Getting the Long D with Taylor Nolan

an quote unquote apparently ex boyfriend of mine. It's going to get I don't even know how to say his last name, Bordakovski board for six months. You don't even know how to say his last name. I don't know how to say his last name. And my girl, Taylor Nolan, who was on nixt season, is going to be coming on and talking to us about her relationship. She's doing the Long D and she's going to give us some advice on that. She's doing the Long D. She's doing

the Long D. That's pretty funny. Um. Yeah, So we we have Alex on hold at the moment. We'll get him on one second, but before we do, I'm sure our listeners out there listen. Listened to last week's podcast, of course, because why wouldn't you in last week's podcast? Can I hold? Can I start? So I was listening, so I'm like, oh my god, I missed the boys. So I was on my way back from Maine with my boyfriend in the car, five hour drive back, did

a little you know, two hours stop at Target. So we and we we we were listening to the podcast and I was fast forwarding because I'm like, oh my god, I can't wait to hear Alex. He's going to be hysterical on the podcast. And it starts right at the right at the point where he's like, yeah, well we did it for however long he had said, and the sucks was whatever the stable. I was like, and I look at my boyfriend and I'm like, he's like, you

guys dated. I was like no, I'm like in my head, I was so confused, and like, does Alex actually think we dated? Like we didn't have sex, so he can't think that we actually dated. But I'm sure he's on listening to this conversation right now. So this episode you can't hear anything, just documented. But I still wanted to do a little bit more hold on, hold on. Yeah, So, as Vanessa stated last week's podcast, we talked about how Vanessa and Alex allegedly dated. Um, Alex, I you know

him well, I know that he's being sarcastic. I think it's hilarious that your boyfriend was in the car though, because that's just as awkward timing. Anyways, Like I was gonna say for our listeners, listen to last week's episode before listening to this if you haven't already, and it will help ride some context. But we have Alex on the phone. He is I mean, I'm sure he's just gonna sit there with this tale between his legs and apologize humently. But um should as he should, he should

absolute frutely. Um. So Mark, I'm gonna ge him on the phone. Hey, Alex, how's it going man? Good? How are you? Long time no talk? It's been a while since I did and send you some threatening text messages. They weren't at all, So I just wanted to I wanted to start off by saying I was and I just said this before I was laughing hysterically. I'm like, I know your sense of humor, and I can't even be mad at you because I'm like, I know Alex, but not everyone Like Jared was confused too, um, and

so is my boyfriend in the car. He's like, what, you guys dated and I'm like, no, we didn't date, and I love you so much, like I find you hysterical and you're just like such a smart human being, and I'm like, I don't want anyone. First of all, I was just like annoyed, because that's how rumors start, right. Well, yeah, I'm surprised people actually bought it because they was such a hyperbally. I didn't think anyone even gonna, you know, give it any light. Obviously. You know we have a

great report between you and I that I knew. I was I'll make this joke. I wasn't me thinking. I just wanted to say something outlandish because I was giving being a hard time in the moment, Like people bought it and it wasn't that taste espectually without you being there. So I do apologize. Obviously I meant no disrespect. But you know what the funniest part is, you're texting me back Intead. It's funny you stopped. The sex was good. That was what's so funny about this sex being good.

I guess is the question like that jokes that was like, oh, sex was good, everything was terrible. And that's that's something I think to like, Oh, my guy friends like about like if oh we should just say I'm like, yeah, sex would be good, but everything would be terrible. Well, no, I get that, but why is the sex being good funny? Because I thought it was. The joke is if the sex is good, being funny means that your sex typically would be bad. Yeah, right, right, that's the point. Now,

I was okay, I didn't take it like that. It's okay. Well, obviously I think most of the things with a lot of levity and starcasm. And you guys know me, but maybe your followers or your listeners aren't as uh you know, as knowledgeable of this. So I do apologize. I didn't meant to start any any drama. That's the most drama I think I have ever caused. I know, uh, Dean

was loving this well, Alex, Dean loves the job. It's funny actually, Alex that you mentioned that because on the other line at this very moment, we have Caroline Leney who's going to be joining us. I love that. I just you know what, actually some kind of bad because I underplayed our our relationship a little bit. I felt almost, you know, because I mentioned something along the lines that I wasn't you know, I was a little more reticent

when they came to sharing about my life. But I didn't mean to do like knock down on people that do share. It's just like a contrast statement toors like where I'm a little more is there some people are more comfortable with sharing their lives. I know you guys do obviously, And it came off a little uh negative, So I did. I didn't mean to say that either. I don't know when I've got that way. I really I like last week Alex a lot more. He was. He was very watching himself. Yeah, yeah, I have to

have now because I came in. You know, I was waiting for you for an our dominoes. I've been ready. Yeah, you have to do every time now like you have to get me really dump a little bit before you invite me. Nothing is on accident, Alex. You think I left you on what. I didn't want to take anything back from Paradise. I meant the drama and I think I got a couple of games like wow, what a dick. I didn't. I didn't mean like I didn't need to take anyone home Paradise. It's like it doesn't follow you

at the drama. So I loved it. I mean, I thought it was a great, great podcast. I actually listened twice to it after Oh my god, you love yourself? No, no, no, because I was like, I need to correct mistakes. Whoa, whoa, Sorry I started interrupting you correct your mistakes. I don't think would Vanessa dating for six months as a mistake. We're gonna start listening from this point on and thinking that Alex and I never dated. I absolutely adore you.

When I found out you run Baschlard Paradise, Bashion Paradise Australia and Caroline was there, I was like, oh my god, you guys need to Like. I was like, I would so ship this relationship. And I even messaged her yesterday. I'm like, dude, we did not date. It's like, no, I know. I told him to apologize to you because I'm like, I'm friends of Caroline. Also, I definitely thought I definitely heard about this, and I want to apologize to everyone except for Dean, and You're welcome. Thank you.

Uh so, Yeah, I don't know. Do I want anyone else? Apology? Maybe Marking Easton would probably appreciate one charity. You know, really I didn't. I didn't acknowledge that, you know how good looking they both are. You know, I helped back, I help that you guys are. Yeah. Well, Alex, I mean thanks for thanks for being a good sport man and jumping on the phone and clear yeah, we love you. Anytime you want me to call, I'm going to clear it up here for you yet, think about Deacon next time, Alex,

who's next on your radar? Do you think Bachelor former cast member? Are you going to set your sights on? Oh that's a good question. I'm gonna think gonna stay wait for the Bachelor nation for a little bit. I'm gonna try the normal life. Smart man, smart man, What about you? I think we all can take a page out of Alex's book and just stay the heck away. Well, I can tell you where Dean is going montego bababy. All right, Alex, thanks so much for joining us, man,

We really appreciate it. Thanks for clearing the accept it. We'll see you soon, all right. Thanks for having so there. You have it. Oh my god. First of all, Alex is like one of our listeners. I don't know if you know that one episode we were talking about well, I started crying about wanting I think it was just Mark and I. Mark, remember that episode when we had a girl's talk and You're like, Fanessa, do you want kids? And I just started crying. You're like, oh my god,

that I see something wrong. I'm like, no, it's because I've always wanted kids. Yeah. Actually I felt so bad at my snuff that you said is just something that I want so badly. He Alex ended up texting me that day and was like, I don't know if it's a good idea to get you to freeze your eggs, because apparently he like does a lot of research on things, so he's like my go to guy whenever I need advice on something specific because he has so he's a

wealth of knowledge. One of my friend Alex, one of my friends, is turning thirty five next week, and she is single and has no children. And it's funny because we we were talking and she said how she has been encouraged to freeze her eggs and I obviously mentioned you and how um you know, my friend Vanessa was thinking about the same thing, and then she says, there is no no person that's been born of a frozen egg is over the age of seven or eight, or

nine or ten or however old. Right, there's no seventy year old human being from a frozen egg. You have no idea the health risks that go into the idea of freezing your eggs in that human later on. And I had never thought about that. I didn't think about that either, And she she said that's one of her main turns for freezing her eggs. She wants it to happen naturally. Well, because then there's the reverse that can happen.

To write, if your eggs are well, I don't know too much about it, so I don't know if I'm saying even makes sense. But if your eggs are a little bit more mature, then I think there's a risk after the age of thirty five, I'm not sure of the exact number. You have to do a test to see if there's any complications with um with the baby. Right, well, I don't post thirty five years old. As a woman. It's considered a geriatric pregnancy, which is in my opinion

is kind of ridiculous, isn't it? And I'm thirty one, Dean, I'm thirty. I'm turning thirty two in a couple of months, I know. And you don't look a day over twenty four. I love you, but my eggs feel it real thirty two, My eggs real thirty two. I'm just saying I appreciated her approach on it, my friend that I was just talking about, because she just says like, whatever is will be, And I know you have that same same approach as well. Um, but how are things looking with you in the BF?

Is there any progress made in so good? I as someone had just messaged me like, oh I see love

and happiness? Do I see a wedding anytime soon? And I'm like, this is the first relationship that I'm actually taking it slow, And um, I think for me, I've been someone that loves remember like Amy being like slow down, Vanessa like you like you You're putting way too much energy and thought into a relationship and I'm like, because I want one so badly, And we ended up meeting out of the blue and it went really quick at

the beginning. Um, and I feel like there's a lot that has happened between us from very early early on in our relationship that has made us grow a lot stronger, and it could have gone the complete other way. Um. And I feel like, so the old me was so into the bachelor, like quickly, like being into a relationship, like going full force in and like getting engaged, and like I was, I'm like, yeah, I would love that,

you know, and I still believe in that in that process. Um, but as I'm getting old and my holy it takes a long time to really get to know a person. And I don't know about you, but do you like to know about people's past? Um? You know, I like to say that it wouldn't affect my, uh my view point on anyone, but I think it kind of does, regardless of whether we want to believe it or not. Yeah, Well, like, how much do you want to know about someone's past?

This is a good topic because I love being I mean, I would love to know every minor detail you do, as honestly and fully described as possible. Yeah, I think so would you not? Yeah, but I feel like most girls are like that. Most men don't really want to know. Um, Like you're saying, like a mom is the word sort

of thing. I mean, I have run into some issues in the past where I've learned some things of like former uh interests that I didn't like, and then I was like getting down on myself or even letting that affect my opinion of that person, you know, or those people, um and so like it's easier to not know things, I think, but at the end of the day, like, if you're really fully, truly going to love someone, you

should know everything about them. I absolutely agree. I think it's um a cash twenty two though, because I believe that you I want to know everything there is to know about the person. But at the same time, sometimes it's hard not to judge or to get jealous about,

you know, a person's past or um. Yeah. So I've started to really enjoy it because like I have a kind of dodgy pass like um from like shoplifting to like doing drugs to getting arrested to like all these things that I've done in my life, and I've used to like kind of like shy away from sharing those things.

But now I'm just like that's a lot of what makes me who I am today, and I own that in my I don't know I just think it's kind of fun, you know, it's Yeah, I think I think if you don't have anything that uh like crazy or not even crazy, just like if you don't have a history, then for me that's scarier because that means is a lot that you still need to learn and do and explore and go through. Um. So a good thing that

you did all the shoplifting when you were younger. Yeah, um, well so you kind of dodged a question about you and Josh a little bit. Oh okay, Um no, I mean it's going great. He's I've never been in a relationship that is just healthy, you know, like healthy in the sense that I know, I can be someone that could be a lot to deal with, in the sense that I you know, I like spending time with the firston i'm dating. Um Um, I like for them to spend time with my family, and it's very we have

very similar interests when it comes to that. Yeah, there's I mean, there's there's desolutely nothing wrong with that. I don't think I think it's great. No, yeah, but I think for some people, like I dated this one guy who couldn't handle it. You're engaged to him? No, no, no, no, this other guy. Um, well, I guess what I wanted you to maybe speak more clearly on was have you

and Josh talked about children at all? Because I know, like, oh yeah, it is a very important thing to you, and so is what is the result of that conversation you typically have with him about that he wants kids? And that made me so happy. He wants kids. And apparently his sister was telling me like, this is the first time I hear Josh ever say that he can't wait to start a family. You guys would have something freaking good looking children, deany would you babysit? I'll be

like the fun uncle. Yet gladly an hour doesn't take another park to like kid on girls or something like that. Oh my god, that'd be hilarious. Yeah, when they're thirty, that'd be fine. Um, he's no. So he's like really family oriented and wants kids, and I think it's important. Like he's Jewish. I'm Catholic, but I'm not religious, Like

I'm not super religious. He's not super religious either. And what I love about his family is they love learning about different cultures and different religions around the world, and they're so inclusive to all of that, and I think it's important to have to bring a child into this world that um is open to all this wealth of knowledge that exists around us, you know. Anyway, So yeah, very happy, but taking things slow and any talk of an engagement coming up anytime soon. Dude. He the thing.

It's like t M I but he wanted to when we first met. He was like, oh my god, he told me after and I'm like, thank god, you didn't do this. You wanted to propose to me, like months into our relationship, and like, we're not on the Bachelor, Like you don't need to get down on one kneed as quickly. Um. But we just have so much love and respect for each other, and like I said, we've gone through quite a bit UM in our relationship that made this bond so incredibly strong. UM. And he's someone

who loves talking about his feelings, which is rare. Yeah, that's great to hear. It's great to hear that he was even open about that thought that he had. And you guys obviously are still doing really well to this day. I think I agree with everything you're saying. It sounds like everything's trending in the right direction. Um. And I'm super super happy for v Dany what about you. We're not gonna talk about me. We're actually gonna get your good,

good friend Taylor no One on the phone. But before we do that, we are going to take a quick break. So that's enough about my love life. But another huge um part of my love life is my friendship with the one and only Taylor Nolan, who was on Nick season at the Bachelor. Tay, are you on the phone? Hey? Hey, hi love, how are you aga? We're just talking about, you know, my relationship and how Dean is still single, how I'm sabotaging the relationship with my friend Alex talking

about your former love. Oh yeah yeah yeah we he Alex call and apologize. But I wanted to talk to you. I mean I talked to you literally nine times a day, and um, we go to states together. Yeah, we are always, always, always attached to the hip. But I wanted to talk about your relationship because I get a lot of questions about people who are pursuing long distance relationships, whether that at because they're now, you know, leaving high school and

going to different universities. So how do you well talk to us a little bit about how you met your now boyfriend. He's Canadian. Yeah, how did you meet him? And and how are you making the long dy work the long day the long day? Um? Yeah, we met at a conference. Um. And long distance is not my favorite, Like I don't and there's pros and cons to it for sure, but I would definitely prefer to not be

long distance. Um. And I think it's really different when like you start your relationship in the same place and then have a period of being long distance, as opposed to like starting a relationship long distance, which is what I've done. Um. I did have one relationship where we were together and then did long distance. Um. But it's definitely not easy to do. So do you have anything

that you like? I know some people say, oh, well, you know, we started this Netflix show and we only watch it at the same time together while we're like in different Yeah. So do you do stuff like that to create a stronger bond? I mean I know that you guys don't. Well, yeah, you're asking the question, you are do I just got to give people what they need to hear. Yeah. Um no, So one thing I

recommend doing is doing FaceTime dinners together. Um. So, one thing that I've actually asked him for during this separation period that we have now. Um, one of the things I requested one of my needs was that I would love for us to do FaceTime dinners, UM, something I've done in the past where you guys either like make the same thing or just are eating different things, but like you sit down and you have a FaceTime where you're eating together and like it kind of feels like

a little bit of a date night in a way. UM. And an another big thing that I love doing that I totally recommend to people is sexy face time. UM, longest, real hard when it comes to you know, your text so being are you making a face at me? Yeah? The sexy face times are the best. So tell us what goes into a sexy FaceTime? Okay, Well, a sexy face time can be many different things. Um. One of the things that I enjoy with sexy face times are like engaging in some dirty talk, discussing like role plays

or fantasy type things. UM, some mutual masturbation if you're comfortable with that, um, but really just being able to explore each other sexually. You know. Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this, because I struggle with a few of these things that you're outlining A I don't specifically basically all of them. And so actually I just want to get a better understanding of if it's if there's anything I struggle with dirty talk in the moment, like when things are getting hot and heavy, I just

don't do dirty talk. I struggle even to you're just like smiling your face like me be me with like this massive smile. It's not it's not the most uh. I don't know what what's called it, but okay, So so so I go with dirty talk. I struggle with um, face timing consistently, like I don't like to really jump on the phone very often. And then I also struggle with uh, sexual images, so like I don't send or I've never really asked for like sexy pictures from a

significant other. So that's like the triple wall amy do you want occasionally? So one thing I would say in terms of like the dirty stock, UM, I know that can be really hard to like get out of your head kind of you can kind of feel a little bit silly starting that. Um. So one way to kind of like ease your way into doing that dirty talk

is through sex beams. Um, there's you can kind of like role play out just like what I would want to do to you, and like creating that kind of image in your head or even referring back in your head to um, like the last time that you were intimate with that person and kind of just describing that out via text that can kind of get you more in the mood. And practice doing that where then you are in the moment um you might be able to

lean into dirty talk more. Um. One thing that sex researchers definitely recommends in terms of having better sex is being more vocal during those acts. So even if you're not necessarily dirty talking, like do you struggle with even just expressing like moaning and whatnot when you're engagement? Sex

does get a real personal beings. I feel like sometimes I have to I have to consciously tell myself to make noises during sex sometimes, like hey, just make sure you're like, just give her like a grunt so you know, like you're enjoying it, you know what I mean? Like because if if I if I had it my way, I don't know, but I would assume that I would be perfectly silent the entire time. I actually read something

that most men don't like making noises when during intercourse. Yeah, yeah, And I think a lot of that comes with being vulnerable, because to express yourself that way during some kind of intimate moments take a lot of vulnerability. And seeing you and I have talked and you talk a lot on here about some of the walls that we might have up, um, and if we've got some walls up um, just kind of in the relationship emotionally in general, then that can

definitely translate into your intimate moment. I wonder too, how every time the word masturbation gets set on this podcast that we all get kind of like weird looks from the producers because I don't know if we're a lot to say it, but favorite topic, I will not be believing that just het, Yes, we're we went from g

PG today. Um. There's a couple of interesting things about masturbation in men, especially where I think we've talked about it before, about how um, men think they need to get through sex as quick as possible because they're like trained from a young age or conditioned to think like they need to masturbate, get it over with before you and catches them and then like kind of hide it. Um. And then also I was gonna say, I've I've always been I've obviously been masturbating for longer than I've been

sexually active. Thank you very much for the round of applause and um. And I think as a child, as you begin doing that, like again, you're like you're being quiet the whole time because like you're kind of hiding it from your parents and stuff like that. And so then I think that then translates to your sexual life as an adult when you're active. I don't know, it's just a thought. Yeah. No, I think that's a really good point because yeah, when you are, I guess maybe

more so for men. I mean, when I masturbate, I make noise. Um, but I think kind of I do. I want to recording spaces entire segment. Sorry, um no, this is let's see. I love how open Taylor. So Taylor has her own podcast, Um, let's talk about it. And you're a mental health counselor, so this is all that's why you're so knowledgeable and all this stuff because you're so I mean, you study this stuff, so you're it's becomes so natural and natural for you, uh to

talk about all of this. And that's why I love just you know, Taylor knows my entire life and my entire life with my now boyfriend. Yeah. Yeah, I mean I think there uncomfortable topics we will talk about, especially like sexually. The sexual stuff is definitely uncomfortable, UM, But for me those are always like the most exciting topics

to talk about. This recent episode the podcast this week was with a sex researcher UM who I had spended his workshop and he's done like the largest study on sexual fantasies in America UM and learned a lot of great stuff from that. UM. But also just want to get to like the masturbation point, like being I agree

with you. I think that's a really valid possible explanation for why maybe men's struggle with being vocal um during X. But I also think in terms of like the masturbation piece that you know, women are kind of uh brought up to think that if you are a girl that masturbates, that you know that you're just lonely and you can't get a man, or that you do masturbate your like it's total slut um, And I think it's hard to find that like in between and especially um, you know,

porn mainstream corn is very much bit towards men and it's really teaching, um, you know, some not so realistic ways of actually having sex. So there's adult filmmaker who I really like called air holesque um, who I highly re comend. People. UM, it's more kind of like indie porn and feminist porn, and sometimes like the feminist porn can be like really out there where it's like that's

actually not what I'm looking for. UM. But Tumbler feel like a great place for people to like I had a great community, very very sex positive um where it was like real people and um even in terms of like the text theme piece theme where like you've never sent pictures, you've never asked the pictures. Um. One thing that my current partner introduced me to that Like I remember I was with Vanessa when it first happened, and

I was like, what is this, Like this is so weird. UM. But instead of like the photos of like yourself, you like can literally send like gifts um and like different. Uh. At least it was on Tumbler, and now there's like new different sites coming up where you can kind of find this content um where you can just literally like play out a role play the effect and like use gifts to kind of like go through and explain it from each other. That's like really actually exciting and really hot.

I'll be honest with you, that doesn't sound very appealing to me. It doesn't sound like it'll get it would get me like you know aroused. Yeah, yeah, yeah, some gifts and then you can tell me. I don't know. I think I think I would get a little. I mean, are the gifts of other women or men? No, it just depends. I mean there's literally gifts of like all kinds of things. Yeah, there's there's like videos and stuff too. Sometimes it's like literally like their faces aren't even in it.

Sometimes just like really arty farcy and is like black and white and like really cute. Um. I mean there's there's literally something for everyone out there. It's just a matter of kind of finding it. And of course, at first it might feel a little weird and it might seem like I don't know if I'm into this or not. But you won't know untilly try it. And I think it's important to have an open mind because you never

know what will burn you on. I didn't think that the gifts would or that the sex being like that would, but it's like one of my favorite things now. I think it's important to also know and feel like you're in a very safe relationship because there's been relationships that I'm like, I don't feel like I want to sexually explore with this person because I don't feel comfortable and safe. Um. And the safety aspect is also like am I going

to be judged? And I, you know, like, how is this person going to react if I try something out that I'm not going to be really good at the first time around or or um or whatever. So the safety aspect of it is definitely a big one. Mm hmm totally. That just blows unto trust I feel like

too obviously. Yeah. Yeah, and just that they're not going to go around and say it about you, you know, which I think is something that you should just obviously I think Taylor has spoken to this in the past as well as just take your time to do those types of things right, Like obviously, until you fully give

yourself to someone, you should have trust for them. So yeah, And I think also like in terms of the fear of like what other people think, I mean, sometimes you just really have to like I don't know if I can spur in here, but that and like stick by what you believe in and what you enjoy and UM

really kind of like owning that in a way. But yeah, I think having a partner that you trust and that you feel safe with is like the most important piece of all of this, especially with doing long distance UM.

Making sure that your guys, boundaries are very clear in terms of what kind of a relationship you're in, if you're in a monogonous relationship, if you're in a consensual non monogonous relationship, if you're you know, it's gonna be polly, if you're gonna be open, Like if dynamics change at all when you do become long distance UM, because they can bring up a lot of insecurities and a lot of trust issues and a lot of jealousy that I think people can struggle with when they're not seeing their

partner on that consistent basis. Yeah, that makes sense. Let me ask you this, how much of a relationship should be sex centric? I don't know how this became a sex topic for like a sex podcast today, but I guess the Yeah, I guess, And the reason I'm asking is because how much of an emphasis should you put on sex in your relationship long distance or um, not like how not like how often should you be having it? But how much of a of a of an impact

shuld I have on your relationship? I guess it's my question how much of an effects or how much of an emphasis, uh emphasis because the fact that I mean obviously yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I think it really depends on the couple. Um. If someone in the relationship has a really high sex drive and the other person has a lower sex drive, than there could be potential difficulties there that they would really need to like hash out. Um. If both people on the couple have a low sex drive,

then that might work for them. Um. If both people have a high sex drive, then there's definitely gonna more of an emphasis there. Um. But I think I think you can certainly have a very fulfilling relationship with out at a high emphasis on sex. Um. You know, when you do look at long term monogamous relationships, um, passion does go down within the first like two years or start.

It starts to go down after the first two years. UM. So it's not like in most of long term relationships there's a huge emphasis on sex anyway UM where it kind of becomes offensive a partnership. UM. But I think again, to maintain your own sexual satisfaction, which we all have some layer of UM that it is important to kind of spice it up how where you can and um,

not necessarily having more sex, but just having better quality sex. UM. Studies of filing that UM when couples actually were like encouraged or attempted to increase them on times that they have sex, but they actually felt less happy and reported lower rates of satisfact than and felt like it was something that they had to do, which is something I

think a lot of people struggle with. Whereas when couple of kind of maintained about the average was having sex once a week, was when people reported that higher level of satisfaction. And that's any kind of sex act, whether it's oral or masturvation type UM or like actual intercourse. UM. So I think it's it's really having an emphasis on like the quality of effect that you're having and making

sure that both people feel satisfied with that. We also had I think a sex expert that came on our podcast a few episodes ago, and he was asking us, how often do you think how many times we do you think you should be intimate with your partner? And I was like, I don't know, like three times, He's like every day. And intimacy does not mean having sexual intercourse. It could be sitting on your partner's lap, giving them a kiss on the cheek, hugging them for ten seconds

and that builds a stronger bond between both of you. Um, And it doesn't the emphasis on just a sexual aspect of it doesn't take that much of a priority if you're being physically intimate with that person that you're dating. Yeah,

so everything that you do in your relationship is for flight. Um. The Gottmans, who are like world around couple of researchers UM estimated they're found in their in their research that it was the six second kiss was um ideal for the couples that really kind of succeeded, who they called Masters of Relationships to reported the high marital satisfaction of having a six second kiss per day. Um. So after this podcast, yeah, because I mean you think about it.

Some days. You go days you know where your partner need just have a peck or you know, you hold hands or something. But there isn't that like intimacy there of you know, that really kind of kiss that feels like meaningful and that you actually feel connection afterwards. UM. So I always joking my partners since for a long distance that you know, we're missing out on all our kick second kisses. So when we do see each other, we need to have like a thousand kisses. You and

I I'm getting in plationship with each other, Vanessa. I mean, we do have a long distance relationship, but I can't wait to see you, Tay. Thank you so much for your wealth of knowledge. Um, and for we didn't think this conversation was going to turn into a sext topic, but Dean's very happy. Um. Yeah. So you can listen to all of tas podcasts um called Let's Talk About It with Taylor Nolan and you can follow her on her Instagram page. Ka Mocha t a y yeah mocha.

And thanks to we We appreciate you calling in. We appreciate talking about everything that you talked about, and we'll talk to you soon. Yeah, Dean, if you ever want to talk more, let me know. I'll send you some gifts thanks to see you later. Okay, we actually have one more guests that I want us to get more. But before we do that, we're gonna take a quick break, okay, and we are back and up next on the phone.

We had we had to do it, we weren't going to do it, and I kind of jokingly teased the idea of having Alex's former flame because you already have one as a co host in Vanessa. But Caroline Money, who was also on Bachelor in Paradise, Australia, She and alex Um seemed to couple up basically almost instantaneously as soon as they got there. But Caroline, are you there? Hi? Hi? How are you hi? Love? Hi? How's it going. It's so great to have you on the on the air here?

Oh nice? Kind of like I know, it's it's a pleasures on mine. I was just talking to Vanessa. She says that you guys are internet friends. We've been trying so hard to get together whenever I'm in Florida or Miami and or so we were somewhere else to at one point at the same time, and we didn't ever meet up. And it makes me so sad. But I should be in Florida, so I haven't made it up there yet. But finally I know it's finally it feels like summer today. But you can never trust the mother

out here. But I'll come and visit you one Caroline. You live in Florida, right, so especially from Florida to Canada is a big climate change climate anywhere to Montreal climated on the summer beautiful. Yeah, well Caroline, okay, So obviously as you will or will aware, Um, Alex was on our podcast last week. I don't guess. I don't know if you're well aware of that, but no idea, but started Alex and I are really good friends, um, and we just wanted to get you on the phone.

We obviously would love to hear about your experience with Bachelor in Paradise, Australia, UM, and and just kind of how all of that went. And you know, you know Alex, he's like a very desensitized kind of calic calloust like logical individual like on emotional, unempathetic, and I can what's funny is I can empathize with his lack of empathy, if that makes any sense. And maybe that's why we get along so well as because we kind of you know,

are difficult in that same way. UM. So just do you mind explaining to the listeners your side of the whole Bachelor in Paradise, Australia thing, because from what I saw, it seemed like you guys like like you guys got along really well, right, No, I actually hated hiving let Hers. Why well, I mean he comes up like I just walked in and um we sat down and he's like, don't trust the producers and I'm like okay, and I'm like, so like tell me, like that's the person of him

that I had met in person. And then it was just very like he's very cynical. And I was like, all right, well that's no, and I, um, I you know, went on. Did you say Alex the cynical No, Alex never Yeah, I don't know how likes to be cynical as far as I think being on a television show.

He sells him the other way for it, like it's funny because in I'm honestly not really sure why I had any interesting going on a television show like the Last Players, because he is quite cynical about it that she likes to say the social experiments, which his research. He's always conducting social experiments, so um, yeah, he's not taking his turnd Ritchie on the date. Um. But the thing weird about Charity in Australia if you ask him on a date, if they say no, they have to

go home. So I was kind of I was kind of led into asking Richie. They were like, why don't you ask Ritchie on the date? And I'm like, okay, sure or whatever. Of course Richie's got like something serious going on or a serious I guess, or like to be in it come ang time ten when you're there, but um, and yeah, so like I knew that my

date was Richie wasn't going anywhere. And then it's funny because Alex thinks he came in like staves the day and like pulled me off of Ritchie and I was just like, well, I knew the whole time that this wasn't going anywhere. Actually told me, you know what, but you don't see that meta day And then why did he tell you didn't cast? The last part? What did he say? All right, there's so much here and trying to figure out where to kind an out of these stories.

But so when I asked to see on a date, Richie had said I'm actually seeing this girl cast, so he essentially said no to me taking him on a date. So and then producers like, you can't say no, you have to go, And I'm like, well, this makes me go great. I loved them so wanted here. Um, but we went, and I knew it was just strictly like a friend thing, and I just was happy to go on a date that you know, was like a good date.

I feel like I hadn't had a good date and bachelor my experience with a bachelor, So even though I knew it wasn't going anywhere, I'm still really fun. And then I came home and you know, casting Richie got back together and I started talking to Alex. So it's leader a quote unquote relationship flourished outside of the show. Well started on the show. You know, this was on

the show. So it happened, um like when I got home to like Paradise Resort or whatever, back to the Bay, and that's when it started to blossom and take off and um and then you guys, let's I guess. So so I was wrong in the beginning too, because then it wasn't instantaneous. It was a slow burn. But then once it started burning, the thing the thing was just like I just didn't think. I honestly didn't know what

I thought. Um, But the thing is really cool about Australia is that they take your mic backs at the certain point in the night, you know, because like in the US, it's like unless you're um in the shower or sleeve your your mice. And so it's cool because in Australia you have all this time at night to have completely, you know, three conversations without a camera in

your face and without a mic pass on. And so that's where Else and I really got to know each other because I feel like that's when he's more comfortable when he knows be talking right well, especially as as two Americans on an Australian TV show. I talked to

him him a little bit about this last week. Is I feel like they didn't make it a point to make your guys love story as much a part of the storyline as their Australian contestants, because just because the Australian audience didn't recognize you guys quite as much, right, Yeah, I mean I get it, they're not as invested in us as they would be someone else that they know.

But I don't think Alex and I our relationship was that it took a while, like it really was a slow burn, Like we got a great edit where it happy. It seemed like it was all lovely debbes the whole time. But it took a minute, just because I think I was a little hesitant, just because I did come all the way to you know, in cig to meet someone who actually lived. Yeah, he owns a house in Port Laderdale, right next to years. It's just us. No, I think

I think he might mean Florida. Now you're probably say, in the same room as him right now, aren't you house lost it on the way, So okay, And then so what happened after Paradise because I keep saying this, but like, like you know, Alex is a man of very few words, especially when it pertains to his emotions and his relationships. Obviously I'm not and I love that about you, Caroline. Yeah, but that's the is so thank you, Finessa.

I appreciated that. But there was like a huge thing with Alex and I just because I am who I am and I don't hold back and whatever, like and if I if I love something, I let it know. If I hate something, like I'm and I wear my heart on my sleeves. It is good, bad or ugly. Um, but yeah, so I don't even know what's the question is. There's so much here. There's so much. We'll get into it. We got time. What's the question again, like what happened?

What happened after Paradise because you guys left separately, but like on good terms or maybe go walk us through the departure. And then because I know, like he he mentioned last week that he was out in Florida to visit you a couple of times as well. M yeah, so we it was weird because, like I said, it

was a slow burn. And then when we left Paradise, we decided to leave Paradise together, and but it was weird because like you you're leaving Paradise together, but then you're like when the cameras are off to came to my hotel room and I was like, do you actually like me? Or like are you just like handling it up for TV? And we like have this moment we like looked at each other really weird and we were like, okay, like I do kind of like you, like, let's just

keep this going to see what happens. And then I think he came to seeing me like the next weekend in Florida, and um, you know, we had a good time. Came here and then he came to Boston and um, like met my family and just like a kid in my mottle hers whatever for my birthday for New Years, and then um, shortly there after we realized like he wasn't really the only anywhere and it was great because

I've been having really really bad anxiety. It's suffering with it, um like all the time, and he finally, yeah, I know it's brutal, Like I couldn't figure out like what you know would really causing anything. And then it was weird because Alex sent me like I don't really know if I see it turning into relationships, and I like had this immediate weight ut off my chest and I was like, oh my god, like me neither, like he you know, he's very out me. It doesn't so like

rushing and cold. He's ready lunched me. He's just like I don't don't tuning in to relationship and I'm like out, dude. And then I was like, oh you know what, like me neither, and like that's okay, and um, we stay friends, like we still like talk to each other like every other day or whatever. I don't know. He just Alex would just call me on his board on his day kind of drives home for work, like like leaving the office and going exosted every day like four or forty seven.

He just call me like from the cu right on time. Like but um, you know, we were like super super friendly.

But I think when the show started to happen, I got upset with him just because he needs some comments that really like didn't sit well with me, and it just it kind of tainted me in a bad light, like it made it seem like I'm just this crazy overshare stage five plinger and I was like, study like that's not how it all is, Like it just he made me feel stupid and he's like, you know, like our relationship is real, and you know, like how like that was because like don't trust all that stuff, like

I don't care what anybody else thinks in this. Yeah, you make me seem like an idiot. And then I listened to the podcast the other day and it just I just felt like I'm just like this running joke between honestly between being you and well, I think that

he underplays it a lot. He underplays what you guys had a lot, and that's just that's just kind of who he is his personality, So like that's not fair to do to me when like what we had was dealt And it's like and then what he said about you know, Banessa and everything, and like I get it because it's a weird sense of humor, but like it's for me, and it's like, I know that you cared about me, and you can't tell me one thing and

then publicly say something else like that. That's just like that's not fair, and it's like it's not fair to make me feel like a joke when I felt like, you know, it wasn't you know, lasted forever, but like we had a bloss together, like and it's the weirdest trusting person ever, but like I really know, like we enjoyed each other's company. Like just because it wasn't forever, it doesn't mean it's like I didn't appreciate what it

was in my life. But I was like, it's not fair for me to keep publicly making it seem like I meant nothing to you and making me seem like a joke. Like that doesn't work for me. I think it's also the dynamic that Dean and and Alex have

together like you bring out. I mean, you guys are just like two together and I get it, like I I can empathize, like I sure, like yeah, I think, well, I think we'll have a trying to say it is just like we will text like to Alex and I like to buck on each other, and I think that kind of extends past sometimes. Oh yeah, I was a part of the I was part of the you know, and I was like, what is happening? And I had to do damage control. I messaged Caroline. I was texting

him like, no, this is not true. I was loving all thea is going on. Yeah, it's not there for me when like he and like it's weird because I've

seen I've never talked to you before. I have this weird like insecurity, like when it comes to you because I feel like they're just weird like conversation that happens behind my back and I'm probably just overseeking it, like and I know, and it even comes down to like I've heard you guys think about how I was the women tell all and like at the end of the day, if someone it's like if someone's kidding on one of your people, if someone like hurt your person, you're going

to like have their back. And like the way that like I've been talked about in the sense that um like I feel like, like, oh, Carolyn so dramatic and she's so thirsting, Like everyone's like, oh, it's Carolyne's auditions for Paradise. Like when that happens, I had a boyfriend. I had no intention of going on Paradise, And the thing that happened was is that I had the okay from producers. I was told exactly what I was and

was not allowed to say. But at the end of the day, like, already hurt my friend, and like if someone hurts your person, you're gonna want to be like, hey, Anyboddy. And that's what the Women Tell All on was for me.

I mean, hey, I agree with all that. I don't think I ever criticized you for the Women Tell All thing, have I I just feel like there's this weird like subtext where I'm just like you No, I mean listen, I feel like that would Dean sometimes too, And we've known each other for a while, so I think it's it's probably don't know you, and I don't really know your sense of humor in person, but yeah, do you know do you can say something like sarcastic with the

biggest smile on your on his face, and it's like, what are you on? I can see I can see how it could be confusing. I can, at least from my perspective. I've never seen anyone necessarily criticize you for that, and neither I've never seen anyone say anything about you. Then that's this point to um. It's it's certainly a superpower to wear that emotional ability on your sleeve as

you do. And I actually I sometimes get down on myself because I don't have the ability to do that, and I wish, I go back and forth on wishing I would be able to, and kind of glad sometimes that I don't, And I think that there is a balance there somewhere. But at the end of the day, I think, like, if you're able to, like you said, you have your friends back, and you are able to be vulnerable and open up emotionally a lot more than others, I think that's at the end of the day of

a superpower, in my opinion. So Caroline, I could relate because I feel like when I did a fr with nick Um, I was for being really I don't know if Dean did you watch our a far I did not, anyway, so we ended up being like very honest about the struggles of being in a public relationship and blah bla blah blah, and I got I got on because I wasn't the girl that was like, oh, like A life's perfect and I'm like like, it's not, like I don't know why, yeah, Like it's exactly like rules and show happen.

It's not your life, like yeah, it's not realistic. Yeah, So I totally get that in Another thing that I want to say is when you feel like because I remember, like you were, we were messaging each other back and forth and you were saying things that people were saying or whatever or whatever. And when it's about you, you know all the b s I people are saying about

you because it's about you. But when it's about someone else, like I didn't and then Alex is the one who I have I have lived ignorantly lives for all this time, not going what the Reddit one, and then Alex that mother Robert, like can you be going to come on in this episode and get rid of that like this, get rid get rid of what Alex would like read read it out loud to me and I was like, are you serious? And he' he messaged me saying never go on rend it. Once I sent him that message,

he is. So he's the only reason I know what breddit is. I have literally felt ignorantly list this whole time, not knowing that the me out there. But yeah, that's the sting. People are going to hit you whether you do which I don't know, they're gonna get regardless, but um and you like everyone in general. Yeah oh yeah, yeah Caroline, let me never find that. That's definitely thanks, thank you for clarifying that. Um yeah, well okay, so what's next to you in Caroline, because we are we

going to see you on Paradise this year in America? No, No, that like the one um as most is Alex. He's such paying my ass, Like you know, I love the guys great, he's a great person and he was the perfect um like final Chapter and his whole Bachelor. Yeah. I did my shows like I did three shows in a little in about a year, like yeah, but he

was you know, the first two. I felt really defeated because you have this idea of what the show Kennedy when you've gone, and it's just so far from like, um, you know what you what you're expected, and so like the first two were pure garbage and um, leaving you know, Paradise Australia with Alex and having a real relationship come about, even though the relationship didn't work out, Like, I just feel like I got what I wanted out of this

and m hm, let's just close all of that. I will say, having having known and met just a lot of bachelor guys over the past two years, despite all of his shortcomings which are very very obvious, Alex is definitely one of the best. Yeah, and like and I know that, but I just had to chew them out a little bit. Absolutely. And I will say, despite the fact that he underplays a lot of what you guys might have had or still have or whatever it is, he did speak very highly of you in private to

me multiple, many, many, many many times. Because obviously, as you know he he kind of filters himself a little bit when um, I guess people are listening or cameras around all that kind of stuff, But in private he's he's willing to and able to open up. Um, and so I just wanted to let you know that he has spoken very highly of you many many times. Yeah, we don't want to shoke as you go too much. Um and then so so beyond Batchelor, then is there anything else that's next for you? And then um, I

guess moving forward? Um well, I mean I just kind of make some money to do some real estate stuff. And um, everyone keeps asking only saying questions over and over, so I might get him from the bandwagon. And I'm trying to put together a little blog or something so people can stop asking me where to go in Port Lauderdale for their bachelor party, so like go speak about love it, but bachelor party Like that's kind of more

like a planning type stuff though, isn't it. But the people I just that's the number one question I get asked was like, I'm saying it for a Lauderdale where do I go for pretty? And I can't tell everyone everything always so like but it's like that, and then it's like other stupid questions like I mean, they're totally

valid questions over and over. You want to have like you you want to be able to provide like a one sheet for someone that might be visiting something somewhere like yeah, and just stuff like that and just kind of gets to know the area and I love stuff. Just share all that with everybody, and yeah, we're so similar. That's what I'm doing from Montreal to wait, I'm doing that for l A right now. Oh my god, you guys with your van and exactly. Um, well, great, we'll

be on the lookout for that. Caroline. Thank you so much for taking the time to call in and share all of that. Uh, we'll be sure to follow along on your social will be on the lookout for the blog hopefully dropping soon. And if if anyone's listening to this, if anyone's looking at buying you sell residentially residential real estate and for or it anywhere in Florida. If anyone's looking for a home in Florida, hit up Caroline, um

and she'll give you a great rate. She'll get you, she'll help your clothes on those uh, those those deals that you want. So Caroline, thank you again. Great, come on, I know I'm not the best. I appreciate the sarcasm. I'm gonna go thank you so much. This whole podcast has just gone. It's escalated. We've got a lot of so much bleeping in this episode, lots of F bombs, lots of talk of masturbating. Some people wonder why this show is late today because we've been bleeping for hours?

Can we just can we please just have one unbleeped show in our rated movies, you're allowed one f work in a whole year of podcasting, can have one episode that allows no bleeping. I don't know what the I Heart Radio policy is on that. I guess PG thirteen not a rated I said, I said, ah, P three with what F'm yeah, there's more than just F bombs, masturbation. Masturbation We're okay with it's a technical term. Yeah, okay, Um,

did you shoot this email from ari El Vanessa? She says, your boyfriend Josh is exactly who the psyche predicted for you a year ago on one of the podcasts. I know. I want to if we can, can we actually go back to that episode? We should? Yeah? She said, the best partner for you is someone not in the entertainment business, someone who probably never watches reality TV. She said, you need someone from outside that world, someone who would ground you and support you instead of competing with you and

looks like you found him Ariel. It's so true when I and I want to talk to Taylor about this because we're both dating men who are not in the spotlight, who are not familiar with the Bachelor franchise. And I thought it was gonna be hard because my life is very public. Um. But once you start learning what the boundaries are, which are able to talk about what they're comfortable with you doing and not doing or not even not doing, just like you know, let them in the loop.

In the loop, um, it's It's makes for a really healthy relationship. So I'm really, really really happy. Good Mega is the question of you, Dean, do you feel like you don't want to commit or date because you were hurt so much from his from your last few breakups? Do you feel like if you go all in you're just going to get hurt again? Interesting that is from Meg. It's funny, Well, I could give a long answer to have a long answer abbreviated answer. I think I think

a long throw answer is what Meg deserves. The The short long answer is I don't really know exactly why, but I was going to it's funny because I had a very very similar conversation about this just yesterday or two days ago, and it actually goes back to my time on The Bachelor atte well, on my first one on one, I think I might have talked about this in my podt on this podcast at some point, and they were talking about we were talking about the loss

of my mother before we're going into the nighttime portion of my one on one, and the producer made a comment of saying, if you could go back and erase your memory of your mom, would you do that knowing that she's not in your life anymore? And the obviously answer is no, of course I would never do that. And so then the question holds true now is would you would you hold yourself back in a relationship knowing

that eventually it might end? When if it ends, you'll know that you'll still have positive memories from that relationship, you know what I mean? Con the questions, they're connected, um obviously different situations, but still connected in that sense. And so that's that's how I have to reflect back on myself and be like, Okay, well, if I'm going to dive in fully into a relationship that ultimately ends

up not working out. Would I still look back on that relationship with regret, knowing that I still had positive memories and positive things to look back on, or would I regret diving fully? And I don't. I don't know. I still haven't really answered that question. I think that my unwillingness to get into a relationship now stems from a lot of different reasons. I don't know exactly which one to to specifically point out, um, but I think I think that the fear of loss is certainly one

of them. Um, even though I know it's like, if I do everything to the best of my ability consistently and constantly, then I don't really foresee that happening. But I guess obviously there's always extenuating circumstances. So UM to the answer the question succinctly, yes, But that's just one reason of many reasons. And this is a tough one from anonymous. You'd like to get your opinion on both of you. I've been dating my boyfriend for about seven

months now. We're both twenty seven. Things are going well. I'm the happiest I've ever been. However, a couple of weekends ago, we visited some of his friends and they all decided to get some cocaine. I told my boyfriend, may be nervous. He told me it wasn't a big deal. Well, the moment he snorted and I felt so uneasy I fainted. Yep, I fainted. We talked about it the next day. He was very understanding. I figured it wouldn't come up again

because those friends will live in our city. But the very next weekend we were at a party and it came up again. I know that he likes it. I don't want to be a controlling girlfriend. I'd want his friends to judge me for not doing it. What do you guys think? Am I making a bigger deal out of this than it is? There's a tough question. I feel like I have the answers for these, and I don't know what i'd say to this one. Go ahead, Vanessa, your first sorry. I know that was like a constipation sound.

I don't think that. Um. I don't think you need to a worry about whether or not his friends think that you're uh, whether or not his friends are judging you. If you're not into doing drugs, you're not into doing drugs. I've never done any drugs in my life. And I once stated someone who was, and it was a very difficult conversation for me to have because I didn't want to judge them, you know, if they were doing it recreationally, I'm like, I don't want them to feel like I'm

judging them. I just don't want it done around me. Um. So that person eventually ended up not doing it anymore. Um, I'm not sure what they're doing now, but I don't I don't think you're making it a bigger deal. Then if you're not comfortable with something that, I mean, it's drug related, right, If you're not comfortable with dating someone

who is recreationally doing drugs, then I don't know. I I personally wouldn't be able to handle that, especially at you know, she's what I think a personal preface seven months now. I mean, I've dated girls who have, like, I don't really smoke weed. I mean I do, but maybe a couple very different no, I know, but I'm just saying I maybe smoke a couple of times a year. I've dated girls who would smoke it consistently and constantly, and I know it's like a much much different situation.

But even that, I was kind of like, well, like, that's kind of weird. I don't know if I really like that very much. As far as the cocaine situation goes, it sounds like he's just surrounding himself with the wrong people, and I don't know if he likes it as much as he likes being with his friends. And I've been in that situation before too, was like, I've how honest,

so we're gonna get on this podcast. I've never personally, I've ever personally purchased or or sought the drug out before, but I've done it socially with my friends solely because, yes, solely, because they're like, hey, we're doing this. I'm like, all right, I guess I'll do it with you guys a few times, you know. Um. And so I would say from the email or if she has an issue with that, I don't. From what it sounds like, it sounds like it's not an issue with the boyfriend. It sounds like it's the

people that he's are surrounding himself with. And I've even taken the steps, but that's an issue too, surely. Absolutely. I mean this is for me, was years ago, and I've taken the steps to remove those people that are still doing it to this day to remove them out of my life. Um, it's just like, I don't know. I just think that she shouldn't overstep the boundaries by saying, hey,

you should stop doing this. But at the same time, there's a balance of being like, hey, I have your best interests in mind, and I think that you should go the way of maybe facing these people out of your life. So the issue is if she tells him not to do it, then he won't do it in front of her, but we'll do it behind her back. And you're dating someone that is doing things well. The second he starts doing things someone's back is when that's when you know the relationship is going to go down

the dumper. Right, So what I'm saying is like to not judge him because hey, if someone wants to do something recreationally or whatever the case is, like, that's too that's up to them to the side. But if you're someone who doesn't enjoy that or doesn't enjoy being around it, it's hard. It's it's hard to mesh two different types of lifestyles because that's what that's what it is in the end. Right here, whose responsibility does it fall on?

Does it fall on him to stop it or does it fall on herd to be accepting of the idea of him doing it. I mean, m Mark, well, I can already imagine how it's going to go when she brings it up to him. If she says, like, so, is this something going to be doing? Is this something that's important to you, he'd be like, I don't know, I just felt like doing it, So I did it? Like why you a'm me like this? Like I can already see him getting really like defensive like that when

when she comes out. So I think I try to generalize these things as much as I can, whether it's drugs, whether it's porn, video games. We all have our deal breakers in a relationship and what we can and can't handle. And I think she needs to figure out is this

a deal breaker for her or not. The fact that she wrote to a podcast about it tells me that I think it may be it's bothering her more than even maybe she realizes it is, because it took she took the time to do this, So I think that, I mean, the conversation is gonna stink, But I do think maybe you start to pull back a little bit because this may not be the guy for you, right, I think maybe feel it out a little bit longer. Again,

I still think it's a friend thing. Like there's people that he's around consistently on weekends, whether they're from out of town or whether it's the friends that he's within this town that they live in now that has a huge, huge influence and effect on them before you know what I mean. Okay, but do you want to be with some You've been that guy before in your early twenties, he's in his late twenties. Do you want to be with someone who gets easily influenced by his social surroundings.

That's another question to ask yourself. Um, I don't know, it's it's really to her to make that decision. We all are to some degree. So many I know so many women who smoke only when they're with a certain group of friends and never any other time. Maybe what if she said to him, look, I'm really not comfortable with this, So I need you to know that, and I need you to keep that in mind going forward. And he keeps doing it, that tells you a lot

that's the case. But what if he says what if he comes back with saying, I look, I see, I understand that it means a lot to you, and I understand it's important to you, but I'm going to keep doing it. Then then she just I guess essentially at that point, then then she has all the information she needs to either stay or leave. Right exactly. So there, I guess I don't know who didn't really help her there.

I we don't really give answers, but sometimes talking it out and hearing us talk it out, she thinks of different angles and maybe maybe that helps her in something. I'm gonna make one definitive stance. Just give me a second to think about it, say drop his ass. Yeah, I would say drop it just because that's how I am. I'm very black and white. We've had this convert station before. It's hard for me to like, you know, be in

the middle. So I'm someone who is either like you're doing something or you're not doing something, and especially like I don't know, like it's I don't know, it's not something i'd be comfortable with because I guess I just put it all back, bring it all back to me, right. As someone who is very willing to do a lot of things and says yes, to a lot of things.

I would hate if me doing the things that I do would change would have someone's would change someone's opinion of me because of just that, you know what I mean, my open mindedness and my I guess willing to do those things is one of my favorite things about me. And I would never ask someone to like if they hated it, to stay with me because of it or anything like that. Like, I don't think it would ever be a problem to that extent. But I'm just trying to put myself in his shoes where I like. I

like to do things. I like to try new things. Sometimes those things aren't the best things, but sometimes they're a good things. You need to be You need to be with someone who just as flexible as you are. Like you and I dating would be a disaster, right will. I mean, if it's just long to realize that he's gonna have been shipping you too for a long time, so that's too bad. Um, Also, seven months into a relationship, the guy is gonna feel like you're trying to change

him already, and that's gonna be He's gonna bristle. But here's the thing. If it's seven months into a relationship and she's experiencing this for the first time with him. It's not it's not a trend. It's an outlier, you know what I mean. And so it's certainly is she the first time? Definitely it was an outlier. Then that

was her bothering her. Now I think it's just I think the two weekends in her ow thing is just one of those things where it's like, you're gonna look back on it seven months from now and be like, hey, the time that you're an idiot, and he's gonna be like, yeah, maybe, and then he might do it again in seven months. It's like, as long as he's not going out buying it himself, doing it by himself every week, like every weekend, that's when I really think problem starts to form um.

Social habits I don't think are necessarily the worst things in this So then you've got to consider how much do you like this guy, how much do you see your future with this guy? How much potential does this relationship has have, because that tells you how much you need to kind of tolerate and see what we can get through, right, and also maybe ask yourself, do I want the potential father of my children to be someone that does this type of stuff. And if the answer

is no, then obviously get rid of him. And if the answer is well, maybe then feel it out a little bit. Maybe if the dad did that when he was twenty seven and now he's forty and he's the head of a CEO of some major company. Yeah, and a lot of people have that stuff in their path, myself included, and it might be my future. Who knows. You're just up for whatever, just what I was up for a party. We're good. That should do it for today.

What a great episode I have to get. We talked about masturbating, we said, we said at least times on the show. We talked about drug use recreationally. We talked about That's about it. That's all we talked about today. Anyways. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of How Up I Suck at Dating. We hope that you guys are still fans of us as individuals despite everything we shared today. Um, the date is June tenth.

I don't know why I felt like sharing that, but I just thought you guys wanted to know in case you're filling out some legal paperwork today. Big thank you to my great friend Alex B for calling back in and clearing the air um and for apologizing. I think it's you know, it definitely was out a line of him to say the things that he said last week, but joking or not, you know, so I'm glad he was able to clear the air. Alex, and I appreciate the apology. I'm glad that that didn't drive a wedge

between you and Josh. I don't think that it ever would. In fact, didn't like as obviously telling you guys are comfortable with each other. Big thank you to your friend Taylor. Taylor for coming on and we were not gonna I called her and this was masturbation and sextying and all that wasn't part of the conversation, but I'm glad it was today. Yeah, supposed to be about the long d's and then we talked. Well I think that's probably what

said it off for her, honestly, probably. And then of course, big thank you to Caroline Leney for calling in and sharing her side of the batchel Or in Paradise, Australia story with Alex. It sounds like they're in a good spot. It sounds like they're both being adults about everything. And uh, they're both in Port Lauderdale right now, so we'll see what happens. But um, anything else, Vanessa, No, that is it, guys. I'm happy to be back. I missed you guys the

last two episodes. Yeah, you took a nice little hiatus there. We missed you as well. I did. And I was thinking about you while i was driving back to much Off from Maine, and I'm like, this is what Dean probably feels like, so liberating being in a like in your van and driving around and it's such like a nice feeling. I actually wanted to talk to you more about the main journey that you just took, but I'll

call you later and talk to you about that off. Um, but thank you so much for being a listener of this podcast. We love you and we appreciate you, and we hope that if anything else, like you can maybe gain some knowledge, some information, some insight to these types of issues that all of us have on a daily basis. Big thank you to Mark and Easton for being great producers and all they're bleeping that they're doing in this episode. Thanks guys. Be sure to tune in next week, um

where maybe we might suck a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast