Double the Fun with Daniella McBride

By the way, that's a that's a let's have the best podcast ever signed. That's actually the universal about to be a great podcast sign? Because you do that? Will you do that sign a lot? So it's your pointer finger and your pinky straight up? Is that? Like rock on? More than more than just a lot? Actually, I've even got it tattooed here on my is right there. So it's just an energy that lives within me. Sometimes I just have to express it physically, and that's what I

go to, you know, how like it? Well, we have very special guests joining us right now. You know her from season seventeen of the Bachelor. It is Danielle McBride. Danielle, how are you hey, I'm good. How are you, guys? I'm well, thanks for joining us on Help. I suck at dating. I know. I When I first heard about this, I was thinking, oh my god, the last time I was dating. Because I've been in a relationship for seven years, I'm like thinking back to dating times. I'm excited to chat.

So it's it's always nice when we have a co host on here that doesn't suck at dating because we learned way more than me. What otherwise, Well, I hope I don't suck at dating. I actually think I have really good advice. So I'm excited to to chat with you guys. But Dean, I haven't seen you in a while. I know I sat back in the day. So yeah, So just before we started recording, we were re reminiscing. I suppose when did we meet? I want to say

it with Seth McFarland's like holiday party, right maybe? And also Leslie is my good friend and when you dated likely speaking of Suya, I'm kidding Help by suck at dating, and that's funny. I don't remember meeting you with her though, we must have, I guess at some point because I remember when I remember when we when we got the rundown for this episode and I saw your name on there. I was like, oh my gosh, I know she looks so familiar, but um, that's funny. Yep, that was a

chapter in my life, Leslie. Um, she's got a kid now, and you've got a couple of kids, right, yeah, I have twins, two boys, So you guys, you guys are just mommy life in it. But you know, I still have like my single girls and I go out still. I'm like a cool mom. So you are well. So for the listeners out there, Danielle had twins September one, so they're um coming up bunny year kind of the probe, like, what like nine months at this point? Yeah, you're good there,

eight months? So eight months twins? Well you know, hell are you doing? Now? Well, Okay, I have a no pair So that changes the game she's from and honestly she lives with that. So what's a pair is actually a program with the government where the embassy uh picks a bunch of girls or men who are across the country, um, who want to study in the US. But then they

also want to be full time nanny's for families. So it's actually a great program because they get a visa and they can stay up to two years and it's been an amazing process for us. We actually I need to know a pair of status. Yeah, she was going to say, I'll introduce you. It's so worth it. Yeah,

I love that. So twins, I mean Ashley had one in her belly and it was enough horror so to Yeah, and it just happened like I got pregnant and I went to the doctor and they said you're having twins, and I just remember looking at the screen like crying a little bit scared. Well, it's crazy because obviously I was in the delivery room with Ashley, and pushing one out is just a moment. I can't imagine having to push one out and then be like all right, here

we go round two. Yeah, you know what. I actually had a C section and it was scheduled because the doctors just I think they honestly it's a liability thing for them and they don't want to risk doing it, which I kind of regret because I'm I'm super into natural thing, so for me, I wanted a natural experience but they're always like, Okay, this is a day and we're going to do it. And for me, I actually made it to thirty seven weeks, which is full term for twins. Um. But yeah, I'll tell you guys, it

was a lot like I didn't love being pregnant. I did not like being pregnant. Well, especially with twins the double,

I'm sure everything was just intensified even more. Um. I just wanted to ask, what is it like going to the hospital with a plan in C section, because it's got to be so much different than like a natural birth, whereas you know, you go into labor and then you go your water breaks and you go to the hospital with the C section, it's kind of like you're leaving the house and you're going to have the baby probably that same day or something, right, So what was that

whole experience exactly? Yeah, I know, it was super interesting. I went into the doctor, Um, she said I had to too much amiotic fluid. So she was like, we're gonna have the surgery eight am in the morning. So I remember just driving to my house with my partner Mark and he was like, we're just driving through to paying it because I live in with the Hills now, so we're like driving through to PA. I'm like hysterically crying, like freaking out, thinking, oh my god, I'm gonna go

through surgery. I've never gone through surgery before. Um. And then she's like, you're gonna sleep overnight at the hospital. So I slept overnight at the hospital, and I was the whole time just like so stressed out. I was just like I could not sleep. I could not even like I was just so uncomfortable. I was so big because I had two in me and I was just like waiting at them out. But yeah, it's a weird feeling knowing that, like it wasn't a natural experience for me.

And I'm like going into this room and there's like a tiny little um like metal caught area and you have like ten people surrounding you and you're literally about to have surgery because which wins is double everything, like double nu double too O b's it was everything. So it was crazy. But I like, yeah, so you live in Woodland Hills. What hospital did you go to because

is there not one up in that area? Yeah? I actually was at St. John Santa Monica, so I before was and then we bought a house of Woodland Hills. So I just went to her and so it was fine though, I mean, what do you think of Woodland Hills. Not to get off the baby subject or anything, but Caitlin and I were looking at We wanted to buy a house up there, but it just never ended up coming to fruition. But you like it up there, I'm obsessed. Yeah, we have like a mountain house. Um, we're so nice.

We're right next to country club and it's just an awesome place for just people in general who just want to have a more metal lifestyle. Lots of families, but there's also like couples who are you know, you know, no kids, um, and I'm a huge trees everywhere in my backyard right now that I'm looking at, So I highly recommend it. We were, yeah, we were looking at a house right on that Woodland Hills country Club area too. It was mine. If you guys have a listed, it's

definitely possible. But no, it was just it was just a crazy time and obviously everyone knows like the real estate market went when bananas over the past year, so we decided to wait a little bit longer, but maybe one day we'll be neighbors. Yeah, I mean our house had twenty three offers on it, so it's crazy. Yeah, so you guys just moved in then recently then um, when I got pregnant. So last year we moved in. Okay, yeah that was lots of changes, new house, new faces

with the pair, I guess. Yeah, it's crazy you guys, So what's going on? What kind of advice do you have for Jared? Because you've only got like a five month head start on him. But I feel like in the first year you see some more difficult you see some pretty significant changes. I can only imagine. So what do you got for Yeah, I'll tell you Jared. Um, now they sleep through the night, so I put them down at seven and then they wake up around six thirties.

So for me, I don't know what you guys have sleep trained already, but for me that's amazing because I actually can sleep. Um, but that's a big change. And then I mean they're just super cute now, like giggling all the time, and um, you know, just they're just fun. They're like like the cute baby stage where you like don't want them to grow up, but then you kind of do. But then you kind of don't. So, Yeah, Dawson is really cute right now he stares, which is

so he'll he's smiling now, which is fantastic. He hasn't been really giggling or laughing, but I'll notice when he's in the swing. Because the great thing is it used to be if if he was awake and we would put him down, he'd immediately start crying. But now if he's awake and we put him in the swing, he'll stay there for a few minutes and kind of be content,

which is really nice. And sometimes like I'll go make coffee or something and I'll look back and I can see him just staring at me, and that's pretty awesome, uh, because he just has nothing else to look at. Really. Um yeah, I'm very excited for him to sleep through the night. Uh. And see the thing, ever, I hear a lot people put their you know, like they'll go down at seven and then they'll sleep till like sixty seven.

The problem is Ashley is such a night owl. If she puts Dawson down early, she's not going to bed till twelve or one, so it doesn't even matter. So we like, somebody needs to change their sleeps. Schedule, either Dawson or Ashley. I'm thinking, ah, what does Ashley do

until one am? She just is She's always been an adular She's answering emails, she's doing Instagram things like she'll she'll she'll start working like at eight pm, and I'm well, now I'm at work, But when before I opened Audrey's, when I would be home more, I would be so I feel so guilty because she'd be doing things all around the house at like ten pm, and I'm like, I'm going to bed. She's like, yeah, that's fine. I'm like, well, I feel terrible because you're doing laundry right now and

I'm gonna go lay down. So I guess, you know, I'll just be a terrible husband. No, I mean, honestly, sleep is still important when you have kids. I mean, any parents will tell you that. So hopefully actually can get to a rhythm though she needs it. She needs it because either either Dawson is going to change his sleeping habits or Ashley. And if I was a betting man, I'd say Dawson is not changing his sleeping you know, like he's priority actually needs to revolve around him. Yeah, Well,

Daniel Danielle. How is it with the twins? Are they always kind of on the same schedule or have they been like dueling at all? Yeah? Same schedule. So we try to do eating, sleeping, everything the same. So, um, it's just it's good to have a routine because then they get into it and then you're like, Okay, you having twins and they're both boys, right boys. Is there like, um, I don't want to say like support groups, but like, are there like groups where moms of twins or parents

of twins come together? Because having twins, I can only imagine is a whole different realm of parenting where it's like you don't have to raise some different firste but there's like probably different things to expect I can imagine. Right, So is there any like community around twin parents? Yeah, that's such a good question. Um So when I now that I have twins, one thing I realize is there's so many twins out there. People like don't talk about it.

It's like this whole world and like I'm even like on business calls and I'm like, oh, I have twins and they're like, oh, I have twins. I'm like, oh, the fraternal are identical? And then you really kept to identify like what they are. And there's a lot of twin parents out there and meeting a few, but yeah, it's do I have any that are close by? Not really, it's more just like talking to them through tax door

on phones. Group Wise, I think there are some out there, but it's more just I think when you post on Instagram something about twins, like twin moms have reached out to me. Um, just they want to connect because it it is it it's a lot, um it's it's just it definitely has to add a new dynamic. I have got some really good friends from back home who are

twin boys, um. And they grew up their whole life together, obviously, and they went to different colleges when I went to college in Colorado, one went to Washington And the first two years they were both like super depressed because you know, they spent their whole years, their whole lives together, and then all of a sudden and they wanted to get away from each other. But then they realized not long after that they kind of needed to be close to

each other. Um. And so I can imagine there's got to be like not complications, but like definitely like interesting levels to that kind of stuff too. Yeah, I'm excited to see when they grow up how it's going to be because people always say that right now, they like can't really I even they identify each other, but they're not like obsessed, So I don't know, do you this is this is gonna sound really stupid, um, but I gotta ask, do you know at this point in their

lives if they're fraternal or identical twins? So great question. When when I was pregnant, they were two separate sacks. So usually if they're two separate sacks, are usually fraternal, but they could be identical because at the beginning they could just split and it could be two separate sacks. Usually identical is one sack. So I think they're fraternal,

but they look a lot alike. So we haven't taken the test yet, but I mean, it's Jesse and Dylan, and Jesse is definitely bigger than Dylan, but they if you see them together, they're definitely they look a lot alike. So at the end of the day, they could look almost identical, but they would technically potentially still be fraternal exactly. So like the olds and twins, they're actually fraternal. They look identical fraternal, So that's crazy. That was crazy. Yeah,

I didn't know that. Yeah, most people always think they're identical. And actually, what the cool is that I'm actually booking them in TV show stuff now. So yeah, they like they're booking to Apple TV stuff and what is this? Dan or Okay? So I'm like, it's why not a twin mom get them in stuff? I mean, hey, if they can start paying the bills early, why the heck. No, you should reach out to Mary Kayton Ashley and see if you can get any advice from him. I should.

That's a great idea. Yeah, is there something as like a twins intuition? And if you've noticed anything yet, Like I know you said they haven't really recognized that like one of their twins obviously, but have you noticed any small moments where it's like a little freaky not really honest, I know, people I think they're just too young, Like I don't know, I haven't yet, but some moms maybe more more identical. I don't know. It's a good question.

That's a good question. Though. It's like that you like pinch one of them and the other one squirms or something. Like that, like a voodoo doll. I mean I think you could. You could go down a deep rabbit hole on the internet finding some some testimonies about that actually happening. Yeah, there's a lot of videos too out there. You could google twins stuff. Yeah, well, I don't know. I could spend a whole day doing that kind of stuff. Um. So has it been everything that you've expected it to be?

Like just being a mom and especially twins? Are you having a blast? Like are you who? Are you excited they're finally sleeping longer? What's kind of your general overall feeling about it? Um, I've always dreamed to be a mom, and I know that's so cliche, but I have and so I just feel super fortunate. Um. I love being a mom. I love being part of like this feeling once you're part of the mom club in a way, you learned so much about it. Um. But yeah, I

think it's great. I mean, there's not much more I could say really beyond that, right, I mean, it's just special. I think it's a I think I know people struggle too, So I know it's hard for people who can't be moms, you know, but they can always adopt or something. But for me being able to have my kids, it's been great and sure fortunate. Does How did you and your husband meet because he was you a bachelor guy? No, not a bachelor guy. Um, he's super private, he works

at Google. Um uh yeah we met ironic, he's very private, he works at Google. Um. We met on Tinder. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm a big believer in dating apps, because dating app I think they're great. Wait, that's awesome. So can you tell us a little bit more about how you guys met, Like who made the first move? What was your first date? Yeah? So yeah, I was on Tinder seven years ago, just you know, dating away. I love dating. I thought it was so fun. Um and then yeah,

he reached out. We went to a wine barn, rained all right, had a great time. And then I remember I was doating other guys at the time. Um, but I knew the other guy I was dating was like more of like a playboy who was having a lot of fun, like wanted to find me pases and go places. And I was like, you know what, like this guy seems like normal and healthy and I should probably go for that guy. So yeah, I mean it's been great. I mean we've traveled all over the world together before

we had kids. That I mean, we've gone everywhere from like Japan to Morocco to Canary Islands. We love traveling, so um, yeah it's been awesome. Well yeah we noticed that because you said your partner. Yeah, so we're not married. Is that a conscious decision? Um? He doesn't really believe in marriage? Um, but it's so like it's kind of like I feel like, you know, um, Goldie Hans and Kurt Russell, Like I feel like we're like that just

lifelong partners. Um. But we have everything pretty much a marriage, and we have the house, we have the kids. You know, we have everything. But yeah, I mean we're not married. That is one thing. But I don't think, say not believe about marriage. Um. I think it's just the paper behind it. Like do you really need paperwork behind like just loving someone maybe? And I'm sure that's every dude's real thought in their mind. I like this guy. But at the end of the day, I mean, I mean,

marriage is great. I had nothing, I would have gotten married. I have no problem with it. Um. Well that was my question. I feel like a lot of guys, let me, Dean has has had this thought before that he's expressed in the podcast. But Kalin, I feel like wants to get married. Was there ever an issue between you two where he was against the idea of marriage and you really wanted to get married. Yeah, So for me, I

wanted kids more than I wanted to be married. So and I and I loved him, and it was it worth it for me to like go out there and find someone else just because I wanted to be married when he was okay having kids and okay, you know, being a life partner. So for me, I think it was figuring out is that okay for me? And I loved him so much that I was like, you know what,

I think it's okay. And now people bring it up a lot, you know, because and I actually we even call each other husband and wife when we're out sometimes because it's just like annoying to be like, oh, it's my partner, you know exactly. We're on the phone, we're like, oh's my husband's my wife? Like we just don't care, but yeah, we don't have like the paperwork behind It didn't bother me a little bit. Yeah, maybe at the beginning, but then I just kind of got used to it.

And so you guys are you guys are locked in on this right? Like there's I mean you said seven years, that's definitely a long time. Um. Is there anything like potentially coming down the line, maybe just like go to a courtroom and file some paperwork real quick or um, you know what I would? Um, I just don't think it's in his realm. Yeah. Interesting, that's perfectly fine. I

appreciate that you respect that too, and you're okay with that. Yeah, I'm very unique compared to most women because I don't think most women would do what I do. So no, I agree. I think you nail it right on the head, especially once the kids come in. The only sticky thing is is like, let's say you know, God forbid something happens to you, would he still be like the he'd be like next in line to help out with something I would imagine, right, Yeah, I think you could just

get lawyers and have paperwork for that. So, um, we have that because a lot of guys, like your partner, I'm sure we'll say. You know, listen, I don't want the paperwork. I don't like there's we don't have to sign something to be in love, which I of course agree with, but I think ultimately it ends up being

paperwork no matter what happens. You know, like you guys bought a house together, I'm assuming that you guys are in together on this thing like paperwork wise, so and then you even just said, like, all right, well, now that we have kids, like maybe we have talked to lawyers, just like paperwork, because if we're not married, we have to make sure that, like if something happens to one of us, they're taken care of. So I don't know,

there comes a point I think. I'm not saying that you guys should get married for this purpose, but I'm just saying that it is funny because I feel like it always goes back to like there's always going to be some sort of paperwork involved there. There's gonna be always some sort of signature. It's so much easier to just go to court and get married or get married just because then everything's like so much easier. But I

guess you can do it the other way too. And what's interesting is like what we're doing is more common than people think, like for some people. But look, you really got to trust your partner because there's a lot of people out there I don't know, it's tough. You've got to be a certain type of person. Well, of course, because the first thing that comes to mind when a guy's like, I don't want to get married, it's like, well,

why why don't you want to get married? Yeah, well, well, especially especially when you have the house and the kids and like all the division of assets and stuff. That's when the trust really comes in. I feel like, yeah, exactly, It's like I got everything. I am already, you know. And look, I mean we've been together along with the most marriages, so right, I'm doing something right. But yeah,

I hear you guys. I know it's such a weird topic because a lot of people don't talk about it, but I think it's a very common thing now and partnership or you know, common law marriage and that type of stuff is more common nowadays. Well, you guys are blazing a trail for Kaitlin and I too, because we're kind of we're we're on that same way to length as you guys on the topic of home ownership. Funny enough, not really super funny, but I just thought it was

a little um annoying. I was running some errands today and we live in this gated community here in Vegas, and on the way back in, I didn't have like my clicker to open the gate, and they changed the gate code like every month, and so I didn't know what the gate code was. And so I was scrolling down into to like find my name, just like I could call my phone or click and buzz myself in. And it's not even my name on the buzzer thing. It's it's a Miller keep Kaylin on the buzzer thing.

And where this relationship. It's just really it's the dumbest little thing. It just arked me for some reason. I was like, why is mine? Why get both our names beyond the thing? By a big question? Yeah, you would, you would want her to have your last name. Oh no, well when when we get married, because it is gonna happen, because she wants to get married, We're going to both change our last names. Um. I was just I was, you know, where cal and I were both on the

d to the house, we're both on the loan. Why can't we both beyond the clicker for the gate for the front. That was That was my big gripe with it. But I don't really believe in the whole take your husband's last name thing. I think that's just the antiquated idea that people just kind of fall in line with because it's what we've done for so long. So we're trying to mix it up a little bit. Yeah, why not. I mean, you guys got to do what you want

to do at the end of the day. Yeah. Well, the only time it becomes weird is when you have kids, because then it's like, well, which last name are they going to take? Because you can only have one? So yeah, so for me, they have his last name, um Hatfield, and then I have my middle my last name in the middle name. Got it nice? And then Jared is it Dawson Haven? Right? Yeah, Dawson to meet you, Brady

Haven any talk to make it. But but it's still just Ashley I Conettie, right, It's not Haben I Connettie. So she has not legally changes She's still Ashley I Connettie, but she hyphens it anywhere she goes where it's Ashley I con Edtie haven. I. I've told her she doesn't have to change her last name. I can. Eddie such a really nice name. And the thing is, I think the name is gonna die because if if she takes my last name and Lauren is Ashley's sister and they

had two girls, takes the last name of her fiance. Uh, I don't think there's another I can Eddie boy in the family. So it's it's just over and I can Eddie such a great name. You don't want it. You don't want it to end. So we gotta we gotta somehow, you know, keep the Ashley I train going, which we'll figure out what if you you could do kind of like what Danielle did is make be I mean I Candie is definitely more of a last name than a middle name, but you could still try to make it

a middle name at some point. Yeah, we were thinking about it, but it is, you know, a mouthful, and uh, we were, you know, because Dawson was given. Dawson was the name, so it's gonna be Dawson Ike and Eddie Haven and we were like, well, we're not sure if we're like that, And then of course we thought of Dawson Dmitri Haven and Ashley really like that. And then of course Brady decided to fake retire the day before we she got into labors, which is how Brady got

added into the equation for that one. It's funny though, it's we're kind of the opposite because we have three boys, three Ungler boys, uh, and the Ungler name is going to die out because all the Youngler boys are changing their last names. And you know, it's like, you know, we're the same result. Yeah, we're like, this name sucks. Let's get rid of this thing umish culture they keep.

Both last names are in different Latin cultures like they always have, Like like my friend her last name is her father's and her mother's last name and seem with our repair Like in Brazil it's like your father and your mother's last name. So it's just in the US that I feel like we just always rather just keep the guys last Yeah. It's so interested that interesting that hasn't become more of a topic of conversation, you know, especially over the past three years of like you know, hey,

let's let's move away from this male dominated world. And it's like, well, I'm surprised it hasn't been a big like hey, no, no more taken the last guy's name. It's over, it's done. Okay. I do think we've seen a lot less of it, and I think that we've seen a lot more of like the hyphenating or not even like Ashley for instance, not changing her last name. But but yeah, I guess it really does come down to the kid and whatever the last name the kid has is like, that's the that's the name. You guys

should you guys should have combined him. It could have been like, uh Hi Bannetti ar Hya Connetti or something like that. That'd be pretty cool. I come on, I can bond Dawnson. You know, you know what, guys. I can tell we're getting a little off track here, so we're gonna take a quick break and then we're gonna get in to see me emails. So stay tuned. We'll be right back This is Paris Hilton. This week on the This is Paris podcast, NICKI and I will be

joined by Anna Delvi. You may think you know her from Inventing Anna on Netflix. Get to know the real Anna? Is she a con artist and a fraudster or risk taking entrepreneur and audacious wanted that love her or hate her, We're all curious. The real heiress is sit down with the fake heiress right now on This is Paris. Listen to This is Paris now wherever you listen to podcasts. All right, everybody, welcome back to Help I Second Dating. Oh sorry there, Jared did not mean to. I don't apologize.

See we step over each other, Daniello, this is how that this podcast works. We gotta get back in studio at some point, Dan, like, at some point we need to record an episode of Help I Second Dating from the I Heart Studio. Yeah, you want to know what's funny is I played golf with Wells yesterday, um in l A. And he just turned this new country club Lakeside, which is right like literally, um, a quarter mile from where we would record in in Pasadena, Sherman Oaks wherever

that Pasadena, I think. And it was I got off with whatever it was. I got about the same exit. I was making all the same turns. I had to like look at the GPS six times to make sure I didn't accidentally put in the iHeart studio. Um. But it felt so weird being back in that area. I agree, I missed being in studio. Those really our glory days. Yeah, I agree. There was just like a different vibe, different panther.

We need it, like being in person. Mark and Easton in studio, just like, you know, having them really not giving about our podcast because Tanya and and and Becco were before us, and then they had to focus on almost famous. Those were the good days, those really good days. If we're to be the forgotten stepchild, at least, like, let's be there in person to be this stepchild. I want to be forgotten it right in front of my face, not from three thousand miles away waiting. You're in Vegas,

and Jared, You're in l A, Rhode Island, Oh, Rhode Island. Okay, So I forced, I forced actually and moved back to a little roady for me, which is very sweet of her. Yeah, it was not my scene. We we live in both Vegas and l A. We split time between the two of them. Got it very cool. And he lives in in Vegas. That is under Kaylin's name. So disappointing, but I get it, like I get it. I understand why it is. But still come on, throw me a book. Um,

let's get into this first email. I'll read it since we don't have any Eastern here and I don't know if is even paying attention over there. So this first email is from anonymous Anonymous says, and Daniel, I don't know if you have this in front of you, so just along if you can. Anonymus says, I'm dating someone new and I'm still in the process of getting to know him. He has a lot of great qualities and

is a good guy. But I found out he smokes cigarettes when he's drinking, and that's a red flag for me. My last relationship was toxic and I ex did that too, so it's a trigger. Will I be able to think past this and not let it affect me? Do I tell him about how my ex uh and how I feel about him smoking? So I guess the main thing is does this person tell her current boyfriend that she

does not like that he smokes when he's strunk? And um, yeah, yeah, I think sometimes, Like I don't know, I think just being honest in general is the best part of any relationship. You just gotta be yourself. If you're not into it, you just tell them, right, and then you, guys are just you say if that's bad or good? It should

be easy. Yeah, it should be easy, And you should have no qualms with speaking your mind and telling someone how you feel about something like that, Like that should just become that should just that should be the first thing you built that when you find out you just smoked a cigarette. And I I can love it with this person too, because I did a girl in college.

She would smoke cigarettes when she was drunk too, and then you would kiss her and you'd get that nasty taste and sometimes like your clothes would smell like cigarettes smoke, and just like, oh, this is horrible. So I get it, and I told her I didn't like it either, and she kept doing it, and then obviously we ended up ending things because not because of that, there's a lot

of other under routed issues. But if he's not willing to stop smoking cigarettes when he's drunk for you, if it bothers you this much, then you know that there's a lot more issues. Um, maybe then there are at the surface. Yeah, give him the opportunity to change his ways, you know, don't just bottle it in and then just one day explode on him and they're like, you know what, you suck because you smoke cigarettes when you're drunk. And he's like, well, where the hell did that come from?

So just tell him, be honest. And then I think a lot of people, uh, they confused like telling the truth with approach. I I don't know if I phrased that properly, but like if you if you approached him and say, hey, listen, uh you can go straight to hell for smoking cigarettes when you're when you're drinking, and if you don't do it, I'm breaking up with you today. I wouldn't approach it that way. I would say exactly what you just told us. Uh, my ex used to smoke.

I don't like that you smoke. It's a little bit of a trigger for me. Plus it's so bad for your health, and I just don't like being around smoke. Like, is there any way you might be able to change this? And then of course if this guy's like, no, I'm not changing my ways, then that's a huge red flight. But I would like to think that he would say, hey, I will try to quit smoking for you. I used to think girl smoking cigarettes was not gonna lie pretty sexy in my youthful years. Like a girl who was

like smoking a cigarette. It was like the days were you know, you would see girls like when before you were twenty one and they would just be like having a drink and smoke at a cigarette. I'm like Oh my god, that girl is so hot. You w don't know why you love that, I bet you, and I well, I'm just totally projecting here. I bet you loved it so much because you're such a fan of cinema when you're younger, and like movies like Greece or like pulp

fiction where they're smoking cigarettes. You were like, oh god, you associated it with like these beautiful movie stars smoking cigarettes a hundred percent. And then I ended up making out with a girl who smoket cigarettes and I was like, Nope, never mind, I don't like this, I don't want bit. I'll I'll smoke like five cigarettes a year always when I'm drunk, like a like a Bascheord party or something

like that, and we're just like whatever. And every time I do calin like she's like, what the hell are you doing? Like why why would you do that? That's disgusting, And I'm like, yeah, you're absolutely right, I'm so sorry. I'll never do it again. And then I get really drunk again and I do it. Why do people smoke cigarettes when they're drunk? Like, I want to know from you, Deine, I want to know from firsthand knowledge. Um, well, for me,

it's like an oral fixation thing. I just I also love to uh to fit in, you know, like if everyone if everyone's doing it, I'm like, yeah, sign me up. I don't care what it is. Sure to heron, count me in, you know what I mean. So um, that's really what it is for me. It's just like a mode of being part of the part of get it.

There is something to be said about that. I even like again when I was younger, because when we were younger, I don't know if your parents smoked or like your older cousins, like you know, my parents would smoke him while I was younger, like you know, early nineties I remember as a kid. But like I remember, it was like a group activity. You know. They'd go outside, they would have a cigarette, they would talk about whatever the

hell they were talking about. They would smoke a cigarette while holding their duncan black coffee in their hand, and I was like, man, that's freaking cool, you know, being an adult. Yeah, it's so cool. They talked about like politics, will smoking a cigarette. I can't wait for that one day. My dad used to have this rule where if we caught him smoking a cigarette, we would get a punch him. As hard as we could. Uh, and you know he smoked most of my life, so it'd be fun to

just walk outs. I'd see him smoking a cigarette and just wind up a punch and punch him in the arm as hard you possibly could. So I always had a negative association with wish with it, but uh, you know it is what it is. All right. Let's get to the next email. Jared, you want to read this one? Yeah, sure, I'll read Gabby. This is from Gabby. I'm so happy for my boyfriends stance. He just received an amazing job offer. The problem is it's in London and my job is

in Cargo. Now. He can't turn down this opportunity, which I understand, but I am upset since I don't know what is going to happen to our relationship. I'm perfectly happy where I am and I can't move with him. It is hard because I love him, but no, but don't know the distance will pull us apart or not. Do you have any advice for me? Do I try a long distance even though I don't know if I can do it? I mean, she has what do you think, Daniel?

I think she either goes with him to London and lives it up, or she tries long distance, which long distance is super hard, so I don't know, it's tough. That's what I would say, good to London, just live it up. I know, Well, maybe she can get a new job, that's true. I mean, I think there's some people are fearful of leading their comfort zone. But sometimes

it's like good to take a risk. If you really love the person, why not all so she can't try long distance, but it's gonna be really hard if he if he's going to be all the way across the country. I'm going to go the opposite of you guys here. I'm gonna say, you guys should just break up. I think that's that's the best option. And I'm not even

saying it to be it's contrary or anything. I genuinely think it might be the best move I've seen, Like some of my good friends and relationships have moved to other countries for work, and uh, you know, it's like just kind of like the sorry, it has to be this way. Maybe later in life we can reconnect. But especially like he's moving to London, you don't want to like be a uh like an anchor that pulls him down. Or anything like that. So I honestly think, sorry, break up.

See what happens. Maybe you guys stay in touch, maybe you go out to visit him. But I think in the long run, the best idea is for you to cut ties and go your separate ways. That's my advice. I actually think that's good. I didn't think of that. I would agree. I think that's a good idea turning people. Jared, what do you thing? Did I change your mind too? No?

I do think that when you said you don't want to be someone's anchor and pull them down, a lot of I think it's worse to be the anchor in those situations, you know, like a lot of people will say, well, you know, you shouldn't be there. You know. It's how do I phrase this? When you said that, it makes it seem like the guy is the issue, you know what I mean? Like she's like deadweight. But I don't

know in situations. I've been in situations like this where I feel like I'm holding someone back and I feel like the biggest piece of crap in the world. Does that make sense? So I'm almost you know, do I'm almost making my life? I'm not making their life? Worse. I'm making my life worse as well, you know. So, um, I think long distance with a plan and regiment can

be done if there's an end game, you know. For example, my one of my closest friends was dating someone in Vancouver and he was living in Rhode Island, and they had a plan though. He was planning on moving to Vancouver in about a year, So they did long distance for the year where she would come here once every two months, he would go there once every two months, and then they would just flip back and forth. But it was always with the end game of hey, one

of us is moving to the other person. So if you can do a long distance and say, hey, this is not forever, it's temporary, we can get through this. Uh you know, I can travel back and forth and then at one point I will either move to London or you will move back here. Then sure. But if you're just gonna do long distance and be like, let's see how it goes, then I agree with Dean. I don't know if it's going to end well for you. I think it's just you know, delaying the inevitable. But

I also kind of agree with Danielle. I don't know moving to London sounds pretty awesome once in a lifetime opportunity, Like your job might be awesome and maybe you don't want to leave it. I totally respect that. Um So, I'm not saying do it, but I would say consider it well. For the record too, I wasn't claiming as as a guy girl thing. I'm just thinking that person that moves to a new country for work should be able to fully experience that country and dating experience. My bad.

I wasn't doing a guy girl thing. I was just if I then my fat is just a human human thing. But there's also party factors, Like it depends how's a only've been together, right, Like, so's our third day and he's moving to London with him. Also, like let's let's paint this picture real quick, because this is where my my brain keeps coming back to, where like let's say they are dating and you know, they both like each other,

they might be in love a little bit. But now this guy gets a job offer in London he can't say no to, and he's like excited to move there and like not like leave his girlfriend behind, but like you know, started new chapter in his life and move on and the girl by the girlfriend like going, whether

his partner going, whoever it might be. Uh, it's kind of like he almost maybe like doesn't want that, you know what I mean, Like that's that's something worth considering too, is like maybe he's excited to get out there and like experienced this whole new chapter of life on his

own and you and moving out to London. Oh agreed, But you know, like sometimes it's good to have a reason like oh, it's not you, it's not me, it's actually this job, and so like it's London, it's not you feel like they're a little spared, a little bit better in that situation. But I agree, I think there's a lot. There's a lot that we don't know about the situation, which could be really important for us to know. But I do I still stand by what I said.

I say, you just clean break, keep the fond memories. Uh it'll be you know, ten years from now, you'll be telling the story about how you once stated in Chicago and moved to London and now you guys follow each other on Instagram and that's about the only interaction you get. Email emails are funny because obviously you can only have so much knowledge, there's lack of content, so would be so funny if Gabby Emails is back and be like I listened to Dean, I broke up with them.

I did you know? I did a clean and then we find out that they had like four kids together. They were together for eight years. I didn't want to try made some really good points. I didn't want to be the anchor. Yeah. Sorry, well, if that's the case, don't do it. But using it my for just from experience as a young twenty something year old in l A seeing some friends move away, the clean break, in my opinion, is the best. Um. So, this one's from Sarah.

Sarah says, my boyfriend and I are getting serious, so we planned dinner for our parents to meet each other. I don't know what to expect going into it because they're so different. Ended up being terrible. So they already had it and it ended up going terribly. My boyfriend's mom would not stop talking about how we need to pren up if we get married, and how our kids are going to have a Catholic have to go to

a Catholic private school. Then my parents were disturbed by the way his parents were fighting in front of us. And treated each other. It was just a lot and I'm upset since I do see a future with my boyfriend. Is it a deal breaker if my parents don't have a good relationship or are not similar in any way. That's a good question because we don't really normally talk about parents or the in laws very often. Jared, I

know you have a great relationship with your in laws. Um, but Danielle, what are your what is what's your experience with your partners parents. I mean it's super great, but I always joke my parents are like meet the Fockers, like they're the fuckers. They're just super out there. Um, and you know my in laws are you know not, you know what I mean? They are like the nicest honestly, like Mr Miss Nice, Like you can't get any nicer, you know. So they are a little opposite. I will

say that, but it works, you know. So. I think it's just if you love the person and you want to have a life with them, the parents are just gonna have to figure it out or maybe they're not gonna be able to just hang out that often together. I mean laws are in Chicago and my parents live in California, so they don't see each other a law, but when I do, it's fine, but they're definitely not like best friends. So well, that's what I was gonna ask. How often do those parents, like Jared, how often do

your parents hang out with your in laws? Like it doesn't seem like that's a very common thing, especially like Danielle's case where they're halfway across the country. No, I mean not that much. I mean I'm lucky that my parents get along famously or in laws, and it's really

a very nice family dynamic. But I would ask Sarah what the relationship is between your boyfriend and his mom, because it seems like his mom is very controlling and the first time you meet her, she's like, hey, you need a pre nump and your kids are going to

Catholic school. It's amazing to me because I think people just forget how they can turn themselves into their parents, you know, And like I I think about my own mom, and like, my mom is fantastic, but sometimes she, like, you know, she does the mom thing and she's like, you know, you should do this or you should do that. And I remember as a kid hearing her complained to my father about how his mother would always like tell

her what she should or should not be doing. And it's amazing how you just forget and you're like, you know, you're doing the exact same thing that you claim complained about all those years about what your mother in law did to you. That makes sense, And so like I'm curious about the boyfriend's mom and being like, you know that you're telling your future daughter Laura potentially what she should or should not be doing with her kids. Like you know, how kind of a little a little, a

little crazy that sounds like a tiny bit. Yeah, most definitely, most definitely, I think there's actually more crazy in laws than there are. I think I think they're overly protective and that makes them crazy, which is a good problem to have because it means the care and they love their grandchild. But at the same time, like, holy, this is the this is the really nice thing about being a thirty one year old orphan that no one ever talks about is there are no one loss to worry about,

you know what I mean? So it's like why not cut ties? We cut ties. They moved to London for a job, and now I don't have to worry about them anymore. Yeah, So I think the moral a story with that one for Sarah is not that big of a deal in my opinion, because, like like Jared's case, you're in laws, get along great with your parents and they live pretty close, but the thing is they don't

see each other that often. Even getting along well and being close enough, Yeah, I wouldn't worry about the dynamic between the in law. Is the only thing I'd be concerned about for you, Sarah, is the dynamic between your boyfriend and his mom. Because you know, of course you want, you hope that your significant other has a good relationship with their parents and they're still part of their lives

and everything in that realm. But at the same time, if the mom is telling her son this is what you need to do, then he's it feels like he might have to choose between you and the mom, if that makes sense. Because if Sarah, if you're like, well, I don't want to sign a prenup and I don't want my kids to go to Catholic school, then the mom is going to be like, you need to ditch this woman, and then he's going to have to choose between the mom and you, and then it's going to

cause even more issues. So that would be my only concern, right, agreed, agreed? Um, alright, sweet, well we got to all the emails. We have been updated on Danielle's life. So that's gonna do it for this week's episode. Out of help. I suck at dating. Um, Danielle, thanks for joining us. Yeah, we had a blast. Yeah, I had so much fun. Yeah, thank you were right, have to come back. I wanted to talk to you so much about Shawn's season two because we'll do that. Yeah,

that was pretty wild. How many years ago and not that many? And your Paradise season two? Yeah, we really didn't dive in too much into the Bachlards. You give in all the baby talk. I know. Well I'm down there. I'll come back. How about that perfect? Okay, you can come back. We'll take you any time, any time you're available, anytime the old pair is willing to take care of the kids for a couple of hours while we have you on here. Yeah all right, well, thank you so much.

As a blast. Okay, bye, guys, I think Dean frozen. Oh and my internet. There we go. We'll I'll end this podcast. Make sure you guys all tune in next week, where hopefully we all suck just a little less, including Dean's Internet follow. Help by suck at dating on I Heart radio or wherever you listen to podcast