Dating Check-Up with Becca Tilley

maybe how they don't suck at dating. So let's get the first caller up here. Megan. Oh, Becca's joining us becas back Becky Tilly is back ladies and gentlemen to help with these callers. So let's bring Megan up on the line. Megan, are you there? I'm here? Hello, Hello Megan? How are you welcome to Help I Suck a Dating? Thank you? So what can we hope with? Well, I've been dating a guy for three months and things are going well. Um, but he's invited me to meet his

siblings who are going to be in town soon. Um. And he wants to set up a trip actually for Labor Day. Weekend. My only reservation is that he's never dated anyone else besides me. Like we're moving fast. I mean, I want a long term relationship, but I'm just anxious that he doesn't know how to be in a long term relationship. From what I can tell, he was a player before we met, and he wanted to wait till he found the right girl to be in a relationship

and introduced to his family. But what do you think about all of this? I gotta be honest. From now, I don't know much. But it feels like you're living a lot of people's dreams. Like you got him, you know, like a lot. It feels like if you said he was a player, there's been a lot of people trying to get him, and now you got him, You're you're meeting the family, you're in. This is it? Oh my gosh, I get figured it that way. I won the Golden ticket. Yeah. Um, So,

how how old a you? Guys? Thirty? Okay, so you're both thirty. So I don't know. I mean, if you're ready for a long term relationship and he seems all in, maybe he hasn't been in a long I mean, has he been in relationships before? Just nothing long term. He's never been in a long term relationship. I mean like a couple of weeks. Yeah, not much at all. So do you know if any so, do you know if

he's Is it that you don't trust him? Or is it that you feel like he's moving too fast and has never had this experience before the ladder like he's he's moving too fast and he's never had this experience. So is he even sure that I'm the right one or is it just like, oh, he wants to be in a long term relationship, So I'm you know, I was there at the right time. It's not really about me, you know what I mean. Here's my question because I can't figure out over your from your question. Do you

like him? Oh? Yes I do? Yes, yes, yes, No, I liked him a lot. I'm nervous that we're moving too fast. Have you been in a long term relationship before? I have. I've been in a long term relationship before. It was about two years and so you met the whole fam and all that stuff. Yes, yes, I've done this before. What aspect of the relationship do you think is moving too quickly? I just it's only been three months, you know, and because he's never been in a serious relationship,

It's like why now, I don't know. I just I just worried that he just wants it so badly that it might not be about me. It might just be about him being like, I haven't been in a serious relationship. People are giving me a hard time because I'm thirty. Yeah, I mean that's something you could totally address with him. I think he'd you know, uh, you should talk to him about that and just see you kind of where

his head is at. But um, you know, sometimes I feel that in uh, in my own life at least, if something is going too well, I like to self sabotage it because I'm like, wow, it's going too well. Like this obviously can't be real, but sometimes it is. And um, you know, of course, don't rush in. You know, I'm not saying marry this guy right now, but you know, I think meeting the family and kind of taking steps towards a long distance for you know, taking steps towards

building a strong foundation for strong future. I don't know if that's the worst thing, um, but uh, yeah, I mean listen, if he if he's like, hey, let's get married tomorrow, then yeah, tell him to slow down a little bit and you know, let's let's relax. Um. And I I understand where your reservations are, but I wouldn't

see them as giant red flags. I would kind of go with the flow and and um, especially if you like him and you want to build something with this person, like, don't don't just ruin it because you're scared that I might be moving too quickly, you know, certainly slow things down a little bit. But I wouldn't. I wouldn't be

too concerned. Yeah, I think you're right. It might be that he's because you said you feel like he's a player, and it might be that he's never found someone that he wanted to introduce to his family or people that he loves. So maybe he's just really excited to like get to that step and see what they think of you,

because he really likes you. So I'm with Jared. I think you just enjoy it and maybe if it comes, if it if it's not settling in you, then maybe you bring it up to him and just say like, this is what I'm feeling, and I really like you. I like where this is going. But um, I think also just enjoy it. Because, like Jared said at the beginning, it sounds like you've got what everyone's wanted from him. I think you're right. That's such a good point. Thank

you so much, an thank you back. I've always been the person too that I, um, I guess I've never seen meeting the parents as like the biggest deal. Is that bad? No, because I think we I think there's like I think it's important for I think it's important for the people that we love to love the person we're with. But there's been such a like societal expectation that your parents or your family has to love here

with and like the pressure of meeting the family. So I actually appreciate that about you that you're like, well, I wasn't. I guess I just because especially coming from such a small state that like, my family is such a big part of my life that I never really thought of like, oh man, now they're meeting my parents,

this is a huge deal. It was more like I've definitely been in short term relationships with people that have met my parents because like I had to go pick up my dog or something like that, I'm like, yeah, just come with me, and then you meet my mom and dad and so maybe I was naive or ignorant, but I remember too. On Bachelor I and went with Caitlin, you know, the week before hometowns. So many guys were like, you know, I don't know if I, you know, am in love with Caitlin as much as I need to

be in order for her to meet my parents. And I remember always like nodding, being like yeah yeah. But in the back of my head, I'm like, I would love for Caitlin to me my parents like, yeah, me, my mom and dad like, of course, come to island. Yeah, my parents would. Literally this was kind of in my later like high school, early college, if I went on a date with a guy, he was expected to like come in and meet them, so like, I poor guys now looking back, but m yeah, I was always like

that expectation. So I just I've never I'm the same as you. Like. I always felt like I was like nodding, like yeah, yeah, this is a huge deal. But no, I'm like, what, It's just people, exactly. They're just people. You might not even like them, you know, I find people. Yeah, all right, So our next call is Alyssa, Alyssa, Hey, Lissa, how are you good? How are you guys doing very well.

What can we help with? So? I am, um, I've been kind of down in the dump lately, since literally every person I know is either married or in a relationship. Where I've nearly made it to thirty not even coming close to having a serious relationship, I feel like I must be doing something wrong, and especially since everyone I know seems to not have a problem meeting someone, and

I'm kind of worried that I might be too picky. Um, but I want to keep my standards high, So I'm wondering, like, do I need to be more open and date people that I usually wouldn't like? What am I doing wrong? I doubt you're doing anything wrong, Alyssa, Uh, you know, obviously the title of this podcast has helped us like a dating but it's, you know, meant to be playful. I doubt you're doing anything wrong. I'm sure that you

just haven't met the right person yet. And um, also, I know you said you're down in the dumps right now because everybody around you is married. I totally get that. I've been in situations like that before, before I was with Ashley, where it's like everybody's in a relationship everybody's coupled up, so like you go to these places and you're by yourself and they're, you know, spending time with

their certificate other. But at the same time, you gotta also remember you don't have to answer to anybody, which is quite nice. Like if you want to go take a ride, you can just take a drive. Like for me, I gotta get a babysitter. I gotta talk to Ashley. I gotta make sure she's not doing anything. Like there's so many times I come home from work I'm like, oh man, I just wish I could go play golf. And she's like, you don't want to go on a date with me, And I'm like, no, of course I do.

But like, damn, I wish I just had some a long time. So don't ever take that. Don't don't ever take that for granted. A listen, It's a very important part of life. Yeah, Alissa, I just want to say, like, I, um, this is Becca. By the way, I I um did not. I dated Robert, my ex boyfriend, when I think I

was like twenty eight, somewhere in that range. But my first serious relationship, which is the one I'm in now, didn't happen until I was literally about to turn thirty, and um, I think I'm so grateful for the time I had to like be independent and have these moments by myself, like Jared said, of doing whatever I wanted to do. And actually, my girlfriend's on tour right now, and I'm kind of like living this like not single life, but I'm alone, and I'm realizing all my friends are

in relationships and have their own things going on. And of course, if if I was like, hey, can I come hang out or whatever, they would obviously have me. But I'm learning to do things that I love to

do by myself and the like enjoying them. And I think Jared's right, like you're going to come to a point where you do have all these things and you don't have the um the independence that comes with being a single person, Like you can still be independent as someone in a relationship, but I think it's so so beautiful to be able to have this time by yourself.

And I know it feels like everyone's moving on to new phases in their life, but um, I think just like soaked this time, and and also don't don't be so I think standards are so important. I don't think you should ever lower them or settle, but I do think, um, being open to dating people that maybe you would never have considered in the beginning, Like you might connect with

someone that you never expect. So I think just like being open to different types of people in relationships, um, and just not overthinking it, like just dating and have fun as much as you can. Yeah. Yeah, And also about that point off of Becca. You know, Ashley, my wife, UM was not in a relationship. Her first boyfriend was when she was thirty. That was our first boyfriend. So you know, sometimes it comes later in life, um, even

though thirty is still very young. UM, So hopefully don't you know, try not to be down in the dumps about it. I mean, relationships are incredible, you know, being able to share your love with someone is incredible. But loving yourself as you know, probably the most important thing you can do. UM. And uh yeah, um, you know, I wish you nothing but the best of luck of Lissa. Thank you so much for calling in. But definitely, you know, keep your head up high. I guarantee it's not anything

you're doing. It's just kind of the way life is. I know for a fact, it wasn't anything actually was doing. I know it was anything Becca was doing. It just wasn't time yet. Mm hmm. Yeah, Oh my gosh. That's so refreshing. Thank you so much, guys, Thank you Luck Alyssa, you're great. All right, Well, that's actually gonna do it. Our last call or unfortunately is ghosting us. Um, So hopefully Caleb can come back next week where he'll suck

a little bit less if he shows up. Um. But I appreciate all the phone calls, Megan Alyssa, thank you so much for calling in. Please keep calling in, guys. We love it. It's our favorite part of the of the segment. We do what we love doing, these little Thursday podcasts. We love you guys listening. Thank you so much. Becca, once again, you're amazing. Thank you so much for joining us on the podcast. You're the best. Thanks for helping me suck. Like hey, anytime, give Phoebe a big kiss

for me. She's right there. Well, she's right here. All right, guys, we'll make sure you're tune in next week. We're hopefully we all suck just a little less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast