Doctor of Love

restraining order against him. And we don't we don't like being We don't like middling an other people's business because listen, we've got enough craft to talk about ourselves. But when a headline like this comes across our our iPhones whatever, we can't not talk about it, especially like taking sucky dating to the next level here. Um. So, the day was Friday, September eleven, and we saw TMZ people a bunch of other news outlets reported that Cassie allegedly filed

for a restraining order against Colton. And we've talked about them in the past because obviously Colton was a bachelor. Cassie was his his final pick. That they did it for about a year and a half, that they broke up. I want to say like in January. Ah, start out on good terms, but then it kind of seemed to get a little rocky from there, and it's kind of continued to snowball into what we just talked about with this alleged reporting of of a of a restraining order.

So I mean we got to talk about it, right, Um, Yeah, I mean we definitely talk about it. I mean, I don't have too many thoughts about it. It's just like the first thing I think of is it's just sad. Uh. You just never want to see a situation come to this. I've met Colton a handful of times. He's always been very nice to me. Um. I've met Cassie a handful

of times. She's very much a sweetheart. Um. It's just yeah, I mean I've had friends before that, you know, they just and I'm not saying this is the situation, because I don't know the situation, but I've had friends in the past that just take things too far, you know, and they do stupid stuff because they feel like their ex wants to get back with them or they're still in love with them, and and they just need to prove it, They need to prove their own worth, you know.

So they'll take them back. Um, is that what happened between Colt and Cassie? I have zero idea. Um, But now apparently there is a restraining order against him that she filed. And it's not allegedly. I think it's pretty much confirmed because it says according to court documents obtained by TMZ. So, uh, let me ask you this. When you when you hear restraining order, where does your brain go? Like? Why? Like, do you think it was something physical that happened? Do

you think it was just two and much? Uh? Like he was infringing on her personal space? Like what do you think your mind? Where did your mind go when you first hear the words restraining order? Well, I mean, of course I have no idea what the hell is going on between Cassie and Colton? And I'm not I'm

not asking about this specifically. I'm just saying and just when you hear just say anywhere anywhere someone got a restraining order person X gout or straining order against person, why doesn't it's not goldon and Cassie, does your brain immediately go somewhere Because a lot of people, I think would immediately assume that person. Why I got the restraining order because person X, you know what, became violent or

something like that. Obviously, there's a million different reasons why there's a million different reasons why someone gets a restraining order. I mean I've heard of, like I said, and people like even friends in my past, Like I know someone who had a trading order against something. It's because they were convinced that they their X was still in love with them and they just needed to you know, like prove like how much they were in love with them

and then they'd want them back. Does that make sense? And so it came what did they do? Well, they just would like show up, you know, show up at their place or or give them gifts or put notes on their cars or um you know, uh you know, constantly call them. And it got to a point where, you know, uh it was it was a guy friend and and she was like, listen, I don't want to

get back together with you. It wasn't like it was just overstepping his boundaries to a point where she was like, listen, you're going to force me to If you can't stop contacting me, I will get a restraining order. And then he was like, well, I want to keep calling you and I'm not sure if actually the restraining order, like if there ever was one, or if there was just

a thread of one. But you know, I mean, is that what happened with cassing colin no idea, um, but you know from certain articles I've read about possibly uh, you know, text messages he sent like being accusatory towards Cassie that she was seeing her ex um and and and they broke up after January because you said, do you think they broke up in January? But they broke up well after that because they were still together when Colton had covid um because he was staying at her

parents house. I believe, so they must have broke up like at some point either March or April, if I remember correctly. But I'm mean, this is more of a question for you, I guess when it pertains to this topic, because you know you're you're dating someone who is friends with Cassie and not to I don't want you know, any conversations divulged, if there have even been any. But I don't know what your thoughts are on this entire situation.

I mean, I don't I think that anyone that sees this situation immediately empathizes or sympathizes with Cassie first and foremost. I think the second I saw the headline, like even my friends who don't even watch The Bachelor sent me these headlines and I was like, yeah, that's crazy. Immediately sent it to Kalen. I was like, this is crazy, Like it's Cassie okay, and I haven't heard back from Mary. I sent that like thirty minutes ago. Um, so yeah, I mean, I hope, I hope that Cassie is okay.

I think that's kind of immediately everyone goes to where it's like you because you mentioned earlier that you weren't sure if your friend threatened or actually followed through with the restraining order. I think there's a big difference between talking about filing restraining order and then actually going through with the process of filing it. Like that's that's like pretty extremes, So there is. I think they're a harder percentage. You're absolutely right. I think I think that all of

us are just trying to sympathize with Cassie. You hope that everything's okay, Like, like you said, we don't know the terms, like what's going on, what happened exactly. But all we can really hope for is that Cassie, the person that filed the restraining order, is okay. And like there's so many different forms of I don't know, like infringing on someone's personal space where it's like through any different methods, like you said, too many phone calls, text

messages showing up randomly, leaving notes, leaving gifts. Um, so we don't know exactly what it is. I doubt we ever really know exactly what it is. But I think, yeah, I think we all kind of agree that Cassie hopefully is okay. No, yeah, I I wholeheartedly agree, uh definitely, Uh, you know, just thinking about mostly Cassie. Yeah, of course, I mean, you know, you hope Cassie is okay and whatever the reason is that she filed for this restraining order,

hopefully she feels safe. And um, it's just sad. It's it's really sad. Like I said to start the show, you never want to see a situation, have you know, just snowball into something awful like this. And now here we are where apparently, well not apparently, there is a restraining order against Colton from Cassie. And again, I just hope Cassie feels okay and feel safe, and um, I just it's so crazy to me. It's like, how how far does someone have to go for it did get

to that level? And I looked at me around. I've been like the scorned ex boyfriend in the past where I thought that I could win my ex back by like sending her gifts and calling her. But eventually, like I got the hint right and then granted I was very young at the time, So how far does it have to go? How much further than that does it have to go for something like this to happen? Just

it's crazy to think about. Maybe Cassie had a short fuse with stuff and she I don't know, jumped the gun, But like you said, there's there's no way of knowing at the time. Now, yeah, you know, we're all just kind of like thrown stuff against the wall and and who knows us I I I see. I think that we will find out more information as time goes on, and you know, like Colton will have his camp speak out and Cassie will have her camp speak out, you know, for the pr reasons of it. Um So it's again

the word I keep going back to is sad. I hope everyone is okay. I hope, like I said, Cassie is doing well. Um, And that's all I have to really say about the situation. Yeah, Colton just continues to be very unimpressive in my opinion. Well, yeah, we don't know what the reasons are for the restraining order, but anytime, you know, it's disappointing. Yes, of course, that's a word that comes to mind as well. Uh, it just seems like it's one thing after dine with him, but go

for the best. Like you said, we'll see sus hate in your heart for a Colton. Huh, there's no Hey, it's just it's like you said, it's disappointment. It's really what it is. I mean, this is obviously very disappointing because you just like you said, how did it get this far? You know, how did you get to the point where there was a restraining order against him? So? Uh, sad, disappointing. There's a lot of words that come to mind with

thinking about this. But again, most of all, I hope Cassie's doing okay, uh, and I hope everybody's doing okay with with the situation, And that's really it. Yeah, But that sad news aside, our new potential co host aside, we do have a great episode for you guys today. Uh, Jared's got some big news on the goalie front. We've got Dr Viviana calling in and Dr Ian calling in to share some of their COVID tips and tricks to stay healthy with us as well. So stay tuned for that.

All right, welcome back to help I suck at dating. We got Mark Easton. I think we have a full crew. Danielle Becky, good guy. Everybody's in here today, which means it's gonna be a great episode. We have a couple of great guests coming up. We have Dr Vivian Coles, we have Dr Ian Smith. Also, a new What a Girl Wants is coming out this Thursday. It is hosted by Kendall I almost said Kendall Jenner. Kendall Long are very own Kendall Long, Who's been on this podcast many times.

She's very informative, sweet, knowledgeable. Uh, and I'm very curious to get an update about her current dating life right now. She's also co hosting with her sister Kylie. Her twin sister Kylie, so as Danielle said, they were the original Kylie and Kendall because I think they're older. So definitely check that out comes out Thursday. What a Girl Wants, because I know you're tired of hearing my voice, at least probably not Deans because he's got a very sweet,

soothing voice. Actually, I would like to say that, you know, before we were recording this, you and Mark and Easton even we're talking a little bit about football and how happy you are to have football back, and I just gotta say, I like to uh announce to our suck army well actually before you that you're playing for the Broncos. Fun fun fact before we get into that, apparently the first time you co hosted this show, it was with Kendall as your co host, So it's like a returning

to your roots, which is always a fun thing. Anyway, we're going back to as I was saying, football is back, which is great, and uh not that our listeners really care about that about us being happy for football is back, but I wanted to let them know that I'm honored because this season I finally get a play Fantasy football with my very own Jared ha Ben and you've upgraded, you finally made it into the league. Yeah. So I

don't know. I don't know what happened between last year and this year, but somehow I didn't get the invite last year, and somehow the invite was just miraculously extended to me. Listen, blame Tanner. Tanner is the one who sent out all the invites. He was the one who organized this. I'm just throwing him under the bus. Blame Tanner. You want to You wanna know what's so funny is the second guy has added me to the group chat. You can go back and see all the old messages.

And I was just like bored or something, so I like went back and I read like the genesis of the group chat, and like the fourth message down was like should be invite Dean? Should Dean be part of the group? And like four people were like no, he's never gonna pay any attention to fantasy, And I was like what I would I promise? Like, well, just give me a chance. By week four, you're done, bro, You're not gonna be checking your lineup. You're gonna have like

Dalvin Cook down in the bench. It's just gonna be a show. But it's gonna be a great show because you're are such a wonderful addition to the Fantasy League. Oh yeah, thanks so much. Anyways, I just wanted I just wanted to announce that I'm very I'm very honored and graced to be part of the team, the league, whatever you want to call it, but it will be fun. We have a lot of Bachelor alone because we have so Matt James is in the league. Who's the current Bachelor?

Jason Tartik, you Me, Tanner, Nick Wells? Who else is in this freaking thing? Tyle or Tyler? See? I'm playing Tyler see week one? Yeah, I'm playing Jason. And I already got a touchdown out of David Johnson, so it's looking pretty good over here. It's nice. Deshaun Watson sucked for me last night, so that's not a good start. Yeah, not the best. But anyways, what else is going on

in your life? Man? Nothing much? So we got a text from one of our producers earlier today that we wanted to get our take on this Texas Tech story. Did you hear about this Texas tech girl post snapchat at crowded day party? Quote? Yes, I have COVID, So apparently this girl was at some sort of Texas Tech party, and I don't know if she was joking or not. I don't know if she was serious, but she said

that she has COVID, uh, which is quite insane. I mean, I know we're a dating podcast, but especially in today's world, I can't believe somebody would have the balls to go to a party knowingly having COVID and possibly spreading it or joking about it. And uh, she got Did she get expelled? She If she hasn't yet, she definitely will. My take on this is this is just my take. Obviously, I based off of no information. I bet you she was joking, but she should be expelled for even just

joking about it like that. And I made a comment in that group text too that I'm so grateful that I'm not in college during this time, because if I was eighteen years old and drunk out of college party with Snapchat, I feel like I could see myself doing something just so stupid like this, you know what I mean. And this girl, because what happened, it was like Northeastern or something, eleven kids got suspelled, expelled from that school

because they were like all hanging out. Well, we don't know if they got expelled yet we know that they got dismissed for the rest of this semester. So if you guys haven't heard so, up in Northeastern UM, there was eleven kids that got together in a hotel room. Uh you know, none of which had COVID, but you know you can't group together in college right now. So anyway, they broke the rules and they just got together a

leave room in a hotel room. They got caught and then the rule has since dismissed them for the rest of the semester and we don't know if they'll be invited back or not after this year. Plus their tuition of thirty six thousand dollars will not be refunded. Dude, that's so crazy to me. I would lose it. I mean, granted, yes, they broke their rules, but again, they're freaking their children there.

Eighteen nineteen will not children, I guess. But there when I remember how I act that age, it's like, I think, I don't know, I don't know different times. I know. I don't want this to be a political podcast either, but like it's definitely Uh, it's just so polarizing right now where it feels like you have to choose one

side or the other, which I find ridiculous. Um. I think that a lot of things in life, just like we talked about on the podcast many times, within the dating world, it's it's in the gray area and so many different aspects of life. It's not black and white. And I think that's a good example, man, like you know this, like the the the example of the Texas tech girl going to a party and joking that she has COVID. This is not funny and she should be

punished for it. How severe should the punishment B Well, that's something we can talk about. But the Northeastern ones, again, they broke the rules. They should be punished for it. But the idea of dismissing him for the rest of the semester and then not refunding their thirty seven thousand dollars is Uh, that's insanity. But so we just wanted to talk about that for a second. And um, like we said, we have two great guests coming up, and then I also have some new dating Uh we can

call terms trends whatever you'd like. UM, so we can probably do that in the third segment, I would imagine, UM, But I've also I've also got some questions to ask about you and Ashley later on too. You want to ask those now, you want to ask them later on? Well, I guess it was basically just one question. I saw Ashley posted something on her Instagram that she's off the pill. She is off the pill, which is uh terrifying, and

we haven't talked about that. So what does that mean exactly? Uh, it means that, uh we've quote unquote pulled the goalie. Uh that's what my brother in law. That's what my brother in law tell my dad at my wedding, which was quite funny. He was he had a couple of beers in him and then uh, you know, my my sister and her trying and him were trying to get pregnant. And he went up to my dad and was like, just let you know, we pulled the goalie. My dad was like, I don't know what that means, and uh

so it was a good moment. Um. But yeah, actually is she's She's been very open about uh that aspect of her life. She's off the pill. Um and uh, you know, we always said that we were gonna start trying later in and that hasn't really changed. You know, both her and I want to be parents. And and she's going to be thirty two in March, and you know you're gonna be thirty three in March. Sorry, she

just yelled from the other room. Holy yeah, we gotta get going, uh because we want to have multiple kids. Knock on wood, if everything works out, everybody's healthy, you know, I mean, you can never plan for things. But and uh so yeah, I think we're gonna start trying, which is crazy because I don't know if anybody, like for me personally, of course, I don't feel ready to be a parent. It's like, oh my god, I'm a I'm a child, I'm a mess. I can barely take care

of myself. I can't take care of another human being. But I you know, everybody had talked to uh and and and Mark and you know, obviously Chime and if he wants, But like, you're never fully ready to be a parent. I mean maybe Mark felt differently when when they were about to have kids, and he was just like, oh, yeah, I'm ready to be a dad. But like for me, it's just like so crazy the idea of like me having a child and my parents being grandparents. Um, it's exciting,

but nerve wracking. It's funny everybody thinks of me, it's such a dad now, Like I'm so dad, just through and through dad. But no, you're terrified. And I always tell people, if you're gonna wait till you're ready, you'll never be ready. You just kind of jump into the deep end of the pool. Yeah yeah, I mean, so that's kind of what we're doing right now, where it's like, Okay, you're you're gonna stop taking your ill and then if

we fool around, you could get pregnant. It's just like it's crazy to like have those conversations and it's fun though, it's great, it's super exciting. I've always wanted to be a father. I feel like a little bit of a dad to our dog, lowest Um, and that's been a

pleasurable experience. Obviously, having a dog and having a kid are very different, but you gotta start somewhere, I guess, right, baby steps, Well, Jared, I want to talk to you more about this, maybe not today, but I want to be constantly updated on the baby talk and work that's been going on over there. But before we before we um bring our next guests, because we we do have her in the waiting room, and we're about to bring

her in. We're gonna take one quick break and then we'll jump right back into it, so we'll be it back. Welcome back to help. I suck at dating. Maybe we should retell it to we suck a dating scene. It's too cohost fun. Anyway, that's a conversation for a different day. We have a great guest that we teased earlier. She's on the line right now. You know her from Married at First Sight, New Orleans, which airs Wednesday nights at eight pm on Lifetime. It is Dr Vivian Coles. Doctor,

thank you so much for joining us. Thanks. I'll just correct you this once, but it's Viviana. It's not just tell me be call me whatever, but just say I'm so sorry. No, it's spelled that way too. I am terrible with names. I'm so sorry, Dr Viviana. What did I say? Vivian Vivian. I get that a lot. I get Virginia. I get Viviana because I'm from Texas, so I get Viviana a lot, but Vivian is the most common. Yes. Well, I'm sorry, Dr Coles. How are you we go? Yeah?

Thanks for having me on. Guys, you know, I love talking about relationships. I love talking about sex even more and how to do it, how not to do it. That sounds like a really fun topic. Yeah, absolutely, especially in these times of COVID. You want to know it's funny too, is we were just talking about right before we brought you in from after the break, we were

just talking about sex. Funny enough, And I don't know if Jared wants to continue to talk about it, but it just is a funny thing to mention that Jared and his wife have pulled the goalie is how they put it, which means there, which means they're you know, they're working towards having little Hayron's running around. Are you

experiencing any performance anxiety question? Not yet, But again, everything is so early, you know, so uh you know, maybe like yeah, I don't know, because she just got off the pill, so it's not like like realistically, we're not gonna get pregnant immediately. Um and uh no, no, no anxiety performing issues from that at least from performance anxiety of a regular thing that you see guys experiencing when

they when the wife is off the pill. Yeah, absolutely, especially if you if you really think about what it is that you're trying to do, and the changes that you're actively trying to make in your life. It can be a little overwhelming for sure, not just for you, but for your partner and for your wife. And I think, um, if you'll address that together instead of it just being something that exists within your minds, it will allow for a lot more like flow and pleasure when you're trying. Um,

you know, it could happen quickly. I have to kiddos, and UM, I remember feeling very emotional when we made that active decision to pull the goalie, and I think it was really emotional for my husband as well, because all of a sudden, you're like, oh my gosh, I am. It's almost like when you apply for a loan for something, you're like, okay, yeah, but then when you actually get it and you have to like get that contract done or get what ever it is, you're like, this is

real adulting. We're like actively trying to make something happen. Because it sounds like you aren't gonna wait to just see if it happens. You're actively trying. And I think it's good for you all to talk about it. Yeah, I mean, it's one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make in your life. You know, you talk about getting alone, buying a house, having kids. I mean, those are the things that you think about your entire life for what most people try to achieve, and then here it is,

you know, and so it's it's quite nerve wracking. Um, but it's way worse for the female. I mean, uh, like as a guy, you know, we were talking about me with performance anxiety or emotional state that I'm in. I mean, I I think what helps me is I just think about Ashley in these in these times because she's the one who has to carry the child, She's the one has to go through nine ten minutes of pregnancy, um,

you know. And and you know, I saw some of the Amy uh Amy Schumer documentary and it doesn't look pleasant. Uh And so I mean it's it's wonderful, it's lovely, but it's you know, you know, with with Ashley, I think I'm more focused on, like, you know, trying to just be there for her rather than my own UM state right now. Well, and I think for a lot of people it can feel, um, it definitely can feel like it's going to be something that is challenging and negative.

But look, it doesn't have to be that way. And I'm a big proponent of positive thinking when it comes to the surround yourself with people who had pleasant pregnancies, Surround yourself with people who are willing to share positive birth stories, um positive fertility stories, because a lot of what's going on with other people can absolutely affect your situation. You know. It's kind of like when you're getting married and the people around you are all talking about divorcing.

You know that's not going to play out really well. So there are lots of positive stories out there. If I were you, I would actively try to gravitate towards people who had pleasant pregnancies and didn't want to kill each other. Yeah, I think Jade one of those people. So Jade is a bachelor lum that we're very close with, and she's like the most motherly figure you'll ever see

in your entire life. Like she was like between her you know, and not everything is obviously roses, but like between her pregnancy and the way she raises her kids, You're like, Wow, that is a loving, loving mother who just who like from the time that her baby was being formed in her belly, to giving birth. Like it's uh, it's pretty um inspirational to be her friend because if that makes me want to be a dad. But also she did give birth in a closet, so that's like terrifying.

You know, I am aware, I'm aware of her story. I followed it closely. I I think that the other thing though, is just remember not to compare. You and Ashley are going to have your own experiences. Um, you're probably gonna feel differently than each other does, but then also from other people and that's okay too, Like it doesn't have to look like anybody else's. But certainly being positive versus being in the negative and like being pessimistic

is probably going to do much better. Dr Vivian, I've got a question for you. So obviously, in order to have children, you have to have sex, and in the atmosphere that is COVID. There was this article that was published by Canada's top doctors that they suggest you wear a mask while having sex. And I just want to get your thoughts on this because to me, it sounds

incredibly bizarre. Why would you wear a mask to cover your mouth when you have other mucous membranes that are making contact with each other in more intimate areas of your body. What is that? What purpose is that serving? But what's your take on it? So from what I read in the article, because I definitely read it as well, what they're trying to say is you are much more likely to you know, have that transfer of the virus

if you're you know, sharing through your mouth, right. Um, it doesn't happen as much with vaginal or seminal fluids. Now that's great for people who are you know, trying to procreate, and that's kind of what the purpose us, not the sole purpose, but the purpose of that interaction is like, is just to make sure that you're trying to inseminate your your wife. Um, But for everyone else, that doesn't sound really exciting, That doesn't sound very fun.

It actually sounds really like beyond clinical. It's not even pleasurable. So I'm just not sure that what they're trying to say is, hey, this will be a good alternative. What they're trying to say is if you want to be safe and if you want to try to avoid getting or contracting or transferring any sort of coronavirus, this is best practices. We all know that most people do not practice best practices when it comes to just about anything

in life. So while we want to encourage them to always do that, I just don't see it if you're trying to create some sort of pleasurable experience. So you think it's like them kind of like setting the bar up all the way up high that way, that that way. Everyone knows kind of what the bar is, even though they kind of expect no one really to not not no one, but most people to not really take it

too seriously. It's the same thing with social distancing. They rarely tell you don't sleep in the same bed as your partner. I mean I don't. I haven't heard that once. They maybe have said that. But best practices would be that every single person in the household stays six ft apart at all times, because that's what And you know what, We're so fortunate that we have people in healthcare who are willing to go there and say this is best practices.

But then we have people who are more realistic who are going to say, okay, but chances are if I get COVID, my partner is going to get COVID, and we're going to live our daily life to try not to spread it to others, but amongst the two of us, it may not be possible to live a normal life ish, not even ish like that would be very odd if everybody just quarantined from each other throughout all of this, I think that that would probably be more detrimental to

the emotional state of the US um and of the world. So yes, I think it's best practices. I just don't foresee that people are going to stop kissing during sex now. If you don't like kissing during sex, this is the perfect excuse for you who doesn't like kissing during sex. I want to meet that person, and I got to you have a lot of listeners who are like I can leave it. You'd be surprised if anybody is out there who doesn't like to kiss during sex. Please d M S or email us and let us know why

you don't like kissing during sex. And if you've ever had to tell someone, please don't kiss me while we're having sex together, because that sounds like a great story. Um, doctor, I know you have to leave in the cole mints before you go, though, UM, I do want to talk about married at first sight for a quick second, because my wife has got me into the show now, So now I watch and we got one. It's very entertaining, it really is. So my question to you is about

the concept of just being married at first sight. Do you agree with it? Do you think it's something that can work? Yes? And yes um. As far as agreeing with it, this is not like we're not reinventing the wheel. Arranged marriage has been around forever. Blind marriage is not nearly as common, but it is also historically present. So the idea that and y'all can totally I would assume at some point can relate to the idea that you

are done with dating. You just want to find the one and move on with life and reach all those milestones that you find important to you. And you're sick of meeting somebody and spending months, tons of money, tons of energy, like all of that on something that is just going to flatline anyway, and you know it and you know what's coming, but you do it again and

again because you don't want to give up on love. Well, what we have found is that participants who come and apply h and hear about us and all that is that they're done with it. They're like, look, I don't want to spend the next ten years of my life getting cheated on, getting live to you know, and and just ending up in the same place that I am today. So I think it absolutely makes sense that people would

want to do this. If they trust that the experts want them to have love, then they do so much better. But it's the people who come in who are really weary of the process, who don't trust production, which you know, Jared, like, we're we're in such good company when it comes to looking for love with all of this, and those people tend to do well, and we have amazing success stories.

Dianna and Greg from my first season in Charlotte just announced that they're pregnant with their first Like, you know, people are really doing things together and growing marriages that they can be proud of to our show. Yeah, you guys have a pretty good success rate, which is uh,

pretty awesome. And uh and I've reading this book called the Happiness Hypothesis, which actually kind of talks a little bit about something along the lines of arranged marriages, which is, you have to make the conscious decision that you're ready to be married before you can before finding the person

that you're going to marry. If that makes sense. Like a lot of people say they find the person and then want to get married, where in this book it's making their argument that you should be ready for marriage and then meet the person. And that's exactly what we're always hoping for, is to find people who are like, no, I know that I have the skill set, I know that I'm ready to be married. Now, nobody really knows

exactly what that means until you're in it. But if you at least feel like all it takes is give me somebody that I can work with, that I can communicate with, that I can respect, that I can even learn to admire, then an amazing marriage can come from it, especially because you've got help, Like there's three of us experts were there for you. We've got all sorts of support for you, and if your families are into it,

then you've got support way beyond this. We offer counseling, we offer counseling during before after all that, Like, there's definitely support for these couples. So I wish we had people who were a hundred percent committed to marriage, because then that would make our lives so much too fier. It would make all our lives easier really well, doctor, thank you so much for joining us today. We we

can't tell you how much we appreciate it. Everybody listening, please go check out Married at First Sight, New Orleans, which airs Wednesday nights at eight pm on Lifetime. As someone who watches the show, now, I can tell you it's good entertainment and at season eleven, so I mean if it's eleven seasons in, you know it's good. Dr Vivianna Vivianna Coles, thank you so much for joining us. All right, welcome back to help I suck it dating. We have yet another great guest who's on the line

with us right now. He is the host of the thirteenth season of the Emmy Award winning TV series The Doctors. He also has a new book that is coming out October one called The Unspoken. It is Dr Ian Smith. Doctor, thank you so much for joining us. Hey, guys, thanks for having me. Glad to be with you. No, of course, so, Dr, you have this new book coming out, The Unspoken. You also have written the New York Times best selling book

Shred The Revolutionary Diet and Super Shred The Big Results Diet. Um, so tell us what you're all about and what you are dr of. Yeah, so I am. My training is in rehab, physical rehab actually, um so for example someone's brains and knee or or twist and ankle. That's kind of my specialty. But mostly my career has been with diet, um and nutrition. So most of my nonfiction books are all about diet, shred, clean and lean, the clean, twenty

fat smash, you name it. Uh. And I also have the other side of me, which is my creative side, which is fiction. So I write fiction. So, as you've mentioned, my new book is called The Unspoken Here. It is right here, The Unspoken right And um so I really love mysteries. I love fiction. I love creating great stories. And you know, people tend to pigeonhole others into like little boxes. You know, you're a doctor, so you should just care about science and you know, anatomy those things.

And for me, you know, I care about all kinds of that. I care about art, I love music. I write fiction. So I'm just kind of I just I try to squeeze the most out of life. Man. I try to do whatever I'm passionate about. Sometimes I fail, sometimes, you know, more often I win. I succeed, But I'm okay with failing too. Yeah, you are a very talented man. So, like you said, you are a doctor. You graduated from Harvard College, UM, and you received a Masters in Science

education from Teachers College of Columbia University. I'm just like pretty much your hype man at this point. And you're in nutrition. Uh. And like you said, you're also a fiction writer. And it seems like those things just don't go hand to hand, but it's so cool that you do all of them. What got you into writing fiction? You know? Um, Honestly, when I was a freshman, I was home for the summer and my aunt is a

long time ago. I'm old, but there's a long time ago. Um. John Grisham wrote this book called The Firm, And um it was before it became famous, before Time Cruised the movie, no one was talking about this book. But my aunt, who was a voracious reader, said to me, Hey, you gotta read this book. It's called The Firm. So I come from a little small town in Connecticut. So I went to this little used bookstore bought this little paperback

called The Firm. And man, I'm telling you, I was so engrossed with that book that I was like driving I could. I still can feel it. I was driving down my little streets, my small town, and I'd had the book next to me, and when I got to a red light, I tried to get half a page. And trying to get half a page. It was just I was just so andra engaged with it. And so I said to myself when I finished, and I'd like,

I'd laughed, I'd almost cried. My heart was racing. I just said, one day, I hope I could write a book that has that many turns and twists that I keep someone staying up late at night. And so I started writing fiction for myself back then, and finally I started publishing it the Firm. I just added The Firm to my list of books to read. It sounds I even just googled it. I put it in my Amazon cart and everything. So I'm pumping. Have you ever heard of the movie? I've never heard of the movie. Now

it's awesome. It's Cruise like. And when he was like, I mean he still is obviously Tom Cruise, but this was like first Mission impossible, after Top Gun, right before Jere McGuire, Tom Cruise, like dominating the world. Yes, yes, I'll add that to my list of movies to watch as well. And let me tell you something, this is the one instance where I think Hollywood got it right. Actually, the book and the movie worked together like usually, like the book is something, the movie is some way off.

This actually was pretty dun closed. I'd liked both the book and the movie. Dr Ian Smith, let me ask you a question. So this this book the Unspoken? Is this fiction or unfiction? Very fiction? It's about I'll give you real fast the synopsis. So basically, it's a private investigator in Chicago who used to be a detective for the Chicago Police Department who resigns because you wouldn't participate in a cover up. There was a bad shooting. His cops call it. It It was a bad shooting. The department

tries to hide it. He said, no way. He quits, He gets a settlement, and then he becomes a p I. So he takes very select cases and around all of Chicago, the rich North side all the way down to the hood on the South Side. And he's a cool dude. His name is Ash kane Um. He's tough, he is handsome, he's a golf addict, he loves classic cars, and he doesn't take him self too serious. He's very sarcastic. All right, now, let me ask you this. Let's say they're making a

major motion picture of the Unspoken who's playing Ash? Geez, well he just album would be great as as this is just the man. He's the man. He'd be great. But also there's a guy named Kendrick Sampson who's someone brought up to me who I looked at some of his stuff. He's an activist. He'd be really good. Kendrick Sampson. Um, those are my two guys who were off the top. I would think they could do the role real justice. Yeah, I love I just watched Um, what the hell is

the movie about? The uh gambling? The back room poker games? Molly Molly's Game? Yes, yes, dude, Andrews is awesome? And that was that a good movie? Or what? Oh my god, it's so good. Well, I'm a big Aaron Sorkin fan, and Aaron Sorkin it was his directorial debut for that movie, and he also wrote it. And obviously, and yeah, I

love it. And Andrew is just awesome. He needs to be the new James Bond because I think Daniel Craig is done after the new James Bond movie comes out in November, and it just just needs to be seven I think. So all right, well that would be cool too, obviously depending on the casting. Anyway, we don't have to talk about that because we are a dating podcast, but so, um, I do want to talk about because of the current world we're living in. You obviously have a background in nutrition,

sports rehabbing. Um. I actually just went to the TV twelve clinic in Foxboro, humble brag, because Tom Brady is my favorite athlete of all time and his whole thing is sports rehabbing up there, and it was a cool facility. But I want you to talk about how important it is, specifically in the world we're living in right now, to live a healthy lifestyle and active lifestyle and eating the

you know, the right things. You know, it's unbelievable. So my whole career has been advocating that people eat better, move better. Not perfectly, by the way, because I eat everything. Uh my family would tell you, Uh, I eat ribs and pizza and burgers and fried like everybody else. But but it's about what you do seven percent of the time. Like I will never eat three days in a row of burgers and fries. I mean, it just doesn't happen, you know. Um. So I incorporate what I call I

don't call them cheat meals. I incorporate fun foods, cupcakes, cookies, everything. But I do it in a way where it's balanced. And I think that people need to understand that you actually it's not hard to eat more fish, to eat more vegetables, to steam them. Um. And then also if you want to have some ribs or some wings, it's okay, but you know you and you don't feel like, jeez, every day I'm stuffing myself with all this processed food,

you know. So that's number one. Number two is you know, when you talk about COVID and what we're in right now, I mean, it's really about the immune system. And so many people have lowered immune systems because they simply have not been taking care of their bodies. Um. And so you can boost your immune systems to exercise, you can do it with immune boosting foods that you eat. So I just encouraged people like, listen, this is a perfect time to take your body seriously and you know, turn

it up, man. I mean, because COVID is COVID hits all of us, by the way hit it hits us differently, But look at the rocks. Man. I did a story for MS and I and we were focusing on the rock. He in his video he was like, Man, COVID took me out, and here's a guy who's like one of the fittest guys in the world. So I just think people need to just you know, eat a little better, move a little better, and um and just be prepared. That's all We've We've talked about this on this podcast

quite a bit over the past few months. But so I broke my leg in December and it was essentially betterridden for like two to three months, and then COVID hit and and March and mostly in April as well. So it's kind of like a double whammy where I was like not moving around, sitting on my butt a lot, and then COVID hit, and then I just started eating poorly and my body was just getting like softer and soft.

And it's still like, honestly, it's pretty bad, but I've I've regained some of my I guess like athletic ability. But but yeah, there was a long time there for like a good three months where I was like looking at myself in the mirror and like I wouldn't let my girlfriend like see me like with my shirt off

because I was like so ashamed of myself. And then I like went out and bought these uh these these these dumbbells, these freeweights, and I was like, I'm going to use this time to like transform myself and get back to how I used to be. Used the weights twice and I haven't really picked him up ever since. But I I agree with you, everyone's like looking at COVID and this this uh you know, quarantine time to really like focus and work on themselves. But it's it's

a lot easier said than done. So I think that's kind of the biggest barriered entry is people just putting action to the words. Yeah, you know, I got lucky because I actually before COVID hit, I decided that I'm living in Chicago, um and which is a real tough sometimes, right, And so I said, you know what, I want to put some stuff in my house. So like when it's five agrees outside, I don't want to go to the gym. I could just go downstairs and get good little workout.

So I really loaded up. I got a bench press, I out all kinds of other benches I got. I got dumbbells from fifteen pounds up to seventy five pounds. I got a creature, I got like a full thing. And then COVID hits, and so everyone's like, you know, like you just say like they're not working out, they're getting soft. Meanwhile I'm getting ripped. I'm lifting out away, you know. Anyway. So um, but now Jim's are opening back up a little bit. So, but there's still great

workouts you can do at home. I tell people all the time, I'll give you a fifteen minute workout that you know, blow you away. Well, it's as a medical professional. With Jim's opening up again, do you encourage people to go to gyms or do you still think it's time to kind of like carry on and tread lightly with it, or what do you suggest people do moving for it?

I think that if you go to a gym where it's a private gym, which means that it's not just anyone coming in and fifty people coming in and out and using machine listen, think about it. But these big box gyms, there's no way they can sanitize all the dumbbells, all the machines, and then you say to the customers, will you guys do it after you get off and

someone else before they get on. But you know, you can't rely on people to do the right thing, and so I my personal opinion is that's probably too early for big box gyms. I think smaller gyms that have very limited number of people and the set schedule, I think that works. But you know, yeah, you know, the country has been very impatient, and um, you know, this is a virus, man, This is this is not this

is not political. This is a medical, scientific thing. It's a virus, and a virus wants a host, and our bodies are hosts. It doesn't care if you are Republican, Democrat, rich, poor, black, white, It doesn't care. You're a host. And so I think that people's I listen, I like anyone else. I want to go back to some kind of normal. Don't get me wrong, but we gotta sit out a little longer and let this thing die down. And people are just being impatient, and let me just say one thing. I

want to be appreciate. But but the more impatient people are and the faster and more premature. We open things. Oh the longest gonna be here because we can't. We can't suffocate this thing because there's a hot spot here, hot spot there. College is opening up three cases at one college in the first week. Well guess what the college that affects people five hundred thousand miles away because it's a big network, like a spider way with people.

And this person saw that person. It's just anyway, don't keep me going. We like it, we want to. I think everybody could really vent and with all their different perspectives about what's happening in the world, you know, and

and uh so no, please we we we love it. Um. Do you have any advice for people listening right now that are trying to get back into working out, because I find that's the most difficult aspect, uh is starting out because once you start getting into the routine of things, at least for me personally, um, you know, it just

becomes a daily a part of your daily routine. But for for people listening out there that like are are out of shape and they have difficult time running and you know, their knees are hurting and they're always sore. What is something that they can do to start, like getting back into the routine of working on every day. You know. I think one of the biggest mistakes that people make when they're trying to get back is they

try to do too much too fast. I tell people, do just a little bit day week one, three days a week. Just do something. So don't go try to run or don't go try to walk five miles, Walk a half a mile, that's it. Walk for seven minutes, that's it. Come on home. Even if you think you can do more and you probably can't, don't. Don't do it. Allow yourself to build up so that you're not taking on too much. And I think what people do is, you know, they're like, that's it, I'm gonna start today,

I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna walk five miles today. Okay, they do it, and the sucking wind, they're sore the next two days, and then they're like it's too much, so they throw their hands up like I'm not gonna do it because they try to do too much too fast. But my advice to people is think about where you want to be five months from now, and then work that down to where you are now and form a real plan and okay, week one, I want to be able to do this week two, week three before. And

that's how you do it. You gotta you gotta be structured. I think people are too unstructured. Oh I'll do this today, I'll do that tomorrow, and it just doesn't work. You're like flailing. You know, you're going around, you have no real direction, and you can't build your momentum. That's one thousand percent me. I feel like you just described me to a t. I'm very unstructured. I'll even go to the gym, show up and be like, well what should

I do today? Whereas I probably should plan before I go what I'm gonna be doing for the entire week, month, or even the year. But yeah, that's definitely my my big achilles heel. Yeah, but you're gone to looking good man. Oh yeah, it's because the pillows pushed up against it, trying to I'm trying to press you. I'm trying you as you guys know this when you cross your arms like I put my fist behind my bicets, so it's like, oh, yeah,

they look bigger than they actually are. Yeah, you go, like everybody's listening on a podcast, right now I can't see what we're doing, but just imagine, like you know, you flex and you put your hands behind your biseets, really pushing for the listeners. For the listeners listening right now, Jared's arms look very buff. They're not. I've been trying to workout, man, I've been I've been getting to I bought a kettle bell. I've been doing some stuff. Not

a lot of running, more running. I've been trying to get a little bit faster. But that's neither here nor there. Austin. Uh No, so I'm in I live in Los Angeles now, but I'm originally from Warwick, Rhode Island, so just north of you. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I like I like that. I'm a New Englander. You know, I'm from New England, so yeah, Connecticut, Yeah yeah yeah. I just want to say real fast that people who are trying you mentioned

what should people do? On my Instagram page, I have all kinds of little workouts that people can download for free. Um So my instagram is at dr Ian Smith's spell the Doctor Out. I A N. Smith and please go to the one with the checkmark. Because all of a sudden, now all these freaking impostors of like create these fake pages and it's not me. You know, you'll see me checkmark, don't follow the person with two followers. Okay, but but listen,

let me tell you something. Guys. People will send me d M s all the time and they're like, I just gave you my phone number. Was that you? I was like, oh no, come on, and I look at I look at the page. It's got like five followers. Why would you think that was me? I'm the most popular gould when I'm better than that. People just don't understand social media. Oh no, don't give your phone number out ever. Hey and Doc, you're playing it three yards down the middle of the fairway too. Man, You're I

gotta get some golf tips from you too. It looks like, let me tell you something. Can I tell you? That was so amazing? I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened to me. Sorry to get distracted golf but all day. But let me tell you something. I put a golf swing on my page. This is why I love I g and social media. And some guy from London, a professional golfer in London, sent me a d M and said dr Ian, I'm really excited that you love golf. Blah blah. He's like, but dude, you're

not getting enough turn on your back swing. What so he's so we started like exchanging messages. Right, the guy sends me a video. I'm not kidding. He sent me a video. I go to the rain, I practice. Literally within two weeks my drive went twenty yards longer. I'm not and I realized it. I didn't realize it, but social media for you. You know what's so funny about this golf talk is that I'm not joking my dad. My dad sent me a text message thirty five minutes ago.

It said, just watched the pro golfer video on where to aim. When the ball is above your feet, aim a little right and if the balls below your feet, aim a little left. Remember that conversation you and I had and I thought I was right. Like guys in golf, I love it. I love it, I can talk. I love best. But Doctor, we just want to say thank you so much for joining us and help my second dating. Uh. Thank you for bringing all your wisdom in information. We

really appreciate it. Everybody listening out there. Obviously you can see doctor on dr Ian Smith on the Doctors, but please pick up a new copy of his book The Unspoken, which is a fiction novel about ash Kane, which is like the most badass name ever, also comes out October first, get it. I'm assuming everywhere Amazon, anywhere you can pick up books. Yeah, mostly go to Amazon dot com and check it out. And and ash Can has his own page. It's called I Am ash Cane, So check on his page.

And then considered the start for the uh, the where, the proposal, whatever you wanna call it to get uh Indresalba to play Ashkane when this book gets turned into a movie. It started here on help I Suck at Dating. There you go, Hey guys, let's do it again some time. Joy talking to you guys. Yeah, alright, guys, take care

if you say Jared. We had a couple of great guests on this week on the podcast, but no podcast is truly complete without your dating terms, so give us at least one, maybe a couple more uh and hopefully Mark and Eastern can pop in and help us figure out what they mean. Yeah, we had a good time last week trying to guess the dating terms acuting, including my favorite answer of all time, from Eastern which was monkeying. Uh some that was just a good one, all right,

So let's start for the first one here. So this is on pop sugar dot com. It's called eight new dating terms you need to know about going into. So we'll see if we can just get a few of these. So the first one is called kanyeide. What do you think being Kanyade means? I forget, we'd start off with a good one. I got to go back a few months, right because going into so we can't say it's something, but I'm trying to think of what it could be.

I think what being Kanyee means is when you start dating someone and then they become a completely different person after having started dating. Okay, okay, I think I think being Kanyade means your your partner is about to climax, but then you interrupted them to give them see I'm gonna let you finish, but I'm gonna got the best album of all time and literally in the the middle of intercourse. It happens to me all the time. Yeah, it's just

an in ego trip. A guy who's just a complete ego trip and never wants to hear a word about you or your life. Wow, Mark, nicely done. Have you ever been on a date where the other person talked relentlessly about themselves the entire time? If so, you got kanyee. Apparently plenty of fish. Plenty of fish reports that singles have experienced one sided conversations like this on dates A k A kanyade alright, next dating term. Obviously this is

very What does white clawing mean? White clawing? I'm gonna go last because I feel like you guys have to get the answers all the time, and I didn't think about something something good and clever. Uh, somebody who always wants to be super trendy all the time, whatever the hot thing is, that's what they are into until it's not, and then they're not again. My yea, mine was similar. Mine was something that is needlessly confusing and probably not

all that satisfying. Dean, any guesses. Uh, my guess is gonna be when you're just like everybody else, but for some reason people think you're better but you're not. Uh, you guys are all pretty close. Marks definitely the closest on this one because it talks about all the hype surrounding white claws right now, So plenty of Fish said.

Plenty of Fish says, white clawing is the act of staying with someone you find basic and boring just because you find them attractive interesting, And people surveyed said they've known someone who has been white clawing white clawing, so pretty much, it's lots of people that are hopping onto

the trend because it's popular. So like, you stay with someone because you find them basicly boring, just because you find them tractive, similar to like people think that white claws are wildly overrated, but you keep drinking them because everybody else is drinking them. All right, this one's interesting. Uh. Dial toning? What do you guys think dial toning is? Well? What is a dial tone? First and foremost? That would

be a good question. Wait are you seriously asking? Isn't that when you used to pick up the phone before cell phones and you like the there? And then how old does that make you, guys feel? Because it makes it when me feel really old? That's the dial tone? Right? You don't remember a dial tone? Bro? I remember. I'm just I'm asking for a little bit more of a clear context context. But yeah, you're right, I'll I'll say it's like ghosting. It's like, um, you know, hanging up

on somebody. They end up hearing a dial tone on the other end of the phone after you hang up on them. And I'm gonna say it's like that. It's like a ghosting where everything's going fine and then suddenly they hang and they cut it off and you never hear from them again. To get a bit more specific, I think it's like leaving someone on red but you know for a fact they are they are gone, like they're not. It's not just on red, like like they've

deleted the conversation. Like you send something to them and they go like no, thank you, and it's like, oh, if I send another text, it's not even going to reach them. Like they're they've hung got it. Well, and see, this is where my question comes into place, because a dial tone is at the beginning of a phone call, not at the end. You guys are thinking of the dropped calls tone, which we know more about. I will say and not give an answer on this one. Well, Dean,

that that that answer. That was pretty good because dial toning, Okay, then let me finish. Let me finish. Then, in my opinion, that dial toning would be when you are when you have so many options you don't know where to go because when you pick up a phone, there's so many buttons you can press, and that's the dial tone. You should have quit while you are ahead of my friend. Uh dial toning, So it says over the last year or two, ghosting obviously is completely blew up on the

dating scene. Dial Toning is similar to ghosting, but involves ignoring the other person before the relationship ever even begins, which is Dean what you were talking about. The dial tone comes at the beginning of a phone call. When you dial tone someone, you give them your phone number, but you never but you never reply, So that's dial toning.

So pretty much like ghosting before the relationship ever begins, which I think a lot of people can resonate with, especially on dating apps, because how many stories have you guys heard, were like, somebody's talking on a dating app, you exchange phone numbers and then you never hear from the person. Again, that's dial toning. I've definitely dial toned before. I'm guilty of dialty. Well. On pop sugar dot com it says sixty percent of singles have said they've experienced this.

That's crazy. Yeah, I guess I'm in the majority on that one. Well, Jared, as always, thanks for the dating terms. Thanks Eastern Market, you're just unbelievably uncanny witty responses and understanding of these trending dating terms. Um. Big thank you of course to Dr Viviana for sharing her knowledge with us and Dr Ian Smith. Be sure to check both

of them out on Instagram and um. Dr Viviana is on Married at First Sight on Lifetime at a p m on Wednesdays, and Dr Ian Smith just dropped his new book October one, so I guess not yet, but coming up unspoken. The unspoken sounds pretty cool. Is there anything else you want to touch on before we say see you later? No, I'm good with touching today. You're

good with touching? Yeah? No more touches for me. Thanks everybody for joining us on this wonderful episode of help I's like a dating Make sure you guys not only tune in next week, but also tune in Thursday for What a Girl Wants with the original the O G. Kendall and Kylie Long. But until then, we'll talk to you next week, where hopefully we all suck just a little less. Follow Help by Suck at dating, on I Heart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcast h