Father of Two

Help We Suck At Being Newlywed?

With Dean Aungler, Haylen Miller Keys, and Jared haven An iHeartRadio podcast.

What is going on? Everybody? Welcome to an all new episode of Help We Suck At Being Newlyweds. I'm gonna be honest, I have not listened back to last week's episode, but I want to say when we got off that episode, I was proud of myself for not mumbling near the end of my sentences quite as much. But I'm sure I did it. I'm sure I did it a few times.

I don't know.

I don't remember you doing it.

I think you might need to be a little louder, oh okay, I think even a little louder than that, okay, because you speak too softly right right, right, and you don't fluctuate your you stay at a steady octavee.

Are you saying I'm monotone?

No, I'm just saying I go low and then I go hi, and then I go low, and then you mumble, and then I mumble. But you don't do that quite as much because you studied this in school, so that's not why. But it does help, I guess, So.

I guess my bachelor's degree is serving me a little bit of purpose.

I wish I could go back in time and re choose my major. What would you be not business? Nothing, nothing related to business, that's for sure. Yeah, because I hate business.

Business sucks, It's just like it does. But as an entrepreneur, you should be good at running your own business.

Well, I'm not an entrepreneur. As an aspiring entrepreneur aspire well yeah, I don't even know if I'm an aspiring entrepreneur as you as someone who wants their husband to be an entrepreneur.

You entrepreneurial business.

Yeah, yeah, the business side. But I think again, like, I don't think that I know how to run a business any better than you know how to run a business. Yeah, and I took like six entrepreneurial classes in college.

I'd say I know how to run a business more than you. Honestly.

Sure that stings to hear, but you're probably not wrong.

I don't know.

So you can be the CEO and I'll just be the minimum wage employee. Perfect Yeah, oh gosh, but yeah, I able to go back and change my major, probably something more on the creative side of things, like music or art or broadcast journalism.

It was a great major. It is the most fun major for sure. I don't know, maybe fashion is the only other thing I would have gotten into, but gosh, it was so fun. I loved going to class every week. It was a class.

I hated class. I hated having to worry about information systems and probabilities and business law was laying or already I'm telling you.

Well, And with college, you start with all the boring classes, and then you get so excited your junior and senior year because it's all about what you want to do in your career path. And that's when I have the most fun. And I guess you never got to experience that.

I had one class that I two classes that I loved. I freaking loved these classes. And they were like the early on general ed classes. And then one was kind of like a do this as like an elective sort of thing. One was philosophy. Loved philosophy, and the other one was art history. I loved art history, So why the heck was I a business manager?

Wait, that's so funny. What about art history?

I just find it so fascinating, Like I like art as it is. But then to go back into like the you know, fourteen through nineteen hundreds and see all of these amazing pieces of art and like who painted them and why they painted them, and the inspiration behind a lot of like the drama and the paintings and stuff. It was so interesting.

Wow. Yeah, what if we meshed the two together and we open a an art studio in Aspen so we were running our own business, and then we get the art history aspect.

This is what you.

Don't like to do anything that you like for work? Is that what you're gonna say?

That's not even close to what I was gonna say, But thank you for trying to guess say that. It's I mean, you're not wrong. I don't I don't not like that. I don't like how whenever I say something about what I enjoy or what I appreciate, you're always like, let's turn it into a business.

Because and my grandpa was saying this to me the other day. He's, like Dina said before, if he loves something, he doesn't want to turn it into like a money making thing, a career because any things, he won't like it anymore. And he was like, I went to the FBI every single morning, so excited to be there. When you love what you do, you're not really working. So that's what I'm trying to get.

You to do. I know, but it's just like, can I just have this moment of me talking about something I enjoy without you being like, let's start this.

Well, that's how my brain works, you see my brain.

Of course, it's my bit of brain. I fully get it. And when I say stop doing it, I don't necessarily mean stop doing it. I maybe just say be aware that you are doing it.

I'll be aware. But it is going to one day spark the idea where you're like, yep, yeah.

And I hope.

I So this wasn't it.

I thought that day was going to come a long time ago. When I quit my job after the Bachelorette, I was like, that day's going to come in a year, and it's been seven years ever since. Another thing that I I really have thought a lot about doing. Not a lot, but I've I thought it'd be cool to do. I kind of want to be a cop.

Oh my god, you've said that before.

I think it'd be cool. I think i'd be such an awesome cop.

You should talk to our neighbor's husband. Yeah, sometimes she listens here.

I think I think if I were to talk to a current cop about me wanting to be a cop, they would be It would just be such a contrast to what thee. The reason I want to be a cop is because I'm not a cop, and I'm not like other cops. I'm like a cool cop.

Cool cop.

But like, I do think i'd be a cool, fun cop. And yeah, you're putting your life in danger a lot of the time, depending on where you're living, especially, but like, I don't think I would ever give any traffic violations. I'd give warnings all the time. I'd get fired pretty quickly, probably because you know that.

They make money based off of traffic violations.

Right, Do I look like someone that cares about making money.

There's more cops around at the end of the month because they have to meet a quota.

I do know that.

So when you don't meet the quota, you get fired. I don't know if that's true.

I understand that, and I don't know if that's true either, but I have heard that same thing before. But I do think that I could be a cop. Like and this is kind of why I want to be a cop. When I was a kid and I was getting arrested all these times. The cops that I was dealing with left such bad impressions on me that it like made me go so anti authoritarian and like I hate I

I have a question, Yeah, you know how you got denied what is that international.

Issa Global Global Untry?

Yeah, do you think you get denied as a cop.

It's a good question. I think I talked about this on this podcast. But I got denied global entry because of the arrests that I had when I was a teenager, which is so silly. They were all misdemeanors. I was nineteen the last time I got arrest and I've been Scotch free ever since. And you're you're right, maybe they would, but also maybe like it would help me as a cop level with the criminals because I could be like, oh, dude, I get it. I've been in your shoes before, I've

I think you'd be a great Aspen cop.

Yeah, Aspen cop would be that'd be good. Hey, welcome to the podcast. Jared Habn.

Yeah, I got held up at work, ironically, actually kind of ironic. What held me up was talking about how I need to spend less time here to start focusing on building sales and doing other things. And I was talking to an employee here about that and figuring out what I need to do at Audrey's to help promote its self sustainability, and of course I got the text. I'm like, oh my god, I'm late for my podcast.

Chure, that's the way I get him to do something.

I know for a fact Dean will not become a cop.

It's I agree. I don't think I ever will if some if I was like met a share whatever, the top level guy in the cop places share, Sure, if he was like walking down the street and saw me, I was like, hey, hey, dude, you want to be a cop.

We want to recruit you.

Do you want to start tomorrow? I'd probably be like, yeah, I'll try it out for a couple of weeks and see if I like it. Probably wouldn't like it. I also really think i'd be a I've talked to you about this before, an elementary schools teacher. Yeah, oh, that'd be so much fun. But teachers are just so underappreciated. I don't know, underpaid, underpaid, but I'm underpaid as it is right now as well.

You're underpaid right now?

Yeah? Absolutely?

Do you think your rate should be higher?

I think I should be in making millions, But I don't even know if i'd want to make millions. Oh if if if someone was like, do you want to make ten million dollars a year? I would say yes, absolutely. I just don't think I'm the kind of guy to earn ten million dollars a year.

Like, well, it really depends on what you're doing and how hard you're working.

Yeah, that's true, and if I if I feel like I've earned it, I think it's a big part of it too. We got there's these National Social Media Awards, which are probably a cruck of bs, right, just judging by the presentation of it all. I think it's like the second year they did it, they nominated Kaitlin and I for most Best Travel travel Influencer. Yeah, but it was like, it's not real and there's a couple other people nominated who like aren't traveling.

People don't travel, what the heck?

And then I was thinking about it. I was like, well, of these four people, we would win it. But I was like, I don't even want that award because I don't feel like I don't think.

We would, like I don't know who's voting. I don't know.

Well, I looked at the Four Pictures Awards. Our picture has the most likes on it. I think it's called the National Social Media Awards, which it's like one of those things where they're like, oh, we should maybe we should try and making an award show about this.

But they did. What's the no I don't think so, what's the one that we met Kim Kardashian not the International Influencer Awards.

I don't know, but I but that was like five years ago, and this is or four years ago, and this is the second annual National Social Media Awards. But my point, my point of all this is.

To say NS National Social Media Awards.

That's what I said all of this to say, is like, even if it was a bigger award show, more prestigious award show, and we won Best Travel Influencer, I would almost like not want to go and accept the award because I wouldn't feel like we are deserving of that award, just like I would not feel deserving of making ten million dollars year.

You said we got the most like, we got fourteen likes.

That's go look at the other nominees for that same category. Oh my gosh, and please read them aloud for the audience.

The nominees, not.

The nominees, but the number of likes. There's four of them.

I believe, No, no, no, they're you know, it's okay.

There's four different posts for four different nominees for each has fourteen likes. We're crushing it.

The next one has hear you guys, nine likes.

Five likes, four likes, five likes us and six.

Likes, And so does that not mean we just won the award for National Social Media Travel Influencers. What else? It's the social media awards, that's all.

That's the only currency baby.

Oh yeah, that's the currency of social media is likes. And if we have the most likes on an announcement of a nomination, we win that award.

That is how I would assume this all goes down. I see Kelly Flannaget nominated.

That's she travels.

Oh yeah, best travel influencers. She travels.

Yeah, that's that's why I'm saying I feel like not that specifically, Like Kelly is great and she does travel. But when I think of travel influencers, I think of like photographers and videographers.

And people that I do think we're in a different sphere. I think there are people that just travel the world and post their offits. And I think what we think travel influencers are, and I think maybe what most people do is people that are professional photographers shooting for airlines, cruise lines.

Yeah yeah, so you guys have to consent to being nominated or are they just nominated you? Yeah, but it's Haley is nominated. Haley Kioki, you're an Influential Musician of the Year. Oh nice, Yo, time awards here. Let's find other people that we know. I don't know anybody.

Well, he probably got nominated for best social Media Father of the Year.

Oh, best social media dad.

Well, best business influencer, mister best got nominated. That's a big one.

Guarantee you he's not there, or if they say he's going to win, would you want to go to accept an award?

That's what So this was my point is if we won and they're like, hey, we want you to come accept your award, I wouldn't. Oh. I don't want to accept an award for something that I don't feel worthy of accepting.

Especially lately, I feel like we used to travel so much. We've been slacking a bit. Yeah, we just got married, we've been you know.

Yeah, you guys are worthy of this award. All right. There are a lot of things you're not worthy of. This award is one that you are, I promise.

I disagree because the people that I look up to in the social media sphere.

Of travel nominated.

Right are exactly They can't lot more talented.

Yeah, and they're not nominated.

And accepting that award, which is somebody that we're on this topic right now because this is so ridiculous. But me accepting that award is me saying I'm better than my peers. They're not even my peers, they're my superiors.

No.

But what I'm trying to say is this is a different sphere. This is the sphere that maybe we don't really want to be in. We want to be nominated with the photographers. We want to be nominated with those people we look up to.

Sure, I see that makes sense, but we won't ever.

But because we have ties to Bachelor is why we probably are put in.

This sphere right well, duh, yeah, one hundred percent. But this is the wrong with that, there's a recognizing where you came from.

How rude, How rude of you to us, Jared, Welcome to the podcast. Thanks for taking some time out of your busy day to join us anytime.

Well, obviously not anytime, because you know there are certain times. But sorry, I was late once again, that was totally my fault, lost track of time. And again quite funny the conversation I was having about how I need to focus on other things and then here we are the other things I need to focus on I forgot about. Sorry for my tardiness, Uh, just catching up things in my life. Quickly filmed the Dallas first look. It was fun,

That's click turner.

But yeah, it's pretty quick. I mean it's only a half hour show, so in like twenty four minutes or whatever it is without commercials, and we did so much I don't know how they're going to edit it all down. The JFK stuff was pretty interesting, learning about his assassination, the quote unquote cover up or conspiracy if you believe it, which I kind of do, and then just did a lot of stuff in Texas. It was it was just fun and a really cool opportunity, and I hope more

What I'm saying people aren't tuning into that program to learn about that specifically.

No, they'll tune into the program and then learn about it and be like, Oh, that's so fascinating, I need to learn more about it, and then go watch a JFK documentary.

I think you should spin off a JFK podcast and just only talk about the JFK assassination on a podcas cast mini series.

There has to be a podcast, make.

Sure, sure. But I don't want to hear some random schmuck talk about the JFK assassination. I want to hear Jared Haben.

And the magic bullet. Have you heard about this?

Yeah, like curved or something.

So it's just I cannot believe this was the official, you know, the official theory on how the bullet because he it goes Learvey Oswald shot three. There's three bullets that came from his gun. The first one he missed, and then the second and third one hit. The second

I just googled JFK conspiracy theory podcasts and there's six that come up immediately. But this is JFK's brain is missing, It wasn't buried with his body. There's a lot, no idea, there's a lot going on here.

There's so much going on. That was the other thing, like the car that was used, So the car that JFK was assassinated in, the Lincoln, And again, was this botched? Did they just mess up or were they intentionally try to cover something up? It was cleaned the next day. It was never taken into evidence. So they cleaned the car.

Just knowing nothing off of this, like a president just doesn't get shot, and they're like, all right, yeah, they go to extreme certain you would do everything possible to learn why.

I love hearing about this stuff. Yeah, but he doesn't love conspiracy theories, but I do.

It's not that I don't love conspiracy theories. I just am It goes both aways. I'm naturally a skeptic, and so i question everything, which means I question the truth, which kind of does make me conspiracy theorist. But then I hear these conspiracy theories, but then I skeptically question those as well. And obviously, as we both know, the truth lies somewhere in the middle most likely of everything. So it's not that I hate conspiracy theories. I just think they're a contrarian.

So you don't want to believe the truth, but you don't want to believe the conspiracy theory.

Yeah that's fair, that's fair, But no, I'm not a contrarian.

Oh my gosh, that's the first time you do that every time, because yes, and I fall for it every time.

I'm definitely a coutrarian, and I'm with Dean where I just I'm always somewhere in the middle where I don't believe a lot of the conspiracy, but I also don't believe the official story because it just feels fictional. Even within the US government, there's back and forth of did Oswald aclone? Did he not act colone? Was Oswald even involved in the assassination? Was he the Ponzi? Did they just put the blame on him? It's all because it's so also, you know what's crazy. That's one more thing,

So Lee Harvey Oswald gets murdered in prison. That's maybe I.

Think we should do a spinoff, a conspiracy theory spinoff.

That's Calen's nice way of saying, let's move on to a different spect.

Also, I love conspiracy theories, Jared. I do want to ask you. I feel like this is a perfect blend, potentially for you and Ashley. Have you guys been watching the Beckham documentary?

No, I've heard about this thing. What the hell is this?

Has Ashley watched it?

I have no idea.

Oh my god, it's so good. I just finished It's it's just like a reprive of the nineties, And just so I can get down with that reprive, I don't know, is that there, don't I think so revival of the nineties reprive.

I think you're trying to say reprieve and isn't.

Really revival of the nineties. It's just like a nineties show? Is it?

The story of how they got together.

It's story of everything, how he started soccer, how he got drafted I don't know, plucked out when he was like sixteen years old, and how everyone loved him and then they hated him, and then it was like constantly back and forth everyone hated Victoria and then where they are now, And honestly, I want them to do a season two and cover the Miami team in their life now.

I know so little about David Beckham. It's embarrassing because when you were talking about the documentary, I thought to myself, well, I know he's a very talented soccer player. I have no idea how old he is. I have no idea what team he played for. I know that he came to the States and played for.

LA Galaxy.

Yeah, the La Galaxy in the league. I have no idea what the name of it is. The Hell's the name of the Professional Soccer League MLS MS. Yeah, that hells the matter with me. And I know that he's married to twice. That's all I really know. Yeah, there's such a power couple.

I thought on the show for you and Ashley to watch, but maybe she's already watched it. It's it's very good, but it probably has What do you want to talk about to you?

Thank you? Let's talk about I want to talk about HBLP sprayers because I've been having an issue with my hbop S prayer for the past for the past.

Our listeners have probably watched the backup documentary, so don't be.

Listeners are probably trying to paint a room in their house and they're having issues with their hblps.

I have something I want to talk about. Yeah that I want to ask you guys if you've heard because I feel like this is not a big topic, but I read the headline and I have no idea why more people are not talking about this.

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. Yeah, yeah, I knew you were going to bring it up. I just saw this this morning. Was my coffee too.

So she said they've been separated since twenty sixteen.

Yeah, they've been separated for seven years, which means that Jada Pinkett Smith's infidelity wasn't actually in fidelity because she was on a separation with her husband, and that also puts more scrutiny under the keep my wife's name at your mouth because they were separated, but they were still sitting together. But I don't know.

Wait, so why didn't they come forward sooner when she was under scrutiny for having that young guy that she was allegedly sleeping with.

No idea? And didn't she reveal that it was an affair because wasn't.

The word she used on a round table or whatever it's called.

Yeah, it was a roundtable, and she used a particular world word that I felt like went viral that I can't think of all the top of my head.

It was, Oh, let's remember what this is because it was pretty funny. She called it like a like a not like a situation in entanglement, And that's right, that's right.

Why would you not admit back then saying Will and I have not been together. We've been separated since twenty sixteen, So this is not an entanglement, This is not an affair, This is us exploded? Other options like what the hell's going on?

Yeah?

I don't believe this for one second.

Do you think something bigger is about to come out? Like a big affair or something like, and they're just trying to get ahead of it.

I think they're aliens and they have no idea how to relate to human beings, and they have no idea how to talk, and so they're just saying things. That's what I think. It's so good about aliens these days.

It's so crazy to see the fall from grace as so many of our favorite childhood actors are having not just actors, but like well known people well like Elon Musk has gone off the deep end, hasn't He always been a little yeah, but it's gotten worse and worse. Mark Zuckerberg is kind of coming back to being a human again, but they're like, you know, he created Facebook and we As a younger man, I was like, Wow, that's amazing. But now I see him, I'm like, oh,

But you just mentioned tech people, not even actors, because.

I'm put on the spot and I can't think of anyone else. Is the obvious obvious one. I just feel like the longer you're in the limelight, like someone like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, Smith it's so hard to maintain a good image of yourself, and it's only gonna get worse as time goes on. It's like from Batman when he says, you either die the hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. And I think Will and Jada are kind of seeing themselves become the villains right now.

Yeah.

Someone was just talking about this with Taylor Swift. She's like, I'm so worried for her because people just love her so much. We saw this with Drew Barrymore. Everyone was obsesding.

Oh yeah, Drew Barrymore.

Drew Barrymore, every very loved her. And then you know, she was like, all right, this strike's kind of been going on long enough time to get back to work and people were super upset with her and there Yeah, there were like two more recently where it's like you fly too close to the sun and then you know everyone hates you.

Icarous, you never know, Chris, Chris flew too close to the sun. It's crazy, and it's going to happen to us. It probably has happened to us. It's definitely happened to me, but maybe not. But I do feel like the longer you have a microscope on you, the more likely you are to make a mistake that everyone is going to absolutely hate you.

Know, for sure, for sure.

And Taylor Swift is a prime example of that. She's still beloved, but it's like.

One wrong move, one little tiny move.

You really have to be an incredibly good person to be under the microscope that Taylor Swift is and not have a scandal come out about you.

But I think she is that good of a person. She's letting Sophie Turner stay in her home in New York while Sophie's fighting for custody of her kids.

Why does that automatically make her nice?

Yus, that's a nice thing to do.

Sophie's in the wrong.

Sophie's not in the wrong. There's no way.

Well, of course it's okay. That doesn't automatically make Taylor a nice person. One, she's probably got six houses. Two. She's a friend, and if any of our friends were going through something, we would immediately tell them to come stay with us. Isn't the thing she's She's getting the bad side of that story.

No, no, no, Now, it flipped. She was in the beginning, It flipped and There's been a lot that has come out on DUMI, which is all like not credible because you know, it's all anonymous sources coming in, but a lot of you know, suspecting things that are not in

Yeah. The only thing I saw on that not the only thing. I saw a few things, but one of the things that stuck out to me was Joe was at like a concert or something and he was on stage and he was like thanking people for the support of him. Yeah, you're the break, which just seems so weird.

Thank you for the sport, and don't believe anything unless it came out of my mouth, but we're like, this came from your camp.

Yeah, I don't know. That whole situation is weird.

And it seemed like everything was civil and now they just hadn't. They were in a hearing for eight hours Sophie left, and then Joe is in it for two more so ten hours for getting custody of their kids.

Yeah, I don't really know enough about that situation. They really have an opinion of it, but it is interesting. But I'm going to be team Joe, just to be just to be the contrarian nice. I don't know.

The things that I've read and the things that i've heard do not are not flat always.

Because here's the thing, it also seems a little I again speaking from an outsider, I don't know, Like I've seen pictures of Taylor walking to dinner with Sophie, Sophie Turner and they have like I gotta be honest, everything seems so contrived right now. I don't know what to

Yeah, it's always interesting when there's such a big breakup in the celebrity world and you only hear from one person, not necessarily from directly Joe, but like when Joe's camp, as you put it, is the only one making comments and saying things about it, It's like, why are you guys trying to define the narrative so much?

Yeah, and this one's like the most public we've seen in a very long time, you know what. They try to make it civil and ouns rocky. But Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck we're seeing hugging. So there's hope for exes.

I thought Ben Affleck was.

Because they're on good terms.

Yeah, No, that's what I'm saying. There's hope for exes.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, because Ben's the.

Man, Jennifer is the woman.

Jennifer a well, which Jennefer statements can be true at the same time, you, guys.

Jennifer Garner is awesome. I do love j Jennifer Garner. I also love Ben because he's just wait.

Ben Affleck dated Jennifer Garner, married Mary Jennifer Hits together from thirteen going on thirty. Yeah, they were married with kids, and then they broke up. I thought Ben's only ever been with Jayla, what this is new?

And then on a day army they were like together forever ago Mary Jennifer, and then came back to other Jennifer.

I cannot imagine Ben Affleck with Jennifer Garner because Jennifer Garner seems like such a warmer, great person, and Ben, to his credit, also seems that way, but in a completely different manner, like he's like Northeastern warm, where he's like Jared affectually puts it like sipping his coffee, smoking down a cigarette, tells you to cough, but you know he like says it with his heart, and you're like, it's endearing.

Yeah, see, it's endearing because it's so him. You know, it's not he's not like I don't think he's a dick. I think he just he's like that old man who's just like, get off my lawn place, like, please leave me alone. Even though he's one of the biggest names.

And I'm sure they're both good people. They just I can't believe they have kids together. That's crazy for you.

For a few years, yeah, a few like fifteen, Yeah, for.

Many years, prison. It all comes back to prison.

Yeah, I like, I love how I walked into the conversation. Indean said that he wants to be a cop because he can relate to the criminals more.

That's not why I want to be a cop.

I exactly why.

I want to be a cop because I want to I want to help people instead of find them and give them speeding tickets and those types of things.

I gotta say. I got pulled over probably two or three months ago, and the cop was so nice. He was like, you know, just get out of my town and you can go as fast as you want. And I could see you being that.

Guy out of my town. That doesn't sound nice.

No, he was nice because he was like, you just have to take this right. You're almost there. Take a right, and I don't care how fast you go.

And did he give you a ticket?

No? Yeah, because I pulled over into a parking lot versus on the side of the road he had just pulled someone over. What happened is this guy cut me off to avoid him, even though he was never going to hit him, and so I was like, what the heck? And so I go around this guy and the cop flashes because he had just pulled someone over and he's like, hey, that guy did that because he's trying to avoid hitting me. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I was just confused.

I So what I hate about that too is there's not like a blanket way to do that where you're getting pulled over, because I've done that before too, where I'm like blinkers on, waiting for a safe place to pull over, and then eventually pull over and the cops like what are you doing. You're supposed to pull over immediately the secondary.

When you pulled on the left side of the frue.

That was one of them. Yes, And I did exactly that, and he was like, why are you pulling over here? This is the worst place to pull over. I'm like, well, I don't know. I feel like I want you want probably want me over as quickly as I possibly can, so I'm not like running away from you or anything like that. And then there was one time where I did do that too, where I was like trying to find a safe spot, and then the cop came up to me and he's like, what are you doing? You

I got lucky with mine. I was just like shoot.

And if I was a cop pulling someone over, I'd be like, thank you so much for pulling over, whether exactly whether it was early or late, I would just be grateful that you pulled over. And now we're having this conversation, and if you need help with something else, I'm happy to help you, because that's what I'm here for. I'm here to serve the public. God. That would be such a good cop. I really would be. I really really would be. Oh what what's that?

I have a question? How's the Colorado house?

It's not good, No, it's not bad.

Okay, So we didn't get the house that we loved, but we found another house that is insane. It's four acres. We could have chickens, we could have bees, we could have everything we want.

Yeah, it's the first thing I think of one buying a house. Got to get those chickens.

And we put in our offer and it was a really good offer. It was at asking because there was one other offer that was lower, we think. And then we're supposed to hear back the next day and the owners or the reality realtor company that's facilitating everything said, there's been an issue. We're going to have to get legal involved. So we think that they're having to evict the current people and they're putting everything on hold. But it's a perfect.

House, perfect house. I haven't really seen as much on this house as I have the other houses.

But so these people will be evicted before you get the house.

Yeah, so that they won't even accept our offer. They have to get them out and deal with the legal process of evicting them.

Got it.

Because you don't want a squatter because I've had friends who've bought houses with squatters and it is I mean it's years years.

And they own the home. Oh no, so.

They own OU's because there are certain laws that you can't just like kick someone out. It's crazy how much lack of power you really have, even if you own a house and you're trying to get a squatter out. So it's been easy. It is crazy. So just you know, food for thought.

Yeah, well, they won't accept our offer, and we want to go see it. We'll see what happens. But we're going to fly out to Colorado next Monday.

You haven't seen it. No, that's terrifying to put an offer in a house.

You put in an offer, you have three days to wire the money, the down payment or whatever, and then you have thirty days to back out. That's in our contract.

And it's like a two hour flight and a four hour drive, so it's not easy to get to Yeah. No, so we can't just like drive down the street and go check out this house. But yeah, we'll see. Keeping our fingers crossed, something pops up.

Yeah, but there are we're going to see like five on Tuesday. Yeah, so hopefully one of those is the one.

I haven't talked to you about this yet. I need to climb a mountain. Oh my gosh for an ad.

So we're skipping Colorado.

We're not going to skip it. I just need to figure out when I need to do it before we leave for Jackson on Wednesday. Okay, so I gotta have to go tomorrow.

We'll figure it out off the podcast.

Let's figure it out now. It's just it's not it's okay, it's just it's one.

If it's actually for an ad Orf, vi'sus lying because he really wants to climb this mountain.

I really don't. I really don't want to climb this really boring. It's not boring. It's like four and a half hour drive from here, and it's like the weather right now is obviously not great. It's getting into winter and it's can be cold, and the best weather.

Day sounds like a lot of excuses to me.

Yeah, no, kidding, what a baby, These are not excuses.

I'm gonna do it the same, bro. You know what sounds like the best weather day is Monday. It's like a fifty five on Monday.

Well, we can skip.

We don't, but we fly out to Colorado on Monday unless we book like an eleven pm flight on Monday or something.

We'll figure it out off the podcast.

Okay, if you figure out a podcasts. But I wish you nothing but the best of luck climbing this boring mountain. I do want to say something before we sign off.

Because.

I have to piece so badly. Ashley and I are no longer about to attempt to try to have number two. We are in the process of trying.

Nice wait yep, today was the wait wait wait, let me just get this straight.

So yeah, I mean, it's just it's a big it's a big announcement. We're trying. We're in, like we have the ovulation schedule. This month was the month we're trying. So it's like happening.

Gotcha.

That's amazing, Cuckoo, it is amazing. It's terrifying and wonderful. I think we'll find out. You know, it's just a grind. It's just a grind. Baby. It's crazy to think that everything that has happened in our life, and obviously every parent goes through this, uh if you have multiple kids, everything that has happened in our life over the past year and a half. We're just gonna do it again. We're gonna do it again.

Yeah, but everyone says it's easier the second time.

From your lips of God's ears.

I just like how he Jared goes. So we're not we're not thinking about trying anymore. We're trying. And it's you know, you're kind of you kind of were trying before, but you just didn't maybe qualify it as such.

Bro. Once you know, I'm assuming you guys are gonna have kids. We're gonna try to have kids. You will realize that there is a big difference between sex and trying to have a baby.

Sex.

Yeah, because like the first day, of course, great, cool, and then you know you just got to do it four days in a row, and then you know there are certain times where you just need to get it over and then she's sitting on the bed and she has to keep her legs elevated for like fifteen minutes. Okay, So it's just.

Okay, I didn't know. I didn't know any of this, so I was laughing out. I was laughing at you, and I was was coming from a place of misinformation. So okay, let's let's dive in on this.

There's the schedules you have to follow, and there are certain days and times of the day, and so.

I think we can all agree that the burden of the effort kind of falls on the woman in this situation. Like Jared just said, you keep your legs elevated for fifteen minutes.

Out everything inside of you.

Okay, that makes sense. I guess this is how selfish I am. I think when when the deed is done, then everything just like magically disappears.

But no, well for me, it's over. Like the poor thing, poor Ashley has to you know, do her part. And then I'm like, all right, I'm gonna go downstairs.

So okay, So can I ask you this? So Ashley is doing all these things in an effort to have a second child. What are you doing to improve the chances? Are you doing like key goals? Are you?

I provide yourself very fun and positive twenty seven seconds of of you know, fun times, and then my job is done.

I think that they're probably you should look into this, chaired, because I bet you if you were to like get yourself up to the point of climax on your own multiple times a day, but like not not reach that threshold and then come in with Ashley.

You think it's gonna be like super sperm.

It could be be super sperm, be super sperm. You could you know, like they're knocking on the door and then eventually, like those guys knocking the door have guys behind them pushing them into the door, and then eventually when the door open, it's.

Gonna be like just like it's gonna be like a sprint, you know, when like you know, on your mark gets set go and then just yeah.

You should. You should look into that because you know, obviously I think it's correct me if I'm wrong here, best case scenario is Ashley gets pregnant tomorrow, you know, like the sooner, the sooner the better, because you don't want to You don't want to have to deal with this stress for multiple months at a time. So I think that you should be edging yourself and doing some research to see if you can better prepare your swimmers to swim up the fallopian tube.

I can't wait to see what you try.

Let's see how many of our listeners knows what edging really means. But anyway that that should do it.

It's just a thought. It's just a thought. You don't take it to heart. Just if you feel like doing research on your own outside of this podcast, please do. But that's awesome, congratulations, you know. Obviously wish you nothing but the best. I do recall back to when you and Ashley were trying to have Dawson, or trying to conceive Dawson, I suppose, and I do remember you making a statement about how a stark of a difference that sex was to like regular just fun sex. It's not the same thing.

Well, I mean it's still fun, but you know once you get to like day three and four and you're like, dude, I'm just you know, I'm not the same spry man I was years ago. So and the same thing with Ashley. It's not like we're like I can't wait, you know, especially like we put dots in a bend. It's like, all right, like do we eat now or do we wait? You know, like I'm going to pass out on the couch if we don't do something in the next three minutes. So let's just you know, it's get going.

Yeah, I've got at the point too where eating is. After I eat dinner, I'm like, yeah, I feel bloated and gross. I think that's a big part of it. Especially he'll give you a pizza or something.

Yeah. I play my whole day around it. Now you can't have a big meals, gott to hydrate.

Is there anything you guys can do at this stage to like up your I would imagine you want a girl. I would imagine that's kind of like if you had your your pickings, you would want to have it.

That's an office episode where Dwight was like, you can make him a boy.

Yeah, but I wonder if there are any like tricks of the trade, tricks that you could do to up the percentage of the likelihood of getting a girl, you know, like keep the keep the belly hot, like Dwight says in the office, keep the belly hot for two months on, three months off, two months on. I remember, I guess I can't remember exactly what it is, but I remember there being some some like old wives tales about that.

But that's what they are.

Wives tales. Yeah, but the wives obviously no better than the husband.

No, it's fifty to fifty and then you just happen to get the gender you want.

Almost fifty fifty almost to you, it's not fifty to fifty. Oh okay, I almost guarantee you it's not.

Let's do some research and get back.

Yeah, we'll do some research actually kind of that this is fifty to fifty or not. But what what would you if you had your your your brothers, which would you pick?

Girl?

Girl? Nice?

I don't really care, but I would like to have a girl, especially for Ashley. I think it'd be cool for her to have an older brother. And uh, you know, I have a sister, so I think it'd be pretty cool. But if we have two boys, that could be a lot of fun too. That poor Ashley, Holy uh, that's a lot of testosterone.

But I are going to go on the on the record here and say, should we take guesses? I guess we shouldn't even guess before anything is conceived, but I guess it's going to be a boy.

Girl?

Do you think a girl? I guarantee you boy.

This makes me nervous because it just makes me feel like Dean. You know, even a blind squirrel finds it not every once in a while. And now that Dean is saying this, it's like this is the one time he's going to be right. This is the one damn time he's going to be right.

Hey crap, Well, I don't want that burden, So I'm gonna say girl, because if you want girl.

Don't change it out.

If I want it to be girl, I don't want to be the guy. That's the reason for you to have another boy.

Bro, I'm gonna blame you no matter what happens, So just accept your fate, all right, That's gonna do it. For this week's episode of Help we Suck at Being Newlyweds, once again. I'm so sorry for being late. It will never happen again. It probably will, but hopefully not anytime soon. J We love you so much. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. You're amazing, and make sure you tune in next week. We're hopefully we suck just a little less.

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