Episode 1

it anyways. Oh, let's let's introduce. Uh everyone got in the studio. We got Easton, who is getting married on Saturday. Hello, thank you, thank you for being here. It's great to be I'm really excited. I'm excited to spend my last week as a bachelor here are learning some skills. We've got a few more days. Um, congratulations again. We've got Mark, who is happily married fifteen years fifteen years married. Yes, sir, I don't know that I could give you any advice,

but if it comes up, I'm happy to try. And as we just discussed, he met his wife when he was twenty six, which is my current age. I was twenty six, and she was oh wow, yeah, was Mark, Was there ever a moment where you sucked at dating? Oh? All of them? I never stopped until I met her, and it was and it was like, it's like what you have told me you're looking for were it's just as easy and it all falls into place. And that's what that's what happened when you met her. No more

games because everybody also playing games. Oh do I call back? When do I call back? Should wait for them to call back? And now of course it's texting. There wasn't at the time, but it was all the games. But with Amy, there were no games. And then how about yourself, Eastern? When did I meet my wife? We met working at a movie theater together ten years ago, and it took five years to get to the point where we were dating. We're friends for that time, so it was a very

long vetting process. But but just like Mark said, it was, it was so easy once it started, once it actually happened, and h and uh, I'm a big fan of being friends. First I thought that was that was a cool thing to do because we knew each other. She knows me better than anyone else in the world, and I know her, I assume better than any else something in the world. Uh, And I'm I'm really excited to spend the rest of

my life with her. I love that. So I'm a big advocate of being friends with someone before you date them as well. For you, wasn't an awkward transition to go from a friendship to a romantic relationship with her? No, it wasn't. But I was afraid of it because I had another friend previously that things took a romantic turn and did not end very well. Now we are not friends, so I was worried about that happening. But um, but it was. It was meant to be, I'd say. So.

I have a similar experience of that too. Um. I dated a girl in Los Angeles who was in our friend group. We hung out probably every weekend with you know, a big group of friends whatever it is, and that eventually evolved into a romantic relationship and we dated. Um and we still operate very much in the same friend group. But it just is a little it's a little tricky sometimes to navigate that. You know, sometimes past feelings come up, I guess when you're hanging out. Sometimes you just don't

even want to be seeing them flirting with anyone else. Um. So yeah, it's good that you kind of experienced both sides of that though. Yo. Yeah, so let's start this podcast with your advice. Everywhere I go people give me advice on dating, and I'm definitely open to it. I think that's the whole reason for for starting this podcast, to fix my suckiness of dating. Um, so let's start with Maran. Maran, are you there? Man? I'm sorry? How are you? I'm good? How are you? I'm good? Thank

you for calling in. What what advice do you have for me? Um? Well, me and my friend Nicki. Nicky says, Hi, we wanted to say that next time you're stuck in I love triangle or just you know, you're dating one girl, we should be super honest with them. But it's just a love triangle. I think it's best that you leave both girls and tape time to like be with yourself. So,

so honestly you think is the most important thing. I do think honestly is the most important thing, because I think, like for example, in Paradise, if you're like more honest with Christina as you probably would have understood it more and like you would have had less backlass because I kind of thought the backlash but because people weren't like mature enough to understand what was going on, you know, and that was and that really sucks. I don't like

seeing that, you know. Yeah, that makes sense. Have you or Nicky ever been in a love triangle? I've been in your situation, yes, and I am. They both don't know each other, so do you think But don't you think you're kind of being dishonest there? I think that they're not even on the same coast, so okay, but

it's okay. But if you were on the same beach as the two guys, then you would be openly honest with with them about everything, honestly, with the two guys right now, and that were to happen, I would leave both of them if they were on the same beach, because that's just that's too stressful for me. And I think convenience of like the much important thing. Yeah, I a wrong. We will not cast you for next batter in Paradise, but thank you so much for the time

for calling me in you. Yeah, you've answered me and my friend Nikki on Twitter and we were in Italy at the time and we screamed so loud, we probably scared all that Italians, but it was almost exciting when what's happened to us. We love you, Hope. I'm glad we finally got a chance to talk. You guys are so amazing. Thank you so much. You're amazing. Thank you. I have a good day, all right. Next next to Savannah in North Carolina. Uh, Savannah, do you have any

sound advice for me? Hi? Yeah, I thought this was a joke, but here you are. Yeah. I called mostly just a steward the number went. But my advice was, um, that you were a real fan favorite on The Best Threat because you were so open with Bractil and treated her with such kindness. And I think, um, the transparent

she shifted when you were on Pastero in Paradise. So I think my advice would just be try to channel the way that you behaved just on that first kind of round with Rachel, because that was what a lot of people are really impressed by. So, Savannah, you think it's transparency not just in what relationships, but just every

facet of life or anything specifically. Yeah, I mean I think this is this is so funny, But yeah, I think I think the reason that a lot of people were really charmed and impressed with because you were so transparent about all of the things that you like going on in your life in addition to kind of your feelings with a relationship. And I think, I don't know.

I think I heard you made a point about because love try and go on back in Paradise that just like you felt like you were being transparent with everyone, but I feel like Danielle and Christina didn't really know the full gope of what was going on on the other end. So I think maybe just being fully open about what was going on or trying to allow everyone to have full agency and their decisions by information. Yeah,

I understand that. And even watching it back, I think that I maybe in the moment, I thought I was telling the truth, but I was probably not as honest as I should have been to spare the feelings of whoever I was talking to. So I definitely makes sense. Yeah, I mean it was. It was kind of like completely painful to watch kind of your reactions throughout the season because you've kept putting these self deprecating comments on the Internet,

and we were like, Okay, everyone makes mistakes. It's okay, but yeah, I did not did not get a great cut on that one. Yeah. Oh well there's always next time, I guess. But um, Savannah, thank you for calling in, thank you for the advice, and I promise I'll continue to work on it. Yeah, because luck it the future. Cool for taking everyone's opinions. Yeah, of course, take care. Yeah, yeah, I have a good one. T N. Sacramento. You say it's my eyes. What are you saying? No, I was saying,

I feel like you're terrible at eye contact. I've actually heard that quite a bit recently. Yeah, but it's so true, and I feel like when you're like saying something to somebody, it's so hard to believe it when you're like completely avoiding I'm them, you know. Yeah, I think you're right, and I do have maybe struggles with making eye contacts. I think it basically is mostly during the difficult conversations,

and I think that's probably when it's most important. Um, but it's it's it is funny watching back least uh these TV shows and like not making eye contact the entire time. It kind of comes across as maybe even just like being scared or disingenuous. But that was never the case. It's just I struggle with looking someone in the eyes, maybe when I'm telling them something they don't want to hear. Does that make sense? It makes sense. But I feel like if you work on that, I

feel like that will help you a lot. Okay, So are you saying that you're good at eye contact? Yeah? Yeah, because I feel like I feel like it's not even that you're like a little bad at eye contact. It just seems almost like you avoid I think, like thee you've heard said of the time, and so I just feel like it's just it's harder to take, like when you're talking, it's harder to believe what you're saying, you know what you mean when you're just like avoiding looking

at that person. No, absolutely, that makes a lot of sense. I definitely have to continue to work on that. I agree. Okay, I promise you have you ever seen me on another Bachelor's show again, I will be making eye contact the entire time, whether it's with the camera or the person I'm talking to. And I'll have you to thank for that. Perfect. You're very You're welcome, Thank you to you have a

great day, Thank you for calling in. Thank you. Okay, So, one thing we'll be doing with this podcast is each week we will be bringing in a dating experts of sorts. And I'm in studio here with with two experts, but these may be more famously expert um relationship gurus of sorts. So this week we'll be starting with Rachel de Alto, the dating expert from Married at First Sight. Rachel, how are you hey? I'm good, How are you good? Thanks

for coming on. I'm happy to be here. So, Rachel, I'd love for you to start off by telling us a little bit about yourself. Sure, I focus on dating and relationships. I'm a coach and like to help people find love or figure out if if they want love, um, and everything in between. So I work with singles and I work with couples, and occasionally I'm marry strangers. So it's, uh, it's a whirlwind of activities. So outside of the show Married at First Sight, you you kind of do this

full time? I do. Yeah, this is this is a real gig. So I work with people every day. I coached them. Um, and you know, like I said, it's it's single there's people looking for love. So if they're dating and having some troubles and people who are in relationships and want to stay in a relationship and want to work through some some challenges as you know, I mean they arrived. So yeah, I do it. Do it on the off TV as well. Love it. So what

kind of like training do you have for it? I used to be a lawyer, so I'm really good at splitting people up. Um. But I am a certified coach. So I decided to leave law. I was a litigator, and you know, I did what every lawyer does, leave the law and become a coach and focus on love and dating. Um. So I went back to school and became a coach, and then I went back and got a hypnotherapist training. So I'm being into yoga and meditation. And does does the hypnotherapy play into the married at

First Sight? Um? Actually yeah, I've done it quite a few times with the cast I married at first Sight. We Um. We did a whole hypnosis for Sonia last season season four where she was definitely afraid of dogs, and I don't think they showed any of it on the show, but we did a hypnosis and all of a sudden she was fine with dogs. And I've done it for other people off TV two that have been a part of it, just to kind of, you know,

release any anxiety. Sometimes I don't know if you had this being on TV can cause some some anxious moments. I like to help him out on the on the outside as well. So what are some common mistakes that you see? Well? I think the biggest thing that I see over and over again is people date very unintentionally. Um. And I may have seen this a little bit, uh watching a little bit from Paradise. Uh, you love dogs,

so I I think you're awesome. Um. But I think that like a big mistake that I saw was it was very unintentional, and I think people do that a lot. We get into a situation where we kind of just go with our feelings and kind of that euphoria feeling, and it leads us in a bunch of different directions and we have no intention to it. So you're just kind of like all over the plate. Um. I like to call that kind of the you know the blue

shirt at Marshall's. You know, you go into Marshals and I don't know, if I go into Marshal's with TJ Max no shame and I walk in, I get so overwhelmed because there's just like options everywhere and it's kind of like a candy store and it's just a lot um. But when you date intentionally, you can go in and be like, I want a blue shirt, and all of a sudden, at Marshall's DJ Mags, you know, you see

a blue shirt popping out everywhere. And it's kind of the same thing with dating, like know what you're looking for, and a lot of people don't know what they're looking for. But do you know what you're looking for, Well, let's use that. Let's use that then. So say you go into our shows and you're looking for a blue shirt, but you're also looking for a red shirt, but you only have to get one shirt. Do you think that it's possible to date two people at the same time.

Is it possible to go in and buy two shirts? You can get all those shirts you want, but you need to let the people know that you're getting all the shirts. As long as the blue shirt knows that you're buying the red shirt. Yeah, I'd be like, I'm

buying all these shirts, I'm creating a wardrobe. Um, but I'm gonna be totally honest with you, and I'm going to be up front about my intentions of like, listen, I don't want a relationship or I don't think I want a relationship, um, and I'm gonna go buy a bunch of shirts and see what happens and maybe like one gets a hole in it and I throw it out, So you know, there's you have to be intentional about it,

and you have to be very upfront and honest. And I think that's the other thing too, is the biggest mistake. His people are just not like they protect each other's feelings, um, you know, and end up saying some white lies and it gets into a snowball. So just be honest with people. I think a lot of people aren't honest. They like to kind of make someone feel better or not being

honest with themselves about what they're actually looking for. So that was kind of my thing too, especially going into Paradise. I wanted to go in and be as honest as I possibly could have, and maybe that maybe that's kind of what happened. I got stuck in like possible like white lies because I wanted to spare the emotions of the girls. I guess I don't know, did you you said you watched it, could you be like, can maybe give me your kind of like synopsis of it? Yeah,

I mean here's the thing. I got the impression that you were a really nice guy. Uh, And I know that the f boy thing has been thrown around a lot, and I totally get I get that you hate it, but I also get white people are saying because and I mean this in like the most compassionate way of you seem like a nice guy, but like you end up in this state where you're trying to be nice to everybody, You're trying to people please, and all of a sudden, you're in these situations where you're trying to

kind of keep everybody's feeling from check, but you know, you end up kind of snowballing the problem. So I think there was another level of honesty that was being did of, you know, but also keeping other people's feelings in mind in a different way of like how do my actions affect this person before I do certain things? Um, I think that's but that's like you've got to grow into that, you know. And I think from what I saw is like there's a lot of lessons that were

that we're able to be learned. There One of the things that I've definitely noticed I needed to work on is is maybe being more upfront about like saying no to people. I've never really been good at saying no before. So, um, I guess when you say, you know, I wanted to spare everyone's feelings, that's I mean, that's that's that's exactly

how I looked at. I never really want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I understand maybe if I nipped in the bud earlier on, then nothing would have happened, or nothing would have transpired to maybe upset either of them as much as they were. Right. Yeah, I mean, I think the the impression I got that you kind of got there and you're like a kid in the candy store, and I was like, this is great. You know, I'm going to buy all the shirts. Um, and it just

kind of snowballed from there. But yeah, saying notice someone, but also being aware of, like, you know, what's going to happen when someone starts to catch feelings, you know, and and thinking beyond yourself. You know, I think that nice guys make bad moves too, So it's not like, you know, this doesn't demonize you as the person, but like, yeah, you probably should have stepped back. And then like, am

I leading this person down the wrong path? Should I say no from the start instead of kind of allowing it to evolve on its own? Um, you know, there's there's definitely more honesty, more nose, more kind of like stops along the way that I think could have made a big difference in preserving those relationships. But even like on Ellen, I watched that glimp to and she was

ready to kind of keep things going. Christina like made to me and I don't know what the rest of the audience saw is is it seemed like she would give you another chance. But it's like you've got to stop it, like don't lead her on, um, you know, give it a stop put or don't but be honest

with her. I was just telling um, the people that we have in studio right now that I think that like I just don't want to necessarily And maybe this is where my biggest um fallback is like I don't like the idea of compromising anything that UM currently like kind of makes up who I am, you know, like the ideas whatever it might be, I just don't if if I have maybe some some sort of gripe with someone that I'm like pursuing romantically. Then I kind of, um take that and you know, kind of give me

an inch and taken a mile sort of thing. I get my own head. Okay, So what kind of grapes are we talking about? Um, that's a that's a good question. Maybe disagreements along the lines of I don't know, like maybe what it means to be in a relationship, what we plan to do moving forward, like all that kind of stuff. Maybe that's too soon for that, but just kind of like more relationships centric stuff, not like Graham or anything like that. Okay, Okay, so these are valid things.

Maybe the relationships moving too fast. Okay. So were you totally into her? Yeah, okay, beyond a physical attraction and this is a person to hang out with. Yeah. I think one of the things that drew me most to her was that she is incredibly interested in the most like ridiculous things, And I like to talk about like ridiculous ideas, like you know, just like random thoughts, and she's able to like contribute and have her own like interesting ideas. Like there's a there's a lot of like

depth to her. It was it was definitely more than just a physical attraction. I mean, of course I was. I thought she was beautiful and um, you know, even obviously like looking looking back and watching Um, I mean, she's a beautiful woman. But there was definitely a lot more to it than just that. I don't know. I think this kind of I mean, at least my take on it is like the self sabotage sort of thing is like, when you see things going right, you find

reasons to maybe make them go wrong. Okay, is that a pattern that you have, I mean, in prior relationships. Have you had significant prior relationships before these shows? Yeah? I would say I was only really in love once before, and I was young. I was like fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, um.

But I've had like longer relationships, I mean straight or last year, my girlfriend of a year and I broke up, and um, you know, I don't think that the feelings were as strong with her as they were with Christina, which is kind of weird to think about. But okay, so where does the self sabotage come into that? I don't know. I think that maybe even Christina and I

talked about it at one point too. I think that maybe having lost my mother and having been so close to her, like, like the possibility of like growing so close to someone again just to possibly lose them is like challenging. Maybe, Yeah, I mean, for sure, obviously you suffered a that's a traumatic you know, especially with someone in that female role um, and that could be a huge part of it. So you know, but your choice now is to recognize that and you know, not sabotage.

But was it sabotage or you know, was there a connection with Danielle too, So that's kind of the question that you have to figure out. Like we like to label a lot of things, but that doesn't necessarily mean that,

you know, it all falls into that basket. Well, that situation was difficult too, because is Christina hadn't really done anything wrong and Danielle um was great as well, and that she never really did anything wrong either, So I didn't really have a like a real legitimate reason to break up with one of them to pursue the other.

You know, it was both women are great, Um, I don't know exactly like which one of them is better, Like I don't like, you know what I mean that they never there was never like a moment that they did something wrong where I was like, Okay, I can't date this person anymore. It was it was always just like good thing after a good thing. Um, And so maybe that was like the challenging thing to like when neither of them are doing anything wrong, Like I didn't

really have a like a reason to end things. Yeah, So the impression I got is that you shouldn't probably have been in a relationship with either of them. Um, just you know, from the outside looking in, being the vibe I got off you and again, like you seem like an awesome guy. You love puppies, Like that's awesome.

But I think that you know, there's especially in that situation, there's a lot of you know, that energy of just fun and excitement and this again it's like a candy store and you're a kid running wild in it, and there's nothing wrong with that. I just want to say, like out loud, there's nothing wrong with with not wanting to be in a relationship at the moment. Do you feel like you get into relationships kind of like accidentally sometimes? Um, I definitely think that, But so how how do I

handle that on mine? Then? Say, you know, because I did want to go into it with a fun mentality. You know, you're in paradise, you're on a beach and you want to have fun with your friends and you know, meet new people. But then if the other person is going um, feeling is much more quickly, like how do you kind of meet in the middle and have like a good common understanding of what's gonna happen. You're in

control of that. So you're driving a bus um and I say that to whoever has you know, the receiving end of the emotions of someone else. You're driving the bus, so you are slowing down, you're speeding up. You are taking care of kind of the speed of the relationship

or the lack there of a relationship. So if you are enjoying someone's company, and you know part of this is that intentional dating is like understanding, like maybe I just want to have fun right now, and that's okay, But you have to recognize when you start to see someone that you know starts to get the field, starts to demand more of you or want more of you, or ask more of you, and it's more than you

want to give at that time. But the people, please are side of all of us wants to stay like Oh my gosh, I don't want to hurt this person's feeling, so I'll just float into this relationship. You gotta drive the bus, you gotta take the wheel, And I think that's kind of where the disconnect happens, and probably why there was room for Danielle to come in and have this whole triangle is because you know, I was like,

oh my gosh, that's what I wanted. I wanted to have fun, and all of a sudden, you know, I'm in this whole situation. Yeah, you're you have to put the brakes on it, you know, And that's where that like radical honesty comes in where you're like, no, I get it, Like I understand, I'm awesome. I'm so glad

that you wanted to with me. And I think that's that was also kind of in the back of my head unfortunately too is I mean, at the end of the day, it was a bachelor franchise show, and I think maybe I had ingrained in my head like you're supposed to be dating until people you're supposed to be um, you know, kind of exploring and and dating as many people as you kind of can or are the ones that you're interested in at least, so I guess maybe I kept justifying my actions while I was in the moment,

but then obviously taking a step back and watching it happen on TV wasn't obviously the best thing. So yeah, well you can date all of them. It's just a matter of that that radical honesty is like, hey, listen, I'm not interested in relationships. And then there's also the people that are attracted to pursuing people who say they're not interested in relationships. I see that all the time, especially with women who want to validate their ego or guys too. You know, it goes vice versa where all

of a sudden, oh, you're unattainable. Now I'm going to work even harder. Um. So it's not that, you know, it's all on you, Like these people obviously have some responsibility to you know, anyone in these type of situations, but at the end of the day, you are the recipient of feelings, and that's where it's like you've got to put breaks on it. You have to absolutely. Um, well, Rachel, it's clear that I still have a lot of work

to do to be good at dating. We all do, and I'm definitely going to continue to work on it. But I definitely appreciate you, uh taking time to jump on the phone with us today, and um, I'm I hope to maybe have you back and talk to you some more. Maybe maybe we can talk about the progress next time we talk. I love progress, It's my favorite. All right, Well again, Rachel de Alto from Married at First Sight, thank you so much for the time, and

have a good day you too. Okay. So I figure in order for me to have future successful relationships, I need to get back to my origins and speak with the first kiss I've ever had. And so we will be calling Zoe, who was my fifth grade girlfriend of I want to say about a year long time, and uh, maybe she can give us some insight. Maybe she has some speculation as to why I'm not so good at it now, maybe she can speak. If I was good at it, then how did you take us through it?

If you could? By the way, I love how uncomfortable you are. Where was this elementary school? What's school? This was Basalt Middle School? I was a fifth grader. Middle school was fifth grade and where you got one through four was elementary, five through eight, middle fine through twelve High. Um, I think and again I could be wrong. Zoe was maybe one of the most popular girls in school, and I was a total dork and I've been I was a big dork for a long time in my life.

What is this is near Aspen, Colorado, so the next city down and so just the entire time I knew I was overachieving. And did you make a move to ask her on a date of some sort? I honestly, I wish I remembered how it happened. I think she texted me asking to go to a movie, and then both phones in fifth grade. Oh yeah, we wrapped up that cell phone build high. My parents were not very

happy with me. And it's funny too because literally it was thousands and thousands of text messages, but just to her and yeah, we went to We went to a movie together and uh, I think it was like some shark movie. I don't want to say jobs obviously, but it was great. Let's see if Yeah, so are you there? Hi? Can you hear me? How's it going? It's going? Well? How are you? I'm good? Thank you for for taking

the phone call. This is already really weird, but um so obviously you know I touched past a little bit with you about what this is. Um. I don't know if you watch Bachelor Bachelor in Paradise, but I was on both of those shows, and I'm historically bad at dating now, and um, you're the first girl I ever dated. We were just talking about, you know, back in fifth grade, how we were you were my first kiss, um, So we were thinking maybe like an origin story here about

what it was like back then for you. Um, what eleven year old Zoe could help twenty six year old Dean with now and then go from there perfect, So dive right into it. So let's hear it all right, Well, the origin story about the kiss are in general, just our relationship, you know. I think it's I think it's

started with um passing. It's back and forth, but I don't think we actually spoke for about two months into it, just via notes and texts, notes and text and our our friends I think did a lot of the talking for us, which is just the best way to start any relationship. I think, yeah, yeah, that was a good start, um. But then uh, yeah, you're you're my first kiss too. And I remember we always make out outside of the high school basketball games, and it was a good kiss scene.

I don't. I think you You've probably only improved from that point. I can only hope, so I hope. So it is definitely an interesting evolution for us to go from trading notes back and forth for two months without really speaking to then being the first couple really to kiss in the entire school, at least in our entire grade. Yeah. No,

we we absolutely paved the way for everyone. And can you talk a little bit about what those kisses were like, because I was trying to describe them last week and it was just so incredibly awkward, Like our friends would gather around us and they would like pressure us into it, right, Yeah, yeah, I think it would almost would kind of egg us on to do it, almost chanting our names. But that I you know, I think they would last kind of overly lawn for the situation. That was great, Yeah, it

was the best alright. Well, so so let's pass forward because this is the part maybe that I haven't shared so publicly, is the moment that you crushed me and broke up with me. So let's let's transition maybe into the latter half of our relationship. I don't know what what went on, what you weren't getting, what you wanted from me. You know, I was trying to think about

this when you took to me what happened? And maybe I maybe I don't remember it correctly, but I think it was around Valentine's Day and I was finally really excited to have a boyfriend. And uh, then you didn't do anything, Zoe. I was eleven years old. I didn't know what to do. I specifically remember having my dad take me to the store and like, buy you some chocolates. Well, I was awkward him as well. That's definitely grounds for dumping someone. Well, that's good to know. That's literally my

first time hearing that. So I guess what you're saying is maybe I need to go more out of my way for a romantic gesture for whomever it is that I'm dating. Yeah. Absolutely, it never hurts. That's amazing. I can't believe we've actually never talked about this. Yeah, I can't believe we haven't either. Um, let's see, So, do you remember, because I think that we went to a movie for a first date, right, do you remember what

that movie was? I remember we went to one movie like Lord of the Rings, maybe halfway through our relationship, and you slept the entire time. But I'm just trying to I'm just trying to remember our first date. Well, I think what happened was, didn't we all our friends kind of got us to go to the movie and then we snuck into a different one, right, I don't know, to be perfectly honest, is that what happened? I think that's what happened. And then it was that um like

wizard movie. What was it called? I remember I remember Sharks for some reason, but it could have been Lord of the Rings. I definitely stepped through Lord of the Ring. Yes, all of them. Um, yeah, every movie. I know. We did ditch all our funds to go make out in one movie theater. God, we were so we were so bad ass back then. We were really bad ass and

that's probably why I don't remember what movie at large. Okay, So so moving forward then, now that you can take a step back, and I don't know again, do you did you watch like Bachelor in Paradise or anything like that? Um? I watched a Bachelor bachelort. Okay, so you saw me

at my best and not at my worst. That's good. Um. I guess knowing what you know now and you know obviously we haven't really remained incredibly close, but like, what do you what advice do you have for me to be better at dating or what do you seek out and someone that you date that is like a main characteristic for you? Um? You know, I think you you did, like you're so like fun and stilly to be around

and everything. But I think just kind of opening up more and letting people like more into your life and how you're really feeling with me things would probably be what I say, um, because like every episode I saw you or just like probably kind of like the peacemaker, but it was kind of hard to tell like what you were actually feeling. Do you think that is uh encompassing of our relationship as well, because we never really dove into the u the emotions of it at eleven

years old? Again yeah, emotional, Yeah, I mean I I don't think we ever had one fight or anything. I think we always just had fun. I think so. I think there was a moment where you caught you texting some other guy and I got really upset about it. But other than that, UM, well, I mean that's great. Zo. Yeah. I again, I appreciate you calling in. I know this is obviously it's kind of weird. But do you consider yourself more successful in relationships than I have been? Are

you currently dating anyone? No, I'm not. Um, nope, I I would not consider myself any more successful. Well can you can you tune into this podcast every week and maybe we can get better together. Maybe we'll come full circle and reunite later in life. I don't know, let's do it. But basically, what you're saying, don't forget Valentine's Day if you're dating someone, because that's a deal breaker and that will forever haunt me, I think, Or do

nice thing for each other? Do nice things? I think? Um, yeah, well the five love languages, right, one of them is not necessarily gifts. But I guess going out of your way to make sure that other person knows that you're valued in the relationship is important. Yeah, some good quality time together, quality time. That's a great one. Um awesome, Well we're gonna we're gonna have you jump off but

a Zoe again. I appreciate it, And um, hey, I'm actually I'm going to be in Denver next weekend for the Broncos games, so maybe we can rekindle our eleven year old romance. All right, well, thank you again, have a good day. How does that feel? It's I guess, I don't know, the goose bumps, just hear your voice again. It's like I'm eleven years old all over again. Um. No, Zoe. Zoe is definitely a sweetheart. She she's dated. I think some of my friends post obviously our fifth grade relationship,

but she's she's a great girl. So it's nice to, I guess, kind of speak to her again. So additionally, each week, one of the topics will discuss is do you suck at dating? If so, the premise behind it is if you do something consistently, are you considered bad at dating? Whether it's leaving someone on red via text message, whether it's if you post something on Instagram without returning

the text. One thing I've seen is if if you don't respond to a text, or if someone's not responding to your text, you can send them a snapchat because then it shows whether they open it or not. Um. I've seen that trick been used in many relationships in the past, and it's I mean, it's smart. It's a it's a way around to see exactly what's being screened in and out. Um, but every week we'll have one of these topics of do you suck at dating? If?

And maybe each week, by each week we'll be able to kind of narrow down what exactly it is that makes me and whomever else suck at dating. So this week the topic is do you suck at dating? If you leave someone on red twenty four hours go by and no response to your text message. I have my phone in my hands at all times pretty much throughout

the day. UM, I'm on you know, obviously social social media, texting, whatever it is, and I continue to I I do often forget to text people back, whether it's someone I'm dating, or whether it's a friend or a sibling, whatever it is. I respond maybe in my head, and I forget to actually respond in the text message. And I can see how that could come across as sucky. So that's my take on it. I think that there are certain times when, um,

you can send multiple texts, and that's perfectly permissible. UM, I've definitely done that. But there are also other times when I think that if it's someone that I really care about, I I want to make sure that I'm texting them constantly. But Klin and Pennsylvania. Thank you for calling in. What do you think, hey, Dean? All right, I think that no way, they don't suck at dating if you love them on red because people have their own lives, you know. Well, let me ask you this.

Do you use read receipts? I do? Yeah? So do you ever purposefully leave someone on red? Yeah? Message? Do you want to? You want to? Do you want them to like sweat it out a little bit? Yeah? I mean a lot of times. I know this is like kind of immature, but if people leave me on red for a little bit, because day or two, if they text me back, all of them hanging for like an hour, But I don't think I can usually go like a day. Do you want to know a little secret that I

used to do? And this might take a second, So I used to when you have an iPhone, I'm assuming so let's just assume that if you have more than one message strain that's left unread, when you open your messages up, it opens up the list of them. And so I would have read receipts on but I wouldn't read every single message conversation because then like if I didn't read it and my read receipts were on, then they could always be like, oh, well, he didn't read it yet, so I don't have to get angry for

ant responding. But then when I did want to respond, I would open it up and they would see obviously that I read it. So I don't know if that's something you want to do. I mean, you're you're more than welcome to take my idea, but just you know, just just a thought. Well, sometimes this is what I used to do. I used to scroll down, like from the top and you can see like a preview of message. So it's important or not. But if if you do that,

don't update your phone that feature one away the same predise. Okay, so oh no, you can change that. I think you gotta. I mean, well, that's a topic for another time. But Caitlin, thank you for calling in. I appreciate it. And I've got a truly diabolical tip the same on the same veins that Caitlin is saying, if you want to leave someone undelivered for the rest of their lives, when the text message comes in, if you haven't read it, delete

the text message. Oh yeah, it'll be undelivered forever. But what and that's only you, that's and that's if you want the person to think, wow, this guy really doesn't want to read my text. So let's say you delete that text message string and then you go to send them a new message with an empty blank message thing. Does it still say red or does it say delivered? Say delivered? Interesting? Wow? Well, Caitlyn, you're getting all kinds of ideas right now. Perfect, you have a great day,

all right. Next we have Jordans Arizona, who says leaving someone on red means you do suck at dating. Jordan, how are you? Oh? This is Dean, No way, this is Jordan. Right, yeah, thank you so much for calling in. I saw you this weekend um in Las Vegas. Yeah. Well now we're talking on the phone again. Everything comes will circle, all right, So let's talk about this. You think that if you do leave someone on red, and again this is assuming someone that you're dating, you think

that does make you suck you at dating? Yeah, because if you're busy, just tell the person you're busy, or if you're not, like you just need to be straight up and this person, if you don't have time for them, don't you think? Sometimes it's kind of a bit rude to say that you're busy, because you're kind of by saying that, you're saying that what I'm doing now is more important than you. No, it's not. Because everybody has their own life and is your independent person and you

work or you do whatever. You need to know that about the other person before you start dating them and understand that they're busy too. That's a great point. I think something that I have struggled with before is I like to I text a lot, right. I like to make sure that each of my text especially with someone that i'm dating, are um sincere and and and thought out, and at least are responding to everything that was questioned

maybe in the one before that. Right. So sometimes if I'm at the gym, if I'm on the go wherever it is, I don't have maybe enough time to sit down and craft out the response that I want, So I leave them on red to maybe response to them later. But I can understand how that comes across as maybe a bit rude in the sense that you're not giving them the response right away. Yeah, all you have to do say hey, look I'm here, I'll text you later. It's that famous quote that says, nobody's ever too busy.

If they care, they'll make time, right exactly. Okay, well that that definitely makes a lot of sense, Jordan Will, We're gonna jump off, But thank you for calling in. It was great meeting you this weekend, and you have a great day, all right. Molly in Long Island, she's the queen, the self proclaimed queen of leaving people on red. Molly, how are you good? How are you? Oh my gosh, it's so crazy to talk to you. No, thank you so much for calling in. All right. So you're the

queen of leaving people on red? Right? What? Oh my gosh, I do it all the time. What did you do to deserve that crown? So I was dating someone and we're dating for over a year, and like I like, this is never really good at like texting back. So like, I guess it just got to where just leaving him on red tow many times he thought I was like talking to someone else, like I wasn't. So I don't know what she's So what was the reason for you

leaving him on red? You just were busy. I just did not a good text her, and like he was just also clean, you know, Yeah, so so maybe you need to find someone that's a little bit more comfortable with being left up because you doesn't have to talk to me every second. You know, maybe you just shouldn't

have your read receipts on. I know. So after that, I turned them off, like you don't have them on for anyone, except like sometimes I turn them on just like you know, like for certain people, just to piss them off. Oh absolutely, as that was actually my follow up questions, because sometimes you need to make sure that

you someone knows you're leaving them on red. Right, No, yeah, sometimes I do it on purpose, but now I like have them turned off, and like sometimes I like to have them off, like the whole conversation and like they're start pissing me off. Get the message outing clear. Molly, it's without question that you are definitely the queen of leaving people on red. I love you so much. Thank you so much for calling, and have a great day

you too. Bye bye. All right, now we have Sarah and Rodondo Beach, who says you don't suck at dating, but you suck at communication. Hi. Hi, Sarah, how are you? I'm great? How are you? I'm good? Thanks for asking. Thank you for calling in all right, So you say that's it's not a dating issue, it's a communication issue,

is what you're saying. Yeah, that's what I think. I think that you just don't really know how to tell someone that you're not interested it, so you just choose to ignore the message because you're kind of scared of that, like of hurting them basically, right, And this is this is definitely a common occurrence in my life and I have recognized it recently and I'm working on it. I think that by being upfront and honest early is better than stringing them along. Right, So the brash communication is

the most important thing. Oh yeah, definitely, Like even if you're not, just have to basically be straight up and just tell them because the longer they're in it, the more they get invested, and the more hurts they end up being at the end. So I'm going to go out on the limits there and say that you don't often leave people on red. I try not to. I try to be upfront because then, like if I lose

on red, it kind of strings them along. It makes them more interested, and they're more likely to keep like texting me and not just tell them that. How I really feel like, hey, I just want to be friends. You know, I don't feel you that way. Let me ask you this On Instagram, when you send a message to someone, it says seen is that the same premise or is this only for text messages? I think it's this. I mean, I've never exploited to someone's d ms, but

the rest same thing. Um, if if it's someone that I mean, it's one thing that's a friend and they understand that you're busy and you'll write them back later. But if someone has actually interested in me and they kind of make it clear and you don't respond to say, if they're asking you on a date or something, I'd say that's kind of leaves on or it's not talking them how you feel. So, but don't you think that every conversation has to be left on right at some point?

Because doesn't every conversation come to an end, whether it's yea instead of like okay, I mean, if you've already if you already set your piece and there's really nothing to respond or they write something super boring, then yeah, I know. But if someone actually trying to tell you how they feel, or like asking you, hey, do you want to want a date or hey, you want to meet it for this? Okay, Okay, So it's very it's very situational, right. It depends on what the conversation is.

It depends what you guys are talking about. Definitely, that makes sense. Yeah, because I guess if someone is asking you out on a date and you left them on red, it would be much different than someone I don't know telling you to meet them somewhere and leaving them on red. Right, Yeah, I mean, if if they if you're talking about their feelings or basically the ant, like it requires a response to something like yeah, they're asking me something versus just

like hey, what's up? Then yeah, you can just all right them back, you know, in a few hours or whenever I'll talk to him. Are you Are you a multi texter? Like do you send like four messages at a time? I try not. I'm kind of the person that, if I want to say something, all right, a long check. So annoying, but that's kind of what I do. Sometimes. I enjoy spamming people's inboxes. I enjoy sending like nine messages. I mean, I guess I have friends that do that.

Don't really bother me. I just tend to write everything all on Oh gotcha? All right? Well, Sarah, that was amazing. Thank you for I guess that that definitely helps at a different dimension to the communication verse, uh rudeness of it. All right, So thank you for calling in, Thank you for sharing your opinion, and I hope you subscribe to the podcast and have a great day of thanks. You have a great day too, alright bye. Well that'll do it for the very first the inaugural episode Help I

Suck at Dating, And I'll tell you what. I already feel better. I feel like in only a matter of weeks I will be significantly better at dating. And honestly, I owe it to my studio partners East and Mark. Thanks. I owe it to the callers. I owe it to Rachel Dalto. I owe it to Zoe. Thank you, Zoe and Christina. It's gonna take a long time, but I am very hopeful and optimistic that with everyone's help, I can eventually not suck at dating and a journey that

I'm glad to have you all along with me. Thank you for listening to help I suck at dating, and hopefully next week I'll suck a little bit less. Follow help I suck at Dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcast