Dean There, Done That

I think we're just gonna go back to the old standard of of the three bros hanging out in studio talking about dating. Um, two of them, two of us are married, one of us is single, and we're just gonna get through it together. Um. Today it's gonna be an episode. We have Shri Healey coming back into studio. She is the possibilitarian. We've actually had her on quite a few times and we love having her back here

because she's so insightful. We're also we we didn't ask Dean anything on Facebook on that which a great UM. And then we have some emails, so it's gonna be a pretty you know, bear bones episode. And the fact that we're going minimalist. We're gonna be talking a lot about me, which I absolutely not a fan of. Usually we're all fascinated by you. We're gonna talk about poop, yes, because um, Ashley and Vanessa were butting heads last week on Almost Famous about whether you should poop with it

in front of your significant other. Vanessa was pro, Astley was anti yep, and I have I mean, I have some thoughts on it. I don't know anything. Okay, great, By the way, I do want to hear about last night. We talked off air a little bit about this because I'm fascinated. I'm a huge baseball fan. I'm a huge Milwaukee Brewers fan. And you were there at the Angels Brewers game in Anaheim last night. Yeah, so this is being recorded on a Thursday last night on what I'm

sure this is gonna air what next week? UM. I for some weird reason, MLB reached out to me and they're like, hey, we want you to throw out the first pitch of an Angels Brewers game. UM. And it was something where it's like I never had really thought about throwing out a first pitch at a baseball game because I never thought that it was really possible, you know, like it's hard to put something on your bucket list that you can almost objectively say that's never gonna happen.

And Marco was just telling me him and his father had tried multiple times at the Brewers Games because they've been to thirty two straight opening days and no interest in us throwing out the first I haven't even been alive at thirty two years. Mart I hit him and fathom what thirty two years is? And we started eighty one and went to and how why was it three? Well, it's a sad ending to the story. I was living in l A. And I was driving to the airport

for a red eye was one thirty AM flight. I got got up and I slept a little bit, got up like eleven PM and was driving to the airport and they shut down the four or five freeway at Mulholland for a big accident. And I sat there and sat there and sat there. I finally got to the airport at one I just dropped my car right there at the airport because I'm not gonna be gone that long. I would fly out and come back the same day, and I'm running in I'm thinking I'm gonna make it

because they probably just started boarding. T s A closes at one am. So even though I could see passengers down the hallway boarding the flight I should be getting on, there was no T s A to go through my suitcases and let me suitcase single carry on, to let me through and get on that plane. Wait, that's I had no idea that was even a thing. I didn't either until that night. I begged the security guy. I just l a X security guy, Can you please, here's my bag, you can go through it? And he said no.

If I let you through, I'm fired for sure. And so I couldn't do it. I looked at other flights to get me there, and then we just decided, well, it had to end someday, better than it ends this way, than one of us being in poor health or something like that. They live in Arizona. I live in Los Angeles. It's weird to be flying in Milwaukee for one day every year. It was becoming a bit of a hassle. So that's what your father was in. Your father went, he went with my mom. Yeah, okay, it was sad.

Was there a thirty four? I mean the following year we just ended there thirty two years was good. It was becoming a lot. That's actually really interesting though. Okay, so, um, you guys were never able throughout the first pitch. And it's kind of funny because dead hard I'm sorry, die hard Brewers fans that have gone to thirty two consecutive baseball games, who you think like the team is like, okay, these guys are die hard fans. We love them, we

want to like include them somehow. And then all of a sudden, some guy who's a Rockies fan but who was rooting for the Dodgers last year. And then the Angels are like, hey, comes out throughout the first pitch, and it's like, you know, it's it's kind of funny how that happens sometimes, but um, yeah, it was a

great experience and we'll be reached out. They said that, you know, they wanted to activate a campaign and have me throughout the first pitch, and you just never say no. It's funny because you get down on the field during batting practice and there, um, you know, the ground screws out there raking and chalking and all that kind of stuff, and they go, do you want to throw from the mound? Or do you want to throw from like twenty ft

in from the mound. Do you know how much crap I would get if I didn't throw from the mound. Whether I throw from the mountain and it goes fiftt in either direction, if I throw from off the mount, I'm never gonna hear the out of front of my friends. The thrill of being on a pictures mount in a major league stadium as it's worth. I was like, I'll go back to second base and I'll tag out the runner and throw home if you guys will let me. Uh, sure enough, that wasn't allowed, but yeah, it was funny.

I gotta walk up on the pitcher's mound. You know how on the back side of the pitcher's mound there is that it's like a spiky thing where you find off your cleats. I like, I did that for a little bit. I was like, I gotta get make sure that the shoes are clean. Got up to the the picture stop and like backed my heel up into it was a cooler the rubber yep, And uh, it was a cool experience because it's a it's a professional mound that the next person to throw a pitch off that

mound was a starting picture. You can watch actual pictures on that same amount the rest of the game. Yeah, and uh, I hadn't practiced. I I played baseball up until my freshman year of high school and I quit because I was got awful at it. Um. I was a right fielder, you know, if that speaks the best player on the team. Um. And I hadn't learned baseball in a decade. And I was like, you know what, I'm not even gonna practice. I'm just gonna get out

there and do it. And I threw it literally right over the plate, sunk a little bit at the end, hit the dirt. But I asked the catcher. I was like, hey, that was a strike, right, and he goes, yeah. Man, I was like, that was a called strike. And even the p announcer was said, uh, he goes and that's a strike and I was like yes. And the p A and alcer mentioned helped my second daity, which is very excited another thing too. And I went up there too, and I was like, I stared at the catcher and

I shook off the first call. I shook off the second call, and then I was like, all right, the third thatcher I don't think it was a real catcher. I think he was just like, I don't know, some coach, security guard. He was a player. Yeah, I think he's like maybe a backup catcher. But that's that's fine, that's

a real player. Yeah. But the funny thing was, Yeah, so they gave me like a little introduction and they mentioned the help I Suck a Dating podcast on I Heart Radio, and that was It was one of those moments to where it's like, yep, I'm standing here in front of ten people telling them all how much I suck at dating, and like it's fun. It's one thing to do it on air because it gets projected out

to however many people. But in the stadium where it's like Dean Anglert sucks at dating and everyone's like, oh what, I would think they would have gotten a laugh. Just the title of it alone would have gotten a laugh from the Anaheim books. And it was a good experience. I'm super fortunate to have been able to do that. I hope you get to do it again because I would like to do it. It was seventy bucks and you got all the free food and drink and like it was like a box and box and all that

kind of stuff. Going to a baseball game is seventy bucks anyway, And I mean, I know it's early season, and I know no one really cares about the Brewers, but you know, I don't argue that I can't. I try to make as good a friends with the employees of the Angels, so I'd be like, listen, I'll do whatever it takes. I will, I will try as hard as I possibly can. Just let me sing the national anthem next time. I will take singing lessons. I don't

care what it takes. Let me sing the nationally And they're like, we probably can't swing that, but we might let you sing the seventh inning stretch Penis and cracker Jacks probably pretty cool, Like Harry carry, I run these Disneyland half marathons and part of the course takes you onto the field of the Angel Stadium, and like you

know what go on the field. You just go like in front of the like that lane right in front of the stands, the warning track, Yeah, and like going, So the stadium is empty and I'm there with like ten thousand other moronic Disney people. But that felt amazing, just like running through it really quickly, I'm like, oh my god, like being at that perspective of the I couldn't imagine being Yeah, like I could imagine being on the field in front of like with the stands full,

Like that's good. Oh my god. Just would you run a half marathon over here? I run multiple half marathon thirteen point one miles, thirteen point one miles, that's right? How am I just finding this out? I could show you my medals someday. Can you bring them in next week? I will wear them all. That's really impressive. But half marathon is no joke. I wish it had a better name because like they don't give about half Nobel prizes. Here's your half Academy Awards, sir. Yeah, like it called

it dick Hathlon or you know, like I'm tafalon. Make up a name anyway. Have you ever run a full marathon? No? What happens now? Why do you say it with such a bigger It's because half marathon At the end of it, I'm super tired and I have to do that again. Like do you walk it all? You the entire time? That's really impressive, Thank you very much. Um. What's funny actually on that note, is my friends just ran the l A Marathon two weeks ago whatever it was, uh,

and I was like really impressed by them too. I was like, wow, I know you guys could do that, and so I set a goal. I said both to both of them. I was like, let's I'm going to run the next marathon with you guys. And they're like, you probably run a half marathon to like ease into it. I said, no, I'm gonna run one marathon another one again. So I'm we were gonna do the Chicago Marathon, but apparently it sells out in like a day, right, and so we're gonna find a marathon. I'm going to train

for it. I think in like six months. I should you won't wait till next year's l A Marathon March eight. I don't think I'm not patient March eight. So I guess a month ago, you know, I mean the next one's March. So you could l A marathon. Yeah, that'd be you'd have eleven months to try. It would be cool to be like Boston Marathon or Chicago Marathon and New York Marathon, right, yeah, as long as like, yeah, a big one. You want to run a big one now, I don't know, so we'll see. But that's my goal.

You want to do like the Hyenaton Beach Marathon or anything like that. You want to you want like some you's gotta have some name name. What's what's the word I'm looking for name recognition. Yeah. And that's the thing too. It's like, I'm not a runner. I think I I run to the gym every day, but that's like eight tenths of a mile there, ey tens a mile back, and I'm exhausted after it. I've never really set a goal for myself that is that physically challenging. Um, because

it's not just running. You have to like eat well and train and like all that kind of stuff. So do exercise regularly? I mean, my wife's not here to rebuke this, but yes I do. Yeah, no, and not like with as much regularity as I should. But like I I go to the gym like at least once or twice a week. I do beach by on demand when I'm at home. Um, and uh, and I run. I like to run outside. I run a couple of times a week. I littly had no idea. Yeah, you need to look at me. It's not that it's just

I don't know. The thing about people who run a lot is they're very um. I don't like runners because they're very like dramatic about it, like uh, they always were like, you know, oh man, it's just me in the pavement man like like that. Runners high and I could go forever exactly, And I really don't buy with that, so I tried to keep it a secret. Huka. It's kind of like if you're vegan or something, you know, you make sure everyone's vegan. If you're a runner, you

make sure everyone knows you're runner exactly. If you want jogs sometime with me. Now, Boston marathons Monday, that's probably not gonna happen. New York marathons in November. Something to think about. I wonder if maybe yeah, January, well, Disney World Marathon in Orlando, Florida, a whole marathon in Orlando. Yeah, in January. January's around all the parks. Can we do that together? I want to do that really bad. Actually, that would be your first marathon, that would be my

first marathon. That's a good idea. You guys can motivate each other. I'm not opposed to Easton, be fine, I'm Okaddy, Well I'm gonna pencil you in January Orlando. Sign me up. We'll drive the van out there down all right before shri Healy gets here, is there and we get to these Facebook questions were starting a second here, But is there anything going on in your life right now that we should know about? Any personal issue and it dates recently?

Any jobs we should know about? Have you moved? Have you gotten rid of your apartment yet? Like what's going on? Well? No, I mean there's nothing really to update. Uh I, I just got back from Coachella because this is very next week. Oh yeah, you did Coachella first weekend. Coachella is such an interesting thing. I went four years ago for the

first time. This is gonna be my third time, or this wasn't my third time going this pet this year, and the first time I went was the most fun weekend of my entire life, Like probably not even close, Like there's probably no close second, um because it was four years ago, right and I was with like twenty

five of my closest friends. We got a big air be and b too stay in and it was just like the first experience of doing something that you keep hearing people talk about with your closest friends around here, you know, And so there was literally nothing bad that ever went wrong that weekend. And I remember driving back home from Coachella Valley to Los Angeles and I was like sitting in the back of the car, like almost

crying to myself. I was like, I'm never gonna have that much fun again in my life because I kind of knew it, you know, you know, like when you when you do something so amazing and so much fun, you're like, I don't think I can ever replicate that feeling again. And I went last year and we talked about on the podcast a little bit, but Leslie and I had just broken up, like maybe a week prior, and I didn't want to go. I tried to cancel.

I tried to like blow off all my obligations, but the brands that I was working with were like, no, you, like you signed contracts, you have to come. I was like, Okay, I guess I'll come. And it was just one of those things where it was like, you know, my head

wasn't really in it. I was with a couple of like couple of really good friends, like two really close friends, but I was like still kind of like mourning the loss of the relationship, even though you know, obviously, um, in the grand scheme of things, it's good that that relationship ended when it did. But it was just it was I didn't have enough time to heal from it, you know what I mean, And it was just I

was in a weird headspace. And so we'll see. I mean, it's kind of hard to say I guess how it was this year because I haven't been yet. But so now my thoughts on Coachella are, like I have, I've had one really good experience and I've had one really bad experience. So I think in that situation, it's almost easy just to kind of remember the good experience, forget the bad one, and then just never go again. What was it about the first It was just the friends

that were there. Yeah, we're their drugs involved, were a lot of drugs, Mark. I don't know if we should air this on the pascohol This is this is what I'm curious about with Coachella. Was their sex involved? No? Not for me, really done that whole weekend. I mean, I was dating my girlfriend at the time, but you had a girlfriend with you there? No, she wasn't she she was like twenty really good friends, but she did not come for some reason why um, And it was

just I don't know. I was like you know when you when you hang out like your ten best friends and it's just like you're laughing and you're you're getting on each other the whole time. Um, and there's like really nothing that can go wrong. Uh. Yeah, it was

a blast. And then the following and then the next Coachella, I was on the Bachelor at and I remember actually we were in Norway, um around April when Coachella Weekend one was happening, and I hadn't talked to anyone where like a month and a half maybe seven weeks in, and I like, I got pretty drunk one night, and I liked, I was like on my hands and knees, like bawling my eyes out. To one of the producers, I was like, please just let me call my friends.

I haven't talked to my friends in seven weeks. I just need to hear their voices. And one of the one of the producers was like, finally, like okay, like figure out their phone numbers and we'll call him. Because obviously I don't memorize my friends phone and we face times my best friend, and he just so happened to be in a car with like six of my other really good friends driving out to Coachella, and I like,

it just made me cry even more. I was like, I can't believe I'm missing this with you guys right now, Like I I wish I was there. Um, And I was obviously super emotional because you know, you're you're in the Bachelor for seven weeks. So um, that was the last year that all of my friends went as a big group. This year, it's like six or seven of us. Um, so we'll see how that one goes and just just friends of yours and a good group, no Bachelor people.

I've I've come to find out that I have more fun in those situations when I'm just with like my friends from before the show, like any of the ones from four years ago when it was so magical. Um. No, that's a good good point. No. No, but hey, well I hope it's great. Yep. And you're not going back next weekend. Nope, I'm not going back next weekend. And then I'm going on a I won't be here next week for the podcast. I'm going on a rock climbing trip to New Mexico with my brother for a week. Well,

hopefully Gerard or Vanessa will be back. Otherwise it'll just be the market niche and that hope being married. There's some white pictures that need to be installed. Honestly, I think that would be a pretty good Before we get to Shari, Hey, heally, who's coming in here? Let's get some of these Facebook questions out of the way. She here yet? East And if you are you getting updates? I I waiting updates. I have not in any mine. An episode of Just the Boys, you know, sre ends

up bailing. Hey, so be it fine with me. Mickey ferguson what is Dean's dream job? My guess is it would be travel blogger? Well what it wars? You guys his dream job as children, right, because it never really pans out as we expected to. That's the truth. And I had a bunch, but a big one for me, and I just mentioned this on the Seacrest Post show

podcast was baseball radio announcer. That's my dream job. You can say baseball first pitch though, yeah, yeah, And I know, I know I could never be a baseball player, but I would love to be a play by play announcer. How I feel like that's within the realnd of possibility it would have been I think if I'd have pursued

that younger and I did when I was tree. I went to Amarillo, Texas, try to get a job, because you really got to climb in the ranks at the minor leagues, just like you would as a baseball player. And I try to get a job at Amaillo, Texas, and I didn't get the job, and I got a job doing a morning show. And that's the complete path that has gotten me to where I am today. Is there that was the big fork in the road of my life. It was either sports announcing or radio. But

I've gotten that job in Amarillo. I have no idea if I'd ever met my wife, I wouldn't be sitting here with you guys. So I have who knows, and maybe would have been better or worse. Who knows. It just it's a completely different life, different path. It's interesting that you can kind of pinpoint the one you really, Yeah, I can interesting. Well, I'm sorry that you Everything's fine, everything's okay. I don't know what's your dream. I think that you're pretty happy with where I'm doing. Yeah, I

like it here. Um, I think as a child it was an astronaut or no was an NBA player. You know. We all had basketball hoops in front of where our house and you would always be like three seconds left and they're down by two and you shoot the shine you make it. I don't know, Um, my dream job at this point in life if yeah, I mean, if I could get paid to continue to travel around the world, Uh, that'd been pretty awesome. I think that the world's a lot smaller than we really think it is. Though. It's

like you can only go to so many places. It's but well, that's I guess that's true. I was going to point out that the first time you do go somewhere, and for me that was my honeymoon to Australia. That was the first big overseas trip and that's when you realize, wow, how small the world is. Yeah, I got on a plane. It was as twenty of hours. But look at this, I'm in Australia. How cool is this? And it's like there's you know, twenty destinations that everyone's like, Okay, I

really want to go there. You can knock got twenty destinations in a matter of six months. If you were committed, sure, sure, and then it's like, and then what do you do? What do you strive for after that? I guess it's a question the final frontier out of space. I would love to go to the Moon. That would be that's come true, galactic babe, it's happening. Yeah, but they're just gonna orbit the Moon. I want to step foot on the Moon. In your lifetime, do you think you'll be

in space? I think I'll probably be on a commercial flight to space, but I won't step foot on the Moon, you know what I mean? You think there'll be flights that go up there, just like as tourist flights and come back. They don't stop and let you get out on a planet. I think so. I think by the time that they would let you get out on a planet,

we're probably gonna be too old to really experience. And you're not gonna go to Mars because Mars it takes three to six months to get to with today's technology. I mean, who knows if if they can create warp drive like in the science fiction movies. I on Thrusters. I mean, honestly, I'll be pretty sweet, Okay, let me ask you as this, if you guys could be the first mission to Mars, one of six people to go

to Mars. There's only one wife. Well, I guess he's are married, So I guess I answer this one flight. You're never coming back, but you're one of the first six people to ever step fot on Mars. Would you do it? Elison would take that, no questions. I would take it for you or get away from me, now I would. I don't know. Space freaks me out. Paul

thirteen made me really afraid of Yeah, I interesting that. Yeah, somebody else can go Okay, but I'm good wine thirty five years I don't think I ever would have been into that. No, I am too into the comforts of America at home. But you don't think there's any uh, anything that's really awesome about being one of the first people to do something that extraordinary. You know, yes, but that's not for me. Okay, do you ever see The Martian? Yeah? I love that. I read the book ends on the movie. Okay,

so I did both as well. I read the book like five years ago, and I was obsessed with the book. Was one of the best books I've ever read in my life and then I saw the movie and it's just you know, I remember reading memes before I read books frequently about how people was the other way they read books, and then memes come late, No, because I was never really big into books, you know what I mean? Um?

And I remember reading means of like how people would roll their eyes once they say the book was better than the movie, because no, it's not because the movie is awesome. It's a it's a picture and you don't have to do anything but reading that book. And then watching that movie, I was like, I understand now how people think that books are better than movies, because he always met Yeah, it's very rare that the movie is

better than the book. Yes, and the book was phenomenal and the same thing happens to me with a Ready Player one. Loved both. But again, the movie it didn't really not even a movie, but not like the book. And that was another book too where I would like wake up in the morning before gotting my phone, I would like grab the book, read another chapter, you know what I mean. Um, I don't know where we're going

with this. We got off track here when they asked if you're what your dream job was and you said after that, and that's how I got on that track. At this point, I would love to be able to travel and continue to make a living for myself. I understand that with that comes more work, and I'm working on that. I might trying to watch a travel blog, but it's a lot more challenging than I thought it was gonna be, and I'm a little bit scared to Um.

It's one thing to put me your voice out there, but that's another thing to put your like your written word out there, you know what I mean? And I like, I I have a it's ready to go, it's ready to publish. I have like my friends looking at it like what can I improve upon? And they would read it and they'd be like, Okay, dude, well you need to like share more about your experience and like how you felt about these things. And it's just I don't know.

It's a challenging, challenging thing. So it's like a private website right now. But it'll get out eventually, I think, um, And hopefully that will help me monetize the traveling and allow for new traveling opportunities, and hopefully a career can stem from that. I don't think it's gonna be my career for my rest of my life, but hopefully for the next five to ten years, if I can make something out of it. So what you're doing, it's more of a it's more clinical, it's almost more encyclopedic, like

this is here and then I went here. I guess I can share the idea. Um. I I think that a lot of travel blogs focus on their experience and how they felt experiencing what they experienced. You know, like you go to South America and you got lost in the moment where you were in Buenos Aires and you were eating some food something like that. Um, I'm not

good at sharing my emotions that way. So what I'm gonna do differently from those travel blogs essentially is share I'm gonna break down how exactly how much money I spent, because I feel like a lot of blogs fall short and talking about money at tacky for whatever reason, you know.

So I'm gonna say I spent this much on flights, this much on food, this much on transport, and that way that if someone's like I want to go to South America, I just don't know how much it's gonna cost me, they can go to my website be like, oh, Dean spent four grand in South America over three weeks. I know I can even spend something similar to that.

And then in addition to that, I'm going to talk about the planning process of like how I hiked Machupicchu, how I hiked through Patagonia, because a lot of UH blogs don't really talk about the process. They talk about the experience while they're there, you know, And a lot of people reach out to and be like, hey, what touring companies you go through for Machu Picchu? Or how did you plan your w circuit trek in in Patagonia?

And you can share a lot of pictures on Instagram, but you can't really get into the depths of of how you went about doing those things. And so I'm gonna take like a more objective, contextual approach to the travel circuit. What's the name do you have? Like a penny name? You know? I was I was gonna have one. I was gonna be Dean There, done that, um. But the more I thought about it, the more I decided I'm just gonna stick with babies. It's just gonna be

Deanie babies dot com. A Dean getaway. If you guys haven't get away. I've been working on it. Not that one. That's a good start. It's a good leaping point first trash. And in addition to that, it's gonna be a lot of like experiential stuff because a lot of people want

to start traveling with purpose. I think, like, so if you have like a Scooba license, you want to go to like some like Mediterranean areas and like in scuba dive, But people don't really talk about the process of getting a Scooba license and then like how much that costs, especially as well or like sky diving, rock climbing, um,

like a golf adventure somewhere. You know. It's just like those types of things that I feel like, um, I often do, and then I could just kind of break it down and share it and people could hopefully learn from it that would encourage them to then go and do it themselves in any type of way, you know, if that makes sense. The tagline is information to encourage exploration. I think that's the way that meant. That's good. Yeah, we should talk more about books at some point, because

I got some more. We should have recommendation I do. I'm always reading a book wonderful Morgan Lee is Dean still getting therapy. I come to this podcast once a week and this is my therapy. I'm not saying that person in North Hollywoo that you found somehow, No one, Ye, it was in Santa Monica. She was amazing. UM. No, you know, I'm actually I I need to get back on that. Um. When I was in therapy last year, I was at a really weird crossroads in my life where,

like I said, I just broken up with my girlfriend. Um, I was like, there's a lot of scrutiny coming on me from the internet, from her, from like friends of friends that didn't know me, that thought they knew me, that they still wanted to compose their opinion on me for some reason. And I think I had about ten to fifteen sessions with their and it was super beneficial

and I do need to continue to go. But then I went on that trip around the world for six weeks and I got back and a lot of the anxiety and a lot of the weight and the pressure that I felt before going to therapy had kind of lifted off of me in a lot of ways. And I guess I haven't had like the poll to go back to therapy at the moment, not that I won't ever, and I know that I should continue to go and I will continue to go. But um, since probably August

of last year, I haven't been. You feel like you're in a pretty good place right now, though, Yeah, I mean I'm super super happy with how everything is going. I mean throughout the first pitch at an Angels get Um, I still have anxiety and stuff like that, but I've been a lot more honest with myself and a lot more honest with you people around me, which I think has led me to um be lappier, which is good. Yeah, that is good. Juliet Rose O'Hara. Yeah, these Dean's dues

and don't have traveling. She'd love to hear what another solo traveler does on because she also travels. So we'll do it, dudes, and don'ts in the and the blog. Oh there you go. Sorry, go to Danny Babies for that when it becomes public. Christina Pronskis has a question about the dichotomy of Dean. She says he seeks to embrace this minimalist wild child off the good lifestyle, and yet he's very much rooted in social media, reality television, and glam shows. So which is it? Which is the

real dean? First and foremost, Christina, it props to you for properly using the word economy. That's it. That's just always impressive. Um, you're absolutely right. It's funny because my manager actually gets on me all the time for not posting enough, and she's like, you just need to post like throwbacks, like lifestyle shots, and like, I just don't want to do that, And so you're right, I have bought it in a lot to the social media side

of things. Um. It's just is when a majority of your income comes from one certain area, you kind of need to keep up on it in certain ways. I do sometimes you like a sellout. I you know, you're posting five to six sponsored posts a month and you're like, okay, well what's that? What am I actually doing? Or am I doing this for myself? Or am I doing it because brands are telling me to do it? Um? But it's I don't know. I think there's a healthy balance

somewhere in there that I haven't really found yet. Um. And it's kind of a catchwey two. It's like if you really go off the grid, then you can't really share your experience going off the grid to encourage others to kind of do the same thing. So it's like it's a weird balance um between the two. So to Christina, to your point, I do embrace the minimalism. I've kind of gotten away from it in the past year or two, but it's still an important part of of how I

see my future at least, So I don't know. I don't really want to tell you I am. I'm definitely flip flopper in that sense. There is something to that to what you're saying being off the grid, but not really off the grid, I think, because you kind of don't exist if you're off the grid, and a lot of people always go back and forth like should I delete my Instagram? Should I not delete my Instagram? Like

that type of stuff. I would love to be able to do that, but if I do that, then I'm missing out on all the money that I need to live, you know what I mean. Like this podcast is great, but it's not gonna support me fully by myself, and I wouldn't be able to promote it if I didn't have my social media um. Like Christina, I wouldn't be able to answer this question right now if I didn't have my social media, you know what I mean. So it's like it's just a weird thing I don't know alright,

Sara Heley is on the line. Okay, let's take her in a second. Okay. So one thing I've been trying to get into a little bit more lately is investing. Obviously, it's super important to invest your money wisely and to invest on the right platforms, and that's why I love using robin Hood, which is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, et f options, cryptos all

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like Apple, Forward, Sprint. To help you build your portfolio. All you have to do is sign up at Dean one dot robin hood dot com. It's Dean the number one dot robin hood dot com. Start investing and if you're kicking, but let me know what you're doing. Um, get out there. Okay. So next up, we have Shari Heally joining us on the phone. Sure are you there? Yes, how are you? It's so good. It's great to hear your voice. It's every time I hear you is it brightens my day and puts a smile on my face.

Oh man, I love it. I thought we were gonna have you in studio today. I'm a little bombed. Oh

I'll come next time. Okay, great, have you been it's been a few months I think since your last book so good, very busy, Oh man, we're doing this incredible program with this group every Man and every Man is an organization that works with men, like I'm working with women, and we're trying to bring women and men together, um like brothers and sisters to like finally get over the men being scared of the women and the of ben being angry with the men. So that's our big work

right now. It's really it's really powerful. What do you mean, what kind of people are you specializing working with? Well, we're doing work with all kinds, but we're kind of focusing in on corporate America really and solving the problem that we're seeing in work spaces with men and women being allies for each other. And that's like all interpersonal communication that type of stuff. It's not it's not like

focusing on like wage uh wage gaps. Do you think that huh, Well, it's really like the skills that we need to be in relationship now I think are so um fluid, you know, it's like the skills that they'll learn to be better supporters of each other in the workplace. Do you notice that in the workplace men tend to

gravitate towards other men and women the same way. Yeah. Yeah, we're finding this a huge divide because after really me too and times up, you know, men are pretty paralyzed and they're trying to learn about how to be allies and mentors and build dear friends to their sisters at work,

but they don't want to mess up. So we're finding now we're in a really test position where men don't want to mentor or really get close to that the sorts of conversations that we still need to have, and then women need to find safe space away from men to have these big conversations and do their own growth work. And we really need each other. It's not natural for

us to have to be so divided. Do you find it challenging to find people that are willing to work with you on this, like, because I can imagine it would be different or it could potentially be difficult to find someone's willing to admit that they are struggling with it, identifying it, and then obviously wanted to work on it. Yeah, it's scary, you know, But like I'm working with some

really big organizations. I work with high tech and entertainment companies and there are a lot of people that are being pulled into this allyship conversation, whether they like it or not. So there's you know a lot of companies that are that are putting a lot of resources towards helping to educate men and women on these topics. And we get men and circles who say, I'm really scared. I don't know which way to go. It's really hard, but they want to and they want to do it right,

you know that. I think there's a strong desire. And even in these are these these groups that we're calling Luminaries Experiences, we gather them outside of the workplace, you know, for these evenings, and I know people are coming in nervous, you know, they don't know what they're going to be

asked to talk about. But then they leave, you know, after just two hours of feeling like there's hope for the world again, they say, oh my god, I've never felt so energized and so hopeful that they are better times ahead. When you strip it down, when you when you look past the movements, uh and everything, what do you think the origin for these for this divide is, well, if I could sum it up, I think it's it's a general misunderstanding of each other as we go way

back in time. You know, it used to be that women were revered and looked too for their wisdom and their superpowers. You know, they were really at a central place in society. And what what Dan Dodi, the founder of every Man and I always joke about, as it felt like that was more of a matriarchy, And now we're in a patriarchy, and what we'd like to see is the aliarchy, you know, where it's not like anyone is in charge anymore. Because back in the day, I

think then men really felt disempowered by women's power. I think they didn't understand the unique gifts that we have as women. And so then men took over and tried to shame us and make us wrong, you know, in the witch trials, and then like all sorts of ways taking away our rights to vote the equal members of society.

And so now we're seeing that, you know, we're finally kind of coming to a head with all of the separation and saying, hey, gender's fluid, it's really not about that anymore, and we're all the same, We're all human, and we all want to contribute, so let's just get rid of these old misunderstandings and find more of our common ground. I love it. How could how could someone that's listening right now, or even me, for instance, how

could we contribute? You know, because obviously if you're if you're heavily involved in the corporate hands on type of thing, is there anything that we can do in our day to day that would help contribute to that? Yeah? I think absolutely. I think it's about being curious, you know, in your own relationships. Not drawing lines of difference as much as we've been trained to do, but saying I want to know this person sitting in front of me,

woman or man. Forget about all the differences the color of our skin, or what we believe for our choices that we've made in life, just to get really curious about learning about each other and what Renee Brown always teaches being vulnerable, you know, saying I'm super scared to ask you this question, or I'm really nervous about making the wrong move here, you know, but I really like you, or I really want to know more about you and

support you. What do you need? It's just going in curious again, instead of letting our fears stop us from being connected and close. Now I can clearly agree with you. Yeah, and then on Instagram, who you could always come to these events we're creating. We're going to take it on the road and there'll be many more, but we're just beginning in UM, San Francisco and l A. And you

can find it at the Luminaries on Instagram at the Luminaries. Okay, great, yeah, yeah, okay, so sure you will have always been and always will be our favorite possibilitarian. Um. We have one email that Mark wants to read for us, and I figured we could tackle it together. It's a little you know, some of these questions that we got for you might be good to talk to you with Sharia on the phone because they're kind of getting deep into you. But this is from no Me, and I thought this would be

good for you. UM. I wonder if you guys could invite someone to talk about the unreasonable fear of losing the person you love. I am in a committed, loving relationship, but I have daily thoughts of him dying in a terrible accident, leaving me alone. This fear makes me visualize his death in such a realistic way that I end up crying and imagining all scenarios possible. I don't think this fear of mine is normal, and I want to learn how to deal with it. Am I the only

one with this type of fear. I'll let you start perfect question right when we were just talking about fear. Our fears when they drive us, are always going to drive us into the wall. Like if you think you're a race driver, you know, racing a race car driver, and you're going on a track and you're trying to get to the finish line to win, you want to look towards the finish line. You want to look towards

what you want to win. Right, not looking at the wall, Um, we can get the wall means we're gonna drive right into the wall. And that's what a lot of us are doing all the time. We're running these spear scenarios in our minds. And I have to tell you you're not the only person. You're not at all wrong. Um, this is just an absolutely deep and instinctual DNA driven

way of being. That's the survival mode where we have a fear, and if we're not careful or we don't use these mindset skills, I call it like mental fitness. You know, then those spears can drive us into the crash, into misery, you know, into crying and feeling like this is very real. So I'll tell you one of the quickest ways to condition yourself out of this just a habit and it's and it's something that's normal. We just

there's a quick way out of it. And it's about like, what are the highest performers and the greatest athletes do they choose what movie they want to see in their own minds. We can be at the mercy of the movie that our minds want to give us, and they're usually programmed by our childhood or our subconscious mind or we can take control of that and in our conscious minds say, I'm going to visualize a long life with him.

I'm going to see him come home tonight and all the great things that we're going to do tonight, and this ethic love affair that we're creating, and show yourself that movie versus the other one. I have a great story to make us really concrete that. Back in the day, Andre Agassi was one of the world's most famous tennis players, and he won every match hands down. He was like a superhero and one day it's all changed and he

started losing over and over and over again. And he called Tony Robbins, who some of you might know, and I used to be a coach for Tony, and he would tell this story all the time that the single reason that Andre started to lose was because he stopped playing the movie of himself winning, where ever since he was a kid he got the trophy, and he thought, over and over again, he started playing a movie that this guy on the court was better than him and

he was about to lose, and he'd see himself losing over and over and over again, and he just conditioned the wrong images and the subconscious mind responds to those images and believe that, and so in fact, every time he would lose. So it's really just a practice of saying, I know this is just an instinct of mine at the spear, but I'm going to choose. We had to have those two drives. It's fear or love. It's I mean, it sounds like I loved advice because it sounds spot

onto me. But what's funny with Nomi's uh I guess question is when I was a child, I did the exact same thing up until I was like four thirteen or fourteen years old. My mother would call me and leave me voicemails all the time, like just like, hey, I'll be home at eight pm tonight. I just want to let you know, all right, see you later, love you by. I would always save the voicemail every single time. I had like hundreds of voicemails saved from her, because it was I was there was a fear that I

would have. I was like, Okay, if anything happens to her, at least I'll have these voicemails to hold on to, to listen to her voice if I ever wanted to. So it's like very much the same thing. It's like you're always kind of expecting something bad to happen, and so you're, um, I guess I don't know what you're dealing with that in whatever way that you seem fit, but it's not really a good way to go about

living your life. If you're clinging onto an idea that something bad might happen to someone that you love, you know, well, yeah, because our our motive survival is going being was his connection and relationship, especially as a kid. You know your mama, she's going to keep you safe. And and then in this relationship, this woman with her partner, you know, it's like that partner is the person that keeps her safe. And so there's a couple of things you're nervous system

has tried. You know. Usually, as as a child, we don't know if we're in an environment, it doesn't always feel safe, you know, we're always kind of on red alert. And and as women, we have real challenges with feeling safe. You know. Ever, because a lot of us feel isolated and physical safety is a big thing trussed, and so

I think that drive, you know, towards fear. A couple more things would be to soothe the nervous system, you know, whatever you can do to look at what's making me feel unsafe so that I'm needing to grasp on to this. You know. Was there anything that you did, being like when you were waiting for her to come home, to distract yourself or calm yourself and feel safe. That's a great question. Actually, I've never thought of that. Um, I'm

sure there were things that I did. I mean, as a kid, I was big into like video games and like just going outside and scootering or playing basketball or skateboarding and that type of stuff, I guess to keep me distracted. But um, it's really weird because now they think back on it, it was like there were a lot of times that I was consumed the fear of not uh, I guess, having her return. And it's kind of it's crippling in a lot of ways, you know.

I guess I was fortunate enough to only experience that as a as a child and not so much in my adult life. Like know me as I would imagine. Um, But yeah, I guess it's a big, big part of it too, is just find something that can keep you occupied, occupied because inevitably, I mean, obviously things are gonna work out, you know, It's just it's your mind creating the scenario

that isn't necessarily real for whatever reason it is. And so just keep yourself preoccupied and then let everything when its course and then yeah, and not to deny that it's there because and in the ideal world. So you could talk to your mom and say, this is a very real fear of mine, but can you help me develop some strategies for when I'm feeling this to to

really bring it out in the open. I think another way of handling these things, just to look at square in the face and say, what would I do if she didn't come home? What's our plan? Or what would I do if my love dies? And nobody wants to really spend time thinking about that reality. But I think too, if you know what the plan is, and or let's say you have some kind of giant spiritual faith, you know, some kind of practice that gives you your certainty when

there's great uncertainty. Either one of those things are really important, just to know that you know, rather than just throwing it up like I'm sure everything will be fine, especially hard on a kid to know, well, this is who I would go to, this is the person that would take care of me, this is who I would call. Like that's important because I think the fear is coming from a place that we need to feel faith. We just have to so put a plan into place so

that you do, you know, life in certain policies. All those things we wouldn't ever want to really deal with, but they'll help that mind from torturing you not to get all morbid or anything. But when I finally got comfortable enough to delete all the voicemails, two years later, my own died, so it's like, it's like, damn, I wish I didn't delete the voicemails. So then what I did was I changed my cell phone number to her

cell phone number, which I still have to this day. Um, and I kept her voicemail message, you know, the outgoing like Hey this is Debbie. Sorry, hands a call, Please leave a messaget the end of the beap. So I kept that as my voicemail for the next decade probably, um, up until I got my iPhone and I think it of race did or something ridiculous like that. But fortunately one of my aunts made me a build a bear from a Build a Bear workshop and used that voicemail

as the squeeze me thing, which is pretty funny. Yeah. Um, you know. Actually, Leslie asked on the Facebook group from someone who's also lost to parent, how do you manage grief years later? I mean, is there stuff you still do on a daily basis? Personally? Not really. I think that I'm really the little wrong person to be asking this because I've just kind of calloused myself to feeling any type of emotion whatsoever at any given moment um. Yeah,

we've talked about your relationships on that front. I'm sure that underneath some of the fear of really getting super close to someone, yeah, and then losing them again exactly. UM, So I don't know for for Leslie's question, she says, for him, someone who has also lost a parent, how does he manage grief years later? I'm sure sure he could obviously speak on a lot more. My first hand

experience with it is. UM, we've talked about this on the podcast to every October, ID deal at the anniversary of my mother's passing, her birth day, as a lot of cultures call it, which is I come to find out that recently, um, and I get very emotional at that time of year, and I kind of just go into a shell and I just want to be by myself. Um. But other cultures reported the day she died as their birthday.

I can't remember. I think one of my Indian friends told me that, Um, And it's not it's not a day to grieve, it's a day to celebrate, like that type of stuff, you know. And I think, as you, I don't know. I think I've kind of just developed this mindset where life is more of a comedy than it is a tragedy. And if you kind of if you approach everything with that concept, then things are a lot more easy to handle emotionally, at least you don't

get controlled by your emotions quite as much. Maybe limits you and how deeply you're able to connect and feel things, but it kind of uh reduces the torment a little bit, you know what I mean. Yeah, there's a poem that if I can pull it up while we're talking, that is just the greatest thing about when someone passes, they're really, um, no, no further away from you than just the next room. Um.

I'm going to find it while we're talking. But one of the greatest way to deal with grief for trauma that I've ever discovered in my whole practice of working with people is E M d R. And that's an eye movement desensitization process that it really helps to heal the loss and the trauma that gets lodged in our brain and doesn't metabolize like normal day to day life and challenges, and it actually moves it through you much more quickly than talk therapy or anything else that I've

come across. M I'm gonna look into Okay, this was let's see who wrote this poem? Henry Scott Holland, and it's called death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away to the next room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name. Speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone, where no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at

the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, Smile, think of me, Pray for me. Let my name be ever the household world that it always was. Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of a shadow on it. Life means all it ever meant. It is the same that it ever was. There's an absolute, unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I'm out of sight? I am but waiting for you for an interval somewhere very near, just around the corner, all as well. I love it.

I love the line. Why should I be out of mind if I'm out of sight? That's a good right, so beautiful. So I mean a lot of this just says that we have some work to do as human beings on what death means to us and why it scares us so much. There's a lot of freedom and in looking at that. Um, sure, we gotta get you off. But it was a great It was great to have you. It's great to hear your voice again. Um, let's get you in studio next time. What do you say? Okay, absolutely,

I'll be down. Okay, I'm holding you to it. Okay, take care of you guys. Be sure to follow Shrie Heally at the lumin Ears. Yeah yeah, okay at the Luminaries and Sharie Heli dot com and sre dot com. Thanks guys. But okay, So, like we mentioned at the top of this podcast, last week on Almost Famous, when they were in Napa, Ashley and Vanessa had a heated debate on pooping in front of your significant other and they were divided. They were house divided. Vanessa was very, very,

almost disturbingly pro pooping, excited about it. I was more disturbed by how pro she was rather than the act of actually pooping in front of her significant other, you know what I mean. She was so vindicated in her response in her opinion that there was no breaking it and it's just like, okay, that's fine. Anyways. Then there's Ashley, who said she for the longest time would hide the fact that she was using the rest room in front of Jared, And even to this day she is more comfortable,

but she doesn't poop the door open. It sounds like Vanessa would like call her boyfriend into the bathroom sometimes to have a conversation with her while she was using the restroom more in the shower. She's in the podcast while pooping, before she's done the podcast while pooping. You know, that's actually a good point. I think I remember that. Um, that's I think both sides are a little extreme. I think there's obviously you can ski one of two ways.

Have you Vanessa? Have you Ashley? And I get familiar with like the base sour scale and chemistry. Um, I don't know exactly what it is. I can if you wan't look if you want to look it up. So fourteen is like a pure base, and a zero is a pure sour or something like that, and a seven

is right in the middle like a complete neutral like milk. Okay, So on a pH scale, fourteen is high as zero is low, and Vanessa is all the way at fourteen on one end and actually is all the way down to zero and seven was so somewhere in the middle, which I think I'm a seven. I'm at the point now I used to so like say you're on a date, and I actually I use this all the time, and I will continue to use this because I just find

it slip. I just it's always gets to laugh. You know when you use something that gets to laugh all the time, you just keep using that. Well, I get it. U if I'm on a one on one date with someone and the urge to use the restroom overcomes me, and I'm okay, I'll admit it. I'm a long who I take ten to fifteen minute poops. My friends all know it. If I tell my friend, if I my guy friends, I'm like, hey, I'm gonna go use the

restroom real quick. The big ir quality in twenty minutes, you know, like that kind of thing, like it's a it's a well known thing that I take my time. Does it? Does it take a while to complete your business or are you doing other things? Phe? I have joined the silence of it all. Um. When I'm on dates, I I do it to a less extreme. I cut it down, you know. I trimmed some time. I'm not my phone a little bit less when I'm in there just hanging out, but it's still longer than your normal person,

I would say. And I always come back to the table and even if like we're sitting right next to the restroom use it's not even that funny. But I'll always like put my hand on the shoulder and be like, hey, I'm sorry, the line was really long. And every single time they're like, no, I wasn't. I know exactly what you're doing in there. But the point is, I know you know what I'm doing, but it's just like a comedic way to tell you what why I was gone

for so long? You know what I mean? UM, And it sounds like Ashley has used the approach where she'll like go into the rest room, turn the shower on, jump in the shower. I merely as I've done that or two. But I've gotten now to where it's like, you know where I'm going, I'm going to use the restaurant. I'm going number two. UM, if you need to do it, that's perfectly fine. It's a little it's weird because guys

um are so much more open about it. And like I think Vanessa was saying, she'll FaceTime her friends while she's using the toilet, but actually never would imagine in FaceTime her sister while she was using the toilet, and I do all the time. I like, you know, guys, even if if we're sharing rooms or like a hotel room or something, that someone's pooping and like I just comes in starts brushing his teeth. I know, I know, not me never ever ever s that's I guess that's

where I'm at. So on that's what I'm more on either side of that equation. Never um never significant other though, like I would never poop in front of my significant other. You know who's got a good take on this is Tanya, who you've taken out a date before. I didn't poop on that date though. No. She with her old boyfriends was very open, always door, open policy, conversations, all that stuff.

She's decided to change that about herself because she feels like she's giving too much of herself to the other person. So she's gonna she has a new policy on that. My family, my wife, it's it's it's it's never discussed. It's just never brought up. Years. I'm not not quite twenty. Let's see twenty, We've married seventeen years. We've been together twenty two and how many times in the topic of poop been brought up. I mean it happens from time to time because I have a certain foods that caused

me great distress. Yes, yeah, like last night we had a discussion because that had a kind of a mystery attack. But um, but we don't ever talk about the act of doing it, and certainly not for her as far as I'm concerned, she never does it. Alison always says the way she processes energy, she shoots sugar cubes out of her billy button. It's amazing. And then soame she has to help me unclogged the sugar cubes for that

eye process from our joint. That's really funny. Here. There was one time I was at a girl's house who we were romantically intertwined, and and uh, she had a plunger in a plastic bag sitting out on her on her porch. And I was like, Hey, what's with the plunger on the porch? And she like it was avoiding the question, like obviously it's like, hey, let's talk about for a second, you know, And she was like, oh, yeah,

I don't know why that's out there. I think like my brother was over and used it or something like that. Don't line to me. I'm just trying to like break down the walls a little bit. And by the porch, I think you just wanted stinking it up, stinking up the bathroom. It's it's weird. That's a taboo topic as well. It is it's a taboo topic. There is a shame involved in that activity, which is silly. We all do it. I read a book to that exact title when you're

like six. Yeah, I'm trying to think, why do we think it's so um like look down upon to talk about? Is it just because it's such it's it's disgusting. It smells bad. Yeah, I think you're making awful noises and smells come out of your part in front of your wife, either of you. Not not on purpose. No, Like when you're falling asleep sometimes you're like, look, I mean maybe or maybe just you think it's going to be quiet and it's not. And I'm sure that they never fall

in front of you guys. Okay, there was there was a one time where, um, for a while I heard also get in the shower and then I would hear what sounded like massive no, I hear like massive heart sounds. I was like, oh my gosh, she's like holding until she gets in the shower, and it was like very loud, and I thought that I was catching her. And then one time I used some of her shampoos, I was out and I squeezed it, like there it is. She's telling the truth. She doesn't do it. Here's the reaction

from the listener. Stacy says, I relate to Vanessa on the poop and attachment theory. When we built our house, I put the shower and bathtub open to each other because I love baths and he takes showers, and now we can talk at the same time. My husband thinks I'm crazy and laughs because I always follow him into the bathroom. But our daughter potty trained herself at eighteen months, and we think it's because of all the time we spend in the bathroom together as a family. I feel

like you, Vanessa. Ashley agrees with Vanessa. She says, I don't like it when my husband is around me when I poop, but I'm the one who walks in on him when he does it. I'll sit on the floor or just have the door open. But to defend myself. He poops at least twenty times a day, so I have to talk to him at some point. Okay, so he needs to see a doctor. I think he's maybe he's just not being on. He's just bringing the iPad

in there and playing some clashic fans or something. Laura says, I never ever could never keep poop with the door open, or have my fiancee pooping with the door open. Sometimes I'll turn on the tap water if I'm pooping while he's in bed. I've had, I've had, I've seen I move before. It's fairly split, But I think I think the nice thing is if you can find somebody compatible with how you feel about it. I guess the difference is, I'm sure guys just take at the poop a little

more violent. I think a girl poop is a little bit more pleasant, a little more uh. But you know, I would imagine it being a cleaner poop. I think of everything women do, it is more pleasant than everything men do. But it's weird that, especially because I'm almost the same way with you. Is where I don't want to hear. I don't want to really discuss it. We

both know what's happening. But I don't want to hear the logistics of how you're going about it, right, And I don't need you to comment on it when I come out of the bathroom, big pop h or my daughter's like that. Don't need that. I don't need any of that stuff. Um. Interesting, I had I had one more thing that I wanted to bring up. Okay, So for each of us, one side to choose. No in the between, actually you Ashley, Yeah, Ashley, Ashley Sorry, Vanessa Alright,

rapid fire Facebook questions. Here we go. I'm gonna try to get these one sentence responses from your diners. Sorry for the long windedness of all these. No, it's fine. Favorite trips that you've ever been on? South America was my favorite trip of all time bucket list trip. This is from Danielle Peepers. Great name, by the way, um climbing Mount Everest. Right, Julia, who we heard from earlier? What's a song that is dear to your heart? And why?

Great question? I think we've said this before, Brandy Carlisle, keep your heart young. It really just speaks to me. Caravan Camp favorite food of all time? Hers is Posseda by the way pasta is such a classic. You can never go around the pasta. Um. And you love dark chocolate cover Almans, which are another favorite of mine. That's

your favorite snack food. It's a tough one. Man. Ramen is really good, which is weird because I was never a Ramen fan or a Fuff fan until maybe just two years ago, but it's become one of my all time favorite. Last Night Why with their friend Mallory um and Molly, who was someone you met once and left. You only met them once, but they left a big impression on you. Besides you two, thank you. I say

this all the time. Um. After going on TV, you get introduced to a lot of very talented, very interesting people. I'm hard to impress, and I will admit that I have met a lot of very famous people that I've met and I'm like, what's so special about you? There was one person who I met and I was like, you have a very special talent and I'm blown away just even standing next to you. And You're never gonna guess it was Daniel Tosh. I went to my friend one tickets to his one of his shows for a

touch point. Oh. We sat in the front row and he pointed me out at the beginning of a fresh off bachelor. He goes this because he tweeted about me a couple of times. He goes, this is Dean from The Bachelorette talked about my dad for a little bit. And then after the show was over, one of the security yards came up to us was like, hey, like, Daniel Tosh wants to hang out to you guys after the show. And we were standing back there and he was making hilarious I'm sorry for the F word everything

he said. And maybe it's just because like I've built him up so much in my head, but there was never a moment where I wasn't awe struck by the things that were coming out of it. That's a that's an amazing talent to be that funny, And there was. And he had commanded a room. There was like big investors that were there, and he was like it was it was one of them, not like a good experience, but he was the one guy where I was like, you are doing what you do because you're insanely good

at it. You put on this earth to do this. What does Dean? Diane asked, what does Dean feel the average person is missing out on if they've never traveled outside the country or their country. I think I think traveling really just opens your mind to a lot of different lifestyles and people and food and cultures. Uh. I think open mindedness is one thing that really constantly gets looked over, especially in America. People you know, it's they think it's there this way or there's no other way

to do it. And a lot of people don't really have the ability to travel, which is a bummer. And and obviously if you ever get the ability to, you should take that advantage, take that opportunity. H Empathy. Empathy, That's a big one for me is empathy. You gain empathy by traveling, traveling even within your city, within your state,

within your country. Empathy is just the ability to imagine what somebody else is going through and put yourself in their shoes for a minute, which you can never fully do, but at least admitting that you could never fully do that is a part of empathy as well. I don't know if you guys, do you guys know who Kyle Cover is, basketball player. He just wrote a really interesting piece about privilege because he's a white player in a predominantly colored league, Sue, I'll send you guys the article.

It's super super interesting about how he's a white player in a colored league, but the fans of the sport are mostly white, and so there's weird to the to the question earlier that this weird dichotomy of he's on his teammates side, but he relates more to the players in the crowd because of the color of his skin, and how that factors into the way that he deals with a lot of racial circumstances in the NBA, especially like the Russell Westbrook thing that happened earlier this year

and Utah, how like some guy was shouting racial slurs at him gets banned for life, But how that's not enough. I was black teammate got beat up in New York just for being black, and how that none of that would ever happens because he's white, and how it's hard to empathize with that because as people of privilege, it's hard to put yourself in that situation. But by not talking about it, we're doing in a disservice like that

type of stuff. So traveling is a good way to experience other cultures, to see firsthand how people are doing things differently, and how you can kind of open your mind to being more accepting all of those things. I think, yeah, for sure it is. I love this question, and this might be more than a one sentence response. This is from Taja. Of all these things, you might have been not looking forward to this one the most. What quality overall have the women you've dated been missing? What qualities

are you looking for that you haven't found? By the way, great questions. Yeah, I hope none of my exes are listening. Oh man, um, I think the quality that's been missing, and maybe it's just to a degree, maybe not like fully missing. I think that I really admire a woman who has the independence and I guess the ability to not need me in their life. Like my my x X ex girlfriend from what from before the show, I respect so much because with her without me, she is

a badass woman. You know, she's got all these friends, she's got a kick ass job, she's super happy, she travels, she does all this stuff, and like, looking at her, you're like, this girl is badass because she does what she wants and she's super charismatic and can light up a room and all that kind of stuff and I think that that it's not it's not that that was ever missing in any of the girls that I dated post, but it was just like that characteristic really shown through

with her. And that's something that I think I'm going to need in the person that I end up with. You don't need me is an attractive quality. I freaking love it because at the same time, like I don't need them, and so it's like there needs to be a mutual understanding where it's like we come together to improve each other's lives, but remove that person and the life is still going in a good spot. You got

to be added value to both. Yeah, um. And so that was the quality that she possessed that I was like, this is one of the most attractive things I've ever seen. We had other issues obviously because we broke up, but to this day, like we're still friends. I still hope. No, I wasn't special of the code word you would use when you needed to be left alone. Yeah, yeah, it

was not special. Although she very similar they have actually were very similar in that same way as uh Spatchelor was a girl who's got an also a very incredible career, um like homeowner, like all these things where she's like, I don't need a guy in my life. I just want someone that wants to have fun with me. But if you're not there, then like, I don't care, but it would be cool to have you there sort of things. So I found that really attractive. And then what qualities

are you looking for that you haven't found? Um? Oh man, it's hard to say because I've met so many people that I found so many qualities and every single one of them. Confidence is a big one. Um. It's funny too, because you see a lot of these beautiful women, and I think that it's been discussed on certain levels on certain podcasts Within my Heart, whether it's scrubbing in almost famous for this one, where you see these beautiful women and you look up to them and you're like, wow,

they've got it all going for them. They're beautiful, they're smart, they're travel the world. But then you meet them and they have a lot of insecurities about themselves, and it's it's it's uncommon to find someone that's confident in every avenue of themselves and their life. You know, Yeah, everybody's got issues, struggles, self doubt, and we can project a lot of confidence, but then when it really comes down to it, we might not necessarily have as much of that.

So maybe confidence from top to bottom, from A to Z, I think is one of the most qualities that I haven't found. But it's like, can you ever really find that? Are any of us really fully confident? Like I have my insecurities? Of course, I'm sure you guys do the varying degrees, But it's like, I think that's kind of like the um what's the word? Not the golden egg, but like the one thing that you can always strive to search for but never necessarily fine, you know what

I'm talking about. I don't know. I saw a quote because we did a daily quote on the Secret. This one's coming up next week, so a spoiler alert, but other this is an appropriate quote for right now. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab hours back. Say that again, if we all through our problems into a pile and so everyone else's, we'd grab hours back. I agree with that, all right. You guys have heard me talk about joy

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going in. So, I live in an apartment with three people and one of the roommates that is going on vacation for a couple of months, and I think they should continue to pay rent even while traveling. I'm not asking for an energy bill or a water bill, just rent. They believe that since they're not living there, they shouldn't have to pay and said that's unfair. I'm the leaseholder. Do you guys think I'm wrong? Or am I right? Bema, You're right unless they're moving out. Unless they're leaving and

completely saying goodbye. They need to do that, otherwise you need to replace them. If at three months in one day they're living in the house again. They owe you four months rent. Absolutely right, you've held their room for them. Their stuff is still in their room. Is it not the only thing that you could recommend if they're really not gonna budge on that is airbnb your room while she's gone. But then you're stuck living with air being

what a hassle that is? Yeah, no, I say no. I say they got add roommate that doesn't want to pay, and I understand why they don't want to, but they got in this life. That's adult thing. I'm sorry you do. Of course. Um it's funny so that quickly just said for the n Seacrest things. One last thing before we part, Yes, there.

Alan Watson is a philosopher from like the Midnight teen hundreds, and I've been listening to a lot of his lectures lately, and I'm gonna butcher this, but he talks a lot about how if we could go to sleep every single night and dream whatever we wanted, a dream, anything in the world, whatever, while this imagination could dream, and every time we dreamt it was seventy five years at a time, so we basically dream a whole lifetime every time we

fall asleep, whatever we want to dream, you would go about, you fall asleep a couple of nights, you would do the craziest things, but you would always be premeditating the things that you're gonna dream. And so eventually, after enough time, after you fall asleep enough times, maybe on like the tenth or eleventh time, however many it takes, you would begin to dream the exact life that you're living now.

Because the one thing that is super sacred to us as people is that we can't predict what's going to happen to us. And that's like the one most exciting thing and that's the one thing that keeps us coming back, and why we do the things that we do is because it's unpredictable. It's exciting, and that's what we as humans need. And so it's like, no matter how adventurous and crazy you can create a dream to be, it will never be as exciting as living a life of

not knowing what's gonna happen. Wo, that's really interesting. So like the first night I'm gonna I'm gonna become a rock star and I'm gonna marry a supermodel and blah blah blah. That's further, second night, something else. But you're saying, by like the tenth night, that's you're here. You're dreaming your exact life up to the point that, Wow, it's it's really interesting. You guy should listen to actually feel like that's very interesting. Alan wats that's a nice way

to leave us. Yes, anyways, that's uh, that's a Familier Bros. Episode of Help I Suck at Dating? What a great episode. I feel like we could just talk for hours, just three guys talking about poop. Agree with Actually what I mean? I don't know? This was fun? Yeah, um, anyways, be sure to do next week. I think Jared and Vanessa are going to be back and I'm gonna be gone. Unfortunately. I'm gonna be climbing mountains in New Mexico. It sounds great. Yeah,

it to be fun. And then I think, I actually, I don't know if I've talked to you guys about this, but it might be gone all the time. Where are you going now? I think we're gonna go to Marrakesh for a week. Marrakesh, Yeah, okay, I've always wanted to visit the continent of Africa. I'm going to be New York for birthday. I just figured, you know, why not, It's only six hours away. I think there's a lot more places to visit in this world than you think, right.

But what happens in ten years when I've seen them all all? You never know? Anyways, Thank you guys, Thank you Mark, thank you Easton, Thanks to our sponsors. Thank you to Shrihily. Be sure to check her out at at the Luminaries on Instagram and Shrihli dot com. Um, big thank you to Jared Vanessa. Even though you're not here today, you're here in spirit. Be sure tune next week with Jared and Vanessa because maybe they will suck

a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast