Dating Questions Asked and Answered with Deandra Kanu

back and listen to that. Turn this episode off, go back, listen to that episode, and then come back and listen to this episode for the callers that are going to call in. DeAndre has joined us once again. De Andrew, thank you for joining us. I've got a question for you. In last Sunday's episode, Jared kept calling you DeAndre, but

it's DeAndre. It's DeAndre, and honestly, so many people do DeAndre, and I just let it slide because I'm like, I don't want to have to correct anyone, but it is DeAndre, gotcha, And that doesn't bother you at all that someone would say because it's I mean, it's basically the same thing. I guess, well, it doesn't bother me, but I do correct it. Like at some point I will correct somebody. But I'm like, I just have to wait for them to, you know, show that out. But Deandra kany, what's your

middle name in Kyruka? Say it again in Kyruca. It's Nigerian. That's awesome. You're like, I'm gonna I'm gonna not try to pronounce that one. I'm gonna mess that up. Um. Caitlin is the same thing because most times people think her name is Caitlyn, and she like let it slide the first couple of times and then she's like, no, no no, no, it's not's not my name. Yeah, you just have to wait for them to like warm up a little bit and be like, hey, by the way, it's DeAndre. Yeah.

And my biggest fear is like, oh, for instance, we were on I was on a trip like two months ago and this girl was named Noemi, but everyone kept calling her Naomi and I like walked up to her on the second day and I was like, what is your name? I cannot call you Naomi if your name is Nomi, And she's like, oh, it's no Emi, And I was like, thank god I got that out of the way, because like, I don't know, it's like, it's

not like disrespectful, but it is. If someone is calling me by the wrong name consistently, I would be like, listen, you gotta tell you gotta start calling you by the right now. But imagine, so, don't calling you Dianne, like your name is Kean. And I think that So it's I love when people are like, hey, what is her name? Can you just like make sure I'm pronouncing me right. I think that's that's so respectful, and I think it's

like a beautiful thing because you have no shame. It means like you're not unapologetically like, hey, I want to make sure what's up. Definitely, something I've learned in older age is just like just be straightforward with it, and like because it is out of it is out of respect, Like I don't want to disrespect you by getting your name roum consistently. Um, So I think, yeah, that's a good thing, all right. So we're gonna have our first caller calling her name is Macy. Let's see if we

can get her in here. Jared is still in the bathroom. All right, Macy, how are you? I'm good? How are you? We are good? Thank you for joining us. What's going on? So my boyfriend won't give me a key to his house even though I live there, and like you want to have to run out to get errands, you know, or to work or to you know, do anything. I have to sit outside until he comes home. So I'm just like wondering, Like, am I asking too much? How long have you all been dating for long enough for

me to have a key? Like, if you're gonna let me move in, you know what I mean? If you're let me move in, I should have a key. If you live there, you should have a key. That's that's basic. I think that's not too much. Well, I'm not sure. He just, you know, he's he just won't give me the key. Every time I ask key, kind of you know, changes the subject, just saying oh, you'll get one, you know, in due time, but he never really you know, I haven't gotten a key yet, and I'm just like I'm

having to sit outside. I'm just I don't know what to do. Do you pay rent? Um? I do pay rents? You need you got a key? Yeah, I'm not really sure to do about it, but he is yet to give me a key, and he thinks, you know, since he pays most briant, then you know. I think this is what you do. You walk up to him and you say, listen, here a little bit, I need a key, and I need it right now. Give me yours and get a copy of it, and I'll bring it back

in twenty minutes. That's what I would do. If I talk to him like that, you guys are gonna try to get me kicked off the house. I don't think you should talk to him like that, but I definitely think I would just sit him down and be like, hey, I love you, I live with you. It's really inconvenient for me to be able to like have to hit you up every single time. I need to leave the house.

Let's sit down and figure out this key situation, or we need to figure out our relationship, like, let's be genuine. I think that there's nothing wrong with the genuine conversation and he should not get angry about that. But he gets angry about that, that should be a red flag to you. M hmm, that's true. I think my boyfriend has control issues. I think that's one of the problems. Yeah, I mean that definitely sounds like that could be an

underlying issue. But at the end of the day, the bottom line is if you live somewhere, you need to have a key, Like what like what if he's gone and you're there by yourself and then you leave and you want to lock the door when you leave, but then you need to come back really quick for something. It's like you're just you're fish out of water at

that point, you're kind of screwed. So beyond even just like the convenience of having a key, which you should have, there's like a safety factor that falls into it too, Like I'm sure there's a lot of situations where it would be better off for you have the key as like a safety thing too. So I think it goes without saying that you should get a key, but I

do agree. Okay, don't call him a little bit, but you should clearly state, like Deandrew was saying that you love him, you need a key for many, many reasons, Like there's like multiple reasons. But but just watch his reaction because I think that's really important and I think it'll tell you a lot. Okay, thank you guys. Yeah, good luck. Hopefully you find that key. Jared, Welcome back to the podcast. How is your bathroom break? It was good? I live a candle. Oh did you go number two?

Was it fast? Yeah? That was fast? But I like this. I mean it wasn't super fast, but for number two is very fast? All right? Next up, the clock's ticking. Next up we have logan joining us. Logan, how are you? I'm doing good? How are you good? Joining us? What's going on? How can we help you? Uh? Well, basically, my girlfriend has a finsta, um and I just recently found it, but she doesn't want me to follow her,

so she won't let me see it. Mhmm. Interesting. That's not that big of a deal though, because I feel like a Finsta is the equivalent of a close friends and sometimes girls op post really embarrassing, like funny, insecure, you know, like it's basically like their diary. UM, So I feel like that's not that big of a red flag. What do you guys think? Uh? Yeah, m m. What's a thin stuff you're showing? You're showing your age here, Jared? Is that a fake Instagram? My initial reaction, Okay, I

know what offense is. Why would anybody have a fake Instagram if they're are they just stalking people on it? And you just said sometimes girls use it as like a diary, right, exactly, Like you post like funny things, or you post things that are, like you know, inappropriate that you wouldn't post on your page, or you post like embarrassing things. It's almost like a way for your close friends to see like the raw and cut real you that Instagram can't see. Well, what does what does

she post on her fake fake Insta? He doesn't know because she won't let him follow her. That's right. I do appreciate DeAndre being here because I I would have been concerned about it. But Deandrew's perspective does make a lot of sense. Um, for girls like to only follow their girl friends, and like you said, Deandrew kind of like post like an unedited version of their lives. So that makes sense to me. I could see that being a less non issue for sure. Um, it's news to

me though. I mean, Calin might have a fence to if she does, she's really good at hiding it. But I guess with the Andrew's perspective, I really wouldn't be too worried about it at all? Can you see her followers on her fence? Stores at private? It's all private, And have you asked her like, hey, like what's on your fence to because maybe she could just like briefly show you and you're like, okay, I don't even need to follow you. Or is she like, no, you can't

see anything. Yeah. Her reasoning is that I need to trust her, so I can't say anything show me anything, and trust is earned. You should say Okay, I do trust you, but what do you Why can't you show me?

What are you hiding? I think that's a little bit of a red flag though, because it's like, as in much of his embarrassing stuff as I posted like all my close friends, if my boyfriend wanted to see it, I'd like, look really quickly, but don't stare too hard briefly right, And by by saying like you just need to trust me kind of has the opposite effect where it's like, well I would have trusted you if you said anything else besides that, because yeah, like if if

she was just like, yeah, I just post random goofy things for my friends that are close, then you'd be like, okay, cool, I get it. But maybe the way she phrased it wasn't the best. But I don't know, danger, what do you think you should do? Well? I would ask like, what kind of stuff are you posting on there? Does she have you asked her that already? I haven't really asked her exactly what she's posting. I just asked her to see it, and she got really mad at me,

and then I told many to trust her. But exactly trust is earned. That's my whole point. Yeah, I don't know that. The fact that she got mad. I don't think that would be my initial reaction. If my boyfriends like, can I see your fence stuff, it would be like embarrassing, like, okay, I don't want you to see this. I posted a picture with my belly bloated. It's not cute, but you know, like I'll hold the phone over here and like, you know, to scroll through it. So I think just being wearied.

But I'd be like, hey, I don't need to follow you, but I would just love to know what kind of stuff you're posting on there, because it's making me feel like you're hiding something, even though you say you're not. Like I would just be, you know, tell her how you versus you're doing something, tell her how it makes you feel. Yeah, nice, that's really good advice. Yeah, I like that. I will thanks. Yeah, thanks for calling. Love going to appreciate it. Thank you, d Andrew. It sounds

like you might have a fence stuff. Okay, I don't have a fence stuff, but I have a close friends and guys be like keeping at me your close friends, and I'm like no, because the stuff I post on there is so embarrassing I would rather die, Like what do you post? What do you post on your fence stuff? Close friends? All those post crazy stuff Like if I go on a date and it's horrible, like I'll give

like the ug cut, you know version of that. Or you know, if I'm not looking cute one day, like I'll purposely post like looking really ugly on my close friends things like that, or embarrassing stories, or like if I'm feeling not happy one day, I'll like go into a rant about why I'm not happy. And those aren't really things that I want any man to see. I want to be on the close friends list. How do I get on that list? Well, it takes a lot of a lot of trust. You gotta have a lot

of m all right. Next up we have Jenny joining us. Let's see if we can get her brought in here. Hi. Um okay. Uh, So, my boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and you know, I've gotten to know some of his family pretty well, and you know, we're both young, we're twenty two, and and this happened over the holidays, and I don't know, it surprised me,

and I'm wondering if I'm just like naive or something. Um. His family rented this like big house for Thanksgiving on a beach, and you know, so we were all in and out of the house, like in beachware and stuff, and I noticed that when I was wearing like my swimsuit, that some of his family was like taking some some quick looks at me, you know. Um, And I don't know, I just I didn't think it was that big of a deal because you know, like, you know, a girl

in a bikini is like noticeable like around people. Like it's fine, especially like because I was like one of the only non like family member girls that was like there. Um. But on Friday, I heard, uh to my boyfriend's cousins joking about it in the kitchen and you know, I heard one of them saying that they hoped that she, meaning me, would you know, be wearing that red bikini again tomorrow. And I was like, oh my god. So I went and I told my boyfriend and he just

laughed it off, and he was like, that's normal. Guys talk like that. They joked like that, It's like whatever, you know, it's totally normal for them to make those kinds of comments about girlfriends and whatever. And so I was like, still kind of annoyed, and I was really annoyed that he wasn't concerned about it. I guess um. So I definitely wore uh that red bikini the next day, and I wore it literally all day, through dinner, everything, because I was just like, oh, you want to see

me in the red bikini. Fine, that's all You're gonna see me in all day long. And I don't know. Now I'm wondering if I was like being like childish or if you know, like, may be I'm in the wrong year. I don't know. No, I don't think you're in the wrong. It is. It is an interesting situation, and thank you for sharing it with us, because guys, yeah, I hate the phrase guys will be guys, um it.

It's just like weird when it's your boyfriend's family talking about you right like, and your boyfriend's not standing up for for you to like kind of put it to bed. It's just it's it's I don't know, that's a tricky one.

What do you guys think? Jared and DeAndre? So, I feel like he's probably embarrassed because if one of my guy you know, with one of my girl cousins was, you know, talking about that about my boyfriend, I wouldn't want to confront them because it's my family and that's so weird that they would even fix theirs to speak about my spouse, like my partner. But he's probably just embarrassed and trying to make it seem like it's nothing

because he wants to sleep it under the rug. But I think you did the right thing by just continuously being you where the red bikini. This isn't the nineteen fifties. You know, you can wear a bikini and be around people and they don't have to make inappropriate comments about you. I think he's just embarrassing really just doesn't know what to do because that's like such a weird situation when your own family is talking about your girlfriend. Yeah, that

is true too. It's like he probably doesn't want to be confrontational with his family members over something like that. But at the same time, like if that's something that you want for him to do, which it sounds like you're kind of you do, you would like maybe wanted to, but you don't necessarily care that much about that. Like I guess he would have been more concerned, you know, like been like, oh, that's kind of odd, or you know, or even been like, you know, yeah, you look good.

At least they were appreciate, you know, Like, but he was just like, it's whatever, and I was like, it's not whatever, right, It's it's very strange when your family members sexualize your partner, right. That's kind of the underlying issue. It's like, why would you do that when it's my girlfriend? Um, I'm trying, I'm trying to imagine my head, like what would happen if my brother is do the same thing

to kay Land And it wouldn't ever happen. So it's like I can't imagine how I would react, but I would probably kind of do the same thing, like laugh it off and kind of try to sweep it under the rug, but that that might be like the not the best reaction, because you do want to have some sort of defense for you and like you don't want your boyfriend's family to be like uggling you, right like,

especially when you're out, um doing that. I don't know, that's that's tricky, Jared, you haven't weighed it on this, What do you think? Yeah, I'm also with Dean. I don't I can't imagine my friends doing this, but I can totally see like a you know, weird uncle saying something creepy and oh my god Jesus. So if that was the case, I would probably and Ashley came up to me and said, hey, listen, that was kind of weird.

I'd be like, I get it. He's harmless, but you know, take it as a compliment, and then I'll talk to him. That's what I would say. And then I would go to him be like, listen, like, thank you for saying that. I appreciate it, Like, I get it, that's why I married her, but um, you know, just trying not to say something weird around her makes feeling comfortable. And then I would hope that they would respond to that well, so I'd be confrontational, but in a very gentle way.

That's how I would handle it. So I don't know, I can't really blame your boyfriend all that much because it is a weird scenario where it is your family and like they're just making weird remarks. So it's like like, I, you know, I'm gonna of course defend you, but I also don't want to like make this a bigger thing than it actually is, because then if he comes up confrontational, is he escalating the situation instead of de escalating. It would have just been better if he just didn't say

anything and moved on. Um. So I don't know, that's a tough it's it's more so I think just um, hopefully I i'd moved past it. But I mean I understand why you'd be like, hey, listen, come, you know, come on now, your your family is making me feel unomfortably. You should say something. So I see both sides of it. I had a similar ish situation a couple of years ago. Uh, we rent out this big house in Palm Springs for my like one of my best friend's birthdays, and then

my one of my other best friends. We were all like partying and drunken stuff, and one of my other best friends smacked Klin on the butt like jokingly, and he thought it was He thought it was hilarious, and everyone else was like kind of laughing, and Calin was like, that's not cool, and so I like, I was like, I walked walked up to him, shoved him in the pool, and I said, you better to never do that again.

And it was kind of weird to like it was like all a joke obviously, but I think that there was a line that was crossed at some point and then it's like, well, how how do I respond appropriately? So that like it's just it's definitely a delicate situation. But the worst thing you can do, in my opinion, is not say how you feel about it, because that's not gonna hurt anyone, and like that's going to only help fix the situation later on. But it is it

is an uncomfortable situation to be in, for sure. I mean, as a woman, I feel Jenny on this because it's like being sexualized in any way by someone who isn't your partner is so awkward and it makes you feel uncomfortable. So I understand her not being uncomfortable around becausin's and like wanting your man to say something. But it's just such a weird situation because people should know better, and that's just really sad that they don't know better. Yeah right,

I agree. It's like its more falls on this on the family members and like my friend in this case, for being weird and doing and saying those things, Like just don't say and do those things. It's pretty simple and we won't be in the situation. But um, but yeah, I think maybe just like say something or I don't know, like danger, do you think it's a good idea to not say anything and if it arises again then bring it up or kind of just like forget about it

until that potentially happens again. So since this one already passed and he already was like, okay, let's brush it off. If anything close to making you uncomfortable happens again with those same cousins, I would definitely be like, look, I love slide. The first time I'm uncomfortable I heard them talking like this. If this is like the conversation is going to be amongst your family, I'm uncomfortable by this.

I think you need to say something, so I definitely would get one chance, okay, but if anything close to weird happens, I would definitely say you need to say something because I'm uncomfortable. Now. Yeah, I like I like that. Thank you of course. Yeah, hopefully you get it figured out. Jenny, thank you for calling in. We appreciate it. Thanks, Thank you, Jenny. By bye Jenny. All right, well that's gonna do it for Thursday's special caller episode of Help I Suck at Dating? Jared,

thank you for joining us after your bathroom break. Dandre always, thank you so much for joining us. We appreciate you. Hopefully it's not going to be eight months until we see you again, because I think that's how long it's been the last time we saw you. But uh, you have great advice and I think we could always use your stage wisdom on this podcast. I'll be back any time. Let me know. Hop we love to hear that. Thank

you to the listeners out there. Like I said, if you haven't listened already, go back and listen to Sunday's episode where we get to talk to Danjel a little bit more. And thank you for tuning in this week for Help I Suck at Dating. Be sure to tune next where maybe we suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast