Do What You Want with Your Thumbs

we'd be there. I know. Well, I'm in my bedroom right now, calling in from my little studio here, and we have actually great episode. UM. Last time I did a solo episode, it was a girl talk Brandy Cyrus came in to help me co host UM. And today we have Ernestine Slefanie Bayliss, who's here to talk about her new book. And if you're dating someone who's obsessed with sports, you're gonna want to listen to this UM. But first I kind of want to just give a

little bit of UM an update on my life. I mean, I talked about my life all the time on the podcast, but ten months ago that's when I did my solo episode called Girl Talk. Brandy Cyrus was on and she was also single, and I was talking about how a guy had just kind of ended a relationship with me, or quote unquote a relationship. I was like dating him long distance. Mark had asked me about babies. I started

crying because I thought, I'm never gonna find anyone. I'm going to be single for the rest of my life. I'm gonna have to freeze my eggs. And ten months ago that was going through my head. I was single. I was, I will admit it. I was desperate. I thought it was the end of the world that I wasn't going to find someone who wanted the same things as I did. Brandy had moved. I think she had just moved to Member at that point. A. K. Denver Um because she was also fed up of like being single,

and she recently announced that she's in a relationship. So this is not to like talk about, oh look at us, we're in a relationship. This is really to give hope for people who did tune in to that episode and are now listening to this episode and to see that you know there is hope and that you will find someone.

Um and if you are going through a heartbreak right now, it's totally normal to feel like it's the end of the world, that there is no hope, that you're not going to find the person that you have in mind,

and so on and so forth. But first of all, the person that you have in mind, and this idea of this like perfect soulmate doesn't exist right Like, I'm not saying that my boyfriend now is not perfect, but he's perfect in my eyes, and he's perfect in the relationship that I have with him because we built the relationship that we want to have together. So I actually took the liberty to write down five things that I feel and no particular order either, five things that I

feel are important to have in a relationship. And these are things that I've learned throughout the last ten months, um so from the last episode that I did called girl Talk on the podcast. So these are five things that I came up with. So Number one, when you're looking for a partner, um, a soulmate, whatever you want to call them, find someone who is able I don't even know if I'm able to work the word, but willing, someone who's willing to work on things and work things

through and put in efforts. So whether that means I feel like we live in an age right now where it's so easy to i don't know, get distracted by Instagram or get distracted by a dating app, or everything is so fast paced and it's like, oh, next, I don't want this. Next, I don't want this. It's kind of like uber eats, right, like you're looking at all the food and you're like, oh, let me pick the

best thing that has like five stars. So it's the same thing when it comes to dating, Like everything is very much fast paced, but you want to be able to find someone who's kind of like old school and wanting to work on things when things get tough. Because in a relationship, I mean, Mark, you've been married for how many years? Just a few weeks ago? Oh wow, okay, congratulations, so seventeen years, um, happy anniversary. So there's there's ups

and downs in a relationship. And I remember like kind of doing a diagram of what a relationship looks like, and the first like to three years, it's like a kind of like a roller coaster. It's like going up because you're like getting to know about each other. It's still fairly new and then it keeps going up because you get engaged and that's like another exciting thing that happens. And then you have a wedding to plan, so the

roller coaster keeps going up. And then you get married and it's very exciting, and then you have a kid. It's very exciting. And then like at one point, obviously your relationship or marriage kind of goes flat, right, And that's okay. And I feel like it's it's a stage in a relationship where a lot of people fear. It's like, well, why don't it keep going up? Like why isn't the

roller coaster keep going up? And it's okay for it to get flat, because that means as long as it's flat at a happy point, right, not your lowest point in the relationship, because that means that you're just unhappy.

But in order to make a relationship last, you need to partners that are willing to make it work, whether that's finding out that you need individual therapy or that you need to go to a couples therapy together, or that you want to talk about your emotions and not suppress your feelings so that you later on resent the person. Because I remember I had dated someone who um did not like a certain job that I was doing and

basically gave me an ultimatum. Was like, well, I it's either me or the job type of thing, and I quit the job at that point. Yeah, And at that I remember crying so much and remember thinking like, why am I crying for? If this is what I want? If this is the guy that I want to be dating and married to. Who gives you about the job. But at that point, when I was in my twenties, that was like my little brain thinking like, oh, everything should be revolved around the person I'm dating. And this

goes to my next point. Can you say what it was about your job that he objected to? So I was hosting some TV shows and he just didn't like the fact that I guess it was like some guy interaction. But it's not really like there was no guy. It's not like I'm making out with a host, you know what I mean, Like you're hosting. I was hosting like a little, very little show in Montreal. That's some deeper security on his part. I think that's a real red flag.

And by the way, just what you're saying, you're right, it needs a dual mindset. That you are in this for the long haul and that the relationship is worth fighting for because it is very easy to just walk away. And I found that in my marriage that in our there we bicker, sometimes you fight, sometimes it's going to happen. We've been together twenty two years, but it's a mindset. It's a long term mindset that we're in this forever.

And so if there's these years that we need to figure out, we got to figure them out because we're not going anywhere. That's what you're looking for, right And if you're if you're like me and you're the type of person that has them mindset from early on in a relationship and you're dating someone who doesn't, then like it's hard to to make that work. And a lot of my relationships post and pre Bachelor were like that.

And now that I'm eating someone who's so I don't like calling its old school, but he has that old school mentality where it's like, no, we're not going to break up because we're arguing, and even if like you're arguing about like stupidities for a week or whatever, like we're going to get through this. Let's like figure out a way to resolve this conflict. Just the other day she said, I was married to you long before I was actually married to you. Ah, I love that. I

love that thing. I love that. So I a hundred percent agree with that. That's how I feel too. And you know what, that could really scare some people away. That's true. But it's but and so you don't want to make a big deal out of it, but it's it's it's a long term mindset. It doesn't mean I'm absolutely going to marry you. Who knows what's going to happen. But I'm that committed to you. I'm that level of commitment on. My mind's not straying, my eyes aren't straying.

I'm all yours. Yes, I love that. And so this goes to my next point when I talk about qualities. So again this is like not professional advice. He's just things that I've wrote down. So write down what your qualities are like. I don't know if the word is qualities, like qualities like for me, like I love laughing. Would that be a quality or things I like to do? Maybe things I like to do like I love I don't know, I love laughing. I used to like working out, Um,

I love spending time with my family. I love spending time with my friends, And are you still doing these things while you're in a relationship. So this is a holding yourself accountable to not losing yourself in a relationship, because that's something that I would do in former in other relationships. And b are you not doing these things because the person that you're with is making you so unhappy that it's taking you away from the things that

you love doing. M That's something that I realized about some former relationships of mine. And I'm kind of in Um, I'm kind of a point in my life right now where I work a lot from home. My boyfriend has his job and he leaves the house and I work from my record my podcast from my bedroom, so everything

that I do is from home. And oftentimes I've realized, Wow, I have not left my house all day, and it's eleven o'clock at night, and it gets very sad and very lonely and very depressing because I'm constantly either on my phone on my computer, and I'm not doing a lot of face to face conversations like I'm calling in, but I'm not talking to anyone like I'm talking to

you guys, through the screen. So I found myself in a place right now where I remember on Sunday, I got really mad and I'm like, I'm going for a walk and he's like, why are you upset for. I'm like, I don't know. I just I'm bored. I'm bored. We're always home, We're never doing anything. And he's like, that's not true. Right now, you're just projecting all of this, like what you're going through in your personal life into

the relationship. So I and he put me into my He put me in my place, and he's like, listen, hold yourself accountable. You know you love working out, Go work out. You know you love hanging out with your friends. Spend more time with your friends, like make that conscious effort.

Another piece of advice is no what your non negotiables are, because if you're someone that just really wants to be in a relationship, sometimes you might overlook things in the guy or things that you know you like hold really dear and close to your heart. But you're like, oh, but this guy really likes me. Let me ignore some of the signs. So what are your core values that are your non negotiables? So for me, kids is number one I will not date a guy who doesn't want

kids or it's not open to the idea of wanting kids. Um, maybe you're someone that's very religious, so then you're gonna want to date someone who's open to the same religion that you're in, or having family time, or even a little things like if you're someone that wants a specific kind of lifestyle, make sure that you're with someone that's able to want the same things as you do, because if not, that's going to be that level of resentment like, well, you're not giving me what I need or you're not

giving me what I want. But if that's not what he's capable of giving you, then you need to look elsewhere type of thing. Does that make sense? It does make sense. I would warrant not to have too long a lift of deal breakers because sometimes you evolve and you change and you find the guy that doesn't check

every box, but it turns out he's the guy. I don't think I've checked all of my wife's boxes when we first met, but but we became inseparable, uhh and listen and those but the non negotiables for me basically have one. It's kids, Like I don't really need to be with someone that doesn't want to get married. I just want to make sure that you want to procreate. And the non negotiables that I had in my twenties

and versus my thirties kind of changed. In my twenties, you guys, I was the typical like anyone that's listening from Montreal. I didn't want to leave my mom's air, like wherever my mom lived. I wanted to buy a house near my mom. I wanted kind of like the same lifestyle. And now I'm like living in the city and I'm in my thirties, and like, I would not have wanted what I had wanted in my twenties because I was kind of wanting the same things. I guess

my family was projecting onto me. And now that I've moved out of the suburbs, and like, that's not what I wanted. Okay, couldn't an argument to not have a list of deal breakers if that list is going to change any way throughout your life, right, But that's what I'm saying. So there's things that are deal breakers, which are my non negotiables a wanting kids, and then there's that's never going to change, And then there's the negotiables, right,

the ones that you're like, I'm willing to compromise on it. Right. So, and I think when you're twenty, it's a long list, and then when you're thirty it's a shorter list, and then when you're forty, it's getting pretty short because you realize that well, I mean, perhaps there's a level of desire just for that person, but also there's a level of you know what, there's a lot of people in the world. It's a very diverse, wonderful world, and maybe I can get to know we can come together on

certain things. So, like I said, yeah, the non negotiables and then the ones that you're willing to to to negotiate and to compromise on. So yeah, definitely do not I'm echoing what you said, do not have a long list, but just know, like what are your like, who are you as a person, And obviously certain things can be compromise versus others that you're like, no, this is what I want, and I know, you know, like I know I want kids, and I know I need to be

with someone that has kids. And my last one is, which might be a hard one, is to encourage each other too. How can I put this. So let's say Mark, you one day wake up and you're like, you know what, Well, maybe not a DJ, but okay, fine. Like you wake up and you're like, you tell your wife, I want to become a DJ, and you want to make sure you're with a partner who's going to encourage you to

do and have healthy goals. Right. So, I I'm a firm believer that I think our educational system is kind of back where it's like at sixteen years old, it's not really reasonable to think, oh, I want to become this in my you know, when I'm in my twenties and in my thirties and so I'm gonna go to university to study this. You can change your career path at any stage in your life, so you're not stuck to in doing the things you're doing in your twenties

or your thirties or your forties. You could be doing something in your twenties and you graduate to something bigger in your thirties or something completely different. And I'm someone who's very much I like to be multi faceted, So I like doing different things all at once, and so I want to make sure that I have a partner who's gonna encourage me to follow some of my goals that are healthy, not like, oh, I'm gonna become a clown today, Like that's not really reasonable where I'm not

going to really make a lifestyle. I really did actually wanted to join to clown college. He encourage you know what, he probably want that thing. He's so sweet. Um So those aren't my top four things that I learned in the last ten months of dating Tories and studio tories or other producer. Are you in a relationship? No, but I am kind of talking to someone, Okay. So I had reached out to Instagram and I told some of

my followers. While I told my followers, and some of the followers did reply ask me certain questions or topics that you want to talk about on the podcast, And some of them had asked, how do you know that the person that you're dating is someone that you want to date long term? This is everything I needed to discuss. So this person that I'm talking to is long distance,

and it's really hard for me. I'm like starting to kind of like think about him, and I don't do well with like codependency like that terrifies me and I think when somebody starts to make me feel like they're not like affecting your mother. But you're like, oh, like I kind of hate that, I'm like thinking about you, Like that's is that a waste of time? Like I really fight things on that in my brain because I just don't want somebody to ever determine how my like

day goes. So if you're like, oh, he's like taking a long time to respond back, I'm fine, I'm cool. No, everything's great, but like it's really not, so I hate to start to feel that way. So then now I'm like, it's so hard because long distance you can don't really have the quality time needed to progress to know, Okay, I do want to keep spending time with you, and we have face times and they're like great, but you don't get to see somebody's really true character when you're

face timing. So now I'm like, is this worth investing in? Obviously, Like I'm still like going on data with other people, but it's it's like hard because you're like like do I need to just kind of like let this one go? But then why am I thinking about him? But then if he's long distance and I don't really get to see those moments of just kind of I don't know the moment you need to see if you want to

keep progressing or not. So that's why I am having a hard time relating to maybe what yours were, because I am like in the midst of it, and I'm like, I don't know what it is you guys met in person. Yes, okay, well that's that's a good stuff. Um So in relation to your code dependency, I totally agree. But there's just one quote. I don't remember who said it, and I want to read it to you into anyone listening. If you suffer, it is because of you. If you feel blissful,

it is because of you. Nobody else is responsible, only you and you alone. You are your hell and your heaven too. And it's so true because when you're when you're I remember saying, like, I love being single. I feel like I'm my best self when I'm single, Like I'm happy, like no one could ruin my mood. I'm not dependent on anyone else's people responding to me or not responding to me, or how they react to something that I do or say, and how that's gonna affect

my day to day. But at the end of the day after I read this quote, I'm like, it is so true. No one else has control of your emotions, no one else has control of your brain. You go to bed with yourself and you wake up with yourself every single morning. So you should never allow which is so easy to say it, right, but having that balance of understanding if someone is not responding to you, or they respond to you like in a way that you

don't you didn't expect. I mean, that's something that's going on with them, you know, like you can't hold that energy over yourself and make that ruin your it. It's true. I hate that now in technology, we're so affected by not just one outlet of like, oh, this guy is not taking on a date. I'm okay, well he didn't text me back. Okay, well I know he's done with um, like his work, so now he why wouldn't he want

to call me? Or like, okay, we set up a FaceTime date, but then he hasn't communicated with me yet and when he's going to call me? And I hate that now have so many different outlets to be stressed about. And I'm not like I don't really get stressed easily. But then I'm having to constantly reroute my mindset, which I'm okay with, but it gets really conflicting of being like I'm wasting so much energy almost on a situation. I don't know that's worth it because you're a long

distance and I'm trying to be a team player. But it is really hard because you can't be like, hey, I really hate when you don't text me back even though we've only really hung out for about three weeks, you know, because I'm like, we're not dating, so it's super hard. I know. I remember someone had just recently asked me likesa, how did you go on the Bachelor? Like you know that he's dating all these other roles.

I'm like, yeah, but at least I know that he has to be dating as you girls like in the real world. I don't know, like, how do you know when do you ask the person? Are you dating other people? Are we going to be exclusive? Is three months too early? Is three weeks too early? I know? I think if you feel like you're really into this guy, and I'm I love I love doing long distance, I kind of do too. I don't like the beginning of it, but I do like how we can both be independent with

our lives. But marking a long distance if there's no relationship that has established prior, if you established relationship and then you have to be long distance, I get it. But starting from a long distance I think is really challenging. With no plan for eventual non long distance I think it's almost impossible and we'll get emails marks a jerk my husband years we sat a long distance. That's cool.

I just think the odds are against you. Just over here crying, don't d it is a flight, but connecting, oh, direct flight, I know you guys, that's really hard from X to where he is. Wow, you know I do like a prison colony somewhere and it's not. And he does not have the easiest schedule ever, especially this time of year. Like he got off the plane at like two am, and luckily I was packing and um but that's like four am two am my time. And I'm like, so that's why you went zero dark thirty on me.

But like, I just need communication, But then again, we're so early on I can't be like, hey, I didn't like how you didn't let me know what you were doing. But then I don't want to be that psycho girl. This is why I hate dating. This is why I suck at dating, and this is why no. See, I dated someone long distance and I remember once he uh, I don't remember where he went. He had to go

somewhere for work. He boarded his flight, he landed, and then I'm like, I didn't hear from him before he left while he had like while he was on his flight, after he landed, I have no idea where he is, if he's safe, he's okay, whatever, And I had given him a little I was a little bit passive aggressive when he had called me that night and he's like, what's wrong And I'm like, well, you never told me when your plane took off, like like there was no

communication throughout the entire day. He's like, well, why don't you just ask me? And I'm like, oh, it's that simple. I can just ask you to say these are things that I kind of want in our relationship because for a long distance and I kind of need this kind of communication because it's a different kind of not face to face relationship And he's like yeah, and that's that's how he ended up making it work for or whatever, not making a long time but it worked for a while.

I'm feeling so good about this. You guys, thank you question did you know him before? Like going down Mark's thing? Did you did you guys set something up prior? And I just could never like take a I also feel like when you have those moments of face timing someone when they're a long distance, you just wanted to be fun and great and everything's happy. So like bringing it up and being like, hey, um, I don't It's like

I couldn't even imagine. Obviously I physically could not say anything at this point, but I'm like, you need to be enjoying it for what it is, and if you're not, and it sounds like you're not, but I'm not sure what you're doing. No, I do enjoy it adding a lot of stress to your life. It's just because I don't like codependency. So when I start thinking about someone and like, this is such a waste of my time to think about, Yeah, it is. It is just probably

I think you're just scared. Yeah, I think it's fear. I don't like to feel feelings date me everybody. No, Yeah, I actually do have to feel like I think I actually do have a problem with that. Well, it is letting your guard down, which I can do when I've talked about it with like other people before, or it's like almost comes scripted, where it's not scripted, but it's more like, oh, i've talked about this before. I can

get into that. But when you start to get into the things that I don't really want to talk about, or the fact that I'm like you actually kind of make me sad when you don't respond. It gets me a little terrified because I also don't want to be that crazy girl who's like he didn't text me back. No, No, I believe there's no such thing as crazy girl. I think girls have that title. No, I think girls have that title because of things that men have put people

women through. And then now, well there is a reason why every girl is quote unquote crazy. Yeah. No, like there's something that a guy has done. Usually because like you could go talk to your friends and be like, hey, yeah, we're like we're having like a really fun time, we're talking every night, and then he says things, but then he'll translate to his friends being like, oh, she's just crazy. She like always wants to talk to me, but you're like, no,

we're missing a huge part of the story. So it makes it girls seem crazy. That's because guys have give lack of the details to their friends. Does that make sense you know? Guys? Yeah, I I get that. What I'm saying, a guy doesn't understand the level of depth there is in Some guys don't understand there's different layers to a relationship, and if you're not meeting those layers, then it could drive a woman to ask certain questions. And guys are very simple. I feel like, you know,

it's like is it gonna work? Is it not going to work? I think that guys are so simple it's almost complicated. But but I but how would you handle a girl that you've only been talking to for about like a month and was like, hey, like I don't like respond You'd be like this is weird. Yeah, I'd say, what on the other side of the country. I don't know why we're doing this in the first place. By I think so it's like taking it simple for me, like I have to have to cover my emotions, which

is going to make me a easy girl. No, so that is your first sign to tell yourself maybe this isn't the right person. Then, But while you're afraid to. You shouldn't be afraid of someone's reaction to your emotions because your feelings could never be wrong. Right, You can never do me wrong. I tell my kids this. Your emotions aren't wrong. You're you're the way you respond to your emotions can be wrong, right, Okay, right, but the

emotions themselves are not wrong. Yeah. No, I actually get Yeah, you're gonna feel jealousy, and you're gonna feel envy, and you're gonna feel hate towards people. But acting on it is where the problems come in. Okay, I agree with that, the acting of it for like on it for sure. Well, this kind of goes to um. It connects to the next topic that someone wrote in on Instagram. How do you know when it's time to let go that you

need to let go? I'm not thinking you need to let go, but how do you know when the right time is to say goodbye to someone like I am? This is great question, actually really hard for me too, and never really someone. Uh. We spoke about this with the guys too, and I think they said it was easier for them to be broken up with than to

be the one to be the one to break up with. Someone, um, and I feel like, yeah, maybe towards some the end of some relationships, I would act a certain way for them to kind of be like nadamnt even break up with you. So I mean not every relationship was like that, but I mean I think when I was really young, I don't know how to break up with someone and or hurt their feelings. Um. But now it's like whatever,

you know, like you don't have time to waste. So when you for me at least, I feel like if that person, like I said at the beginning of this conversation, isn't really hitting the is this person willing to work things through with me and do whatever it takes to make this a healthy relationship, because you're gonna have parts of a relationship that make you unhappy and could be kind of toxic when you're having like outbursts of like

disagreements and stuff. But if that person isn't willing to hear you this and see you for who you are and you kind of feel invisible in the relationship, to me, that's a sign of like time to walk away. It's time to walk away. Yeah, exactly what you said. That that's the key when one of you and it could be you doesn't want to put the effort in anymore. When you see that from them or you feel it in yourself, that's when it's time to walk away. Yeah, I like how you put that, market you could be

can we pass rewind a little bit? When is it a time to walk away? When you're dating someone and you're not sure if you're totally into them, but you're still saying yes to dates, when do you finally go, Okay, I'm not into this or I am, Like for me, I went on a date with this guy too, like

a couple of dates. He was so nice, like literally knew I was sick, showed up with little juice crafters wellness shots like it was like I either had to get gas or this, and so I chose to get you this because I know how much you love these like so so nice. But you guys, I like wasn't attracted to him, like physically, So do I give that more than two dates? Even though I'm like, I don't like I feel in my gut it's kind of a note.

But you're so thoughtful, Like he knew I didn't like to kill us, so he's like, we're gonna get wine first, then get tacos. You guys, he was so nice and the worst you whenever. But how many dates you give someone before walking away from that? Um? I would say a few. I think. Listen, there's a lot of looking people in the world. Um. But okay, so this analogy is a friend of mine that came up with this analogy. Okay, listen to this. So she said, Vanessa, if someone presents

to you, but you know that Tiffany, you know Tiffany. Yeah, okay. So if someone presents to you, presents you eight to Finny box and it's really pretty because you're like, wow, it's a blue Tiffany box and you open it up and inside is a piece of Are you gonna want the Tiffany box? No? Right? So it's so you like, you can judge someone from their exterior, but then their heart is not as it is not shining as bright

as their exterior. For me, it's what is this person going to be able to, like, willing to do for you and for the relationship. To me, it doesn't sound like he has a piece of heart. It sounds like he has a heart of goal. I would give this guy a chance, And you're saying the opposite is true. You can if there's a Tiffany bracelet inside a junkie Amazon box, doesn't matter. It's what's inside the matter, right.

I agree. I feel like, look, maybe I'm crazy, but isn't everybody attractive if they put the effort in totally, Like if they dressed nicely, they're in shape, they get their hair done well, whatever it is. I feel like everybody, everybody is a certain amount of attractive. I'm like, I'm so conflicted about it because I'm like, how long do you give someone? And I don't want to lead. Here's my main thing. I never want to lead anybody on

and make it harder on them. And I feel like I kind of do have a one up in a situation where I'm like, oh, I'm not so attached, so it's easy to go on a date with you. But then in the back of my head, I'm like, this is so mean are you dating? Do you know that? Does he know that you're dating other people? I don't really know, like it's brought up, but yes, okay, so

then you're not leading him on. I mean I would just probably bring up a conversation, not like you know, like you want to see Oh my gosh, I mean dating other people, but I still would love to like eat my cake too. No, I think, listen, there's nothing sexier than a woman or a man or whoever to be fully transparent and honest about where their head is

at in the in the relationship. I hate when you're dating someone and it's like you kind of have to decode what they're saying, what they're doing, if they're writing to you with an exclamation market point three dots, like what does that all mean? Tell me where your head is at? You want to date other people? Do you want to date me exclusively? I find that sexy, and I feel like men find that really sexy coming from

a woman as well. On outside of it. A lot long ago, I would be friends with these women and I would catch feelings and they would tell me about dates they would go on, and I would just have to deal with it. It It was never mean, It was honest, but the pining sucked like that that part of me that was just like trying and sometimes as ever, but about my feelings, I was honest too, and they're like, oh, that's very nice, you know, as you're not using me

for free dinners and free movies. We're just hanging out and spending time together. I think it's fine, man, I don't know why that just like makes my stomach go into knots. All right, we have so much more to talk about. A lot of you have sent in a bunch of questions and topics on Instagram. But before we get into that, Ernestine is in studio and we're going

to talk to her and about her new book coming up. Okay, So we are back and we're very lucky to have in studio today the lovely Ernestine Fannie Bayliss, who's here to talk to us about her new book. Thank you so much for being here, her new book Balls, How to keep your relationship alive when you live with a sports obsessed guy. Thank you for being here, my pleasure, Thanks for having me. Okay, so give us a little bit more background on who you are. You're, okay, married

to an influential sports personality. I am. I'm married to Skip Bayless, who's probably one of the most well known personalities in sports. We've been together fourteen years and married for three and so over the fourteen years, I have watched a ton of sports and probably knows more about sports than I'd say, you know, pick any guy on the street, and I know more, not because I want to be, because it just seeps in. Oh my goodness,

I wish. So you're joined today by me. But then there's also two other co hosts that aren't here, Dean and Jared. And Jared is a huge sports fan. He loves Tom Brady, he loves football, so I'm sure he would have loved it. It was his Skip's favorite, Tom Brady. And then you know the Cowboys. This is in Patriots. That's my life. I have. I have T shirts that prove it. I have no I don't care about it, but I wear T shirts just to be on his side, just to help him. That's so sweet of you. So

you were never into sports before meeting your husband. Never. I'm somebody that grew up in a house that my father liked the Boston you know, Philharmonics, My mother liked Vegas and Atlantic City. My brother played soccer, but I had no interest. I didn't grow up in a house I cared about college football and college basketball. And it wasn't until I met Skip that I actually even found

out what sports was. I mean, I didn't care. I mean the closest I got to sports was I played clarinet for years in high school and I was in the marching band, So that was the closest I ever got to like a real, you know, football game, but I was playing clarinet, so I didn't know what was going on. And then I met this guy who was just totally engulfed in sports. It's and it just opened a whole new world and I had this appreciation for

what guys, mostly guys. I mean, there are a lot of women that love sports, but you know, it's it's it's almost a religion to them. And it's just funny now that I've been with him for fourteen years and I just see it in a different light. And so I've had so many girlfriends that said to me, how do you put up with the sports thing? That I wrote this book because it's just been part of my life and I figured I can help other women get

through it. So when they say opposites attract, I guess, as a saying goes it does you can date someone who has different interests and a different sort of lifestyle and don't make it work. Yeah, you know, it's all a matter of compromise. You really can make it work with anybody. It just my father, being the Italian dad. I would go to him with problems. I say, Dad,

what do you think about this? He'd say, take a piece of paper and write the pros on one side, the cons on the other side, and see which you know equals out. And it's really if the guy has all these great qualities and you don't have that much going as far as in common with them, but there are other good points about that guy, then why not make it, you know, give it a try and make

it work. Yeah. Actually, I love doing the pros and consulists especially do that whenever I feel like I feel like the relationship is coming to an end, I do a pros and consulist and if the consulis outweighed the pros and like, all right, start from this guy to girl.

But I also feel like when you're dating someone, you have this idea of like, oh, I want to have this type of lifestyle and these are the interests that I like, and I hope that he has the same types of interest and if he doesn't match those, then I don't want to be with him. But also, don't lose yourself in the relationship. Right. So if you're dating someone like you're married to someone who has to watch sports for a living, you still have your life. He has his life when you find a way to make

things work. Yeah, when I first met him and we had our first phone conversation, he was watching a Yankees game, and I thought, Oh, that's so cute. He's watching a Yankees game. I didn't really know that this was going to be the larger picture of my life, like, oh god, he's watching another Yankees game. But so we were talking and he said, I really like what he all in movies, and I said, I love what he allen and then

I said I love I Love Lucy. He said I know every Lucy and it was like, oh my god. This guys like there are some really good points about this guy. And you know he likes things I like. And the sports thing, yeah, that's his thing. And even if he wasn't in sports for his job, he loves sports. He just his you know, if he wasn't doing his job today, he'd still watch sports. It's in his veins, it's in his blood. But he has other qualities. We love, we love music, we love movies, we love theater, and

so you know all of that. It kind of equals out. I mean sometimes on the weekend during football season, it doesn't really equal out because it's like Saturday and Sunday and Monday and Thursday. But I just do my own thing. Um. But you know, you know, yeah, they have some things in common, and but the other the good qualities, kind of take over some of the other things you don't have in common. So this relations this book is about

how to keep your relationship alive. Can you give us a little tease of what kind of advice you can find in the book? Okay, Well, the title of course balls how to keep your relationship alive when you live with a sports obsess guy. I mean, that's basically it covers the whole whole gamut. Um. I keep it alive by the longer I've been with him, that I learned about him, and I learned what works and what doesn't work.

And so he's got this whole thing about jinxes when he watches sports, and so the more I mean again, I come from a Jewish Italian house and my mother, who liked to play cards, she would say to me, oh my god, the guy I'm playing cards with, if he gets up while we're playing and he has to go to the men's room, then I'm losing because he

got it from the table. So I was like, okay, I knew a little bit about Jinxes, but then Skip took it to a higher level because if I walk into the living room after coming from the kitchen and turning the light up in the kitchen and his game is losing, he makes me go back into the kitchen and turn the light off. So that's the god we're

talking major Jenxes. I I could relate to that though, because when I was watching so like we discussed before we went on air, I am from an Italian background, and whenever Italy was in the World Cup, I would walk into the room and the other team would score. So my friends would tell me go back into the bathroom and you're not allowed to come back out, and it score every time. I literally was stuck in the bathroom for three hours and that year Italy won. That is funny. I mean I can go on and on.

He's got Jinxes. Where if he was watching a game and he had come back from playing golf, so he's washing his golf clubs in the sink or whatever he has to do, I don't play golf. I just drive the golf card. So he's washing them and this, Yeah, I'm a good wife. I just drive the car and then I try to drive it safely. And at times he's like, oh my god, you're going too fast. I'm like, how fast can I go? The pedal only goes down stir,

you know, so far. But anyway, he's washing the golf clubs in the sink and his game is on and he's winning. And so what he does is he continues to wash the golf club heads. It's now like two hours and I'm like how long. He's like, because if I stopped washing them, they're going to lose. And so this is the neuroses that I've come to live with and understand. It's amazing because he covers sports. He knows the athletes, he does, he does some of them personally.

He knows that it all happens on the field, none of it happens. But you try to explain that to someone, you know. Then we have this little dog, Hazel, who's this little white Maltese who's three years old. And in the beginning, when we first got Hazel, i'd see Skip take Hazel into his room because he's got two giant TVs in his room that he watches sports. And then I would see her disappear for two hours and I say, here's Hazel. And then I would go into his room

and said, what are you doing, Hazel? What? Nothing? Just don't worry about it, okay. And then I realized, Oh, it's like having a Buddha, and you know people rub a Buddha. So Hazel is the good, you know, And when things are going great, Hazel stays in there and all of a sudden, I see Skip opens the door and hands me Hazel, and I know the team is losing. This is like the pawn take her away from me. And I'm like, I get it. I know what's going on is that it's crazy, but that's what it is.

It's all about that. So are you saying you should be encouraging your significant other to have these rituals and jinxes and to believe in them or to just avoid them at all costs? You know, you know you can't make them do what you know you if you if they have a jinx, they're gonna have the jinx. You can't stop that jinx. So what you have to do

is you have to learn about the jinxes. So now I know, you know not to say certain things like the kiss of death is to say as soon as his game starts and like they're up by like maybe three points and the other team is losing, and I go, oh, you got this, this team is gonna win. Don't Oh my god? This is like why now, why don't you turn the TV off? You know what you just did to me? You just made me lose. I'm like, do

you think I have such power? I can change a game, I can change change the Super Bowl, I can change the World Series. If I do, I should buy the lottery ticket, go play lotto immediately. But this is what he thinks. So now I know. I don't even say it because you know, why hype them up? Why get them really mad? It's like feed into it. It's like, okay, fine, you know what, just don't don't turn the light on.

And he makes me walk backwards. If I walk into his room and his team is winning, and then I walk and he makes me walk out the same exact way I came in. You know you have to walk out backwards, you know. So this is but I think every guy has something. You know Josh have stuff like this. Josh is not so. Josh is my boyfriend. Josh is my too wish boyfriend, and he's yeah, I love that I got your approval. He is not He's not really into sports, and none of us are really into sports.

We're both we both love the Olympics. So he runs, yeah, he runs track. I was a gymnast, and when I was a gymnast, I had these really crazy superstitions. If I would win gold, I would wake up the next morning for the next competition and do everything I did the same day I won that gold medal. I would tie my hair the same way, I would wear the

same underwear. So I totally get when it comes to like the ritual and superstition, and especially coming from an Italian background where we believe in like like right the evil. My father would say to me he was giving me the maluke and then I look up in the Webster dictionary, Mom, how do you spell mala yoke? I don't even know what you know? Evil eye? Evil eye? It's crazy which

part of Italy because you have Palermo Sicilian. So my father had a very very big temper, you know, it was very you don't eat until my father sits at the dinner table at six o'clock. We all have to listen, you know, wait until my father sits down. And it was that was a kind of house I grew up in. So but the the jinks thing I get because I did grow up again. My mother had it with cards, my father had it just with being Italian, and so I understand it. But this has taken it to a whole,

you know, larger level. And then in the book, we have some celebrities that have you know, they've weighed in on their jinxes, from Billy, Bob Thornton, Little Wayne to Um Shannon who skipped debate partner on Undisputed Um and everybody. Everybody just has a jinx. I have a thing that I do um on. My teams are the Milwaukee Brewers and the Green Bay Packers, and when the Packers are in the playoffs, I have a special hat that I wear that's kind of like a beret and the yellow

and somebody made it. Once it's home made. It's not like merchandise, and they sewed into it. Go Packers. We found it in a garage sale back in the nineties and it says World Champs and I wear the playoffs and my wife hates it because I look like an absolute idiot who cares win. It doesn't matter, right, No, that's the whole thing. Skip has a Dallas Cowboys T shirt and when they're winning, it's great. But if you if you go on his I think it's on his

Instagram or his Facebook. After they lose, then he goes and he throws it in the garbage pail in the kitchen because but then later he goes and he takes it out. So what's the difference. Sooner or later you're gonna you're gonna wear it. Just give it up, you know. But it's a whole learning experience. And that's what is in the book. And again, I've never even I've never been to a football game in my life. I've not done. Yeah, well,

he doesn't go to football games. He watches on TV because first of all, it's easier for him to watch because he has to tweet, and he's got different you know, he's got six games on it once. But um, when I first watched games with him, I had no clue. I knew what, you know, it's football. But he'd say, we want the red team to win, and so I would know, you know, the red team versus the blue team, and then what would happen. I go to the ladies room and I come out and I'd say, what's happening?

Oh no, that was the other game I put. I turned on the other game. I'm like, but I got into the other game with the red guys. Now you got yellow guys. I don't know where these guys come from and what they're doing. So you know, it's like a big, big game you have to follow. But the only way that I started learning how to um one of the tips is that I ended up looking for the really cute guys. So the cute guys are how

I can watch the game. So for every team, I identify cute guys, and so the Spurs that that's one of his favorite teams. I have a Manu Genobily, you know sweatshirt Tony Parker. I had Kauai until Kai defected, but I have And the reason why I like it is because I'm like, oh, these guys are so cute.

This gives me an interest to watch these games. Yes, I totally agree with you, I'm not yes agree with you are Also whenever the finals, right, and if your country's and the finals are your city or whatever's in the finals, and you get into it, and that's when you do all your research and there's that pride that's attached to it. For like, for females like me who

aren't really into sports, that's when I really get into it. Yeah, and you also talk about what not to say when their team is losing, which I think is also important for people who aren't necessarily dating someone that's into sports, because this is also the art of empathy, right right,

act towards your partner's feeling and what the reactions. So one of the key um phrases I guess you could say is when I didn't do this at first, and Skip would come in, he'd be really upset his team lost, and I'd just say wow, and he'd say, can't you say, you know, I feel bad? Or I'd say to them, what do you mean I feel bad? What are you talking about? I didn't have anything to do with them losing. Him He'd say, yeah, But I mean, come on, can't you just say, well, I'm sorry your team lost, so

it makes him feel better. If I say I'm sorry your team lost, I don't understand the logic to that at all, because I really had nothing. Do you under you get of course, because you need to take it as seriously as they do it. It's like, yeah, it's almost like a death in the family. You need to really seems like, hey, I'm really sorry, right exactly? Help? Yeah see now I get Now you're a guy and you're telling me this. I understand it. But it's like,

what do you feel bad? Like if my you know, whatever it is, my show went off the air or something. It's not like, oh, if I'm sorry that you know the HDTV that you like, that show is no longer on Fix Her Up or is off I used to love Fix Her Up? Or He'd walk through the living room and go, oh god, you're watching that stupid show again. I'd be like, yeah, but I don't call it your a game stupid. Well they're not stupid, you know, But that's that's the guy girl thing, you know. But so

now I learned, you know, I'm sorry. Your team was what can I do? Want something special for dinner? Should I go get you something? It's like this whole I try, I really do, but then you know, you cross your fingers that they're not always losing something. You don't always gotta do these things that you're like, right, and then I then I even And I'm not the most religious person. I grew up with, you know, Italian father, Jewish mom.

I go to church, I go to temple. I go to church now with skip, but I'd say, oh, I pray to God, God your team and skip and take. That's not what you pray to God for. You don't pray to God for your team to win or lose. But for me, it's like, please, you don't know what it's like if your team loses. You don't live with you. I live with you. I need every every little bit of help I can get, you know, So when does I get the most intense? Because I don't really follow sports,

is there like a specific month? Oh yeah, now it's kicking off September September eight, that's Sunday that it kicks off. That is the worst season, football season, because it's endless, it really is. You have college football, you have pro you know, NFL football, So you have Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Thursday, and they're all they seem to all be important. It's like every game is important. So then right, and then October in the midst of that, then you have NBA

that kicks up. Then you're right. So then it's like, I don't know if it's just my life because mine is magnified by a thousand percent. Then you know most women, but there's always a sport on, no matter when it is, even in the dead of summer, which is usually August and we can take a vacation. He'll watch women's softball from Oklahoma City and it's like, I think, yeah, we're I think, oh god, there's no games on. And then it's like, well, look at these girls. Look how hard

they I'm like, oh my god. Not women's softball is a thing like Tuesday night is our night and there's gonna be no sports. Yeah. You know what he's really good about, I have to say, in old kidding aside, he does compromise because he'll look at the game schedule before and he'll say, hey, listen, I can go to a mattenee because I have to be home by four thirties, So then we'll go to a mattenee. I will say, let's go to you know, like last weekend or was

it just this weekend? Um, the game come on pre pre football. There is the pre football games that are just preseason, which I don't know. They seem to be as important as the other ones, but not really because the starters don't play this. I've learned the starters are the main guys. Just so you know, Vanessa, the starters. This is a little bit. I know starters are there. There's some of them are cute, but the main is like the Tom Brady's and all those guys. They haven't

played yet. But somehow he still has to watch it. But he said, listen, if I can get home by I think it was five six o'clock, then we're okay. So we quickly ran and we got food at four thirty to six, and then he did like a hundred and fifty miles an hour driving home so we can

get home just before the you know, kickoff starts. So there is a compromise, and he tries to help, and he tries to say, hey, listen, this one is not as important, and they'll say we could watch something else, and then what I see what he does he thinks I don't know this. He puts his laptop up and he puts the game on the laptop. So we're watching TV on the big screen in the living room, and then I see he's like looking down. I'm like, do you really need to watch it? No, No, I'm just

looking to see what's going on. But I'm watching, you know. It's it's never you are. We'll be watching Grace and Natomy or something together, and I'll have my iPads. It's horrible. I need full attention, full attention. So how do you prioritize your free time together? How do you make you said in August, you guys were on vacation with that free time. Yeah, so we get during after the super Bowl,

then there's a free time. So we have a week off for a week and a half off, um, and then in August we take the other part right before football season starts. So that was last week. Uh. And then in December he takes a few days around Christmas maybe, but Christmas is a big day, as you know, NBA is a big day, Christmas Day, so it's Christmas Day. There's oh god, those are the big ones. See, be glad your boyfriend does not like sports. So you've been

married for just say three or four years? Three years? Three years. We moved from New York City to Los Angeles three years ago. When he left, he was working for ESPN. He had a show called First Take and then he went to Fox Sports one and it's undisputed. So we got married actually two days before we moved to l A. We in New York City. Yeah, we went down to City Hall and we got married. Well, congratulations,

thank you. I mean that. I love that. I love being able to I think there's such a pressure in society, especially if you're coming from like a Jewish background or an Italian background where you've been dating. You guys were dating for fourteen years. Uh, yeah, and you decided to get married three years ago. So how did you make that decision and how did you not feel like there

was a pressure to make that step? Well, we made I actually said to him, you know what, for me to move across country because I grew up in New York and I have all my friends and my family there, it's a big undertaking to move somewhere with someone. And I said, um, I really feel better if we were married, because I don't really care. I think if we were still in New York City, we probably would not have been married. But because we were moving and I just

felt like I needed. I needed to feel as though I was moving with somebody that it wasn't going to be some kind of just late, Hey, let's hang out. Let's just move to l A and hang out. I needed a little bit more security. And so a friend of ours was a judge, and we called him and we said, hey, we're moving to l A on August first,

and he said, oh, great, come in on. And we went downtown and we just I think he had like a golf shirt on, golf pants, and we just went downtown and uh, it was almost like night court because the bailiff was our our witness, and it was just kind of a crazy, crazy I told nobody. And then we went back uptown and and I think he watched a game or something. I don't know. And then we came out to l A on August first, and it

was like here we are, and um. But we were together for so many years and he lived part of the time in Connecticut because he was working at ESPN, and I lived full time in New York City, and we had not lived together full time until we moved to l A. And so that was a little bit of an awakening too, because we were you know, We had an apartment in New York City. He would come home on the weekends or I would go up to

Connecticut on the weekends. But we didn't live full time, and it's different when you live full time with somebody in the same house. So fourteen years, you guys were doing long distance. Yeah, well it was it was a twelve eleven years. Eleven years. Yeah, first year I met him, he was working out of New York City and I was living in New York City, so we were together, but I wasn't living with him. After one year, they moved his his show up to Connecticut and so then

it was a weekend relationship. But then we moved to l A and that was you know, it was a very long Yeah. I mean it's it's hard moving with somebody cross country, living with somebody in a you know, in a house then that you never lived with before. On top of sports, we had so many questions about long distance relationships, like it's so nice here that you were able to do it for eleven years, and I

kind of I love I'm in a relationship now. But I loved long distance relationships because I was a type of person that would fully immerse myself into the relationship and kind of lose who I was. And so for me, long distance was a way to like get that emotional you know, like need from my person, but still be able to do all the things that I want to be doing. Um, But for me it was always my sick month mark. Once it hits six six months of my who's moving? Where? Like, how are we going to

make this work? So it's really nice to hear that you made a relationship work for eleven years. Now you're married. You have a book And did he help you write it or is he a part of the book. He wrote a couple of chapters and part of a book. He does a Q and A for what you know, what do guys think about this with girls sports relationships? So he just tried to answer what he thought the best way to help women deal with men that like sports. And so he was part of it, and he was

he was really supportive. He loved it because he knows that I've been living in it for so long and people would say to me, you should write a book, God, how do you do this? I couldn't put up with my guy for one day, and you're like living with this guy So it's just a fun book and it's not meant to it's not like a war in piece. It's just a fun guide tip book that you can carry. It's not gigantic, and it's just something that you could read on a plane and have a few laughs. And

it's just life. And you're so funny and you're so playful. So I'm sure that's a big indication of what the book is going to be like. So make sure to check out Balls How to Keep your relationship Alive when you live with the Sports Obcess guy, Ernestine, Thank you so much for coming in. Where can you find you? Do you have an Instagram account? No? I don't social media. I am the most non social media, but I will after this book comes out and has perfect Well, thank

you so much for joining us. Appreciate it. I absolutely have such a girl crush on Ernestine. She's so funny. I can't wait to read her book. Mark. I know you're a huge sports fan, and reading this book and talking to her, I just think, oh, my poor wife, did you put her through some of the stuff that

Ernestine was talking about? Do because my team, the Brewers, any baseball team plays a hundred and sixty two games a year and everyone is a big deal and you watch every you watch hundred sixty two games not start to finish. But if I'm not watching them, following it on my phone, it's it's every game is a big deal. And I know that's crazy to have so many games, but I start, I do. We played four this afternoon, we and I can't. I just getting at their lineup.

I'm like ready for this one, Like I'm ready every day. Listen. I would look at the lineup or whatever it's called, the roster when I was single, to see which guys were cute, and then I'm like, oh, this team has really cute guys. I'm gonna watch that team. Yeah, that

was my way of watching sports. Um, the Tories back in studio and we're talking about some of the topics and questions that you guys had on Instagram, and I feel like this is a whole new like World Cup living in with Instagram and social media and the etiquette behind social media. I feel like we should have an entire episode just on dating someone and having Instagram, the

etiquette Instagram. If you're dating someone and you see that they're laking pictures of models, pictures of other women on Instagram? What do you like? What is your brain telling you is happening? And are you trying to should we be decoding that kind of behavior or should we just be like he's just liking the pictures. I don't have a

huge deal with it. On my behalf, I think that it's like depending on the Like if it's like a naked girl on a beach, then I'm like, what, that's just also the fact that we can post those as kind of swimming whatever, But I would have a hard time with that. But like a bathing suit picture, I'm like, whatever, it's like if he's throwing hard eyes at it, then I'd be like, uh, yeah, no, we got a problem. But the like, I think it's just it's it's literally

ornate in our bodies. Now. You scroll through and you like, but it's not even you don't really take a beat to be like, oh what am I liking? You're just like cute, cool, yes, whatever, So I don't take it as personal. In my behalf, I captain and I'm like, yeah, that girl is hot, So I do get it, but I don't take it personal because I'm also like, do you know only editing apps that all us feels that I don't here that's hilarious. I feel like, let me just do it on my ways for you to teach

you exactly exactly. Crook at the stairs are rock Um. I think for me it would be that's hilarious. I think for me it's more of a how does that make me look? So? Right? So if I you guys see and this is not true at all, but like let's say you see jobs laking a bunch of girls on Instagram, we're probably thinking like, that's a lot of disresplake. I kind of feel bad for Vanessa, like see, like I don't know. That's how I when I get into relationship, I always think I shift my mentality from how does

this affect me? To how does this affect us? So my actions are going to be based on how will this make my partner look? And I don't want him to look stupid, So when and if my partner would do something like that, that's how I would bring it up, like this makes me feel and look a certain way. I agree with Vanessa on this one. I think it's a form of flirting. I really do. Now, it depends on the situation. If it's a person he's known since he was a kid and they grew up together and

it's not terribly provocative photo, fine, whatever. But if it's a woman in a bikini and it doesn't know where that, well, it's a flirt because you're sending a message when you hit that like button, and what message are you trying to send? It's not just I like your photo. That's a nice photo. It's not that it is deeper than because I get I actually do understand if it was somebody that he didn't follow and was liking a photo, I'd be a little bit like, that's kind of weird.

But I also feel like there's a double standard. Like girls like guys with with like shirtless picks. You would be offended if a girl if they're like on a beach and you were like and like your wife or not your wife, that's too hard. If so, if you're dating someone and if I liked a guy who was shirtless, that's just a friend or somebody that I followed, I'd be pissed. If my guy came at me being like, you're flirting because you're liking his pick, I'd be like,

are you kidding? So what what message are you sending by hitting that like button? It's a great pick, is it? Though? Here's the thing. I'm here to support your wings post whatever you want on Insta. I'll like your photo of you got a brewerth game, you know, and I'm gonna like a guy who maybe has a shirtless picture. You like the picture of me and my daughter together like that, but it's a guy who's half naked on the beach

and you don't know him that well, you're sending a message. Look, you can like a photo without hitting that button, right, I know that it's and everybody's so dialed in the social media you can look at a picture go oh, that's a nice picture and not press that button out of respect for your part, right, I get it, and I don't. And that's not to say that. Listen, once you're dating someone, it's not like you can't find anyone else attractive, Like that's just not no, that's not going

to happen. But to act upon those feelings is for me, it's like just pump the brakes. That's a level okay, then let's take us level deeper. If you're feeling like that on social media, why even follow them? Should you. Are you saying now you need to regulate who you're dating profiles Instagram on who they're following, Yes you guys. No no, no, no, no no no. I dated someone that This is before like the ten months ago first time I did the Girls Talk episode with Brandy and

this guy had come up to me. He's like outstating him and he's like, oh, I don't want kids, and I'm like, dude, we never even spoke about kids. And he was liking so many like naked women, but like not only naked, like naked almost naked women, you know, like barely showing like barely like you know, clothed, And I remember thinking like, I'm just gonna look past this whatever or whatever. Fast forward like a couple of months later, he just didn't want to have a serious relationship with me.

To me, that was an indication that's like, oh, you're cool, I want to hang out with you, but also I don't really like have I don't know if it's a level of respect for the person that you're dating. For me, actually it is. It's like if I'm yeah, if I'm like really into someone, if a guy's dating me they're really into me, then like, yeah, just like I said, how does that make me feel? And how does that

make me look? So if you're if Josh goes is like following Gidid and likes one of her model picks, do you get offended by different? But that's work, that's work. See, now we're setting up so many regulations. Homeboy can't even press follow a bunch of bikini a bunch of bikini models on Instagram. He should not be doing that, he knows them. It shouldn't be that bad. If you're concerned about a like, then you are you should you be

dating them. Here's the comparison I make. Let's say you're on the beach with your boyfriend and a girl walks by in a tiny, tiny bikini. Okay, bound to happen, bound to happen, and he's bound to see that, and he's bound to think, Wow, she's really hot. Yes, and that's all perfectly fine. However, if he goes up to and says hey, he says he says it. Nope, he just thinks to himself, well, she's really hot, and then

you go back to your books. But if he walks up to her and says, hey, you're really hot, that's stepping over the line. That's different, that's not okay, And that's what he's doing by hitting the like button. Like, saying something in person is so different than doing a like on Instagram. It's two different languages. I think a like on Instagram is the equivalent of a silent thumbs up.

That's what I always think about, Like if you're walking into Like if I'm walking down the street with my wife and uh, there's a nice looking and the lady and I just feel like I just don't say anything. I just give this. I don't even smile, it just thumbs up. I think that she'd be like, hey, what was that? Like, I'm not that it's it's like like I think that's the same thing, and but I don't do that. And furthermore, I mean, Tory, we're friends, right, Yeaum,

I follow you on Instagram. I like the crap out of your pictures. If you posted like a bikini picture, I would not be double top. This happened to me because I'm friends with Tanya rad and she posted a picture on the beach of her in a bikini and it was just butt cheeks and like, there was no

way I'm liking that photo. No disrespect makes it weird though whatever the coworker makes it a little bit Like for me and my gun, I'm still like, well, yeah, you're a coworker, you shouldn't maybe, But in my head, if a guy is following someone and likes her photo, I have way bigger issues now if he's calling like naked girls and there's stuff and he's like de m ng. Of course unraveling at the seams. But a like on

Instagram is not a huge deal. It's a whole other world we live in where you can give silent like thumbs up and you know your girlfriend. Next you could be like, yeah, not silent. It's not silent because I feel like it's like a ding dong, like notice me, and that can lead to sliding into the damn too. It's just you're saying, honestly, he shouldn't follow anybody else than like a puppy Instagram page and his guying like it. He can have human emotions and you can even say

to you, look at this girl. Some people have that relationship where they say hey, wow, she's really hot and you say, yeah, she is really hot. Wow, And to think about guy like wow, he's really Hansome. Yeah, I sure is. That's all fine because it's between the two of you. But the second you let them know you've feel that way, it's crossing a line. I agree. I

still believe what I believe. I wouldn't. Just don't act upon Listen, we all have these human instincts that we we like shiny, beautiful things, right, just don't act upon them. That is it. Well, I say, do what you won't with your thumb. That sounded weird the episode. Do what you want with my god. I think that's a great way to end the episode. What you want or something. But first, peach Body, Yes, okay. So for people, a lot of people, um, the new year starts in January,

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all the support that you need totally totally free. Again. All you gotta do is text D E A N Dan to Hey, we're going to San Francisco? Yes? When is that next week? Yeah, it's the weekend after this weekend? So the weekend after this weekend. You guys know how much I have terrible luck traveling, so make sure you pray for me. I get my luggages, I get there in time. I'm only there for a couple of days.

I'm very excited. I haven't been to San Francisco in a really long time, so really looking forward to that and especially to doing a podcast live face to face with my boys with one boy. Thank San Francisco, Home of the Giants, and thank you to Hotel v s F San Francisco for taking care of us while we're there. Are we um pitching? Are we doing? And like it's a baseball game? Right? Because I started campaign right now and Dan throughout the first person in Angels game he

has experience at that. You can give you some t yes all right and an email quickly from anonymous. I've had a little crush on my co worker for over a year. The only problem is he has a long distance girlfriend he's been with for around two years. Recently, a bunch of co workers hung out and we all got pretty drunk. What surprised me was how flirty he was towards me that even my co workers noticed. He kept touching me, putting his arm around me, hugging me, etcetera.

At one point he was holding my hand. I would never do anything out of respect for his girlfriend, but in a strange way, it kind of felt right. The weird thing is that we worked together the following day. He didn't act different. But is it strange that he hasn't brought it up. I'm thinking he's probably just drunk. It doesn't mean anything, but don't drunk actions speak sober thoughts, so many feelings. Listen, Do you really want to start a reallyationship with a guy who's showing you how he

is already in a relationship? To me, that's a warning sign. So the only thing that I would bring up is kind of putting him in his place because Tori, Like Tori said, I'm the kind of girl that's like hold my hoops and like take my nails off. So I would kind of just captually bring it up and be like, dude, like you know, I know, like we're really um clirt, not even plotatious, that we're really friendly with each other.

And I just want to say, like, it felt uncomfortable for me because I know you have a girlfriend, so I just want to stay like I didn't really appreciate the way that you acted on behalf of your girlfriend. That's something that I would say, but I guess some people would just kind of let it go and not say anything. I would let it go and not say anything because of the other girlfriend. I think that I

think that drunk actions do speak the sober thoughts. I think he probably has a little bit of a crush on you, and that happens in relationships. It happens. People eyes wander, people get little crushers and stuff. They like Instagram pictures. Yes, but I think as long as that girlfriends there, there is nothing thing you can do about that. Until that girlfriend's out of the way, you just gotta

keep quiet about it. I'm like dead center in the middle where I think drunk thoughts like liquor gives you the courage to do something, but once you sober up, the situation is still the exact same way. So if he was, like even if he if he he does have feeling, obviously sounds like he has feelings for her, um and you have the liquid courage in you to say or to be flirty or whatever. But until the actual act is done where he separates from his girlfriend,

nothing's going to happen. So it's like, I think he's getting the courage to say things or do things because I don't know if he really said anything, but to do be flirty and be bold. But at the end of the day, sober thoughts are I'm still with my girlfriend, and he probably won't break up with his girlfriend. No, And Vanessa's got a good point there that if if you start dating him and then he's drunk with some somebody else somewhere, he may be all over them, So

keep that in mind. M That's just some food for thought, because I mean, he's all giving you a little glimpse of his actions, you know, and whether that's like dude, like people are in relationships and there's a point in the relationship where you're miserable, well not you're not, not definitely miserable, but that's the point in a relationship where you're not happy, and that's okay, and that you want to make sure you're with someone in those low times

that it's still going to treat you and make you seem like the queen of the world in your eyes and and everyone else's eyes. Drop the money, so you're like that God. So I think we should end on that high note. Ladies, make sure that you are the queen and that your men or your woman or your partner or whoever you're dating is treating you like you know you need to be treated. So I wanted to give a very big thank you Tori, thank you for coming in and opening up to us about your long

distance stuff. Eastern Mark, thank you so much for being on the podcast today. Uh, and a very big thank you to Ernestine schle Fannie Bayliss, who came in and talk to us about her new book Balls, How to Keep your relationship Alive when you live with Sports Obsessky. You can find the book on Amazon. A very big thank you to our listeners and to beach body, and um yes. Thanks, thanks to everybody who keeps tuning in and keeps writing, and hopefully next week we will suck

a little bit less. Follow hell I Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast