Dating Dealbreakers

What a delight it is to have you. Were honestly stokes because Jared and I are running out of crap to talk about. So plus we need like a female perspective because we're just a bunch of dudes spewing nonsense. So it's nice having a someone who actually can talk intelligently about dating. How are you sitting. I'm good. I have been dating. I've found finally a boyfriend, and I managed to do it in quarantine, so I'm very good. Actually, let's talk about this said. So we saw us Weekly

published article We saw you guys? Are I g official? Tell us about this mystery man of yours? So we met in the d M. We met on Instagram he actually was a Bachelor fan. Maybe not so much anymore because I might have ruined the show for him, but he was a Bachelor fan, and he watched the show because his mom liked it, and he was watching every season. He watched My season, Colton season UM with his roommate every single night they got together, they watched the show,

and for whatever reason, he had his eyes on me. Um. He liked me a lot, so then he proceeded to watch me on Paradise once he knew I was gonna be on that, And then once that happened, he just started randomly d m N me and it was always very nice and fun. It was never creepy or weird, how normal dams tend to be UM, so he did it right. He would just respond to things I was doing.

I remember putting out like a bunch of question stickers one time when I was board, and he would send me really funny questions like who would win in a fight a shirk or a bear, things like that, which actually we're entertaining. So we just kept dm ng a little bit and then I I would respond and then not respond. And then once quarantine happened and everyone kind of went back to their homes. Everything was shut down.

I was on my phone a lot more and I started paying attention to who was on the other side of the d m S and I actually want to see who this guy was, because we had talked a couple of times and I was like, Oh, this guy is actually really really cute. Um, I'm going to keep talking to him and see what see what this is about. It turns out he lived in Ohio, and after two days, I think straight of dm NG. He basically was going to exit the situation and was like, well, I had

my fun. Obviously this girl is He thought I was like a famous person or whatever, lo and behold and pretty normal. So he told me that if I'm ever in Ohio he could I could reach out to him, we could go on a date, whatever, and then he left me his number. So then I was like, well, I've been having fun. This has been a good way to get through quarantine. So then I was like, why

why not keep talking to him? So I texted him and then we went to texting, and then from texting and went to FaceTime, and from FaceTime it went to three months to that, and then finally we met in person. I think after three months when I flew to Ohio to meet this guy that I've never met before, Well, that takes balls to fly out to Ohio to meet someone you haven't met before. Damn um balls, and convincing your family a lot that it's okay that I'm meeting

a stranger in a foreign state. I know, that's pretty crazy. Do you recommend that, Like, say, hypothetically you were giving your friend advice and your your friends going through the same situation, would you have told them to fly to Ohio? I would say yes, because for me it worked out. But also check your facts, Like at one point I was gonna maybe FaceTime with his mom just to make sure he was a real person. All of these things happened.

But because we had been talking for so long and like built this strong relationship and all we could do was talk, it was essentially like the Bachelor, like but via phone all you could do was talk. You got to know each other really well. There was no like physical side of it. We couldn't really get like sexual obviously over the phone really um until we were in person. So I think because of all that was pushed back,

we got to like see each other really well. And we like created a strong connection, and because of that, I knew for flying to Ohio it wasn't that big of a risk because I pretty much knew him really well by that point. So I got a question for you. Yeah, So, Jared and I have talked about this a lot on the podcast. We both strongly agree that Instagram is arguably

the best dating app out there. But I think the second most challenging thing on Instagram when you're trying to meet someone that you might be interested in is getting that first d M to be approved. So what was it that he sent to you that caught your eye so much to press the accept button? It was never creepy, like I said, It was always just in a response to things that I was putting out for people to respond to. So in that moment, I was already looking at my dams and it was never like hey girl,

you're hot, like really cool, blah blah blah. It was nothing like that. It was just like really funny. It made me laugh. They were quick, witty, and then it's just a little intriguing. So I think if you so, it was the questions thing that wasn't that was like the initial thing where you're like, Okay, this guy, this guy's got something. Yeah, and then I honestly think it was Tiger King that bonded us for real over quarantine

because so many strong relations exactly. So yeah, I mean it was just meant to be in some weird way, but I think it was actually a great way too date because it takes away you can see the person, you can see a little bit about their life. I mean, when everyone's on a dating app, you go to Instagram right away. Anyway, it's just to see a little bit more so kind of takes out the middleman. But what is that for me? His name is Nick, which is funny because my brother's name is Nick, my dad's name

is Nick. My definitely parents, my grandpa's name was Nick. So it was either really good sign yeah exactly. Well, now I'm living in his home, so so far, so good. You guys are living together. Yeah weird, I know. Um yeah, So we've been talking now for like maybe four or five months. But I wasn't going to move back into

my apartment in l A right away. I was supposed to move back in September, but LA is pretty still pretty much still shut down that it is so, and I was already staying here, so we decided just to kind of move in for the time being and see what happens. Yeah for now. Yeah. Wait, so you guys bachelor folk, we love these condensed timelines. We go just like our relationships. I like it. Uh, just you know,

dive head first sometimes you have to in life. Um, I'm curious because you said that, did he when he d nd you? Did he respond to one of your stories? Or did he just randomly d n you? He responded to one of my stories? That's the way to go. Yeah, you gotta because you're already putting it out there and you're looking at your own because of it. So yeah,

it's better than just sending like a blind DM. I think I totally agree, Instead of like a high I'm so and so nice to do, it's so much better to respond to his story and and then you know, have a reaction to someone's interests really exactly captured your attention. Yeah, And I think the main thing about damning people is that you shouldn't be private if you're going to do it. Yes, everyone's gonna look at photos. It's not the whole thing,

but it's the first thing. You're going to look at and if you're private, you can't see that, and no one's going to request you necessarily to see who you are. So I would just say, if you're going to be damning people, don't be private you Do you find it weird that Nick was Bachelor fan at first? Did he admit that or did he like? Was he like, no, I'm a fan of show. I know that came later on, Like it came way later on, So it wasn't that weird.

It's kind of funny. Actually to me, it was nice that I could like talk about my friends and he knew what I was talking about. There's that. So I want to know more about Nick himself. Yeah, well he's actually a pretty interesting guy. He actually had a better story than I do. So also what intrigued man went to his profile and it wasn't really like him holding a bunch of fish or like normal dude photos. It was just like him and his family and like I

could see a little bit of his life. Nor photos are like fish hunting sunglasses, mirror pick that's usually like the GISs. So he had a little I know, stay away from those. Yeah. So Dean has a great aesthetics that everyone can really does because lots of lots of mirror picks. Wait, okay, so you saw his Instagram profile, you liked his family. There was one photo in particular, it was him in like a neck brace. Um, so apparently,

well not apparently. This is what happened when he was in college one summer, decided to dive into a swimming pool at night and ended up hitting the bottom and breaking his neck. So yeah, it was a whole thing where he was supposed to be in the hospital. He was never supposed to walk again, but by some miracle which he hates that word, he managed to walk again

in like two days. He started feeling feelings back in his fingers and his legs, and they're like, we have no idea why this is happening, why this is happening, or how this is happening, but he's managed to start to move, so we're gonna see if we can get him to walk. So now after I think he was maybe in the hospital for like max a week, and then he started walking pretty much a week after, which is insane. It was probably a sophomore going into junior

year high school, college, college. Wait, so you're telling me that the doctor said that he might never walk again, and two days later he was walking. Yeah exactly. He was like, hold my beer. Did they ever figure out what happened? Because this is I mean, not to throw the word miracle out, as Nick do exactly hates it. It's pretty much a miracle, though if you think about it, I think it was like a lot of parts, maybe

some other higher power or whatever. But he the doctors that he had managed to like put his neck back into place or whatever. And because he did that, guess whatever the doctor did wasn't like a normal procedure, but he was like, no, we're making We're putting this back. So he did that. And he was also really strong from football he played in college, so like that was a factor too. And I think just like general willpower that he seems to have. So for whatever reason he's

walking again. He has all of his ailments and all the things so he can fully function. Um. Yeah, so pretty amazing story. So just like by that story, hearing that about him, I was like, well, you're pretty amazing person, just by like the way that you have the strength to do that, the like the willpower you have, and just like how he is now it's pretty amazing. So yeah, he's got a much cooler story than me. Well that's pretty awesome. I mean, obviously we love to just see

people get the happy endings. Granted, you know, five months into a relationship, we don't want to call it a happy ending, but I mean it sounds like smitten about each other, moved in. This is also my first boyfriend. So I'm taking a lot of like major steps here and just like hitting the gas. Actually I remember this, that's right. So how old? I'm twenty nine? Well, actually actually didn't get her first boyfriend until she was thirty. Um, so what do you what do you think it was about?

What do you think a lot of it was. You're obviously a beautiful woman, You're a catch, you were on the show, you're intelligent, your dancer, you're you're by far and away a catch. So what do you think it was in your twenties that a boyfriend? A lot of factors. I was really focused on my career. Dance was a big part of my life, it still is, and so I was doing that, and I was also trying to date in New York, Um, which is hard in itself.

I was dating just didn't really land on a lot of good gems um, and so yeah, I was was just really busy, and then whenever the guys didn't work out, I would just go back to focusing on the dance part of my life. So yeah, I definitely tried it.

I was just never willing to get distracted in my career by some guy that wasn't necessarily worth it, So I just and it was always around women because I danced with women and I also taught women, so I wasn't meaning a lot of guys dancers are dancers are funny.

So I'm friends with a few like professional dancers, and they're very similar to that too, like they focus so much on their craft and dance and and I mean a lot of them obviously have like other jobs and all that kind of stuff too that keep them super super busy. So it's like a lot of my friends who are dancers are you know, mid to late twenties even early thirties, and they're like never and even interested in having relationships because they're just like, well, I don't

even have time for that. Yeah, And I think too, because dance has such a short time frame that I think you're focused for that time frame that you have in dances, just dance or just working. So I think that can easily get pushed to the side. Well, so tell us more five months in first boyfriend whenever we want to know what's going on in the brain is Sydney l I know. I think you know when I say when it's meant to be, it's just everything kind

of falls into place and it's easy. That's how this relationship kind of has been like from the start, even just talking on the phone. I mean, both of us knew that we had lived in different states, that there we were never met in person, that we had very different lives, but yet we just kept kind of rolling with it because our conversations were easy. We got along really well, and it was just working. And I think to both of us were kind of in the right

mindset for an actual relationship. We're both looking like I obviously was looking I was on a TV show for dating, and he had gotten to the part of his life where he was starting to look or like open to the to finding someone. So I just kind of lined up and then we've just gotten along really well, and it was almost scarier for us to be apart and us do long distance right now than it was for

me to like low key move in. So I guess when it's just like it's right, it's right, and just kind of like go with it if it's working before we have to wrap up the first second. But before we do, I do have a question for you because I find it interesting. Have you and Nick had talks about the fact that this is your first relationship because I think when I first started dating, actually that was

something that we talked about. We were friends for so long, but it was for first serious relationship, and then we ended up getting engaged pretty quickly and then married about a year and a half later. So we certainly had discussions about it at length because there is something to be said. Practice makes perfect where you kind of learned about yourself within different relationships and you learn about what you want things you don't want. Does that make you

nervous at all? Or Nick nervous at all? The fact that, like you guys are already moved in pretty much and it's your first relationship in your four five months in um, I think it made me nervous more than it made him nervous, because at the beginning I laid all that out on like this is my first this would be my first relationship. I don't have a lot of experience. I know myself really well, but I don't know myself

with another person really well. And for whatever reason, he's kind of a person maybe as if his experiences the things that he's gone through. He kind of wears his heart on his sleeve, and he's really open and like willing to jump into things. I think more than I am. I'm a little bit more guarded, and because of that, he kind of like held my hand throughout the process

and has met me like where I'm at. Um. Like I said, I think it's just kind of worked out because of what For whatever reason, this just lined up. I don't necessarily think this would always be the case for other people, but for me, this is just kind of worked And I always from in the back of my head, I knew I'm not saying that this is that, but I always knew I would be like a one

and done kind of person. Not saying like that we're there or anything, but but you're saying you're one and done so far you can talk to me in a month, And I be like, you, guys, I was wrong, But no, I think hopefully I'll be a one and done. I love it. I'm excited to meet Nick and vet him for myself. But like I said, we we got you

for the whole episode. You are co hosting with us today. Um, we're gonna get to some deal breakers we found online and then obviously our favorite the listener emails later on. But before we jump over to the deal breakers, we're gonna take one quick break and jump right back to it. We'll go back to help I suck at dating with Dean, myself, Sydney. We're all here marking easton there listening. They might chime

in later. I have some new dating terms that we got to go over as well, because you know that's gonna become a weekly segment on the podcast. But first, as Dean alluded to, you know, deal breakers, they're kind of a big deal because they break deals. Uh. And we looked up the top three deal breakers. Uh excuse me. We looked up a couple of different deal breakers, one of them being twelve of guys most common deal breakers, according to a guy in the Good News about this podcast.

We have two guys, so we can validate a couple of guys. That's right, Uh so any guesses like I kind of want to hear guesses from Sydney and Dean. Do you guys have any guesses about what you think? One of the twelve most common deal breakers for guys are for guys. Yeah, for guys, for dudes smoking smoking, Okay, uh not on here. Wow, that's insane. That's just one of mine. I guess it's it's one of mine as well. You know, I just can't. I I can't kiss somebody

who smokes. It sounds so bad, but it's just true. Yeah, bad hygiene, maybe bad hygiene number six. Bad hygiene is number six on the list. I wish they gave more descriptions, but yeah, bad hygiene, I think is a deal breaker for anybody. Right. I can't believe it's number six. I feel like it should be higher. Yeah, we're talking about guys, guys. Impressions of women like guys deal breakers of women. Hygiene

is on the list. I'm actually kind of surprised because typically a guy's hygiene is gonna be worse than a girl's hygiene. You know this is true? Speaking of behind chene, Dean, when was the last time you showered? That's a really good question. What day is it? It's Friday, September. Oh man, when was the last time you have to ask that question? I probably showered on Sunday? So like, what six days ago? Five days ago? It's not bad, I'm assuming do you like?

Do you I like a little spray or anything? Just let it, let it go. Oh I hate I hate sprays. I hate wearing dealotor. Not a fan of any of that stuff. All that crap to make you smell good. Well, at least bad hygiene is not on Kalin's deal breakers. I'll tell you about It's true. Well, listen, if I'm with Kalin, obviously I'll improve my hygiene a little bit. I've been camping and climbing the past four days, so it's give me some slas here. Definitely stink. I can

only imagine what that man smells like. Yeah, it's funny. There's a lot of flies line around. I don't know where they came from. They locked onto something. U ding any guesses of like other deal breakers? What are some of your deal breakers that you think might be on this list? Pointy fingernails That is not I think up bad hygiene right, pointy fingernails, too much makeup that's a good one. Yeah, that is a good one. That does not appear to be on here. Wow, who are these

guys tattoos? Tattoos? Are they just physical? Uh no, no they are not. Actually a lot of them on our personality traits so bad work ethic, a lazy Unfortunately, it doesn't look like those, It doesn't look like high standards. It's pretty bad. I'll be honest. I read the list of the deal breakers before hand, so I'm just gonna think outside of the box here a little bit too. I'll tell you my deal breakers is lack of no

sense of humor. It's probably my biggest deal breaker. That's a good one, but especially for me because I'm like a sarcastic jerk all the time. But whenever I say anything, I'm never serious about it, but I'd say it in a way that makes it seem like I'm serious. And if you don't have a sense of humor, it's already along with me. So well, Dean, that is number ten on the list, Sydney, I'm assuming you like guys with sense of humor. Nick has a sense of humor. Yeah,

for sure. That's one of the main things that set out to me was his sense of humor. You gotta be able to laugh. What's your biggest deal breaker, Jared, Oh, my, dig my biggest deal breaker? Uh, probably if you're not a Patriots fan. Um. Number I don't know, honestly, Like, I don't know if I have like any deal breakers.

I'm the type of guy who I try to look at both sides of things constantly, So there's not like one thing that comes to mind that I can think of that's like, if you do this, never gonna work out with me. Of course, like bad hygiene, that's not good. Smoking. I don't like, uh, you know, not having a sense of humor. You have to just be sarcastic. That's that's my that's my love language. Honestly, one of my love

languages is sarcasm. Ashley has learned this unfortunately. Uh that like if I make fun of her, it's an endearing way. But anyway, but the number one, number one on the twelve most common deal breakers for guys flaking on plans, Really that's an interesting one. The description a lot of times that guys have flaked on me on plans is a lot that's interesting. You want to know what's funny about that? Is. I agree with Sydney. I think that guys flaked on plans more often than ware. That's so

hypocritical of guys. I mean we're pretty big hypocrites. So I've definitely flaked more times than I've been flaked on. Ye, Sydney, do you remer a story being flaked on? Um? Yeah? I mean I would get ghosted often or just they would stop. One guy literally we've gone on a date and then we were supposed to go on another date that Friday, and he faked a dental emergency and then I never had from him again, So I think he died. But so you're random things like that, dentist, what a

way to go? Wait, how do you know he faked it? I mean, have you ever heard of a dental emergency? Yeah? And then as the ghosting after it was what sealed the deal for me. Yeah. Yeah, guys suck it says, even if you've been dating a long time, asking someone out is still kind of a big deal. That means when we take that leap and make plans, we expect you to show up. Yes, sometimes last minute emergencies pop up. Definitely not the dentist though, but guys still get upset

if you break our plans. When you do that, it's like the trust is broken. I agree with you, guys, there's no way. Guys break plans way more than girls do. Uh. The second one talking about your ex m hm, I can see that because that just makes you feel like you're you're still in love with him. Yeah, there's no place for the new the old person, the new relationships, so there's no need to talk about them once you've

already had the one conversation. I'm trying to think of a situation where I've been on a date with someone and they talked about their ex the whole time. I've definitely been on that date. But yeah, I agree with sitting. It's like, why are you talking about them? You must not be over them? Mm hmm. I wouldn't say that's a deal breaker. I think that's kind of more of like a let's move, like, let's see if this keeps happening, and if it keeps happening, then maybe I'll we'll break

it off eventually. But that's not like a one time thing where it's like if you get flaked on in in this case Intindy's case, the first time deal breaker or uh, you know, if things are like bad hygiene that are more consistent, I don't know. I think that one's maybe not the not the best. Yeah, it's it's not the best, not the worst. Number three being passive aggressive, I can see that. Uh. Number four, uh meanness. Yeah, you don't want to date someone who's a jerk. I

think that's that's pretty well known. Number five insecurity. That's an interesting one. I you know, sometimes you know, it's funny. When I was on the Bachelor at night one, I uh, like, Dean can attest this student, so can you? Sydney. Like you meet everybody, you're super intimidated. Everybody's good looking, they're successful. When I got there, it was like, I'm not short by any means, but I'm six ft. Everybody else is like six four. I was like, this sucks. I'm getting

voted at home. I'm just a kid from a Rode Island with patrick facial hair, like I don't belong here. And then I remember being super timid and like being afraid to talk to Caitlin and going up to her, and then I miraculously got the final rows of that night, and I thought to myself, if I let my insecurities get the best of me. Then I'm I'm going home because I'm gonna be too scared to talk to anybody.

I'm gonna be too uncomfortable to truly be myself. So I kind of just like masked my insecurities for a little while and just put him to the side and was like, I'm just gonna be the most confident version I possibly can be and go for it. And it worn't you know, knock on wood. It worked out well because then I ended making it far enough to be invited to Paradise where I met Ashley. But like, insecurity is an interesting one because you can really project your

insecurities and that I will say it is a turn off. Yeah, I agree, And it's also like everyone has insecurities, but it's how you manage them. And if you're leading with your insecurities, it's not so attractive. So like you said, like you masked them, you figure out a way to kind of like operate in the world as yourself with those insecurities, kind of like at Bay. So yeah, if you can get those under control, because no one is free of insecurities, but just like manage it, especially on

a date. My biggest thing was I was I was insecure about my career when I was on The Bachelor atte the first time I was surrounded by the call of these doctors and physicians and like business owners, and then I was just like some lowly little start up recruiter, uh, you know. And it was just one of those things where that was like the one thing I kept hazing myself up and I was like super insecure about it.

But then as time moved on, I kind of agree compared It's like eventually just like, yeah, eventually you're just like, you know it, I gotta get over this. Yeah, you kind of just kind of get out of your own way a little bit. But it's not easy. Like Citney said, insecurities are very big part of just everyday life, so you try to have to deal with them on your own way. Number six bad hygiene. Like we talked about number seven, trying to be controlling, let's go back to

bad hygiene real quick. I feel like we're skipping over that one a little too fast. What's in hygiene? What's so bad about being just a little smelly? I think bad breath is not okay, because if you're going to try to make out or get close to someone. If you have bad breath, that's kind of like stop the intimacy right there. So at least have like brushed your teeth. Okay, I brush and flash every single day. Maybe there you

go at least most days, most mornings, most nights. If I'm like going out in public or if I'm like buy my if I buy myself, I'll maybe brush my teeth only once. But if I'm like doing things with other people, obviously brush beforehand. But I agree with you, smelling breath can be a big turn off. But I don't have smelling breath, at least I don't think I do. I will say I got my friend's car. We went to go play golf the other day, and uh it was like my first, uh first day in Denver visiting

my friends. And I got my buddy's car and he goes, did you smell really bad? And I was like, I'm so sorry. I haven't showered like a week. Yeah, when you can't smell yourself anymore, that's usually the problem. Yeah, full on knows deafness to my own stench. And he I felt I was like so ashamed too. I was like, I'm so sorry. Man, I had no idea. Uh but yeah, that's all in the past. Now you know it's all in the past, You're just gonna smell like flowers moving forward.

Number nine, being addicted to your phone. That is a turn off. Like if you're out to dinner someone, put the phone down. Just try to have a good conversation, especially if it's one of the first dates. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great, as we're always on our phone. But yeah, I mean you have like that one hour to step with that person. Use it. I don't know, have you guys watched The

Social Dilemma on Netflix yet? Yes, we watched at the end of the night, and I knew all those facts for sure, Like I knew we've all on our phone way too much and we've definitely been being watched. It's just a good thing to be aware of. My screen time is out of control time, I like tried, it's hours, like like up to seven in quarantine a day. We're just out of control. I'm using it for work kind of not really, but yeah, I agree, I want to

hear more about this Social Dilemma thing. But I will say my screen time I think peaked out like eight and a half hours one week and I was like, whoa, but I do use it for my GPS, so I don't know if it's like if it's driving and it's on, I don't know. You can see like what app you're using more based on your screen time, which is always Instagram.

For me, it's definitely Instagram. Uh, Number nine being too loud, Number ten not having a sense of humor, Like we talked about number eleven neediness, and numbers twelve to round it all out. Sexual incompatibility mm hmm, I mean yeah there basically. Yeah, But like compatibility, sexual can be a lot of different things, Like it doesn't mean you know, it just means that you guys, you know, go well together. I don't know how to else to. Yeah, I feel

like that's chemistry that can change. But sometimes you're just not compatible as far as like this person has this fantasy and will not let go of that fantasy. So things like that. But depends on the situation. Dean, what's your fantasy my sexual fantasy? Yeah? Oh man, it's so weird. I don't even think I could tell you guys. No, I'm just kidding. I don't really I don't think I have a sexual fantasy, do you guys have sexual fantasies. Is it supposed to be like commonplace for everyone to

have a sexual fantasy. I don't think so. Yeah. I don't think so either. I like don't think that. I yeah, I mean ah. I would say sexual compatibility is only a deal breaker for people that are like in their early twenties or late teams, you know, like the older you get. Like you said, Jared, you can build sexual compatibility like within a relationship after like getting to know

that person and being communicative, etcetera. So I don't really think that should be on their I there, but um, in terms of my sexual fantasies, uh, involve a lot of like whipped cream, maybe some like hot fudge and splits Deli meats. Okay. You ever see that that Seinfeld episode where George Costanza like is having sex with his partner and he's like eating a pastrami sandwich while he's doing it, and then every time he eats a pistami sandwich from there on out, he like gets all hot

and bothered from it. Oh my god. Reminder of the end of Bridesmaids where they're like having zacks with the huge past sandwich. It's like yeah, exactly, it's like the Flaps. That's amazing. Yeah, I remember that episode because George, it's like the Pinnacle. He's like, if I can eat while having sex and watch TV in the background, like it's it's it's the ultimate. Um. All right, let's talk about dating deal breakers that women have and that men should

definitely be aware of. This is on Reader's Digest. What do you think number one is? What do you think the number one deal breaker for women is, ah, not wanting to get married and have children? Do you not want to get married? I'm saying, like deal breaker for if guys don't want to do that. Okay, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, that's interesting. I don't see maybe not number one, but yeah, I don't. I I think

I mean, well, that's a great answer. I think these are a little bit more surface level type of things. Not not like I shouldn't say surface level because they're very impactful and meaningful things. But no, it's not that Dean. What do you think did you already read these? I read them already yet, But I'm going to say actually not, I'm not gonna say anythingxactly. Yeah, that's so the number one is dishonesty. Dishonesty is the number one deal breaker

for women. Um this apparently this includes dishonesty about your age, Uh, you're marriage to yes, marital staff at us. Of course they say height. This is probably predicated to like first dates. Is that a bad thing? Do you think that's a big deal breaker? You just got on bubble dates and they say they're like if anyone's six ft, they're usually like not, or they will say that, they'll say that

like six two, but they're really six foot. And I've just gone on dates where you think on bumble where it doesn't say the height, you think that there are certain height based on their photos. Then you get there and you're like, that is not the height that I imagined. But okay, so yeah it's definitely on there, and it's like, what do they expect. It's like, obviously if you see the one person, you're going to know that they're lying about their height. You know exactly, age two ages a

big one. Don't lie about that. Marital status another huge one. Don't lie about that. Guys, please don't know. Just you know, get divorced if you're that unhappy. Number two being unemployed. The second biggest turn off for women unemployed. I mean a lot of people are unemployed right now, so that's true. This was a preda Listen, I'm one for two right now. I am unemployed, so I am hitting the deal breakers.

It's one because I read through. I read through the list of deal breakers and I was like, Okay, I'm that one on that one and that one I knock off. You're about to be too. Three not the role n number three seven seven? Okay, what's number three? What's number three? Number three is lack of ambition? Do you have ambition? I don't think I have ambitions, So I think two out of three, I am ambitious about not doing anything

and trying ambitious to see the world. You are in that way, Yeah, But I would say like ambition applies to like career oriented goals like that kind of stuff, you know what I mean. I feel like I feel like ambition can be like defined in many different ways. I think you have ambition, you just don't have ambition to like work a nine to five. But I don't necessarily that's a bad thing. Said, what's nixt ambition? Or

does he ambition? Very hard working? He wakes up with the sun and goes to the gym right as soon as he wakes up. So he's super ambitious. He's very like scheduled and regimented. And what's his career. He's actually he's in sales. He works actually in like the selling of cleaning products right now, like these big machines that do all these for like grocery store chains and things like that. So he's doing very well right now with covid Um. But yeah, he's in sales since he's a

qualified janitor. In the morning, so he wakes up at like five thirty and then I will not wake up at that time or a few So then he wakes up, feeds the dog, and then let's bring the dog back into bed and we sleep. Me and the dogs sleep together for like another hour, and then he wakes me up and then asked if I want to go to the the gym or not. And then some days I go and some days I just keeps there. So he's a good little morning routine. His dog, her name is Dixie.

She's a bulldog. She's hilarious. She's so fat. You're going to be married by December. I'm telling together, you have a dog together. Number four Dean's gonna really love this one. Lateness. Lateness is the number four biggest deal breaker that women apparently have. This is what I'm talking about, Man, I've already knocked checked three of these four boxes here. Uh, number what's wrong with lateness? Sometimes you just show up? But like what is time? Time is an illusion anyways,

It's like, so I just showed up exactly. Number five. Uh, canceling, Number five canceling. That's obvious one. You like you anytime you get plans canceled on you like half off. Uh. Number six sketchy online behavior, So be more like Nick, don't be like number six, don't be don't have sketchy online behavior. Yeah, what do you think constitutes online sketchy behavior? Like liking bikini photos all the time and stuff like that.

I'm sure Sidney can give some examples of this. Yeah, um yeah, I would say liking photos, following like your friends and things like that before where you guys are relationship and like damning your friends things weird like that. Uh. Well, I got one the other day that was like Hi, it was a very well or not well written at all, but it was like, if you send me emojis, I give you nudes things like that. It seems like a fair trade off. Yeah, super fair, because I gotta pick

the right emojis. But my friend actually was dating someone who claimed to be an Australian for months and then she found out later that he wasn't Australian at all. He was faking an accent for some reason. So that's super sketchy. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, she found out through another friend who knew him from college. And then she was like, wait, he wasn't He didn't grow up in Australia and they're like, we grew up in New Jersey

or wherever. Wabelievable what happened next? Um. I think she had confronted him about it, and the guy was basically like, well, you know, we had a good run. Like what, oh my gosh. I like that just owned up to it. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall to see him go from an Australian accent to a Jersey accent. Just Jersey, you got me so amazing. I wonder if he was like doing a character trial or something and he was trying to play a role.

I have no idea, but that's hilarious but also kind of messed up. Yeah, super messed up. What do you do? Like we said, Number seven, sloppy R bad hygiene. Number eight his roommate. That's an interesting one. I guess that's like also constitutes his friends. Like you know, if you have bad friends, maybe you make bad choices. Yeah, that makes sense always being around. I don't know. I like that one because I don't have a roommate or maybe like they live he lives with his parents or something

like that. You know, yeah, I think even I was just reading the article. Yeah, one of the things is it's a turn off if his roommate is his mom. Yeah, probably nothing. You don't want to go to the parents basement to go hang out. But I mean that's like that just shows he's a good family man, just like he was saying, if he's in between, it's it's fine. But if it's like an end goal for him to live with his mom point not, Yes, I completely agree

with that one. Number nine bad conversation skills. Um, yeah, you have to be olds just like being a human in general and having conversation skills beyond dating. But yeah, you'd be amazed on how many people find it difficult to be human. Yeah, this is true. You're not wrong, Jared. Number ten smoking, which is something makes sense. Smoking just bad breath, not good and really bad for your health. You should stop it now. Uh. Number eleven, he doesn't

pay for the first day. This is something that Deana and I have extensively about on this podcast. So sitting yes, I ask you, do you think guys should pay for the first day? And did Nick pay for the first date? Um? Okay, yeah, I feel like we've talked about this before, Tu Dane. But um, so I'm a little more traditional, and I would like to feel it's a thing of a guy asked you about he plans a date, and then he asked he asked you to pay for it. That's a

little strange. I would like for the guy to pay. I understand that circumstances are different for everyone. We're all in hard times right now, so maybe it's not the way, but I guess, at least for the first date, I would I would enjoy being paid for it. But and

Nick did pay for first dates. Yes, But but here's the thing, uh, and I think this is kind of the reason for UH people thinking this way is the reason that people always think I should pay for the first date is because I would say nine times out of ten, it's the guy asking the girl on the first date. And yes, if you asked the person on the date, you should definitely pay for the date. But if the girl asked the guy on the date, the girl should pay for the date, or at the very

least they should be splitting it. But it's like the person that asked to go on the date should be paying for the day. So like Nick is the one that showed interest to you, Sydney, so of course he's going to take you on a date and pay for it because you're giving him the time of day to hang out with him, and the least he can do is pay for your food. Yeah, I agree. And how do you guys feel about like the wallet grab that the girls do? Like, big fan? They pretend wallet crab?

You big fan? Big fan of the fake grab? Okay, good, as long as I would say, even even do it now that you guys are like dating and like living together, etcetera, you still got to reach for the wallet even if you're paying for dinner all that kind of stuff. I think it still is always a nice one on a day one time and the girl didn't I was going to pay for it anyway. But also, here's the thing

with guys paying for dates. If you go on so many first dates because you're not finding someone that you really quick with, then you're paying for like six seven dates. It adds up quickly. So I understand that maybe you don't if it if it's not going well, you split the check. Maybe if you know that there's gonna be no second date, you just split the check. I don't know.

Maybe that's a bad advice, who knows, But I remember one time I was on a day with a girl and she didn't she didn't do the wall crap, and she just left the check. I like, I purposefully just didn't immediately go after it for it, even though I knew I was gonna pay, just because I wanted to see her reaction, to see if she'd be like oh

oh and nothing. And then so it sat there for like a good two to three seconds before I reached to go grab it, and she was like, oh, thank you as and then I was like, Okay, at least you said thank you. That's very sweet, But I'm a It just made me appreciate girls who just at least go for the like oh oh no, you sure, Oh okay, thank you so much. Like I don't know that little gesture makes all the difference. Devils in the details, Jared, what's protocol for when you and actually go out to

the dinner. Well, now it doesn't matter, like I mean, if we go out to a fancy dinner, I pay for it just because you know, we kind of like, you know, I'll pay for the date we try to. That's like our idea of spicing things up, I guess now. But but no, you know, most times now it's like which card should we put this on? Yeah? Which points do we want? Yeah? Yeah, how many frequent flyer miles do you have? Right? Put it on my card. I

need to collect some points. Um. And then oh sorry, I was gonna say, so you guys still don't do you ever like split it? Like, let's say you guys go to like, uh, what do you like so much? Shake Shack? But I guess then it's just like twenty

bucks you like it. It's just because when we we've talked about finances many many times, and before we even got married, and so you know, we we're very much on the same page about that, because you know, people who are together married have differences of opinions of separate bank accounts our money. You know, your money is my money. But also some people were like, well, no, my money is my money, and then we share some of that. I don't know, but Ashley and I have talked about

that many many times. We're both on the same page. So no, we don't. We don't split the check in or anything like that. How about you and Kalen, Well don't you think that since well, Kaylin and I have a drant bank account, so whenever we go to dinner or anything anywhere, we always put it on the joint credit card that him. But let me ask you, this does the fact that uh because actually has got to make more money than you. Sorry, I mean, I don't know.

I don't want to put anyone on the spot. Kayla makes way more money than I make, so I can only assume that actually makes more money than you may actually next moment. So so why don't you just like be like, hey, let's just put a lot of money into my bank account and we'll split everything. I mean, as you know pretty much what we do. Oh okay, yeah, yeah, I mean she has her own bank account and I have my own bank account, right, but like I just view like all the money in my account is hers

as well. That's the way I just view it. So you're contributing to the unit versus like mine. Yeah, of course, we're exactly for the house future, like we're we're trying to plan ahead. So that's kind of like where our heads are at with that respect that I'm assuming you Nick haven't talked about that yet, Sydney. Yeah, no, I mean we definitely have separate bank accounts, but as far as like me being in here, he's already been taking care of the mortgage, so that's like his deal and

he's fine with that. Um. Yeah, so I paid for things when I when he lets me essentially, and I pay for like all my own things like clothes and stuff like that. So Nick sounds like a gym. I like this. Yeah, we're gonna good West boy, get him on the podcast. I'm gonna talk to this guy. I It's funny because Nick by All is also a Midwest boy from not from Ohio. But every time you say Nick, I always think Nicol bay All. For some reason. Well,

it's because we know, yeah, right, Number a twelve. Last one, he's pushy about sex. Mm hmm, yeah, I could see that being a big turn off totally. Okay, Well, I'm gonna run the numbers real quick on this. So there was twelve deal breakers. I hit one, two, three, four, five, I almost I hit half of them. Let's go, let's go through them really quickly. One you're not dishonest, so you didn't hit that one. Maybe just maybe just being unemployed.

Not I am unemployed. I lack ambition, I'm often late, I sometimes cancel, I have bad hygiene, and I think that whoever asks for the first date should pay for the first date. Those are my those are my deal breakers. But I'm breaking the deal because of those things. Yeah, there's a lot of gray in there. Though you're sometimes late, you have ambition, I think. And plus you're self employed,

my friend. Yeah, that's right. Just punched in the old card right now, while while zooming at each other another day at the office. Alright, fair, fair, fair, all right, cool, we have some emails we're gonna get to. Uh, and then yes, we have a couple of dating terms that I want everybody's opinion on once again. But before we do that, let's take a quick break. All right, everyone, welcome back to our favorite segment, always here on help I suck at dating. It's your emails and we're gonna

read a couple of emails. We've got Mark joining us from all the way around the world Los Angeles. Hopefully he's gonna want to chime in real quick, Mark, Are you there to read these emails for us? Always happy to read an email, diners. This one's from anonymous. For the past eight months, I've been hanging out with a guy who's twenty seven that I was previously friends with for three years. At first, we were friends with benefits, but quickly it turned into us hanging out every day

and going on dates. I've even met his parents multiple times, going on vacation with him, his siblings, all their significant others. But this is where I get confused. After this long, he's never once expressed feelings for me. I don't know if he thinks I'm attractive, much less as feelings for me. I haven't asked because I'm scared of ruining the friendship if feelings aren't reciprocated. How do I navigate this? What

do you think is going on? That's weird? I mean, I think that this guy just is in a good situation with you. You guys are friends. He obviously likes you. You guys hook up, but there's no commitment, so he can hang out with other girls as well. So I have a question. Has she said that she has feelings for him? Has she brought it up at all? It doesn't say whether she did or not. I'm going to guess that she does. She doesn't want to write the friendship,

so she didn't. Really, she's not really approached it. But I feel like you're only hurting yourself in a situation and eventually would hurt your friendship more. The further you go on like this and you develop feelings and you don't say something. I think it's always better just to say it. But that's my and I bet you, I bet you. What would happen is if she were to say something and be like, yeah, so what's up? Like what are we? What are we? Are we boyfriend girlfriend?

I bet you the guy I would be like, uh, yeah, were boyfriend girlfriend? You mean you've been doing all this stuff together right, Like yeah, exactly. Guys are clueless. If he's like introducing or to his parents taking it on vacation, all these types of things. It sounds like he already thinks that, but you just need to get him to communicate that with you. Is Yeah, it feels like almost an elephant in the room agreement. Uh yeah, I would.

I would definitely address this with him. And what's what's what are you gonna lose? You can lose a friendship with a guy that you're in love with that isn't communicating that back to you, Like it's really, there's no friendship there. It sounds like you're going to live a healthier lifestyle if you just say how you actually feel. Yeah, it's an easy one. You gotta get it out there. From Morgan, this is not so much a question as

kind of a topic she's throwing out there. Recently, my friends and I were talking about the dumbest things we did because we were in love. My friend Ashley got a tattoo she had to cover up. My friend Katie moved to Connecticut from New York. I moved out of the country for six months because my boyfriend got a job in Japan. All the relationships ended. So we were wondering, what is the dumbest thing you guys ever did? Because

you were in love. Can I just say, is moving from Connecticut to New York really dumbest thing you've ever done? It's like an hour away. Literally, it's like a train, right, I might be in the dumbest thing I've ever done currently, So yeah, I can go either way. You gotta take risks, right right? I agree? I agree with that, Jared. Do you know what the dumbest thing you have ever done? Is dumbest thing? I mean, all the dumb things I've

done are just bad things. I mean obviously, Well, the first one comes to mind is just not being honest with my feelings towards Ashley. That was pretty stupid there For a while. I was kind of like the guy in the previous email where it's just like we're I mean, granted,

we weren't hooking up. We were strictly platonic friends for a couple of years, but just you know, always kind of yeah, not admitting that I was confused about my feelings was probably one of the dumbest things I've I've ever done, because it's okay to to not be certain about how you feel towards things and still address, you know, the situation, and at least try so that was pretty stupid because then once I tried, I was like, oh no, this is right, this feels good, this is this is

what I want. So that was pretty stupid of me. Yeah, I don't know if I agree. You've got to give it a better answer than that. It's gonna be like some stupid thing like that. You're like an action I took. Um, Yeah, what is the stupidest thing I've ever done. I'm basically just telling it one more time because I need to figure out exactly what the supid got. Nothing said, do

you got anything on this one? I remember I was dating a guy and he had just moved into his apartment, and for whatever reason, I thought it'd be fine for us to share a twin air mattress for like multiple nights. So I was like, yeah, this is totally I'm cool with this. We were sharing an air mattress that was like so tiny. So that was pretty dumb. Pretty dumb. Yeah, I've done some other things, but they probably aren't PG,

so come on, let's hear him. We're ast Okay, well one time this is you probably have to cut this out. But I was on a day with a guy and we were going to hook up, and I realized I wasn't um cleaned if you I had was in between waxes, and so I took it upon myself to go into the bathroom preparing myself. In like thirty seconds, I was in there to hook up with this guy. That's that's like, that's that's thoughtful, I guess, right. But also it was

his bathroom, it was not my home. So yeah, I think that we need to maybe, uh, the big thing that we need to address is the stigma that you always got to be cleaned down there. You don't always have to be. For me, it was more for me, like not I had never been in that state because I had never been in never waxed before, so it was a four thing for me mostly, And I was like, I don't know how to approach this. I've had too many drink. Steven know how I feel about it, and

so I'm just gonna get rid of it. Yeah, that's hilarious. I'm sure he is. I'm sure he has no idea, but well now he does. I hope he listened to this podcast. Who knows, maybe he maybe he's a fan of the Stuck Army or the question is who isn't a fan of the stuck Army scenday, Now, come on, that's true. The dumbest thing I still can't think of anything, Like, God, I wish I had a good story for this one, But how about this, Like Dean, you and me will think about a story and we'll tell it on next

week's podcast about the dumbest thing that we've done for love. Yeah, I want to. I want to think of something now though, because I'm sure I've just got hunt Like it's the paradox of choice where I've just got so many dumb stories to share. I don't know which one to share,

you know what I mean? The thing, Uh, Well, it's funny because when last week on help Ice Second Dating, we talked a little bit about, uh the Colton and Cassie situation and how that escalated into a restraining order, And the only thing I could ever think of was how I could kind of empathize because when I was in college, I broke up with my girlfriend, and I broke up and I like just went through extreme lengths to, like, I guess, either try to win her back and then

after not being able to win her back, to like move on. So I would like I like sent her like a shoe box with like my favorite stuff to animal in it, and like cute pictures of us and like a poem Like I don't know, it's like a

poem or something like that. Uh, I don't. I don't know if that's like necessarily as extreme as moving to Japan for six months, but that's like the one thing that comes to mind where I was like that was because I think that was the breakup that I took the hardest too, So uh, I don't know if that's

just the first thing that comes to mind. And then when I realized that we weren't gonna get back together, I like went to I like went on Facebook and like saw all of our mutual friends and messages, like all of the ones that I was friends with first individually, and I was like, hey, unfriend of this person on Facebook, Like we're no longer going to be friends with her. If I'm not with her, you guys can't be friends

with her like that kind of thing. And looking back on that, like that's really embarrassing and obviously very very stupid of me to do, but uh that's those are like the cringe eest cringe eest relationships things I think I've ever done, in my opinion, and that was me. That was nineteen year old Dean twenty mid to late twenties. I've definitely done some cringe e stuff even like I mean, I'm just trying to think of something more recent, but they're all it's all so bad that it's like, you know,

it's hard to definitely. One time pulled a or Noah from notebook line where we were I was kind of like rekindling things why I act a little bit and uh, like I was convinced, you know, that we should be together, and she was with a different guy, and I'm pretty sure I had said something along the lines of picture your life thirty years from now, forty years from now, and I'm pretty much said something very close to if it's with this guy, go, that's pretty like twenty year

old Jared not knowing what else to say. That is pretty pretty, pretty pretty cringe worthy. There was time where I was like, I was like writing like love letters with like song lyrics. I was like basically making mix tapes. Uh, And in the moment it felt so right, but even in like after a day of hindsight, I was like, what am I doing this is the dumbest thing in

the world. Some of the most cringeest stuff I've ever done is like the A O. Well away messages or my Space where you had like a quote or a line or something. Oh my god, the dumbness that I would put up there, so stupid and cringe I could. I wish I had a book of every away message I had and like the romantic quotes and oh so bad. You should make a you know how Alan has his uninspirational calendar. You should make a calendar with A O. L aw A messages. Oh yeah, that's like back in

the nineties. Yeah, it would be like this, I promise you. Oh my god, I'll do it. Before we say anything else more or too embarrassing, I think we should probably say goodbye. Um, Sydney, thank you so much for joining us as always and co hosting with us on this Strich's episode of Help by Second Dating. Uh, we're stuck to see and hear more from you in Nick. Maybe next time we get you to go host, we can have Nick co host too. That would in the other room.

So let's bring him on. Let's bring him on. I absolutely would love that. Jared, thank you as always. Thank you too, Anonymous and Morgan for emailing us and hopefully, uh we were able to at least provide some insight or I mean, I don't think our stories were as bad as any of Morgan's friends, but it is what it is, um and hopefully we were able to not gout some deal breakers for people that are still sitting on the fence and need to make a decision, they

can use those deal breakers to make that decision. So thanks again for listening. Be sure to tune in next week where maybe we will suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast