Dean Unfiltered

a lot of news. Obviously Coulton's the biggest news. But last week I missed because Ash and I went to Phoenix, Arizona. It was our first in person event pretty much since the pandemic started, and it felt good. It felt good to be around people now. Granted there were social distancing in place and we had to wear masks, but it was nice. It was it was there. You know, they had like this conference outside. It was the first time you were traveling to do something. It was quite weird,

but it was cool. It was nice. Plus it was like ninety and sunny, so it's pretty awesome. And now we're back with Rhode Island and it's like forty one and it's snowing currently in April, which is quite weird. You know, how much did you get paid to go to Phoenix, Arizona? Are you joking? What you want me to tell this? On area you had your mind? It wasn't It's not like I'm messing. Let me say it's not breaking the bank. Let me say that. But it

was still. You know, we're not gonna say no to anything. Yeah, I got you, I got you. Well, it's gonna have you back. Like I said, we missed you last week. Obviously Sidney Lutwaco filled and admirably, but it's just she was around. We we move around a little more aimlessly, a little less intentionally without you here. So very very grateful to have you. Bet. I just try to keep everybody on track, you know, specifically Eastern Eastern Becky and Mark.

They slack off when Umber I'm not here, So I'm back here. I like to I like to point out Sydney. Sydney So Sydney hosted last week's episode of Help I Sucker Dating, but she also hosted A Girl Wants Um which if you haven't listened to that, go check it out. It's fantastic. Sydney is fantastic. She really is. She's the best as actually ever hosted What a Girl Wants? Yet? Uh did they did? Her and Calin? No? Her and Calin hosted an episode of Help I Second Dating right

during the pandemic? Didn't they did? They? Am I losing my mind right now? Did I dream? Oh? Yes they did? They absolutely did? Yeah, I uh nothing. My memory really has been so bad lately. You gotta get like those apps that work on your brain memory, brain power. Well, so, I think the reason my memory is getting so bad is because I'm on my phone so much, and so I just like I mentally checked out for twenty three and a half hours out of the day and it's

just my mean, my brain is melting. So I need to stay away from the apps and stay off my phone. I'm like trying to intentionally put my phone down more as of like today. But yeah, but if you're on your phone at least maybe you can have an app that helps with brain memory, brain recognition. I find myself uh smarter ever since I've been back in school because

I've been reading more. I mean I read a lot prior, but now I'm learning more, gaining more knowledge I might not sound smarter, but I feel smarter, and I'm getting my history degree. So I didn't tell you that. Again, you might have told me, but my memory is just it's shot. I have early on set Alzheimer's. I think that's not good. I would get that checked out. I don't remember you telling me that. I may or may not have. I don't know. Sometimes I play things because

to the chess. It's also weird saying I'm back in school. You know, I'm thirty two. I'm a little insecure about it. But also it's never too late. And because of the pandemic, all the classes of virtual, and I never finished school. I never got my bachelor's and I only had five classes left because I was working the restaurant industry. I started making good money and then I started working full

time there, so I dropped out. And then of course I've gotten the Bachelorette and then everything kind of changed since then, and so I always said I'd go back and finish. And then with the pandemic, classes are all virtual, so I literally have to get out of bed. You know, I don't even have to put pants on. I just put my ring line on and bought a big Botta boom. I'm in class UM, so that's nice. And I didn't know that you never finished your bachelor's I I always

kind of figured that you did. You know, I come off quite intelligent, so I can. I you know, it's not a wonder why you think i'd have my bachelor's if not my master's UM. But I don't have either. But I will be getting my bachelors as the ones who have passed my classes at the end of the summer. So I'm taking four classes right now, which I'm not

gonna lie. It's starting to catch up on me now because I have final projects do I have final exams coming up, and I'm getting a little nervous because I forgot how much work you really have to do with taking four classes, because technically that's full time. So a little stressed about that, but that's quite all right. I'll get through it and then I have to take one

more class in the summer and then I graduate. What's your what's your goal or like reasoning for you want to get your bachelor's I feel like you know you're doing enough without a bachelor's degree. What's the point of going back and getting one? It's more. I I paid not a lot of money, so I went to rhodel In College, which I go to right now, and it's really not that much per semester um, but it's still money that I paid, and I never got anything for it.

I mean, I gained knowledge, and I gained friends and experiences. But I really want you know that piece of paper saying are graduated with my degree, because I only have an associates right now, so I just wanted to go back finish it, say I did it, get my degree in history plus Dean as you and I both know, who the hell knows how long this is gonna last.

So I want to plan for the future, make sure I have a bachelor's degree, have a backup plan, start thinking about what I want to do in five years, uh, if not shorter, depending on where this all goes. Hopefully, you know, hopefully in five years, you and I are you know, the you know, the highest rated podcast on iHeart Radio. But you know, in case help I suck at dating doesn't last that long, which I think it will.

We're doing pretty well. Um, then who knows? Well? You know the age old adage that they always said, you know growing up is influencing won't lasts forever. And uh, bachelor's degree in history is way to go. Yeah, I think Godly said that. Gandhi said, that's right, bachelor's degree in history sets you up for grade six. It was either Gandhi or Kim Kardashian. I can't remember one or the two said that at one point in their lives. Well, that's awesome, man, congrats. Yeah, let me know if you

need any you know, any help. I'm happy to be like a study buddy with you. Oh, I appreciate that. I've already tried bribing Ashley to write a paper for me, but it's not really going that well. It sounds like college to me if I've ever been there. But Jared, we got some big news in Bachelor this week. Do

you want to I mean, fill people in. I'm sure they're already filled into to a pretty big extent, but if you want to, if you want to enlighten them even more, well, of course, obviously everybody is talking about it. Big news within Bachelor Nation. Former Bachelor Colton Underwood gave an interview on Good Morning America where he announced that he is gay. Um. He says that he is ready to live his truth. He came out and gay, obviously. On the interview that came out wednesday, he said, quote,

I ran from myself for a long time. I've hated myself for a long time, and I'm gay, and i came to terms with that earlier this year, and I've been processing it and the next step and all of this was sort of letting people know I'm still nervous. But yeah, it's been a journey for sure. I didn't know that the woman that he sat down with, Robin Roberts, is also gay, which I did not know that, and and it kind of makes it a little bit more powerful to me. Um. My first initial thoughts is, of course,

I'm happy for Colton Um. I watched a little bit of the interview. I didn't watch the whole thing. I've always liked Colton Um. He's always been very nice to me. I think, listen, it's Calton a perfect person. Obviously not now we know that Cassie got a temporary restraining order against Colton Um, and two months after that, I'm reading from People magazine she did drop that restraining order against Colton.

This was the quote it said from Colton Today. Cassie asked the court to dismiss the temporary restraining order against me. The two of us were able to reach a private agreement to address any of Cassie's concerns. I do not believe Cassie did anything wrong in filing for the restraining orders, and also believe she acted in good faith. This is uh from back in November. November of last year, so a couple of months after she got the temporary restraining order. Uh,

and then she did ended up dismissing it. Um. But I'm certainly happy for him, um that he's feeling more comfortable in his skin. I can't imagine how difficult it is. I know he's a football player. You know, he's he was seen as you know, he's seen as kind of a sex symbol on the Bachelor. Um, It's I'm sure it was kind of difficult. Uh. But I think those

are really my overall thoughts. UM. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that you can be happy for someone while also saying at the same time that it's not an excuse for past actions that they have. You know, the first and foremost thing in that situation, make sure Cassie felt okay and she seems to be doing all right. Um, but that doesn't mean that you can't, you know, be happy that someone feels more comfortable in their own skin.

What are your thoughts, Um, well, yeah, I appreciate that take on it. I mean it's a secret that I am not the biggest Culton fan, dating all the way back to that very nice interview I gave him Las Vegas with Lauren's Emma about how his season is going to be a dumpster fire. And I mean, to be fair, his season was a little bit of a dumpster fire. It's not like you were way off right way off. Um. Yeah,

And so I never been the biggest fan of Coulton. Uh. It just whether he's straight or gay in the closet, out of the closet. I still am not a fan of him in any sense of the word. I think that people to people showing him grace for this and like being before him, it kind of makes me. It frustrates me. Look listen at the other day, none of this affects me. So I don't have the strongest opinions of it, like who cares what I say? Who cares

what you say? Because at the end affect us, right, look, I don't care if Colton is straight or gay or anywhere in between. I just think the guy is a loser and I just don't get the best vibes from him. I just don't like him. And like you said, Dean, if if this helps one person out there who is who is having difficulty, uh coming out and being truthful about their sexuality, then I it probably is a good thing.

I mean you said that. I think you stand by your words because I know, uh, you know how you feel and who you are as a person, and I'm same here. I think you know, I think your opinion of Colton has nothing to do with his sexuality, like you felt like this for a very long time. Well, and so I always I always bring it back to the one moment that I experienced when I was on the Bachelorette. I've heard the story before, but I was about to open up about the passing of my mother

and I was hesitant and scared. I didn't want to talk about it, and one of the producers leanked in and said that if, uh, if I'm able to make one person anywhere feel better about their you know, grieving their loss, whatever it is, then doing that will be worth it, and I can equate that to you know,

people sharing their stories of coming out. If if Colton doing this on such a grand scale is going to make some even just one person feel more comfortable to come out, then yes, of course at the end of the day, that's worth it. I just don't like the way that he's going about it totally, and I'm don't you know, fault you for your opinion, and I I think for me, yeah, it's uh, like we said all along, like I uh, I'd like to think that I can

have multiple thoughts on on a specific situation. I'm very happy for Colton coming out and being truthful for himself and speaking out that he's gay, um, because I don't think it was easy for him. Yeah, why don't you like Colton? That's a good question. I think Colton is a fame whore, phony narcissist. But listen, at the end of the day, we all have shadows of that within ourselves. I'm not saying that I'm not a narcissist or I don't dislike being in the spotlight. I just think he

takes it to a level that is uh, shameful. So pretty much you're not gonna watch You're not going to watch the Netflix series on him? Do you hear about that? Well, I've heard the rumors. Um, it's frustrating to me how this guy who has been sketchy and in my opinion, is just a loser now gets rewarded with a rumored Netflix show on top of all of this national attention. It's just it seems so fishy to me, and I just don't like it. Yeah. No, well, I guess it's different.

I'm trying to I'm trying to cor correlated to Ashley and minds engagement because obviously we went on national television got engaged, so we wanted all eyes on our us to a certain extent as well. But there's multiple factors to that. I don't know. It's a hard comparison. It's hard to articulate all my thoughts right now because it's all so fresh. Well, I want to end up to

you real quick, because I understand what you're saying. It's because you're saying you and Ashley took to a national stage to make certain announcements similar to what Colton did, but just in a different aspect. So we started to

take advantage of it as well. Now Granted, I don't think it's nearly as heavy as you know, declaring your sexuality, especially someone like Coulton, like we talked about football background, you know, was the bachelor getting chased by all these women, had a very public relationship, and then comes out it's gay.

That's a bunch more heavy, rightfully, so obviously than something that actually and I you know, getting engaged and getting married, because that's kind of like the way society has has has taught us, and Colton is doing something you know that hopefully everybody's okay with, and it should be okay with. You know, you shouldn't have any in your heart for someone who chooses their sexuality or and I'm not saying choosing that's even a wrong phrase. You know, someone who

is gay. It's not like they choose to like men, or it's not like I chose to like women. It's just like I like women, just like Colton likes men. And there's nothing wrong with that. Um But I agree with you. I it's definitely you know, anybody who's watching, of course, it's it's a little planned and contrived, so I guess everybody can have their own opinions about that. I mean, right, at the end of the day, all

it is is an opinion. I just think he could have you know, let's say he neither of us will ever have the the need to experience coming out. You know, that's obviously a big step in any gay person's life.

I just find it hard to believe that in the back of his head the best way for him to come out was be like, let me go ahead and do a nationally ties televised interview and announced to you know, people that I'm gay, when he could do the same thing on an Instagram post or I just it just seems I feel like you have more of an issue if I had to guess, And I don't want to put words in your mouth, but it feels like you probably have more of an issue with the Netflix thing,

because hypothetically, say Colton just came out on Good Morning America and then that was it, and then he's now gay and he's open about and everybody can be happy for for that aspect while also still holding him accountable. But that's the thing is, I don't think people are holding him accountable. Even in our episode notes here that we have it says, let me go ahead and find

the direct quote real quick. It says something like it's yeah, are you talking about like Bachelor Nation saying that they're very proud of him? Not necessary, No, there's something about him, oh says here right here. Colton Underwood publicly apologizes to Cassie Randolph after coming out as gay in quotes, I made a lot of bad choices full US Weekly article here. So maybe that's my biggest frustration with it is he's not actually like being specific about what he's holding himself

accountable for. Got it. So you want more specificity and saying this is what I'm sorry about, this is what I apologize for, instead of just saying, hey, I'm sorry for things that happened. Yeah, okay, I mean, I'm not saying that's unfair. Um, I don't know, it's just we live in such a sensitive time right now, and it's so difficult to know what's right and what's wrong. Because again, you know, I I like you, and I said, I don't know what it's like to come out of the closet,

but I can't imagine it's easy. You know, I have a lot of friends who are gay and and it was difficult for them. One of my closest friends. He came out in high school, and he had a difficult time telling his father about it because his father was, you know, it was just his dad's I don't want to say old school, but he was just especially back in the two thousands, like he just wasn't really he didn't know how to handle it. So um uh my

point being like to do it, I don't know. I'm happy that he was able to say it, but I can still have concerns about previous allegations. I did want to point out to the one uh caveat to my argument against Colton and what he how he chose to

announce this. Um. I would like to say that if at the end of the day, it convinces one person who is like scared or uncomfortable to share that about themselves with anyone within their family or their friends or whatever, If at the end of the day, Colton's interview on Good Morning America changes that person's opinion of being fearful of coming out and like encourages them to actually go out and do it, then yes, of course it's worth it.

And that's kind of why I'm like, I have this weird confliction in my head where it's like, I'm so frustrated that Good Morning America gave this loser a platform to announce this, but at the end of the day, like it could serve to be beneficial for people that

are closeted and concerned, it's scared and hesitant too. So it's like, I see both sides of it, and I appreciate the fact that we that there are conversations being had more so about this more mainstream, but again, I just wish that they were better examples of people that would be, uh, you know, making the same statements, like there are way better coming out stories than Coulton's and with people that aren't as you know, are aren't alleged

stockers or just generally bad people. In my opinion, that's my take on it. Before we go to break, I just do want to clarify that the restraining order that Cassie had against Colton was a temporary restraining order that she has since dropped. UM. I want to make sure I got that correctly. Cassie has dropped the temporary restraining order against Colton, UM that she did file. We also can't say that that Colton definitely stopped Cassie. We don't know that to be a fact. Is our all allegations.

That's like Jared just said, Cassie dropped those before fully pressing the charges. And Dean, this is just your opinion. You know everything you talked about passionately Uh and me what you know what I talked about both of them? Uh? Is us just you know, trying to lay out the facts for me and then giving our opinions on on on what has transpired. Right, we have our opinions of him and this situation, and we have everyone has their opinions,

and that's all. These are our our opinions. That's why we are fortunate enough to have this podcast is because sometimes um people want to listen to our opinions, and that's what they are. Like the Netflix show. The Netflix show is unconfirmed right now. It has not been announced by Netflix. There is a rumor out there that has been reported. I saw see an end reported UH and a couple of other news outlets report that he is filming a Netflix show that is um rumored to start

to start. Colton Underwood, we don't know what it's about. We don't know if it's actually happening. Like I said, we haven't been officially announced for a Netflix. Um, but there's you know, to your pointing about some backlash facing Colton. There's a petition out there. I'm sure you've seen that that. I think twenty thousand people have signed to this point saying that Netflix should not have this show with Colton Underwood. Yeah, I'll sign that petition. I haven't yet, but I'll do it, Dared,

Will you sign a petition? I'm gonna I'm gonna keep that opinion to myself. Hey, we don't pay you to keep your opinions to yourself, man, We pay you to keep your to share your opinions. Well, then I need a raise, all right, welcome back to help I suck at dating. I don't even know where we go with the conversation after that first segment. Dean Angler just bringing the heat on this week's podcast. I'll tell you. We do have an article from Men's Health, my favorite publication.

Uh it's from the CEO of Hinge, Justin McLeod McLoyd. Hinge CEO answers twenty questions about exactly what to put on your dating profile? Uh, Dean, were you ever on the online dating Is he frozen? Oh? That's good? Well, I'll answer my own quie. I've been on dating profiles. I've been on Hinge, I've been on plenty of Fish. What else have I? Oh? No, I I don't. Yes, I've been on Hinge, plenty of fish. Match. I don't know if anybody out there was on match dot com.

I went on one date from match dot Com. Wasn't a good experience. That's sad to say, but it was true. I got I forget the name of the dating term. We probably cover this on the podcast, But long story short, I went out with this woman. She looked one way in her profile and she looked another way in person. As as much as that breaks my heart to say, it was just true and it was sad. And then I never won on another day on match dot com.

But that was like old school. This was like ten eleven years ago where I had, you know, there was no apps on phones that I could go on. I had to go on my computer and go on a website and create a profile. I didn't have to download an app. That's how old I am right now. Uh, what else have I been on? I was on riah for a little while. That actually was really cool. That

made me feel really cool because Riah. If you guys don't know, it's like a dating app for quote unquote celebrities, and it's it's pretty stupid really because it's definitely it's like the l A of dating apps. You know, it's it's trendy, it's it's fun to look at, it's artistically cool, but you're definitely not meeting anybody who wants to be in a relationship from Ria. I feel like, like everybody calls Tinder the hook up dating app. I feel like Riya is the hook up dating app, but you also

could get really cool connections on there. So there's that um hinge hinge might have been my favorite Eastern You've got news for me over here? No, no, I just wanted you said Riya was the hookup app. I feel like it is, do you know, isn't it that's for like, well, no, it's for like rich or not rich people, but like famous people, right, it's not the whole vibe. Yeah, it's

a celebrity dating app. But that's why I think I I called it the l A of dating apps because you know how we talked about the dating scene and l A. It's sparkly, it's fun to look at. There's so many pretty people, but you're not finding any type of long term commitment by going on dates in Los Angeles, you know, speaking and the majority here. But I feel like Ryan is the same thing. Like it's fun to look at your like Mini. If you have to get approved to get on the apps, you have to have

like some sort of celebrity status. Most of the time, it's like social media following and it's all just like pretty to look at, and there's you know, pretty people on there, and they're mostly from l A or New York. But you're not gonna I like, I've never heard a story where I'm like, oh, how did you guys meet Riya? Never heard that. I've heard Hinge, I've heard plenty of Fish, I've heard Tinder, I've heard Bumble all of these dating apps. I've heard people tell me that they met from the app.

I've never heard one couple say, yeah, no, we met on Riya and now we're married with three kids. It's interesting. There's not many riot success stories. You know something really quick? I love about Riya. You you can you put a song, you pick your song right, and I I learned that you can put a podcast in there, so when someone goes to your profile, they could just hear like Mark Marin start talking and uh that I think is very fun.

I wish I could go on Ryan right now, just so when people go on my profile, the first thing they hear is Mark's voice, help by start get dating? And I heart radio podcast Darren Aron Ear and Earn Ear, so sure fire way to match. Welcome back to Yeah, welcome back guys. Sorry, I don't know what happened. I think, uh, your your WiFi was like Dean, don't talk anymore, We're shutting you down. Um, yeah, that's probably pretty accurate question. What would your song be, Jared if you were to

have a RYE account now right now? So the thing about Riot, like I was saying, it's like you can't have a lame song on there, you know, because I would love to have like the Avengers theme, but people would just immediately swap swiped by my profile. I'd probably have the people that you don't want to date would swipe by, but the one true love which swipe left. I don't know because then I think about Ashley, and if Ashley saw my profile with an Avenger's theme on there,

she might be like I don't know. I'd probably go with you know, three Am by Matchbox twenty. Always a classic, always a good pick. Can't go wrong with that, and my right, Easton's laughing, you know it to be true. I was waiting for Rob Thomas R Matchbox obviously, guys, what about you, Dean Well, I had a eye for a hot second. I had a Brandy Carlyle keep your Heart Young. I don't know that. What's uh, it's a I mean, it's just like a folk song. It's like

my favorite song of all time. And what type of music do you like? Like folk music like stomp and shout type crap with like a freaking fiddle and uh like a banjo And any anytime R Monica comes on a song, I lose my crap and I do crazy And I instantly favorede it and put it in my playlist. Something that would be played at a jubilee, things like that. Yeah, So what are your thoughts on Mumford and Sons. Is that considered or is that like too mainstream for you?

For sure, they're definitely a little too mainstream, but they've got I mean, they've got some bangers, don't get me wrong. And I've seen. I think I was with you maybe when we saw them live in Vegas, and they're fantastic. They did like a cover of a Rage against the Machine song and I lost. My face was melting the entire time they were playing it. Um So Mumford's good. But yeah, they're a little too mainstream. I'm misconcerts. Those

are good times. Well, like we said, Uh, the Hinge ceo, Justin McLeod answers twenty questions about exactly what you should put on your dating profile. So remember one the question is, uh, it used to be all that my single friends were on Bumble or Tinder than a few years ago, everyone was subtly using Hinge as their default dating app. How did you do that? And he said, we call ourselves the dating app designed to be deleted, and that's because

we really focused on effectiveness. Well, he just talks about his app here. We don't want to talk about that. They're not paying. Can I can I say something before we say why do we care about the CEO? He's the CEO right, Well, he created a dating app. I would hope that he knows a little bit about dating. If you're the CEO of Hinge, should you know a little bit about the dating dating landscape today, I would

say he doesn't know anymore than we do. All right, Well, let's read a couple of his answers and then we'll decide. So one of the questions was, what do you say two couples who were who are still embarrassed to say they met on a dating app, which still very much exists in our branding and marketing that we do hug out this freaking guy speak from the heart. Man. We want people to be very proud of the fact that

they met on our dating app. We wanted to be the way that you want to say that you met on Hinge because it's for people who are being thoughtful and making great decisions. And I do think that this that just given that the majority of people use dating apps today and the majority of relationships that start from the dating apps and online dating. At this point, I really think that people who are embarrassed are becoming fewer

and farther between. There's really no reason to be embarrassed about meeting on a dating app anymore, which I agree Danny might be right. Maybe this guy sucks. That was the most generic answer all the time. This is a good question. You give your thoughts about that, and then

I'll do the next one. I was just gonna say, yeah, there's only to be embarrassed, but I would I would just recommend just do it works for you, like if you guys don't want to talk about it, and like make up a fun funny story that you can both laugh about later on. Um. I mean, I know people that have lied about how they met. It's not that it's obviously not that big of a deal and like your close friends. No, I mean I always think it's funny whenever anyone asks how Calin and I met, and

our answer has to be like, well it barries. I know, we've talked about this on the podcast before. Sometimes I'll say that she's slid into my d M s, which is true. Sometimes I'll say that we met on a TV show, which is actually kind of true. Uh as well. So I think you just have to either like be really honest or make up a funny story. And that's how you tell people. Wait, why is that kind of true and not the full truth? Did you meet? You?

You've met Calin very briefly before the show, right, Yeah, And I mean she did slide into my DMS, like like a year before we met on the TV show. But if you consider that meeting someone not necessarily like it's true because she and slide into my d MS. But it's also less true than we met on television because we never like followed through to actually meet in person. Yeah, fair point, alright. Next question was what's your best piece of advice for sending a first message to a match.

This is a question that we get all the time. I don't know if we've ever answered it that well. So let's see what this guy says. This really gets to the core of what makes Hinge different. God, this freaking guy is that you don't just like someone in Matt you actually begin in conversation with them by liking one of their photos or prompts an ideal and ideally adding a comment as well. And so I think there's no perfect generic opener, or else everybody would use it, it

it would no longer be a good opener. What's truly a good opener is to say something that's contextual and specific about what you notice about the person that you're interested in. I actually think that's a good piece of advice. Something we talked about, like the best way you shouldn't just slide into someone's d m s, even though it

worked for Kalin. I'm gonna say what you should do is respond to someone's story or if you are going to slide into someone's DM, like this guy said, do something that's can textual, say something specific about their profile, Say hey, I were you know, I don't know if you if they like if I saw someone that liked Superman, you know that was a girl like, hey, you know, what did you think about Superman returns? I don't know what I'd say, but it would be something about that, right.

Taking the Nick file approach, he goes super deep and well, I mean obviously doesn't anymore because he's happily in our relationship with his girlfriend. But he would always he would tell me like, yeah, if you find a girl in uh interesting on Instagram? What was that trying to say something about Nick Vile. He's got a method about sliding in d ms that I was not aware it was. There's a there's a very specific word I can't remember now.

He's like, yeah, if you're interested in sliding into girls dms on Instagram, scroll back like a good couple of months to their on their posts and like send him a picture of maybe like they post a picture of their dog, send them that picture of their dog and

be like, hey, keep the dog. Something silly like that, but contextual, like you said, go back and kind of like speak intentionally and like have a reason to reach out rather than just hey, I'd like to bring up that we talked about this like years ago on this podcast, but I want to bring it to the surface again. Here's here's the method. You go all the way back to their very first picture, and then you like it, and then you send it to them and say, what

a great way to start. That's what you do. I do. I remember that conversation. That's I mean, it's a good it's a good one. I'm telling you it works. No, don't do that. Yes, do it. I'm wondering it. Do you think it would work on like even like Instagram influencers, Like let's say you have your you know, your some Joshmo and you're following this girl with like a million and a half followers. Do you think that would still work? Yeah? I think we mean stand out at least it would

stand out to be different. But also you could be labeled as creepy and My theory is, once you're labeled as creepy, there's no going back. It's over. You can't come back from being labeled. After you're labeled creepy, it's over. You're never gonna be with that girl. Just move on. Wow, don't you know? Am I alone on this? I'm I'm a creep lace and gentlemen, that that's me. I'm a

creep for life. Oh no, No, I mean well, I would like to say something though, East and at least you're not allegedly stocking and terrorizing any of your excess. It could be a lot worse for you. And trust me, it's true. It can always got worse. I think. Uh yeah, I mean listen, if anybody's listening out there right now, I would love nothing more. If you want to slide into a girl's d M s or you've if you've

been thinking about doing it, do the Eastern move. Go back to her first picture on Instagram and then what are they gonna say? You like it? And then you send it to them like you share the post to them in a d M and you say, what a great way to start. Yeah, somebody out there, if you want to slide into somebody's d m s, try that and then email us over the next couple of weeks see if they respond and let us know how it went. They might work. Actually, I guess it could work. What if?

What if? Like let's say I want to be friends with like Ryan Reynolds or something. Do you think I could use that same approach on Ryan reynolds Instagram page. I think you need different approaches for different people. For example, if you are sliding into a d M with someone who has millions of followers, yeah, do the Eastern move Right do something that's going to stand out. But if you're sliding into someone's d MS that you work with that you're trying to get the attention of, I don't

know if that's the best course. What do you guys think, Well, well, if you work with them, then you probably already have an inside line to talk to them anyways, right, Like, why would you need to d M them to talk to them when you work with them? Have you met the people that live in this world? People don't want to talk face to face anymore. I guarantee you. If we had a poll of women pre pandemic, obviously, because

no one goes out anymore. But a poll of women who said I get more guys d m n me after we leave the bar saying they saw me there and want to meet up. Then I do guys actually coming up to me in the bar on the base this off of literally no evidence at all, my gut, how could how could you leave a bar and then people reach out to you on Instagram if they don't even know who you are because you find out like, oh, who's that? Or her name is so and so and it's so dude. My friend that signed me up from

the show is like the ultimate social media stalker. Like she finds anybody on there. It's actually kind of crazy. She should really work for the FBI because she would find anybody like that in a heartbeat. So I'm not joking, Like I remember I remember girls like she like I'd be like, oh, that girl is cute, and then I wouldn't go up to her or something, and then somehow

she'd find her. I wouldn't DM these girls, but she would find them on social media sometimes I'd like, you know, start following or like friend them on Facebook or some stuff like that. So I actually I wouldn't though, because it's also it's different friending someone on Facebook than it is following on Instagram. Do you guys agree or disagree?

I don't think. I've been on Facebook and it was probably good three or four years all right, three or four years ago, Like think aback, I think back upon your Facebook days when you used it all the time. Don't you think that there's so much more of an emotional impact when you friend requests somebody than it is when you simply follow someone on Twitter or Instagram. I think the reason is because friend requests have to be uh, it's like a mutual thing, like you have to request them,

they have to accept it. Instagram, yeah you cant have a private page, I guess, but then they're not automatically following you back. So it's kind of like bigger, bigger implications with the With the Facebook friend request, it does feel more intimate Facebook. I think maybe it's just being in the name, like it's friends, Like now we're friends on Facebook instead of following, it's like, oh, I'm just following your life, don't mind me. I'm just a casual viewer.

Instead of like allegedly putting a tracking device on a car and following someone you're like following them on Instagram. All right, well we're gonna take a quick break after that one. When we come back, we got emails and we have a dating term which we haven't talked about in a while, but we have one coming up for your right after this break. All right, welcome back to

help I suck at dating. Uh. We have two of your wonderful emails in the end the podcast with the dating term that I have for everyone, but Mark, if you'd be so kind singing, you have just such a beautiful voice. If you want to mind reading these emails, that'd be great. Mark is not here. His daughter left his hunter left her chromebook somewhere and he had to go retrieve it for her. So if, if, if you guys will have it. I can read the emails. I know how to read, and uh, I have them right

in front of me. So let's do this. Um, this is from Lily. What was your first fight you had with your significant other? And what was your most recent fight? Do you agree that your significant other should be the best sex of your life? Yeah? I don't want to answer, Okay, I'll start. I'll start just chipping away at this here. So what was your first fight you had with your significant other. What was mining Kalin's very first fight. I remember we were in Spain, San Sebastian, and she like

she wasn't feeling well or something. But she was like we had just started dating, and I don't think she was like ready to communicate that she was like feeling a little she like a stomach bug or something like that, because she wanted to, like, you know, be positive all time. Uh. And so she was like kind of cranky. And we went to like this super super nice restaurant. Everything was like three and I was like, why are we here?

And we kept ordering food and she didn't eat any of it, and I was like, why are we ordering all this expensive food if you're not gonna eat any of it? Uh? And that was like our first fight. I think maybe maybe not a fight, but that was like our first Uh. We're like pretty note to each other for at least a good couple hours after that. I know, I feel bad even answering this this first part of the question, because the first fight, like you know, it's going to be over the stupidest stuff. It's not

gonna be dramatic, it's not gonna be anything serious. Honestly, I think the first fight that Ash and I had we were together was about Bachelor in Paradise three, which is where you know, obviously it was a very tumotalius time in our our our friendship. Uh And for some reason it came up in conversation after a few months of dating, and she just immediately became really annoyed and she said, I know it's in the past, but I'm really frustrated about this, and I said, okay, I totally

get it, and so she vented for a while. So it really wasn't a fight because it was just more of her like being upset at me. But that was probably our first fight. And honestly since then, about your most recent fight, most recent fight, I honestly don't know. I'm trying to think of a really heavy we don't. I don't know. Do you fight with Calin We get like annoyed with each other sometimes, yeah, we get annoyed, but there's never a time I can remember one time

where we've raised our voices at each other. Knock on wood, you know. Oh yeah, we never yelled at each other, but we I like I do the opposite, like I get quiet. I think the most recent like fight if you will. That we had was I was on the phone with my friends with Alex actually, and she was really hungry and she a hyper glys semic, so she

gets like really cranky when she gets hungry. Like I don't know if she gets me telling this story, she gets so angry, like like on like, I don't understand how she It's like a switch immediately if she gets angry, she just becomes really mean and angry. Well, we're going to go to dinner. And I was on the phone with Alex facetiming in and she was like, she was like, get off the phone, get off the phone, Let's go to dinner. Let's go to dinner. And I was like,

I'm on the phone with my friend. Let me like talk to him. I'll get off the phone. And I'm off the phone. And then like I was kind of like frustrated for the rest of the night. I was like, you pushed me off the phone with my friend. And then we go to dinner and she had like three bites of her meal and she was like, Okay, I'm good now. I was like, so you really weren't that hungry. Yeah. Yeah. That lasted probably day of job bus like kind of

like giving each other some space. Just f y to eastn just deemed me with my first Instagram picture ever with the with the comment what a great way to start Eastern. I gotta admit it kind of worked. And you're interested or I'm interested. You were talking about it. You've piqued my interest and now you have my attention. It's effective. It's with Clark Clark. Well, it was a cute picture, Jerry. It took a long time to get there. Um, but do you guys agree that your significant other should

be the best sex of your life? I'm very interested in your answers. Why don't you go first? Yeah, why don't you go first? No, I don't. I don't think. I don't think that it has to be that way. Um in in my in my case, it is true, but I don't think that it has to be. Like I would be shocked if if I was the best sex of my wife's if I would be I just finded in myself to be fair, Like I can say, I'd like to think that I'm I've been the best

sex of Ashley's life, but you know that's just by numbers. Yeah, exactly, you're also the worst. I guess if you looking at that fair point, right, Um, but I I agree with you soon. I don't think it has to be the best sex of your life. Um, but you know, luckily for me, just like you Eastern, it is the best sex of my life, So very lucky in that department. So you guys, don't you guys kind of both copped out of that. Well, let's see what you have to say.

They're deanie babies. I say it's it doesn't necessarily have to be the best of your life. It could just be good and as long as you're happy with it, that's all that matters. That's what we said to except we gave an answer saying that our significant others is the best sex we've ever had. So would you like to Probably one night, I probably did a whole lot of ecstasy, went to concert and probably did something that night, and that probably was, in that moment, the best of

my life. But that's unres unreplicatable, so unreplicable. So I think as long as it's good, as long as you're happy with it, that's the most important thing. All Let's move on to anonymous before we get in trouble. All right, this this, this one's from anonymous. This is and this is a major shifting gears in in tone, so, um, I want to take this very seriously. This is for Dean.

A few years ago, my boyfriend died in a car accident, and I know him dying in your mother passing from being sick, So sorry for your loss are two completely different tragedies. Uh. In my current life, I find myself dating and having a fear that someone I fall for may not make it home safely. I tend to push

people away because of it. And I'm just wondering how you were able to move on from that trauma in your life, and if you have a terrible fear of someone close to you being in a similar situation and having to relive that pain, Well I'll take a good question. Wow. Well it's funny actually because uh so I'm on Reddit a lot, uh, and there was this Reddit post that was like, what was your first the first memory you

have of your most traumatic experience? And I like wrote out my first traumatic experience that I ever had of when my best friend got hit by a truck when we were like six years old. And I started thinking about a little more and I was like, Okay, like that kind of prepared me for my mom dying, and then my mom dying kind of prepared me for my other best friend dying. So definitely, like just eventually you become numb and stop feeling that stuff that's actually not

entirely true. You obviously feel everything equally, but it just like becomes easier to cope with. I guess so well before my mom passed away, I think because I had already dealt with death from my friend before that, I like had like ninety voicemail saved on my cell phone because every time my mom left a voicemail, I would save it. I'd be like, I'm gonna have this voicemail forever, um because I could always prefer back to it and like hear her voice, comforting, you know, all that kind

of stuff. And then eventually I got to like, you know, fifteen years old, and I was like, you know what, I don't need save these voice emails anymore. I think I'm ready to like be comfortable with the fact that she's not going anywhere. And then sure enough, she dies like a year later, and I didn't have any of voicemails anymore, which is just pretty unfortunate. Timing. Uh, and

then that's actually kind of funny side tangent. My aunt got me a bill to bear with the note with like you know, you can like press little button it says the it says the voice that whatever you put in it. And it was my mom's old voicemail machine that you would get when you called her phone number, which is not my phone number. Funny enough, and I've still had it for the past fifteen years. So I'm

getting off track here. So how do you handle, uh, the concern that your loved one might perish unexpectedly is I think you just kind of have to understand that that's just life at the end of the day. It's like you could die unexpectedly to anything could happen at any given moment, and like the the uncertainty I guess of that at any moment is kind of like you just need to understand that it's gonna it's something could happen in any moment, but hopefully it doesn't. Um, I

don't know, this is such a bad answer. I guess I'm just trying to say, like, I understand where you're coming from because I've had the same experience. I felt the same way eventually, I think you just kind of are like, Okay, well, there's no point in clinging on to the possibility of something bad happening because it kind of like takes you out of the current moment. So just like be happy. Um, I don't expect bad things. If they do happen, obviously handle it separately. But I

don't know, what do you guys think. I'll add in because my mom passed away as well, and I totally empathized with anonymous because I struggle that too. Like with to Mario, I'm like, please text me when you get home safe, like because my mind will just start to unravel.

And I think like the only advice because I'm still working through it, is like be super present because yeah, Dean's right, like it's going to happen eventually, and like once you come to like terms with that, it's easier to just be present with like, Okay, it's going to happen, but like I have right now, so let's be like, you know, he's gonna be okay, like retraining your thoughts like he or she is going to be okay, they're going to get home safe, um, and like just enjoy

the moments that you have with them um and be president in that um. Because if you think of like the the end or the expiration date or whatever you want to call it, it's like it takes you out of like those like really enjoyable moments when you're just like living in fear all the time. Hopefully that right and things are going to be like okay too. It's just it's so funny to think that everything that happens is going to be bad. Like that's not a good

way to think about it. You know, like you've driven a car a million times, so they're probably gonna get home okay. And it's just like the fact that you're even going to like let your brain be overcome by negative thoughts about, oh, they might have got in a wreck or an accident or something like that, then that's just it's just no way of living life. In my opinion. Yeah, I I haven't lost you know, I've lost loved ones, but I haven't lost a parent or a sibling or

best friend knock on wood. So I imagine the tragedies that you guys have gone through, but coming from an outside perspective, someone that does think about dying a lot, I try to control that anxiety by centering myself and bringing myself back into the present and thinking, don't worry first of all, don't worry about things that you can't control, and to stop concerning yourself about dying, concerned, you know, concern yourself with living because I you know, so many

times I feel like if we take life in small samples, like there's so many moments in my life where I look back and think, Man, why was I not more present in that moment? Why was I so concerned about the future. You know, we're always so concerned about the future and we never really appreciate what we're in front of us. And that's a human emotion. You know, everybody

kind of feels that way. So I would say that, really try to focus yourself on on on on living because unfortunately, uh, death is a part of living and it's something that we can't control, and it's scary, and it's something I'm terrified of. I'm terrified about losing my parents.

And you know, obviously, Den you lost your mother and it's horrible, and Becky and and Anonymous and it's just really difficult and I can't imagine the pain that you guys have gone through and it's something that like I'm terrified to feel um, but also there's just nothing I can do about it. The only thing I can do about it is trying to take advantage of every moment that I have on this earth right now with the

people that I love. I think you you put into words what I tried saying but I failed miserably at it is don't worry about stuff that you can't control. Like if you're worried about your friend getting in a car crash on the way home, like that literally is the thing that's most out of your control. So it's like, there's no point in wasting worry and go after the things that you love, you know, because that's another thing

that you're always going to regret. There's a great quote that we talked about before that Jim Carrey said one time where he said, you can fail at what you don't want to do, so you might as well go after what you love. And I've I I think that's such an incredible, uh way of thinking. And then furthermore, I was listening to Kevin Smith interview. If you guys don't know who Kevin Smith is, He's a great director. He's he's like the geek who made it, uh, and

he's directed Clerks and all these different movies. And he said after he had his heart attack, he stopped wishing for things and he started asking for things. And that's something I think about a lot as well. Um, So I think for Anonymous, just you know, try to do the best you can with focusing on what you can control. Focus on living because one day, just like all of us, we won't be living. And you know that's obviously scary. But thank you so much for your emails, Anonymous and Lily.

We really appreciate it. We hope you're able to answer it. Um, And that's gonna do it. For this week's episode of Help I Suck a Dating, we do have a dating term that I do want to ask you, guys. I'm gonna I'm gonna get one here. I love two of them, all right, I'm gonna give too. I'm gonna go the student has now become the master. Okay, so I'm gonna do my best Jared Haben impression. Alright, everyone, I got

a new dating term for us this week. I hope already we're going to try and figure out exactly what it means. So this week's dating term is el said, Elsa, al Right, I like being on this side of the guessing. Elsaid, well, I'm thinking of Elsa from Frozen. If I know that name properly, so I'm assuming it has something to do with that. Now, I've never seen the movie Frozen, so I'm gonna have to guess the plot. Trust me, I know I never caved. I didn't want to see it.

I haven't seen it. I haven't succumbed to the pressure, and now I think I'm just gonna hold out for the rest of my life and never see Frozen. I also heard the SE's lost because it's actually a pretty good movie. Sei right, So, if I remember correctly from the trailers, Frozen, Elsa is some sort of princess. I think she's I think she's frozen, right, that's the premise of the movie. She got Frozen. Okay, Okay, so I'm gonna say that Elsa. Is you. You freeze someone, You

put the relationship on pause. It's going good, you've been on a couple of dates, you think, think you've scored the princess, You're gonna have the happily ever after, and then boom, out of nowhere, they freeze you. You it's not that they're not responding, but they're just like hitting the pause button on the relationship. They need to rethink things. You have no idea why they're not giving you reasons. They're just saying, hey, I need some time. And that's

what I think. Else it is, okay, anyone else. I mean, I think it's when you're dating somebody and then without warning they go build a castle in the forests that they made themselves and they have no way of contacting them. It's like getting ghosted, but more exciting. But yeah, but more with a Disney flare on it. Yeah, better songs. Um, I'm gonna go with the song they sing, let it go, Um, let it go, Let it go. I want to take the PG or the radar route in the middle. Okay.

I think it's and like you let out something like do something embarrassing a farm. That's not what I was gonna say. Yeah, like fart, like you let it go in front and you didn't mean to. Is this what makes it? PGT Becky, You're so innocent. Yeah, that's what makes it because the graded art was when like you just like let it go too soon, and I like that like a little premature, like a little like a little oops. Nice. Well, I'll tell you it's not right,

but I appreciate the creativity with that one. Easton actually nailed it right on the head. It's just a fancy term for someone who has ghosted. I said that. What Wow, that's what Easton said. You said, you're getting frozen. Easton was talking about someone building a castle. I want to hear that in a definashion, a figurative castle being built. It was figurative, it's all. It's all figured speech. One more, one more kind of in line with the else that

they This one is Kanye. Oh, we've we've done this one before. But I don't hold on Kanye. Oh. I know what it is. I think Kanye is. I think it has something to do with interrupting, because that's what Kanye is known for, right. He he interrupted Taylor Swift's speech. I'm gonna let you finish. I'm gonna let you finish. I'm gonna let you finish. But that's not we haven't had this one. I'm gonna let you finish. But east

had the best answer of all time. Um, I think so, I think so listen, we all know that Kanye interrupted Taylor because he said Beyonce had the best music video

of all time. So what I think it is is that it's it's someone you're dating and then they're talking about how good things are going, and then like you're talking about how good things are going, and then they interrupt you and they're like, I'm gonna let you finish, but I had the best relationship I ever had a year ago, and then that's it, and then you guys break up, and that's Kanye. I want to pay the

picture for everyone real quick. Jared's been sitting back this whole podcast, but when he's like in the mic in the camera because I had it in my head, but

I'm not articulating my thoughts, right. You know. It's like someone who interrupts you halfway while you're about to say, like I love you, you have the eye and you have the l O out of your mouth, and then they're like, hold on, I'm gonna let you finish in one minute, but I just want to let you know I had the best relationship with the previous girlfriend and we're never gonna get married, all right, Eastan Becky, what

do you think? Well, I think it's It's when you're in a relationship with somebody and things are going well and there's a lot of passion there and and it's really exciting, and then all of a sudden they start tweeting some wild, insane stuff and then they run for president. That's what I think happens you at the very specific route. Both times it sounds like, yeah, I mean, these are these are terms for a reason. It's for a specificity.

I'm gonna play off of like Jared a little bit, where it's kind of like they compare you to a previous like person that you were with, Like they're like, yeah, you do is great, but like my ex did this better, like and just like oh you finished, but yeah, well, for the first time in dating term history, I don't think anyone got it right. So being Kanye is when you're on a date with someone that has the narcissistic capacity of Kanye and they make you believe they're demigod

while on the date with you. So all they do is talk about themselves the whole time. No one felt too obvious and we all, wow, we all big swing and misses on that one. Whoops. I do like you guys, switching the roles though, Like I liked um Jared guessing on this one because he was really into it. Yeah reversal, Yeah, I'm always down for a little role reversal. You know it, Just ask Ash. I'm kidding. That was too much information on that note. Each episode dating, Wow, help, I suck

at role reversals. That's gonna do it for this week's episode. Big thank you to our emailers, Big thank you to Jared, Becky and Easton. Of course, be sure to keep emailing us Anonymous and Lily. You guys did so good. Thank you so much for the questions. I suck at dating

at iHeart media dot com. Email us if you want to do the Instagram thing of going down to the first post, sending it to them and saying, wow, what a great way to start, and you flop miserably, or you have a great success and you go on a first date, let us know, because that's fantastic. And I'm actually gonna try it with Ryan Donolds right now, despite Jared telling me not to. So I suck at dating

at iHeart media dot com. That is where you can email us all of your stories, please please please send them in Um, that's gonna do it for this week's episode of Help I Suck At Dating. Jared. Good to have you back, Great to be here. Hopefully you're here next week, because we're all gonna suck just a little bit left. Follow Help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast m HM