From Gas Tanks to Wedding Bells

it's poofs or puffs? We're dying to know. We're dying to know what the what the suck army thinks, whether it's poops or pops. I'm a puff guy. I'm gonna beat Jared to it. We got a very special episode for you guys today. We have the one and only Mark hell Martin joining us. Um from where is it Again? In rialto California. So, uh, he's gonna be co hosting with us all day. You guys know how you like to do it. Uh, And yeah, we're just gonna kind

of take it step by step. I guess it's a new year, It's and it's a new uh year to be thankful for in the podcast world, and I think this is one of the best ways to have an episode number two. So ste you just referenced new Kids on the Block song nicely, Dundine, Well Marquel. First of all, yeah, Marquel, markl Maren is here, ladies and gentlemen. Of course, Marquel was on Andy Dorfman's season of the Bachelorette, and then Marquel, you were on Bachelor in Paradise season one, if I

remember correctly, So how are you. I'm good, I'm good those thanks for having me on, man and it's it's nice to meet you, guys. I remember. It's nice to you too. I remember you were like a little bit. So first of all, you were on Andy Dorfman's season of the Bachelorette, and then when you went to Paradise. I remember, like the women got to call him crazy for you a little bit because obviously Claire's the Bachelorette

right now, I remember her. It was like I think Michelle Money, right though, they were like fighting against each other for you. Yeah, yeah, Michelle. Michelle Money came on like later. But I do remember if you're referencing kind of like the beginning of the season. Yeah, that that that was fun. Man. I felt like, you know, we were just coming into a new world of the Bachelor franchise, right, so, you know, come to see that, you know, Claire has

is with the Bachelorette. That's awesome to see. She's amazing person. I still remember some of the stories that she used to share. But as you guys know, it's just such a fun experience to be a part of the franchise. You know. So now regular Joe, you were an o GEEP Bachelor in Paradise season one. Um, but that aside. So, so you have made news lately because you're engaged. Yes, congratulations,

congratulations on the engagement. Uh, pardon my ignorance, but so is the is the woman that you're engaged to, uh from Bachelor or is it someone that you met out in the real world? To give us an update? No, No, just just old school, old fashioned, just a real world

you know, circumstance that's still a thing, huh. I know, I feel like I meet more people that either meet on like TV or like dating apps or something like that, and there's no better, no words, just interesting to see the dynamic of you know, where the world is today with technology. Yeah, she was my neighbor. Um. I don't know how much of the story you guys want me to get into it. I want to hear the whole thing. I love hearing, all right, Uh, fair enough. So, Um,

I I grew up in rialto California. I went to go play football at NLB in Las Vegas. Uh So I lived in Vegas for for twelve years and uh launch short after after grad school at UNLV, UM, I was a personal stylist, worked at UFC, and I was just staying at my apartment complex. And you know, I met my girl, my fiance, at my apartment complex. She had ran out of gas. I took her to the gas station. Um, and kind of the rest was history. We we started exchange numbers, right, and she invited me

because her um, her brothers are up. Um a guitarist. He used to play in the Guns and Roses. If you go, h yeah, I thought you were gonna be like, oh, they used to play in some sort of cover band down the street. Uh. They would play at a bar on Friday and Saturdays. No, you were like, oh, yeah, they played in a band. What was that band called Guns and Roses? Yeah, a little little known thing. Yeah. Nor her brother is dj ashbak um or or not, so he replaced Slash. I don't know much about rock

and roll at all, but that's concerts and stuff. So yeah, that's how. And we we didn't start dating right away at all, like I'm super super old school. Uh. And I'll give you a lot of side conversations as we go, so if you guys get lost, just I'll bring it back. You know, my parents have been married since my mom was sixteen and my dad was eighteen and and they're

still married married today, thank you. And you know, so I, however, me growing up and wanting that aspiring to have that type of relationship, you know in Vegas, if know, I tell everyone in Vegas like ages you by ten years because it's so many people from all over the world. It's the city of sin as as they as someone call it, right, and me being there in my transformative like like mature or trying to become a mature adult stages.

You know, I've you know, kind of kind of done it all really, and I don't I don't say that with a sense of pride. Let's say I feel like those two things don't go together. It's like, you know, I really wanted to become a mature, better human being. So I moved to Vegas, right right, so right, so around I was working at UFC at the time, and I got a random phone call from the Bachelorrette because because of my dating history was so terrible, I I sucked at dating, right, Uh, I was that guy in Vegas.

I thought I was cool and and you know, college football player, that the whole nine and uh, one of my best friends she nominated me to be on the show and she said, hey, you need a change of pace and maybe you can find your love here because you're certainly not finding success success in uh in Vegas. And it wasn't. The women's bottle was definitely my fault.

Right So I at that same time, that's where I met my fiance, Kerrie Um and she knew I was going through the process of the show and we were just friends at the time, so she was like supporting me as a as a friend and she like hadn't had cable and in her apartment and bought it just to watch me on the Bachelorette. I come back, right, you come back and you try to get acclimated to

the craziness and the social media. Social media definitely wasn't as big as as it is now, right, Like, but um so that was happening, and I think at that point in time, that's where I saw a clear divide of like, okay, I don't even claim it that it was like you know, your five minute to famous, like five seconds of fame at least that that I felt

of like the behemoth that is the Bachelor franchise. Right, so you get girls coming out of the woodwork, and you know, I I was, um, you know, just like coming off like Okay, I'm just gonna go back to my old self because the show didn't work out, and she just stayed solid and steadfast throughout the whole thing. And what it allowed me to have is this perspective of Okay, I know what like Vegas Marquille was liking,

is right. I went on the show and and saw kind of the romanticism of the whole thing and the idea of potentially spending the rest of your life with someone while at the same time you know it's not working out, and coming back I just wanted stability. So she was kind of like my rock in a sense and one thing led to another and um yeah, I don't want to bore you guys. Know, well, let's get to that one thing to another. How did it change

from being friends to going to boyfriend girlfriend? Was it you? Was it her? Was it mutual? You guys just made out one night and was like, oh that was really good. Al Right, Like that was cool, so we should do that more often. Um So, what happened was where I came back from the show. One of the producers of the Bascharette was like, hey, we know you love cookies because while I was on the show, I would always eat cookies, right like they make sure cookies were there

because I just love them. And well, you don't look like you love cookies. Good God, I wish I could eat cookies and look like you. Damn it. I eat cookies and I am not in good shape right now. I'm Winter Jared. It's definitely I'm Winter Mark Hill. I'm twenty pounds overweight, and it's just like the metabolism just falls off a cliff. And plus quarantine doesn't know in

any favors. Um So I was I used While I was on the show and we were filming, I would tell them like, yo, one day, when I retire, all I want is the gourmet cookie lounge where it's like cookies, wine, milk, uh tea whatever, but just in like a little speakeasy, but for cookies, right, And they're like, no, you may want to like start that sooner than later, Like you'll you'll be surprised. So I come back. The social media kind of blows up. People start recognizing you from the show,

and a guy had hit me up. I was like, hey, man, like like I love your your thing with cookies or whatever, like can I you know, can we you know, grab lunch. So I told him about this business that I have when I retire. He's like, dude, why not just do it now? So I was like, okay, well maybe I should just give it a shot and try to start

my own cookie business. Right. So that's what happened. I this The chef of UFC was my chef, and then the guy who I met became my partner, and Carrie, who was my friend, believed in me and my idea and the concept and started helping out. So we went from we did a cookie and wine tasting event at um I like the Venetian Hotel and we went through five thousand cookies in in thirty minutes. The most sold out like booth, I have some I'll post some throwback

pictures so you guys can can check it out. But uh yeah, like line was wrapped up. And so that was like proof of concept where I was like okay,

and it was called social cookie. I was like, okay, we're onto something because I wanted to pair cookies, um with with wine because that was my thing to get girls prior, like in common because I was broke right in college and you're living in a dorm or sharing the house with with with some friends or when I got my first apartment by myself, I would invite a girl over, bake some cookies, play some music, have some wine, and then there you go. You know. Uh yeah that

that was my thing, you know. Um So anyways, that concept was working. Carrie started helping me out. We ended up going from just hey, doing private events. So okay, the next step, let's see if we can start shipping cookies online. So she she has a marketing background and she's like the hardest worker on the planet, and uh,

she was helping me with that. We got a commissary kitchen um in Vegas and started cooking out of the Commissary kitchen and just as if we were getting our certifications from like Nevada and everything about like the nutritional facts to put on labeling and packaging. In that same month, I found out that I had genetic heart disease. So that was, um, you know, crazy, and that threw me for a loop. And so because of that news, right,

we shut down the business. Um and you know, they said, hey, you gotta get heart surgery, you know, because you can die at any minute, uh working out or whatever. This was. So I was twenty yeah nine, and yeah I was, you know, in in tip top shape, right, you know. Yeah, no, Um, I felt like I was again in my professional career working at the UFC as as an exact there and everything was great, and then to get that news was

like heartbreaking. Right. So I'm sure you guys, you guys both you know, great looking guys and work out and so to to have that throughout your whole life and literally just play sports and them telling you, hey, you can't work out, you can't you know, do this, do that, your life's gonna change. I fell into like a little mini depression and that again opened my eyes to what

a good woman is. Right. I was at a time in my life where I was this young hot shot, and then I felt like I was at a time in my life where I was I was at the bottom and I was and and to add on top of that, that same no, two months later, after I found out that I needed heart surgery, I got laid off from UFC exactly, so don't for me. It was a big talent agency in l A. Uh. They purchased UFC for four billion dollars and they laid off a hundred people um or more, and I was one of them.

Unfortunately because of redundancies. Uh, you know, it was no one's ball. It was just that's that's the nature of the businesses. So I was I was broke um because I was jobless. Then I was told I had to have heart surgery at at and I had to move out of my apartment because I couldn't afford it. I had to start getting an unemployment And again she was just remained solid. And I've been with enough women over my time. Again not not not trying to you know,

promote that, but that's all the clear difference. Most girls would leave I mean, most girls would just like, oh, you know, thanks, but I got to go back to the club or this, and you're no longer hot because you're gonna have heart surgery and that's not cool. And yeah, so that's what made me like fall more in love

with her. But yeah, I say, between the cookies business and the heart surgery, that's when we started, you know, making out and saying, so, you guys, you guys have been together for because if that all happened with Seen, you guys have been at least dated for like three plus years. Then yeah, yeah, so we we don't even have like a day like you know how people like have like those dating and we don't have that. We kind of approximate and say five or six years because

that's how long we've known each other. But our relationship you know, went from this friendship to more than friends to what are we to write the typical stuff and then it's just like, okay, no, we're solely committed to one another. There was a there was a long gray period. It sounds like where it was like, well, we don't even identify as as a gray period, like we know knew what we were to one another the outside world it would look like a gray period, right right right?

Any any sense that makes sense? That makes sense. Well, we definitely want to hear more about this, but before we do that, we're gonna take one quick break and then just jump right back into it. Uh So for the listeners, state tuned and we'll be back with Marquel. All right, we're back, okay, cool, Yeah, thank you, thank you. You know this for years, I'm Getting'm getting pretty good at it. So, by the way, bro, that's that's strong.

Oh yeah, thank you. Actually I was going to shave it off today, but you know, I just get so attached to it. I know it's hideous. What does it? You know? She is very kind and she says whatever makes me happy makes her happy. But I know, deep down it it probably bothers her, like irritate her upper lip um, because that looks like it would be you know, some serious rash redness right there on the upper lip. No, yeah,

I can only imagine. I think she likes the fact that I consistently change it up, so like I'll go into the bathroom one day, come out and completely shaven, and then I'll go back and like, you know, I don't really stick to one thing. But but no, it's like, yeah, it's very you just getting close to your day, it's getting close to having to be cut um um. But Mark L, thank you for sharing that story with us.

We appreciate it. So you did end up having heart surgery then, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got a fiber latter placed in. Wow. That's and you were saying it was a genetic heart disease too, so it wasn't because of all the cookies you're eating. No that sucks, man. I know, like you're saying, like you're in tip top shape, you're young, you're healthy, and then boom, just like that. It's scary, man. But I'm glad to hear you're doing well. Glad to

hear you're engaged. That's super exciting. You just recently got engaged, right, yeah, yeah, December nineteen. You know, obviously it's a was a terrible monument this year for for everyone, and I just didn't want to go out on a low note. So you know, I was like, you know what, no matter what, I'm doing this. The circumstances of quarantine and social distancing weren't like the the best, but I was able to um hit up some contacts that I had in Vegas. Red

Rock Casino hooked it up really well. Um some friends, some um you know, helped set up the room and then we drove out there from from Cali and uh, you know, I brought my parents and I flew her parents out. So it was just a small intimate setting in a suite and yeah, and said, yes, that was a good thing. That's the I did. So when she went there, and I'm assuming you proposed before you, like, was her parents a surprised like, she said yes, and then her parents popped out. No, nor her parents were

a surprise. Like. So the way I set it up was, I said, hey, we're gonna have dinner um with my parents. But before we go to dinner, my fighter, because I represent UFC fighters, I'm like, my fighters also here and he's staying in the sweet let's go say hi. So as we go into the suite, I had like rose petals on the floor and her her parents and my parents were there. And as soon as she saw them, she started like crying and she was shocked, like what's

gonna happen? And she turned around and now I was on one knee. Nice. Yeah, but as far as I mean over the past couple of years. It sounds like might have even been the worst one. But that's great that you're able to end it on a on a high note, which is good. And it's funny you keep you keep ragging on Vegas. But I was Jared and I have talked over the past month or so. Caitlin and I just bought a house out in Vegas, So hopefully, hopefully you'll give us an inside line on some of

the good spots out there. Oh, congrats, we're at what area in Summerland actually prettylose to Red Rocks Casino. Oh someone is beautiful. Awesome. Yeah, I love that area. That's yeah, we we know it's an older community, which I think is probably gonna be good. You know, we're not gonna be like in the Sinning since part of the city. But uh, but yeah, we're excited. Um, but yeah, we'll moved there yet or is it just like an investment property you guys are going to Uh, we're it's gonna

be a permanent residence. We are moving in aprils when the house is finished being built. It's not finished yet, but yeah, we're gonna stay in l A and also spend time out in Vegas. Uh and who knows, maybe stopping in Rialto on the way out. Yeah, for sure, man, you know, whatever you need. I got a lot of a lot of a lot of cool people in Vegas and you're you're, you're, you're gonna love it. I'm sure

you guys have been there multiple times. But yeah, I feel like when you're a resident there, you see a different side of visas Vegas and you appreciate it more like as a resident you don't spend time in like the Sin City, like the Strip. You just are and it's it's accessible. But outside of Vegas it's like amazing. But it seems perfect for me because there's a lot of golf courses, there's great rock climbing, great mountain biking, great hiking, like all those things that I like to do.

So I love the Red Rocks over there. Yeah, Jared, I think we got some questions for Mark Hell, don't we or some just some host general questions, right, we do have some host general questions that I want to get to Mark Hell. I do want to ask you one question though, So when I was on Paradise, I'll remember I was doing an I T M. As you guys know, they're in the moments, uh where I was doing this interview with the producer and you go into room and you talk, and this particular producer won't see

his name, but you guys both know him. He's the producer you'd like sit down and like have three hour conversations with. And I remember he brought up your name and he was talking about how I don't know how we got into this conversation, but he was seeing your praises, he loves you, and he was saying how he wanted you to be the bachelor. And I remember back then there was rumors about you possibly becoming the first black

bachelor in the franchise. And so now that we have Matt James, who was the first black bachelor, what are your thoughts? How close were you to becoming the bachelor? Uh? And you know, what are your thoughts about the franchise moving forward? Yeah? No, no, no, first, Um, I I love to see that the franchise made that decision. I think they made the right decision. I think Matt James is gonna be a great representative of all the bachelors

and the whole franchise and stuff like that. And I'm and me just not only as like an alum, but also just as as a as a black man, like like I love it, right, Like I don't. I don't subscribe to like say, hey, I'm like I watched every Monday night or whatever like that, you know, just because I'm just busy, but I always support the show. And and I checked in the first episode and it's it's just good to see. But in terms of where I was back then, right, And I appreciate you sharing that

because I love that dude. I don't know if he listens, but you probably talked to him more than every week, never mind said what's up? And I love I really really do. Like there's some special people, as you guys know on that franchise that it's just like irreplaceable. Um. And and yes, he he wanted me or at least like positioned me to to potentially be the first black Bachelor. And at that time, you know, you asked how close was I, uh to becoming that I have no idea. Honestly,

I would assume not that close. Um. But at the same time, like there are points where I can argue, hey, maybe I was close because of the multiple conversations and you know, the I think it was the mental law, right, it's it's it was Chris or myself. Um, that seemingly

one one would argue like would be next? You know? Um, I do remember a conversation with a different producer and you know, when I was back in Vegas and I was like, like, I don't know, you know, if I like, do I want to and think I could like I'm leaning towards yes, right, I'm just going through the through the conversation. However, I remember bringing up my mom and how she would react or my family would have to

deal with scrutiny. Right. So because of my work and like UFC and UH and knowing like media and stuff like that, I felt like it would be a hard decision to make for for me personally because I've uh predominantly dated outside of my race, right my Fyance's wife. And so I had that vision of of Okay, if I am fortunate enough to be elected to be the first black bachelor, right and we have this diverse group, and if I end up with the white woman, what

does that look like? If I end up with Latino Hispanic, what does that look like? Uh? If I end up with the black woman, what does that look like not just for for myself, right obviously, like that's what matters um at the end of the day. But we all know in the world of just media and the franchise, that pressure and and that judgment and you know, that's heavy. And I I like to think of myself as like

a mature, responsible adult. But I had to say, like, honestly, I was like, honestly, I don't know if I would, you know, because I also knew that if I met some woman on there that I, you know, could see myself being with or but not necessarily engaged get engaged to, I they knew, and I knew I wouldn't do it, you know, like I'm stubborn in that sense, like I gotta know, like I'm a slow mover, like I remember them pushing me on Bachelor in Paradise, like you know,

kiss someone, you know what I mean, Like, you know, but yeah, that's part of your charm, though I imagine I don't, you know, I I don't know, man, I'd like to. I like to think I'm an okay guy. And and you know, uh, you know, some people are gonna hate me. Some people are gonna like be cool with me. You know, I'm just me, but yeah, when it comes to the Bachelor, that was my experience. They went with Chris. I think they made the right decision,

you know what I mean. Um, at the time, I was younger and more emotional, and I remember writing a blog as to my truth of why I thought. And it wasn't a um an indictment on the franchise, but more so like, hey, at in the world was not ready for a black Bachelor? I think, you know, and that's just my own personal opinion. I could be totally wrong, but at that time, it wasn't the time. I felt like they do much better if they would have a black woman on first, right, which they ended up doing.

Like it's not like I told him like, hey, you guys should do that, but like like logically speaking in the media world, like that's uh more safer bat I think. And they did that. And then, you know, with everything that's happened on and and and um, a lot of issues of some the negative of right, and I I know the network has already been thinking about it, right that it's not like it was so reactive of like, hey, you know, black lives matter, Let's let's put Matt in there.

It is that they always wanted to do it. I'm a perfect example of you know, they were thinking of that, but it just wasn't the right time and for whatever variable. You know, I think with timing, you know, everything happens for a reasons. So I'm glad it ended up that way, you know, because maybe I probably would have been such a terrible bachelor and they're not. I don't think that, but hey, not being the bachelor of a not being the Bachelor alleged to carry so, like you said, it

all works out in the end. It's interesting to hear you say that too, because Matt, I don't know if you watched the first episode of The Bachelor last week but or whenever it aired, but Matt had the same conversation with Chris Harrison as far as I remember, where he was like, uh, you know, there's expectations of me. I don't know, like I don't want people to criticize

me one or the other, but like it's there. You are opening yourself up for a lot of criticism, and especially as a black man, you're opening yourself up for a lot more criticism, which which it's got to be. It it's probably a scary thing to confront for sure. Yeah, yeah, man.

And and like my hat, my hat goes off to him because yeah, when he had that conversation with Chris before everything kind of started, I was like, I really respect them for having that conversation on Matt side, Yeah and there, because it's just like, you know, it's it's it's really you know, sorry if I'm sorry if that's yeah, you know, it's just like it's real life life that you know, black men go through and have to think about,

you know what I mean. I remember when I first started, like you know, being public with Kerry and going out to certain like white areas, are going back to you know, middle of nowhere, Illinois where she's from, like feeling those eyes, you know what I mean. So I know, like he's going to go through a lot of different emotions, you know, this season or already has, right, it's already been shot. But and I don't know who he ends up with, but yeah, I hope he's handling it well, you know.

And I'm in full support of them, and I know the franchise and the full support of them, but I'll be interested to see kind of what the well he's he's gotta he's gotta got a double time because he is you know, he is the first black bachelor, of course, but is also the first ever bachelor to never have been a contestant on the Bachelorette minus I guess, the first bachelor ever. But like, you know, that's that in and of itself is crazy. It doesn't matter if you're white, black,

or whatever. But like you know, because you kind of, like, for instance, Marquel, you were on Bachelorette and then you want a Bachelor in Paradise. When you want to Bachelor Paradise, you're like kind of knowing what you can expect because you had been through the whole process. This guy has never been on reality TV before. You know, That's that's crazy enough as it is. That's true and that and

that was something I learned. I thought he was on like a previous season or whatever, but when he was like, yeah, they just brought him off, you know, for from the street or whatever, Like man, more more power to him. You know. That's what makes me. I love Matt as the Bachelor. I you know, he's obviously he looks the part. He fits the part. He's tall, he's good looking, he's charismatic.

One of the things that I love watching the first episode was the fact that he has this wide eyed look about him because this is the first time he's going through the process as well, where previous bachelors who are fantastic and obviously I'm friends with Ben and Nick, they they have this certain comfort level about them because they have been through it before, right, so they kind of helped the women along and this is how it's kind of done, and they have a certain confidence about them,

where Matt was kind of lost along with the women. And for me, watching that, like Matt go through this process for the first time along with the women that he was talking about was so endearing. It just like made me love Matt as the bachelor even more. And I think it's something that maybe the show should consider moving forward, because I didn't realize how much i'd really really like a bachelor just doing this for the first time and trying to figure it out along with the

women because it's such a bonding experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that that's that's such a good point, um, And it makes for not only just just great TV, but just like just such a humanistic lack of response because it's such fresh because he's coming in without having any preconceived like right like like experience. He's all of us on On Night one when we were on the Bachelorette, it was like, what the hell are we doing with our lives? Like what is going on right now? Yeah? Night night one?

Man that if anything, I don't know if you guys are the same way, but like that is my like example of where I tell people I'm like that Night one was traumatizing. Oh dude, so bad, Like it's for for me. Walking out Night one, it was like I was surrounded by a bunch of I was the youngest person in my season, so I was surrounded by a bunch of older guys who were like super successful in their careers, and I was like, I felt so out of place. I was like, I have no reason to

be here. Uh. But now Matt like he still has to have these first night jitters. But it's just so weird to think that he is the reason that all of them are there. You know, like when you're there night one of the Bachelorette, you're you're just like one person of thirty to get this girl's attention. But he is his first night is he's like that he's the main event, like he's the reason everyone's there. I don't know, it's gotta be. It's definitely gotta you uh, interesting experience,

but it's a world wind to say the least. Um, But Marquel, we do have some questions for you now, usually we do, like listen, we're two dudes on a podcast called help Us, like a danting, So sometimes we ask ourselves some random dumb questions because that's what guys do. So we figured why not jump right into that right now? Um? Alright, so Dean, can can we pause real quick? I said the question for Jared? Did you just say WorldWind? Is

that not an expression? You said? World wind? Hold on, hold on, hold on, everyone settled down for a second. Just everyone calm down. It's a whirldwind. Okay. I are okay, okay, thank you, thank you. I'm so sorry. I thought you said world wind. I probably did. Listen. Well, I grew up in the Hode Island public school system, bro, what do you expect from me? Okay? People from Rhode Island. We grew up in RhE Island. We we live in Rhode Island, and then we die in Rhode Island. Okay,

we don't know the outside world. I'm I'm one of these people that escaped briefly. Alright, alright, anyway, ran with it Jared and said, yeah, wind revolved around the world, as to try to explain, So the wind factors in you know, the world spins around, bro, don't you know? Don't you know the world's flat? Um? Yeah, and then the wind blows over it. All right, So Dean markl and I'll answer this too. What is your most embarrassing moment in junior high or high school? Uh, most embarrassing

moment in junior high or high school? I'll go with high school probably probably, And this is all pertaining to women, whatever you want. Oh shoot, uh, I don't know, man, probably like getting caught by my mother, um, trying to have have Yeah, what was that after some cookies and wine? Right, probably cookies and capri son at that time. But yeah, yeah, my momked walked in on me one once and I was, well,

walked in you alone or with somebody else? No, no, with with with uh someone at the time, and like like we're getting in the process of having things happen, you know, it's like, what was the what was your reaction? I ran towards my mom for some reason, like I ran towards her like, oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I remember saying it's all good. I wish you just would have called me so I can drive around the block a few times. Response. Oh, so she's supportive of it, though,

she said homely about it. Well, I'm the youngest of three boys, like I have no sisters, so she's seen it all right, and my brothers were like, I'm the good one of my family. And yeah, so she she was like very supportive. I was super super young, Dean. What was your most embarrassing I was gonna still actually and ask you what years was so I could have some more time to think. Well, honestly, I was trying

to think of one, but this probably is the most embarrassing. So, Mark Kelly, you got walked in on with a girl where me and my teenage years, my younger teenage years, I got walked in on by myself. Nice, so that that was true, but it was my dad, so like you know, it was I was just in my room, and you know, I'm probably like twelve or thirteen at this point, and like you can only imagine with twelve

or thirteen year old boys doing the room. So I'm you know, discovering things, and uh, my dad just like walked in. But it was just so traumatizing. And then he immediately was like oh and then closed the door. And then it was just like that moment where I'm just you know, standing or laying there. I don't even remember because I just blurted out of my memory and you know, you have to like go sit down at the dinner table in like two hours. And uh, but

my dad was great about it. So he like came into my room a little while afterwards and he's like, you know, just if you you know, you ever won't talk, just let me know. And then he but then he was like just you know, in the most dad way possibles, like just just don't do that. I'm like, okay, Dad, Yeah, I just looking back on it now in my thirty two year old stuf from like, what horrible advice? Dad? You told me just not to do it? That is amazing.

That's that's what your American five moment. Yeah, that's your American five moment. Well that's kind of where my mind goes to, is my dad walked in on me once when I was like maybe a twelve yeah, probably twelve or thirteen, similar age to you, Jared, And uh, I thought I was like home from home from school six that day, so I thought I had the house to myself.

He like opened the door and I like look up and he's just standing there and he like turns around and his walks away like he like pretending like he didn't see anything. And then like the next day, my mom talked to me. She goes, hey, were you doing something naughty in the room yesterday? And know I'm talking about I was just I was just sitting there. I

don't know what you're talking about. So that that probably was like one of the more embarrassing moments for me, But I was trying to think more of like what could have happened like in school that would have been really embarrassing. And surely there were plenty of things, but um, that's definitely the first one that comes to mind is whenever you get caught in the act of something like that, man, it stays in your brain. That's it's a moment you'll

never forget. It's certainly certainly all right. So Mark ellen Dean, this one's a little bit more raunchy. What is the best time of day, uh you know, to be uh in in in the mood, in the moment. What's the best time of day for sex? Okay? I was about to say, like for ourselves or like, oh no with somebody else. We're moving on to our adult years now, all right, Um, I mean me, I'm just yeah, nighttime, like right, Like, I don't know, I'm not much of a morning person. I don't mind any morning, but I

prefer night. As I get older, it's like, I don't know, four five pm, I'm exhausted by a like you're pushing this and that's why he's got to be a morning person. I think morning is the best time to do it. Morning. You're absolutely you wake up, You're already you know, you just had a couple of good dreams. You're already feeling a little like vigorous down there. So I have to ask you, guys, though this is a guy question. It's just like, are you guys just getting it there? Are you?

Are you going to brush your teeth and wash up first? Or like, what like just raw dog in it? What are we doing? Wow, we're bringing raw dog to the help by suck at Dating podcast. Uh, you know, you know what it is you found the right girl if you can kiss or you fell in the right person, if you can kiss them in the morning before you brush your teeth or they brush your teeth, because if that's if that doesn't taste bad to you, full of mouse, full of mouth kissed, Oh yeah, full mouth kiss I

agree with Jared. I'm the same way. I don't need to like brush or anything in the morning. What I've noticed, actually, what's funny is Caitlin and I Kaitlin got like this California king size bed and it is massive. Like we when we were visiting my brother in Montana, we stayed in a queen size bed and it literally it felt like a tiny, little cop But so this California king bed that we sleep on, I like wake up in the morning and I'm like good six ft away from her,

you know what I mean. It's the craziest thing. And so sometimes, um, it's just it's just like a weird thing because normally, you know, you wake up in the bed next to someone and you're like right there. But I've like dig through blankets and pillows just to even see if she's still in bed without even realizing it.

But no, I'm the same way as Jared. I think that if you like get up to brush and all those things, that kind of like takes away from the experience in my opinion, and it's like our I'm ready for coffee. Yeah, let's just do it tomorrow. Yeah, let's just so I'll just figure it out later. Alright. Last question a little bit more thought provoking, uh, Mark, Helen Deane. Where do you guys picture your life at uh in

your later years? Like hopefully knock on wood, the earth is still here and we're all still healthy and here. Where do you picture your life when you're seventy eighty years old? Mark? Oh? Yeah, you know it may say, it may sound strange. I look forward to being if I'm blessed enough to make it that far, to being like an eighty year old man like I I want to be so awesome to like my grandkids and or

great grandkids. I picked myself dancing, flirting, uh with carry my wife, you know, um, just embarrassing, just being super like. I feel old people get a pass for everything, like public or at the house. I'm gonna do what i want, say what I want when I want. How I want so that, and hopefully we'll have a ton of money, a lot of real estate, and yeah, no worries or

cares in the world. There's a joke by a comedian named Tom Segur who talks about he can't wait to be at an age where he gets yelled at for trying to help out, like he tries to take the garbage out, and his daughter will be like, are you out of your mind, Hadie? You'll die. Sit down, don't do anything exactly exactly. I'm kind of in the same boat as Marquel. I'll be very happy if I make it to that age, you know, grateful to be there.

I suppose. I imagine if I get there, I'll probably be, you know, contending to make the cut for the senior p g a uh, because that's probably gonna be the only thing I'm gonna be doing at that age anyway. Although with the advancements of like modern medicine, we could be nine years old and feel like we're forty So who who the who the hell? No, you look at Tom Brady. I mean, granted, we're never I mean not never,

but we're hard pressed to achieve his level of wealth. Um, but you know, we got we got a long way to go. It's not impossible, but no, I agree, Yeah, just playing golf. Hopefully wealthy enough to where I don't have to worry about anything. I guess we'll see, But yeah, Jared makes a good points, like if the world is still around, hopefully given the right, right, given the right we've been going, I would say it's fifty fifty. It's a coin flip at this point, not off to a

hot start. Let's just put it that way. What about you, Jared, You're gonna have grandkids, great grandkids, and I hope, I hope, yes, similar to Marquel, hopefully you know, have some grandkids running

around and just uh it's weird. I mean, this is uh really morbid, but it's you know, in my life, the only family I've ever really known is is my parents and my cousins and aunts and uncles, and you know, to think about if lucky enough to be at seventy eight years old to think about like what my family will look like, then it will be so much different, you know, hopefully you know, my family will be kids

and grandkids. Uh. And so it's like that's when I'm most fascinated with to see the like you know, the evolution of of of family and friends. So anyway, um, but let's take a quick break. We also have some emails, of course from the best listeners in the world Suck Army, uh so stay tuned for that. But first we're gonna take eight quick breaks. All right, everybody, welcome back to help I suck at dating. We're gonna get into some emails. We love our emails. Thank you guys so much for

sending them in. You know, it's obviously always been one of our favorite parts. But before we do that, I just want to say one thing. If you're listening to this, you probably suck at dating and need some help getting back out there. And we all know it can be hard and you may not know how to start where to look. But we know the perfect matchmakers that can help you find your perfect match at three Day Rule, because let's be honest, your time is too valuable to

go on bad dates. With one of the largest and most selective networks in the country, Three day Rule will get you the dates you want. That's right, Bad dates sucks, so make sure you sign up today using our link three day Rule dot com slash I heart that's three Day Rule dot com slash I heart and three is held out. It's not the number th h R E day rule dot com slash my heart. You will thank us later. All right, let's get an email. So we

have the first email. But I think Mark hopefully is listening in and is willing to jump in and help us out with you guys. Absolutely. In fact, we have one for Jared and one for Dean today perfect none from Markel. We'll start with the one for Jared. This is from April. I have a question about Jared and n Ashley's story. I'm in a similar situation, and I'm so curious to know what your thoughts were throughout the

time you chose not to date Ashley. I can understand how she felt, but not much was said about what you were thinking and why you hadn't wanted to date her for a while. I think a lot has been said about my thought process during those years. I think I've covered it extensively. But for April again, it just, uh, you know, the the nervousness of jumping into a situation being unsure about it. I love Ashley obviously more than anything.

Ashley was not my type when I first met her physically, of course she's stunning, But I always was attracted to more Demur girl Demir girls and shy and quiet, and and Ashley is a complete opposite of that. Actley is very emotional, says exactly what's on her heart. Uh, it's her best quality, but something that I just never really

saw on a partner. And so it was like a process of me just accepting the fact of dating someone that I never really tried dating before dating someone who wasn't in my uh, you know that I thought I could build a life with. And so it was just a lot of things and and you know, ash had this this thought of me of what I was as a human being, as a guy, which I wasn't. You know,

I I could never reach her expectations. So keeping her at arm's length was always my way of It was like a defense mechanism to be like, no, I'm crazy. You'll find out. And she now knows I'm crazy, but it's too late. You know, I put a ring on it. Um. So that was a little bit of insight of of

what was happening. But I feel like I feel like your guys situation is somewhat similar to Markel and carries maybe less of like the obsessive, you know, Ashley over you situation, but they were it sounds like they were friends for a long time before they started actually like getting very serious about the relationship. So what what what changes do you guys? I know you said that Carrie was like there throughout the entire time, but like, well

was it. Like, Let's be honest, usually in a friendship there's one person that wants to date someone more than the other. So where would you have categorized yourself, Marco? I would say I was the one in the relationship that wasn't ready. I I kept her at at a distance because I felt at one point I was not deserving of her, you know, So I was. I was in that mode where where she just kept telling me, Hey, I love you as is, I accept you as is, I'm I'm with you as is, and I'm like, no, no,

no, no no, Like you don't understand. I've done so many crazy things in my life and I'm not rich. I don't come from money. Yeah, So it's so it's so funny. So Caylin and I were actually just having the same conversation with each other. Well, so Kylin was like filming for her YouTube channel a Q and A between the two of us, and one of the questions was when did Dan know that Kaylin was the one? And I

had think the exact same answer. I was talking about how when I kept showing like my worst sides of myself or like just pure honesty, Like everyone like Ashley and Carry thought you guys were these, you know, fantastic men. And you know, I'm not saying you're not, but they probably thought that you were, uh way better than you

are in a broad sense. And I feel like everyone kind of has those blinders on, especially when they meet someone they really like and then you live with them and you realize they're messy or you know, they played too many video games, they don't put the toilet seat down,

like all these things that really humanize you. Um And with Kaylin, that was my response to I was like, she, you know, I kept showing the worst sides of myself, which were just like the honest, truthful sides of myself, and she always said, yes, please, like give me more. I you know, that's why I appreciate, like you're You're perfect just the way you are. And I think that's kind of the moment that that kind of allows you

to go from friends to uh serious relationship. Yeah, like, uh, if I can add really quick, it was the in the times that we were friends, I was just so overly honest, like I told her what I did this and when I did that, and probably too honest to where I started to learn like, hey, like there's a difference between like communicating and just like oversharing, you know.

And it was at that point to where like I felt like that judgment but it was just me having to like mature and kind of accept myself more, you know what I mean, and feel and feel deserving of of her right. But how how good is it now? Where it's like if something, if there's like a topic that gets brought up, you know, you don't have to like tiptoe around the subject because all of those like all of those albums have already been talked about and

exploring everything. Yeah, no, it makes it so much easier, you know, because Yeah, if you get in to a relationship in my opinion, like too soon too early, without knowing each other and you start unpacking stuff, that's when it's like, okay, you know, I hate that about you or I'm judging this about you, and you know, whereas you know, we kind of started off as like a mess, you know, and kind of like cleaned up from from from there, you know, And I was selfish, you know.

I don't necessarily try to give this as advice, but me, I always think like you should be selfish at the beginning of a relationship, and then you move up the curve to selfless, you know. Yeah, so I felt as opposed to the other way around. Can you expand upon

that a little bit? Yeah, so, like like you gotta be selfish, meaning like when when Carrie and I were friends and and started dating, like she knew, my work came first, my family came first, you know, my ambitions came first, and then when we had time to hang out, then I would and then we would just live in the moment and be present with one another. But that is like a non negotiable with with me. And again

I'm I'm stubborn, and that's just what it was. So she kind of knew right away that hey, she can either play along or try to like buck that system. But if if she would buck, we may have grown separately. So instead of like just trying to like necessarily fit me, she also was doing her own thing and being independent

or whatever. So as we started to grow, we just learned like you know what, like we've been doing all the selfish stuff for ourselves, but we love it more like when we have our time, like why not grow business together? Why not planning together? Why not save money together? And then it started becoming like now my perception is like, okay, how can I see her, you know, be the best

version of herself? And to your point too, I think I think one of the big positives that come from being selfish, at least at the beginning is let's say your partner tries to tell you to stop hanging, like stop doing all these things that you want to be doing. Then you start to like build a bit of resentment towards them for not letting you do the thing that you want to be doing, which you can only lead

to bad things exactly. And because if you start off selfless and in trying to do that, like say if I was like if if she said, hey, don't hang out with your friends, and I was like, okay, at the beginning, I don't hang out, and I start to build this resentment and then towards that curve what I'm gonna turn into a selfish and I'm gonna start hanging out with my friends, and then by all that time and effort and energy that you guys put into the relationship,

that's what the viewpoints are. Is like you went, you were selfless at the beginning of our relationship, but now you're doing all everything on your own and you're and you're selfish, and that's what I feel like, cause like nasty breakups. Yeah, I agree, And it was interesting you said that you didn't feel like you were good enough for your carry at the time, which is exactly how I felt as well, because I feel like a lot of girls don't buy the excuse of your too good

for me. A lot of guys will say that, and some guys are using a bullshit they totally are, but I also feel that a lot of people out there truly feel that way. And not to quote perks of being a wall far, but I'm gonna quote it. We accept the love we think we deserve, and that's true for a lot of people out there because as guys like especially you know, not people human beings who can kind of self reflect. I feel like for me personally, it's even with Ash. It was like, no, no, no no,

you don't understand. Like you might think I'm great. I'm I'm like, I know the thoughts that go up in here, and some are like really disgusting and I don't know why they are. But like I I don't know what I'm doing with the future of my life, Like I'm just a mess. So you just please Uh so, I I totally agree with you there. But Mark, can you read the next email? I think we answered that pretty well.

Nice transition, Jerry, all right, this is from Marissa. She says, so I followed my dreams and I got a converted van to live in this year where it has been tough, but dating in general it is hard with living van life. Dean as a fellow van life for if you were still single and exploring in your van, how would you approach your dating life? How do you recommend meeting quality people? Um? Well, Marissa, first and foremost, thanks for emailing us. We appreciate it.

It's a great question. Uh, there's actually an episode that we recorded. I want to say, maybe like six months ago with my friend Michelle, who is uh well at the time. I think she's in a relationship now, but at the time she was single in living van life full time, and she was talking about the struggles that she's faced and how she is able to kind of curb that. So go back and check that one out.

But I I do think she ran in some issues because you know, she's traveling around a lot, she's in a in a town for not very long, and then she's on the road. So even if you meet someone, it's like, well, you're gone all of a sudden. Um. But the nice thing about living the van life is you know you're not um. You're not stuck in like a house or an office for a large part of the day. You're doing things like hiking, rock climbing, skiing,

whatever it is. And so what you need to do is, you know, explore those hobbies and interests and then meet someone while doing them, preferably that shares those interests with you that you can then go out and do those those things with. And it really depends on like if you're moving around from spot to spot. I unfortunately haven't really been able to live in the van full time for about over a year since I broke the legs, So maybe I'm not like the best person for this advice.

But uh, definitely, like do you're the things that interest you, like hiking or whatever it is, mountain biking, it doesn't matter. Find someone that also like those likes those same things, and then you know whether it starts as a friendship or like a companion thing where you guys go out and do those things together, then it gets snow volunteer

relationship from there. But in terms of like living in the van full time and moving around so much, it's probably tricky because you're so nomadic and you're moving around all the time. Um, you just gotta find someone that's doing that same thing and then you know, if it works, it works, If it doesn't, it doesn't. But I also feel like living in a van, it's kind of a time where you don't really even need to like prioritize

being in a relationship. It's a time where you should like do the things that you want to do to make you happy. And I think by doing those things that will eventually lead you to the person that you need to be with. So hopefully that helps. But like I said, go back and listen to the episode. I can't remember the name of it, but it was with Michelle Um. So hopefully hopefully that helps a little bit. I feel like you're domesticated now. I feel like Kalen

has domesticated you, Dean. You know, I don't want to say that she's domesticated me per se, but yeah, I mean since dating her, we've bought a house together, we adopted a dog together. You're sleeping in a king bed. Now, who the hell are you, Dean? Not just a king bed, but a California king be It's like a stupidly like a family of six could fit in this freaking thing. It's ridiculous. I'll tell you that king bed is not fitting in the van. No, it's not fitting in a van.

That's for that's for gosh darn sure. I don't know. I think whenever I set out to do the whole van life thing, I said out with the maybe like the preconceived notion that I would do it for like a year to a year and a half. And I did make it just about a year and a half. And so I'm proud of my self for that at least. Uh And I still have it, you know, as a recreational vehicle for like week weekend trips week And I would imagine that you're gonna still travel in it, your van.

The van life is not over for Dean. It's not over, But you're right, it's it's not like it's one thing to have the van and live in it and like have all of your earthly possessions in the van, and another thing to have the van while also like having a garage to like keep everything else, you know what I mean. So, Um, it's a little saddening. It's a little saddening, but you're right. There's definitely gonna be some big van trips where I'll spend like at least a

month or so in the van traveling around. I still want to do like a trip down to Mexico and Central America. Uh, and then obviously up north too. So there's there's still a lot of memories to be had with the van for sure. Um, is that gonna do it? For this week's episode? Anything else that we want to talk about? I think that there's gotta be some burning There's gotta be some burning questions that we haven't gotten

to yet. I mean, we didn't get too hot topics including Harry Styles dating Olivia Wild, but well, I think that we should at least talk talk about Peter and Kelly breaking up. I know that it's happened, you know, at this point, what a week or two ago, but it's a bachelor breakup, and it's not just a bachelor bachelor breakup, but it is like the bachelor breaking up with his girlfriend, which is a pretty big deal. It

made headlines, you know, so, uh, that happened together. They were together for like six months, like not very long. I don't know. I guess the only reason that I have thoughts on it, and the only reason that well, the only reason we're talking about it is because they were dating. Now they're not, and they were in the

Bachelor as we are. Well, so I don't know if you know, but so obviously Peter was the last Bachelor, but he started dating this girl, Kelly, who was on his season after his season stopped airing, so he picked somebody else. They got engaged, they broke it off, and then like a couple of weeks later, I got like, you know, announced or they post. Not so for me that like he started dating someone that he she was like was like tenth too. It wasn't like he went

to his runner Rob. They just I don't know why. I think the only contribution that I have to that whole thing is Peter reminds me a lot of myself from my first stint on Paradise, you know, like, um, just like unsure of himself, like kind of wants to be like that the bachelor, not like not like the Bachelor, but like be a bachelory, be single, experience being single. Um, you know, kind of like like relish the newfound five

seconds of fame that you're gonna have for a little bit. Uh. And like the idea of a relationship sounds good to him or or me at the time, but I think the practice of it is a little bit more challenging. So that's kind of That's kind of like that's like the one edition or like the one contribution that I have to the whole situation is. I feel like Peter now is who I was a couple of years ago.

And I'm not saying like I'm any better than I was then or or or now or whatever, but like, you know, I think that I think you've grown since then. I think you've definitely grown. But I just feel like he, you know, he wants to be single. He wants to experience the bachelor hud for a little bit, And there's nothing wrong with that. It's just it's just whenever you see a Baschetard breakup, it's always it's always a little saddening. You know. It sounds like he should explore that van life. Man.

That's right. See, I was gonna say he would be like Marquel in Vegas. He needs to explore that life. Yeah. That that's a quick, fast and easy. But with quarantine, you know that is true? A mustache maybe? Yeah? Um? All right, well, thank you everybody for tuning into this week's episode of Help I Second Dating. A big thank you, of course to Marquelle. Marquelle, thanks for co hosting with us. Man, we really appreciate it. Oh my god, any time it

was great. Well, congratulations once again on getting engaged. Any like potential wedding date. Uh, she wants to do it this year for sure, in either August would be the soonest so summer um or latest probably November. We'll have have fun with it. As someone who who's gone through the wedding process, planning, it goes by all too quickly and it can be stressful at times, but it is ultimately so much fun and I would do it all over again. If I could so have fun with it, man, Okay,

thank you, Marquel. Hey, I'm gonna send you my my Vegas address. You'll figure to send the wedding invitation there um. And then if you guys ever want to come over, you know, for cookies and wine by all means, you're more than welcome to. Just make sure you get DN A plus one so I can tag along too. I'm gonna I'm gonna bump Kalin out of the way. I'm going, yeah, for sure, I'm definitely gonna hit you up when I'm

in Vegas. Man, Vegas is a good spot. Hopefully, hopefully everything opens back up soon and we'll do it up right. I love that, alright, I look forward to it all right, fellas. Appreciate you guys. Thanks Marquel and uh so big thank you to all obviously our emailers for sending in all your emails. We love you, Suck Army, we appreciate you. Without you, guys, there is no podcast, so make sure you tune in next week, where hopefully we all suck

just a little less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast