Darkest Just Before the Dawn

we have Bachelor in Paradise airing. Obviously I am on that show, so we might as well talk a little bit about that, uh, Tory who always has the most interesting dating dilemmas. I don't know exactly why, but we're gonna dive into your dating life a little bit. Not not why we're going to dive into, but why you always have the most interesting dating dilemmas. I don't think it's very interesting. I think you make them interesting because you always think you're not on a date, and you're

you suck at dating. I think you just overthink everything. Anyway, I'm excited to that dive into that a little bit with you later on. Um, we might call Jared, who's on his honeymoon somewhere in Greece, but we probably won't be able to. It may not be happening because it's not a plane right now. Oh, I see, okay, so he's land in time. Where's Vanessa? Where is Vanessa Robo? I'm not sure I did see that they a wedding, so maybe they're looking amazing at that wedding too. Anyway,

don't looking amazing. I just have to say Dean that I'm critical of your appearance sometimes all the time. I didn't like to be honest. It's working today, it's really working. Dean's got a what kind of ad is that? What would you call that? It's a bucket hat? I would suppose, right, Yeah, kind of like an out bad hat. Yeah, it's got the rim all the way around. I need something like that for hiking. Anyway. He's got longer hair that looks good.

He's got a tan going on, he's clean shaven. It's working for me, and I think the viewers of the Bachelor in Paradise reunion are in for a real treat. Yes, So I just got back from Croatia, so I'm sporting a nice bronze tan and uh clean shaven. We actually have our we're filming our Bachelor in Paradise reunion showed, and so I wanted to go in with a clean shaven look. I'm pretty fortunate to just be gott have gotten back from Croatian might be nice and tan I

am now. I have not bought an outfit yet. My car picks me up in about three hours and uh sorry, Jojo just attracted me over there. Car picks me up about three hours after I get off this podcast. I haven't even gone to the store to buy anything. So I don't own dress clothes, which is what you're supposed to be wearing at these reunions. Right, what have you warned to previous your reunions like suits and dressures? You don't know to suit anymore? No, I threw them all

away when I moved into it. So this is my plan, and let me actually let me question the ethics on this, because this is what I'm gonna do with whether it's ethical or unethical, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go to Nordstrom, buy a nice suits, by a nice shirt, by a nice bow tie, maybe wear a bolo tie I don't know exactly yet, keep the tags on where, and then just return it the next day. I don't think that is ethical. Is that really unethical? I think

that's bad. I think that's borderline theft. The first person to have ever done that, though I've done it before. Yeah, maybe we haven't talked about it publicly on podcast, but I don't know. I don't love it. I feel like, plus, you're using it on television, that's an actual level of theft. I think. So I've done it before on for the tel for reunion show like that. I think for the Winter Games reunion, I die police suit jacket. What the do I need a nine suit jacket for? So? I

wore it looked amazing. I brought it back to the same Nord show and I was so scared that they were going to recognize me and be like, wait a second, we know what you're doing right now, but a jacket. How did they police that? Because yeah, Jack is not going to get all sweating necessary, You've got a shirt on in between, and possibly even an undershirt, right, So what's why does that become unethical? Then to wear the jacket when it's just gonna be dry clean and put

right back up on. That's the one door just pulled it up. That's oh sure, that's a red huh. The American TI it was yeah, because we were it was like the Olympics theme, Got it, got it? When you were doing the was his mentel all from Rachel Lindsay season. That's that's a Ran Secret Distinction jacket. Is for the Mental Olive War Ryan Secret Distinction Jacket. And that was a hit. I remember he gave me two jackets, well

Amy threw him. Gave me two jackets, right. One of them was like this like pretty plain gray with like a black lapel, and then there was this camera one which she was not going to wear the like obviously the camera is a little bit more out there. And I took a poll on my Twitter. I was like, which one of these jackets should I wear? And by a landslide the gray one one. It was like not even to five percent the gray jacket one, and I was like, Okay, obviously I'm going to wear the one

that didn't win the pole. And I really appreciate the look. I thought it looks good. Um, what are we talking about? Well, to be honest, when you said that you're going to record for Bachelor in Paradise the reunion. My stomach turned. I'm stressed. Okay, so we are three weeks into Paradise. I think we're four maybe four four weeks. We're Oh, yeah, you're right for this is the week week four Paradise.

Why are you stressed? Oh my gosh, Dean tell me the birthday cake, the reassuring Kalin we're together, and then you pull her aside after the rose ceremony, and now I'm just left on a cliff hanger. What did you do? Because you haven't seen Tuesday's episode yet? Well, we can't. It's not to say yet. You're right, and so you're going to see what happens tomorrow. But you're saying you're not confident in what's gonna unfold. Is that what you're saying.

I'm like stressed that you may have to see Klin tomorrow. What do you mean, oh, at the reunion show? Yes, because I don't know how this is going to end, but I'm guessing from your track record it's not going to end the best. And I'm sick. I'm sorry, but my stomach is turning. I will say it was funny that you texted me when you were watching this episode, because like you obviously know how everything's gonna turn out, and so you're like, Dn, I'm stressed out right now.

I don't know what's going on. And I was like, well, just wait, because it's probably gonna get a little bit worse. It's like you did so that. He said, Oh, that's a bummer because it's probably gonna get worse for you something, and I was like, oh, my heart can't handle this on a Saturday. It's like that Batman quote, it's always darkest just before the dawn. But let me assure you, the dawn is coming and things are gonna get a up, well,

maybe get a lot brighter. We'll see. Anyways, there's a lot more going on in Paradise besides me and my stupid antick. Right, yeah, but we'll get back to that, back to my antick. Yeah, I still need to know more, Okay, sure, I mean, I'm happy to fill you in as much as they can. Okay. By the way, that quote is from Thomas Fuller from Batman. I'm just saying it goes back a long way. Okay, Well, thank you for the you know, when they do um, like around the horn

or something like that. At the very end, they do all the things that they got wrong. That's basically what you're fact checking as you go. That's that's great. Thank you so much, um Tory. What other storylines from Bachelor Paradise are you most interested in right now? Well? Do you know what? I'm so confused and I would love to know more of Why don't we see any of Mike and Sydney's love story? Like they keep doing like

cartwheels on the beach and that's all we get. We see no dialogue between the two, no dialogue, and then they get the rose and it's like solidified. Everyone knows that maybe they're just not that much like drama developing between them? Are they actually in love? Like I wish I could be more attached to them, but I'm not, um knowing both of them personally, they have like conflicting personalities,

not a bad way, but you know, to trap sometime. Yeah, And I think that they were just like a slow moving couple of Sydney I know in past relationships has moved really slowly, and Mike is like kind of a guy that like, you know, he's I don't know, he like reads like erotic novels, and he's like into that kind of stuff, say, erotic novels. You saw him read an erotic novel on the beach. He brought an erotic novel to the beach, which is fine, Like that's that's

perfectly fine. Wait a minute, what are we talking about here, like fifty Shades or like one of those Harlequin romances with the shirtless guy on the front. Let me ask you this. If you went to a bookstore, would you find fifty Shades of Gray and the erotic novel section? Would you find it in the romance section? Because I think fifty Shades more romance than erotic. Couldn't like Twilight almost be It could be, of course, but that's a book that you'd also find like drama or sci fi

or romance. So would young adult be kind of associated with that thing that's separate. I'm saying there is a section in every bookstore that goes by erotic novel and none of those are going to be bestsellers quote unquote like uh, fifty Shades or like a Twilight. These are more graphic than those other ones. Again, I didn't read the book. I saw the cover do you have an author? I wish I had the photographic. I'm ready to pull

it back. It was just it wasn't erotic novel. I don't I don't want to make a bigger deal out of it because I feel bad. But were the nude people on the cover of the book. It was like a hot and sensual like still of I will say I had recently got one of these about a cowboy, and they look like just like kind of normal, like sexy book on the cover, but if you read them, those things get very graphic. Oh my god, I'm giving a target. I will say I read this book once

when I was like nineteen years old. It's like the first novel I ever read, like willingly not like not a was was signed by school. I was not much of a reader when I was a kid, mind you, And it was it was a stupid book. It was called The Game by Neil Strauss, which is just like, yeah,

don't you guys know who Neil Strouss is. It's basically a book, like a fictional book about how to go and pick up women and heard of this and like how these guys go out and like these magic tricks and peacock and Negan all these things to get women to cook up with them. Horrible book. This is I was meaning so much about teen years old. I get it, and I get it. It was referred to me by a friend. Um. Anyways, the point is I was reading it one day when I was at work as a

bellman out of hotels. I'm standing moving around, but I had some downtime, so I was reading it and they got graphic with one of the scenes, like one of the physical scenes that they had, and I was like reading and I was like, holy cow, this is getting hot and heavy, Like I started to feel parts on me tangle that I didn't want to have tingling while I was working. And I can only imagine if there was a book dedicated to eroticism, I would be just

losing my absolute mind the entire time. You know what I mean, because I've got a very vivid imagination. And this is what Mike redlect through it on the beach. Oh yeah, back to the original point. Yes he was. He was, And again no disrespect like obviously you know

you do. You get tre kicks however you can. But I'm just saying the the dichotomy between him and Sydney is like he was this guy that that read those books, and Sydney is like a very reserve conservative woman who like dates very slowly, take some time to even kiss someone. And so I'm wondering, like if maybe the relationship blossoms later on in the series. And I'm sorry in the season because it just like hasn't necessarily got to that point yet. But so yes and tweach their own and

good for him. But if you're a woman and you'd find this out about a new guy you're seeing, is that a red flag that he reads erotic novels? Well, I was going to ask that about you. Would it be weird if somebody who's reading like A Fifty Shades of Gray, because that's very no because everybody read that, but that's still very like explicit points. Yeah, but it's different because guys like women who are into that sort of thing, that would be a plus. I think for

a man wouldn't. Really, I don't know, I think that I think it goes both ways. I actually have dated a girl in the past where she was like kind of into that stuff a lot, and person I was like, that's pretty cool with them. By like a little later on, I was like well, is that cool? I don't know anymore. I'm kind of second guessing it. Wait, she was into the like the stuff that they talk about in fifty Shades or just she was into books like that, into

the books like that. Okay, yeah all right, now yeah yeah no, because that that's that's a red flag girl takes you home and shows you her leather strap collection. That can be intimidating. It would be fun for like a short amount of time, and you'd be like, Okay, actually turning out to be a personality trade, not just like a off sort of thing. You know. It's better than if he has like a subscription to Hustler magazine,

isn't it wouldn't it be a step above that? I do agree with that Hustler Magazine is like a hardcore playboy. I'm glad I don't know what that is. Then you know, we're a porn collection, Like I feel like erotic novels are a step up from those things. You're still getting like your literature, and that's only positive, I guess, But your vocabulary is expanding in a very different Enuni you're saying they're all kind of in the same bubble. I

gotta think that. I bet you dirty talk is off the charts, though, no, he would be very well versed in. If you look at his Twitter, he says that he has some funny tweets to Mike where he goes. He goes, Man, I want to pull someth I'm gonna pull some tweets up real quick. Let's take a Let's take a before we do that, Let's take a quick break and I'll get back to that. When was the last time you

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You'll only find Sleep number at one of their five seventy five sleep number stores nationwide, and you can find a or nearest to you at sleep number dot com slash dean. What's that website again? Sleep number dot com slash Dean. Okay, So during that break I was able to find one tweet. I thought there were more. There might be some buried down there, but he said, he tweets I want to text someone freaky things every now and then shruggy emoji. It isn't bad, but it's like

that's is that something you should be tweeting? Do you think that hurts his chances at all? The fact that we don't have really a storyline with him or he's like tweeting these things. Do you think that means he's probably not gonna be the Bachelor because we're not really attached to his storyline. People were excited about him as a popular bat and Nick, we were like attached to their storyline. We were feeling every motion they were, and

we don't. We don't really have that with Mike. He just kind of moving behind the scenes this season, and I wonder, I mean, you're right, you don't really see it bachelor get plucked out of Paradise unless they're like a polarizing figure from that season, and doesn't seem like Mike really is that figure. This doesn't. Do you think Derek could be the Bachelor? I personally don't think he could be, but I see a lot of people pulling

for him to be the Bachelor. I don't think he has the ability to like command a room as a bachelor should like. I don't think he's gonna like walk into a room full of thirty women, and all those thirty women are gonna be like, damn, I want to date this guy, you know what I mean. Although, to to rebuttal my own point, I have gotten a few texts over the past like four days alone from like three different my girlfriends, and they all have been asking me to set them up with Derek. What do you

say when they say that? I say, he is trying to date someone on television right now, so let's give the guy a little bit of space. And I also say that, uh, I don't know, like I don't necessarily I'm not good enough friends with Derek to be like, okay, cool, Like, let me let me connect you too. Do you like setting your friends up? No? Why? Actually, so, I just spent like I said earlier, I just spent a week in Croatia. Yeah, Dose boys were cute. Yeah, Ludo and

Law are very cute. What are you guy talking about over there? I was just trying to figure out who that one is. You're talking about the Derek Wolf today, because I know he went out with Steph has now expressed interest in Derek and so, And I'll be honest, down on that beach, I thought that Tasha and Derek were a good match because Derek is like a mature,

well put together gentleman. Tassia is I feel like she's looking for someone like that, And so like the Tastia JPJ dynamic was a little different, and then the Tastia Derek dynamic just made a lot more sense to me. People like, there are you on the Derek train, Tory, I do like Derek. I don't think you might be wrong about Derek. I think he might be commanding. I'm not I don't think he commands around. I'm not saying I dislike Derek but you like him. I'm not saying

I just like Derek by any means. He's a nice guy. Um. I think that he when he eventually finds his person, he's going to be a great match that person. I just don't think that, Like I said earlier, there's gonna be thirty women like salivating standing at a at a rose ceremony, like damn, please give me a rose, Please

give me a rose. I like, I want to end up with you like they would with like a Tyler C or like a Peter the Pilot, or even like to an extent, you think Pilot Pete commands a room I think he's like he has the presence where he's like good looking, successful in his own right. He's like confident and kind of quirky. And I think that women like see him, Tori. I would imagined you would probably see him in person and like kind of like gush

and be like, oh my god, pilot Pete. Yes, judging by what you've told me about the things that you like in guys and how you fall for I think we're probably about the same height. He's tall. He looks about five. Everyone always comes up to me in person and they say, oh my gosh, you're so much tallerant person. I guarantee he's at least six ft tall. Okay, you cheat, Okay, but we take an inch off whatever it says online. Well, the online biography says he's five eleven. Sure, what is

my online biography say? Okay, stand by, how tall are you? Tori? I'm five ten and three quarters. Wow, so you've got a quarter of a high standard. I would have to shrink three fourths down so that's six one, But in reality I'm six one and a half. You always take an inch to one and a half of my license six ladies, anytime a guy has a high on bumble or their dating profile, always take an inch off if

they're putting it in a bubble. I put thing like three happy to no. I think he should like under six ft because when we were at all a nap but together, I'm pretty sure he was taller. And Mike's six five six three for Derek. Oh, that is not true at all, someone at Google or something, because that is a falsified number. Okay, did you just admit that you falsified your number two by a half an inch? You round up still counts He's not six two and

a half. I tower over and whenever I stand next to him, a white line, a lie, or all the same things. So you're telling me right now you want Derek to be the next Bachelor. I would actually be maybe more intrigued with his storyline than Pilot Pete. Why. I just feel like we've seen kind of all of Pilot Pete that we've needed a scene. You want to see more of Derek because like we met the parents, we saw their sex life, Like there's really nothing hidden about him where I'm kind of like I've seen it

all with Derek. I'm like I could definitely need layers peeled back for you. I guess I could see Derek having like better conversations with the women. Again, I just think that a bachelor's season is more about the caddy female drama between them, like trying to like pine over each other to get to the guy. And I think that women would be like fighting tooth and nail harder

to get to Peter than they would to Derek. Well, I was going to ask you this because you said you think that pilot Pete is attractive and would command the room and girls would be, you know, wanting to talk and get to know him more. Do you think Derek's attractive? Um, he's not my type. He has blue eyes, just like you. He's not my type. I don't know if I like the scruff very much. Okay, so's the mustache. That's not that's not scruff, that's a mustache. It's is

he your type? Well, he looks like John Krasinski? Is that how you say that's a good every woman loves. Maybe it's just because I know darre Can. I hung out with the multiple times, and like once you start to hang out with people you like, and that's another thing too. Probably why I have a lot more for Peters because there's like a mystery or like an allure of someone that you don't know on a personal level.

I've never met Pete in person. I've hung out with Derek many many times, and so I just like I know him too well to be like, okay, like you should do this. But with Peter, like I don't know much about him, so I'm just like projecting how I think he would do as a bachelor into my like into existence, you know what I mean. But I will say, no, he's not my type. If I were to like get

super drunk and just uh, what's the word. If I were just like, you know, go all out one night and I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna go for it. I'm gonna find a dude and I'm just gonna dig in make out with him. See where we go? Who knows, like the night is our oyster? It wouldn't be Derek. Who would it be Tyler see Ready to Go? Or Pete? I don't know, pilot Pete I would be into it too, or Peter for my season or Alex b from my season. There are a lot of dudes that I'd be willing to get down

in dirty way. Peter from your season has like major scruff and blue eyes, right, he's got green ice. What is going on? Is there something going on between you and Derek that you just need to maybe let out? No, I mean there's not. We Actually what's funny is when I walked down to the beach the first time I saw him, because there was like, I don't know what, I don't want to call it beef, but like Taylor Nolan and I are like friends, you know. I didn't

know that. And it's like whenever you see here, one side, like there's always three sides of the stories after breakups, Like obviously exes are never gonna really speak very highly of each other. I'm not saying that she ever spoke negatively of him, but um, I don't know, It's just it was like a tricky situation. You and Kaylin are shown a lot with p d A and always being

off together and doing your own thing. But who was like the guy you would confide in most when you're at Bachelor Paradise Besides wells um, like, who is your guy friend? I mean they're all my friends. Who did you spend time with outside of Klin? I didn't really like confide in any I didn't need to confide in anyone. I was like struggling down Yeah, I guess like my producer friend Bill was down there. I guess I can find I want to know who you hung out with,

because it was really just you and Klin the whole time. Dylan. I hung out Dylan a lot. How is Dylan is? He has great? As everyone said, you like Dylan, because I think that a lot of people kind of think he's like kind of naggy and complaining, But he's great. I love him. Our producer Daniel is obsessed with Dylan, So you got to take that up with her. You don't like him, No, I'm sorry. I think you ms heard I said I love him. I'm obsessed with him.

I am rooting so hardcore for Dylan. Dylan in the Hand of You love story, Yes, I live for it. It's my favorite thing. I'm watching Paradise this year or the season. Um, there's something so sweet about him. Yes, he's very pure. Yeah, he's so pure and his intentions are there and Hannah just needs to just go with it, which looks like she's finally starting to totally focus. Was also biased because everyone thinks that her husband looks like they have the same hair. That's about it. And the

short of my sides, it's great hair. And he is hilarious to like he you don't really get to see a lot of his humor because he's constantly like kind of being upset about the whole handed in Blake situation or whatever it was. But he's like a hilarious dude, and like his humor is very like it's very similar to mind, like self deprecating, very like I don't want

I don't know how to say this. He was like he's like openly like, oh yeah, I'd make out with that dude for sure, or like Mike's so hot, I'd make out with him, you know, And I always respects respect a guy who's humor is like he's comfortable enough with himself to be like, oh yeah, like I totally make out that dude, like jokingly, but like still like you it takes a lot to you guys think about that, like that guy is pretty attractive. If I were to

maybe hook about the guy, I would hook up with him. No, he had a list of five people. Clearly he thought about this. I made out with a couple of dudes in creation people holds on Tyler c Peter, Alex Peter. What you made out with guys in croati like closed mouth, extended time kisses like a joking thing or like a cultural thing, like a joking fun like we're all party in. So you've never kissed a guy in a non joking manner? Now?

Is that bad? No? Not at all. I just clarifying because I I agree it's funny to talk about for whatever reason. There's never any tongue. It's always just like, you know, like nice little cute pecks. Yeah, yeah, good. Did you feel a little tingly thing down side when I was reading that book? Now? I didn't, but maybe I should try a little harder. Wait, they were all sitting around the campfire talking about their worst first kiss,

and they all said it was Colton. I'm not going to ask you if you kiss Colton, but I didn't want to know who. Do you have a worst kiss? Like? Does everyone? Do you think everybody has a bad kiss? I'm probably a lot of people's worst kiss get out of here, probably? Yeah. So did you say that was such confidence? Well? I know my first kiss was very embarrassing because I've never done it before fifteen, which is a little old for a first kiss. And I was I kept going like I was making a noise, like

the whole room could hear it. It was there are other couples and wait, where were you friends? Basement? We're watching a movie, like three couples watching a movie and everybody was making out and then the noise happened and that was from me. Nice And it sounds like you have a complex about it. Yeah, what about a bad kiss? Yeah, for sure. That's a lot of tongue. It was like overwhelming. Sometimes I still like cringe about it. Why it's just

too much tongue. It was just one of those things where he was already such like a presence where you could just be more delicate and your kiss, and he definitely was not. It was just like so much tongue. And I think they think they try to do something to like stimulate the girl, and you're like, now, yeah, actually I just remember my worst kiss and it was

very similar to that. It was like a tongue being like uses like a torpedo or like a spear, Like you have like so many muscles in your tongue you don't need to use every single one of them. When you're making out with someone, you know what I mean. I just remembered one from high school. Actually she was I don't think she kiss a lot of guys before me, and so when we kissed, she literally just opened her mouth. Is why does she poss I wasn't sure what to

do with that. Also that hitting the teeth has a pret good story. Well, I mean, I feel like I'm a lot of people's bad too. But but I think he told us on scrubbing in or some other podcasts. But I'm this one woman I read make out with She did this thing where she kept her face far away from mine and she would trace my lips with her tongue and she never like made contact. It was always tongue to lip. Yeah, I felt like she was like trying to come in for a landing or something

like clearing it's clearing space. But so in that instance, she was a bad kiss. She was a bad kid. This is my worst kiss experience. Uh. And my first kiss ever was it the Scott's Valley roller rink when I was like twelve, and uh, we kissed once and then she whispered in my ear, I'm on probation, I'm not she was, and I said I'm sorry, and she said, I got busted for having marijuana. Twelve year old a

thing around like, but she was on probation. She was worried about I think she saw like a police officer or something, and I'm like, you know a lot to be out in public, like no, I'm just worried Eastern like a bad girl. So is that why she kissed you to kind of hide from the police officer, like hid her face. I don't. I don't know. Because we we went and saw a plan of the apes, the Tim Burton one, and then we kissed and then she then I never saw her again. I think that explains

the tattoo is a lot. Yeah. Yeah, she like instilled like a bad boy mentality into you. You know, well, yes, I mean I'm signing of a bad boy. But yeah, you know, you don't know what it's like to kiss the fugitive. Let me tell you. You think that would be alluring to you know? I I they had jobs and I was like, should we stop? And she's like no, and then we kissed. Yeah, And then after it was done, I was like, I mean it should I be like concerned and she's like, no, and I just wanted to

let you know, and uh, let's considerate. My dad's a police officer, asked her contracts. Are you kidding? I'm not. Yeah, you know we knew some of the same people. How long did you guys date? For? Like? Three days? I was twelve, you know, the most riveting, but I was. It was funny to hear Colton being everyone's first worst kiss I will say though I didn't watch his season, but when I would watch the certain parts from it or the highlights, I always noticed he looked like a

really rough kisser. Yeah. I just think it's lack of experience maybe, which is kind of endearing in a weird way. Would you would you agree? You want to who looks like a bad kisser on Paradise? You well? In addition to me, yes, John Paul Jones, have you seen what he kisses? He like goes full on fish mode, like like pucks the cheap, the lips out a lot. Do you like that? Tho? Yes, let's talk about third date. But before we talk about third date, let's take a

quick break. Okay, great, and I'm gradual. I'm glad you bring that up. Toward because I do want to talk about the JPJ and the Tajuan and the Haley from this episode because what's your because here's my thing. It's funny because Nick nick It texted me right after this episode are He texted me good friends whatever, and he's got his bachelor podcast via files. Don't listen to that one.

Listen Almost Famous. It's way better plugging people to listen to Almost Famous instead of which you did plug on this week's episode. You said when your conversation with Kalen, but I do suck at dating. I plugged help by second Dating, not Almost Fam on the TV show Thank You. That's awesome. I can't they aired that. To be firstly honest, that was one of my texts to you too. But I'm mad at you. But way to plug um and Nick text me and he goes, hey, what's up with

this JPJ guy? And it's funny watching this episode back because look, I love John Paul Jones, Like he's hilarious. He's like kind of hard to have like a real in depth conversation with it because he's just kind of like whoa like bro cool, you know what I mean? But then watching these dates with Juan and Haley. He like can't form full sentences. He's like laughing. His ass

off of the time is laugh Yeah, is wild. When he said this is my first ever taj one on one, I didn't get that because her name is Tajuan and they're on a one on one, so just rhymes. It was like a it was a punt one. I don't know why, you guys. I literally wrote this in the notes and I sat there and I was like, wrote in my notes and I said, I didn't really get why this was so witty. Yeah, it was just beyond me.

She really funny that you said that, because so when she came down, I'm sure you don't remember what her date card read, but it said find the taj Wan you want to go on a date with. And it makes sense because her name is Tajwan, so like, find the Tajwan you want to take on a date. And I didn't know who it was when she walked down. I had no idea what her name was, Tajuan, and so she read that and I looked around and I go,

that was the weirdest daate card I've ever heard. Like that doesn't make any I was like, what the hell is the taj Wan? Later like it took me a second realized upon as well, Yeah, because I Google actually googled what taj means because I's like, maybe that means something one on one and then it was actually it said, did you mean taz, which is t a z? And then that's a drug? So I really didn't get her name. Is her father's name is wan. I don't hold the whole day, it was just weird to me. J p J.

The food on a date, that's not that weird. That was made to like, yeah, because is that has anybody done that before? Though? I don't know, but that's not the weirdest thing on that time. The whole day was just weird to me. Was it not like she's just so herself and JPJ so himself that it's two very independent, eccentric people together. But I think kind of worked because it was like, you're kind of quirky, I'm kind of quirky, and we just accept each other for where we're at.

And Tajuan was immediately like obsessed with him, and I think it was tricky. She had a panic attack because of it when Haley came down. I don't really talk Tajwan very much when we were on the beach, but I didn't realize how into JPJ she actually was. But yeah, she really liked him. But then he goes on a date with Haley twin from Ben season, right, who is Haley? Haley is Emily's twin from Ben season. And the day

with Haley. Aesthetically speaking, they look like they could be not like brother and sister, but they like they're both like a blonde, like really good looking people, and so just on paper, they made a lot of sense to me. They're both like quirky and fun and whatever, and I don't know, it was just funny to watch their date, and so he came back and he was like super

smitten about it. But I think in tonight's episode on Tuesday, we're gonna see like maybe a different side of JPJ, just judging by what we saw in the teaser for tomorrow's episode, Well we saw JPJ get a little hands e with Haley with the sunscreen black box Taylors. But all the time, yeah, I was going to ask what bathing suit requires you to get? I think I think there was just like a satire, like they were just kind of being funny of the show, you know, because

it's not the first time they've done that. But I was gonna say, he kept saying, oh my gosh, Lord help me, oh my gosh, my parents going to kill me,

while he's like literally rubbing his hands underneath her bathing suit. Mom, I'm a really beautiful woman right now, I know literally, But I was thinking, I wonder how many, like do you have any scenes you regret that or happened where you're like, oh my gosh, if my friends see this, I mean, we so embarrassed because you've been on But never like the sexual scenes like that, like the crying scenes. I would like cry on TV and I'd be like, my friends are gonna be so much for that, but

crying now, there's gonna be something better. Is there someone where You're like, I really hope this doesn't air um in this season? An Yeah, I mean, I'm sure there's plenty of things I want this. I know there's one there. Do you know? You just know that I'm struggling right now now. I just want you to tell me there was a scene from Bachelor Winter Games that I'm really happy didn't get it. Okay, I would love to know

more about it. Was there a girl involved? Yes, okay, we were hooking up in a place that we shouldn't have been hooking up. I'm not going to get into much detailed closet. It was, it was dark. There might have been people around, indoor outdoor. It was indoor. And that's as far as I'm going to say. Were you at the top of a mountain skiing? That's not endorsedes it. But wait, what was it about? If that was so embarrassing, I don't care if it was. It's not that it

was embarrassing. It she's like, you know, you don't want to see yourself like getting super hot, like when you're kissing on a date or something. You're kind of like contained and you're like, oh, we're just gonna make out. But this one was like getting a little bit more like past first base in a sense, not like super not like hitting a home run or anything that, but got things. We're progressing more than just a small little makeout. Okay, you're okay, God, I think I could think I understand

what you're saying. Right. It is maybe some groping involved both of your yes, but it's mutual growth, posensual. It's very very constentual mutual groping, and they didn't. They like tease a part of it in one of the in the season premiere preview, but they never actually aired any part of it in the show, which I'm pretty grateful for, and I think she was grateful for it as well. Just you know, we were like it was like a couple of days in and we had been drinking a

little bit and we were like just exploring. I would hate to watch myself make out game time footage. It's good to kind of watch maybe learn some new but that's what technique. That's what was so great about Bachelor parodies this time around, because I talked about this before. I stayed sober the whole time, and so there's there hasn't been much on this season where I'm like, oh, man, like I'm kind of hopefully they don't air that because

I didn't really. Yes, I did dumb things, but I didn't do like things out of my own I guess, like will or like control. You know, like when you get drunk, you make a lot of bad decisions. You wake up in the morning and you're like, oh, Aquid courage, right, But I'm saying, like you make those mistakes privately, like on a Friday night at Bungalow, you wake up Saturday morning,

you're like a little stressed out. You make those on national television and then you wait three months for something to air and you're like, holy cow, I really hope they don't air this for the entire nation to see. It's just a little bit different. So how many girls do you think are going to go to Bungalow this weekend now? Just hoping to see you there? I have been to Bungalow in years and I have no intention to go back. Sorry about that? Oh my god? Um?

What else is it going on? There? Is Kalin and me? We talked about that a little bit. Okay, okay, okay. She pulls you aside because she had just spoken to Demian Wells, who said, hey, nobody's being able to tie him down. Are you sure everything is going as great as you think it is? And she says yes, confidently. Yes. Wells actually does chime in saying nobody's tied down dean unwranglable. Yes, that's correct, he did use that word. And then she brings you over to the bed. Were you expecting this

conversation to happen. I'm going to tell you exactly what I was expecting, but before that, we're gonna take a quick break. Okay. So Tori's question was, was I expecting to have a conversation with Calin when she pulled me down to the day bed, And to answer it honestly and truthfully, no, I did not expect that because the entire time I'm down on the beach shocking and Klin, I'm like, look, I don't know if I'm ready for

a relationship. I don't really. I was like considering not even coming here because I'm kind of like anti bachelor relationship to begin with. We're hitting it off, we have a lot of chemistry, we're having a lot of fun, but like, I think it's totally acceptable and responsible of you to be guarding your heart from this. I would die. And the entire time she's like, yeah, like I get it, I get it. Whatever will move slow, We'll figure this out,

blah blah blah blah blah. And then all of a sudden she was like, hey, come on, we needn't have the serious talk. And I was like, this is so out of left fields here, Like I figured we were on the same page, like every chance I get to remind you, like how hesitant and apprehensive I am to jump into a relationship here. And then she pulls me down and she goes, well, what are your intentions? And I go, what do you mean one of my intentions?

I've been telling you, like literally every hour on the hour since the first time you met, what my attentions are. It's basically just to come down, have fun. If something happens, great, But at the end of all of this, this Bachelor Paradise season, I'm probably not going to leave in a relationship. And I told her that multiple times, Like, look, if we get to the end of the show, I'm probably gonna want to leave single. In some weird way. I kind of don't believe you, I'm telling you, because how

is she so adamant saying we are going to walk away? Possibly, like I can see it's walking away in a relationship, because she, just like every other girl that I've ever dated in my entire life, thinks that they can change my mind. But I wouldn't been very confident it going. Everything's going great between me and Dean, like you know, like she she really doesn't mention once that you're hesitant on your end from the editing we see and of course, like I said before, there's so much going on at

all times, they can't air everything. But and I was very clear and direct, and she understood it, and she still felt like she needs some clarity, and obviously, like I did my best to give it to her, it was still kind of an awkward conversation, like I'm still not telling her the things that she wants to hear, but I'm not gonna sit down there on that day but and be like, yeah, I could totally see us

like having a future together. I could totally see us doing this, this and this, because that's not necessarily how I felt. So why would I sit there and be like, yeah, I totally believe all this stuff, you know what I mean? So the entire like, and again I think I've been vocal about this on the podcast, where I don't know if it was necessarily right for me to go down on that beach having that mindset where I didn't really

want to date anyone. I just wanted to go and have fun, and then trying off like someone started a fault for me. We'll see this all come to a dramatic climax on Tuesday's episode, So I think, like maybe everything will be answered. But here's where I'm bothered, because says like every guy and Daniellee Chiamon if you think I'm wrong or right, Guys leave out major details and conversations. Girls, we're we do assume, but we're not really quick to assume.

Like we definitely have conversations, we talk about things, and we take it all in. So I don't doubt that you said that, but I think also all your actions are speaking way louder than your words. So she's like, we're obviously doing really great, and then you go and give her a birthday surprise with champagne a cake. You bring that in. She's telling you, Hey, I just need you to tell me, like why are you down on this beach And you're telling her, I'm I'm here taking

it day by day with you. Let's just be present, Like you're feeding her so many things that I think you aren't owning up to what you were doing with me. I don't think it's a messed up of you, but I think your actions are speaking way louder than your words. So either you need to own your actions and accept that up being like this doesn't feel comfortable to me because I'm I'm somebody who's a free bird and I

live in a van and I'm happy. But like, you got to own up to your actions because obviously your brain is way more than like where your heart is, Daniel, what do you think? I see where you're coming from, Tori. But I'm okay with Dean showing some affection even though he's really not sure exactly what's happening. But for real, like I I totally feel that way, like no as a as a girl, as a check, like I'm like,

why is Dean doing that? But I understand dean side of it, but like this is the classic where Kalin can quote unquote look kind of crazy because she's saying all these things and now Dean saying he never really said anything opposite of that, but his actions were speaking so much louder than his words that it's like, now she's going to be panned out to be this kind of crazy girl who's just obsessed with Dean, and that's not the case, Like you were into her, you liked her,

or like I don't know what's going to happen, but like that's so annoying that you're the guy that now is like, I'm cool, I'm chill, and I got this crazy chick because things I'm into her. And it's like that's so annoying, Like you're such the guy that everyone is so frustrated by. Dean can't handle how the show's edited as long as he is. You can't edit a hug and a makeout such that we aren't saying the conversations where you're saying, Oh, your intentions and how you're feeling,

we haven't seen that. But if you're true, if you truly did have those conversations with her, I'm okay with it. No, it's kind of infuriating to me. See what Daniel is saying, and I kind of agree with what Tori saying where I actually speak louder than words. Edit out where he says I agree, we'll take out the coin. And if I'm saying these things, regardless of whether I'm saying them and being honest and direct and clear about that, I see your point because I'm still acting like I'm interested

in keeping things going after Paradise. You're saying one thing, You're tongue is saying another thing. WHOA But like, yeah, is and maybe that's why all of this is coming to a head on Tuesday's episode, where maybe we'll have it all figured out after this and you give her your rose? Like everything about this makes me so frustrated. I think you need to be patient and just see how it plays. You know, I need to be patient, But I'm assuming the situations that happened in the past

a Bachelor and Paradise. I really don't you could have been pulling her aside, just been like, hey, I really am all in and I really can't jump to that. But that first conversation makes me very wary some of what this new conversation is going to be. But it's like, of course Dean would do this after he gives her the freaking rose. Have I given another rose in this episode? Yes? What is your take on Bachelor in Paradise. There's a lot of couples forming. I'm starting to make myself look

like an ale. Are you on my side? Are you on Kaylin's side? Do you love John Paul Jones? Do you hate Derek? I don't know. Let us hear your thoughts. Email us at I suck at Dating at i heeart Media dot Com Bachelor in Paradise is only halfway over, and I want to hear what you guys, so email us. I suck at dating at i heeart media dot com. I'm where Kaylin's at. You're like, hey, I needed, I need to talk to you, and literally the whole room like kind of stops and just like stares as you

and Klin walked down, and she's like, Dean, don't do this. Dean, are you serious? Do you really want to have a conversation right now? Dan just telling what's going on? And You're like, let's just go sit back up the you know, let's just go chill. And I'm like, I can't tell if I trust Dean's actions right now. For I'm trusting Kaylyn's emotional state right now, Like I don't know what side to be on, but I'm just I'm annoyed. I can see that. I'm annoyed. I can really see that,

and you're making her out to look a little crazy. Um. I think that you will gain some clarity on the situation on tomorrow's episode. On Tuesday's night episode after or

before christ and Crystal's wedding. Um, I don't even seen it yet, but I think that will help, and it does look like there's a lot of drama at the wedding, but generally speaking, taking it out of the Bachelor Paradise world, it's not great when a guy is like, you know, I'm just playing a cool and putting it that by day and then he comes over and mix out with you and takes about all the time, it sleeps over

and whatever. Do you feel cheap? That's the that's the tough thing is is you shouldn't go to Bachelor in Paradise not trying to leave in a relationship. He's taking it outside of the Bachelor realm. I was, but I see your point too. I was taking it away from Bache.

They're just saying there are a lot of guys like that that are just going to take as much as they can get from you, as long as you're willing to give it, because they can always cover themselves saying like hey, I said from the beginning, I don't want a relationship. Yeah, we were sleeping together for six months up. Sorry, I told you you know. And it's just kind of a dick move, uh, I agree, A big dick move. Not saying you're doing that exactly. We'll find out tomorrow

night more more of a little dick move. I guess it really depends on your interpretation of what the dick move is. Um, but yes, I agree with everything as you're saying. I think that it's probably the reason that this podcast even exists. I suck at dating. I don't know what I'm doing ever, honestly, Like I can't explain to you when I was watching that show. It's hard to it's hard to in this instance, specifically, it's hard to firmly believe something. In this case, me firmly believing

I'm better off alone. But then you meet someone that you have like an instant chemistry with, and you're like fighting your original belief that you want to be alone, you want to be single, And then you meet someone and like things are going well, there isn't really any reason for you to end anything Like That's kind of I think where all these tricky situations come from. Where you get caught up on this mindset like I'm gonna stay single, but then you meet someone, things go well,

they go well, they go well. Eventually gets to a point where nothing really has ever gone wrong, but you still don't want to have a relationship and so like you don't really have a reason to be like okay, like, obviously we should stop this, you know what I mean? Do you like the attention you get from being self deprecating? I don't know if I can say that I like it. What do you mean, Well, you really own that title with pride, which is fine. You're like, yeah, Dylan and

I were both very self deprecating people. Do you enjoy the pension that brings where the girl is going to have to be like, no, I want to fix you and you're like I can't be fixed. And then she's like okay, but I want to fight for you, and you're like, I'm not worth fighting over. Like do you enjoy that attention to somewhat level? And I need Honestly, there's a lot of psychological issues that I have. I'm not saying no, I need it, yes or no. I don't know. I don't think you do. I don't enjoy

the attention. No, I don't think you do. That's not the purpose of being self deprecating, but I think that you get a little bit of like I love that somebody really wants to help fill that void or that that feeling that I have where I do long for someone, but no one can fix that. No one can be that ultimate void or fill that void. So you almost like the fact that somebody really cares about you that much to be like, I'm still here next to you.

I think that I need someone to not care about me at all in order for me to be really interested in that. From this, when you say I'm not worth fighting for, I do think you believe that. Sadly, I do think you believe that. I don't think you're just saying that to be self deprecating or to get sympathy or attention. I think you actually believe that, which makes me sad. Yeah, I mean, I look. But on the other hand, what's Camele's supposed to think like this

is this is the path that people go on. They have a chemistry, they kiss, they spend time together, they laugh, they have a great time. That is that usually is a road to a certain destination, and you're removing that destination. It's hard, It's never it's never black and white, right, There's not ever one path that gets you to a specific destination, as you're saying, But with you, you're not.

I think most people in America are either on the path or consider themselves on the path that I am single and then I will meet someone and I will date them, and then when will get married, and then we'll have babies, and that's kind of the path, and you're not on that path. My path is I don't want to date anyone. I don't want to get married. I don't want to have babies, And so that way, when I do date someone, I do get married, I do have babies, I'll know that it was like against

my will, which makes it probably more perfect. So you're not even the guy who's like I could have kids before marriage or what. Like. You know how some people are like, oh, I really want to get married, but they could see themselves having kids there like I would love to be a dad someday, but don't really see marriage I was in my picture. I would have to be in like a committed relationship. I don't have to

be married. I see what you're saying, But if I were to have kids, I would prefer to be married. I think I don't know, is that what you're asking kind of I'm just saying. I mean, there's a lot of people at a meeting now where they're like, I don't really want the whole commitment of husband and wife to determine whether I need to be a dad or not. So I like, I love kids, I would love to have kids. I think I'm gonna make a great dad, But then I don't need marriage for that. I don't

think it's a commitment thing. It's just more of like a government. It's always one layer deeper. So you're saying, well, you just said a minute ago is interesting to me. So you're saying that if you do get married one day, it will be against your will. But therefore that means she meant that much to you, that she was powerful enough to conquer all of your previous plans of not getting married to having babies. I've been vocal about this before,

especially as it pertains to bachelor relationships. People go on a bachelor in paradise, specifically where they go regardless of what happens, I'm coming out of this. In a relationship, if you go down onto the beach thinking that thing, or if you go to the bar thinking I'm gonna beet my boyfriend tonight, you're not gonna You're gonna see it through those rose clud lenses. You're not gonna look at it as I'm going to find the person that's right for me. You're looking at us. I'm going to

find the relationship that I want. You know what I mean? Yes, you're you're casting a role exactly, and so because of that, like you're limiting yourself and pursuing something rather than pursuing someone, I think in a situation like that, And it's actually something very romantic about what he's saying right now, Thanks Mark, He's saying he's I'm not getting married period. So if there's a woman that comes along and blows his mind to the degree that he wants to marry her, wow,

like she is really something special. I hope we all like her. That's kind of sweet. I mean the same it could be or who knows? Story for us? Right? Yeah, I need I need help. Okay, we're gonna get into the issues of your dating life, but before we do that, we're gonna take one quick break and I want to hear all about it. Okay, perfect, Do you wish you could relive that Little League home run all over again?

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your memories. Go to legacy box dot com slash dean and save and remember those moments for the rest of your life. Okay, Tori, you are an active dat or you're single. You're beautiful, you're catch, You're a catch, You're smart, you're funny, sometimes you are interesting. I think Tori is a catch. I think that's true. Oh my gosh, all of these things are true. You're going on dates and you have fun stories to share with us. Let's hear the story. Let's hear the limit that your and right now.

So I kind of mentioned it on last week's podcast that I'm dating somebody long distance. I don't know if I could really do say we were dating. I don't know. Do you guys say dating just happens when you're just talking to someone that's dating? I think, yeah, can I say that sting not exclusive? It's not boyfriend girlfriend dating? Okay, So I guess I'm dating this guy, I'm just gonna stay talking what was the issue last week, because I

don't think Dean was here for that. So basically I was saying how we are way more having to be invested in our phones to date each other, and that stresses me out because he's not the best texter, which I usually would find attractive if we lived in the same city, because and I'd be like, oh, that's fine, just come hang out with me. I don't really like

texting either, huge facetimer, so that does work in this favor. Um, But now the texting I have to read into every freaking text message and it is so confusing, just like why the period or why did you take two hours to respond? If he sends something two hours? Should I? Should I? This isn't actually a great question for guys when you send a text to a girl, let's say an hour after and then doesn't make a difference if a girl holds out on responding a little while after two. Um.

I did this when I was nineteen. I was really interested in the girl. We started talking texting. I went back for winter break, she went back to her hometown for winter break, and she would text me like three hours after, and so I would set an alarm for three hours from that text then text your back. You're kidding. I was nineteen, Tori. Okay. The point is we are all adults now and we shouldn't be doing this anymore. The fact that you set an alarm is so petty.

I will say this, it worked. We dated for a year and a half your boyfriend girlfriend, so I'm not but they had actually come to find out maybe like three months into our relationship. She would say things like, dude, I was so piste off at you, like when we first started talking to each other. You would text me back like seven hours later, and I hated it. And I had to fight every instinct to out talking to you because I didn't want to talk to you anymore,

you know. But I was doing it as a because I was over analyzing these texts and I was saying, oh, she hasn't texted me in four hours. I'm not gonna text her back for four hours. Or she sent two lines of text, I'm going to send two lines of text. She had ellipses at the end of her statement. I'm going to have three exclamation points in the end of my statement. That's what I'm saying I was nineteen. We're not.

We're not nineteen anymore. We're past these games, but we're not that this over analysis still goes on on a daily basis. But it shouldn't. But it shouldn't. I I do think it's a bad sign, Like I don't look. Some people are more attached to their phones than others, but um, you know, I consider myself a busy guy. I got two kids, wife, job. I get back to you pretty quickly when you text me, don't you actually really do? So he saw the text when it came in.

That's what bothers me about it. I'm quite confident he saw it. He could be so I'm when I was at U c l A. Playing sports, you would be in like game film time or whatever, watching film and you'd be secretly texting. But like you how to really be like quiet about it? Like I do? Get Okay. So, basically, he's an athlete, so I have to bide by his schedule way more than he has to bide by mine,

which I'm fine with. So basically he's out of practice around like let's say eight, so that'd be six my time, and then he goes to bed by tent so we have like two hours to talk, so I don't know what he's doing in those two hours. I don't know if he's really that done. I don't know if he's just watching film. I don't really know the status. So I give I really extend grace on texting people back slowly because I do know life's crazy. I just do I need this is part one. Do I need to

respond when he responds? Or do I actually give it time to kind of create more of a chase or more of a what's happening? Or should ignore some of his text don't play games, don't wait intentionally to like do the same thing he's doing. Definitely don't do this. Never ever call him out for taking so long to text you back. Never do that. So that's what I

said on the last podcast. I was like, it's hard that I can't express like, hey, it sucks that like you respond so slowly when we only have two hours to talk. It's not going to improve anything. No, it's not gonna make anything better. If you call him out and say, hey, I don't like that you don't text me back right away, it's, if anything, it's only gonna

make it worse. It's going to push him further away, at least in my case, like if someone people do say that to me, Like I have close friends who sometimes say, like, why don't you text me back quicker? Why don't you do this? And all it does is like aggravate me to the point where I'm like, I'm

doing the best I can here. I'm texting you back when I can text you back, when I like find time to text you back, either mentally, physically, whatever it is, like saying preoccupied, whatever you like, kind of nagging me and like like scaring me into texting you back faster. It's not gonna make it's not gonna make anything better.

But is that a sign that maybe it's just not the person you want to respond if you consider it as nagging, kind of give him the benefit a little bit if he's an athlete, because that that does change things. Obviously he's on the field, he can't respond to you, and he probably isn't seeing it. So I mean, I think it might take back what I said about him

seeing in the text when it came in. It would be nice if you did something like sorry, just got out of the shower or something like that would be great. I agree, and that's kind of the happy medium I think we're looking for. It would be the happy medium. And I he's the first to text me all the time, not all the time, but like enough where we're still keeping conversation going. I've very rarely ever shoot a text first. Let me ask you this, Do you need him to

text you back faster? Do I need a man? No, like you want a man. That's my point is you don't need him to text you back faster, So why are you putting such an emphasis on wanting him to text you back faster? I think kind of resting in the unknown for because I've been realizing we've talked for almost like two months now, and being in the unknown for two months is kind of brutal. You're not like, okay, we don't he has a game out here in November, like I'll see him then. But it's really hard to

not feel special during those times avoiding. I think it would be a mistake for you to put all your eggs in this basket. Personally, I don't oppose that either. I think that you shouldn't um This goes back to kind of what we're talking about earlier. You shouldn't like try to force something to come of this. If something comes of it, awesome, but if nothing does, that's perfectly fun because you're just gonna be able to move on anyways. Like,

don't try and for something that isn't there. Well, I'm still dating other people, so I'm not like you want someone who makes you feel like you are their number one priority and a professional athlete. They may not even be possible. And I do accept that. I am fine being you're like number three, your number four, your number five. I actually don't mind that because I understand that lifestyle where you're like my coach death like technically kind of

goes first. You have to report to the coach first, and then you know, like your family depending on where you are and your two I think behind, well, if she's like his wife or something, maybe, but maybe that's true. Yeah, I gotta be for wife status for that, like your family should go before you might be seeing other people as well. I don't think so. I'm okay. I just think like this kid literally has no time as of right now certain camp, But I wouldn't mind if he's

dating other people. I really wouldn't. That doesn't make me. What is it about this guy that you like so much more than the other people that you're dating. I like that is like confidence, like he can command a room. If we were going back to the beginning, you probably like that he's less available than the other guys that

you're dating. Maybe, and I do agree with that, But my work's not super I don't really have a lot of time in my day either to be like, let's go do this, or we can take a weekend off, like I have to send work on Sundays. But you're taking the one that's hard to reach and get a hold of, and now someone is more difficult than you are in that sense, and you find it attractive definitely. Yeah, well okay, but here's my main question. Okay, so going back to texting, So again I don't really text him

first ever. But he had a game, so I said, I'll be sweet. Then I realized I sent it in there three hours ahead for this game, so he was on the field by the time you got this. The loss could be in my bad luck for him not seeing this. So I said, good luck on your game. A heart emoji. Good luck on your game is kind of a cute, girly co heart is not how people talk right, Um, it was a purple heart emoji. Hey, that's my favorite color. Well, I always go purple heart too,

it's my favorite color. Do you think that there's different interpretations between the yellow, the blue, the purple, the red? I do? I think that a red heart is pretty like pretty lazy, just like a friendly like heart. Here's a heart. You know you think red is friendly. I think it's just like the squinted, like this most commonly accepted heart color, and so I think it's like love, passion, overstepping.

It's just it's the color that you associate with hearts, and because of that, it has not as much meaning as the others. A personalized heart. You went out of your way to choose a different color heart besides the red one, like I always send purple hearts because purple is my color. You know what I mean? If you send a color heart that's different than the red one, that means that you're going the extra mile to share

a little bit more about yourself than just a red heart. See, I think of like flowers when I think of of U. The emojis like yellow's friendly, reds passionate, like you bring yellow flowers to your grandmother sure you'd bring red to your girlfriend, so you chose purple to kind of de romanticize it a bit, yes, but apparently in a more romantic I think I didn't send this to you. Okay. So then Friday at twelve am, so to his time, twelve my time. I haven't heard from him many hours

because thanks, we lost, I didn't play. We just landed and got cell service again. Okay, lots of periods. Thanks we lost. Period. We didn't play period, We just landed and got cell service again. I panicked. I didn't respond. Was that rong? Do you think he's mad? I just felt like I didn't really know. Well, first of all, it is hard when somebody doesn't say like thanks for reaching out or something at the end to make you feel like, Okay, you want to engage in this conversation.

I don't like this. I think that you're an athlete. Obviously, he played at u C l A. He is trying to make an NFL roster. He didn't play in the game in a game that's pretty like crucial for him to be able to make that roster season. It's actually really not He's not guaranteed. No one's ever guaranteed a roster spot in the NFL, and especially this guy, Like I'm sure he's definitely on the roster. I don't. I would not say definitely. No, he definitely is not playing

in the third preseason game of the NFL season. It's the most important game of the season, is right now, I get these grumpy that he didn't play in the third game of the preseason. He's upset, like he I'm not saying, like it's your responsibility to console him, but you also shouldn't expect him to like have all these lovey dovey like open mind, like not open minded, but like these long drawn out responses because he lost the game.

He didn't play in the game. That's kind of important for him to be able to make that roster like definitively, and he's just upset, Like I don't. I don't think it's your starters playing in the third game. So what should I have responded? Or am I reading into the text wrong? Like I think that was something of like here's your facts. I do think it was nice that he's like, sorry, just got service back from the plane, Like I get that, but it wasn't thanks for wishing

me good luck. He's just grumpy. It wasn't you. He's just grumpy. He's I don't think he's gonna go out of his way to carry on a conversation when he's in a headspace where he's disappointed and thinking how tired he is after a game. Well, he didn't play in the game. That's time. I really think that's what it is.

He's like, he's really disappointed in the fact that he didn't get to play, that they lost the game, and it's like, maybe he doesn't want to talk, like you get in those modes where you dont want to talk to anyone. That's honestly what I interpreted it as. So we all interpreted the same way, saying that he was grumby, and I really shouldn't have responded. You definitely should have responded.

I definitely should have responded. I thought about maybe like liking it as a message you don't want to You don't want to fight his shortness with your own shortness. You also don't want to fight the more openness. Just be like, like that sucks. I'm sorry you guys lost. I hope you gotta get some more playing time next week. Like you guys are gonna kill it. Like something like that. I don't know why that seems so bad to me.

Like when I hear that, I'm like, I don't know why it does either, because it sounds perfect to me, because I think maybe I've I've been in this scenario where you know you got it, next time you'll get it, and you're like no, Like the reality is like I'm not playing well and I don't need you to blow air up my bum to make me feel better. So then asking me like, what's the deal? Why didn't you play? Why did you guys lose? Like asking those questions that

seems more gnarly. I don't know what my happy medium is, but I'm really I'm struggling with this whole because also that's like his career. So I can't just be like, oh, you're fine, because I know he's not. Maybe but I do know he's fine, but I asked him to open up about it, maybe be like why didn't why do you think you didn't get a play today or something like that. I don't know. I think that. So it's been like forty eight hours, so I don't think I

can respond, right. I think that you made the mistake by not responding I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you messed up. I messed up, okay, but you can still recover. Of course, how can I recover? I was just gonna wait until he responds back, even text him now and be like, hey, look, I'm hey, I'm talking about you in a podcast even that, but just be like, I hope they I hope things. I hope you're feeling better since the last time we spoke, Like,

how are things going now? Like something like that, like simple, just oh I actually kind of like that. Thanks, Wow, that was actually really good. I'm lukewarm on it. Okay, wait, okay, this is good. This is a good kicking. Tell me, no, I just I don't love I don't think you refer back to that night at all. I don't want to with so sharn't anything with that night. If it's new, it's just gonna be how's your day going? Have you

seen this? Oh my gosh, I'm watching disagree. If they're gonna brush over it, what is that going to be indicative of their forever relationship? Oh? Hey, I'm gonna be disappointed a couple of times. But just so you know, ignore everything that I do and say during those times, no like ask him to open up about your mr chance to ask him to open up about it. He's not even thinking about that anymore. That's three days later. You don't want to take him back to that dark place.

There's gonna be a call to action in this next text that you sent to him, right, there's gonna because you want a response, You want to invoke a response. The response isn't going to be about that last interaction about the game, about his lack of playing time. Just say, hey, I hope things have gotten better. By the way, how are you like? What are you doing this week? Is The response is going to be about what he's doing now and how he's doing now, not about how disappointed

he was twenty hours ago. Just acknowledge the fact that he was disappointed. You don't know that for sure. We're you're reading into his text, which is going to annoy him. Acknowledge the fact that he maybe wasn't the happiest person in the world by just saying something like hopefully team rallis higher, I don't know, something lies. There needs to be some sort of you wouldn't like somebody reading into your tech. There needs to be some sort of address

to that. We don't know that he was, assuming he didn't he was grumpy. It might have been fine, you're building a bridge. You can't stop building a bridge here and then just go onto the next pillar without building a road across at first. We got to get from here to there somehow. Okay, fine, but I don't think you acknowledge his grumpyiness, which is a ledge. Don't say hey, I know you're grumpy. How are you now? But you

can't say hey, I hope you're feeling better. That's a good point because then I'm assuming did you watch the game? I couldn't because it's preseason, right and they don't air it. They don't air. Maybe look at pilots and be like, damn, number ninety four sucks. You would have done a way better than By the way, what's going on? I feel way less great about this because I don't. Also, it

is an ego thing on my behalf. I don't really want to be the person who's texted you twice, but he texted you back last you didn't responded to it. You left him now, he's not going to tex he didn't engage in. Hopefully your and I went better or waiting for him to detect you. No, No, I just wanted to get somebody who's on my side. But there's nothing. There's nothing urgent happening here. Do you want to talk to him? Like? Do you want to know how he's doing?

Are you interested in? What? Like what his days looking like? I don't know why I'm getting so stressed out about like talking to him. So sometimes I'm like, yeah, that's fine. I could see myself just like moving on. But then I also think that's just like my ego and then like the pride thing of letting down walls actually admitting to having like somewhat feelings attached to that. I don't want to be a jerk and repeat myself, but I'm going to be a jerking repeat myself. Do you want

to know how his days are going? Yeah? Are you interested? So then text him and say how's your day going? But I've gone two days without knowing how his days going, So I'm kind of like I get team Mark where he says Monday, be like, hey, I hope you had a great weekend, but he didn't have great. Well, I don't know if that was Friday night, right, Yeah, yeah, he might have had a great weekend. I hope you had a good weekend in Cleveland. Want to watch barcelon

Paradise together on Fairtime tonight. What do you guys think of this situation? If you guys want to weigh in, give us an email. I suck at Dating at i heeart media dot com. Are you team Dean? Are you team Tory? Team Mark Easton hasn't said much? Are you his side? You just want to sit back, relax and not say anything. You want to hear your thoughts? Email us I suck it Dating at ihart media dot com. Do we want to do one listening email? I do

have one from Madison here. I've been dating a guy for three months and we hadn't yet defined it, but knew we were taking it slow and headed toward a relationship. This is very actually, it is exactly what we've been talking about. Last week, however, we talked and he said that he feels something might be missing for us to take that step to DTR to find the relationship, and he wants to take a break. I was devastated. His reasoning is sometimes he doesn't appreciate something until it's gone.

What are your opinions on taking a break. Uh, probably not a good sign. No, I think this is this is he's not into this. I'm sorry, Madison, he's not feeling this. He can't say when you try to find the relationship and he says, yeah, let's define it as us not being together because I don't appreciate things until they're gone. That's a cop out in a big way. He's probably he's talking to someone else. He wants to

feel no guilt about that. He wants to see if that can progress and escalate faster than what they're doing. He yeah, that's appreciative thing to be doing. You don't take a break after three months. I rarely relate to this guy. I kind of get it. I mean, I think it's selfish to say, hey, I only miss something when it's gone. But sometimes you really need to be like, I need to take a step away from this and see if this is something that I do. I still think about you. Do I still want to hear about

your day and text you about that. Do I still want to be engaged? Sometimes you take a step back. I don't know. I agree with Mark. I don't think it's necessarily a good sign for Madison. Here. You might as well take the step back now before you're a year in and he needs a break, I think you move on. If this guy comes a call in a month from now, It's like, if you still a bunch, you can evaluate at that point. But I think mentally

you need to be done with this. Yeah, how long would you, guys say a break can last up until before expiring? Two weeks I'll go with that. No more than a month, I'd say a month. Max Easton has been quiet all episode. The two weeks. Yeah, sure, so it's two weeks. Are you a lot of date people in between breaks? Well, so that's what I was gonna say from Madison, take the take. Obviously, you're not gonna

fight for this. If he wants to take a break, don't like be like no, no, no, Like let's say together, take the break. Don't focus on him and his in your relationship with him, date other people, because he's going to use this time to actually like decide for yourself even if he's worth staying around date and continuing the date. In my opinion, um, it sucks, she said she was devastated.

But yeah, like three months is a long time if you have gotten to the three month market ninety days and you still are like uncertain and do you want to take a break? It's because you want to explore other options. I mean three months a good time to evaluate things. It's a good little you know, three once at the time right where you're saying either we're gonna not continue dating or we're gonna become boyfriend girlfriend. Yeah, I agree with that, But what does it break mean?

I think a break is thinking I've spent a lot of time with you. Do I want to keep spending time with you? And if he's not sure, that's not a good sign. Advice for Madison, take the break, don't fight it, go on dates with other people. If you continue to think about him, maybe let him know that, maybe he'll continue to think about you too, and maybe guys can come back together. I would not put I would not bet on that happening, um, but I would encourage you to do other people. Hey, how would you

like to meet Dean at a baseball game in San Francisco? Whoever? Want to do that? Better dream of yours since you were a little girl. Well, the Giants are playing the pod Rays on August twenty nine. That's this Wednesday, Thay th that's this Thursday, everybody. He's gonna be there along with Vanessa Hey and Becca Antonio scrubbing in with Becca Antonio, my favorite girls. That's right. The meet and greets happening

at Oracle Park in San Franciso, Go. But you need to ticket to the game in order to get to the where the meet and greet is happening at the Alaska Airlines Club level and the flight deck and it's in left field. Anyway, it's five thirty on Thursday. This is not an official Giants events, so game tickets don't include a giveaway item or food beverage. I don't know that's a disclaimer. I guess. Okay, your tickets at Group

Maddics dot Events slash Scrubbing. H Okay, this isn't Group Maddics dot Events slash scrubbing, and you can get the baseball ticket and meet Dean Antonia. You spell Group Maddics Fair listeners g R O U P as a group right there and then M A T I C S Group Maddics Dot Events slash Scrubbing, watch baseball, enjoy Becca, Tania, Dean and Vanessa. I'll probably put a swipe up on my Instagram story to make it a little a little bit easier. Group maddics is a weird website, but but

I've been to it and it's fantastic. It'll get you exactly what you're looking for. What are gonna Are you gonna wear your Angel's jersey with ungler down the back of it? I don't think I'm allowed to. What are they playing? They're playing the Potteries, but they're nationally gaged with the American League. You're fine. Probably were like a Broncos jersey or something that's even weirder. I think, actually, I do have a Giant jersey, so yeah, because we're there,

I'll probably wear the Giants jersey. That's a good best friend as a Giants fan, so he's like giving ungler on the back of it. It does not I think it's actually playerless. It's just as one of those generic like it'll stand the test of time. I respect it. Yeah, good, are you on? Mark? I'm not going a couple of reasons. The main reason is I was not invited. Also, uh, this weekend, Labor Day weekend, going out of time with my family, no one asked me to go to San Francisco. Nice. Well,

you're gonna be missed. Your president will be missed. I would love to go. It sounds awesome. Actually you're going, yes, great. So if you're listening to this and you see Tori there on Thursday, please give your advice on what she should do with her NFL player boyfriends. But actually, anyways, enjoy Bachelor Paradise tomorrow night, which will be Chris and Crystal's wedding. We're gonna see some new arrivals, and I feel like I've done pretty well for myself in Paradise

up until this point. Not to toot my own horn, Tori shaking her head over here. If I self deprecate, she hates it. If I build myself, I too my own horn, she hates it. Well, there's no winning over here anyways. Uh. For the first time this season, at least from my perspective, I believe I will receive a

lot of scrutiny on the internet. And if you feel like I'm being an idiot, please feel free to tweet me and let me know how much of an idiot I'm being, because I just I need to know, and I think that would be good content, good, a good ability for me to learn and grow from and good content for the podcast at Giants Stadium. Um. Anyways, big thank you to our sponsors of course, Big thank you

to Sleep Number and Legacy Box. Big thank you of course to Tori for sharing her dating story with a sports player on a team that is unknown, on a position that is unknown because she prefers to keep it anonymous. Big thank you to Mark Easton and of course Danielle. So we're gonna talk to you in next week, but we will be talking to you from San Francisco, so be sure to tune in then where maybe we will

suck a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast