has just gone through as well. UM. One of my former relationships was very adamant about meeting my dad and she was like, we're we were like in my hometown and she was like, We're not leaving this town until we meet up with your dad for breakfast. And I was like, I really don't want to do that, Like I haven't seen him

in years. I'm not going to enjoy it, Like you're not gonna enjoy it, He's probably not gonna enjoy it, Like there's no point in it. Um. Fast forward a couple of days, we end up meeting with him on our way out of town, and it just went as

miserably as I expected it too. And then afterwards, I like was resenting my partner for having encouraged the idea to meet up with my dad, So it was like it it was miserable all around, just like I know it was going to be, and then they kind of like festered and the resentment continued and crew and all that kind of stuff. So I I'm not a fan of it at all, Like you know, I would never I don't know, I just don't like it. What do

you guys think? I think people step over boundaries and don't even realize it, and they just try to help so badly, but they're actually hurting. I feel like sometimes the worst things come from the best intentions, and I feel like this is another case of that where this boyfriend was like, no, I'm gonna make this right, and it's like well, it's not your place to make it right, and I hope you can respect and understand that. And some people, again, they have the right intentions, but that

doesn't mean they're doing the right thing. And sometimes they make it about themselves without even realizing it, like the person that you were with Dean in your hometown. And even if they did it unintentionally and felt guilty about it afterwards, they really were making that about themselves because they were like, no, I'm gonna make this better for you, and it's like, well, that's not really your call or your decision. It's my decision. It's my relationship with my parents.

And I hope you can understand that and trust me. I will let you know if I want you to help further with it. But I think that's an example of this where Ellie, you have every right to be upset with your boyfriend. I hope that you guys can reconcile this because I'm sure he was again trying to help, So maybe this is a learning curve for him and for you your relationship moving forward. I don't think you're over reacting though, um two words shared heart degree, Yeah,

all right, look at that. I'm the same page. Yeah, we're in the handholding club here. This is uh. I guarantee the boyfriend had this image in his head like it's going to be like Oprah when like tire Banks is on and she's like, I had this teacher that really affected me, and I never got into the like that we've brought the teacher out, you know, like that kind of thing. No, the I guarantee this woman, Ellie,

knows how to contact her dad if she wants. It's not like he was like in hiding or something like. I guarantee she can find him. That wasn't the problem. The problem is being at a point where she's ready to have this person in her life again. Uh. And I think that has to come from her father or from her reaching out. The boyfriend really stepped over a line, and she's a percent in the right for being upset with him. But I also think she needs to be direct and and be like, hey, I really didn't want

this to happen. I this was not okay for you to do, because if she keeps it to herself and then she's just gonna resent him and it's going to be negative. But um, yeah, this dude was being clueless and I don't think he did it maliciously, but but also like, come on, bro, you know you can't. This is not your place to be doing something like this. Well, so that I guess that raises the question then, is do you think that it came from a good place,

like did the boyfriend do it well intentioned? Or like you said, was he trying to make it more about him than it was about trying to reconnect that too, I think it's I think it's half and half. I think I think he was trying to be helpful. I think he was like, oh, this person is having like could you imagine not having your father in your life? How how horrible that would be. I'm going to fix this. But then like I think he's like having to be

the hero that reconnects this family. You know it's gonna because you know, and that's that's messed up. I don't think those two things are mutually exclusive. Like I think that he can be doing it with the best intentions but also simultaneously making it about himself. Yeah, I agree. I think it's just not not a fun position to being. But all right, well that's that's great. Thanks guys for emailing um Ellie Rika Chiu, thank you so much for emailing.

Keep the emails flying. I Sucker Dating at ihart media dot com. Um Am, I gonna get scorned for saying this. Big thank you to Katie Blake, Tasia and Zach for giving us something to talk about today. Easton has always thanks for jumping in and reading some emails and just uh, you know, doing all the sound engineering on all this kind of stuff. If you if you are a scorned X of Easton's and you are looking for some closure, just shoot an email I Sucker Dating at iHeart media

dot com. Perhaps we can discuss on air here else you guys want. Gina Goss, Caitlyn Garcia, um, who else, Kitlin McCormick, Janine Bray and you guys out there listening, give me a call. It's a lot of excess. That's a lot of excess. Yeah, dang heast In, Good for

you man. Yeah, if any of you ladies want to jump on here, UM I Sucker Dating at ihart media dot com, or just text me directly and we can you know, get this interview rolling on the podcast here and you can really be Oprah and be like Eastern doesn't know. But here is a lineup of your hex girlfriends. Yeah, that would be absolutely amazing. Anyways, thank you guys so much for listening to this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating. We hope you had a great Thanksgiving.

We can't wait to talk to you next week, where maybe we suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast