Feeling Tempted with Mark Walberg

into that, we have to talk with Vanessa. Vanessa, I'm just gonna hand it over to you here. Oh okay, I'm gonna try not to get emotional. Well, first of all, uh my I told Mark this already. My boyfriend is a huge fan of Mark Wahlberg. He's been watching him ever since he was on Temptation Island, so he's like a huge fan of his. So I'm really happy you guys have him as a guest co host today. But the reason he's on as a guest co host is because it is my last episode with Help I Second Dating.

And I'm already starting to cry. Um, but these are it's like for me. It's more of a bitter sweet tears like tears right now. It's it was a decision of mine to make this my last episode with the

help I Second Dating family. And I really do say it's a family because when I first came on, well, first of all, this was Dean show to begin with, so this was Dean's help I second dating show, and then Jared came on board, and then I came on board, And it was kind of a risk to kind of have someone who wasn't part of your friend group to be part of the show. So I really just wanted to a say thank you so much for walking me, welcoming me with open arms, because it wasn't a secret.

None of us were friends at the beginning of the show. At least I wasn't friends with you guys at the beginning of the show. But I really do feel like we we grew together, we connected, and I learned so much from not only you guys, but the guests and our listeners and our producers. UM, and so I felt like it was time for me to um take everything that I've learned, all the tools that I've learned from

being on the show. UM. I really felt like every time I called in and every time we recorded my Monday afternoons and my Tuesday afternoons where were like a

therapy session with you guys. And now I have all the tools that I need to somewhat have my life in order and my life together in my life and check and I have so many passion projects that I really want to focus on, and it makes me sad to think that the last year and a half I haven't really been focusing much on my nonprofit, No Better You, which is UM a nonprofit for special education programs in Montreal.

And ever since, I would say the last month or so, things kind of started aligning for me when it comes when it came to education, when it came to my nonprofit, and I had to make a decision as to whether or not I was going to put all of my energy towards that. And that was a sad realization where I had to kind of decide what I wanted to focus on next, and I really wanted to focus on my nonprofits, so it was a really hard decision for

me UM. But like I said, it's I don't feel as though this is my last episode, because I do feel like I'm going to come back on or I'm going to need advice from you guys. And I love talking about relationships, so I still want our listeners to keep listening to you, guys, because it really has been such a learning curve for me, and I guess the learning curve is also taking risks, being able to take risks, because, like I said at the beginning, it was scary for me to come on. Um, I wasn't sure if I

was going to be welcomed. I wasn't sure if I was gonna be liked. I wasn't sure, if you know, if it was going to be a good fit. Um, And it end up being an amazing opportunity. And now I'm taking a risk at saying goodbye and focusing on something else that doesn't make me money, but it makes me really happy. So that's that's my news. Listen, Vanessa,

I get it. You come into the podcast called help I Suck at Dating, you learn how to stop sucking at dating, and then you decided to bow out gracefully, and honestly, I respect that because Jared and I are working on the same thing. It's just taking us a little bit longer. But gosh, I cannot wait to quit

one day. Listen, it's so crazy how well. I just want to say thank you, especially to our listeners, because I get so many dems from them saying, remember when you did this episode when you were single and crying that you were not going to be a mother, that you were going to be in a relationship, and our listeners really either a hold me accountable for the things that I have said and that I wanted to do, and for reminding me of the growth that I've had.

And so it's crazy to think that we all started this podcast completely single, not knowing where life was going to go romantically, and now Jared is married, I'm in a relationship, and Deans in a relationship, and listen, we all evolve together. That's right, Yes we did. It is really sad that you're this is technically your last day. Even though I agree with you, Vanessa, I don't think this would be the last podcast that you are on.

Help I suck at dating? Because yeah, it was Dean's at first, and then I guess co hosted with Kendall Long. I got a random phone call saying would you want to come guest co host? Just too? Just an episode? See how it goes and then we did that, and then the next week I got a call back, and then I think the next week after that was when we interviewed you Vanessa, and then it was just a

good fit. And then I got a phone call saying, Hey, would you want to do help I suck a dating with yourself, Dean and Vanessa going forward and have your own my Heart radio podcast. Um. So this has been a growing experience for all three of us together. So it is going to be weird not having you a part of the podcast, just because I haven't really experienced the podcast without you. Um. And like you said, we didn't,

I mean I don't. I think I met you one time before we started doing the podcast, and and we have all really grown together. And like you said, uh, you're in a relationship now, Dean's in a relationship. I'm married. I was technically dating Ashley when I started the podcast, so I can't say I came in completely single. That would be a lie. Um. But it's been an incredible

experience and it will be really sad to see you go. UM. But I know that once again, my gut tells me this will be This won't be the last podcast you hear from Vanessa Grimaldi. Ah, I love you guys. Honestly, it's been such an amazing experience, and I really have to thank I think we all have to thank the people who don't get enough recognition, Amy Tory, Danielle Easton, Mark who really hold this podcast together, um, and who have helped us through a lot, not only through not

only on the podcast. Um. It's sad, It's sad. But yeah, I really don't think this is gonna be the last time I'm going to be speaking with you guys. And hopefully, if I do need advice, it's not going to be relationship advice, because hopefully from here on out it's going to be smooth sailing for Josh and I. It's probably gonna be wedding planning advice from Jared. Oh my god, you think I'll be more than happy to help you? Okay, guys, tm I not TM I, but actually, just f y

I I've been sending Josh pictures of engagement rings? Is that like a no note or put the pressure on? I think Josh is kind of the guy that would be okay with it. Yeah, but if Kylin was sending me pictures, actually she does an all the time. But I'm thure Josh loves it, and I mean I obviously only think Josh loves that you send those pictures and is taking notes hopefully. Well, I don't know what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to say? Goodbye? We have a we have a bagpipe symphony that's we're

gonna play. You said, ye, Actually Easton is about to stand up and perform it right now, he's not even in studio. Um. Well, for the listeners out there that we're obviously we're all gonna miss Vanessa, I'm sure the listeners, um, we are going to miss you as well. But yeah, like you said, well, we'll hopefully have you back occasionally to give us updates on your life and and check in on No Better You, um, and check in on

that engagement ring shopping from Josh as well. So, um, yeah, we love you, and we appreciate everything that you've done with us and for us, and we obviously know that you're going to continue to crush it and we're looking forward to see that. We're looking forward to hearing more about No Better You. I know you're planning on putting a lot more of your time and effort into it

and we're excited to see what comes from it. So many exciting projects coming up, so I'm very excited to call back in and keep you guys updated with everything that's happening. But thanks for all the love, thanks for all the support, and um, I will definitely miss you guys and our listeners. We Vanessa love you guys can

cry now by um. All right, Well, so in the light of that heavy news, as we mentioned, we have Mark Wahlberg co hosting the rest of the episode with us, and I think we should probably give an update about what we're doing moving forward, because I'm sure people are curious, are we Is it just gonna be the two of us? Are we getting a new guest host? And from my understanding, we are going to get somebody else. We don't know

who yet. Let's told tryouts. If you want to be a co host to help by suck at Dating, please go ahead and follow us on Instagram. Submit your emails to I suck at Dating at iHeart media dot com with a resume attached, maybe um a minute long snippet of your voice. Resume A right, It's not gonna be too difficult. Would be like joining a fraternity you know, I don't know what that means. Don't they have to

go through this rigorous application process initiation. I guess that was just kind of a weird thing to say, because it's it's not a it's a it's a job application. It's not a fraternity application. I understand that. But fraternity as are well known for having a really difficult initiation process. If you want to, if you want to be considered for being a co host of help I Suck a Dating with Me and Jared, email your resume to I

Suck a Dating at iHeart media dot com. We're gonna go through everyone hand pick maybe a few, will have some interviews, We'll talk to some people, will bring some guest co hosts on Trium out and see how it goes. We might even bring someone in from bachel Nation who knows. Who knows, But I think right now until we find somebody else, will be Dean and myself, uh sucking at Dating, and then we'll see what the future has to bring.

Do you know where you gonna say something? Yeah? Um, So we are bringing in some people over the next few months, so we do want to hear from all of our listeners. If there's one co host that they really really love. So if you listen over the next couple of months and there's somebody that stands out, email us and let us know. We want to hear your feedback and help us decide our next co host. And

we always want to hear your feedback. I don't think we we talked about it enough, and that's I think Dean and I have been actively trying to work on engaging more of your voice, whether that be through Instagram to Facebook, group emails. Please keep emailing us your stories, anything you want asked on air, Um, any advice you'd like. We we really want to do a better job of incorporating those questions, uh throughout the podcast. Um, yeah, exactly.

I agree with everything that everyone's been saying this entire episode. I can't wait to agree with everyone else as it continues to drag on. We're gonna take a quick break, but when we get back, we're gonna have Mark Wahlberg in studio with us. He's gonna tell us a little bit about what he's been up to with Temptation Island season two, and then after that we are going to

be answering some listener questions. It's gonna get juicy. We're gonna talk about some taboo topics because those seem to be the most interesting ones for us to talk about. I even get uncomfortable when we talk about them, but I think being uncomfortable in the conversation is a good thing. Yes, and at the end of the day, through yes, exactly. Okay, so we're gonna take a quick break, uh, and we'll jump in to having Mark here. All right, and we are back, and as promised, we have Mark Wahlberg in

studio with us. He was supposed to be a guest, but we love Mark so much we just decided to have him co host the entire episode with us. Come around of applause, guys, A nice help. I suck at dating. Welcome Mark, Welcome to the podcast. I'm a little nervous as a new role as a guest. It's only four minutes or so, but I'm gonna be here for minutes. We're Yeah, We're gonna definitly get our money's worth out of you today. The entire time along you've been You've

been consistently coming to these I Heart podcasts. Right, You've been on this now two times. You've been on scrubbing in with that Gatilly An Tanya rad I know those are like obviously like that's better than Temptation Island kind of goal on my show business circle. And basically actually today I got here before they opened up the lobby and I had to kind of like gangster my way up and they're everybody's coming into work on what are you doing here? I'm like, good morning. I was like

the greater how juice sneak in this morning? I couldn't even get on this floor, you know, I uh, you just do the same thing you do when you're try and get into the apartment complex. Somebody's open the door and pretend you got bags in your hand and walk in. You seem like a very savvy man who can just talk his way into and out of everything. I have a few stories. You have more than just a few stories. You're telling me. One about poker last night, though, was

very intriguing. But you are known for your hosting career that you have done so many different shows, Shop Till You Dropped, the Big Day, Weakest Length, Pyramid, Joe Millionaire, Russian Lett, Test the Nation, and of course Temptation Island Seasons one and season two, which is currently airing Thursday nights on U s A at ten p m Central. Okay, I didn't know that you were a host of Weakest Link.

That wasn't I was on as a guest. But by the way, what people talk about the shows you hosted, and they read this long list and people like, damn, the guys had a career. All that says that's how many shows got canceled. I was then kind of the same thing. But I don't want to say. It's like, you want one show that lasts for twenty years, but we talked about one show you did twenty years ago that comes back twenty years later. So tell me what by this week is linking? So you weren't the host

of week. It's actually pretty cool story. So I wasn't the host. No, they were doing a celebrity version with all TV hosts as guests, and I knew the producer. And I get a call like on a Tuesday saying, Hey, we'd love for you to be on the show on Friday. I'm like, who did you cancel? Who am I filling in? No? You know you are our first choice, Like, dude, don't hustle a hustler. I know that I'm the fill in,

but whatever. So I show up and it's it's me and Ben Stein and Mario Lopez and Martha Quinn from MTV and John Sally a bunch of ru Paul I think it was on the show. I can't remember, and um, and I end up winning the whole thing, but it goes down to the very end and um. The the morning, I get a I'm on the phone and my son, who's like eight years old at the times, in the back seat of the car and he's like, Dad, Dad, Dad. I'm like, Morgan, I'm on the phone. It's like, Dad,

what's a million times a million? I'm like, I don't know. He says, well, I asked my teacher. It's a trillion? Is the number one? Followed by twelve zeros. I'm like, dude, I told you when I'm on the phone, you can't interrupt me. I'm doing business, and you know that whole thing. Get to the final part of the show, like had made it to the very end, and the final question is what's the American word for the number one? Followed

by twelve zero? And I literally looked at her and I wanted to say, you gotta be shipping yeah, and I looked like I knew that. It just like had that like, oh yeah, did you give credit to your son on area You're like, I'm gonna take this one. I took it, and then he said, so how much do we make? I said, well, you get half of the Karma charity that because experience. What's your favorite show you've ever hosted? I think Temptation Island. Yeah, let me you know. I get asked that a lot, but I

like doing comedy, so Russian Roulette was funny. I got to, you know, kind of bust off people through the whole. Yeah, it's a pretty badas show. That's was really great. I used to kind of geek out on Game Show Network a little bit. To be honest, I was a big Lingo guy. I love a great story about Lingo. Please share. I don't know how much I can incriminate myself on this one. Well, I don't care. Yeah, many years ago, okay, so I was doing I can't believe I'm telling this story.

Anybody who incriminates themselves always starts off saying it was many years ago. I was young, so and it's on YouTube too, so so I get booked too, come on Lingo as a celebrity guest, because all the GSN game show hosts are gonna show up and host and and

be contestants. And I'm like cool, but I didn't read my email and I'm not really paying attention, and I forgot what day it was, so I it's like a Friday, like a holiday, and I'm on my way to the gym and I'm, you know, already gone for the weekend, all right, I'm like checked out, and I'm like irresponsibly checked out, and I kind of gonna go to gym and play basketball and then I'm just gonna chill. So I may or may not having justested something that currently

is legal but may not have been. Then yes, so I was way high, So you're fine, all right. And then the phone rings. It says you're supposed to be the studio now, and I get like every panic dream from high school you've ever had, like, oh my god. And now time stands still. I don't know what happened. Somehow, I get back home and I get a suit and I'm dressing while driving, which is kids don't do this

at home. And I I get to the studio and I like dumped my car with a p A and I run in and they dust my face with makeup, and all of the executives are there and I have no clue what's going on. And all the other contestants have learned the game and watched it. I've never seen it. I have no clue. It's my worst nightmare and I am gone right now. Mark Summers is my UH partner. And then Kennedy from Fox News Now and Graham Elwood who really big podcast are really smart. These two are

genius smart are the other team. It's just every worst nightmare ever. The only rules of the game I get are the ones Chuck Wildery slurs at the beginning, right, and again, I'm not really focused. I break the record of the highest score ever. When you see it, and you know, I know you're gonna google this, I'm in a zone. I come up with words I didn't even know existed. Break the record. You want to know how much Kennedy and Graham scored zero? Zero? Yeah, that's how.

It just shows you that we would do well on that show. Like the biggest idiots are the ones that do well in those shows. No not, You're not the first Today to do it like someone who's high. You has no idea what's going on, baked out of their mind, and then they go on no idea how to play the game, and then they break the record. I think the takeaway might be so you never should prepare for game show. That's the takeaway that it's not necessarily as bad for you as people thought it back in the day.

I think takeaway probably the necessary step in getting it. You're decriminalized and then now being legal. I've done what I can to help America. You're a pioneer. I can't believe I told that story and now I could just hear the people yelling at me. I love it and honestly like, yeah, that happens now who that carres? No, it's legal. So so you are currently hosting Temptation Island season two though, because last time you were here, you're just wrapped season one. Yeah, and they didn't fire me,

so I'm back. It's fantastic And you wanted. Who I was hanging out with actually in Croatia about a month ago was Morgan and Evan. Oh, they were in Croatia. I saw that. Now I just sit at home and watch you guys on Instagram living the life I wish I had. So I was with both of them there. I never met them before, and I was like, okay, I gotta hang out with some reality TV people here.

But they were like so nice. I love them. They were like, he reminds me of I mean, I love Evan, but he reminds me of that big sort of happy dog. And she's just like the calming force that a relationship they were. They were great. They were a good looking couple. He was never in a bad mood. She was fantastic. We spent like a week on a yacht together and like I was at first, I was dreading it. Met them and I was like, okay, we're basically best friend.

I like, yeah, that was at we can Kasia like a couple like a month ago, two months ago, whatever it was. When you're contestant on these shows, you get the hookups. When you're the host of the shows, you're hanging out in Sherman Oaks waiting for a podcast called I don't Know Tell Chris Saras and that acast. Now that's my rap. Get me back on lane go. So, Mark, you've been married for over thirty years to your beautiful wife, Robbie,

what's your secret? You know? I used to have an answer for that that I thought was really cute, and then Robbie's like, why don't you just tell the truth, and um, So there are a lot of secrets, but she says, well, the biggest secret is that we love each other. Like that's it. I kind of love her,

she kind of loves me, and that's why we stay together. Yeah, but I feel like a lot of people say love might not be enough to well, that's the marriage last really great segue into the answer I normally give is really true for me, and it's not romantic. Look, I love my wife. I think she's hot, she's beautiful, she's she is to bomb. But love lust like or fluid, it doesn't. It's not an everyday thing, right, And that's where people get trapped. I think people are like, it's

all hot and great. Now it's not so hot and great. I'm out. Life has a way of teaching you lessons when you live long enough, so something happens you like God forbid, you go to the doctor and you're you're like waiting for three days to find out if you're gonna live or die, like some some diagnosis or you know, there's all or you go bankrupt, or you know, ship hits the fan. In those moments, you go to the

only place where there's comfort. Right. And for me, early in my career, when I was in trouble, right, there were things going on and I got really anxious, really bad. That's that was the good days before I discover that when you're really in trouble, there's only one person that gives you comfort. And so when I learned that, I'm like, whether I like her or lover or lust for her, today, I need her every day, like I don't know how

I'm gonna get through it without her. So when you kind of get that you're kind of screwed without her, then you have to look past those things that break a lot of people up. Really early in our I got married at twenty four, you know, before my birthday, so really early. And and the other thing is I got married with nothing right, I didn't have a job. I was about to ask, when did your career take

off age wise? Like still waiting on the first round of success started happening, maybe around when I was thirty. I got in the business like a twenty five. I started as a runner, like bringing coffee to people and stuff. Because we talked about this last week on our podcast about how Hugh Jackman similar to his wife and they have such a good foundation of love because they were married before his career as well. Now there's another level,

so that that's right. So the other thing that works in our favors that we were dumb enough to get married when we didn't have anything. When I met her, she had a fork, a plate, So I was an upgrade for her. I could get her a whole place setting like two people can can get your napkins I need. That's right, even like maybe you know a gravy boat, and that's in our opinion, if you're lucky, I'll get you that's right. But then that's not romantic. So anyway,

we got married with nothing. So everything that I have, we have. There's not a heart stuff and my stuff thing. There's not a get my ship together before I get married things. So when you think back, the old days are like prearranged marriages and stuff like that. While from a sexist standpoint and a evolved in woke standpoint, I don't I'm not down for the pre arranged marriage, but there was a method to that madness. If you're virgins when you got married, this is the best sex you've

ever had. If you have nothing, when you get married, you build a life together and that becomes what love is. Love is, you know, often not romantic. The romantic stuff is awesome. But the reason we partner with somebody is to survive it, to get through the winter with somebody that we trust, who's got our back, relationship that hopefully you grow into a tenderness. Yeah. You go through love and you you go through life, and you need a team.

Life is difficult enough going through it alone. And I think that's why a lot of people get married, because you want a teammate to go through it because there's going to be a lot of struggles ahead and to share the successes with. Did it ever become challenging once you started seeing the successes, you become this, you know, international man of mystery. Yeah, you know. Luckily my wife was a uh success in show business, but as a child, so she knew the game. So that was a huge part.

Is that if I had married a civilian, somebody out of the business, it would be hard to justify choices we make of life because show businesses, show business, show business. Baby. Yeah, that's right, baby, What do you mean by that? I mean, you know, like having to be ready at a beck

and call. She gets show business from a cellular level from her life, right, So like for us, if something really bad happens and we have a show to do, Like for us, you do the show and then you show up the hospital like I I had a kidney stone and did a show in front of two thousand people, finished the show into the hospital. That's just how we roll. That's just and it doesn't make sense. It's it's an old school vibe. But because she understands this game, she

understands when press says this or shows get canceled. Look, she's a wife who's willing to ride with a guy who's long term commitments are thirteen weeks at a time, with great gaps of years in between, where we're like, oh shit. So to look in the most people in a marriage, when it really hits the fan, you're broken. There's no hope for the future. They're out. My wife is like, I've seen it this show business. She's down.

So we put more water in the soup and we yell at each other in the kitchen and go, shoot, what are we gonna do? And then God provides and we're all good. So now we're kind of and that's why some of the stuff on Temptation Island is from life experience. I gotta tweet today saying are you a therapist?

I'm like, no, I'm a game show host, dude. But I've been on the planet, you know, and I've got some scars and I've learned some stuff, and you know, it just gets really down to you know, authenticity, trust and something bigger than you. Everything's gonna work out the way it is. Worrying about it today doesn't fix it tomorrow. And just you know, find somebody that you know, I always tell people you're always saying, yeah she's great, but

she's crazy. Well yeah, we're all crazy. Just find the crazy, you dick. You know. Well, So while you were, you were on the subject a little bit about Temptation Island Season to tell us about this one? What is it? How is it different in season one? What are you excited about? Because it's not it hasn't aired yet's wrapped filming just wrapped and see episode one aired last Thursday episode with Thursday's at ten okay, got you? So I missed the first I missed the premier episode of season two.

All right, the ratings of dip because that's all right, it's only my career. If you're listening to this episode of Help, I Suck you dating, tune into Temptation Island season two on Thursdays on USA Networks. Do you know how many likes on your Instagram come from me? You know how much I've done to support you? Everything I just said about Bravo get the hell out of here occasionally, but no USA Network and Temptation Island season two. We're

two episodes. And by the way, one of the things I love about the show is I never see it. I shoot it, and then everybody else seems to get advanced copies of the episodes, but me, so I'm like watching them on the air. I don't know where we are in the story, but and it's awesome because my as the host, I see them at the bomfire, like what you see the bonfire is legit. It's very loose, no script. We're kind of feeling our way through that

and I'm kind of really feeling them. And then whenever you see me see them is when I see them the rest of the stuff I'm discovering on the air, you know, watching it with the viewers, and I'm like, damn, I had no idea that that was going on when I was talking to them about this, and I wonder if it would have changed my game. But really, you're

not informed about anything that's real. Bit so figured you would have to be just so things that you didn't see in person you can be aware of when you're talking to them whenever you talk to them, right, So there is some of that. So the way that goes down is like on a bomb fire night, I'll get there and it's kind of great because where the bonfire was set up there was a sort of an outdoor lani patio thing why, and we would sit there. You

can't do anything til the sun goes down. So the crew setting up and I'm sitting kind of with um my wardrobes, tylist and my makeup artist and the writer who become my best friends because we hang out together, and the sun setting and it's just you just kind of get into that Hawaii Maui chill, which is perfect to kind of vibe get yourself ready for what's going to be the night, and then the executive producer, one of the executive producers that come down and we'll just

basically talk about where people are. You know, where are they and what triggers are coming for them? Where are they triggered? What what's the meat? And then I don't look at the clips because I when I say to them, I don't know what's in the clip. I want to be honest about that. And then we kind of just sort of game plan where we think they are. But then when we get into the bonfire, I have an earpiece, so if there's something I missed, they're gonna fill me in.

But I don't have cars. There's there's nothing, man, We're just literally vibe in it out like you see it much longer than you see it. What what what do you do to fill the days? Like say you're waiting for the bonfire to come at night? Like do you go play golf? What does your day look like while you're not working in Hawaii? Um? Pretty awesome. It looks like your Instagram. The surfing. I took up surfing this time. I'm pretty bad at it. But just paddling around out

there getting hammered into the reef is character building. But you know, so that became a thing I would do as often as I could for an hour. So I can't really stay in the water that longer, get too tired. But um, I'm m go surfing. We might go for a snorkele. We might, you know, Um, I played around a golf or two. But um, a little bit of a time stuck for me and I and it's sort of not sure if I'm gonna get called in. And you know, We've got our haunts we like to go to.

And my wife and I your what, Yeah, I brought my wife the home. No, not your wife haunts. Haunts. We like to go those restaurants and stuff. Okay, little did you go to Mama Mama's fish Mama's fish house? Yeah, I went to Mama's fish Houses on the other side of the island, so and it's delicious, But to get a reservations deep on my side of the island. The places I go to our Star Noodles, which you can't get into but it's I should have texted you when

I was there a week ago. Star Noodles right there in kind of poly We go to Paia Fish Market all the time. Now there's one in Paia. We love Paia, uh that town, but there's one in Lhina. So we go there a lot and um, there's the one of reeves. I think, uh it's down on the south part of the island. It's uh they said, like the best banana cream pie on the island. I can't remember name it,

but pretty good too. Yeah. And we we go to Monkey Pod and Hula Grill, just the tourist spots and just and we go into to the bar because you can't get a table and you know, get our make sandwich and did your wife come with you? Season one? Yeah? Okay, cool. Yeah. At this point in my career, I normally would say, you know, I used to say I don't want family to come with me because I'm trying to focus, right,

And it was legit. We get distracted, even if even if they're handling themselves, I'm always wondering, are they cool? You know, the kids are did you get them on the boat or what's going on now the kids are grown? And I said, if I don't have a doubt by this point in my career, this focus thing that's kind of bullet at this point, and how do I deny you thirty five days vacation and Maui and it turned

out great because actually she's so chill. So she finds a life of her own and we hook up and have dinner together and we hang out when I can. But Bonfire night she likes to come and watch because they're deep. And for me, it's really great because in between the bonfires and before I can kind of check with her in the shorthand language that we have and said, you know, was that authentic or am I being real? Or did I get played? Or you know what did

I miss? And she'll bring it. You know, you were awesome, You don't don't regret having said that, And that was rough, but maybe you should think about this. And I mean, she's not back, she producing, but she's my sounding board and she knows me better than anybody else. It's nice to have an objective opinion. We're gonna take a quick commercial Rake when we get back. We're gonna answer some listener emails. All right, we're back. We're gonna dive in

some questions. Mark, you're gonna help us answer some of these for our listeners out there. They're struggling, they need some dating advice. Who the hell doesn't. We got a two married men, one man in a relationship. Maybe we can give them a little bit of advice. I want we're all in this together, kids. I wanted to Jessica Haber's question first and foremost because it's the juiciest. She asks, how about porn? Is it okay for men to watch

while in a relationship? How about women? Jared Mark, what are your thoughts? You want to take this? I got it. You can take it. Uh, you go first, and then I'll bounce off your answer. Hey, anything you do in secret that your that your spouse doesn't know about is technically under the guise of a slippery slope of cheating. So porn is a slippery slope if it becomes your preoccupation and your secret is going to mess up your relationship.

If it's a marital aid and a fun and healthy diversion that you're sharing with your girl, maybe not sharing watching together, but letting her know that you're down, and that's what you're doing. You know, I'm not such a proude that I can't see that that might be great, but it's the locking yourself in the den. And don't

you think porn is kind of like inherently private. Though well, yeah, I would say sex is inherently I think it's also different, if I'm being honest, just because you are a little bit older than us. And I think porn has really changed within the past ten to fifteen years, where I think now a lot of guys and girls growing up are watching porn at a very young age and just adapted into their lifestyle where I think even when it again,

I'm not speaking for myself. I don't want people to be like, well, Jared watch his porn every day, don't But I'm not like a porn watching weed smoker over here. That's not I can honestly say I have not watched porn since I've been married, but I did. I mean, like, I'm not gonna say I didn't watch once or twice when I was engaged for a year and a half. But that's an honest answer. I also, I just want

to be clear. I just I think it is really different because you know, porn now you can just google anything and you can get and you can see anything on the Internet. And I think especially nowadays, you know, especially a little like kids guys are watching porn at like twelve years old. Well, now you're talking about two different things, So I don't know if I am well.

Because my point is, once a kid grows up with porn in their life and they get into a relationship, I think they don't see it as cheating because it's kind of adapted into their normal lifestyle. What I meant by two different things is there's two two effects of horn uh at different times in your life. So, for instance, when I discovered some relatively uh saucy websites on one of my my son's early early life, you know, I had to talk with him saying, Okay, dude, there's no

way I'm gonna block your Internet because that's ridiculous. You're gonna find your way around it. You guys are far better hackers than I could ever block. And it's here everywhere you look. You can barely search for something on Amazon without is showing up with you know, porn. But what you're looking at is actors. And this isn't indicative of what an actual love relationship looks like. That's not what making love looks like, except maybe on Valentine's Day,

you know, if if you play cards right. But but so don't look at this as an imprint of how we treat the women that we love. UM. But so you actually sat your son down and had a conversation with him about this for sure, and my daughter, I've talked to both of them about all this stuff. We look. Here's the thing is a parent, the awkward stuff. You have to just lean into the awkward, you know, be Eugene Levy in Um American Pie, just the worst dad

as far as broaching the subject. But the only thing that the kid sees, and that is my dad cares. He's a loser, but my dad cares, and he's making it okay to talk. He's like normalized talking about into the relationship in porn, which is more what Jared's talking about is if your intimacy is isolating you from your lover, then porn is bad. And if it's a private thing, and it is inherently private, like you said, but if if you're keeping it a secret, that's never gonna be good.

So if you like it, if that's your thing, then you need to tell your girl and bring her in with you and see if she's gonna watch with you. And then you guys can be like one of those couples you read about that's like crazy and you know, you never know what's going on back there, but um, you know, I don't know that it's terrible, But it's

the secret that's the terrible part. No, I agree, And it's probably also the level at which how much you're watching it, because if it's if if you'd rather watch porn than have sex with your wife, that's going to be a big issue. But I agree with you, and I'm really glad that you sat down and talked to your son about this because I think a lot of times when kids watch porn, or teenagers or even adults, like you said, you're seeing two actors, but they don't

know that. And I think, especially nowadays, we should be having more conversations about relationships between men women, men and men women and women, about how they treat each other, what's consensual, what is right, And I think at you have to really not begin with porn, but it has to be early on in the conversation because a lot of these young specifically young men, are watching porn and thinking that that's how women want to be treated, like

to be dominated for sure. And one of the things that I joked about it was a comedy bits I said, when I was a teenager, you could, you know, get laid easy because there was there wasn't a whole lot of stigma, there wasn't a whole lot of disease to worry about, and but it was gonna be pretty basic. Right now, you have a generation who's grown up on hardcore, extreme porn. There are things on the menu that were

never the menu. But it's harder to close, I guess for these people because of all the things going on socially and everything, but the Internet and porn and everything, this whole generation has now become numb too. How outrageous these sex acts are. And in a loving relationship when you're pleasing one another, these are not really good mirrors of how that's supposed to really be. No, you're absolutely right.

I mean, it's great to have the freedom to go there and and and be vulnerable with the person that you love and and whatever you're into. You're into, and it's all good as long as consensual. But what you said, Jarry is true. You've got to learn what is actually consensual because those women are signing waivers saying I'm you know, I'm gonna film a porn scene. I'm saying yes to every act when you're in real life, that woman is

not saying yes to every act. If you think, oh, she she wants me to throw up against the wall. But it's especially in today's world, you have to find that balance because that could be really taken in a bad direction. Not only not only that, but young guys have to realize that she wants it, she seemed to want it. That's the danger zone. And unfortunately, as sterile as it sounds, you gotta verbalize, hey, are you cool

with this? Is this consensual? Are we good? You gotta just ask the question and if there's any resistance even in the moment. In some states, consent has to be a verbal yes, which means even if it's consensual sex, like nothing is said and you end up having sex with this person later on, if they're like I felt uncomfortable. In some states, it has to be a verbal yes, and if they don't say a verbal yes, it's not consensual.

And the thing that you know, I've said to my kids and and to other kids, and you know in life, is that even when it was consentual, if they say yes and you're in the act and they changed their mind, it's now not consentual, I'll get out. Yeah, this is a kind of a going through my mind a lot lately. I don't know why, uh, but I think porn needs

to be more of a discussion. I think people need to be okay with talking about porn more because it's so ingrained in our culture now and it's such a taboo topic that I just feel like there's gonna be a whole generation of people not knowing how to act, or what sex is or what making love is. You have hit on something really astute in my in my mind, thank you, You're welcome astute. I'm waiting with bated breath

on hearing what this was. I also want to hear your perspective on porn Deane well after market give you this acknowledgement, and then I would like to hear Dean's take on it. But the part that I think is really important that you said is there is the tendency from a parenting standpoint for young people coming up to block things. This is bad, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, and do what you can to control

what the input is. Right. But really, all we have as parents and quite frankly, as partners to people we love is communication. So all we can do is educate. It exists that And I'm gonna make the worst analogy, but in baseball when my son was a baseball player younger, I said, you can't pick your coaches. So sometimes it's gonna be abusive and bad and everything. You have to then educate yourself in those situations how to not let

that get in your head and ruin your life. So there are things out there that are inputs that are gonna happen. You can avoid them. All you can do is do what you said, talk about it, even if it's awkward. Now we have an understanding. You know what's out there. I know it's out there. I know you've seen it. You know that I know you've seen it. Now we're past that awkward thing. Now we can talk

about this. And I really appreciate that you sat down and talk to your son about it, because even in the moment, if he did not react in a positive way and he felt embarrassed by you and he didn't want to talk about it with you, down the line, he's gonna thank you for talking to him about it, because it's going to teach him a lesson. Oh yeah, and he's a wonderful boyfriend to his girlfriend. Yeah, and it's an important lesson to be taught. He's seven. Oh okay, yeah,

we got him over the hump. He's like, he's on his own now. He's probably sexually active. We could probably can safely assume that. I'm pretty sure that's happening, not to have another kind of So, Dean, what's your perspective on this? You haven't spoken well, Yeah, I figured I just let you guys do all the time. I'm curious you're still better about you wanted questions and he went right,

when did you? Dean's that's not a sign that maybe we should move on, But I'm still gonna I'm I'm curious because I always I just think I'm I'm fumbling over my words. Yeah, it's just a taboo topic that I really wish wasn't because I do think it needs to be talked about more and and people need to

educate themselves on it more. It's funny, actually, cause I had a conversation not too long ago with a friend about this about how guys, how guys watching porn kind of diminishes the act of like making love with someone because at a young age, basically what we're doing is like we're watching porn. We're doing what we need to do. We're getting it over with as quickly as we possibly can because we don't want anyone to walk in on us,

and then like we're moving on with our lives. And so that's kind of translating into the sex world now, where like guys are like, okay, like I'm just gonna go and crank it out, be over with it and be done with it, and like when I'm done, it's done kind of thing, you know what I mean. Then that's not really how it is. Um. And so for me as a kid growing up, like you know, I had obviously my mom and dad were living in the house. I had two brothers and a sister and they're all

older than me. So I was like trying to like I started watching porn probably like when I was Yes, that's very yes, it was good at hiding it right, um. And so only just recently, probably within the past like year or so, I've I've gotten comfortable enough with like talking about it with like my partners about like you know, like if I watch it, how often I watch it when I'm watching like that kind of stuff, and then

like I started asking them questions as well. Um, and so it's like still something that I'm working on normalizing. But I agree, I think honestly is really what it is. Just like probably in discussing it with your partners opens up the possibility of an even better sex life with those partners because the communication is great. But I think once when I was in college, I asked my girlfriend to watch porn with me while we were like looking up and like I kind of as a joke, and

she wasn't into it. And then ever since then, I like never talked about it again, you know what I mean. Um, And so it's just I don't know, it's just kind of a weird. We can play that whole thing of putting out there going I would just kidding. Yeah, I just want to see your reaction within relationships, I think,

to each their own. I just think, especially on an early age growing up with it, I think it's very important not to like you said, Mark block it or try to ignore it, to accept the fact that it's there and try to educate them as much as possible, because I think as a culture also getting desensitized. You know, that's my biggest fear about it is it's not a real version of the way we interact with people when

you were a kid. I'm sure your way of seeing women list was due if your dad's room, going into bed, trying to get a Playboy magazine. If I got a Playboy magazine, I'm sharing it with the neighborhood we were having. We were like J. C. Penny bra Ads was like softcore porn. Remember my sister had like a Cosmo subscription or something. I would sneak up and check out that. Everyone sing And now somebody can google anything they want and it will pop up. That's not good for any

young generation out there. No, maybe it's really good to to um like blast them with basically as whatever they're interested in. Like you're curious about something, boom, you can go and look it up. Yeah. Yeah. But the problem in that is when you're in your formative years, like you're your body's changing puberty, right, you're filled with shame, like your whole life is comparing. You're in the locker room at the seventh grade and you're a boy and a guy next to you as a man, You're like,

what the hell. It's such a dramatic difference, and everything is like makes no sense. You're like, you've heard about what an orgasm is, but you don't even know where it comes out and how does that work? And does it stop on time? You know, the world is like, maybe I just said too much about in dialogue with the world is confusing and shameful to you, and you don't want to talk about it because you're the most awkward part of your life and you're you want to

talk about. What is underestimated is that your hormones are going crazy. So you're not even in your right mind at that age. So it is not natural for that kid to say, you know, dad, what the hell is this? And what it is natural for is to hide and be fascinated by it. And at twelve and thirteen years old, you can go twelve times a day, so you're rubbing a callous right. And if somebody doesn't broach the subject and say, hey, man, you know you're completely normal. This

is absolutely all the urges, all your questions. Let's just get you. And this is how I broke it down with my son. This is how it went down. It's about six or seventh probably sixth grade, and he comes up to me and he says, Dad, in middle school, do we have to take showers? And Jim and I knew what that really was was I don't know anything about sex? And I said, because they had the like the health um video coming up, like the health movie you watch. And I sensed he was upset about it,

so I said, more, let's sit down. I said, Mom's out of the house, Goldie got something going on. You and me, let's chill and talk about this. I said, what do you know about sex? He says nothing, I said, and I joked, I said, well, this is gonna suck, but all right, let's do this. Should have been like me too, Yeah, I said, well, listen, I might say to my son if he says, I don't know anything about sex, but like I don't know. It's it's a fluid situation. And I said, all right, well, let's just

knock this out right now. And I went through it. I said, I here's how this works. You know. It's it's you're gonna have an urge and it's gonna kind of almost not it's gonna gross, but somehow it turns out not being gross. And here's how this is what where you put this and that, and here's what these parts are. And I just broke it down, not even like clinically, like jokingly, like you know, here's what's up, and here's where it's dangerous, and and uh, here's some

other things. This is what gay sex looks like from what I understand, And so don't don't be fooled by what your friends will tell you about that. What a gay relationship is, you know, and um and and we laughed our way through it. And the way I came into it, I said, look, you're gonna go into the gym and watch this movie or wherever. And there's two kinds of kids, Okay, there's the one kid who knows what's up and the other kid who doesn't know what's up.

And they come out of that gym and one of them is like laughing and chill, and the other one looks like a ghost and freaked out because there's too many questions that they don't have the answers to. I said, so, I think, as awkward as it is to talk to your dad about this, you want to be the dude who knows what's up, right, And I promise you're gonna feel better about it, so let's just get it done now.

And it became a conversation we laugh about today. It is great, you know, and it gets down to the root of it in love, in relationship, in parenting. If you're talking, you're alive. You gotta gott a chance. If you're talking out of that, it's all you know. And it sounds like a pretty good dad. I never had that. Unfortunately, I never had to talk with my dad about any that stuff. Yeah, did you have ever have a sex

sox with anybody? I didn't either. In school I did, and when I was in fifth grade, I think I remember asking some pretty ridiculous questions. But all right, we're gonna move on. So Britt asked the question, for all three of us are opposite sex friends, Okay, when in a relationship? Is it okay to message and hang out with someone of the opposite sex alone if they're not a mutual friend? Papa, Papa, what do you guys think? Because I know what I think, I know what I think.

I'm just letting you guys. I don't want to talk to my I'm never gonna get back. I think I'm gonna be in the minority on this one. I think it's okay. I think it's almost encouraged. You're not in the already, but I'm going to qualify that you have. I'm with Mark, you have to qualify. One of my best friends is a female. And I remember Ashley always before she met her, Ashley always thinking who is this person and why aren't you two dating? M M. I said,

she's like my sister. You have to meet this person to understand our relationship. Ashley did. This is when Ashley and I were just friends. And she goes, Okay, I get it. You guys have a total platonic relationship. You guys are really like cousins. It's weird but cool. So that would be my only exception to the rule, pretty much is that you're it has to be a mutual friend. I think it has to be somewhat of a mutual friend.

There's two sides of this, So let's talk about the value of an opposite sex friend that's platonic, that's a non sexual partner. And on Temptation Island, see I'm bringing it back. Yeah, Temptation too on USA Network Thursdays at Thank You Um. On Temptation Island, a happy. Byproduct that nobody expects is that people form friendships that are platonic with the opposite sex that really informs them on their

decisions later. So having a friend and a point of view that you trust from the opposite sex is imperative because if you're gonna hang out with your crew of dudes, you're gonna get the same perspective and it's not going to be as evolved as getting the other side of the story. Now, the other thing is exactly what you're talking about, Jared. If you're in a committed relationship, you don't want to do anything to make the other person

be concerned or worried. So if you have an opposite sex friend, that friend's got to be friends with both of you, and you need to never have coffee without saying, hey, I'm having coffee with Susy. See that's where I agree, and I agree with half of that. I don't necessarily agree that they have to be mutual friends, but I do agree with being fourth right and honest about what you're doing, where you're going and hanging out. And if your wife is not down, sadly you're going to lose

that friends. Is that right? Though? No, it's not right. It's not right. Look there's here. Now you're stumbling into the rab at the whole of the conventions of social and let's be honest, and sometimes in life you have to make a choice. Well, that's what I'm talking about. Is not right? If we were, it's like communism. Communism on the first page of it makes well. It looks like it's a great idea. Everybody owns everything, it's all gonna work out. But the human condition of jealousy and

need is gonna crush communism. It doesn't work right. So your answer, your question, Dean, is is that fair is not fair? We should be able to have friends with whomever we're connected with and trust that it's altruistic and authentic. But the facts are it rarely works out that way, and self doubt and concern within your relationship kills the relationships you have. You have a duty to make sure that the person you're committed to is number one, and that means you lose some stuff. Let me let me

change the namic a little bit. Let me say, let's say I so I'm dating Calin right, Let's say I have a friend who's a girl, and here and I like hang out semi often, like once a month, twice a month, we'll get lunch, dinner. Right, doesn't make it any different if that girl has a boyfriend or a husband or absolutely, but it doesn't. It doesn't solve anything. It just that kind of helps. It has to do with your Caitlin, she feels about it. If she's cool,

you give her no reason to be concerned. She knows the girl, and you're better for having that conversation and it's open, then you're gonna have an evolved relationship. Because my perspective with it to sorry Jared, is my friendship with whoever I'm friends with is going to be longer

than my relationship. Right, But then I guess it really just closed onto which one doesn't have a good Well, you can't say that because what if the relationship turns into a marriage if you want even want to spend I agree, And obviously you have to prioritize relationships in your life. What you're talking about the grandfather clause grandfathering

them in because they predate your relationship. But Jared is talking about and he's not wrong, is you it's a weighted average, So yeah, they may have been there longer, and by right, you're allowed to keep that friendship. We do with this actually on temptation on one of the guys has former lovers as close friends now with the girlfriend, right, And it's hinky when you commit to somebody for life or at least you're exclusive, chronology is not the answer.

It's commitment your first And everything I do is through the filter of are you comfortable? And I'm hoping that I've set up a relationship that's strong enough that you can allow me to have the friends that I've had because my heart's with you. I'm with you. You don't have to worry, and I'm letting you know what's up.

And if you feel uncomfortable about this, we either talk about it and get resolved so you don't lose a friendship that matters to you, or you talk about it with a three of you to redefine how this friendship is gonna work. Right. For instance, I have a family member who's female, a distant cousin right that likes my advice from time to time. But we made a pact whenever you text me, make it a group text. Just

make a group text, so Robbie's aware. And we were all cool, and that's a little bit of a ridiculous, you know, compromise, because if we're all adults, there shouldn't be no, shouldn't be anything to worry about. But it's our job in a relationship to realize that it's a relationship, it's its own entity. We have to compromise and change ourselves. We give a little, they give a little, and for the benefit of both of us. And when I say a mutual friend, I just mean that the your partner

has to know this friend. They have had to have met. You can't like, for example, if has Calin met this. I'm not saying anything specific. I'm just sorry to say hypothetically, uh, Klin, Yeah, Klin has not met your friend. That's a girl that you hang out with once or two twice a month. I really think it's important for your relationship with Calin. Hypothetically speaking, this is not true, but that Caitlin meets that girl and just make sure like, Okay, now I

know her, I have a connection with her. There's a little different vibe because instead of you kind of like leaving Caln and be like, oh, I'm gonna go hang out with Sarah. Nowever, well, the truth is she already knows this girl, because you can find out anything about anybody. Yeah, but you know, it's different meeting someone face to face in person and then then having connection and kind of

like vibing out the relationship between the friends. And I believe that women's intuition, that old adage is legit and there's a scientific reason why. So I think that's really important because I feel like women can really quick be together and sense is this chill or not? You know, they can suss that out nonverbally. And uh, I think men can do it too, but we've sort of atrophied that skill a little bit because we just kind of grunt and fight, just push all our emotions down exactly.

Women still into it each other. So I think that the only way to navigate that is be true to your friendship. And the same thing with the porn thing. Just you gotta you gotta bring your wife or your your girlfriend into the mix so that everybody feels supported. I have another question that kind of commingles these two questions that we've already answered. Jessica asks, would less Jessica

win her questions? God bless Jessica. Hopefully you're watching Temptation Island or Dean likes watching on Bravo, but we're on USA. Jessica asks, would you guys allow your wife or girlfriend ever to have a hall pass? The hall pass is such a that's like the that's like the most ridiculous fantasy thing that doesn't exist in real life. Every movie that touches on it. My show is fantasy is best

Left is fantasy. The hall pass is b as the top three, you know, like your list of three, like like like I once drunk called Robbie from the Rich Carlton, New York, and I said, I just found out that Britney Spears is staying in the hotel, and I'm letting you know that if I have a chance to hook up with her, I'm going to do that. And by chance, I mean in the same elevator together. And she didn't find any comedy in that, and I was only joking kind of. But but the hall pass doesn't play that

one out, Dude, Everyone play that one out. That's what I say on the show all the time. You want the ring will play out that scenario. You get the ring by ultimatum, how does that end up? So the hall pass I want to haul pass. So you have the Hall Pass. Now you come back. Now you've got this thing, and if it doesn't bother your partner, the same thing is temptation. If it doesn't bother your partner, that's almost more alarming than it bothering your partner. Hall

passes a bullshit all right? Now? I agree, I agree, I think it'd be I think in theory you can say like, yeah, maybe it sounds like a good idea, but in practice it would never really work, right, Like, Yeah, like you said, if your partner likes it, that's a red flag. If he doesn't like it, also, it's just bloody red flag of death. Answer one more question, Jared, pick the question. I feel like I've been asking all of them. Um, let's ask this one from queens Steph.

How about determining if a guy is flirty with you to attract you, or if he's just naturally and it comes across that way. I feel like you probably a lot of this on Temptation Island, Right. I was just reading the cast list and some of them are like, he's got a wondering I, he's very flirtatious, etcetera, etcetera. Right, So what are your what are your thoughts on this? And that's I'd like to hear your thoughts on this because actually that's been you know, in my life, that's

been sort of a thing. You know, people, I'm being me and it's misinterpreted as florty sometimes. I mean, that's that's my experience with it too, as I think sometimes my kindness comes across as flirtation, which can be I guess it would be troubling, Like like if I was dating me and I saw like that, I don't know, I could be concerned. But I just who I am as a person, you know what I mean. Yeah, I mean I've had to learn two again. This is like stuff that is natural and honest and usually have no

shame about. But you change your behavior because someone you care about something. So you know, I'm a hugger, I'm flirty. I like to hang out the guys and girls. It's not even it's not even gender specific. I'm just I'm affectionate, right, And and um, I have learned over the years to be a little bit more aware that there are other people in the room. And um, you know that how

does that make Robbie feel? You know? And and but and the other thing is m and I hate to get all like political, but the whole hashtag me too movement thing has really really hit home for me and made me really look at how difficult it is for women. Has been in that everyone is a potential predator. And

I say this on the show. I can't believe. And it's sad how many women I meet, young women and older women who nonchalantly, you know, share at the very least unhealthy relationship and at the very greatest highly abusive relationships with men. So the vibe of friendliness that hey man, I'm just it's all good is predatory at first glance.

So now what has made me have to do is say, hey, you know, even though I want to be warm and stuff like, I see a strange woman walking down the street and I'm walking down the street and I offer a smile. I now I'm aware. Is the smile letting her know you're safe? Or is the smile like, oh shit, is this guy coming at me? And so I'm hyper

aware of that now. And I think that you know that being misinterpreted as flirty is a mechanism that women have to have to make sure they're not going to get in trouble, and so I think we as men have to kind of really say stuff like, now I host this live game show and for years when they come on stage, I give him a hug. That's just who I am. Now I say, can I hug you? You know you? And and then it's all good. Now you know where I'm coming from, right, and it's okay

that we have to kind of recalibrate. I agree, Well, it's well my conversation. No, my my opinion on this is not as a stute or uh political as Mark. And I don't want to sound superficial, no please being because I'm way too heavy, but I think it lives on a superficial level. So let's it's just more I I thought the exact same thing. I've tried to change my behavior because when you're in a relationship, like you said, Mark, your partner comes first and you have to put their

knees first. And of course sometimes sure we can come off flirty when we're just being kind, but then you kind of have to change your ways a little bit, especially if you're in a committed relationship. I know that might not sound right that you have to kind of change who you are, especially living in today's world where everybody just wants to be who they are and the way they are, and I'm never gonna change for anybody. I just don't think that's the way life works, and

I don't think it's the way life should work. I think you should change and involve and try to better yourself, specifically specifically for the person that you choose to spend the rest of your life with, and then conversely with with Ashley and myself. Ashley can sometimes be my wife. Ashley can sometimes be very uh in awe of men.

I know that sounds weird, but she has always been quote unquote a fan girl, uh, and it's kind of she's built it a little bit of a career off of it, being very well known for just being in love with the Jonas brothers and boy bands and their dreamy dreamy exactly. They are very, very dreaming. Joe Jonas is a very handsome man. But even in her everyday life, I can see her the way she acts towards certain guys, uh, that she kind of gets giddy and it's not I

I trust my wife fully. We've had many conversations about it where she is very honest about this is just kind of the way I've always have been, and I'm trying to change it for you, But I'm just She was also never in a relationship, her first relationship as a thirty years old, so she's never had to really be aware of what her partner might think about that um And so when we first started dating, it bothered me a lot, for sure. And but go ahead, you're

gonna say something I was gonna ask. Don't you feel excuse me? Don't you feel kind of guilty about, like if this is like something that's so embedded in Ashley's care and then you kind of come along and you're like, well, I don't feel comfortable with this, Like could you change it a little bit? Don't you feel kind of guilty for like asking her to change like something that's kind of like her outer core at times? But she asked me to change a lot of things as well, and

I'm more than I want to change. That's the thing. I think both of us want to change for each other because we have chosen each other well. And I think that's what you get at the core of it, is that, sure, there are certain things. Of course, you have to draw a line. Anybody can use common sense, and I hope people are able to use common sense with this conversation and realize there are some things that maybe you should try to change for your partner to

better yourself and better your relationship. And then of course there are other things that you shouldn't change. For example, if your partner is saying, hey, I don't want you spend spending that much time with your family. I want you spending time with me and my family, then you have to draw a line and say, hey, listen, these are very important people in my life, so on and so forth. But certain things, characteristics, behaviors, uh, things that

I have done that I'm trying to change. Um. I think it's just an open dialogue about things that make me feel uncomfortable with things that make her feel uncomfortable that I do, and trying to evolve and better our relationship. There there's another aspect on another level, as you get deeper into relationships about the flirting thing, is that because you you made it clear for me when you talked about you observing Ashley kind of flirty or on her on her cute she turns on the cute light right,

and she's actually you said she has changed. Well, so I guess that's the question of whether it's right or wrong. But then there's this part we as partners and relationships have to trust the other person, and flirting with other people makes us feel alive. Makes her feel alive and excited and tingly. And it's look, watch sitcoms. It's always in the sitcom they always do this thing. Oh why did you? You know? The paramedics are coming over and

you put makeup on? You know, that whole trip. When we're in a relationship where we really trust and love one another, we can allow them to explore of that. Wow, it's I love Leslie Man and the movies that Judd Apatow does, And sometimes it's like, you know, but I just want to know that I'm hot enough that a dude wants to you know, you would you would do sex with me? She said right in that movie. And I'm like, I get that, So go go sport fish a little bit. I'm home. We're good. If it's too much,

I'm gonna say, yo, slow your roll. But I mean, but I'm more I'm more guilty of it than she is. But it's part of her feeling alive. I kind of don't want to robberr that either. It's sexy, of course, and I've gotten a lot better with it because we're more secure in our relationship. But when we first started dating, in those first few months, I had a very difficult time dealing with for sure, and it's all about how

we feel about ourselves. And it wasn't It was weird and the way I rationalized it because it wasn't that I think she wanted to cheat on me or be with this person more. It was just the I yeah, it's the idea of like, I know that you think that person is cute, and that is really pissing me off. And I know that's life and there's nothing I can do about it. There's many good looking people in this world.

There's many people with different connections. But for some reason in my head, it was really hard for me to be like, I'm just I'm seeing the person i'm with look at someone who's very good looking and looking with google eyes. Not that she wants to be with them, but just like the fact that she just can't hide like, oh wow, this is a very very good person. We want them to bekind blind to anybody In the album No and I'm saying, our ego wants that ego wants

us to go. Oh, you know, Hugh Jackman walked in the room and whatever. I'm down with them, old Mark Wall. Yeah. And now it's it's way different now where I agree with you, where it's like, oh, actually is doing her thing or even me personally. You know, she saw we were at a Taylor Swift. We were at Heart Radio and Taylor Swift came out and forget it, yeah, she just I was. I looked at her and I was like, holy c Like, I just I never have seen Taylor

Swift like she's never been that. She's a very tractive woman, but I've never looked at her that way. And then she came out on stage and I've first actually looked at me, and she's like, you think Taylor Swift super hot right now? I was like, no, I just I don't know what I'm thinking right now. So which we've grown that? Which way is the shared experience of every man who's been with Taylor Swim. Yeah, I don't know

what I'm thinking right now. Yeah, it's like I I you know, because you don't want admit be like, yeah, she's unbelievably hot, so unbelievably adorable. But so we've certainly grown in that and grown trust and be able to talk about it more. But specifically in the beginning relationship, it really was bothering me. And obviously there's a lot of things that I probably was doing that bothered her

as well. But um just my wife said to me, you should be on Dancing with the Stars and I'm like, great, I'd love to do that, and she then she'd watched it some more. She says, but she can't be on with Julian Huff. And then I worked with Julien Huff and I was googly. I can barely deal she. Have you've ever seen her? I mean, she's so adorable. I think when she farts, cotton candy comes out. It's like, she's the cutest thing you've ever seen. And I was and I'm like, you know, much older than her, and

there's no vibe and she's whatever. But I'd literally like, should I wear this tire that time? You know, because Julie had and I had to say to Robbie and she gets it, But you know, what do you think about this? I think that I think we've covered it all your opinion what are we talking about again? Um? Learning? Because I know a big thing for you is that you don't want I don't impede anyone. I don't like impede Kalin's uh ability to explore and be curious and

talk to people. So I have always just like do you I appreciate it. I support it. She like has a lot of guy friends that she gets dinner with very occasionally. Do you ever s jealousy? No? I used to be prett jealous. No, No, I'm like I'm very secure. Like I know she's like obsessed with me, which is great. It's like actually like one of the things that I like most about her. And so I'm like, go have your guy friends, go flirt with them if you want

to flirt with them. But like, I know, at the end of the day, like you're still gonna like really like me. So I'm not concerned about it, you know what I mean. Do you think maybe I'm not saying Calin is doing this, but maybe in past relationships she actively tries to talk to other guys to see your reaction. I don't think she does that, not with me. I mean maybe in past relationships, but I've experienced that at all, So I'm always like, and that's kind of the thing

that I'd like going back too. Yeah, I think it's not not the worst thing, and like we're very open about it too. Like I have like this crazy celebrity crush on Alexis Rand and I'm always like, oh, Alexis Ranch, She's so pretty, and she's like, Caleen gets upset with me when I say that, but like it's just like I'm just being honest with her, Like I think, you know, it's just like the one person I think is like really like the one Instagram model that I follow on

Instagram or whatever. You know. Well, I guess my question is going back to a hall pass. The idea of a hall pass. We all agreed that is, if if you didn't get jealous of your significant other they're having a hall pass, that's probably a big red flag. Obviously, this is not to the extent, but the idea of a partner not getting jealous about someone going on dates with you, whatever sex they're attracted to, without you being there.

I'm wonder if that's a good sign or a bad sign, if you don't feel even a little level of jealousy and saying I wanted to be you. But I'm a little upset right now. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what the right answer is. I don't know if there's a right answer. Every hall Pass movie or sitcom that does this plot line has it down to the moment where you're gonna close and then more shows up. I don't mean hall Pass in general, I just meaning the jealousy of hanging out with someone for sure when

you're not there. But I think Dean hit it on the head. You know, at some point you get to a point where you hope to get to a point in relationship where you're on the same page that you had this unspoken spoken language like I see you and you see me, like legitimately. And so if my wife, for instance, was in the original Friday the Thirteenth movie, right, so occasionally awesome, not just awesome. She was the first one killed, like she's like like the historic and slasher films,

so sick. So occasionally she goes and does these cons you know, in science autographs that she doesn't really enjoy doing, but she does it. And the last one she went to I couldn't go with her. And she still looks really great. She looks like she did in the movie. Yeah, But also I got to interject, you guys been married for how long now thirty two. It doesn't necessarily make it easier. I'm not saying it makes it, but it changes it. Well, that's what I was saying. There's another level.

So in that weekend when she's back and these fans are there and other people that have been in the movie back in the day are seeing her again after thirty semo years, she still looks great. Everybody else has fallen off the wagon, you know, and she got a lot of attention, and she came back with a little bit more swagger than I was comfortable with. But because I love her, I know that we have to fill up. Ego is part of it. It's an ugly, ugly beast,

but the ego is part of it. And look, at the end of the day, like Dean said, I know she adores me. I don't really have to worry about that, which is a blessing, right, But it does sting a little bit, you know when you think of other people flirting with your wife. But then that sting is also really great. That sting reminds you where you're at, Like I was saying, if you don't care, then it's a problem. And I love her enough to let her have the

ego boosts. Look, I'm in show business. Every time I walk around, some girl that's way out of my league because they saw me on TV says something really sweet about me that they don't really mean. But because I'm on TV, and I wear it like there since here, like I probably could have clothed that, right, And I walk around with this like confidence and excitement because I'm getting a lot of strokes a lot of times, right,

And and it's hypocritical to think that I don't like it. No, of course everybody likes it, right, And my wife has had to come to terms with you know, that's the business. And you know, when he's out there being TV's Mark Wahlberg, he's adorable. And then I get this really depressed guy on the couch at home, And why do I get that guy? When they get that guy? And so I have to look at it and say, when she goes out and she's Robbie Morgan from the movie and people

are all about it, she gets to have that. Of course, I think. My what I'm saying is that there's a difference between dealing with that when you're in a committed relationship, Like, there's a big difference with me dealing in with it now as a married man. Then there was you know, a month and a half, two months into the relationships thirty two years down the line. We can have this

conversation first year down the line. I'm not so or either one of us wants to see anybody flirting around exactly, And so you kind of have to four months in right here, mark four months in right here, listen. But your four months in and you're communicating, you know, and that's important. That's it. Look it sounds like, honest to god, I really think you and uh is it Caitlin or Caitlin? I think that's uh from what I'm hearing, I'm you're

you're pretty Uh, you're doing good. I appreciate that from the man himself. Well, listen, I'm just like somebody tweeted me today, You're like, you know, like I said, I'm not. I don't have any credential accept life experience. We're all trying to figure it out, you know, and it's the mistakes that make us better, all right, So that'll do it for this week's episode, um, Mark, thank you for

joining us. Be sure to tune in if you're listening to this To Temptation Island season two, it's four couples that are continuously tempted by twenty four singles, putting each relationship to the ultimate test. It's on USA Network every Thursday at ten pm. You'll see Mark on your screen. You get to put a beautiful face to this beautiful voice, and everything we've been talking about actually actualizes on the show in an extreme manner. And if you like last season,

this is just ridiculous. Can you give us a little teaser on what we might see this season versus last season? All I'll tell you is the last season there were a lot of tears. When you get to hers that final bomfire, you know, it's really emotional. I will tell you that more than once I've held people of both sexes in my arms as they sobbed. So that not

not a role you normally see. Well, it is sad in the moment, but in the end, you know, those moments are cathartic, and like I said, last season, sometimes we learned lessons that we take to our next relationship that don't apply to the when we're in and as as a viewer, there's nothing you love to see more than someone just sobbing their eyes out. That's all that's real, that's authentic. Let me tell you something. There's a reason we want to take a nap and feel peaceful after

we sob. There's a physiological thing that we have to cry hard and it it gives us peace. So there's actually a reason that we get so built up and we releast sob it out and then we feel better on the other end. There you go. So if you got something building up, just go ahead and sob for a long I'm gonna try right after the UM of course the Vanessa News. Vanessa, we love you, we always will love you, and I'm sure we'll see her. Yeah. I don't think this will be the last time we

hear from Vanessa in the podcast. I mean, listen, you're always on the go. I'm always here just waiting to recording podcasts. But if one of us ever needs a fill, and I'm sure Vanessa could jump in dutifully and take care of that very much. So big to our sponsors, our listeners of course, as well, producers, UM, every one of them except for Tori uh be here so much for your questions too. We really appreciate you guys taking the time and commenting on the help my Second Dating Instagram.

And next week Jared will be recording from nap. But I think next week is you. Next week is me recording by myself. Okay, hey, I'll be back next week by myself to be here to tune in then, because maybe I will suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast